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Why do narcissists LOVE using the silent treatment so much? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So why do narcissists love love the silent treatment?
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  Today's episode is going to cover that.
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  Y'all why narcissists love it when they can just do this.
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  If you new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code
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  and welcome back. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  Why on earth do do narcissistic people, toxic people, love the
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  silent treatment? Why do they love it when they
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  can just zip it? Why do they love when they can
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  just zip the lips when they can just be quiet, when they can
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  just remove communication as a power move instead of doing
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  anything else, instead of expending energy doing a lot of
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  other things. So why, why, why, why, why, why,
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  why, why? So why?
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  And it is this the sort of easiest thing to talk about in
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  this situation would be just like the solid treatment is
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  doesn't require a lot of effort. It just, yeah, it just doesn't.
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  Giving you the silent treatment is just me not talking.
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  That's it. Let me rewind it real quick.
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  Let me rewind it really, really quickly because I already know
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  what people are going to say. Well, Lee, I give this silent
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  treatment. Does that make me a narcissist?
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  No, that's what I said earlier. The silent treatment is a
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  preferred weapon of a narcissist, but it doesn't mean
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  that you are a narcissist if you use a silent treatment.
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  You got to ask yourself a couple of questions like why am I doing
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  this? Why am I being silent?
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  Am I being silent because I'm I don't, I'm punishing the other
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  person for holding me accountable?
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  Am I being silent because this other person, like I can't lie
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  to them, I can't manipulate them anymore so that I'm just going
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  to, I'd rather just not talk? Am I being silent because I just
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  choose to just avoid talking to this person at all because this
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  person is not worth my words or something like that in a
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  different way, Like the silent treatment, it's punishment.
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  It's control. It's to me, the silent treatment
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  is narcissist. I call it silent rage because it
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  really is silent rage. It's silent narcissistic, right?
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  They're so angry they just don't talk like you as a victim or
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  survivor or thriver of narcissistic toxic abuse, right?
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  You might go silent because you know your words are going to
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  fall on deaf ears, right? Your words are not going to be
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  heard regardless of what you say, regardless of how you
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  present them. Your words in this situation are
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  not really going to matter. And you, like I said, you know
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  that, right? You already know that.
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  You already understand that within this space, within this
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  whole entire dynamic. So you get it, right?
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  So, you know, your words, your words don't really matter.
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  So it's kind of pointless talking.
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  That's different than when somebody, you try to hold
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  somebody, somebody is trying to hold you accountable.
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  And then you're just like, OK, I got caught cheating.
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  I'm just going to be quiet. I'm not going to talk.
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  I'm going to, I'm going to hurt this person by not talking to
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  them. No, it's different, Y'all,
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  intent matters. Intent matters.
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  Intent matters. So, but narcissists go back to
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  the reason narcissists love the silent treatment because y'all,
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  it requires so little energy. It just it just it just does.
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  It's just an easy way to punish somebody.
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  It really is. And yes, this is a silent
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  treatment. Intentional.
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  Absolutely yes y'all they choose to go silent.
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  They are choosing to go silent. This is not just something oh, I
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  forgot to talk no, they know that you love to communicate.
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  They know communication is the they know communication is the
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  the one of the stones, one of the one of the foundational
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  markers of a healthy relationship of a powerful
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  relationship relationship is communication.
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  So if I remove this pillar, if I remove this, this brace, if I
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  remove this piece of the foundation, the rest of the
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  foundation crumbles, right. So if I'm, if I'm, if I'm
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  refusing to talk to you or communicate with you, then I
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  feel like I'm in control. You see, it's just me punishing
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  you by not giving you something that you want because you hurt
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  my feelings because you didn't do something I demanded you to
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  do. Like absolutely.
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  Like there's some people like involved in my kind of in a
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  circle type of stuff right now that are doing some type of
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  stuff like that. They just go silent because they
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  know that you want to communicate.
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  They know that you want to talk things out.
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  So they just like, Nope, I'm going to make you squirm.
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  They want to make you squirm. They want to make you regret
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  whatever you said to them. Whatever type of accountability
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  you try to lay at their feet, they want to make you regret it.
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  So they absolutely love when they can just shut the hell up.
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  They can absolutely love when they can just be quiet and they
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  yeah, I'm telling you, you can tell that it's intentional
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  because they'll talk to everybody else but you.
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  If y'all have kids in the house, they'll, they'll be chatty as
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  hell with the kids, right? They'll be chatting up with the
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  kids, like just chat, just chatty as hell.
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  Just chatty, chatty chatterton, right?
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  With the kids and whatnot. They'll just be chatting their
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  asses off, you know what I mean? But as soon as it comes time to
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  talk to you, they just look past you like you don't exist to
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  them. They're looking like they're
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  looking through you. Like you say, I'm, I'm looking
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  right above the camera right now.
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  I'm looking through you. I'm looking at this little draw
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  my kids did. It's funny, but they're looking
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  through you. They're trying to punish you.
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  It's an easy way to it. It's, it's a, it's a low effort
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  way to inflict a lot of damage, right?
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  It's so low effort, it inflicts a lot of damage.
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  It really is because you want to talk.
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  You want to like, you can drive yourself crazy wondering what
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  you've done wrong. Like it's an easy way to keep
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  you guessing. It's an easy way to gaslight you
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  and confuse the hell out of you. Like you won't even know what
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  you did. Like sometimes, like it's not
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  just about trying to hold them accountable.
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  Like you could like do something that they interpret as rubbing
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  them the wrong way. Like the waiter or the waitress
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  could smile at you and just say, huh, laugh at one of your jokes
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  or something like that. And now you're in trouble.
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  Now they give you now it's a silent dinner.
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  It's a silent car ride home. It's a silent shower.
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  It's a silent go to sleep. It's a silent morning.
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  It's a silent breakfast, silent lunch.
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  They're not even texting you or calling you or anything.
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  They're just ignoring you like you're talking.
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  Like, did I do something wrong? What did I do wrong?
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  Hey, can you tell me? Is it because I did this?
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  It's because this happened, It's because that happened.
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  And when you guess you lose y'all because like it's an easy
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  way they love they a lot of reasons that they love this
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  silent treatment is an easy way to get you this list out things
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  that you might have done wrong so they can use those as
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  ammunition against you later on. You give them like they like
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  y'all, they don't really have a valid reason to you to give you
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  the silent treatment. Sometimes, like I said, the
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  waiter could have laughed at your joke, the waitress could
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  have laughed at your drunk or something like that.
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  That's not really a valid reason.
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  That's an insecure reason, right?
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  So instead of saying that, they get you to guess, you know you
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  should know. You know you should know what
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  you did, right? So you start guessing and you
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  start telling them things that you think you might have done
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  wrong. Guess what?
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  You they had an empty gun. You just gave them a couple of
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  bullets. You gave them a couple of
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  bullets to shoot you with later on.
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  Not physical, not actual bullets.
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  These are metaphorical bullets. Is it because I didn't take the
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  trash out last night and the trash man came this morning?
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  Is that the reason why now they can use it later on?
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  You see, when you start guessing that things that you might have
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  done wrong, why they give you the silent treatment, they love
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  having this extra ammunition. They love it.
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  They didn't have anything at first, but now, you know, they
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  had this. They had this super insecure
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  reason why they were initially mad, but now they have reasons
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  why they feel like they can be valid right now.
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  You know, that's what I'm saying.
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  If they're give you the silent treatment, don't guess, Don't
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  beg them to talk. Y'all don't beg them to talk to
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  you. Absolutely don't beg them to
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  talk to you because they love it.
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  They love it when you beg. It gives them power.
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  It makes them feel like it's working.
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  It makes them feel like anytime that they want you to give, they
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  want you to apologize for something.
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  Anytime they want you to let something go, they can just stop
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  talking to you this day. It's an easy way to wean you and
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  it's an easy way to kind of like Pavlov's dog.
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  You know how they used to salivate when the bell rung?
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  Like bell rings, they bring you a snack so the dog can start
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  salivating every time the bell rings, right?
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  Like path lost dog is like, so you, you, you like narcissistic
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  person's dog or whatever. You're not a dog.
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  I'm just using this as as a vague example, you know, So
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  every time they ring the bell with the silent treatment, you
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  start salivating and blurting out things and you start
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  feeling, you start expressing how hurt you are.
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  You start expressing and begging.
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  They love it. They love it.
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  Yeah, it's low effort. So what I so let me say this
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  right here. When I say low effort, I don't
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  mean it doesn't take any energy to give you the silent treatment
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  because being realistic, it's, it's hard not to talk sometimes
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  because you know, if you, yeah, a lot of y'all have experienced
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  this, a lot of y'all do have narcissists in your life that
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  love to talk. They don't shut the hell up.
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  So it's hard. It's harder for them to give you
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  the silent treatment, but it doesn't take any like extra
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  effort on their part. They can just be quiet.
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  You know what I mean? It's high effort not to be able
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  to talk to you, but it's a low energy type of thing.
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  You know, narcissistic rage when they're yelling and screaming
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  and throwing stuff, it gives, you know, they give somebody
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  else. They give you can record them
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  and show show how abusive they've been, right.
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  But if they're being silent to you, you show somebody a video
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  like look, they're giving me a silent.
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  My partner doesn't talk to me. You look like you're complaining
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  about something small. You see what I'm saying?
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  You look like you're complaining about something that's minute
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  and people are going to they, they can make you look crazy and
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  narcissistic people, y'all know this, y'all this goes what I'm
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  saying. Narcissistic people love it,
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  love it, love it when you look crazy, when you make yourself
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  look crazy because they can just tell people look what I deal
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  with, you know, especially the silent treatment when they give
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  you the silent treatment in a public place in a public public
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  place, when they give you the silent treatment in a public
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  place, it can absolutely do things like that to you right
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  there as well. When they started to mess with
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  you too, they start to generate this type of stuff and mess with
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  you and just do this damage to your mind.
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  They love it when this type of stuff happens because now they
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  it can get you can trigger a reaction from you in public.
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  It's like a dog whistle, like the silent treatment can be a
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  dog whistle. They just give you the silent
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  treatment. You before y'all leave the house
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  like hey, we're going to a public event.
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  Can you please not not do this right now?
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  Can you talk to me in public so we don't look stupid And then
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  they're ignoring you in public, right?
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  And then you like, can you please talk to me?
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  You react, now you look crazy, now you're yelling and screaming
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  at somebody that's not talking to you.
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  It's a dog with a silent treatment can be a dog whistle.
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  It can be a trigger because you know how bad it can make you
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  look not to be you and your partner are not talking in
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  public. It makes you look bad.
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  So this is one of those things that happens right here.
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  So the silent treatment can be a dog whistle as well.
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  And I don't think people understand that.
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  I just, I just thought, I just thought about it.
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  It's like there's a fresh thought right there.
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  There's literally a fresh thought right there.
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  It was not y'all. So that's a fresh ass thought,
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  you know what I mean? They just came off top by it.
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  The silent treatment can absolutely be a dog whistle
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  because they can refuse to talk to you and then you can react.
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  You can have a you can have a they can trigger a big reaction
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  from you in public and then you look like the abuser, you look
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  like the aggressor, you look toxic.
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  You know what I mean? If I said, if I keep telling
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  people, I keep preaching this right now, one of my main
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  messages is control your reaction.
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  I need to get a damn shirt that says that.
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  Control those damn reactions because if you don't, you lose,
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  you know, it can be as simple as that, but I know it's it's it
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  can be, it's a lot more difficult than that right there.
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  But it can just be absolutely be just as simple as like you
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  looking like the abusive person, you looking like a abuser,
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  controlling those reactions right there.
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  Yeah, maybe with y'all, Of course.
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• 12:10
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