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How to Engage With the Female Students in Your Youth Ministry · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Are you looking for better ways to engage your female students in youth ministry?
0:04
SPEAKER_00: That's what we're talking about today on the Ministry Coach Podcast.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we give you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast-track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
0:25
SPEAKER_01: My name is Jeff Lascola, and this is Kristen Lascola.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: And today we are talking about how to engage your girl students, female students in youth ministry.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: And if you are a female youth pastor and you're listening, you might be able to like exchange the same ideas for how to engage male students.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's sort of interesting because when I was first hired, I wasn't a youth pastor.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: I was more of like an intern and I did some media stuff for the church.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: And I remember some of my PowerPoint slides, I would get some feedback like, oh, they're a little too feminine.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: You need to make them a little more masculine.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: And they said, everything you do in youth ministry or ministry in general always slant toward masculinity.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: And the reason was they said women are much more likely to overlook a masculine bent than men are to overlook a feminine bent.
1:28
SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: And men will disengage much more easily if they sense it's feminized, and girls will overlook it and stay are more likely to stay engaged.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: Is that true?
1:42
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: I feel like there was a whole book written maybe about 10 or 15 years ago of kind of about that idea of like why men were leaving the church and because the church was overly feminized and there was a focus on feelings and emotions, and it felt like push those right back down.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: Can't have that.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: And that's not what today is about.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna like get into some discussion about is the church feminized or not?
2:10
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: Not really my area of interest.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: However, I feel like that was just an interesting way for me to start ministry.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: And I don't think we can swing the pendulum like really far one way.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, make it all masculine to engage the guys, or no, make it feminine.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: Like we've got to meet somewhere in the middle and make sure we're not leaving out either one and that we're not having like a disproportionate bent or slant.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: And that could be a blind spot for us too.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't think anybody sets out like you lead out of what comes naturally to you, you know, and like who you are, and you really can't escape that.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: But what you can do is be mindful of the other half or the other group and how are they perceiving what we're doing?
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Are we mindful of them so that they look at this ministry and know that there was intention behind like you knew I was coming, you had something prepared for me, you're including me when it comes to your language, et cetera.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're gonna talk about today.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: So, um, number one, have visible females in leadership again, or visible males if you need to go the other way, but having visible females in leadership for your female students says so much.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: I can still remember exactly where I was.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: This just shows you what a core memory this is.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: I remember the room I was in, where she was standing, and where I was sitting when I saw the first female leader up in front at a church.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: And I was in junior high, and I was at our youth group on Tuesday nights, and someone introduced it was Travis's wife, Jessica.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: They were like, Oh, and one of our new leaders, Jessica, and they like brought her to the front.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: And I remember I was like locked in, like, what?
4:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't know who you are, but I love you, you know, because it was like it just did something for the heart of a 11 or 12-year-old, however old I was, to see, wait, like I'm represented up, you know, and up in front.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: And I don't remember her like having some big role or anything like that, but I remember her being up in front, and that was enough for me to be like like just this giddiness.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: And you know, whether you have women who teach, who lead games, who MC, who are a part of your leadership team, just some visible role where the girls can see this isn't just a male-dominated thing, but I am valued here because I am represented in the leadership here.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's how girls get connected, how they get excited.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: And then, like on a smaller scale, too, making sure your small group leaders are super fun and engaged women as well.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: Someone for these girls to look up to.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: So, kind of on the macro level, have a girl visible from the stage doing up in front, doing leadership things, but also someone relationally with these girls who is like highly connection-oriented, you know, not just like a person in the room, but the like someone who's gonna really take these girls under their sort of influence.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a great way to put it.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: So I think like right off the bat, the leadership, we can't escape that.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, it just came came to my mind before we go to number two, or someone who leads worship.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, I have my worship leader right now, is a female, she's phenomenal, and she recruits other students to sing or play instruments with her, and a lot of female students and a lot of male students.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like we're really well represented.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, I have men who teach and women who teach, women who lead worship, men who lead worship, just so everyone knows like none of these roles are exclusively for someone and not for someone else.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: Like everybody has a place and a voice here, so very important.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Number two, this one's hard because it's very subjective, and I think this is a blind spot for some people is program your ministry in a way that's fun for everybody.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Now, will we get 100% participation?
6:46
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: I have so many youth pastors and one who asked me one of their number one questions is how do I get my students to play games?
6:56
SPEAKER_00: My students don't want to play games.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: They don't want not everyone's gonna want to play games, not everyone's a game person.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: And that is you're always gonna have about I would say like five to ten percent who sit out who don't want to play regardless of what the game is.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes with those students, I just go, is there any game I could plan that you would participate?
7:17
SPEAKER_00: Because you say the word and we'll play it.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: Right.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, no.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, then that answers my question.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Like it's not about the game, it's just that's not your vibe.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, whatever.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: They enjoy watching, maybe.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, but but but but but you go ahead, and then I'll say my hate when they judge.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, like sure, yeah, like this one.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: I won't say who it is, but have this student and he refuses to play games, but then if I get out, he's so happy and he's like, You missed that one.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: You missed it.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: It got the ball got past you or it hit you.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Excuse me, if you're not gonna play, you cannot judge me when I get out.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: All right, you can talk trash if you play.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they should become like junior referees for the games.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, they love that.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: They love judging and making you know sure everyone does this or that.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: If you're out, then you're you know, whatever.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: But it it feels like he gets mostly excited if it's me.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's he'll just be my personal ref.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that hit you.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: It's out.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: You hit it out.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: No, just as I step over the line.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: He's he gets happy.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: What I was gonna say though is there are a lot of like if you do icebreakers and things like that before the actual game, or sometimes the game itself, there is the visual component where it's like, no, I don't like playing a game, but I do, yeah, like I enjoy watching somebody else do, you know, whatever.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: So it can be fun.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: There's a place for that.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, the kid you're talking about sounds different, but love him.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: There's also there's also those who I think just like uh just not for me, but it is hilarious to watch, you know, and that's okay too.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: And that's why if I get out, sometimes I don't mind because I like to watch as well, but I love to play.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: We played musical chairs for our Christmas one.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: So we had like about 150 kids playing a giant round of musical chairs.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: So we did multiple chairs every round because the theme of our thing was Jesus' birthday party, or like, what do you play at a birthday party?
9:20
SPEAKER_00: Musical chairs.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: This is so fun.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: I got I felt like I almost died that night.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: I got body checked by this humongous eighth-grade boy.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm on the ground, my shoe fell off.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, I was shook.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: I had two leaders like run up next to me.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: Are you okay?
9:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: He didn't he didn't ask if I was okay.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: He just moved on with his life because he got a chair.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I was very sobered up in terms of like, wow, like they can life can change in an instant.
9:54
unknown: That's how I felt.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: I almost know how long you have unless they're until you it's like all cares with eighth grade boys, they're rough.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: They they spare no prisoners.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: What do you say?
10:09
SPEAKER_01: Take no prisoners, whatever.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: He did not go easy on me.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm trying to say.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, so back to the fun.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: So try to think outside of yourself and what you what your definition as maybe a male youth pastor might be as what is considered fun for you.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: It might not be fun for everybody.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: And so, what I like to do is try a couple of different things to make sure games stay fun for everybody.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Number one, I don't like to play the same type of game all the time.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: So, like I went, I spoke at a high school winter camp one time, and every single game was like Thunderdome.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Like it was so rough.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: It was like wrestling, and then it was like this cow tongue game where you had to like it was like ultimate football with a cow tongue, but it was like full contact, and it was like, whoa, like these games are so rough.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, I couldn't even play them if I wanted to.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I feel like that's that was the most extreme example I've ever seen.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: Like these people, it was like they were gladiators, like it was so intense.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: But then I also don't mean like play duck duck goose, like you know, there is a happy medium of like active and fun games, and then change it up sometimes and play a more up in front game.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: But here's where girls really shine, okay?
11:39
SPEAKER_00: I love to play, do two different things to help the girls enjoy games more.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Number one, sometimes I split up boys and girls.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: So, like, we love ultimate football.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: No matter how good you are, the boys will not pass you the ball.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I I can score, okay?
11:59
SPEAKER_00: I I do okay.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: They will not pass you the ball.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: And then I see the other girls, they're wide open.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: They will not pass them the ball.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: Even if they're wide open, even if they're good, even if they're athletic, it doesn't matter.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: They won't pass you the ball.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: So I said, boys, you go outside and play uh ultimate football, girls stay inside to play ultimate football.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: Almost 100% participation from the girls, and they throw to each other.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: And here's where girls shine not only when you split them up, but games that involve teamwork, girls win every single time.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: So, not every single time, but 90% of the time, if the game involves teamwork rather than like brute strength, the girls will win because they can work together and they can coordinate and organize themselves.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like girls, here's where they check out when they know there's no chance they can win no matter what, where it's like, and then like sometimes the leaders will be like, okay, we'll be on the girls' team to give them a boost, but you just know, like, there's no way we're gonna win this game.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: And it just feels over before it started.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: And then girls disengage, they are they sit out, they don't want to play, and they are afraid of looking stupid.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, they don't really want to look like unathletic and they don't want to look like they don't know what they're doing.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: And so, to save themselves, sometimes they will sit out.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of reasons why girls might not participate in the game, but I feel like helping them out by splitting when it makes sense, playing games.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: I love playing games, and even for our little guys, like that have no like size advantage, no age advantage, and no gender advantage, those are the best games because it's like you actually have to be good.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: You can't just rely on, well, we're the biggest and the baddest, so we're always gonna win.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, you had to use some coordination to to get something done.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: And so those games to me are the best.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like the girls will kind of I mean, again, we're never gonna get 100% participation, but they will get in there a little more than just, oh, we're playing dodgeball mixed gender every single weekend.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, that's so rough on a girl.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, I I love dodgeball.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: I will not play with the boys, especially with the rubber playground balls.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's a death sentence.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: I've learned that the hard way.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: I had my eyes swollen shut for hours because it gave you the fat lip a frisbee.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: I have had a sustained a lot of weird injuries.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: We were there, someone threw a frisbee in the plaza, wasn't even in the game, and I was just talking to someone and it just hit my upper lip and it was like injection, like immediately.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, so if you do play dodgeball, which is obviously a staple, get rhino skins and separate boys and girls to make like so that it's not over before it starts, you know, kind of thing.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: Number three, now this one is kind of more along the lines of your teaching.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: Use stories, examples, and illustrations that everyone can relate to, not just boys.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: And I understand the temptation because you want to tell stories from your life and what you do and all of that.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: But and it's not like never, never tell a fishing story.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: Right.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: But I was listening to a sermon the other day, and it was an adult pastor, and he told about a 20-minute fishing story that was gonna be his illustration.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I don't know the lingo, I don't know why that part was funny.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: Right.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: I don't now, I mean, I guess I get the connection, but I'm not hyped on it.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, you lost your poll and then you went and got your poll and now you got it, and you prayed.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: I I don't, it's not very interesting, you know.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: So, like fishing or sports.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: Again, it's not like you can never ever use them, but just don't make them so long and don't make them so like exclusive, you know, like tell one and make it short if it's very passionate and it's going to get your point across and you can't help it.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: But then, next illustration, here's where we're girls connect.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: If you tell a story about a relationship, they're gonna lean in and they're gonna understand what you're talking about.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: Like a time that you felt jealous, a time that you felt scared, a time that you had a conflict with someone, a time that you had to forgive.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Like if there's something that has to do with you and another person and how this relationship played out for every sports illustration, give a relationship illustration for every fishing illustration, give another relationship or something that centers around emotion, feeling, something like that.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: Because now we're painting with a broad brush.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: Are there girls who love sports and fishing?
17:06
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Are there boys who are much more feelings-oriented?
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Yes, so like duh.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: Right, but it's just overall, and it it just can't be so one-sided, you know, and then just always expect the girls to like because honestly, when they start doing some sports illustration, especially when they're naming a specific game and player, I'm like, I don't know, and I don't care.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: And just tell me, like, when you're back to the Bible part, because I'll follow that.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: But this is like, and like the level of passion, I feel bad because I can't even match it, like in the 1994 Tony Romo, blah blah blah.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: You're like, uh what?
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Who?
17:51
SPEAKER_00: Why it's not interesting, and because with with niche like that, like sports and like hobbies, there's so much lingo and nuance that you really have to know for the impact to be made.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and even if they're probably not gonna care if you go back and give the backstory and explain everything, then you're like, I don't care.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: It's so like boring.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: And the people that know it are like, why are you telling all the stuff we already know?
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: But again, it's not like so.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: I can never tell a sports story.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: No, I've I've been known to use a sports illustration here or there, you know, Tony Romo.
18:32
SPEAKER_00: But Tony Romo evolved.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: I was trying to think of someone from way back in the day.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: He's not that far back in the day.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Are you Tony?
18:42
SPEAKER_00: How old are you?
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
18:43
SPEAKER_00: Nobody knows.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: He's he's I don't know.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what TV plays for.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: When you're behind he doesn't play anymore, he played for the Cowboys.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Well, I knew that.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: He's an announcer now.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, does color commentary?
19:01
SPEAKER_00: Of course.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so it's not like okay, never ever tell a sports story ever again, but just balance it out.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: Like just be a little more multi-dimensional than like, let me guess another fishing story, let me guess, another motorcycle story, let me guess, another sport story, let me like, or it's just over-masculinized and it just gets dry, but change it up.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: Tell, tell different parts of your life that are relatable to all kinds of people.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: And that's just a good practice, no matter what.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, like I'm a parent and I try very hard not to tell a lot of parent stories because those get very tired as well.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm talking to junior hires, like they're not really gonna relate to, yeah.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: I understand the love of God is kind of like how no matter what your kids do, you'll still love them.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like I don't relate to that, they don't want to hear.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: Of all my parenting stories, unless it's something hilarious my kids did, maybe, but I use those so sparingly.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, change up the illustrations.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: You're still laughing at my Tony Rum with me, aren't you?
20:15
SPEAKER_01: I am.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: And if you really feel like being all things to all people, other than just relational illustrations, try to find out like what are the girls interested in, you know?
20:27
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to pretend to be like, so you guys know when you're like shopping at Hollister and like all the sizes are way too small and they're like marked wrong all the time.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: Like you don't have to like they would see right through that, right?
20:40
SPEAKER_00: But if you can just be more for a broad audience, I guess.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: What Jeff gave it all out?
20:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: It was just such a funny in 1994.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: Tony Robo.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: What did he do in 94, Jeff?
20:57
SPEAKER_00: Do you know?
20:57
SPEAKER_01: He was probably in like junior high, I would imagine.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: And being recruited.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: They knew they were like, keep your eye on that junior hire.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: Because I don't know about that.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: He he's going places.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: See, there's a lot you don't know about Tony and his early years.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: Who knew?
21:21
SPEAKER_01: Okay, what's the next?
21:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry that you couldn't relate to my illustration.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: I did all the wrong ways, I guess.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, next.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: So if the girls are struggling maybe to connect with each other, our high school group is really good at doing this, is girls-only events.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: So they do really cool like craft night and a sleepover.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: One of the best events I've seen done is a clothing exchange, and the girls loved it.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: So everybody brings a few items and then you set it all up ahead of time, like on tables, like here's all the jeans, here's all the shoes, and you know, kind of make it look like a store.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: Like it's not just like a big pile, like, you know, of garage sales stuff, but you set it up, and then like however many items you brought, that's how many tickets you get.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: And then you can go and take items.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, I my friends do that a few times a year, and I've gotten so many cute things, and it's like I just went shopping for free, and it's so fun.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, you can do it with like room stuff too, like blankets or pillows or you know, whatever it might be.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: So that's a really, really fun event.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: Girls also love scavenger hunts.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I've done scavenger hunts like in different teams, like a girls' night thing.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, they do love a fun craft, especially if it's like a holiday-themed craft, like something they can actually like decor type themed is really fun.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: They love, you know, a fun movie and a candy or whatever candy night nails.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: They love doing that kind of stuff.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, plan like a girl night if you're trying to get them to connect with each other, like if their relationships are kind of like you need to pull them together as like more of a core.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: That is a really good idea.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any questions?
23:12
SPEAKER_00: I feel like you look like you want to laugh, smirk, say something.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Please, that was funny.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: No, we've we've moved past it, so I forget.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: I forgot what it was.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: Well, then wipe that little smirk off your face.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: Trying.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, here we go.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: Take some.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: Rony Tomo.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: And I'm glad you said Tony Romo and not Tony Roma's.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: That was a restaurant.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: Steakhouse.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'm glad you said that because I almost said there used to be a restaurant named down there.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: But then I'm like, We love your steaks.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: But then I was like, uh, something doesn't seem quite right about that.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Junior Say all had a restaurant down in San Diego.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, so this one, again, we're going back to some teaching stuff.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: And there are just some things that when you teach, you have to just handle very well and very carefully.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: When I was growing up, as soon as they were doing a girls-only talk or like a boys-only talk, that was code for something.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: So it was like, oh, we're gonna split up the guys and girls tonight and do gender-specific talks.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: And right then I got the ick because I'm like, I already know what you're gonna talk about.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: One of three things you are going to talk about modesty, you better cover up, girl.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: Number two, you're gonna talk about purity and specifically not making boys stumble.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: So it was like modesty going into that and purity and all of that.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: And then thirdly, it was gonna be like how to be a good wife, Proverbs 31 someday, you know.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: And so now, are all those things biblically sound?
25:01
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Are they good things?
25:03
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Should girls know them?
25:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, girls should also know a whole lot of other things because growing up, those three things, and I know you're being sarcastic, but actually you're not wrong.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: And I think that the culture has changed enough to hopefully girls growing up in church now are getting a message loud and clear.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: You're more than just a body that needs to be covered up and someone's future spouse.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: Like, there is so much more that we could teach girls of their role in the kingdom of God, you know, like things that later on in life changed my life because I just felt like the focus was so narrow.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, girls, oh, modesty.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: Right.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: That's all like girls equal, you need to be modest in the church.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: And it was just like, okay, I don't like disagree, don't we all?
25:56
SPEAKER_00: But anything else, like, and it just felt so small or something.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: Just like, that's it, that's all you got for me.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, great.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you better not be wearing a two-piece, you know.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: It was just like that.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Was just like the felt like the the only point of passion for us is like make sure you're covered up, make sure, make sure.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: And then, like, yeah, all the Proverbs 31 stuff.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: Again, it's in the Bible, it needs to be taught.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: We can't like erase it.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: It's it's worthy, but there's also other things too, you know?
26:35
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, let's not neglect the rest and become hyper focused or over-emphasize certain parts because then it starts to feel, like I said, like kind of like ick.
26:45
SPEAKER_00: Like, why are you so obsessed with this?
26:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, what about everything else?
26:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, can we know more?
26:52
SPEAKER_00: And so, I feel like the way you handle scripture when it comes to your female students and what you're mandating for them, you know, based on what the Bible says, try to just broaden your horizon of like what like the things that I didn't find out until I was an adult, like this grew this passion for Jesus because I saw that he saw me more than just this.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, if you need help with that area, there is one of the best books I've ever read on the topic.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's called The Blue Parakeet by Scott McKnight.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: Scott has one T.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't know, scoped.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, but he talks about like this exact thing of how broad God's word is for women and how they grow up missing out on so much of the passion that God has for them.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Um Tim Keller wouldn't be a good episode unless I mentioned Tim Keller, wrote a book called The Very First Christian or The First Christian, maybe.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: And it's all about Mary Magdalene and how she was the first Christian because of that moment with her and Jesus in the garden.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: The guys had left and he says Mary and she sees the risen Christ.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: Chills.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: You know, Scott McKnight talks about the women apostles.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: I mean, if I were a junior high girl and you had told me about Deborah and if you want to say Yael or JL or whatever in the book of Judges, my head would have exploded like with excitement and passion of like when I found out about Deborah, it was game over for me.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: Like my life literally changed.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: And Yael or JL and uh Junia and all like all these women who you're like, where have you been all my life?
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Like you guys rock, and I am like hyped out of my mind.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: And then hearing like Jesus' interaction with Mary Magdalene, it was like almost like he intended for it to just be her, and like that says, yeah, sounds like Arnold Swords in it.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: I thought you were speaking Hebrew or something.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm getting so passionate.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: My head and my mouth cannot connect right now.
29:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can't believe the women in the Bible.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, well, it's a work in progress.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: It was just, yeah.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: So the the women role in the kingdom is just bigger than we've been doing justice for for years, you know.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: And I would just love our girls to know more than it's good to do it like because I feel like for adults, it'll like they'll be like, we're gonna do the women in the Bible series.
29:40
SPEAKER_01: No, don't make it a separate thing.
29:42
SPEAKER_00: I just feel like throw them in, yeah, like just as if they're all mixed in, like they are in the Bible.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: It's not like the women's section, you know?
29:51
SPEAKER_00: It's like then I feel like you almost bring like weird attention to um, like we never do this, right?
30:02
SPEAKER_00: So let's make it special.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: Now is your one chance.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, don't it, it's like, is it women's month or something?
30:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, like this is just part of God's word.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: It's just in the road, but I feel like a lot of male pastors sometimes they don't, those stories aren't as interesting, maybe to them.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: Not because they're like girls boring, it's just you're not immediately drawn to them, you know, and so you miss them.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: And then girls go their whole life without someone teaching those because nobody has taken the time to or been passionate about those stories.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: So they just kind of become invisible, and then we go back to the same old stuff over and over again.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: So that book by Scott McKnight will really open your eyes to oh, how did we miss all this?
30:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I think it's just we kind of regurgitate what we were taught and cycle continue cycling through the same kind of narratives and stories and ideas instead of what else is in here that they need to know.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we'll link that book in the description below.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: Make sure you check that out.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: Blue Parakeet by Scott McKnight.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, another group of people that sometimes gets overlooked, maybe, are the introverts.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: I know it's a completely different direction, but somewhat similar.
31:25
SPEAKER_01: But we have an episode all about that is like how to connect with some of the introverted students in your ministry.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: So make sure you check that out.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: All right, we're gonna do a community comment of the day.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: This comes from Jose Estrada, 72,000.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: That was probably given to you by YouTube and not picked, but maybe 72,000 is your favorite number.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: He says, absolutely phenomenal info.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: Very short to the point.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: What else was that?
31:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, good question.
31:52
SPEAKER_01: I forgot.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: Okay, here we go.
31:54
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Jose.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: There you go, Zay.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: We appreciate it.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: We appreciate you guys watching and listening.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: And we'll see you next time.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: Are you looking for ways to engage your female students in your youth ministry?
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Then stick around.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: Am I when you teach, even you know, biblically, right?
32:10
SPEAKER_01: Be even biblically, like even if you're gonna teach biblically