Latest / Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40 / 52. Things I Care a Lot LESS About at 48

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52. Things I Care a Lot LESS About at 48 · Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I was younger looking at women who were maybe in their sixties or seventies with their gray hair and all their life experience and thinking, there must just be a magical age where you stop caring about what other people think.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like one day you just wake up and suddenly you're completely comfortable in your own skin and you stop worrying about what everybody else thinks of you and you stop comparing yourself to other women and you stop second-guessing your decisions and you just do your own thing and you don't give a darn what anybody else thinks.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I am almost 50, I don't think it probably works that way.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think we are constantly always overcoming this critic in our mind.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think that it probably gets better with age because we have more experience, we know ourselves better, we've lived through enough things to realize what matters and what really doesn't matter.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I definitely still care what people think.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want people to like me, and I still am overcoming my people-pleasing tendencies, and I still often second guess myself.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the difference is in my late 40s, I'm much more aware of when I'm doing it, and I have a lot more clarity around what actually deserves my energy.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do deeply care about a lot of things to include my health and my family and my marriage and my business and being a good friend and a good wife and a good mom and a good human.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think now that I can really identify and pinpoint what it is that I do deeply care about, it's almost a gift because now I can realize that I only have so much time and energy and attention, and how I spend that time, that energy, that attention is really important in the grand scheme of things.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: So today I thought it'd be fun for me to share a few things that I care a whole lot less about at age 48 than I did at age 38 or 28 or 18.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Midlife Glow Up Podcast, where we simplify fitness, nutrition, and healthy habits for women over 40.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Joan Dandano, your midlife health and wellness coach.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to feel strong, consistent, and confident in this season of life, then you're in the right place, my friend.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I care a lot less what my body looks like.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I care a lot more about what it allows me to do.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: So if you had told 25-year-old me that someday I would care less about having six-pack abs, I'm sure she would not have believed you.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I spent most of my adult life in the fitness industry, and for a lot of those years, fitness was directly connected to aesthetics.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: How lean you are, how defined your muscles are, how much do you weigh, how fast can you run.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to pretend that I suddenly have zero interest in those things.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I still definitely like to see muscle definition.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I still like to feel good in my clothes.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I like to feel fit, but it just doesn't carry the same weight that it used to.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: At 48, I care so much more about what my body can do.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be strong and mobile.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have good balance and I want to be able to get up off the floor and hike and travel and lift weights and carry my own suitcase and keep doing all of those things that I love for as long as I possibly can.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And my knee injury over the past couple of weeks has given me even more perspective into this because when you suddenly can't move your body the way that you normally do, you realize pretty quickly what you actually care about.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, I could not care less about how fast I can run.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I care that I can actually walk.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I care that I can teach my classes, even if I have to modify.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I care that I can get up and down the stairs in my house.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: It just takes me twice as long.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I care that eventually I'll be able to get back to hiking and playing pickleball and all of the things that I want to continue doing for decades.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a mental health piece of aging that we don't talk about enough.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: It is really hard to watch your body change.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be so frustrating when you need more recovery time than you used to, or when something hurts that never used to hurt, or when an injury temporarily takes away something that you love doing.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's some grief in that.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm experiencing a little bit of that right now.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also realizing that this is another opportunity to practice what I talk about all the time, which is so what can I do?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: What is in mind control?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: How can I take care of my body and work with it where it is right now?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because this injury has been a really good reminder that being able to move my body at all is a gift.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And at 48, I care a whole lot less about how fast I can run or whether my body looks a certain way.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I care about being strong and capable and independent.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And more than anything, I care about taking care of this body now so that I can keep using it to live a full and active life for as many years as possible.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that feels a whole lot more important to me than six-pack abs ever did.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: The second one, the second thing I care less about, figuring out everything by myself.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I care a lot more about learning from people that know more than I do.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is another one that has changed a lot for me.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am a pretty resourceful person.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if given a challenge, I will probably figure it out.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that quality has served me pretty well throughout my life.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also a big believer in taking messy action.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I would never be here with the business that I have today if I hadn't just started before I've had everything perfectly figured out.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you have to just do something and then learn as you go.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: But at age 48, I'm a whole lot less interested in throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to spend six months trying to teach myself something if there is someone who can teach me how to do it well in a fraction of that time.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So an example is hiring my business coach is probably one of the best things I have done for myself and for my business.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting because I've had coaches throughout my life in different sports and inside of bodybuilding, and obviously I am a coach, but hiring a business coach completely changed the way I thought about the value of coaching.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of trying to figure things out on my own, I had someone who I could say, I don't understand how to do this.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Please help.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And she would say, Here's what works, here's what I see, here's what I would do next, and here's where you're making this harder than it needs to be.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I am the queen of overcomplicating things.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: A coach doesn't do it for you.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you're still having to be resourceful and you're still having to take action.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: But man, does it save a lot of time and so many headaches when you don't have to figure out every single thing through trial and error.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that experience has actually really increased my own belief about the work that I do with women because I think most of us are resourceful.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: We can Google how much protein we need to eat, and you could go on YouTube and find a workout, and you could listen to multiple podcasts and read books about menopause and strength training and healthy habits.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And you could probably piece together a pretty decent plan eventually.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what I've realized is that just because I can figure something out for myself doesn't mean I want to spend the next six months or year doing that.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I would rather learn from someone who already knows the answers and they know what they're doing and they are willing to share with me so that they can save me a whole lot of time and frustration.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: There is just something incredibly valuable about having someone look at you, your life, your goals, your circumstances, and say, okay, from an outsider's perspective, I think this is where you should focus.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what matters right now.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start right here.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then having that person there, when life happens, when something isn't working, when you start second-guessing yourself, or when the plan needs to change, you're not alone in that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that is exactly what my business coach has done for me.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I just signed on with her for a third year.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it also has helped me have a greater appreciation for the women who hire me to help them with their health, because they're not hiring me because they're incapable of figuring it out.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're hiring me because they don't want to have to figure out every single piece of it on their own.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that now on a completely different level.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, I'm still resourceful and I'll probably always be someone who figures things out.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I still believe in messy action, but I care a whole lot less about proving that I can do everything by myself.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe that sometimes the smartest thing I can do is find someone who knows more than I do, learn from her, and save myself a whole lot of time and frustration and unnecessary trial and error.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this next one is a big one.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I care a lot less about making everybody happy, and I care more about protecting what matters to me.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I am a people pleaser by nature.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And for a long time, I thought that I needed to be always available, accommodating.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to always help and say yes when somebody needed me.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the worst thing in the world is to think that I have disappointed someone or upset someone.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I have lived like that in my personal life and my business for the majority of my adult life.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And when I first started coaching and teaching classes, I pretty much have no boundaries around my time or people's access to me.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I would rearrange my schedule and I would make exceptions and I would respond whenever somebody reached out.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be the coach and the trainer who was always there for my people.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done a lot of that same thing in my personal life.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I felt responsible for other people's feelings and I wanted everybody to be happy and just get along, and I want everyone to be okay with the choices that I make.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I still, to this day, catch myself doing this, but I have learned something that has been really important to me.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Someone being disappointed in my decision doesn't necessarily mean that I have made the wrong decision.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And this was a huge lesson for me.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can love someone and still say no.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I can care about someone and still disagree with them.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I can be a really good coach without being available 24-7.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I can be generous without giving everyone unlimited access to my time and my energy.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because every time I say yes to something, then I'm saying no to something else.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times that would be my family, my friends, my downtime.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So at 48, I care a whole lot more about protecting my time, my peace, my happiness, my downtime than I do about keeping everybody around me happy.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, happy more.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I care less about how much I can fit in, and I care more about making room for what matters.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: So this is probably very connected to the people pleasing.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: But for a long time, I could and probably still do fit a lot into my days.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really good at juggling, lots of things.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I've got lots of balls in the air at any given time.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And there was probably a time when having a packed calendar almost felt like proof that I could do it all.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm starting to see that differently, that a full calendar and a full life aren't necessarily the same thing because some of the things that I value most require space and margin.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And my marriage is a pretty good example of that.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am incredibly fortunate to be almost 25 years into my marriage and still madly in love with my husband.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing that I understand now that I probably didn't understand when I was younger is that a good marriage really needs to be intentionally nurtured.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just get married and raise three kids and assume the relationship will take care of itself.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: It needs conversation and connection and fun, and it needs us to continue choosing each other over and over again.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And as our girls have gotten older, I have become more aware of this.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm guessing this happens in the emptiness transition, but so much of our life revolved around raising our kids.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now our daughters are almost all grown and flown, and they need us, but differently than they used to.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that just makes me think a lot about what I want this next season of my marriage and my family to look like because I care so much about protecting the time with my husband, and I care about creating opportunities for our daughters to want to come home and spend time with us.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I care about being present when we're together.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then I care about the friendships that make my life richer, and I care about having some space that belongs just to me.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that sometimes means saying no to something or someone else, and it means not filling every open spot on my calendar.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it means recognizing that quality time with the people I love isn't what gets whatever scraps of time are left over after everything else gets done.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Those relationships are some of the most important things on the calendar.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: So at 48, I care a lot less how much I can fit into my life, and I care more about making sure that there's room for the actual life that I want.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when I think about everything that I've shared today, I think there's a common thread.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that is that my priorities have shifted.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: There are things that I want more of now than I used to care about.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: More strength, more connection, more experiences, more time with the people that I love, more meaningful, impactful work, more fun, more margin.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then there are things that I want less of.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Less proving, comparing, overcommitting, trying to make everybody happy.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have all of this figured out for sure.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure there are things that I care deeply about today that my 68-year-old me is going to laugh about.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: But hopefully that means I'm going to keep changing and I'm going to keep learning and I'm going to keep getting clear about who I am and what matters to me and how I want to spend this one life that I get.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: We only have so much time and energy and attention.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the gifts of getting older is realizing that we get to decide where we spend those things.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're further along in life's journey than I am, I would genuinely love to hear your perspective on this.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Does there come a point when you really stop giving a darn what people think?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or what's something that you have realized that you care a whole lot less about as you've gotten older?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Pop over to Instagram and share your aha moment with me.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: I would absolutely love to hear what you've learned because I know I still have plenty of learning and growing ahead of me too.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening, my friend.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep growing, keep glowing, and bye for now.