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The Reset You Actually Need - Day 7. More self trust - stop negotiating with your own excuses · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: This is episode seven of our ten day miniseries, our
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: January the Reset You Actually Need miniseries. So hopefully you've
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: been enjoying the last six episodes. I feel like you
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: guys have loving the comments. If you haven't already commented,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: if you haven't read the comments, and if you listen
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: to my podcast on Spotify, you are able to comment.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: You're able to read other people's comments and reply to
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: them as well, and it's just a really really cool
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: way to interact kind of immediately to these episodes on
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: the episode platform and to also like chat with other people.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And so many of you guys have been also really
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: encouraging to other people when they share like their struggles
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: or what they're going through through those comments. So definitely
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: get involved. I'm really enjoying going through those comments. But yeah,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like you guys are really enjoying this mini series.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I'm really enjoying making it. And today, the topic that
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about is ways to increase
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: self trust and how to stop negotiating with your own excuses.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: And the reason why this is relevant to the Reset
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: that you Actually Need is because I want us to
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: take a harsher look at our excuses, and I want
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: us to look at excuses for what they are, because
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to think that, oh, excuses, excuses, excuses,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: and that they all rubbish, because that's not the case.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Excuses are sometimes fabricated, many times very much the truth,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: but often it's something that we fall back on believing
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: that it's the truth in the sense that we believe
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: that there's no other way that we could have, you know,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: changed the outcome of the situation, when in reality, there
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: are things that we can do. So we're going to
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: be talking about that. We're going to be talking about
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: how to trust and back yourself more and why that's
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: going to be really important to really resetting yourself this year,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: and why you're going to notice some significant changes in
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: how you do things and how you increase your follow
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: through and therefore how you improve your self trust, how
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: you're able to really back yourself even more, because you've
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: got to think about this. Self trust doesn't erode from
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: failing at things, but it kind of starts to wear
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: off an erode when you are constantly negotiating with yourself
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: and always breaking the deal that you set with yourself
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and also with other people, but most importantly with yourself.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So we're talking about in this episode, we're going to
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: talk about what I mean by this first and foremost,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: why it happens, how we can change that. I've got
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: six points that we're going to go through in this
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: mini episode, so let's fucking sink our teeth into it. Also,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: if I sound really nasally, it's because my hay fever
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: is off the charts. I'm the biggest bubble child when
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: it comes to hay fever asthma ex sama, you name it,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I've got it good times, and today it is hey fever. Anyway,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: That's why i'm really nasally. Okay, let's start with the
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: first point that we're going to break down, and the
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: first point is every excuse sounds reasonable in your own voice.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: So when we make excuses, they don't sound like sabotage. Okay.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: If they did sound like sabotage, it would be really
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: easy to identify it and be like, oh, that sounds
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: really bad, and we would be more likely to snap
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: out of them. Okay, Excuses sound logical, they sound compassionate,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: they sound reasonable. We find ways to make excuses seem
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: like they are the best option at the time. Therefore,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: we continue to make these excuses, and that's why excuses
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: can fall into this dangerous category. Okay, our brain is
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: really really good at justifying avoidance when it's seeking to
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: avoid discomfort or when it's looking for short term comfort. Okay,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Excuses are also real. They're not a blatant lie, but
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: they make us feel like, oh well, I had no
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: other control in the situation. Now, I'm going to give
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: you an example of what I mean by excuses are
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: real because they are for the most part. So let's
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: say your bus didn't come yet to be at work
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: at a certain time, and you always catch the bus
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: at a specific time. You were there at the bus
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: stop and the bus didn't come, so you were late.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: So then you said to your boss, I didn't I'm
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: late because my bus didn't come. That is an excuse.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: It's a valid excuse, it's the truth. But you're still
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: excusing why you were late. So excuses are real, and
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: that's why I'm talking about It's not like you've made
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: up a lie as to why you're late. Okay, Because
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think, oh, well, you know,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: you made up this excuse. Okay, this is not a
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: made up thing. Okay, So it is a reason for
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: why you're late, a one off reason. It happens. You're
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: not beating yourself up about it because it was something
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: that you couldn't control. Perfect, that's when an excuse should
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: be used. However, if you are always late by twenty
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: or more minutes to work, to social gatherings, to everything,
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  Speaker 1: you're always late, what is your excuse? Okay? Is there
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: always something that was out of your control that caused
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: you to be late? And there are some people that say, yeah, no, really,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: that's just me. That's just me. But if you were
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: to probably are your friends. Your friends would be like, oh,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: this person is just a shambles. They're a flake, They're
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: all over the place, they're so unorganized, they are just chaos,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: the embodiment of the word chaos. Right, So then you
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: could say, then, technically, through your behavior and through your
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: lack of taking control of a situation, you actually have
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: caused it. And while you do have excuses quote unquote
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: as to why you were late every single time, most
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: of those times were probably within your control. Okay, So
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: you're either the most unlucky person in the world where miraculously,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: every single time you have to be somewhere, something legitimately
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: out of your control happens to make you late. Or
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: there are certain things that you can do within your
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: behavior that could curb you being late that often. So
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: while from the outside initially it might seem like it
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: wasn't in your control, you could be like, I'm actually
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: very aware that my time management skills are not as
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: good as I think they are. I always take longer
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: to do things than the time that I set aside
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: for them. If I was to actually account for things
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: properly and allocate the adequate time, then I wouldn't be late.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: But I haven't been doing that. So that's something that
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: you do have control over. You have control over actually
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: timing yourself in the future to see how long something
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: takes you in So this is an example that I'm
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: talking about how an excuse is actually real, but at times,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: even if it's really real, you probably could have controlled
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: it a whole lot better than what you did. And
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: this comes by paying attention to our behaviors and our
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: patterns and where we fall short and where we need
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: to improve on. And this is all self awareness. Okay,
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: number two, Negotiating with yourself teaches your brain that your
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: word is flexible. I've said it at least once already
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: in this mini coourse, if not twice, This idea of
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: becoming a person of your word and why that is
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: so important every time you say to yourself, oh, I'll
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: do it later, just for today, I'll X Y Z
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: or I deserve a break. I deserve a break. You
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: know I need this. I need is you were telling
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: yourself that you had committed to something and then, for
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: whatever reason, you've decided to change your mind, and then
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: you're saying, my word means nothing. Now, when we talk
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: about consistency, and you've probably heard me say this before,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: for me, consistency is getting a hit rate of over
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: fifty percent, that's good consistency. And then really good consistency
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: is getting a hit rate of over like eighty percent. Okay,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: if you're getting one hundred percent, like that's I wouldn't
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: even aim for that because it is pretty unrealistic. But
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: if that's you and you're just someone who's that regimented, like,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: more power to you. But that's not even a goal
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: that I don't aspire to have that crazy amount of
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: hit rate, because you also don't want to feel like
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: you can't ever miss out on something. If your consistency
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: is really good, then it is fine to every once
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: in a while say I do deserve a break. For sure,
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  Speaker 1: I'm getting sick, or I've done so well that I
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: want to take time off, or it's just the time
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: of the fucking month where I want to break. Okay,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: it's okay to take these times off, but theroblem is
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: that most people do this more often than they're actually
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: doing the thing that they want to be doing, or
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: committing to the thing that they said they would commit to,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: or arriving on time, or all of the above. Another
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: thing that I want you to think about is that
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: you might actually deserve a break. This very much could
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: be true. But if the only way that you ever
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: get a break in your life is by putting off
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: the things that are really important to you, then you
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: need to reassess your time allocations to things. What I
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: mean by that, if you're going to work every single day,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: then coming home and doom scrolling on the couch, and
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: then you know, wasting time doing this, wasting time doing that,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: wasting time, and then you were going to sit down
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: to work on that thing that really matters to you
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: that would change your life. Let's say you wanted to
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: go to the gym, or let's say you were going
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: to sit down and start working on that thing that
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: you're studying for so you can get into a certain course.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: But then you say, oh, you know, I just need
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: to rest. I need a break. I'm going to do
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: this another day. Then you've done all the other stuff today.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: But when it came to the thing that actually was
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: important to the future you, and that's when you used
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: that excuse, then I think you need to reassess how
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: you allocate your time. However, if you're saying to yourself,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I need a break, and you're applying it to all
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: the other things as well, then that's legitimately a time
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: where you probably do need a break. Okay, so be
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: very careful where you say, oh, I deserve this break.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I deserve this break. If you're only applying it to
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: the things that require a little bit of discomfort and effort,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: that's going to get you somewhere different to where you
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: are in your life. Another thing that happens is when
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: you say this stuff, you start to weaken the weight
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: off your own commitments. You start to say that, oh,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: these things don't really matter that much. If they can
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: be pushed off to next week or to whatever, it
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter that much. And that's why we then build
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: up that anxiety towards doing these uncomfortable things because we
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: keep putting it off and it's at the bottom of
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: the barrel, and then it becomes something that we do avoid,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: we procrastinate on, and we'd rather daydream about doing it
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: instead of actually doing it. Self. Trust isn't built on
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: motivation and grit. These things are important, but it's not.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: These things are not what build self trust. Self trust
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: is built on follow through, or you follow through. The
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: more you become a person of your word, The more
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: you become a person of your word, the more you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: trust yourself. You say I said I was gonna do it,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna fucking do it. I trust myself and I
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: know it myself. So if I know I can't do it,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I'm gonna do it perfect. Okay,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Like it's not about having this. Oh my god, now
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I've said it, I have to follow through it. Just
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: really be a fucking person of your word. This year.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: That is the theme for the year. Be a person
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: of your word, even if it means lowering the bar,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: but making sure you follow through. That's when you start
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: to trust yourself. That's when you start to back yourself.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: That's when you feel better about yourself, even if you
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: have to temporarily lower the bar. Fucking lower the bar temporarily,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: And once you have consistency of trusting yourself, then you
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: begin to raise that bar more and more and more.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: But you have to start somewhere, and if it means
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: bringing that bar down a little bit temporarily, do it. Okay.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Number three, Discipline isn't harsh, it's relieving, and it's also freedom.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: By the way, I have an episode on discipline. It's
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: called Discipline is Your Ticket to Freedom. It is one
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: of my highest performing episodes ever. Literally out of the
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: five hundred or whatever episodes that I've got, it is
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: one of the highest performing episodes. People have shared it
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: the most, they've come back to listen to it. Even
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: the encore episode if the same episode was also one
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: of my highest performing episodes. So God check it out.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: It's called Discipline is Your Ticket to Freedom. If I
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: might say to myself it's a brilliant episode, so listen
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: to it if this point resonates with you. But discipline
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: isn't something harsh or mean. It's actually what gives you
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: what you want in life. It's not this, Oh, I'm
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: so regimented, I'm so structured because of the boundaries and
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: the structure that discipline provides. Because you have that, you
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: then feel freer. You then have more time, more resources,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: more money, more you know, mental bandwidth, more focus, more
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: everything to spend on other things that you want to
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: spend on in your life. Okay, when you're a shambles,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: when there's zero discipline whatsoever, you're always chasing your tail.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: You always feel like you're trying to play catch up.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: You always feel like you're behind, You feel anxious, you
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: feel stressed, you're spiraling all of that. And that doesn't
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: feel free. Okay, that is not freedom. If you're in
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: a prison in your own head, that is not freedom.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: You might be able to do what you want today,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: but if you feel like you never get to where
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: you want to be, that's not freedom. Okay. And what
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I talk about with discipline being you know, relieving and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: feeling like like a weight is lifted off your shoulder.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Is that when you've made a decision on something, you
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: don't have to second guess it or arm and art.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Then there's less stress. When there's no debate on something,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: when the decision has been done, you're going to stress less.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: People who trust themselves don't go back and forth thinking
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: oh should I, should I not draw. They make a decision,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: and they make that decision once and then they make
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: peace with the choice that they've made. There's no fucking
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: around maybe I should have done this. They make peace
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: with that choice. They commit to the choice, and they
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: see it through. Even if it was the wrong decision,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: they're able to see it through to point where they're
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: able to be like, you know what, I shouldn't have
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: chosen that, But I'm glad I've done it, and I've
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: done it as much as I could have done it,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: and now I know I never have to think about
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: it again. It's not something I ever have to question
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: should I have I wish I had tried that. I
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: gave it a red hot go. It didn't work for me,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: but now I can eliminate that as an option for
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: my life. So even when things don't go well, people
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: who trust themselves still feel good about making whatever decision
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: they did because they commit to it and they see
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: it through to the extent that it needs to be
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: seen through, whether it works for them or whether it doesn't.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Point number four. Most people don't need more self compassion,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: They actually need more accountability. Self compassion without some sort
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: of structure in your life becomes self indulgence. Okay, And
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: structure without self compassion becomes punishment. So we're needing to
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: strike a bit of a balance here, Okay. Self trust.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: This ability to really trust yourself and feel comfortable within
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: yourself is kind of in the middle of having really
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: clear expectations and follow through and then being able to
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: be compassionate with yourself when necessary. Okay, but you've got
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to ask yourself, how much is feeling sorry for myself
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: hurting me and therefore making me feel even more sorry
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: for myself. Let's try and find a nice balance here.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Compassion in the sense of I need to make sure
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: that this is the right thing for me. I need
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: to pull the brakes when I'm running low on fuel.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I need to make sure that I'm looking after myself
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: before I can look after other people. Those things, yes, compassion, Yes,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: being a soft, spineless noodle. No, Okay. If I'm always
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: playing the victim, if I'm always feeling sorry for myself,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: if I'm always telling myself that I need a break
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: when I haven't even started on that thing, You're actually
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: being detrimental. That's no longer being compassionate. You're actually hurting yourself.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: So ask yourself. When I am being compassionate, is it proper?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Am I actually able to care for myself in the
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: times that I need to care for myself? And when
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: I'm making these excuses to not take action on something?
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Is it legitimate? Because it might be and then that's fine.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: You might actually be burnt out, you might actually need
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: a day off, you might actually need all those things.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Or is it just a way to make me put
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: off taking action on something even longer? Only you can
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: answer that. Okay. Remember, compassion is fine, it's necessary, but
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: not when it falls into feeling sorry for yourself and
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: living in this victimhood. I'm not powerless like I am powerless,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: and I'm not in control to be able to change
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: my situation. Okay. Number five, small promises matter more than
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: big goals. You do not rebuild that self trust with
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: these huge goals and these huge plans for your life.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Like I said, they're great. They're fucking great. I've got
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: many of these big goals in my life. I do.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: But you rebuild this by maintaining small, mundane, boring promises
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: on a day to day basis. It's starting when you
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: said you would start. It's stopping something when you said
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: you would stop. It's showing up even if no one
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: else is watching you. It's just showing up and doing
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: that thing without announcing it to the world, just announcing
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: it to yourself. It's being a person of your word
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: or just not saying it. If you don't think you're
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: going to follow through, your brain notices these things. So
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: it's really really important that you pay attention to those
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: four points that I said, starting when you said you would,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: stopping when you said you would, showing up even if
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: no one else is watching, and being a person off
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: your word, or just not saying the word altogether. If
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: you don't think you're going to be a person if
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: your world, this is important. And those four things, those
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: simple four things, like I said, even if you need
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: to love with the bar, are going to make the difference.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: And when you start actioning. When you start taking action,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: you'll be surprised at how quickly we raise the bar.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: One of the biggest mistakes we make to ourselves is
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: that we set the bar really high. Okay, it's like
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: a ladder. Imagine that the first four rungs are missing,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: and you're trying to step onto that top run. You
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: can't do it. You fall down. You try and step
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: on the top run, you can't do it. You fall down.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: You try and step on five years ago, it's passing.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Still trying to step on the top wrong. No matter
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: how far you can do the splits, you cannot yet
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: yourself up on that fourth rung, can you. It's too
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: fucking high. What if I lowered the bar and put
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: another three rungs in between for the first time in
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: the five years, I'm actually going to lower the bar,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: put another few rungs. Step on the first run, great,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: step on the second third, And that's how you achieve things. Okay.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: If you've tried to set yourself up to do something
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: and you keep failing at it, or you're not changing
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: how you go about it, or it's too insurmountable to
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: do it and you keep going backwards, you lose your
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: self trust, you lose your ability to become a person
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: off your word. Lower the bar, bring the bar down,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: make it achievable. And then at the next step, Okay,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: that's crucial. And the last one, Number six is fewer
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: negotiations is more identity alignment. Each time that you don't
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: negotiate on something, you're reinforcing a new identity. I am
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: someone who does what they say they're going to do.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: This identity starts compounding really really really fast, and your
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: confidence is going to follow through, not just confidence within yourself,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: but your confidence as an individual to other people. You're
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: able to be more comfortable within your own skin, you
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: stand your ground, you can you are more comfortable in
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: conversations with other people. When you become someone that really
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: does what they say they're going to do, you become
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: a confident person. You start to like the person that
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: you are, You start to become impressed with yourself. Okay,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: so stop arguing with yourself. It is that simple. When
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: you stop arguing with yourself, your life begins to change,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: and your life begins to change pretty fucking fast. Okay, So,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: like I said, you can bring that bar down, but
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: you will accelerate the process of getting to where you
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: want to be so much faster than if you kept
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: reaching for this really high thing that you haven't yet
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: been able to achieve again and again and again. All Right,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: that is the episode of today. I really hope that
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I've really got a
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: lot of out of it. Actually, I'm going to it
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: apply it sometimes. It's really nice to go through my
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: own episodes because it reminds me of things that I've
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: done in the past, and I'm able to kind of
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: sharpen it, tweak it, and reapply it to my own life.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: So this is one episode for me in these ten
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: days that really is going to resonate with me quite
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: a lot, actually, so I'm really happy that I did
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: this episode. So thanks guys for being the audience that
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: gives me the opportunity to, you know, talk about these
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: topics and share them with you and also apply them
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: in my own life as well. Please keep commenting. Let
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: me know how you're going to apply this. You know
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: what you're doing in this episode in your life. Let
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: me know what your kind of starting point is. What's
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: something that you're not going to break your word on
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: what's something that you're going to start saying and follow
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: through on. So, for example, for me, something that I'm
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: going to say right now to you guys is I'm
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: going to every single day, Monday to Friday, I'm going
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: to write for a minimum of ten minutes. Even if
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: it's sitting down and doing dot points for a brainstorm,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going to write. It can be fiction, it can
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: be nonfiction, but that is my commitment. It is ten minutes.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: How long do we spend rolling I don't want to know,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Actually i'd rather not know, but ten minutes of writing,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: that's possible. And there are times that I do that
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: and I end up doing an hour and a half
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: because I get in the zone. But if I can
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: just do the ten minutes, then it gives me the
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: option to go for longer or to be like I've
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: called it at the ten minute mark. But that's my commitment,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: and I'm sharing it with you guys because I just
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: started doing it and it's really working for me. So
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: I'm sharing it because it's something that I want to
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: continue to do. Also, anyone who's interested in come into
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: my Sydney Live show, make sure you get your tickets
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: once you have purchased those tickets, I want you to
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: take a screenshot of the purchase tickets and email them
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to Info at DYFM pod. I'm doing a raffle and
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: the people that are have purchased tickets to my live
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: show will have the opportunity to come to a free
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: brunch and like a little meditation and mini kind of
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: polate session the day prior on the Tuesday, the third
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: of February. Because the live show is Wednesday, fourth of
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: feb in Sydney. This brunch will be at the Rocks
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Tuesday the third of feb Tuesday morning, and it is
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: free for you guys. It is just like a thank you,
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: let's kind of network, let's meet some people. So if
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: you bought a ticket to the live show, take a screenshot,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: email it to me and then we're going to bunch that.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: And you can also write a little reason, because if
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: your reason's really cool, then it won't be raffled. I'll
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: just automatically give it to you. We've already had a
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: bunch of people already write in and it's really really cool.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: So if you haven't already buy your ticket to the
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: live show, send us a screenshot off your ticket and
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: hopefully I see you at the Free Branch. It's going
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: to be really really cute and adorable and not only
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: will I get to meet you guys, but you also
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: get to meet each other, which will be really really
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: nice and hopefully you can even make some friends for
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: life there, so that's going to be awesome. Anyway, that
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: is all for today's episode. As always, remember be kind
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: to yourself, becind to your brain, don't text it from anyone,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: and especially don't text shit from yourself. Don't it