Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / #HURDLEMOMENT: A Mindset Coach On How to Handle Hurdles With Grace (& Why They're Actually Good For You)

Transcript

#HURDLEMOMENT: A Mindset Coach On How to Handle Hurdles With Grace (& Why They're Actually Good For You) · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: If you're trying to be more resilient, I think it's
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: training how we perceive stress and challenge. Where can you
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: find those moments to try to love challenge, know that
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: deep down, yeah this sucks right now, and something in
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: this is beautiful. It's gonna come from this. I'm going
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: to learn something from this. It's going to help me
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: figure it out. Or I hate it so much that
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna pivot and I'm going to reorganize my life
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: because this isn't working for me anymore.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: What is going on Hurdler's Emily Body Here.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: You are listening into another installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle,
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: a wellness focused podcast where I connect with everyone from
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  Speaker 3: your favorite athletes, the top experts and industry CEOs about
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between. We
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: all go through hurdles in life, and my goal through
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: these discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: and move with intention so that you can stride towards
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: your own big potential and of course have some fun
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: along the way. For today's episode, I am bringing a
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: conversation to the Forefront, which I really really loved with
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Courtney Thompson.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: She is a two time Olympian.
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  Speaker 3: She's also a mindset coach, and we are discussing the
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: importance of getting intentionally uncomfortable and learning to embrace when
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: a situation may be difficult or challenging. We talk through
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: how to embrace these difficult situations and strategies, helpful tools
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: tricks to get better with navigating these hurdle moments over time.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: We also talk about how to get to a place
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: where you may love a challenge, as well as go
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: over different resiliency building tips that can help you respond
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: to setbacks as they come. I would say for a
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: podcast that is called Hurdle, this episode is just as
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: about as appropriate as it gets.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Again, I loved this conversation with Courtney.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: We first met back in June through our mutual friends
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: at under Armor. She was on a panel that I hosted,
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: and I knew from that interaction that I had to
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: bring her expertise on over here to the show. Now,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: some housekeeping, I want to give you twenty four hours.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: I'm giving you twenty four hours to ask me any
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: and all of your marathon training questions. That's right, anyone who.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: May be gearing up for a fall marathon.
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  Speaker 3: I get tons of questions in my DMS in my
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: email inbox all the time, and I am going to
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: answer all of them with the help of my coach
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: for the London Marathon.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Her name is Rebecca Stowe. Now here's the catch.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: In order for us to answer them, You're going to
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: have to submit a listener question.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: If you've been.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Thinking about it, if you've been hesitant on it, I
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: get it, but now is the time let us help you.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Rebecca and I are going to be sitting down tomorrow,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: which means that if you are listening to this in
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: real time and you've got a question for me, I'm
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: all ears, click on over to the show notes and
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: submit a listener question. I can't wait to answer it
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: in an upcoming episode.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Make sure, as.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Always, you are following along with Hurdle over on social media.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: It's at Hurdle podcast, I am over at, Emily a
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Body and last little call out here. Do me a
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: favor this week. Tag Hurdle in your Instagram story. Maybe
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: it's just a screen grab of the podcast art. Maybe
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: it's a quote or a takeaway from an episode that
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: you've listened to. Whatever it is, tag the show, spread
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: the love, share it.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: With a friend. Every little bit means the world to me.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: That is it for now.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: With that, let's get to hurdling.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Today.
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  Speaker 3: I am sitting down with Mindset coach Coritney Thompson.
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  Speaker 2: How you doing today?
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  Speaker 1: I'm great. I'm pretty fired up to be here. So
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  Speaker 1: thanks for having me.
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  Speaker 3: I know, so grateful to under Armour for bringing us
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: together earlier. I was gonna say, like earlier, this summer
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: it feels like just yesterday, but also like ages ago.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: I know you travel a fair amount for what you do.
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  Speaker 3: Is this summer flying by for you or what?
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  Speaker 1: Yes, it's been insane, you know when you like, you
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: get excited about all the things and then you say
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  Speaker 1: yes a thousand times and then you're in it.
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  Speaker 4: You're like, what have I done?
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  Speaker 1: So they were all very fun, but yeah, pretty happy
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  Speaker 1: to be home for a few weeks. I know, you
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  Speaker 1: know the road life, so it's a blessing and a
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  Speaker 1: curse sometimes.
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  Speaker 2: I know the road life.
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  Speaker 3: I also am going to throw into the world here
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  Speaker 3: that you are a two time Olympian as well. The
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  Speaker 3: journey from being a full time athlete to being a
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: mindset coach kind of go hand in hand. So give
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: us a little bit of insight as to how you
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: got into this work and why you feel like it's
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: so important.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, I feel really grateful. I competed on the
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  Speaker 1: USA team Interville ball for ten years and got to
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: go to two Olympics, and we actually lost in the
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: gold medal match in my first Olympics in London twenty twelve,
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  Speaker 1: which relatively in the sports world, is a pretty painful experience.
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  Speaker 1: And as my boss likes to say, pain causes change,
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  Speaker 1: and at that point, we were really willing to do
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: whatever it took to kind of get to the next level.
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  Speaker 1: And fortunately for me and our team, we started working
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  Speaker 1: with one of the leading performance psychologists, doctor Michael Gervai,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: who I now work for with Finding Mastery, And so
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  Speaker 1: we present to companies and athletes and coaches, you know,
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  Speaker 1: the psychology around how we can condition our mind to
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  Speaker 1: handle stress and challenge, the hopes that we can create
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  Speaker 1: a connected culture so that when where you know, things
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: get tough, we can rely on each other. And so
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  Speaker 1: we actually present with psychologists and olympians. So my, my,
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  Speaker 1: my lens like where I'm coming from when I speak
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: and when I fortunate to work with companies is like, Man,
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  Speaker 1: I've wrestled with this on the world stage, you know,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: because it's one thing to talk about placing your attention
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: on what's productive when you're on a podcast or you're
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: a happy hour or you know, you're sitting in a
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  Speaker 1: conference room. It's a whole nother deal when you're fighting
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  Speaker 1: for an Olympic medal and you're trying to you know,
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  Speaker 1: and be intentional with your thoughts and your emotions and
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  Speaker 1: how you channel those things. And it's no different than
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: what we do every day when we are facing unknowns
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  Speaker 1: and challenge, which if you're trying to be your best,
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  Speaker 1: everyone is in it's like how can we condition our minds?
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  Speaker 1: So why I feel passionate about it is because it
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  Speaker 1: made a profound difference for me, not only in performing
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  Speaker 1: you know, at the Olympics, but in my personal life,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: connecting with other people, with my family. And I think
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: we don't talk about it enough. You know, certainly you're
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: doing great, great at this and all of these there's
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: so much more to the human experience than craft tech,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: you know, technique and strategy and training our body. There's
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: like so much more that we haven't even understood as
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: far as the science goes, so to me, it's really fun.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: When you think now about how you had felt and
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: the thoughts that you had back in twenty twelve, are.
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  Speaker 2: You kind of thrown for a loop.
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  Speaker 3: Comparing the know how and the knowledge and the tools
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  Speaker 3: and the tips and the strategies that you have at
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: this point to where you were then.
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  Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm laughing. Yeah, I just wish I knew these.
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  Speaker 1: I wish I knew that you could train your mind
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  Speaker 1: in the same way that you train everything else a
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  Speaker 1: long time ago. And another reason we like working with
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  Speaker 1: young athletes and coaches and everyone because it's like this mystery,
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  Speaker 1: but we can actually train it day to day, you know.
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  Speaker 1: And even something like confidence, where I don't know about
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  Speaker 1: for you, but I grew up with people like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: go'll be confident, you know, which is easy when you
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  Speaker 1: feel confident, and when you don't, you're like, what the
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  Speaker 1: hell does that mean? Like what do I anchor to
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  Speaker 1: in this moment? So there's like that whole swath of
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  Speaker 1: like skills that you can train, And the other part
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  Speaker 1: of it, I think is just normalizing that our brains
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  Speaker 1: are amazing and they're so inconvenient at times, and typically,
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  Speaker 1: as you know we've talked about this, in the moments
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  Speaker 1: that we care about the most are the ones that
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  Speaker 1: our brain tends to kind of sabotage our efforts.
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  Speaker 4: So I just wish I.
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  Speaker 1: Was nicer to myself when I was younger and knowing like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: this is how we're wired, and here's some things you
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  Speaker 1: can do about it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I so many people listening to this think of and know, well,
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  Speaker 3: when you train a certain muscle, maybe you'll see hypertrophy,
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  Speaker 3: you'll see it growing, you'll see the results like that.
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  Speaker 3: When it comes to training the mind, how can we
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  Speaker 3: gauge quote unquote success?
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  Speaker 4: Oh man, I.
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  Speaker 1: Love this question, and it's so hard. It's also such
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: a Western thought, right, how do we quantify this? And
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I'm in it with you because I asked the same thing.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, I remember sending down to meditate, and
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I was like, what the hell am I doing? I
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: could be doing so many other things to be productive
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  Speaker 1: right now? You know, honestly, to me, there's a moment
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  Speaker 1: you know, when you're under stress or challenge or something
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  Speaker 1: that you've previously experienced as hard to show up fully
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  Speaker 1: in and you kind of have this like pause and
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  Speaker 1: almost grin of like Ooh, I'm in it, and the
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: awareness that you have in that moment to go, oh,
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  Speaker 1: this is the thing and I can I can choose
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  Speaker 1: something different now. To me, that is the first sign
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  Speaker 1: that I've felt aware of when I started trading mental
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: skills and I was like, I'm relating to this thought
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: or I'm relating to this external situation way differently because
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I've invested in kind of this inner landscape that and
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: you probably just get pissed off a little bit later,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: like you have more capacity to be yourself in a
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: moment and then go oh, I'm like pretty angry right
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: now versus the complete being in the reaction of it.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: For me, that's how it's that's how it's really shown up.
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  Speaker 4: I could go on, but I'll.
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  Speaker 3: Just yeah, less reactive. That's a really that's a really
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: good takeaway there. What I want to home in on
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: with you, and we're kind of leading that way, is
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: this idea of getting uncomfortable and not just doing it
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: because we are put in situations that make us feel uncomfortable,
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: but choosing to get uncomfortable and why that can be important.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: So why don't we kick that discussion off, maybe by
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: defining what it means to get uncomfortable, right.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I could geek out on this for a while,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: so you have to cut me off if necessary. But
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I think for better for worse, like, all of these
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: skills are essentially leading us to to be able to
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: trust ourselves. And trust starts with us and can we
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: trust ourselves not that the outcome is going to be perfect,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: but that we can adjust no matter what. And to me,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I think that's the ultimate trust. So to get uncomfortable
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: is either mentally, physically or emotionally, get into an edge
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: that challenges us to show up in alignment. That is
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: how I would define getting uncomfortable, And for better or
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: for worse, the only way to build our capacity to
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: trust ourselves to like adjust and to be nimble and
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: to say, wow, this is inconvenient and uncomfortable, but I'm okay.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: It's to be in the arena of that. And so
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: this is where I think mental skills come in because
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: it's like when we are in that, I think the
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: first order of business is how do we perceive the moment,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: which often dictates our entire experience. So is it like, oh,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: this is great, I'm in this stress. This is going
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: to help me or is it? Oh shit, I hate this,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Get me out of this. I'm not ready for this,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, you know, self doubt and all
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: those things. And as you know very well, when we
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: resist something, it tends to grow. And so there's this
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: like when we can be a little bit like water
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: and there's like an acceptance to this and then a shift,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I think is when we start to see our ability
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: to build capacity there. This is all sounding very vague.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Is this making sense?
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: No, it's totally making sense.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: The follow up question to that, though, is can't it
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: be both can't you feel as though, Okay, shoot, I'm scared,
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: I'm nervous what's going on here? But also recognize it
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: as an opportunity to grow?
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, well that's that's exactly it.
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: I think you hit it.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: It's like when we have those physical sensations of your
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: heart rate or that pit in your stomach, or your
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: palms get sweaty, or you wake up at four I
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: am and the first thought is about that meeting at
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: three pm? What do you do with that? So that's
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: what I mean by perceiving the moment. Is it going like, oh, Okay,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: this is my This is my body signaling that I
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: care about this a lot, and I know that when
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I care about something, it's often going to be harder
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: for me to show up full. You know, that's our
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: brain's like, oh, this could be a threat, and when
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: we can switch that to wow, this is like beautiful
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: and amazing and I'm you know, the phrase I like
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: to use is like I'm in it, and it's often
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: me like, if you guys can see me, I'm like
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: punching the air and I'll call my friend and my coworker.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, I'm in it right now. I'm so uncomfortable,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: but it's meaningful to me, and I know what's on
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: the other side. And you know your original question. I
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: think that is the gift that sports can give us
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: is that almost daily you are facing an unknown and
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: you're in this like physical, emotional and mental challenge, and
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: you know what's on the other side of staying in
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: a really hard moment. Because we don't get the we
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: don't earn the right to throw up our hands and say,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: oh my god, we did that. I didn't think I
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: could do that. If we don't have the capacity to
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: stay in discomfort over time, and so I'm gonna say
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: one more thing at the risk of talking to I
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: think the spectrum that we're hitting on is like to
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: be really to pursue your best I think there is
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: a time for an override where I'm tired. I'm gonna
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: go run anyway because it's meaningful to me, because there's value,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: because I care so much. This is a necessary step,
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  Speaker 1: But damn it, I do not want to get out
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: of the door today.
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  Speaker 4: You know, most most of us have been in that.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: And the other side of of that is, do I
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: really have a true, clear knowing of what's true for me?
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Of Wow, I'm really fatigued, and this is meaningful. Today's
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: the day I'm going to rest or. Today is the day. No,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: I am going to choose that override. But if we're
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: not aware of our experience or our selves, we don't we
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: can't be intentional with those two things. And I think
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: if we do one or the other too much, we're
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: missing a lot.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: That idea the override is super interesting.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: And also everything you're saying here is really aligning with
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: the idea of knowing your why, right, because without knowing
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: your why, then you won't be able to dig in
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: to that override.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Yes, one hundred percent. And it's it's such a powerful
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: tool to know in goal setting what is the meaning
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: behind this goal and then how do we stay connected
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: to it day to day.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Going back to this concept of that it is important
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: to get intentionally uncomfortable. When I say that phrase, someone's like, well, like,
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: what does that mean?
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Like what am I supposed to do? Like where am
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I supposed to put myself?
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: What situations should I be seeking this comfortability?
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: What do you say to that?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Oh? Man, this is we can get creative with this
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: because it's like, if you want to get strong in
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: the weight room, you're gonna go to the weight room
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: and it's gonna hurt, it's gonna be uncomfortable. But again
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: that's we're like inviting stress in so that we grow,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: and when we're training the inner experience training trust, it's
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the same. So I could offer for some people it
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: might be physical I'm going to run three miles. I've
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: never done that before. I'm going to run three miles
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: without stopping. You know, we're ten or for you eighty five,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: whatever that might be, Or it could be an emotional
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: situation I'm gonna have a really hard conversation with someone
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I care about. And the key is like when we
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: feel the discomfort to not run from it or shut down,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Like can we just stay in it, stay with it
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: a little longer with curiosity, because it's then that we
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: learn something. And even if I set out to run
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: three miles or to have a hard combo with you,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and halfway in it, I completely fail and I stop
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: or I give up.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: You know, what do we do with that? Can I
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: learn from it? Okay? What could I do next time?
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: And so we're gaining skills only because we're in the arena,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: In some other fun.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Ways is like can you can you give a compliment
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: to a stranger? And again like don't say it and
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: run away, Like stay in it. And there's this very
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: awkward moment where you're standing staring at a stranger. They're
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: assessing your intent, your intention. It's just like this weird moment.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: What do you do with it?
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Even like asking for a disc out at a store
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: for no reason, or you know, like introducing yourself to
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: a stranger. For some people, that's really challenging. So anytime
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: we kind of have that response of like, oh I
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: want to get out of here, or that heart rate
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: comes up, it's a really good place to kind of
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: like just hang in there.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: What happens to the person that finds themselves in that
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: headspace of oh, I want to get out of here
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: each and every time? How do they ease into getting
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: intentionally uncomfortable?
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: Great question.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of it is compassion, and there's
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: no softness to that. It's really well, there is some softness,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: but I mean, I mean that in a very when
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: we can have great self talk and to be able
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: to own our wins, we are able to stay in
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: something that's difficult longer. And that is really edgy. So
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: just if it's one, if it's one conversation and then
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: it takes a long time to recover, you know, it's
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: like going to the gym. If you haven't been in
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: the gym for two years and you try to go
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: squat every single day, going to get crushed. But if
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you go once and then I recover for three days
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: and then I go again, like it's that steady drip
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: of it. And I think when it's emotional or mental,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: it's really can I give myself props for trying, and
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: then can I learn what was hard and can I
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: have compassion in kind of all right, what's next?
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: What can I do?
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Along that journey of embracing uncomfortable situations? There are for
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: sure going to be setbacks, right or, of course on
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: the show, as we call them hurdles. So let's now
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: transition into talking a little bit about how you can
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: build that resiliency and how we can better respond to
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: those setbacks.
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, I mean you said it.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Your whole podcast is called this, but there's no scenario
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: in life where stress and challenge would completely go away.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: And for most of us, if you're listening to this podcast,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: you are probably scratching and klng to find ways to
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: be a better version of yourself. And so if let's
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: say got easy or whatever, you would go, you would
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: go find challenge elsewhere. And so so much of resilience
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: is how we relate to challenge. And even you know,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: when we talk about meditating, it's not like the actual
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: thought that's the problem, it's what we do with it.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: And so if you're trying to be more resilient, I
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: think it's training how we perceive stress and challenge. Where
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: can you find those moments to try to love challenge,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: know that deep down, yeah this sucks right now, and
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: something in this is beautiful is going to come from this.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I'm going to learn something from this. It's going to
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: help me figure it out, or I hate it so
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: much that I'm gonna pivot and I'm going to reorganize
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: my life because this isn't working for me anymore.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: I love that you stressed the word and like, it
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: can be both right, it can be hard, but you
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: can still do.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: It, yes, one hundred percent.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the actual skill, is like reframing
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: and being able to hold the duality of something and say, yes,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: this is shitty and this is the opportunity. And I
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: think when we again, when we resist the hard part
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: or we ignore it, or it's like yeah, I love pandemics,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: this is awesome. No one, you know, no one's saying that.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: You're saying, yeah, it's hard, and here's here's the opportunity,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: and we become more nimble. We're just we're basically learning
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: how to address better.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Now what happens when the hurdles keep coming? Because I
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: feel as though we're talking about resiliency being a muscle
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: that we need to strengthen. But sometimes even the most
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: resilient people are tested time and time and time again,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: and sometimes it's in that experience that it can be
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: understandably easy to lose one's way.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: So what happens when those hurdles pile up?
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: How can we strengthen the resiliency muscle to that next levels?
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: A great question. I think I would point to recovery.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: You know. It's like, you're right, there's only so much
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: stress and capacity that we can hold. And part of
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: being gritty and being tough is being able to understand
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: how and when and what works for you as far
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: as recovery. And often, at least in the work I do,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: we work with corporations and they're like, well, I'm gonna
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: recover in April. When I go to Hawaii for a week,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna sleep in, I'm gonna walk, I'm gonna you know.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: And so this isn't always like, hey, you got to
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: go to the gym two hours a day. But can
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I get some movement in?
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Can I walk to work and all these little ways?
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Can I stand up and do ten squats at the desk?
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Can I get a lot of hydration? In can I
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe I'm not getting nine hours of sleep
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: at night, but can I have better sleep quality because
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I have a ten minute routine before I go to bed.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: So there's all these like small ways that we can
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: invest in recovery and even eating, you know, I think
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: of a can we add energy into our body? Rather
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: than coming at this like I should eat this, I
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: shouldn't eat this. It's like this pessimistic way of looking
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: at what's broken instead of like, Okay, what can I add?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: What can I do well? So for me of recovery
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: is essential in the conversation of being resilient.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: What you said about this idea of well, I'm going
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: to table that recovery. That's so interesting because I can
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: definitely say it's something I've been guilty of in the past.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: I think it's something that a lot of us can
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: really relate to, this idea of well, I will make
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: time for it, but I can't make time for it
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: right now.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Why is it important to be adaptable?
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Why is it important for us to shift the understanding
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: or thought process of this is how things should be
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: and embracing our capacity to do things in a different
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: way in the interim.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Excellence happens in the present moment, and the most beautiful
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: things in life happened in the present moment. You know,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: it's where performance and joy and connection are at its highest, creativity, innovation,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: so all of these things that we are working so
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: hard to attain, like, we're putting so much energy towards
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: these things to try to tap into where really the
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: answer is almost in the letting go. And so if
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: we've really want to problem solve at a high level
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: and connect at a high level and you know, push
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: our business to the next level, the biggest thing we
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: can do is learn to be present in the moment
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: and and honor what is actually coming up in the
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: present moment. And so that's why I point to recovery.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: And it's not enough to override over and over. I've
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: tried it to, you know, to no success, and many
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: people have tried it and again, recovery it doesn't have
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: to take a lot of time. It's really about intention
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: and what else are we doing if we're not able
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: to be where our feet are? I mean, truly, we're
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: missing so many moments in life.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I love the phrase be where your feet are.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: I also think that some of this like delaying of
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: recovery can really halt your productivity as well. Right, It's
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: like we think that if we your go go go,
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: that no matter what happens, even if the hurdles keep
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: piling up, that person assistance is going to be the
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: key to the gate. But really being go go go
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: doesn't ensure you productivity. It more so just really ensures
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: that you might run yourself into the ground.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just want to slow clap to that and
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: say amen, because it's you know, it's we have. I've
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: been talked about like forty seven percent of our time
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: on average as an adult, our mind is spent wandering,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: which is an insane amount of time.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: That's almost half.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: And so even if you think about an hour long
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: zoom meeting, if you were to take one minute at
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: the top of the meeting for everyone to take a
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: few breaths, set an attention. So there's a recovery practice
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: of thinking, well, you can get so much more out
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: of the next fifty nine minutes. Whereas for most people
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: they get on a call, they're still thinking about the
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: last call. They're not really paying full attention. They're thinking
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: about their next call or what they're going to make
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: for dinner, and by the time it's you know, we're
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: seven minutes in, it's like, hey, guys, sorry.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: What what are we doing here?
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: And we're all in that. So in recovery is no different.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: If we take five minutes thirty minutes at the top
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: of the day or the end of the day to
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: invest in yourself, to add energy into yourself, to unwind
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: whatever that might be, we get so much more out
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: of the moments because we are present exactly what you said,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: we are where our feet are.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And what you're really driving home here also is
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: the importance of focus, you know, locking into the present,
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: so to speak, whether it's an uncomfortable moment or just
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: sort of the zoom call. What actionable tips do you
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: have to offer the hurdlers when it comes to being
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: more present, being where your feed are.
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: Oof hurdlers, This is a good one. Yeah.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I think the thing about focus is if we are
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: we know the science is very clear, and we also
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: know from experience we do our best work in the
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: when we're completely absorbed in the present moment. Yet it's
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: really challenging in our days to do that. So I
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: think the practice is being intentional about when you want
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: to do that, and whether that's creating boundaries around hey,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: for these thirty minutes, I'm trying to I'm trying to
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: problem solve.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: I've got to be creative.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I can't do that if I'm texting or if I'm
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: doing five things at once. So creating little boundaries I
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: think is important. And then the other part of focus
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: that is often left untalked about is the letting go.
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: You know, so we.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Point a flashlight and we really want to focus on that,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: We've got to turn it off at times in order, Okay,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: let your mind go, let your mind water. It's natural,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: it's it's normal. We're multitasking whatever. And then I'm going
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: to come back even harder. And then you know, even
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: at the Olympic level and volleyball, we our play is
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: usually last fifteen to twenty second or seven to twenty seconds,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: and one of the practices to focus intensely, you know,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: over a long period of time with many distractions.
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: Was to let go of it.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: You come in hard for one play and then have
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: some like three seconds of letting go, and then we.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: Come back over and over.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: So it's just similar to like pushing and recovering, like
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: you can't just keep focusing.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: I also feel as though sometimes it requires us to
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: work on that flexibility muscle. Right just because something worked
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: for us one way in the past doesn't mean that
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: the same will hold true going forward. And re jiggering
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: or being adaptive also a very hard skill to feel
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: as though you've totally mastered I don't think anyone ever
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: totally masters it, but being open to that can be
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: such a game changer forgetting to where you want to go.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm just saying amen to all of your comments. Yes,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: I agree. I think to the skill of curiosity and
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: saying open to learning is what you're hitting on. And again,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: it's one thing to do that and when you're comfortable,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: but when you are really under stressed, can you stay
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: open and curious? And to me, this skill there if
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: you want to increase your ability to do that is
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: having awareness of where your thoughts go when you're under stressed,
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: and then we get to choose how we engage with them.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: So it's not like we're privy to.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Being in a bad mood or really hanging onto an
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: outcome that we know we can't really control because we
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: care about it. But when those things come up, or
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: if I'm on a podcast and I start to get
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: overwhelmed by oh my god, soo many people are listening,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: but then I'm aware of it, It's like, oh, okay,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: what do I do with that? Or I actually really
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: care this is okay, I'm going to anchor to this skill,
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: and so again I'm going to I keep pointing back
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: to mindfulness because it really is about awareness and then
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: how we choose to engage.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: With how we choose to engage with it.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: So rounding this out now, going back to that original
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: topic of getting familiar with feeling uncomfortable, opening yourself up,
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: perhaps more frequently to uncomfortable situations.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: What last thoughts would you.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: You offer to the hurdlers when it comes to being
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: where their feet are even in those uncomfortable situations.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Connecting to the vision, and like knowing why it's meaningful
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: for you to build this skill and the context doesn't
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: always matter in this. I think when we train trust,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: it tends to carry over elsewhere because wow, I can
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: do anything. I know that I can sit at Thanksgiving
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: dinner with my mother in law and be really.
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: Triggered and be okay.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I also know I can run a marathon and it's
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: gonna suck, it's gonna hurt, but I can do it
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: because I wanted to prove, you know whatever.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: So anchoring to the vision I think is really important.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: And the other part I would say is have a
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: community and be able to share with someone. Dude, I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: am in it today, you know, and even you know,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: some of these things can be thought of as soft,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: but we'll be in I remember being in the gym
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: and looking at my teammatem Dude, I want to punch
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: everyone in the face right now, you know, and we laughed.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, I am in it today.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: I do not know why.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: I'm just in such a bad mood. And we laugh
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: and then it's like, Okay, yeah, this is real for
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: me right now, and this is how I'm going to
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: engage with it. But when we can have those open
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: conversations with other people and bring lightness and humor, I
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: think that's that's a really powerful skill when you're dealing
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: with stress. And one of the just to tie this
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: back into recovery as well, one of the questions I
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: like to ask people is when when's the last time you, like,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: really lost your shit, laughing like tears belly laughs, just
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: like out of control. And if if we can't really remember,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: it's probably been too long. Laughter is connection, connection with
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: other people. It's deep breathing, which helps deactivate the nervous system.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Like it's so it's this like soul reset. It's like
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: jumping in a cold ocean, you know, and we don't.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: That's the other that's what we would call the fifth
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: pillar of recovery. And also helps us, you know, build trust,
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: because hey, we're in this with other people.
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: I don't have to be perfect.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: And I think that idea of woman the last time
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: you really let go is appable when it comes to
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: so many of our emotions, right, not just that big
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: belly laugh, but also like releasing sadness and anger, like
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: when was the last time that you really just completely
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: no holds, like let go? In every aspect it's important
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: because keeping it bottled inside just doesn't do anyone any good.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, well said, I was just reading something that was
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: like it was talking about how a baby just expresses
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: in the present moment and there's there's no narrative there.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: They're not telling themselves a story. They're just like this
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: is what is. And then I'm going to move on,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and then you kind of get to the toddler stage.
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: Just a different situation.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: But I think, you know, I was like, oh, we
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: should live like babies. That's a great idea.
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: We should within reason, within reason. Somebody swaddle me, Courtney.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: This was so good, so many really excellent takeaways in here.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: How do the hurdlers follow along with you? How do
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: they keep up with you? For more really insightful takeaways?
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: Give us your information?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, this has been fun. You know, our
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: company Finding Master. If you're interested in kind of what
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: we do or how we train our mind, we offer
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: a course which would be awesome. And then I don't
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: have much social media, but I'm on Instagram, c Tomp
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Underscore three.
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: So hit me up whatever.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I love these conversations and really admire the
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: work you do, so thank you for having me.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: Thanks court I'm over at Emily a Body and at
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.