Latest / Pod Therapy / #401: Daddy's Girl Divorce, Teenage Depression, Laid Off Job Searching

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#401: Daddy's Girl Divorce, Teenage Depression, Laid Off Job Searching · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is what this way is called. Misery is starting
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: to make a lot of you.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Want to go see the holidays.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: I think you guys are kind of convincing me that
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Las Vegas is the better choice. Like, fuck fall, fuck winter,
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: I'll just live here where there's dust and blue sky.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: For twelve months.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I figured it out from.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Fabulous Las Vegasata not Missouri, not Missouri. This is for
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: so many reasons, misery therapy, real people a real problems
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  Speaker 3: and real therapists, and you get to make your questions
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  Speaker 3: anonymously at pods therapy dot net or email us at
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  Speaker 3: pot therapy guys at gmail dot com. And now broadcasting
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  Speaker 3: from the s J and the Ruckuskoy Pond Studio.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: That's Jim, that's Whitney.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: I'm Nick this time for spot therapyst Well friends. We
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: discussed a lot in also, we got through Jenny State.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: Okay, I don't know, I just don't. I don't think
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: I can even think that through Why is fine?
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I feel like you want me to know that there's
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: not any others or something, But there's no way that
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: can scan all fifty of them right now and figure
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: this out.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: California. I yeah, Les, whatever.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: They're all ship patron dot com slash Therapy. You can
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: enjoy our pre show hangout and we cover a gamut
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: of things, including what a terrible spouse Whitney is, which
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: is just coming.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Out I think just a week after week.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Well it's just reconfirmed.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And if you'd like to join the now being set, Peter,
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: I think you're right.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: You know what, Save Ferris can Peter. This is the
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: last thing you're doing with the part thereatment we're paying
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: for the divorce were good fucking lawyer. Listen, we're closing
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: the store. Okay before we do. Yeah, this is gonna
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: have a save Peter shirt. Jesus safety can get everybody
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: at Scoopfest and wearing save Peter shirts.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Don't nobody tell people?
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: And then whenever he comes hobbling in on crutches and
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: everybody's got to say, oh my god, that's a great idea.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: This is a great idea. Do this, do this tonight.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I will what we need shirts.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: We need shirts patroon dot com slash Therapy also some announcements.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Don't forget to go to vote Jim dot net every day,
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: every device until I tell you to stop there and.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Very simple God damn it. No, when you go you
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: should click submit.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Also, getting to these final reminders that scoop Fest is
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: coming up, you can still show up. You can hang
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: out with all your favorite podcast buddies and meet our
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: community live in fabulous Las Vegas at the New Orleans goes.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: To Scoop Past. Oh is it just called the Orleans?
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: The regular Orleans, the old Orleans, old one?
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the old they replaced it.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: That's right. I can't be going budget, that's right. This
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: conference is not you know we're on a budget, all right,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: So uh, what is that?
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: Hay Scoops or Scoopfest best dot Com? Hey scoops dot com.
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: I'll get you to the same place, Hey scoops dot com.
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: Right there, you can buy tickets.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: Hayscoops dot com, slash porn Hub and it will take
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: you straight to what you want to be at.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be a good time.
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: We've got some great questions for today's show, and leading
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: off the order today, children wanting to spend time after
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: the breakup in the customary Happy Australian way.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Good day cunts.
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: I've written in a couple of times before, and now
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: here I am again. My wife and I split up
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: about a year ago. We have two children, an eight
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: year old girl and a five year old boy. My
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: ex moved out and now lives about five minutes down
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: the road. We have equal shared custody of the kids
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: with a week on, week off deal. Since the X
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: and I have split, we've been getting on together better
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: than ever. Really, no fighting, no animosity. I couldn't have
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: asked for a better person to divorce. While my ex
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: and I don't go out together as friends or a
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: full family anymore, it is not rare that when doing
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: the kiddo handover, we won't hang out a bit together.
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: Sometimes when the kids have some event happening that both
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: my ex and I are present for, we'll all go
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: out and get dinner or whatever afterward. I'm just trying
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: to paint the picture that despite my ex and I
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: getting a divorce, the kids are still in an environment
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: where they do receive love and support from us and
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: don't have to watch their mom and dad fight and
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: disagree with each other. My daughter, however, has recently started
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: to get really upset on Saturday mornings before I take
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: her back to her mom's house, and then she doesn't
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: want me to leave either. Over the last month or two,
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: this has slowly gotten worse and more dramatic each time.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: Night Saturday night, she expressed to her mom that she
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: wanted to spend more time with her dad. Obviously, I
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: have a few concerns about this. For starters, this must
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: have been heartbreaking for her mother to hear. It's unfair
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: on my ex because she would get to spend less
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: time with her daughter. I also don't want to break
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: up the siblings. This only happened last night. We haven't
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: yet had a chance to sit down and discuss this
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: at all together or make any changes to our current
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: system that we have.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: My ex did say.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: That although it is painful for her to do that,
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: as a mother, I should keep our daughter for longer.
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  Speaker 4: Is this a slippery slope? My gut instinct tells me
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: to put my foot down and tell my daughter no
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: and keep it fifty to fifty. But it's also clear
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: that my daughter does want to spend more time with me.
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: I don't believe there is much of a difference in
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: parenting styles. It's not like when the kids are with me,
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: they're safe and loved, and my ex's house is dangerous
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: in any way. We both make the most of our
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: weekends with the kids, taking them out for fun activities.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Do you do not know about the toddlerdome that your
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: ex has? The fight club?
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: But Jacob, we don't talk about Okay, okay, about that.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: We both make good dinners during the week. I can't
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: think of any environmental differences that would cause this thinking.
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: Maybe it really is just a daddy's girl thing.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: I know you're going to suggest family counseling or taking
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: my daughter to a children's therapist. That is certainly something
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: we can do. Just reaching out to someone for some
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: extra thoughts or advice on what we can do is
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: I don't have anyone in my life that has had.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: To deal with the situation. Thanks goof scoop.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Were you all going to recommend there?
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: At some point? I was going to recommend corporal punishment?
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, it's one option.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: We're going to keep the accusation. Yeah, we would that
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: we would recommend fact such a thing.
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: Now we're not going to go to family there, that's right.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: I'm going on the other side of this issue. Therapies
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: for bitches, all right, just rub some turn on it.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: It'll be fine where kids will be fine or they
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: won't save the money. Either way, My kids don't bother
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: either way. Scoopfest dot com. Thank you must that therapist money.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: Don't give it to that stranger. They don't love you.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: So what do we think about this?
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: First of all, what a great problem to have. I
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: I love the fact that mom and dad are working
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: together and co parent.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I wish every divorce could be like this. Yeah. Oh
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: and goof scoop. I bet part of you.
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: I bet it feels a little good to have the
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: little girl being like, I want to stay with you
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  Speaker 5: and everything cool.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay.
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: That's okay to be happy that your daughter once it's
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: been time with you too, flatter. Yeah, that's that's that's lovely.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point.
• 7:45
  Speaker 6: I when I was younger and going through my parents
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: divorce when I was four.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and just over that time.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: They're wondering it was her fault.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, obviously it was.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Whitney's fault, which is why that bad girl tattoo on
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: her way. We've seen how she treats Peter. Yeah, I'd
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: leave to Jesus as she learned it. Something put her
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: up for adoption, I mean nature and nurture. At some
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: point we would just be happy, get rid of her.
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: Don't cry speaking of the micry cry into the mic.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: But you were saying, okay.
• 8:30
  Speaker 6: So when I was four, my parents divorced, but there
• 8:34
  Speaker 6: were ebbs and flows from age four to eighteen of
• 8:38
  Speaker 6: like we primarily my brother and I primarily lived with
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  Speaker 6: my mom, and we'd see our dad every other weekend
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  Speaker 6: and every Wednesday he would drive to come take us
• 8:48
  Speaker 6: to dinner because he lived about an hour away. So
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: it's like annoyingly far. We couldn't stay like five minutes
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: like goof scoop exactly right. So there there there were
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: differences there. I do think sometimes my parents did a
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: really good job of like I know they had issues
• 9:03
  Speaker 6: that they didn't show us, and sure so for a
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: young child, like you knew they didn't like just love
• 9:10
  Speaker 6: being around each other.
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  Speaker 2: But there was never like civil It was civil.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, friendly when they were handing guys off.
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: So the thing I remember is like if I ever,
• 9:19
  Speaker 6: let's say, didn't want to go with my dad for
• 9:22
  Speaker 6: the weekend for whatever reason, I don't even fucking remember why,
• 9:24
  Speaker 6: I'd be like, I don't know, I just want to
• 9:27
  Speaker 6: like watch a TV show all weekend or something, play
• 9:29
  Speaker 6: with my friends all week and like it's not always
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: about like I like one parent more than another. Like
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: there's a million reasons it could be, especially at eight,
• 9:38
  Speaker 6: because for sure, under the age of twelve, they were
• 9:41
  Speaker 6: like issues like this, like oh I don't want to
• 9:42
  Speaker 6: go this weekend or whatever, I just didn't want to
• 9:44
  Speaker 6: drive that, or like kids are fickle. I don't know,
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: but I say that to say, like from my perspective,
• 9:53
  Speaker 6: I think talking to your daughter about this, like I
• 9:56
  Speaker 6: haven't heard you really share like how much you've kind
• 9:59
  Speaker 6: of gone to her. Not to make it like a
• 10:01
  Speaker 6: pressure situation. I wouldn't say, put on like maybe a
• 10:04
  Speaker 6: show she likes. If there's a video game. I love
• 10:06
  Speaker 6: this with kids, if there's a video game she likes playing,
• 10:09
  Speaker 6: or computer game, like kind of chat with her while
• 10:12
  Speaker 6: she's playing the game so that she's not like feeling
• 10:16
  Speaker 6: drilled or pressure. I feel like kids open up a
• 10:19
  Speaker 6: lot more when they're kind of doing it. And maybe
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: at eight, maybe that's like playing with Plato. I don't
• 10:23
  Speaker 6: freaking know, But whatever your daughter likes to do while
• 10:26
  Speaker 6: she's doing that kind of just bring up you know, Hey,
• 10:29
  Speaker 6: I noticed like Eve been wanting to spend more time
• 10:31
  Speaker 6: with me, Like, is there anything specific you're wanting to do?
• 10:34
  Speaker 6: Like what's going on there? Like just kind of a
• 10:36
  Speaker 6: curiosity because I don't know it could be anything. I
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: feel like we do a lot of assumptions with kids.
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: I've heard my in laws do this with my niece
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: and nephews, even down to like this really funny story
• 10:50
  Speaker 6: with my niece when she was very young and going
• 10:53
  Speaker 6: to bed. My brother in law was like chatting with
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: her and she's like, I'm perfect.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm perfect.
• 11:00
  Speaker 6: And he's like, oh my god, this is like a
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: pressure parents his first child. So he's like, I don't
• 11:05
  Speaker 6: want her to like get a big head, but like whatever,
• 11:07
  Speaker 6: So he starts kind of like you yeah.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Basically he's like, well, that's a lot of pressure.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like you have to be?
• 11:14
  Speaker 6: Like he's like kind of going into this and like
• 11:16
  Speaker 6: just talking through stuff, and then she goes, I'm the
• 11:18
  Speaker 6: perfect temperature.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Ah, because she's like three or whatever.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm the perfect temperature.
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: But she used that I'm perfect exactly. And so I
• 11:28
  Speaker 6: think we as adults are coming out these issues sometimes
• 11:31
  Speaker 6: with adult brain and like what is an eight year
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: old thinking in that.
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: I don't know what are your thoughts on arbitrary keeping
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: it structured? And I don't want the word arbitrary to
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: sound dismissive it, but I think Goofscoop saying, there's a
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: part of his mind that thinks, you know, what, consistency matters.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: Let's enforce the rules and let's let them get used
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: to it, and let's not accommodate you know, whatever flippancy
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: or whatever you know desires they have, because this very quick.
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: There's two different kids, and like this starts to throw
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: off rhythms versus, let's be flexible and accommodating to a
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: kid based on what they're going through and sort of
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: like maneuver and like kind of this is already a
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: big life change, Like we're getting along great. It's not
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: something we're gonna go to court over. Can we just
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: find it within us to be flexible when that's needed?
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: When she's thirteen, she might hate dad, she might want
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: to be around mom more, and maybe I need to
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: accommodate that. What are your thoughts based on your lived
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: experience of like, is it important to have structure?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Is it important to be accommodating my.
• 12:31
  Speaker 6: Personal opinion here. And I don't know that this is
• 12:33
  Speaker 6: the right one, but my personal opinion is sticking with
• 12:37
  Speaker 6: what the court says and the structure is that's like
• 12:40
  Speaker 6: a reaction because I never felt like, especially if you
• 12:44
  Speaker 6: really believe every each helm is safe, there's not like
• 12:47
  Speaker 6: a danger.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: There, right.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: That is?
• 12:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah, sure, like that is your spouse's time or expouse's
• 12:55
  Speaker 6: time with their kiddo.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: And I don't know, I just think they're gonna be okay,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: has something.
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: To establishing because I mean there is gonna be there
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: are gonna be growing pains. Yeah, I mean, this is
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: this is a change. I agree with you by the
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: way I think, I think, I think the way it goes.
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: I mean my parents divorced when I was ten, was
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: it also?
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, especially has that very bad girl tattoo on her day.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: It was nine years old, my parents.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: She's ruining everybody's life, bad girl from Texas.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Witneys trail destructions, Hurricane Whitney is fucking up everybody's.
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: Family, wrecking homes from Texas.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: It's nineteen seventy two. That's why Winn was born in
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: nineteen seventy two. Save Peter dot com, Save Peter dot.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Com, the seventy.
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: A Future, the way.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: But I believe I believe that you're right.
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: I think because I mean when I was nine or ten,
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: Harve Old, I was when when my parents got divorced,
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: we had actually a very similar pick up drop off
• 14:10
  Speaker 5: schedule that you described. My parents lived a little closer,
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: but it was still in the age. I mean this
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: is the eighties. Yeah, eighties, maybe into the early nineties
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: where it's you know, it was like I lived with
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: one parent, my brother lived with the other parent, and
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: then we would be together during the weekends, spending every
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: other weekend at Atie's parents house.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's really interesting.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like my brother and they split us up and.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: She didn't get along.
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah right, No, but we were six years we are
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: five or six years apart. Oh so I mean, yeah,
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: we when we were kids, we didn't have that much
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: to do with each other, right, Yeah.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Like so, I but.
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: The structure thing, I mean, if I had had the
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: option to make that call as a kid, and especially
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: as like a young pissed off teenager, right like, as
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: soon as you give that option, that option can be weaponized.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good point.
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: And I mean the kid is going to weaponize that
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: whether like right now, everything is happy, and it's just
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: like I want to spend more time at Dad's house,
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: right and like I'm having fun where I am right now,
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: so I want to.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Continue having fun. That's it, right, Yo? But how old?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: How was the kid now?
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: Eighty and eighty five? Yeah, little girls, the older one.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: So I mean the eight year old doing that now
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: that that's great. When the eight year old is the
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: twelve year old, it's going to be different when they're
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: when they're fourteen or fifteen, it's going to be different.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: That's a really good point.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I would I would just say, establish the structure.
• 15:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you got outlier, that's fine.
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: I got to kind of follow the rules and figure
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: out when you can break the rules.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: First again, assuming safety is already off the test. Yeah,
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: I do think I like that because I do think
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: it's it's an important lesson to learn as a child.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you're saying up the structure for
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: the kid.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like there's gonna be a lot of
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: stuff that we don't want to do. Yeah that's like
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: you know, well, I know you enjoyed this, but you
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: know it's over now we have to go on, we
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: have to do with these other things, and at.
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: Some point that becomes you know, having that structure becomes
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: a nice thing when the kid, you know, maybe they
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: have a phone, now, maybe they don't, whatever, but you know,
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: when they look at their calendar at some point and
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: like when their friend asks, do you want to do
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: something this weekend?
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Right, You're like, oh, I'm with my dad this weekend.
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: But they know right once they at least like you're
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: you're solidifying that world for the kid.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: You're setting up that structure to give the kids security.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I mean that's a huge part of it.
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: So I mean, yeah, I just go with it and
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: and just get the kid on board, be like this
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: is what we're doing. Yeah, you know, nobody's thrilled with this.
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: This is this is a compromise for all of us.
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: But at the same time, this is this is reality
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: right now, and so we're going to figure out how
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: to make this reality wonderful.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, leaning into structure. So, Nick, when Whitney ruined your.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: Parents, Mary, Yeah, the work because of me.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: I was a sophomore in college was complicated, Like the
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: custody battle. Yeah, when I was in college was rough.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Where's and all this right? Because and state.
• 17:23
  Speaker 6: Okay, that's interesting your parents You were an adult?
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was a sophomore college.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Is that weird a little bit?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I was like twenty four and oh really,
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I had just had my first child, So that became
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: a whole other part.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: I thought, your parents, they're not together anymore, and like,
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: I just had the only grandchild in the family. So
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: like my whole life, we've always on holidays together. And
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: then my little sister, she was still in high school
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: when they split, and they're split up with such a mess.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: They lived in Florida at the time that I took
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: custody of my little sister, and so she actually came
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: out moved into Las Vegas with me, and I put
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: her through the finish of high school and stuff. And
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: so I just adopted a seventeen year old and had
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: that whole thing.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: So it was also Whitney's fault.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, she's gone away.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: She was everywhere.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Man South doesn't matter, I know.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Times really.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: University, Yeah, not very demanding, you think, and also valedictorian.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, plenty of university is as demanding as you would sink. Exactly.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I just prayed a lot.
• 18:31
  Speaker 7: No.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: But it's an interesting debate because like one of the
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: things so that the rider goof Scoops kids are eight
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: and five, My kids are fifteen and ten. And one
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: of the things that we've noticed raising our kids is
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: they go through and they've stopped doing this now, well
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: almost they've stopped.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: All their lives.
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: They've gone through these phases and we've always jokingly called
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: it like it's a daddy phase or a mommy phase,
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: where for whatever reason, periodically one of them would hit
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: this era and they'd be like, Dad, I want to
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: be around Dad all the time. And it would be
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: like I'm going to the store, Oh I want to
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: come with you dad, you know, like and just I
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: couldn't like make them leave me alone.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Like every minute they're coming out to dad.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: You want to play video games and they just want
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: to cook together and just like always be around dad,
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: and like, oh, well, who wants to put me to sleep?
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Like every night it's like one of us put them
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: to sleep.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: And there were errors where it was always me, and
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: then there was errors when they don't want me fucking around.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: It was like oh mommy, mommy, mommy. And so we
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: would joke like, oh, I guess they've naturally organically hit
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: this era where they want you around and it would
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: last for however long and then eventually they'd get back
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: to neutral and then eventually, you know, go the other way.
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: Well, the mommy era has lasted about fifteen years so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: my day's coming now.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Any day I'm watching that down back, it's going to
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: come back to me. So, like, I want to affirm
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: some of what Goofscoop's talking about here because I think
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: that in my lived experience and what I've seen in
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: other families, I think that there is something organic about
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: this that doesn't have to be an indictment on mom
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: and doesn't necessarily have to be something that we look
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: at and say, oh my gosh, does this this has become.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: A forever thing.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: But I think that that kind of underscores what I
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: think all three of you are saying, which is like
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: why structure is pretty valuable, right because in a year
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: your kids might flip the other way. And it's an
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: interesting debate, right because like for us, you know, we
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: weren't divorced, so we would just accommodate the kids. It
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: was fine, you know, like they want me to put
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: them to sleep these nights, and like, great, I will,
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: but like if I can't for some reason because I'm
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: recording my stupid bodcaser the fuck.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, yea, they.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Like they need to go to bed, right, and so
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: like they have to learn to do uncomfortable things that
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: are just part of the structure.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: It's not what they want.
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: And I do think that if you accommodate kids too
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: much at this age, it the harms probably outweigh the benefits.
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: And I think whenever you're feeling really sensitive to your
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: kiddo and they love you, and the mom's like, look,
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: I feel weird prying her off of you. I'm feeling
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: a little rejected right now. I don't want to pull
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: this kid toward me against her will, so like please
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: take her.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I see that sense.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: But like, at the same time, if it's possible, I
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: think I'm with you three that I like the structure
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: a little bit more accommodation.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: Here's my thought, and I don't work with kids. My
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: background is a drug and alcohol. So unless your daughter
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: is drinking alcohol, which she.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Could be, could we know that eight years old? A
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: lot of us medication.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: But here's how I would approach this. If I was
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: going to have this talk with this eight year old,
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't talk about what.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Look here, you're an alcoholic.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: It talks to a lot of eight year olds.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Put the pipe down so I leave the school is
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: not as effective as you want them to be.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: Instead of having this conversation about like, oh, let's see
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: what we can do or something like that, just just
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: acknowledge the fact that yes, it's time to go, and
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: not even talk about whether or not that's a movable object,
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: but just the time. Let's talk about the emotions about
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: how it feels that its time is over.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that does suck.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: I'm going to miss you too while I have Yeah,
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: we're going to have a lot of things to look
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: forward to next time you come back. And not even
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: think or not even bring up the idea of trying
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: to negotiate time right, just kind of treat it almost
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: as if like this is written in stone.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: Because if they know the rules are negotiable, that becomes
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: a problem for the parenting. And this goes back to
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: something Jacob had said, which is that it's better to
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: just like, Nope, this is the structure and you're going
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: to have to mold to it. And I think the
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: line that Jacob had just about said was something like,
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: let's make it the rule, not the exception, right, so
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: like or let's let's occasionally have an exception where something's
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: going on and like Dad's going to take an extra
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: day with you or whatever to support you.
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: But you got to not make that the rule. You
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: got to figure out the rules and you got to
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: follow the rules first. Let's build that for you can
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: break well.
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: And honestly, there there is a dignity to discomfort. And
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: even though in a divorce there's this fear of like, oh, no,
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: were we damaging our kids? I want to make this
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: as gentle as possible, allowing our child to feel some
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: discomfort with the formula and then seeking comfort and solace
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: from mom, seeking comfort and solace from mom, coming to
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: mom and crying and saying I miss dad so much,
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: and letting mom go through the hard emotional labor of
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: being kind and generous and comforting to that child without
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: being defensive or wounded or hurt, and like letting that
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: child bring that energy to her and like it's gonna
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: be a shitty night for her. I don't envy the
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: mom it's a hard night whenever your kid's grabbing onto
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: you saying I missed the other one. I wish it
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: wasn't you I was hanging out with right now, I'm like, okay,
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: happy Father's Day to me.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: I guess you know.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: But like you've still got an important role to play
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: in that, and I think that's actually important for the
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: bonding too, and like that kid over time starting to
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: kind of like acclimatize to this new arrangement.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they will adjust.
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: Like even the times when I was like I don't
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: want to and was like really trying to dig my
• 23:41
  Speaker 6: heels in and I's like you're coming, and I was like, yeah,
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: you're going, and You're just like ah, and then it
• 23:46
  Speaker 6: was fine, right, like it feels like a big deal,
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: and then you're like, oh, okay, I guess I'm just
• 23:51
  Speaker 6: going and I go and do the things that I
• 23:52
  Speaker 6: do at Dad's house and like it's fine.
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: I like the idea of firmness and like structure with
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: occasionalccommodation when it's necessary, trusting the judgment of the parents
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: to know when that is, but neither parent ignoring the
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: plight of the child, like doing the suck it up,
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: tough shit, I'm tired of your whining. Get in the
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: fucking car. That's not good, you know. But I like structure.
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: But that also is like sensitive to the child. It's
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: like whenever a kid doesn't want to go to school
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: and they're like, no, I don't want to go, I
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: have anxiety, and tell me here, It's it's like, look,
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: we're going because if I make this negotiable, it's going
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: to ruin your life, right, because then you're always going
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: to revert to this like bottom, like rung in the ladder.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to support you and coach you and counsel.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: You three in the morning. I know that.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to be sensitive. I'm going to be
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: encouraging and yet firm. Right, So, no, we're not negotiating,
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: and yet I'm with you, I care about you. I'm
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: leaning in with this.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Ye some days do suck. Yeah.
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: Motivational interviewing is a really neat skill here, which is
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: a pretty advanced therapist skill. But if you can pull
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: up any books or any videos on motivational interviewing, there's
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: some really neat techniques that go into how to say
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: I care about you and acknowledge what somebody's going through
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: while not necessarily giving in and and creating a gap,
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: like keeping them in their program is important for their
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: overall health.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: So goofscoop.
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: I'd recommend looking into that little bit more. I love
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: that you and the mom are collaborating. I love that
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: you're on the same page. I encourage you to like
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: check in on her too, And just like acknowledge, I
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: do not want you to feel like it's us against you.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: I don't want you to feel like you're the bad
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: guy and you alone get to say yes or no
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: to this. And like I am willing to say no
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: to this if you know you don't want that blood
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: on your hands. You don't want to be the mean
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: mom who's said no to coming to dad. I will
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: be firm and say, Nope, that's not the agreement, honey,
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: that's not what we do. And just make it that simple.
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: Do not leave it to anybody's opinions. Do not describe
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: it to it's my preference or mommy's preference or this
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: is why sometimes with little kids, you don't want to
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: get into all the whys. You just say nope, we
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: just don't do that. That's just not what happens, just
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: not how it's going to work. Now, why do I
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: have to go to school?
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: Because you have to because I'm bigger, That's exactly. It's funny.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I just remember my kids.
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: With my son whenever he was really little, could get
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: him to obey rules by point because he couldn't read yet,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: he was really little, and so we pointed the sign
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: and say, oh, that sign says you have to sit
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: down in your chair and eat with your forking knife
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: and not make a mess. And you go, oh, all right,
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: and so he like, sit down there, Well, that's what
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: the apple bee sign says, like I but my daughter
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: that didn't work when she was that age. We'd point
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: to the sign and say, oh, the sign says you
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: got to sit down and not make a mess and
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: eat all your dinner and she'd say, no, it doesn't.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: It says I get cake. You realized we're lying and
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: taught them to do it. Is just a Bay authority
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: without question.
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's really great. Yeah, yeah, thank you. Now they
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: haven't been deported yet if that's the metric relevance.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: Thank you Scoop for writ and then yeah sorry thanks. Oh,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: by the way, we had a soccer reference earlier we
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: met footy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I think is that
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: what they call it?
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Is also rules football.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Play.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: Didn't you play that, Whitney?
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I met.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: When Whitney wasn't wrecking homes, she was playing her sad.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: Time.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: She's got a professional soccer player.
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: We're gonna take a quick break, and when we come back,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: we are.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: Discussing teenage depression. You're listening to pod therapy. Today's episode
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Leon Kasab, Darylyn Albert,
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Count, Darren Cuttingham, Cody Fandelori
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: and Guy Brady Malaysia and Max the Ginger Scoop. And
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: if you would like to sponsor to the show, become
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: a therapy ser Patreon dot com slash therapy. We got
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: some trivia sent in by Brady or I'm sorry Hunter, Hunter,
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: McCrae Hunter. These are I think a little bit easy,
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: even for this group of idiots.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll show you.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Nick Hard.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: I'm removing options. Oh, you will not get options if
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: you don't get these on the fly.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: You tried.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Sucks golf questions.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: I'm so smart.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, we're coming up with the these are voice actors.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: I'll give you the character, you gotta give me the
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: voice actor.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, this is hard.
• 28:17
  Speaker 6: No, Jim's gonna ace this because he watches all the
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: Disney movies.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: I don't know the actor's name, Woody from Toy Story.
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: Tom Hanks got it, Tom Hanks, the guy from Big.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I knew Toy Story was going to be one of these.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Thing he does is hilarious. Uh, Jacob, that's me Darth Vader.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Oh fucked? Which one? The original? The voice?
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Original?
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: The voice was the same for all of Yeah, right, yes,
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: but that's not how they originally recorded it. But he
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: wants James Earl Jones because the original one wasn't him
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: because they dubbed.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Over it, which was I don't remember what.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: The James are Jones is not in the Darth Vader suit.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: That plays it.
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: So the actor that played it thought that he was
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: going to be the voice as well. So he's doing
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: like all of the original footage is all that guy's
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: voice just coming out of the helmet. Yeah, because also
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: it sounds like garbage because it sounds like the guy's
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: wearing a helmet plastic.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, it was David Prowse, that's it. Wow.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: And he was told when he was filming the movie
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: that he was going to be the voice. Yeah, he
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: didn't realize until he watched the movie that that wasn't.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: He realized in the theater he wasn't the voice.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: That's fucked.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he got paid, don't worry about it, just fine.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I couldn't remember his name, Jimmy.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: He might have a point, Sonny the Robot from I
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Robot Christ all mighty Sonny the Robot.
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: Uh, I can I know who it is? And I
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: could picture of the actor and I can't think of
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: his name.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my, he's he does a lot of voiceover,
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: and he's done a lot of live action.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: He's a lot of stuff. Is it Alan?
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, pulled that one out.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I don't know shot. I don't even know that name.
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: I only know it because he plays hey Hey the
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: chicken in Mowana.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I watched this like behind the scenes thing
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: where he's like making all the chicken sounds and then
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: he looks into the camera and he says, I went
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: to Juilliard, and then like they go actually Alan Tuda
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: because done like most of the voices and a lot
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: of your favorite movies. And then like they did this
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: montage and one of them was I Robot and I
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: was like, holy ship.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: This guy has done a lot of things. He was Pirate,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Steve and Dodge. Yeah, Pirates.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, that's him. Oh my gosh, I did not know.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: That watching really good movie that he's in Death at
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: a Funeral. Okay, but watch the British one, not because
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: the Americans then redid it years later. He was in
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: the British one the Americans watching too.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: It is both very He's also in Firefly that was.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: All right, Whitney okay, SpongeBob square Pants.
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: He's also in Resident Alien. It's a new TV show
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: that I saw on netlik yea yeah, yeah, yeah, he's
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: an alien crash Lands and.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I have no idea. I guess can I get options?
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a question, SpongeBob, oh jesus as options? Yeah, nobody
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: knows that guy's name. Uh, Bill Fagerbike.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: Roger bump Ass, Porn Hubs, Tom Kenny or mister Rance
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: fuck Tom Kenny, Jacob Dorry from Finding Nemo.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, oh my god, this one.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, vision like you know, oh man, all right, Jim,
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: here we go, Mo the bartender kind.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Of funk on man. No, there's four voice actors in
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: the entire I don't know.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: Any of that.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Just one of them, the same guy that did a poo.
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: I don't know who the hell that is either, Jesus
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: Christ seven eleven guy. Yeah, No, I know who a Pools,
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: but I don't know who the actors are. I couldn't
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: tell you the actor does bart I wouldn't know any
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: of that. Yes, so give me options.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: I guess the Hankas area Henry Shaer, Shaer, not that guy,
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: because you don't. Castinella Castella, Ntella Castell, and Tress McNeil.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Give me the first one he seemed won the best.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, all those people are people who who are like
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: that's the voice of Homer, of Lisa. Henry Shearer was
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: the principal principal Space Dan. That's Homer.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right? Cool.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: So Jacob is in the lead because he did not
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: need options either. Time correct and Whitney and I did
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: one blind and one with options.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: We are tied.
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: Teenage depression from Momnonymous. Hi everyone, first off, thank you
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: for this wonderful podcast.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Welcome.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Listening to you for.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: Years, I have learned, I have laughed, I have cried,
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: and I have cursed loudly at my phone. The natural
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: way you for banter and tease while also offering genuine
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: kindness and empathy renew my faith in humanity. You seem
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: like real humans, which in turn makes me feel like
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: it's okay to be a real human too.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: That we are definitely I too have heartbeat happy passed
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: to iTunes.
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: Whitney ruined my family. My question for you all is
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: last year, my teenage son was a freshman and struggled
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: off and on with feeling depressed. When he was at
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: his worst, he cried often, felt overwhelmed by school slash
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: the pressures of growing up slash trying substances with his friends.
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: Then feeling deep remorse, he asked to see a counselor,
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: and I was so relieved that he was open to
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: getting professional support. Well, that window of motivation closed quickly
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: and he refused to go to the appointment. This pattern
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: happened a few times, feeling okay, then feeling stressed, asking
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: for counseling, then changing his mind everything is fine, I
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: don't need that that kind of thing. The last this
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: time we cycled through was a few weeks ago when
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: my son got a speeding ticket while driving without my permission.
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: He's a new driver and the first kid with a
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: license in his peer group, and his reaction was regret
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: mixed with fear mixed with desperation, historically a precursor to
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: his depressive episodes. He is now grounded from using his car,
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: and he again asked to see a counselor. I immediately
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: booked a session, hoping he would be able to work
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: on coping tools, practice resisting peer pressure, and address his
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: self esteem. That was only two weeks ago, and my
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: son is now telling me to cancel the appointment because
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: he quote doesn't have anything to say and you can't
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: make me go. How do I handle this? With counseling
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: witless being what they are in quality, pediatric therapist being
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: of limited supply in my area, I can't keep scheduling
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: and canceling. But I also wonder if mandating therapy for
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: my teen is going to have the opposite effect I
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: hope for and make him resent the experience. I know
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: that you all have mixed experiences with supporting loved ones
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: and getting help working with teens mandated therapy and substance use.
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: What do you suggest for my next move here? I
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: love my son with every ounce of my heart. He's
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: a sensitive, introverted, artistic soul, and I tell him I
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: love him every single day. Seeing him in pain is
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: beyond difficult, and I would do anything in my power
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: to help him in the ways he needs. But I'm
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: feeling stuck in deciding what that is. Continue to be
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: there for him by myself, praying he gets through this,
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: require him to attend therapy. I'm scared of psychotropic medications
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: for teenagers, but maybe you would recommend I consider that.
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: Is there a counseling esque app you recommend that he
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: can use when his motivation is up. I really appreciate
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: your insights and ideas. Thank you all for your support.
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: Signed mom mononymous Mononymous.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: I think the teens go to chat GP for there a.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Lot of them do these days.
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it'll be fine, Dear Chad GVT. How do I
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: steal my mom's car? I'm feeling sad.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: First?
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: Can we start first with scared of psychotropics because this is.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: In the news.
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: Now, before you start with that, will you remind me
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: how old the kiddo is he was a freshman, so
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: he's mid high school driving sixteen, probably sophomokets high school.
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, great, because I don't know if you watched
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: any of the RFK.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: S hearing, I can't avoid it. Yeah.
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: Now, mass shootings are the faults of S S R S. Yep,
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: that man is in charge of the health and Human service.
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: Every time it's the it's the goddamn you know, we're
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: not going to accuse guns. We're not gonna politicize this
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: all the bullshit, but we're not gonna do anything else either.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: We're just gonna So if you're mentally ill and the
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: thinking of shooting people don't get on meds yo bad, then.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: You might do something crazy. I don't think they think
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: that through the way.
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: Health issue. Then let's treat it like a fucking mental
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: health issue. Let's do something about it.
• 38:18
  Speaker 6: That's true because they're trying to say it's mental health
• 38:20
  Speaker 6: with guns, but then they're like, don't treat the mental health.
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: But let's deal with the mental health, and it's mental health,
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: not guns. And if we don't want to and we
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: don't want to get rid of guns, fine, yeah, then
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: let's then let's do what you say.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Let's let's treat like a mental health issue. So mononymous.
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: Uh, this is just me talking, and for whatever it's worth,
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: you can tell that because you're listening, right.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: I don't think you need.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: To worry about the psychotropics for teens. They are I mean,
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: we've talked a lot about that on the show.
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: There's the stuff that she's saying that that's that you
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: think might be bothering her.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: I think that what that she's saying. I think it's
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: probably just because it's been like in the news and
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: stuff a lot. Right, So our f K made some
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: comment about like, well, maybe these s s r ris
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: are causing kids to get violent and shoot up schools
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: or whatever, which is complete bullshit.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: There's absolutely zero. I'm just killing you up. Tell people sorry.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like we're ah, I forgot people pretty good
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: at this.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: I thought I thought this microphone just goes.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not. So here's what we should So that's gonna
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: be rough.
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: You know what.
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: I think parents in general just really quick. They they worry,
• 39:48
  Speaker 6: which stratefully so you should be costumes.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: But like with I feel like.
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: With medications, there's a lot of misinformation. I had a
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: client not long ago who is a very young adult
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: who was worried about getting addicted to an anti depressor.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, that's like not that much fun. Yeah, yeah,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: that much fun?
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: Right, worst case scenario you do? So what.
• 40:16
  Speaker 6: Not to say, like, oh, don't worry, mom, mononymous like that,
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: obviously you're gonna worry and should be cautious to do
• 40:22
  Speaker 6: research and all of those things and talk to the doctor.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: If you choose to explore that route. You can always
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: explore it too.
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: I tell people that, like you can go in, you
• 40:29
  Speaker 6: can your son could meet with a doctor and get
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: a prescription whatever and you don't ever have to fill it,
• 40:35
  Speaker 6: or like yeah.
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: So there's here's the other thing too. It's like it's
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: a medication. Medications are going to have side effects. If
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: there's a medication that doesn't have side effects, then that
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: means it doesn't have effects.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: Truth, ye drop drop your mic.
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: No, there's not really such as a side effect when
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: it comes to medication.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: It's just things medication. It's an unintended effect.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: It's a fact that doesn't treat the condition.
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: It's all it is, is an effect that your doctor
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: might not have told you about.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: It that it might be coming right.
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: So I mean so I meds, psychotropic medications for teenagers
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: for the most part, are going to be very, very safe.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: But I'm not saying they're not going to be without
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: side effects. But what you do is you work with
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: your prescriber to manage those side effects. And if that
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: means changing the dose, it may mean changing the medication
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: and trying something else.
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: Which is why it's very important that you trust this provider.
• 41:36
  Speaker 5: The Bachelor writer, Yeah, if you want to have a
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: great relationship with that part, there's a good relationship that
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: you can possibly have.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: So I you know, of course, as Whitney said, you're
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: the mother, you're going to be concerned as much as
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: I possibly can. I would say that, yes, of course
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: you're going to be concerned, but you're going to be
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: okay and your son's going to be okay if it
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: comes down to a medication issue.
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: Well, to normalize this a little bit, Momnonymous. The data
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: that we've seen, and this has been consistent now for
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: as long as I've been practicing, it's usually something like
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: eighteen percent of adolescents will experience major depressive episodes at
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: some point before eighteen years old. So, I mean we're
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: talking like one in five stars, right, So it's extremely.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: Common, and I think that that. Actually I just texted
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: you guys about this a few months ago. You did. Yeah,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine, her teenager, you know, very.
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: Not completely similar episodes, but not completely dis similar episodes either. Able. Yeah,
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: absolutely relatable. It just and we talked about different books.
• 42:35
  Speaker 5: They were in a holy pattern waiting to get an
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: appointment right with a therapist and everything, and so we
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: reached out to the folks here to get something to
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: tide them over while they were waiting for their appointment.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Now, yeah, but no, this is exactly true.
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: And I just want to validate some of what Momnonymous
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: is saying because I think these are really true. Things
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: Like one, we're talking one in five adolescents will experience
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: some symptoms of major depression at some point point in
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: their childhood, and so like there's something about that that's normalized.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: Also what Mom says about like, hey, I'm nervous here
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: because like whenever I go to make appointments, he changes
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: his mind. Yeah, and this is something that we've all
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: seen a ton. I mean all three of us have
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: worked with youth. We've worked in substance abuse. We've seen
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: lots of people who reach these rock bottom moments that
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: they feel like I'm ready to make a change, I
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: can't do this anymore. I'm overwhelmed, and then they become
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: really willing to get help, right, And like we've talked
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: in the past about the stages of change, and so
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: they hit this place where they're like, they're contemplative, they're
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: aware there's a problem. They suddenly want action, they want
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: to do something. But then that wanes really quickly. And
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: what Mononymous is saying is like, oh shit, what's wrong
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: with my kid? And I want to validate that too.
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: Actually that that's really par for the course, and therapists
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: are extremely used to this, especially when we work with youth.
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of youth who sign up on
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: day one and we're like, so why are you here?
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: How's everything going? And they're so benign and they're like great,
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: how are you?
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: And you're like, listen, kid, you know, I don't know
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: if you realize this, but I'm a therapist. People come
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: to me because they're not on a winning streak.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: What's going on?
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: And the kids just like everything's great, everything's fine, and
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: like you have to almost pry the truth out. Came
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: to therapy because my life is so amazing.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: I needed it. I need to tell somebody about it.
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: But then like you dig deeper and you find out that, like, oh,
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: there's been this pattern where like sometimes I get to
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: do that.
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: It's like an art project, right, yeah, just.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: About how my dreams have already come true. That diagnosis
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: writes itself.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a page.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: That's fine.
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: You can you can absolutely do that. Thank you should.
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: It's about time that you did. We've all been hoping
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: you would go do that. It's a way no.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: But like this is a real thing.
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: And and so like working with kids, I think all
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: three of us can relate to that that we've had
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: those kids come in on day one. They seem that
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: the parents are trying to tell us about a systemic
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: or pattern problem and the kid is minimizing or dismissive
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: about that, and the parent is like pulling their hair
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: because they're like, no, tell the truth, God damn it.
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: Like now you're lying to this person. And I had
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: to drag you in here. You've wavered on this so
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: many different times, and momnonymous, I tell you that because
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: I want to again validate what you're observing. Your kid's
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: not weird. This is the normal experience. It's normal to
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: have depressive episodes. It's normal for them to waver, and
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: it's normal for them to say. Look, when I'm at
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: my rock bottoms and I'm deeply emotional, I don't know
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: what I'm supposed to do, and so I come to
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: you and I cry for help. But then I cope
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: and like, I regain my my homeostasis again, and then
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: I just want to go play Call of Duty with
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: my friends. And like, I don't want to go to
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: these doctor's appointments. I don't want to go do therapy.
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: And I honestly, very sincerely, I'm not in denial. I
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: sincerely don't know what I would say to Whitney right
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: now now. If you drug me into that therapy session,
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: I was hurting the other day, would have spilled my guts.
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: But today I'll be like, nah, I overreacting the other day.
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: Everything's fine.
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: I have thoughts on this, I too. First off, I
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: thought you might Whitney's just just I'm gonna play the
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: doctor phil first second, Oh, here it comes, but who
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: raise them? No side note, I watched the Roku channel
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: because like the Weather channel that's in there, and they
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: have an entire channel in Roku dedicated to just doctor
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: Phil runs. And I see the commercials for this all
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: the time, and the quotes are so good.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: Ye where he leans over, he goes, do we have
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: idiot written on a forehead?
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: There's another one where he's talking about this guy who
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: believes he's really Batman.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: He's like, Batman's a cartoon character. He's not real. Like
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: the whole audience is clapping, and I'm like, this is
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: the dumb.
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: While No No network wants to pick up my therapy,
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: but Storry runs.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: It's still making money. You got to blow Oprah. Right,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: here's the thing.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: There's a path, I'll do it.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: There's a path.
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: You get another family destroyed by Whitney.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: We can weaponize Whitney and make some money here, guys
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: say Peter Duck.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: So here's the thing, uh, momnonymous. He's he's learned that
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: he has the ability to cancel these appoints. That's true too,
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: and so this is going to get more difficult before
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: he gets easier. So here's my advice. Is the next
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: appointment that you schedule with him. You're going to explain
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: to him like, Okay, we're keeping this schedule or we're
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: keeping this uh disappointment. Okay, you're gonna you're gonna go
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: to this appointment. And then when he inevitably will get
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: to that point where he's like, I'm feeling better, I
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: don't need it, what you're going to say is great,
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: Let's go to this appointment and talk about maintenance. Let's
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: talk about how you maintain these good things that you're
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: doing so you don't fall back into the trap. Because
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: that's also what therapy does. It's not just about getting
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: out of the home, it's also about preventing falling into
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: the next hole.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: Also, the doctor we're going to go see understands that
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: you have good days and bad days. Yeah, this is
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: this is not going to be new news to this
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: therapist when you go see them. When you go in
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: and say, I don't know why i'm here today, I
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: feel great.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Yep. That doctor's going to have a response to that statement.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: That won't be the first time that day that that
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: that's it. That's right.
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: And Whitney, I'm really interested in your experience with this
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: because you know, we talked about mandated therapy, you know,
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: and Momnonymous is saying, like, I feel itchy about forcing this,
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: and you and I have both work of populations where yep,
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: there's no question marks. You do have to complete this,
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: but like being therapist in that modality, we also know
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: what to do with it. And Nick, I really like
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: your suggestion already that we don't have to always make
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: this a crisis response. We can say there's been enough
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: flare ups that we're gonna go ahead and establish a
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: relationship with a therapist, and hopefully that therapist runs their
• 48:41
  Speaker 4: practice in such a way like the way.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: I run mine is on demand.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: So like I'll I've done this when I used to
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: work with peeds, but like even with adults, like I'll
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: meet with somebody who says, look, I'm doing okay now,
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: but like I've had a pattern where things get shitty,
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: I'll go, great, Well, now I know your backstory. Now
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: we've met. Now we're on a first name basis. Next
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: time this happens, here's my link, here's my calendar. You
• 48:59
  Speaker 4: jump in there and make an appointment that same day
• 49:01
  Speaker 4: or the next day, and we'll pick up. Now we
• 49:04
  Speaker 4: can jump in when it happened yes, yeah, but you've
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: worked on the front lines of this population.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah, working with teens, I think I've seen it all.
• 49:12
  Speaker 6: I've seen teens come in and they share what they
• 49:15
  Speaker 6: think is going wrong in their lives, which a lot
• 49:17
  Speaker 6: of times I'm like, oh, I see like way other
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: things going. Sure, I also think hearing your son say
• 49:26
  Speaker 6: I don't even have anything I talk about. I can't
• 49:28
  Speaker 6: tell you how many times a month I hear that.
• 49:32
  Speaker 6: Like a client comes in, they're like, man, I had
• 49:35
  Speaker 6: this scheduled. We have our weekly or bi weekly appointments scheduled,
• 49:39
  Speaker 6: it's on the calendar, and I was a little worried,
• 49:41
  Speaker 6: like I don't have anything to talk about in therapy today.
• 49:44
  Speaker 6: Nine point eight times out of ten we find some
• 49:47
  Speaker 6: shit to talk.
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: Well, that's our job, exactly exactly train them to start
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: knowing what they should be looking for. So when they
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: come back, they're like, oh, yeah, you gave me homework.
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: It was to observe how often during the week I
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: feel discouraged or anxious or feeling dreadful about something. I
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: took notes, yeah, and uh, okay, wit, and here's what
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: I noticed.
• 50:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I took notes or like, man, it was a
• 50:08
  Speaker 6: really good week, and that can be a good week,
• 50:10
  Speaker 6: but then we might talk about like, oh, it was
• 50:12
  Speaker 6: a great week, you know what, I had this weird
• 50:14
  Speaker 6: thing happen with my sister though, and that turns into
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: like talking about oh what we're child laying it. It's
• 50:18
  Speaker 6: like like it turns into a whole thing just by
• 50:20
  Speaker 6: being curious, and that's our job to do exactly. That's
• 50:22
  Speaker 6: a therapist job. So I think I really actually love
• 50:26
  Speaker 6: Nick's response for you, like when it comes to the kid,
• 50:28
  Speaker 6: like not allowing, not forcing him, but just saying like
• 50:32
  Speaker 6: we're keeping the appointment, and it sounds like you have
• 50:35
  Speaker 6: a good kid, even though he's going through some stuff
• 50:38
  Speaker 6: right now. And I think if you kind of just
• 50:40
  Speaker 6: are assertive about that, like, hey, we have the appointment.
• 50:44
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna keep the appointment. I can't cancel. Just say
• 50:46
  Speaker 6: that I can't cancel it.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: We've made the appointment. Let's just go.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: We're just gonna go. If you have nothing to talk about,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: you don't have to. Let's just see what it's like.
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: Well, changing the concept of therapy from being a crisis
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: management kind of way first for bonder kind of way,
• 51:01
  Speaker 4: to not being that. It's more like a chronic illness
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: kind of thing. Like if your kid keeps getting sore
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: throats and you're like, okay, well we make an appointment
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: because he's got like this ear infection, and like, you know,
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: we finally get an een T appointment, but then it
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: clears up on its own. You're like, well, should we
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: still go to the NT I get it, you would
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: cancel that, right, But if your kid keeps getting ear
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: infections they've had three in the last year, you do
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: keep that ent appointment, even though they might be completely
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: cleared when you get in, because you go, listen, Doc,
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: this keeps flaring up. We wanted to report this to
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: you and get some marching orders for how you want
• 51:31
  Speaker 4: us to handle this in the future, and we also
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: wanted to become an established patient with your office. That way,
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: next time we don't have to get on the waiting list.
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: We can get fast tracked in according to what we
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: need and that might be calling your office. And obviously
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: nts work very different than therapy in that sense, but it's.
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: The same concept. We're establishing some care.
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: I think that there's value to that, so you know,
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: I think that's that's the modality. I think that we're
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: both pushing is not making this a crisis response, not
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: making this a tit for tat, not saying this happen
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: and therefore we do this right now, or you asked
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: therefore we're going to react this way. It's more so
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: saying in the last couple of years, since you started
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: high school, you have been going through some pretty big
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: emotional and life change moments where you've kind of hit
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: a psychological wall, and I think that you've been able
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: to manage that you've gotten through that. I'm grateful for that.
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: And at the same time, you and I have considered
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: multiple times what it looks like to bring a therapist
• 52:27
  Speaker 4: into your life in case you need them. That's what
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: I want to do. I want you to be on
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: a first name basis with a therapist. Now this becomes
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: an interesting question, Momnonymous, because if you went like looking
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: at our two offices, how our two practices run. If
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: Momnonymous brought Jason, let's say the kid's name is Jason,
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: to your office if you were taking him as an
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: insurance client, would you be obligated to make this a
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: routine that we're going to be doing this week to
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: week or every other week, or could you establish care
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: and then say come in as needed and every time
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: you can come and we're gonna build insurance.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 53:02
  Speaker 6: I haven't had any issues yet with clients who come
• 53:07
  Speaker 6: somewhat more irregularly. I don't have anyone that comes that sporadically.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: I realize what I'm saying. Who comes into I was like,
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: I'm surprised Jacob's not on that.
• 53:20
  Speaker 6: I'll Yeah, they attend sessions more sporadically, but some of
• 53:28
  Speaker 6: that is that I don't know. I think if if
• 53:32
  Speaker 6: someone's paying out a pocket, they they might just come
• 53:36
  Speaker 6: where as needed. Yeah, they attend sessions today. How many times?
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Keep doing that? Twenty one times a month?
• 53:48
  Speaker 6: That's but yeah, I think that getting them on a schedule,
• 53:54
  Speaker 6: and even if it's like, oh, you don't want attend
• 53:57
  Speaker 6: session every single week, fine, let's meet every three weeks,
• 54:02
  Speaker 6: let's meet once a month. Just I'm here, We're gonna
• 54:06
  Speaker 6: have the standing session. Even if you think you have
• 54:08
  Speaker 6: nothing to talk about, still come in.
• 54:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I just want to take your emotional temperature check in.
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: I want to stay current with your life. And again,
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: that is the therapist's job to disarm the patient, put
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: them at ease, bond with them. Hopefully you pick a
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: good one and that's what we're.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: Supposed to be doing.
• 54:23
  Speaker 6: I wanted to throw out there too. I kind of
• 54:25
  Speaker 6: heard something in the question that is a little flag
• 54:29
  Speaker 6: for me. I see this a lot with parents. They
• 54:32
  Speaker 6: bring their teens in and they're like, I really want
• 54:34
  Speaker 6: them to go over a bunch of coping skills and
• 54:36
  Speaker 6: all this stuff to help them, like first session, and
• 54:39
  Speaker 6: I just want to kind of expectations that here a
• 54:41
  Speaker 6: little bit. My experience with teens is sure if they're
• 54:46
  Speaker 6: willing to attend session and go into all their stuff
• 54:50
  Speaker 6: for things that are bothering them or maybe my first
• 54:54
  Speaker 6: sessions with teens, I do meet with the parent and
• 54:57
  Speaker 6: them for some of that time. Then the parent goes
• 55:00
  Speaker 6: in the waiting room and I just meet with the
• 55:01
  Speaker 6: kid for some time to see what they say. So
• 55:05
  Speaker 6: the kid hears what the parent is saying, and so
• 55:08
  Speaker 6: the parent's gonna come in and say, oh, well, yeah,
• 55:11
  Speaker 6: they're having these breakdowns, they're having this, so the kid
• 55:14
  Speaker 6: knows I'm going to ask about that, right, yeah, But
• 55:17
  Speaker 6: I just want to expectations set and let you know
• 55:19
  Speaker 6: that very rarely am I just throwing a bunch of
• 55:23
  Speaker 6: coping skills out. Just like day one. It's a lot
• 55:26
  Speaker 6: of rapport building and information gathering and like getting the
• 55:29
  Speaker 6: kid to trust me and know this is like kind
• 55:31
  Speaker 6: of a chill space so they don't feel that pressure.
• 55:34
  Speaker 6: Teams are very sensitive to that pressure. I think, like
• 55:37
  Speaker 6: the spotlight on them.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and they don't want that. Yeah. No, I agree completely.
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: I think all of us are in harmony saying we
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: don't want to see this yo yo thing continue. We
• 55:46
  Speaker 4: do want to see a follow through. There is a
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: way to do that. You are correct that if we
• 55:53
  Speaker 4: continue to do the okay, are you sure you need
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: this or you don't, that your child's gonna misunderstand what
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: therapy is and start to think of it as urgent
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: care or an er and that's really not what it is.
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: When when you keep having habitually these low moments, we
• 56:06
  Speaker 4: want to get involved in this child's life to become
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: preventative of the next one. That's what we're here to do.
• 56:11
  Speaker 4: And if you ever do hit rock bottom again, now
• 56:14
  Speaker 4: it's very easy to set up an appointment us and
• 56:15
  Speaker 4: you're not introducing yourself to Nick for the first time.
• 56:17
  Speaker 4: You're coming like, hey, Nick, you know we've met two
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: or three times. I ended up having a terrible week again.
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: I stole mom's car. I did this whole thing. Man,
• 56:24
  Speaker 4: I went on this near rampage, right, I broke up
• 56:27
  Speaker 4: like three families across the nation.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: I started a podcast.
• 56:32
  Speaker 4: It's like a cry for fucking help. But at that point,
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: Nick knows you, and like we've talked multiple times, I
• 56:37
  Speaker 4: know your baseline. So meeting people at their baseline is
• 56:40
  Speaker 4: actually really useful.
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: And going back to what Whitney said too, it's like,
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: you know, when I've worked with kids, when I was
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: working with adolescents, the info I always wanted information like
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: and so the parents providing me information was amazing. But
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: I have to be strategic and when I use it,
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: I can't. So if I if you tell me some
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: valuable and I can't bring it up in the next session,
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: that doesn't mean it's not valuable, right, you know, Like
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: I have to know, like you know, just kind of
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: like a football coach, like I need to know, like
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: I've got this play. I can't just run this play
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: anytime I want, Like, I have to be strategic about
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: when this is.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: That's total football.
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: You got total thrill, not to me, you see me, No,
• 57:24
  Speaker 4: But it's all poopy. Yeah, coming back to the psychotropic meds.
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: At the end of the day, we refer you to
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: the counselor, right, So, like we want a licensed professional
• 57:33
  Speaker 4: in your state to meet with your son and to
• 57:36
  Speaker 4: evaluate their needs based on that and to make recommendations.
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: That's what each of us does, and then they will
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: connect you to your physician and in your state follow
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: the prescriptions that are needed there. Don't jump ahead of
• 57:48
  Speaker 4: that and just go straight into a doctor's office and say, look,
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: if you read a doctor the same letter that you
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: just read to us, I think that they would also
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: be sort of like, I'm not sure what your child needs,
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: and they would probably say I'd really like them to
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: actually get to know a counselor and like let that
• 58:02
  Speaker 4: counselor make real recommendations based on true patterns. So I
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: would recommend starting there if you could just set up
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: that therapy appointment and say, look, this isn't about it
• 58:09
  Speaker 4: being responsive to a crisis. It's about there being a
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: pattern in your life, and I just want you to
• 58:13
  Speaker 4: have somebody throughout high school that if you ever.
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: Need them, you've met them. We're cool.
• 58:18
  Speaker 4: And then working with that practice to say what are
• 58:20
  Speaker 4: your policies? How flexible can you be? I don't want
• 58:22
  Speaker 4: to create like an every week thing. I think that's
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: too much. If they're a pediatric specialist or they build
• 58:27
  Speaker 4: themselves as somebody who knows how to work with ADO lessons,
• 58:30
  Speaker 4: they're used to this, okay, So just shop around, ask questions.
• 58:33
  Speaker 4: A lot of practices are very accommodating. In worst case,
• 58:35
  Speaker 4: if you find a practice that doesn't take insurance, it
• 58:38
  Speaker 4: might still add up to the exact amount of money.
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: If your cope is twenty dollars a week or per session,
• 58:43
  Speaker 4: and you were to go back to back sessions for
• 58:45
  Speaker 4: two months, that's going to add up to the same
• 58:48
  Speaker 4: intermittent sessions that you're going to do for your kid,
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: just paying out of pocket, and that will be more
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: effective because it'll match what your kid wanted to do.
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: So like in the end of the day, the kind
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: of thing you're looking for, you pretty much can shop
• 58:59
  Speaker 4: any house you want because all the practices are gonna
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: able to accommodate you one way or the other.
• 59:03
  Speaker 5: One last thing on the drugs, I mean, your kiddo
• 59:05
  Speaker 5: is a teenager, so I mean chimically, there are things
• 59:09
  Speaker 5: in your kid's brain that I don't fucking understand at all,
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: but I know shit's changing. Yeah, and like chimically, shit
• 59:15
  Speaker 5: is changing, right, So I mean, don't don't don't write
• 59:19
  Speaker 5: off the other chemicals. Don't don't write off the drugs
• 59:22
  Speaker 5: and everything. Uh, let's let the doctor have that full
• 59:25
  Speaker 5: toolbox to work with.
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know, just a quick PSA for all listeners.
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: If you're out there and you have a teenager, and
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: you know they they admit crazy, if they admit or
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: they they have been caught using substances, it is very
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: tempting to believe them when they say this is the
• 59:40
  Speaker 4: first and only time.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: That is almost never true.
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: Ah, that is never, That is never in the history
• 59:48
  Speaker 5: of not just teenagers, of anyone.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, saying that, yeah.
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, anytime somebody came in for their first defense,
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: d U I like, and it's like, this is the
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: first this is the first time I ever drank and
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: drow actually never had alcohol before. You know, it was
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: Rama Springer, and you know, I just decided to try
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 3: something new.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 5: Like my mom tells, this is a very low stakes thing.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 5: But my mom claims that she has never smoked a
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 5: cigarette in her life. I don't believe that statement for
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 5: him a single second. Yeah, because I'm like, people don't
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 5: talk about that ship if they've actually never.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: Done sound like smoked at that hasn't smoked. And Whitney
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: has never broken up a fan that night, not just
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: one man, she breaks them up by the dozen.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: But no writer And to anybody out there with kiddos,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: I just bring it up because I think for a
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: lot of watro because that's old. She was what they
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: broke up, the first one.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 3: We want to be lulled back to sleep with the
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: belief that first tear drop tattoo she got Jesus Christ,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: that was the first bad girl tat.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they just eat her sproto very bad girl girl.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: She's a helmet sticker for age for each of them.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: Is the contract bonus on the sacks she gets.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: No, But you know, I just want to say that
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: for anybody out there with kiddos, it's one of those
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: things that we want to lull ourselves back to sleep
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: and believing that they are not experimenting, they're not.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: Doing these things.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: And this is yet again another reason why I think
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: I really want to get them connected to that therapist,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 4: because the therapist can come in with some rules and say, look,
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: there's some privacy rules here. You can confide to me
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: about some stuff, and like, that's part of what therapy
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 4: can be is the space for that kid to check
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: in and say, all right, look, you know I've tried this.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: Can I get some feedback on that. So again, I
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: just see so many reasons why this is the right
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 4: move for you. I really hope it's something that you
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: can cruise toward. You can sell it to your child
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: the right way. This is not an event response. It's
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: more of a pattern response. It's establishing care with an
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 4: office so that if and when you need it in
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: the future, you have it. And how about we just
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: check them with that person quarterly or however often they
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: invite us to do that, And let's just make sure
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 4: that you're on a first name base with this person.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: That way, if you ever shit, it's the fan again.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: They know you, they know your backstory, they know you
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: know what your school schedules like, they know your friends are.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 4: When you say, oh my god, this one friend broke
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: my heart, that's not the first time they heard that name.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: They'll remember, Oh yeah, that guy that you grew up with,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: that guy, Oh my God, this happened to tell me
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: more so like this is all I think that you
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: should be, you know, doing to bring this person into therapy.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: But Momnonymous, hang in there, you know. Thank you for
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: writing the show. Thank you for the very kind words.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 4: I look forward to reading them in your Apple iTunes
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 4: review five stars please, I expect to see that, or
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: in Spotify that'd be fine too, or in good, good
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 4: good pods. All of these links are available in the
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 4: episode description. Yes, copy and paste, that's right, put them
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 4: in all of them, and I don't forget to go
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 4: to vote Jim dot net and save Peter dot com.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 4: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 4: we're discussing being laid.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: Off and looking for a new job. You're listening to
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: pod therapy. Today's episode is press you by. That's the
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: Schneier Leon because Carolyn Albert, Samy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Tarren Cunningham,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: Tody the Diloran Guy, Brady Malaychuck and Max the Ginger Scoop.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: And if you'd like to sponsor the show, become a theraproducer,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: peatreon dot com slash sure. I'm imagining like it's the
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: Hurricane Katrina aid, and there's a Kanye West figure somewhere
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: that's just like Whitney hates Peters.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: Mike Myers looks really confused.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: God damn all right, Whitney, here we go. Bart Simpson
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: from The Simpsons.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: Get options. Nobody knows this. Oh I knew this one.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: This is one of them.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: We're not old, like you, bro, Like this is not
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: something we would know, Like, what's okay?
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: Family guys, the same ones from the last one.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: Pamela Hayden, Nancy Cartwright, Yardley Smith or Julie Kaefner. Julie, No, Nancy, correct, Yeah,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: you idiot?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: Nancy? All right?
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: Jacob don't have a camel man shorts grew from Despicable Me.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: Come on, did I ever see that? You don't the
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: Minions movies.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he's the Steve Carell yea cluy Correct, he's the
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 5: guy who's like the guy from the Office.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, very similar.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: Princess Fiona from Shrek.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: That's Cameron Diaz. That is damn good movie.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: Also Mike Myers. Also it is Mike Whitney. Another easy one,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: the Joker from Batman, the animated series Jesus Christ the nineties.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: One I don't know Batman the animated assuming I know
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: this because of Paul Mattingly.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's not who I thought. I'll bet
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: you even Paul would have to think about it, the joker.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: I don't think you would. I think you know it instantly.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: Never. Yeah, okay, what are my options for the show?
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: Wait? How is it? Who's turned? Is it it's Whitney?
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: How is it Whitney starting? Because he just went I
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: got Cameron Diaz from you had Grew? Yeah? Oh that's right.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, do you want this roused?
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: Here are your option Mark Hamill, Kevin Conroy, Peter Weller
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: or Christian Bale Jesus Christ.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 5: Whitney is currently looking at Nick expression Yeah, she's gonna
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 5: sunk up your family, Bron.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: When he's really acting weird. She's gonna say some weird ship,
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: but she says not true.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 5: Whitney is not going to text Laura tonight. She's gonna
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 5: wait for them to get married.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: And that's right.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: I gotta break up marriage, marriage.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: Make up and break up relationship. She's got standards man documents,
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 3: love of the game. All right, Mark Hamill, Kevin Conroy,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 3: Peter Weller or Christian Bale.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: I'm batman.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: You can eliminate one. It's not Christian Bale. I know
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: that it's Christian Bale. Mark Hamill, That's who I was
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: going to guess.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: It is not what Kevin Conroy.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 5: Shut the funk up. I'd like to guess on the rebound.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 5: It's okay, Kevin Conroy.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: Now I'm really gonna but it.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: Is Mark Hamill. No, Mark Hamill does play joker. He does,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: but apparently not in this. Your test is dumb. This
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: is I continue under.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: Take it up on Herbie taking up with.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you, I won't.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 3: Who got sucked out? Remember when you're trying to funk
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: up the next marriage? Jim was on your side. I remember,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: remember that on your side? Juck Peter Elsa from Frozen Oh.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: Ship, Oh I know this one.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: Yes, Elsa is famous.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: Yes in the in the you do know it?
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: Can I steal.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: Eventually you can? Kevin Conroy. I'm not going to get it.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: So you've got this.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 3: Christian Bell, Mandy Moore, I'm Dina Manzell or Jody Benson,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 3: Jesus who was the first one. Christian Bell, Kristen Chris
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: It's not a Dina Manzell. I'm Batman.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 5: It might be Christian Bale, Christian Bale, Christian Christian Bale.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: I know you're trying to should should be? Who should
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: have been? Let it go? Joe card I was born
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: in the darkness?
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 3: Hold okay, Kristen Bell, christ who are the others?
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 5: Christen Bell made Moore? I don't think it's maybe more
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 5: it's not a Dina Manzel. Who was d Jody Benson?
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know who that is. I'll go Kristen Bell.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: No, don't please steal for half a point.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: I would like to say option see damn it?
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, Dina Manzel. It's a famous.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: Is she independently famous from this role Wicked? I don't
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: know that's where she got.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 4: I only know that the guy Sven is it spin
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 4: or spend the Reindeer? Is that Chris Christoph in Frozen
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 4: is the King in Hamilton? Christophe the boyfriend and Frozen
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 4: what Happened? He's the King in Hamilton the original cast.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 6: He's also mind Hunters. That show is so good if
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 6: you haven't sry.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 4: That's why he sings in the second Frozen because they
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 4: didn't know he could sing in the first.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: Hamilton, they were like, the dint know because Adam was
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: a voice guy. They're like, oh ship, So they gave
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: him like a ballad to sing in the second.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: One, Optimist Prime from the Transformers animated series, and I
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: guess from the movies as well.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: But do you know it? I just know it all
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: I know. Let him take it.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: Go Orson Wells, the the author of the Dystopian novels.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: The author, Yes, trying to say someone else.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 3: Carls Dickens.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking of Orson Scott card.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 5: It is not Orson Wells, right, Like I thought he's
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 5: like Citizen Kane and stuff.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I thought he was the voice in the
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 3: original one. No, that didn't That wasn't even listed as
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 3: an option. Give me the options, Corey Burton. He must
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 3: have been a different voice. Frank Welker, Chris Latta or
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 3: Peter Colin. Peter Colin, it is Peter.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: I don't, yes, based on what I know. I guess
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: based on Nick How do you just watch how he reads?
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 4: Really it's a very obvious tell. You can just I
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 4: can guess based on him.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 4: No, it's pretty great because the other ones. He's like
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 4: laboring over and then he'll get to the right answer
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 4: and it just flows, like just it's lyrical in the
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 4: way he prints. They're like, yeah, that's the right answer.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 4: So okay, yeah, laid off and looking Hello, friends and
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 4: Wells was in Transformers.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 5: He was a different thing. He was the bomb eating
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 5: villain Unicorn. Like okay, yeah, so he was the bad guy.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 3: Sounds like optimist prime. Yeah, I'll give you half a point.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: Hello.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 4: I'm wondering if you guys had any advice for someone
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 4: that's been laid off and struggling to find another job.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: Nope, take care.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 4: My position was a remote billing specialist for an accounting firm.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 4: I applied to the position two years ago after I
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 4: went back to school and got a postgraduate accounting certificate.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 4: I was notified that I was being going to be
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 4: laid off in May this year, but was able to
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 4: stay on until August to help train the new team
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 4: overseas that was going to replace me.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: And my team.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 4: Not ideal, but company offered in very nice retention bonus
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 4: to stay on until August. I'm looking for jobs to
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 4: use my certificate that would also pay roughly the same
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 4: as I was as a billing specialist, but for the
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 4: past month, I haven't been getting much traction with any
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 4: of my applications, just a few phone interviews where they
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 4: said they filled the position I applied for and tried
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 4: to offer me a lesser paying job instead. Most companies
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 4: are asking for three to five years of experience with
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 4: a specific software the company works with, which I get.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 4: But my experience doesn't scream accounting, just billing specialists and
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 4: other data entry work I've done in the past. I'm
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 4: wondering if you guys have any advice on how to
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 4: not feel as dejected as I'm feeling right now with
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 4: the job search. Me and my wife have enough savings
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 4: for three months as of now, but after one month
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 4: of searching, I'm becoming very worried. I'm working with recruiters
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 4: to find a job for me, but they either say
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 4: everything is slow at this point or I would need
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 4: to accept a lower paying entry level job to get
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 4: my foot in the door. Since most places are looking
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 4: for professional accounting experience. Me and my wife are already
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 4: on a tight budget as it is like most people
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 4: at thirty today, so take a pay cut would be
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 4: really hard. It's also disheartening when I see job reports
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 4: that more and more people are also being laid off
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 4: and there's not as many jobs being created. Any advice
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 4: would be appreciated. Matt in South Carolina.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: You ever been guy's ever been laid off or fired?
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 4: I got fired from my waiter job whenever I had
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 4: first gotten married, and I was devastated.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 3: First job I ever lost, You'll remember this. This was
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: the adolescent treatment program.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: Oh that one. That was the first job.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I think you said. I thought you said impregnated. No, no, no,
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 3: well I did, but that's not Sorry Jesus, all things
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 3: are possible.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: What that was.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: The first job you'd ever lost?
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: That was a first job ever lost? I was probably
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: what twenty now he's probably thirty.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: I remember the day you call because this was this
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: was the this was you were about to pawn your guitars.
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 3: And I was like this, buddy, stop, this was the
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 3: one time in my life. This is the one time
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 3: in my life where roles were reversed. Twice, there's been three.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 3: There's been three times in history that I've been to
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 3: the shoulder you cry out, and I've proudly served, and
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 3: you just do it like every week that was.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: That was the other fifty two weeks a year.
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 3: That was probably one of the scariest times in my
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 3: life because I've never had anything. I've never had a
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 3: gap between jobs, right you always have always had the
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 3: next job lined up before I left the first one.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 3: And I never took time off between jobs. If I
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 3: ended the job on Friday, I was starting the new
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 3: job on my.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 2: Back, I'm like, take a week off.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: I've never done that. I don't know, I just it's
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: just my I don't know.
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 3: I just feel like, yeah, it's just like, well, you
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: gotta be working, you got to be money.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, I'll have a week to go travel
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 2: or go do some ship.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 5: I finished my last full time before absent. I finished
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 5: it the day before I started absent.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: If I have to, I'll do it. But if I
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: don't have to, yeah.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 5: So when that happens, it doesn't occur to me to
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 5: ask to be like, hey, can I just start like
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 5: three weeks later.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: No, really, I'm always like I'm traveling.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 3: Weight when you were so entitled, I'll just call this
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 3: what it is. Guys, we none of us had a Peter.
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 3: Just help us hold some ends so that we could
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 3: just go get our fucking nails done.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: In between jobs and.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 2: Keep them around.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 7: I just really want to catch my breath, decorate a
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 7: little bit, dubs yeah, some painting, write some poetry.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: Dub by the way.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, that was that was a scary moment,
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: and yes I was. I was talking about planning my guitar.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: He was like, he's like, you got credit cards.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 4: Well, And it was crazy because what happened to Nick too.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 4: It was just being laid off. It was wage theft.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: Like they literally called him like the day that payroll
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 3: was due and said, we're not going to pay anybody.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: We're going out of business. Good luck.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 3: They were like put a sign up in the door
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 3: saying we're closed. And I was like, uh, hey, we
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 3: work in healthcare. Yeah yeah, we have to like we
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 3: can't just we can't do that. We have to we
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 3: have to connect these people to other places to go, like.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 4: And then now they're all working for free, and then
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 4: they're literally you can just sell office supplies and keep
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 4: the money.
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. He was like what you thought about that?
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, just sell the office, sell the printer,
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 3: like creed in the office.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, but it's really scary. Oh yeah, it was.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 4: Financial anxiety is awful, and like whenever you and I
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 4: got laid off from the rehab that we're working out,
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 4: which we is very much recorded in the history of
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 4: the show. You can go back at the end of
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 4: the first year of the show and you hear us,
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 4: you know, suddenly changing the quality of our microphones because
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 4: like we're recording on the floor of my house now
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 4: because we can't afford to go to a studio anymore.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: And like that was.
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 4: Really really scary, I think for both of us, because
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 4: very sudden, and like financial anxiety is as bad for me. Yeah,
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 4: because you did have another gig, pretty yeah, Like I
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 4: had a job before I got to my car, right.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 3: But the other thing though, too, is like having gone
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 3: through it once before, right, and then knowing that, like
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 3: I had this other job, I was like, yeah, fuck,
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 3: I'll go.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: I don't care.
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, dude, h For me, it was devastating and
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 4: I've lost other jobs in history. But like I get
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 4: what the writer's talking about, Like it is such an
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 4: existential fear, especially if you've ever lived impoverished, like if
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 4: you've ever been touched by poverty, like it really is
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 4: traumatic and poverty. Yeah you might mist Dobblow. Yeah he's
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 4: a really nice guy. I thought you said impregnated Jim.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yah, yeah, you know the clown.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 4: It it's terrifying, like it is a traumatic experience all
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 4: inside of itself. And so like you know, Matt, I
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 4: just I resonate with this because I know for me,
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 4: you know, if I'm out of work, like I am
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 4: panicking from day one, Like it doesn't matter how much
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 4: savings I have, I am absolutely hair on fire. And
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 4: the last time I lost a job in twenty eighteen,
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 4: I went through months of searching and applying to every place,
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 4: and it was really hard because, like I relate to
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 4: mad in this way because I had gotten to a
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 4: place where I was in a leadership role at a rehab.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 4: There's not that many other programs in our city and state,
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 4: and all those programs have a leader, right, and so
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 4: like you can't call and ask if you could take
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 4: that person's job, So like you're waiting for one of
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 4: those places to have an op esque. Yeah, So I
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 4: certainly did. I certainly like put my name out into
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 4: all the places I could to like let people know
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 4: is available and some places were like having conversations with me,
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 4: but basically every place was saying, look, we can bring
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 4: you in as a regular therapist. We can bring you
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 4: in at.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: A lower level.
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 4: But like that was really hard for me to consider
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 4: because at the time I was like, but I'm scared
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 4: that if I do that, if I go back down
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 4: the ladder, I'm delegitimizing myself so that I won't be
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 4: considered for future roles in leadership because it'll seem like
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 4: that must have been a fluke. Like I had that job,
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 4: it was fired from that job, and I went back
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 4: to what is correct for me, which is just the therapist.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 4: So I feel for Matt that fears, like thinking, hey,
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 4: look I've I've earned at a certain level. That's what
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 4: my family's used to, that's what my bills look like.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 4: I don't want to climb back down that ladder because
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 4: like I don't know that that's sustainable either. So like
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 4: I just I guess I'm relating to a lot of
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 4: what Matt's saying here. I know the way that I
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 4: solved this, Matt is like for me, I took a
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 4: kitchen sink approach in the beginning. First I tried to
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 4: apply for everything when I wasn't getting hits. After like
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 4: a month of that, I told his kitchen. I sold
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 4: my kitchen sink, I sold the guitars. But I took
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 4: an attitude of like, look, I am willing to do
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 4: all things that are ultimately for the purpose of survival.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 4: So like I took a job as a part time
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 4: therapist on Hawthorne, Nevada, where I was like driving out
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 4: the room that on weekends, and I was like, I
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 4: was launching my private practice. Simultaneously, I was doing contract work.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 4: I was taking like any side gigs I could, and
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 4: then I tried to start my own practice in the meantime,
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 4: and ultimately that started picking up and I got to
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 4: a place where I didn't have to accept job offers
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 4: that started rolling in later, and I actually turned down
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 4: some because I felt like it's time for me to
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 4: bet on myself and build my own program. But you
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 4: know know, like I guess, I take this opinion mat
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 4: of like taking anything and not letting those things define you.
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 4: Like if you have to take a lesser paying job,
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 4: keep the job search going, just do this also, and
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 4: then you could just not put it on your fucking
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 4: LinkedIn or not put it on your resume, Like there's
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 4: no way for them to like call the.
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 3: Irs be like who else gave this guy by me?
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 3: Like you could just not tell people.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 5: Also, there is there is something worth looking into with
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 5: these places that do want you to take a job
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 5: down the ranks a little bit, uh if if you can,
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 5: if you look into them through the recruiter or anything
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 5: like that and see how often they promote from within,
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 5: right then, but like there might be some cases.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that it might actually be worth getting
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: that foot in the door.
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 3: Right. The other thing, the other silver lining to that too,
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 3: is that they know that you may not stick around. Yeah,
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 3: you know, like if you were the director of a
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 3: program in this particular example, right, and then you got
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 3: hired as a therapist. If I'm the person hiring as
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 3: a therapist, I know for a few months. Yeah, he's
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: gonna be here for a few months till I find
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 4: And that's the new problem a lot of people face,
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 4: which is like the overqualified problem. You're overqualified, and what
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 4: the code behind that is we don't think you'll stay.
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 4: We want to find a good candidate who this is
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 4: a great career for them, and like, you're you're qualified.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 4: So if they're offering Matt these jobs, I think it's
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 4: great because like you could get your foot in the door.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 4: I think you still furiously apply everywhere. This extends your Yeah,
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 4: it extends that three month savings. That's the way you
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 4: got to look at it. It just buys you two
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 4: more months on top of that to continue a good
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 4: quality search to really find something the perfect one.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 6: And also it sounds like you might kind of need
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 6: for your resume a little more of that hands on experience.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: It does sound like they're not noticing it. Yeah.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah, if you're mostly doing just like bookkeeping and not
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 6: specifically like accounting or whatever it was, you're specifically trained,
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 6: and like then you might need to show little it
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 6: doesn't have.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: The correct accreditation or something.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that the experience looks like the lower level. And
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 4: so he's trying to appeal and say, no, I've I've
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 4: touched that higher level, and they're like, that's fine, but
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 4: that's recent and the bulk of your experience of the
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 4: lower level, So we want.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: You to do that.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they're looking for people with experience and yeah, a
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 6: specific type of software.
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 5: We finding finding places that have growth potential. That's not nothing,
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 5: and that is long term planning.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 6: And I hate that I have to suggest this because
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 6: you're right writer like people.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: You know, Yeah, have you ever heard of this? Washing
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: up liquid?
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: I interest you? Do you be your own boss? Do
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: you have two friends? Those friends have two friends your boss.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 1: It's kind of bet on yourself, Matt.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 2: You can run your own company.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: Can we start about.
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 3: Therapy pyramids game where it's like it's just start your
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 3: own podcast.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: I thought that's what saved Peter.
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 3: Was you save Peter will help you? Really? Never the epitome.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, wait, we're not that good. Yeah, it's simply not
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: that good. Yeah, when not that conceded to think that
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: we are right?
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I forgot what I was saying before them.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: But I like the idea that you Peter.
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 4: But no, there is something to be said that sometimes
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 4: you're at a company that elevates you a little bit,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 4: like like at that company, I was elevated a little
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 4: bit further than I should have been. I suddenly had
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 4: a big title that was a little out of step
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 4: with reality, and so I wanted to leverage that title
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 4: to try to get into another role of equivalent level
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 4: and like I had to belly up that that wasn't normal,
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 4: Like I needed to go back down and kind of
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 4: get back into being a therapist again. And ultimately I
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 4: was able to do that in a sustainable way. But
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 4: don't be afraid to do that.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 6: Yeah, Okay, I remembered what I was saying, and it
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 6: kind of goes in hand with what Jim was saying
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 6: earlier with throwing his kitchen stink at things. So I
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 6: think that, like, even if if you start to worry
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 6: about finances, I like what you said, Jim, how taking
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 6: the lower paying job just extends the savings.
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 6: But also I think this is really common nowadays, and
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 6: I hate that it's common. But that is that you
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 6: might have to take on a little side hustle sure something.
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: And I hate that that's true.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 2: I know, I hate it. I fucking hate it.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 4: Like I was working for different therapy jobs.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 6: Yeah, even if it's not like I'm talking, even if
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 6: it's a fucking door dash, like I mean, whatever it
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 6: takes to get what you need that will better yourself
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 6: later on, Like you're getting that experience at a lower
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 6: paying job right now.
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: Sounds like it will benefit you eventually. It's just gonna
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 2: be really hard.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 4: People are scared to do that because they think like
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 4: it stains their reputation or like it it causes them
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 4: to now not be that true professional.
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: Obviously, I don't think that's it. You get to hide that.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: I think they get I think they're afraid of getting
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: stuck in it. That's probably true too, Yeah.
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 5: Because I know that's what I do when I when
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 5: I'm out looking for for gigs and everything, if I
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 5: see a lower thing that I can just get, Okay, ah,
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 5: I might get stuck there.
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, you get in there, and then that'd be it. Yeah,
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't be able to crawl back out of that,
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: that's right.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 4: But I feel like that there's truth to that in
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 4: some ways because like for you, it's it's all show business.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 4: So if you take a role that's a lesser role,
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 4: there's almost no way to hide that you're doing that,
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 4: Like your your professional network is going to find out
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 4: because it's a small city and its show business and
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 4: you you part of taking a gig is to advertise
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 4: it to your network and bring in support. Whereas if
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 4: you're driving for door dash, nobody needs to know that.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 3: If youth is doing that, Yeah, yeah, it's gross.
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 4: Ever since he took that burlesque gig, I feel like
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 4: he's just gonna stick with it.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: If you want to do, that's fine.
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 3: But with the donkey, yeah, yeah, it's legal.
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: We cleared it with its fine. Fine.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 4: So I think we're all on the same page of
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 4: taking like an aggressive, do what it takes survival kind
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 4: of mode, and it's it's temporary, but like I also
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 4: just want and this is where I can easily get
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 4: really dystopian. But like the series I'm doing on AI,
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 4: a lot of the research I'm doing to is talking
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 4: about like a lot of these white colored jobs like
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 4: accounting and stuff like that they are getting a reduction
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 4: in force because this thing that thinks can kind of
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 4: do some of the auditing and maybe it isn't trusted
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 4: to do it all by itself, but it can facilitate
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 4: another professional doing twice as much. Yeah, right, And so
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 4: like putting some things on auto and then double checking
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 4: it afterward. So I think that we're seeing a lot
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 4: of industries that are going to be pairing back and
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 4: trimming in some ways. That's not a dire forecast, Matt,
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 4: You're going to find something, But I think it just
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 4: is me again, reassuring you or encouraging you be scrappy,
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 4: be hard to kill, like go find other things, like
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 4: get multiple sources of revenues, start an only fans, dance
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 4: with donkeys, do whatever it takes, and then don't advertise
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 4: that shit. It just extends your savings account so that
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 4: you can continue to shop for a really good job.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 4: But look, if the market is telling you that your
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 4: resume is not going to achieve a certain director job
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 4: or a higher level leadership job, you also have to
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 4: trust the market sometimes and you might think, look, I
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 4: want my break. Somebody needs to pay me at this
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 4: level and give me this thing. And if like you've
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 4: tried enough times in the market showing you that that's
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 4: not what it is. Either, you need to re engineer
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 4: your resume to tell a different story that accentuates the
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 4: things you want people to understand about that.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's no law. Oh shit, I don't know.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 2: I see it on Reddit all the time, people say
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: they allowed you can lie.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: On the internet.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 4: You can re engineer what you're saying about yourself. I
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 4: think that that's a real option. Don't be afraid to
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 4: pump the resume and to chet GPT, by the way,
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 4: and ask for tips to say, these are the jobs
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 4: I'm looking for, What keywords? What kinds of things should
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 4: I be saying on my resumes to achieve this? Like
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 4: and hopefully they were ai to work telling you all
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 4: that stuff too. Yeah, yeah, another this is a practical
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 4: tip that I'll give you. And maybe you've you know,
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 4: already knew this map. But like, one of the things
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 4: that I always tell my students is, if you're ready
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 4: to get into the job market, go create an account
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 4: on Indeed, and then you go up into your settings
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 4: and just by having a regular account, you can switch
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 4: into the employer site and it just allows you to
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 4: do that. It doesn't make you have a special account,
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 4: and you can switch into employer mode, and then you
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 4: can type in the job title that you want, and
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 4: now it's gonna let you see resumes of candidates who
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 4: want or have that job title.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: It will erase.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 4: Their name, but it will show you the resume, and
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 4: now you're looking directly at the competition the other resumes
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 4: that show up on the table whenever you're.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: Applying to a job.
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 4: Now you can compare that and you could say, these
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 4: are the key words that I should use. This is
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 4: the kind of experience that the people have and this
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 4: helps you right size where you should be in your market.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a really good trick. But anyway, Matt, good luck.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 4: The robots are gonna kill us all, so enjoy what
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 4: little freedom we all have left until the terminators come
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 4: marching through.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: You still have two months left. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: be fine. That were good until twenty twenty seven. Work
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 1: all you need. Yeah, go check it out.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 4: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 4: we are wrapping up the show.
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: You are listening to pod Therapy.
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Carolyn Albert,
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  Speaker 4: as this episode is being released. On Monday of this week,
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  Speaker 4: I released my newest installment of my series on conscious AI,
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 4: and this one is all about replacement and all about
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 4: the ways that AI may replace entire sectors of the
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 4: economy and the goods and bads of that. What are
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 4: the psychological consequences of that happening to our population? So
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 4: it's very timely along with Matt's questions. So check it
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  Speaker 4: out at patreon dot com slash therapy. It's a whole
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  Speaker 4: series and when you go patreon dot com slash therapy,
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  Speaker 1: Save Peter dot com. I hope it's available. You know,
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  Speaker 1: we should go check that out. Usually that we're not
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  Speaker 1: gonna buy it. We're not gonna buy it. One of
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  Speaker 6: No one needs to save Peter. Okay, yeah, just fine.
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Was on his favorite radio station is playing. He's
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: got a bowl of dog food. That's right there. His
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 1: chain is long enough to reach it.
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 3: It's what and he gets to live a long life
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 3: of religious fulfillments.
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: Free to live a life.
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 2: He looks very happy on that collar.
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 3: Dot com.
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 1: Goodbye,