Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Happy Hour with Tina: Midlife Opportunities, Forget the Clock, and Why Won’t Our Kids Just Live With us Forever?!

Transcript

Happy Hour with Tina: Midlife Opportunities, Forget the Clock, and Why Won’t Our Kids Just Live With us Forever?! · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to How Hard Can It Be?
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Happy Hour with Tina, my bestie of over 40 years,
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: tuning in from our hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio, where we
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: come in and recap recent episodes.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about teens. Bonnie Hammer.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, yes.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Bonnie Hammer, former senior VP over at NBCUniversal, who wrote
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: this incredible book called The 15 Lies Women Are Told
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: at Work and the Truths We Need to Succeed. Do
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I have it? And it is on my shelf, my
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: bookshelf here. It was an extraordinary book and it was
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: an extraordinary interview. One of the biggest takeaways is that
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: When she talked about life in your career, because I
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: said that that book is almost a workbook and I
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: could give it to something, someone like my daughter, Sophie,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: who's 21 or your daughter, Lily, who's 23 or 24.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: My God, they're getting so old. Give it to them
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: now because if they apply this book to their life now,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: they'll get a lot of mileage out of it. But
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that it wasn't relevant to a woman
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: in midlife and where they want to go now because
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: there's still time and there's still desire. And one of
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: the biggest things that she really took a minute to
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: school me on is to quit thinking about running out
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: of time and take the opportunities that present themselves, right?
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I was listening. And as I was listening, I was
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: thinking to myself, what is it with this clock? You
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: and the clock.
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: And she was kind of, I like how she starts
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: reversing and interviewing you and saying, well, no, you're not finished.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: And you have all these goals and dreams.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: And aspirations that you want to continue to achieve and accomplish.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: And there's no time limit. There's no time limit on that.
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: And I like how she put that to you right
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: back to you of.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: No, you're not giving up on that yet.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: That's not happening. And you are someone in my life
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: that I know lives by that. You're like, I'll pivot.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I'll try. Even though you had a business that was
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: the majority of your adult life that you nurtured and
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: you built out even more so. And it was ultimately
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: a semi-retirement. But as you like to put it, you
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: retired early. From stress. From stress, which I love. And
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: it sounds pretty fucking magical, by the way.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: It is magical. Yeah.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: And she's all about that. And pivoting, it's not even
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: a pivot so much as it is, and I use
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: this analogy now with a lot of my guests when
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: we get on in here and talk about it, is
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: that the career and that life trajectory in your career
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: is like a spider web. It is. remains the same
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: of that web, but you're going to get webs and
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: threads that go this way and threads that go that
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: way and to take them because the more threads that you, oh,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: and now you're over here and now you're back here
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: going linear and it just expands more area. It covers
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: more accomplishments and experiences and you never know what, where
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: those threads are going to take you.
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: And it made sense for you and what you're doing
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: now and how long this has been in This project
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: has come to fruition in this way, but this project
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: started in a different way.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Do you have a lot of friends, a lot of
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: your girlfriends back home that are, they're in this chapter,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: they're not happy, or they want more out of their
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: particular careers, and they don't know how to do it?
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: And they're getting frustrated, and they don't know how to
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: take those different roads that we talked about.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Right. The dreams.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: She was talking about the dreams.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: I really like to when she said this really hit
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: home with me of.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Our dreams not being our children's.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: And what we have grown up with and thinking should
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: be our dream. I think that's that's pretty deep because.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: It's it's exactly what happened to me.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: What should have happened didn't. And then something else did,
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: which was amazing. But then that led to this, that
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: led to that.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, but wait, to be more specific, what should have
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: happened in the early dream? Because she did talk about that,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: about how our dreams also change. They're not the same
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: as when at 20 necessarily for most people than they
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: are at 50.
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: When we talked about my mom passing away.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: And honestly, when you're in a career.
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: And you're doing your daily grunt work of life and.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: You assume you will.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: Retire from that career at that ripe old age that
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: retirement is. And then life happens. Something happens and just
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: takes you right, takes, you know, the ground right out
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: from underneath you. And that's when you go, wow, I
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: don't know about that now. I don't, I don't know
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: if I'm, you know, that's when my pivot occurred.
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: So I like that because what seemed to be the
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: track for me was not the track at all.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: But I had no idea.
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: I had no idea that that was going to happen,
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: nor did I have any idea that I could be
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: even happier doing what I'm doing now.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: You had no idea that your mother was going to
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: pass away when she did and then that your job
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: would pivot from there?
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Or that I would change my life from there.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: My life decisions changed based on that event.
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: That's what. Yeah. No more waiting around.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: No more waiting around. People have their wake up calls
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: and then oftentimes we miss them. They can be subtle.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: They can be monumental. And yours was pretty monumental. You
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: losing your mother. How old was she?
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: 71.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: 71. And you were.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: 40?
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: No.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: What was I?
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Mid 40s.
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: But so, you know, you expected more years with her, obviously. Oh,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: by far. And so, yeah, Bonnie's take on life was
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: definitely a lot of that live exploring new trajectories and
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: And look at them instead of a career. Is it,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, a crisis? Is it an opportunity? Is it
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: a midlife crisis or is it a midlife opportunity?
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: That's what I like.
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: I like turning it. I mean, why call it a crisis?
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: Why call it worry? That puts the negative into it.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: We call it an opportunity and now it's positive.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I agree with you, too, about us recognizing
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: that our dreams are not the same as our children's
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: and that we need to give them their own opportunity
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: to realize their dream. I mean, it's hard if you
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: see a child that's like heading down the wrong path
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: and you're like, this is not going to end well
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: as far as careers. It's hard.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Or they all.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Leave town and they have a home here with rooms and.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: Nobody wants to live here. And I don't understand.
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: But we're also talking about you and your personality, Tina,
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: where you're like the more, the better, the more people
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: in your personal space, the happier you are.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I mean, I kind of like my space.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Like I love my children, but you're just like, if
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: you could live on the property next to me, I
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: would be even better.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: That's always been you. Yeah. And yet, you know, you
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: did your job because they've decided to fly the coop
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: and go explore.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: Yes. And all different places in the country.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: All three.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: And now look at you doing massages in your son's emptiness.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you.
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: That when somebody calls me for a $ 10 facial, you're
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: paying the difference.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I keep saying, Tina's giving $ 20 facials.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: And I'm going, where's she getting the $ 20 facial?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: She's like, it was advertised as $ 20. And you're like, yeah,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: then you're going to send me a tab.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: I heard it on iHeartRadio.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: But let me ask you, is your book getting more stacked?
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Unbelievable.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, well then call it the Deanna special and get
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: more people in and you're welcome.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: I'm starting to get referrals from referrals.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: See that?
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: It's growing. It's growing.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: And as I say, you're happier than a pig in shit.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I sure am.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Cheers to that. How hard can it be? With Diana
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Maria Riva is a hyphenate media group production in partnership
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: with iHeart's My Cultura podcast network. For more of your
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: favorite shows, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.