Latest / The Trauma Therapist / The Wound Is Where The Light Enters with Dr. Shahrzad Jalali

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The Wound Is Where The Light Enters with Dr. Shahrzad Jalali · The Trauma Therapist

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma THEPIS podcast. My name is Ga Macpherson.
0:04
Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping
0:07
Speaker 1: those who have been impacted by trauma. Here we go,
0:12
Speaker 1: so five four, three, two and one, our folks, welcome
0:16
Speaker 1: back to the podcast. Very excited that HAPs my good city.
0:19
Speaker 1: Doctor Charzad Jalali Charzade, welcome, Thank you.
0:23
Speaker 2: It's wonderful to be here.
0:25
Speaker 1: Awesome. Chazade is a licensed clinical psychologist, executive coach, and
0:29
Speaker 1: trauma specialist whose work bridges neuroscience, semitic psychology, and mindfulness.
0:34
Speaker 1: She is the author of the book The Fire That
0:37
Speaker 1: Makes Us, which reframes emotional pain as fuels for transformation,
0:42
Speaker 1: and also the creator of Regulate to Rise, an eight
0:45
Speaker 1: module program promotional regulation and resilience. As founder of a
0:50
Speaker 1: Line Remedy and Doctor Jalali and Associates, she and her
0:53
Speaker 1: team helped clients move beyond coping towards menifal change using emdr,
0:59
Speaker 1: semitic epace, parencying, brain spotting, and Youngian dream work are
1:04
Speaker 1: Jollie obviously just a little bit about you with share
1:06
Speaker 1: before we get go in here. Share with the listeners
1:08
Speaker 1: where you're from originally and where you are currently.
1:12
Speaker 2: Yes, I am Persian born and born in Iran and
1:16
Speaker 2: raised between Iran, Europe and Miami. Actually since an interesting combination.
1:23
Speaker 2: But at the moment I am in southern California and
1:26
Speaker 2: Newport Beach, been here for the past twenty years, so
1:30
Speaker 2: both my practices are actually funded here.
1:34
Speaker 1: All right, So you have a lot going on, You've
1:40
Speaker 1: do a lot, very inspiring and amazing. How did all
1:44
Speaker 1: this start for you?
1:46
Speaker 2: Yes, it's an interesting story. Ironically, I do a lot
1:51
Speaker 2: of work with company founders and executives around burnout and
1:58
Speaker 2: not pushing through, are not doing a lot and kind
2:02
Speaker 2: of sitting back and allowing creativity to take over, because
2:07
Speaker 2: creativity actually fosters in being and not doing. But I
2:12
Speaker 2: have to admit sometimes I don't take a page out
2:15
Speaker 2: of my own book, and I think it's mostly my
2:19
Speaker 2: nervous system. So I have to really make myself sit
2:25
Speaker 2: back and take things step by step. I think all
2:28
Speaker 2: of us need to do that, especially in a culture that,
2:33
Speaker 2: you know, we really glorify success. We watch videos of
2:37
Speaker 2: for example, Elon Musk saying that he slept on the
2:41
Speaker 2: factory floor, and we all find that so amusing. And
2:45
Speaker 2: think this is what we need to be doing where
2:48
Speaker 2: in essence, that's the opposite of where we should be.
2:52
Speaker 1: But I guess, hang on, hang on, that's the blurb,
2:56
Speaker 1: that's the back of the book. Yes, let's go, I
2:59
Speaker 1: want to get deep. How did all this begin for you? Yeah?
3:03
Speaker 2: Yes. So I almost finished a PhD in linguistics a
3:08
Speaker 2: long time ago, and I was in my I want
3:11
Speaker 2: to said, mid twenties and I had a midlife crisis.
3:14
Speaker 2: I felt like.
3:15
Speaker 1: This is in Iran.
3:16
Speaker 2: This is in Iran. I was in the wrong place
3:20
Speaker 2: and I was doing the wrong thing and living somebody
3:22
Speaker 2: else's life. And that's when I seeked a clinical psychologist
3:26
Speaker 2: who was actually trained in union psychology, and I started
3:29
Speaker 2: to work with them as a patient. And as I
3:32
Speaker 2: went through this process, I decided to take a sabbatical
3:35
Speaker 2: from a PhD and go to Italy and stay there
3:41
Speaker 2: for a couple of months and learn Italian kind of
3:43
Speaker 2: figure out what my next step is. And as I
3:46
Speaker 2: went through this process, I decided while I was there,
3:49
Speaker 2: I wanted to move back to the States and study psychology.
3:52
Speaker 2: So I did. I got a one way ticket from
3:55
Speaker 2: Rome to the States and I came here and I
4:00
Speaker 2: back to school. I got my master's in marriage and
4:02
Speaker 2: family therapy, and then I got my doctorate in clinical
4:04
Speaker 2: psych and then that's how this path found me.
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Speaker 1: I suppose we'll talk about what was going on such
4:13
Speaker 1: that you felt you were experiencing a midlife crisis.
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Speaker 2: Yes, I grew up really sheltered, and I felt like
4:22
Speaker 2: I had my life set up for me, but in
4:26
Speaker 2: essence I was very incapable of leading this life. I
4:30
Speaker 2: felt like I had this life that was pretty much,
4:35
Speaker 2: very easily, you know, coming my way, but I didn't
4:38
Speaker 2: feel capable in navigating the ship. Later on, I found
4:44
Speaker 2: out that there was a lot of wisdom in what
4:46
Speaker 2: I was feeling, because how the book actually got started
4:52
Speaker 2: is a trauma that I went through later on in
4:54
Speaker 2: my thirties. So the book is based in that trauma.
4:59
Speaker 2: And once I went through that, I realized that I
5:03
Speaker 2: had lost everything that I once banked on, and had
5:08
Speaker 2: I not taken my emotions seriously my twenties and gone
5:13
Speaker 2: on this journey to found myself and tap into my
5:18
Speaker 2: own power, what happens in my thirties would have destroyed me.
5:23
Speaker 2: So even though at the moment it didn't make sense
5:26
Speaker 2: why I wanted to live a very comfortable life and go,
5:29
Speaker 2: you know, suffer through things and figure things out on
5:32
Speaker 2: my own later on in my thirties. It made complete
5:35
Speaker 2: sense because now I was ready for what came at
5:39
Speaker 2: that point.
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Speaker 1: So, okay, the stage is set. What happened in your thirties?
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Speaker 2: Yes, I went back home to actually visit my parents
5:54
Speaker 2: were a week and they were dropping me off at
5:57
Speaker 2: the airport and we got into a very bad car accident.
6:00
Speaker 2: Drunk driver in a truck on the other side of
6:03
Speaker 2: the street fell asleep and landed on our car. My
6:07
Speaker 2: father died that impact, and I suffered a lot of injuries.
6:14
Speaker 2: I was thrown out of the car. I had a
6:16
Speaker 2: lot of head injuries, and I went through many painful
6:19
Speaker 2: surgeries and recovery. But one part of it was the
6:24
Speaker 2: physical trauma obviously that you know, you eventually your wounds
6:28
Speaker 2: healed and you move on. But the most difficult part
6:32
Speaker 2: was the loss of my father, which is very traumatic
6:35
Speaker 2: for my family and everything that that entailed afterwards, because
6:40
Speaker 2: a very comfortable life all of a sudden ceased, and
6:44
Speaker 2: you know, everyone had to learn how to play the
6:47
Speaker 2: role that he had played, especially me, because I was
6:50
Speaker 2: the eldest, and I had other siblings that kind of
6:54
Speaker 2: needed my support, as did my mom. So it definitely
6:58
Speaker 2: shifted my life. I think had I stayed in that dynamic,
7:03
Speaker 2: I was still so naive as if I felt like
7:08
Speaker 2: life just this comfortable thing that just happens and you
7:11
Speaker 2: go along. And somehow there was an inner wisdom in
7:14
Speaker 2: me in my twenties that saved me because it pushed
7:17
Speaker 2: me into the fire and I went and you know,
7:20
Speaker 2: I started in a new life for myself here, and
7:22
Speaker 2: I think that's what saved me. Otherwise I don't know
7:24
Speaker 2: how I would have responded to that whole situation.
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Speaker 1: I mean, tragic, so sorry to hear that.
7:33
Speaker 2: Thank you you.
7:37
Speaker 1: Experienced that, and in a way, when you were in
7:46
Speaker 1: the aftermath of that, you said you had to kind
7:48
Speaker 1: of show up and be there for your family. My
7:52
Speaker 1: guess is, and correct me if I'm wrong that you didn't.
7:57
Speaker 1: You didn't make the connection or did you so quickly
8:00
Speaker 1: from oh I'm able to do this and this happened
8:03
Speaker 1: when I was in my twenty How did that come
8:05
Speaker 1: about for you?
8:07
Speaker 2: Absolutely not in the moment, because I was just very
8:10
Speaker 2: numb and trying to get through it on a daily basis. Eventually, obviously,
8:16
Speaker 2: I started to seek therapy to work through the trauma
8:20
Speaker 2: that I was experiencing. And as I was going through
8:25
Speaker 2: this process, I usually do a lot of writing to
8:27
Speaker 2: make sense of my own emotions. It's my saving grace,
8:30
Speaker 2: and I started to put things on paper. And as
8:34
Speaker 2: you know, the human brain has this desire to make
8:37
Speaker 2: sense of stuff, because when things happen to us, at first,
8:41
Speaker 2: it's a big shock, like why did this have to
8:43
Speaker 2: happen to me? Even though life is, you know, a
8:45
Speaker 2: bunch of good and bad accidents that happened to everyone.
8:48
Speaker 2: But when we're going through something we try to find
8:51
Speaker 2: meaning in it. It'says if we can digest it better,
8:54
Speaker 2: we do better with that dynamic. So as I started
8:58
Speaker 2: to put two and two together, I still believe that
9:01
Speaker 2: this is just something I had to go through. I
9:04
Speaker 2: was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and
9:06
Speaker 2: it doesn't have any explanation as far as I'm concerned.
9:10
Speaker 2: But what does make sense to me is they are
9:16
Speaker 2: voices inside of us that when we kind of get
9:20
Speaker 2: to the awareness to develop an inner world and stay
9:24
Speaker 2: connected to it, we learn to listen to them and
9:27
Speaker 2: they're always guiding us we call it intuition in the
9:31
Speaker 2: right direction if we have the courage to listen to them,
9:35
Speaker 2: But it's usually uncomfortable because they're usually trying to get
9:38
Speaker 2: us out of our comfort zone and send us to
9:41
Speaker 2: a direction that doesn't necessarily always feel very feasible or
9:46
Speaker 2: easy for us. I think what happened in my twenties
9:51
Speaker 2: was somehow because of what I was going through in worldly,
9:56
Speaker 2: I got lined up with the right person as an
9:58
Speaker 2: analyst who helped me develop a relationship with my inner
10:03
Speaker 2: world and listen to these voices or you know, kind
10:07
Speaker 2: of my intuition and where it guided me was to
10:12
Speaker 2: get out of my comfort zone and gain power. And
10:16
Speaker 2: later on, when I looked back, I realized how much
10:19
Speaker 2: that benefited me, and it made me even more aware
10:23
Speaker 2: of what was going on with me at any given
10:25
Speaker 2: moment and how to maintain that relationship with my intuition
10:30
Speaker 2: and continue to take guidance from it.
10:34
Speaker 1: For someone in Iran, for a woman in Iran to
10:44
Speaker 1: see a therapist, was that an unusual thing to do.
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Speaker 2: Not at all, Not at all. I mean, I think
10:51
Speaker 2: there's some stigma around mental health and Iran, just as
10:55
Speaker 2: is everywhere else in the world. But I think the
10:57
Speaker 2: new generation is actually very good at seeking mental health
11:02
Speaker 2: and working on themselves. And despite what people think, I
11:07
Speaker 2: have to admit this, Iran places a lot of value
11:12
Speaker 2: in women and women in society. This but what you
11:16
Speaker 2: know is portrayed, are not necessarily mistreated. I mean, the
11:22
Speaker 2: government is a different issue, whatever's happening on that level,
11:26
Speaker 2: But as far as a woman's role in society, they're
11:30
Speaker 2: pretty active and they do whatever they want and pretty
11:33
Speaker 2: against Yes, Okay.
11:34
Speaker 1: I'm glad you clarify that, because there definitely is a
11:42
Speaker 1: message that at least the US gets, I'm not sure
11:46
Speaker 1: if it's the West in general. But so at what
11:53
Speaker 1: point do you well? First of all, let me just
11:56
Speaker 1: remind you when I was speaking with doctor Charzad Jalali
12:00
Speaker 1: talking about her book The Fire that Makes Us Sureza,
12:03
Speaker 1: at what point you go through you decide all right,
12:08
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a doctorate in psychology? Why psychology?
12:14
Speaker 1: Why a doctorate?
12:17
Speaker 2: I think the process that I went through myself as
12:19
Speaker 2: a patient was so eye opening for me. It made
12:23
Speaker 2: me realize that we all have so much potential, but
12:26
Speaker 2: we don't necessarily tap into it. We don't even know
12:29
Speaker 2: we have it. We just are born into a particular
12:31
Speaker 2: family and dynamic and we feel like, oh, okay, this
12:33
Speaker 2: is my life. And it was so life changing for
12:38
Speaker 2: me that I'm like, everyone needs to know about this.
12:40
Speaker 1: Why is it that it was changing your therapy experience?
12:44
Speaker 2: It really was because it made me realize I can
12:48
Speaker 2: be whoever I want to be. I can tap into
12:51
Speaker 2: different domains of my personality. I am not this pre
12:55
Speaker 2: defined individual, you know. And I kind of got fascinated
13:00
Speaker 2: with the field more than anything else. I mean, I
13:03
Speaker 2: don't think I went into it thinking, oh, I want
13:05
Speaker 2: to be a therapist. I think I went into it
13:07
Speaker 2: wanting to know more and explore and understand. And after
13:11
Speaker 2: I got my master's, obviously you can practice with a master's,
13:15
Speaker 2: but I still felt like, no, I want to go forward.
13:18
Speaker 2: I'm really enjoying this. So I went for my doctorate
13:21
Speaker 2: and then did a few postdocs in the areas that
13:24
Speaker 2: I was interested in, obviously, in analysis and in drama.
13:29
Speaker 2: And I also have a passion for couples work, so
13:32
Speaker 2: I did a postdoc in couple's work. And then the
13:35
Speaker 2: amalgamation of all that kind of I guess gave birth
13:40
Speaker 2: to my mindset or my modality in doing therapy. M.
13:46
Speaker 1: Well, obviously you didn't stop there. I mean you created businesses,
13:52
Speaker 1: you wrote the book. Talk to us about how each
13:57
Speaker 1: of those were born came to because not everyone does that.
14:04
Speaker 2: So here's the thing, and I think this is the
14:06
Speaker 2: message I want everyone to walk away with. I think
14:11
Speaker 2: all of us have the potential to create. Now, what
14:16
Speaker 2: I can create is very different from what you can create,
14:19
Speaker 2: because we all have our you know, kind of limitations
14:23
Speaker 2: and our strengths, right, But we're each passionate about something,
14:28
Speaker 2: and if we just allow ourselves to step into our passion,
14:33
Speaker 2: something is born out of that. And that something is
14:39
Speaker 2: obviously something that we resonate with and helps us, but
14:43
Speaker 2: more importantly helps other people. And I think that's the
14:47
Speaker 2: next level of growth for all of us humans, that
14:50
Speaker 2: we do something that impacts somebody else's life in a
14:55
Speaker 2: positive way. So I don't think I actually sat down
15:01
Speaker 2: and thought about doing any of these things, to tell
15:04
Speaker 2: your truth, it was never a pre planned dynamic that
15:09
Speaker 2: I kind of thought to myself, Okay, let me write
15:11
Speaker 2: a book right now. I never thought of myself as
15:13
Speaker 2: an author. I never thought I had anything worthwhile to
15:16
Speaker 2: share with anyone. I think how that happened was as
15:19
Speaker 2: I was doing my own writing with my therapy, one
15:21
Speaker 2: of my sisters at one point picked it up and said,
15:24
Speaker 2: you need to publish. This just can really help other people.
15:27
Speaker 2: And then I put it two and two together and
15:30
Speaker 2: kind of added the relational trauma I had witnessed in
15:33
Speaker 2: my clinical practice over the past decade to my own trauma,
15:37
Speaker 2: and created the character of Charlotte, which is based on
15:41
Speaker 2: me but not completely fictional to some extent, and then
15:46
Speaker 2: just told her story and at the end of each
15:48
Speaker 2: chapter kind of provided some guidance and navigating that dilemma
15:53
Speaker 2: or how to go about it, and I thought it
15:55
Speaker 2: would be more relatable. So to answer your question, I
15:59
Speaker 2: think I just stayed in my passion and followed it,
16:03
Speaker 2: and these things just came to be, not necessarily because
16:07
Speaker 2: I tried to make them, If that makes sense.
16:10
Speaker 1: I think you're giving yourself less credit than you deserve.
16:14
Speaker 1: I mean, it takes a lot to to obviously, to
16:17
Speaker 1: write a book. It takes a lot to say, you know,
16:21
Speaker 1: I'm going to I not only am, I'm going to
16:24
Speaker 1: start a business or create a program like your your
16:30
Speaker 1: like Regulate to rise Right, an eight module program for
16:35
Speaker 1: mootional regulation and resilience. It takes a lot to do that.
16:42
Speaker 1: What when you let's just take that for example, they
16:44
Speaker 1: won't head into the book when you when you maybe
16:47
Speaker 1: you didn't sit down whatever, when at some point you've
16:50
Speaker 1: got to decide, I'm going to put this together. What
16:52
Speaker 1: did you want to do? What did you want to communicate? What?
16:56
Speaker 1: And who? Who is it for?
16:59
Speaker 2: Every time I wanted to do something like this, I
17:02
Speaker 2: think I went to the fact that I was hurting.
17:06
Speaker 2: This helped me. Let me have other people use this
17:10
Speaker 2: as well. Wow, that makes sense. Yeah, it was something
17:14
Speaker 2: that basically I had used, kind of like anyone who
17:17
Speaker 2: would recommend the product. Let's say I use a face
17:19
Speaker 2: scream and I find the TREA very helpful, and I
17:22
Speaker 2: want to let everybody else use it as well. It
17:24
Speaker 2: was as simple as that in my mindset. But I
17:27
Speaker 2: guess the only thing I can take credit for is
17:30
Speaker 2: I have a lot of self discipline when I decided
17:32
Speaker 2: to do something, and I think that's what helps me
17:35
Speaker 2: execute it. But as far as the ideas, I think
17:39
Speaker 2: they just kind of came on their own.
17:42
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's get into a little more specifics of
17:45
Speaker 1: what regulatories is corract.
17:50
Speaker 2: All. The new research in trauma shows that trauma is
17:54
Speaker 2: actually a concept that the body carries other than the
17:58
Speaker 2: cognitive piece that we think about. So in order to
18:02
Speaker 2: step out of trauma, we need to release it from
18:06
Speaker 2: the body. Now, people come to therapy sometimes for many,
18:10
Speaker 2: many years and continuous to talk about a traumatic event
18:14
Speaker 2: or I mean, we've all experienced trauma, maybe not big traumas,
18:18
Speaker 2: but at least small traumas throughout our life that essentially
18:25
Speaker 2: narrate our personality. For example, let's say if I was
18:30
Speaker 2: the youngest child who was always sold Oh you're the baby,
18:34
Speaker 2: let somebody else handle it. This is a traumatic experience
18:38
Speaker 2: in the sense that maybe I never feel capable of
18:41
Speaker 2: doing things on my own. Maybe I always feel like
18:43
Speaker 2: I need somebody else to rescue me. Right, So this
18:47
Speaker 2: trauma now narrates my life. So every time I want
18:51
Speaker 2: to go do something, I'm looking for some validation or
18:53
Speaker 2: I'm looking for someone to hold my hand. Right. So
18:57
Speaker 2: I need to drop this both on a car cognitive
19:00
Speaker 2: level as well as a physiological level, because this felt
19:05
Speaker 2: sense now stays in my body kind of shows up
19:09
Speaker 2: on my nervous system every time I want to do something.
19:13
Speaker 2: The eight module course is geared toward towards releasing this
19:18
Speaker 2: both from a physiological level as well as a psychological level,
19:22
Speaker 2: so it takes into consideration a lot of body work,
19:27
Speaker 2: a lot of somatic experiencing, bilateral stimulation, and even spiritual
19:34
Speaker 2: components of relating to our wounding and stepping out of
19:39
Speaker 2: it to gain control of our consciousness.
19:43
Speaker 1: Okay, and who's four?
19:46
Speaker 2: And when I first designed it? To tell your truth,
19:50
Speaker 2: I work with a lot of, as I mentioned, executives
19:53
Speaker 2: and people who are in charge of many other people,
19:56
Speaker 2: so they take on a lot and they experience a
19:58
Speaker 2: lot of burnout. But to tell you truth, I think
20:02
Speaker 2: anyone who feels disregulated in any shape or form can
20:06
Speaker 2: benefit from this. Whether you're noticing you're dissociated or angry,
20:11
Speaker 2: or just feeling detached from yourself or from life, or
20:15
Speaker 2: you're having relational issues. I think all of us experience
20:20
Speaker 2: this regulation in our nervous system on a daily basis,
20:24
Speaker 2: especially in the world that we live in, so we
20:26
Speaker 2: can all benefit from it.
20:28
Speaker 1: Okay, And something that other therapists coaches alike could also
20:35
Speaker 1: benefit absolutely absolutely, Okay, all right. The book The Fire
20:42
Speaker 1: That Makes Us how did this come about?
20:45
Speaker 2: As I mentioned, it came about from my own trauma obviously,
20:49
Speaker 2: And then when I think back to every individual that
20:54
Speaker 2: I've ever worked with as a client, I can at
20:59
Speaker 2: least point had a couple of negative relation of dynamics
21:04
Speaker 2: they partake, and it doesn't have to be romantic. Sometimes
21:07
Speaker 2: I am the friend who always shows up for everyone
21:10
Speaker 2: but never asks for help for example. Right, So, I
21:15
Speaker 2: think all of us, because humans are pack animals and
21:20
Speaker 2: they need other humans to survive, we most of us
21:25
Speaker 2: have learned early on that in order to have other
21:28
Speaker 2: people in our lives, we can't be our true self.
21:32
Speaker 2: We have to be very accommodating so we can have this. Right.
21:37
Speaker 2: As a result, we sometimes shrink ourselves to make room
21:41
Speaker 2: for everybody else. Right, So essentially we're living a very unauthentic.
21:47
Speaker 1: Life, sures Odd. I hate to say it, but you're
21:54
Speaker 1: making a lot of sense to me, all right, So
21:58
Speaker 1: keep going.
22:00
Speaker 2: So I think when we do this, those of us
22:04
Speaker 2: who are fairly functional don't notice it because other people
22:10
Speaker 2: look at us. We look relatively successful. You know, we're
22:14
Speaker 2: in decent and off relationships. We're showing up in life,
22:18
Speaker 2: So other people look at us and they say, well,
22:20
Speaker 2: this person has it all together, and we potentially believe that,
22:24
Speaker 2: even though there are moments that when we're truthful with ourselves,
22:28
Speaker 2: were like, I don't feel good. There's something off, There's
22:31
Speaker 2: something that just doesn't feel right to me. And Charlotte,
22:38
Speaker 2: the main character in the book, pulls on.
22:41
Speaker 1: On a second. Sartain rupt, So explain the use of Charlotte.
22:46
Speaker 1: So is this a like a non fiction or fiction fiction?
22:52
Speaker 2: Okay, it's fiction. The reason why I brought Charlotte into
22:56
Speaker 2: those stories. I've read a lot of self help books
22:59
Speaker 2: over the year, not necessarily for myself, but because of
23:02
Speaker 2: what I do. I like to read whatever comes out
23:04
Speaker 2: so I can recommend it to my patients if they
23:06
Speaker 2: need to read it and figure out what's out there.
23:09
Speaker 2: A lot of them are very much directionalso, like let's
23:12
Speaker 2: say you're depressed. You pick up a book it tells
23:14
Speaker 2: you these are the ten things you can do to
23:16
Speaker 2: get out of your depression. And my experience with someone
23:19
Speaker 2: who's depressed is, well, if I could do those things,
23:22
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be depressed. You know, they're all wonderful points,
23:26
Speaker 2: but it's hard to it's hard to when you read
23:30
Speaker 2: that to think this person who wrote this book understands
23:34
Speaker 2: what I'm going through.
23:35
Speaker 1: Right.
23:36
Speaker 2: The reason why I brought Charlotte into the book is
23:38
Speaker 2: because I want the reader to follow Charlotte's story and
23:42
Speaker 2: identify with them. When you identify with someone, it's easier
23:47
Speaker 2: to essentially follow their you know, kind of footsteps into healing.
23:56
Speaker 2: And so each chapter tells it a little bit a
23:59
Speaker 2: second mental Charlotte's story, and then stops at the end,
24:03
Speaker 2: then talks about the psychological dilemma that's associated with that segment,
24:08
Speaker 2: and talks a little bit about how to handle that.
24:12
Speaker 2: The book isn't necessarily about healing, because I have a
24:16
Speaker 2: lot of emotions about that world. I feel like it's
24:20
Speaker 2: very loaded. People feel like they have to heal, whereas
24:24
Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think we heal from our wounds completely.
24:27
Speaker 2: I think we learn how to navigate them better, they
24:32
Speaker 2: run the show, and then we learn how to gain
24:35
Speaker 2: control over them. But we can never get rid of
24:37
Speaker 2: them because what has happened to me has happened to me.
24:39
Speaker 2: I can undo that story no matter how much I try,
24:42
Speaker 2: And there will never come a time where it feels like, Okay,
24:46
Speaker 2: this happened. No, it will always hurt, right, But how
24:50
Speaker 2: I respond to that hurt changes, Right.
24:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really appreciate that healing. You're saying kind of
24:58
Speaker 1: implies I'm done, I'm healed, or I I'm healing. I'm
25:04
Speaker 1: in the process of getting over this, and you're saying
25:07
Speaker 1: not really, it's a constant, ever changing kind of dance
25:12
Speaker 1: with what happened, and learning to navigate.
25:14
Speaker 2: That absolutely and learning to even use it as your
25:18
Speaker 2: strength because we tend to think. Roomy says, I love
25:23
Speaker 2: this phrase. He says, the wound is where the light
25:26
Speaker 2: enters the body. Right. I mean, there's just ten years
25:30
Speaker 2: of psychology and just this one sentence. As far as
25:33
Speaker 2: I'm concerned, this is what I'm hoping the fire that
25:38
Speaker 2: makes us can do for people. Because we get burnt,
25:41
Speaker 2: there's nothing we can do about that. The fire is there.
25:44
Speaker 2: We all have experienced it in different ways. Now, this
25:48
Speaker 2: fire can also forge you into something else, kind of
25:51
Speaker 2: like it does with metal. Right, that's the power I
25:54
Speaker 2: want us to tap into.
25:57
Speaker 1: So as we kind of wind down here, I mean,
26:00
Speaker 1: obviously you've talked a lot about how your own experiences
26:04
Speaker 1: and traumas shaped, propelled, kind of even inspired you. How
26:11
Speaker 1: would you say they have forged you.
26:18
Speaker 2: I think as I went through all of this, there
26:22
Speaker 2: was a time that I identified with being a victim,
26:27
Speaker 2: and I think I took that and I said, okay,
26:31
Speaker 2: this is what I have lost as a result of this.
26:35
Speaker 2: But there's two sides to every story in life. I've
26:39
Speaker 2: also gained something. What have I gained?
26:44
Speaker 1: How did you get to that point where you were
26:46
Speaker 1: able to do I mean, that's not an easy You
26:49
Speaker 1: say that and we hear it, that makes sense. How
26:53
Speaker 1: the hell did you get to a point where that
26:56
Speaker 1: requires a lot of strength? You know, hang on sharch on. Obviously,
27:00
Speaker 1: when you were a young kid, you had something. You
27:04
Speaker 1: were strong, you were able to say, you know what,
27:08
Speaker 1: something is not right. I need to get something. Takes
27:10
Speaker 1: a lot of self awareness as a young kid. So
27:14
Speaker 1: how did you get to that point where you were like, Okay,
27:18
Speaker 1: I went through this trauma. I want to how do
27:21
Speaker 1: you do that?
27:23
Speaker 2: It's not strength, you know what it was? I was
27:25
Speaker 2: sped up with myself. I couldn't tolerate Okay, yeah, I
27:31
Speaker 2: can't do this anymore. This is too much. I can't.
27:34
Speaker 2: I need to get out of this.
27:35
Speaker 1: Something's got to change.
27:38
Speaker 2: When it hurts enough that you can't tolerate it anymore,
27:42
Speaker 2: you'll do something.
27:43
Speaker 1: Else, and you were at that point.
27:46
Speaker 2: I was at that point.
27:50
Speaker 1: All right, how do people learn more about you and
27:54
Speaker 1: everything you're doing and learn about the book?
27:57
Speaker 2: Yes, so you can definitely go to my website doctor
28:02
Speaker 2: dot com. We even have some podcasts around the book
28:06
Speaker 2: on there that you can download and listen to for
28:09
Speaker 2: free to get a better understanding of what the book entails.
28:12
Speaker 2: We also have a free quiz on there that you
28:14
Speaker 2: can take and it will tell you your trauma patterns and
28:18
Speaker 2: how your trauma has shaped you in your life, so
28:21
Speaker 2: you can get a better understanding of that. You have
28:24
Speaker 2: a plug ins to our course and everything else on there.
28:29
Speaker 2: I do a lot of informational videos on TikTok YouTube,
28:34
Speaker 2: Instagram regarding just psychology and mental health. On most of
28:40
Speaker 2: them it's under Aligned Remedy or under my name doctor Jolally,
28:43
Speaker 2: So you can definitely find some good information there and
28:47
Speaker 2: obviously our practices here in Orange County. Whoever can you
28:53
Speaker 2: know benefit from some mental health guidance where all our
28:57
Speaker 2: doors are always open awesome.
28:59
Speaker 1: We'll have all that up here at the show notes
29:01
Speaker 1: page at the Trauma Theverist podcast dot com Tursade love you.
29:06
Speaker 1: You're so freakin inspiring. Love, I'd love to have you back.
29:11
Speaker 1: You back all right, We'll be in touch. Take care,