Latest / The No Cry Zone / I Kick Myself

Transcript

I Kick Myself · The No Cry Zone

• 0:47
  SPEAKER_04: How to avoid having to kick yourself.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_04: Let's be candid, shall we?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_04: I'll start today with a confession.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_04: First, welcome to the no cry zone, where we focus on positive change that is doable and durable.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_04: I'm your host, Jim Best.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_04: Now my confession.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_04: I love to say I have no regrets.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_04: I bet you love to say it too.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_04: It makes us feel strong, powerful, self-assured.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_04: But that's not my confession.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_04: When I say I have no regrets, it's not true.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's my confession.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_04: You might have noticed that today's intro song circles around that topic.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_04: This whole idea about regrets, how none of us like to admit it or own up to having regrets.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_04: But you know what everyone has?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_04: Times when they just feel like kicking themselves.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_04: So the song called I Kick Myself is one I wrote for Brazen Kandor.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_04: And the band did a fantastic job with it, didn't they?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's a bit of a breakup song.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_04: The theme is simple.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_04: Someone realizes too late just how good things were.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_04: Just how good they had it.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_04: Their relationship is over, and suddenly the truth becomes obvious.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_04: You know the feeling.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: You look back and think, how did I not see it?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_04: How did I not appreciate it?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_04: How did I let that slip away?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_04: How did I blow that again?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_04: And the chorus is basically that moment of realization.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_04: I kick myself.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_04: Now here's the interesting thing about that phrase.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_04: People love to say they have no regrets.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's practically a badge of honor now.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_04: I have no regrets.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_04: Fine, okay, whatever, I get it.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: But if we change the language slightly and ask, what have you kicked yourself about?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_04: Suddenly the honesty shows up.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: People say, I should have tried harder.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_04: I should have told them how I felt.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_04: I should have taken that opportunity.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: I should have tried harder in school.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_04: I should have used my time better.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_04: I should have taken that promotion.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: So today in the no-cry zone, we're not talking about regrets.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_04: We're talking about how to avoid giving yourself reasons to kick yourself later.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_04: Because the truth is, most of the things people kick themselves about follow a very predictable pattern.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: Let's look at them.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_04: First, not recognizing good things while they exist.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_04: This is what the song is about.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_04: The most common thing people kick themselves over is failing to appreciate what they already had, whether it's relationships, friendships, health, opportunities.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_04: We assume things will still be there tomorrow until they're gone, until they're not available anymore.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_04: The real skill in life is recognizing value when you still have access to it.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_04: That's harder than it sounds.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_04: Because humans normalize everything.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_04: We've talked about that before.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: We normalize good jobs, we normalize supportive partners, we normalize the people who love us until suddenly we lose them.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: And then the clarity arrives along with the pain.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_04: Too late.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_04: One way to avoid kicking yourself later is very simple.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_04: Ask yourself, well, you could do it occasionally, but I would say you should do it regularly.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_04: What in my life today would I miss terribly if it disappeared?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: And once you identify it, treat it that way now.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_04: And frankly, this is all where gratitude and appreciation show up.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: Second thing that you should make sure you're not gonna kick yourself about later.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_04: Not saying what should be said.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_04: Another classic kick yourself moment is unspoken truth.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: People hold things back, they don't express appreciation, they don't express love, they don't express respect, they don't say they're sorry, and then the window closes.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_04: Too late, someone moves away, someone passes away, a relationship ends, and suddenly the unsaid words become heavy and totally useless.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_04: People say, I wish I had told them, I wish I had said something, I wish I had let them know.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_04: One of the easiest ways to avoid kicking yourself later is to adopt a simple philosophy.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_04: Say the important thing while you still can.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_04: You don't have to overshare, you don't have to make a big thing about it, but you should not let important truths remain permanently unsaid.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_04: And remember, no one can read your mind.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_04: Third thing that you want to avoid kicking yourself over later, wasting time on things that don't matter.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_04: This is a big one.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_04: People don't usually kick themselves for working too hard on meaningful goals, but they absolutely do kick themselves for wasting years drifting, scrolling endlessly, complaining needlessly, waiting forever for what perfection time passes either way.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: One day people look up and say, Where did the last ten years go?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_04: That's not tragedy, that's drift that turns into tragedy.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_04: One of the most powerful life questions you can ask yourself regularly is Is this how I want to spend my time?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: If the answer is no, you have information.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_04: Use it because time is the one resource that does not offer refunds.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: Another good way to look at this, you are not only wasting time, you are wasting life.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_04: Now, when you look at it that way, it makes it much easier to make more intelligent decisions about your priorities and your usage of time.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_04: Fourth thing you certainly want to avoid kicking yourself over, and that is not re-upping your goals.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: Now I will tell you this, I don't emphasize goals frequently on upwards best because most people hear about goals, they know what they should do about goals.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_04: I focus more on identity and your self-image because I've seen that's a more powerful way to have the life that you want to lead.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_04: But goals are important.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_04: Another reason people kick themselves is that they stop aiming.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_04: Goals expire, priorities shift, but some people keep living by a script that was written years ago.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: Worse, it may never have even been written.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_04: They just assume that was the way their life was supposed to be.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: They might be following a path they chose when they were 22 or 17 or 30 or 40, but they haven't asked the question lately: is this still what I want?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_04: Is this still what matters most to me?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_04: When people realize they've been living on autopilot for years, that's when the kicking yourself feeling shows up.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_04: A powerful habit is to periodically re up your goals.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_04: Not once in your life, not once in a decade, regularly.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_04: Ask yourself, what am I building now?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_04: What am I pursuing?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_04: What am I working towards?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_04: What matters now to me?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_04: Because if you don't choose your direction, you will just drift.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_04: Fifth thing you certainly want to make sure that you don't kick yourself for later, and that is playing small out of fear, or capitulating the fear.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: Many kick yourself moments come from one source fear.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_04: Fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking foolish.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_04: People hold back, they hesitate, they stop, they don't start the business, they don't write the book, they don't ask the question, they don't take the chance.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: And years later, they say something very painful.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_04: I always wondered what would have happened if I tried.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_04: Don't take that path.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_04: That's the sentence you want to avoid.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_04: Trying doesn't guarantee success, but not trying guarantees failure.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_04: And you will always wonder the endless question, what would have happened?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_04: How would my life have been different?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_04: And curiosity turns into kicking yourself.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: Sixth factor that you do not want to kick yourself about.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_04: Ignoring personal alignment.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_04: Another source of kick yourself moments is living out of alignment with yourself.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_04: People know something isn't right, but they ignore it.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_04: They stay in the wrong job, they stay in the wrong situation, they stay in the wrong pattern, they stay in a wrong relationship because change is uncomfortable.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_04: So they tolerate that misalignment for years until eventually they say, I knew better.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_04: But that sentence, I knew better, almost always comes with a kick yourself moment attached.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_04: Alignment matters.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: If something feels consistently wrong, that signal deserves your attention.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_04: And frankly, if something feels consistently wrong, that deserves action on your part.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_04: Now, let me be clear.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_04: The no-cry zone philosophy isn't about beating yourself up.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone has things they wish they had handled better.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_04: The point is not to sit around replaying old mistakes or as we used to call it, rehashing.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_04: The point is to learn the pattern and interrupt it earlier next time.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_04: Instead of kicking yourself, you start asking better questions sooner.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_04: Questions like, what am I overlooking now?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_04: What needs to be said?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_04: What am I postponing?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_04: What am I making excuses about?
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_04: What am I just tolerating?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_04: What am I avoiding?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_04: Those questions can save years and can save you from hurting yourself by kicking yourself.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_04: Now, back to the song.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_04: When you listen to I kick myself, remember it's not just about a breakup.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's about a universal moment of realization.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_04: That moment when you finally see clearly what you had, what you missed, what you could have been, or what you didn't do.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_04: And the goal in life isn't to eliminate every mistake.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_04: That's not possible.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_04: The goal is to live with enough awareness that you reduce the number of times you look back and say, How did I miss that?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_04: Because the more present you are, the more aware you are, the more aligned you are, and the more intentional you are, the fewer reasons you will have to kick yourself later.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_04: And that's a pretty good life strategy.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_04: Now, one more thing.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_04: That leads to regrets for all of us the world over.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_04: Taking things for granted.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: I don't take you for granted.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_04: I appreciate your time, attention, your support, and your commitment to personal growth and development.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: Join me here next week on the No Cry Zone.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_04: Join me daily at Upwards Best.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: Check out Momentum GPS and look for another new video on Facebook and YouTube.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: Keep listening to and downloading those great brazen candor songs.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_04: And friendly reminder, the No Cry Zone is an Upward Best Endeavor, a proud part of the best story alive, LLC.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_04: All rights enthusiastically reserved.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_04: Have a great week and stop kicking yourself.