Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / The Art of the Comeback Trusting the Process of Life's Play

Transcript

The Art of the Comeback Trusting the Process of Life's Play · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 26.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I just need you to know.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: This is my favorite time of year March madness bleeds over into April.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I'm a huge basketball fan and nothing ties into transitions like the game of basketball, because basketball is a game of transitions, with plenty of failures and timeouts to adjust our game plan.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Life has a way of handing out failure.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: It lurks around every corner and tries to seep through your pores.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: For instance, you're divorced but you had an unexpected car repair and now you need to borrow $25 to cover your rent and make sure you don't overdraw your account.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So that leaves $10 in your account for the next two weeks until payday.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I promise you you feel like a failure.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Just ask me how.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I know Failure happens because we are not perfect human beings.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: No matter how hard we work at being perfect, it is always just out of reach.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: One of the things that are most important to remember is that everyone fails a few times, but that doesn't title us failure.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: On the bright side of things, failure is the opportunity to grow and learn from our mistakes.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I want to talk basketball for just a minute and learn from our mistakes.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I want to talk basketball for just a minute.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: This year in the SEC championship game, south Carolina had a 29-game undefeated season.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Heading into the SEC championship game, they were facing Tennessee man.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It was a nail-biter.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: With 1.1 second left and no timeouts left, south Carolina was inbounding the ball from half court.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: All they had time for was a catch and shoot.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Tennessee opted to not guard their 6'7 center.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Scouting had told them she wasn't a threat to shoot a three.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: They left her wide open.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: She started out on the free throw line, ran to the three-point line, caught the pass and banked it in for the game.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Winner in an SEC tournament championship plus a 30-0 season.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Now the look of failure on the Tennessee head coach's face was pure agony.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: She is not, nor is her team, a failure.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: However, overlooking the thing you can almost guarantee won't hurt you is a rookie mistake.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: That mistake won't ever happen again.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: How you respond to failure says a lot about your character.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Failure comes with a load of emotions embarrassment and shame, just to name a few.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Allow yourself to feel those emotions and let yourself feel bad for a time.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: The important thing is to think about your emotions instead of the failure, because this allows you to process your feelings and then move on.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Allowing yourself to wade through these emotions tends to be motivating, because your brain starts thinking of new ways to not let that happen again.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: It causes you to be fired up and ready for the next moment you face.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Remember what you think of as an internal failure is really an outside failure, and once you can reframe this thought, then you realize you're trying to motivate and challenge yourself into something difficult, which is great, but this always lends itself to a growth opportunity.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: When I'm faced with this reality, I try to ask myself this question what do I need to learn from this?
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: My thought is I do not want to have to learn from this again.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: This automatically puts me in the mindset I'm ready to learn, because this is the type of repeat I don't want.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Sometimes in a basketball game, you just need to call a timeout.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: You need to slow the momentum of the other team.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Well, we need them in life too.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You know, like the time it was your scheduled rotation with the kids and you forgot to pick them up at school.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Or maybe you are retired and you don't know one thing about your finances.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Or just maybe that new venture you decided to try once you became an empty nester turned out to be a scam.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Timeouts are used to deliberate and push pause in the game.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Timeouts are essential to our well-being.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: When we are confused, stuck, exhausted or in shock, timeouts are the mechanisms we use to pause the motion of our lives.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: They give us the necessary time to calm down, regroup and refocus.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I put myself in timeout every day.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, I just take a bath or I take a walk or I play pickleball, because these things clear my head and are my chances to pause the noise of the day and deliberate what my next move is.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I've learned when I'm close to overload.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: This is what I know to do.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: It helps me tremendously.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Timeouts are a fabulous tool we all need to implement in our lives.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Our minds need to pause, our bodies need movement and our souls need refreshing.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I know of no other way to do it.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Finally, I want to talk about adjusting our game plan.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: In basketball, you never want to be on the bench.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Getting off the bench means you might have to adjust your expectations, which, by the way, I talked about in last week's episode.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I'll put the link in the show notes.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Getting off the bench in life means something has to change.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: You may be in shock and all you can do is put one foot in front of the other, but it is still momentum and one step to getting you off the bench.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Because, see, when we are in limbo and getting off the bench, it means the shock has worn off and you can start to do, maybe a budget.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: You see, it's simple and yet it's movement.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: You can start to look for resources to help you.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Again, simple In basketball.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: We go into a game with a game plan, much like we do life.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: We say this is what defense we're playing and this is what we're running on offense, but sometimes our starters get in foul trouble and have to sit on the bench.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Sometimes what we plan just isn't working.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: During a basketball game, you have a half time to go into the locker room and change the game plan to be more suitable and more effective.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: It's the same in life.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Halftime is an extended time out to breathe, adjust the plan and then execute it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: You have the opportunity to change it, but when the game is over, you need to know that you tried and regrouped.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: So the coulda, woulda and shouldas don't cause you to lose sleep.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Ask me how I know.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: In life, you get to decide for how long your timeout will last.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: In a basketball game, you have a 30-second timeout or a minute timeout, but you get to decide what needs adjusting.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: What will be your game plan after the timeout.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: What adjustments are you making?
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: You see, you've been on the bench because someone's caused you to foul and now you need to re-engage.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: This is where a coach is so helpful.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Your coach draws up the plan based on what you have said you can do, based on your skills, desires and your willingness to change.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: At some point you have to walk out of the locker room and step foot on the court to finish the game, and at some point in life you have to re-engage with a new, adjusted game plan to accomplish what you said you could do.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Whatever your transition, getting off the bench requires coaching.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You are ready.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: To get off the bench requires coaching.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: You are ready to get off the bench and reenter a life that may be new to you.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: It's okay.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I've been in your shoes and I know without my coach I would still be stuck at the end of the bench unnoticed.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: You have a powerful place in this life with a purpose that requires you to get off the bench.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Let's do it together.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I'm here for you until the clock reads zero, zero, zero, zero.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Join me next week as we talk about betrayal.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: We will discuss how it affects us in every transition as we are walking out a door we didn't plan on.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: You.