Latest / GenX Adulting Podcast / Episode 55 - The Labor of The Holiday Season

Transcript

Episode 55 - The Labor of The Holiday Season · GenX Adulting Podcast

• 0:00
  [MUSIC]Welcome to GenX Adulting.Today we are discussingthe disbursement of labor throughout the holiday season.We are actually recording this onthe days between Christmas and New Year's,which to a lot of people are the lost days.You don't know what day of the week it is,what date it is, you're not cooking,you're rarely cleaning,you're living in pajamas.Sometimes you change from daytime pajamas to nighttime pajamas.There's rarely any structure.I know there are people that still work during this time,so I'm actually not necessarily talking about you.A lot of people take these days off.I know Brian has these days offand our older two took these days off.I think that's pretty common.People that work also experiencethe lost days between Christmas and New Year's.We thought we would do an episode.We have had a little bit of a break because of the chaos ofChristmas and we thought we would do an episode justdiscussing some opinions and thoughts about the holidays,about the holiday season,and the disbursement of labor,and not just talking about Christmas.In my mind, for me,the holiday season starts on Halloween.I know there's a lot of people that as soon asChristmas and July is over,they're decorating for fall in August.I'm not one of those.I start decorating for fall in September,but that's still pretty relaxing for me.I'm lucky enough that my older son is in charge of our storage unit,and he'll come with me and get the fall bins.It's pretty relaxing through September.It's cozy. I enjoy it.We live in South Florida.It's still so hot,but I still try to bring fall in usually towards the end of September even.We'll get through the first half of September.But I do know there's people that view the beginning oftheir "holiday season" as August.But for me, where I feel I punch in tostart doing the "work of the holiday season" is Halloween.I guess mentally, I start preparing for Halloween in August,because I start to pick up bags of candy.If I'm at Costco, if I'm at the stores,I'm grabbing candy and I'm sticking it aside for Halloween.I am already preparing,but that's still so low stress.Halloween comes, we set up a table in front of our entryway.We used to always carve pumpkins.We haven't carved pumpkins the last couple of years,but we used to have that on the docket.Our kids used to have Halloween parties.So for people with small children,they're dealing with buying costumes,Halloween parties, carving pumpkins,going to the pumpkin patch, picking out pumpkins, hayrides.There's a lot of traditions in our society tied around Halloween.Hot cider, there's Halloween parties sometimes.So that "holiday season",that feeling can really start during October and towards the end of October,because of all the Halloween traditions.Does that make sense to you so far, what I'm saying?Yeah.Right.I'm curious on the disbursement of labor, but I'm sure we'll get there.But if you think about that, think of how crazy that is.August is when you start to get into this.That's four months ago today type of thing.That's crazy.I know. And it's a mental thing, right?So for those who purchase the candy for Halloween,and I'm going to speak for myself, for our family, it's me.And I think for most families, it's the mom.Because in general,and especially I'm going to speak for boomer and Gen-X situations,because I know millennials,there's a lot of millennial men that will go do the grocery shopping and help.And I'm not saying there aren't Gen-X men that do that,or that don't do that, or boomer men.But I am saying in general, I'm going to speak for Gen-X.It's typically the women who've gone and done the grocery shopping.It's just how culturally we were raised, how our childhood went,the model behavior we had, even those of us raised with a single mom,obviously she was the one doing the grocery shopping.So I was raised by a single mom.And my dad was remarried.His wife did the traditional domestic stuff.That was my model behavior.Your parents, now your dad did leave work earlyand get home and start dinner.You had a little bit of a different situation,because he would get off at like four and have a decent commute,but get home in time to start dinner.But your mom was a stay-at-home mom to you basically what,mid-junior high, late junior high, something like that?Yeah, I think like sixth, seventh grade.So let's say up till then you had that traditional,your mom was probably the one that going outand picking up the bags of candy from Acme.Unless your dad happened to be,I will say your dad was more domestic than most, I think.I would say too though, these holidays are crazy today compared to when we grew up.I kind of remember, I didn't go get candy and stuff, right?But you're getting candy in August.If it was me, if I was in charge of it,I'd probably pick it up on like October 28th,29th, throughout shopping type of thing.I have it feels like that was more the protocol back then.It's out of control now.Absolutely. So I would say even for those,the parents who were out getting candy for us,for our Halloween's, we're doing it in October.There's no question. Now, maybe they were grabbing it mid-October,but I don't know if there was the sameconcept of people driving and parking inneighborhoods to trick or treat as there is now.So speaking of our neighborhood, for example,people drive from other neighborhoods, park in our neighborhood.Other towns.Other towns.Other counties.I'm sorry, other towns, other counties.People drive to our neighborhood,park on the side streets to trick or treat in our neighborhood.That is very common in a lot of neighborhoods around where we live.Now, we have gated communities in our neighborhood.That's not happening in the gated communities,but our community is not gated.We have a very large neighborhood that has that very 1950s hometown vibe.I think people love our neighborhood.So people come and park here.So one of the reasons I start purchasing in August is because I probably hand outlike 700 pieces of candy at least and could be more.I was going to say at least a thousand.Probably.Could be a thousand.And so I'm a Costco shopper and it's moreeconomical for me to buy the big bags from Costcounless I can get a good bogo at Publix,which is buy one, get one at Publix.I'm sure wherever some of our listeners live,they might have deals at their grocery stores.So those are my filler bags when I'm at Publix and I get a bogo.That's my filler bag.That's my backup bag.My main bags are my Costco bags.Those are $20 each other.Of course, they went up.So the one I normally buy this year went up to 24 or 23.And then the other one was 22.But the reason I start in August is so I'm nottaking a $200 candy hit the week of Halloween.Do you think that, do you recall, is it always been like this?Because the part you haven't touched onyet, we can get into it as the retail cycles.So Costco starts doing Halloween probably after they reset for the 4th of July.All the Halloween shit starts coming out.And then before you know it, it's Christmas.By the time Halloween hits or at Halloween, there's Christmas stuff.100%.Hitting the stores.So then I'm sure there's Valentine's Day crap out now.I don't know if it's, I don't recall it always being like that, but as the shopperfor the older two, where's this stuff going on in August?No, it's revved up.So Costco, I think I'm pretty accurate in this.They're Halloween.I see the giant skeleton or the other decor they have in July.And Christmas starts getting put out.In the summer, some point.I want to say by end of August, I see something.The trees aren't up at Costco, but at other stores, they are.So the speed at which the retailers put outthe next holiday has revved up significantlysince we were kids.And I will say since we were raising our children when they were young, mentally,it's the retailers have us on this FOMO vibeof, oh, shit, I need to hurry up and get my stufffor this next one.You almost have trouble totally relaxing because you're always feeling like,okay, I need to get the next holiday ready.I need better buy this or else it's going to be gone.Well, in the case of Christmas and lightsand outdoor decor and all that other crap,if you go to Lowe's and Home Depot, they were shut down, basically consolidated allinventory by December 15th.Yeah.At the latest.Yeah.I went to get some extra.I was just perusing and they had shut down.They had sold through and that's part of the game too, though, right?All this stuff's coming from China.You got long shipment times, lead times.They bring it in.They also want to get the impulse buy.So then they'll be first and then they sell through it and tear it down, reset.By the time Christmas hit, you did not know itwas Christmas at our local Home Depot in Lowe's.Right.It was over.Yeah.Everything was out months before that.Absolutely.And I will say this when we were kids, I rememberThanksgiving always being like the third Thursdayin November.I feel like it was always around the third Thursday in November.And then you would have like a week to 10days left of November to prepare for Christmas.If you're one of those people whodecorates after Thanksgiving, I know there's peoplethat start decorating for Christmas in August.There's people that start decorating November 1st.There's some people who never stop.Right.But there's a huge amount of people that start decorating November 1st.That's a big one right after Halloween.But for those of like traditionally I mayafter Thanksgiving, I start decorating Christmas.Now in recent years, we've started puttingup our tree two weeks before Thanksgiving.And that's been really nice having the tree upfor Thanksgiving, but decorating after Thanksgiving.So recently, I feel like in the last five years, I don't know, I could be wrong.Thanksgiving has been literally, it feels like almost the last day of November.And you have two to three days left ofThanksgiving and then bam, you're in December.So if you are one of those people that doesn't decorate until after Thanksgiving,you're scrambling just to try to get youreverything decorated so that you feel likeyou actually had decor up for Christmas.It's crazy.I'll look this up, but I think Thanksgiving is what the third Thursday of November.No, that's what I'm saying.Is it used to be like that?It might still be.There's been a rotation.I'm going to look it up.I'll look it up.It's not.It's not.It's been, I don't know when this happenedbecause you just said something that I just said.I said when we were younger, it wastraditionally around the third Thursday of Thanksgiving.And that felt comfortable to you.That made sense to you.In your mind, you're probably like, yeah, it was.It's not like that anymore.It's like the fourth Thursday of Thanksgiving.I mean, fourth Thursday of November.So you lose, you lose that buffer time to decorate for Christmas.So that just adds to that revved up feeling of I need to get everything done.So it's officially.It's officially by federal law the fourth Thursday in November.How long has that been since 1941?Okay, but that's not how it's felt.Well, when you're a kid, I don't pay attention to this stuff.It's all about getting off of school and having the Thursday andprobably get that week off, that kind of thing.But even when we were raising our older two and they were young,like I felt there was time, there was more time.I just feel I could be if there's any listeners, please let me know what you think.Because I always felt when my kids, my oldertwo were younger and even when our 15 year oldwas younger, I would say, too.I felt like I had like about a week afterThanksgiving to get my Christmas decor up.All right. So because because November can have four or five Thursdays,the date changes yearly, falling between November 22nd and the 28th.But it's always the fourth one in the month.Okay, so I feel like in the last five years cycle.Yeah, in the last five years, it's lean towards the 28th.Yeah, I know. I think it'll I think it'll flip back.So that could be it for seven days on a week.Okay, so right.Okay, we're going to come out of it.So I can't wait. Let's put it that way.Putting up the tree before Thanksgiving, we switched that up two years ago.I know you weren't a fan of that initially.I'm not sure how you feel about that now, but I will say for myself,I have 10 Christmas bins of decor.And it's a lot. And I also we also host Thanksgiving.And I do all that.So for me, having at least the tree donerelieves a significant amount of stress for me,especially since Thanksgiving's been so late.It's one less thing I have to rush to do before the beginning of December.And I do enjoy having the tree to look at on Thanksgiving Day.It doesn't affect the fall vibe because the rest of our decor is fall.The rest of the house is fall.Anyways, I will say the tree doesn't bother mebecause we did a few years ago get the artificialtree. Things awesome. You stack it and itturn on the lights and it's done in five minutes.Right.And then, you know, you guys all do theornaments and stuff and I sit and observe and watch.But so it doesn't doesn't really bother me per se.And it is nice. It's a nice festive vibe.That's good. I'm glad that you've.Yeah. Because up until a few years ago, wealways had a real tree because we started in Oregon.I grew up in Oregon. You get a real tree in Oregon. Always, always, always, always.You grew up in Jersey and I think traditionally alot of times you guys would actually go cut yourown tree.I grew up with an artificial tree, but you and I.Oh, I start to go out and cut it. Everybody had artificial trees when I was a kid.Are you kidding? It's New Jersey. Everyone'safraid that the house is going to burn downbecause back in the day you'd have those big bulbs.Right. And that was the thing.
• 16:50
  The big bulbswould heat up the dried out Christmas tree.Houses catch on fire. It's not good.
• 16:56
  That's kind of a thing of the past.Fortunately, that's true. That's true.Think in Oregon, we didn't care about that.Yeah.No, but we got real fresh Douglas furs. Theywere so like moist. They were beautiful trees.You're right, though. When we lived in NewJersey, then we started the tradition of takingthe kids up to the farm, cutting the tree. That was fun.Then not everybody does that. And that's also the other thing, right? It's like,it's a highly populated state and area.They bring in trees probably from the country,North Carolina, South wherever. And it just wasn't a big thing that I'm aware of.And then when we moved down here, we tried doinga real tree. We hung in there for quite a while.We've been here 18 years and 15 years of 15 yearsof real trees, but and it was great. And we woulddo a whole thing. We'd, we'd go to the tree lot.We'd pick out a tree. You would time me to see howlong it would take. Then we'd go get food. Ithink I don't know, but it was always a thing.So then it got to be too much because by twoweeks in the tree was dying.
• 18:03
  It was completelydying. There were needles everywhere. And byChristmas, there were significant parts of itthat were brown. So it was a total mess. And sowe gave in, we did the artificial tree. I got itfrom Costco. It's been great.
• 18:15
  And you're right.It makes it a lot more easy.
• 18:17
  But to go back toHalloween. So the mental load.
• 18:20
  I'm once we getthrough Christmas in July, because that's kindof like that adjustment period for those of uswho carry the mental load of the holidays is wehave the fourth of July, which we host a partyhere, but we have the fourth of July. And thenmentally, I know it's Christmas in July on allthe TV. Hallmark has their movies on. I know peopleare starting to shop like on QVC online,because there's a ton of Christmas sales in July forChristmas. So I know mentally, okay, it's goingto be like, I'm going through this. It's almosttime to punch in. I'm almost there. I'm goingto, I'm going to have to be punching in soon.So then when August comes, I'm in the back ofmy mind, carrying the mental load of getting thecandy for Halloween, getting the candy forHalloween. It's there. It's not overwhelmingme. It's not stressful, but it exists. Right.And I'm sure that's true for a lot of moms whobuy the candy for Halloween. And then to go back to moms who have young childrenby September, when especially in the Northeastand everywhere else in the country, other than here,that's when school starting. We start in the beginning of August and Florida.It's costumes. Kids start talking abouttheir Halloween costumes when they're little.I mean, usually by the end of September,they're starting to talk to their friends. But so themoms are figuring out, okay, we got to get theircostumes. I don't know how involved that is nowwith millennial parents.
• 19:50
  I have a feeling Iwould say based on the number of kids that come hereand the quality of their costumes.
• 19:58
  Yeah. And eventhe parents. Yes. Right. Our Halloween's off thehook here. Yes. And the kids are some of theircostumes are phenomenal. And the whole family.Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if that's, Idon't know if that was this prevalent. I know,I didn't see parents dressed up walking their,first of all, I think it's weird. No one walkedwith us when we trick or treated. I don'tthink like, like as Gen Xers, when we went out,we just went out with our friends and trick ortreated. And then we came back.
• 20:28
  There wasn't likea parent walking with us. It was justsomething we did. We went out into the neighborhood.We went to houses and hardly anyone was outsideof their house at a table. It was all knocking onthe door. People opening the door, handing youone piece of candy out of their bowl. If theirporch light was on, you knocked on the door. Ifthe porch light was off, they're out of candy orthey're not home or they're just not handing outcandy. But we navigated that ourselves. As a group,it'd be like, where do we want to go? What arewe doing? Everyone runs up, knocks on the door.They hand it out. And that's how our night wasspent. And then we would come home, dump it onthe floor. At least for me, I'd have to go throughit. You know, my mom had a safety thing. Make sureno razor blades in the apples. Cause thatwas a big thing. What was another thing that wecalled that whole Tylenol debacle, right? Wasback when we were kids, which got the panic going,which was the like cyanide or something or someshit. So it was like checking all the candy tomake sure it's all legit. Cause people gave outapples. Yeah. That's a whole other thing. Well,here they give out water and pizza and othertreats. If we're going to compare it, but talkingabout back when we were growing up, people handedout apples. That's why there was, um, risk people,they would say check for razor blades in theapples. That probably sounds really weird to youngerpeople, but people, you had to be worried. Do youbite into an apple? And that was the fear. Did thatever happen? I don't know.
• 21:59
  I don't know. It'sabout to ask you. I feel like that's like the,uh, uh, the seventies, eighties horrormovies, right? Like I don't know.
• 22:06
  13th or somewhere.No, it was not. I can tell you as a horror buff,I never saw that in a movie, but so we had thatin our head. Another thing that people handed outthat they never hand out now are raisins. We gotlots of boxes of raisins. So that's from like thatsilent generation boomer generation.
• 22:24
  It was fruit,right? Because coming from the depressionfruit would have been a beautiful commodity. Likefor that would have been special sugar. So alot of those people carried that over. They don'tdeal with that now. So I would say reallyquick, the one holiday that seems to have disappearedas mischief night. Like I remember trickor treating and going in and inspecting the,the vandalism we did the night before,whether we're soaping up a car or TPing a house,that kind of thing. I don't think that happensanymore. I don't know if mischief night happensanymore probably because of ring cameras. Oh,good point. There were no cameras and phones.So because of ring cameras and phones, they'reprobably, probably eliminated mischief night.Not saying stuff doesn't go down. Cause thereis ding dong ditching that goes on in our area.It can get crazy. And in Florida, you have to be careful cause everybody could,you never know who has a gun, but I don't thinkthere is a quote unquote.
• 23:28
  Our kids never had amischief night. That was the best night of theyear. I bet you it's cause of technology thatthat eliminated mischief night for sure. Maybe.So we'll at least ring cameras, but to bring itback. So we would just go out and go on ourown. Then with our kids, we went out with them andwalked with them, right?
• 23:47
  So right there, wehave a heavier mental load than our parents andgrandparents did on Halloween because theyhad the freedom to go trick or treat. We didn'tgive ourselves that freedom because we wanted towalk with our children. So right from the start,we're doing an extra labor.
• 24:12
  The generationsbefore us didn't have to do, but we're just walking,right? Most of us didn't dress up. Well, Iremember too, the freaking preschool parties,the, uh, the, the costume parties would go. Iremember taking off of work, going over to watcha five minute walk around the school. Yes. Andthen the schools themselves did this shit. Andwe did it too. I remember dressing up when Iwent to Helen Morgan. I think we walked around theschool and parents came and stuff, but noteverybody's parents were there.
• 24:44
  But I rememberthat. Okay. So to your point, I remember goingto Halloween parties at school dress up. It wasawesome. I remember you would dress up onHalloween that day. And that's when your Halloweenparties were your Halloween parties were on theday of Halloween and everyone wore their costumeto school, at least where I grew up. It wasawesome. I don't remember parading outside of myelementary school for parents to watch. It wasHalloween parties in school.
• 25:12
  And if we did anytype of parade, it was in the school and otherkids would see it, but I don't remember doinganything outside where parents came. But toyour point, like you said, you had that, but noteverybody's parents were there. And that wasprobably like no big deal, right?
• 25:28
  Like some parentsare there, some parents weren't.
• 25:31
  Okay. So rampthat up to when we were raising kids, our littleGen Z's, everyone's parents are there. Like youtook off work for five minutes.
• 25:42
  You took off workto not miss a five minute Halloween parade.That would have been unheard of for our generationwhen we were kids. So again, that just showsthat extra labor, mental labor, physical labor ofholiday holiday time that Gen X has that theprevious parents didn't, because we put thaton ourselves. We didn't want to miss anything.We're not going to miss that five minute costumeparade outside of preschool, outside ofelementary school. I can't even imagine. So for millennialparents, which I see them when their kids aretrick or treating our neighborhood, not only arethey not missing anything, they are all dressedup and it's a theme. Well, there's even people,adults who come in, try to get candy. Well,that's a whole nother. I feel like that's scheming.I think if you're an adult and you try to getcandy, you're scheming. I think it's all one bigscheme. Now, as we're talking about it, honest, ittruly is. The retailers and Hallmark are winning.They got us all buying into this shit and it's alot of money. It's a lot of time. It's a lot ofeffort. Okay. They're winning.
• 26:54
  We're talkingabout the Halloween though.
• 26:57
  So they're winning.Okay. So what I'm trying to say is this. I'mfine. I love it. I love to see families dressed upand it's amazing. Especially when they're alllike the dad is this, the mom and all goes together.I think it's phenomenal. And what we're seeing aremillennial parents. There's no question about it.Maybe some older Gen Z parents, but I think it's mainly millennial.It's when if a parent walks up with their ownbucket. So their kids have come up with a bucketor a pillowcase, whatever, and they've gottentheir candy. And sometimes there's a parent who has,they have a baby. And so the parent willwalk up and a bucket for the baby. I don't know.That's fine. No, that's totally fine. I'm totallyfine with that. It's when the parent has their ownbucket. Yeah. And I, I will say I don't give twoadults. And I might, people may think that I ama jerk for that, but this is a children'sHalloween is a children's holiday.
• 27:56
  Or of course, if there'sadults with disabilities, that's a totallydifferent thing. Obviously that's completely fine.You know, if we have a child, an adult,but mentally they're still a child, you know,for whatever reason, that's, I'm not talkingabout that. I'm talking about a mom or a dad.I've already given to their kids and now theywant candy in their bucket.
• 28:19
  Are you kidding?Absolutely not. I will. I looked at, I think Iwant to say four or five people this past Thanksgivingand said, I don't give to adults. And they'rejust like, I feel like that's a boomer attitude.I feel like you're showing your age orsomething. I don't, I, maybe I, I think that's ridiculous.I think this is a children's holiday. NowI, I think they would be curious.
• 28:41
  Quick poll.Do you give to adults that trick or treat at your house or not?Yeah. You're nay. Why are you coming to my houseasking for candy? If I just gave to your children,I just gave to your children. Why do you need a bucket of candy? You're an adult.You're a grown man or woman.
• 29:01
  Why do you needyour own bucket of candy by each other? Candy.Why are you coming to my house? I hear what you're saying. I, butin some ways, hall holidays bring out the kid inall of us in some respects and Halloween's one ofthose. Give me a break already.
• 29:20
  Sure. Okay. Soit brings out the kid in the adult to dress up.And I think that's awesome.
• 29:25
  I love to see adultsdress up. It brings them out of the house to walkaround with their kids, go trick or treating.Everyone's in a great mood.
• 29:33
  They might even havealcohol or something in their, in theircup. Everyone's having a great time down here.They're on their golf carts, whatever, butyou're coming up to me with your own bucketafter your kids have gotten candy. No, I don'tgive to adults. Forget it.
• 29:51
  And that's fine. Idon't care if anyone judges me. I think thatyou're, if you're a wife coming up to me to get candy inyour bucket, then you should be talking toyour husband. Your husband should have bought youcandy for Halloween. If you needed that bad, likeyour kids just got a bunch of candy and you know,you're going to end up eating half of thatanyways, cause your kids aren't going to eat it all.And either way, even if they want to, it'syour kids candy. Well, you should mean that muchcandy. That's why you have diabetes. Yeah,maybe, but either way, so that is the opinion I have.Okay. So, but let's, okay.
• 30:20
  So we have moremental load. We have, we're buying candy earlier thangenerations before us. We're walking withour kids generations before us did not do that.Of course we're checking the candy generationsbefore us typically did at least Gen X. We wereraised to check our candy.
• 30:37
  Now millennials, Ithink have the pressure of everyone dresses up.I never felt that pressure.
• 30:43
  My kids never putthat pressure on me. My kids never expected meto dress up with them. I think that's a thing,at least for we live when we see that's a thing.I'd be curious if that is a thing. Yeah.
• 30:55
  It has to be a universal thing.I would, I don't know. I don't know. And thenI think there's a lot more Halloween partiesthat adults go to now than when we were adults.
• 31:03
  So I think the month of Octobercan have a lot more social engagements thatare centered around Halloween than when we were.Well, there's no doubt because to your point, when we trick or treated,we were out and it was lawless.
• 31:20
  There were no,there was nobody at the end of their drivewaysor anything. Yeah. Now it's common. Even when we,when we were in Jersey, people would be at the endof their driveways and they're in thosedevelopments, the McMansion developments down at the bottom,pizza parties, friends are there. They're allgetting hammered. You see it here too, right?A lot of people are at the end of their drivewaysor up at their steps, hanging out, getting drunk,party and whatever. Yeah. That wasn't athing when we were younger.
• 31:45
  No, but I'm even,I agree, but I'm even talking about throughthe month, like people hosting Halloween partieswhere everyone, and then you have to have differentcostumes. So let's say you're invited to differentHalloween Halloween parties.
• 31:56
  You need a costumefor, you know, the Jones's Halloween party. Andthen you know, their costume for the Franklin'sHalloween party. And then you need a costume forHalloween night. I know there is a listenerout there that can relate to what I'm saying.When, when I was working in the office, therewere Halloween parties in the office. Peoplewould show up at work with these elaboratecostumes. Yeah. They'd be costume parties,the whole thing. Oh, our daughter, she had forHalloween, she had a Halloween costume for workand then she had a Halloween costume for Halloween.
• 32:24
  And then I think she went to aprivate, she's in her twenties. That's alittle bit different. I'm talking more aboutparents. So parents, I think now that haveyoung children, which would be millennials and olderGen Z and I'm not, and there are Gen Xers whohave children later in life.
• 32:40
  So I don't want toleave them out. There are Gen Xers with youngchildren still that had children later in life.But I think there's even more labor involved inHalloween than when we were growing up for sure.And even when we had young children, well,you like, I don't recall anybody decorating. Noweverybody decorates the fricking house, right? Wedo. It used to, yeah, we do.
• 33:07
  It used to be like,um, maybe like a pumpkin thing or a scarecrow carved pumpkins. Yeah.That we smash them on, on a, on a, on a, yeah.So no, I mean like maybe a scarecrow. I rememberthat, but you're right to the elaborate degree,there was always like the house.
• 33:25
  Yeah. Well, no,there weren't lights. Like they didn't selllights for Halloween. No, no. I mean, now there's LEDs.Yeah. There's, they start selling lightsprobably in, in August. That's part of the candy hall.The purple, the neon green and the pump andthe orange. I'm telling you the retailers andHallmark are winning. I I'm not, I don'tdisagree with you, but to go back to, and I think they,they have a huge handle on this FOMO. Lookat, uh, look at Costco, right?
• 33:50
  You can buy that,that eight or 10 foot tall skeleton thing. That'swhat I said comes out in July.
• 33:56
  Yeah. Yeah. I saidthey, they start with that and all their otherstuff. Yeah. But that's pretty elaborate. It's,it's crazy now. And we have a lot of people inour neighborhood that have that skeleton. Yeah.I passed on it because I knew it would.
• 34:10
  Storing it. Yeah. But, and it's cool.But so, okay. So there's more mental andphysical labor now than ever with Halloween.I would say that. And even the night itself, and even for those of us who hand out,like those of us Gen Xers in our fifties that are handing out, it's more elaboratethan when we would just, we used to hand out where people would knock on our door.Yeah. We went through that where peoplewould knock on the door and you'd open the door.We've transitioned to a full table tablecloth. Iput a little decor on it. You know, we, I dress,I've always put a witch's hat on, but I sit out there. I have, I dinner usually,because I will start as early as five 30 or six.We've had, you've dressed up before and had likea chain. We've had fog machines.
• 34:58
  We've hadsounds strobe lights. Like we've amped it up becauseeveryone else is. So we're like wanting to maintain the vibe.It's also a survival mechanism. You can'thave the dogs going nuts every two minutes.There's just constant flow when you haveseven to a hundred thousand kids out there.There's no break. Yes.It's one large group after another.Yes.You've just got to be out there.Okay. So if you just take Halloween and fall, that starts as early as August,at least with the mental load for some to buy candy like me.For some, they start decorating for fall and Halloween.You go through August, you go through September, and now you're in October.People with young children have been dealing with getting costumes,also possibly their own costumes, because it all has to be coordinated.What costumes are going to wear to different parties?If they're exhausted, just talking about it.If they're invited to multiple parties, what their setup's going to look like.If you have to walk with young children,who's going to hand out candy at your house?For us, it was my mom.So you have to have someone that's going to maintain.And if you don't have a grandparent that can do that or an older sibling,then one parent is walking with the children and one parent is at the house.So you've split now.So now one parent's managing all the kids and one parent's managing the home front.That's mental and physical labor.Okay. You have all that.That's just Halloween.Now, back it up to September.For those of us who host Thanksgiving,we start thinking about that in Septemberbecause we have to now go through mentally.Okay. What do I make again?Okay. And you just start thinking about it in your head.Okay. I need to...And then you're at the stores and you're like,"Oh, okay. I'm going to grab marshmallows.""Oh, okay. I'm going to grab evaporated milk.I'm going to grab canned pumpkin.I'm going to... Oh, that's on sale.I'm going to grab green beans."You're doing that through September and October.And then when November hits, it's on.Like if you haven't already, the beginning of November,you are pulling out all your recipes that you traditionally make.You're going through line by line.What have I bought? What haven't I bought?And then you're doing your big grocery shopping.Like, "I need to get this."It's like, "We're down to the wire now."And by the time you hit November is when you're like,"Okay. I actually have to get everything."So you're spending a good part of November just purchasing food to make.And now for me, I have all my traditional dishes and I've printed them out.So it's kind of like a paperclip together Thanksgiving Bible in a way.And I lay them out and I look at the ingredients and I make my lists.But I've started picking stuff up in September.So some things I'm like, "I got it.
• 37:50
  I got it. I got it. I got it."That doesn't just... Now that doesn't include just the ingredients.Now, if you're hosting, you need soda.You need sparkling water if you serve that.If you provide alcohol, you need to get the alcohol.We personally in the last few years have gotten some wine,but we tell our kids, "Our older two bring what you want to drink."And they usually... They bring stuff.We host some of their friends at Thanksgiving.They also bring some stuff.But in the past, we used to buy all the alcohol because we also drank.And then you have to start thinking about when are you going to start making stuff.So cranberries can be made a week, week and a half in advance.You can even freeze it.So you go through these dishes that you makeand then you correlate what days on the calendar you're going to make them.And so your month of November is pretty much shopping.And what days am I cooking this?Also, when is the house getting cleaned?When am I setting up the tables?Including the tablecloths, the china, everything.What day is that going to be out?That has started in September while you're also carrying the load of Halloween.So you're layered.You got two layers going on.All while trying to be present in the moment, right?Now, for those who travel for Thanksgiving, go to someone else's house.Typically, a lot of times you're asked to bring something.So the pressure isn't as hard on you, right?You maybe just have to do an appetizer.Those people, I will say, have it easier.The people that go to other people's houses do have it easier.They're not doing the whole production of Thanksgiving, right?Yeah, nothing.So the difference in the mental and physical loadversus if you're hosting Thanksgiving and not, there's a difference there.Mm-hmm.There isn't as much of a difference with Halloween as much.Although people that are in the hardcore young children have it heavier,but we all kind of are managing.Thanksgiving, there's more of a difference if you're hosting or not.But if you have to get on a plane--I wouldn't do it.Or if you do or drive a road trip that week,that is a mental and physical load.That is to carry.That is heavy.That can mess up your whole week.Plus, now you're not staying at your house, so you're not sleeping well.You're not totally relaxed and comfortable.I don't think I would do either.I know you wouldn't, but a lot of people do, right?Yeah. So they have their own-- we don't do that, so we don't go through that.We host.We have our own mental and physical load.But the people who travel are going through their own shit.There's no question about it.And that's a whole thing.And also where they're traveling, too, could be to family thatthey don't totally get along with, or they could be going to the placewhere their trauma is sourced from.It could be really triggering the people they're spending Thanksgiving with.There's a whole emotional thing there.So that's an emotional load, right?So you start preparing for Thanksgiving in September.And for those of us who are hosting, it's a huge mental and physical labor.And traditionally, it's on the woman.Now, I don't know what it's like with millennial marriages.I don't.I have a feeling it's a little more evenspaced or spread out than it is for the Gen Xrelationships and marriages.But I don't know.I can't speak to that.But in general, traditionally, if a family is hosting Thanksgiving,the woman is making pretty much everything except the turkey.Now, the turkey is a big deal, right?Like that's the main character.Most important piece.But, but.It's got to be in safe hands.Of course.But a lot of times the woman has prepped the turkey.And then the man slides in and either cooks or smokes the tree.Now, I will say this.Even if you're I know, you know what?There's a lot of times the woman is making the turkey too.If it's in an oven, I would say most of our Thanksgiving's I made the turkey too.I made the turkey too.So I for most of our Thanksgiving's I made all the food and I did the turkey.Where things changed for us is when we started smoking the turkey.And then that was handed over to you.And that was that took a labor off of me.And that was huge.But for women that are hosting Thanksgiving,they have shopped, planned, and baked and cookedeverything up to that day.And then that last week before Thanksgiving is like the end of them.Like they're just going, they're grinding, they're baking, they're cooking, they'regetting everything ready.And then you have Thanksgiving and you're hosting, right?And so you go through the hosting and then now with this Thanksgiving so late,as soon as Thanksgiving is over, it's like,bam, you got to get your Christmas spins andyou got to start decorating for Christmas.And on top of that, you also have Black Friday and Cyber Monday.And if you have some things that your relativesor your children, you know they want or your spouseand you know it's going to be on sale, you have to spend some time shopping.And even online shopping can take hoursbecause it can be very overwhelming because you'relooking at this, you're looking at that.So that weekend after Thanksgiving, after you'vedone the layer of Halloween and then you've donethe layer of prepping Thanksgiving and now you'rein the shopping and then you're going to have todecorate for Christmas, right?And it's a lot.Now you're adding the third layer of Christmas.Christmas is creeped in, right?And for a lot of families, the person who does most of the shopping is the woman.So she's just finished hosting Thanksgiving.Now, if she hasn't hosted Thanksgiving, she got a bit of a break.She went to someone's house, she brought a dessert or an appetizer.She's had kind of a look, that woman has had a little bit of a break there.Now, maybe she had to go to a house she hated.There's a whole other thing with that.That could have triggered a whole bunch of stuff.But she didn't do the grind of hosting and cooking for Thanksgiving.So now, let's say she did though.Now she's right into the grind of starting to purchase.If she hasn't already, because keep in mind,the women who shop for their families, a lot of them start in the summer.Because if they see certain things on sale or it can be a stocking stuffer,they'll start picking little things upthrough the summer and sticking it in places.Like this is good for Christmas, good for Christmas.That revs up every month.In August, they get a few more things.In September, they get a few more things.In October, they get a few more things.In November, they get a few more things.And then the final big push for the women who do thisis that Black Friday Cyber Monday weekend.A lot of them finished their shopping that weekend.So before even December's hit, they have 95% of their shopping done.They've even bought the wrapping paper.That's a layer, right?So in a way, Christmas is also there with fall, with Halloween, with Thanksgiving.You almost have all three holidays kicking in around August, if that makes sense.In one way or another, they are presenting themselvesto the woman who's kind of in charge of it all.So she spends a good part of that year, those four months,really thinking, we're talking about mental load here, thinking about,it's like moving pieces of those holidays.Do you know anybody who does all this that you're talking about?Or is this just you?No, I know a lot of women that do this.A lot of women that do this.Now, I know women who don't host Thanksgiving,or they may be in situations they cater it in.So one of the reasons that Thanksgiving also we can't really cut many cornersis I'm gluten free and our daughter's gluten free.You can't really have that catered in.And I have a feeling if you did, it'd be very expensive.So everything has to be made.Now, could I have someone bring something?Like one of the side dishes? If I could trust, they would make it gluten free.Yeah.And we did have our daughter's friends come this year and she's gluten free.And so if she comes next year, I could actually ask her to make something.She did make a great brie appetizer that was so tasty with gluten free,filo dough, and it was so good.But yes, most of the women I know are,managing all these things.And I see many women on social media that are managing all these things.Okay.So you get through Thanksgiving.I'm calling it a marathon.It's the holiday marathon.So you've been running it now for months, but now it's the big show.It's December.And for women who have small children, they made Halloween.It was holy. They made Halloween.It was totally immersive for them.Costumes, all that.They were in it.Even if they didn't host Thanksgiving, they had to drag those children somewhere.That's a whole thing.And they have to shop for all these little children.You know, if you, especially if you havemultiples, you're shopping for multiple stockings,multiple kids.They all want different things.Plus your spouse.We're not even touching on the fact that most women,I'm not going to say most.There are a lot of women who buy the gifts for their husband's family.There are a lot of women who buy the gifts for their husband's family.So she's buying for her children.She's buying for her spouse.She's buying for her family.And then she's buying for her husband's family.If she isn't one of those women that's been picking up stuff since August,she's just starting on Black Friday, Cyber Monday.So the stress is real.Whether she's finishing that weekend or starting that weekend,that's a big weekend.And guess what?December 1st is Cyber Monday this year.So you are trying to take care of Christmas shopping,but hey, also you need to decorate because it's already December.Hello.So now there's that, right?And in this day and age, I don't, in our area at least, I mean, it's on.It's you decorate with lights.You make your house look nice.It's, you don't phone it in.Like it needs to look pretty nice.Now we have different houses that do less and houses do more, butyou know, there is a pressure, I guess, to act to be a part of the magic.Now there are people that don't, right?I think that's a pressure though, that people put on themselves.It's no one gives a shit, I don't think, but Ithink it's something people put on themselves.So it's interesting.The magic of Christmas, the magic of Christmas happens because of work.And speaking for myself as the woman in thisfamily who creates the magic of Christmas every year,I am honored that I get, have gotten to do that for almost 32 years.Because even before we had kids, I still tried tomake everything magical in our condo or apartment,whatever we lived in.I've always loved that I could do that.I think it's an honor and it's nothing that I have felt was put on me.I gladly accepted it.And I think for women who do specialthings, and there's so many, there's so many new-But I mean the whole neighborhood thing.That's a pressure I think people put on themselves to go out and make sure thatthey're decorating and stuff.There's plenty of Jewish people in our neighborhood or around the area who don'tput up any lights at all.I'm talking about four people who create the magic of Christmas.Putting lights on their house is part of it, especially if you have children.Because young children love lights.Kids love it.And so I'm viewing it as when we do that, it's not just doing it for our kids.Because even our older kids like it and our 15-year-old likes it.But the young children, when I see themwalk by our house and the big smiles they get,I feel like I'm being part of thecommunity by helping give the magic of Christmas tothe younger generations.Because somebody did that for my kids.My kids got to see that.And maybe those people didn't have young childrenanymore, but we're all kind of in on the secret.We're creating this thing for these young children.I want to be a part of that.I don't want to live my life not being a part of that part of the community.I personally think everyone, if you're capable, physically, monetarily,I think everyone should do something.Even if it's just throwing one set of stringof lights on one bush in front of your house.If everyone did a little bit, you're creating that magic.And it isn't just for young children because everyone feels it.Because all of our inner-childs remember that feeling, that excitement of Santa.Santa's coming, we're getting ready.So that's the whole outdoor lights, as much as our children love it.We're also, it's a way of giving back.That's how I view it.It's a way of giving back.It's giving to my family, but I'm also giving to other families.And Christmas can be such a lonely time for some people.And a melancholy time and a nostalgic time and bring up a lot of sadness.And so I honestly think Christmas lights can,if that could be the only thing for some peoplethat actually made them smile that day or broughtthem any type of good feeling inside of themselves.They could be just drudging through the Christmas season.And that's their one reprieve, is they saw some cool lights.So for me, it's more meaningful.I got out there this year and helped you do it.Because I think it's important.It's not just important to me.I think it's important in general.But to get back to the magic of Christmas.So women do the magic of Christmas.Women do the magic of Christmas.And most women are honored to do it and happy to do it.I don't think it's just women who do the magic of Christmas.I'm not saying it's just women, but I think themajority of women create the magic of Christmas.There are a lot of men who help and who docool things during the holidays to add to it.But the foundational magic of Christmas is sourced from a woman's heart and spirit.I don't agree.That's so interesting.The magic of Christmas is mainly created by women.And I stand by that 100 percent.Mothers are the source of the magic of Christmas.And it comes from their heart.And I think most mothers are honored to do it and are happy to do it.But it is work.The magic of Christmas is work.And any woman that pulls the"oh, just try to bepresent in the moment and just try to not worryand just remember, you know, it's moreimportant to enjoy whether, you know, then stress out."That's a pick me.Give me a frickin' break.Creating the magic of Christmas takes work.And from that work, really great memories come.You are creating memories for your children, right?You're creating memories for yourself and for your spouse.But just like any good thing, work went into it.It doesn't just happen.Things aren't just going to somehow happen.Everything isn't just going to somehow be okay.Because traditionally, the woman is the somehow.So in general, and I know I'm speaking in generalities, and I know there's going tobe men that are going to be pissed off at what I'm saying.But in general, women do the shopping.Women plan the activities.Women decorate the home.Women make sure the tree gets in and decorated.Women do the baking.Women do the cooking.Women make sure that her spouse's stocking is stuffed year after year.I can't tell you how many moms' stockings do not get stuffed.And I know there's women out there who don't even get gifts bought.Their husband hasn't bought them gifts.Like, this happens where she has spent a month or longercreating all this really cool shit for her family and has loved doing it.It's not that she's like, women in general love to do this for their family,but they want to feel some appreciation.They want to feel seen.Not that it's an exchange, but they want tofeel that they're appreciated for this workthat was put in and that it's recognized in some way.And the least their spouse can do is buythem Christmas gifts and fill their stocking.Do you think that there's women out therein family situations that don't receive giftsfor Christmas?Yes, from their spouse.From their spouse.Guys, that's terrible.That's terrible.I buy gifts.I like it.I do.I enjoy it, but that's terrible.There and there are even.How is that possible?How is that even possible?If you're married to someone and you have kids and there's a family,hell, even if you have just a girlfriend or a wife, you got to, if you celebrate,you have to get something.It happens.That's crazy.And it happens a lot.And even more so, there are so many women whose stockings do not get filled.You're a lucky girl, aren't you?Okay.Well, let's put it this way.My stocking did not get filled by you for many years.That's not true.No, my stocking got filled by me and my mom.That's because I, well, you put nuts and tangerines or whatever.Shit like that.No, it wasn't for lack of generosity.I think it was, to be honest with you, justbeing a Genex woman, I just, it was easier for me tobuy stuff I wanted from my stocking and then my mom would buy stuff from me.And I honestly never thought about saying toyou, get some stuff from my stocking and youdidn't think about doing it.And then it was just in the last, like, Iwant to say five years or so where it's like,you need to guess you've gotten some stuff from my stocking.I filled it this year.Then it was so full that one of the things I got you got taken out.But you have always bought me, you've taken more than care of me at Christmas.And I know you're appalled right nowthinking that there's men that haven't bought theirwives gifts, but it happens.It happens.So you have a lot of women out there thatare, have been busting their ass with theselayers of holiday, Halloween, Thanksgiving,now we're at Christmas and the whole Christmas.There's so much that goes along with Christmas.They're socializing.And if you have young children, they all have Christmas parties.And if you have a kid that has a birthdayin December, that's a whole nother freakingthing that's thrown at you.And then you get to Christmas day and your stocking's empty or you don't have giftsfrom your husband.I agree.It's appalling.Those men should be ashamed of themselves.And also what kind of example are you giving to your children?Well, I mean, you have to, you're makingthe assumption that there's gifts there forkids and that they can afford it and all of that, right?There's some token of...Absolutely.No, I'm talking like she's taking care of the kids.They all have their gifts, Santa Claus.He has his gifts.Their stockings are full.His stocking is full.Her stock...What kind of example are you as a spouse showingyour sons if you don't feel your wife's stocking?You're just perpetuating this because yoursons aren't going to think that's important.What about like couples without kids?I don't know.I assume they fill each other's stockings.Or if the kids have all grown on and now you'relike, "All right, finally we're done with this.We can kind of just chill out."No, you still do stockings.That's the magic of Christmas.I think the magic of Christmas has been somewhatzapped though by all this over-commercializationof it that...Right?I'm expressing another, a different viewpoint.It's too much.It's gone too far, I guess.I'm not saying there shouldn't be Christmas.Trust me, I like Christmas.But it's gone too far.It sets out of control.I do think that consumerism is out of control.I think it's interesting because I think thatthings that we would have thought would be biggifts when we were growing up are just regular gifts now for kids.Everyone has access to everything.Yeah.Do you know what I mean?Do you remember when it was a big deal to buy a big screen TV?Yeah.And only a few people actually had one.Yeah.Now it's just normal.Everyone has one.Yeah.So...I'll tell you, I will show you my favorite gift.Well, I don't want to say favorite.If you're watching on YouTube.If you're watching on YouTube, maybe a short, I guess we won't do a short of this.But this is one of my favorite gifts this year.And I guess it's a photograph of Kaya and Iwhen she got roller skates and I had roller blades.This is a great idea.So it's a photo.It's taken from a photo when Kaya was youngerand she was roller skating your rollerbladingand you guys are holding hands.And I took that picture of you guys from the back.She took that picture and sent it to at-shirt company and they superimposed this design.I think it's clever.No, it's great.No, and that's sentimental, right?Mm-hmm.So...And they're sent in.People get...I think that should be a new direction on all of this stuff, right?So many...To your point, TVs, Xboxes, phones, whatever it is, right?Thousands of dollars are spent.A lot of people can't even...They overspend.A lot of people go into debt and overspend just to keep up with the Joneses.There should be this movement to go back.Okay, but here's...Like handmade things, hand carved.Like Etsy is a great example.A lot of people do have Etsy shops.Great way to support local communitiesinstead of a bunch of crap from barges from China.Yes, I understand that.But when you have children, it's just not reality.No, I get it.Because also children have social media.And so talk about keeping up with the Joneses.Those kids are plugged into keeping up with everyone all the time.It never ends.So unless the whole collective of parents made that decision.I'm calling for it.I'm calling for that movement now.But that's easy for you to say because we've already raised...Our youngest is 15 and we were part of that.We were part of it this Christmas.Like we are a part of it too because no one wants their children to feel left outor that they didn't get something thateveryone has, which makes them feel left out.It's an emotional thing.Everyone wants to make sure their kids are okay when it really comes down.This is why I say the retailers are winning and Walmart's winningbecause it's emotional and it's not practical.Remember when I talked about empathy a few episodes agoand how politicians can use empathy against people?Retailers use empathy against people because we feel what our children will feelif they don't get that thing.And so we purchase it for them.Now, I will say there is a group, obviously of parents who give their kids stuffjust to one up and for clout, right?That's a whole nother thing.Unfortunately, those people usually are the ones that start this whole problembecause Johnny got this.Yeah, 100%.So now Timmy wants this and now Jimmy wants thisand now everybody wants this.And now you're trying to figure out how to get that thingthat that family could or could not afford, who knows?But they decided to make this astronomical purchase for a 10-year-oldand now everyone's 10-year-old wants it when it's not real.So parents start this, whether they're trying to clout chase, flex,new money does a lot of this shit,where wealth whispers, just a heads up, wealth whispers.What's that mean?Meaning old money and people who are truly wealthyaren't out there being obnoxious with their money.There's people who look like they could be working in your gardenand they're the ones that are the most wealthy type.But my point is, is it's a perpetual cycleand we were a part of it too, because it's an emotional thingand it probably ties back to our own childhood.There were probably so many times that we felt left outand I know I can speak for myself.I grew up in a very affluent area.I had a single mom and sure, my dad was a doctor in Michigan,but it did not mean that that translated to mehaving a lot of stuff all the time.And so there was a lot of things I didn't havethat every peer around me did and it sucked.It sucked.Do you not think that I haven't transferred that sometimesto my own children?Oh yeah, definitely.Well you too though, there's things,you and I have talked about this before we even had kids,that there were things you wanted and you gotand it made your life easier and you feel thatyou wanted that for your children.If they want a pair of shoes and it makes their life easier,you're buying that pair of shoes.I think so many parents feel that way.And so you're right.The retailers have us by the balls.Just like entertainment does with movies, Disney does.Cause all these kids are gonna wanna go see the movie,whether the parents feel comfortable with that movie or notor wanna go to that theater or not.I think that's changing.Yeah, maybe.So either way, that does play into Christmas, absolutely.So there's the stress of thatbecause I just got done talking about the moms, right?And I know this sounds very old school type shit,like the mom shopping, the dad's working.Cause I know that most moms are also working outsidethe home and they're purchasing things with money they've made.So it's not just all the dad making the money, right?But even if that's the case,the dad still has the monetary stress of the holidays.So both of them, if they're both working,have the monetary stress of the holidays.She's got the monetary stress of the holidaysplus everything else tied to the holidays.The emotional labor, the mental labor, the physical labor.In general, the dad has the monetary stressof the holiday labor.And that can be incredibly stressful.That can be, especially if they're notin the best financial situation,but he knows this has to happen.And so he's going through, he may be edgy,he may lose his temper,he may not be enjoying the holidays as muchbecause all he's thinking about is the money aspect of itand how is this going to affect their familyand are they going into debt over this?And how are they going to pay this off when January comes?And so she has, if she's working outside the home,the monetary stress, and then the mental stress,the physical stress, the emotional stress,creating the entire magic of Christmas.He's got this huge monetary stress, right?And now, do you not think arguments are going to happen?Well, you have the stress of the mom making magic too.It's very stressful on the family.Then he's also, because in some ways,then this goes back to sometimes I think like,if there's some issues or things are lacking in generalthe rest of the year in the relationship,the holidays can amplify it.So if she needs help, and let's say he never really helpsin the holidays is when she really needs helpand he's still doing his old habits,that's when a really big blowout can happen.You know, if that makes sense.You know, is that--Because everything you just described,I'm getting stressed just listening to the calendarstarting in August, right?And it's crazy.I find these holidays very stressfulbecause I typically will hold off my,I'm off from work, right?And then it's time to chill.But then there's all these activities,like whatever it might be, shopping, going out to dinner,you know, getting stuff ready, it adds up.It's a lot.Well, so what's interesting is what you just describedis where you, let's say you personally,what you participated in was shoppingthe day before Christmas Eveand going out to dinner on Christmas Eve.Those two things just stressed,you just said those, that was a lot.It is a lot.You shouldn't be out in the masses doing any of that stuff.It's almost like traveling, right?You say, I wouldn't travel for Thanksgiving.It's too stressful, you're out there with Joe public.I just don't think you even understand what you just said.Let's just take us.I have been doing stuff since August, right?Let's just take that, right?And now let me just-Asmonically, I have been too.Okay, well, that's because you live with meand you feel that you've had to absorb the energy from that.Yes, yes, it's a lot.Which I would think is the least you could do, right?But anyways, so let's say,there's, let's say 500, there's a lot for methat I've been dealing with.You had to-No.And I think that's what it comes down to.I really do.I think that's where the resentment buildsand I'm not gonna totally personalize this,but what I'm saying is I know there's a lot of womenthat do all the thingsand it could start in August, September, October,whatever, November,or there's women that start at the beginning of December.But either way, if you're talking Christmas,most of them are pulling together that magic Christmas,whether they started in Augustor they started December 1stor they started December 15th,but they're pulling it together.It's happening.And we're talking about mothers, just to be clear,because mothers are going to do that for their children.I mean, of course there's shitty mothers,but I'm talking about in general,mothers are going to make surethat their children have Christmas memories,that Santa is coming and it's gonna be great.Now, there's a lot-And if it's not great, you have a problem.Well, yeah, well, what's interesting is-You better enjoy your Christmas.No, no, what's interesting is,what's interesting is as the mother is tryingto do all these things or is doing all these thingsand many times also working a full-time job.So just imagine and trying to maintain their house.The load is crazy.It really is during the holiday season for a woman.If she works outside the home, she's working full-time.If she is a stay-at-home mom, she's working.It's exhausting.There is no punch out for stay-at-home moms,and I can't stress that enough.Then she has to worry about her house being clean.Dinner's on the table.Lunch is, lunch, stuff to make lunches for their kids.Breakfast.And then prepping for the holidays.Halloween, Thanksgiving, and then the big show, Christmas.And she's doing it.I think it's understandable if she has momentswhere she might lose her shit.If she asks her partner to do somethingand she either gets pushback or he blows her off completelyor even questions why that's importantand doesn't just give her that moment of support.I think what a lot of men don't understand is women,it's knowing that if a woman goes to you,you're going to be there to help.It's that what causes the anxiety for a lot of womenis in the back of their mind they know,I'm going to go to my partner, to my husband,and he's going to push back or he's going to blow me offor he's going to forget.And so it's that feeling of I can't truly depend on himand so I'm doing this alone.Do you think that's common?I think that's common. I think it's very common.And more often than not, she's given him the opportunitiesto step up but he hasn't year after yearso obviously resentment buildsbut it just amplifies that feeling ofI'm doing this on my own.I don't have a partner in this situationbecause he thinks what I'm doing is over the topand so he's just, it's not important to himso he's just not going to do it.Instead of viewing, instead of changing his perspectiveof look what she's doing for this family,look what she's doing for my children,look what she's doing for me.How can I help?How can I help?It's so simple but it requires for some reasonfor a lot of men.They have to get past so many thingsto even get to that pointand I think it's something that in general,women really struggle to try to understandbecause our first inclination is how can I help?We don't even think of blowing it off,forgetting it or pushing back.If you need help, if someone needs help,we're helping, how can I help?But when it's our turn, we don't feel we can dependthat we're gonna get that same support.So if you're in, for a lot of women,if they're in a situation where they get pushed backor they don't have one of those partnersthat's ready to support them,or that, because there are partners like that.There are men that are like,when do you want the Christmas bins?Or what can I get?Or do you need me to run the store?Or what are you working on now?For a lot of women, when they're in the middleof the holiday chaos, just something as simple as,what are you working on right now?Just interest, it's feeling seen.It's so you don't feel like you're this invisible servantthat's doing all the things and it's going unappreciated.And not just going unappreciated,but then you might have your partner saying something like,why you make such a big deal about this?Or why are you going over the top?Or this is important to you and that's why you're doing it.So it can amplify, it can get beyond justwanting to feel appreciated,but then it can get into being ridiculedfor wanting to create this, wanting to do this.And if it's important to your partnerand you know it's gonna happen,she wants to do this.It's important to her.It's important to her children.It's a family tradition.She's either creating it right from the startif you have young children or if you have adult children,it's set.Like this is your kid's tradition.It's what they expect.So if you throw it out the window,you're totally throwing out their Christmas traditionsout the window.So now it needs to happen.I think speaking as a woman, what I don't understand is,and I know there's reasons for it,but why is it so hard for so many mento not just step up in these situationsand not just be like,"This looks great.I like that you did that."Or it's like the smallest thingsbecause women in general wanna feel seenfor the magic they create in life in general,but especially around the holidays,it matters.But the worst thing that happens or can happenis if a man makes it even more stressful.It's already stressful.You're already talking about all these layersthat she's been a fucking conductorin an orchestra for months.The last thing she needs is to be ridiculed or get pushback.I feel that's a common thing.Are you seeing that allowed there a lot?Yes.People are women with social media now so prevalent.Is this a topic?Yes.Yeah.Interesting.Yeah, she's done all the wrapping,all the cooking, all the shopping.I'm not saying everyone.There are men.I will say this,and I don't know if this is social media or what.There are a lot of men stepping up.There really are.And so that's been really cool to see.Or you'll see women commentthat their husbands do this and that.I think the younger generations are figuring out,hey, we need to divide this from women probably.We need to divide this from the start.That's smart.If you're a young person listening to this,decide how you kind of want your holiday traditions to lookand then assign who's gonna do what.Make an agreement as partners.Okay, I will do the basic.It's probably a good idea.Yeah, you're like, I'll do the baking,but you need to go pick out the wrapping paperbecause I can't tell you the decision fatiguethat goes with the holidays for women.I'm gonna say for women.Do you think you wrap people's giftsin different wrapping paper?Is that common?There are people who do that.So what Brian's talking about,one of our traditions is Santa gives each of the kidstheir gifts in their own wrapping paper.So like our daughter would have wrapping paper,let's say all in Barbie.And our one son would have all Spider-Manand our other son would have all Batmanor Hot Wheels, whatever.And it's whatever they're into that year.And we still do it.So this year, our daughter ran a marathon.Her wrapping paper was Santa running a marathon.And our older son and younger son coacheda basketball team together.So I got custom wrapping paper that says best coachand their names in the year.And I did Marilyn Crabbe for my son's girlfriendbecause she's from Maryland.And I will say why it's easier.This is a tip, no name tags.There is no two so and so from Santa.Two so and so from Santa.Two so and so from Santa.Two so and so from Santa.It's just you wrap it and you put it out.Or Santa puts it out.But so for me it's simplify things.That was actually a step I took to simplify things.Is I didn't have to do the stupid name.I hate writing the name tags.I have horrendous handwriting.And it's almost like you reach a pointwhere you're so tired that writing a name tag is like,I wish I could take out Sharpie and just write their nameon it and just like whoever I'm giving it to.You can.I know, I might next year.I might just write mom.What about just pivoting to gift bags?You know, I think--It's a beautiful thing.I don't mind it, but I think for the kids,I think it, I know for our kids, it adds to their Christmas.They actually want to know what they're excited to seewhat their paper is.I agree.They enjoy seeing what the paper is for sure.Yeah, so if you decide to do thatfor anyone starting out or whatever,one regret I have is I didn't keep a scrapof each wrapping paper and put it in like a scrapbookbecause it shows you what they were into that year.If I could go back--I would have done video.Yeah, but I would have kept the scrap.So I think, I think, I don't know.I think that, I think women create the magic of Christmas.And I think women are, many women are honored to do it.It's not a complaint thing.It's not a, I have to create the magic of Christmas again.It's that they're going to create the magic of Christmas.And so the least their partner or husband should dois make sure they feel seen while they're doing it.And if it's what can I get from the store for you?Come on guys, step up.What can I do to help?What can I do to help?Is like, people don't get that.That's like saying, I love you.How can I help you?Makes a woman feel like he just said, I love you.And also when a man remembers something about youand buys you a gift based on that,that's saying, I love you too.I remember and how can I help?Are this, are synonymous with I love you.I wish more men understood that.And that's a year round thing.But especially during the holidays, when she is in it,more men need to step upbecause what's happening is these womenare by the time they cross the finish lineof the holiday marathon, you feel like those peopleyou see crossing finish lines at marathonsthat are barely walking.And it's not a complaint thing again.Most women, not all women, but most mothers, I will say,enjoy creating this magic of all the holiday season.But they want support and they want help.And they at least want to feel like if I ask him,he'll come through for me.He's got my back.Women need to feel like their partner has their back in thisand are kind of on call.Like I got this, but if I need you, you need to tap in.And I need to know you will.And the worst thing a woman can feel during this timeis I can't turn to him because he's gonna get pushed backor he's gonna forget or blow me off.Or worse, he's gonna ridicule what I'm doingand question why I'm even doing so muchor I'm going over the top.Those are the worst responses.It makes everything a million times worse and it hurts her.So I just think as far as the distribution of labor,because I think it's on women.And then I think it is on their partneror their husband to be part of the supporting cast here.He should want her to succeed in thisand be grateful she's doing it.I don't think there's enough gratitude out therefor the women in the world that are creating this,all the magic of the holidays.I think there's expectationbecause our society has created that.It's a cultural thing.It's an interesting concept.Well, I think it goes so far as even if a woman is,a lot of times women will buy, like I said, for their in-lawsand let's say she doesn't,let's say one year she's like, I'm not doing it.The failing will be looked down her.Oh, she just didn't take care of it this year.I think it's rare that it would be looked at him.It would be, oh, she must have not got aroundto it this year.Not, why didn't he buy me that?It'll still be on her.So she's the scapegoat too.Yeah, I would agree with that.So that's where some of that pressure comes from, right?Because you don't wanna be the scapegoatfor any quote unquote failings of the holiday season.Like if the Christmas card didn't get out in timeor it's late, she didn't get it out in time.It's not that he didn't.She didn't get it out in time.She must have not ordered in time.She must've not arranged for the photographerto come early enough or for them to get a good picture.It does seem like people are backing off on cards, right?Isn't that been kind of a trend?Yeah, I think so.That bums me out because I love that.I love getting cards.I think it's gonna become an old fashioned thing,but I think it's gonna come back around.I think things got so digital,but I think the appreciation for the snail mail,getting something in the mail is gonna come back around.But the thing about it, and I'm fine with the cards.I like getting the cards,but decision fatigue on that as well, right?You gotta get the picture.Gotta figure out what the layout,all that stuff that goes into it, it's just a lot.It just adds to the stress and chaos.It does.Do you remember we went to Washington DC in Septemberand I said to all of you, if we get a good picture,we don't have to worry about it.But that was in my head.That was in your head,because we fought before in the past.We're going to take a picturethat everyone's fighting and pissedand because it didn't come out or somebody blinkedand somebody else looks good,someone's hair is off, all that shit, right?It's stressful, so it worked out perfect.Let's get a picture that we got at some event in July.That's good enough.Yes, but it was in my head.I think actually I just--Do you hear what I'm saying though?Yeah, yeah, no, I hear you.That's part of the layer.I was already thinking about the Christmas picturein September. And the whole squadwas on board.Yes, and we aren't the only families of five, by the way,at Christmas picture time.Yeah.I'm sorry, you were gonna say something.No, no, I was gonna say,there's a concept of it's good enough.It's good enough, it's good enough.Let's keep going.Good enough, make a decision, move on.Good enough, good enough, good enough.And just keep going and going.And it's still Christmas magic.I think you can still have it.But some things are just good enough.But you know, take the picture, right?We've gone through that where it's like fighting over it.I'm the photographer, the kids, blah, blah, blah.And it's finally like, all right, finally, it's good enough.Yes. Let's move on.Right, yes.And there's things where it can't be just good enough.Like it needs to be what it is.Do you know what I mean?Like there are things where--I agree.Because it's a tradition--An example would be our lights outside.I think we did a nice job this year.We teamed up together, went to, got it.I think it looked good, right?And it was better than I think good enough.Or do you think it was just good enough?There's some opportunities for next year.No, no, no, I think--But let me ask you a question on that.And I was fine doing it, I enjoyed it.But from someone on the outside looking in,I do most of everything for Christmas,Thanksgiving, Halloween.Some people would maybe say,why couldn't you just take care of the lights?And I'm saying objectively.Yeah, yeah.And you have in the past.She's doing all the things, can't you just do that?Yeah.And how would you answer that?I'm kind of done with it.I've always done the lights.I've been doing lights since I was 15.Or 14 years old.And now the kids aren't into helping.I think Kai and I did it last year.No, Kai and I did it last year.Yeah, maybe you guys, I'm just done.It's like, I'll go out and put up one or two things.But I don't care, I guess.Okay, so right.But then that ties into,we talked about Christmas lightsearlier in this episode, right?And I think I expressed my view on them.And now you understand probably even morehow I feel about lights.But that that's important to me.And that's important to the kids.Our kids have texted me saying, how do they look?So the kids should come over and help me do it?Or whatever.Well, okay, okay, okay.So, but this is, the part of the magic is,is like they get to see them when they drive upand they're like, oh, that looks so good.You know what I'm trying to say?So if it's important, this is a good example.If it's important to me, but you're tired of doing it,how does that work?Like how does a couple find common ground?Yeah, great question.If you're, cause there's stuff with Christmas,I'm tired of doing too.Like what?I cook.I'm sorry, you don't quote unquote cook,you cooked this year.I cooked the last few years.No, no, three years ago we ordered Chinese,which I thought was great.That was good actually.No, no, it was the day before.Cause in the past I've said, I'm not cookingand I've gotten a bunch of appetizers from Costcoand we've put those up.But then you guys were starting to say, this isn't enough.So then I was like, let's order Chinese food.We got it the day before, put it in the fridgebecause we couldn't order it on Christmas.There was nowhere around us that had gluten-freeChinese food on Christmas.So we had to get the day before.And then you guys said, you didn't like it leftover.We were not doing this again.And that was three years ago.And so last year, I don't remember what we did.I made a same as this year.The brisket.I didn't think so.Yeah.Okay, and then this year you did a brisket.So yeah, that's good.And that took a, that was actually,and you've keep doing it.You made nachos last night.No, I like that tradition.That's a relatively new tradition.And I think I did say to you, this is great.I think we should keep doing this.But I think that's a great point.Traditions should morph and evolve.And so you should continue to evolve your traditionsand not get to be in.But the tradition is food was still there, right?With the lights, there'd be no lights.That's not true.Okay, so yeah, there,because you almost were like not even really wantingto do lights at all this year.No, I would say, I guess a little personal baggage herefor the audience would be,it wasn't as timely as you wanted the lights put up.It's more in line with reality, right?Because as you were saying, Thanksgiving happened.And then all of a sudden it's boom.And yeah, I wasn't ready to just jump right inand do lights.It was, you know, still had the turkey coma,which is, you know, I smoked the turkey,two of them by the way.Okay, so we're all supposed to clap for you.Everybody clap.Yeah, I want a cookie.Right? Yep.Right, but--The cookie that you made.Yeah, that I made.(both laughing)No, it's just, it's an interesting thingbecause I kind of forced the issue,I think the next weekend,because if I didn't,we wouldn't have lights up for longer than like two weeks.And that felt, didn't feel right.Is it too early to take them down?Cause I was a moment long yesterday,I'm ready to take some of them down.Is it too early or--It's interesting,cause there's different views on that.I personally like to keep things up,excuse me, through epiphany,through January 6th, Armenian Christmas.The Christmas-- January what?Six. Okay.But we can, that can be a discussion.I might be fine with, you know, whatever's convenient.But Christmas starts Christmas day.So the way I view Christmas,all of this that we've been talking about,the holiday distribution of labor and all that,that's all prepping for Christmas.But for, in my mind, it doesn't end on Christmas.The celebration starts on Christmas.That's celebrating the birth of Jesus.It starts on Christmas.And then the 12 days of Christmasare those 12 days after Christmas.So for-- Oh really?Yeah.Oh, I didn't know that.Yeah, the 12 days of Christmas start--I thought it was a commercialization of the 12 daysleading up to Christmas and the 12th day was Christmas.No. Oh, interesting.No, so it begins on Christmas.All been lost.Because there's the whole journey,like the three wise men come a few days laterand the epiphanies like January 4th.It's a whole thing, right?Where do you find out about this whole thing?Cause it's all lost.It's all gone. Well, I agree it is.But you can Google it as you always say to me.Yeah, you could Google.But so my point is for me personally, mentally,as a mom who's been doing all the things really since Augustfor Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas,but then let's get to Christmas, right?The big show.I've been prepping for Christmas,but it starts on Christmas.And then I spend my, that especially the timebetween Christmas and New Year's Day,that's my time.Like I really can relax and I can eat the cookies I madeand I can just sit and stare at my treewith either a glass of wine or a cup of coffee,or I can go walk around in the front of my houseand just stare at the lights at night.And now I don't have to think about,I still need to buy this gift.I still need to wrap this gift.I still need to go get a dress for Christmas.My mind is clear.My mind is clear.That's nice.Yeah, and I can just look around and enjoy.And that is my 12 days of Christmas.It starts on Christmas.And so I keep my decorations up during that timebecause the celebration of Christmas is now.I wonder if I'll represent a male view on this.I'm cramming, because I got to go back to workand start my, right, I took off and show a little bit,but then I'm cramming to get ready to have to goand start a new year, new things.So it's very different, very different.But I think there's women that also have to go backto work, you said a male view.I'm saying a male perspective, but you're right.I mean, it's somebody who's--Going back to work, going back to, no, yeah.But I think even for people who have to go back to work,like they took this time off,there's a lot of mothers who have to go back to workprobably January 4th or whatever, whenever that Monday is.Or this week.Or there's people, okay.Like I said earlier, there's people who have to workduring this time.I'm more talking about the people who traditionallytake this time off, right?But even so, it ends.And so, and even for stay-at-home moms,school starts back up again.You're back into routine, homework, sports, stress.So even for the moms who are home,it all starts back up when they go back to school.So for all of us, there's an end.There's an end here, whether it's going to work again,or your kids are going back to schooland you're back on as a stay-at-home mom.There's this period, and this is the 12 days of Christmas.And this is, there are people who,there's people who take down their Christmas treesChristmas night.There's people who already have their stuff put away.Part of me thinks they're the same peoplethat decorate November 1st,but they're sick of it by now, right?Like if you wait a little bit longer,I'm not tired of it yet.It's only been up like a month.So I'm enjoying it still.But this is also my time.There's a creator on TikTok, I saw her,she calls it Steeping.This is when we're steeping in our Christmas spiritbecause we can do it with a clear mindand be totally present and in the moment.And so for so many mothers who create this Christmas magic,it's their first time where they can just be in the momentand not have the long to-do list in the back of their head.Because even if you're at these Christmas partiesand you're doing all these things,you still have the weight of what you need to get done.And again, I think for most women and most mothers,they are happy to do it because it's the magic of Christmasand they wanna do that for their children.But if they have a partner, they need to know,he sees what I'm doing, he sees me,and he cares enough about my emotional and mental healthto say, how can I help?What are you doing today?Is there something I can do to help you today?I think that if people watch this,then maybe that can help bridge the divideyou're talking about in some waysbecause what you're describing is what women need.What men are probably going through is,oh my God, this is too much, blah, blah, blah.So maybe if people watch this,they can watch it again next year, start in August,because that's when all this shit starts upand that's when women start stressing out.And as men, it just slowly comes and comes,it comes and builds up.So maybe that's a communication changefor the collective consciousness or peoplewhen it comes to Christmas and the holidays.No, I think it'd be great.It's almost like, remember the friendshippart of your relationship and be a good friend.Just be like, and trust me,and I do think there should be division of labor.I do, but for some of us, I'll speak for ourselves.We've been together almost 33 years.There's some things, trust me,there are things that have changed or are changing,but it takes longer when you're in a relationship like this.And conversations like this will help even Brian and I,like for next year.But if you're younger and you're starting out,divide that labor up now, like figure out what you--Or keep things simple.Don't get too complicatedbecause keep your traditions very basic and simple.If you can, like when it's just the two of you,you totally can.And when your kids are really young, you still can.But once they hit that school age, it's challenging.And I think it's important to be realistic with that.Like, sure, you have the people that are like,my kids are not, you have the righteous peopleor the pygmies that are like, well, my kids don't watch TVor have screens, but a lot of times those kids are weird.Like, you know what I'm trying to say?Like, sure, you can have situationswhere it's the crunchy granola familywho's isolated themselves pretty muchfrom their kids assimilating as normal people in societybecause they're so far one way.And that's, I know, a controversial thing to say,but sometimes you're making it harder on your kidif you remove literally everything,then it's almost like they don't know how to communicatewith their peers. You know, I heard a stat.I don't know if that makes sense.Yeah, it does, but I heard a stat.I think it's either 90% or 97%of a US citizen celebrate Christmas,which shows you if we're not a 90% Christian nation, right?So we've got non-Christians celebrating Christmas,so the Hallmark and retailers are winning, right?That's what I'm saying. Yes.So everybody's celebrating Christmas now,just about everybody.Yes, no, it's true.I know Jewish people who celebrate Christmas.They celebrate both. Yes.And let's throw in, if you're Jewishand you celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas,that's a whole nother thing.You're buying gifts for Hanukkah,and although they start small and build up,but that's like, oh my gosh,like throw in the fourth holiday, oh my gosh.So I just think, like I said,if you're a young couple starting out,it could be something as small as who's gonna wrap.It could be that small.Who is gonna stuff the envelopes of the carts?Well, you know, for me, a big job of mine--I'm being dead serious on these things.A big job of mine that's no longer aroundis putting shit together.Remember, I would always be up late putting stuff together.It's nice to have older kids.Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, and I will say that you,our kids were young, I didn't put anything together.You did that.So it could be things like that, but like,so in general, the women's list,let's say her list has 20 things, his list has two.I'm just saying comparatively, it really is like that.So it's like, let's make this list more even,or the very--Honestly, reduce the listis what I would suggest to people.True, but I think to be realistic,I don't disagree with that, but let's be realistic.Everyone, most people, you grew up getting a lot of gifts.I grew up getting a lot of gifts.Even if it wasn't expensive stuff,it was a lot of things to open.Especially if you grew up like that,you like to give your kids that.You like Christmas morning, oh my God,there's been times on Christmas Eve,you're like, "Did we get enough?"And you've said that to me.Like, in general, a lot of families like to havethat feeling of, "Santa came, look at everything."That's that magic, right?So I try to keep in mind, sure, simplify,but let's be realistic too.Like, everyone gets caught up in the magic of Christmas,and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.But it can be little things that you get help with.If you can divide up those small things,and I may give you something next year.I may say, "I need you to put these cards"and these envelopes for me."I just need you to do that."If you can do that, that will help.See, and I'm taking responsibilityas a Gen X woman who took everything on,and I'm aware of that.But, and I also am with a Gen X guy,and they aren't known for their emotional developmentor their emotional IQ.So it wouldn't occur to you to stop and say,"How can I help you today?"That's not in your DNA.For the card example, I would say,"Let's not send cards."But we just got done, I know, but that,see, that's a cop-out.No.No, because, okay, A, I enjoy sending them.We enjoy receiving cards, and it's a tradition.And the kids like to see what picture did we do.It's one of our family traditions.So, but that's so interesting.And I find that is such an interesting male response.And I bet that happens to a lot of women.I am asking if you could just put cards in an envelope.You could be watching football while you're doing it.And instead of being like, "I can totally do that,"your response is, "Let's just not do cards."Do you see how that doesn't work?Why not?Because you're wanting to throw it all awaybecause you don't wanna be in conveniencefor a short amount of time.No, I'm not saying that.I'm not saying I wouldn't stuff the cards.I'm not saying there's no value in that.All I'm saying is it's worth questioningwhether you should do it or not.That's pushback.No, it's not.But it is.No.Yes, so that right there is thatthis is part of the Christmas magic.This is part of our tradition,and this is something that we all participate in.And we send out--No, we all don't.We do.Even we send to people that you want to receive cards to.Our older two send to people they want to receive cards.And we all send to our own people.I'm in charge of sending them,but everyone has people they want them to go to, okay?So we all are a part of it.So I should feel comfortable.I should feel that I can say to you,"Hey, Bri, can you just stuff these for me?"Because I got to get them out tomorrow."Or I got to get them out on three days.Like I wouldn't want to throw it to you the day before.I need this done in the next five days.Oh, thank you.And I want to feel like you would say,"Yes, I can do that, not a problem."And that's it.Because in that moan of that craziness,that's what a woman needs.She doesn't need, maybe we shouldn't do--You know what, what about--She doesn't need, maybe we shouldn't do cards.Maybe it's too much.We're in it.Just say, "Yep, I got you."I got you."I got you."Because it's not a huge inconvenience to you.How do you know?What if other things are going on?And that's pushback.No, that's just reality.No, but it would take you 30 minutes.Because she creates, she takes so much timeand there's a ton of things going onto create all the things.You could take 30 minutes just to do that one thing.That's what I mean.That's starting to create help with the balance.I'm playing devil's advocate.I don't think this is a big deal.But I'm representing other men out there who maybe,there has to be some boundaries at some pointon the magic that's getting created.And I'm not questioning, this is not a personal thing.I'm just saying in general, there's people out therethat go over the top, that go over the top.Like the people down the road who do that display,that's wonderful, right?I've driven out of my way to go see it.It's amazing.They've got inflatables and like all types of, right?You know what I'm talking about.What if that was the only one of them that wanted to do itand the other burdened the other one to do it?That's a lot.See, I think when there's something to that extent,that extravagance, like when you see these homeswhere people kind of go just to see that homebecause it's such a big deal.I think, honestly, I think it's either they both want thator heated.Yeah, 100%.And we all know if he wanted it, it's gonna get done.Yeah, that's right.And I think what women want is that feelingof if she is important to her,that he has just as much passion about doing it,what her thing, that he would--That's an interesting concept though.For his own.When you say if he wanted it, it would get done.But if she wanted it, he has to help.Is that what you're saying?No, no.If--Get on "Plain Devil's Advocate."Yeah, yeah, no.Well, because lights are a physical thing, right?And especially those extravagance,there's like getting on roofs and blowups and stuff.Like the roof and all that, that's typically--That's on the roof or not.Men do that.What I'm saying, I'm talking about houseswhere there's lots of lights and all that.That's a more outdoor physical.Typically, men do that.I'm just gonna say it.So if you see a house that is that extravagant,either they've hired someone or he wants that.If he didn't,she would either hire someone or it wouldn't happen.I'm not saying there aren't women who get up on roofsand houses and I know there are,but in general, there aren't.I'm sorry, it's just how it is, there aren't.And she also has so much on her plate.I don't think going up on a roof is gonna,she's gonna add to it.No, I'm sorry, dogs are in here, hold on.No. Hey.So, no, what I'm trying to say is,so if he wanted something during the holidays,it's gonna happen.If a man wants something done during the holidays,whether it's decoration, whether it's a food,whether it's anything, going out to a restaurant,going to a party, it's happening.He's doing it.Well, why can't the same be true for a woman?Whatever that example might be.Because typically,I don't know if we're thinking on the same lines with this,but because,okay, so if she wants to go to a party and he doesn't,then she's showing up to the party alone.And if it's a party where there's couples,that can be uncomfortable for a woman.And then also it makes it look like her husband,like he's-- What about men who wanna goto a party and the woman doesn't wanna go?Same thing. Yeah.Yeah. But you're sayinghe's gonna go, and that's because he's gonna do it, but--If he wants to go to a party and she doesn't wanna go,he'll still go, and maybe,I don't know if he'll feel as uncomfortable as she would.What I'm trying to say is,if he wants to do something, he's going to do it.But if she wants to do something,and he's like lukewarm about it,a lot of times he's gonna push backinstead of just doing the thingbecause he knows it makes her happy.Where I think women do a lot of thingsthat they don't wanna do,but they don't make their partner happy,so they're gonna still do it.I think men are less inclined to lean into that.Yeah, maybe. That makes sense.Women are kinda used to being selfless.And I'm not saying men aren't,because men do many selfless things for their families.So I'm not saying they don't.But like I said, I think if there's certain issuesin a relationship throughout the year,the holidays can really exacerbate the situation,and you can end up with--I would agree. Really bad arguments.Yeah, I would agree.Holidays, they're stressful.As you talked about, a shit starts in August,and it goes all the way through into New Year's,into the first week of New Year's.Would you say though that for a lot of men though,the stress is just the energythat they're dealing with with their wives?That's their stress?No, I think it's, I do think it's their wives.It's the shopping and having to go and buy gifts and stuff,and depending on how many gifts you have to get, right?Those are all decisions.Now I'm talking about from a male perspective,because that's the woman taking care of all that.No, men go buy gifts unless you're an asshole,and you're gonna go buy your--On Christmas Eve Day.Christmas Eve Day.So yeah, that's it. No, what are you talking about?Christmas Eve Day buying gifts?Or the day before Christmas Eve, they go and buy gifts.No, that's not true.A lot of men, I don't wait till that last day.I'll go and pick up a couple things,but I already know what I'm getting.When I go towards the, my last purchases for me personally,that you think are the last minute purchaseshave already been planned out.It's just, I don't have an opportunity to go shopping,to go pick them up, right?Okay, but so--But other things are purchased over online, in advance.Okay, but let's be real.You bought for me.Yeah, yeah.Okay, and I bought for every other--Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Okay, so when you're saying the stress of the shopping,you're saying the stress of the shoppingfor one person in your life.Well, and then you go out with the kidsto get other stuff and get--For me.Yeah, either you or other them,or like their siblings, that kind of stuff.Which I do.Yeah.I do that.So you had the stress of the shopping for your wife,which is good, because as we talked about,there's husbands that don't even do that.Your stress is shopping for me,and then having to go out to dinner on Christmas Eve,and then the lights.No, I think the whole thing is just stressful.But no, I'm trying to pinpoint for you, for a man.Oh, it's gotta be you.(laughing) That is a source of stress.Okay, so that's what I'm saying.No, no, I think it's the--So for a man, for a man, if his wifeis doing all the shopping for everyone,including his family in a lot of situations,all the planning, all the cooking, all the baking,all the wrapping, all the cleaning,all the reservation making, all the clothes shopping,making sure all the kids have clothes for Christmas Eve,all the things, right?Yeah.His job is shopping--Just to pay for it all?To be the outlet? But she may be too.Wait, wait, his job, yes, to pay for it,but she may also be paying for itif she's working outside of the home.So either they're both paying for itor he is paying for it, yes.But I'm talking about during that Christmas season, yeah,paying for it, and then shopping for her,hopefully he is, he should be.Filling her stocking, he should be.And showing up for Christmas Eve dinner to go out.So those are two things, three things,paying for it, shopping for her,going out to dinner on Christmas Eve.That's where the main stress for men come.And that's why I think--No, no, I think--And then the energy off of their wives' stress.I think it's the energy off their wives' stressis gotta be the number one.Exactly. 100%.Okay, so-- 100%.What I just talked about--Well, you just tried that you had trapped meor something here? No, no, I agree.And what I've been talking about is,let's alleviate that.If they-- Are you shrinking?No, no, no, no, no, no.If men could start seeing their wivesthrough the holiday season,that stress level that you're feeling off for her,I think it's worth a test.That stress level that you're seeing off,feeling off for her, it would come down.I promise you that.It would come down.And so that in turn-- I don't agree.Then the men don't feel as much stress.No, no, no, because the words of, "How can I help?"No, here's why I don't agree.That looks cool, let me finish.Taking moments, it doesn't have to be every day.Or you know what?Just how about a little back massagewithout expecting anything afterwards?What I'm trying to say is,if men took a little bit of timeand sprinkled some attention to their wivesthroughout the holiday season,as their wives are running around crazyto make the Christmas magic,that stress energy they're feeling off for herwould alleviate significantlybecause they know their partner has got their back.And you may not agree with me,but I'm telling you right now,so much of the stress that women feelis because they feel alone in it,even when they're married or have a partner.They feel like they're doing it all by themselves.So if you take that away,I'm telling you, you know what it is?That's an interesting concept.You know what it is?Is women are in their freaking masculineall of the holiday.Put them in their feminine,the most important time to put them in their feminine.During the Christmas season.Think about that.Think about that, right?You're saying from August to December,that's four solid months, really five.Five solid months, that's almost half--That you have to show love?No, no, no, half a year,you're focused on these different holidaysinstead of just living.Instead of just living the day to day and enjoying things,it's trying to create mystical magicof these Hallmark holidays.It's a lot.And I think women, if your premise is accurateand that women are the magic makers,I don't totally agree, but I don't, whatever.Maybe dial it back.Women should dial it back a little bitand it'll still be magical,but it doesn't have to be over the topwhere you're stressing yourselves out for five months.But you need to be realistic in thatbecause we went through this.We've raised children.When you raise children, it's hard to dial it backbecause children want to dress up for Halloweenand they might want, and if you're a millennial,you may have to dress up now with them too.And maybe there's a bunch, it's stuff that happens.But think about that.If Halloween's on a Friday, get your costumes Tuesday.You don't need to be the month before.That just shows you, you don't know.There's no costumes on Tuesday.Here's the thing, you're ignorant.You are ignorant to this shit because you are, you are.And I think most men are ignorant to this shit.Go out as a football player or a cheerleader,put a plastic bag on it, go as the glad man or something.I'm not wanting to be serious.You're crazy because you know what's so funnyis that our children knew exactly what they wanted to beand we needed to get exactly those costumesand that's how everyone is.Yeah. Yeah.Yeah, no, I'm down.Like kids want to be Buzz Lightyear.Okay, six weeks out, buy your Buzz Lightyear stuff,order it online.That's September.But parents shouldn't be dressing up.That's going on now.That's an example though of stress you don't need.But that's part of that generation once thatand if everyone's doing it and then maybe little Jimmy'slike, what are you gonna be mom?What are you gonna be dad?And I'm sorry.I'm gonna be me.I'm gonna go back to, well, no, there's things that,yeah, there's Gen X dads have definitely done some thingsthat have been disappointing to their kidsbecause they won't do it.But let me just ask you this.You literally said you're not sure if women are the creatorsof the magic of the holiday season.How do you think it all, everything we've talked about,who did it?Me.No, you didn't.(both laughing)No, you didn't.I was the driving force that made it all happen.The support arm, the strength, the wall you leaned onwhen you needed it the most.Now you're just being comedic.No, I'm being serious.You're bringing comedic relief to this episode.We haven't even touched on the people that have to go.We touched on a little bit,but during the Christmas season that have to gosay with family members who maybe were the sourceof their trauma and stuff.I mean, I think that's a whole nother thing is think about--I'm glad you came back to that.Cause here, why go?I think a lot of people are stopping.Yeah, but stop.I think--No, I think that is something where the couple,if they can agree, I think that that's,there's a lot of no contact happening.I think that there is an adjustment there.But again, that has to be a couple thing because if,or let's say in-laws aren't very nice to the sonor the daughter, well, that spouse has to be okaynot going there.You know what I mean?So it's a whole, that's a couple decision.I just think that if you think about it,when you're a kid, hopefully Christmas and the holidayswere magical.If they weren't, that means your situationwasn't great, right?You didn't have a mom doing it, but yeah.Whatever it is.It's a mom.But it was magical as kids, you hope.Why turn it into a total stressful shit show as adults?I get it.You want to create the magic and everything,but at the same time, there's got to be a balance.That's all I'm saying.There's got to be a balance.There's no reason that over the holidays,you should subject yourself to familythat causes you trauma and grief,whether it's Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever.If it all works out, it works out.But if it doesn't, then it doesn't.And maybe it's easier to be alonethan it is to go and subject yourselfto that kind of thing, right?My overarching message, I guess, my point isthat holidays shouldn't be stressful.It just shouldn't be.But we all make them stressfulbecause of over-consumerism and trying to create magic.And there's some balance in here.I think we're too far as a society,not us personally, we might be, I don't know.But we're too far and it needs to come back a little bit.I don't know where that is,but I'll tell you, last thing I'll say on this.One of the best things I thought about,I found it enjoyable and I'd never done this before,but watching the Midnight Mass from the Vatican.It was pretty cool.And I've never watched it before,but to see the architecture of the Vaticanand with the other kids watching it,we're all like, wow, that's really cool.I think that was kind of cool.So, okay, so what's interesting isI think that's really coolthat you guys were all watching that.But I just wanna bring some realityof my situation into that.And I think it's cool.And I think that'd be a great new tradition to start.I do, I really do think that's cool.And I would love to start that tradition and add that.Cause that's actually a chill thing to do.You just sit and watch.But do you know, did you observe?And I'm not attacking you.Yeah, you were putting out giftsand doing the final arrangements and all that, yeah.What I actually was doing,because now Dylan helps put out giftsand Kaya helps put out gifts.So they were very helpful with that.And I think that's a really hard two of our kids.What I was doing at that time was stockings.And that took a long time.So while you and the kids were watching that,which is great, I was going back and forth,back and forth.I was taking stockings to our room,filling a stocking, bringing stuff out.And we go big on stockings, we always have.So there was a lot for each stocking.So as you guys are sitting and talking about itand all that, and it's, as you said, midnight, right?I mean, I'm tired.I don't know if it was midnight, but.It was late, it was late.Cause I think after that I went to bedand it was like one o'clock or something.It was late.I was tired, I was fading.So it was either get these stockings done nowor they're not happening.So I spent that whole time doing stockings.So I think that's an example, right?Of everyone sitting relaxed.I'm not talking about me personally,but the family's relaxing and enjoying something.It was magical.Enjoying a magic, yeah, it was great.I'm glad you put it on.I'm saying, I love that.But for next year, we're gonna tweak some thingsbecause, especially now that I knowthat could be a potential thing.Get the stockings in like July.That's a good idea.But for next year, we are gonna tweak thingscause I wanna sit and watch.And I don't wanna be putting stockings togetherwhile you're all enjoying somethingand I'm in the bedroom.And that's what it was, that's what happened, right?But I think that happens to so many momsis they're doing a million behind the scenes thingsso that the magic Christmas happens.Stockings are part of the magic of Christmas.But you need a dad who's distracting.No, no, a dad who's like, who's okay.I'm just kidding.Now that you know that's a thing,like you just said, do stockings in July,but maybe you say at 10 o'clock,where's the stockings, let's get them done,I'll help you because then we can watch this, right?That's huge.It's gold, that's like saying, I love you.That's the same as saying, I love you.I'm telling you right now because it's thoughtful too.I feel seen.So yeah, so that's a small example of,Midnight Mass was an amazing thing, beautiful watching it,especially considering we went to mass, you didn't,but we had gone to mass that day,but it was cool to see that.I'm not even into the religious aspect of it,but just the whole ornate thing of it.I know, but things need to be tweakedand I'm gonna be 55 in March.So I'm here, one of the reasons I wanted to do this episodeis because no one talked about this when I was growing up.No one talked about this when I was in my 20s, 30s or 40s.So I'm talking about it because I want,as all things, like I talk about menopause,I talk about perimenopause, I talk about marriage,I talk about parenting.I want the generations coming up behind usto do better and evolve.And I don't, I want the shared labor.I want there to be shared labor.I don't want all the labor to be on the wife,the mother, the woman.And again, I think the younger generationsare changing this, but it's only truly gonna happenif Gen X talks about these things.We have to keep talking about the broken parts of the systembecause in so many areas, the woman is the scapegoat.I don't want that for our daughterand I don't want it for my granddaughterand my great-granddaughter and my great-great-grand,I want this changed.And the holiday time is another example wherea lot of times the woman gets the short end of the stick.Do you think that the women gets the short end of the stickbecause the judges right now are the boomersand maybe some silent gens,whereas when our daughter rolls around and our kids are,we're not gonna blame their wives.If they don't do something,we're gonna look at them as a coupleas opposed to blaming her.And do you think that's a generational thingthat will just evolve out of?Yeah, I think that's a really good point.I hope so.I think that it isn't just that our judges are boomersand silent gen, but I think it's also the pressurewe put on ourselves because of the way we were raised.Yeah, yeah.So to your point, I don't think we have putor will put the same type of pressure on our childrenas they're hosting things.Like our kids one day may say,we wanna do Thanksgiving, one of our kids.And I don't care what's going on.We will show up and be like,this is the most perfect Thanksgiving I've ever been to.But we didn't grow up that way, right?I mean, like Gen X didn't grow up that way.We grew up thinking it needs to be right.I wouldn't say that that's not my experience.When I was a kid, I'd go to my grandmother's.We'd all sit around the table in the room and it was--She made it perfect.Oh, she made it perfect, but it wasn't perfect.Meaning it was just, it was what it's supposed to be.It was the family's there, everybody's eating.The food she got up at five in the morning to make.Yeah, no, she didn't get up at the crack of dawn.She created that.But other people contributed.But no, you're right, she did.She made cookies three, four days out.She's an example of what I'm talking about.Yeah.Okay.Yeah, but my point is,it wasn't necessarily perfect,but it was everybody there to see everybodyonce a year Thanksgiving.You know what I mean?It was more than just whatever it is today.Yeah, yeah.No, I understand what you're saying.I hope that things change.I do think there's two types of Gen X though.There is the typogenics that has broken generational traumaand the cycle and accepts their children for who they areand supports them and is progressive in mind.And then there's the typogenics of it was good enough for me,it's good enough for them and they're perpetuating.And those kids may go through the same type of pressuresand traumas that when it comes.So it depends on which typogenics parents you have.I think we're the over the top example.And I think again, to your point,you're saying you hope it works betterfor future generations.My thing would be to dial it in a little bit,reel it in a little bit.It's a lot, it's a lot that what it's evolved into.It's not, it's not.It's actually what's interesting.It's not a lot.And I think-I think it's a lot.I know, but I think what I'd like to do,and this would be interesting,we may do this and then do another holiday episodearound this time next year.I think I'm gonna include you in certain thingslike communicatively, like just so you knowthis is what's going on right nowand get your feedback on, do you think that's a lotor is that just normal and it just needs to be done?It's just a normal thing and it, we just, it has to do.What I mean by a lot is that it starts in Augustand we're five minutes in here.Not everybody.No, society is, it's the society.Oh, you mean like the stores of-Society, the US culture right now,as you go to any retail, not every,but if you go to Home Depot, Walmart, Lowe's,the grocery stores, Costco, the big retailers, right?You're bombarded with this shit starting in August.I don't wanna rehash it, but it is-Hobby Lobby.Hobby Lobby, all this stuff, it's the resets, retail resets.So you're living in this mode, boom.Next it's gonna be President's Day.No, Valentine's Day.Valentine's Day.They don't acknowledge President's Day,but Valentine's Day.Then we get, well, no, you do, you get MLK Day,President's Day, Valentine's Day.Not the stores.No, not the stores, I'm telling you, I know.What you have next, Valentine's.4th of July, St. Patrick's Day,all the whole of it, Easter, the whole thing, it's crazy.Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th, and now you're back.Yeah, that's too much.I get what you're saying.I get what you're saying.What I'm saying is, in my opinion,and so we'll take this in a personal space,our traditions, because remember,I didn't even mention about when our children were youngand we would do the reindeer food on the lawn,we would do the cookies and milk for Santa,and we would do the carrots for the reindeer.It's all those little nuanced things.We put this magical key out for Santa.It's a lot of little things, right?But now our children are older.So as, starting in August, I'm just gonna give youa heads up, hey, I'm doing this, this week,this is what I'm doing, and I'm gonna get your feedback.I really do, I wanna see,because I think you'll find that it all feels pretty normal.And so when I truly say it's those little thingsthat can make all the difference for the mental healthof the mothers who make the magic of Christmas,it is the little things.It's that little, she's carrying 10 bags,maybe take six of them off her back.And I'm just, figuratively speaking,just take some of the weight off sometimes,and what a difference.It can be so rejuvenating, and it's so not a lot to ask.I think most women feel like it should be 50-50,but we all know nothing's ever 50-50.And there's things for men that it's not,there's no 50-50 for women, right?The women are not gonna do 50% of some things men do.It's just not gonna happen for different reasons.So sure, to listeners, if anyone's there screamingat the radio or whatever, it should be 50-50.Of course I agree with that.That's rare, and if someone has that,I think that's amazing.So I'm going with a realistic expectation of,how can I help you, or that looks really cool,or that sounds good, or I love when you make that,that's really good.You make that so good, that type of thing.Those little things, or can I stuff the cards for you?Those little things is really what helps herso she doesn't have a breakdown,a week before Christmas.Because I think the partner should want his wifeto enjoy her Christmas, because she puts so much work.I would agree.So I think part of his goal should be,look, she's doing all these things for everyone.I'm gonna make sure someone's got her, and that's me.So I'm gonna make sure she's good.It's really the only job he should worry aboutis she's the fucking engine.I'm gonna make sure it's well-oiled,and she's got all the gas she needs.I'm gonna keep it going.That's my job.I'm gonna water the plant.That's the man's job.Like, just make sure she's okay during that time.I don't know why that's so much to ask.So, but I know there are guys like that.I know there are men that do that.And I know there are men that do a lotduring the holidays. You're implying I'm not.I'm speaking from personal experience in that situation,but I think that, I think it's,I think at least with Gen X, it's a lot of the norm.I don't think this is an unusual situationfor our generation is my point.I'm not saying, look at you, you don't do this,and that's so weird.I'm saying, I think this is a problem.I think we need to talk about it in our generation,and I think we need to be part of the solutionfor future generations.That's the point.So, you know, and now we're here.It's fascinating though, because,and I don't wanna prolong this,but you're saying that man should plantor water the plant, right?I'm saying that maybe don't grow so many plants.But she's the plant.Yeah, that's a bad analogy.Yeah, you missed the mark on that one.But listen, trust me, I know where you're--Garden, let's say it's the garden.Okay, that's why I think though, I will be curious.I'm gonna keep you involved.You're gonna be more involved next yearthan you ever thought you'd be,because I'm gonna let you know.That's the other thing is you have the beauty of ignorance,because you don't know half the shit I've done.I know it all.And then you walk in and you're like,I don't get why you're so stressed out.It'll all get done. Well, I do, I do.Okay, but again, I think there's so many womenthat go through this.Well, here's one last thing I'll say.Because this is where I thought you were going earlier.You're gonna involve me in August with decisions.And I'm gonna make decisions that are completely contradictoryto me saying, keep things simple.What do you mean?Like where it's Christmas Eve and I'm like,did we get them enough?That kind of thing. Yeah.So I get it.I know, but I think also thatit makes it more of a partnership.It could be something as simple as in August,I may be like, I'm gonna pick up a bag of candyfor Halloween this week.I'm doing it in July.(laughing)It'll be an all-star.Let's start now.Actually, I was thinking about picking up one gift per kidevery month of this year for Christmas.So four gifts, because we have our older son's girlfriend,four gifts a month between now and Christmas.So by the time we hit Black Friday,I already have most of it done.And I, like economically, obviously it's not as big of a hit,but also--Oh, it is, it's just a hit.Spread out. Yeah.Well, I'm not saying big gifts,but it could be small things.But also if I do that, I could order wrapping paper in Julyand start wrapping.You should do that.I'll help you pick out the wrapping paper.I'm serious. Yeah, but what if?And then wrap in August.What if their interests changeby the time Christmas comes aroundand you've missed the mark, magic is fucked.Well, I think-- Magic is out the window.When you have older childrenand you know them pretty well,especially ones who are in their own apartments,you're pretty safe.It's the 15-year-old that we may have to waitbecause they, yeah, that one could be like in September,he wants totally different everything.But I think for our older ones,especially for the apartment,I think we can buy some things and be, you know,I'm gonna try that this yearand I'm gonna start involving you in it.I can't wait.And then we'll do another episode this time next yearand reflect on, as a Gen X woman,tried to get her husband more involvedin the magic of Christmas,how did things change? It's just so not fair.I'm the magic maker.Yeah, okay.Anyways, so again, I wanted to do this episode,I think it's timely, but I want--For shit on men.No, it's not to shit on men, it's to change the norm.Now, and it's to help women feel seen.There's a lot of women who didn't get a Christmas giftfrom their husband. That's terrible, yeah.I can't stress that.And had an empty stocking. That can't.That's crazy.Okay, so there's a lot of women being treated that wayand they work their asses off for everyone.So I just also want women to feel seen,like I see you girls.So that's our little holiday.Oh, and I have one little tip and then I'll close out.When our kids were young for New Year's Eve,now this is old school, but I would create,I would get paper lunch sacksand I would write times on them,like 6 p.m., 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and midnight.And I would fill them with things.And at the beginning of every hour,they would get their sack.So let's say 6 o'clock I put in like Play-Doh,markers, stickers, whatever.And I did, I think actually 6 o'clockI did one of those disposable camerasand they would take pictures throughout the nightwith their disposable camera.I know it's now with their phones,but honestly, disposable cameraskind of have a little novelty to them.But I would fill the bags with different things.And so they had a new things to play with,do every hour of New Year's Eve night.And it kept them entertainedand they looked forward to it, special treats, whatever.And then I thought at midnightI had the silly string and poppers and stuff.So for anybody with young childrenthat is looking for a new idea or something,that was always a hit.If they were with cousins,I did the bags for the cousins too.Any kids that were there,I did bags for everyone, friends.So that's my little New Year's Eve.That's women making magic.Exactly, that's more of the magic.I kept making New Year's Eve.I don't have to do that now until we have grandchildren.But this New Year's Eve will just be chillingand I'm looking forward to it as I'm chilling this week.For all the moms, if you're watching this on YouTube,I am in pajamas, they're clean pajamas.But I'm in pajamas all week.I am steeping in my Christmas magicand enjoying every minute of it.And we thank you for joining us as always.And we welcome all comments, all questions.And we will be returning at the beginning of the yearwith tons of guests.We have so many great guests coming upand we will be back at it.We do have a special episode coming up on Gut Health.Yep, yep.We'll start off the New Year.That's gonna be a series.We're gonna have with Dr. Pat Lynch, the first one,probably it'll drop in the next week or two.And I think once a month,we're gonna do a Gut Health episode with him,go real deep into that.So look for that as an addition to a whole bunch of guests.And we again, wish you all happy holidays.And especially to all those moms out there,we hope that you had a wonderful, wonderful Christmasand you're enjoying hopefully some quiet timebefore the New Year starts.And we will see you next time.Bye.(upbeat music)