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Why Do Narcissists keep breaking up with you over and over? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  And off relationships with narcissists.
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all?
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  That's the topic we're going to talk about today because it's so
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  prevalent in this field, in this niche in the world of
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  narcissistic abuse. One of the main terms that I
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  hear when I'm talking to survivors and thrivers is I was
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  on and off for X amount of years.
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  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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  Y'all, I had to bring back the intro.
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  I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. I get hyped, but I hear it.
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  It gets me inspired. It gives me energy to talk to
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  y'all to to to bring you to heat right?
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  It just, it's, I don't know, it's just I, I feel better when
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  I do it. So here we are, intro in tow and
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  on and off relationships are the topic that we're going to be
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  tackling today. Yo, I hear this a lot.
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  I hear this. Wait, yeah, I just, I hear it
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  too much. Well, Lee, how can you hear
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  something too much? Yeah, believe me, trust me.
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  And believe me when I say this, I hear the phrase I was on and
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  off of the narcissist way entirely too much.
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  And I know people are going to be like, well, Lee, that's just
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  how how do you how do you hear it too much?
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  You're not dealing with it. You don't have to survive it.
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  I know. I understand that.
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  But I've talked to so many survivors and thrivers
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  one-on-one and victims as well one-on-one over the last five
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  years that I've heard it so much.
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  Like honestly, the longest on and off relationship that I've
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  heard with a narcissist is you is 26 years.
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  I talked to a woman that said she'd been in the on and off
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  relationship with a toxic, narcissistic person for 26
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  years. It was a, it was a horrible,
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  horrible story. I ain't going, I'm not going to
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  expose the story here because I do.
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  But 26 years was a long time to be with this person on and off.
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  He had a whole family. He kept trying to convince her
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  that he was going to be there for her and they was going to
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  start a family. Eventually he got married to
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  somebody else. He had a, I'm just telling like
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  he got married to somebody else, had kids, somebody else.
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  And he's still married to the other person now.
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  And she's thinking that one day they're going to be on for good.
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  And I had to ask her the question.
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  I was like, I know I understand being on and off with someone,
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  but if you want to get down to the nitty gritty, what causes
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  the off, what caused the offs? I know what caused the ONS,
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  right? The love bombing, the promises
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  to change, the promises that things will be better.
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  I absolutely know what causes the on periods, what turns, what
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  gets to the relationship back started.
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  I get that. I understand that right, but
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  what you have to understand if you want to heal from this and
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  not allow it allow it to happen over and over again, would you
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  inevitably end up wasting so much of your time, effort and
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  any Jonas person? If you want to get out of that
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  cycle right now, ask yourself and be honest with yourself what
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  causes the off periods and are you OK with doing this for the
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  rest of your life? I don't look y'all.
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  I'm going to keep it real with y'all.
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  I don't give a damn what they've told you.
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  It's going to change this time. I don't give matter.
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  I don't give a fuck what they told you.
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  Seriously, what are we at right now?
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  What has been causing the offs? Are you OK with the offs?
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  Are you OK with them consistently doing the same
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  things over and over again that causes these offs in the
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  relationship? Are you OK with that?
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  Seriously, this is something you have to ask yourself the
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  question over and over again, am I OK with these with these off
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  periods? Because when the more I stay
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  with this person, the more I deal with this person, the more
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  I continues to come back to this person, the more ONS that we
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  have, the more they think it's OK.
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  Like when you're in the like this one that you had to realize
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  when you're in the owner of relationship with a narcissist,
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  you are you. Like, if it's not continuously
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  on, then you are temporary. And I'm not trying to hurt
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  anybody's feelings when I say this, but I feel like I got to
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  be direct and open and honest, which is why most people follow
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  me, right, 'cause I'm direct. You get the mind of a narcissist
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  and it's directly towards you, right?
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  It's direct to you like you are temporary.
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  I feel like that's what something, that's something you
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  have to have to absolutely understand when you're dealing
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  with an abusive, manipulative person.
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  And it keeps, they keep coming back, breaking up with you, come
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  back, breaking up with you, coming back, breaking up with
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  you, coming back, breaking up with you on and over and over
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  again for years. You are temporary, you are
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  comfort. You are their yo.
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  You are their comfort zone. They don't really typically they
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  don't really want to be with you in this hall.
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  But I know this sucks to hear, but they keep lying to you.
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  I feel like I have to tell you. If they're not going to tell you
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  the truth, I have to Nobody is truly doing this on and off
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  stuff. They really cares about you,
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  right? Nobody is consistently breaking
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  up with you over and over again. They really loves and cares
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  about you. They really wish is trying to be
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  there for you. Nobody is consistently
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  consistently doing that to you. If they really care about you,
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  what are you doing it to them? Are you are you doing this to
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  them you care about them? Are you consistently breaking up
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  with them for nothing? Are you consistently cheating on
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  them or lying to them? If you are a if you are, there's
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  a, there's another, another conversation that we need to
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  have right there, right. If you are consistently breaking
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  up with them, they are over for whatever little reasons and
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  cheating on them and lying to them.
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  And maybe y'all we're there is a different conversation that we
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  we we need to have self aware to self aware, self aware to
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  underwear. We there's a different
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  conversation that we need to have.
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  You are here cheating and lying and do this type of stuff to
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  your partner. Come on in, have a seat.
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  Have a have a seat. I'm I'm Chris Hansen.
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  You right now have a seat. Seriously.
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  But like, this is what what caused the off period?
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  Yeah, I know what caused the ONS.
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  You care about the person. You might you might even love
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  the person, right. They might even promise you to
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  change. Well, another thing that happens
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  is like, y'all might have kids together.
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  Yeah, if you, if this, if it don't apply, let it fly.
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  If you do not have kids with somebody that you've been on and
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  off with, don't have kids with somebody that you've been on and
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  off with. There's no yo, if they haven't
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  been consistent in your life when there's a baby involved,
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  what thinks you make what makes you think they're going to be
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  consistent? Oh, they're going to care about
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  the baby. They're going to No, why would
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  they? They, I'm just telling you, you
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  don't want to break a child into those situations right there
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  because they won't give their, they won't give your child the
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  emotional stability that they need.
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  They absolutely will not. That doesn't happen.
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  It doesn't work that way. I'm telling you that right now.
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  It doesn't work this way when you're dealing with a
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  manipulative, abusive, narcissistic person.
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  It absolutely does not work this way.
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  They're going to keep doing the same things over and over again.
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  And like I said, even when a baby gets involved because why
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  wouldn't they? Y'all come on now.
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  We got, we got to wake up If we, if we, if you feel like you
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  still asleep throughout throughout this relationship,
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  you feel like you still struggling throughout it, it's
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  time to wake up right now. There's no better time than the
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  present, right? There's absolutely no better
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  time than the present. So right now it's time that we
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  woke ourselves up. We woke, we woke you up trying
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  to give you like a caffeine pill right now, the caffeine pill of
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  narcissism of narcissistic abuse.
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  Like you're going to have to deal with this toxic, abusive,
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  manipulative bastard. I promise you that you are, and
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  it's going to suck. It's going to suck cutting it
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  off for good because I don't think it will be on for good.
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  Now, are there, are there stories that you're going to
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  hear that we've been on and off for years and we're finally on.
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  They finally proposed. We're finally getting married.
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  Do that. Does that happen sometimes?
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  Yeah, very rarely. I'll be, I will be literally a
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  hypocritical, lying bastard if I just didn't tell you that.
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  That happens sometimes, right? But is it going to happen to
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  you? So many people want to be what?
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  What? Get so many people stuck in
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  relationships with narcissists. You want to be the exception to
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  the rule, right? The rule says that narcissists
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  don't change, and they don't. They don't become better.
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  They don't do this. They don't do that.
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  You want to be the one to be that.
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  That's the exception. Well, leave.
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  Actually, mine got better. Mine changed.
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  I had a matter of fact. I had a woman they, they said
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  she was, she was married and she was an on and off marriage.
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  They had broke like out, they had broken up throughout the
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  marriage and separated on and off throughout the marriage for
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  years, years. And then she said she finally
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  kicked them out and she was done with this person for good.
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  And then all of a sudden he said he changed.
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  No therapy, no church, no, no, no therapy, no actual work.
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  All of a sudden out of nowhere, he he said he changed and she
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  believed him. She's like, oh, I believe him,
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  Lee myself. What narcissist has changed for
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  the better? She's in my comment section just
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  telling people that she was doing good, but when she was
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  telling her story, everybody's like, girl, it sounds like he
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  ain't got anywhere else to go and he just, he's just put on an
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  act because you people don't change overnight.
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  He didn't hit right. I was like, damn, she wanted to
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  be the exception so bad. She was in the comment section
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  just bragging. I was like, and everybody could
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  see through it. Everybody was just like this.
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  You can see how sometimes people want to be the exception so bad
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  that they end up just being more of the rule.
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  Like she had this, this literally this layer of delusion
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  going on and her person was so much better overnight.
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  It was crazy. No, I was like, is he in
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  therapy? No, he found the Lord and we got
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  the Lord. The Lord is in our house.
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  The Lord, Lord, Lord. I was like, Oh my God.
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  I was like, oh Lord, you know, I said oh Lord, you know, I just,
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  I wish the best for her. I told her it's straight up.
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  I was like, I wish the best for you.
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  But hey, if you had an on and off marriage now, y'all have
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  been separated multiple times and the last time you kicked
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  this person out, his life fell apart and now he's changing.
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  Now he wants to be better for you just because he's going to.
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  I just like come on man. Like so many people get stuck in
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  these situations because they want to be.
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  And she kept saying God, but talking to her God stopped her
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  sync up and she seemed it as a sign to go back.
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  I was like, girl, yeah I want better for us.
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  I want better for you. I really do.
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  I want y'all relationships to get better.
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  So if you're in an on and off relationship, whether it's toxic
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  or narcissistic or not, ask yourself the question, what is
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  causing these offs? What is causing the offs in your
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  relationship? Seriously, because they can
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  bring they can, they can bring you a lot of understanding and
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  help throughout this situation. It really, really, truly can.
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  You have to ask yourself that question like what the hell is
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  causing the why we keep breaking up so much?
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  Why does the relationship end abruptly?
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  Why do they keep ending up ending our relationship and
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  immediately ending up with someone else?
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  Because sometimes they're treating you like a placeholder.
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  They're keeping you right where you are to hold your position so
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  that so that they can do whatever they feel like they
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  want to do so they can live the lives if they feel like they
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  want to live. And then if all else fails, they
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  can come back to you because you always leave the door open for
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  it. You always, you always leave the
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  porch light on for them. You always leave the medical
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  metaphorical porch light in the relationship on for them so they
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  feel like they can always come back to you no matter what
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  they've done to you know what they put you through.
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  What is causing the offs in your relationship?
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  Y'all seriously, you have to get that's one thing you have to get
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  clear on. You have to understand what is
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  causing these offs. What is making this narcissistic
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  person do this or say this? You mean because sometimes
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  they'll break up with you. They'll sometimes the offs is
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  that they'll break up with you just so they can go be with
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  somebody else. And if that doesn't work,
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  they'll come back and they'll come back and be on with you,
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  which doesn't serve anybody but the narcissist in this
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  situation. It doesn't serve anybody.
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  Nobody gets served in these situations but the narcissist.
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  I promise you, nobody gets. Nobody gets.
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  The only person that gets better off everything is the
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  narcissist. Anyways, y'all, if y'all in
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  these toxic relationship dynamics on and off
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  relationships, just let me know. Hit the subscribe button, y'all.
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  Like I said, everything about me is available at
• 11:59
  mentalillness.net. It's mental illness.net for all
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