Latest / Mooney's Mythic Podcast / Wet Lips and the Wild

Transcript

Wet Lips and the Wild · Mooney's Mythic Podcast

0:01
SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to this glorious first podcast and thank you,
0:07
SPEAKER_00: thank you,
0:08
SPEAKER_00: thank you for listening and thank you for being here in this birthing moment you
0:12
SPEAKER_00: know where the light of creation is all around us but also there's probably a bit
0:16
SPEAKER_00: of blood and pain as it comes through.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: And this has been a pretty long labor because I decided I would love to do a
0:27
SPEAKER_00: podcast about storytelling,
0:30
SPEAKER_00: about the deeper meaning of stories,
0:32
SPEAKER_00: kind of ramble around into the landscape of myself.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: And I got all the gear together.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: I've got this lovely, fluffy microphone.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: I've actually got no idea if I'm using this microphone or if I'm using the computer microphone.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: I forgot to check.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: And I had a meeting with Linda Connors.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: She's a great podcaster.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: Her sex talk podcast is brilliant.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: You know, just did all the right thing and got all super ready.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: And I lit my fire and I said some prayers and I set all the work up and then I pressed record.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Not a word.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: Not a word except for this burgeoning feeling that I had absolutely nothing to say.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: I had absolutely no right to speak.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's very old, certainly in my bones.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: I think that's bone deep.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: And I was remembering this morning that I was talking to my mum on this big kitchen table
1:42
SPEAKER_00: I was having a chat with my mum and we were just having a really open talk.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember what we were talking about, but it was deep and it was sincere.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: And then my boyfriend at the time came in,
1:53
SPEAKER_00: he opened the door and my mum just stood up really quickly and said,
1:56
SPEAKER_00: don't mind us,
1:57
SPEAKER_00: we're just talking nonsense.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: And I said, no, we're not, mum, we weren't.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: And it's an old place, this sort of diminishing...
2:10
SPEAKER_00: diminishing ourselves um in front of the masculine and also um the deep core belief
2:19
SPEAKER_00: that we've got nothing to say and I you know I've been a storyteller for 25 years
2:25
SPEAKER_00: it's not like I um don't you know I'm not an introvert I'm not I'm I'm I'm out
2:32
SPEAKER_00: there performing all the time but
2:37
SPEAKER_00: At most times when I'm performing,
2:40
SPEAKER_00: I,
2:41
SPEAKER_00: about an hour before,
2:42
SPEAKER_00: especially if I'm doing,
2:43
SPEAKER_00: if I don't know what I'm doing,
2:45
SPEAKER_00: which is pretty much how I roll,
2:47
SPEAKER_00: you know,
2:48
SPEAKER_00: because I want to offer something that's real nectar for the people in the room.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to, you know, prepare something.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Or I have prepared stuff before and then I've arrived and I'm like, oh, you know, this audience sucks.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm getting the feels for something else.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I go through this whole thing where it's like, I don't know any stories.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, maybe I should just cancel because I don't know any stories.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't know any stories.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have told thousands of stories.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: And I have to talk that place down.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of like literally climbing out of my body up the wall and doesn't want to do it.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: So sometimes I just write down a few stories or I just,
3:34
SPEAKER_00: if I can kind of go through five stories,
3:36
SPEAKER_00: oh,
3:36
SPEAKER_00: you know this story,
3:37
SPEAKER_00: you know this story,
3:38
SPEAKER_00: you know this story,
3:39
SPEAKER_00: and then just calm that place down,
3:42
SPEAKER_00: then it's fine.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: And I was watching a story teller on Saturday.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: Christine Watkins did this great new show called Furrow and I could see that
3:58
SPEAKER_00: it was the beginning of the story.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: She'd put some different stories together and she thought,
4:02
SPEAKER_00: so she thinks so beautifully and deeply and the care she puts into her work,
4:09
SPEAKER_00: I really honour.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: And I could see that she could journey with that story for a long time.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: And I haven't really done that over the last sort of 10 years.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: I've gone, I've had a sort of scattery
4:28
SPEAKER_00: approach to storytelling I'm constantly want to tell new stories and often I get
4:33
SPEAKER_00: approached to do different stories so you know I say yes yes oh yeah I can do a
4:37
SPEAKER_00: story like oh yeah Mongolian stories or I'll definitely do a day of Hindu magic in
4:45
SPEAKER_00: a school or whatever but I'm feeling called on this Beltane it's um it's the end of
4:56
SPEAKER_00: April
5:00
SPEAKER_00: And we're rearing up, rearing up, revving up, revving.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: We're revving up to celebrate Beltane in Glastonbury.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: That's where I'm recording this.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: That's where I live.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: And I feel the energy really racing through me.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: like really fucking racing through me.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: And I have to be really careful this time of year,
5:22
SPEAKER_00: I've realised,
5:23
SPEAKER_00: because I can just get a bit too excited.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: And I remember the first time I went to Glastonbury Festival,
5:30
SPEAKER_00: I just,
5:31
SPEAKER_00: I didn't sleep for like the four days I was there.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: I just ate it all, you know.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: I went to see everything, every piece of theatre, every bit of comedy, all the theatre, all the music.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: I was grateful to be there with a...
5:46
SPEAKER_00: um a group from Bristol called Folktales and they were really into their music and
5:50
SPEAKER_00: they were really you know um Jeffro and Joe had made their map and timetable so we
5:58
SPEAKER_00: were leaving one gig 20 minutes before the next one started and diving and I just
6:02
SPEAKER_00: couldn't uh I couldn't have done that myself it's not my nature at all to um you
6:09
SPEAKER_00: know I've just about work out where the loos are and other than that I just bumble
6:12
SPEAKER_00: about
6:15
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, there was a thread there.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, energy.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: So I, you know, I can use up a whole year's worth of energy this time of year.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: I have to be kind of grounded with it.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: So today, doom, doom, doom, was my last morning of coffee.
6:33
SPEAKER_00: Even that I had ground with acorns and
6:36
SPEAKER_00: other shit to make it less pokey for me.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: So I know that it's not going to sink me this time of year.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: And then,
6:44
SPEAKER_00: so also,
6:45
SPEAKER_00: um,
6:47
SPEAKER_00: the next thing I need to do is have an outpouring of my creative,
6:53
SPEAKER_00: um,
6:54
SPEAKER_00: thought blasts.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: And so that was when I started to remember that six months ago,
7:00
SPEAKER_00: I bought this nice fluffy microphone and I,
7:04
SPEAKER_00: um,
7:06
SPEAKER_00: Oh, the volume's turned all the way down.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: I wonder if that makes any difference.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh, well.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that I had this real intention to create a podcast.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: And I met this place, this mute place that didn't feel she had anything to say.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: And also this place of like, who do you think you are to think that you have got anything to say?
7:37
SPEAKER_00: And then this weekend I was listening to Blind Boy podcast and I laughed out loud.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: He was saying that he didn't really like sleeping because it was quite boring.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: And it just really, it made me laugh.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: And in that way, it was really good company.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, well, what if, you know, I recorded a podcast and it was good company for someone.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: That's all we're really here for, isn't it?
8:08
SPEAKER_00: For connection.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: And the more connected that we feel,
8:13
SPEAKER_00: the more that we can find our way back to the village,
8:17
SPEAKER_00: the more that we can feel like,
8:20
SPEAKER_00: oh,
8:20
SPEAKER_00: it's,
8:20
SPEAKER_00: you know,
8:21
SPEAKER_00: contradict that place.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: It's like, it's not my business or nothing to do with me.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: And get involved, you know, keep getting involved and getting involved and getting involved.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: Then I think that's how we can...
8:36
SPEAKER_00: I was going to say save the world, but, you know, that's a bit grand, but nourish, nourish the world.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
8:49
SPEAKER_00: so I'm going back to the first story,
8:51
SPEAKER_00: the first moment that I,
8:54
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
8:55
SPEAKER_00: it wasn't probably,
8:55
SPEAKER_00: it was probably Lady Bird books or,
8:57
SPEAKER_00: you know,
8:59
SPEAKER_00: other occasions do spring to mind when I
9:05
SPEAKER_00: was thrilled by story.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: But I'm going to start from this place, from this story, because it was the first story that I told.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was the first story I told.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: And I had this kind of shiver through my body.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: I was working with a company, a theatre company called Northern Stage.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: And I was
9:33
SPEAKER_00: I was in tatters.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: I was like broken glass on the inside and had this,
9:39
SPEAKER_00: you know,
9:39
SPEAKER_00: really wanted to be an actress and had gone to drama school,
9:41
SPEAKER_00: gone to Bretton Hall and had got this job and just had absolutely no idea about myself,
9:50
SPEAKER_00: about the world,
9:52
SPEAKER_00: about how to be.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: I was absolutely broken and I had no idea how broken I was.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: because I'm not saying I'm fixed now.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so I was there and that was another, that's another story.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: But we toured A Clockwork Orange for two years, so violent.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: I loved the adrenaline of it,
10:18
SPEAKER_00: you know,
10:18
SPEAKER_00: but it was so violent and so,
10:20
SPEAKER_00: yeah,
10:22
SPEAKER_00: young,
10:23
SPEAKER_00: masculine,
10:23
SPEAKER_00: kind of,
10:26
SPEAKER_00: not really my kind of thing.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: So then Christmas came and we were doing Grim Tales for Christmas because it was an ensemble company.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: I was there for a couple of years doing loads of different shows.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: And so Christmas came and we did Grim Tales,
10:44
SPEAKER_00: a production of Grim Tales,
10:45
SPEAKER_00: Carol Ann Duffy's Grim Tales,
10:47
SPEAKER_00: which is gorgeous,
10:49
SPEAKER_00: poetic,
10:50
SPEAKER_00: beautiful.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, really beautiful.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: And I remember rehearsing it, really enjoying rehearsing it.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: We were doing it in the round.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: So we were looking at how to, you know, move our bodies in the round.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: The whole thing was much more my, you know, in alignment with my soul.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: We were working with two musicians and having live music.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: You know, we had recorded music for A Clockwork Orange and having live music.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it touched me.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: And so then we get to the first night and I'm first on stage and
11:30
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe we all went on, we all clambered up on stage.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: It was quite high and it was in the round, as I say.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: And so we,
11:37
SPEAKER_00: in the round being like,
11:38
SPEAKER_00: you know,
11:38
SPEAKER_00: kind of a round circle in the middle of the audience all the way round.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: I remember going up on stage and one of the musicians had one of those long chimey bar things.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what they're called.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: I mean, chimes, chimes?
11:54
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, a long chimey bar thing where he could go like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: And I looked around and I said, once there was a delicious little girl.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: And the audience leaned in.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: Something about the quality of listening changed.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: And in that moment for me,
12:32
SPEAKER_00: I knew that that was what I have been put on this earth for.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: That that for me was life, was absolutely where it was at.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: And so I didn't know even what it was.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: I said to everyone, I'm just going to do children's theatre from now on.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: And I remember Mark Calvert saying to me, oh, you know, it's hard enough to get work.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, now you're only going to work in one genre of theatre.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: That's just ridiculous.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: It's ridiculous.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: But it felt right.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: And it was years later...
13:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm questioning whether to keep going on because I feel like I'm going on,
13:22
SPEAKER_00: but I'm going to keep going on.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: It was years later when I'd see, I had seen a storyteller.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: I saw this woman at a new K and, um, and she's African.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: And I just thought,
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh,
13:34
SPEAKER_00: if I was,
13:35
SPEAKER_00: um,
13:36
SPEAKER_00: African,
13:36
SPEAKER_00: I think I'd be a storyteller,
13:38
SPEAKER_00: but I had no idea that I could give myself permission to do that.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: All that there was any lineage, um, for me.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: in storytelling.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: And then I was at the National Portrait Gallery doing some workshops.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
13:58
SPEAKER_00: I can't even remember how I got these jobs doing these art workshops at the
14:01
SPEAKER_00: National Portrait Gallery,
14:02
SPEAKER_00: which I basically,
14:04
SPEAKER_00: thank you,
14:04
SPEAKER_00: Lizzie.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: I used to pay my sister Lizzie to help me make the art resources because I'm useless and stuff like that.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: And I was leaning over
14:16
SPEAKER_00: And the woman was there who ran the workshops.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: And I remember leaning over, tidying up some pencils.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: And I said to her, I'm a storyteller if you ever need that sort of thing.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: And this other voice was just like, what?
14:33
Shut up.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: And she said, oh, yeah, that's exactly what we need.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: And so I got a few jobs.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: storytelling there basically i did three stories she didn't come and see me for the
14:43
SPEAKER_00: first two i was terrible and uh she came and see me for the third one and sacked me
14:51
SPEAKER_00: but by then i had the national portrait gallery on my um cv and it helped me to get
14:56
SPEAKER_00: more stories and i'd got a little bit more of an understanding of uh of what
15:02
SPEAKER_00: stories were about and um
15:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm still very, very learning.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: And as you can see, my use of the English language can really fall apart.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: And I was probably terrible at storytelling for seven or eight years before I felt
15:30
SPEAKER_00: a kind of small movement.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: And then those small movements,
15:35
SPEAKER_00: every sort of cycle,
15:36
SPEAKER_00: maybe every seven years I've had another small movement.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Just saying that because...
15:42
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I know,
15:44
SPEAKER_00: especially when you're in that performer role or you're in a kind of a role of
15:48
SPEAKER_00: holding or whatever,
15:50
SPEAKER_00: people can kind of look at you with these sparkly eyes like,
15:55
SPEAKER_00: you know,
15:56
SPEAKER_00: you're amazing,
15:56
SPEAKER_00: which obviously I am,
15:57
SPEAKER_00: but I'm also totally rubbish as well,
16:00
SPEAKER_00: like all of us.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: So this story that I'm going to start with, I've noticed when I ask people,
16:10
SPEAKER_00: people what their favorite story is that lots of women say this story and they're
16:15
SPEAKER_00: not really sure why but they really remember it from their childhood i remember
16:21
SPEAKER_00: being in the um yeah no i'm i'm not gonna go there i'm just gonna keep going with
16:27
SPEAKER_00: this so this story which i am gonna tell quite soon um should i just tell it first
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Or,
16:41
SPEAKER_00: yeah,
16:42
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
16:42
SPEAKER_00: sometimes this is just to give you a window into my process,
16:47
SPEAKER_00: like the story has just sort of arrived in my belly.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: I want to say womb, but I thought it just sounds too much like an idiot.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not sure it quite is.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: But definitely it sort of arrived like it's suddenly ready to be told.
17:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just to get my drum.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: It's only behind me.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm not leaving the room.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Don't worry.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: I just see it.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: And it's a bit tight.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: So that's going to sound.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Often when I imagine myself storytelling, I'm holding my drum.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: But in truth, I'm terrible at playing and talking at the same time.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: So I often don't.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: So I'm just singing through.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: I just find like making sounds helps the story to kind of like come through in all its colours.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm not,
18:03
SPEAKER_00: you know,
18:04
SPEAKER_00: making any sense or I'm not in this moment like trying to entertain you with my singing.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm just entertaining.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: bringing through the colours of the story,
18:18
SPEAKER_00: like creating a landscape with my sound,
18:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm creating a landscape so that when I begin telling the story,
18:27
SPEAKER_00: it's somehow all arrived.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: And then before I know it, that kind of like... ..just becomes, turns into Once Upon A Time.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: And then we're there, we're in the story.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: That's how it sometimes worked for me, sometimes not, but that's how I feel like it's happening today.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: Once upon a time, there was a delicious little girl.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: And she was loved by everyone who saw her,
19:16
SPEAKER_00: but most of all by her grandmother,
19:19
SPEAKER_00: who was always giving her sweet treats and smiling at her and had effortless time
19:25
SPEAKER_00: for her,
19:26
SPEAKER_00: effortless time to witness and watch.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: And she could do things over and over and over and over again for her grandmother.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: And her grandmother never got bored of watching her.
19:42
SPEAKER_00: And grandmother was poorly.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: Grandmother's life force was dimming.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: And mum was stressed.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: And mum was stressed because life was busy, but she was also hiding in that stress.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: She was hiding in it because her daughter was growing up.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And she wasn't quite sure how to manage the feelings that were going on inside her.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: And she wasn't quite sure how to manage what was going on outside of her.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: And life wasn't giving her the time.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: She wasn't able to take the time.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: There's a blackbird that's just come and sat down on a telephone wire just outside my window.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: I think it's listening to the story.
20:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I feel I should...
20:34
SPEAKER_00: I feel I should just include the birds, just calling in the birds and their sweet singing voices.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: Please come and sing your sweet singing voices through this story, through us.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: Let us remember that we are also allowed to sing the dawn chorus.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: And that was what the mum had done for a long time.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: I mean, when was the last time she got up at dawn?
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Just for the joy of it.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Just for the joy of hearing that first bird sing.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Just the warble of it.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Just for the joy of opening up her own mouth and lifting it up.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: with those voices when was the last time she got her the hem of her skirts wet
21:20
SPEAKER_00: because she went for such a long walk because her body just wanted to walk and walk
21:25
SPEAKER_00: and walk and walk and walk no she was in an endless round of folding and washing
21:32
SPEAKER_00: and worrying worrying and folding and washing and
21:39
SPEAKER_00: Her daughter came in striding into the room with this bright red cape,
21:45
SPEAKER_00: this bright red hood that her grandmother had made her.
21:50
SPEAKER_00: And it was scarlet and it was soft and it was lined with fur.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: And it dazzled and it sang and you could see her from a distance and she looked great in it.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: And she knew that she looked great in it.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: And people had even started calling her Little Red Riding Hood and Little Red Cap
22:11
SPEAKER_00: because she wore it all the time and she was so happy with it.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: And her mum looked at that,
22:19
SPEAKER_00: that familiar kind of odd sort of shock ran through her body of noticing that her
22:27
SPEAKER_00: daughter was blossoming and burgeoning and blooming and not quite knowing what to
22:36
SPEAKER_00: do with it.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: And also in the ripeness of her daughter, feeling her own
22:44
SPEAKER_00: sagging and sapping and zapping.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: So she's,
22:52
SPEAKER_00: you know,
22:53
SPEAKER_00: instantly gives her a job,
22:55
SPEAKER_00: just rides over these feelings by giving Little Red Cap a job.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: She thinks, what can I do?
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Or what do I want to do today?
23:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed and I just want to lump some of it onto Little Red Cap.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: So she says to her, look, your grandma's weak and she's poorly and I'm worried about her.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: And I've made this cake and wine and these will give her more stamina.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: And will you go over to the woods, through the woods and will you give them to grandmother?
23:30
SPEAKER_00: And of course, Little Red Cap does, because what teenager doesn't want to just get out there and be seen?
23:38
SPEAKER_00: And it was one of the things that she loved to do.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: And it's age old that teenagers take on errands so that they can run around, walk around and be seen.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: And people can say to them, oh, haven't you grown?
23:52
SPEAKER_00: And look at your young woman now and all the words and all the witnessing.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: So she agreed and she picked up the basket and off she went into the woods.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: If you don't go into the woods, your life will never start.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: If you don't go into the woods, your life will never start.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: If you don't.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful in the woods that day.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: The sky's blue and it's pouring through the leaves somehow.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: It's like the blue, the brightness of the blue.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: is meeting her for the first time in ages,
24:42
SPEAKER_00: because it's been one of those winters,
24:45
SPEAKER_00: a wintry winter,
24:46
SPEAKER_00: a winter of winter.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: And the blue seems to be reaching her.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: I think it's because the leaves,
24:54
SPEAKER_00: they're new and they're fresh,
24:55
SPEAKER_00: they're spring leaves,
24:56
SPEAKER_00: and so they're almost see-through in the delicacy of their greenness and the blossoms.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: Just a quick aside,
25:07
SPEAKER_00: because I can hear the guy downstairs,
25:09
SPEAKER_00: he plays the bagpipes,
25:10
SPEAKER_00: and I can hear him sort of blowing out his bagpipes.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: So in a minute, we might be accompanied by his bagpipes, or he might just be giving them a clean.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: But I'm just giving you the heads up.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: So there she is.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: She's in the woods.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: There's the guy cleaning his bagpipes by the tree.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: And the leaves are so green and the sun is so shining.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: But there's this breeze, this fresh, fresh breeze.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: So good and so nice.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: And she's just unfolding herself.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: You know, she's been hunched over her phone or, you know, somehow in that way that we're starting to
25:53
SPEAKER_00: move our bodies in that real hunched over, hibernating way in the winter.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: I heard that hedgehogs stick their nose up their bums when they hibernate.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure if that's true or not, but it feels quite nice.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
26:11
SPEAKER_00: I've got quite a big nose,
26:11
SPEAKER_00: but there's no way I'm going to do that,
26:17
SPEAKER_00: even though I'm quite flexible.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I can just feel that that's comforting.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: So maybe there's some hedgehogs in the woods and they are slowly just kind of like
26:28
SPEAKER_00: getting their noses out of their bums and just giving them a little,
26:33
SPEAKER_00: you know,
26:34
SPEAKER_00: little scratch,
26:35
SPEAKER_00: getting the crust off.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: That's what's happening all around the woods.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: And there's this lovely dappled light that's going on everywhere.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: And Little Red Cap, she even puts her hood back and she stretches and she just opens herself to the sun.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: And it's like she's inviting the sun,
26:55
SPEAKER_00: like she invites all of the villagers and everyone around to just witness her blossoming,
27:01
SPEAKER_00: to just witness,
27:03
SPEAKER_00: witness,
27:03
SPEAKER_00: witness her blossoming.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: And remember the oldest one of them, the oldest story in the world.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: From ancient Sumeria,
27:11
SPEAKER_00: Inanna,
27:11
SPEAKER_00: in the poem of Inanna,
27:13
SPEAKER_00: she's leaning back and she's saying,
27:16
SPEAKER_00: behold,
27:17
SPEAKER_00: my wondrous vulva.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: And I think that she's doing that little red cap.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: She's just like, look at me in all my burgeoning, in all my juicy beauty.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: And that's when the wolf sees her.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: And he sees her.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: And her freshness.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: He catches a whiff of her scent.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: And it's so fresh.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: And it's so new.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: And he wants it.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: He wants to taste it.
27:53
SPEAKER_00: He wants to devour it.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: He wants to have it.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: And so he looks at her.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: And he smiles.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: Showing those sharp teeth.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: And he knows how gorgeous he is.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: He knows that his fur is thick and that his eyes twinkle.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: He knows.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: And there's been many,
28:24
SPEAKER_00: many an advertising campaign to condition and to persuade us all that he is where
28:34
SPEAKER_00: it is at.
28:36
SPEAKER_00: That he is the power.
28:38
SPEAKER_00: That he is the one.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: And he licks his finger and traces it along one of his brows.
28:51
SPEAKER_00: And says, hello, little red cat.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: Because of course he knows her name, because he knows all the young women in the village.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: He says, where are you going on this fine day?
29:07
SPEAKER_00: And she tells him because she's been told to be polite and talk to adults and be
29:15
SPEAKER_00: nice to them and speak when you're spoken to and answer the man's question.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: And so she does.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: She tells him she's going to her grandmother's house and that she's poorly and
29:28
SPEAKER_00: still a bit weak and that she's got these things to feed her.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: And the wolf...
29:37
SPEAKER_00: has a plan and it twinkles across his eyes and she sees it she catches it but she's
29:43
SPEAKER_00: not had the experience or the education to know what it means and she knows because
29:51
SPEAKER_00: there's a slight clenching inside her body but she's been told long ago to ignore
29:59
SPEAKER_00: those sensations so when he looks at her and says do you not want to pick some
30:06
SPEAKER_00: flowers
30:08
SPEAKER_00: Little Red Cap, do you not want to pick some flowers for your grandmother?
30:12
SPEAKER_00: How nice would that be?
30:13
SPEAKER_00: And he picks a flower full and blooming, a bluebell.
30:20
SPEAKER_00: And he just shakes it a tiny bit and all the bluebells quiver.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: And Little Red Cap notices that her body quivers as well.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: And he says, look all around you.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: And she looks all around her and she sees all the tiny flowers, the cowslips.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: There, a primrose.
30:54
SPEAKER_00: And ground ivy just flowering.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: And she thanks.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: the wolf for showing her these flowers which she hadn't noticed because she had her
31:10
SPEAKER_00: body stretched up to the sun.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: And she began to pick the flowers and she picked more and more tempting flowers
31:20
SPEAKER_00: which led her deeper and deeper into the wood.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: But the wolf ran fast and straight and true and went to the grandmother's house and knocked on the door.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: lift the latch i'm too poorly to get up my grandmother doesn't speak like that at
31:42
SPEAKER_00: all i mean she's dead now so no she hasn't said much for a while but um i i think
31:47
SPEAKER_00: i'm going to uh honor my grandmother and do her voice lift the latch i'm too poorly
31:53
SPEAKER_00: to get up and so
31:57
SPEAKER_00: The wolf lifts the latch and he comes on in and he just eats the grandmother
32:04
SPEAKER_00: because he's so fucking starving.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: He eats the grandmother because he's so fucking starving for the feminine.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: He's so fucking starving for something.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: He's starving.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: I mean, if that's a bit much for a podcast, sorry.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: I just felt it then.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: He eats up the grandmother and then he apes her.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I just love that phrase.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: He apes her.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: He puts on her clothes.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: He pretends to be her.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: He pretends to be her so that he can trick Little Red Riding Hood.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: And so finally Little Red Riding Hood comes bouncing up to the door and she knocks on the door.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: Sound effects too, you see.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: No expense spared here.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: She knocks on the door and he says, lift the latch, I'm too poorly to get up.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: And Little Red Riding Hood's like, whoa, you sound well rough, Nan, that sounds terrible.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: And immediately is like bumbling about in her basket.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: to get the wine thinking she needs a sip of this.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: And then she looks up and she's like, whoa, grandmother.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: And then grandmother's eyes are like,
33:28
SPEAKER_00: they're hairy and they're bulging and they're kind of yellow and like really,
33:33
SPEAKER_00: really round.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: She's like, whoa, grandmother, what big eyes you've got.
33:36
SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe it's swelling from the cold or whatever.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: And grandmother says, oh, all the better to see you with my dear.
33:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and she does just really want to be seen.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: She really wants to be seen, little red cap.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: It's like there's been so many times in her life when things haven't been witnessed.
34:07
SPEAKER_00: When she's had no one to talk to about the things that she's already experienced.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: Witnessed and seen.
34:14
SPEAKER_00: She said so many times in her life where when she was little,
34:18
SPEAKER_00: she was in a room and it was just backs of the legs.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: And no one had any attention for her.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: And so she's comforted by these words, all the better to see you with.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: And she smiles and she goes to put her hand on her grandmother's head and just kind
34:41
SPEAKER_00: of like,
34:42
SPEAKER_00: just stroke her when she notices these massive grey ears.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: They're like hairy and, you know, it's a bit of like, inside them and
34:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, she had read at school recently that ears don't stop growing.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: You know, your ears just get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: But she couldn't help but say, whoa, what big ears you have.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: And her grandmother says, oh, all the better to hear you with, my dear.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: She wants to be heard.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: She wants her voice to be heard.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: And so she smiles at grandmother and grandmother smiles back.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: What a smile it is.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: It's like...
35:39
SPEAKER_00: The teeth are huge.
35:42
SPEAKER_00: They've even got kind of saliva on them.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: And she set up this thing now,
35:48
SPEAKER_00: Grandmother,
35:48
SPEAKER_00: where the girl,
35:50
SPEAKER_00: she thinks she's in for a compliment,
35:52
SPEAKER_00: you know.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: So she's like, oh, Grandmother, what big teeth you have.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: And she's just waiting.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: She's just like open, waiting, receptive for this compliment.
36:03
SPEAKER_00: And the wolf says, all the better to eat you with.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: And just...
36:09
SPEAKER_00: Eats up.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: Eats up, little redcap.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you what.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: It's dark inside the wolf.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: But after a while, see, I can't do it.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: I might get like a shrooty box or a... metronome or something.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: Anyway.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the wolf's heartbeat was irregular.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: And after a while... she stopped panicking, little red riding hood in there.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: She stopped panicking and she...
37:06
SPEAKER_00: felt very collected, connected to her grandmother.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: She didn't know she was in there at first,
37:13
SPEAKER_00: but she was calling upon the help of her ancestors to support her in this pretty
37:21
SPEAKER_00: sticky situation.
37:27
SPEAKER_00: And then she reached, she reached, she reached, she reached.
37:31
SPEAKER_00: And she didn't really know what she was doing, but she felt it.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: She could feel it.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: And the whole desire to live just was like coursing through her body, pushing through her body.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: And she reached up and she felt the hold of those tonsils of the wolf.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: And she pulled on the tonsils and out she just leapt out.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: And then behind her...
37:54
SPEAKER_00: hanging on to her was her grandmother there they were they came out whole they came
38:02
SPEAKER_00: out intact i mean they were covered in shit but um you know they took them a while
38:07
SPEAKER_00: to get that off of them but they did it and then the huntsman arrived i wasn't sure
38:15
SPEAKER_00: he was going to in this story but he's here now with his axe i can see him so
38:22
SPEAKER_00: yeah nice to have him present actually this this um embodiment of yang energy this
38:31
SPEAKER_00: embodiment of practical grounded earth-loving energy and and he said oh you wily
38:42
SPEAKER_00: wolf you at it again and um
38:49
SPEAKER_00: And sent the wolf out to the wild.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: Sent the wolf back out into the wild.
38:57
SPEAKER_00: The wolf went back into the wild.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: And then the grandmother and the huntsman and Little Red Riding Hood, they
39:15
SPEAKER_00: They ate the cakes and they drank the wine and they lived happily ever after.
39:31
SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't it be nice just to have some like lovely magical jingles or...
39:37
SPEAKER_00: something but that's not that's not uh what we're gonna have uh right now sorry i
39:43
SPEAKER_00: locked myself out and i had to log back in again if you've had some like tickety
39:47
SPEAKER_00: tick tick tacking so just want to talk a little bit about this story
39:54
SPEAKER_00: Where to start?
39:55
SPEAKER_00: I did,
39:56
SPEAKER_00: I told you,
39:56
SPEAKER_00: I did have this idea that I was going to write everything down and put it on a big
40:03
SPEAKER_00: whiteboard and I was going to read it off the whiteboard.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: But last time I'd used my whiteboard, I'd used permanent marker.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: And after trying to get it off with some nail polish remover this morning, I just thought, oh, bugger it.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: So here we are.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's an old story.
40:23
SPEAKER_00: Charles Perrault, 1697.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: That's the first written story.
40:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, and, um, they say it comes from the Northern Alps and that, um,
40:39
SPEAKER_00: I believe this is an ancient, ancient story.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: I reckon there's stories in the earth around this all over the world.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: So I'm just telling you what, you know, trying to sound clever by telling you a bit of sort of
40:54
SPEAKER_00: grounded historical information about it.
40:58
SPEAKER_00: And the Brothers Grimm wrote it in 1812.
41:02
SPEAKER_00: And they were inspired by this guy,
41:06
SPEAKER_00: Ludwig Tieck,
41:07
SPEAKER_00: who had written a book called The Trials and Tribulations of Little Red Riding Hood.
41:14
SPEAKER_00: But I've been thinking about this story a lot,
41:16
SPEAKER_00: you know,
41:16
SPEAKER_00: because that's what I do,
41:17
SPEAKER_00: think about stories and think about everything in relation to stories.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: And the first thing,
41:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm just trying to decide whether to go backwards through the story or forwards
41:29
SPEAKER_00: through the story.
41:31
SPEAKER_00: And I think we're going to start with the wolf.
41:36
SPEAKER_00: Because I was traveling in Romania.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: And I asked this woman, there's so much God there.
41:42
SPEAKER_00: You know,
41:42
SPEAKER_00: we were going to visit a lot of churches and a lot of Catholic churches because
41:47
SPEAKER_00: they were very beautiful.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's amazing to to create a place where we can where we can.
42:00
SPEAKER_00: pray and acknowledge the presence of spirit I've got absolutely no problem with
42:06
SPEAKER_00: that at all and I sometimes think about the woods as a kind of cathedral of trees
42:14
SPEAKER_00: that it all started as a cathedral of trees you know we would meet in and under
42:20
SPEAKER_00: trees and in caves before we built things
42:28
SPEAKER_00: And the wolf.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: So I asked her, I was like, before Catholicism, what did you worship in this country?
42:40
SPEAKER_00: And she looked at me as though she wanted to kill me for a moment.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: But I realized that was just her face of repose.
42:48
SPEAKER_00: That was just how she was.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: She said, the wolf.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: And of course, it's the wolf.
43:01
SPEAKER_00: Of course,
43:01
SPEAKER_00: it's the wolf because the wolf,
43:04
SPEAKER_00: you know,
43:04
SPEAKER_00: makes itself known with that incredible howl,
43:07
SPEAKER_00: with the wildness,
43:09
SPEAKER_00: with the danger.
43:11
SPEAKER_00: You know, the wolf is real adversary to the human.
43:19
SPEAKER_00: A real.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm thinking about times when.
43:28
SPEAKER_00: wolves and humans meet their match in wolves.
43:35
SPEAKER_00: And in this story, I think it's been very much changed.
43:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it was originally ever about stranger danger,
43:45
SPEAKER_00: as somebody put it when I was doing a TIE tour of
43:50
SPEAKER_00: Little Red Riding Hood about 20 years ago it's not about stranger danger I mean
43:55
SPEAKER_00: that's how it's been manipulated and it is somewhere that's when I wish I could
44:06
SPEAKER_00: edit this and it is somewhere but it's yeah let's go around it so we're looking at
44:16
SPEAKER_00: the wolf we're looking at the wolf as the wild god
44:22
SPEAKER_00: as the untamed part of the masculine, the untamed part of our psyche, of the masculine in our psyche.
44:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about a human being as a whole piece when I talk about male, female, young, old.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: It's like we're Russian dolls of gender and sexuality and age, I believe.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: And here she is, little red riding hood.
45:02
SPEAKER_00: And I can't see that hood now without thinking of a clitoris, without thinking of a bright red clitoris.
45:15
SPEAKER_00: And thinking about
45:18
SPEAKER_00: the beginning, the beginning to grow and blossom into our sexuality.
45:23
SPEAKER_00: And how I was thinking about it the other day when my son, I said, come over here.
45:30
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't going to say his name.
45:32
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, come over here.
45:34
SPEAKER_00: And he said, come, come.
45:37
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I cannot say come at the moment without him kind of rolling on the floor with laughter.
45:44
SPEAKER_00: Which is great because obviously laughter is a really good way of shifting stressful energy.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: And so she's at this age where she's like one giant clitoris.
45:59
SPEAKER_00: It's just all about these burgeoning, sensual, sexual experiences.
46:09
SPEAKER_00: And there are dangers involved.
46:12
SPEAKER_00: in the world we need to protect that and she needs to know how to meet um those
46:21
SPEAKER_00: wild places in herself as well as on the outside you know that desire to um to be
46:31
SPEAKER_00: met in those places and i remember being so worried when my son was little he
46:40
SPEAKER_00: wanted to um
46:42
SPEAKER_00: go for, he was maybe, he was a bit too young for it really.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: He was like maybe nearly 10 and he wanted to walk for an hour in one direction and come back.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: And he really wanted to, and I really wanted to give him that.
46:57
SPEAKER_00: So I let him.
46:58
SPEAKER_00: But in that hour that he went and walked off and then came back,
47:02
SPEAKER_00: so it's two hours,
47:05
SPEAKER_00: I let my worrying get the better of me.
47:07
SPEAKER_00: And when he came back, totally fine.
47:09
SPEAKER_00: He'd had a lovely time, loads of adventures, really lovely.
47:14
SPEAKER_00: I said, oh, Noah, you know, and you know, if someone had offered you... Oh, I said his name again.
47:19
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, sorry.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: Just, you know, because I don't want him to hate me.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't want him to hate me.
47:29
SPEAKER_00: So, well, he's going to hate me somewhere, isn't he?
47:32
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm his mum, so I also need to be okay with that.
47:37
SPEAKER_00: And there I am, worrying about it to him and saying, oh, you know, are you...
47:42
SPEAKER_00: you know what to do if someone was to offer you a lift say it was raining and
47:47
SPEAKER_00: someone was to offer you a lift would you accept it and he was like no no mum I
47:51
SPEAKER_00: wouldn't get into a stranger's car and I was like oh good he's you know got that
47:55
SPEAKER_00: and then I got worried again and I said to him yeah but what if they said they've
48:00
SPEAKER_00: got some really nice puppies and then you know do you want to come and see my
48:05
SPEAKER_00: puppies and he said mum I tell them they can't touch my cock and I thought well
48:10
SPEAKER_00: great
48:13
SPEAKER_00: But it's ingrained that strangers are full of danger.
48:19
SPEAKER_00: And what I want to birth in this story is that we can be soft and open and utterly
48:32
SPEAKER_00: sexual and protected somehow.
48:36
SPEAKER_00: Protected without stiffening and rejecting and othering.
48:44
SPEAKER_00: I quite like that word, othering, although it feels a bit like everyone's saying it.
48:49
SPEAKER_00: But a bit othery, like you're over there and I'm over here and I need to keep separate to protect myself.
48:55
SPEAKER_00: Because when I went to see this Aboriginal exhibition of the story of the Seven Sisters...
49:05
SPEAKER_00: The guy who was,
49:07
SPEAKER_00: you know,
49:07
SPEAKER_00: he was trying to have sex with them and he was like,
49:09
SPEAKER_00: going,
49:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to have sex with them.
49:11
SPEAKER_00: And they were running away from him.
49:13
SPEAKER_00: And as soon as they were at a safe distance,
49:15
SPEAKER_00: the seven sisters,
49:16
SPEAKER_00: they were all like,
49:17
SPEAKER_00: look at our fannies,
49:18
SPEAKER_00: you can't have us.
49:21
SPEAKER_00: And I was really shocked.
49:23
SPEAKER_00: I was shocked, not by the...
49:26
SPEAKER_00: subject matter, but by the teaching of like, you know, like it is safe enough.
49:33
SPEAKER_00: Make yourself safe enough that you can completely open.
49:37
SPEAKER_00: Don't close.
49:39
SPEAKER_00: Make yourself safe enough that you can say, look at my wondrous vulva.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: Look at my gorgeous burgeoning body.
49:47
SPEAKER_00: I am revealing it completely and I'm totally safe.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: Because I just feel like my shoulders are sort of hunched over and I hide my
50:00
SPEAKER_00: sexuality and I hide my beauty.
50:02
SPEAKER_00: And that started a long, long, long time ago.
50:05
SPEAKER_00: And I feel very safe doing it.
50:08
SPEAKER_00: But I don't want to.
50:09
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to see children doing it either.
50:15
SPEAKER_00: I want us to be glorious.
50:20
SPEAKER_00: So the other thing I was thinking about in this story was about the cakes and wine.
50:26
SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about the time when,
50:31
SPEAKER_00: you know,
50:31
SPEAKER_00: you would make cakes from your orchard,
50:35
SPEAKER_00: from fruit that you had dried and you would make wine from the blossom and the
50:41
SPEAKER_00: honeybees and how...
50:44
SPEAKER_00: You know,
50:44
SPEAKER_00: if you were in bed really ill and someone brought you cakes and wine nowadays,
50:49
SPEAKER_00: you'd be just like,
50:50
SPEAKER_00: what do I want all that effing alcohol and sugar for?
50:52
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not gonna help me get better.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: But how sustaining and rich and glorious,
51:01
SPEAKER_00: you know,
51:01
SPEAKER_00: a bottle of homemade wine and,
51:05
SPEAKER_00: you know,
51:05
SPEAKER_00: and a cake made from the bounty of the local earth.
51:11
SPEAKER_00: How beautiful that would be.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I've got any more to say today,
51:24
SPEAKER_00: but I tell you what I am doing right now,
51:27
SPEAKER_00: because I think it's really important for storytellers to know,
51:31
SPEAKER_00: is that I am navigating a kind of black hole of shame that I used to always,
51:40
SPEAKER_00: always,
51:40
SPEAKER_00: after I told a story,
51:42
SPEAKER_00: I would like just kind of like the trap door would open and I would be completely overwhelmed.
51:49
SPEAKER_00: in this kind of oily black shame place.
51:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I can see it now.
51:54
SPEAKER_00: It's like on my, on my right hand side, like across my shoulder, I can see it.
51:59
SPEAKER_00: And I can see there's like these little fingers sort of like,
52:02
SPEAKER_00: like a part of me still sort of down there from last time or whatever,
52:05
SPEAKER_00: but I'm not,
52:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm not going into that.
52:09
SPEAKER_00: yet I love the earth too much I love this world too much I love I love too much to
52:19
SPEAKER_00: let anything like that get in my way anymore because I want to step in and step in
52:27
SPEAKER_00: and step in and be be part of this world be part of this earth to add my voice to
52:33
SPEAKER_00: to add my um dreaming to this world
52:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so thank you.
52:41
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for half listening.
52:46
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me on in the background.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for all of it.
52:50
SPEAKER_00: Just really thanks for all of it.
52:52
SPEAKER_00: And many love to your life and your day.
52:57
SPEAKER_00: And I will record something again soon.