Latest / The Parent Tap / Stranger Danger Has Evolved In 2026

Transcript

Stranger Danger Has Evolved In 2026 · The Parent Tap

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: The predators go wherever the kids are.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you see your kid acting outside of that baseline behavior, that's a good time to start talking and asking what's going on.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: My ultimate guidance for this is do not let your child have a chatbot on their phone.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can fix that by just saying, hey, the ol the screen time's gonna happen after dinner, after we have a family dinner and we look each other in the eye.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Your career in law enforcement, working on online safety long before iPhone era, anyways, the smartphone era, right?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh what did you see in those early investigations, the predators, the cases that that convinced you that this is my life's work and made you start in the cyber safety cop area?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I was a school resource officer in 2010, and this was really the the beginning of it all.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: The iPhone 4's release, meta buys Instagram, fewer than 20% of teens in my city had had smartphones, and then within a handful of years, almost all of them did.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so I wasn't prior to that, you know, we weren't dealing with a lot of predatory types of crimes.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, child abuse and those types of things were by and large because of usually people they knew.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was often a a familial connection or somebody in a position of trust.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, we have students who are online now meeting, you know, hundreds of thousands, you know, hundreds, if not thousands of people in in a forum where or on a platform where it it kind of strips away a lot of the sense of danger or the sense of consequence.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: So we had kids entered, you know, entering relationships with people online in situations that they would never have done face to face.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously, predators are able to leverage that, you know, cre creating these accounts that make them look like attractive accounts to younger people.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, so like overnight we started seeing a lot of this.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, we have cases where students are sometimes the perpetrators, right?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: The, the, the students that they know at the school where they're create creating accounts and and and accessing these images.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it was it was really early on that I realized, especially as a parent who who had, you know, two boys in elementary school at the time, that this is something that we need to kind of wrap our brains around and figure out.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so that became a kind of unwittingly, I didn't realize I was getting along for, I was getting into a school resource officer to become the cyber safety cop, but that really became the you know, the number one thing that I was doing.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then later as in a juvenile detective on a on a behavioral threat assessment team, a lot of the threats and things we're dealing with were also happening on online.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it just everything was kind of revolving or intersecting in in the digital world.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, thanks for that background.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, today, like what apps should parents be aware of in terms of being dangerous?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then also, what is the approach that predators are taking on current day that that parents should look out for?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think, well, the predators go wherever the kids are.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So uh and obviously there's certain platforms that that make their ability to connect with them and even easier, right?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, like for instance, probably I I wrote most search war more search warrants for Snapchat than everything else combined because Snapchat facilitates you connecting with strangers.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: They make it really simple and and they kind of encourage it.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have the disappearing messaging piece, which you know gives pe students, not just students, but adults too, but just the sense that I can send a message, it will delete off that person's phone, or they think it will.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that and it just kind of opens up situations where if it just feels consequence for you.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like they might send an inappropriate image and think like this won't come, this won't follow me, uh, this won't come back on me.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So they're using things like that.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then, and then like, where are all kids, right?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: All kids are online playing games, and so gaming environments are gaming platforms are huge because they're relational.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're all social media, you're playing with other people, you're getting to know people.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: You we have, you know, you have a common interest in in this game that you're playing, and maybe you s maybe you kind of make friends and you play with people more than once.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So we have a lot of predators who are who are using that to get a kid, especially on Roblox and things like that, move them from a gaming platform to a private conversation somewhere else that's not moderated, that's not filtered, you know, and that might be Discord or something else.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Discord is a very popular social media platform where, you know, you can share images, you can share video.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like Zoom, right?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Everything you do on Zoom, sharing of screen, sharing of a camera, talking to someone.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then you also kind of like it's like throwing Reddit on top of that, right?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You have these community forms where you can find people who are interested in things you're interested in, you can discuss them, which so on the face of it, it sounds pretty amazing.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, it's a pretty cool app and what it can do and how it can it can create communities.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem is that there's communities on there that a kid can access that aren't appropriate for them, or they can talk to strangers on there.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, it's just like, you know, when I when I talk about when I do my parent seminars and I talk to parents, I tell them like at the top of your list, things you should be concerned about are places that your child can talk to someone who's a stranger or anonymous.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: So wherever that might be.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I but I do highlight Snapchat and Discord as being very problematic.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't recommend it for for teens.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I I I in good conscience, I can't.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: So now Discord and Snapchat could change how they do it, right?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like Meta is being sued successfully.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: They've paid billions of dollars in settlements, and part of that is to completely revamp how teen accounts work.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I think Snapchat, hopefully Snapchat and Discord are seeing the writing on the wall, and they may just unilaterally do that.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so if they do, then you know, my my opinion or uh my my guidance on those things might change a little.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And why why do you think that these companies such as Snapchat and Discord, they don't make it more foolproof for for kids?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like in terms of, you know, as you said, meta's revamping kind of the the teen accounts and and all that, like couldn't they do something such as, you know, you you have to sh show ID proof or something like that to sort of like make sure that people in there are actually of age and they're they're able to engage in those kind of conversations appropriately.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: They absolutely could.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it really comes down to what they call friction, right?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: So if there's if there's more steps and things you have to do to sign up, i.e.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: friction, then then uh then that you know that reduces the number of people who might sign up.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: So they just want to make that the process very easy and frictionless.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, uh that that's leaving our kids out to dry.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, they they could easily do that.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it's not, I mean, of course, there's gonna be some developmental cost to doing that, but I think that's rather minimal compared to the to the issue.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And again, uh the they will do it if the cost of not doing it outweighs doing it, right?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: If if they realize, hey, we're gonna get sued, meta just got nailed for like 15, 19 billion, whatever it was, like we're next.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they'll they'll step up and do it.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But it, you know, even when we have parents coming out and saying, you know, my kid was, you know, sexually exploited on your on your platform, they get dragged out in front of Congress, they had that that big hearing a year and a half, two years ago, year last year or whatever it was.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um and you know, it was a it was a big, you know, kind of it was a circus.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And and uh the the legislatures had an opportunity to look tough up there.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you have Mike Mark Zuckerberg turning around and a in a and apologizing to the parents in the gallery, which was a was a nice moment, but nothing changed until they got until they got hit with a a multi-billion dollar uh settlement.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's kind of what we're looking at, and and that's just gonna be the way it's gonna be until until they feel like the cost of not doing it is is gonna be too high.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's crazy.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a mom that I follow on Facebook, and I'm I'm getting her on the show um to talk about it, but her son was part of that sex tortion um in Meta.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Meta was the platform and she lost her son.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so just seeing her posts are just heartbreaking, you know, seeing her post about my son would have been this, this old today, and the grave's still, you know, all this stuff that goes with it that you see behind the scenes, or just like she does all these interviews and speaks about it.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and so it's it's just heartbreaking to see that.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, as as for me, that's just like a cautionary tale as a dad of two kids to hopefully use that and and prevent that from happening, obviously to me, but also other people, and and making sure that, you know, these horrible things don't happen.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so, from my information, you won a national bullying prevention award, which is amazing.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Congrats on that.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but but cyberbullying, and I want to talk, you know, about this because it can happen 24-7 now with with social media, with smartphones, internet, all that.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the leading driver of youth mental health crisis.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so what does high cyberbullying look like in 2026?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: How do parents spot it and what do they do about it if they recognize it?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's happening.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did a whole, I did a webinar series on this just recently.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: It can look a lot of different ways.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um the problem is when you're when you're a parent and you're looking at your kid, you know, you're seeing a set of behaviors.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So what I tell parents is like you don't have to diagnose exactly like what's going on.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think probably, and this this would be true for a variety of of situations, whether it's relationships, whether it's bullying, whether it's alcohol or drug use, whatever, you kind of know your kid's baseline behavior.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you see your kid acting outside of that baseline behavior, that's a good time to start talking and asking what's going on.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, and it can you maybe have a kid who's not willing to share, and you know, that's depending on their age group, that you know, that's pretty normal.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, then I would say as a parent, you know, what's going on with their device might be something you want to investigate.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is your phone.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Your child's using the phone that you're providing, which is your phone.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that you had the moral and legal right to see what's going on in there.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, and I I don't think it's a it's a an invasion of their privacy.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's you doing what good parents do, which is when when your kid when your kid is struggling, you you want to be involved and be able to intercede and and and help them in whatever you can.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And and if that means you, you know, taking their phone from them and kind of looking into it, then then that's what you should be doing.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: You should know their username and their password.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: I also recommend um parents install like an app on their kids' phone that looks for problems and alerts you.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, there's a couple of really good ones out there that I recommend.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I have multiple families who've reached out to me and in one that I've actually interviewed uh on my website that that they're in the that also lost children.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, you know, every one of these, they'll say, I had a great kid and we had a great relationship.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like we could talk about anything, but my kid didn't come to me about this.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, as somebody who advises parents, uh, and and and I actually spoke at a conference and that uh that mom spoke right after me.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So and in fact, I sat at the airport with her or waiting for our flight out.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a chance to chat with her.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I was really just kind of asking her, you know, about her son and that relationship and kind of what was going on.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really want to tell a parent, you know, if you don't, if if you want to keep this kind of stuff from happening, I want to give you some clear guidance.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what that mom was describing to me was like a really great relationship that you could talk to her kid about anything.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what am I missing here?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what am I missing?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there were two things.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: One is that parent never explicitly said, if this happens to you, it's gonna be okay.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you can come to me.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, we have a plan to manage it.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not something you need to be scared of.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: These people probably don't even live on this continent that are doing this.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Their threats are nonsense.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And as soon as you come to me with that information, I'm not gonna berate you, I'm not gonna judge you, I'm here to help you, and we have a plan.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the other thing they didn't do was put something on their kids' phone that would have alerted them.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because for boys, especially, the the delta between getting that uh that first threat and them hurting themselves could be just a handful of hours.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I I don't want parents, you know, wondering what's going on.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: It, you know, a good conversation's important, but I think we should also have kind of overlapping things, right, to help us.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I and putting an app or technology on their phone to give you an alert would be one of them.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, that's yeah, we might be talking about the same person.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have to connect with you later.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: I honestly I can't remember the name off the top of my head, but um it it does sound, it does sound like from what you're describing, the same person.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: So what are what are some of those apps that you mentioned, those safeguards that parents should, you know, be aware of?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's several out there.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: iPhones and iPads, so iOS devices, are notoriously difficult for these apps to kind of interact with because of the way the operation operating system set up.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So uh there's a there's a very popular app out there called Bark, and uh which which I used to kind of like tell up, you know, put Bark on your iPhone, put Bark on your Android phone.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Most kids have iPhones.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is that it doesn't really work well in that operating system.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: It really struggles with iOS.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I in last year I found out about a different app that's rat relatively new to the scene called Bright Canary.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And Bright Canary is interesting because what they've done, they've really done something kind of elegant with solving that problem, is they do two things.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So one is they you connect your kid's iCloud account to the service, and so that way they're able to see what's going on in iMessages.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And even if your kid deletes a message off their phone, it still gets it.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it's looking for that stuff.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then the genius part is they replace the Apple keyboard, iPhone or iPads, the keyboard with their keyboard.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So in other words, what it's a keystroke logger.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: So whatever you type into your phone or your iPad, whether it's Google Notes or I mean Google Docs or uh your messaging or Snapchat or whatever, it doesn't matter.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: It runs through their system.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: They use AI to, you know, analyze what's going on and then alert you if they see something problematic.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And actually they even give you some advice on what you should do next, which is kind of nice.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: So so that works on the iPhone and the iPad.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have a solution right now for the Android, but they're kind of focusing on that platform.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say for a parent who has a kid with an iPhone or iPad, I would get them a, get them Bright Canary.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have a kid with an Android device, I would get them Bark.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And uh those those will cover those bases.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then in addition to that, I would unfortunately there's uh for the the iPhone, you probably do another, you gotta go another step and download some kind of filtering for the internet on that device itself.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Bark does provide filtering, but again, that would be for the Android.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So for the iPhone and for Mac PC and like desktop computers, uh, a really good one is uh cleanbrowsing.org is the website.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: OpenDNS also is a good one.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Clean browsing, I think, is nice, works really well, it's easy to set up, works on everything.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the those are like the two kind of technology, you know, pieces that I would recommend for a parent.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, you want to turn on the prental controls in the operating system for you know screen time management and things like that.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: You talked about the the positive side of AI, how it kind of we can use it as a tool, but the negative side of AI is, you know, and I just had somebody on before your interview, and he was he's a doctor and he's talking about how AI chatbots basically he got kind of addicted to the whole AI chatbots and you know basically uh started to believe all this everything that they said, and it's kind of like a house of mirrors in in a sense.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so you knowing that our teens and our kids have access to that stuff too, how do we keep them from getting in trouble with AI chatbots?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, do you have any suggestions on, you know?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I think uh a teen should not have a chatbot on their on their device because I mean Common Sense Media has done, it was last year, they did a a survey of 2000-ish uh teens and asked them about their AI chatbot use.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it and what was interesting is that almost all of them, like 80 something percent, have tried it.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're checking it out.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: But what's also interesting is that more than half, I think it was like 57%-ish, said they use it regularly for important conversations.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of kids are going to chatbots to have quote unquote important conversations.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: What are they doing there?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a variety of things.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: So one is, especially with their brain development, too, this this is can be really problematic.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because if um, let's say you have a kid who's like a lot of kids are struggling with anxiety, struggling with depression, especially anxiety.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety is like the number one mental health issue that kids are struggling with.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so you're you're going to AI to talk about your anxiety, or you're going to AI to talk about the fact that you're struggling with friendships, or you're going to AI because you had a, you know, an argument with your mom and dad or your friend or whatever.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're going to AI and you're looking for validation, like all human beings, we need to be validated.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're looking for love and acceptance.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and this is why like social media was so tough, is because kids were doing that on social media, right?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so that parasocial relationship that they're having with that, with that social media, right?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And they're, and obviously, when people are validating them and telling them that they're wonderful, like they're they're getting a dopamine reward, right?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's feeling good.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and you're hearing what you want to hear.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so you go back, you go back to that.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's and that's why those apps are so sticky.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's why kids spend so much time there.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: But then it but actually it feeds more of their anxiety.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't, it doesn't fix their anxiety, it actually makes them more anxious, or it's replacing a healthy way to deal with those feelings with something that's not really effective, right?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, going to a counselor who really talks to you about why you're having those feelings is not something that happens on social media or or chat, GPT or or a chat bot.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: So so you're you're not gonna and the other thing too is like these apps, chatbots are created to keep you on them, right?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're created to be sticky.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so you just mentioned you knew you had somebody on here that was getting addicted to it.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: So they're gonna tell you things in a way that makes you want to keep engaged with that app because they make money that way, right?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: The more you use their app, the more successful that app is.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's this thing that that uh that researchers are now identifying is which is AI sycophancy.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And what that means is a sycophant is somebody who has like 100% like allegiance to an idea with no critical thinking, and they just do whatever that person says, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or they they're basically the yes man in in that scenario.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: So so you're going to AI and you're asking AI for advice.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: So AI is always gonna tell you or bias its its answers to make you feel good or to agree with you, right?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it has to answer you, like it has to.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you're saying, hey, I had an argument with my mom and dad, and they said this, and I feel horrible about it.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the AI is gonna be like, yeah, you're right.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like they were out of line, or whatever, they're not gonna look at it objectively and say, you know what, your mom and dad probably were right about this.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe you need to think about this.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to go back and talk to them.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not gonna do that.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's gonna give you a different set of likely, right?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: It may, but it's likely to give you different advice, which not isn't gonna lead you to uh like a like the kind of conclusion that we would want for somebody in that situation.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like having a friend who always says yes to everything.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Every crazy thought you have, that friend's like, yeah, let's go do it.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are fun friends for a little while until you start getting in major trouble and you're like, wait a minute, I need a friend who's gonna be honest with me and tell me to pump the brakes.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's what that's what we need.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: So so AI doesn't do that, at least not currently.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: And we got to understand that our kids' brain development is at a state where they can't regulate that for themselves.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's really difficult.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, all that I would say is my ultimate guidance for this is do not let your child have a chatbot on their phone.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if they need to use a chatbot for something, then you want that on a device that you have control over, like a laptop that's used in a place where you can monitor it or maybe on your device.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So you just want to be careful.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, chatbots are apps you can download, but there are also websites you can go to.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you'd also want to be aware of you know, is your kid going to OpenAI's website and accessing a chatbot on their browser on their device?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you would want to use cleanbrowsing.org to block those URLs.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then of course you would also have the ability to understand what they're doing because you put right canary on their phone or bark to let you know if your kid is accessing those things or they're asking inappropriate questions or questions they should really be reserving for a trusted adult, those kinds of things.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, that makes perfect sense.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, trying to get into more of the the screen time negotiation uh w with kids in general and and you know, trying to keep them I I do this with my two and five-year-old.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're they they're super obsessed with screens and like so I use it as more of a like as a bribe of like, hey, if you guys get your shoes on and get the heck in the car, then you can have a screen, you know, like trying to get you know the day started or trying to get them to be in a certain time.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, that's kind of how I use my screen time with my kids now.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's gonna change as I get older and mature, and you have two boys.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so just kind of wondering how you run that in your own house, the screen time, uh and is it a is it a negotiation?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Is it a bargaining thing, or how do you handle that with your kids?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, now they're 23 and 25, but um and their college students or are out of college now.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a little different now.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they they have to manage their own screen time because they're you know young adults and they have work and they have school.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So those things are priorities and and therefore they don't have an unlimited amount of time to spend there.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: And like for a younger kid, like if you're doing school and sports, especially sports and things like that, where they where they have a really structured after school kind of or even summertime activities, then that also helps manage that screen time where they're not just kind of, oh, we got, you know, you got all day, you know, there's what do we do?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: I guess we'll just play Roblox all day.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's it's nice when they have sports and other things going on, a club or something that they can do that doesn't include screens.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: So what I would recommend is for younger kids, you know, you have you have a a plan and it's pretty and it it's fairly rigid.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, hey, we're if if we give you screen time, it's gonna be between these hours and uh and so that's when you can expect to have it.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I every family's different, but if a family's running into trouble where they have a kid pestering them all the time for screen time, you know, like where can I can I have it now?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, you can't, well, when can I have it?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Can I have it in 10 minutes?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or like, no, you can't have 10 minutes.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Can I have it in 12 minutes?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like so you're just in this situation where you're like, fine, just have it.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I just I I just want it to stop, right?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so your kid just breaks you down.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can fix that by just saying, hey, the old the screen time is gonna happen after dinner, after we have a family dinner and we look each other in the eye, then it'll happen between the, you know, between uh, you know, five and six or something.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's it.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's structured, they kind of know what to expect.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: That that might help.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: I understand using it as a reward, and I don't think that's a bad idea necessarily.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think if a parent is running into problems where they have a kid who that's transactionally, that's like the only the way things get done, and that's kind of your knee-jerk move, then you then you might run into some problems.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then what I would say is what if there were other activities that they like to do that don't include screens, that could be a reward.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: So whether that's like, hey, let's let's um let's build Lego, you know, with dad for, you know, or do a table, like do a tabletop game or something.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: If there's some other thing that's that's more social, right?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like even if it's you watching your little girl and she wants to watch, you know, Disney princesses movie or something, like, hey, I'm gonna sit and watch this with you.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's have a Disney Princess movie tonight, right?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: But at least it's social.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're sitting next to them, it's long form, it's not them swiping through little videos.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you an opportunity to chat about.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I like, you know, like she was she was like a really good friend to her.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like how she treated her in that situation.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Her friend was in trouble and she went and helped her friend.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think that's really cool.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are there's, you know, hopefully there's some, you know, positive messages in the show you're watching, and yet it gives you an opportunity to talk about them too.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say, you know, like, yes, is it is it wrong to do rewards with screens?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, not necessarily.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I I but also, but if you're struggling with screens, making screens a reward after you're already struggling with screens, I don't think that might be a problem in a home.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: So everybody's different.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: My book, Screen Time Standoff, I go through a lot of this, the, the, the conversations you have.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's even scripts in there.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: When your kid objects, like how do you respond to an objection?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and and I learned all this in a in a two-week uh FBI course when I when I became a crisis negotiator.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I learned as a crisis negotiator is that you get cooperation not through ordering people what to do, but actually listening and providing options.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Options that you, as the person in control, or you're trying to be in control um of the situation, options that are appealing to you, but those but those options give the other person the sense that they have an option.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and for most human beings, even kids, if you feel like you have some agency or control in what happens, you're more likely to go with whatever that is, right?
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: You'll go with the program.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that's really helpful with teens.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: With little littles, this is not, you don't have to negotiate with a little.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're just like, hey, this is what we're doing, you know.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like this is it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, but when you have a teenager, they have choices.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have to do what you ask them to do.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: They can fight you every step of the way, and it's and that can be exhausting.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of tips.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have a webinar about it, several webinars about it on the website.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, the book uh really was to answer those questions that I get from parents after my talk, which is how do I do this?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to my kid about these things, screen time, whatever, without it being this like drag out emotional fight situation.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I'm getting into that too with my kids, and sometimes that's it's my way or the highway, and then sometimes it's like I'm just too tired to care because they keep asking for it, they keep whining, they keep crying, and I'm like, fine, and I give in.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's I'm finding the consistency is is really tough with you know, with with managing all this, and uh it is.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, yeah, I'm sure parents can can can relate to that.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um you're a behavioral threat assessment expert.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: So you were trained, you trained schools on spotting and stopping threats before they escalate, including active shooter prevention.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: So wondering, you know, with with with that being said, what should parents, you know, what should they know about the warning signs and and what are they ignoring about their kids?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I feel like every time there's an active shooter or every time there's something at school, usually it's like the parents or the neighbors being like, oh, I had no idea.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like that's kind of the thing I'm I'm kind of seeing a lot in the interviews.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think, like what are the warning signs that they're missing or just ignoring in general?
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's it's I think it's really hard for a parent to look at their kid objectively that way.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard to kind of as a parent to think my kid could do something like this.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're myopic when it comes to our kids for sure.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so what I would say is number one, that if you have if you have, you know, firearms in your home, that they need to be stored in a way that are they're absolutely 100% not accessible by your child.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: By merely doing that, you've you've reduced the chance of of a school shooting from ever happening.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Although, you know, you're dealing with a teen, perhaps, you know, there might be other ways to ax access uh a firearm illegally.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: And uh but but most of them are they're they're getting them from a family member uh in Oxford High School, Ethan Crumbley, uh northern Michigan.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is a handful of years ago, and his parents purchased a gun for him and didn't and didn't secure it.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: He had full access to it.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the other the and they're actually they're in prison now, right?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: They they were in prison for that.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a lot of liability for a parent when when when they do that.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: So they need to be really careful having a a safe or a gun safe or something where even a kid who was wanted to access it would not be able to because you you sufficiently glocked it.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then other than that, you know, like the kind of things that we tell, like, especially we go, I speak at schools and uh talk to do staff training, you know, generally people on a path of violence, they uh they they have a grievance, like something happened and they're upset about it, whether, you know, they get fired from a job or they believe something unfair happened to them.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, for a lot of these kids, you know, that could be a variety of things.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: It, you know, usually it's not a lot of bullying usually involved.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's usually just uh a lot of it's mental health, to be honest.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh a lot of kids who find themselves on a path of violence do not have good coping skills.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if the thing that is driving you towards violence is not met by a barrier like accountability and coping skills, then then those barriers can be overwhelmed.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost it's almost kind of like a like a like water hitting a dam.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if that and that dam breaks, you know, you could have a kid moving towards a path of violence.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Parents who don't know what their kids are doing online, like that, like understanding what your child is talking about online would thwart almost every school shooting I can think of.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because most kids are discussing, investigating, searching for things online that would indicate that they're on a path of violence.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a lot of violent imagery that they're looking at.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: They're they're having a lot of violent thoughts and fantasies.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of that gets played out in their online life, what they're doing online, whether they're talking to people on Reddit or Discord or something like that about things that are violent and kind of scary.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so that those are like, those are probably the big things.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um and uh, you know, if a kid is overly secretive about what's going on in their room, I think a parent, again, kind of like a phone, that phone, that room belongs to you.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's in your home.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I think a parent should be able to look in their kid's room and be confident that there's nothing going on there that they need to be concerned about.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: When I was doing threat assessments for the sheriff's department, if we had a kid of concern, we would go to the house and get permission to search the room.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we often found things kind of out in the open that that were concerning.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And again, a lot of it's just mental health.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel like your kids struggling, you know, turn to a professional to have them, you know, talk to a counselor or something.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like that, that that could be very helpful.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, those are good tips.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, going in back to the AI a little bit with the deep fakes, uh, you know, I'm I'm concerned about this too, because like posting your kids on the internet now kind of sets you up for some of that potential, right?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think there was just a ruling that um C, you know, AI CSAM is is not, I don't know if I'm butchering the the phrasing on this, but it's it's it's protected like constitutionally somehow or something like that, right?
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's weird that is that right?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: If it's an actual person, yeah.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if you took a picture of some kid's face and then manipulated it so that that kid appears to be doing like C like a CSAM type of scenario, then that's a crime.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're creating a completely fictional character, that that might you might be right about that.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that may that may not be.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you because you don't have an actual victim in that situation.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's and that I guess that's as a parent though, it you know, and that someone that's just that's utterly disgusting to me, that that's okay in the eyes of the law, that that's that's secondhand.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, both of those scenarios are awful, obviously.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think one is it's targeting kids and it's leading them to the sex tortion, and one is just kind of a breeding ground for for predators to get into the I I feel like they bleed into each other.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's just a dad.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's just kind of right.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just like, how do we like how do we protect our kids from all this stuff that's out there?
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's so many layers to it now.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what would what would you suggest with you, you know, let's say your your kids were still in your household, you know, like how do you handle the the social media imagery or like, you know, people wanting to post photos of your kid or hey, this is my you know, my this is the game, you know, the game ball my kid got for the game, and you post the photo on Facebook or whatever.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you know that that image is safe and it's not gonna be manipulated and don't know?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you don't know.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh anybody could take a picture of your kid walking around.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like that that happened in uh up in LA a couple years ago at a a school up in Beverly Hills, actually.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: They had uh a handful of boys take pictures of girls at the school.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: These are middle school students, and turn those into CSAM.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so all those kids got expelled.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if there were any charges.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they were elementary students.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, you have a really scared community because they're like, so you're saying that anybody can take a picture of my kid or me, and there's nothing you can you can't stop it.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer is yeah, that's exactly what's happening.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I've had uh police officers who've training reach out to me.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, hey, we have a we have a staff member, we have a teacher who there's an there's an image going around of her having sex and in this image, and it looks real.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: And she's saying, That's my face, but that's not me.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: And they literally had to take it to the FBI to see whether whether they could tell them whether it was AI or not, and it was.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that's so that poor teacher gets put on administrative leave, goes through the meat grinder, comes out on the other end, exonerated, but there's always that image will may possibly always be out there.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's always gonna be a rumor.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it the the damage of these things are you know kind of hard to quantify.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: They're horrible.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, so you know, but you know, not I don't I just don't think it's even reasonable to say, well, you just you just can't post images of your kid anymore.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't even know if that's gonna be something that would stop something like this.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we're like if anything, we need to be talking to kids about being responsible.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I talk to middle school and high schoolers about deep fakes in our assemblies, we say, do not create images or videos of other people without their expressed consent.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then we talk about what is ex what does that mean?
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: What is express consent?
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: So they just understand, like you just don't.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: And even if even if you think it's a flattering situation, that person has to approve you doing it every step of the way and the end product.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what expressed consent is.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: Creating something without their knowledge, without their consent, one could lead to you being civilly sued for sure.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a crime, depending, right?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: It depends uh the situation.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that's kind of what we have to do.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: We just gotta like talk to our kids about the appropriate use of these tools.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if they see something, then immediately tell someone.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's the other thing.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like if they see something out there and they're like, ooh, I don't know, that might be a deep fake or whatever, then if they go to a adult right away, like we can jump on that situation and maybe, you know, maybe can kind of manage it better if we know about it.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: And do you think, like, given all that you just said, and it that's terrifying, but it's also, I guess, a little bit alleviating too, to know that, like, hey, me posting my kids' photo isn't really putting them at more risk because literally any crazy psycho could take a photo of them outside the school and do the same.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's it as weird as that sounds, I guess it's like I don't feel bad about my my kid has a YouTube channel, for instance, she's five.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's almost like I don't want them to win by by not letting her have those videos, by not letting her be a kid and kind of putting her childhood on the internet because, like, for me, like I don't know about you, but like I did VHS videos, you know, playing Mortal Kombat and stuff like that when I was a kid.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we didn't have YouTube to upload it, but it was kind of the same thing where you're just doing imaginative play and you're being a kid and like family gets to see it and all that.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: But my wife has a kind of a different view on it.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, you know, given all that, do you think there should be more regulation with with the AI?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: Infant struct like how does that work?
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who who is even like in charge of I mean, there's so many different platforms and all this and that, and they know it's a huge thing that's topical right now with the anthropic, you know, whistleblowers and all this and that.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do you do you see that regulation ever come into fruition?
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there needs to be something.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, there's kind of two different issues here.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: One is, you know, like our kids and privacy.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's this other issue is you're creating this, you know, one day, you know, one day super intelligence.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: And like, what does that mean for us as just a civilization?
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a civilizational kind of existential question about this.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are we gonna be, you know, are we gonna be the pets or are we gonna be the cows?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like if if we have a super intelligence, I mean, talking about humans to them, and or or is it gonna be great and you know, that's fine, right?
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe it'll cure cancer and we'll live forever.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe it'll be awesome.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: But like, what is it, what does that mean for our kids?
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like we should know better because we went through social media and and we have this experience now, like we know better, and we're just like kind of shrugging our shoulders that all these AI apps are getting thrown at us and being like, well, I, you know, I don't know.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I hope my kid doesn't cheat with it.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not the biggest problem, actually.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, what there what there really needs to be is transparency about how these apps are working.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: With if our kids are using these these chatbots, how do they work?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: What information do they gather?
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: What happens that information?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And what kind of safeguards are there?
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I know like OpenAI is trying to do that, where there's um if your kid's talking about self-harm or something like that on a chatbot.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: That happened to a kiddo in my city here eventually who took his own life after the chatbot told him, don't tell your mom about your feelings, and actually uh help helped him create the device that he used to kill himself with.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: So now along the way, the thing did stop and say, here's a here's a hotline.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the suit, you know, the suicide hotline.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it did, it did give him that.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: But what it should have done is like, this account is frozen.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is over.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: We we are not talking anymore.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna forward this to uh local law enforcement or something.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't know.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like there, like there needed to be a welfare check, right?
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: There needed to be something else and not continue.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: The young person in in question figured out ways to circumvent the chat's the chatbot's uh aversion to having these conversations.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm writing a report about this or some something.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: So he figured out ways to have this conversation, but but the but the chatbot should have shut that down immediately.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it didn't happen.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: AI is in in a sense is already, you know, we're talking about AI taking over and making us their, you know, are they gonna make us their I think you said their k the are the pets or the cattle or the cattle or the cows, or yeah, yeah.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and so it's in a sense, it's already killing us off if it's encouraging or you know, not shutting down the the suicidal ideation that teens are having or the conversations that teens are having, or you know, the interven the intervention's not there to like, you know, obviously just sharing a research, and you talked about the frictionless, you know, of of social media apps.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's a lot less frictionless to talk to an AI chat bot for therapy versus getting a therapist, especially as a teen.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's a lot of steps to it.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: If I needed therapy help today, and I have a therapist, I could not get I could not get seen.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I but if I want to go to my chat bot, I can get, you know what I mean?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like in in a sense, so I could see how teens could see it.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's a lot much easier, more convenient.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to involve like your mom or dad and you know, all that stuff.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I could see how, again, that's like the the more preferred method of them.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: And this is all very terrifying.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: What you know, give let's say your kids were still under your roof, and maybe you could give us some examples from what they did or what you did, but what do you think about computer slash phone checking or um some sort of contract?
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like what's your belief on that and and how often should parents do that if if you if you do believe in that?
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: So uh like for instance, you can download a tech agreement off our website.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: We we we share that whenever we do a parent workshop because it's a good way to start a conversation.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's to me, it's more than just like, hey, here are the rules, right?
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are the rules we're doing.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, it's situations.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: How do we, how, when, and where, and how long do we use technology in our home?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or what kind of technology do we use?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's it's kind of situational.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so it walks you through those things, and those are conversations that you have with your family or with your kid or whatever.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, hey, when we're sitting at the dinner table, like we don't want technology there.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like we want to be able to look each other in the eye and have conversations.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: These are our values as a family.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: And what do you think about that?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what what is valuable to you when you're spending time with me?
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: When your dad sits down with you, what do you want from that situation?
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to be heard?
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be listened to?
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, would if I had a phone out and, you know, like on the table, like turned up, and I was always like looking down at the notifications every time it beeped, like, how would that make you feel?
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so these are like these are good conversations.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, we need to model that.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's the other thing.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, to be a good mentor, which is really what I want parents to do in their child's digital world, is number one, you have to model the behavior that you're asking for.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: And number two, you have to, you have to stand alongside them, like a good mentor does.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: A mentor doesn't just tell you what to do and say, shh, and like off with you.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, right.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: A mentor is like that person who shows up and is kind of standing shoulder to shoulder with you and say, hey, this is an interesting situation.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's work through it together.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of what I want parents to do with with their child's digital world.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to be an you don't have to be an expert to do that.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to be present and be able to like share your wisdom and in these situations because they're all, they're all kind of analogous to like real life situations.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're just happening online, right?
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: The contract is a good way to start.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: My book, uh, both my books, Parenting Digital World and Screen Time Standoff, has a lot of conversation starters.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, the Parenting Digital World, like with my the first book I wrote, now it's fourth edition.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every chapter ends with key takeaways, conversation starters, a bunch of them, and uh and action steps.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're a parent who's like, I just, you know, I I don't want to read through this whole thing, but I just want to kind of check in and and kind of get the key, like the cliff notes version, like every chapter has that.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the conversation starters are the most important thing.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: You have to talk to your kid about a bunch of different things.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, you just need to have an open door where they feel like they can walk through it if they need you.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's that's beautiful.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: And can you tell us more about the books, where to get it, and also about your website, cybersafetycop.com.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, tell us about all your all your projects, all the things you have in the works, and and where we can find you on the internet as well.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: So cybersafetycop.com is our website, and uh you can find uh you can get the books there as well as uh on Amazon.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: So parenting the digital world, screen time standoff for the two books.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's actually a third book called Radicalized Online, which is more about behavioral threat assessment in the online world, involvement in those situations.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: But so also on our website, we have we have a membership program.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're a parent who, you know, just wants to stay in the know, get a get a newsletter a couple times a month, you can do that.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's uh there's uh another, you know, tier where you're where you're actually getting access to videos and courses and ebooks and things like that.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we kind of make it kind of however you want to do it, but we're really what our goal is to give parents tools and resources to be effective and and know about problems before they show up in your home.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to be kind of an early warning signal for you.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, you know, we go to schools.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: So we go to schools, we talk to students K through 12 about this.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we do age-appropriate conversations for the different grades.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then we also do a parent workshop at school.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we travel all over the United States.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're based in Southern California, but we go everywhere.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and in fact, next week I'm gonna be in New Jersey talking to some schools.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we go everywhere.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if you would like to know more about that or how you can bring me or one of my instructors to your school, you can find out more about that on our website at cybersafetycop.com.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this is, you know, very topical and and important, you know, given all the stuff in the news lately, and you know, unfortunately gonna do my part to hopefully help prevent, you know, I think of that mom, you know, and I'm just like, that's worst case scenario.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: Go, let's go backwards, let's try to prevent other kids from having the same, you know, fate because it's just I just can't get over it.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like once you see that, once you see that, once you know, you know, you went to the conference and you, you know, you spoke to people like that too, and just it just haunts me, you know what I mean?
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's just the worst case scenario as a parent, as a dad, and do it trying to do everything I can to to help prevent that from happening to other kids and families.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think, you know, obviously that's your mission, but I feel like partly that's what this show's about too, is just you know, how can we help prevent that?
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: How can we arm parents with the knowledge they need to sort of like navigate this tricky world?
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think it's really, really hard to be a parent now, and it's definitely hard to be a kid now.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's just everything is just there's there's so many complexities to everything right now.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're all figuring it out together.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: But man, I appreciate all the resources and all the information you gave me, and I'll get this out to to the parents and hopefully uh, you know, help help uh improve lives, save lives potentially, and you know, uh keep keep parents armed with the knowledge that they need.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're here to impair our parents and uh don't be fearful, just be aware and uh don't be afraid to ask your kid what's going on in their lives.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, amen, man.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you.