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Parenting Through a Cancer Diagnosis | The Eye Believe Podcast · The Eye Believe Podcast

• 0:00
  Hey
• 0:00
  everybody.
• 0:00
  Welcome
• 0:00
  back.
• 0:01
  Today
• 0:01
  I am
• 0:01
  joined by
• 0:02
  Carissa
• 0:03
  Hodgson.
• 0:04
  and
• 0:04
  she is.
• 0:05
  Guys
• 0:05
  first
• 0:06
  and
• 0:06
  foremost
• 0:06
  she is
• 0:06
  the child
• 0:07
  of a
• 0:07
  parent
• 0:08
  who
• 0:08
  had cancer.
• 0:08
  So I know
• 0:09
  a lot of
• 0:10
  parents
• 0:10
  me.
• 0:10
  we wonder
• 0:11
  okay,
• 0:11
  how much
• 0:12
  do
• 0:12
  we tell
• 0:12
  our kids,
• 0:13
  right?
• 0:13
  Even
• 0:13
  adult
• 0:14
  kids,
• 0:14
  how much
• 0:14
  should we tell
• 0:15
  our
• 0:15
  families
• 0:15
  about our diagnosis?
• 0:16
  And
• 0:17
  if you're
• 0:17
  in the
• 0:18
  thick
• 0:18
  of
• 0:18
  parenting
• 0:19
  with
• 0:19
  young
• 0:19
  kids,
• 0:20
  then
• 0:20
  this is
• 0:20
  an even
• 0:21
  trickier
• 0:21
  question.
• 0:22
  So,
• 0:22
  Carissa,
• 0:23
  do
• 0:23
  you want
• 0:23
  to just
• 0:23
  tell us
• 0:23
  a little
• 0:24
  about
• 0:24
  your story
• 0:25
  and, who
• 0:25
  you are
• 0:26
  and kind
• 0:26
  of what
• 0:27
  what
• 0:27
  your history
• 0:28
  is with
• 0:28
  cancer?
• 0:29
  Yeah,
• 0:29
  you got
• 0:30
  it.
• 0:30
  so my
• 0:31
  dad was
• 0:32
  diagnosed
• 0:33
  with
• 0:33
  lung cancer
• 0:33
  when I was
• 0:34
  seven,
• 0:35
  and,
• 0:35
  he died
• 0:36
  from that
• 0:36
  cancer.
• 0:37
  And
• 0:38
  that was
• 0:38
  a pretty
• 0:38
  formative
• 0:39
  event of
• 0:40
  my
• 0:40
  childhood,
• 0:40
  as you
• 0:41
  can
• 0:41
  imagine.
• 0:42
  and then
• 0:42
  it wasn't
• 0:42
  until
• 0:43
  then my
• 0:43
  stepfather
• 0:44
  had liver
• 0:44
  cancer
• 0:45
  when I was
• 0:46
  sort of
• 0:46
  just
• 0:46
  graduating
• 0:47
  college
• 0:47
  that I
• 0:48
  realized,
• 0:49
  it
• 0:49
  was sort
• 0:50
  of my
• 0:50
  calling
• 0:51
  to work
• 0:51
  with
• 0:51
  families
• 0:52
  affected
• 0:52
  by cancer.
• 0:53
  I was already
• 0:54
  a clinical
• 0:55
  social
• 0:55
  worker
• 0:55
  at the time,
• 0:57
  but
• 0:57
  it was
• 0:58
  that idea
• 0:58
  that,
• 0:59
  being
• 0:59
  able
• 0:59
  to support
• 1:00
  not just
• 1:00
  the
• 1:00
  person
• 1:01
  with
• 1:01
  cancer,
• 1:01
  but
• 1:02
  the entire
• 1:02
  family
• 1:02
  system,
• 1:03
  that
• 1:03
  resonated
• 1:04
  because I
• 1:05
  could
• 1:05
  remember
• 1:05
  what
• 1:05
  it was
• 1:06
  when
• 1:06
  I was
• 1:06
  seven,
• 1:07
  and then
• 1:07
  I could
• 1:07
  remember
• 1:08
  what
• 1:08
  it was
• 1:08
  to be
• 1:09
  that
• 1:09
  young adult,
• 1:09
  and how
• 1:10
  it really
• 1:11
  did
• 1:11
  affect
• 1:12
  how I
• 1:12
  process
• 1:13
  my
• 1:13
  feelings
• 1:14
  and move
• 1:14
  through
• 1:15
  it.
• 1:16
  because
• 1:16
  of the
• 1:16
  support
• 1:17
  we had
• 1:17
  or didn't
• 1:17
  have in
• 1:18
  the
• 1:18
  conversations
• 1:19
  that were
• 1:19
  being
• 1:20
  held
• 1:20
  in my family,
• 1:21
  and
• 1:21
  I knew
• 1:22
  that it
• 1:22
  was
• 1:23
  important
• 1:23
  to me
• 1:23
  to be
• 1:24
  with
• 1:25
  those
• 1:25
  families
• 1:25
  and help
• 1:26
  support
• 1:26
  parents,
• 1:26
  because
• 1:27
  what
• 1:27
  I can,
• 1:28
  you know,
• 1:28
  hear
• 1:29
  all of
• 1:29
  the time
• 1:30
  from a
• 1:30
  parent
• 1:30
  just
• 1:30
  saying
• 1:31
  lot of
• 1:31
  cancer is
• 1:32
  what am I
• 1:32
  gonna tell
• 1:32
  my kids?
• 1:33
  In fact,
• 1:34
  that's
• 1:34
  usually
• 1:34
  the first
• 1:34
  question
• 1:35
  out
• 1:35
  of their mouth.
• 1:36
  and so
• 1:37
  I have
• 1:37
  been
• 1:37
  working
• 1:38
  as an
• 1:38
  oncology
• 1:38
  social
• 1:39
  worker
• 1:39
  for about
• 1:40
  15 years
• 1:41
  and
• 1:42
  have been
• 1:42
  in that
• 1:43
  role
• 1:43
  really
• 1:43
  specifically
• 1:44
  focused
• 1:45
  on
• 1:45
  parents
• 1:45
  with
• 1:46
  cancer
• 1:46
  and how
• 1:47
  to help
• 1:47
  kids and
• 1:48
  teens.
• 1:49
  I
• 1:49
  started out
• 1:49
  as a
• 1:50
  program
• 1:50
  manager
• 1:50
  at
• 1:51
  Gilda's
• 1:51
  Club
• 1:51
  Madison,
• 1:52
  and for
• 1:52
  the last
• 1:53
  two and a
• 1:53
  half
• 1:53
  years,
• 1:54
  I've been
• 1:54
  the
• 1:54
  director
• 1:54
  of
• 1:55
  programs
• 1:55
  and
• 1:55
  community
• 1:56
  outreach
• 1:57
  at Bright
• 1:57
  Spark
• 1:57
  Network.
• 1:58
  So
• 1:58
  I've gone
• 1:59
  from more
• 1:59
  local
• 2:00
  in person
• 2:01
  cancer
• 2:01
  support
• 2:02
  to now
• 2:02
  serving
• 2:02
  parents
• 2:03
  across
• 2:03
  the country.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:05
  it has
• 2:05
  really
• 2:05
  been
• 2:06
  quite
• 2:06
  an honor
• 2:07
  to be
• 2:07
  able
• 2:07
  to help
• 2:08
  parents
• 2:09
  get
• 2:09
  connected
• 2:10
  to
• 2:10
  the support
• 2:11
  they need,
• 2:11
  because
• 2:11
  it feels
• 2:12
  very
• 2:12
  isolating,
• 2:13
  and
• 2:13
  also
• 2:13
  then to
• 2:14
  the resources
• 2:15
  they need
• 2:15
  to have
• 2:15
  these
• 2:16
  conversations,
• 2:16
  because
• 2:17
  ultimately,
• 2:17
  that's
• 2:18
  really
• 2:18
  what what
• 2:19
  parents
• 2:19
  are
• 2:19
  looking
• 2:19
  for is
• 2:20
  that
• 2:20
  guidance
• 2:21
  and
• 2:21
  validation
• 2:22
  that
• 2:22
  they're
• 2:22
  doing the
• 2:23
  right thing.
• 2:24
  Yeah.
• 2:25
  No,
• 2:25
  I mean,
• 2:25
  I think
• 2:25
  this is
• 2:26
  one
• 2:26
  of the
• 2:26
  biggest
• 2:26
  worries
• 2:27
  that
• 2:27
  I had,
• 2:28
  when
• 2:28
  I was
• 2:28
  initially
• 2:28
  diagnosed.
• 2:29
  and so
• 2:30
  I was
• 2:30
  diagnosed
• 2:30
  over four
• 2:31
  years
• 2:31
  ago.
• 2:31
  And
• 2:31
  at the time
• 2:32
  I had
• 2:32
  kids from
• 2:33
  kindergarten
• 2:34
  age down
• 2:35
  to a
• 2:35
  baby.
• 2:36
  And so,
• 2:37
  you know,
• 2:38
  I talk
• 2:38
  a lot
• 2:39
  to
• 2:39
  my family,
• 2:39
  my
• 2:40
  friends,
• 2:40
  just
• 2:40
  personally,
• 2:41
  when I
• 2:41
  talk
• 2:41
  about
• 2:41
  my kids,
• 2:42
  I talk
• 2:42
  about
• 2:42
  how,
• 2:43
  this is
• 2:43
  shaping
• 2:43
  their
• 2:43
  childhood
• 2:44
  and how
• 2:45
  I can't
• 2:46
  necessarily
• 2:46
  avoid
• 2:47
  that.
• 2:47
  And
• 2:47
  all I can do
• 2:48
  is do
• 2:48
  the best
• 2:48
  that
• 2:49
  I can
• 2:49
  to
• 2:49
  support
• 2:49
  that.
• 2:50
  and so I
• 2:50
  actually
• 2:51
  stumbled
• 2:51
  across
• 2:51
  the
• 2:51
  bright,
• 2:52
  caught
• 2:52
  the
• 2:52
  bright
• 2:52
  spot
• 2:53
  network.
• 2:53
  And
• 2:53
  Carissa,
• 2:54
  because
• 2:54
  of a zoom,
• 2:56
  I think
• 2:56
  it's
• 2:56
  a zoom
• 2:57
  support
• 2:57
  network
• 2:57
  that you
• 2:57
  guys have
• 2:58
  as
• 2:58
  well as
• 2:59
  a grant
• 2:59
  that,
• 3:00
  was
• 3:00
  available
• 3:00
  to
• 3:01
  parents
• 3:01
  with
• 3:01
  cancer
• 3:02
  who
• 3:02
  just need
• 3:03
  a little
• 3:03
  extra
• 3:03
  financial
• 3:04
  support
• 3:04
  for
• 3:04
  whatever's
• 3:05
  going on
• 3:05
  in your
• 3:05
  cancer
• 3:06
  care.
• 3:06
  And,
• 3:07
  it was
• 3:07
  just a
• 3:07
  huge gift
• 3:08
  for me
• 3:08
  to find
• 3:08
  this
• 3:08
  community
• 3:09
  and to be
• 3:10
  able
• 3:10
  to know
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  I can tap
• 3:11
  into it,
• 3:11
  whenever
• 3:11
  I need
• 3:12
  to.
• 3:12
  and the
• 3:13
  conversations
• 3:13
  that I've
• 3:14
  been able
• 3:14
  to
• 3:14
  participate
• 3:14
  in,
• 3:15
  through
• 3:15
  these
• 3:15
  zoom
• 3:15
  groups,
• 3:15
  they've
• 3:16
  been
• 3:16
  so helpful,
• 3:17
  even
• 3:17
  though
• 3:17
  they're
• 3:17
  not
• 3:17
  necessarily
• 3:18
  people
• 3:18
  who have
• 3:19
  my brand
• 3:19
  of
• 3:19
  cancer.
• 3:21
  they are
• 3:21
  still
• 3:22
  really,
• 3:23
  really
• 3:23
  helpful
• 3:23
  conversations
• 3:24
  to have.
• 3:24
  So
• 3:24
  you guys
• 3:24
  who are
• 3:25
  listening,
• 3:25
  keep an
• 3:25
  eye out.
• 3:26
  We're
• 3:26
  going to
• 3:26
  talk more
• 3:26
  about the
• 3:27
  Bright
• 3:27
  Spot
• 3:27
  Network.
• 3:27
  But for
• 3:27
  now,
• 3:28
  Chris,
• 3:28
  I really
• 3:28
  want
• 3:28
  to get
• 3:29
  into
• 3:29
  the meat
• 3:29
  of our
• 3:29
  conversation.
• 3:30
  So
• 3:31
  our biggest
• 3:31
  worry
• 3:32
  as
• 3:32
  parents
• 3:32
  sometimes
• 3:32
  is how
• 3:33
  do I talk
• 3:33
  to my
• 3:33
  kids?
• 3:34
  And
• 3:34
  I think
• 3:34
  that
• 3:35
  maybe
• 3:35
  we
• 3:35
  overcomplicate
• 3:36
  this
• 3:36
  sometimes,
• 3:37
  but how
• 3:38
  would you
• 3:38
  suggest
• 3:39
  that our
• 3:39
  listeners,
• 3:39
  you guys
• 3:40
  who are
• 3:40
  listening,
• 3:40
  how would you
• 3:41
  suggest
• 3:41
  that they
• 3:42
  approach
• 3:42
  conversations
• 3:43
  with kids
• 3:44
  about
• 3:44
  cancer?
• 3:45
  Yeah.
• 3:45
  and
• 3:46
  the first point
• 3:46
  I always
• 3:47
  to make
• 3:47
  is
• 3:48
  honesty
• 3:48
  really
• 3:49
  is the
• 3:49
  best
• 3:49
  policy,
• 3:49
  because
• 3:50
  I think
• 3:50
  as
• 3:50
  parents,
• 3:51
  we often
• 3:51
  want to
• 3:52
  protect
• 3:52
  our children.
• 3:53
  I am also a parent,
• 3:54
  so I
• 3:55
  get it.
• 3:56
  though
• 3:56
  what
• 3:56
  we know
• 3:57
  about
• 3:57
  kids is
• 3:58
  they have
• 3:58
  these
• 3:58
  incredible
• 3:59
  imaginations,
• 4:00
  which is
• 4:00
  wonderful.
• 4:01
  Unfortunately,
• 4:02
  when
• 4:02
  there
• 4:03
  are times
• 4:04
  of
• 4:04
  secrecy
• 4:04
  or
• 4:05
  stress,
• 4:05
  kids
• 4:06
  can use
• 4:06
  that
• 4:06
  imagination
• 4:07
  to make
• 4:07
  up
• 4:07
  stories
• 4:08
  far worse
• 4:08
  than
• 4:08
  the truth.
• 4:09
  So
• 4:10
  what we found
• 4:10
  is that
• 4:11
  when parents
• 4:12
  withhold
• 4:12
  information
• 4:13
  or try
• 4:13
  to keep
• 4:14
  a cancer
• 4:14
  diagnosis
• 4:15
  from
• 4:15
  their
• 4:15
  children,
• 4:16
  kids will
• 4:17
  actually
• 4:17
  have
• 4:18
  increased
• 4:18
  worries
• 4:19
  and stress
• 4:19
  because
• 4:20
  they're
• 4:20
  not dumb.
• 4:21
  They
• 4:21
  pick up
• 4:22
  on
• 4:22
  changes
• 4:22
  in
• 4:22
  energy,
• 4:23
  in hushed
• 4:24
  conversations.
• 4:25
  They
• 4:25
  overhear
• 4:26
  telephone
• 4:26
  conversations
• 4:27
  or see
• 4:27
  a text
• 4:28
  or,
• 4:28
  they see
• 4:29
  changes
• 4:29
  in
• 4:29
  routine
• 4:30
  and
• 4:30
  caregivers.
• 4:31
  So even
• 4:31
  really
• 4:32
  young
• 4:32
  children
• 4:33
  can pick
• 4:33
  up on
• 4:34
  whoa,
• 4:34
  something's
• 4:35
  different
• 4:35
  here.
• 4:35
  What's
• 4:36
  going on?
• 4:37
  So
• 4:37
  if we're
• 4:37
  not
• 4:37
  telling
• 4:38
  kids
• 4:38
  the truth,
• 4:39
  they will
• 4:39
  make up
• 4:39
  something
• 4:40
  far
• 4:40
  scarier.
• 4:41
  I can guarantee
• 4:42
  that.
• 4:42
  So
• 4:42
  I really do
• 4:43
  tell
• 4:43
  parents.
• 4:43
  Be
• 4:43
  honest.
• 4:44
  Now, that
• 4:45
  doesn't
• 4:45
  mean you
• 4:45
  tell them
• 4:45
  everything.
• 4:46
  You
• 4:46
  don't say
• 4:47
  the child
• 4:47
  down and
• 4:47
  give them
• 4:48
  is on
• 4:49
  in-depth
• 4:49
  medical
• 4:50
  conversations
• 4:50
  about
• 4:51
  you know,
• 4:51
  the dirty
• 4:52
  details
• 4:52
  of all of
• 4:52
  your
• 4:53
  treatment
• 4:53
  and side
• 4:53
  effects.
• 4:54
  so of
• 4:55
  course,
• 4:55
  you're
• 4:55
  going
• 4:55
  to phrase
• 4:56
  a conversation
• 4:57
  with a
• 4:57
  four year
• 4:57
  old much
• 4:58
  different
• 4:58
  than you
• 4:58
  would
• 4:58
  with a 14
• 4:59
  year old.
• 5:00
  But
• 5:00
  for the most
• 5:01
  part,
• 5:01
  I also do
• 5:02
  say, and
• 5:03
  this is
• 5:03
  to your
• 5:03
  point,
• 5:04
  edit down
• 5:05
  start
• 5:05
  super
• 5:06
  simple
• 5:07
  because
• 5:07
  we also
• 5:08
  have this
• 5:08
  gift of
• 5:09
  filling
• 5:10
  in we
• 5:11
  just talk
• 5:11
  too much
• 5:11
  as adults.
• 5:12
  So I
• 5:13
  try to
• 5:13
  think
• 5:13
  and I
• 5:14
  actually
• 5:14
  encourage
• 5:15
  parents,
• 5:15
  especially
• 5:15
  at young
• 5:15
  children,
• 5:16
  to
• 5:16
  write out
• 5:17
  some
• 5:17
  sentences
• 5:18
  and then
• 5:19
  take
• 5:19
  those
• 5:19
  sentences
• 5:20
  and just
• 5:20
  edit them
• 5:21
  down
• 5:21
  to the
• 5:21
  super
• 5:21
  basics
• 5:22
  and
• 5:23
  start,
• 5:23
  especially
• 5:24
  when
• 5:24
  you have
• 5:24
  young
• 5:24
  children,
• 5:25
  when you're
• 5:25
  talking
• 5:25
  to
• 5:26
  a
• 5:26
  preschooler,
• 5:27
  five year
• 5:27
  olds up
• 5:28
  through
• 5:28
  even,
• 5:28
  you know,
• 5:29
  school
• 5:29
  age short
• 5:31
  sentences
• 5:32
  start
• 5:32
  very
• 5:32
  basic
• 5:33
  and just
• 5:34
  start
• 5:34
  there.
• 5:35
  Then see
• 5:35
  what
• 5:36
  questions
• 5:36
  your child
• 5:37
  has.
• 5:37
  Because
• 5:37
  these are
• 5:37
  never one
• 5:38
  and done
• 5:38
  conversations.
• 5:39
  You'll be
• 5:39
  revisiting
• 5:40
  this over
• 5:40
  and over.
• 5:41
  So it's
• 5:41
  okay
• 5:42
  to start.
• 5:42
  Very basic
• 5:43
  I would say
• 5:44
  always
• 5:44
  include
• 5:45
  words
• 5:45
  your
• 5:45
  child
• 5:46
  over
• 5:46
  here.
• 5:46
  So talk
• 5:47
  about
• 5:47
  what
• 5:48
  cancer
• 5:48
  is.
• 5:48
  If you're
• 5:49
  going to
• 5:49
  be having
• 5:49
  chemotherapy
• 5:50
  radiation.
• 5:51
  What is that.
• 5:52
  So
• 5:53
  explain
• 5:53
  those words.
• 5:54
  And then
• 5:55
  if you
• 5:56
  can cover
• 5:57
  what
• 5:58
  I think
• 5:58
  are
• 5:58
  some
• 5:58
  of the
• 5:58
  most
• 5:59
  basic
• 5:59
  concerns,
• 6:00
  kids
• 6:00
  always
• 6:00
  have,
• 6:01
  which are
• 6:02
  deny
• 6:03
  closet.
• 6:03
  So
• 6:04
  you want them
• 6:04
  to know
• 6:04
  nothing
• 6:05
  you did
• 6:05
  or said
• 6:06
  caused me
• 6:06
  to get
• 6:06
  cancer.
• 6:07
  Right.
• 6:08
  the other one
• 6:08
  is can I
• 6:09
  catch it?
• 6:09
  You know
• 6:10
  you cannot
• 6:10
  catch
• 6:10
  this.
• 6:10
  You can
• 6:11
  hug me
• 6:11
  and
• 6:11
  snuggle
• 6:12
  me all
• 6:12
  you want.
• 6:13
  It
• 6:13
  doesn't
• 6:13
  mean that
• 6:14
  you're
• 6:14
  going
• 6:14
  to catch
• 6:14
  my
• 6:15
  cancer.
• 6:15
  This is not
• 6:16
  Covid
• 6:17
  or
• 6:17
  the flu.
• 6:18
  and
• 6:18
  that can
• 6:18
  be
• 6:18
  confusing
• 6:19
  for
• 6:19
  young kids
• 6:20
  because
• 6:20
  you're
• 6:20
  often,
• 6:21
  wearing
• 6:21
  masks
• 6:22
  because
• 6:22
  you're
• 6:22
  immunocompromised.
• 6:23
  And
• 6:23
  that gets
• 6:24
  very confusing.
• 6:24
  So
• 6:24
  tell them
• 6:25
  all the
• 6:25
  time,
• 6:25
  nope,
• 6:25
  you can't
• 6:26
  catch this.
• 6:26
  You know
• 6:27
  it is not
• 6:27
  your job
• 6:27
  to cure
• 6:28
  me.
• 6:28
  I have a great
• 6:29
  medical
• 6:29
  team.
• 6:30
  They're doing
• 6:30
  everything
• 6:30
  they can.
• 6:31
  Your job
• 6:31
  is just
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  give me
• 6:32
  lots
• 6:32
  of hugs
• 6:32
  and
• 6:32
  snuggles.
• 6:33
  And then
• 6:34
  kids are
• 6:34
  very
• 6:35
  egocentric.
• 6:35
  So then,
• 6:36
  they want
• 6:36
  to know
• 6:36
  who's
• 6:37
  going
• 6:37
  to care
• 6:37
  for me,
• 6:37
  who's
• 6:37
  going
• 6:38
  to make
• 6:38
  my lunch,
• 6:38
  who's
• 6:38
  going to
• 6:38
  pick me
• 6:39
  up
• 6:39
  from school?
• 6:40
  So
• 6:40
  reinforcing
• 6:41
  that
• 6:41
  no matter
• 6:41
  what
• 6:41
  happens,
• 6:42
  someone will
• 6:42
  always
• 6:43
  be there
• 6:43
  to care
• 6:44
  for you
• 6:44
  and love
• 6:44
  you and
• 6:45
  take care
• 6:45
  of you.
• 6:46
  These are points
• 6:47
  that
• 6:47
  you'll
• 6:47
  want to
• 6:47
  circle
• 6:48
  back to
• 6:49
  constantly,
• 6:49
  just to
• 6:50
  remind
• 6:50
  your
• 6:50
  kids.
• 6:51
  you know
• 6:51
  you're
• 6:51
  okay.
• 6:53
  Well, and
• 6:53
  I love
• 6:53
  this
• 6:53
  little
• 6:54
  reassurances,
• 6:55
  right?
• 6:55
  those
• 6:55
  those,
• 6:56
  I guess
• 6:56
  really
• 6:56
  just
• 6:58
  one, two,
• 6:58
  three,
• 6:58
  four,
• 6:58
  five.
• 6:59
  really
• 6:59
  key
• 7:00
  reassurances,
• 7:00
  right?
• 7:00
  Cancer's
• 7:01
  not
• 7:01
  your fault.
• 7:02
  You can't
• 7:02
  catch it.
• 7:03
  I think
• 7:03
  that's
• 7:04
  actually
• 7:04
  kind of
• 7:04
  cute.
• 7:05
  You can't
• 7:05
  catch it.
• 7:06
  It's
• 7:07
  not your job
• 7:07
  to
• 7:07
  make me
• 7:07
  feel
• 7:08
  better.
• 7:08
  And
• 7:09
  someone
• 7:09
  will
• 7:09
  always
• 7:10
  be there
• 7:10
  to care
• 7:10
  for you.
• 7:10
  And also,
• 7:11
  if you have
• 7:12
  questions
• 7:12
  or,
• 7:13
  you know,
• 7:13
  any time
• 7:13
  you have
• 7:13
  questions,
• 7:14
  you can always
• 7:14
  talk
• 7:14
  to me
• 7:15
  about it.
• 7:15
  Because
• 7:15
  I do
• 7:16
  think
• 7:16
  that and
• 7:17
  I think
• 7:17
  this
• 7:17
  could
• 7:17
  be true
• 7:18
  of
• 7:18
  anything,
• 7:18
  right?
• 7:18
  Anything
• 7:19
  that
• 7:19
  we're
• 7:19
  talking
• 7:19
  to
• 7:19
  our kids
• 7:20
  about,
• 7:20
  it's new
• 7:20
  or that's
• 7:21
  kind of
• 7:21
  unfamiliar
• 7:21
  territory
• 7:22
  that
• 7:23
  talking
• 7:23
  about.
• 7:24
  Yeah,
• 7:24
  talking
• 7:24
  about it
• 7:25
  in these
• 7:25
  terms
• 7:25
  would
• 7:25
  be so
• 7:26
  so
• 7:26
  helpful.
• 7:27
  Yeah.
• 7:28
  Yeah.
• 7:28
  Anyway so
• 7:30
  I mean
• 7:30
  I'm just
• 7:30
  going to
• 7:30
  blip
• 7:31
  in here
• 7:31
  with the,
• 7:32
  the times
• 7:32
  that I
• 7:33
  have told
• 7:33
  my kids
• 7:33
  about
• 7:34
  different
• 7:34
  things.
• 7:34
  And so
• 7:35
  with
• 7:35
  my diagnosis
• 7:36
  those of
• 7:36
  you guys
• 7:37
  have had
• 7:37
  brachytherapy
• 7:38
  or have
• 7:38
  had
• 7:38
  radiation
• 7:39
  to your eye,
• 7:40
  you guys know
• 7:40
  you can't
• 7:41
  actually
• 7:42
  be around
• 7:42
  kids for
• 7:43
  a short
• 7:43
  period
• 7:43
  of time
• 7:44
  because
• 7:44
  you have
• 7:45
  radiation,
• 7:45
  actively
• 7:46
  in your
• 7:46
  body.
• 7:46
  And
• 7:47
  as a precaution,
• 7:47
  they suggest
• 7:48
  that
• 7:48
  you not
• 7:49
  spend
• 7:49
  time,
• 7:50
  hardly
• 7:50
  at all
• 7:50
  around
• 7:51
  anyone,
• 7:51
  under
• 7:52
  the age
• 7:52
  of 18.
• 7:53
  And
• 7:53
  that's
• 7:53
  just a
• 7:54
  precaution.
• 7:54
  But it's
• 7:55
  still
• 7:55
  at least
• 7:55
  for me,
• 7:56
  it
• 7:56
  meant
• 7:56
  that
• 7:56
  I spent
• 7:56
  a week
• 7:57
  away for
• 7:57
  my kids,
• 7:58
  for my
• 7:58
  primary
• 7:59
  treatment,
• 7:59
  where
• 7:59
  they couldn't
• 8:00
  even come
• 8:00
  and visit
• 8:00
  me.
• 8:01
  All they could
• 8:01
  do is
• 8:01
  call me
• 8:02
  and talk
• 8:02
  to me
• 8:02
  on
• 8:02
  the phone,
• 8:03
  just to
• 8:03
  try to
• 8:03
  make sure
• 8:04
  we could
• 8:04
  keep them
• 8:04
  as safe
• 8:05
  as possible
• 8:05
  if
• 8:05
  there was
• 8:06
  any risk.
• 8:07
  And I
• 8:07
  just
• 8:07
  remember
• 8:08
  that was
• 8:08
  kind of
• 8:09
  debilitating
• 8:09
  as
• 8:09
  a parent,
• 8:10
  but also
• 8:10
  for my
• 8:11
  little,
• 8:11
  little kids,
• 8:12
  it was kind
• 8:12
  of
• 8:12
  confusing,
• 8:12
  right?
• 8:13
  They're
• 8:13
  well,
• 8:13
  mommy is sick,
• 8:14
  but I
• 8:14
  can't
• 8:14
  even go
• 8:15
  and be
• 8:15
  with her.
• 8:16
  And so
• 8:16
  I think,
• 8:17
  you said,
• 8:18
  keeping
• 8:18
  it simple
• 8:18
  and just
• 8:19
  telling
• 8:19
  them
• 8:20
  the basics.
• 8:20
  And then
• 8:20
  also just
• 8:21
  reminding
• 8:21
  and
• 8:21
  reassuring
• 8:22
  them
• 8:22
  that,
• 8:22
  okay,
• 8:23
  when
• 8:23
  this is
• 8:23
  done,
• 8:24
  then
• 8:24
  mommy
• 8:24
  will be home
• 8:25
  and just
• 8:25
  continuing
• 8:26
  to remind
• 8:26
  them
• 8:27
  of that.
• 8:27
  And
• 8:27
  it gets
• 8:27
  a little
• 8:28
  bit
• 8:28
  repetitive.
• 8:29
  I think
• 8:29
  sometimes,
• 8:29
  especially
• 8:30
  if you're
• 8:30
  spending
• 8:30
  a
• 8:31
  specific
• 8:31
  duration
• 8:32
  of time,
• 8:32
  in
• 8:32
  a treatment,
• 8:33
  but
• 8:33
  it is,
• 8:34
  I think,
• 8:34
  helpful
• 8:35
  to just
• 8:35
  enunciate
• 8:36
  or,
• 8:36
  not
• 8:37
  enunciate
• 8:37
  to just
• 8:38
  reaffirm
• 8:38
  that,
• 8:38
  okay,
• 8:39
  everything,
• 8:39
  everything
• 8:40
  is
• 8:40
  going to
• 8:41
  come back
• 8:41
  together,
• 8:41
  mommy
• 8:42
  will come
• 8:42
  home.
• 8:43
  I'm just
• 8:43
  reminding
• 8:43
  them of
• 8:44
  kind of
• 8:44
  the
• 8:44
  present
• 8:45
  certainties,
• 8:46
  maybe
• 8:46
  not
• 8:46
  focusing
• 8:46
  so much
• 8:47
  on the
• 8:47
  things
• 8:47
  way, way
• 8:48
  in the future,
• 8:48
  because
• 8:49
  I think
• 8:49
  that's
• 8:49
  one of
• 8:49
  the questions
• 8:50
  that
• 8:50
  I know
• 8:51
  my older
• 8:51
  kids have
• 8:51
  had is
• 8:52
  well,
• 8:52
  are you going
• 8:52
  to be
• 8:52
  okay
• 8:53
  or are
• 8:53
  you going
• 8:53
  to die?
• 8:54
  And it's
• 8:55
  I can't
• 8:55
  really
• 8:56
  answer
• 8:56
  that
• 8:56
  question
• 8:57
  super
• 8:57
  accurately
• 8:58
  other
• 8:58
  than
• 8:58
  to just
• 8:59
  tell them
• 8:59
  that,
• 8:59
  today,
• 8:59
  I'm okay,
• 9:00
  tomorrow
• 9:00
  I'm going
• 9:01
  to be
• 9:01
  okay,
• 9:01
  and that
• 9:02
  I'm going
• 9:02
  to keep
• 9:03
  having
• 9:03
  lots of
• 9:03
  tomorrows
• 9:04
  and that
• 9:05
  my doctors
• 9:06
  are,
• 9:06
  you know,
• 9:06
  just
• 9:06
  reassuring
• 9:07
  them of
• 9:07
  the
• 9:07
  things
• 9:07
  that
• 9:07
  we do.
• 9:08
  No,
• 9:08
  instead
• 9:09
  to or to
• 9:10
  to just
• 9:10
  offer
• 9:10
  that,
• 9:11
  that
• 9:11
  reassurance
• 9:11
  and that
• 9:12
  certainty.
• 9:14
  which is
• 9:14
  so tricky
• 9:14
  because
• 9:15
  I think
• 9:15
  that we
• 9:15
  want that
• 9:16
  reassurance
• 9:16
  ourselves.
• 9:17
  Right?
• 9:17
  We want to know
• 9:18
  that
• 9:18
  we're
• 9:18
  going
• 9:18
  to be
• 9:18
  okay
• 9:19
  and
• 9:19
  to not
• 9:20
  be able
• 9:20
  to give
• 9:20
  that to
• 9:21
  our kids,
• 9:21
  I think,
• 9:22
  can be
• 9:22
  kind of
• 9:22
  painful
• 9:23
  sometimes.
• 9:23
  but
• 9:24
  to just
• 9:24
  let them
• 9:24
  know
• 9:25
  that,
• 9:25
  you know,
• 9:25
  that
• 9:25
  we're
• 9:25
  going
• 9:25
  to do
• 9:26
  everything
• 9:26
  that
• 9:26
  we can
• 9:26
  and that
• 9:27
  our doctors
• 9:27
  are doing
• 9:28
  everything
• 9:28
  they can
• 9:28
  to make
• 9:29
  sure that
• 9:29
  we're
• 9:29
  okay.
• 9:32
  Definitely
• 9:33
  not
• 9:33
  living
• 9:33
  with
• 9:33
  uncertainty.
• 9:34
  you said,
• 9:35
  it's hard
• 9:35
  for all
• 9:35
  of us
• 9:36
  as a
• 9:36
  human.
• 9:36
  That's
• 9:37
  that's
• 9:37
  a very
• 9:37
  difficult
• 9:38
  thing.
• 9:38
  And so,
• 9:38
  of
• 9:38
  course,
• 9:39
  for
• 9:39
  children,
• 9:40
  it can be
• 9:40
  extra
• 9:40
  difficult.
• 9:41
  Yeah.
• 9:41
  And so I
• 9:42
  love how
• 9:43
  you are
• 9:43
  staying
• 9:43
  very
• 9:44
  present
• 9:44
  and
• 9:44
  focusing
• 9:45
  on the
• 9:45
  here
• 9:45
  and now.
• 9:46
  And most
• 9:46
  parents
• 9:47
  do
• 9:47
  find that
• 9:47
  that
• 9:47
  really is
• 9:48
  the best
• 9:48
  approach,
• 9:49
  that it's
• 9:49
  okay to
• 9:50
  still
• 9:50
  validate
• 9:51
  your kids
• 9:51
  good
• 9:51
  questions
• 9:52
  and
• 9:52
  fears.
• 9:53
  You know,
• 9:53
  you know,
• 9:53
  wondering
• 9:54
  what's
• 9:54
  going to
• 9:54
  happen
• 9:54
  down
• 9:55
  the road
• 9:55
  and say,
• 9:56
  yeah,
• 9:56
  sometimes
• 9:57
  that
• 9:57
  scares
• 9:57
  me, too.
• 9:57
  Sometimes
• 9:58
  that
• 9:58
  worries
• 9:58
  me too.
• 9:59
  And
• 9:59
  what works
• 10:00
  for me
• 10:01
  is to
• 10:01
  really
• 10:01
  focus on
• 10:02
  today.
• 10:03
  That
• 10:03
  helps me.
• 10:04
  and
• 10:04
  that's
• 10:04
  really
• 10:05
  good role
• 10:05
  model.
• 10:06
  Yes, I
• 10:07
  that role
• 10:07
  modeling.
• 10:07
  That's
• 10:08
  such a
• 10:08
  good thing.
• 10:08
  And
• 10:08
  that's
• 10:08
  one of
• 10:09
  the
• 10:09
  things
• 10:09
  that
• 10:09
  I talk
• 10:09
  to my
• 10:09
  therapist
• 10:10
  all the time
• 10:10
  about
• 10:11
  is
• 10:11
  this idea
• 10:11
  that,
• 10:12
  okay,
• 10:12
  I can't
• 10:14
  I can't
• 10:14
  make this
• 10:15
  any
• 10:15
  easier
• 10:15
  for them,
• 10:16
  no matter
• 10:16
  where
• 10:17
  in life
• 10:18
  they will be.
• 10:18
  This will
• 10:19
  affect
• 10:19
  them at
• 10:19
  some point.
• 10:20
  They're
• 10:20
  probably
• 10:20
  going
• 10:20
  to do
• 10:20
  therapy
• 10:21
  as adults
• 10:21
  and
• 10:21
  process
• 10:22
  this
• 10:22
  more.
• 10:23
  And
• 10:24
  and
• 10:24
  if there are,
• 10:25
  you know,
• 10:25
  more hard
• 10:26
  things
• 10:26
  that
• 10:26
  happen
• 10:26
  in our lives
• 10:27
  because
• 10:27
  of me
• 10:28
  having
• 10:28
  cancer,
• 10:28
  then
• 10:29
  it will happen
• 10:30
  and I
• 10:30
  won't
• 10:30
  necessarily
• 10:31
  have any
• 10:31
  control
• 10:32
  over that
• 10:33
  happening
• 10:33
  to my
• 10:34
  kids.
• 10:35
  And
• 10:35
  that's
• 10:35
  uncomfortable,
• 10:36
  right?
• 10:36
  I can't
• 10:36
  protect
• 10:37
  them from
• 10:37
  that.
• 10:37
  I can't
• 10:38
  protect
• 10:38
  them from
• 10:38
  the
• 10:39
  inevitability
• 10:39
  that
• 10:39
  one day
• 10:40
  I will
• 10:41
  die.
• 10:41
  even
• 10:41
  if it's
• 10:41
  when
• 10:42
  I'm 98
• 10:42
  and I'm
• 10:43
  super
• 10:43
  old,
• 10:43
  I can't
• 10:44
  protect
• 10:44
  them from
• 10:44
  the
• 10:45
  future
• 10:45
  grief,
• 10:45
  right?
• 10:46
  Right.
• 10:46
  What
• 10:47
  I can do
• 10:47
  is I can
• 10:47
  equip
• 10:48
  them with
• 10:48
  tools.
• 10:49
  I can teach them
• 10:50
  and model
• 10:50
  for them
• 10:51
  what is
• 10:52
  good
• 10:52
  mental
• 10:52
  help,
• 10:52
  support,
• 10:53
  look
• 10:53
  what are
• 10:53
  the
• 10:53
  resources
• 10:54
  and
• 10:54
  the people
• 10:54
  they
• 10:54
  could
• 10:55
  turn to
• 10:55
  for support.
• 10:56
  And
• 10:56
  that is
• 10:57
  hugely
• 10:57
  empowering
• 10:58
  to me
• 10:58
  as a parent,
• 10:58
  just to
• 10:59
  remember
• 10:59
  that
• 10:59
  I'm not
• 11:00
  helpless
• 11:01
  here
• 11:01
  and that
• 11:02
  while
• 11:02
  I don't
• 11:02
  have
• 11:02
  control
• 11:03
  over
• 11:03
  every
• 11:03
  outcome
• 11:04
  in
• 11:04
  the future
• 11:04
  I do
• 11:05
  have,
• 11:05
  I do
• 11:06
  have some
• 11:06
  control
• 11:06
  of the
• 11:07
  here
• 11:07
  and now
• 11:07
  and what
• 11:07
  I choose
• 11:08
  to do
• 11:08
  with
• 11:08
  that time
• 11:09
  as a
• 11:09
  parent.
• 11:10
  so
• 11:11
  one
• 11:12
  of the,
• 11:12
  one
• 11:12
  of the
• 11:12
  tricky
• 11:13
  things
• 11:13
  with
• 11:13
  kids,
• 11:14
  right?
• 11:14
  Especially
• 11:14
  if
• 11:14
  you've
• 11:15
  got young
• 11:15
  kids
• 11:15
  who are
• 11:16
  then
• 11:16
  growing up
• 11:16
  with your
• 11:16
  diagnosis,
• 11:17
  I did,
• 11:18
  you
• 11:18
  have kids
• 11:19
  who
• 11:19
  at some point
• 11:20
  they have
• 11:20
  a really
• 11:20
  basic
• 11:21
  questions,
• 11:21
  and then
• 11:21
  they
• 11:21
  get a
• 11:22
  little older
• 11:22
  and
• 11:22
  they have
• 11:22
  more
• 11:23
  questions.
• 11:24
  so one of
• 11:25
  the things
• 11:25
  that you
• 11:26
  touched
• 11:26
  on, was
• 11:27
  this idea
• 11:27
  of
• 11:27
  following
• 11:28
  your
• 11:28
  kid's
• 11:28
  lead.
• 11:29
  So
• 11:29
  what does that mean?
• 11:30
  Because
• 11:30
  I think
• 11:31
  that,
• 11:31
  you said,
• 11:31
  as
• 11:31
  parents,
• 11:32
  we have
• 11:32
  a
• 11:32
  tendency
• 11:32
  to,
• 11:32
  information
• 11:33
  dump.
• 11:34
  Yes.
• 11:34
  Right.
• 11:35
  you know,
• 11:35
  it's a
• 11:35
  great
• 11:35
  question.
• 11:36
  I do,
• 11:36
  because
• 11:37
  every kid
• 11:37
  is
• 11:37
  different.
• 11:38
  I suggest
• 11:39
  following
• 11:40
  their lead
• 11:40
  because
• 11:41
  some kids
• 11:41
  will
• 11:41
  only want
• 11:42
  the the
• 11:43
  bare
• 11:43
  bones,
• 11:44
  and
• 11:44
  that's
• 11:44
  all they
• 11:45
  need.
• 11:45
  And
• 11:46
  they feel
• 11:46
  okay with
• 11:46
  that.
• 11:47
  there's
• 11:48
  really
• 11:48
  no need
• 11:49
  to have
• 11:49
  to
• 11:49
  continually
• 11:50
  give them
• 11:50
  more
• 11:50
  information
• 11:51
  if they're
• 11:51
  not
• 11:51
  asking
• 11:52
  for it,
• 11:52
  because
• 11:52
  it may
• 11:53
  then
• 11:53
  cause
• 11:53
  them more
• 11:54
  worry.
• 11:55
  Whereas
• 11:55
  you
• 11:55
  might have
• 11:56
  even
• 11:56
  if you
• 11:56
  have
• 11:56
  multiple
• 11:57
  kids,
• 11:57
  you might
• 11:57
  have
• 11:58
  different
• 11:58
  approaches.
• 11:58
  So then
• 11:59
  you have
• 11:59
  another
• 11:59
  child
• 12:00
  who
• 12:01
  really
• 12:01
  finds
• 12:01
  comfort
• 12:02
  and
• 12:02
  information
• 12:03
  and
• 12:03
  they have
• 12:03
  tons of
• 12:03
  questions.
• 12:04
  Well,
• 12:04
  then
• 12:05
  maybe
• 12:05
  with that
• 12:05
  child
• 12:06
  you're
• 12:06
  having
• 12:06
  more
• 12:07
  frequent
• 12:07
  conversations.
• 12:08
  Maybe
• 12:08
  you're
• 12:08
  actually
• 12:09
  looking
• 12:09
  into
• 12:10
  reputable,
• 12:11
  sources
• 12:11
  of
• 12:11
  information
• 12:12
  to
• 12:12
  kind of
• 12:12
  gather
• 12:13
  more
• 12:13
  data,
• 12:13
  whatever
• 12:14
  it is
• 12:14
  that that
• 12:15
  child
• 12:15
  feels,
• 12:16
  they need
• 12:17
  to feel
• 12:17
  more
• 12:17
  comfortable.
• 12:18
  So
• 12:18
  I always
• 12:19
  tell
• 12:19
  parents,
• 12:20
  you know,
• 12:20
  you are
• 12:20
  an expert
• 12:21
  in your children,
• 12:22
  so
• 12:22
  you might go
• 12:23
  out to
• 12:24
  and talk
• 12:24
  to
• 12:24
  different
• 12:24
  experts
• 12:25
  about
• 12:26
  cancer
• 12:26
  and
• 12:27
  mental
• 12:27
  health
• 12:27
  and coping,
• 12:28
  but then
• 12:29
  always
• 12:29
  filter
• 12:29
  that
• 12:29
  through
• 12:30
  your own
• 12:30
  parent
• 12:30
  gut
• 12:31
  and use
• 12:31
  what
• 12:32
  you know
• 12:32
  is best
• 12:32
  for
• 12:32
  each of
• 12:33
  your
• 12:33
  children.
• 12:34
  Because
• 12:34
  really,
• 12:35
  truly,
• 12:35
  every kid
• 12:36
  is
• 12:36
  different.
• 12:37
  Yeah,
• 12:37
  I love it.
• 12:38
  I love
• 12:38
  that
• 12:38
  you have
• 12:39
  this idea
• 12:39
  of just
• 12:40
  it's not
• 12:40
  a one
• 12:41
  and done
• 12:41
  thing,
• 12:41
  right.
• 12:41
  It's
• 12:42
  not you
• 12:42
  just talk
• 12:42
  about it
• 12:42
  once and
• 12:43
  then it
• 12:43
  never
• 12:43
  comes up
• 12:44
  again.
• 12:44
  Exactly.
• 12:45
  It's you
• 12:45
  talk about it
• 12:45
  once
• 12:46
  and
• 12:46
  then you
• 12:46
  revisit
• 12:47
  it.
• 12:47
  And and
• 12:48
  I love,
• 12:48
  you know,
• 12:48
  back to
• 12:48
  those
• 12:49
  kind of
• 12:49
  five
• 12:49
  points,
• 12:50
  those
• 12:50
  five
• 12:50
  maybe
• 12:51
  core
• 12:51
  values
• 12:51
  or core
• 12:52
  beliefs
• 12:52
  that we
• 12:52
  want
• 12:52
  to help
• 12:53
  instill
• 12:53
  in our kids
• 12:54
  is that
• 12:55
  whole
• 12:55
  idea
• 12:55
  that,
• 12:55
  it's not
• 12:55
  your fault,
• 12:56
  you can't
• 12:56
  touch it.
• 12:57
  It's
• 12:57
  not your job
• 12:58
  to
• 12:58
  fix this
• 12:58
  for me,
• 12:59
  and that
• 13:00
  someone
• 13:00
  will
• 13:00
  always
• 13:01
  be there
• 13:01
  to care
• 13:01
  for you.
• 13:02
  those
• 13:02
  reassurances,
• 13:03
  just
• 13:03
  continuing
• 13:03
  to
• 13:04
  kind of
• 13:04
  lead it
• 13:04
  back to
• 13:04
  those,
• 13:05
  even with
• 13:05
  any new
• 13:05
  questions.
• 13:06
  because
• 13:06
  I think
• 13:07
  that
• 13:07
  it's the
• 13:07
  new
• 13:08
  questions,
• 13:08
  I think
• 13:09
  I think
• 13:09
  for me,
• 13:09
  whenever
• 13:10
  I have
• 13:10
  new
• 13:10
  things
• 13:10
  to deal
• 13:11
  with,
• 13:11
  right?
• 13:11
  New
• 13:11
  levels
• 13:12
  of
• 13:12
  uncertainty,
• 13:12
  new
• 13:13
  difficult
• 13:14
  kind of
• 13:14
  things
• 13:15
  to cope
• 13:15
  with in
• 13:16
  my
• 13:16
  diagnosis
• 13:17
  or really
• 13:17
  just
• 13:17
  anything,
• 13:18
  then
• 13:18
  it can be
• 13:19
  kind of
• 13:19
  tricky
• 13:19
  in our
• 13:20
  brains.
• 13:20
  Our brain
• 13:20
  kind of
• 13:21
  starts
• 13:21
  to panic
• 13:21
  oh no,
• 13:22
  I don't
• 13:22
  know what
• 13:22
  to do.
• 13:22
  I don't know
• 13:23
  what
• 13:23
  to do
• 13:23
  when
• 13:24
  really
• 13:24
  all
• 13:24
  we have
• 13:24
  to do
• 13:25
  is apply,
• 13:25
  you know,
• 13:26
  previous,
• 13:26
  previous
• 13:27
  learnings
• 13:27
  to what
• 13:28
  we're
• 13:28
  currently
• 13:29
  dealing
• 13:29
  with
• 13:29
  or this
• 13:30
  new
• 13:30
  question.
• 13:30
  so
• 13:31
  I think
• 13:31
  just
• 13:31
  providing
• 13:32
  those
• 13:32
  reassurances
• 13:33
  for sure
• 13:34
  and just
• 13:34
  redesigning
• 13:35
  it.
• 13:35
  Yeah,
• 13:36
  definitely.
• 13:36
  And part
• 13:36
  of that,
• 13:37
  providing
• 13:37
  reassurance
• 13:38
  and
• 13:38
  revisiting
• 13:39
  is
• 13:39
  letting
• 13:39
  your
• 13:40
  children
• 13:40
  know
• 13:40
  if I have
• 13:41
  new
• 13:41
  information
• 13:42
  or if
• 13:42
  something
• 13:43
  changes.
• 13:43
  I will
• 13:44
  tell you,
• 13:45
  they need
• 13:45
  to trust
• 13:46
  that.
• 13:46
  If
• 13:46
  there's
• 13:46
  something
• 13:47
  important
• 13:48
  you will know.
• 13:48
  We will
• 13:49
  tell you,
• 13:49
  we're not
• 13:50
  going to
• 13:50
  leave you
• 13:50
  in the
• 13:50
  dark.
• 13:51
  And, but,
• 13:52
  I mean,
• 13:53
  I don't
• 13:53
  necessarily
• 13:53
  tell my kids
• 13:54
  this,
• 13:54
  but
• 13:54
  kind of
• 13:55
  kind of
• 13:55
  tempering
• 13:56
  that with
• 13:56
  the idea
• 13:57
  that
• 13:57
  as a parent,
• 13:58
  I'm going
• 13:58
  to filter
• 14:00
  the type
• 14:00
  of
• 14:00
  information,
• 14:01
  the depth
• 14:01
  of the
• 14:01
  information
• 14:02
  that I
• 14:02
  give to
• 14:02
  my kids
• 14:03
  based on,
• 14:04
  you said,
• 14:04
  the
• 14:04
  parenting
• 14:05
  gut.
• 14:05
  Right?
• 14:05
  So
• 14:06
  if you don't
• 14:06
  feel it's
• 14:06
  a good idea
• 14:07
  to
• 14:07
  talk to
• 14:07
  your kids
• 14:08
  about,
• 14:09
  more of
• 14:09
  the ins
• 14:09
  and outs
• 14:10
  or
• 14:10
  kind of
• 14:10
  maybe the
• 14:11
  the
• 14:11
  emotional
• 14:12
  uncertainties
• 14:12
  that
• 14:12
  you're
• 14:13
  dealing
• 14:13
  with as
• 14:13
  a parent,
• 14:14
  that
• 14:14
  maybe
• 14:14
  you don't
• 14:14
  talk
• 14:15
  about
• 14:15
  those
• 14:15
  things
• 14:15
  with your kid
• 14:16
  and you
• 14:16
  talk
• 14:16
  about them
• 14:17
  with your spouse,
• 14:17
  or
• 14:18
  you talk
• 14:18
  about them
• 14:18
  with your
• 14:18
  parent
• 14:19
  or a
• 14:20
  counselor
• 14:20
  or,
• 14:21
  you know,
• 14:21
  just
• 14:21
  whatever
• 14:22
  that
• 14:22
  resource
• 14:22
  looks
• 14:23
  and
• 14:23
  I think
• 14:24
  that,
• 14:24
  you know,
• 14:24
  let's
• 14:24
  maybe
• 14:24
  give a
• 14:25
  disclaimer
• 14:25
  here
• 14:25
  that we're
• 14:26
  all just
• 14:26
  figuring
• 14:26
  this out
• 14:27
  and that
• 14:27
  there
• 14:28
  isn't
• 14:28
  really a
• 14:28
  right way
• 14:29
  and
• 14:29
  that all of us
• 14:30
  are
• 14:30
  going to
• 14:31
  maybe,
• 14:31
  quote
• 14:31
  unquote,
• 14:32
  make
• 14:32
  mistakes.
• 14:33
  And
• 14:33
  I think
• 14:33
  that
• 14:34
  the best
• 14:34
  that
• 14:34
  we can do
• 14:35
  is just
• 14:35
  adapt
• 14:36
  and
• 14:37
  improve,
• 14:38
  you know,
• 14:38
  maybe how
• 14:38
  we do this
• 14:39
  and just
• 14:39
  improve
• 14:40
  our
• 14:40
  communication
• 14:41
  with our families
• 14:41
  and
• 14:41
  with our
• 14:42
  kids.
• 14:43
  That's
• 14:43
  exactly
• 14:43
  right.
• 14:44
  And
• 14:44
  we know,
• 14:44
  I mean,
• 14:44
  you said,
• 14:45
  we're
• 14:45
  human.
• 14:46
  We're
• 14:46
  going to
• 14:46
  make
• 14:46
  mistakes.
• 14:47
  And
• 14:47
  if you're
• 14:47
  a parent,
• 14:48
  you know
• 14:48
  that
• 14:48
  you've
• 14:48
  probably
• 14:49
  already
• 14:49
  made
• 14:49
  mistakes.
• 14:50
  Oh my
• 14:50
  gosh.
• 14:50
  Well,
• 14:51
  one
• 14:51
  of the
• 14:51
  best ways
• 14:51
  to role
• 14:52
  model
• 14:52
  that is
• 14:53
  to
• 14:54
  acknowledge
• 14:55
  to
• 14:55
  your kid,
• 14:55
  we all make mistakes
• 14:56
  because
• 14:56
  they
• 14:57
  need to
• 14:57
  know
• 14:57
  that.
• 14:57
  And
• 14:57
  you always
• 14:58
  have
• 14:58
  the opportunity
• 14:59
  to make
• 14:59
  a fix up
• 15:00
  and to
• 15:00
  say,
• 15:01
  you know,
• 15:01
  the next
• 15:02
  day, hey
• 15:02
  guys, I'm
• 15:03
  really
• 15:03
  sorry
• 15:03
  that I
• 15:04
  was short
• 15:04
  with you,
• 15:05
  that I,
• 15:05
  you know,
• 15:05
  kind of
• 15:05
  blew up
• 15:06
  on you.
• 15:07
  I was feeling
• 15:08
  really
• 15:08
  anxious
• 15:09
  about my
• 15:09
  upcoming,
• 15:10
  you know,
• 15:11
  scan.
• 15:11
  and
• 15:12
  that made
• 15:12
  me really
• 15:13
  irritable.
• 15:13
  And
• 15:13
  so I'm
• 15:14
  really
• 15:14
  sorry
• 15:15
  that I
• 15:15
  yelled
• 15:15
  at you.
• 15:16
  I think
• 15:16
  next time
• 15:17
  I'm going
• 15:17
  to try
• 15:18
  and maybe
• 15:18
  do some
• 15:18
  deep
• 15:19
  breathing
• 15:19
  when I'm
• 15:19
  feeling
• 15:20
  that way.
• 15:20
  well,
• 15:20
  you know,
• 15:21
  let them
• 15:21
  know.
• 15:21
  Sort
• 15:21
  of what
• 15:22
  you're
• 15:22
  going
• 15:22
  to do
• 15:22
  to try
• 15:23
  to be
• 15:23
  different
• 15:23
  because
• 15:24
  then they
• 15:24
  can see,
• 15:25
  oh,
• 15:26
  I can make
• 15:26
  fix up to
• 15:27
  and I
• 15:27
  can grow.
• 15:28
  I'm
• 15:29
  taking
• 15:29
  accountability.
• 15:30
  Right?
• 15:30
  Taking it
• 15:31
  for
• 15:31
  our own
• 15:31
  feelings
• 15:32
  and how
• 15:32
  we are
• 15:33
  kind of
• 15:33
  projecting
• 15:34
  those
• 15:34
  feelings
• 15:35
  on our
• 15:35
  surrounding
• 15:35
  world.
• 15:36
  one of
• 15:36
  the
• 15:36
  things
• 15:37
  that I
• 15:37
  love
• 15:37
  doing,
• 15:37
  at least,
• 15:38
  is
• 15:38
  finding
• 15:38
  books to,
• 15:39
  help
• 15:39
  my kids
• 15:40
  make
• 15:40
  some connections.
• 15:41
  So do
• 15:41
  you have
• 15:42
  any books
• 15:42
  that you
• 15:43
  would
• 15:43
  suggest
• 15:43
  that
• 15:43
  parents
• 15:44
  use to
• 15:44
  kind of
• 15:45
  guide
• 15:45
  some of
• 15:45
  these
• 15:45
  conversations,
• 15:46
  or
• 15:46
  to introduce
• 15:47
  some of
• 15:47
  these
• 15:47
  topics?
• 15:48
  Definitely.
• 15:49
  you know,
• 15:49
  we know
• 15:50
  that
• 15:50
  one
• 15:50
  of the
• 15:50
  best ways
• 15:51
  to talk
• 15:51
  about
• 15:51
  new
• 15:52
  concepts
• 15:52
  with kids
• 15:53
  is books.
• 15:54
  I mean,
• 15:54
  if you're
• 15:54
  a parent,
• 15:54
  you're
• 15:55
  already
• 15:55
  doing
• 15:55
  this
• 15:56
  every time
• 15:56
  you're
• 15:56
  trying to
• 15:57
  expose
• 15:57
  them to
• 15:58
  maybe
• 15:58
  something
• 15:58
  new.
• 15:59
  You
• 16:00
  can find
• 16:00
  a children's
• 16:01
  book that
• 16:01
  not only
• 16:02
  has the
• 16:02
  language
• 16:03
  that
• 16:03
  you're
• 16:03
  wanting
• 16:03
  to use,
• 16:04
  but but
• 16:04
  the pictures
• 16:05
  and
• 16:05
  the images,
• 16:06
  and that
• 16:07
  really
• 16:08
  reinforces
• 16:08
  the message
• 16:09
  that
• 16:09
  you're
• 16:09
  trying
• 16:10
  to share.
• 16:10
  So
• 16:10
  when you're
• 16:11
  talking
• 16:11
  about
• 16:11
  cancer,
• 16:12
  a book
• 16:12
  can
• 16:13
  give you
• 16:13
  the perfect
• 16:14
  guide
• 16:15
  of what
• 16:15
  to say.
• 16:16
  And in
• 16:16
  fact,
• 16:16
  that's
• 16:16
  what
• 16:16
  we hear
• 16:17
  from
• 16:17
  parents
• 16:17
  all the time
• 16:17
  is I had
• 16:18
  no idea
• 16:18
  what
• 16:19
  to say.
• 16:19
  And so by
• 16:20
  using
• 16:20
  a book,
• 16:21
  it
• 16:21
  basically
• 16:21
  just
• 16:21
  guided me
• 16:22
  through
• 16:22
  that
• 16:22
  conversation.
• 16:23
  And so
• 16:24
  you can
• 16:24
  find some
• 16:24
  really
• 16:25
  great
• 16:25
  books
• 16:25
  that walk
• 16:26
  through
• 16:26
  the
• 16:26
  information
• 16:27
  of
• 16:27
  cancer,
• 16:27
  someone
• 16:28
  I love
• 16:28
  has
• 16:28
  cancer
• 16:29
  talks
• 16:29
  not only about
• 16:30
  what
• 16:30
  cancer is
• 16:31
  and what
• 16:31
  treatment
• 16:32
  looks
• 16:32
  but it
• 16:32
  talks
• 16:32
  about the
• 16:33
  common
• 16:33
  emotions
• 16:34
  and
• 16:34
  questions
• 16:34
  that
• 16:34
  kids have
• 16:35
  and how
• 16:35
  you might
• 16:36
  want to
• 16:36
  cope
• 16:36
  through
• 16:36
  those
• 16:36
  feelings.
• 16:37
  So
• 16:37
  there's
• 16:38
  some
• 16:38
  really
• 16:38
  great
• 16:38
  informational
• 16:39
  books
• 16:39
  about
• 16:40
  that.
• 16:40
  Then
• 16:41
  you have
• 16:41
  really
• 16:41
  reassuring
• 16:42
  books
• 16:42
  Cancer
• 16:43
  Hits.
• 16:43
  Kisses
• 16:43
  is
• 16:44
  probably
• 16:44
  our most
• 16:45
  requested
• 16:45
  book.
• 16:46
  through
• 16:46
  Bright
• 16:46
  Reads,
• 16:47
  which
• 16:47
  is a program
• 16:47
  that
• 16:47
  we offer
• 16:48
  where
• 16:48
  parents
• 16:48
  can
• 16:49
  request
• 16:49
  free
• 16:49
  books
• 16:50
  about
• 16:50
  cancer,
• 16:50
  big
• 16:50
  feelings,
• 16:51
  grief,
• 16:51
  and loss.
• 16:52
  And
• 16:52
  I come
• 16:53
  back to
• 16:53
  that.
• 16:53
  Yes, yes,
• 16:54
  we'll
• 16:54
  come back to that.
• 16:55
  But
• 16:55
  I think
• 16:56
  parents
• 16:56
  love
• 16:56
  that book
• 16:57
  because
• 16:57
  it's so
• 16:58
  reassuring.
• 16:58
  And
• 16:58
  especially
• 16:59
  if you
• 16:59
  have
• 16:59
  young kids
• 17:00
  and
• 17:00
  you want
• 17:01
  to double
• 17:01
  down
• 17:02
  on that
• 17:02
  message
• 17:02
  of
• 17:03
  nothing,
• 17:04
  you don't
• 17:04
  have
• 17:04
  to do
• 17:04
  anything
• 17:05
  except
• 17:05
  for love
• 17:05
  me.
• 17:06
  You know,
• 17:06
  it's not
• 17:06
  your job
• 17:06
  to take
• 17:07
  care of
• 17:07
  me.
• 17:07
  Just
• 17:07
  let's hug
• 17:08
  each other.
• 17:08
  And
• 17:08
  it also
• 17:08
  shows
• 17:09
  again,
• 17:09
  you can't
• 17:09
  catch it.
• 17:10
  it's a
• 17:11
  great
• 17:11
  book.
• 17:12
  Then
• 17:12
  you have
• 17:12
  some
• 17:13
  really
• 17:13
  fun.
• 17:13
  More
• 17:13
  whimsical
• 17:14
  books,
• 17:14
  stickers
• 17:15
  on her
• 17:15
  bald head
• 17:16
  for hair
• 17:16
  loss
• 17:17
  or some
• 17:17
  really
• 17:17
  great
• 17:17
  books
• 17:18
  about
• 17:18
  hair
• 17:18
  loss,
• 17:18
  which is
• 17:19
  a big
• 17:19
  deal for
• 17:19
  kids.
• 17:20
  Physical changes.
• 17:20
  So that
• 17:21
  book and,
• 17:22
  mama's
• 17:23
  afro is
• 17:23
  a soldier
• 17:24
  to
• 17:24
  nowhere
• 17:25
  hair.
• 17:25
  Those are all
• 17:25
  specific
• 17:26
  to hair
• 17:26
  loss.
• 17:27
  there's
• 17:27
  some book
• 17:28
  specific
• 17:28
  to having
• 17:29
  a dad
• 17:29
  with
• 17:29
  cancer,
• 17:30
  because
• 17:30
  most
• 17:30
  books
• 17:31
  out there
• 17:31
  show moms
• 17:32
  with
• 17:32
  cancer.
• 17:32
  So
• 17:32
  if you are
• 17:33
  a father
• 17:34
  with
• 17:34
  cancer,
• 17:34
  you want to
• 17:35
  maybe
• 17:35
  find
• 17:35
  some of
• 17:35
  those
• 17:36
  books.
• 17:36
  then
• 17:37
  you have
• 17:37
  books
• 17:37
  for kids
• 17:38
  that
• 17:38
  really
• 17:38
  are
• 17:38
  geared
• 17:39
  towards
• 17:39
  just
• 17:39
  information.
• 17:40
  And so
• 17:40
  there's a
• 17:41
  book out
• 17:41
  there
• 17:41
  that was
• 17:42
  written
• 17:42
  with had
• 17:43
  in mind
• 17:44
  kids on
• 17:44
  the
• 17:44
  spectrum
• 17:45
  and kids
• 17:45
  who have
• 17:46
  autism,
• 17:46
  but it's
• 17:46
  really
• 17:47
  great for
• 17:47
  other kids
• 17:48
  that also
• 17:48
  just
• 17:49
  really
• 17:49
  Q&A
• 17:49
  format.
• 17:50
  So
• 17:50
  I have a
• 17:50
  question
• 17:51
  about
• 17:51
  cancer is
• 17:51
  really great.
• 17:53
  and
• 17:53
  then you
• 17:53
  have
• 17:53
  books
• 17:54
  that
• 17:54
  aren't
• 17:54
  maybe
• 17:54
  cancer
• 17:55
  specific,
• 17:56
  but focus
• 17:56
  on
• 17:57
  a theme
• 17:58
  very.
• 17:58
  That's
• 17:59
  very
• 17:59
  relatable.
• 18:00
  separation
• 18:00
  anxiety
• 18:01
  is huge,
• 18:02
  especially
• 18:02
  with
• 18:02
  young
• 18:02
  kids.
• 18:03
  I mean,
• 18:03
  you're
• 18:03
  talking
• 18:04
  about
• 18:04
  spending
• 18:04
  a week
• 18:04
  away from
• 18:05
  your kid.
• 18:06
  That
• 18:06
  can be
• 18:06
  really
• 18:06
  common.
• 18:07
  Regardless
• 18:08
  of your
• 18:08
  cancer
• 18:08
  diagnosis.
• 18:09
  You
• 18:09
  might be away
• 18:10
  for
• 18:10
  surgery,
• 18:11
  you might be
• 18:11
  traveling
• 18:12
  for a
• 18:12
  clinical
• 18:12
  treatment,
• 18:13
  a
• 18:13
  clinical
• 18:13
  trial,
• 18:14
  whatever
• 18:14
  it is.
• 18:15
  And so
• 18:15
  having
• 18:15
  to
• 18:16
  prepare
• 18:16
  your kids
• 18:16
  for that
• 18:17
  separation
• 18:18
  can be
• 18:18
  really
• 18:18
  difficult.
• 18:19
  So using
• 18:20
  a book
• 18:20
  Invisible
• 18:21
  String
• 18:21
  that
• 18:21
  talks
• 18:22
  about
• 18:22
  that
• 18:22
  relationship
• 18:23
  and
• 18:23
  connection
• 18:24
  you have
• 18:24
  with
• 18:24
  your children
• 18:25
  that exists
• 18:25
  no matter
• 18:26
  what,
• 18:26
  no matter
• 18:27
  how close
• 18:28
  or far
• 18:28
  away
• 18:28
  you are,
• 18:29
  can be
• 18:29
  really
• 18:30
  reassuring
• 18:31
  to
• 18:31
  kids of
• 18:31
  all ages.
• 18:35
  Brought
• 18:36
  up the
• 18:36
  Great
• 18:36
  Reads
• 18:36
  program
• 18:37
  and I
• 18:37
  definitely
• 18:38
  want to
• 18:38
  come back
• 18:38
  and
• 18:38
  really
• 18:39
  just kind
• 18:39
  of hone
• 18:39
  in on the
• 18:40
  Bright
• 18:40
  Spot
• 18:40
  network
• 18:41
  and
• 18:41
  the programs
• 18:41
  that they
• 18:42
  have,
• 18:42
  that
• 18:42
  you guys
• 18:43
  have that
• 18:43
  offer
• 18:43
  support
• 18:44
  for our,
• 18:44
  our
• 18:44
  listeners
• 18:45
  who are
• 18:45
  parents
• 18:46
  with
• 18:46
  cancer.
• 18:46
  So let's
• 18:47
  just
• 18:47
  revisit
• 18:48
  that
• 18:48
  shortly.
• 18:48
  But I
• 18:48
  do want
• 18:49
  to keep
• 18:49
  going,
• 18:49
  talking
• 18:50
  a little
• 18:50
  about
• 18:50
  these
• 18:50
  books,
• 18:51
  right?
• 18:51
  You've
• 18:51
  you've
• 18:51
  given
• 18:52
  some
• 18:52
  really
• 18:52
  good
• 18:52
  books.
• 18:53
  I know
• 18:53
  that
• 18:53
  one
• 18:54
  of the
• 18:54
  tricky
• 18:54
  things in
• 18:55
  our
• 18:55
  diagnosis
• 18:55
  is
• 18:55
  dealing
• 18:56
  with a
• 18:56
  metastatic
• 18:56
  disease.
• 18:57
  And so
• 18:58
  that,
• 18:58
  you know,
• 18:58
  you said,
• 18:59
  that's a
• 18:59
  that's an
• 19:00
  cancer
• 19:00
  or that's
• 19:00
  when the
• 19:01
  cancer
• 19:01
  has
• 19:01
  progressed
• 19:02
  past,
• 19:02
  just a
• 19:02
  primary
• 19:03
  location,
• 19:03
  which for
• 19:04
  ocular
• 19:04
  melanoma,
• 19:04
  that means
• 19:05
  that no
• 19:05
  longer
• 19:06
  is it
• 19:06
  just
• 19:06
  the eye
• 19:06
  affected.
• 19:07
  The whole body
• 19:07
  is
• 19:08
  somehow
• 19:08
  involved.
• 19:09
  usually
• 19:09
  it's the
• 19:09
  liver or
• 19:10
  the lungs,
• 19:10
  but
• 19:10
  sometimes
• 19:11
  it can be
• 19:11
  other
• 19:11
  areas
• 19:12
  and the
• 19:13
  types of
• 19:13
  therapies,
• 19:14
  the types
• 19:14
  of
• 19:14
  treatments
• 19:15
  that we
• 19:15
  have,
• 19:15
  you know,
• 19:15
  they
• 19:16
  honestly
• 19:17
  look
• 19:17
  pretty
• 19:17
  different.
• 19:18
  But
• 19:18
  I think
• 19:18
  that the
• 19:19
  the
• 19:19
  worries
• 19:20
  and the
• 19:20
  kind
• 19:20
  of the
• 19:20
  fear
• 19:21
  level
• 19:21
  goes up
• 19:22
  when
• 19:22
  you have
• 19:22
  a
• 19:22
  metastatic
• 19:23
  diagnosis
• 19:24
  to deal
• 19:24
  with.
• 19:24
  So,
• 19:25
  do you have
• 19:25
  any
• 19:25
  suggestions
• 19:26
  for
• 19:26
  talking
• 19:27
  to kids
• 19:27
  about a
• 19:28
  metastatic
• 19:28
  diagnosis
• 19:29
  versus
• 19:30
  just
• 19:30
  general
• 19:31
  cancer?
• 19:32
  Yes.
• 19:32
  So
• 19:33
  this is
• 19:33
  when
• 19:33
  I would
• 19:33
  go back
• 19:34
  and use
• 19:34
  that idea
• 19:35
  of
• 19:35
  staying
• 19:36
  in
• 19:36
  the present
• 19:36
  can be
• 19:36
  very
• 19:37
  helpful
• 19:37
  because
• 19:38
  again,
• 19:38
  there's
• 19:38
  extra
• 19:39
  uncertainty.
• 19:40
  and that
• 19:40
  doesn't
• 19:40
  mean
• 19:41
  that it's
• 19:41
  not
• 19:41
  appropriate
• 19:42
  to talk
• 19:42
  about
• 19:43
  death
• 19:43
  and dying.
• 19:44
  If your kids
• 19:44
  have questions
• 19:45
  and you
• 19:45
  feel
• 19:45
  they'd
• 19:46
  benefit
• 19:46
  from
• 19:46
  talking
• 19:46
  about
• 19:47
  the life
• 19:47
  cycle
• 19:47
  and
• 19:48
  end of life,
• 19:49
  that
• 19:49
  can be
• 19:49
  really
• 19:50
  helpful,
• 19:50
  certainly.
• 19:51
  But
• 19:52
  as far
• 19:52
  as it's
• 19:52
  day
• 19:52
  to day,
• 19:53
  you know,
• 19:53
  usually
• 19:54
  just
• 19:54
  saying
• 19:54
  present,
• 19:55
  talking
• 19:55
  about,
• 19:56
  you know,
• 19:56
  today,
• 19:57
  tomorrow,
• 19:58
  most
• 19:58
  parents
• 19:59
  find that
• 19:59
  even if
• 20:00
  they are
• 20:00
  even
• 20:00
  entering
• 20:01
  sort of
• 20:01
  an
• 20:02
  active,
• 20:02
  dying
• 20:02
  stage,
• 20:03
  it's best
• 20:04
  not to
• 20:04
  have
• 20:04
  conversations
• 20:05
  about
• 20:05
  dying
• 20:06
  until
• 20:07
  you,
• 20:07
  the parent,
• 20:08
  really is
• 20:09
  no longer
• 20:09
  able to
• 20:10
  engage in
• 20:11
  daily
• 20:11
  activities.
• 20:12
  So
• 20:12
  when kids
• 20:13
  can
• 20:13
  notice,
• 20:13
  mom no
• 20:14
  longer
• 20:14
  can get
• 20:15
  out of
• 20:15
  bed.
• 20:15
  Mom no
• 20:15
  longer
• 20:16
  can
• 20:17
  engage
• 20:17
  with us.
• 20:18
  That
• 20:18
  kind
• 20:19
  of cues
• 20:19
  them
• 20:19
  to say,
• 20:20
  oh,
• 20:20
  something
• 20:21
  is very,
• 20:21
  very different.
• 20:22
  And then
• 20:22
  those
• 20:22
  more
• 20:23
  in-depth
• 20:23
  conversations
• 20:24
  about
• 20:24
  death
• 20:24
  tend to
• 20:25
  take place.
• 20:26
  But
• 20:26
  before
• 20:27
  that,
• 20:27
  it's
• 20:27
  really,
• 20:28
  again
• 20:28
  focusing
• 20:28
  on the
• 20:29
  here
• 20:29
  and now.
• 20:29
  And
• 20:29
  there are
• 20:30
  some
• 20:30
  great
• 20:30
  books
• 20:31
  to help
• 20:31
  kids
• 20:32
  through
• 20:32
  this.
• 20:33
  So many
• 20:33
  books
• 20:34
  out there
• 20:34
  really do
• 20:34
  focus on
• 20:35
  parents
• 20:35
  having
• 20:36
  cancer,
• 20:36
  getting
• 20:36
  treatment,
• 20:37
  getting
• 20:37
  better.
• 20:37
  All is
• 20:38
  better.
• 20:38
  You know,
• 20:39
  everything
• 20:39
  is over
• 20:39
  and done
• 20:40
  with when
• 20:40
  that does
• 20:41
  not
• 20:41
  capture
• 20:41
  the
• 20:41
  realities
• 20:42
  of a
• 20:42
  parent
• 20:42
  living
• 20:43
  with a
• 20:43
  chronic
• 20:43
  or
• 20:43
  metastatic
• 20:44
  disease.
• 20:45
  And so
• 20:45
  there are
• 20:45
  a few
• 20:46
  really
• 20:46
  great
• 20:46
  books
• 20:46
  out there
• 20:47
  that help
• 20:48
  with the
• 20:48
  chronicity,
• 20:49
  or the
• 20:49
  seriousness
• 20:50
  of
• 20:50
  cancer.
• 20:51
  three
• 20:51
  that
• 20:51
  I know
• 20:52
  of are
• 20:52
  what
• 20:52
  happens
• 20:53
  when
• 20:53
  someone
• 20:54
  I love
• 20:54
  can't get
• 20:54
  better
• 20:55
  by Sarah.
• 20:55
  Oh sure,
• 20:56
  there is
• 20:56
  the cancer
• 20:57
  that
• 20:57
  wouldn't
• 20:57
  go away
• 20:58
  by hand
• 20:58
  at the field.
• 20:59
  And
• 20:59
  there's
• 20:59
  a newer
• 21:00
  book,
• 21:00
  called
• 21:00
  The Adventure
• 21:01
  Jar that,
• 21:02
  again,
• 21:02
  it's
• 21:02
  about
• 21:03
  metastatic
• 21:03
  breast
• 21:03
  cancer,
• 21:04
  but
• 21:04
  it would be
• 21:04
  appropriate
• 21:05
  for,
• 21:05
  for
• 21:05
  any type
• 21:06
  of cancer
• 21:07
  that,
• 21:08
  focuses
• 21:08
  on
• 21:08
  how kids
• 21:09
  can cope
• 21:09
  with big
• 21:10
  feelings
• 21:10
  and stay
• 21:11
  present.
• 21:12
  Now,
• 21:12
  I love that,
• 21:13
  and
• 21:13
  these are
• 21:13
  some
• 21:13
  really
• 21:14
  fantastic
• 21:14
  books.
• 21:15
  I will do
• 21:15
  my best
• 21:16
  to
• 21:16
  just get
• 21:17
  as
• 21:17
  many of
• 21:17
  these
• 21:17
  linked,
• 21:18
  or at
• 21:18
  least,
• 21:19
  probably
• 21:19
  just a
• 21:19
  link to
• 21:20
  the
• 21:20
  Bright
• 21:20
  Reads
• 21:20
  program
• 21:20
  would be
• 21:21
  a good spot
• 21:21
  to think
• 21:22
  that'd
• 21:22
  be great.
• 21:23
  Yeah.
• 21:23
  Just to,
• 21:23
  point
• 21:23
  you guys
• 21:24
  back so
• 21:24
  you can
• 21:24
  get
• 21:24
  access to
• 21:25
  these
• 21:25
  books.
• 21:25
  If
• 21:25
  you guys
• 21:26
  listening,
• 21:26
  really
• 21:26
  want
• 21:26
  to have
• 21:27
  a couple
• 21:27
  of these
• 21:27
  in
• 21:27
  your home
• 21:28
  library.
• 21:29
  I know
• 21:29
  I'm
• 21:29
  sitting
• 21:29
  here
• 21:30
  going,
• 21:30
  well,
• 21:30
  I guess
• 21:30
  these are
• 21:31
  the books
• 21:31
  we're
• 21:31
  getting
• 21:31
  for
• 21:31
  Christmas.
• 21:32
  Yay!
• 21:33
  I love it.
• 21:34
  So,
• 21:35
  and I,
• 21:35
  I love
• 21:35
  that you
• 21:36
  talked
• 21:36
  about
• 21:36
  just
• 21:36
  this idea
• 21:37
  of
• 21:37
  staying
• 21:37
  present,
• 21:38
  right?
• 21:38
  That that
• 21:39
  the
• 21:39
  more
• 21:39
  that
• 21:39
  we can
• 21:39
  focus on
• 21:40
  just
• 21:40
  being in
• 21:41
  the here
• 21:41
  and now,
• 21:42
  and I
• 21:42
  do
• 21:42
  want to
• 21:42
  point
• 21:43
  out, too,
• 21:43
  that,
• 21:43
  as far
• 21:44
  as,
• 21:44
  those
• 21:45
  difficult,
• 21:45
  you know,
• 21:45
  more
• 21:46
  difficult
• 21:46
  conversations
• 21:47
  or those
• 21:47
  conversations
• 21:48
  about,
• 21:48
  death
• 21:48
  and dying
• 21:49
  and just
• 21:49
  mortality
• 21:50
  that
• 21:50
  could
• 21:50
  result
• 21:50
  from your
• 21:51
  diagnosis.
• 21:52
  I love
• 21:52
  that
• 21:53
  you pointed out
• 21:53
  that you
• 21:54
  don't
• 21:54
  necessarily
• 21:54
  you as
• 21:55
  the
• 21:55
  patient,
• 21:55
  don't
• 21:55
  have
• 21:56
  to be
• 21:56
  the one
• 21:56
  to lead
• 21:56
  that
• 21:57
  conversation.
• 21:57
  That's
• 21:57
  actually
• 21:58
  probably
• 21:58
  going
• 21:58
  to fall
• 21:58
  to your
• 21:59
  loved
• 21:59
  ones, to,
• 22:00
  you know,
• 22:00
  grandparents,
• 22:01
  to, a
• 22:02
  father
• 22:02
  figure
• 22:02
  if you're
• 22:03
  the mom
• 22:03
  with
• 22:03
  cancer
• 22:04
  or to,
• 22:04
  you know,
• 22:04
  just a
• 22:04
  spouse
• 22:05
  or a
• 22:05
  partner,
• 22:06
  because,
• 22:06
  you said,
• 22:06
  if
• 22:06
  you're no
• 22:07
  longer
• 22:07
  the
• 22:07
  patient
• 22:07
  participating
• 22:08
  in daily
• 22:08
  activities,
• 22:09
  then you
• 22:10
  may not
• 22:10
  really
• 22:11
  have the
• 22:11
  bandwidth
• 22:12
  to have
• 22:12
  that
• 22:12
  conversation
• 22:13
  with your
• 22:13
  kids.
• 22:14
  And,
• 22:16
  the
• 22:16
  control,
• 22:16
  forgive
• 22:17
  me, hates
• 22:17
  that.
• 22:19
  But yeah,
• 22:19
  I'm going
• 22:19
  to be
• 22:19
  totally
• 22:20
  honest.
• 22:21
  But,
• 22:23
  I can also
• 22:23
  see how
• 22:24
  that
• 22:24
  would be
• 22:24
  a little
• 22:24
  bit of
• 22:26
  maybe
• 22:26
  a gift
• 22:26
  or a
• 22:27
  relief.
• 22:28
  especially
• 22:28
  at that.
• 22:29
  if you're
• 22:29
  at that
• 22:29
  point
• 22:30
  to just
• 22:32
  kind of
• 22:32
  have
• 22:33
  maybe
• 22:33
  just
• 22:33
  having
• 22:33
  people.
• 22:34
  Sorry.
• 22:35
  I just have
• 22:36
  people
• 22:36
  in your
• 22:36
  life,
• 22:37
  reassuring
• 22:37
  you as
• 22:38
  the
• 22:38
  patient
• 22:38
  that
• 22:38
  okay,
• 22:39
  you
• 22:40
  don't
• 22:40
  have to
• 22:40
  carry
• 22:40
  this we
• 22:41
  we will
• 22:42
  carry
• 22:42
  this
• 22:43
  for you.
• 22:47
  Well, and
• 22:49
  I wasn't
• 22:49
  planning
• 22:50
  on crying
• 22:50
  today,
• 22:50
  guys,
• 22:51
  but, here
• 22:51
  we are.
• 22:53
  So
• 22:54
  this is
• 22:54
  when
• 22:54
  having
• 22:55
  that
• 22:55
  really
• 22:57
  authentic,
• 22:58
  genuine
• 22:59
  team
• 23:00
  surrounding
• 23:00
  you is
• 23:01
  so
• 23:01
  valuable
• 23:02
  that can
• 23:03
  that
• 23:03
  understands
• 23:05
  you and
• 23:06
  your values
• 23:06
  and
• 23:07
  how
• 23:07
  you want
• 23:07
  to
• 23:07
  message
• 23:07
  that
• 23:08
  to your kids.
• 23:09
  And
• 23:09
  it might even mean
• 23:10
  that if
• 23:11
  you are
• 23:11
  able
• 23:11
  to be
• 23:12
  in that
• 23:12
  space,
• 23:13
  even when
• 23:13
  you're
• 23:13
  well,
• 23:14
  to have
• 23:14
  a
• 23:14
  conversation
• 23:15
  with at
• 23:15
  least one
• 23:16
  important
• 23:16
  person,
• 23:16
  it
• 23:17
  might be
• 23:17
  your partner.
• 23:17
  It might be
• 23:18
  a parent
• 23:18
  best
• 23:19
  friend
• 23:19
  to say
• 23:20
  these,
• 23:20
  you know,
• 23:21
  these
• 23:21
  are the
• 23:22
  the
• 23:22
  issues,
• 23:22
  the concepts
• 23:23
  I really
• 23:24
  want
• 23:24
  you to
• 23:24
  convey to
• 23:24
  my kids.
• 23:25
  it
• 23:26
  might be
• 23:26
  even
• 23:26
  that you,
• 23:27
  if you
• 23:27
  are
• 23:28
  engaging
• 23:28
  in legacy
• 23:28
  projects
• 23:29
  ahead
• 23:29
  of time
• 23:29
  and
• 23:30
  writing
• 23:30
  letters
• 23:30
  or emails
• 23:31
  or notes
• 23:31
  to your
• 23:32
  kids,
• 23:32
  you can
• 23:33
  even,
• 23:33
  you know,
• 23:34
  write it
• 23:34
  out
• 23:34
  yourself
• 23:35
  if you want.
• 23:35
  But it
• 23:36
  definitely
• 23:36
  is
• 23:37
  something
• 23:37
  that
• 23:37
  you can
• 23:38
  help
• 23:38
  shape.
• 23:38
  And not
• 23:39
  only
• 23:39
  is it
• 23:40
  a gift to
• 23:40
  your children
• 23:41
  and your
• 23:42
  loved
• 23:42
  ones,
• 23:42
  but
• 23:42
  it's also
• 23:43
  a gift
• 23:43
  to yourself
• 23:44
  because
• 23:44
  it helps
• 23:44
  you
• 23:44
  process
• 23:45
  through
• 23:45
  some
• 23:45
  of that
• 23:46
  anticipatory
• 23:46
  grief.
• 23:47
  Yeah,
• 23:48
  no, I, I,
• 23:48
  I love
• 23:48
  that and
• 23:49
  I think
• 23:49
  that's so
• 23:50
  important.
• 23:51
  and
• 23:51
  I've talked
• 23:52
  about
• 23:52
  anticipatory
• 23:53
  grief
• 23:53
  with
• 23:53
  so many
• 23:53
  different
• 23:54
  people
• 23:54
  this over
• 23:54
  the years.
• 23:55
  And it's
• 23:56
  something
• 23:56
  that,
• 23:56
  you know,
• 23:56
  with a
• 23:57
  metastatic
• 23:58
  diagnosis,
• 23:58
  we are
• 23:58
  constantly
• 23:59
  cycling
• 24:00
  through
• 24:00
  anticipatory
• 24:01
  grief
• 24:02
  and just
• 24:03
  and just
• 24:03
  grief
• 24:04
  in
• 24:04
  general,
• 24:04
  we're
• 24:04
  we're
• 24:04
  just
• 24:05
  grieving
• 24:05
  kind
• 24:05
  of life
• 24:06
  as
• 24:06
  we knew it
• 24:06
  before.
• 24:07
  so
• 24:07
  I think
• 24:08
  that
• 24:08
  that's
• 24:08
  so,
• 24:08
  so
• 24:09
  important
• 24:09
  to
• 24:09
  recognize
• 24:10
  and to
• 24:10
  validate
• 24:10
  for
• 24:11
  yourself,
• 24:11
  as a,
• 24:11
  as a
• 24:12
  parent
• 24:12
  with
• 24:12
  cancer
• 24:13
  or
• 24:13
  just as
• 24:13
  a patient
• 24:13
  with
• 24:13
  cancer.
• 24:14
  one
• 24:14
  of the
• 24:15
  things
• 24:15
  that that
• 24:16
  you
• 24:16
  guys do
• 24:17
  that
• 24:17
  I know
• 24:17
  I touched
• 24:17
  on
• 24:18
  earlier
• 24:18
  was that
• 24:18
  you guys
• 24:18
  have a
• 24:19
  bright
• 24:19
  spot
• 24:19
  support
• 24:19
  network
• 24:20
  for stage
• 24:20
  for
• 24:20
  cancer
• 24:21
  patients,
• 24:21
  where you
• 24:22
  get to,
• 24:22
  hang out
• 24:23
  on zoom
• 24:23
  with
• 24:24
  other
• 24:24
  parents
• 24:24
  who have
• 24:25
  a stage
• 24:25
  four
• 24:25
  diagnosis,
• 24:26
  you.
• 24:26
  And, do
• 24:27
  you want
• 24:27
  to talk
• 24:27
  a little
• 24:27
  about
• 24:28
  that?
• 24:28
  Definitely.
• 24:30
  Yeah.
• 24:30
  I mean,
• 24:30
  I think
• 24:31
  it keeps
• 24:32
  it
• 24:32
  keeps
• 24:32
  even
• 24:32
  getting
• 24:32
  more
• 24:33
  and more
• 24:33
  niche
• 24:33
  because,
• 24:34
  you know,
• 24:34
  first of
• 24:34
  all, it's
• 24:35
  hard
• 24:35
  enough
• 24:35
  if you are
• 24:36
  a parent
• 24:36
  diagnosed
• 24:36
  with
• 24:36
  cancer,
• 24:37
  you're
• 24:37
  thinking,
• 24:38
  okay,
• 24:38
  I've got
• 24:38
  my mom
• 24:39
  friends,
• 24:39
  okay,
• 24:40
  I've got my chemo
• 24:40
  friends.
• 24:41
  But
• 24:41
  those two
• 24:42
  communities
• 24:42
  don't
• 24:43
  really
• 24:43
  fully
• 24:43
  get me
• 24:44
  and
• 24:44
  what I'm
• 24:45
  going
• 24:45
  through.
• 24:45
  And so
• 24:46
  the first
• 24:46
  of all,
• 24:46
  just find
• 24:47
  a
• 24:47
  community
• 24:47
  of other
• 24:48
  parents
• 24:48
  with
• 24:48
  cancer
• 24:49
  is so
• 24:50
  affirming,
• 24:51
  to
• 24:51
  just feel
• 24:52
  very
• 24:52
  normalized
• 24:52
  in what
• 24:53
  you're
• 24:53
  going
• 24:53
  through.
• 24:53
  they
• 24:54
  get it,
• 24:54
  they get the words
• 24:55
  and the
• 24:55
  feelings
• 24:56
  and
• 24:56
  experiences
• 24:56
  that
• 24:56
  you're
• 24:57
  sharing.
• 24:58
  It's even
• 24:58
  more
• 24:58
  powerful
• 24:59
  to find
• 25:00
  other
• 25:01
  parents
• 25:01
  with a
• 25:01
  similar
• 25:02
  diagnosis.
• 25:02
  And
• 25:03
  when you
• 25:03
  have a
• 25:03
  stage
• 25:04
  for
• 25:04
  cancer
• 25:04
  diagnosis,
• 25:05
  you really
• 25:06
  need that
• 25:06
  space
• 25:07
  to be
• 25:07
  able to
• 25:07
  explore
• 25:08
  everything
• 25:09
  you're
• 25:09
  feeling.
• 25:09
  Because
• 25:10
  so often
• 25:10
  when I
• 25:11
  hear from
• 25:11
  these
• 25:11
  parents
• 25:11
  is even
• 25:12
  my best
• 25:13
  friend,
• 25:13
  even
• 25:13
  my partner,
• 25:14
  they don't,
• 25:15
  they're
• 25:15
  not able
• 25:16
  to go
• 25:16
  there
• 25:16
  with me
• 25:17
  it's
• 25:17
  too scary.
• 25:18
  And
• 25:18
  they get
• 25:18
  of course
• 25:19
  they
• 25:19
  don't.
• 25:19
  They
• 25:19
  won't.
• 25:19
  They
• 25:20
  don't
• 25:20
  want to
• 25:20
  explore
• 25:20
  death
• 25:21
  with me.
• 25:21
  But yet
• 25:21
  I need to
• 25:22
  I need
• 25:23
  that
• 25:23
  for my
• 25:23
  own
• 25:23
  empowerment.
• 25:24
  I want to know
• 25:24
  what
• 25:24
  that's
• 25:25
  going
• 25:25
  to feel
• 25:25
  look
• 25:25
  What are
• 25:25
  my options?
• 25:27
  what am I going
• 25:27
  to do
• 25:27
  for my kids?
• 25:28
  So
• 25:28
  to be able
• 25:29
  to sit in
• 25:30
  a space
• 25:30
  with
• 25:30
  other parents
• 25:31
  that will
• 25:31
  let
• 25:31
  you go
• 25:31
  to all
• 25:32
  of those
• 25:32
  spaces
• 25:33
  and, and
• 25:34
  do it
• 25:35
  very
• 25:35
  authentically
• 25:36
  and
• 25:36
  respectfully
• 25:37
  is
• 25:38
  priceless.
• 25:39
  So we do
• 25:39
  offer
• 25:40
  a virtual
• 25:41
  meeting
• 25:41
  space
• 25:41
  for
• 25:41
  parents
• 25:42
  of the
• 25:42
  stage
• 25:42
  for
• 25:42
  diagnosis
• 25:43
  rates
• 25:44
  currently
• 25:44
  meeting
• 25:44
  twice
• 25:44
  a month.
• 25:45
  And
• 25:45
  the new
• 25:45
  year
• 25:45
  we're
• 25:45
  going to
• 25:46
  pilot
• 25:46
  doing it
• 25:46
  weekly
• 25:47
  actually,
• 25:47
  because,
• 25:48
  about 45%
• 25:49
  of our
• 25:49
  community
• 25:50
  has a
• 25:50
  stage
• 25:50
  four
• 25:50
  diagnosis,
• 25:51
  which is
• 25:52
  unfortunately
• 25:52
  something
• 25:53
  we're
• 25:53
  seeing
• 25:53
  with
• 25:54
  young
• 25:54
  adults
• 25:54
  getting,
• 25:55
  diagnosed
• 25:55
  with
• 25:56
  later
• 25:56
  stage
• 25:56
  cancers.
• 25:57
  so
• 25:58
  continuing
• 25:58
  to make
• 25:59
  very
• 26:00
  intentional
• 26:00
  space for
• 26:01
  that
• 26:01
  population
• 26:02
  is very
• 26:02
  important
• 26:03
  to us.
• 26:04
  So
• 26:05
  important.
• 26:05
  and
• 26:06
  we will
• 26:06
  again
• 26:06
  link
• 26:07
  these
• 26:07
  resources,
• 26:07
  we'll
• 26:07
  link
• 26:08
  the website
• 26:08
  and just
• 26:09
  anything
• 26:09
  that
• 26:09
  will be
• 26:09
  of help
• 26:10
  in the
• 26:10
  show
• 26:10
  notes
• 26:11
  and
• 26:11
  in the description.
• 26:12
  so okay,
• 26:13
  now we've
• 26:13
  kind of
• 26:13
  talked
• 26:14
  about
• 26:14
  some dark
• 26:14
  and heavy
• 26:15
  topics.
• 26:15
  Yeah.
• 26:16
  but
• 26:16
  let's
• 26:16
  talk
• 26:16
  a little
• 26:16
  about
• 26:17
  hope.
• 26:17
  Right.
• 26:18
  And just
• 26:18
  this idea
• 26:19
  that
• 26:19
  we have
• 26:20
  the
• 26:20
  phrase
• 26:20
  right,
• 26:20
  that
• 26:21
  we're
• 26:21
  everybody
• 26:21
  says,
• 26:21
  you know,
• 26:22
  well, I'm
• 26:22
  hoping
• 26:22
  for
• 26:22
  the best
• 26:23
  for you.
• 26:23
  I know,
• 26:23
  I'm
• 26:23
  praying
• 26:24
  for you
• 26:24
  to be
• 26:24
  okay.
• 26:25
  I'm
• 26:25
  sending
• 26:25
  good,
• 26:25
  you know,
• 26:26
  good
• 26:26
  vibes,
• 26:26
  all of
• 26:26
  those
• 26:27
  things,
• 26:27
  that
• 26:27
  can feel
• 26:28
  really
• 26:28
  kind of
• 26:29
  difficult
• 26:29
  sometimes
• 26:30
  as a
• 26:30
  young
• 26:31
  family,
• 26:31
  you know,
• 26:31
  navigating
• 26:32
  cancer
• 26:32
  because
• 26:33
  it's
• 26:33
  it's yes,
• 26:34
  of course
• 26:34
  we hope
• 26:34
  for the best.
• 26:35
  But also
• 26:35
  we have
• 26:36
  to almost
• 26:37
  prepare
• 26:37
  for
• 26:37
  the worst
• 26:38
  a lot of the time.
• 26:39
  And
• 26:39
  that can
• 26:40
  be
• 26:40
  really,
• 26:40
  really
• 26:41
  difficult.
• 26:41
  but this
• 26:42
  kind
• 26:42
  of idea
• 26:42
  of hoping
• 26:43
  for the best,
• 26:43
  what do you
• 26:44
  what
• 26:44
  do you feel
• 26:45
  the
• 26:45
  benefits
• 26:46
  or
• 26:46
  kind of
• 26:46
  the risks
• 26:46
  of saying
• 26:47
  something
• 26:47
  that
• 26:47
  could be
• 26:48
  for kids.
• 26:49
  Yeah.
• 26:50
  So yeah,
• 26:50
  I need
• 26:51
  to just
• 26:51
  acknowledge
• 26:52
  that that
• 26:52
  can be
• 26:52
  such a
• 26:52
  triggering
• 26:54
  phrase
• 26:54
  to
• 26:54
  people.
• 26:55
  It's
• 26:55
  such a
• 26:55
  triggering
• 26:56
  phrase.
• 26:56
  Right.
• 26:56
  and
• 26:57
  even
• 26:57
  when you
• 26:57
  can
• 26:57
  appreciate
• 26:58
  the
• 26:58
  intention
• 26:59
  behind
• 26:59
  it, okay,
• 27:00
  sort of
• 27:00
  trying to
• 27:00
  think
• 27:00
  positively
• 27:01
  or be
• 27:01
  my
• 27:01
  cheerleader,
• 27:02
  it can be
• 27:02
  really
• 27:03
  annoying
• 27:03
  because
• 27:03
  it feels
• 27:04
  very
• 27:04
  dismissive
• 27:05
  of all
• 27:05
  of the
• 27:05
  dark
• 27:05
  spaces.
• 27:06
  Yeah,
• 27:06
  because
• 27:06
  there's
• 27:07
  so much
• 27:07
  it's
• 27:08
  not just
• 27:08
  it's it
• 27:09
  can't be
• 27:09
  summed
• 27:09
  up in
• 27:10
  I hoping
• 27:10
  for
• 27:10
  the best
• 27:10
  right.
• 27:11
  All right.
• 27:12
  So
• 27:12
  there is
• 27:13
  that.
• 27:13
  Now
• 27:14
  there's
• 27:14
  also
• 27:14
  research
• 27:15
  that
• 27:15
  shows
• 27:15
  that
• 27:16
  authentic
• 27:17
  hope
• 27:17
  can be
• 27:18
  a very
• 27:19
  powerful
• 27:20
  form of
• 27:21
  resilient
• 27:21
  coping.
• 27:22
  And that
• 27:23
  hope
• 27:24
  doesn't
• 27:24
  need
• 27:24
  to be
• 27:25
  this,
• 27:25
  toxic
• 27:26
  positivity,
• 27:27
  Pollyanna
• 27:28
  ish
• 27:28
  approach
• 27:29
  to
• 27:29
  situation
• 27:29
  it can
• 27:30
  truly
• 27:30
  exist
• 27:31
  even in
• 27:31
  what
• 27:31
  feels
• 27:32
  the
• 27:32
  darkest
• 27:32
  of
• 27:32
  situations.
• 27:34
  and,
• 27:34
  hospice
• 27:35
  kind of
• 27:35
  came up
• 27:36
  with
• 27:36
  this idea
• 27:37
  of
• 27:37
  circles
• 27:37
  of hope
• 27:38
  and how
• 27:38
  hope
• 27:39
  can be
• 27:39
  flexible
• 27:40
  and
• 27:40
  accommodating
• 27:41
  so that
• 27:42
  you can
• 27:42
  change
• 27:43
  what the
• 27:44
  definition
• 27:44
  of hope
• 27:45
  looks
• 27:45
  So as
• 27:46
  someone
• 27:46
  with
• 27:46
  cancer
• 27:47
  might
• 27:47
  begin
• 27:48
  with,
• 27:48
  if you're
• 27:48
  kind of
• 27:49
  waiting
• 27:49
  on a
• 27:49
  diagnosis
• 27:50
  I hope
• 27:50
  for an
• 27:51
  early stage,
• 27:52
  right?
• 27:53
  And then
• 27:53
  if
• 27:53
  you get
• 27:54
  a diagnosis
• 27:54
  that
• 27:54
  maybe is
• 27:55
  more
• 27:55
  advanced
• 27:55
  than you are,
• 27:56
  we're
• 27:56
  thinking
• 27:57
  you can
• 27:57
  shift
• 27:57
  that
• 27:57
  to go,
• 27:58
  okay,
• 27:58
  well,
• 27:58
  at least
• 27:59
  I hope
• 27:59
  that,
• 28:00
  I can
• 28:00
  be cured.
• 28:01
  And then
• 28:02
  if you
• 28:02
  can't be
• 28:02
  cured,
• 28:02
  maybe
• 28:03
  it's that
• 28:03
  you hope
• 28:03
  for
• 28:04
  at least
• 28:05
  just
• 28:05
  being
• 28:05
  able to
• 28:06
  be
• 28:06
  stable.
• 28:06
  And
• 28:06
  even though
• 28:07
  you have
• 28:07
  a chronic cancer,
• 28:08
  I want to be
• 28:08
  stable
• 28:09
  and
• 28:09
  healthy
• 28:09
  as long
• 28:09
  as
• 28:09
  possible,
• 28:10
  even in
• 28:11
  the face
• 28:11
  of death.
• 28:12
  If you are
• 28:12
  nearing
• 28:12
  end of
• 28:13
  life,
• 28:13
  you can
• 28:14
  shift
• 28:14
  that hope
• 28:14
  to say,
• 28:15
  I'm
• 28:15
  really
• 28:16
  hoping
• 28:16
  for a
• 28:17
  good
• 28:17
  death.
• 28:17
  I'm
• 28:18
  hoping
• 28:18
  to leave
• 28:18
  a good legacy.
• 28:19
  I want to leave
• 28:20
  a good
• 28:20
  relationship
• 28:21
  with my family
• 28:22
  so
• 28:22
  you can have
• 28:23
  hope up
• 28:23
  until
• 28:24
  the moment
• 28:24
  that
• 28:25
  you die
• 28:25
  and truly
• 28:26
  be
• 28:26
  authentic.
• 28:28
  So
• 28:28
  I really encourage
• 28:29
  people
• 28:29
  to lean
• 28:30
  into the,
• 28:31
  again,
• 28:32
  authentic
• 28:33
  piece
• 28:33
  of hope
• 28:34
  and how
• 28:34
  it can
• 28:35
  actually,
• 28:36
  facilitate
• 28:37
  that idea
• 28:38
  of sort
• 28:38
  of
• 28:38
  meaning
• 28:38
  making
• 28:39
  and
• 28:39
  holding
• 28:39
  on to
• 28:40
  what
• 28:40
  really
• 28:40
  matters
• 28:41
  without
• 28:41
  it being
• 28:42
  dismissive
• 28:43
  of the
• 28:43
  realities
• 28:44
  of how
• 28:44
  it also
• 28:45
  really
• 28:45
  sucks.
• 28:47
  I mean,
• 28:47
  those of
• 28:48
  you
• 28:48
  guys who
• 28:48
  follow
• 28:48
  me on
• 28:49
  social
• 28:49
  media,
• 28:49
  you guys know
• 28:50
  that one
• 28:50
  of my
• 28:50
  my
• 28:50
  favorite
• 28:51
  mantras
• 28:51
  that I
• 28:52
  landed on
• 28:52
  in the
• 28:52
  beginning
• 28:53
  of my
• 28:53
  metastatic
• 28:54
  diagnosis
• 28:54
  was, I'm
• 28:55
  here
• 28:55
  today,
• 28:56
  I'll
• 28:56
  be here
• 28:56
  tomorrow.
• 28:57
  And
• 28:57
  eventually
• 28:58
  the
• 28:58
  tomorrows
• 28:58
  add up.
• 28:59
  And that
• 28:59
  for me
• 28:59
  is kind
• 29:00
  of one
• 29:01
  of my
• 29:01
  resilient
• 29:01
  coping
• 29:02
  strategies,
• 29:02
  is that
• 29:03
  I
• 29:03
  repeat
• 29:03
  that to
• 29:03
  myself.
• 29:04
  And I
• 29:05
  firmly
• 29:05
  believe
• 29:05
  that with
• 29:06
  all of my
• 29:06
  being
• 29:07
  that
• 29:07
  doesn't
• 29:07
  answer
• 29:07
  all
• 29:08
  of the
• 29:08
  questions,
• 29:08
  right.
• 29:08
  It
• 29:09
  doesn't
• 29:09
  tell me
• 29:09
  how long
• 29:10
  I'm going
• 29:10
  to be
• 29:10
  here.
• 29:11
  It
• 29:11
  it doesn't
• 29:12
  tell me
• 29:12
  if I'm
• 29:12
  going
• 29:12
  to be
• 29:13
  okay.
• 29:13
  100% it
• 29:14
  just
• 29:14
  answers
• 29:15
  kind of
• 29:15
  the here
• 29:15
  and now
• 29:16
  questions.
• 29:17
  And it
• 29:17
  gives me
• 29:17
  some hope
• 29:18
  and some
• 29:19
  grounding
• 29:20
  in kind
• 29:20
  of where
• 29:21
  I'm at
• 29:21
  right
• 29:21
  now,
• 29:22
  which
• 29:22
  then
• 29:22
  helps
• 29:23
  me to
• 29:24
  maybe not
• 29:25
  spiral
• 29:25
  quite
• 29:26
  as much.
• 29:26
  Yeah.
• 29:27
  which
• 29:27
  I think
• 29:27
  can be
• 29:27
  helpful
• 29:28
  because
• 29:28
  there's a
• 29:29
  lot of
• 29:29
  things
• 29:29
  that
• 29:29
  we have
• 29:30
  to be
• 29:31
  kind of
• 29:31
  present
• 29:32
  forward
• 29:32
  to be
• 29:32
  able to
• 29:33
  pivot and
• 29:33
  adjust
• 29:34
  and,
• 29:34
  and
• 29:34
  sometimes
• 29:35
  more than
• 29:35
  others.
• 29:35
  Sometimes
• 29:36
  we get
• 29:36
  kind of
• 29:36
  a lull.
• 29:37
  And this,
• 29:38
  this
• 29:38
  kind of
• 29:39
  this
• 29:39
  period
• 29:39
  where
• 29:40
  we're,
• 29:40
  we're
• 29:40
  dealing
• 29:41
  with a
• 29:41
  little
• 29:41
  bit less.
• 29:42
  But
• 29:42
  a lot of
• 29:42
  the times
• 29:43
  we're
• 29:43
  coping
• 29:43
  with some
• 29:43
  big
• 29:44
  changes
• 29:44
  during
• 29:44
  cancer
• 29:45
  treatment.
• 29:45
  And, so
• 29:46
  how would you
• 29:47
  suggest
• 29:47
  that
• 29:47
  parents
• 29:47
  with kids
• 29:48
  are able
• 29:49
  to, or
• 29:50
  how would you
• 29:50
  suggest
• 29:51
  that
• 29:51
  they cope
• 29:51
  with
• 29:51
  these
• 29:52
  changes
• 29:52
  that are happening
• 29:53
  if they're
• 29:53
  dealing
• 29:53
  with
• 29:54
  things
• 29:54
  that are
• 29:54
  a
• 29:54
  little
• 29:54
  bit more
• 29:55
  interruptive,
• 29:55
  mom being
• 29:56
  in the
• 29:56
  hospital
• 29:57
  for
• 29:57
  a month
• 29:57
  or a week
• 29:58
  or,
• 29:58
  you know,
• 29:58
  whatever
• 29:59
  it looks
• 29:59
  Yeah.
• 30:00
  As much
• 30:00
  as
• 30:01
  possible,
• 30:02
  I
• 30:02
  encourage
• 30:02
  parents
• 30:03
  to
• 30:03
  prepare
• 30:03
  their
• 30:03
  kids for
• 30:04
  change.
• 30:05
  it helps
• 30:05
  everyone
• 30:05
  to sort
• 30:06
  of
• 30:06
  anticipate
• 30:07
  and
• 30:07
  process
• 30:07
  through
• 30:07
  the big
• 30:08
  feelings
• 30:08
  if they're
• 30:08
  given
• 30:09
  a little
• 30:09
  bit of time.
• 30:10
  So if
• 30:10
  you know
• 30:10
  that a
• 30:11
  parent
• 30:11
  will
• 30:11
  be gone
• 30:12
  for
• 30:12
  an amount
• 30:12
  of time,
• 30:13
  let
• 30:13
  kids know
• 30:13
  that
• 30:14
  ahead
• 30:14
  of time.
• 30:14
  If
• 30:14
  you know
• 30:15
  that
• 30:15
  there
• 30:15
  will be
• 30:15
  a big
• 30:16
  physical
• 30:16
  change
• 30:17
  loss
• 30:17
  of hair
• 30:18
  amputation,
• 30:19
  using,
• 30:20
  a
• 30:20
  wheelchair,
• 30:21
  having an
• 30:21
  assignee,
• 30:22
  letting
• 30:22
  kids know
• 30:23
  that
• 30:23
  ahead
• 30:23
  of time,
• 30:24
  maybe
• 30:24
  giving
• 30:25
  them some
• 30:25
  information,
• 30:26
  being
• 30:26
  able to
• 30:26
  sort of
• 30:26
  play
• 30:27
  through
• 30:27
  it using
• 30:27
  medical
• 30:28
  play.
• 30:28
  All of
• 30:29
  those are
• 30:30
  great
• 30:30
  ways to
• 30:31
  allow
• 30:32
  kids time
• 30:32
  to think
• 30:33
  about it,
• 30:33
  to ask
• 30:33
  questions,
• 30:35
  and to be
• 30:35
  less
• 30:36
  scared
• 30:36
  by it.
• 30:37
  that's
• 30:37
  a sort
• 30:38
  of human
• 30:38
  nature,
• 30:38
  right?
• 30:38
  If we can
• 30:39
  anticipate
• 30:39
  a change,
• 30:40
  that's
• 30:40
  great.
• 30:41
  One
• 30:42
  wonderful
• 30:42
  way
• 30:42
  to help
• 30:43
  kids
• 30:43
  understand
• 30:44
  changes
• 30:45
  in
• 30:45
  routine,
• 30:45
  because
• 30:45
  that's a
• 30:46
  big
• 30:46
  disrupter,
• 30:46
  especially
• 30:47
  for
• 30:47
  little kids
• 30:48
  that
• 30:48
  really
• 30:48
  thrive
• 30:48
  on sort
• 30:49
  of having
• 30:49
  the same
• 30:49
  routine
• 30:50
  is using,
• 30:51
  some
• 30:51
  kind of
• 30:51
  calendar
• 30:52
  or
• 30:52
  schedule,
• 30:53
  and
• 30:54
  you can
• 30:54
  make
• 30:54
  your own.
• 30:55
  You can get
• 30:55
  out,
• 30:55
  you know,
• 30:56
  tag
• 30:56
  board,
• 30:57
  whatever
• 30:57
  it is,
• 30:57
  cut out
• 30:58
  your own
• 30:58
  pictures,
• 30:58
  or
• 30:59
  they have
• 30:59
  some
• 30:59
  really
• 30:59
  great
• 31:00
  pre-made
• 31:00
  ones.
• 31:01
  Sarah
• 31:01
  Wiltshire
• 31:02
  at Mighty
• 31:02
  and
• 31:02
  Bright
• 31:03
  actually
• 31:03
  has one
• 31:03
  specific
• 31:04
  to cancer
• 31:05
  that you
• 31:05
  can buy,
• 31:05
  and
• 31:05
  it has
• 31:06
  all the
• 31:06
  correct
• 31:06
  sort of
• 31:06
  magnets
• 31:07
  and,
• 31:07
  pieces
• 31:08
  that
• 31:08
  you need.
• 31:09
  But
• 31:09
  when you
• 31:09
  can give
• 31:10
  even
• 31:10
  young
• 31:10
  children
• 31:11
  because
• 31:11
  it can
• 31:11
  be
• 31:11
  pictorial
• 31:12
  instead of words,
• 31:13
  so
• 31:13
  they don't
• 31:13
  have
• 31:13
  to read
• 31:14
  to
• 31:14
  one week
• 31:15
  at a time
• 31:15
  and have
• 31:16
  different
• 31:16
  markers.
• 31:17
  you know,
• 31:17
  these are
• 31:18
  the days
• 31:18
  I'll
• 31:18
  be at
• 31:19
  the
• 31:19
  hospital.
• 31:20
  These
• 31:20
  days,
• 31:20
  grandma
• 31:21
  and
• 31:21
  grandpa
• 31:21
  will
• 31:21
  be here
• 31:21
  to pick
• 31:22
  you up
• 31:22
  from
• 31:22
  school.
• 31:23
  These
• 31:23
  days, I'm
• 31:24
  going
• 31:24
  to be
• 31:24
  really
• 31:24
  tired
• 31:25
  and
• 31:25
  in bed
• 31:25
  most of the day,
• 31:26
  giving
• 31:26
  them
• 31:26
  a few of
• 31:27
  those
• 31:27
  cues will
• 31:28
  really
• 31:29
  help them
• 31:29
  to
• 31:29
  prepare
• 31:30
  for
• 31:30
  what's
• 31:30
  coming
• 31:31
  and
• 31:31
  empower
• 31:32
  them
• 31:32
  actually
• 31:33
  with
• 31:33
  some agency.
• 31:34
  and
• 31:35
  if you
• 31:35
  can give
• 31:35
  kids some
• 31:36
  choices,
• 31:37
  that's
• 31:37
  great,
• 31:37
  even if they're
• 31:38
  just
• 31:38
  little
• 31:38
  choices
• 31:39
  at a time
• 31:40
  when they feel
• 31:40
  everything
• 31:41
  is
• 31:41
  happening
• 31:41
  to them,
• 31:42
  if
• 31:42
  they can
• 31:42
  make
• 31:43
  a couple
• 31:43
  of
• 31:43
  choices
• 31:44
  and maybe
• 31:44
  who's
• 31:44
  coming to
• 31:45
  care
• 31:45
  for them,
• 31:45
  or even
• 31:46
  what
• 31:46
  that
• 31:47
  person
• 31:47
  makes in
• 31:47
  their
• 31:47
  lunch,
• 31:48
  whatever
• 31:48
  it is,
• 31:49
  small
• 31:49
  choices
• 31:49
  give them
• 31:50
  some
• 31:50
  empowerment.
• 31:52
  I think
• 31:52
  that's so
• 31:53
  important.
• 31:53
  And I
• 31:53
  love
• 31:54
  some of
• 31:54
  these
• 31:54
  resources
• 31:54
  that you
• 31:55
  listed
• 31:55
  out.
• 31:56
  one of
• 31:56
  the
• 31:56
  things
• 31:56
  that you
• 31:56
  mentioned,
• 31:57
  a little
• 31:57
  earlier
• 31:57
  was just
• 31:58
  creating
• 31:58
  a support
• 31:59
  team or
• 31:59
  leaning
• 31:59
  on your
• 32:00
  support
• 32:00
  team.
• 32:01
  what about parents
• 32:01
  who don't
• 32:01
  really
• 32:02
  have
• 32:02
  a good
• 32:02
  family
• 32:03
  support
• 32:03
  network
• 32:03
  to lean
• 32:04
  on?
• 32:04
  How
• 32:04
  would you
• 32:04
  suggest
• 32:05
  that they
• 32:05
  build
• 32:05
  a team
• 32:06
  of people
• 32:06
  who can
• 32:07
  help
• 32:07
  them out?
• 32:09
  that
• 32:09
  can be
• 32:09
  really
• 32:10
  hard.
• 32:10
  I mean,
• 32:11
  it is
• 32:11
  actually
• 32:11
  probably
• 32:12
  one
• 32:12
  of the
• 32:12
  hardest
• 32:12
  situations
• 32:13
  I run
• 32:13
  into as
• 32:14
  I work
• 32:14
  with
• 32:14
  parents,
• 32:15
  because
• 32:15
  there are
• 32:15
  some
• 32:16
  parents
• 32:16
  who are
• 32:16
  really
• 32:16
  privileged
• 32:17
  to have
• 32:17
  great
• 32:18
  family
• 32:18
  and
• 32:18
  friends
• 32:19
  and huge
• 32:19
  communities
• 32:20
  of people
• 32:20
  showing
• 32:21
  up
• 32:21
  to help.
• 32:21
  And then
• 32:22
  there are
• 32:22
  other
• 32:22
  people
• 32:22
  that
• 32:23
  might
• 32:23
  even be
• 32:23
  single
• 32:24
  parents,
• 32:24
  and
• 32:24
  they really
• 32:25
  don't
• 32:25
  have
• 32:25
  many people
• 32:25
  at all.
• 32:27
  So
• 32:27
  I think
• 32:28
  it's
• 32:28
  one thing
• 32:28
  I always
• 32:29
  offer
• 32:29
  is to try
• 32:30
  to engage
• 32:31
  in some
• 32:31
  creative
• 32:31
  problem
• 32:32
  solving.
• 32:33
  so
• 32:33
  are there
• 32:34
  people in
• 32:34
  your life
• 32:34
  that
• 32:34
  maybe
• 32:35
  before
• 32:35
  this
• 32:35
  you
• 32:35
  didn't
• 32:36
  consider
• 32:36
  a close
• 32:36
  friend
• 32:37
  that
• 32:37
  might
• 32:37
  actually
• 32:38
  step up?
• 32:39
  And these
• 32:39
  might be
• 32:40
  people
• 32:40
  that
• 32:40
  kind of
• 32:40
  come
• 32:41
  out of
• 32:41
  the woodwork?
• 32:41
  I hear
• 32:42
  this so
• 32:42
  often,
• 32:43
  people
• 32:43
  saying
• 32:44
  the people
• 32:44
  I thought
• 32:44
  would
• 32:45
  show up
• 32:45
  didn't.
• 32:46
  And yet
• 32:46
  I had
• 32:46
  this
• 32:47
  random
• 32:47
  person
• 32:48
  from work
• 32:49
  that,
• 32:49
  somehow
• 32:50
  knew
• 32:50
  exactly
• 32:50
  what I needed
• 32:51
  and
• 32:51
  what was
• 32:51
  going
• 32:52
  through,
• 32:52
  you know,
• 32:52
  what
• 32:53
  I was
• 32:53
  going
• 32:53
  through.
• 32:53
  And
• 32:53
  that was
• 32:54
  the person
• 32:54
  that
• 32:55
  I felt
• 32:55
  the most
• 32:55
  support
• 32:55
  from.
• 32:56
  So first,
• 32:56
  maybe
• 32:57
  take
• 32:57
  a step
• 32:57
  back
• 32:57
  to go.
• 32:58
  Are there
• 32:58
  people
• 32:58
  that
• 32:59
  maybe
• 32:59
  feel safe
• 33:00
  that you
• 33:00
  could ask
• 33:01
  to be,
• 33:02
  a helper
• 33:02
  right
• 33:02
  now?
• 33:03
  The other
• 33:04
  is to
• 33:05
  use
• 33:06
  people's
• 33:07
  true
• 33:08
  intentions
• 33:09
  to work
• 33:09
  for you.
• 33:10
  So you
• 33:10
  often
• 33:11
  have
• 33:11
  people in
• 33:11
  your life
• 33:11
  that are
• 33:12
  let me know
• 33:12
  how I can
• 33:12
  help.
• 33:12
  Let me know
• 33:13
  how I can
• 33:13
  help.
• 33:14
  And
• 33:14
  they really
• 33:14
  do mean
• 33:15
  it, but
• 33:16
  it kind of
• 33:16
  puts
• 33:16
  that onus
• 33:17
  back
• 33:17
  on you
• 33:17
  to
• 33:17
  give them
• 33:18
  something
• 33:18
  to do,
• 33:19
  which is
• 33:19
  frustrating.
• 33:19
  You really have
• 33:20
  to
• 33:20
  come. Up
• 33:20
  with it.
• 33:21
  Right?
• 33:21
  You're
• 33:22
  I have enough
• 33:22
  on my plate.
• 33:23
  But
• 33:23
  if you have a moment
• 33:24
  or maybe
• 33:24
  this is
• 33:25
  when you
• 33:25
  can use,
• 33:25
  your partner
• 33:26
  to
• 33:26
  actually
• 33:27
  come up
• 33:27
  with a list
• 33:28
  and
• 33:28
  write it down
• 33:29
  or put it
• 33:29
  in an
• 33:29
  email,
• 33:29
  something
• 33:30
  of all
• 33:31
  of the tasks
• 33:32
  that would
• 33:32
  be
• 33:32
  helpful.
• 33:32
  Everything
• 33:33
  from
• 33:33
  the more
• 33:34
  intimate
• 33:34
  things
• 33:35
  about
• 33:35
  taking me
• 33:35
  to
• 33:36
  treatment,
• 33:36
  sitting
• 33:36
  with me
• 33:37
  at chemo,
• 33:38
  taking
• 33:38
  care of
• 33:38
  my kids
• 33:39
  to then
• 33:39
  the
• 33:40
  maybe,
• 33:40
  you know,
• 33:41
  safer.
• 33:41
  I
• 33:41
  don't have
• 33:42
  to
• 33:42
  really know
• 33:42
  you that
• 33:43
  well
• 33:43
  to feel
• 33:43
  comfortable.
• 33:43
  would you
• 33:44
  do my
• 33:44
  grocery
• 33:44
  shopping?
• 33:45
  would you
• 33:45
  make me
• 33:46
  a meal?
• 33:46
  Would
• 33:47
  you, take
• 33:48
  my kid to
• 33:48
  the park?
• 33:48
  Whatever
• 33:48
  it is.
• 33:49
  My dog
• 33:49
  for a
• 33:49
  walk,
• 33:50
  have that
• 33:50
  list of items.
• 33:51
  So that
• 33:52
  way, the
• 33:52
  next time
• 33:52
  someone
• 33:53
  says,
• 33:53
  let
• 33:53
  me know
• 33:53
  how I can
• 33:54
  help.
• 33:54
  You can,
• 33:54
  either
• 33:55
  email
• 33:55
  them,
• 33:55
  text
• 33:56
  them,
• 33:56
  give them
• 33:56
  a sheet
• 33:56
  of paper
• 33:57
  of here's
• 33:57
  a menu
• 33:57
  of
• 33:57
  options.
• 33:58
  Let
• 33:58
  me know
• 33:59
  what
• 33:59
  works
• 33:59
  for you.
• 34:00
  Do
• 34:00
  you just
• 34:01
  to do.
• 34:01
  Yeah,
• 34:01
  right.
• 34:02
  Basically
• 34:02
  you
• 34:02
  choose
• 34:03
  what
• 34:03
  you want
• 34:03
  to do
• 34:03
  and
• 34:03
  let me
• 34:03
  know.
• 34:04
  that can
• 34:04
  at least
• 34:05
  help for
• 34:05
  you up
• 34:06
  from some
• 34:07
  of the
• 34:08
  the time
• 34:08
  and
• 34:08
  energy
• 34:09
  suck.
• 34:09
  So even
• 34:10
  if it's
• 34:10
  you
• 34:10
  don't
• 34:10
  have a
• 34:10
  huge,
• 34:11
  support
• 34:12
  network
• 34:12
  of people
• 34:12
  that are
• 34:13
  doing
• 34:13
  the
• 34:13
  intimate
• 34:13
  caregiving,
• 34:14
  it frees
• 34:15
  you up
• 34:15
  to be
• 34:15
  with
• 34:15
  your kids
• 34:16
  and
• 34:16
  take care
• 34:16
  of yourself
• 34:17
  while
• 34:17
  other
• 34:18
  people
• 34:19
  are doing
• 34:19
  those
• 34:19
  other
• 34:19
  tasks
• 34:20
  that you
• 34:20
  honestly
• 34:21
  don't
• 34:21
  need to
• 34:21
  show up
• 34:22
  for. Now.
• 34:23
  That's
• 34:23
  so
• 34:23
  important.
• 34:24
  And
• 34:24
  honestly,
• 34:25
  I feel
• 34:25
  it's kind
• 34:25
  of
• 34:25
  liberating
• 34:26
  just to
• 34:26
  have that
• 34:26
  creative
• 34:27
  problem
• 34:27
  solving.
• 34:28
  yeah.
• 34:28
  Just
• 34:28
  to know
• 34:29
  that it's
• 34:29
  available.
• 34:29
  And I
• 34:30
  mean, I
• 34:31
  this is a
• 34:31
  maybe
• 34:31
  a belief
• 34:32
  that
• 34:32
  I have
• 34:32
  just done
• 34:33
  a lot
• 34:33
  of work
• 34:33
  to
• 34:33
  instill.
• 34:34
  And it's
• 34:34
  just
• 34:34
  that idea
• 34:35
  that
• 34:35
  okay,
• 34:35
  this is
• 34:35
  figure
• 34:36
  out
• 34:36
  a goal.
• 34:36
  I don't
• 34:36
  necessarily
• 34:37
  know
• 34:37
  how yet,
• 34:38
  but it is
• 34:38
  figure
• 34:38
  out
• 34:38
  of all
• 34:39
  we can
• 34:39
  get
• 34:39
  through
• 34:39
  this.
• 34:40
  and
• 34:40
  I really think
• 34:41
  that that
• 34:41
  can be
• 34:41
  true for
• 34:42
  all of
• 34:42
  us.
• 34:43
  it just
• 34:43
  requires
• 34:44
  some
• 34:44
  level of,
• 34:45
  you know,
• 34:45
  tenacity,
• 34:46
  resiliency
• 34:47
  and
• 34:47
  thinking
• 34:48
  outside
• 34:48
  the box
• 34:48
  sometimes.
• 34:49
  Yes.
• 34:50
  And
• 34:50
  these are
• 34:51
  all
• 34:51
  skills
• 34:52
  that you
• 34:52
  again,
• 34:53
  you get
• 34:54
  to
• 34:54
  practice
• 34:55
  now
• 34:55
  that
• 34:56
  you've
• 34:56
  been
• 34:56
  given
• 34:56
  this
• 34:56
  really
• 34:57
  hard life
• 34:57
  situation.
• 34:58
  No
• 34:58
  one asked
• 34:58
  for this.
• 34:59
  And yet
• 35:00
  it is a
• 35:00
  growth
• 35:00
  opportunity
• 35:01
  for not
• 35:01
  only you
• 35:02
  and your
• 35:02
  partner,
• 35:03
  but your
• 35:03
  kids.
• 35:04
  And
• 35:04
  that's
• 35:04
  part
• 35:04
  of why
• 35:04
  we don't
• 35:05
  want to
• 35:05
  shield
• 35:05
  kids
• 35:06
  from this,
• 35:06
  because
• 35:07
  don't
• 35:07
  they
• 35:08
  also get
• 35:08
  the
• 35:09
  growth
• 35:09
  opportunity
• 35:09
  to
• 35:09
  practice
• 35:10
  some of
• 35:10
  these
• 35:11
  resilient
• 35:11
  skills
• 35:12
  of
• 35:12
  creative
• 35:13
  problem
• 35:13
  solving
• 35:13
  and
• 35:13
  reframing,
• 35:14
  empathy,
• 35:15
  compassion.
• 35:16
  We want them
• 35:16
  to have
• 35:17
  this
• 35:17
  practice
• 35:17
  as well.
• 35:18
  Yeah,
• 35:19
  for sure.
• 35:19
  So one of
• 35:20
  the things
• 35:20
  that kids
• 35:21
  deal
• 35:21
  with,
• 35:21
  I think
• 35:21
  a lot,
• 35:22
  or at
• 35:22
  least
• 35:22
  that
• 35:22
  I see
• 35:22
  with my
• 35:23
  kids,
• 35:23
  is this
• 35:24
  idea of
• 35:24
  big
• 35:24
  feelings.
• 35:25
  And.
• 35:26
  That
• 35:26
  those big
• 35:26
  feelings
• 35:27
  maybe
• 35:27
  don't
• 35:28
  always
• 35:28
  translate
• 35:29
  to what
• 35:29
  I
• 35:30
  as
• 35:30
  an adult,
• 35:30
  think
• 35:31
  they should
• 35:31
  translate
• 35:31
  to, and
• 35:32
  they turn
• 35:32
  into
• 35:33
  kind of
• 35:33
  some
• 35:33
  extreme
• 35:34
  behaviors
• 35:34
  or
• 35:35
  just new,
• 35:36
  new
• 35:36
  behaviors
• 35:37
  that I
• 35:37
  maybe
• 35:38
  don't
• 35:38
  really
• 35:38
  know what
• 35:38
  to do
• 35:39
  with
• 35:39
  as a parent
• 35:39
  because
• 35:39
  I've never
• 35:40
  seen
• 35:40
  a kid
• 35:41
  or my kid
• 35:41
  exhibit
• 35:42
  this
• 35:42
  behavior
• 35:42
  before.
• 35:43
  yeah.
• 35:43
  What
• 35:44
  what
• 35:44
  kinds of
• 35:44
  advice
• 35:45
  do
• 35:45
  you have
• 35:45
  for
• 35:45
  parents
• 35:45
  in
• 35:46
  helping
• 35:46
  their
• 35:46
  kids work
• 35:47
  through
• 35:47
  some of
• 35:47
  these
• 35:48
  feelings?
• 35:49
  Yeah, I
• 35:50
  always
• 35:50
  try and
• 35:51
  remind
• 35:51
  parents
• 35:51
  to sort
• 35:52
  of expect
• 35:53
  anything,
• 35:53
  and
• 35:53
  sometimes
• 35:54
  the way
• 35:54
  we think
• 35:55
  our kids
• 35:55
  are going
• 35:55
  to react
• 35:55
  is
• 35:56
  totally
• 35:56
  different.
• 35:57
  You might have
• 35:57
  a kid
• 35:58
  that you
• 35:58
  thought
• 35:58
  was going
• 35:59
  to
• 35:59
  whether
• 35:59
  this be
• 35:59
  really
• 36:00
  distraught,
• 36:01
  and then
• 36:01
  you have
• 36:02
  the kid
• 36:02
  you
• 36:02
  thought
• 36:02
  was going
• 36:02
  to be
• 36:03
  anxious,
• 36:03
  they're
• 36:03
  totally fine.
• 36:05
  and that
• 36:06
  just
• 36:06
  happened.
• 36:06
  I hear it
• 36:06
  all the
• 36:06
  time.
• 36:07
  Even a
• 36:07
  parent
• 36:07
  with of
• 36:08
  identical
• 36:08
  twins,
• 36:09
  there were
• 36:09
  my two
• 36:09
  twins,
• 36:10
  totally
• 36:10
  different,
• 36:11
  responded
• 36:11
  very
• 36:11
  differently.
• 36:12
  So it's
• 36:13
  okay
• 36:13
  to have
• 36:13
  tons of
• 36:14
  feelings
• 36:14
  and it's
• 36:14
  okay
• 36:14
  to have
• 36:15
  no
• 36:15
  feelings.
• 36:15
  I think
• 36:16
  that's
• 36:16
  the other
• 36:16
  thing
• 36:16
  parents
• 36:16
  worry
• 36:17
  about is
• 36:17
  sometimes
• 36:17
  kids
• 36:18
  are just
• 36:18
  okay,
• 36:18
  whatever,
• 36:19
  I'm going
• 36:19
  to go
• 36:19
  play now.
• 36:20
  Yeah.
• 36:20
  They just
• 36:20
  you're
• 36:21
  they're
• 36:21
  in
• 36:21
  their own
• 36:21
  little
• 36:21
  world.
• 36:22
  Right?
• 36:23
  and that
• 36:23
  could be
• 36:23
  really
• 36:24
  healthy
• 36:24
  compartmentalization
• 36:25
  for them.
• 36:25
  So that's
• 36:26
  great.
• 36:27
  If
• 36:27
  they're
• 36:27
  truly
• 36:27
  listening
• 36:28
  and
• 36:28
  they seem
• 36:28
  okay,
• 36:28
  great.
• 36:29
  You don't
• 36:29
  need to
• 36:30
  talk them
• 36:30
  into
• 36:30
  worrying
• 36:30
  about it.
• 36:31
  Yeah.
• 36:32
  but
• 36:32
  of course
• 36:32
  then we
• 36:33
  do have
• 36:33
  kids that
• 36:33
  exhibit
• 36:34
  really
• 36:34
  big
• 36:34
  feelings.
• 36:35
  And
• 36:35
  when you
• 36:35
  have
• 36:36
  young
• 36:36
  children,
• 36:37
  it's
• 36:37
  important
• 36:38
  to,
• 36:38
  recognize
• 36:38
  that
• 36:38
  there
• 36:39
  might be
• 36:39
  some
• 36:39
  regression
• 36:40
  in
• 36:40
  development,
• 36:40
  and
• 36:40
  that's
• 36:41
  normal.
• 36:41
  So
• 36:41
  if you,
• 36:42
  you know,
• 36:42
  I just
• 36:42
  potty
• 36:43
  train
• 36:43
  your kid
• 36:43
  and make
• 36:43
  your kid
• 36:44
  have been
• 36:44
  potty
• 36:44
  trained
• 36:44
  for
• 36:45
  a year
• 36:45
  or so,
• 36:45
  and
• 36:46
  all of a
• 36:46
  sudden
• 36:46
  they
• 36:46
  start
• 36:46
  having
• 36:47
  more
• 36:47
  accidents.
• 36:48
  That's
• 36:48
  normal.
• 36:49
  It really
• 36:49
  is normal
• 36:50
  and okay.
• 36:50
  And that
• 36:51
  doesn't
• 36:51
  mean
• 36:51
  anything
• 36:51
  pathological
• 36:52
  or scary.
• 36:53
  It just
• 36:53
  means
• 36:53
  they're
• 36:53
  feeling
• 36:54
  really
• 36:54
  stressed
• 36:54
  right now
• 36:55
  and
• 36:55
  they might
• 36:55
  need some
• 36:55
  extra
• 36:56
  support.
• 36:57
  if you have
• 36:57
  a kid
• 36:58
  that's,
• 36:58
  you know,
• 36:58
  eating
• 36:58
  too much
• 36:59
  or too
• 36:59
  little,
• 36:59
  sleeping
• 37:00
  too much
• 37:00
  or too
• 37:00
  little,
• 37:00
  those might be signs
• 37:02
  that
• 37:02
  that's
• 37:02
  the way
• 37:02
  they're
• 37:02
  exhibiting
• 37:03
  some of
• 37:03
  their
• 37:03
  distress.
• 37:05
  kids
• 37:05
  might
• 37:06
  really
• 37:06
  explode
• 37:07
  with
• 37:07
  their feelings
• 37:08
  or
• 37:08
  they might
• 37:08
  really
• 37:08
  withdraw
• 37:09
  and go
• 37:10
  inside
• 37:10
  of
• 37:10
  themselves.
• 37:11
  So again,
• 37:11
  you're
• 37:12
  going
• 37:12
  to see
• 37:12
  these
• 37:12
  feelings
• 37:13
  come on,
• 37:13
  all kinds
• 37:14
  of new
• 37:14
  and
• 37:14
  different
• 37:14
  ways.
• 37:16
  I always
• 37:16
  to first
• 37:17
  just
• 37:17
  normalize
• 37:18
  that,
• 37:18
  because
• 37:19
  if you
• 37:19
  think
• 37:19
  about how
• 37:20
  you're
• 37:20
  responding,
• 37:20
  you're
• 37:21
  also
• 37:21
  maybe
• 37:21
  feeling
• 37:22
  a mess,
• 37:22
  and so
• 37:23
  your kids
• 37:24
  are
• 37:24
  displaying
• 37:24
  their
• 37:25
  worries
• 37:25
  and
• 37:25
  distress
• 37:26
  through
• 37:26
  these
• 37:26
  behaviors
• 37:27
  as well.
• 37:28
  So,
• 37:28
  again,
• 37:29
  it is
• 37:29
  okay.
• 37:30
  You want to
• 37:30
  help them
• 37:31
  to name
• 37:31
  their
• 37:31
  feelings,
• 37:32
  validate
• 37:33
  their feelings,
• 37:34
  and
• 37:34
  let them
• 37:34
  know any
• 37:35
  feeling
• 37:35
  is okay.
• 37:36
  It's okay
• 37:36
  to be
• 37:36
  angry.
• 37:37
  I think
• 37:37
  that's an
• 37:37
  important
• 37:38
  feeling
• 37:39
  to
• 37:39
  validate
• 37:39
  because a
• 37:40
  lot of
• 37:40
  kids are
• 37:40
  talked
• 37:41
  out
• 37:41
  of their anger.
• 37:42
  But
• 37:42
  yeah, I'm
• 37:43
  angry
• 37:43
  too.
• 37:43
  And when
• 37:44
  I'm
• 37:44
  angry, I
• 37:44
  to punch
• 37:45
  a pillow
• 37:46
  or I
• 37:46
  to yell
• 37:46
  and
• 37:46
  scream
• 37:46
  whatever
• 37:47
  it is
• 37:47
  Let
• 37:47
  them know
• 37:48
  they can
• 37:48
  have
• 37:48
  their feelings
• 37:49
  and
• 37:50
  then give
• 37:50
  them
• 37:50
  options
• 37:51
  of how
• 37:51
  they
• 37:51
  can feel
• 37:51
  that
• 37:51
  feeling.
• 37:52
  This is another
• 37:52
  great way
• 37:53
  that
• 37:53
  parents
• 37:53
  can role
• 37:54
  model
• 37:54
  having
• 37:54
  big
• 37:54
  feelings.
• 37:55
  sometimes
• 37:56
  I
• 37:56
  encourage
• 37:56
  parents
• 37:57
  to
• 37:57
  editorialize
• 37:58
  and talk
• 37:58
  through
• 37:59
  a thought
• 37:59
  process.
• 38:00
  So if
• 38:00
  again,
• 38:01
  you're in
• 38:01
  the moment
• 38:01
  and
• 38:01
  this is
• 38:02
  hard to do,
• 38:02
  but
• 38:03
  you know,
• 38:03
  you just
• 38:04
  get off
• 38:04
  of
• 38:04
  a phone
• 38:04
  call and
• 38:06
  something
• 38:06
  was
• 38:06
  really
• 38:07
  scary
• 38:07
  to you
• 38:07
  and
• 38:07
  you're
• 38:07
  oh my
• 38:08
  God, I'm
• 38:08
  just
• 38:08
  feeling
• 38:09
  I'm
• 38:09
  feeling
• 38:09
  really
• 38:09
  scared
• 38:10
  right
• 38:10
  now.
• 38:11
  I
• 38:11
  think,
• 38:12
  I
• 38:12
  think I'm
• 38:12
  going
• 38:12
  to go.
• 38:13
  I'm gonna
• 38:13
  go in
• 38:13
  my room
• 38:14
  for five
• 38:14
  minutes.
• 38:15
  If you could
• 38:15
  just
• 38:15
  give me
• 38:15
  five
• 38:15
  minutes,
• 38:16
  I think
• 38:16
  I need
• 38:16
  to take
• 38:17
  some deep
• 38:17
  breaths
• 38:18
  and see
• 38:18
  if I can
• 38:18
  calm
• 38:19
  myself
• 38:19
  down.
• 38:20
  So do
• 38:20
  that,
• 38:20
  come back
• 38:21
  and then
• 38:21
  say,
• 38:22
  okay,
• 38:22
  actually,
• 38:22
  that was
• 38:23
  really helpful
• 38:24
  while
• 38:24
  you're
• 38:24
  doing
• 38:24
  a talking
• 38:25
  through
• 38:25
  your process.
• 38:26
  But
• 38:26
  again,
• 38:27
  you're
• 38:27
  showing
• 38:27
  kids kind
• 38:28
  of what
• 38:28
  you're
• 38:28
  going
• 38:29
  through
• 38:29
  so that
• 38:30
  you're
• 38:30
  giving
• 38:30
  them
• 38:30
  a roadmap
• 38:31
  for
• 38:31
  when they
• 38:31
  feel
• 38:32
  anxious,
• 38:32
  what they
• 38:33
  might be
• 38:33
  able
• 38:33
  to do
• 38:35
  for.
• 38:35
  And I
• 38:35
  love that
• 38:36
  you
• 38:36
  point out
• 38:36
  that,
• 38:37
  again,
• 38:37
  back to
• 38:37
  this role
• 38:38
  modeling
• 38:38
  thing.
• 38:38
  And isn't
• 38:39
  that what
• 38:39
  so
• 38:39
  much of
• 38:39
  parenting
• 38:40
  is,
• 38:41
  is
• 38:42
  literally
• 38:42
  just
• 38:43
  being a
• 38:43
  role
• 38:43
  model
• 38:44
  on
• 38:44
  purpose
• 38:44
  or on
• 38:45
  accident
• 38:45
  for
• 38:45
  our story?
• 38:46
  And
• 38:47
  sometimes,
• 38:47
  you know,
• 38:48
  the times
• 38:48
  that we
• 38:48
  can make
• 38:49
  it happen
• 38:49
  on purpose,
• 38:50
  I think
• 38:50
  are
• 38:51
  some
• 38:51
  of the
• 38:52
  most
• 38:52
  valuable
• 38:52
  learning
• 38:52
  opportunities
• 38:53
  that
• 38:53
  our kids
• 38:54
  will
• 38:54
  have.
• 38:55
  and so,
• 38:55
  I mean,
• 38:56
  I know
• 38:56
  that's
• 38:56
  something
• 38:56
  that I do
• 38:57
  sometimes
• 38:57
  I will
• 38:58
  actually
• 38:59
  say
• 38:59
  almost
• 38:59
  word
• 38:59
  for word
• 39:00
  what
• 39:00
  you just
• 39:00
  said.
• 39:00
  I'll be
• 39:00
  okay,
• 39:01
  honey,
• 39:01
  I'll tell
• 39:02
  my husband,
• 39:02
  mommy
• 39:02
  needs to
• 39:03
  go and,
• 39:03
  spend
• 39:04
  ten
• 39:04
  minutes
• 39:04
  in a
• 39:04
  room or,
• 39:05
  I just need
• 39:05
  to go
• 39:05
  meditate
• 39:06
  for a few
• 39:06
  minutes
• 39:06
  or,
• 39:07
  you know,
• 39:07
  whatever
• 39:07
  it is
• 39:08
  that
• 39:08
  I think
• 39:08
  I need
• 39:08
  to do,
• 39:09
  and I
• 39:09
  will say
• 39:10
  what I
• 39:10
  need,
• 39:10
  and then
• 39:11
  I will go
• 39:11
  do it.
• 39:11
  And just
• 39:12
  it's
• 39:12
  sometimes
• 39:13
  it feels
• 39:13
  it takes
• 39:13
  a lot
• 39:14
  of
• 39:14
  willpower
• 39:14
  to do
• 39:14
  that.
• 39:15
  Right.
• 39:15
  To pull
• 39:15
  myself
• 39:16
  away from
• 39:17
  whatever
• 39:17
  level
• 39:18
  of
• 39:18
  immediate
• 39:18
  stress
• 39:19
  and worry
• 39:19
  that
• 39:19
  I'm feeling
• 39:20
  and
• 39:20
  just do
• 39:20
  something
• 39:21
  intentional,
• 39:22
  but also
• 39:23
  to
• 39:23
  verbally
• 39:24
  model it.
• 39:24
  And
• 39:25
  I think
• 39:25
  maybe
• 39:25
  that's
• 39:25
  just been
• 39:26
  who I
• 39:27
  grew up
• 39:27
  as a
• 39:27
  teacher
• 39:27
  or that's
• 39:28
  my,
• 39:28
  you know,
• 39:28
  my
• 39:28
  background.
• 39:29
  And so
• 39:29
  I have
• 39:29
  a lot
• 39:30
  of
• 39:30
  tendency
• 39:31
  toward
• 39:31
  that.
• 39:32
  I'm
• 39:32
  going to
• 39:32
  talk
• 39:32
  through
• 39:33
  what I'm
• 39:33
  doing out
• 39:34
  loud
• 39:34
  around
• 39:34
  my kids
• 39:35
  as
• 39:35
  much as I can,
• 39:36
  because
• 39:36
  I want them
• 39:37
  to,
• 39:38
  you know,
• 39:38
  it's it's
• 39:38
  a
• 39:39
  language
• 39:39
  thing.
• 39:39
  It's
• 39:39
  helping
• 39:40
  them
• 39:40
  to see
• 39:40
  and to
• 39:41
  to model
• 39:41
  their
• 39:42
  behavior
• 39:42
  after mine.
• 39:43
  But
• 39:43
  I think
• 39:44
  that it
• 39:44
  also
• 39:44
  really
• 39:44
  helps me
• 39:45
  to
• 39:45
  verbally
• 39:45
  process
• 39:46
  what am I
• 39:46
  doing
• 39:46
  and why.
• 39:48
  and I
• 39:49
  don't
• 39:49
  know,
• 39:49
  I just
• 39:49
  I think
• 39:50
  that's so
• 39:50
  valuable.
• 39:50
  So
• 39:51
  I really appreciate
• 39:52
  you
• 39:52
  talking
• 39:52
  about,
• 39:52
  you know,
• 39:53
  some of
• 39:53
  the
• 39:53
  things
• 39:53
  to
• 39:53
  look out
• 39:53
  for with
• 39:54
  big
• 39:54
  feelings,
• 39:55
  some of those
• 39:55
  maybe
• 39:56
  red flags
• 39:56
  or things
• 39:56
  that are
• 39:57
  more
• 39:57
  normal
• 39:58
  to be
• 39:58
  concerned
• 39:58
  about.
• 39:59
  and then,
• 39:59
  you know,
• 40:00
  if
• 40:00
  parents
• 40:00
  are
• 40:01
  concerned
• 40:01
  about
• 40:01
  certain
• 40:02
  behaviors,
• 40:02
  right,
• 40:02
  the ways
• 40:03
  that
• 40:03
  their
• 40:03
  kids
• 40:04
  maybe are
• 40:05
  behaving
• 40:05
  or the,
• 40:06
  maybe
• 40:06
  the
• 40:07
  tendencies
• 40:07
  that
• 40:07
  they're
• 40:08
  leaning
• 40:08
  toward,
• 40:08
  maybe
• 40:08
  some of
• 40:09
  the
• 40:09
  things
• 40:09
  that
• 40:09
  they say
• 40:10
  if
• 40:10
  parents
• 40:10
  are
• 40:10
  concerned,
• 40:11
  where
• 40:11
  would you
• 40:12
  suggest
• 40:12
  that they
• 40:12
  reach out
• 40:13
  for more
• 40:13
  kind of
• 40:14
  strategic
• 40:15
  support?
• 40:16
  and I
• 40:17
  want
• 40:17
  to say
• 40:17
  that
• 40:17
  it is
• 40:18
  never
• 40:18
  a bad
• 40:19
  idea to
• 40:19
  reach out
• 40:19
  for
• 40:19
  support.
• 40:20
  I think
• 40:20
  sometimes
• 40:21
  we have
• 40:21
  this
• 40:21
  stigma
• 40:22
  of, if
• 40:23
  things
• 40:23
  have
• 40:23
  to be
• 40:23
  really
• 40:23
  bad to
• 40:24
  get
• 40:24
  support
• 40:25
  or if,
• 40:26
  I don't
• 40:26
  want
• 40:26
  to get
• 40:26
  my child
• 40:27
  a
• 40:27
  therapist,
• 40:27
  that must
• 40:28
  mean
• 40:28
  something's
• 40:28
  really
• 40:29
  bad or
• 40:29
  something's
• 40:29
  wrong
• 40:30
  with
• 40:30
  them.
• 40:30
  that's
• 40:31
  not at all
• 40:31
  the case.
• 40:32
  You know,
• 40:33
  all it
• 40:33
  means is
• 40:33
  that your
• 40:34
  family is
• 40:34
  going
• 40:35
  through
• 40:35
  a really
• 40:35
  tough
• 40:36
  situation,
• 40:36
  and
• 40:37
  your kid
• 40:37
  might
• 40:37
  benefit
• 40:38
  from
• 40:38
  another
• 40:38
  caring
• 40:39
  adult
• 40:39
  who's
• 40:40
  there
• 40:40
  looking
• 40:40
  out for
• 40:40
  them,
• 40:41
  someone
• 40:41
  to
• 40:41
  listen,
• 40:42
  and maybe
• 40:42
  learning
• 40:42
  some new
• 40:43
  techniques
• 40:43
  this is all
• 40:44
  good
• 40:44
  stuff.
• 40:45
  So,
• 40:45
  you know,
• 40:46
  reaching
• 40:46
  out for
• 40:47
  help
• 40:47
  could be,
• 40:48
  you know,
• 40:48
  contacting
• 40:49
  your
• 40:49
  child's
• 40:49
  pediatrician
• 40:50
  or if
• 40:51
  your
• 40:51
  clinic
• 40:51
  has a
• 40:52
  social
• 40:52
  worker,
• 40:53
  if
• 40:53
  your child
• 40:53
  is in
• 40:54
  school
• 40:54
  reaching
• 40:54
  out to
• 40:55
  a
• 40:55
  teacher,
• 40:55
  school
• 40:55
  staff
• 40:56
  guidance
• 40:56
  counselor,
• 40:57
  if you
• 40:57
  are
• 40:57
  connected
• 40:58
  with a
• 40:58
  spiritual
• 40:58
  center,
• 40:59
  there are
• 40:59
  lots of
• 41:00
  different
• 41:00
  places
• 41:01
  that
• 41:01
  you can
• 41:01
  go to
• 41:02
  someone
• 41:02
  you trust
• 41:03
  and say,
• 41:04
  hey,
• 41:04
  I feel
• 41:05
  we just
• 41:05
  need a
• 41:05
  little
• 41:05
  extra
• 41:05
  support
• 41:06
  and
• 41:06
  let them
• 41:07
  point you
• 41:07
  in the
• 41:07
  direction
• 41:08
  of
• 41:08
  someone
• 41:08
  that
• 41:08
  might be
• 41:08
  able to
• 41:09
  help.
• 41:10
  I think
• 41:10
  most
• 41:10
  people
• 41:11
  automatically
• 41:11
  go
• 41:11
  to therapy,
• 41:12
  and
• 41:13
  of course,
• 41:13
  that's
• 41:13
  a great
• 41:14
  resource.
• 41:16
  I also want
• 41:16
  to be
• 41:16
  realistic,
• 41:17
  and we're
• 41:17
  living at
• 41:17
  a time
• 41:18
  that
• 41:18
  there's a
• 41:18
  huge
• 41:19
  demand
• 41:19
  for
• 41:20
  mental
• 41:20
  health
• 41:20
  services.
• 41:21
  There
• 41:21
  are long
• 41:21
  waiting
• 41:22
  lists.
• 41:22
  There are
• 41:22
  few
• 41:23
  therapists
• 41:24
  that work
• 41:24
  with
• 41:24
  kids and
• 41:25
  understand
• 41:26
  cancer.
• 41:27
  so it
• 41:28
  can be
• 41:28
  really,
• 41:28
  really,
• 41:29
  really
• 41:29
  hard
• 41:29
  to get
• 41:30
  your kid
• 41:30
  connected
• 41:30
  to
• 41:30
  a therapist.
• 41:31
  So if you
• 41:32
  can, great.
• 41:33
  But
• 41:33
  if you're
• 41:33
  one of
• 41:33
  those
• 41:33
  people
• 41:34
  that
• 41:34
  don't
• 41:34
  have the
• 41:34
  money
• 41:34
  or
• 41:35
  resources
• 41:35
  to do
• 41:35
  that,
• 41:36
  there are other ways.
• 41:37
  one
• 41:38
  could be
• 41:38
  it's
• 41:38
  where
• 41:38
  we get
• 41:39
  that
• 41:39
  creative
• 41:39
  problem
• 41:39
  solving.
• 41:40
  Again,
• 41:40
  it
• 41:40
  could be
• 41:41
  that your
• 41:41
  clinic
• 41:42
  has a
• 41:42
  child
• 41:43
  life
• 41:43
  department
• 41:43
  and
• 41:44
  a child
• 41:44
  specialist
• 41:45
  could
• 41:45
  meet with
• 41:45
  your child
• 41:46
  and
• 41:46
  give them
• 41:47
  some
• 41:47
  support.
• 41:48
  there's
• 41:48
  also an
• 41:49
  online
• 41:49
  virtual
• 41:50
  child
• 41:51
  life
• 41:51
  organization
• 41:52
  called
• 41:52
  Hearts
• 41:52
  Connected
• 41:53
  that
• 41:53
  can do
• 41:53
  some
• 41:54
  virtual
• 41:54
  support
• 41:54
  with you
• 41:55
  and your
• 41:55
  kids.
• 41:56
  it
• 41:56
  might be
• 41:56
  that you
• 41:57
  still
• 41:57
  want a
• 41:57
  therapist,
• 41:58
  but
• 41:58
  there's a
• 41:59
  waitlist
• 41:59
  or, cost
• 42:00
  is
• 42:00
  prohibitive.
• 42:01
  Are there
• 42:01
  graduate
• 42:02
  interns
• 42:03
  in in
• 42:04
  counseling,
• 42:04
  social
• 42:05
  work?
• 42:05
  family
• 42:06
  therapy
• 42:06
  that can
• 42:07
  see
• 42:07
  your child
• 42:07
  for free?
• 42:09
  and
• 42:09
  they're
• 42:09
  supervised
• 42:10
  by
• 42:10
  someone
• 42:10
  that can
• 42:11
  sort of
• 42:11
  help.
• 42:11
  That
• 42:11
  could be
• 42:11
  a great
• 42:12
  option.
• 42:13
  Let's not
• 42:13
  forget
• 42:13
  schools.
• 42:14
  If your kid
• 42:14
  is
• 42:14
  connected
• 42:15
  to a
• 42:15
  school,
• 42:16
  there's
• 42:16
  so much
• 42:17
  great
• 42:17
  support
• 42:17
  at a school.
• 42:18
  Not only
• 42:18
  teachers,
• 42:19
  but,
• 42:19
  you know,
• 42:19
  social
• 42:20
  workers,
• 42:20
  guidance
• 42:20
  counselors,
• 42:21
  nurses,
• 42:21
  coaches.
• 42:22
  There
• 42:22
  could be
• 42:22
  some
• 42:22
  really
• 42:23
  great
• 42:23
  people
• 42:23
  that can
• 42:24
  offer
• 42:24
  time away
• 42:25
  to talk
• 42:26
  and
• 42:26
  support.
• 42:27
  Then
• 42:27
  we actually
• 42:28
  have
• 42:28
  cancer
• 42:28
  support
• 42:29
  orgs
• 42:29
  that can
• 42:30
  talk
• 42:30
  specifically
• 42:30
  about
• 42:31
  cancer.
• 42:31
  And
• 42:31
  most of
• 42:32
  these
• 42:32
  are free.
• 42:33
  so
• 42:33
  you might
• 42:33
  have
• 42:33
  someplace
• 42:34
  local,
• 42:34
  maybe a
• 42:35
  local
• 42:35
  cancer
• 42:35
  support
• 42:36
  community
• 42:36
  that
• 42:36
  you can go
• 42:37
  to
• 42:38
  if not
• 42:38
  virtually.
• 42:39
  There are
• 42:39
  some
• 42:40
  really
• 42:40
  great
• 42:40
  organizations
• 42:41
  supporting
• 42:41
  kids.
• 42:42
  Pickles
• 42:43
  Kassam
• 42:44
  wonders
• 42:44
  and
• 42:44
  worries.
• 42:45
  Bright
• 42:45
  spot
• 42:46
  there are
• 42:47
  these
• 42:47
  organizations
• 42:47
  out there
• 42:48
  that can
• 42:49
  not
• 42:49
  only help
• 42:49
  you know
• 42:50
  you
• 42:50
  as a parent,
• 42:50
  but be
• 42:51
  there for
• 42:51
  your kid
• 42:52
  and get
• 42:52
  them
• 42:52
  connected
• 42:53
  to peer
• 42:53
  support.
• 42:53
  Because
• 42:54
  we've
• 42:54
  talked
• 42:54
  about
• 42:54
  how
• 42:54
  important
• 42:55
  that is
• 42:55
  for the
• 42:55
  adult
• 42:55
  to not
• 42:56
  feel
• 42:56
  isolated,
• 42:57
  it's just
• 42:57
  as important
• 42:58
  for
• 42:58
  your kids
• 42:59
  to have
• 42:59
  that
• 42:59
  community
• 42:59
  of people
• 43:00
  to go to
• 43:01
  so
• 43:01
  you can
• 43:01
  get them
• 43:01
  connected
• 43:02
  to that
• 43:02
  peer
• 43:03
  support,
• 43:04
  kind of
• 43:04
  community.
• 43:05
  And
• 43:05
  that goes
• 43:05
  a really
• 43:06
  long way
• 43:06
  just
• 43:06
  to affirm
• 43:07
  what
• 43:07
  they're
• 43:07
  going
• 43:07
  through
• 43:08
  now.
• 43:09
  So
• 43:10
  you keep
• 43:10
  bringing it
• 43:10
  back
• 43:10
  to this
• 43:11
  creative
• 43:11
  problem
• 43:11
  solving
• 43:12
  idea
• 43:12
  because
• 43:13
  isn't
• 43:13
  that
• 43:14
  what it is
• 43:14
  And
• 43:14
  that's
• 43:15
  kind
• 43:15
  of what
• 43:15
  it is.
• 43:16
  Every
• 43:16
  single thing
• 43:17
  in
• 43:17
  parenting,
• 43:17
  everything
• 43:18
  that you
• 43:18
  could
• 43:18
  come up
• 43:19
  against,
• 43:19
  as
• 43:19
  a parent,
• 43:19
  some
• 43:20
  new thing
• 43:20
  to
• 43:20
  navigate,
• 43:21
  we have to
• 43:22
  kind of
• 43:22
  creatively
• 43:22
  problem
• 43:23
  solve.
• 43:23
  what do we
• 43:24
  do?
• 43:24
  How do we talk
• 43:24
  to them
• 43:25
  about this?
• 43:25
  How can we
• 43:26
  help them
• 43:26
  process
• 43:26
  this?
• 43:27
  Because
• 43:27
  at
• 43:27
  the end
• 43:28
  of the day,
• 43:28
  we are
• 43:28
  shaping
• 43:29
  and
• 43:29
  molding
• 43:29
  these
• 43:30
  little
• 43:30
  humans,
• 43:30
  and
• 43:31
  we can't
• 43:32
  necessarily
• 43:32
  do that
• 43:33
  alone.
• 43:33
  And I
• 43:33
  think
• 43:33
  that more
• 43:34
  and more
• 43:34
  we are
• 43:35
  recognizing
• 43:36
  that.
• 43:36
  And I
• 43:36
  love that
• 43:37
  the
• 43:37
  Bright
• 43:37
  Spot
• 43:38
  network
• 43:38
  and just
• 43:38
  some of
• 43:39
  the many
• 43:39
  other
• 43:39
  places
• 43:40
  that
• 43:40
  you've
• 43:40
  referenced
• 43:41
  offer
• 43:41
  these
• 43:41
  supports
• 43:42
  to
• 43:42
  parents,
• 43:43
  because
• 43:43
  I think
• 43:43
  one of
• 43:43
  the
• 43:44
  things
• 43:44
  that
• 43:44
  we get
• 43:44
  kind of
• 43:45
  scared by
• 43:45
  is the
• 43:46
  daunting
• 43:46
  fact of,
• 43:47
  finding
• 43:47
  that
• 43:48
  information.
• 43:48
  Right?
• 43:49
  So
• 43:49
  hopefully
• 43:49
  for you
• 43:50
  guys
• 43:50
  listening,
• 43:50
  this
• 43:50
  has been
• 43:51
  a way to
• 43:51
  just
• 43:51
  kind of
• 43:53
  lay it
• 43:53
  all out
• 43:53
  there
• 43:54
  as where
• 43:54
  can you
• 43:55
  get
• 43:55
  some help
• 43:55
  and
• 43:55
  support
• 43:56
  or where
• 43:57
  can your
• 43:57
  loved
• 43:57
  ones
• 43:57
  get some
• 43:58
  help and
• 43:58
  support?
• 43:59
  and I
• 44:00
  absolutely
• 44:00
  love that
• 44:00
  you've
• 44:00
  been able
• 44:01
  to, to
• 44:01
  bring this
• 44:02
  to us
• 44:02
  and just
• 44:03
  break
• 44:03
  this down
• 44:03
  and also
• 44:04
  bring
• 44:04
  your
• 44:04
  expertise
• 44:05
  as a
• 44:05
  child,
• 44:05
  social
• 44:06
  worker,
• 44:06
  who's
• 44:07
  worked in
• 44:07
  oncology
• 44:07
  for so
• 44:08
  long,
• 44:08
  as well
• 44:08
  as having
• 44:09
  a
• 44:09
  personal
• 44:09
  experience.
• 44:10
  So,
• 44:10
  Chris, I
• 44:10
  thank you
• 44:11
  so much.
• 44:12
  Yeah.
• 44:12
  Thank you
• 44:12
  for
• 44:13
  having
• 44:13
  me.
• 44:14
  So, okay,
• 44:15
  as we
• 44:15
  wrap up,
• 44:16
  how did,
• 44:17
  I guess
• 44:17
  just in
• 44:17
  a nutshell,
• 44:18
  how did the
• 44:18
  Bright
• 44:18
  Spot
• 44:18
  network
• 44:19
  get
• 44:19
  started?
• 44:20
  Yeah.
• 44:20
  You bet.
• 44:21
  so our
• 44:21
  executive
• 44:22
  director
• 44:22
  and
• 44:22
  co-founder,
• 44:23
  Haley
• 44:23
  Pollock,
• 44:24
  was
• 44:24
  diagnosed
• 44:25
  with
• 44:25
  cancer
• 44:25
  after
• 44:25
  the birth
• 44:26
  of her
• 44:26
  second kiddo.
• 44:27
  And
• 44:28
  she really noticed
• 44:29
  that
• 44:29
  there
• 44:30
  there were
• 44:30
  no
• 44:31
  organizations
• 44:32
  that were
• 44:32
  focused
• 44:32
  on the
• 44:33
  parents,
• 44:33
  especially
• 44:34
  parents
• 44:34
  of
• 44:34
  young kids.
• 44:35
  And so
• 44:35
  she couldn't
• 44:36
  find
• 44:37
  information
• 44:37
  and
• 44:37
  resources
• 44:38
  about how
• 44:39
  to wean
• 44:40
  before
• 44:40
  she was
• 44:40
  ready,
• 44:41
  and how
• 44:41
  to
• 44:41
  talk to
• 44:42
  a toddler
• 44:42
  about
• 44:43
  cancer.
• 44:44
  you know,
• 44:44
  attachment
• 44:45
  and
• 44:45
  lifting
• 44:45
  restrictions,
• 44:46
  all of
• 44:46
  these issues
• 44:47
  that were
• 44:48
  really
• 44:48
  huge
• 44:49
  for her
• 44:49
  going
• 44:50
  through
• 44:50
  treatment
• 44:50
  with
• 44:50
  two young kids
• 44:52
  that just
• 44:52
  wasn't
• 44:53
  available,
• 44:53
  and her
• 44:54
  clinic
• 44:54
  social
• 44:55
  worker
• 44:55
  connected
• 44:55
  her to
• 44:56
  another
• 44:56
  brand
• 44:57
  new mom,
• 44:57
  Amy
• 44:57
  Barnes,
• 44:58
  who was
• 44:58
  also our
• 44:59
  co-founder.
• 45:00
  And
• 45:00
  the two
• 45:00
  of them
• 45:00
  created
• 45:01
  Bright
• 45:01
  Spark
• 45:02
  Network
• 45:02
  to really
• 45:02
  fill
• 45:02
  that gap.
• 45:03
  And so
• 45:04
  we are
• 45:04
  going
• 45:04
  into our
• 45:05
  five
• 45:06
  years of
• 45:07
  supporting
• 45:07
  parents
• 45:08
  with
• 45:08
  cancer
• 45:09
  and the
• 45:09
  whole
• 45:10
  mission,
• 45:11
  Bright
• 45:11
  Spot
• 45:11
  Network
• 45:11
  is to
• 45:12
  create
• 45:12
  community
• 45:13
  for
• 45:13
  parents
• 45:13
  with any
• 45:14
  cancer
• 45:14
  diagnosis,
• 45:15
  any stage
• 45:16
  to be
• 45:17
  connected
• 45:17
  with
• 45:17
  others,
• 45:18
  to reduce
• 45:18
  isolation
• 45:19
  and
• 45:19
  to have
• 45:19
  the tools
• 45:20
  they need
• 45:21
  to help
• 45:21
  their
• 45:21
  kids cope
• 45:22
  with
• 45:22
  cancer.
• 45:22
  And
• 45:23
  the organization
• 45:24
  does that
• 45:25
  through
• 45:26
  virtual
• 45:26
  support
• 45:26
  groups,
• 45:27
  not just
• 45:27
  for
• 45:27
  the person
• 45:28
  with
• 45:28
  cancer,
• 45:28
  but for
• 45:29
  partners.
• 45:30
  and
• 45:30
  different
• 45:30
  breakout
• 45:31
  groups
• 45:31
  as well.
• 45:31
  For
• 45:32
  parents
• 45:32
  in long
• 45:32
  term
• 45:32
  survivorship
• 45:33
  stage,
• 45:33
  for
• 45:34
  parents
• 45:35
  of color,
• 45:35
  for
• 45:35
  couples.
• 45:36
  so there
• 45:37
  we many
• 45:37
  different
• 45:38
  sort of
• 45:38
  breakout
• 45:38
  support
• 45:39
  groups
• 45:39
  and
• 45:39
  meetup
• 45:39
  groups.
• 45:40
  We have
• 45:41
  a lot of
• 45:41
  tools
• 45:42
  on our website.
• 45:43
  So guides
• 45:45
  and
• 45:45
  videos
• 45:45
  and
• 45:45
  coloring
• 45:46
  sheets,
• 45:47
  that
• 45:47
  parents
• 45:47
  can use
• 45:47
  as
• 45:48
  they have
• 45:48
  these
• 45:48
  conversations,
• 45:49
  our
• 45:50
  Bright
• 45:50
  Reach
• 45:50
  programs
• 45:51
  and free
• 45:51
  books
• 45:52
  to
• 45:52
  parents
• 45:52
  to talk
• 45:53
  about
• 45:53
  cancer,
• 45:53
  big
• 45:54
  feelings,
• 45:54
  grief,
• 45:55
  and loss.
• 45:56
  We have a bright
• 45:56
  box,
• 45:57
  which is
• 45:57
  a point
• 45:57
  of
• 45:57
  connection.
• 45:58
  It's
• 45:58
  eight
• 45:59
  different
• 45:59
  activities
• 46:00
  that
• 46:00
  parents
• 46:00
  can do
• 46:01
  with their kids,
• 46:01
  because
• 46:02
  so often
• 46:03
  you feel
• 46:03
  you're
• 46:03
  just
• 46:03
  having
• 46:04
  to parent
• 46:04
  from
• 46:04
  the couch
• 46:04
  and
• 46:05
  you're
• 46:05
  oh my
• 46:05
  gosh,
• 46:05
  I can't,
• 46:06
  I don't
• 46:06
  know what
• 46:06
  to do
• 46:06
  with this
• 46:07
  energetic
• 46:07
  four
• 46:08
  year old.
• 46:08
  So we
• 46:09
  give you
• 46:09
  everything
• 46:09
  you need
• 46:10
  to
• 46:10
  just have
• 46:10
  a couple
• 46:11
  of hours
• 46:11
  of
• 46:11
  feeling
• 46:12
  a parent
• 46:12
  again.
• 46:13
  We have
• 46:13
  our break
• 46:14
  grant
• 46:14
  that you
• 46:14
  referenced,
• 46:15
  $500
• 46:15
  grant
• 46:16
  to help
• 46:16
  with
• 46:16
  all of
• 46:17
  the costs
• 46:17
  of cancer.
• 46:19
  and then
• 46:19
  we'll
• 46:19
  have
• 46:20
  ongoing
• 46:20
  webinars
• 46:21
  and
• 46:21
  workshops
• 46:22
  and
• 46:22
  different
• 46:22
  ways to,
• 46:23
  to build
• 46:24
  our community.
• 46:25
  We also do
• 46:26
  have
• 46:26
  a place
• 46:26
  for kids.
• 46:27
  We have a monthly
• 46:28
  group
• 46:28
  called
• 46:28
  Bright
• 46:28
  Club and
• 46:29
  Bright
• 46:29
  Circle
• 46:29
  that
• 46:30
  brings
• 46:30
  kids
• 46:30
  together
• 46:31
  because I
• 46:31
  said,
• 46:32
  it's so
• 46:32
  important
• 46:32
  for kids
• 46:33
  to have
• 46:33
  community
• 46:33
  as well,
• 46:34
  and
• 46:34
  they can
• 46:35
  learn a
• 46:35
  little bit
• 46:35
  about
• 46:35
  cancer
• 46:36
  and some
• 46:37
  coping
• 46:37
  skills.
• 46:38
  We have
• 46:38
  a teddy
• 46:38
  bear
• 46:39
  clinic
• 46:39
  a couple
• 46:39
  of times
• 46:40
  a year
• 46:40
  that
• 46:40
  allows
• 46:41
  them to
• 46:41
  show up
• 46:41
  and be
• 46:42
  the doctor
• 46:42
  or the
• 46:42
  nurse,
• 46:43
  and to
• 46:43
  work on
• 46:43
  their
• 46:44
  stuffed
• 46:44
  animal
• 46:45
  or doll
• 46:45
  and feel
• 46:46
  very
• 46:46
  empowered
• 46:47
  about
• 46:47
  what
• 46:47
  happens
• 46:48
  when Mom
• 46:48
  or dad
• 46:49
  goes to
• 46:49
  the clinic.
• 46:50
  Because
• 46:50
  something
• 46:51
  we see
• 46:51
  is
• 46:51
  sometimes
• 46:52
  kids
• 46:52
  worries
• 46:53
  increase
• 46:53
  about
• 46:54
  them
• 46:54
  going to
• 46:54
  the doctor
• 46:55
  when they
• 46:55
  see Mom
• 46:56
  or dad
• 46:56
  coming
• 46:56
  home and
• 46:56
  feeling
• 46:57
  so sick.
• 46:57
  And so
• 46:58
  we want
• 46:58
  to let
• 46:58
  them
• 46:58
  know,
• 46:59
  you know,
• 47:00
  going to
• 47:00
  the
• 47:00
  doctor is
• 47:01
  is
• 47:01
  healthy
• 47:02
  and safe
• 47:03
  and,
• 47:03
  give them
• 47:04
  a chance
• 47:04
  to sort
• 47:04
  of play
• 47:04
  at that.
• 47:05
  No,
• 47:06
  I think
• 47:06
  normalizing
• 47:07
  through
• 47:07
  play
• 47:07
  has got
• 47:08
  to be
• 47:08
  so helpful.
• 47:09
  And that
• 47:09
  just
• 47:09
  brought
• 47:09
  up
• 47:10
  kind of
• 47:10
  some
• 47:10
  of my,
• 47:10
  my own
• 47:11
  kids
• 47:11
  surface
• 47:12
  anxieties
• 47:12
  because
• 47:13
  I have
• 47:13
  an eye
• 47:14
  cancer.
• 47:14
  And so
• 47:15
  I take
• 47:15
  my kids
• 47:16
  to get
• 47:16
  eye
• 47:16
  exams.
• 47:16
  And so
• 47:17
  I can
• 47:17
  see
• 47:18
  though
• 47:18
  that
• 47:18
  as they
• 47:19
  get
• 47:19
  older,
• 47:19
  they're
• 47:19
  now
• 47:20
  developing
• 47:20
  a little
• 47:21
  bit more
• 47:21
  of some
• 47:21
  extra
• 47:22
  anxiety
• 47:22
  around
• 47:22
  going to
• 47:23
  the eye
• 47:23
  doctor.
• 47:24
  And
• 47:24
  that's
• 47:24
  just
• 47:25
  going
• 47:25
  to be
• 47:25
  something
• 47:25
  that
• 47:25
  we're
• 47:25
  going
• 47:25
  to have
• 47:25
  to
• 47:26
  navigate,
• 47:26
  right?
• 47:26
  That it's
• 47:27
  again,
• 47:28
  it's it's
• 47:28
  okay
• 47:28
  to go to
• 47:29
  the doctor.
• 47:29
  It's not
• 47:30
  a bad thing
• 47:30
  that
• 47:31
  things
• 47:31
  don't
• 47:31
  always
• 47:31
  happen
• 47:32
  when you
• 47:32
  go to
• 47:32
  the doctor.
• 47:33
  and I
• 47:34
  think,
• 47:34
  you know,
• 47:34
  maybe
• 47:34
  that goes
• 47:35
  back to
• 47:35
  some of
• 47:35
  those
• 47:35
  continual
• 47:36
  reassurances
• 47:37
  we can give
• 47:37
  to her
• 47:37
  kids.
• 47:38
  Right?
• 47:39
  Right.
• 47:40
  But
• 47:40
  I love
• 47:40
  the Teddy
• 47:41
  Bear
• 47:41
  clinic.
• 47:41
  That sounds
• 47:42
  so fun.
• 47:43
  And,
• 47:43
  just so,
• 47:43
  so
• 47:44
  valuable
• 47:44
  for those
• 47:45
  kids who
• 47:45
  can learn
• 47:46
  not only
• 47:47
  through
• 47:47
  listening
• 47:48
  and
• 47:48
  through
• 47:48
  stories,
• 47:49
  but also
• 47:49
  through
• 47:49
  play.
• 47:50
  I think
• 47:50
  that's so
• 47:50
  important.
• 47:53
  well,
• 47:53
  Carissa,
• 47:54
  this
• 47:54
  has been
• 47:54
  so
• 47:54
  fantastic.
• 47:55
  I want to make sure
• 47:56
  that we
• 47:56
  link,
• 47:56
  all of
• 47:56
  these,
• 47:57
  these
• 47:57
  opportunities
• 47:58
  and these
• 47:58
  resources
• 47:58
  for the
• 47:59
  parents
• 47:59
  in our
• 48:00
  audience
• 48:00
  who are
• 48:01
  dealing
• 48:01
  with
• 48:01
  their
• 48:01
  cancer
• 48:02
  diagnosis
• 48:02
  and also
• 48:02
  parenting.
• 48:03
  but
• 48:04
  if you kind
• 48:05
  of as we,
• 48:06
  as we're
• 48:06
  wrapping
• 48:06
  up,
• 48:06
  is there
• 48:07
  anything
• 48:07
  you
• 48:07
  really
• 48:07
  want
• 48:08
  to leave
• 48:08
  our
• 48:08
  listeners
• 48:08
  with
• 48:09
  to end?
• 48:10
  Yeah,
• 48:11
  sort of
• 48:11
  circling
• 48:11
  back
• 48:12
  to the
• 48:12
  very
• 48:12
  beginning,
• 48:13
  you know,
• 48:13
  as the
• 48:13
  adult
• 48:14
  child
• 48:14
  of a
• 48:15
  parent
• 48:15
  with
• 48:15
  cancer
• 48:16
  who died
• 48:16
  from
• 48:16
  cancer,
• 48:17
  I actually
• 48:18
  find that
• 48:18
  I
• 48:19
  inadvertently
• 48:19
  bring
• 48:20
  a lot
• 48:20
  of
• 48:20
  comfort
• 48:20
  to
• 48:21
  parents
• 48:21
  because
• 48:22
  they go,
• 48:22
  oh,
• 48:23
  you know,
• 48:24
  I kept
• 48:24
  hearing
• 48:24
  you
• 48:24
  say this
• 48:24
  and they,
• 48:25
  a lot
• 48:25
  of
• 48:25
  parents,
• 48:25
  feel this
• 48:26
  guilt.
• 48:26
  It's they
• 48:26
  did this
• 48:27
  to their
• 48:27
  kids,
• 48:27
  they brought
• 48:28
  something
• 48:28
  terrible
• 48:29
  to their
• 48:29
  kids.
• 48:30
  and
• 48:31
  to know
• 48:31
  that
• 48:31
  their
• 48:32
  children
• 48:32
  will be okay
• 48:33
  and
• 48:33
  they could
• 48:34
  grow up
• 48:34
  and be
• 48:35
  an
• 48:35
  oncology
• 48:35
  social
• 48:35
  worker
• 48:36
  and help
• 48:36
  other
• 48:36
  families.
• 48:36
  So this
• 48:37
  I again,
• 48:38
  I'm
• 48:38
  one person,
• 48:39
  but I do
• 48:39
  think I'm
• 48:40
  a
• 48:40
  reflection
• 48:40
  of the
• 48:41
  majority
• 48:41
  of kids
• 48:41
  that
• 48:42
  grow up.
• 48:42
  And
• 48:42
  not only
• 48:43
  are they
• 48:43
  okay,
• 48:44
  but
• 48:44
  they become
• 48:45
  better
• 48:46
  for it.
• 48:46
  And back
• 48:47
  in 2018,
• 48:48
  I actually
• 48:48
  did, a
• 48:49
  research
• 48:50
  project
• 48:51
  with
• 48:51
  parents
• 48:52
  going
• 48:52
  through
• 48:52
  cancer,
• 48:53
  about
• 48:53
  resilience
• 48:54
  and what
• 48:54
  I heard
• 48:55
  from
• 48:55
  these
• 48:55
  parents
• 48:56
  and from
• 48:57
  the teens
• 48:57
  that I
• 48:57
  interviewed
• 48:58
  was they
• 48:59
  actually
• 48:59
  did grow
• 49:00
  through
• 49:01
  this.
• 49:01
  And
• 49:01
  again,
• 49:02
  I want to be
• 49:02
  very
• 49:02
  careful
• 49:03
  tonight.
• 49:03
  I want to
• 49:04
  acknowledge
• 49:04
  how
• 49:05
  crappy
• 49:05
  this is.
• 49:06
  of
• 49:06
  course,
• 49:06
  no one
• 49:06
  asks
• 49:06
  for this
• 49:07
  cancer
• 49:07
  diagnosis.
• 49:07
  this is
• 49:08
  crummy,
• 49:08
  this sucks.
• 49:10
  And
• 49:11
  there are
• 49:11
  all these
• 49:12
  opportunities
• 49:12
  to, you
• 49:13
  know,
• 49:13
  learn
• 49:14
  how
• 49:14
  to be a
• 49:14
  good
• 49:15
  caregiver,
• 49:15
  how to be
• 49:16
  mature.
• 49:16
  The families
• 49:17
  kept
• 49:17
  saying,
• 49:18
  we
• 49:18
  learned
• 49:18
  how to
• 49:18
  prioritize
• 49:19
  and the
• 49:19
  importance
• 49:19
  of
• 49:20
  spending
• 49:20
  time with
• 49:20
  each
• 49:20
  other
• 49:21
  and
• 49:21
  staying
• 49:21
  present.
• 49:22
  Even
• 49:22
  teens
• 49:23
  who can
• 49:23
  be quite
• 49:23
  dramatic,
• 49:24
  right,
• 49:24
  are you
• 49:25
  know,
• 49:25
  I just
• 49:26
  feel I'm
• 49:26
  so much
• 49:26
  more
• 49:26
  mature
• 49:27
  than my
• 49:27
  friends.
• 49:27
  I understand
• 49:28
  what's
• 49:28
  important
• 49:29
  in life.
• 49:29
  And
• 49:29
  they're
• 49:30
  worried
• 49:30
  about
• 49:30
  tests
• 49:31
  and
• 49:31
  driving
• 49:31
  and
• 49:31
  girlfriends.
• 49:32
  But
• 49:32
  I know
• 49:33
  the
• 49:33
  importance
• 49:34
  of life
• 49:34
  and
• 49:34
  health
• 49:35
  and being
• 49:35
  a good
• 49:36
  caregiver,
• 49:36
  and
• 49:36
  that's
• 49:37
  important
• 49:37
  to me.
• 49:38
  So
• 49:38
  I got to
• 49:39
  hear
• 49:39
  first
• 49:39
  hand
• 49:40
  all of
• 49:40
  these
• 49:41
  growth
• 49:41
  opportunities.
• 49:42
  So I
• 49:42
  just want
• 49:43
  parents
• 49:43
  to know
• 49:45
  your kids
• 49:45
  will be
• 49:45
  okay.
• 49:46
  And not
• 49:46
  just
• 49:47
  okay,
• 49:47
  but
• 49:48
  they actually
• 49:48
  could be
• 49:49
  better
• 49:49
  and
• 49:49
  stronger
• 49:50
  because
• 49:50
  of it.
• 49:51
  So
• 49:51
  while
• 49:51
  this
• 49:51
  all sucks,
• 49:52
  and
• 49:52
  we want
• 49:53
  to
• 49:53
  acknowledge
• 49:53
  that
• 49:53
  there
• 49:54
  is also
• 49:55
  this
• 49:55
  other
• 49:55
  opportunity,
• 49:56
  and
• 49:57
  that's
• 49:57
  why it's
• 49:57
  so
• 49:57
  important
• 49:58
  to be
• 49:59
  honest,
• 49:59
  and
• 50:00
  involve
• 50:00
  your kids.
• 50:00
  Because
• 50:01
  if you
• 50:01
  involve
• 50:01
  them in
• 50:02
  practicing
• 50:02
  these
• 50:03
  skills of
• 50:03
  resilience,
• 50:04
  they will
• 50:04
  get to
• 50:05
  grow
• 50:05
  those and
• 50:06
  bring them
• 50:06
  into
• 50:06
  adulthood
• 50:07
  and be
• 50:07
  better
• 50:07
  humans
• 50:08
  for it.
• 50:10
  I think
• 50:11
  that's so
• 50:11
  powerful.
• 50:12
  And I,
• 50:12
  that
• 50:13
  honestly,
• 50:13
  that's
• 50:13
  been one
• 50:13
  of the
• 50:14
  most
• 50:14
  relieving
• 50:14
  things
• 50:15
  that
• 50:15
  I have
• 50:15
  found in
• 50:16
  in
• 50:16
  talking
• 50:16
  to
• 50:17
  children
• 50:17
  who have
• 50:18
  grown up
• 50:18
  with a
• 50:19
  parent
• 50:19
  with a
• 50:20
  cancer
• 50:20
  diagnosis.
• 50:21
  Right.
• 50:21
  so adults
• 50:21
  in my
• 50:21
  life.
• 50:22
  I have a good friend
• 50:22
  who had
• 50:23
  kind of
• 50:24
  a similar
• 50:24
  story
• 50:24
  to you
• 50:25
  and then
• 50:26
  just in
• 50:26
  meeting
• 50:26
  you.
• 50:26
  So
• 50:27
  I really appreciate
• 50:28
  the insights
• 50:29
  that you
• 50:29
  shared
• 50:29
  there
• 50:29
  and
• 50:30
  everything
• 50:30
  that
• 50:30
  you've
• 50:30
  shared
• 50:30
  with us
• 50:31
  today.
• 50:31
  It's been
• 50:31
  so
• 50:31
  valuable.
• 50:32
  Those of
• 50:33
  you guys
• 50:33
  listening,
• 50:33
  please
• 50:34
  hit
• 50:34
  subscribe.
• 50:34
  Make sure
• 50:35
  to
• 50:35
  share
• 50:36
  this with
• 50:36
  another
• 50:36
  person
• 50:37
  who is
• 50:38
  dealing
• 50:38
  with,
• 50:38
  their
• 50:38
  diagnosis.
• 50:39
  This
• 50:39
  would
• 50:39
  also be,
• 50:40
  I think,
• 50:40
  still
• 50:41
  applicable
• 50:41
  if you're
• 50:42
  the
• 50:42
  parent of
• 50:42
  a child
• 50:43
  with
• 50:43
  ocular
• 50:43
  melanoma
• 50:44
  and
• 50:44
  you're
• 50:44
  coping
• 50:45
  with the
• 50:45
  diagnosis
• 50:46
  from a
• 50:46
  parent
• 50:46
  perspective
• 50:47
  and
• 50:47
  your child
• 50:47
  has the
• 50:48
  diagnosis,
• 50:49
  I think
• 50:49
  that
• 50:49
  all of
• 50:49
  these
• 50:49
  resources,
• 50:51
  all of these
• 50:51
  books,
• 50:52
  these are
• 50:52
  all going
• 50:52
  to be
• 50:52
  valuable
• 50:53
  things
• 50:53
  that
• 50:53
  we can
• 50:54
  all learn
• 50:54
  from and
• 50:55
  that
• 50:55
  we can
• 50:55
  share
• 50:55
  with each
• 50:55
  other.
• 50:56
  So,
• 50:56
  Chris,
• 50:57
  thank you
• 50:57
  again
• 50:57
  for
• 50:57
  being here.
• 50:58
  Thank you
• 50:58
  to our
• 50:58
  listeners
• 50:59
  for being
• 50:59
  present
• 51:00
  for
• 51:00
  subscribing.
• 51:01
  If you're
• 51:01
  helping
• 51:01
  us to,
• 51:02
  just
• 51:02
  build our
• 51:02
  YouTube
• 51:03
  and our,
• 51:03
  podcast
• 51:04
  presence,
• 51:04
  we really
• 51:05
  appreciate
• 51:05
  any
• 51:06
  anytime
• 51:06
  you guys
• 51:06
  hit
• 51:06
  subscribe,
• 51:07
  share,
• 51:07
  comment,
• 51:08
  please
• 51:08
  share any
• 51:09
  questions,
• 51:09
  anything
• 51:10
  that
• 51:10
  you guys
• 51:10
  have,
• 51:10
  insights,
• 51:11
  comments,
• 51:12
  questions,
• 51:12
  concerns,
• 51:13
  anything
• 51:14
  that you
• 51:14
  would
• 51:14
  to share
• 51:14
  in the
• 51:14
  comments
• 51:15
  below?
• 51:15
  We would love
• 51:15
  to hear
• 51:16
  from you.
• 51:16
  And
• 51:17
  for now,
• 51:17
  we will
• 51:18
  just say
• 51:18
  thanks
• 51:18
  again
• 51:18
  to
• 51:19
  our guest,
• 51:19
  Carissa
• 51:20
  for
• 51:20
  being here,
• 51:20
  thanks to
• 51:21
  the
• 51:21
  Bright
• 51:21
  Spot
• 51:21
  Network
• 51:21
  for
• 51:22
  the resources
• 51:22
  you guys
• 51:22
  have.
• 51:23
  And
• 51:23
  thank you
• 51:24
  to our
• 51:24
  sponsors
• 51:24
  for
• 51:24
  making
• 51:25
  this,
• 51:25
  this show
• 51:26
  possible.
• 51:26
  So
• 51:27
  we'll
• 51:27
  see you
• 51:27
  guys next
• 51:27
  time.