Latest / Let Me Claire-ify / Quit Being a Loser

Transcript

Quit Being a Loser · Let Me Claire-ify

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you're scared to start because you're scared to fail,
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this,
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: but you're a loser.
• 0:12
  And before you guys go and click out of this video or before
• 0:17
  you start getting
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: offended,
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: when I say loser,
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that you're an incapable person.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that you're an unintelligent person.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're somebody who allows your fears to be your decision maker,
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: then you quite literally, or quite frankly, are a loser.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I can say this because for many years, this was me.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was somebody riddled in fear.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was somebody so anxious and like worrisome, like a worrywart.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And because of my fear and because of my anxiety, I tried to control it.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then, oh, I can't do this, I can't do that.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it led to a lot of missed opportunities.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So in this episode,
• 1:03
  I'm going to talk about why not allowing yourself to fail is
• 1:08
  actually preventing
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: yourself from succeeding.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome everyone.
• 1:15
  Hi,
• 1:15
  my name is Claire and you are tuned into the very first episode
• 1:19
  of Let Me Clarify.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let Me Clarify is a podcast where I take simple phrases,
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: beliefs,
• 1:26
  statements that you might hear in your everyday life like I'm
• 1:30
  always a work in
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: progress or...
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need your mom.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I take time to clarify that.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I take time to illuminate, elucidate.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, look up that word.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Through personal experiences, reflection, conversations.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what Let Me Clarify is about.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So it is a space for growth, honest conversation, and hopefully we can...
• 1:59
  we can consider or maybe even just listen to other perspectives
• 2:03
  because that is
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: something that I've struggled with.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've been told I'm not a great listener.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So this is really my dream and my vision for Let Me Clarify.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So today's episode is really, I've titled this episode Quit Being Loser.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what does that mean?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I will explain what it means to be a loser.
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  SPEAKER_00: Please don't feel offended by it because sometimes,
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: like if we're being 100% real,
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: sometimes the things that we do is lose their behavior.
• 2:29
  And you need to either have yourself or surround yourself with
• 2:33
  good people to check that.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you're being a loser right now.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: However that needs to be, it doesn't have to be as harsh as that.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I come from
• 2:43
  I just come from experience where we speak or I speak very
• 2:46
  bluntly,
• 2:47
  very plainly.
• 2:48
  So I'm not offended when if somebody said you're being a loser
• 2:51
  because I can
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: understand the context.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: But how and why did I come up with this idea?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So a few months ago,
• 3:00
  I was reading a book that was recommended to me by a friend
• 3:04
  called Rich Dad,
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Poor Dad.
• 3:06
  And I think that I'm kind of like moving into a realm where I
• 3:12
  want to better myself.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think when you reach like maybe your mid-20s,
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: approaching 30,
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: then you kind of go into this like space of like,
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: What is my life?
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  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or I want to be a better person.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that is where I am.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I totally, completely relate to Kai Sinat and his reading journey.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm doing too.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to learn through books.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: So my friend recommended Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm reading this book and it's wacky me left and center.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And...
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  One of the major topics of the book is talking about minding
• 3:50
  your business.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And basically,
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: he's saying that,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: to be financially stable,
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  SPEAKER_00: you need to find a business,
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  SPEAKER_00: something that brings you joy,
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  SPEAKER_00: that you are passionate about and that you're interested in.
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  SPEAKER_00: You want to learn more.
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  SPEAKER_00: You want to be invested in this business.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, you know, trying to think about my business.
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  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing?
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  SPEAKER_00: And I'm reading this book and I stumbled upon a quote.
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  SPEAKER_00: I wrote it down.
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  SPEAKER_00: So let me look.
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  SPEAKER_00: The poet says, winners are not scared of losing, but losers are.
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  SPEAKER_00: Failure is part of the process.
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  SPEAKER_00: People who avoid failure, avoid success.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when I read that excerpt, sorry, I can't even speak.
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  SPEAKER_00: When I read those few sentences...
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  SPEAKER_00: I was like,
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  SPEAKER_00: whoa,
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  like this is taking me way beyond just financial literacy or
• 4:47
  financial advice.
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  SPEAKER_00: I realized then and there, I was a loser in so many aspects of my life.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I'm reading this book and I'm like,
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: oh my gosh,
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  SPEAKER_00: like winners are not scared of losing,
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  SPEAKER_00: losers are.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've been a loser for so long.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm scared of trying new things.
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  I'm scared of putting myself out there like you because if you
• 5:12
  look in the context
• 5:12
  of this book and he's talking about all the people who have all
• 5:14
  this money and who
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  SPEAKER_00: are financially stable,
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  SPEAKER_00: they didn't like to in their room and be like,
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  SPEAKER_00: oh,
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  SPEAKER_00: my gosh,
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  SPEAKER_00: I wish I could do this.
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  SPEAKER_00: They did it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Knowing very well, hey, I might lose in this.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I also might win.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you learn so much when you put yourself out there.
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  So when I'm reading this book,
• 5:37
  it's really talking about finding your passion.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it brought me here to this podcast.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: For three years, I have been talking about a podcast.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've been like, yeah, I'm going to start a podcast.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think this idea popped in my head in 2021.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So as I was editing this first episode, I actually stumbled across...
• 5:59
  a video that i made in 2021 the end of 2021 going into 2022
• 6:05
  where i talk about my
• 6:07
  want my desire to i didn't say start a podcast i said vlogging
• 6:11
  but pretty much the
• 6:12
  same thing i wanted to vlog podcast and i name i name the
• 6:19
  reason why i didn't do it
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: so let's watch this clip real quick
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  SPEAKER_00: So starting in 22, I'm going to vlog.
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  Like,
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  I think I have a lot of cool things to say,
• 6:30
  but I'm just like,
• 6:32
  literally I hate criticism.
• 6:33
  I want people to love me all the time,
• 6:35
  but that's not the world that we live in.
• 6:37
  So at this point,
• 6:38
  like,
• 6:40
  if you don't like it,
• 6:40
  you don't have to entertain it.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to click.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot follow me.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: But if you do like it, follow me.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, like, sing for my podcast.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, girl.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I allowed my fear,
• 6:56
  I allowed my anxiety to stop me or maybe just prevent me from
• 7:01
  seeing this through.
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  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, my fear of criticism.
• 7:08
  I conditioned myself to think the worst and maybe to embrace
• 7:13
  the impact of failure.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I ultimately ended up a loser.
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  And I'm like,
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  dang,
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  like,
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  where could I have been today if I started three years ago?
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  SPEAKER_00: So much better now.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: But then I also think, like,
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
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  maybe I just wasn't ready because when I first had this idea
• 7:37
  about Let Me Clarify,
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: it was in the similar context of like,
• 7:41
  I wanted to talk about hot topics or maybe controversial things
• 7:49
  and clarify it.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So my ideas at first were like, college is a scam.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let me clarify.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Such an oversaturated topic.
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  And I realize now with a little bit more life under me that I
• 8:04
  really didn't have
• 8:05
  some experiences or just even expertise to speak about some of
• 8:10
  the things I wanted
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  SPEAKER_00: to speak about.
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  And I was probably going to create a lot of rage bait content
• 8:16
  because my ideas are
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: a bit outlandish and I'm scared to even say that.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on, wait a minute.
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that my ideas are outlandish.
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  SPEAKER_00: Let me not say that about myself.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just think that sometimes I go against the grain.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some people can describe me as a contrarian.
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  And some of the things that I think,
• 8:40
  not that many people are on the same page with me.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just going to keep a little of those to myself.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get to know each other a little bit.
• 8:52
  before we delve deep in there I could I could get prematurely
• 8:59
  canceled with no
• 9:01
  audience but I had to realize that and maybe this is me like
• 9:06
  being a loser I'm
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  being a loser right now I'm speaking to you because I'm saying
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  oh no I shouldn't
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  have started I could have started and I could have learned
• 9:13
  through those mistakes
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  SPEAKER_00: but now I'm learning through missed opportunities
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  SPEAKER_00: So I'm thinking about, like, me, you know, starting this podcast.
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't know unless I try.
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I'll be good at this unless I try.
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  SPEAKER_00: And...
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  SPEAKER_00: So that got me to thinking, why is this so hard?
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  SPEAKER_00: Why is it so hard for me to start?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it so hard for me to believe in myself?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to think,
• 9:43
  what are the biggest obstacles that are preventing me from
• 9:46
  living the life that I
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: want to live or becoming the person that I want to be?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's the new year.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're like two weeks into the new year.
• 9:54
  By the time you're listening to this,
• 9:56
  we're actually two months into the new year.
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  SPEAKER_00: But the message is still the same.
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  This is the time where all those dreams and aspirations that we
• 10:06
  have for ourselves,
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  SPEAKER_00: they start dropping off.
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  SPEAKER_00: And we start reverting back to our behaviors and our comforts.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I really told myself that in this new year,
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: in 2026,
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  SPEAKER_00: I was really going to quit being a loser.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to no longer being scared to lose because I want to win.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I want to succeed.
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  SPEAKER_00: And to succeed, you have to put yourself out there.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it really got me to thinking, what are my main barriers?
• 10:37
  What has prevented me in the past from being this person that I
• 10:40
  want to be,
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  from being like,
• 10:42
  that girl and I realized one of the barriers for me was that
• 10:50
  I've just always been
• 10:51
  in a state of comfort and complacency yes I never have allowed
• 10:56
  myself to push
• 10:57
  myself beyond the comfort zone like when I work out if I get
• 11:00
  uncomfortable like I
• 11:02
  taper down when I used to run track in high school so like I'm
• 11:07
  not an athletic
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  SPEAKER_00: person by any means and me and my sister we kind of stumbled upon track
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to be so honest, I really wasn't good.
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  SPEAKER_00: Pretty bad.
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  SPEAKER_00: Very average JV runner.
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  SPEAKER_00: I remember one time we had a home race,
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  SPEAKER_00: a home track meet,
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  SPEAKER_00: and my coach had two teams,
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  SPEAKER_00: like the A team versus B team on a 4x1 or a 4x4.
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  SPEAKER_00: And he put the distance runners on the B team in the 4x4 and he put me,
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  SPEAKER_00: my sister,
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  SPEAKER_00: and other few like...
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  SPEAKER_00: mediocre runners in the A-Team.
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  SPEAKER_00: And he really wanted us to fight to do that.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I had pushed myself, I'm running, I'm running.
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  SPEAKER_00: But as soon as I hit that wall or I felt that pain, I fell back.
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  SPEAKER_00: I did not allow myself to go beyond that uncomfortable space.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I kind of like relate that to your daily life.
• 12:05
  Like sometimes you're going to be uncomfortable,
• 12:07
  but the change,
• 12:09
  what do they say?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Change happens the most when we're uncomfortable.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I just was never there.
• 12:19
  So it's so funny because I accidentally have taken running back
• 12:26
  on and I now
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: understand what my coach is trying to tell me,
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: like just push,
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: just fight,
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  just give it your best effort because at least if you didn't
• 12:36
  win or if you didn't
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: get the outcome,
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: at least you know you put it all out there on the floor.
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  And I'm realizing that now,
• 12:44
  like I just did a race a month ago and it was an easy 5K.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was like feeling myself a little confident.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've been losing a little weight.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've been, you know, feeling great.
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  And then I'm running this race and I get this stitch at like a
• 13:02
  mile and a half.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like trying to run through the stitch.
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  SPEAKER_00: It was so bad.
• 13:07
  And I'm like just pushing through it,
• 13:09
  pushing through it,
• 13:09
  pushing through it.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it got to a point where I was like, OK, I can't.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I just started to walk.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I had somebody on the race.
• 13:17
  She gave me a tip like,
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  oh,
• 13:18
  if you're feeling a side stitch,
• 13:20
  put your hands up.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm literally running with my hands above my head like this,
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: trying to do with a side stitch.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kept going.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I literally had like maybe that 0.3 left of my 5K.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel so nauseous.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm put off to the side.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have to stop to the side of the road to throw up.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, it is literally the worst race ever.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I pushed myself to a level where I didn't know I was...
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or I didn't think I was capable of doing.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And now, like, look at me.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I finished the race.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And...
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of myself because I went outside of my comfort zone.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that was the first step.
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  SPEAKER_00: That was the first thing that was preventing me from living my best life,
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: being a winner and succeeding,
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: was I just was scared to be out of my comfort zone.
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  SPEAKER_00: So don't do that.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Challenge yourself outside of that.
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  SPEAKER_00: The second thing that I realized,
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: and I learned this term this year or last year,
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  SPEAKER_00: was I suffered from a mean case of analysis paralysis.
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  So analysis paralysis is when you are overthinking and you
• 14:35
  can't make a decision.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really butchering that definition.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you want a better definition, I would implore you to look it up.
• 14:42
  But basically,
• 14:43
  it's somebody who overthinks and you can't make a decision.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was reading, not reading, I was watching a TED talk about it.
• 14:50
  And she said the reason why a lot of us are so struggle so much
• 14:55
  with making
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: decisions is because what did I tell you in the beginning of this?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because of our fear and anxiety.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: When we have fear about something,
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: anxious about something,
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: we want to manage or minimize that risk.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we move into a control mode.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I got to control this.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: I got to control this.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this reminds me of when I got laid off, okay?
• 15:17
  I got laid off from my job and I never thought this would ever
• 15:20
  happen to me.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: You always hear stories about like,
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: oh,
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: massive layoffs,
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: but you don't think that's going to be you.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when I got laid off,
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: everybody was saying like,
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: oh,
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: take time off,
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: go on a vacation,
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: do this.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, with what money?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do it.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like anxious, fearful.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, it did not allow me to make mistakes.
• 15:45
  the best decisions the best choices and i just moved in a space
• 15:50
  of survival instead
• 15:52
  of like moving to live so i found myself in wretched ratchet
• 15:58
  horrendous jobs that i
• 16:00
  absolutely hated like during my um layoff period i became a
• 16:04
  substitute teacher 10
• 16:05
  out of 10 don't recommend if that's not your passion if you're
• 16:11
  if you love to teach
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Then go for it.
• 16:14
  I was teaching 11th graders and whoa,
• 16:18
  they taught me a lot about patients.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I worked a few retail jobs and then I worked as a patient care tech with,
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: oh my gosh,
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: it was crazy.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was not a great time in my life, super stressed.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that is because
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was riddled with that anxiety.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And she says,
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: when you're trying to control or manage those risks,
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: you fall into that bucket of missed opportunities.
• 16:44
  There are so many missed opportunities when you let fear and
• 16:46
  anxiety take over.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And for me,
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking that same thing,
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: like,
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: oh my gosh,
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: there's so many things that I could have explored during that time.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I really could have explored starting my podcast.
• 16:56
  I could have explored other things,
• 16:58
  other avenues,
• 16:59
  but I was so scared to do that.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another thing.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was analysis paralysis.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was... too scared to get out of my comfort zone.
• 17:13
  And another thing for me,
• 17:14
  which probably isn't for you,
• 17:17
  what was preventing me from...
• 17:21
  succeeding or from becoming the person I want to be because I'm
• 17:25
  telling you,
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: 2026 is my year,
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: okay?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not letting nobody take that away from me.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is all about me.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: What did Issa say?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's a me season.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So another thing that I think had been preventing me or maybe in a way is
• 17:42
  preventing me from betting on myself or just no longer being
• 17:50
  scared to start is my
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: upbringing.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:55
  I don't want to say I grew up with traditional African parents
• 17:57
  because I really did not.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: My parents are very
• 18:01
  non-traditional,
• 18:02
  and I really love the childhood that I received and that I was
• 18:09
  able to have.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: What I can say is my parents are extremely dramatic.
• 18:13
  And what I think reflecting is what I learned is sometimes when
• 18:19
  you're around
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: adults who don't understand things or it's different from them,
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: they're so quick to shut things down.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: So if everybody around you is shutting it down, shutting it down,
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: You,
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: if you're not strong enough,
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: or if you don't have that self-belief,
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: you're going to,
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: at least for me,
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to follow suit.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, don't do this.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to follow suit.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to realize,
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: like,
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: and also to succeed,
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: you kind of have to go against the grain a little bit.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, blaming other people for your missed opportunities.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what, guys?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Loser behavior.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Quit being a loser.
• 18:58
  So I'm like,
• 18:59
  okay,
• 18:59
  like,
• 19:00
  it's a loser to only be in your comfort zone and complain about
• 19:03
  it.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's a loser to be in this overthinking realm.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like,
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: when I'm looking up how to overcome,
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: because I was looking up how to overcome analysis paralysis,
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: I saw this one thing that they said...
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: When you have that,
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: when you are like scared to make decisions or you're overthinking,
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: it's because your action muscle is weak.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: So practice three actions every day.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like commit to something and do it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that is what I'm currently doing.
• 19:38
  Like I have accidentally picked running back up because one day
• 19:43
  I committed to going on a run.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then every day, not every day, but...
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Moving forward, I committed to do that consistently.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And now I've run three races.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm maybe signing up for a marathon.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Look, this is me along fear.
• 19:58
  I'm scared to sign up for the marathon because I'm fearful that
• 20:02
  I'm not going to finish.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: But should I let that fear prevent me?
• 20:08
  Because in two,
• 20:10
  three years,
• 20:11
  it could be like,
• 20:13
  dang,
• 20:13
  I should have at least applied for it.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: If I didn't finish, at least I went out there and tried, you know?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe I'm taking this marathon.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, guys.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm scared.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: But people walk marathons.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I can walk one.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, and just like going against the grain, it's okay.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to say, what was the three things?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Analysis, paralysis, practice those action steps.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Push yourself out of the comfort zone.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to go against the grain.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: On TikTok, there's this girl, Tamara or Tamara, I don't know her name.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: She has this comment that's going viral about,
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: it doesn't have to make sense to you as long as I understand it.
• 20:52
  And I'm like,
• 20:52
  honestly,
• 20:53
  yes,
• 20:53
  it doesn't have to make sense to anybody else.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: As long as you understand it and you believe in it,
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: then go ahead for it.
• 21:00
  Am I giving you a Mel Robinson like fluffy filter,
• 21:06
  fluffy like self-help things?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, but it actually works.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: It actually works.
• 21:14
  So just as I bring this to a close,
• 21:17
  this is a short episode,
• 21:18
  a little thing.
• 21:20
  If you guys have been feeling like me,
• 21:22
  maybe you've been a loser in your previous past.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have been,
• 21:27
  you're upset because of all these missed opportunities and
• 21:30
  you're sitting now in
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: 2026 halfway through the first month and you're like,
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: you can decide.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you decide, guys.
• 21:38
  Am I going to take this year and just keep doing how I'm doing
• 21:42
  or am I going to
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: quit being a loser?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Am I going to start succeeding?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Am I going to be a winner?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: A winner in life
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And put myself out there.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Every step, every day.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to be motivational here.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: So one,
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: I would implore you to take this time as we're in that month of January,
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: that new month of the year.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is a reflective month where we can decide two weeks in, guys.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're two weeks into this new year.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Care from the future here.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Again,
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: by the time that you guys are listening to this first episode,
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: it is not two weeks into the new year.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually two months into the new year.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And just a little transparency,
• 22:24
  the reason why it's taken me this long to release this episode
• 22:30
  is because as much
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: as I'm talking about fear and like attacking it and stop being a loser,
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: I recorded this episode and I played it back and I was like so fearful.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: So again, I have to be vulnerable.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was a loser in that moment just sitting on the episode and
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: allowing myself to procrastinate.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I have other things to do.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have work, I have this, I have that.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: So again, this is two months into the new year.
• 22:58
  And I wanted to make this pause and this interjection because I
• 23:02
  think it's even
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: more important that we hear this message now.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because that first month,
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: you could either hit the ball running or you could be like,
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 23:13
  I didn't start off the new year well and I might as well just
• 23:16
  go on the same way
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: that I'm going.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, guys, it's still so early in the new year.
• 23:22
  that you can turn it around if you want 2026 to be your year if
• 23:28
  you really want
• 23:28
  that take this second month and go forth with it consider
• 23:35
  january as a a free trial
• 23:39
  month that you know you tested the waters you saw what works
• 23:43
  for you saw what
• 23:44
  didn't and now you're going to take february and try to move a
• 23:49
  little bit better
• 23:52
  I was reading an article,
• 23:54
  a Vogue article a few weeks ago,
• 23:57
  and it was talking about 2026.
• 23:59
  And basically you guys have heard that 2026 marks the start of
• 24:04
  a new nine year cycle.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you're into numerology,
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Numerology says that 2026 is a dynamic year.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: It is a year for fresh starts,
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: for growth,
• 24:17
  and it's also a year for you to not forget the lessons and
• 24:22
  experiences that you
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: learned in your past.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: You want to bring that with you.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: You do better because you know better, right?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: So we, you know, you might have fallen.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: What do they say?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: We fall down, but we get up.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you might have fallen in the past, but please, please, I'm begging.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Don't give up on yourself.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not in this second month of the new year.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I would implore you guys to do a self-reflection,
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: a personal inventory on where your headset is because your mindset is
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's a look into your future.
• 24:59
  So if you come in with a negative mindset,
• 25:01
  oh,
• 25:02
  I'm never going to do this.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never going to lose that weight.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never going to finish that book or I'm never going to travel.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what, babes?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're never going to do it because you've already told yourself.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that I think that has is a loser behavior, guys.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about it.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: People pleasing.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's out.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about ins and outs of 2026.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we still pleasing other people?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: A quick little aside.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I've been called a coward by this guy who...
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: I briefly entertained, but I realized there was no future.
• 25:41
  And I had told him on more than one occasion,
• 25:43
  but he's still trying to hit my line.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: Still trying to hit my line.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: So today I said,
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to text him instead of,
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: because I was ghosting him,
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: but he's still texting me.
• 25:51
  So I'm like,
• 25:51
  let me just text him once again to let him know,
• 25:53
  hey,
• 25:54
  this ain't it.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't see a future with you.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: He's going to say, coward woman, why don't you say it to my face?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Mind you, I live in the West Coast.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: He lives in the East Coast.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: How would I say to your face?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: I would have to fly over.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: So with that being said, I'm done pleasing other people.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry you didn't like the way I approached the situation.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: I could have FaceTimed you.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: However, I didn't want to deal with your manipulative behavior.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, you would call that cowardly.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking that.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm calling that taking control.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm calling that cowardly.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: No longer people pleasing, no longer being a loser.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't argue with people that I don't want to be with.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, hey guys, hey dude, I don't want to be with you.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: So people-pleasing quit being a loser.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Also, what is loser behavior?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Lack of confidence.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Start believing in yourself.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Start saying, yeah, I got this.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm the SHIT.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: If people want to call you self-centered conceited, guess what?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have a reason to be.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: What did Remy Ma say?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm conceited.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have a reason.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that's loser behavior,
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: this kind of ties in with analysis paralysis,
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: is thinking that you need to be perfect before you start.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Start messy.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that what I'm saying is nothing new.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: You could probably, again, hit up Mel Robbins or
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: David, whatever his name, and they're saying the same things.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: But guys, like, it's actually true.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Start messy.
• 27:25
  I talked about how I started this running journey accidentally
• 27:31
  because one day I
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: just decided to run.
• 27:33
  And when I moved here in September,
• 27:36
  I couldn't even run 10 minutes without stopping.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now I did eight miles.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: So start messy.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing, and I don't want to sound cliche, but...
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Show up for yourself daily.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like this, this also speaks to those action steps.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: Make an action, make a decision and stick to that.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you're going to say, hey, I'm going to work out today.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a 10 minute workout, if it's an hour workout, you did that.
• 28:02
  Not everything is going to look 100% all the time,
• 28:05
  but at least you're making that decision.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm going to read a book today.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: Kai Sinat said every day he's going to read for 12 minutes.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: He's doing that.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all are clowning him, but he's bettering himself.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: So jokes on y'all.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of brings me to,
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys watch RuPaul Drag Race,
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: but RuPaul,
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: he talks about inner saboteur.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's your internal voice that is a voice of self-doubt,
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: fear,
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: and negativity,
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: and it's going to hinder personal growth.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say try to minimize that inner saboteur and find a mantra that
• 28:43
  a mantra is a saying or power like a saying or a chant you say
• 28:48
  to like encourage
• 28:51
  and motivate you hold on let me get the real definition because
• 28:54
  now i'm just making
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: stuff up what is a mantra mantra definition
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: It is a word or sound repeated to aid confrontation and meditation.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Or it said a statement or slogan repeated frequently.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Find your mantra.
• 29:11
  What's going to help you be that person that you want to be in
• 29:14
  this new year?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: What's going to help you succeed and move beyond that fear?
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: For me...
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's quit being a, sorry, not quit being a mantra.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's quit being a loser.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime that I feel like I am giving up on myself,
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: that I am allowing fear to take over,
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: anxiety to take over,
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling myself,
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Claire,
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: quit being a loser.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're being a loser.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or guess what?
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's loser behavior.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: People in my line trying to circle back, loser, you're being a loser.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Ain't nothing happening with a circle back.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Loser.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or anytime I have the inner talk.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember I used to tell myself, oh, you're so stupid.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're so dumb.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, my God.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: I used to say those things.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm like, that's a loser.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you call yourself stupid?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not stupid.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: What did Wendy Yosefo say?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: I got two degrees, okay?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not dumb.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not ugly.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Look at me.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: So quit being a loser with that.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: so just saying like I,
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: reflecting on my life and in my stage of adulthood,
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of joke around and say that I'm in a teenage stage of adulthood.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this podcast is for people in all stages of adulthood,
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: in your infancy,
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: your childhood,
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: adolescence,
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: or teenage,
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: or you grown.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think you can learn something from here.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think we can grow.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had a lot of highs.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've had a lot of lows.
• 30:38
  But I can confidently say that I'm moving into a happy area or
• 30:42
  happy era of my life
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: where I'm genuinely happy.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: I genuinely believe in myself and I genuinely love me.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I love me, I want the best for myself.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to speak very honestly.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so scared of going back into that low, low level.
• 31:04
  mindset like I used to be so negative I used to be so depleted
• 31:12
  and that actually
• 31:13
  fears fears that actually scares me and you know when I'm now
• 31:18
  happy and I'm now
• 31:19
  moving and I'm now lively I'm like I don't want to be in that
• 31:22
  phase where I'm in a
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: survival mode
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: So what's been helping me?
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, running has been helping me.
• 31:31
  There's just something about endurance sports and like
• 31:34
  challenging your mind.
• 31:38
  to go beyond those limitations that have been helping me,
• 31:41
  helping me gain self-confidence.
• 31:44
  Other things that have been helping me make sure that I'm not
• 31:48
  in this rut that I
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: once was for many years is I like to be a girly girl.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to do girly things.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have my nails done.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting jewelry.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm cute.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I really want to this year build community.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like that is such a focus of mine.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think part of the reason why I was also a loser,
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: loser behavior,
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: is because I was alone or I was by myself.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was secluded and a recluse.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I really want to build community.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm doing that through activities, going to solid core.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hanging out with my family, all those good things.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: so that's what I'm doing to try to be the better person,
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: try to succeed in this year and no longer be a loser.
• 32:38
  So this conversation has triggered to me the importance of
• 32:43
  personal check-ins and
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: self-reflection.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope it's done the same for you.
• 32:50
  And I'm going to leave you with a few questions that maybe you
• 32:53
  can ponder and we
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: can come back to them next week.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: The first is, are you aware of when you began to abandon yourself?
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe when you began to exhibit loser behavior?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: If so,
• 33:09
  do you have any practices or personal mantras that you are
• 33:15
  applying in your life to
• 33:16
  kind of check yourself and snap out of that self-sabotage to
• 33:22
  calm that inner
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: saboteur?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: How,
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: another question,
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: how are you cultivating self-acceptance,
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: love,
• 33:32
  and how are you cultivating authenticity in who you are in your
• 33:37
  daily life?
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: What is your personal mantra when the going gets tough?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: For me, you already know.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying it till my face turns blue.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done being a loser.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I would love to hear how this conversation has sat with you.
• 33:56
  And if you guys have similar experience,
• 33:58
  I would love to hear that as well.
• 34:00
  If you would like to support my podcast,
• 34:02
  I would please encourage you guys to write a review.
• 34:05
  It's going to be super helpful to let other people explore and
• 34:08
  discover who I am.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys.