Latest / Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin / Episode 9: Want confident kids_ A neuroscientist explains how!

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Episode 9: Want confident kids_ A neuroscientist explains how! · Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Have you ever considered what neuroscience could do in helping
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: you raise a confident kid? Well, I have Dr. Rob
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Kelly here with me today, who is the absolute expert
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: on the field. Dr. Rob, tell everybody who you are
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and what you do, please.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Thanks, Francine. Hey, guys, my name is Dr. Rob Kelly
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  Speaker 2: over in San Antonio, Texas. But as you can tell,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: by my accent, I'm not from Texas. I'm from a
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: little old place called Manchester, England. I've been in America
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  Speaker 2: for 20 years and we specialize in neuroscience, the mind,
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  Speaker 2: the behavior problems, behavioral problems, anything from anxiety to addictions,
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  Speaker 2: alcoholism to, you know, doing better as a father or
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  Speaker 2: mother because I lost my children when they were ages
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  Speaker 2: one and three and never contacted them again from 30
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  Speaker 2: years later. So, You know, we found out about the neuroscience,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: the learned behavior and enmeshment from parents into children and
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  Speaker 2: how everything that the child does today, whether they be
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: three years old or 30 years old, is a direct
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: link to what happened in the house. Not necessarily parents,
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  Speaker 2: but caregivers and teachers and how we can change that.
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  Speaker 1: Well, that's absolute too. Anybody who's listened to this podcast
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  Speaker 1: knows that my key moment in life was eight years
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  Speaker 1: old when my aunt said, you'd be such a pretty
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  Speaker 1: girl if you just lost some weight. And that set
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  Speaker 1: me down that spiral of unhealthy eating and dieting and, well,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: almost killing myself. So I'd love that you really drill
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  Speaker 1: in on what childhood programming is does to kids and
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  Speaker 1: how we can prevent those negative programs.
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  Speaker 2: When we talk about childhood trauma, most people think it's
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  Speaker 2: a car crash or a divorce or accident. And what
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  Speaker 2: our research on neuroscience, and we spent almost $ 2 million
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  Speaker 2: on research pertaining to behavioral and psychological damage that's done
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  Speaker 2: as we grew up in the house, is they plant seeds,
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  Speaker 2: you know, you'd be, you'd be so much period only
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  Speaker 2: if you, and that end saying the end couple of lines,
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  Speaker 2: it was what defines us going on. So it doesn't
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  Speaker 2: matter how we look, what's planted in the subconscious brain
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  Speaker 2: is that you need to lose weight. So you grew up,
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  Speaker 2: they grew up, children grew up with the attitude that
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  Speaker 2: they're never going to be tall enough, blonde enough, thin enough,
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  Speaker 2: or rich enough. It's like, no matter what we do,
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  Speaker 2: there's always a defect there. And by, by education, parents
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  Speaker 2: and caregivers and teachers, I want to just say that
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  Speaker 2: this is nobody's fault. I just want to put that
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  Speaker 2: out there because there's no big books that come with
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  Speaker 2: raising a child. Oh, I failed you. No, you didn't.
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  Speaker 2: You know, you did what you thought was right. Even
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  Speaker 2: in addiction, you thought what was right or you was
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  Speaker 2: deranged or your mind wasn't working properly and the brain
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  Speaker 2: was a defect is what happened. But everybody has a
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  Speaker 2: chance today, new parents and old parents, to change behavior
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  Speaker 2: and to change thought patterns. As a toddler running around
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  Speaker 2: the kitchen, for instance, if mom says to child, don't
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  Speaker 2: touch that stove, it's hot and it burns you. And
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  Speaker 2: we touch it because we're kids and it burns us.
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  Speaker 2: The biggest thing we learn there as a child is
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  Speaker 2: whatever mom tells us is true. That's it. So let's
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  Speaker 2: switch that scenario to her, you know, getting a bit older,
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  Speaker 2: maybe six, seven, eight, nine. Dad comes home two or
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  Speaker 2: three times a week after being to the bar. He's drunk.
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  Speaker 2: Mom and him gets into a fist fight two or
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  Speaker 2: three times a week. She sees this going on. And
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  Speaker 2: the next morning they get up. And what does dad say?
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  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. And she said, oh, I love you.
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  Speaker 2: Don't worry, hubby. I love you. And the child's watching this.
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  Speaker 2: And then what the child grows up to believe is
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  Speaker 2: violence equals love. There's these small things that we see
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  Speaker 2: in the house that define our thoughts and our personalities
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  Speaker 2: and our behavior going forward.
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  Speaker 1: Well, you just hit it right on the head. I
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  Speaker 1: remember watching my mom say, well, I'm stuck. There's nothing
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  Speaker 1: I can do. I can't, you know, this is all
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  Speaker 1: I've got. And regardless of where we were in our lives,
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  Speaker 1: she always felt like that was the best she could get,
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  Speaker 1: the best she could do. And I grew up with
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  Speaker 1: that too, even when I got out of the military
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  Speaker 1: and I stayed with the military for 33 years because
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  Speaker 1: I said, wow, this is just a great thing. It's
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  Speaker 1: the best I could do. It's security. I'm making a
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  Speaker 1: good paycheck. And then when I retired and I started
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  Speaker 1: my entrepreneurship journey, then I kept getting these negative programs
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  Speaker 1: from childhood saying, well, I'm going to keep driving my
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  Speaker 1: old car, even though it's breaking down because it's the
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  Speaker 1: best I could do right now. And I am going
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  Speaker 1: to stick with these clients who aren't really ready to
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  Speaker 1: be with me because, well, it's the best that I
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  Speaker 1: could do right now. And I had to break that
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  Speaker 1: negative program cycle to move beyond what my mom programmed
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  Speaker 1: in my head.
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  Speaker 2: So.
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  Speaker 1: How would you explain to parents how to see the
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  Speaker 1: signs and how to start breaking these cycles?
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  Speaker 2: So everything from parents to children is passed down. It's
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  Speaker 2: called a measurement and learned behavior from parents. So we
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  Speaker 2: wanted to prove this was right with all sorts of
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  Speaker 2: stuff that we come across. We got a thousand fleas
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  Speaker 2: in a mason jar, a huge big mason jar. And
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  Speaker 2: we screwed the cap on and we punched holes in
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  Speaker 2: the top and we left them for three days. Now,
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  Speaker 2: fleas can jump three, four, five foot in the air,
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  Speaker 2: as we know. After three days, we unscrewed the cap
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  Speaker 2: and we put the cap away somewhere. Not one flea
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  Speaker 2: would jump higher than where the cap was, which we're
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  Speaker 2: kind of expecting that. But we left them in there.
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  Speaker 2: And then when they had babies inside the jar, the
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  Speaker 2: babies wouldn't jump higher than where the cap was and
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  Speaker 2: they'd never even seen the cap. So we do what
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  Speaker 2: our parents, you know, if we can achieve what our
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  Speaker 2: parents do, then we max out at that. where parents
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  Speaker 2: are on this thin line. If I push them too much,
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  Speaker 2: they'll resent me. If I don't push them enough, they'll
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  Speaker 2: resent me. And we always want to do as good
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  Speaker 2: as our parents. But I think the idea is, the
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  Speaker 2: more we get talking over the last 20 years about this,
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  Speaker 2: is parents want us to do better. And I think
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  Speaker 2: that's where it lies, the communication, the teaching, and stuff
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  Speaker 2: like that. If you're allowing your child to come home
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  Speaker 2: from school at 3, 4 o'clock and go gaming upstairs
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  Speaker 2: until 9 p.m. at nighttime, first of all, I'll show
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  Speaker 2: you a future addict's And secondly, it is distorting the mind.
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  Speaker 2: There's nothing there, you know, is not going to grow
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  Speaker 2: up the same. So nurturing is the number one thing
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  Speaker 2: that we talk about. I'm busy. We both have jobs. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: we know that. Most people today have to have man
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  Speaker 2: and woman working to afford a mortgage or rent. But
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  Speaker 2: when you get home, when you get the quality time,
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  Speaker 2: when you get time to nurture, most people don't because
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  Speaker 2: they're tired. Again, nobody's fault here. They're tired. And then
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  Speaker 2: what happens is they get neglected. Now, listen, this saying
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  Speaker 2: might seem harsh, but it's true. With 30 years experience
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  Speaker 2: in the industry is anything less than nurturing as a
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  Speaker 2: child is child abuse. Think about that real hard before
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  Speaker 2: you shower the screen. What does he know? It's so true.
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  Speaker 2: You know, for my part of my behavioral science PhD,
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  Speaker 2: my professor sent me to the zoo for a year
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  Speaker 2: to watch the primates. through the wind, the freezing, the snow.
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  Speaker 2: I hated that guy for that. But we learned so
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  Speaker 2: much there of the nurturing and stuff. So whenever you
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  Speaker 2: get a choice with children, one must be nurturing and
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  Speaker 2: taking care and being there and listening and directing and
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  Speaker 2: realize that everything you do, the child will do. Monkey see,
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  Speaker 2: monkey do. So if you're not keeping yourself to a
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  Speaker 2: certain standard or routines and stuff, the child will follow that.
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  Speaker 2: So if you have no dreams and aspirations, like most
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  Speaker 2: of my people in my family didn't, again, no fault,
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  Speaker 2: then I was supposed to follow rank. I was supposed
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  Speaker 2: to get married early, have a child that I wed love,
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  Speaker 2: then get married, have a job at the factory around
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  Speaker 2: the corner, Friday night drink with the rest of the
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  Speaker 2: guys and go home. That was it for me. All
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  Speaker 2: my family's done that. And I wanted different. Now, growing
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  Speaker 2: up an alcoholic or addict, I still ruin my children's
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  Speaker 2: life because of my drinking habits. I had to go
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  Speaker 2: into treatment centers, and eventually my wife left with her
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  Speaker 2: two children. But we get a chance to make it
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  Speaker 2: up in the future. And I think the idea of
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  Speaker 2: normal parenting, I don't believe in normal parenting because there
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  Speaker 2: isn't normal parenting. Every child is different. Every parent is different.
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  Speaker 2: Every circumstance is different. And we must try to work
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  Speaker 2: out a relationship with our child. One of the things
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  Speaker 2: I hate, Francine, is, oh, we're like sisters. We're like
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  Speaker 2: best friends. No, you're the parent. Parent the child. You're
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  Speaker 2: not best friends. You're not sisters and twins. No, you're parent, okay?
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  Speaker 2: Stop letting your kid come home and game all night
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  Speaker 2: and stuff like that. I have rules and regulations in
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  Speaker 2: the house that will bode them well for future life.
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  Speaker 1: One thing you said before that really just planted in
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  Speaker 1: my brain, and I have to talk about it, You said, parents,
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  Speaker 1: don't get mad at me for saying this. Well, in
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  Speaker 1: my mind, if a parent got mad at you for
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  Speaker 1: saying that, I hope they stuck around to listen to more.
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  Speaker 1: Because if it struck a nerve in them, they're seeing
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  Speaker 1: something of themselves. in what you said so can you
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  Speaker 1: address that.
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  Speaker 2: I mean they're harsh words but they're true i mean
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  Speaker 2: it's very oh they're more we get into behavioral science
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  Speaker 2: uh so neuroscience and behavioral science holds the key to
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  Speaker 2: our life or the future and what we know today
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  Speaker 2: pertains to any kind of psych behavior or limb behavior
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  Speaker 2: that we do So it's very important that we realize
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  Speaker 2: that nurturing is number one. Again, you might have jobs,
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  Speaker 2: two jobs, three jobs. I know, but every time you
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  Speaker 2: spend with your child, it's going to be precious and nurturing.
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  Speaker 2: If the child is told like I was, that don't
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  Speaker 2: be so stupid, Robert. You can't go to college. You know,
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  Speaker 2: you're too stupid. Nobody's been to college in your family.
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  Speaker 2: That would be just ridiculous. Then that's what I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to believe. Whatever somebody tells you on a regular basis,
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  Speaker 2: especially growing up, you believe as a child. So the
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  Speaker 2: part of the brain is called the basal ganglia. It's
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  Speaker 2: our repetition strength and confirm. So if I tell you
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  Speaker 2: a lie now, you might believe it, you might not.
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  Speaker 2: If I tell you a lie often enough, you're going
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  Speaker 2: to believe it. But guess what? If I tell you
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  Speaker 2: a lie real often enough, I'm going to believe the lie.
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  Speaker 2: So what we tell our children, this time we've spent
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  Speaker 2: with our children is very, very important. Sometimes it's a
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  Speaker 2: matter of life and death. If we place them in situations,
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  Speaker 2: we allow them to get away with stuff at home.
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  Speaker 2: It's like everybody's busy. I know that, guys. But it's
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: important that you give your child the best chance going forward.
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  Speaker 2: And this is regardless if you're growing up on the
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  Speaker 2: projects like me or you're growing up in a million-dollar house.
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  Speaker 2: I've seen more trauma in $ 20 million houses, Francine, than
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  Speaker 2: I have on the projects. It's because money does not,
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  Speaker 2: you know, void you away from not raising the child properly.
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  Speaker 2: It's to the contrary. So we have to look at
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  Speaker 2: these facts and figures and realize that during that prime
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  Speaker 2: time is when you really have to nurture and stick
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  Speaker 2: with the nurturing. And you're not going to get any
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  Speaker 2: thanks for it, parents. You're not going to get any
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  Speaker 2: attaboys for it. But what you'll get is a child
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  Speaker 2: making a sensible decision at the right time that I'll
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  Speaker 2: either take him down this way or this way. And
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  Speaker 2: then you'll start to realize that you had a huge impact.
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  Speaker 2: Most men want to be like their dad. Most women don't.
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  Speaker 2: most girls with mom with dad sorry but they want
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  Speaker 2: to be like mom so raise them standards just a
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  Speaker 2: little bit you know food etiquette knives and fork I
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  Speaker 2: don't care what it is just make them aware of
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  Speaker 2: something that they don't know and the change will be
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  Speaker 2: amazing and if.
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  Speaker 1: Your teenager hates you. You're doing something right.
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  Speaker 2: Something good. Yes. Yes. She just said she hates me.
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  Speaker 2: Let me guess. Is she 14? How did you know?
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  Speaker 2: We're supposed to be hated at 14.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: It's all good.
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  Speaker 1: But the problem lies in the parent who is a
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  Speaker 1: people pleaser. Oh. And all they want to do is
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  Speaker 1: please the kid. Oh, my God, my daughter hates me.
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  Speaker 1: So then they overcompensate to please the child, which is
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  Speaker 1: the worst thing a parent could do. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And again, that's just natural behavior. It's like there has
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: to be limits on everything that we do. But yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I did this, you know, something. So five years ago,
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  Speaker 2: maybe six years ago, my daughter got in contact with me.
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  Speaker 2: The last time she saw me, I was homeless, begging
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  Speaker 2: on the streets. Now she gets older than me. I
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  Speaker 2: have companies worth multimillion dollars. I have four companies. So
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: what's the first thing I did when we get in
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  Speaker 2: touch and we're all great? I bought her a house
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: and then I bought her a car. That was five
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: or six years ago. And my friend come on and went, ah, ah, ah,
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  Speaker 2: that's not the way to win her back, Rob. We
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: have to learn even at the age of 36 or
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  Speaker 2: whatever she was, uh, you know, that you can't just
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  Speaker 2: keep providing. Because that's what I did all my life.
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  Speaker 2: I provided, when I was in active alcoholism, I had
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  Speaker 2: my business, I had an amazing job. I was earning
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  Speaker 2: lots of money and I would buy stuff for them. But,
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  Speaker 2: you know, I built a playhouse on the back of
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  Speaker 2: the house just for them, two little girls to play in.
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  Speaker 2: What they didn't know is I built it so I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: could drink in the afternoon while they were playing in there.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I had brand new cars that I would drive them
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  Speaker 2: to school in because I wanted everybody at school, including
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: their teachers, to realize that Charlotte's father is very wealthy
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  Speaker 2: and he's made it. And look at him, he's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: And during talks over the last four years with my daughter,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: she said to me something that floored me one day.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: He said, remember when... I said, yeah, that was a
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: brand new Mercedes, Charlie. Top of the class Mercedes. And
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: she looked at me and said, Dad, I didn't care
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  Speaker 2: about all that stuff. I just wanted you to say
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  Speaker 2: hi and spend some time with me. Oops. That still
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  Speaker 2: gets me. So again, you know, Money can't buy love,
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  Speaker 2: you know. Time and nurturing buys everything that a child needs.
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  Speaker 1: And it doesn't even take a lot, just sitting there
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  Speaker 1: together and reading a story for 10 minutes a night.
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  Speaker 2: That's it. The story, nurturing, you know. I know for
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  Speaker 2: a fact I could go to my mom for anything.
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  Speaker 2: My dad was very quiet, never said a word. But
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  Speaker 2: my mom, if I murdered somebody, went home, she'd cover
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: for me. You know, it was that kind of relationship. Mom,
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  Speaker 2: I did this. I did something stupid. And a biggest
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: rule growing up with the children is never being the
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: police to our doorstep. That was a big thing for
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: the family. And I brought the police to our doorstep
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  Speaker 2: on several occasions. So, you know, but yeah, it's relationships
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  Speaker 2: are complicated if you let them be complicated. But it's simple.
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  Speaker 2: Like I, during my drinking, used to go upstairs with
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  Speaker 2: my two girls and read them a bedtime story. Now.
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  Speaker 2: They still remember that today. They didn't realize I was
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: drunk and wasted, but they realized that I took the
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: time for 20 minutes a night, sat on their beds,
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  Speaker 2: reading them a story. And you can show that the
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: confidence from that reflects in their daily life to even today,
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: all them years on.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: And I love hearing that, of course, because I'm a
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: children's author. Read to your kids. It's important, which is
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: why I write the books.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Probably one of the most important things you're going to
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: do at that age is reading them a book, get
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: them into literature. Like your job is amazing, what you do, because,
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: you know, I don't know what your mindset around is,
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: but you write these beautiful books, you know, and kids
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  Speaker 2: get to read them. But then we dig deeper into
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: the psychology behind that.
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  Speaker 1: I never told you this, but I wrote an adult
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  Speaker 1: self-help book and I listened to feedback from my audiences
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: when I was out speaking about them. And they said
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: the young kids need to hear this. So my children's
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: books are snippets from my adult self-help, the six step
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: process of personal change. And I just break it down
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  Speaker 1: so the kids could understand it and enjoy the stories.
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  Speaker 2: I love that planting seeds in children, you know, from
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: adult conversations or stories. It's amazing. You know, it's, we're
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: all on development growth, even at the age of I'm 65.
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  Speaker 2: Now I take really good care of myself, um, and
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: the best condition of my life. Um, I can do
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: anything I want to do. And that basically comes back
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: to my mom telling me that years ago, like when
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I was growing up. And it was only like 10%
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: of her whole life. The rest was you can't do it.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: It's just stupid. You're reaching beyond. She always scared of
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: me getting hurt. So she didn't want me to think here.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: She'd rather me think here and stay safe. God bless
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: her for doing that. But yeah, it's just children have
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: to realize as they get into teenagers that everything is
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: for the taking. I mean, it really is, but you
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: have to have a foundation of love, uh, parents around you.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: So if you're growing up one parent family for whatever reason,
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: it's tough. It really, you know, it really is tough.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: So the more nurturing you can give the better. Now
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: does nurturing mean let them do anything they want to do? No,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: there has to be rules and regulations because when they
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: leave the nice, comfortable, do anything you want to do
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: inside his house and they get into a harsh reality
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: at school, you know, once, once the mind starts to, uh,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: settle down and make sure it's whole about 23, 22,
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: 23 years old, then the world is open to anything
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: you want to do. Because I say this all of
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: the time. I would hate anybody to get to the
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: age of 80 or 90, look back in their lives
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: and realize two crucial things. Number one, nobody was watching you.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: And number two, you really could have done anything you
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: wanted to do. And I think that thought plan and
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: behavior comes from nurturing as a child.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: What's really funny in what you're saying is when I
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: decided I wanted to join the Navy, I had my
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: father telling me, you'll never make it through boot camp.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: And my mom telling me, you're so clumsy, you'll shoot
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: your foot off. But I didn't listen to this negative talk.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I decided, well, dad said girls don't need to go
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: to college. Well, I wanted to do something. I didn't
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: want to be in a dead end job for the
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: rest of my life. So I said, this is my opportunity.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And I don't care what they said. I'm going to
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: prove them wrong. So if you put your child in
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: a position where they're going to want to prove you wrong,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: make sure that it's something positive and growth.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: And you don't want to set the sights too high, but.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: It's just negative thinking from their parents. That's all it is.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: They stayed safe. They made sure that, you know, but yeah,
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: it's really important that we want the best for our children.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: And again, the first time when I start speaking about
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: responsibilities as a child, a parent or teacher, they want
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: to start saying, well, it's not my fault. No, no, no, no.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: It's definitely not your fault. No one's blaming anybody here.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Even if you had all the rules and regulations in
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: front of you, there's a thing called life out. there
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: and it gets in the way. And time is flying
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: by all of the time. So I think when we
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: sit down, we have a family systems program here. When
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: we sit everybody down, that's the first thing we say.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: There's no fault in this room. I don't care what
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: dad's drinking himself to death or he's caused this or
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: she's not going to. There's no fault here. We need
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: to restructure the family and the family thinking. And the
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: nurturing and everything else will start falling into place. Even
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: if your child is 40 years old, it's never too late.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I was about 45 when I came to America. And
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: I had a partner. And I split with my partner
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: 10 years ago. And I left everything to her. I
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: left the houses, the cars, the ranches, the money. I
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: left a million dollars in the bank. I left that
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: relationship with $ 200 in my pocket 11 years ago. Uh,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I met my wife today and w and we started
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: 11 years ago and we build, we build empire. So
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: it's never too late. It really isn't. I, I hate
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: you when people put timeframes on our lives, like, you know, well,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: you told to do this says who I, I, I,
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: so I, this is what I was told, uh, three
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: years ago. So I always, as a, as a British
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: man wanting to go into a British restaurant in Texas.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: or Irish pub, and to meet one Irish person or
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: one English person in them places and make me a
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: British sandwich. And nobody can. They get a burger, they
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: stick a flag on it and call it a London burger.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: So I decided three or four years ago to open
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: a full-blown English restaurant next to my offices, serving all
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: English food. People thought I was insane. My financial guys
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: were like, this is the biggest mistake you're ever going
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: to make. You're going to stick like a quarter of
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: a million dollars in this place? You've lost it already.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: It was four years ago. We're in the top 12%
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: of performing restaurants in San Antonio. But if I were
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: to listen to those, but I questioned it. And the
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: answer was, well, my mom and dad always says, says who?
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: Is that right though? I mean, are you happy living
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: the way you're living or do you want to change
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: your life? Are you happy the way you've grown up
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: and you want better for your children? These are the
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: questions that are great to ask yourselves is of course
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: we do. So very quick story. about children growing up
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: and what they believe. We went into a primary school
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: many years ago, just after college. My friend was the
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: headmaster of private school, and the children were something from
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: like 7 to 12. And we asked them, can we
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: come in and test your children? We have this exam,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: this test, and basically what it does, it reveals the
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: top three students in your school. And he said, well,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: that's impossible. And I said, no, you know, we're psychologists,
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: we just want to try it. And he Because it's you, Rob. Okay,
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: we'll try it. So we spoke to the board and
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: everyone agreed. And we went down and we handed the
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: test out. It's about 20, 30 kids. 20 minutes. It's
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: all filled in. Just general questions. We went back. And
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: we'll say, we'll be back tomorrow with our top three.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: So we went back. Remember, true story, guys. We went
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: back and we said, here's your top three. You have Jimmy, Bill,
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: and I can't remember their names. And he's like, Billy?
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Are you sure? Billy Johnson. Yep, Billy Johnson. Oh, wow.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: That surprised us. And then there's Tony. Tony. Oh, all right.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And Julie. Wow. I'm not sure about this, Rob. Well,
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: we'll be back in a year's time. Please don't contact me.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: We'll see how it goes. So when we pulled up
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: in a year's time, we'd made all the phone calls.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: We were there at 12 o'clock. And when we got there,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: not only were all the staff and the board were outside,
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: but the parents were outside as well. And we got
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: off and the headmaster run up. He said, Rob, how
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: did you do it? And I says, do what? How
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: did you do it, man? We need to call the
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: government now. We need to get that test into the
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: government because this is unbelievable. And we took them inside,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: no parents, just the board. And we sat down and said,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: here's how we did it. We come to your school
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: with the test papers. Everyone filled them in. On the
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: way home, we actually ditched them in the trash. We
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: threw them away. And we got home and we picked
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: three random people out of your school, three random kids.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: And then we come back the next day and we
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: told you that they were geniuses and they were going
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: to be captains of industry and stuff. And he said,
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: I don't get it. So I said, well, we chose
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: the three random kids and we told you that they
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: were going to be geniuses and because you treated them
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: as such, so they become. True story.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Wow, I just got the chills on that one.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: That's amazing.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: So what you tell your children you can do, they
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: will become. But you've got to, you know, convince yourself
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: and then them that things open up to the world.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: There's no limits. Everyone's putting limits on stuff. There's no
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: limits here, guys or girls. girls who are growing up
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: wanting to do a pilot or an astronaut. There's no limits.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I was an aircraft electrician for the military. So yeah,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: there are no limits. And I'm not even an athletic person.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: So there is no limits. And trust me, whatever you
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: tell yourself, whether it's positive or negative, your brain believes it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: So you might as well just tell it the good stuff.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: The brain doesn't know the difference between the truth and
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: the false, guys. It can't tell reality to fake. It
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: just can't. So whatever you feed it, it will run with.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: So if you convince yourself or keep saying, I'm going
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: to do this or I'm going to get that job,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: it'll happen because the brain's just following your internal dialogue
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: and suggestions. Now, add that with the way you're brought
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: up and the belief system that you have from the
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: family system and you will become that person. There was
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: something in your life, Francine, when somebody said to you,
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: you can do this, you'll be amazing at this. Even
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: if it was a remark that the conscious brain didn't
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: pick up, like a conversation at nighttime that you heard
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: from mom and dad as you were going, whatever it
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: was planted that that can halfway convinced you that you
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: can go and do anything you want. And so you did.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: And that's the way the brain works.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I remember that during the run. I don't think I can,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: but I know I can. I don't think I can,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: but I know I can. And one time I really couldn't.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I had an asthma attack and somebody, I don't even
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: know who it was, grabbed the name tag off my
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: shirt and put it on his shirt and crossed the
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: finish line. So even though I physically couldn't do it,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I still passed the test.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: I just put it in my head. Somehow I'm going
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: to stay in the army. Nice.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: And parents, you could do it too, and you could
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: help your.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Kids do that. 100%. Once you start to believe that, guys,
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: it'll happen. It really will.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: It's all a matter of what you believe.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Correct. Yeah. And that's been backed by quantum physics, quantum
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: science for many, many years. It's like what we believe
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: we will become, but it's what you believe in. It's
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: been planted at an early date, you know, what's my
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: belief system of what I can achieve in life. And
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: you will achieve it.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Well, on that note, how can people get in touch
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: with you or get more of your world?
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: So if you're listening, not watching, you'll notice if you're
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: watching a spell name with two B's, R-O-B-B-K-E-L-O-Y.com is the website.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Jump on there. You'll see some, we have a software
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: on there. The company's called breathbox.studio. It's one of my companies.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: It's done online. It changes pathways. It changes the brain
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: completely from negative to positive. Jump on there. Hit all
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: our socials. And there's a great book out there called Daddy, Daddy,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Please Stop Drinking, which the last thing I said to
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: my daughter, go and have a look at it on
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Amazon and then don't buy it. We've got 10 copies
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: right here to give away. So contact myself or Francine.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: I'll sign it personally to you. I'll pay for all
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: the posts and everything. Everything's free. And when you get it,
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: have a great read and then pass on to somebody
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: else free of charge who you think deserves to read it.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: That is an amazing offer. Thank you so much. I
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: am so glad I met you because this conversation was
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: absolutely amazing.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: And with that, that's our episode of Parents Talk. And
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I will see you next time.