Latest / The Multiverse Collective / Wild Wild West E19: A Reverse Shrek-tuation

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Wild Wild West E19: A Reverse Shrek-tuation · The Multiverse Collective

0:00
Yeah, the reason Canada called it Hawaiian pizza was so they
0:03
were like, we'll take the flock from us when nobody like, agrees
0:07
that it's a good pizza. I'm fond of pineapple all
0:11
together. When we were at the at the
0:14
convention, all right, I there was this panel we did called the
0:17
Hill and when you lost, you called somebody from the
0:20
audience up. So of course Noodle called me up
0:22
when he lost his hill because this hill sucked ass and I
0:25
fucking won on pizza dessert. Pineapple deserves to be on
0:28
pizza, Jesus Christ, I think. It used to have been a hard
0:31
fought bottle. OK, I take that back.
0:34
That was my third one. I did I, I, I went 3 rounds and
0:37
then I got the overall victory. My first one was because Noodle
0:40
of course did his Grandpa Joe is the worst villain.
0:45
I mean that is a. That is still a fair argument
0:48
and. Then he did another one I don't
0:49
remember and so then he lost and he called me up and my first one
0:53
was worse than Grandpa Joe is Sir Topham Hat from Thomas the
0:56
Tank Engine. He's a much worse villain fair
1:00
then I did. I did one other one and then
1:03
pineapple goes on pizza. I don't remember my middle.
1:05
One, it does go on pizza, you just have.
1:07
To go on pizza. You just have to like, get the
1:10
right pizza. Yeah, the other ingredients just
1:13
have to be salty. It's salty, it's sweet, it's
1:15
cheesy, it's pizza. Pineapple chicken and jardinera.
1:20
Well, my well, I'm in Chicago for those very short 12 hours,
1:27
give or take. I want to try an actual Chicago
1:32
pizza. It's not worth it.
1:34
You'll just. Fucking hit it.
1:36
I got you. I got.
1:36
You, brother, I you're going to get off the flight and then
1:40
you're going to eat the heaviest.
1:41
It's like eating a rock in your. Just give him jets.
1:44
Just give him jets. Jets is so good, I love Jets.
1:49
Jets is so good. Oh, Jets is some of the best.
1:54
No, don't give him thin crust. I'm not moving.
1:58
Crust is so good I want. I want one that's going to make
2:02
me look like I'm I'm going to gain 60 lbs from just staring at
2:06
it not. Yeah.
2:08
It's just not Chicago style pizza is just not.
2:10
It's just not good. No.
2:13
It's basically. Lasagna.
2:14
Come on. It's.
2:15
Lasagna. It's literally lasagna.
2:17
It's he's right. It's pretty much lasagna, but
2:20
it's made with a different type of.
2:21
Noodles. It's fucking dough.
2:24
That sounds heavenly to me. We don't know.
2:26
It's not. It's.
2:27
Just not real. Neither do we.
2:29
That's why it stays in Chicago. No, if it was good.
2:32
It would be other places. It is other places.
2:36
Jets is everywhere. So is Little Caesars.
2:38
I hate. Little I'm I'm not bringing Nile
2:41
to fucking Little Caesars. No, I didn't say.
2:44
To bring him to Little Caesars. But it's everywhere, unlike
2:46
Chicago style pizza. Which is why he should have
2:49
Chicago style pizza in Chicago. I don't know about that.
2:54
And I'm and I also want to try a Cornish pasta from from
2:58
Michigan. I want to say that if they stand
3:00
up, we're. Going to find a place down South
3:01
that sells them. I was going to say, do they sell
3:04
them outside of? The I can get them frozen.
3:06
I don't know, the only the other place would be to drive 5 hours
3:09
N to fucking Mackinac to buy One North.
3:12
Out of the way. I just wanted to test it as an
3:16
English man who eats I can. Look around, I'm sure there's
3:19
somewhere here that would sell them, I just don't know where.
3:21
It's not something I usually go out of my way to find.
3:23
I also want to see the Punxsutawney Beaver, whatever it
3:26
fucking is. The Groundhog the.
3:28
Groundhog predicts the weather. A Beaver would be way wetter.
3:32
It would be much funnier if it was a Beaver.
3:34
We don't. Punxsutawney Phil was featured
3:36
on on an Ace commercial. Damn, what the hell happened?
3:48
There was a gunfight with me and Slick and Salmon.
3:55
Of course I'm the one to get a load of damned buckshot up in my
3:58
chest. And I say that with a capital D.
4:01
These suckers ain't playing. Hang on.
4:03
I I think I see a light. Wait.
4:07
No, no, not the other way. Why am I going the other way?
4:11
The Hell's back the other way. The.
5:15
Are we ready all? Right are.
5:17
You ready? Yeah, let's do it.
5:19
I'm as ready as I'm going to be things healthy.
5:26
Things are bleak. Things, things are not going
5:28
well, gentlemen. And seemingly, they're not going
5:32
so hot for the three of you either.
5:35
I believe when we last left you off, Arthur, you were in transit
5:39
trying to get back to your men's because you miss them and you
5:44
love them and you realize I. Can't live without my mums.
5:48
You can't, you can't live without them.
5:50
Itchy, you died and came back to life briefly, and Slick, you
5:57
killed Famine. I did.
6:00
By by turning into the fucking matrix and using slow motion.
6:05
Yeah, Slick, how are you feeling?
6:08
As the as the man who just, you know, killed a entity, we'll
6:15
say. So I feel like does itchy wake
6:19
up like right away? Yeah, he's like, he's coming to
6:22
like, you know, this Icker is flowing back into the earth.
6:25
It flowed back into him. And everything is just like
6:29
springing to life around you. It's happening so quickly.
6:33
And remind me, what happened to the body of Famine and the
6:36
horse? Did they melt or are they just
6:39
still there? They're just still there.
6:41
Nothing. Nothing happened but the flies.
6:44
The flies vacated the body of of Famine, and the swarm is nowhere
6:50
to be found. So I feel like itchy when he
6:53
when he wakes up, he just sees Slick.
6:55
He's standing in the back of Famine's horse, just like
6:58
holding holding scales in his right hand, and just like with
7:02
his arm out, pointing at the back of the Famine's head with
7:06
his left. Slick, slick.
7:09
Yeah, right over there. Itchy.
7:12
Riley is this acre still like visible?
7:17
Yes and no. It's like it's dissipating into
7:20
a mist, like very rapidly, and it's just like soaking into the
7:24
earth. Itchy is very frantically trying
7:28
to motion over to Slick. I I think slick just sort of
7:31
like does like a big step down, sort of steps off the horse and
7:36
walks over. Slick.
7:40
You know. Itchy just kind of weakly
7:43
gestures to like this dissipating mist anchor.
7:48
I barely know her. I'm going to kill you in the
7:56
most painful way possible. I'm going to make you fall in
8:00
love with a kitten. OK, I'm going to give you a
8:03
kitten. I'm going to make you fall in
8:05
love with a kitten. And then one night, probably
8:08
right before a holiday or something, I'm going to take
8:11
that kitten from your home and send you a video of me killing
8:15
that kitten. Jesus Christ.
8:23
Look down at like the what's what's up with like the bullet
8:27
holes that used to be. Itchy.
8:31
You've healed, right? Yeah.
8:32
You've healed from everything except that one point of psychic
8:36
damage you took at the beginning of the battle when you tried to
8:38
read his mind. OK, fair.
8:41
Yeah, I think Itchy just gives like a weak smile and he's just
8:45
like, I'm back, I ain't gonna take down.
8:49
Itchy bike chip bad easy. It's like reaches down with his
8:54
hands, like come on, get you up. All right, And I think Itchy
9:02
just kind of weakly gets up to his feet.
9:06
Well, I, I, I, I guess we should figure out if we want to.
9:13
Well, I guess best bet would just keep heading towards the
9:17
train station we were headed towards, right?
9:19
I mean, it's the closest thing at this point.
9:21
I doubt it'd make much sense to go back to the train at this
9:24
point because it's where sort of wanted.
9:27
I mean, yeah, I don't know, maybe we could like plead
9:33
insanity or something, but we're, I mean, no, it's it's
9:37
probably it's probably better if we just keep keep keeping on.
9:43
I mean, my memories, my memory is kinda, kinda coming back.
9:49
We were trying to we were trying to head to a a town, right?
9:53
We were, we were going South trying to trying to head to a
9:56
town. Do you?
9:57
Remember what town we were headed towards?
9:58
Riley. Beaumont.
10:00
Beaumont. Beaumont, that's what it was.
10:04
I mean, I reckon an itchy itchy just picks up, picks up some
10:12
soil and he sniffs it and he's just like, I reckon, I don't
10:19
know. I reckon now that famine here is
10:24
well disposed of, I think we might you might be able to make
10:29
it to Beaumont without without dying.
10:34
Yeah, I don't think there's much rush now, which is probably a
10:38
good thing since we're not only the one horse.
10:40
Do my horse come back or is it still dead?
10:44
I mean, your horse is around well.
10:47
'Cause it. Yeah, it came.
10:49
It came back. Oh, sick.
10:51
Everything, everything's coming back.
10:54
Yeah, look at that, my horse. Well.
10:57
He'll he'll go over and. Your horse does not trust you
11:00
anymore. It's quite pissed.
11:03
It was never, it was never mine to begin with.
11:05
It's fine. I'll get a new.
11:05
One, it's it's just like very antsy.
11:09
Everything's coming back, SAP. One thing NHE looks off to the
11:13
horizon and holds up four fingers.
11:20
The foot. And for everybody who gets that
11:23
call back. I'm so sorry.
11:26
You don't have a life. Yeah, I guess we just hopefully
11:34
we can catch the new train at Beaumont and keep on keeping on.
11:38
Yeah, and with that, you gentlemen start to head South
11:44
towards Beaumont. Arthur, what's poppin?
11:58
Not much, you know, just just riding.
12:01
It's pretty much it, I think. I do have a question now.
12:04
Yeah, absolutely. So obviously Alva doesn't know
12:08
this, that actually died and came back to life.
12:11
But what happened to the sole cone for like that brief 30
12:14
seconds? Because it was in my, it was in
12:17
my boot, like between my boot and my, like my boot, my sock,
12:25
like in that gap between my boot and my sock.
12:27
And I'm pretty sure the boots are pretty tight.
12:30
Yeah, you know, it's crazy. Absolutely nothing happened to
12:33
it. Oh, damp.
12:36
It stayed. I mean, if you were looking at
12:38
it, you may have like seen his expression change, but oh OK,
12:41
nothing happened. I just.
12:42
Wondered if it just like went cold.
12:45
No, it didn't go cold. OK, Yeah, I think, yeah,
12:51
Arthur's just riding to to Beaumont.
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That's all he's doing. He used the Pythagorean theorem
12:56
like a couple hours ago and he's staying on course.
13:03
I think the three of you actually run into each other on
13:06
the road South. Arthur, you're making good time.
13:09
And Slick and Itchy got, we'll say, sidetracked with their
13:13
little battle. That's one word for it.
13:16
That's fair, That's fair. And I think as you come over the
13:19
horizon, I mean, it's late, it's probably the middle of the night
13:23
now, but the moonlight's lighting up the the world and
13:26
it's, you hear the animals and the wind whipping through the
13:30
trees. And suddenly this like lifeless
13:32
land is full of life again. And it's almost like nothing
13:35
ever transpired here. And then you see the silhouettes
13:39
of slick and itchy on two horses.
13:43
They're unmistakable. I feel like as you're riding up
13:48
slicks talk slicks talking to Itchy, he's like, wait, ain't
13:51
you? Ain't you got a change of
13:52
clothes in your saddlebags? Why are you still wearing my
13:54
shit? I don't know, I didn't have time
13:56
to change. Well, get get my shit off.
13:59
Let's let's stop here and change.
14:00
We're just going to start. Swallowing changing clothes and
14:05
Ichi is just going to like without any like like privacy.
14:11
He's just going to he's going to completely disrobe.
14:13
Oh. My God, Ichi.
14:21
Ichi had his back to you. He turns around.
14:25
Oh my throttle male nudity in my podcast.
14:32
In this Christian Minecraft server.
14:37
Edgy just kind of stares at Arthur again, like not moving
14:40
probably. Four or five seconds.
14:41
It looks like the sponge, like the Stone Age SpongeBob.
14:46
He's just around there. You you like what you see.
14:53
No. Oh.
14:54
God, Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm just messing with you.
15:01
Meanwhile, Slick stands up and he's putting on his original
15:03
hand. He's like, there we go.
15:04
Didn't want to get my old clothes dirty.
15:07
Oh God, I can't remember what I was coming to tell you.
15:11
Yeah, that's what people usually say when they see me, Arthur.
15:18
I died. Full start bro.
15:23
What was the town I was in called?
15:25
Can anyone remember that little town I stopped in where there
15:27
was all the ghosts and I was drinking and I was like and I
15:29
thought this. I actually don't remember.
15:35
Because that's what I was coming to tell them, right?
15:36
Like there was like. Famine did, did you?
15:40
Did some something destroyed this land?
15:46
Then he looked around. Slick holds up the scales.
15:50
I got a souvenir from it. Even did.
15:52
When did you start cooking? No, they're they're scales.
15:57
They're not a cooking pot. Yeah, but you weigh things.
16:01
With scales you know to. Cook food.
16:05
Arthur would have grammed out recipes in the 1870s.
16:12
It's it's, it's more of a symbolic thing than a cooking
16:16
thing. I suppose you could use them for
16:17
cooking though. I mean, there are scales, right?
16:19
Yeah, you know. And then I know she's got the
16:24
shot shotgun, right? Because I remember having that
16:27
whole discussion at the end of the episode last time of who was
16:30
going to take the shotgun. I thought I was going to take
16:32
the shotgun, actually. Yeah, you were going.
16:34
To take the shotgun, I was like, was taking the shotgun.
16:37
Also, I'm looking, I'm looking at the map, was Silsbee the town
16:41
that we were? Was Silsby the town that you
16:44
were in or was that the one that like?
16:46
No, I think it was Silsby. Yeah, it must be Silsby.
16:49
It sounds familiar, yeah. It was, yeah, that either one of
16:53
you has the the shotgun. Neither of you have it marked
16:55
down on your your character. I'm correcting that right now.
16:59
I just need to find it. I thought it was here.
17:02
Don't worry about it. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll get it
17:04
taken care of, Dirk. I've just read my own character
17:07
shoot and I've just realized I've put blessed hands and then
17:10
in in the stats of just put fuck around and find out.
17:15
Nice. Where where did you get the the
17:20
shotgun? Bam it.
17:24
You say that like it's the most casual.
17:28
Thing look, you weren't here. I mean, it was, it was he.
17:30
Killed the child like. I didn't kill no fucking child
17:34
either. You.
17:35
You, you literally shot a kid. Did I?
17:39
Yes. Did you check?
17:42
I mean, the kid didn't wake up. The kid was drunk.
17:46
I don't care what kind of God, fairy man you are.
17:50
Slick pulls out his gut and points it to Itchy, and there's
17:52
a bang. Itchy falls to the ground in the
17:54
Peter Griffin pose. Now now he just killed Itchy.
18:01
I mean, I think Ichi. Ichi turns his head and he just
18:09
slick. Wally, you shot me dead.
18:11
I'm dying to death over Hill. And you, you, you watched.
18:21
Slick reholsters his gun and he pulls down his sleeve and he's
18:24
and you see that there's blanks on his sleeve guns.
18:31
When? I just needed to get us out of
18:32
that fucking train car. We could have got out of that
18:35
train car once I knocked Ichi out and we would have all stayed
18:38
together this whole time. It killed me too.
18:41
Which, Arthur? I'm itchy.
18:46
Sorry. The you know, nobody tells you
18:50
that when you die, your short term memory kind of goes in and
18:54
out. I didn't shoot him Arthur.
19:00
If he sat and talked to me for 2 seconds I would have told you
19:02
that we just needed to get itchy out of his mind or back into his
19:06
mind so we could get out of there.
19:07
I. Could have got him into his mind
19:10
after I beat the shit out of his face.
19:13
Maybe let's not beat the. Shit out of our friends though,
19:16
like. He was frightening to kill a
19:18
child. I I second maybe not beating the
19:22
shit out of our friends. I mean, it, it, it, he, he was
19:29
100% serious about killing. A child, which is why I made him
19:34
think that I killed the child so we could go.
19:37
Time was more important. OK, man, whatever.
19:44
What? Where are we?
19:46
Are we? Is it just a wanted man now?
19:50
Oh, I've got something else to tell you that I completely
19:53
forgot to tell you on the train. Those coyotes that were like.
19:58
Running. Up and down, Yeah.
20:00
Weird. Shit.
20:01
Yeah, they are like scouts for Lilith and they have my scent
20:11
now, so she knows where we are. I mean, I there ain't really
20:17
shit we can do about that at this point, is there?
20:19
No, but yeah, there's a lot going on on the train and.
20:26
Yeah, in hindsight, the train may not have been the best idea.
20:29
I think it was the smartest idea, but a lot of bad shit
20:32
happened there. So do I take like the?
20:37
The the I'm going to stream like a day.
20:39
More ride to Beaumont and then. Now that we can take our time,
20:43
we're not trying to rush. I guess we're headed there to
20:45
take a new train though, ain't we?
20:46
So. I'm assuming so.
20:50
I mean, it may not be the best idea, but it's the fastest one.
20:54
They'd rather not ride all the way there.
20:56
Hey Ichi, have you got a razor? Oh yeah, actually hang on, yeah,
21:02
I do. And Ichi rummages through
21:05
Evander's satchel and pulls out a a nice looking straight razor
21:10
and he just kind of flips it up and hands it blade side away to
21:14
Arthur. OK, son.
21:16
OK, son, sit down. We're giving you a haircut.
21:19
What? Oh my my curly lacks.
21:22
Why? You're a wanted manager, we need
21:24
to make you look as different as possible.
21:26
But but these are my calling cards.
21:29
To be fair, aren't there? I'm pretty sure we're going to
21:31
get to Beaumont faster than any news.
21:34
Yes, there's there's. Also, we saw the state of the
21:36
train that we left, yeah. That's true.
21:37
That is true. I didn't really fuck up that
21:41
engine. I mean, so did the pile of bones
21:44
that we were running into. That's also true, yeah.
21:48
I think we're pretty safe on that front.
21:50
If there's any wanting this coming from that, it's going to
21:53
take a while to get to anywhere. Arthur flourishes the the
21:56
straight razor and froze like closes it and froze it over to
22:00
itchy and. He goes.
22:01
That's Plan B. All right.
22:05
Can we get going now? Yeah, let's go.
22:08
All right, Q travel montage. Q Travel montage.
22:24
And we went through the desert on some horses with no names,
22:28
except two of them had names. On the road again.
22:32
Just can't wait to get on back down on the road again with my
22:37
friends and I'm alive somehow and we killed Famine.
22:42
Some beautiful songs maybe. Maybe.
22:44
Don't say that too loud. Itchy.
22:47
Wait, Itchy? Yeah, I need to get, I need to
22:49
telegram my cousin Nelson. That's lyrics he got there.
22:58
You have a cousin named Nelson Wiley.
23:01
Wiley Nelson, actually. Her cousins.
23:06
Different last name. All right.
23:12
You know, we, our generation may not, may not get that, but our
23:17
grandkids, they'll probably love that.
23:22
Take one pint of socket. Thank you.
23:27
Hey, all I'm saying is he's back, baby.
23:33
This is what This is what happens when your wife starts
23:36
listening to old Wild West and you remember what this character
23:41
was supposed to be. Donkey from Shrek, but as a man,
23:44
yes. With a donkey that if.
23:48
She's the donkey and Evander was the Shrek.
23:51
Yes, it's reverse shrektuation. Oh man, I can't wait to find the
23:59
dragon. This episode's called Reverse.
24:12
Oh God. Oh this is great.
24:14
A week after a well deserved rest, we get reverse
24:16
stretchuation. Hell yeah.
24:32
So Ichi, I want to know how you're feeling.
24:38
You know, I got to tell you, I think Itchy's on ironically.
24:44
I mean physically not feeling great, but like mental,
24:47
emotional, he's like he's feeling great.
24:51
Yeah, it was like a force reset. Yeah, I mean, he like he died,
24:57
he came back to life and he's just like, ha, shit, cool.
25:02
So I think like the like, even as the adrenaline of the battle
25:06
kind of wears off and it the like manic itchy energy like
25:10
goes away, I think he's still like, he's in good spirits.
25:13
He's trying to like crack jokes. Like, you know, he, he's like,
25:18
look man, it's life is too short to be too serious all the time.
25:24
How long do we think Itchy was dead?
25:25
For Like 45 seconds. 90 seconds. Something like that.
25:28
I don't even know if it was not a very long time dilation.
25:31
Yeah, it happened. It happened fast.
25:33
So I think Itchy, what you will remember very, very clearly from
25:38
your time and being dead was that you were chained to a rock
25:45
somewhere incredibly hot. You were just chained to a rock
25:49
and you're surrounded by thousands of other faceless
25:54
people chained to rocks, screaming.
25:57
Then before you could even like look around or like understand
25:59
what was happening, you were back up.
26:01
That's all. But you'll have the memory.
26:04
Well, sailors rather be here than there.
26:10
Rather be here than where. You didn't hear what I was
26:13
saying. I was saying when I was dead.
26:16
I woke up and I was I was chained to a rock and I looked
26:19
around and there were some faceless people.
26:22
And then all of a sudden, whoop, I'm back.
26:25
Arthur, are you not paying attention?
26:26
He he just said this like. No.
26:32
You know what's rude? Not to pay attention when your
26:34
friends are telling a story, son.
26:37
There's a lot has happened in the last 48 hours without trying
26:41
to to process myself. All right, you know what?
26:44
I'll give you that. I apologize.
26:47
There's one line that's that's been sticking in my head from
26:50
that. No one fella.
26:51
And that and it was when. Clarice said she was in hell for
26:55
the last eight years, literally. I think maybe that's where I was
27:00
too question mark. So you died and went to hell,
27:05
which makes sense. We sold our souls.
27:06
You know and. Then it makes sense.
27:07
But. I mean, I, I can only assume it
27:10
was hot, there was a rock, kind of scary chains, you know, the
27:14
whole 9. So if, if it's leaving an impact
27:18
on me of all people and I was dead for, I don't know, let's
27:22
say 45 seconds, I can only imagine what it's what it was
27:26
like for being down there for eight years.
27:28
Oh boy, sorry. That was, I think, a little
27:33
insensitive. My fault.
27:36
I'd like the immediate anger you're typing now.
27:43
Is that a telegram in your pocket or are you just happy to
27:46
see me? I'm just just happy to see you
27:48
at you. Don't worry about me, I'm doing,
27:52
I'm doing research for a future episode.
27:55
Are you are you sending Riley plans on how to kill me?
27:58
No. I was like very concerned there
28:00
for a second. It felt like it was happening so
28:03
quickly. I wanted to wait for you to.
28:06
How to poison someone? What year did we say we're in?
28:11
1873, right? Yeah, yeah.
28:14
Yeah, never mind. What?
28:15
Year did arsenic. What year was arsenic invented?
28:19
No, I I was finding out what year adrenaline was you started
28:24
to be used as in a medical. Frontage.
28:26
Oh my God. I was.
28:28
Going to I was going to cause myself to die and then be like,
28:31
give me 10 minutes and then stick me with this a gentleman.
28:34
10 minutes you wouldn't dump. Back so wow, the episode where
28:42
Arthur goes to hell briefly. Arthur would go to hell for
28:48
Clarice. We all know this.
28:49
We do. It's beautiful.
28:51
Love is a beautiful thing and I'm sure she would love to see
28:54
you in hell. What was that Greek?
28:56
What was the guy at the Greek myth?
28:59
What's his name? Fucking Persephone's husband.
29:03
Persephone. Hades.
29:04
Hades. No, no, no are.
29:06
You talking about Orpheus and urides and urides?
29:09
This is what I'm talking. About Orpheus, Yeah.
29:12
This is more like Odysseus and. Penelope.
29:16
Penelope Yeah, it's just going to be a 10 year long journey for
29:20
me to find my wife again. Yeah, every man's dream.
29:25
Yeah, honestly, if I got married tomorrow and there was like,
29:28
we're going to go to fight a 10 year war and then you're going
29:31
to come back on a boat and get lost for 10 years of like you
29:33
sound, write a book about me. All right, so slick.
29:51
How the fuck are you holding up? This has been a day and also
29:56
like you're kind of a badass. I mean, you're the only one in
29:58
this group that now has like a kill on any sort of real daemon
30:03
that. Yeah, that does remind me Slick,
30:06
while while we're riding, Slick has pulled out his pocket knife
30:10
and he's etching another notch into his gun.
30:14
Nice. How many notches?
30:17
Do you have casually? God, I don't remember.
30:19
What did we say? I think I had 12 in the packet
30:23
episode and this is the first one I've technically added even
30:26
though I've killed like some minor shit.
30:28
But whatever, it's not important.
30:29
But so I think 13. Lucky number.
30:32
Lucky #13I. Think I think it was 12, I don't
30:35
remember. Yeah, we'll say.
30:37
We'll say you're at 13 now, 13 notches.
30:39
It's a respectable number. Otherwise, I mean, he's, I think
30:44
he's also just sort of looking at these scales.
30:46
Can he figure out anything about them?
30:47
Like are they special? Are they just scales?
30:49
Like what's the deal with these things?
30:53
Right now they're just scales. Just scales.
30:56
In your hand, you they're just cold and metallic.
31:01
They're not particularly old. They're not particularly new.
31:04
There seems to be nothing special at all about them.
31:07
It seems to be they were only special in the hands of a demon.
31:13
OK, roll and analyze. Oh good, because I'm good at
31:17
that. Well, you know.
31:20
Let's see 15. You get the feeling that if
31:25
these were in non human hands, perhaps they would be of greater
31:30
value. OK.
31:34
OK. I have a thought for those.
31:35
I'm going to put them back in, back in the saddlebags.
31:38
OK, excellent. And I think if there's nothing
31:41
else that the three of you want to process on your road to
31:45
Beaumont, that we find you sort of around noon on the next day
31:50
riding into town. Anybody fancy a beer?
31:55
Yes. Please I'm.
31:58
Going to pull up to the closest saloon.
32:01
Yeah, there are ample salons here.
32:03
Beaumont is a boom town at this stage.
32:07
I did my research this time and for all of our listeners in
32:10
Beaumont, TX, it's a hellhole. It's a shit hole.
32:13
There are 9 better cities in Texas than yours. 9 you.
32:18
Know what we've not? Been to a single place in the
32:22
whole of Texas so far where rives not going.
32:24
I'm sorry that you live in a shit hole.
32:27
Yeah, I am sorry that you live in a shit hole.
32:29
You know what the best city in Texas is?
32:32
It's Fort Worth. Next question.
32:35
I can't say anything. I don't know.
32:36
It doesn't matter. Any of you can come here and
32:41
fight me. I live in Massachusetts.
32:43
That should make you even angrier that I have an opinion
32:45
on your state. All right, you guys find this
32:51
saloon. What is the saloon called?
32:53
Somebody who has cognitive ability, please name it.
32:56
Otherwise, we're going to end up with we need a new saloon name.
33:00
The rusty spoke is. That like the rusty trombone.
33:03
We could. Do nothing like the rusty
33:05
trombone. We could do a a TRT reference
33:09
and call it the Rusty Nail. You could call it the rusty
33:12
nail. Is it the rusty nail do we
33:16
abandon? It is the rusty nail, OK.
33:17
It can be the rusty nail. Great, it's cannon then.
33:22
The next one is going to be called the crusty snail. 100%.
33:26
Done. Yeah, here you guys are in the
33:41
Rusty Nail. It's like a fairly bustling
33:44
saloon. There are people playing cards
33:45
over in the corner. It's not like particularly grimy
33:48
in here. It's like nicer.
33:50
It's obviously in the sound, like the fanciest saloon you've
33:53
ever been in, but like, nobody's looking twice at the three of
33:56
you. You're just dusty travelers in a
33:58
dusty town full of other dusty travelers.
34:01
Beth. Beth Alf is going to walk.
34:04
To the bar be like free bears. Coming up.
34:11
Ichi is going to walk to the table of the card players and
34:16
he's just going to are you guys playing Kurds?
34:22
Yeah. Are you trying to play?
34:24
Yeah, I'll play. Deal me in.
34:27
Great. I'm drinking his beer.
34:32
And you sit down at the table and itchy only a gambling check.
34:37
I'm gonna I'm gonna watch the table.
34:40
Yeah. Could I hang on gambling?
34:45
Would I be able to like? Would I be able to use like
34:50
augment this role with my mind reading skill?
34:53
Yeah, absolutely. Roll for it.
34:56
All right, OK, Mind reading is one success and 11 and gambling
35:04
is a three and a four. OK so no successes on your
35:09
gambling check. I will let you use one success
35:13
from your itchy special times points check your mind reading
35:17
check as one success in gambling and how much money are you
35:21
ponying up for this game? I'm not going to do anything too
35:26
crazy. I'm going to pony up, I'll say 5
35:30
bucks. OK, awesome.
35:33
Roll two more dice for me. All right, Just straight.
35:37
Yeah, that's a two and a six. Cool, you win $8 all.
35:45
Right, it'll take it. Can I watch the table to see if
35:49
there's any? Like if there's any ends that I
35:51
could do to maybe get an end if I wanted to sit down at the
35:54
table. Yeah, I mean, you could just.
35:57
Like if there's any like tells or anything from any of the
35:59
people. There are just some tired guys
36:02
passing the time. There's no professional gamblers
36:04
here. Nobody here is like an actual
36:06
serious cards player. I mean, you are very easily able
36:09
to pick that up. If you wanted to fleece them,
36:11
you could. A normal person probably
36:13
couldn't, but yeah, if you wanted to.
36:17
I am broke as all fuck. Yeah, if you wanted to fleece
36:20
them, you could. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and
36:23
take as much money as I can from these guys.
36:27
Fuck, Fuck their lives and fuck their.
36:29
OK, Itchy, are you still playing?
36:32
When are you still playing? When Slick sits dumb.
36:35
Yeah. And I think Itchy just, I think
36:37
Itchy just quickly, like quick glances at Slick and just like,
36:42
I don't know, I don't, I don't want to wink.
36:44
But Itchy's going to be a mark for Slick, assuming that he will
36:47
get his money back. Yeah, no, perfect.
36:52
Like distraction. Yeah, all right, slick, roll me
36:56
a gambling check. That is a 2A5 and A6. 2
37:00
successes and are you going to cheat?
37:05
Fuck it, why not? I'm going for money here.
37:07
All right, roll a scammetage. That is another 2-5 and six.
37:10
It's the exact same fucking roll.
37:12
All right, so we're going to count it as 4 successes on here,
37:15
so go ahead and roll 4 dice. Fuck, and we'll just do it like
37:19
this. You want the total.
37:23
Yeah. 14 all right. Cool, you win $28.00 and the
37:29
tables pretty much milked. All right, that's fine.
37:34
They're kind of grumbling. Nice playing with you boys I.
37:39
Think Itchy is going to also be good?
37:42
Man, I can't fucking believe this guy.
37:45
Eight of those dollars were yours, Itchy.
37:47
That was all of the money that you'd won in the earlier game.
37:50
Oh, I'm fully aware. So yes, let's just going to
37:55
stand up and move back to the table with Arthur.
37:58
You make a look. I'd say so.
38:00
I mean, I bought as much as I can get from broke town like
38:04
this. Yeah, fair enough.
38:07
I made enough to at least buy some tickets on the next train.
38:09
I didn't have that. That that's a bonus.
38:11
No back back in sub for you? No, I don't mind.
38:15
Yeah. I can fleece them.
38:19
Do you think I could there's anywhere around here I could get
38:22
a Bible? I would assume the church you.
38:27
You look after that I'm. Just I'm going to walk to a
38:31
church. Is that all I get that Arthur?
38:39
We have a storied history together and all I get is that
38:44
Itchy looks at the looks at the table of guys we sit.
38:48
Can you all believe this? This guy left us alone again.
38:54
Some travelling companion. Arthur's not even out the door
38:59
yet. It's like.
39:01
I'll be back in like 5 minutes. So, Arthur, as you're walking to
39:17
the church, what are you thinking?
39:19
What do you want with this fucking Bible, man?
39:22
Well. I think back in, in England,
39:26
Arthur would have stolen quite a few Bibles because, you know,
39:29
back in those days they were very rare like, and they were
39:33
commodities to be sold. And I feel like maybe you would
39:35
have had a glance in look at some of the pages and Famine,
39:40
obviously one of the four horsemen at the at the
39:42
apocalypse that we know of as humans outside the game, a mate.
39:45
And he probably would have seen Famine mentioned in the Bible.
39:49
So I think he's just going to see, you know, if God's dead,
39:53
what else is going to happen? You know, if they killed Famine,
39:56
what else is there out there to to fight?
39:58
So he wants just to go and get some reference material of other
40:03
demons named demons. Yeah, fair enough.
40:07
I don't think you have any problem snagging a Bible from
40:10
the church and making your way back.
40:13
I'm anything on your way back. You do see that there will be a
40:15
train leaving that night at 8:00 PM heading east, stopping in New
40:23
Orleans. I.
40:28
Walk back into the Rusty Nail Saloon.
40:31
In day spa and day. Spa Sorry I forgot the baseball
40:34
part. A walk in and see, itchy and
40:39
slick with cucumbers on their eyes.
40:42
Yeah. Wait, is the day spot?
40:44
Is the day spot attached to the saloon?
40:46
Yes, it's. Just it's the bartender.
40:50
It's the bartender just gives you some shit to put on your
40:53
face. And they're not cucumbers, they
40:54
are just Pickles. Itchy.
41:00
The acids burn in my eyes a little bit.
41:03
Itchy is somehow just wearing a towel.
41:06
And she's totally disrobed and is just wearing his towels.
41:09
That was happening. Yep.
41:10
OK. Yeah, everybody else is just
41:12
clothed. I I don't know.
41:17
I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm going to pull it.
41:21
I'm going to pull a chair and and sit on it so I'm facing
41:25
slick instead of. Itch I don't need another,
41:32
upshot did. You get what you needed.
41:35
Yeah, there's a train leaving at 8:00 PM.
41:40
Going through. New Orleans.
41:42
Slick takes one of the Pickles off of his eyes and looks out
41:45
the window. Can I figure out what time it
41:46
is? Yeah. 2:00 PM.
41:50
He puts the pickle back on. Have we got some time to kill?
41:53
Hey, hey, Slick, you're going to eat those.
41:56
Hell yeah, I'm going to dip it in this mayonnaise on my face
42:00
too. Oh, so that's what that.
42:02
Was. Sounds like the greasy face
42:07
mask. Going it's not going to be great
42:12
for my skin care routine, man. Well, these two are having a spa
42:18
time. Arthur's just going to start
42:22
researching through the Bible with his with his with his got.
42:28
He's got his notebook out, which has previously been used for all
42:32
the bounty targets. He's going to write down
42:37
anything he can find about named demons.
42:39
The the Four Horsemen, everything.
42:43
Look at this guy reading in a spa.
42:46
I ain't going to lie to you, Itchy.
42:48
I didn't think Arthur could read.
42:50
I am a very classy man, thank you very much.
42:55
And that's where we'll live or leave the episode.
42:58
Oh, I can't even speak. And that's where we'll live for
43:02
the next month and 1/2. Oh, I'm going to kill myself.
43:34
Since I gave a return, I made a mistake and say on the shin that
43:38
I shouldn't say. There's only one thing that I
43:42
can blame it all and. Whiskey.
43:59
Straw.