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Pep Talk: Stop Saying Yes To Everything · The Love Drive with Shaun Galanos

• 0:17
  are you still saying yes to shit that you really should be saying
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  no to Are you are you scared of saying?
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  No because you don't want to disappoint somebody.
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  Or because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings.
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  When you do that, you do that at your expense.
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  It costs you. When you say yes to someone when
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  what you really want to do is to say no, you are doing yourself a
• 1:00
  disservice. It's expensive saying.
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  Yes, when you want to say no, is expensive.
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  It is energetically expensive. Another pep talk, pep, talk
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  August, I guess. And this is about saying, no.
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  Daring to say, no coming up with the courage to say no standing
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  up for yourself. Speaking up for yourself.
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  Enough enough with the, yes. Enough with people-pleasing
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  enough with taking care of others, over you.
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  Enough. It's enough.
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  I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you saying?
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  Yes. When you really mean no, when
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  what you need. Is to take care of yourself.
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  Saying no is an act of self-love.
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  When you say no to another, you are saying yes to you.
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  You're choosing yourself over another, and there is nothing
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  selfish about that. In fact, it's required for you
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  to care for others. You must care for yourself
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  before you can care for others. We've heard it before the oxygen
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  mask, you put it on yourself before you put it on somebody
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  else. Because if you can't breathe,
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  you're useless. You are of no help to anyone if
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  you're not taking care of yourself.
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  I know easier said than done for sure. 100%.
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  Somebody asked me if I wanted a hug a couple days ago and I
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  should have said, no, but I said yes.
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  I still do it. It's hard saying knows heart.
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  I know. And I'm not saying that you need
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  to be perfect to this, but I am saying that you need to start
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  somewhere. You need to start pushing back
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  somehow any way you can. Anyway, you can just like
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  anything, the more you do it, the better you get at it.
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  The more times you say, no, the easier.
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  It'll be then I, you know, I can't even tell you how come I
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  didn't say no when I wanted to. Because it's hard, that's why.
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  And I'm also not saying do this all the time, when you are
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  feeling a little bit more confident, it's easier when
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  we're confident, it's easy, we can do anything with confidence.
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  But I would like to invite you to do it more to say no more say
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  no more. Although if you're the type of
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  person who says no all the time, don't listen to this.
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  This is not for you. This message is not for you.
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  Stop listening, or keep listening.
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  Just don't do this. There are some people whose
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  default is know. And maybe they need to say yes
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  more. Right?
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  Because maybe they've said, no so much their life is small but
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  I don't want you to say yes. To everything I want you to say,
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  yes. I want you to say yes, the
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  things that make sense for you. That are in service of your
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  growth that feel good. That light.
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  You up that bring you life. Say yes to that.
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  And sometimes you have to say yes to other shit that you don't
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  want to say yes to. But you kind of have to say yes
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  to like going to work. You can't just tell your boss to
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  go. Fuck himself, or herself or
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  themselves. Because you don't feel like
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  going, I mean you can but there's a good chance you'll get
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  fired. So there are repercussions to
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  say no and if your kid needs attention, you probably just
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  need to say yes and give them the attention right there.
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  We have obligations in life so we can't just say fucking no to
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  everything even though I want you to, but there's a lot of
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  stuff that you're saying, yes to that, you really shouldn't be.
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  Like hanging out with people that you don't want to hang out
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  with going on a date with a person that you don't want to go
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  on a date with having sex, when you don't feel like having sex.
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  Helping someone, when you're not in a position to help them.
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  There are situations where you could say no more.
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  And you're not because you don't want to disappoint them, you
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  don't want to hurt them, you want to be the person that is
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  there for others, and that's cool.
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  That's admirable. But you don't need to do that
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  all the time. No one is expecting you to.
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  You think they are? You may be raised in a family
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  where saying no wasn't. Okay.
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  Maybe you weren't modeled what somebody receiving your know
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  with love looks like And it looks something like, thank you
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  for letting me know. I totally understand that you
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  need to take care of yourself and what I asked you to do isn't
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  something you want to do. Awesome.
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  Thanks. That's what it should sound
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  like, by the way. But it usually doesn't sound
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  like that. It's usually cajoling getting
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  aggressive asking again, pressuring all that kind of
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  shit. So I get that.
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  You might not have positive experiences with people,
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  receiving your no, and that sucks.
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  That really sucks. I wish you did.
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  And I also want to let you know that there are people that will
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  receive your no with Grace and respect and care and love.
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  There are, those are usually nice kind people.
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  Those are, you know, for the most part, the kind of people
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  you want to surround yourself with If you say no and some
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  debates you, that's some really solid information about that
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  person. And then you can make some
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  really important decisions as to how mm how valuable that person
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  is to you and to your growth into your well-being?
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  So here are a few ways for you to say, no, just off the top of
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  my head. No, no, thank you.
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  I'm not available for that. That's not something that I'm
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  interested in. No.
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  But thank you so much for asking.
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  I'm really flattered. Yeah, no.
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  No, thank you. No, thank you.
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  Is really, it's kind of a catch-all.
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  Hey, you want to go on a date with me?
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  No, thank you. I'm really flattered that.
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  You asked though, I'm perfectly happy.
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  Just exploring friendship with you.
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  Hey, do you want to have dinner on Wednesday?
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  No, I'm not really, I'm not available to have dinner on
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  Wednesday. I'm trying not to use any
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  hedging words, like really not available to have dinner on
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  Wednesday, but if you're open on Friday, I am.
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  Wednesday's no good but Friday works.
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  That's if you want to see them. If you don't want to see them
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  you just say no. And then if they ask again and
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  you don't want to continue a relationship with this person
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  like this is like an acquaintance maybe that you
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  don't really feel drawn to connect to more.
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  You can just say I am prioritizing spending time with
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  the friends that I already have that I rarely get to see and so
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  I don't have time for new connections right now.
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  If that changes, I'll let you know.
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  I know that is hard to say, for sure.
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  Absolutely. No doubt about it very hard.
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  But what's worse? Hard conversation.
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  That actually is quite short. A lot of back and forth when you
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  do this, when you say no with Clarity or always making
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  excuses, why you can't do something with somebody.
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  Or even worse doing something with someone that you don't want
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  to do. That's the worse.
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  It's like that's that's a form of violating your own
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  boundaries. Because you don't want to
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  disappoint somebody. Or, because you're avoiding
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  discomfort unpleasant emotions that will come from saying, no.
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  Here's a little side note. You don't know how someone is
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  going to act. You might think that saying no
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  is going to hurt them. But that's incredibly
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  presumptuous of you. You might have really, really,
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  really good information that this person is going to act this
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  way. When I say no and you might be
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  right. But you don't actually know that
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  until you say no. And however, you find a way to
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  do it. I would rather you do it
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  clumsily. And I would rather you do it and
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  fuck it up. Then not do it at all.
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  I really would. And also, I want to recognize
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  there are times when you really want to say no and you don't
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  feel safe saying no, okay? Do what you need to do to feel
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  safe. This advice does not apply to
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  abusive relationships in which if you said, no, you would get
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  hurt. If that's the case, then you
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  need help. Saying no isn't going to solve
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  it. but in most cases, If you mean and want to say no, try it
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  and see what happens. Noah's default for me for the
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  most part but I don't avoid saying yes, They say yes to
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  things. That feel good.
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  I check in with myself first, Sometimes somebody asked me for
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  something. I said, I don't know yet, but
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  I'll get back to you. I need to think about this feel
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  through it, we need some time. Going to sleep on it, and then I
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  get back to it and the day or two, And I don't use I'll think
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  about it as an excuse to not say no right away if it's a no right
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  away, I'll just say no. Often say that that's not
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  something that I'm available for another.
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  Good one is, I'm unable to take advantage of this opportunity.
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  That's a good one for emails. If I get a request for an
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  interview or podcast gas or someone wants me to read their
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  book or something and it's not a good fit.
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  I'll just say thank you so much for thinking of me and for
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  reaching out and fortunately at this point I'm not in a position
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  to take advantage of this opportunity.
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  Thank you so much, take care. Because when I say no, I create
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  space for myself, I create space for rest.
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  Space for other opportunities that are a good fit that I do
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  want to say yes to that. I am 100% fuck.
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  Yeah, too. If I say yes to everything that
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  I've got no time to say, yes, the shit that I actually want
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  because I've already committed myself to stuff.
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  I don't want I don't want to do that.
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  You shouldn't do it either. I don't like telling people what
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  they should and shouldn't do but I just did and that's how it is.
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  The space. What happens when you have
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  space? What comes in to fill that
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  space? That's interesting.
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  Say no to shit. The sorry saying yes, the shit
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  that you don't want to do. That's not interesting.
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  That sucks that robs you of time and energy.
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  Which is a finite resource. I mean some like deeply
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  connected Earth Souls will say that.
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  You know, infinite energy is infinite and you can just kind
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  of tap into mother Gaia and it'll just flow through your
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  root chakra and that's cool. That's cool.
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  But, you know, for the most part, it's finite, you know,
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  like we all got to go to sleep. There are only so many hours in
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  the day. There's so many things we can
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  do. It's finite So, be intensely
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  protective of it of your time. Of your energy of who you
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  connect to and with of the projects, as you say yes to of
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  how much work you do, the intensely protective of that.
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  That's what I'm going to leave you with.
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  Have beautiful week or don't. But do bye.