Transcript

#55 Toby · Heavyweight

0:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you mean?
0:05
Speaker 2: Okay, my foot fell asleep? Are my foot fell asleep?
0:12
Speaker 3: Yeah?
0:12
Speaker 2: From a medical perspective, is it better to rub it
0:16
Speaker 2: or just to write it out?
0:17
Speaker 4: Keep it still?
0:19
Speaker 5: I think I think maybe like cutting it.
0:21
Speaker 3: Off by wait.
0:23
Speaker 2: Note, hello, Jackie, I can't walk and I can hear
0:30
Speaker 2: the ice cream truck. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is
0:40
Speaker 2: Heavyweight Today's episode Toby. Right after the break in two
1:00
Speaker 2: twenty twelve, Toby's father died suddenly of a heart attack.
1:04
Speaker 2: Shortly after the funeral, Toby cleaned out his house.
1:07
Speaker 1: You know, you just find stuff, find relics of a life.
1:11
Speaker 6: Like, oh, hey, here's this, you know, pocket watch that's
1:14
Speaker 6: labeled nineteen twelve.
1:15
Speaker 1: Who's would this have been?
1:17
Speaker 2: You know, Toby and his dad, Doug, weren't especially clothes,
1:21
Speaker 2: so going through his stuff felt oddly intimate.
1:24
Speaker 1: It's funny. I didn't know my dad ever smoked weed,
1:26
Speaker 1: but I found weed.
1:27
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
1:29
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, okay, it was really old, I think.
1:32
Speaker 2: Toby says there were thousands of decisions to make.
1:35
Speaker 1: Want to donate, what to try and sell it in
1:37
Speaker 1: the state sale, what.
1:38
Speaker 2: To keep pocket watch, keep old weed? Discard? It was
1:44
Speaker 2: while sorting through Doug's old suit jackets and books that
1:47
Speaker 2: Toby found a box. A box containing twenty one audio
1:52
Speaker 2: cassette tapes. Toby read through the labels. They had titles
2:00
Speaker 2: like phone Conversation, Terry nine thirty PM, Terry March third,
2:05
Speaker 2: nineteen eighty seven, Phone Conversation, and Terry's Call. Terry was
2:11
Speaker 2: Toby's mom. She and his dad divorced when Toby was four, and,
2:15
Speaker 2: judging by the dates on the labels, the tapes were
2:18
Speaker 2: recorded around the time of their split. Why did these
2:21
Speaker 2: tapes even exist? Toby wasn't sure. He put the tapes
2:26
Speaker 2: in the key pile. As Toby understands it, his parents
2:35
Speaker 2: were never an obvious match. Doug was the button down
2:38
Speaker 2: type and Terry had a wild hair. They got married young,
2:43
Speaker 2: and seven years into their marriage, Terry surprised Doug by
2:46
Speaker 2: picking up all her stuff one day and moving out.
2:49
Speaker 2: From there, Terry married a biker dude named Randy and
2:53
Speaker 2: spiraled into years of wild living and hard drinking. Toby's
2:57
Speaker 2: memory of those years is like a series of snapshot
3:00
Speaker 2: Hugging his mom and knowing, even at twelve, to smell
3:03
Speaker 2: her for alcohol. The time his friend told him he
3:06
Speaker 2: couldn't sleep over at his house because quote, my mom
3:10
Speaker 2: doesn't like your mom. And the night Terry took him
3:13
Speaker 2: and his little sister, Heidi to a bar and kept
3:16
Speaker 2: drinking and drinking.
3:18
Speaker 6: My mom was like unable to stand up essentially, and
3:24
Speaker 6: me being seven or eight, knowing like, oh, you're not
3:27
Speaker 6: supposed to drink and drive, and asking a random dude
3:30
Speaker 6: at the bar like, hey, can you drive us home?
3:35
Speaker 6: I remember being confused because I had asked the question,
3:38
Speaker 6: and then my mom still drove us home. My sister
3:42
Speaker 6: was I think old enough to know something wasn't right.
3:44
Speaker 1: She was probably kindergarten.
3:46
Speaker 2: In the back seat, i'd he reached out for Toby's hand.
3:50
Speaker 1: And we held hands while she was driving home.
4:04
Speaker 2: Eventually, Toby and Heidi went to live with their dad, Doug.
4:07
Speaker 2: Things were a lot more emotionally stable there, but Doug
4:10
Speaker 2: wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy. Toby can't remember a single
4:14
Speaker 2: time he ever told Toby he loved him.
4:16
Speaker 1: That just wasn't part of our That wasn't part of
4:19
Speaker 1: our vernacular. You never heard I love you, not that
4:23
Speaker 1: I remember.
4:25
Speaker 2: Although the divorce's aftermath had a profound impact on Toby,
4:29
Speaker 2: for the most part, he tries to avoid thinking about it.
4:32
Speaker 2: He tells me, he tends to shut out heavy emotions.
4:36
Speaker 2: In fact, this tendency came up just the other day
4:39
Speaker 2: when Lauren, his wife of fifteen years, brought up the
4:43
Speaker 2: box of tapes.
4:44
Speaker 6: But then I saw something very quickly change the subject,
4:48
Speaker 6: and she's like, this is what I'm talking about. Like you,
4:50
Speaker 6: anytime it starts to get deep, you immediately find a bright,
4:55
Speaker 6: shiny object to change the subject.
4:57
Speaker 7: He said, Hey, look at that silver carl there that's
5:00
Speaker 7: been parked there.
5:01
Speaker 8: For a while.
5:02
Speaker 2: This is Lauren.
5:04
Speaker 7: She's pretty avoidant of getting to those like raw vulnerable parts.
5:11
Speaker 2: Twenty one cassette tapes from the exact period of your
5:14
Speaker 2: life that you've spent so long avoiding might really bring
5:17
Speaker 2: out those raw, vulnerable parts, which is why, almost ten
5:22
Speaker 2: years after taking them home, the tapes remain unplayed, hidden
5:26
Speaker 2: away in a credenza. Maybe there's nothing even on the tapes,
5:33
Speaker 2: maybe they've been recorded over or warped with time. But
5:37
Speaker 2: maybe they form an unlikely door to Toby's past, to
5:41
Speaker 2: his childhood and his parents' relationship.
5:45
Speaker 1: There's so much that I don't know.
5:47
Speaker 6: Yeah, my dad's gone, my Mom's gone. I don't have
5:50
Speaker 6: any way to find out what was actually happening in
5:52
Speaker 6: my life. This is the last piece of them that
5:56
Speaker 6: like it be new new information. But I don't know
6:00
Speaker 6: that I'm ever actually going to listen to him if
6:02
Speaker 6: I if I don't have an excuse forcing me to
6:06
Speaker 6: listen to.
6:06
Speaker 2: Him, And so I Jonathan Goldstein have become that living,
6:11
Speaker 2: breathing excuse. Toby has come to me with the tapes
6:15
Speaker 2: in order to help him face his past and his
6:17
Speaker 2: feelings head on. What's the ideal version of what comes next?
6:23
Speaker 6: Like part of me is like send you guys the tapes,
6:26
Speaker 6: and you tell me what's on them and what's interesting
6:28
Speaker 6: and what's not, you know, like almost outsourcing.
6:32
Speaker 2: Like like create a curated We've done a highlight reel.
6:37
Speaker 6: Yeah, here's how your life changed dramatically through no fault
6:41
Speaker 6: of your own.
6:42
Speaker 9: Here's the highlights, after the break, the highlights, clear the hold.
7:00
Speaker 10: Yeah.
7:00
Speaker 2: I used to work at a radio show called This
7:03
Speaker 2: American Life.
7:05
Speaker 8: I know it's the show that inspired me to follow
7:08
Speaker 8: this line of work.
7:09
Speaker 2: If you've never heard of This American Life, they're like
7:12
Speaker 2: I think they describe themselves. If I'm not mistaken, as
7:15
Speaker 2: being like little movies for the radio.
7:18
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's the best. It was my favorite show as
7:21
Speaker 8: a kid all the way to it's still my favorite show.
7:24
Speaker 2: And how many things can you think of that are
7:26
Speaker 2: like that, that have been going for twenty five years
7:28
Speaker 2: and have just maintained the level of quality that this
7:32
Speaker 2: American life has truly, Like I mean even things that
7:34
Speaker 2: you end up loving, like like I love Star Wars.
7:38
Speaker 2: I watched three episodes. That was plenty for this American life.
7:42
Speaker 2: It just in some ways it gets better, it expands
7:46
Speaker 2: its universe and the things that it tries.
7:48
Speaker 8: Where you talk about it like every week.
7:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's meaningful to us. And I would say, if
7:55
Speaker 2: you love Heavyweight, you're gonna love this American life.
8:00
Speaker 10: Say that.
8:00
Speaker 8: I would say that.
8:01
Speaker 2: Should we say it in Unison?
8:03
Speaker 8: Sure, if you like heavy heavyweight, Okay, you're not saying
8:07
Speaker 8: it in Unison, you're.
8:08
Speaker 2: Gonna I don't know that's saying things in Unison really
8:12
Speaker 2: excel something. It's not like no, no, no, really they said
8:15
Speaker 2: it in Unison. It really imparted to me just how
8:18
Speaker 2: true this was. Yeah, but it is true that this
8:22
Speaker 2: American life continues to experiment every week with what Radio
8:26
Speaker 2: storytelling can be and it drops every Sunday night, So
8:30
Speaker 2: listen wherever you get your podcasts.
8:34
Speaker 1: I mentioned to my six year old.
8:36
Speaker 6: I was like, yeah, I'm talking to Jonathan Goldstein and
8:38
Speaker 6: he said, who is that? Is that an old man
8:41
Speaker 6: you're talking to about another old man?
8:43
Speaker 2: That he's basically nailed heavyweight in a sentence. I've started
8:49
Speaker 2: to go through the cassettes, which amount to about twenty
8:51
Speaker 2: three hours of audio. And while there are work calls,
8:55
Speaker 2: calls to the video store, a fair bit of Fleetwood
8:57
Speaker 2: Mac taped off the radio, a large portion of the
9:01
Speaker 2: tapes is exactly what the labels promised. Phone calls between
9:05
Speaker 2: Toby's parents. It seems that during the divorce proceedings, Doug
9:09
Speaker 2: had been meticulously recording his phone calls, possibly as a
9:13
Speaker 2: precaution in case of a custody battle. Toby has a
9:18
Speaker 2: busy schedule. He works a full time job and is
9:20
Speaker 2: raising two kids, so we set aside an hour a
9:23
Speaker 2: week to go through the tapes a little at a time.
9:26
Speaker 2: Our check ins usually occurred during breaks in Toby's workday.
9:30
Speaker 4: Oh hey, hello, Toby, Hello, can you hear me?
9:33
Speaker 10: Hello?
9:34
Speaker 4: Hello?
9:35
Speaker 2: The labels on the tape spent a couple of years,
9:38
Speaker 2: and we decided to go through in chronological order. The
9:41
Speaker 2: earliest tapes are from after Doug and Terry have separated,
9:44
Speaker 2: but before the official divorce. I press play, and for
9:48
Speaker 2: the first time in over a decade, Toby hears his parents' voices.
9:52
Speaker 3: Did you pay Joanna? Couldn't get a hold of her. Ah,
9:54
Speaker 3: you didn't pay her? Why not?
9:57
Speaker 2: In this recording, Terry wants to know why Doug has
9:59
Speaker 2: an paid their babysitter, Joanne.
10:02
Speaker 10: Well, I'm going to end up having to pay.
10:03
Speaker 11: You all the.
10:08
Speaker 12: Sport.
10:09
Speaker 3: I'm not asked for any I'm not vindictive, not greedy
10:15
Speaker 3: just to pay Joanne.
10:15
Speaker 10: I'm not going to ask for Okay, Well, I'll stop
10:18
Speaker 10: by the HM.
10:22
Speaker 6: My dad's voice I recognize, but my mom's voice. If
10:27
Speaker 6: you had just played it and said who is this?
10:30
Speaker 6: I would have I didn't recognize our voice, which is well,
10:33
Speaker 6: pretty incredible to me.
10:35
Speaker 2: And what Tobey also finds pretty incredible is hearing his
10:39
Speaker 2: parents speak to one another and with so much civility.
10:42
Speaker 2: The only version of them that he remembers is two
10:45
Speaker 2: people with so much bad blood between them they could
10:48
Speaker 2: hardly be in the same room together. Birthday parties were separate,
10:52
Speaker 2: and at his graduation they avoided eye contact and didn't
10:55
Speaker 2: speak a word. But none of that acrimony is evident
10:59
Speaker 2: in these early tapes.
11:00
Speaker 3: So you want that stipulated in the papers that you
11:02
Speaker 3: would have them for a couple of.
11:03
Speaker 10: Months this summertime.
11:05
Speaker 2: In another recording from that time, Doug and Terry tried
11:08
Speaker 2: to figure out how to split time with Toby and Heidi.
11:11
Speaker 3: What are you talking about game July, July, August, June
11:14
Speaker 3: and July. Well, Hi, birthdays in July. We don't get
11:17
Speaker 3: to give her a birthday party together. We love our kids.
11:21
Speaker 3: We don't hate each other.
11:28
Speaker 2: Not only do they not hate each other, they're getting
11:31
Speaker 2: along exceptionally well. They're able to hash out their divorce
11:34
Speaker 2: agreement just the two of them, without lawyers. They figure
11:38
Speaker 2: it all out at a Perkins restaurant one night. As
11:42
Speaker 2: Toby listens to his parents being so cordial, he feels
11:45
Speaker 2: a kind of dread because he knows cordial is not
11:48
Speaker 2: how things will end. It's like listening to the beginning,
11:51
Speaker 2: he says, of a horror story. What do you don
11:58
Speaker 2: so how did things deteriorate?
11:59
Speaker 10: So?
12:00
Speaker 2: How did they get so bad with that question in
12:03
Speaker 2: mind before you head with the tapes. Yeah, so okay,
12:07
Speaker 2: I'll play you. Uh well, Toby always knew his dad
12:10
Speaker 2: to be a pretty detached person. On the night the
12:13
Speaker 2: divorce becomes official, Doug seems genuinely lonely. The tapes capture
12:18
Speaker 2: him phoning a friend and getting a continuous busy signal.
12:21
Speaker 2: He calls back four more times until he can finally
12:23
Speaker 2: get through.
12:24
Speaker 3: Oh what do you guys do?
12:26
Speaker 10: Sit her top on the phone all night?
12:28
Speaker 3: No, leave it up to until people like you won't.
12:30
Speaker 13: Call hear what's going on?
12:33
Speaker 10: Dark? It's final?
12:35
Speaker 3: What final?
12:36
Speaker 12: The divorce?
12:37
Speaker 3: Oh, it's already?
12:39
Speaker 12: How can it be done so quick?
12:41
Speaker 10: Oh?
12:41
Speaker 12: I'm going to do now to live with it? Did
12:44
Speaker 12: you know I'm still going to take a lot of
12:47
Speaker 12: time to get over it?
12:48
Speaker 3: Sure?
12:48
Speaker 12: Sure? One one thing I.
12:50
Speaker 10: Learned people are not supposed to get divorced.
12:54
Speaker 12: What do you mean?
12:55
Speaker 10: I was always taught that if something's broken, you should fix.
12:59
Speaker 2: It, because you know, I remember my parents and have
13:02
Speaker 2: fight so bad.
13:03
Speaker 3: But you know, the found a divorce just never came up.
13:07
Speaker 10: Yeah, of course you'll never know the whole story, just
13:11
Speaker 10: like Toby and Heidi will never know the whole story.
13:16
Speaker 6: It seems like he kind of intuitively knew that we
13:20
Speaker 6: would always have questions, and that thread continues today.
13:26
Speaker 2: As we continue on beyond the divorce, Toby's wife, Lauren
13:30
Speaker 2: joins him to listen to some of the tapes, like
13:32
Speaker 2: this one, Hi Dad, This is a five year old
13:35
Speaker 2: Toby on the phone with Doug. Adult Toby, hearing his
13:39
Speaker 2: own voice, exchanges a smile with Lauren.
13:43
Speaker 10: Hey, hey, you got new cereal? Yeah? Yeah, what are
13:50
Speaker 10: you trying to do? You trying to rot all your
13:52
Speaker 10: teeth out?
13:53
Speaker 2: Bye?
13:53
Speaker 12: Bye? I love you one night, Okay, I.
13:59
Speaker 6: Love I don't remember that kind of relationship with him,
14:05
Speaker 6: Like what kind of relationship silly and playful and saying
14:10
Speaker 6: I love you when you hang up the phone, Like,
14:12
Speaker 6: I don't really remember that at all.
14:15
Speaker 2: The I love yous had existed, Toby had just forgotten them.
14:25
Speaker 2: The parents on the tapes are different from the parents
14:28
Speaker 2: Toby remembers in other ways too.
14:30
Speaker 3: How to bring along her care bear blanket too.
14:33
Speaker 2: Not only are they working as a team, but Terry
14:36
Speaker 2: sounds clear headed and on top of things.
14:39
Speaker 10: Yeah, she wrote it on some bog and it's like
14:42
Speaker 10: a bedspread type. Yeah, it's the one.
14:44
Speaker 3: Well, it goes on a little bed.
14:47
Speaker 10: Tobby knows who Robert is.
14:48
Speaker 3: That's who he's bowling the doubles with, and make sure
14:51
Speaker 3: he gets a ten ball.
14:53
Speaker 2: Whenever Terry calls to talk to the kids at Dougs,
14:55
Speaker 2: young Toby runs to the phone.
15:00
Speaker 3: Toby, I suppose so okay, I'll don't get through the son.
15:08
Speaker 7: I guess him right here here.
15:13
Speaker 10: Oh that was good.
15:15
Speaker 3: One another again, yad thirsty?
15:24
Speaker 7: Are you really gurgling?
15:26
Speaker 3: I really got ruper.
15:28
Speaker 2: And whenever they say goodbye, Terry, just like Doug tells
15:32
Speaker 2: Toby how much she loves him, I'll talk to you later.
15:34
Speaker 3: Love you bye bye, love you bye bye. I love you,
15:38
Speaker 3: love you do.
15:42
Speaker 1: It's a little bit.
15:44
Speaker 6: It's a little bit sad knowing what happened in her
15:47
Speaker 6: life over the next ten or fifteen years. Like my
15:50
Speaker 6: memories and my mom don't have any of that lightheartedness
15:55
Speaker 6: or happiness to him.
15:57
Speaker 4: I remember a lot more.
15:58
Speaker 10: Of the.
16:00
Speaker 4: Of the bad stuff.
16:02
Speaker 2: The bad stuff continued into Toby's young adulthood. Not long
16:06
Speaker 2: before she died, Toby saw his mother at a family Thanksgiving.
16:10
Speaker 2: Toby was in college and it just dyed his hair black.
16:13
Speaker 2: Terry was so out of it that she didn't recognize him,
16:16
Speaker 2: and she.
16:16
Speaker 6: Looked at me and said hi, and then like turned
16:20
Speaker 6: away and was like, where's Toby at? And it's like, well,
16:24
Speaker 6: I'm right here. My hair is a different color, but
16:27
Speaker 6: I'm still here. And that's a core memory.
16:30
Speaker 4: I think.
16:31
Speaker 6: I think that was the last time I saw her.
16:34
Speaker 2: You know that story, Lauren.
16:37
Speaker 5: I didn't remember that story.
16:42
Speaker 1: It's not a fun Friday night conversation.
16:48
Speaker 7: I've noticed today as we've been talking about stuff, like
16:51
Speaker 7: you'll get choked up and then you know you've got
16:54
Speaker 7: to sort of diffuse it, like you smile afterwards.
16:59
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of like, it's a funny joke I can
17:00
Speaker 1: put in here now.
17:04
Speaker 2: Knowing how Toby tends to brush over difficult feelings, the
17:07
Speaker 2: next clip I play him feels like one of those
17:09
Speaker 2: origin stories you'd see in a superhero film.
17:16
Speaker 10: Toby Stop.
17:20
Speaker 2: Doug is on hold with joe Anne, the babysitter.
17:23
Speaker 10: Okay, we'll get your jammies on that. Allen, shove up.
17:31
Speaker 10: Act a little happier. Acts a little happier.
17:35
Speaker 2: Okay, hello, Joanne, Act a little happier. The marching orders
17:41
Speaker 2: Toby would continue to obey all the way into his adulthood.
17:45
Speaker 2: But when Toby listens to the tape, I think it's funny.
17:49
Speaker 2: All he can do is laugh it off. Shall we continue?
17:53
Speaker 4: Yeah?
17:55
Speaker 3: Hellow, we're here.
17:57
Speaker 2: This is Toby's sister Heidi, asking Doug if can have
18:00
Speaker 2: dinner with her at her mother's house.
18:02
Speaker 10: No, I don't think. I don't think too. Why I
18:08
Speaker 10: don't go over her anymore?
18:10
Speaker 2: Hyle you over you?
18:13
Speaker 10: Well? I don't eat Tipper over there?
18:16
Speaker 14: Why?
18:17
Speaker 10: Because of your mom and I are divorced?
18:20
Speaker 3: Why they're true?
18:22
Speaker 12: Oil?
18:23
Speaker 10: I don't know. I will understand it better when we're older.
18:30
Speaker 2: In spite of Toby's being older, in spite of cassette
18:33
Speaker 2: tapes unspooling lives, there are many questions Toby will never
18:36
Speaker 2: have the answers to. But then one day, while going
18:43
Speaker 2: through the tapes, I come across one answer to a
18:46
Speaker 2: big question. How things between Doug and Terry got so bad?
18:51
Speaker 2: It happened after the divorce on one particular evening in
18:54
Speaker 2: April of nineteen eighty eight. Suddenly I can see the
18:58
Speaker 2: whole arc of the relationships fall. The recordings are heavy
19:02
Speaker 2: and scheduling these tape listening sessions over zoom. During Toby's
19:06
Speaker 2: lunch breaks no longer feels appropriate, and so I have
19:10
Speaker 2: a new idea. I decide I'll travel to Portland, where
19:13
Speaker 2: Toby lives, so we can sit down together and over
19:16
Speaker 2: the course of a dedicated weekend play these last tapes
19:19
Speaker 2: in person.
19:20
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, oh okay.
19:23
Speaker 2: After the break Portland, Hello, Hello, Toby, Lauren and I
19:49
Speaker 2: meet in a hotel suite in downtown Portland. Ah, Lauren
19:54
Speaker 2: and Toby sit next to each other on the couch.
19:56
Speaker 2: We all don our headphones to listen so we can starts.
20:02
Speaker 2: If that's good with you, guys. Yeah, and so we
20:06
Speaker 2: dive into that pivotal evening from nineteen eighty eight in April.
20:12
Speaker 2: For the first time we hear Doug narrating directly into
20:15
Speaker 2: the recorder. It's because this is the moment when he
20:18
Speaker 2: knows he's not merely documenting as a precaution, but potentially
20:22
Speaker 2: preparing evidence.
20:27
Speaker 12: In her house alone. That's when I called the police.
20:32
Speaker 2: It seems that Terry left Toby and Heidi at home
20:34
Speaker 2: all by themselves one night, and Doug called the police.
20:38
Speaker 2: Toby remembers that night.
20:40
Speaker 4: We were at mom's house.
20:42
Speaker 6: Yeah, and she went I don't know how long she
20:45
Speaker 6: was gone, but I was like five, I got scared
20:49
Speaker 6: and I called my dad and I didn't know.
20:51
Speaker 4: He was going to call the police or whatever.
20:53
Speaker 6: So my mom came home at some point and then
20:58
Speaker 6: like the police came by.
21:00
Speaker 2: Toby doesn't recall his dad talking to him about what happened,
21:03
Speaker 2: but it seems he did.
21:05
Speaker 12: Are you upset about last night? And see? I called
21:10
Speaker 12: the police because I don't think you guys should be
21:13
Speaker 12: left there alone. And I didn't know what else to
21:18
Speaker 12: do because I can't go in your mom's house, okay.
21:22
Speaker 10: But the.
21:26
Speaker 2: House they said we might get taken away to go
21:29
Speaker 2: to your house.
21:30
Speaker 12: I don't think you will because I don't think your
21:32
Speaker 12: mom will leave you alone anymore. And that's good because
21:36
Speaker 12: you know, when you're older, I think you guys need
21:39
Speaker 12: to be left alone. But not when you guys threw
21:42
Speaker 12: this yim.
21:43
Speaker 3: You know you.
21:45
Speaker 12: I know, I know, but you were scared, and I
21:49
Speaker 12: was scared for you.
21:52
Speaker 2: Terry, on the other hand, didn't think there was anything
21:54
Speaker 2: to be scared of. When she calls Doug sometime later
21:57
Speaker 2: to talk to the kids, how do he brings up
22:00
Speaker 2: that night and Terry explains it this way, Well.
22:03
Speaker 3: Come when hang left, no pay because I had to
22:09
Speaker 3: go check out my work and I was gone for
22:10
Speaker 3: fifteen minutes. Haven't you ever been left alone before you
22:16
Speaker 3: were asleep? You didn't even know it. And if Toby
22:19
Speaker 3: had been asleep, do you know what? I would not
22:21
Speaker 3: have left at all. But I thought Toby was old
22:23
Speaker 3: enough that he could sit here for fifteen minutes by
22:25
Speaker 3: himself and watch the movie he was watching without freaking out.
22:30
Speaker 3: But obviously not.
22:37
Speaker 1: Pretty shitty to put that on me, a six year
22:40
Speaker 1: old who got scared.
22:42
Speaker 11: So now that just caused the big that caused a big, big,
22:46
Speaker 11: big big problem. You still through the whole thing, Heidi,
22:49
Speaker 11: Toby knows all about it, and from now on your
22:53
Speaker 11: debit or never believe you guys learned either?
22:55
Speaker 3: Never ever?
22:56
Speaker 11: If he does, you call me how come you did?
23:00
Speaker 3: Because honey, you were absolete for the night. But that's
23:04
Speaker 3: the half kind of fine. The house, I wasn't gonna
23:08
Speaker 3: catch them far. We got that. How many? We've got
23:10
Speaker 3: two smoke alarms downstairs here, don't we? And we scored
23:13
Speaker 3: about the house. One catch the fire with fast climate matches?
23:15
Speaker 3: Are you guys gonna play with matches?
23:17
Speaker 12: But that's the right.
23:20
Speaker 3: We got all new wiring in the.
23:21
Speaker 2: House Because of what happened that night, Family Services paid
23:33
Speaker 2: a visit to Terry's house, but nothing came of it.
23:36
Speaker 2: Legally that was that. Still, Terry felt betrayed by Doug.
23:41
Speaker 2: Here they are later that week relitigating.
23:44
Speaker 3: Are you flying for full cut? Are you gonna doll
23:48
Speaker 3: at that?
23:49
Speaker 10: What?
23:50
Speaker 12: I want you to straighten your act up?
23:54
Speaker 3: My app big war straight Why.
23:58
Speaker 11: You made that yet?
24:00
Speaker 4: Four year old?
24:01
Speaker 12: A six year old alone?
24:03
Speaker 11: I left four I was begun for some of them.
24:08
Speaker 3: Hoar.
24:15
Speaker 4: She didn't sound sober.
24:17
Speaker 6: I think my sister and I were there with her
24:20
Speaker 6: at that point, like she was taking care of us.
24:24
Speaker 12: What was probably doing up at eleven o'clock on the
24:27
Speaker 12: school right?
24:28
Speaker 11: What was because one of the.
24:31
Speaker 12: Welcome the other day you said you were going to
24:34
Speaker 12: kill yourself. If I had gut see kids, I would never.
24:38
Speaker 11: Tell my own, you know how religious boot star.
24:45
Speaker 2: What begins is anguish hardens into anger. A few weeks later,
24:49
Speaker 2: Terry phones Dog and accuses him of being out at
24:51
Speaker 2: a bar called Windy O'Leary's.
24:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's Heary. We are you hanging out Winny o'larry's.
24:57
Speaker 3: Should I call the cops on you? You're told the
25:00
Speaker 3: wanting to talk to you. I think that's a little
25:02
Speaker 3: bit of neglect. I didn't really call it a bitch
25:05
Speaker 3: or anything, but what I do want to say is this,
25:07
Speaker 3: I don't like standing on my front porch spying. I
25:10
Speaker 3: told you to park in front of the house, and
25:12
Speaker 3: that's exactly what I meant. And if you can't get
25:14
Speaker 3: in an answer with the honk, then you just better
25:16
Speaker 3: start hollering in the door to behind it, because far
25:18
Speaker 3: as I did it, it was fying to listen to
25:21
Speaker 3: what was going on in the house. So yeah, I'm
25:23
Speaker 3: a little upset, and I've been upset and I've been
25:25
Speaker 3: holding it in. And that's just the kind of mood
25:28
Speaker 3: I'm in, and that's just the kind of.
25:29
Speaker 11: Mood that I have been holding within.
25:32
Speaker 3: So why did I just give a call?
25:35
Speaker 11: We know a Larius and see if you'll answer?
25:36
Speaker 3: Goodbye?
25:44
Speaker 2: So this next clip is the last tape between them.
25:49
Speaker 2: It's a long one. Let's let's listen if you if
25:53
Speaker 2: you're ready, I think so.
25:57
Speaker 10: That's very important I got hold of. You know, is
25:58
Speaker 10: there a problem?
26:00
Speaker 3: Can they talk to you about the month of June?
26:02
Speaker 2: The month of June? This is where the argument begins.
26:06
Speaker 2: Doug has custody in June, but Terry has registered Toby
26:09
Speaker 2: for summer softball. Doug says the problem there is that
26:12
Speaker 2: he and the kids will be out of town for
26:14
Speaker 2: two weeks in June. So Terry says, well, great, if
26:17
Speaker 2: Toby's going to miss that much softball, he'll probably end
26:20
Speaker 2: up with some horrible position like right field, and his
26:22
Speaker 2: self esteem will be shot to hell.
26:25
Speaker 10: You know that the kids come here in June and
26:27
Speaker 10: you just scheduled it.
26:29
Speaker 3: The damn league scheduled at that. Well, you didn't contact me, Okay,
26:34
Speaker 3: certicipate in any summer sports? Is that what you're saying?
26:37
Speaker 3: What's that Toby can never participate in any summer sports
26:40
Speaker 3: his whole life till he's eighteen.
26:42
Speaker 10: No, I didn't say anything like that. I said I
26:44
Speaker 10: would like to know. I find that.
26:46
Speaker 3: Let's let the child be just an invalid hum be
26:49
Speaker 3: a vegetaball all summer.
26:50
Speaker 10: What.
26:52
Speaker 2: Terry wants to change the custody agreements so she can
26:55
Speaker 2: take Toby to the softball games, but Doug says he's
26:58
Speaker 2: already booked the childcare he'll need for the whole month here.
27:02
Speaker 10: Yeah, Terry, now I am, I'm not following. Don't wait
27:04
Speaker 10: a second, let me talk.
27:06
Speaker 12: Okay.
27:07
Speaker 10: Joanne and Caprice have scheduled their time around when they
27:12
Speaker 10: can watch my kids, Caprice our kids. Okay, I'm sorry.
27:18
Speaker 2: So Terry turns it back on Doug. Okay, she says,
27:21
Speaker 2: if I can't see the kids in June, then you
27:23
Speaker 2: won't see them in July.
27:25
Speaker 10: Yes, I will see them.
27:27
Speaker 3: How maybe my men is still left.
27:29
Speaker 10: I can see them on weekends my normal visitation.
27:32
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll have to look at up because I do
27:36
Speaker 3: tend to look every little thing up.
27:38
Speaker 10: Are you going to look up about the school that
27:40
Speaker 10: you pull them out of?
27:42
Speaker 3: School?
27:42
Speaker 12: Is getting paid off?
27:43
Speaker 2: In those early calls, Doug and Terry tended to resolve
27:46
Speaker 2: their disagreements in just a few minutes, But now they
27:49
Speaker 2: go on fighting for over half an hour straight. Terry
27:52
Speaker 2: begins to leave from one unrelated grievance to the next.
27:55
Speaker 3: The other day, God damn it, Jonathan walked Toby home
27:59
Speaker 3: from kindergarten.
28:00
Speaker 10: Yeah, capriest went too.
28:02
Speaker 3: Caprice did not take them home. Toby told me this,
28:07
Speaker 3: that's not true. Oh Toby lied. You know, Toby, he
28:10
Speaker 3: is not a liar. When I walked to her, also
28:13
Speaker 3: to talk to the kids Friday afternoon, Caprice, after you
28:16
Speaker 3: can get up the phone, Get up the own kids,
28:18
Speaker 3: get up the phone, get off the phone, because I
28:20
Speaker 3: always make a point of calling them on Friday and Saturday,
28:22
Speaker 3: which I don't see you making a.
28:23
Speaker 10: Point of calling the kids during the week.
28:25
Speaker 3: But when I call, I don't appreciate the babies. They
28:28
Speaker 3: were telling the kids to get off the phone. Now
28:29
Speaker 3: I don't appreciate. Also, you standing on my front porch
28:32
Speaker 3: hearing what's going on inside of my house. To me,
28:34
Speaker 3: that is fine and low down and dirty. You were
28:37
Speaker 3: standing with one foot on the porch and one.
28:40
Speaker 2: And then finally Terry raises the thing that really underlies
28:44
Speaker 2: her rage, the night of the police, when two weeks.
28:47
Speaker 3: Ago, in the cops with here, you couldn't even come
28:49
Speaker 3: up to check on your own son's welfare when you
28:51
Speaker 3: were supposedly so dimnn concerned. So what's the difference. I mean,
28:56
Speaker 3: either you're gonna do it or you're not gonna do it.
28:58
Speaker 3: That's kind of double.
28:59
Speaker 10: Standards, because I don't think it would have been a
29:01
Speaker 10: good idea to make a big scene.
29:04
Speaker 3: Oh, make a big scene when you're taken upstairs and
29:07
Speaker 3: talk to the cops. You know, four policemen. You don't
29:11
Speaker 3: consider that a big scene. Four cops, right, that's Orange said,
29:16
Speaker 3: four cops is a big scene.
29:17
Speaker 10: What I consider big was leaving the kids alone.
29:21
Speaker 3: But you don't know our lifestyle. You don't know our situation,
29:24
Speaker 3: and no.
29:25
Speaker 10: Second lifestyle has nothing to do with it. You don't
29:28
Speaker 10: leave a four year old and a six year old
29:30
Speaker 10: in a house alone in the middle of the night,
29:32
Speaker 10: let alone in the middle.
29:33
Speaker 3: Of the day, Copsas has it ever happened before?
29:35
Speaker 11: No?
29:36
Speaker 3: And another thing that has or still is that you did, Doug.
29:40
Speaker 3: Was you sitting around, actually sitting around? Actually nobody can
29:43
Speaker 3: believe this in your suit, kai your jacket, your dress pants,
29:48
Speaker 3: your dress shoes and all that at eleven o'clock at night.
29:51
Speaker 10: Yeah, it was a matter of fact, as you were.
29:53
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact.
29:54
Speaker 10: No, I didn't. I didn't have a tie on.
29:55
Speaker 3: No you had a tie on when you was out
29:58
Speaker 3: here in front of my house.
29:59
Speaker 10: No I didn't.
30:00
Speaker 3: I had How can we see it? She was so
30:02
Speaker 3: far away when they came up here and check on Toby.
30:04
Speaker 12: Yeah?
30:05
Speaker 3: Sure, I mean, do you talk so serious that the
30:08
Speaker 3: kids you guys ever laugh? I know you do a
30:10
Speaker 3: lot of things that the kids. I know you guys
30:12
Speaker 3: go to zoo, and I know you guys go boating,
30:14
Speaker 3: and I know the kids enjoy it. But I also
30:16
Speaker 3: know they're getting to spoiled little burger bets over a
30:18
Speaker 3: lot of things too. They're getting expected a little bit
30:21
Speaker 3: too my child life, I think. But is there any
30:24
Speaker 3: humor and laughter in their life? Or is it all
30:26
Speaker 3: materialism and soberness. I don't know what's going on? But
30:32
Speaker 3: why is it? The other day Toby didn't for the
30:35
Speaker 3: first time, Toby didn't want to go to your house?
30:39
Speaker 3: And why did Toby draw a picture of the devil
30:42
Speaker 3: and say it was you? How do you have to bead?
30:44
Speaker 10: Dream?
30:44
Speaker 3: Last night? And it was at your house?
30:46
Speaker 10: That's the dream was?
30:47
Speaker 3: What is going on? I am really concerned.
30:50
Speaker 10: Yeah, I don't know. The kids hold a lot of anger.
30:53
Speaker 3: They don't hold a lot of anger here. Everything's funky
30:56
Speaker 3: dory here. As matter of fact, laugh to night. The
30:59
Speaker 3: kids have woke up with bad dreams, and both nights
31:03
Speaker 3: have been dreams. Had something to do with the house.
31:06
Speaker 10: Well, they don't wake up with bad dreams over here.
31:08
Speaker 3: They sleep as well from over there. They're not dreams here.
31:13
Speaker 3: You know, I'm thinking, is there a perversion going on
31:15
Speaker 3: or what?
31:18
Speaker 10: Well, I think that's pretty strong allegation.
31:20
Speaker 3: I don't hear the allegation, but I wonder.
31:23
Speaker 10: Well, exactly what are you trying to say?
31:25
Speaker 3: I had it happen to me? Is there a friend
31:27
Speaker 3: of yours that you are maybe think that's a good
31:31
Speaker 3: friend of yours? You maybe not be a friend good
31:33
Speaker 3: friend as you think?
31:34
Speaker 10: Well, I think you're wrong.
31:36
Speaker 3: No, that's that's not impossible. That it's not impossible.
31:45
Speaker 10: How can you comprehend leaving a four and a six
31:47
Speaker 10: year old at home alone.
31:49
Speaker 3: For fifteen minutes? And you know what? The DCFS worker
31:52
Speaker 3: died laughing. She said, tell me, do you know why
31:54
Speaker 3: I'm here? He says yes, because I have no sense
31:57
Speaker 3: of time till tell me. I'll be right back.
31:59
Speaker 10: I ran three blocks.
32:00
Speaker 3: I was right back.
32:01
Speaker 10: Well, you don't leave a four year old care because,
32:05
Speaker 10: by God, the first time, there won't be no cops involved.
32:08
Speaker 3: It'll be me and my family involved. Because nobody in
32:13
Speaker 3: my family can believe they said right or wrong. They
32:16
Speaker 3: can't believe that you called in the outside.
32:19
Speaker 10: Your family thinks it's okay to leave kids alone.
32:22
Speaker 3: No, but they think you should have come over yourself.
32:25
Speaker 3: But no, you can't even come up on the front porch, Terry.
32:28
Speaker 3: The police, the police.
32:30
Speaker 10: Did not want me to come up on the front porch.
32:33
Speaker 3: The police didn't want you to come talk to your
32:35
Speaker 3: own son. Did they say that, Terry? No? Did they
32:40
Speaker 3: say that they.
32:41
Speaker 10: Got the information they needed? They told me they thought
32:44
Speaker 10: it would be best if I left.
32:46
Speaker 3: Did you say, well, I would like to talk to
32:47
Speaker 3: my son. Did you take the police advice, Terry.
32:53
Speaker 10: I'm not gonna argue no, No.
32:56
Speaker 3: I want to know how much you care about tell
32:57
Speaker 3: me you took the police advice over your own son's welfare.
33:02
Speaker 3: I personally, I don't know. Maybe it's the maternal instinct.
33:05
Speaker 3: I would have said, well, can I at least see
33:06
Speaker 3: my son or talk to him?
33:08
Speaker 10: Okay?
33:11
Speaker 3: But the police advice when the police got thousands and
33:17
Speaker 3: thousands of thousands of calls to make and only one son.
33:22
Speaker 10: My own concern for Toby is why why the police
33:25
Speaker 10: were at your house. You don't leave a four year
33:29
Speaker 10: old at six year old place.
33:31
Speaker 3: Why didn't you just track your suit, tie, shoes, and
33:36
Speaker 3: your jacket over here in the first place. I did,
33:39
Speaker 3: you would have been here before they would have been here,
33:42
Speaker 3: I was you was here before they was here. Yeah,
33:45
Speaker 3: that just goes to show me that your concern is
33:48
Speaker 3: not what your son is, but how it looks reflex
33:52
Speaker 3: on you. First time I ever ever left the kids,
33:55
Speaker 3: they told that lady that they told the policeman that
33:58
Speaker 3: they told you that. I can't even begin to tell
34:02
Speaker 3: you my anger about this.
34:03
Speaker 10: Well, that's good because I'm not gonna allow you to
34:06
Speaker 10: do that.
34:06
Speaker 3: You're not gonna allow me kiss my ass. I don't
34:10
Speaker 3: ever gonna happen again.
34:11
Speaker 10: I don't regret calling the police when you call the.
34:14
Speaker 3: Police, Okay, fine, anything ever happens, I call the police
34:18
Speaker 3: on you. Then neither one of us have children. How
34:21
Speaker 3: do you like them? Apples? You want to calling up
34:23
Speaker 3: on organizations?
34:24
Speaker 2: That's tip cut off, Tip cuts off. It's not at
34:34
Speaker 2: the end of the cassette. The tape abruptly cuts off
34:37
Speaker 2: in a way that suggests Doug had pressed stop. For
34:41
Speaker 2: all of his rigor and scrupulousness and recording, It's like
34:44
Speaker 2: this moment was just too painful to document. In the end,
34:49
Speaker 2: Doug never needed the tape for evidence, as there was
34:52
Speaker 2: no court case. Terry agreed to allow him full custody
34:55
Speaker 2: without contest when Toby was in the third grade, he
34:59
Speaker 2: and Heidi went to with their dad for good Toby
35:02
Speaker 2: sits in silence, taking in what he just heard. Lauren
35:06
Speaker 2: studies his face.
35:08
Speaker 7: The thing I just get pulled back to again and
35:10
Speaker 7: again is like, that's my person in the middle of it.
35:17
Speaker 2: It's really hard.
35:19
Speaker 5: I wish there were like better words. I'm sorry.
35:32
Speaker 2: Toby's always been grateful to his dad for taking him
35:34
Speaker 2: out of a bad situation, but hearing this conversation, he says,
35:39
Speaker 2: he suddenly understands the extent of what his dad was
35:41
Speaker 2: dealing with and why it might have been so important
35:44
Speaker 2: that Doug remained the stolid one in the face of
35:46
Speaker 2: so much intensity. Perhaps someone had to be My.
35:50
Speaker 4: Mom was being awful, just being pretty awful.
35:56
Speaker 3: Jerry and good.
35:57
Speaker 13: They were happy, They were happy until she was.
36:01
Speaker 2: This is Toby's aunt, Tracy, Terry's sister. I reached out
36:05
Speaker 2: to her to try to get more context for some
36:07
Speaker 2: of the things Terry says in the tapes. Specifically, Tracy
36:11
Speaker 2: was able to explain the abuse that Terry referenced.
36:13
Speaker 13: My parents' best friends that mom and dad ran around
36:15
Speaker 13: with all the time. It was that man, the husband
36:20
Speaker 13: and Terry never told because she absolutely loved the lady
36:25
Speaker 13: and loved going over there and hanging out with her.
36:28
Speaker 10: She just just loved her.
36:30
Speaker 2: It wasn't until well into Terry's adulthood that the truth
36:33
Speaker 2: came out. She called her parents one night and told
36:36
Speaker 2: them what their friend had done to her all those
36:37
Speaker 2: years ago. Her parents didn't know what to do, so
36:41
Speaker 2: they did nothing. Terry's boyfriend at the time convinced her
36:45
Speaker 2: to phone the man's wife. They called together and.
36:49
Speaker 13: They told her these people are still married. And I
36:54
Speaker 13: guess in a day or two found out that she
36:58
Speaker 13: had confronted.
36:59
Speaker 11: The name, and.
37:03
Speaker 2: Just a few days later the husband died by suicide.
37:07
Speaker 10: Told her it was true suicide. Oh my yeah.
37:13
Speaker 13: I think that was one of Terry's demons. I think
37:24
Speaker 13: that his mom lived with a lot of regrets.
37:27
Speaker 3: I think she died with a lot of regrets.
37:31
Speaker 13: I mean, it's sad I look back and how sad
37:33
Speaker 13: it is that the kids didn't have her growing up.
37:36
Speaker 13: Anybody that's in addiction don't want to be an addiction.
37:40
Speaker 13: That addiction was always dumber than her. I'd believe with
37:44
Speaker 13: my whole heart if she could come back today and
37:48
Speaker 13: go okay, let's do this over. It would have been
37:51
Speaker 13: an amazing mom.
38:00
Speaker 2: The argument about the police was the last tape between
38:02
Speaker 2: Toby's parents, but there are two other tapes. Tapes that
38:06
Speaker 2: were not recorded surreptitiously. You were recorded explicitly for Toby
38:11
Speaker 2: is a.
38:12
Speaker 13: Bore start on Friday next to eighty one.
38:17
Speaker 2: This is a tape that Terry made recounting the story
38:20
Speaker 2: of Toby's birth directly to him.
38:22
Speaker 15: DEVI and I've got a whole viewing Xcus.
38:25
Speaker 11: That was your dad recurring.
38:27
Speaker 2: I was just so happy because this tape was found
38:31
Speaker 2: among Doug's things. Because Terry sounds so young and optimistic,
38:35
Speaker 2: you can tell that this was recorded years before the divorce,
38:38
Speaker 2: back when things were different. Terry explains how she and
38:41
Speaker 2: Doug got into a spat and it's what I argument,
38:47
Speaker 2: but then swore to never argue in front of Toby
38:49
Speaker 2: again and.
38:52
Speaker 3: Incent police but we don't like it, and soth.
38:55
Speaker 2: Main we made it. All these years later, it's hard
39:05
Speaker 2: for Toby to picture his parents as people who were
39:07
Speaker 2: once in love, who could argue and then make up,
39:10
Speaker 2: who cared about him in tandem. In two thousand and three,
39:14
Speaker 2: Terry died from complications due to addiction. The lasting image
39:18
Speaker 2: Toby has of his two parents finally sharing the same
39:20
Speaker 2: room took place at her funeral. Toby was surprised to
39:24
Speaker 2: see his dad seated at the back of the church.
39:27
Speaker 2: Doug left as soon as the service was over, and
39:30
Speaker 2: Toby could never figure out why his father had shown
39:32
Speaker 2: up at all. Maybe it was for the Terry he
39:35
Speaker 2: used to love. Maybe it was for their kids. Me
39:39
Speaker 2: and you naw kid, No, mister an, let's get this sleeper.
39:42
Speaker 5: You come.
39:44
Speaker 2: The final tape I play for Toby is one of
39:47
Speaker 2: Toby himself as a baby with his parents.
39:50
Speaker 4: You get the tickets, yo, you get the hiccups.
39:56
Speaker 3: This is pretty tricky getting his clothes on you would
39:58
Speaker 3: use for him and all our.
39:59
Speaker 2: Arm In another part of the tape, Terry sings to
40:06
Speaker 2: a baby Toby.
40:07
Speaker 5: See Toby, Gene, I'm so lovely, Jean.
40:14
Speaker 2: And I need to be Gene.
40:16
Speaker 3: We never pad so Hello, Toby.
40:20
Speaker 10: Gen.
40:22
Speaker 3: Give.
40:29
Speaker 1: I didn't want to put a kid through what I
40:31
Speaker 1: went through as a kid.
40:32
Speaker 2: Even back when he was just a kid himself, Toby
40:35
Speaker 2: remembers thinking, when I'm an adult, it won't be like this.
40:39
Speaker 2: When I have my own kids, I'm going to do
40:41
Speaker 2: things so much differently, and now he does have kids,
40:45
Speaker 2: a six year old and a nine year old.
40:47
Speaker 6: Something that has always been important to me is like stability.
40:52
Speaker 6: That's something I've intentionally built into my life. Yeah, because
40:55
Speaker 6: I knew what it was like to be a kid
40:57
Speaker 6: and not have that. And I think we've built a
41:02
Speaker 6: really good life for us and our family and our kids.
41:12
Speaker 7: Tobya told me a story from when he was a
41:15
Speaker 7: kid closed to do BMX racing, and you should tell
41:21
Speaker 7: the story.
41:21
Speaker 5: How to answer your story calling.
41:25
Speaker 6: Yeah, so I wanted to do BMX racing really bad.
41:29
Speaker 4: I'd seen it on TV. I was like, that's the
41:31
Speaker 4: coolest thing ever. I want to do this. And so my.
41:34
Speaker 6: Dad called the one bike shop in our town and
41:39
Speaker 6: was like, is there any BMX around or whatever? And
41:41
Speaker 6: they're like nope. And then I never got to do BMX.
41:46
Speaker 6: But our six year old really is into it, and
41:52
Speaker 6: so like, I've got him.
42:01
Speaker 4: I'll be an ex bike can work.
42:08
Speaker 15: Sorry, We're like, I'm going to a skate park all
42:11
Speaker 15: the time, and he's in mountain bike classes and yeah,
42:17
Speaker 15: doing that stuff for him that like, it's clear to
42:23
Speaker 15: me that my dad.
42:27
Speaker 1: Went the extra mile in the ways that he could.
42:31
Speaker 4: I want to do that for my kids.
42:38
Speaker 5: So he doesn't get emotional very often. This is the
42:41
Speaker 5: most I've ever seen him emotional. And we've been through
42:45
Speaker 5: some life together. You're sleep good tonight, buddy.
42:49
Speaker 7: Like you know, this is this type of emotional work
42:54
Speaker 7: that's exhausting.
42:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe, said Doug. Well, I know stand it better
43:00
Speaker 2: when we're older, which is something that people just say.
43:04
Speaker 2: But in this case, Doug inadvertently left something behind to
43:08
Speaker 2: make that understanding possible and yet to become the dad
43:12
Speaker 2: that he is, to give the things that he didn't get.
43:16
Speaker 2: Toby didn't need the tapes at all.
43:24
Speaker 5: Just really proud of you, Toby, Thank.
43:28
Speaker 14: You because I know that you feel that way.
43:54
Speaker 7: Now that the furniture's riturned to its goodwill, now that the.
44:04
Speaker 14: Last months rant is scheming with.
44:07
Speaker 1: The damage to pozzle, take this moment to deserve.
44:14
Speaker 14: If we if we too.
44:19
Speaker 3: Felt around for far.
44:23
Speaker 1: From things accidentally.
44:30
Speaker 2: This episode of Heavyweight was produced by senior producer Khalila
44:33
Speaker 2: Holt and me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Phoebe Flanagan. Our
44:37
Speaker 2: supervising producer is Stevie Lane. Production assistants by Mohemy Micgauker.
44:41
Speaker 2: Editorial guidance from Emily Condon. Special thanks to Alex Bloomberg,
44:45
Speaker 2: Max Green, Blythe Terrell, and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed
44:49
Speaker 2: the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K. Samson,
44:52
Speaker 2: and he himself, Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be
44:56
Speaker 2: found on our website Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our
45:00
Speaker 2: theme song is by The Weaker Thans courtesy of Epitaph Records.
45:03
Speaker 2: Heavyweight is a Spotify original podcast. Follow us on Twitter
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Speaker 2: at Heavyweight, on Instagram at Heavyweight Podcast, or email us
45:11
Speaker 2: at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com. You can also follow
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Speaker 2: notifications when new episodes drop. We'll be back next week
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Speaker 2: with a new episode.