Latest / Create The Best Me / 5 Signs You're Not Living In The Present

Transcript

5 Signs You're Not Living In The Present · Create The Best Me

• 0:00
  Do you ever look at your life, maybe your grownup children or the career you've built and feel like you've watched it all happen in a blur?
• 0:10
  You know, you were there, you went through all the motions, checked all the boxes, but feel like the memories feel distance.
• 0:19
  Like a movie you saw a long time ago.
• 0:22
  For years, life was a whirlwind of carpools deadlines and never ending to-do list.
• 0:28
  You were constantly busy, but were you truly present for it all?
• 0:34
  If you feel like the best years have just passed you by, you're not alone.
• 0:39
  This is a subtle trap so many women in midlife fall into: being physically present, but mentally and emotionally checked out.
• 0:49
  It's the feeling of having lived on autopilot.
• 0:53
  But here's the beautiful truth about this chapter of your life: you may have more time now.
• 0:59
  Time to reconnect with yourself.
• 1:02
  Time to be present in a way you couldn't before.
• 1:08
  This isn't about chasing some mystical zen This is about taking your life back from regrets of yesterday and the anxieties of tomorrow.
• 1:18
  This is your invitation to step out of the audience and become the star of your own life, right now.
• 1:27
  In this video, I'm going to share five huge undeniable signs that you are not living in the present.
• 1:34
  And more importantly, we'll walk through simple steps you can take to reclaim your focus, your peace, and your joy in this new, incredible season of your life.
• 1:46
  The first and most common sign you're not living in the present is you're constantly multitasking and running an autopilot.
• 1:55
  For years, this was our survival skill.
• 1:58
  Think about your mornings back then.
• 2:00
  Did you ever taste your coffee or were you packing lunches, answering emails, planning the family schedule all at once.
• 2:11
  In the shower, were you feeling the warmth of the water or mentally rehearsing a presentation for work that's autopilot.
• 2:20
  It's eating a whole meal while standing at the counter and not remembering a single bite.
• 2:26
  This, my dear, goes hand in hand with the myth of multitasking.
• 2:31
  As women we're taught to wear our busyness like a badge of honor, it's the supermom, the to-do-it-all professional.
• 2:40
  But the science is clear: multitasking is a lie.
• 2:44
  But the science is clear: The brain can't focus on multiple complex tasks at once.
• 2:48
  But the science is clear: What we're actually doing is switching back and forth really, really fast and exhausting.
• 2:56
  But the science is clear: Every time you switch, your brain pays the price.
• 2:59
  But the science is clear: This mental gymnastics routine taxes, your brain drains your energy and spikes your stress level with the hormone called cortisol, leading to more anxiety and irritability.
• 3:12
  But the science is clear: It's messing with your memory and making you more likely to make mistakes.
• 3:17
  But the science is clear: Some studies suggest that particularly heavy media multitasking, using a phone laptop or watching TV simultaneously might shrink the part of your brain link to empathy and emotional control.
• 3:33
  But the science is clear: So while you thought you were getting more stuff done, you're really shattering your attention, stressing yourself out and robbing yourself of the chance to fully embrace everything.
• 3:47
  But the science is clear: So how do we escape the cycle that we've been in for decades?
• 3:51
  But the science is clear: The answer is to give yourself permission to practice singletasking.
• 3:57
  But the science is clear: First, just become aware of it without judgment.
• 4:01
  But the science is clear: Start noticing how often you default to juggling multiple things.
• 4:06
  But the science is clear: You'll probably be shocked at how deep the habit runs.
• 4:10
  But the science is clear: Next, pick up one activity, give it your full undivided attention.
• 4:16
  But the science is clear: Let's start with your next cup of coffee or tea.
• 4:20
  But the science is clear: For those five minutes, make it your main event.
• 4:24
  But the science is clear: Put your phone down.
• 4:25
  But the science is clear: Instead of planning your day, focus on the sensation; the warmth of the mug, the aroma and the taste.
• 4:34
  But the science is clear: When your mind starts to wander, and it will just gently nudge it back.
• 4:41
  But the science is clear: Apply this everywhere.
• 4:43
  But the science is clear: When you eat, just eat.
• 4:45
  But the science is clear: Sit at the table, put your phone away, turn off the tv, and take a moment to notice the colors smell and the textures of your food.
• 4:55
  But the science is clear: When you talk to your partner, children, friends, really listen.
• 4:59
  But the science is clear: Put your phone face down and focus on what they're saying.
• 5:04
  But the science is clear: You'll find relationships deepen when people feel truly heard.
• 5:10
  But the science is clear: Finally, set up some tech-free zones or times.
• 5:14
  But the science is clear: Maybe it's during meals, the first hour of your day or in the bedroom.
• 5:19
  But the science is clear: This isn't about hating technology; it's about controlling it so it doesn't control you.
• 5:25
  But the science is clear: By intentionally doing one thing at a time, you're not just being more effective, you are retraining your brain to be present.
• 5:35
  But the science is clear: You're sending powerful messages that this moment right now is what matters most.
• 5:43
  But the science is clear: The second sign you're not living in the present is that your mind is a permanent resident of the past.
• 5:50
  But the science is clear: I'm not talking about fond memories; I'm talking about ruminating the habit of replaying the past events over and over, like a movie stuck in a painful loop.
• 6:02
  But the science is clear: For women in midlife, this often shows up as, regret, guilt or toxic nostalgia.
• 6:10
  But the science is clear: Regret is living in the "what ifs,""if only," and "what if I had pursued that career?" " If only I had been more of a patient mother." Guilt fixates on things you believe you did wrong, trapping you in self-blame.
• 6:29
  But the science is clear: And the toxic nostalgia idealizes a "prime time" in your past, maybe before marriage or when the kids were little, convincing you that the best days are behind you.
• 6:43
  But the science is clear: This makes it impossible to find joy now, because nothing can compare to those airbrushed memories.
• 6:52
  But the science is clear: If your thoughts are constantly stuck back into these loops, you are not present.
• 6:58
  But the science is clear: Healthy reflection helps us grow, but rumination keeps you emotionally chained to something you cannot change.
• 7:06
  But the science is clear: It hijacks your mental bandwidth, stopping you from engaging with the here and now.
• 7:13
  But the science is clear: It's a direct pipeline to feelings of hopelessness and anxiety.
• 7:19
  But the science is clear: So how do you break free?
• 7:21
  But the science is clear: This is where midlife offers a unique opportunity not to change the past, but to finally heal from it by living differently now.
• 7:32
  But the science is clear: It's about learning to acknowledge, reframe, and refocus.
• 7:38
  But the science is clear: First practice acceptance.
• 7:41
  But the science is clear: When regret pulls you back, don't fight it.
• 7:44
  But the science is clear: Pause and acknowledge the thoughts without judgment saying to yourself," I'm having the thought that I regret that," whatever that thought may be.
• 7:55
  But the science is clear: This creates space reminding you that you are not your thoughts.
• 8:00
  But the science is clear: You're not saying what happened was, okay, you are just letting yourself stop fighting a war that is already over.
• 8:09
  But the science is clear: Second, reframe the story.
• 8:12
  But the science is clear: Instead of seeing your past as a reel of your failures, see it as a library of lessons.
• 8:19
  Ask yourself: What did this experience teach me?
• 8:23
  Ask yourself: How did it make me stronger?
• 8:26
  Ask yourself: Every mistake holds a lesson.
• 8:28
  Ask yourself: You can now use that wisdom.
• 8:31
  Ask yourself: Maybe you weren't as present for your kids as you wanted to be.
• 8:35
  Ask yourself: You can't change that, but you can be incredibly present for them and for yourself starting today.
• 8:44
  Ask yourself: Finally, actively pull your attention into the presence with gratitude.
• 8:49
  Ask yourself: Gratitude is the ultimate anchor to now.
• 8:54
  Ask yourself: When you find yourself ruminating intentionally shift your focus into three things you're grateful for right now.
• 9:02
  Ask yourself: It could be the comfortable chair you're sitting in the quiet house, the freedom in your schedule.
• 9:10
  Ask yourself: A daily gratitude journal can retrain your brain to scan for the good in your current life, not the perceived hurts of your past.
• 9:19
  Ask yourself: Just as being stuck in the past robs you of the present, but so does constantly living in the future.
• 9:27
  Ask yourself: The third sign is excessively worrying or chronic anxiety about what's to come.
• 9:34
  Ask yourself: This is the land of "what if," and in midlife the question changes.
• 9:38
  Ask yourself: " What if my children don't need me anymore?" "What is my purpose now?"" What if my partner and I grow apart?""What about my health or my aging parents or retirement?" Your mind becomes a catastrophic making machine.
• 9:54
  Ask yourself: This isn't healthy planning; it's destructive, worring, spinning in a loop of negative outcomes.
• 10:01
  Ask yourself: If you're constantly preoccupied with these future anxieties, you are not living in the present.
• 10:08
  Ask yourself: You are living in the hypothetical terrifying tomorrow.
• 10:12
  Ask yourself: And the great irony is that many of us spend decades preparing for this future, getting the kids through school, building a career, and now that it's here, we have no idea how to actually live in it.
• 10:26
  Ask yourself: We're still just getting ready for a life we've never let ourself experience.
• 10:32
  Ask yourself: This constant future tripping creates chronic stress that leads to burnout.
• 10:39
  Ask yourself: Physically, it can show up as a tight, jaw, tense shoulders, and a racing heart as your nervous system gets stuck in a fight or flight.
• 10:49
  Ask yourself: Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair.
• 10:51
  Ask yourself: It gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere.
• 10:55
  Ask yourself: The antidote is to ground yourself in the only moments you can
• 11:01
  actually control: right now.
• 11:04
  actually control: One of the best ways is 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, grounding exercises.
• 11:10
  actually control: When your mind starts spiraling, pause.
• 11:14
  actually control: Name five things you can see.
• 11:17
  actually control: Four things that you can feel.
• 11:20
  actually control: Three things you can hear.
• 11:23
  actually control: Two things you can smell.
• 11:25
  actually control: And one thing you can taste.
• 11:28
  actually control: This simple trick yanks your brain out of abstract worrying and plants it firmly in the present.
• 11:35
  actually control: Another strategy is to schedule worry time.
• 11:39
  actually control: Set aside 15 minute windows each day to do nothing but worry.
• 11:44
  actually control: If worry pops up earlier, tell yourself, I'll deal with you during my four 30 appointment.
• 11:50
  actually control: When the time comes, you often find the worry has shrunk or you've forgotten all about it.
• 11:57
  actually control: This teaches your brain that you are in charge.
• 12:01
  actually control: Finally, a constant mindfulness meditation practice is a game changer.
• 12:07
  actually control: It's not about stopping your thoughts; it's about learning to watch them without getting carried away.
• 12:14
  actually control: Apps like Headspace, Calm or even your smartwatch might have additional tools that can guide you.
• 12:21
  actually control: Over time, this builds your ability to stay calm and teaches you that while you can't control the future, you can always control your focus right now.
• 12:33
  actually control: The fourth sign you're not living in the present is a pattern of high emotional reactivity.
• 12:39
  actually control: This is when you feel at the mercy of your feelings instantly reacting without a moment of pause.
• 12:47
  actually control: Maybe you have a short fuse where tiny frustrations trigger a massive burst of anger.
• 12:53
  actually control: Or maybe you feel chronic boredom or restlessness, or a constant need for new stimulation to avoid feeling empty.
• 13:02
  actually control: This can lead to impulsive behaviors saying things you'll regret, online shopping, sprees or numbing, uncomfortable feelings with an extra glass of wine or hour of scrolling.
• 13:16
  actually control: This is often a defense mechanism against the present moment, especially during emotional and hormonal shifts of midlife.
• 13:24
  actually control: When we're disconnected from the now, we're disconnected from ourselves.
• 13:29
  actually control: We haven't learned to sit with discomfort like sadness, loneliness, or boredom.
• 13:36
  actually control: So, when those feelings surface, our instinct is to either lash out or run away.
• 13:43
  actually control: The impulsive actions gives us a quick hit of relief, but never solves the underlying issue.
• 13:49
  actually control: This pattern keeps you trapped.
• 13:51
  actually control: It prevents you from learning what your emotions are trying to tell you.
• 13:56
  actually control: By constantly reacting or escaping, you are denying yourself the chance to gain self-awareness.
• 14:04
  actually control: It can lead to a cycle of self-sabotage where your impulsive actions creates more problems, more negative feelings, and more reactivity.
• 14:15
  actually control: The key is to create tiny space between a feeling and your reaction.
• 14:22
  actually control: In that space is your power.
• 14:25
  actually control: First, practice a sacred pause.
• 14:28
  actually control: The next time you feel a strong emotional urge taking just three breaths before you act.
• 14:36
  actually control: Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for six.
• 14:44
  actually control: This calms your body's stress response and creates that critical gap, giving your rational brain a chance to catch up.
• 14:53
  actually control: Second, label your emotions.
• 14:56
  actually control: After you pause, try to name the feeling is a disappointment?
• 15:01
  actually control: Fear?
• 15:02
  actually control: Loneliness?
• 15:03
  actually control: Simply say, "I am feeling frustrated right now." This dials down the intensity and helps you see the feeling as a temporary visitor, not the entirety of who you are.
• 15:17
  actually control: You aren't anger; you are a person experiencing anger.
• 15:23
  actually control: Finally, start replacing your impulsive escape hatches with healthy outlets.
• 15:29
  actually control: When you feel the urge to mindlessly scroll, continuously choose something different.
• 15:35
  actually control: Go for a short walk.
• 15:37
  actually control: Put on a song and just listen without doing anything else.
• 15:42
  actually control: Or try free writing in a journal for five minutes.
• 15:47
  actually control: These actions are ways to continuously grow yourself in the present and process your feelings in a healthier way.
• 15:56
  actually control: The fifth and final sign is the deepest.
• 16:00
  actually control: You can't seem to find peace or genuine enjoyment in the present moment.
• 16:07
  actually control: You live with persistent feeling that something is missing.
• 16:12
  actually control: This shows up as a constant need for distraction.
• 16:15
  actually control: Silence feels awkward.
• 16:18
  actually control: Stillness feels unproductive.
• 16:20
  actually control: For years your identity was tied to being busy and needed.
• 16:25
  actually control: Now in the quiet, your mind is restless and already jumping to the next thing.
• 16:31
  actually control: There is this nagging feeling that happiness is just around the corner, it comes after the house is empty, after you retire, after you figure out your next act.
• 16:43
  actually control: But when you reach a milestone, the goalpost just seems to move again.
• 16:50
  actually control: This is a profound symptom of being disconnected from the now, because real peace isn't a destination, it's a state of being.
• 17:00
  actually control: You can only access right here.
• 17:04
  actually control: If you're always looking for something outside of this moment to make you feel whole, you're living in a state of perpetual lack.
• 17:13
  actually control: It's a painful way to live, always chasing the horizon that keeps moving.
• 17:19
  actually control: This is often rooted in being disconnected from ourselves after decades of focusing on others.
• 17:26
  actually control: We notice the simple, beautiful details of life happening around us, the warmth of the sun, the taste of fresh fruit, and the sound of laughter.
• 17:36
  actually control: We overlook the small joys because our mind is busy searching for something bigger, future joy.
• 17:44
  actually control: Life becomes a checklist instead of a rich experience.
• 17:49
  actually control: So how do we learn to find that piece right here?
• 17:53
  actually control: It's about cultivating a relationship with the present moment and ultimately with yourself.
• 18:01
  actually control: First, regularly check in with your senses throughout the day, pause and ask: What is one beautiful thing I can see?
• 18:12
  actually control: What sounds can I hear?
• 18:15
  actually control: What does my body feel like?
• 18:18
  actually control: Your senses are a direct portal to the now.
• 18:22
  actually control: Second, set daily intentions for presence.
• 18:26
  actually control: When you wake up.
• 18:28
  actually control: Before grabbing your phone, take one minute to set a simple intention.
• 18:33
  actually control: "Today I will be fully present in my conversations," or "Today I will notice one small moment of beauty just for me." This primes your brain to look for opportunities to be present.
• 18:48
  actually control: And finally, most importantly, practice self-compassion.
• 18:53
  actually control: Learning to live in the present is a lifelong practice.
• 18:58
  actually control: Your mind will wander.
• 19:00
  actually control: That's what minds do.
• 19:02
  actually control: The goal isn't perfection; it's to gently and kindly guide your attention back to the present, over and over again.
• 19:13
  actually control: Every time you've noticed, you've drifted, and bring yourself back, that's a victory.
• 19:20
  actually control: Treat yourself with kindness you'd give a friend.
• 19:24
  actually control: It's through this gentle, consistent return to the now that you will slowly rediscover that the peace and joy you've been looking for is right here all along, waiting for you to show up for yourself.
• 19:41
  actually control: So those are the five big signs you might not be living in the present: constant multitasking, replaying the past, worrying about the future, reacting on impulse, and struggling to find peace in the now.
• 19:57
  actually control: If you see yourself in one of these or all of these, it's not a reason for shame.
• 20:02
  actually control: It's a moment of awareness.
• 20:04
  actually control: And awareness is the first and most powerful step toward change.
• 20:09
  actually control: You don't have to tear down your whole life.
• 20:13
  actually control: Reclaiming your presence is a gentle process, especially in this new chapter.
• 20:19
  actually control: It starts with one mindful breath.
• 20:22
  actually control: It continues by choosing to put your phone down during one meal.
• 20:27
  actually control: It grows with each moment you catch your mind wandering and kindly guiding it back.
• 20:34
  actually control: The present moment is not the only place where you have real power.
• 20:40
  actually control: Your life is the sum of past regrets, future anxieties; it's the collection of these precious, fleeting moments.
• 20:50
  actually control: The goal isn't to have a perfectly empty mind, it's to build a relationship with your mind where you are the one in the driver's seat.
• 21:00
  actually control: So I have a question for you.
• 21:01
  actually control: What is one small step you can commit to this week to be more present in this chapter of your life?
• 21:08
  actually control: Share in the comments below.
• 21:10
  actually control: It's incredibly inspiring to read each one of your ideas, and I would love to hear them all.
• 21:16
  actually control: If you found this information helpful, please give us a like and subscribe for more amazing content just for you.
• 21:22
  actually control: If you'd like to read more about being present, please visit createthebestme.com/ep127.
• 21:31
  actually control: Thank you for being present with me today.
• 21:33
  actually control: Until then, continue to live every moment of your life in the present.
• 21:39
  actually control: Catch you next week.
• 21:40
  actually control: Bye for now.