Latest / Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas / Breaking Stereotypes: Amol Parashar on Sex, Masculinity & Vulnerability

Transcript

Breaking Stereotypes: Amol Parashar on Sex, Masculinity & Vulnerability · Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas

0:00
Speaker 1: There's the stereotype. And I get asked this a lot myself.
0:02
Speaker 1: People would tell me that, you know, women don't. Men
0:05
Speaker 1: will write you women don't like sex, only men like,
0:08
Speaker 1: so why don't women like sex? And I'm like, you know,
0:11
Speaker 1: women do like sex.
0:13
Speaker 2: Women have not been allowed to express sexual desire, or
0:17
Speaker 2: at least they have been shamed for it. And the
0:20
Speaker 2: counter of that to men is that historically men have
0:23
Speaker 2: not been allowed to display greed for sadness or weakness,
0:29
Speaker 2: and they've been shamed for that. I feel so much
0:30
Speaker 2: lighter when I'm able to say things, when I will
0:33
Speaker 2: to share things.
0:33
Speaker 3: And I'm able to.
0:37
Speaker 2: Display myself and feel in an honest man and feel
0:41
Speaker 2: seen and be like, Okay, it's.
0:42
Speaker 3: Not that bad.
0:43
Speaker 2: It's not as as scary as I thought it would be.
0:45
Speaker 3: Because the fear is that you know they'll see you,
0:47
Speaker 3: they'll not like you.
0:53
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to Love Matters. I'm Liza among Lass,
0:56
Speaker 1: and on the show today is Amol Karasher. I'm all
0:59
Speaker 1: I'm so excited have you here. I've been wanting to
1:01
Speaker 1: talk to you for so long. You really think you're
1:03
Speaker 1: one of the only treatment I know who seems to
1:05
Speaker 1: have thought critically about intimacy and sexuality and you know,
1:11
Speaker 1: masculinity also in the ways.
1:14
Speaker 2: That I think about a lot of things I try
1:17
Speaker 2: and think about.
1:18
Speaker 3: Every mondaye thing in life in general.
1:21
Speaker 2: So I think this just becomes a part of many
1:23
Speaker 2: things that I think about.
1:25
Speaker 1: And I mean it as a compliment.
1:26
Speaker 2: I'm taking it as a compliment, but I am not
1:29
Speaker 2: very good at taking compliments, so mostly I end up
1:31
Speaker 2: making a joke about it.
1:32
Speaker 1: Ogiens I gets to take compliments.
1:39
Speaker 2: I'll think about it, but right now, I don't see
1:42
Speaker 2: it as a manual thing. I think it's just a
1:43
Speaker 2: person thing like some I just maybe you're just like
1:49
Speaker 2: train in a way where I want to do good things.
1:52
Speaker 3: I want to achieve good things.
1:54
Speaker 2: But the compliments, I mean, it's almost a subconscious training
1:58
Speaker 2: that you're not doing it for the compliments, just doing
2:00
Speaker 2: it for I don't.
2:01
Speaker 1: Know what, as fact instead of a compliment. Then I'm
2:06
Speaker 1: all has thought about intimacy and vulnerability?
2:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, we ah, And I'm willing to chat about that.
2:15
Speaker 2: I like talking about many things in life in general,
2:20
Speaker 2: like I said, and I guess human nature psychology is
2:23
Speaker 2: a part of it, especially being an actor, because that
2:27
Speaker 2: it feels like it enriches me as a person as
2:29
Speaker 2: an actor, just understanding people like why are we?
2:32
Speaker 3: Who are we? Why are we? How?
2:35
Speaker 1: Is that not fascinating?
2:37
Speaker 3: Yeah?
2:38
Speaker 2: And I'm not satisfied with just the surface level answers,
2:41
Speaker 2: which is what you usually get.
2:44
Speaker 3: This happens.
2:44
Speaker 2: Because this happens, people get angry because they get upset.
2:46
Speaker 2: These are very surface level understandings of human beings. And
2:50
Speaker 2: when you're an actor or generally a person who's interested
2:53
Speaker 2: in human nature or just the nature of humanity and people,
2:57
Speaker 2: I think these questions have to come automatically. They don't
3:01
Speaker 2: come up, and these are I would also say there's
3:06
Speaker 2: a part of me that believes that in fact, this
3:08
Speaker 2: is majority of us.
3:10
Speaker 3: This is like, this is a major part of.
3:12
Speaker 2: Our psychology as a person, like sexual desire, sex, relationship, love,
3:17
Speaker 2: it's an other times.
3:20
Speaker 1: Why do you do what you do?
3:21
Speaker 3: How? What?
3:23
Speaker 1: Why don't you have a channel about sex? Is it
3:25
Speaker 1: not the most interesting topic in the world.
3:27
Speaker 3: Yeah?
3:28
Speaker 2: If there are, like I think, or an average, if
3:30
Speaker 2: a person is having thousand thoughts in their lifetime, then
3:34
Speaker 2: a large number of that is around love, sex, desiree,
3:39
Speaker 2: romance or whatever. It takes up so much of our
3:42
Speaker 2: inner inner worlds and inner lives. So I am also
3:46
Speaker 2: now sometimes amused and amused when people think that, you know,
3:49
Speaker 2: why are we.
3:49
Speaker 3: Talking about it?
3:51
Speaker 2: Right?
3:51
Speaker 3: But why are we?
3:52
Speaker 2: But this is this is a part of us, know,
3:54
Speaker 2: And I'm not I don't do I'm not doing it
3:58
Speaker 2: to create a scandal. I'm not doing it to uh,
4:01
Speaker 2: you know, for a purpose of titilation or whatever. It's
4:04
Speaker 2: not just understanding to talk about sharing and understanding because
4:11
Speaker 2: I then also I believing that when people don't share,
4:14
Speaker 2: then they either hide it or they feel ashamed of it,
4:18
Speaker 2: and are.
4:20
Speaker 1: Right and we should be so happy that we can
4:24
Speaker 1: talk about it together.
4:25
Speaker 3: That's my which is what we'll do.
4:28
Speaker 1: Let's let's dive into the deep end. Can you think
4:31
Speaker 1: back to your first sexual experience. Was there like an
4:36
Speaker 1: expectations versus reality type of situation?
4:42
Speaker 3: Yeah?
4:42
Speaker 2: It was also a long time ago, so I don't
4:45
Speaker 2: know what layers of memories I may have formed over it.
4:49
Speaker 2: But it was a really awkward because she had never had sex.
4:53
Speaker 2: I had also never had sex before that, but I
4:56
Speaker 2: had this image because I was.
4:58
Speaker 3: I think I was older than her. I was in college.
5:00
Speaker 2: You know that, you know, he he knows ish, but
5:04
Speaker 2: I didn't because I had it and we tried.
5:08
Speaker 3: And we just didn't manage.
5:10
Speaker 2: And it was just like bizarre because I thought it
5:13
Speaker 2: was supposed to be something. When it happens, it's you know,
5:16
Speaker 2: because as soon as you hit teenage you start thinking
5:19
Speaker 2: about sex, love, desires. This is all those thoughts and
5:22
Speaker 2: things are happening inside of you as a young man
5:25
Speaker 2: or roman growing.
5:26
Speaker 1: And we like didn't have the internet very fired.
5:29
Speaker 2: I remember talking to I mean there was a little
5:31
Speaker 2: I mean there was some chat rooms and all not
5:33
Speaker 2: Internet on my phone.
5:35
Speaker 1: Like I never watched porn, yeah I didn't.
5:38
Speaker 3: I've seen some images on the internet.
5:41
Speaker 2: Maybe that's that's that was a boy group thing in
5:44
Speaker 2: all the cyber cafes and looking at some you know,
5:47
Speaker 2: and in retrospect it was nothing.
5:50
Speaker 3: It was just like whatever some women with their breasts out.
5:55
Speaker 2: But as a seventeen year old, as an eighteen year old,
5:58
Speaker 2: or just candalousities nature of the activities also that going
6:03
Speaker 2: in groups and you can't tell anyone. It's it's almost
6:06
Speaker 2: feeling like smuggling hor which illegal, but of course everything
6:11
Speaker 2: else is just.
6:14
Speaker 3: Overheard. There's a lot of expecting, there's a lot of expectations.
6:19
Speaker 3: There is a lot of desire.
6:20
Speaker 2: There is a lot of desire that's been built up
6:23
Speaker 2: that one day when it happens, it will be like
6:25
Speaker 2: this and it will be like that. And you know,
6:26
Speaker 2: it's almost like sort of motion mill diggers. But there
6:31
Speaker 2: is no training or there is no proper conversation around it.
6:35
Speaker 2: There's no there's nobody's really had a mature, serious conversation
6:40
Speaker 2: with you, at least not with me.
6:41
Speaker 1: It hadn't happened and you were at ID right, yeah.
6:44
Speaker 2: But they're not curious about everything else, but not about
6:48
Speaker 2: it because and I was. I was in idea at
6:51
Speaker 2: that time. I was in college at that time, so
6:54
Speaker 2: uh yeah, it was.
6:55
Speaker 1: It was were the sorts of conversations men were having
6:57
Speaker 1: amongst themselves back when you were in college.
7:00
Speaker 3: I wanted it. Everybody wanted it, would talk about it.
7:03
Speaker 1: Did everyone actually want it? Or was the pressure to
7:06
Speaker 1: want it because you're a man, like if you're a
7:08
Speaker 1: cool guy, you should.
7:09
Speaker 3: Want it like this? No, I don't know, I do.
7:15
Speaker 1: Men really Actually there's a stereotype. And I get asked
7:18
Speaker 1: this a lot myself. People will tell me that, you know,
7:21
Speaker 1: women don't. Men will write to me, women don't like sex?
7:24
Speaker 1: Only men like it? Why don't women like sex? And
7:27
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, women do like sex. It's just
7:29
Speaker 1: that you make the environment so unsafe for women. We
7:32
Speaker 1: have to factor in our safety before demonstrating any agency
7:35
Speaker 1: around sex. Were also a culture that shames women for
7:38
Speaker 1: being sexual if a woman seems to know about sex
7:41
Speaker 1: or says, you know, even for women to just say
7:43
Speaker 1: I like sex, it's like I like sex. By the way,
7:46
Speaker 1: it seems like a very transgressive thing to say, because
7:49
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to good girls don't actively engage in sex.
7:53
Speaker 1: They let it happen to them, you know what I mean.
7:55
Speaker 1: Women are supposed to duty. So the opposite messaging comes
7:59
Speaker 1: to women like you shouldn't have you should like save
8:02
Speaker 1: your you should your honor resides in your vagina, and
8:05
Speaker 1: you better save that your husband. So women like downplay
8:08
Speaker 1: their sexuality. Was I feel like men might feel some
8:11
Speaker 1: pressure to like, what do you think it happens?
8:14
Speaker 3: It could happen. I think in in groups, like in
8:18
Speaker 3: groups of.
8:18
Speaker 2: Men, I think there is a behavior. There is there
8:21
Speaker 2: is a man who if you meet that person one
8:24
Speaker 2: on one, there is a person and then there is
8:26
Speaker 2: a person who that man might be in a group
8:28
Speaker 2: of men and there is a slight difference that you know,
8:32
Speaker 2: somehow the group is on an average more primal.
8:37
Speaker 3: Than the individual man. I don't know what psychology comes
8:40
Speaker 3: into play.
8:40
Speaker 2: I'm sure there are terms for it, some explanations for that,
8:44
Speaker 2: but that happens mostly one on one conversations are therefore
8:48
Speaker 2: are more mature and slightly more vulnerable, you know. I
8:53
Speaker 2: remember in the hostel, if you found like one on
8:56
Speaker 2: one conversation, having yourself like one on one conversation around
8:59
Speaker 2: the guy, that will be a little that you could
9:03
Speaker 2: be sharing some actual doubts or insecurities, and which goes
9:08
Speaker 2: for the other person also. But as soon as it's
9:10
Speaker 2: a group, you know that now maybe an insecurity or
9:15
Speaker 2: a doubt might be mocked or you know, ridiculed, and
9:19
Speaker 2: you won't do that yourself somehow, right you would end
9:21
Speaker 2: up like what are you talking about? But on conversation
9:24
Speaker 2: you're not doing that, you're not knocking the other person.
9:26
Speaker 2: But in the group suddenly you've become a part of
9:28
Speaker 2: the group and start making fun of that thing. So
9:32
Speaker 2: there is a possibility that there is some kind of
9:35
Speaker 2: overplaying of that you're just participating in the jokes, at
9:39
Speaker 2: the banter and whatever, because that's the that's how you
9:42
Speaker 2: fit in into the larger group. But there is also
9:46
Speaker 2: definitely I would also say there's a lot of desire
9:49
Speaker 2: and kidosity in that age because there's an outlet for
9:54
Speaker 2: that desire and credosity. You're also not learning the social
9:57
Speaker 2: ways of going about it, especially in a is like
10:00
Speaker 2: aty uh. They on an average the social skills are
10:05
Speaker 2: a little less than just because they haven't.
10:09
Speaker 3: I mean, the kids haven't grown up in that manner.
10:13
Speaker 2: I remember, for example, in my Badge there was a
10:17
Speaker 2: guy who went to a boys' school and who was
10:19
Speaker 2: probably growing up seen as a nerd.
10:22
Speaker 3: It was into his books all that.
10:24
Speaker 1: Isn't everyone at diety seen as a nerd. I'm a
10:26
Speaker 1: proud nerd.
10:28
Speaker 3: Yeah they are.
10:29
Speaker 2: They are, but if you meet them, if you're going
10:31
Speaker 2: down the campus, you will probably end up. It's not
10:34
Speaker 2: like every person looks heero typically like a nerd. There
10:36
Speaker 2: is a hierarchy there.
10:38
Speaker 3: Yeah.
10:39
Speaker 2: So I for example, me, I was a nerd in
10:42
Speaker 2: school when I when I was in daily public school,
10:46
Speaker 2: I was a science student, nerdly whatever. I was the
10:49
Speaker 2: same person who after class twelve I went to iety,
10:53
Speaker 2: which is like five kilometers away, and the same person
10:56
Speaker 2: was probably in that universe, not a nerd or at
11:00
Speaker 2: least one of the cooler kids. Because I was from
11:02
Speaker 2: Deli and from this what I fancy school, I spoke
11:04
Speaker 2: a certain way, address a certain.
11:06
Speaker 3: Way, So that happened.
11:07
Speaker 2: So many of these my batchmates of friends have come
11:10
Speaker 2: from places where there is even less exposure, less exposure
11:15
Speaker 2: to things in general, to the world, less exposure to
11:19
Speaker 2: the opposite gender. Right, So if you're growing up, even
11:23
Speaker 2: if you were in a co ed school, or some
11:25
Speaker 2: of them were in boys schools growing up twelve years
11:28
Speaker 2: books books, books, boys, boys boys, maybe there's not much
11:33
Speaker 2: exposure even in terms of if you don't have a sister,
11:35
Speaker 2: if you don't have friends growing up, so you haven't
11:38
Speaker 2: really had a conversation with a woman your age, an
11:41
Speaker 2: actual real conversation. That doesn't mean that the desire, the
11:45
Speaker 2: biological desire doesn't exist. It does, right, It's just unprepared.
11:49
Speaker 2: It's just it's just unprepared deal with it. Doesn't want
11:51
Speaker 2: to do with it. I don't know how to, uh
11:54
Speaker 2: even strike a conversation, which could be the first step eventually,
11:59
Speaker 2: you know, towards in that direction, but it becomes a
12:04
Speaker 2: very weird and mix of very strong desire and very
12:10
Speaker 2: strong wanting that love and sex and whatever comfort and
12:14
Speaker 2: validation from from the other sex, but not knowing what
12:19
Speaker 2: to do, how to go about it really in a
12:23
Speaker 2: human manner, and therefore then you end up resorting to
12:26
Speaker 2: zero types or because that's all you've heard a lot.
12:32
Speaker 1: What were some of the stereotypes your lives.
12:35
Speaker 3: I'll tell you.
12:36
Speaker 2: You know how to get girls, you know how to
12:38
Speaker 2: get the girl, how to.
12:39
Speaker 3: Get these the.
12:45
Speaker 1: Idea that it's a game.
12:48
Speaker 2: You know, in a crude way. There is all that
12:55
Speaker 2: you know how to make her give.
13:01
Speaker 1: So we're seen as this weird sort of transaction where
13:04
Speaker 1: the man is taking rather than a shared experience, you.
13:07
Speaker 2: Know, correct, correct, So, and man is taking, the woman
13:10
Speaker 2: is giving, and how she will tends to not want
13:13
Speaker 2: to give, and then how you crack that coat. So
13:15
Speaker 2: there's some kind of like there is a lock, and
13:17
Speaker 2: there is some you know, there is some rade, right, yeah, so,
13:22
Speaker 2: and which is why I sometimes, in fact, I wanted
13:25
Speaker 2: to I've been doing a show, a live show which
13:29
Speaker 2: is about gender equality. Yes, but I also before that
13:32
Speaker 2: was trying to write a show which was about this,
13:34
Speaker 2: which is about a young boy growing up in North
13:36
Speaker 2: India and.
13:37
Speaker 3: Just learning the wrong things. It's not his fault.
13:40
Speaker 2: He just had the only exposure, the only conversations that
13:44
Speaker 2: boys ever having is with these older boys in your colony,
13:48
Speaker 2: in you or whatever. So it was it was like
13:49
Speaker 2: a hypothetical character called which everybody, every boy might have
13:54
Speaker 2: some hya either from school or some colony mahala, how
14:06
Speaker 2: to crack them, how to get them, how to you
14:10
Speaker 2: know and how they how they lie, whatever these weird
14:15
Speaker 2: theories might be.
14:16
Speaker 3: And that's what you're learning.
14:17
Speaker 2: And then and you're not necessarily a bad person, but
14:20
Speaker 2: you've learned all the wrong.
14:21
Speaker 3: Things because nobody nobody about it.
14:27
Speaker 2: And you're also not having you're not growing up in
14:30
Speaker 2: a world where you're having actual, real conversations with with
14:34
Speaker 2: people from the other gender. So you know this is
14:37
Speaker 2: they're not formulas or they're not like algorithms that you
14:40
Speaker 2: need to figure out, or they're not as simple as algorithm.
14:43
Speaker 3: As that might be telling.
14:44
Speaker 2: You to lack of exposure and this bad training. Therefore,
14:50
Speaker 2: then it takes a lot of years of our learning.
14:52
Speaker 2: So I was trying to write a show a live show.
14:56
Speaker 2: Hopefully one day I'll do it about learning and stuff.
15:00
Speaker 2: When when you first go into college and you you know,
15:03
Speaker 2: maybe first time talk to a girl, or you know,
15:07
Speaker 2: you are dating or whatever, then you learn from those
15:10
Speaker 2: experiences and whatever you were learning was wrong, Like these
15:14
Speaker 2: are actual, real human beings who have a mind where
15:17
Speaker 2: own are complex, who are unique in their own ways.
15:20
Speaker 2: Not every girl is this, not every girl is that.
15:23
Speaker 2: So all those stereotypes and generalizations start slowly breaking away
15:28
Speaker 2: because you are now learning from your own mistakes that
15:31
Speaker 2: this is what's.
15:32
Speaker 1: The stereotype that you, perhaps when you were younger, thought
15:35
Speaker 1: to be true, that you were you know, completely that
15:38
Speaker 1: really like blew your mind when you realized how false it.
15:41
Speaker 2: Was, like going into the dark histories. But I guess
15:47
Speaker 2: this only that there was I think growing up in
15:52
Speaker 2: North and I.
15:53
Speaker 3: Think there is a there is a weird.
15:57
Speaker 2: Like you said, like when a woman says I like sex,
16:00
Speaker 2: it means that she'll.
16:02
Speaker 3: Have sex with you.
16:03
Speaker 2: Crazy, right, It is a very weird now in looking back,
16:06
Speaker 2: like there is no sense to it.
16:08
Speaker 3: There's no logic to it.
16:09
Speaker 2: Almost in a way that if she's sexually active, then
16:13
Speaker 2: like if she wants to have sex then she'll have
16:15
Speaker 2: sex with anyone. Right If she can have sex with
16:18
Speaker 2: this person, then she can have sex with me. Also,
16:22
Speaker 2: maybe maybe it's coming from the place that men are
16:27
Speaker 2: probably thinking that because it may be happening with them,
16:33
Speaker 2: when they want sex, they would have it. They might
16:36
Speaker 2: be like the other if I want to have sex
16:38
Speaker 2: right now, I may my whatever.
16:41
Speaker 3: I don't know.
16:42
Speaker 2: Boundaries are a lot more fluid. This is what happens
16:46
Speaker 2: with most men. I guess when they're I guess they're thinking.
16:51
Speaker 1: That patriarchal sense of entitlement, like this idea that a
16:55
Speaker 1: respectable woman should not want to have sex with anybody
16:58
Speaker 1: other than her husband when she's just public property now,
17:03
Speaker 1: you know, like phrases like the village bicycle. There are
17:06
Speaker 1: these like slut shaming phrases to refer to women who
17:11
Speaker 1: open active, which I am often at the receiving end of.
17:15
Speaker 1: Given that I have a page about sex education, even
17:17
Speaker 1: though I really ever took about my personal life, just
17:20
Speaker 1: talking about sex is seen as some sort of like
17:25
Speaker 1: I don't even know anyway, whatever I like not let
17:27
Speaker 1: it impact, So it's almost laughable to me. Some of
17:30
Speaker 1: the comments are just like hilarious in there in the
17:33
Speaker 1: assumptions we made. But no, I appreciate you bring that up,
17:36
Speaker 1: because I think even though it's twenty twenty five, a
17:38
Speaker 1: lot of men still receive that stereotype of like, yeah,
17:43
Speaker 1: I'm sure that out there she's asking for it.
17:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know.
17:50
Speaker 2: I was growing up, my teenage years were in a
17:53
Speaker 2: different you know, almost in a different world. Now the
17:57
Speaker 2: boys are going up with the Internet, which may may
18:00
Speaker 2: be positive in some ways because at least it's not
18:02
Speaker 2: the Mahyas or just limited to the knowledge of the
18:05
Speaker 2: colony Maya or whatever school. But yeah, uh, but at
18:10
Speaker 2: the same time, internet has so many weird ideas also
18:14
Speaker 2: floating around, and that has been talked about how young
18:18
Speaker 2: boys are probably are being exposed to certain ideas which
18:22
Speaker 2: are not great, and you know, and with such authority and.
18:25
Speaker 3: Such and with such sense of community.
18:27
Speaker 2: Because at least there it was just like maybe between
18:30
Speaker 2: the Maya and two three of New Disciples, but here
18:34
Speaker 2: the communities are larger, and you know, it's just like everybody, Yeah,
18:37
Speaker 2: we're all thinking the same thing.
18:39
Speaker 3: You're all in the same in the manisphere.
18:40
Speaker 2: And I'm also strange time heard about all this.
18:45
Speaker 3: Internet and that age is confusing. That age is.
18:53
Speaker 2: You have deep curiosities about who you are otherwise, also
18:56
Speaker 2: not just sex, and what.
18:56
Speaker 1: Are the sorts of stories and friends, points and examples
19:01
Speaker 1: you think young men deserve that we don't get enough of,
19:04
Speaker 1: Like if you could rewrite some.
19:06
Speaker 3: Of these.
19:08
Speaker 1: Ideas that we receive around gender as a man, like,
19:11
Speaker 1: I have so many thoughts on what women need to
19:13
Speaker 1: be un learning, and I talk about it a lot,
19:16
Speaker 1: but I'm so curious and most men haven't thought this
19:18
Speaker 1: through enough because the privilege existing satisfy seems to serve men.
19:23
Speaker 1: Many men think jesse, but actually there's many things that don't.
19:28
Speaker 1: Patriarchy doesn't actually serve men either.
19:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there are many things that I now
19:34
Speaker 2: realize that. Like I have this statement that I think
19:41
Speaker 2: historically women have not been allowed to express sexual desire,
19:47
Speaker 2: or at least they have been shame for it. And
19:50
Speaker 2: the counter of that for men is that historically men
19:53
Speaker 2: have not been allowed to display grief for sadness or weakness, and.
19:59
Speaker 3: They have been for that.
20:00
Speaker 2: So while the women are being shamed for showing being sexual,
20:06
Speaker 2: the men are being shame for being weak or emotional
20:09
Speaker 2: or vulnerable. So I think that is then therefore becomes
20:13
Speaker 2: a potent mix if you know, if you grew up
20:18
Speaker 2: with those ideas and then learning those ideas because you
20:21
Speaker 2: are not you're never sharing, you're never talking, or there
20:25
Speaker 2: is a sense of you know, blockage that comes with
20:28
Speaker 2: sharing and maybe maybe you'll share with your male friends,
20:31
Speaker 2: worth sharing with your partner even sometimes is difficult. And
20:36
Speaker 2: I see that in definitely in the generation before us,
20:39
Speaker 2: and I feel bad for them because now it's too
20:41
Speaker 2: late for them to even be like learning and trying.
20:45
Speaker 3: And even if they try, just like, how do you
20:48
Speaker 3: do that?
20:48
Speaker 2: After fifty years of living a certain way or growing
20:51
Speaker 2: up a certain way?
20:53
Speaker 3: And I see.
20:54
Speaker 2: That the Eradari and me as a person, as an actor,
21:00
Speaker 2: I have found so much value in expressing, whether I
21:03
Speaker 2: express in direct ways of communication and conversation or even
21:07
Speaker 2: through storytelling performance on all of that, I feel so
21:12
Speaker 2: much lighter when I'm able to say things, when I
21:14
Speaker 2: will to share things, and I'm able to uh.
21:18
Speaker 3: Display myself and feel in an honest man and feeling
21:22
Speaker 3: seen and be like, Okay, it's not that bad.
21:24
Speaker 2: It's not as as scary as I thought it would be.
21:27
Speaker 2: Because the fear is that you know, they'll see you,
21:29
Speaker 2: they'll not like you. Or whether you take your mask,
21:32
Speaker 2: you will take your mask of and then all the
21:33
Speaker 2: ugly parts will come out, and then you know you
21:35
Speaker 2: will be judged, you'll be shamed, you'll be laughed at,
21:37
Speaker 2: it will be mocked. Whatever those primal fears of human
21:41
Speaker 2: beings are. With the larger community at large, keeping I
21:44
Speaker 2: don't want to be signaled out. I don't want to
21:45
Speaker 2: be I don't so I won't share these things. I
21:48
Speaker 2: will wear this mask of perfection and whatever.
21:52
Speaker 3: I mean.
21:52
Speaker 2: That's a long way in an answer, but I guess
21:54
Speaker 2: in general, one being honest to yourself and then use
22:00
Speaker 2: that to be honest with the world around you, I
22:02
Speaker 2: think is a great way to live that we are
22:06
Speaker 2: not usually taught. Uh and especially in matters of love
22:11
Speaker 2: and sex and relationships, it becomes even more difficult to
22:14
Speaker 2: be authentically be upfront. For example, I will of course,
22:19
Speaker 2: I wanted to see the show when it happens again
22:21
Speaker 2: in Bombay.
22:22
Speaker 3: One of the reasons I wanted to write it the.
22:23
Speaker 2: Way I wrote it, or with which my Broadway.
22:27
Speaker 1: Tell the view as the player.
22:29
Speaker 2: There's a show that I've been doing, a live show
22:30
Speaker 2: called Basha Arney's the seventy five minutes solo that I
22:33
Speaker 2: do on stage, which is on which is a I
22:38
Speaker 2: applay a character of Firs, a fictional story that Wi
22:40
Speaker 2: has written from his personal experiences about a guy who
22:44
Speaker 2: who gets who he is a cool and progressive guy,
22:49
Speaker 2: and therefore he.
22:52
Speaker 3: Also helps out with the chores at home and he
22:54
Speaker 3: does the clothes.
22:55
Speaker 2: So he also handles his wife's launderie, which is pretty
22:58
Speaker 2: cool about even like cooler than his wife because wife
23:01
Speaker 2: was like, why do you do this? Don't have to
23:02
Speaker 2: hang my bra to dry? And it's like, what, It's
23:05
Speaker 2: just a piece of cloth.
23:06
Speaker 3: But he does.
23:09
Speaker 2: Is confronted one day with his own double standards when
23:13
Speaker 2: his parents are at home for the first time after marriage,
23:15
Speaker 2: in front of his mother or his father.
23:17
Speaker 3: That day, he gets a little He's not able to
23:20
Speaker 3: do it.
23:21
Speaker 2: He's not able to do it, and then he goes
23:23
Speaker 2: into his own self explorations spiral about how cool am
23:27
Speaker 2: I am I really and how progressive am I?
23:30
Speaker 3: Relief I couldn't do this in front of my parents,
23:33
Speaker 3: So this is just this is a very small thing.
23:36
Speaker 2: It's a seventy five minute so about this guy just
23:41
Speaker 2: trying to decode why it might have happened. Is it
23:45
Speaker 2: something inside of him? Is it something outside of him?
23:47
Speaker 2: Is it social conditioning, is it, you know, whatever, pressure,
23:50
Speaker 2: or is it some kind of like respect value or
23:53
Speaker 2: some kind of you know, intimacy, display of intimacy.
23:55
Speaker 3: Whatever. He's trying to theorize it and make sense of
23:57
Speaker 3: it in his in his own way. You know, I've
24:00
Speaker 3: had a lot of.
24:00
Speaker 2: People come to me after the show, whether they're able
24:03
Speaker 2: to articulate it or not, that I have been this person,
24:06
Speaker 2: But I've never been the center of a story.
24:08
Speaker 3: A guy who's doing dishes.
24:10
Speaker 2: At home or who's like doing clothes and whatever, and
24:14
Speaker 2: there's a bit of a doesn't fit into the typical.
24:17
Speaker 3: Male female dynamic of a marriage.
24:19
Speaker 2: There is no representation of that, and many people, most
24:22
Speaker 2: people are probably like this today, even men, just that
24:28
Speaker 2: they're not the loud ones. They're not the ones taking
24:31
Speaker 2: up space or you know, shouting the loudaste or making
24:36
Speaker 2: the most scenes.
24:36
Speaker 1: It's wonderful that you can make people feel seen.
24:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would.
24:41
Speaker 2: I would, and I didn't set out we didn't set
24:43
Speaker 2: out with that intention, but I think when that happens,
24:47
Speaker 2: it does feel good.
24:48
Speaker 3: And this thing that I was not a part of
24:53
Speaker 3: the plan. But it was just about being able to
24:57
Speaker 3: tell a story that we enjoyed and.
25:02
Speaker 2: I thought or I was convinced that somebody would enjoy
25:05
Speaker 2: and I didn't have to convince anyone else.
25:08
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see it. I can't wait to
25:10
Speaker 1: see it. Okay, Now we're gonna play a little game
25:14
Speaker 1: where I throw some statements at you and you got
25:18
Speaker 1: to just respond. Okay, no diplomacy, no overthinking, but no overthing.
25:23
Speaker 3: No.
25:24
Speaker 1: Look, it's not we're not putting you on the spot.
25:26
Speaker 1: It's mainly in line with what we've been discussing already.
25:31
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm just gonna like it's almost like fill
25:34
Speaker 1: in the blanks. Okay, Okay, snappy shot, snappy responses to
25:40
Speaker 1: the first half to no worries. We'll see how we go.
25:48
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll give my best.
25:49
Speaker 1: The first time I felt really confident during sex was
25:53
Speaker 1: when I felt really confident, justiz.
26:00
Speaker 2: I think it's difficult to mark one single experience of
26:03
Speaker 2: one single day, say half escape.
26:06
Speaker 3: Do you think it's a.
26:07
Speaker 2: Genuine, genuine I mean there's also a little bit ups
26:10
Speaker 2: and downs, but overall it with time, it goes up
26:14
Speaker 2: only I think you know, with experience and with because
26:17
Speaker 2: as a person outside of sex and relationships, also.
26:20
Speaker 3: You are growing and you're being i think a little
26:22
Speaker 3: more sure of yourself. I think it's just it's been
26:25
Speaker 3: a journey.
26:26
Speaker 2: It's been a journey, and if this keeps going up,
26:30
Speaker 2: no pun intended, then then yeah, maybe I'll be more
26:34
Speaker 2: confident five years down the line, ten years down the line.
26:36
Speaker 1: I really like that you responded to it that way.
26:40
Speaker 1: I used to think sex was about dash, but now
26:43
Speaker 1: I think it's about dash.
26:47
Speaker 2: I used to think sex was about just the act,
26:54
Speaker 2: but now it is also about the before and after,
26:58
Speaker 2: or the or the kind of action with the.
27:01
Speaker 3: Other person.
27:03
Speaker 1: Mean too. One thing I still find awkward to talk
27:06
Speaker 1: about in bed.
27:07
Speaker 2: Is One thing still fine awkward to talk about in
27:12
Speaker 2: bed is I've now probably gotten better at it. But
27:23
Speaker 2: it's again that's that takes a little bit of work.
27:25
Speaker 2: Is actually sometimes just a saying and asking as many
27:32
Speaker 2: words what you want now without having to like hint,
27:37
Speaker 2: just say is there something specific that you know that
27:40
Speaker 2: the thought or something that you're wanting saying it is fine.
27:45
Speaker 2: I think you're just like scared of saying it out loud. Yeah,
27:48
Speaker 2: being too direct, so you're trying.
27:50
Speaker 3: To like hint your way through it or whatever, making
27:53
Speaker 3: sounds to give two for the other person to figure out.
27:59
Speaker 2: But i'm when you're just making the other person work
28:01
Speaker 2: a little extra and then getting disappointed if they don't
28:03
Speaker 2: get it.
28:04
Speaker 3: So it's better to.
28:04
Speaker 1: Just YEA A turn off I didn't expect to have is.
28:11
Speaker 3: I don't know.
28:12
Speaker 2: What I didn't expect to have is uh, somebody being
28:18
Speaker 2: a little rough with me because I seen mostly as
28:21
Speaker 2: a as a very passionate thing, and I think I'm
28:25
Speaker 2: h'm I want to be handled gently. I don't know,
28:32
Speaker 2: but that also changes, you know, I've seen that you have,
28:34
Speaker 2: you think because from past experiences, you think how much
28:38
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't really enjoy it, but you don't know,
28:41
Speaker 2: maybe somewhere down the line again in a different context,
28:45
Speaker 2: with a different person or whatever, something has changed within you.
28:49
Speaker 2: But it has happened a couple of times, and I
28:50
Speaker 2: was I was a little like, yeah, thrown off.
28:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.
28:55
Speaker 1: I think it's so interesting though, and I appreciate that
28:59
Speaker 1: you mentioned how you can it's really hard to group
29:03
Speaker 1: experiences together, like it really is. Sex with a new
29:07
Speaker 1: person for the first time is in new experience and
29:10
Speaker 1: what you might not have liked it at all with one
29:12
Speaker 1: person might.
29:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't know, quite different, which is like it's
29:16
Speaker 2: almost like you are a different.
29:17
Speaker 3: Person, such a journey.
29:19
Speaker 2: With different people or or even in the same relationship
29:24
Speaker 2: or with the same person. Also, things can evolve and
29:26
Speaker 2: changed and over time.
29:28
Speaker 3: This is this is what my experience has told me.
29:32
Speaker 2: But so far, Yeah, I can remember a couple of
29:37
Speaker 2: times that I was just like, let's not and maybe
29:41
Speaker 2: it was not even too much. And again because I
29:43
Speaker 2: felt like I'm supposed to be enjoying this. It's almost
29:45
Speaker 2: felt like I mean, it's almost felt like as a guy,
29:50
Speaker 2: maybe there was some pressure too, like it this way,
29:55
Speaker 2: and I don't like that pressure.
29:59
Speaker 3: Why you don't assume for me?
30:02
Speaker 1: Okay, something I once googled because of sex.
30:06
Speaker 3: Was so I didn't google, but you know I was.
30:10
Speaker 2: I was saying about that first time, which was not
30:13
Speaker 2: even the first time, because I just we just couldn't manage.
30:16
Speaker 2: We just didn't know what to do. I mean, you
30:18
Speaker 2: know what to do, but how to do. So I
30:21
Speaker 2: ended up talking to a friend online and because and
30:26
Speaker 2: suddenly when that happens, now there is also you're very
30:28
Speaker 2: confused about how you're feeling because there was excitement, but
30:31
Speaker 2: that excitement is now taken over by some kind of
30:33
Speaker 2: like disappointment with yourself and what just happened, what just
30:38
Speaker 2: didn't happen. So I remember having this conversation online with
30:41
Speaker 2: a friends, you know, something about how to do it,
30:44
Speaker 2: what to do? I figure I was in this person online,
30:49
Speaker 2: chatting with a friend who I thought might have had
30:52
Speaker 2: experience with a female friend in fact, just to get
30:55
Speaker 2: a sense of you know, I just couldn't figure can
30:59
Speaker 2: you can you me?
31:00
Speaker 3: With that so cute that all of that we think
31:07
Speaker 3: texting make say you can you?
31:10
Speaker 2: But of course then try again, try again on that day,
31:14
Speaker 2: but eventually.
31:16
Speaker 1: Eventually all in good time. One thing that instantly kills
31:20
Speaker 1: the mood for me.
31:21
Speaker 2: Is I guess then goes on to the same thing
31:23
Speaker 2: because a couple of times that I can remember is
31:25
Speaker 2: that immediately something you know, just like it didn't work
31:29
Speaker 2: for me a little extra I think a little some
31:34
Speaker 2: suddenly starts feeling like this is not genuine and this
31:37
Speaker 2: is like just being done a performance or you know,
31:40
Speaker 2: am I there's.
31:41
Speaker 3: Some pressure on me to enjoy this.
31:43
Speaker 2: I kind of like I think I draw back a
31:46
Speaker 2: little bit when it doesn't gel organic.
31:49
Speaker 3: That's happened to me a couple of times.
31:51
Speaker 1: What I've noticed is that men will often want to
31:56
Speaker 1: talk about there, like about how all these other women
31:59
Speaker 1: also liked them, or that they men will freely talk
32:02
Speaker 1: about their past relationships because it seems to not necessarily
32:05
Speaker 1: just in bed, but with a new woman they're interested.
32:08
Speaker 1: I think men think it makes their stock go up, like, look,
32:11
Speaker 1: I'm desirable. These other women also think I'm desirable. I
32:14
Speaker 1: have this girlfriend, that girlfriend. I'm telling you. Where's women
32:17
Speaker 1: have the opposite. I would never talk about an X
32:20
Speaker 1: on a first date or like or like brag about
32:24
Speaker 1: how many excess I've had. Where's men really do it?
32:26
Speaker 1: And I just think in general, no matter your gender,
32:28
Speaker 1: like why talk about your exes on the first date?
32:31
Speaker 1: Like this is a new that topic It can be
32:36
Speaker 1: addressed at some point, of course.
32:38
Speaker 3: I mean, you don't have to. If you're going to
32:40
Speaker 3: get into a relationship or a long term thing, then you.
32:42
Speaker 1: Are wistfully about your ex Like, don't if you're longingly
32:47
Speaker 1: talking about your ex why are you on this date?
32:57
Speaker 1: You know you're not ready, You're.
32:58
Speaker 3: Not almost like a scene exactly Okay.
33:03
Speaker 1: The one thing I always checked before hooking up is
33:06
Speaker 1: I check, like I don't know you check maybe if
33:10
Speaker 1: you're meeting a new person, do use dating apps?
33:14
Speaker 3: I haven't.
33:15
Speaker 1: Do you do any like vibe check, due diligence.
33:18
Speaker 2: I think a conversation is is H is a good.
33:23
Speaker 3: Way to test, of course, not just one conversation you.
33:25
Speaker 2: I mean, like I think when you're famous, you also
33:28
Speaker 2: sometimes don't need dating apps because there's already a lot
33:31
Speaker 2: of people like flying into into your ms, you know,
33:35
Speaker 2: being clerty.
33:35
Speaker 3: Or being whatever. Of course you don't know how which
33:37
Speaker 3: you want to take seriously.
33:38
Speaker 2: There's also this doubt about they don't even know me really,
33:41
Speaker 2: you know, it's just it's an image that they have
33:43
Speaker 2: in their heads, which I realized because you know, this
33:46
Speaker 2: happened to me first time post show Cultrip playing where
33:50
Speaker 2: I played.
33:50
Speaker 3: A certain character. They thought, you know, it was one
33:54
Speaker 3: or whatever, and then I realized that, okay, there is
33:56
Speaker 3: a gap.
33:57
Speaker 1: Can you think back to an instance where sex was
34:01
Speaker 1: available but you did not want to have it? And
34:05
Speaker 1: what was what was the was it? I mean, I
34:09
Speaker 1: think more than one. I mean, this is a very
34:12
Speaker 1: human experience. Most women will have been in such a
34:14
Speaker 1: situation and can openly share about it. But I feel
34:16
Speaker 1: like men don't feel they think somehow that it is
34:18
Speaker 1: not masculine to turn down an opportunity for sex. But
34:21
Speaker 1: I would argue that most people of any gender, if
34:24
Speaker 1: once they have had enough, like a matter of statistics,
34:28
Speaker 1: they've been in enough potential sexual encounters, just by virtue
34:32
Speaker 1: of a numbers thing, there will be whatever, let's say
34:35
Speaker 1: two out of ten of those experiences you probably didn't
34:37
Speaker 1: actually want to you know, or whatever or whatever.
34:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that I think, you know, I wish the game.
34:48
Speaker 2: But when you're famous, when you got a lot of attention,
34:52
Speaker 2: there are a lot of key you know.
34:54
Speaker 3: This path can go there. You know, it's like, oh
34:57
Speaker 3: what are you doing? This thing?
34:58
Speaker 2: That thing comes, you know, have a cigarette come home?
35:01
Speaker 2: You know where it might be leading and you can
35:05
Speaker 2: stop it when you want, uh and uh yeah and otherwise. Also,
35:12
Speaker 2: I've also had some professional rules sometimes not.
35:17
Speaker 3: At work or whatever.
35:18
Speaker 1: Is it tricky like sometimes having to be intimate in
35:22
Speaker 1: a scene or in a movie or show or whatever
35:26
Speaker 1: where you're having to you know, like be in close
35:29
Speaker 1: physical maybe even actually be intimate for some with somebody
35:33
Speaker 1: in a scene. I understand that separate, but also like proximity.
35:38
Speaker 1: I don't know, chemistry, it can it can more difficult
35:43
Speaker 1: to keep so separate. Have you or I don't know,
35:47
Speaker 1: maybe you have to play the boyfriend of someone who
35:49
Speaker 1: was an ex and now you're having to make out
35:51
Speaker 1: on screen again.
35:53
Speaker 3: It's the same.
35:54
Speaker 2: So a lot of people, a lot of people especially
35:56
Speaker 2: who are not from films. My friends also will ask me,
36:00
Speaker 2: they're curious, how is it like when you get somebody
36:02
Speaker 2: you don't now we're talking about it old reggae actually set.
36:11
Speaker 3: But I mean my answer to that has been it
36:14
Speaker 3: is different.
36:14
Speaker 1: It is.
36:15
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know how to explain it, but
36:17
Speaker 2: that kiss, that on camera kiss is different from an
36:20
Speaker 2: off camera even with the same person. You may end
36:23
Speaker 2: up kissing that person in the hotel room also after
36:25
Speaker 2: the shoot is over, but that case will be different
36:27
Speaker 2: from the on caameracks because that's just that's the constructed moment,
36:30
Speaker 2: you know, there is it's always like, yeah, there is me, microactor,
36:34
Speaker 2: but there's a person sitting here, there's a my guy
36:36
Speaker 2: sitting there, and we can see them. They might not
36:40
Speaker 2: be in the frame, but they are in our frame.
36:43
Speaker 2: There are fifty people in this room right now, And
36:46
Speaker 2: there is pressure, there is nervousness, there are there is onenerability.
36:50
Speaker 2: Everybody is conscious about how they're looking, what this look like.
36:54
Speaker 2: But the other person also more or ized. In my experience,
36:58
Speaker 2: I mean when you work in high school, they're also
37:00
Speaker 2: worrying about you. So even like I I've acted with
37:04
Speaker 2: girls who will ask me, are you okay? Are you comfortable?
37:06
Speaker 3: I said, yeah, it goes both ways.
37:11
Speaker 2: Because everybody is scared about just like of course you
37:16
Speaker 2: want to like write do you want to make sure
37:17
Speaker 2: the other person also goes back with a decent story.
37:20
Speaker 3: To tell and not like, oh you know that person.
37:25
Speaker 3: Because you are performing. You know, you can't.
37:27
Speaker 2: Calculate everything but your touch, how hard, whatever.
37:33
Speaker 3: Not. Everything can be planned to the inch, the sentiment
37:36
Speaker 3: and whatever. So everybody is a little nervous.
37:39
Speaker 2: It can in some instances bleed out of the project whatever.
37:48
Speaker 3: But even otherwise, I think.
37:51
Speaker 2: Film shoots they are very hectic, pressure environments and there
37:57
Speaker 2: is I believe a human psychology thing where you're going
38:00
Speaker 2: through something tough together. It kind of brings you closer.
38:03
Speaker 2: You know, you feel like you're in one team and
38:06
Speaker 2: you know something is not great. Production is not great,
38:08
Speaker 2: that is not great. So there is a like we
38:10
Speaker 2: are there for each other. So there is like actors
38:12
Speaker 2: can huddle together and adies can huddle together. So that
38:16
Speaker 2: can sometimes feel like attraction closeness that happens many affairs
38:22
Speaker 2: happen on sets and especially outdoors. As they say, as
38:25
Speaker 2: you are away, you're almost like it's a it's a
38:28
Speaker 2: it's a bubble that you came from a certain world
38:31
Speaker 2: into this bubble, and then you will go back into.
38:33
Speaker 3: This world, and that bubble can feel like, oh, this
38:35
Speaker 3: is this is reality.
38:35
Speaker 2: This is you know, it's beautiful, it's pretty good in
38:38
Speaker 2: the mountains, it's snowing and getting feelings and you're close
38:42
Speaker 2: to this person spending days and night and if you're
38:44
Speaker 2: enjoying that company, so that that happens a lot. But
38:47
Speaker 2: I think over time you realize, Hora, and this is
38:54
Speaker 2: not this is not love, and this is just proximity
38:59
Speaker 2: and this is just slowly less or whatever. And then
39:02
Speaker 2: because then you when you go back, let's know, all
39:04
Speaker 2: these feelings have gone.
39:06
Speaker 1: We're going to play another game. It's called true a tweak.
39:09
Speaker 1: We're going to give you some statements and you have
39:12
Speaker 1: to tell us whether you think they're true or whether
39:14
Speaker 1: you would like to see them modified. Okay, men always
39:17
Speaker 1: want sex almost There's one type of woman men will
39:25
Speaker 1: have sex with and a different type of women men
39:27
Speaker 1: want to marry.
39:30
Speaker 3: Am I speaking for all men?
39:32
Speaker 1: You can speak for yourself.
39:35
Speaker 3: That doesn't hold true for me?
39:37
Speaker 1: And do you think it holds true for men?
39:40
Speaker 2: I mean I have seen these ideas exist on the
39:43
Speaker 2: internet and whatever, and I see I mean there is
39:49
Speaker 2: because I see a lot of flood shaming or you know,
39:52
Speaker 2: or jokes about oh, jokes about marrying a certain kind
39:56
Speaker 2: of person who has been sexually active.
39:59
Speaker 3: I see some discourse around wanting a virgin life.
40:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean if especially if you don't believe those
40:13
Speaker 2: rules for yourself or you know, uh, then we expected
40:18
Speaker 2: because there is a certain kind of like you said,
40:20
Speaker 2: a certain kind of respectability attached to being a virgin
40:23
Speaker 2: or not. These are not These are not the ways
40:27
Speaker 2: I want to think about my life or my life partner,
40:29
Speaker 2: or who I want to spend my life and all
40:31
Speaker 2: the kind of things I am looking from a partnership.
40:37
Speaker 2: I'm not looking for that is not only define the
40:43
Speaker 2: quality of my life with you, in the quality of
40:45
Speaker 2: my life with you or the life together is defined
40:47
Speaker 2: by many other things and not this.
40:51
Speaker 1: Okay, casual sex can be meaningful.
40:55
Speaker 2: These are two different words, casual and meaningful. But casual
41:00
Speaker 2: when you're going for casually not looking for meaning, it's
41:04
Speaker 2: just probably looking for temporary good time, pleasure, some validation, mutual.
41:10
Speaker 3: But it can be meaningful for that if this is
41:13
Speaker 3: the meaning that you're looking for.
41:14
Speaker 2: If you're looking for meaning of like O long term
41:16
Speaker 2: t o keep it casually long term meaning, you don't.
41:22
Speaker 2: But if the meaning that you're looking for is maybe
41:24
Speaker 2: you know, just this mutual understanding that this is all
41:29
Speaker 2: this is, and in this little cocoon, it is meaningful
41:32
Speaker 2: for that whatever time that is an hour or a
41:35
Speaker 2: few hours or a day or two.
41:37
Speaker 1: Days that h okay, Men never fake orgasms.
41:48
Speaker 3: Never think but that they can easily.
41:50
Speaker 1: Got to know. I suppose.
41:52
Speaker 3: I mean, I can't.
41:55
Speaker 2: Speak for other and maybe there are people falling orgasm,
41:57
Speaker 2: but I never saw the point because I like it's too.
42:00
Speaker 1: Why would you? Okay, So men don't generally fake orgasms.
42:04
Speaker 1: Never say never.
42:05
Speaker 3: You don't know about all the men I don't know
42:09
Speaker 3: representative name, and.
42:16
Speaker 1: Unfortunately most women have at some point probably faked So.
42:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, because they have.
42:27
Speaker 1: Because orgasms are not on the men either, they themselves
42:30
Speaker 1: don't know what's going to bring them to orgasm. He
42:34
Speaker 1: is not receptive to feedback, or he's come already. I
42:38
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm not you know, there's this idea that
42:40
Speaker 1: like sex sens when the man comes. It's a new
42:44
Speaker 1: idea that like oh my hands and fingers and mouth,
42:47
Speaker 1: like still walk, we can use a toy sex ens
42:49
Speaker 1: when we both This is like a relatively new idea.
42:53
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a huge proponent of this idea.
43:01
Speaker 2: Because you're about of quality in the show again, I'm
43:03
Speaker 2: just gonna plug in my jokes from the show. They go,
43:05
Speaker 2: you know in our house everything is equal. Try an
43:09
Speaker 2: orgasm and take them in fact equal because please listen,
43:18
Speaker 2: that's the music orgasm. So if it always going to
43:23
Speaker 2: be unequal, it'd rather be on that side, because I mean,
43:27
Speaker 2: it's also a fictional story about these two people. But
43:29
Speaker 2: it's kind of why people laugh at these lines is
43:31
Speaker 2: because they see the truth in them, or they're gonna see,
43:35
Speaker 2: like we said.
43:36
Speaker 3: Something that we have not been able to articulate, but yes,
43:39
Speaker 3: we know this. It may mostly push yeah, but if biologically. Also,
43:46
Speaker 3: women can have multiple.
43:49
Speaker 1: Orgasms, so why not at least one is the bare minimum? Okay, okay,
43:56
Speaker 1: I love that. I think we should just end this
43:59
Speaker 1: on this high much instead of asking any more questions
44:03
Speaker 1: about the next at least for everyone. I've always been
44:11
Speaker 1: such a joy talking to you. You will Love Matters.
44:15
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you. We were mostly talking about sex.
44:18
Speaker 1: That is, that is what we love, just like it's
44:21
Speaker 1: all intimacy. Intimacy, yes, gender love sex. We talked about
44:26
Speaker 1: all of it. Thanks so much for being so candid
44:28
Speaker 1: and honest in your insights. Is always but not rapid,
44:33
Speaker 1: but no, you know what. I like things done slowly.
44:38
Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning into Love Matters. I hope that
44:42
Speaker 1: you enjoyed the episode. We'd love it. If you like, share, subscribe, comment.
44:47
Speaker 1: You can also write into us at Lovematters at d
44:50
Speaker 1: W dot com if you have any feedback topic suggestions.
44:53
Speaker 1: I'm all tell them where they can find you follow you.
44:55
Speaker 1: I'm surely already that's hard to be reminded me.
45:00
Speaker 3: Usure my Instagram handel is. You can find me on Instagram.
45:04
Speaker 3: I am an actor.
45:05
Speaker 2: I do many things.
45:10
Speaker 3: Whatever my name is.
45:12
Speaker 2: My Instagram is at the reader Please follow me, Please
45:16
Speaker 2: follow Lisa, Please follow in your express Please follow
45:20
Speaker 3: Because loves see you next time.