Latest / Harder Than Life / Is Your Circle Helping or Hurting You?

Transcript

Is Your Circle Helping or Hurting You? · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
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• 0:31
  if you're chained to chickens. Your future isn't determined by your talent, your bank account, or your IQ. It's determined by your squad. So show me your five closest friends and I'll show you your future, period. Your squad is either your rocket fuel
• 0:49
  or your quicksand. You decide. Negativity is contagious. You can't outwork it. You can't out hustle it. If your circle is toxic, your results will be toxic. You gotta ask yourself, am I loyal to people or am I loyal to my potential? The right squad doesn't just support your goals,
• 1:09
  They demand them. If they don't clap when you win, don't let them sit in your locker room. Bring your best self always, even when you don't feel like it. If something is draining you, it's not for you. If it's not a yes, it's a hell no. That's how you protect your energy.
• 1:29
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. Welcome back to our Thursday 101 episodes that frankly I've begun to love. I receive so much feedback that these are helping you all.
• 1:53
  This week's topic is from another one of you loyal listeners. And keep in mind, we get so many DMs and so many emails that you may have asked the question in one way, and I see it framed in another way, and we kind of smoosh them together. So today's topic...
• 2:12
  Build your power squad, ditch negativity, and level up your mind and success. I remember a specific listener messaged me on Instagram and said, hey, this was really in regards to their parents. So I'm gonna talk about a lot of things
• 2:31
  But that particular one struck me. It was ditching the negative even if it was your parents. So I'm gonna build some stuff in here. Stick with me for 20 minutes. This is gonna be a good one because this one hits you with the truth. So your future isn't determined by your talent, your bank account, or your IQ. It's determined by your squad, the people you have around. So show me your five closest friends
• 2:56
  and I'll show you your future, period. If your circle is full of complainers, quitters, and victims, guess what? You're next. If your circle is full of winners, dreamers, and doers, you can't help but rise. Today, we're going to help you build your power squad, the crew that elevates your mind, your money, and your mission. And yes, this means cutting loose the energy vampires who keep you stuck.
• 3:27
  even if they're family. Because the truth is simple. You can't fly if you're chained to chickens. You can't fly if you're chained to chickens. Yeah, I wrote that one down in my notes. I love it. You've heard it here before. You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Cliche.
• 3:45
  Maybe, true, absolutely. Think about it. You don't just pick up people's habits. You pick up their energy, their language, their mindset. If your crew is negative, lazy, gossiping, and worst of all, drinking every weekend, you'll normalize it. That's exactly what I did prior to starting this Heart of Life Nation. And none of these people are bad people.
• 4:12
  They just are stuck in their ways, and this is what they want to do. And believe me, like crabs in a bucket, when you try to raise out of it, they will try to pull you back down. So we're going to talk all about this. If your crew is disciplined, positive, healthy, and hungry, you'll normalize that too. So here's the truth. Your squad is either your rocket fuel or your quicksand. You decide. When I finally understood this, I realized my environment was either building me or breaking me.
• 4:42
  And I had to choose. Let's get real for a minute. A negative circle will drain your energy, sabotage your goals, normalize mediocrity. Boy, is that everywhere right now. And they'll mock all your dreams. Negativity is contagious.
• 5:00
  You can't outwork it. You can't out hustle it. If your circle is toxic, your results will be toxic. I grew up surrounded by people who thought small, lived small, and stayed small. That's not judgment. It's reality. Most of my classmates ended up dead or in jail or stuck in misery. Why? Because their circle never pulled them higher.
• 5:28
  me, I got the heck out of Dodge. I bolted the moment we graduated from high school and I got way out and ran and got educated and learned how the world worked and built a new circle.
• 5:42
  No knock on any of my friends, but I just wanted more. You got to ask yourself, am I loyal to people or am I loyal to my potential? Potential is a killer because I am still chasing mine. And so are you or else you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. So what does a power squad look like? They're not yes men or women.
• 6:05
  They're not drinking buddies. They're not people who tolerate your excuses. Your power squad has five roles. First one is a mentor. Someone ahead of you who forces you to level up. Second one, a challenger. The one who calls you out on your excuses and won't let you settle. Ooh, how many times have I seen you guys settling in relationships? Ooh.
• 6:32
  Who's the one friend in your group that says, that boy is not good enough for you or that girl is not good enough for you, but you keep settling. Then there's the third type, which is a teammate. Someone in the trenches with you, rolling up their sleeves, doing the work, sharing the grind. Fourth one is the cheerleader. They are the best people. They make you feel good. They encourage you to...
• 6:59
  to believe in yourself even when you forget it. And then the fifth one, and there's always a fifth one, and they're probably the quiet one, is the student. That's someone you're pouring into, reminding you to practice what you preach. Those are the five people. When you've got these five, your life becomes a growth factory. Remember this one-liner. The right squad doesn't just support your goals.
• 7:26
  They demand them. I had to tell you, during my transition to the heart of life, I had dinner with a dear friend who's probably all five of those people in one. And he encouraged me. He poured into me. But he also set boundaries and brought me up. And one of the things that I was doing, I was on this negative side.
• 7:49
  Nelly mindset and just kept being a victim and he stopped me cold and said stop this or else I'm gonna get up from this table and leave. No negativity allowed. Setting that boundary, he also happened to be a dear friend from college who showed me that the first one of every day was making your bed. So Tony Frakia, if you listen to this, I love you. Thank you for all your support all the time. Even though we don't see each other often,
• 8:16
  We're in each other's hearts and we're always there for each other. But you've been there for me from day one. So you all got one. So how do we ditch negativity? First of all, hang out with positive people. But let's deal with the hardest part. Ditching negative people. It doesn't mean you hate them. It doesn't mean that you think you're better than them. It means you love yourself enough to protect your future. Kelly, how do I do it? I'm glad you asked. So here's how you do it. You audit your circle.
• 8:47
  Write down the five people you spend the most your time with. Are they engines, what you're feeding you forward? Or are they anchors keeping you stuck? Second, create distance. You don't have to make a dramatic breakup speech. Just start saying no more often. Get busy with growth.
• 9:08
  And just literally get back to them a little slower, a little slower. They'll find people that want to stay on their familiar misery. And they'll eventually weed you out. I don't get invited to anything from my old friends anymore. They don't want to be around me. I'm too positive. Replace your friends strategically. Every time you create space, fill it with someone who lifts you higher. Here are truth bombs.
• 9:37
  If they don't clap when you win, don't let them sit in your locker room. Man, was that hard for me to learn. We're going to continue how to build that power squad because it's hard. It really is. You don't find them. You have to build it. So here's the playbook to build your power squad. Invest in rooms of growth. Join masterminds, mentorships, or communities online.
• 10:01
  where the norm is success. These can be found anywhere on social media, anywhere on Facebook, join groups. Just type in positivity. Go look for what you're, here's another thing. When you invest in rooms of growth, bookstores, yes they still exist. Running clubs, workout clubs, any of these places where everybody is
• 10:24
  focused on growth. Even marathons would be a good one. Second type is lead with value. Don't chase connections like this. What can I get from them? You bring the value. I always pay it forward first. Share the wins, serve first, and then see what happens.
• 10:43
  If I meet somebody, immediately I'm pouring into them, pouring into them, pouring into them. And if it stays a one-way street, I know they're not meant to be in my circle. Be coachable. If you want mentors, show you can take feedback without ego. I just had one of my dear friends who's also one of the best coaches on the planet say to me, you always say you're doing what I give you, but you don't.
• 11:13
  embody it. So be coachable. Boy, did I have to learn from that one? Another thing is I want you to create accountability, heavily have weekly check-ins and even scorecards or like me. I have a gym partner.
• 11:28
  who won't let me slip. So if you have a friend that lets you get away with things, they might need to be on the outskirt of that circle. Be sure to match energy with energy. Don't show up weak in a strong room. They will push you out. Bring your best self always, even when you don't feel like it.
• 11:49
  Your squad isn't about networking. It's about building a tribe that refuses to let one another fail. More action steps on how to level up your circle. And I'm going to mix in a harder life challenge for the week. So do the circle audit. Write down your five closest people, engines or anchors, and decide. Cut one anchor.
• 12:12
  Create space by distancing from just one person holding you back. Again, you don't have to have a conversation with them because it ain't gonna go well. Oh, I've decided that I'm, you're too negative for me. How do you think that's gonna go? Just be a little slower to respond.
• 12:28
  And then also remember, man, some of these people, they were maybe boyhood, childhood friends. It could be your mother, could be your father, could be your brother. It's just very simple. This is a boundary that I'm doing for me to make my life better. So I want you to add one engine, reach out, join a group, hire a coach, or DM someone you admire. Replace them wisely. Okay.
• 12:55
  It doesn't necessarily have to be someone who's wronged you either. If you're not sure of any of these, send me an email, kelly at harderthanlife.com, and tell me what the issue is. And I can make a recommendation to a mastermind or a group of like-minded people. I've...
• 13:12
  Built a pretty good network of friends that have different ones. I'll try to match you up with a couple different options. Again, I don't make anything out of it. I'm not trying to. I just want you to level up your circle and better your life. Create a ritual. Start a weekly accountability call, a workout crew, a book club, a running club, and make that your power squad.
• 13:34
  Most importantly, protect your energy. If something is draining you, it's not for you. I'm gonna swear and I apologize. If it's not a yes, it's a hell no. That's how you protect your energy. So here's your one liner to remember. You can't get big results in a small circle. So Harder Life Nation.
• 13:56
  Your circle is either building your future or burying it. If you want to level up your mind, your health, your money, and your legacy, build a squad that refuses
• 14:08
  to let you play small. Remember, you don't rise to your goals, you fall to your standards, to your squad. Engines make you stronger, anchors drag you under. A power squad isn't optional, it's oxygen. You need it to live. So here's the mission. This week, audit your circle, cut an anchor, add an engine, build your power squad brick by brick.
• 14:37
  Because when you surround yourself with winners, you stop wondering how and start becoming one. I'm Kelly Siegel reminding you, don't just be harder than life. Be surrounded by those who demand it from you.
• 14:52
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.