Latest / Impact Ready / 177. The Hardest, Simplest Question

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177. The Hardest, Simplest Question · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hi, team. Welcome to the show.
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  So glad you're here today. Recently, I was, I was in a
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  coaching intensive. It was last week and I was
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  working with a coach that I've been so excited to work with for
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  probably over five years. I've been following him,
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  learning from him from afar, but I've never directly been able to
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  work with him. And in this cohort, listening to
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  him coach people from all around the world, it was so very
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  inspiring. And one of the things that he
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  would ask people is this question, what do you want?
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  And it strikes me that that's such a simple, seemingly obvious
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  question to ask somebody, especially in the coaching
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  world. It's a little cliche actually.
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  But to watch him ask, it was amazing because to witness
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  people try to answer this question, I mean, we're talking
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  high performing coaches from all over the globe struggling to
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  articulate what it is that they really want was absolutely mind
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  blowing. Over and over again he asked
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  this question. It was amazing to see how people
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  would dance around the question. They would talk at length about
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  a variety of other things. They would hem and Haw.
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  But it was hard to get a sense of what the real answer was for
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  people. What do you want?
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  And again, it seems like a really straightforward question.
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  Like, it would be easy to answer, especially for coaches
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  who make it their career, to help people understand what it
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  is that they want in their life. But listen, coaches are human
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  too. And I've come to realize in the
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  past 20 years of talking to people that it's actually really
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  hard for people to clearly answer what it is that they
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  want. There are a lot of reasons for
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  that. I think one of the big reasons,
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  especially for people who are in some kind of an industry where
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  they are of service to other people, is that you get in the
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  practice of giving, the practice of helping others, and you don't
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  give yourself time and space to think about what it is that you
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  actually want. You're thinking a lot about what
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  others want, but you're very rarely tuned into what it is
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  that you need, desire, want in your life.
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  I also think that there's some shame or guilt or specific
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  beliefs that can create resistance around the idea of
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  wanting, wanting more than is here now.
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  The idea of desire or wanting can have some stickiness to it,
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  some negative connotation at times.
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  I think we can acknowledge that many people have beliefs around
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  deservedness or privilege or what's realistic.
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  I also noticed that for anybody who has any sense of people
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  pleasing in their life, if that's a part of their internal
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  commentary, it can be challenging to speak out loud
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  your desires or what it is that you truly want.
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  All of these beliefs muddy the water a little bit and create
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  some static for people when they think about wanting things.
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  But there's tremendous value and knowing what it is that you want
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  for your life. Not only that, but there's even
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  more power in being able to speak it and take action toward
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  it. I think we as humans are meant
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  to be creators. I think that we are happiest and
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  most fulfilled when we are creating things in our life, and
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  that can be within relationships or work, whatever it might be.
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  Creation is very high frequency. What I find is that so many
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  people are just managing stuff in their life.
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  They're managing their schedules, they're managing
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  their kids, they're managing their relationships, they're
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  managing their boss. It's just management,
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  management. And we are often talking about
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  responsibilities and obligations and the things that we have to
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  do. And it can sometimes feel like
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  we're trapped in this life that we've actually designed for
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  ourselves. It's really interesting because
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  I also asked this question to my coaching clients.
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  What is it that you want in your life?
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  And you'd be amazed at how many of these people, who many of
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  them are entrepreneurs, they own businesses, they are creatives,
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  they are high performing people. They can't answer the damn
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  question, not clearly anyway. And often I have to push them to
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  get out of the frame of what's realistic, logical or possible
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  in this current circumstance. They are so used to managing
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  what is here now, it's very hard for them to take the guardrails
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  off their brains to think about what is it that I actually want
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  or desire. But part of the process is to
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  help them mine out what it is that they care about so that
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  they can then determine what it is they want for their life.
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  Because when they start to feel like they're back in the saddle
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  in creative mode, all of a sudden their joy and their
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  fulfillment and their happiness and their appreciation and all
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  these high frequency emotions jump way up.
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  It's so much less of the stress of life that they're telling the
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  story of, but now they're telling the story of, I feel so
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  purposeful. I get to create this.
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  I'm so excited to go to work. And that's where the impact
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  happens when you are in that space.
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  Because you can imagine the person who is most impactful is
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  not the one who is so stressed out in time scarcity, in lacking
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  mode, and not able to think outside of what is currently
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  there for them. The person who is most impactful
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  is the one who's thinking outside the box, who's thinking
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  creatively, who's thinking with curiosity and creativity and
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  collaboration. That space is a very powerful
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  space and that's where things get really exciting.
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  There's an exercise called the 100 Things List, and it's
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  literally a list of 100 things that you want in your life.
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  Usually this is the way that the exercise goes.
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  You write down the 1st 30 things with a lot of ease.
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  They just flow out of you. No problem.
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  I can write 30 things that I want.
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  The 2nd 30 is a little harder. You have to stretch a little bit
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  to come up with things that you want, things that you desire in
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  your life. And then the last third of it is
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  where it gets tough. Sometimes this takes people
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  days, sometimes weeks to finish because this is where the list
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  of things you want can get a little outrageous.
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  This is where you have to kind of challenge your thinking and
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  your beliefs about what is currently here.
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  Take the guardrails off your brain, as I said, and think
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  bigger. This is a space of creativity.
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  This is digging below the everyday common beliefs that are
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  bouncing around in our minds and our internal commentary and
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  dialogue. This is where you have to
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  challenge yourself, and it often has people having to set aside
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  feelings or thoughts about what's realistic, about what's
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  possible, and even what they think they deserve.
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  But the reason this is so powerful is because people
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  rarely think about this, and they very rarely think about it
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  to this depth. And when you do this, it almost
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  always reveals some important insight for you, something that
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  unlocks you at a very deep level.
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  At the very least, it allows you to get more clear so that you
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  can articulate what it is that you might want for yourself or
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  in your life. Think about this.
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  When is the last time that you thought about this?
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  When is the last time that you actually put pen to paper about
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  this? When is the last time you had a
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  conversation with your spouse or your partner about this
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  something where you were declaring it out loud?
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  For most people, it's not done very often.
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  And this is my challenge to you is to practice this exercise
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  this week. And remember, let's call this
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  what it is. It is an exercise.
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  Try to drop all the resistance that you feel about it.
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  Try to suspend your beliefs about the social cultural
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  constructs right now or the commentary around wanting and
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  just play. Take the guard rails off.
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  Allow yourself to think about what's possible.
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  You can write anything that you want, possessions, states of
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  being, feelings, things that you want for the world, specific
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  environments, I mean truly anything is possible.
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  You've had so many experiences in your life that have allowed
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  you to sift and sort through what it is that you want and
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  also what you don't want. So let yourself be free in your
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  mind and write it down. Like I said, the first third of
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  the list is easy, the second is a little harder, and the third
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  is the most challenging. So don't be surprised by that.
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  And on that note, if you're struggling at any point to think
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  of what it is that you want, you can write a list of things that
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  you don't want and work backwards.
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  Try to uncover the hidden desire there.
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  I know that I give you a challenge often.
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  I know for all of you who listen to this show regularly, you can
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  hear me giving a challenge almost every single episode.
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  And that's part of the coaching practice is to get clients into
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  action. And that's what I would love to
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  see for you is for you to say, I accept this challenge and then
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  actually do it. Actually write down the 100
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  things list. Don't just turn this podcast off
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  and go to the next podcast, but actually do this thing this week
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  and see how it feels. Because like I said, every
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  single time that I've put someone through this or that
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  I've done this for myself, it has been a massive unlock for
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  me. And I want that for you,
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  especially this first month of the year where you are setting
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  the stage for everything to come in 2026.
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  So good luck. Take advantage of this.
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  Think of this as a gift to yourself that you are giving
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  yourself is 30 minutes to start writing this list of 100 things
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  that you want in your life. I appreciate you.
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  Thank you for being here and listening.
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  And as always, thank you for being ready to Impact.
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  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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  recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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  awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
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  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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  subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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  Thanks again for being here.