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Embracing Authentic Childhood: Nurturing Mindful and Resilient Kids with Diana Zaheer · The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

• 0:00
  Diana Zaheer: It's the biggest gift any of us can have and for a lot of us who are here feeling a little bit alien or black sheep, we know what it's like to crunch and adapt, so we want to give them the space and the support and the safety to be who they are.
• 0:17
  Diana Zaheer: I mean, that's a huge challenge on a planet that is telling us who we're supposed to be.
• 0:24
  Diana Zaheer: So, yes, this is the hardest job we will ever have.
• 0:28
  Diana Zaheer: It's the most alive, the most meaningful job we will ever have.
• 0:35
  Diana Zaheer: But there's so much at stake because our mind is involved, our heart is involved so fully and our body's involved, and there's the mystery of life, which we can easily forget when we're tired and hungry and all of these things and we're worried.
• 0:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Hi Conscious Parents.
• 0:53
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's Keri here and I am here with a little info about raising our mindful kids.
• 0:57
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I've got some tips and tricks about breaking free of the box and becoming who you are and teaching your kids how to do that along the way.
• 1:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Join us Hi there and welcome back.
• 1:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's Keri, your friendly, intuitive mama here, and I have a wonderful guest.
• 1:13
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We're actually just down the street from each other, so it's really fun to connect.
• 1:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I have Diana Zahir here today and I would love to tell you guys so.
• 1:23
  Carrie Lingenfelter: For more than 30 years she has been teaching people all over the world about the inner journey, which is so amazing.
• 1:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: She uses the phrase inner harbor to describe the sacred space inside all of us, and I'm so excited to have Diana here and connect.
• 1:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It sounds like she has been on a similar parenting journey to me as well.
• 1:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Thank you, diana, for being here today.
• 1:46
  Diana Zaheer: Oh, you're welcome.
• 1:47
  Diana Zaheer: It's my pleasure.
• 1:51
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So, diana, I was chatting with you before we started and you had mentioned that you lived with your children all over the world.
• 1:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: This really resonates with me.
• 2:01
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I feel like I'm a product of the world.
• 2:04
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I was raised in Southern California but love living in Colorado.
• 2:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Now, what do you feel like, after going all over the world and parenting in different parts of the world you had mentioned?
• 2:16
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Do you feel like there's anything that you could provide for us from a worldly view, for parents?
• 2:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's kind of an offhand question, but I just feel driven toward this amazing experience.
• 2:29
  Diana Zaheer: It's a great question.
• 2:30
  Diana Zaheer: I think a world education is a really important part of raising our children.
• 2:38
  Diana Zaheer: So, they're exposed to different cultures, different ways of life, how we're all the same, how there are different challenges.
• 2:47
  Diana Zaheer: I think that was a huge part of what shaped my children and the great young men that they are.
• 2:53
  Diana Zaheer: So I'm really grateful.
• 2:55
  Diana Zaheer: And we did a lot of homeschooling.
• 2:57
  Diana Zaheer: So we were on mountaintops in Nepal and we were in deserts in Dubai and in big cities in India.
• 3:04
  Diana Zaheer: So it was great.
• 3:06
  Diana Zaheer: We could keep going and doing the educational choices that they had at the time, but they could also study the way they wanted to study.
• 3:14
  Diana Zaheer: So wherever we were, we could take our learning with us.
• 3:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Wow, okay.
• 3:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So if you could go back and tell a younger version of yourself any advice about parenting and raising these gifted, spirited, highly sensitive kiddos, coming in right now either tell yourself, or to tell parents who are raising kids right now.
• 3:38
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What would you say?
• 3:41
  Diana Zaheer: I would say you're amazing to be a parent of these children, and some of my friends used to say you know you end up with the children you're supposed to have.
• 3:51
  Diana Zaheer: We don't always trust that, but I do, and that we're all going to learn so much along the way.
• 4:00
  Diana Zaheer: They're going to learn so much about being in the world, having a body, learning what it's like to be here on this planet.
• 4:08
  Diana Zaheer: But, as a parent, we're all going to learn a lot too, and I think that's the part we don't always have the time or energy to remember.
• 4:17
  Diana Zaheer: But we need to take care of ourselves, we need to appreciate ourselves, we need to nurture ourselves as parents, because it's such a huge job growth and spiritual awakening for myself as a parent, recognizing some of the challenges that my husband and I go through with raising our very very spirited kiddos.
• 4:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Did you go through any of this spiritual awakening in your parenting journey?
• 4:57
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Was there any point where you were using some of the challenges to help you grow and connect deeper?
• 5:05
  Diana Zaheer: Absolutely.
• 5:06
  Diana Zaheer: I mean, I think this is actually a daily process where we wake up and we see what's here today, what's here in me, what's here in this child, what's here in that child, whether it's something to do with the emotions or the learning needs or the physical needs, what's happening with them spiritually.
• 5:28
  Diana Zaheer: This is probably the richest territory outside of a primary relationship that we're ever going to have, because we're watching people arrive in such a pure state and then they're going through their developmental phases.
• 5:42
  Diana Zaheer: We can always go as deep as we want as parents.
• 5:47
  Diana Zaheer: Some days it's just going to be let's feed everybody and get some exercise and go to bed, but other days there's so much depth here as an adult who is guiding this child where, if they're in a very young child phase or a middle child phase, energetically speaking and spiritually speaking, it's almost as if we get illuminated as adults.
• 6:14
  Diana Zaheer: Whatever unfinished business we have from that phase of our own development, that can even get activated.
• 6:22
  Diana Zaheer: So there's so much here as a guide, as a steward for these little people.
• 6:30
  Carrie Lingenfelter: They're learning, but we're also being invited to learn as we continue to look at the pieces of ourselves that may be activated, maybe from inner childhood, maybe from current pieces.
• 6:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What are things that we can do at home as busy parents?
• 6:53
  Diana Zaheer: Great question.
• 6:53
  Diana Zaheer: Well, just on a practical level, as much as possible to make sure we feed and water and move and sleep ourselves, because that can take the back seat.
• 7:05
  Diana Zaheer: Of course we want to make sure these little people get their basic needs met, but it's important we do too.
• 7:12
  Diana Zaheer: And then anything else we can throw into the mix that helps us feel alive, it helps us feel honored.
• 7:21
  Diana Zaheer: If we like to be in nature, if we like music, if we like to meditate, if we like to be alone, if we like to be in nature, if we like music, if we like to meditate, if we like to be alone, if we like to be with people to be curious about, how do we get our internal needs met?
• 7:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Okay, and also, as things come up for them, I went to a family constellation session yesterday for my husband and I it was really neat and really special.
• 7:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We've done it before, but this is the first time we've done it as parents, so the lady had mentioned that our kids being born today are coming so vibrantly and so intensely and passionately on their own versions of missions.
• 8:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: They have their own things in alignment for themselves, and there's only so much we can really do as parents.
• 8:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: There's so much that they already know when they come in.
• 8:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I was talking to my husband and it's almost shifting this mindset into being a facilitator versus, like protecting.
• 8:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What would you say to this idea?
• 8:30
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, I think it's so much fun you did that.
• 8:32
  Diana Zaheer: That's a powerful kind of inner work.
• 8:35
  Diana Zaheer: Yes, I think it's natural as humans that we have a protective instinct toward our children.
• 8:43
  Diana Zaheer: I think we need to appreciate that, even if it's overkill, it's normal.
• 8:49
  Diana Zaheer: It's natural, especially watching them grow and feeling connected to those younger times they won't even remember.
• 8:57
  Diana Zaheer: So the protective instinct is normal and healthy and natural.
• 9:03
  Diana Zaheer: But I do think that I would agree with what this person is saying.
• 9:09
  Diana Zaheer: The children coming to the planet really do have their own mission.
• 9:13
  Diana Zaheer: This is a difficult planet.
• 9:15
  Diana Zaheer: It's a wonderful planet, but we need that vitality, we need the creativity, we need their gifts that they're bringing.
• 9:23
  Diana Zaheer: So we can look at our job what is our job and we can look at it each day, as we were saying, or we can look at it more thematically that we're trying to give them this home base, this safe harbor, this secure nest where they can grow and develop and be able to take those gifts into the world.
• 9:46
  Diana Zaheer: But it is part of the growing up process to recognize their gifts and to slowly let go.
• 9:54
  Diana Zaheer: There's a teaching this is a hard one, but there's a teaching that basically says the ultimate job of a parent is to become irrelevant.
• 10:04
  Diana Zaheer: And that doesn't mean we're going to disappear or not be there, but as they get older and as they find their wings, we're there.
• 10:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: But we're also honoring what they're here to do and how they want to do it to do it, if I'm trying to hold on to them, I'm trying to figure out if there's something that I need to work on in myself with security.
• 10:33
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My grandmother used to always say they are children of the world.
• 10:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: They come through us but they do not belong to us, and it is really hard to think about that letting go one day.
• 10:43
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's hard to think about that letting go one day.
• 10:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's hard to think about that journey.
• 10:48
  Diana Zaheer: Well, I don't think you have to go there yet.
• 10:50
  Diana Zaheer: Okay, I don't think you have to preempt that.
• 10:53
  Diana Zaheer: When it's time for these different moments of releasing to happen, they'll feel natural.
• 10:59
  Diana Zaheer: They may be at an age right now that the protective instinct comes up in a strong way, so we can see how, again, that makes sense.
• 11:10
  Diana Zaheer: But what you're also showing us with your question is that as parents, we can also look at some parenting of ourselves.
• 11:21
  Diana Zaheer: And if I have a big reaction, if I have a big feeling whether it's fear or anger or sadness or judgment those are things that can look inside and care for as part of my work as a parent.
• 11:37
  Diana Zaheer: So there's work I'm doing with my children and there's work I can do with myself, with my younger parts that might want some attention.
• 11:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, what about?
• 11:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So?
• 11:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I have a six-year-old daughter and a nine-year-old son, and I was thinking about my nine-year-old son has always been asking to be an adult.
• 11:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What would you say about this piece?
• 12:03
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Is there healing that he has to let go and be a child?
• 12:11
  Diana Zaheer: Okay, that's a great question, yeah, but I wonder, before I answer that, if you can put your hand on your heart for a second and take a breath, because that's a hard one as a mom, right?
• 12:22
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, it's always so good to have our hand nearby, just to feel it on our chest and breathe.
• 12:29
  Diana Zaheer: If we have a moment where we feel stretched as a parent, it's like, okay, it's all good, I'm here, I'm here with me, right?
• 12:38
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah?
• 12:38
  Diana Zaheer: So I think what he's expressing is something that we do hear a lot.
• 12:44
  Diana Zaheer: I think it's part of growing up on the planet.
• 12:48
  Diana Zaheer: Now Things are going a lot faster.
• 12:51
  Diana Zaheer: So when I was growing up, nine years old looked very different than it does today.
• 12:57
  Diana Zaheer: So nine-year-olds do feel more grown up and I do think there's some orientations of children who are ready to do their thing and they actually resent being in a child's body.
• 13:13
  Diana Zaheer: They want adults to take them seriously.
• 13:16
  Diana Zaheer: They don't want to be treated like children.
• 13:18
  Diana Zaheer: So this has more to do, I think, with how souls can show up on the planet.
• 13:24
  Diana Zaheer: There may be moments of enjoying a childlike spirit or a childlike nature, but I actually think it's logical and it's appropriate for the ways certain souls show up on the planet, so I actually wouldn't worry about it.
• 13:43
  Diana Zaheer: It makes sense to me.
• 13:46
  Diana Zaheer: I have one of those at my house, so they're going to find their way.
• 13:49
  Diana Zaheer: They're going to find their joy and their delight, but it might be less common the things that they enjoy and feel delighted by.
• 13:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's true, it's like a little 40 year old walking around in a nine year old's body with his little hobbies, but I think that's.
• 14:06
  Diana Zaheer: OK, yeah.
• 14:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think he's showing you.
• 14:10
  Diana Zaheer: This is what it's like to be me, so can you join me, yep, and just see?
• 14:15
  Diana Zaheer: That's who I am.
• 14:17
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Totally yeah, and I think along with the lines of communicating with a kiddo that's going through this type of thing.
• 14:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What would you say looks like good communication between parents and kids?
• 14:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What does communication look like for you?
• 14:36
  Diana Zaheer: In that particular situation or in general.
• 14:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think in general, with conscious parenting and raising mindful kids.
• 14:50
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, great question.
• 14:51
  Diana Zaheer: Well, a lot of it does depend on the particular child and what's happening in that moment and what helps soothe them or calm them or helps them come into the present moment, and different children need different kinds of interactions.
• 15:08
  Diana Zaheer: Some children are very responsive to physical touch, and so if they're having a hard time, a hug goes a really long way for them.
• 15:21
  Diana Zaheer: Other children, especially children who show up in kind of an older presentation.
• 15:25
  Diana Zaheer: They often have a need to understand and so they want to have language, they want to have clarification, they want to have some kind of inquiry about a situation A hug won't do it, and sometimes they're physically not the kind of person who wants to be touched a situation A hug won't do it, and sometimes they're physically not the kind of person who wants to be touched a lot.
• 15:46
  Diana Zaheer: So I think that's part of learning to communicate as a parent is to see what does this particular child need to really feel?
• 15:57
  Diana Zaheer: Heard and seen and connected with.
• 16:00
  Diana Zaheer: Hmm, yeah, heard and seen and connected with.
• 16:00
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah.
• 16:04
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What do you think?
• 16:06
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So my two kids are definitely highly sensitive.
• 16:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: They feel other kids' energies.
• 16:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: They sometimes take on other children's energies without realizing it.
• 16:19
  Carrie Lingenfelter: My son will come home and say, mom, I helped so-and-so when they were having a fit.
• 16:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I calmed them down.
• 16:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I could feel I was absorbing some of their energy.
• 16:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Okay, there's some things, there's some skills we might need to work on here for protection.
• 16:33
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Do you have any insight or ideas or tips for parents raising empathic kids that are connected like this yeah.
• 16:45
  Diana Zaheer: And I think more and more of those kids are coming to the planet.
• 16:47
  Diana Zaheer: So it's a really pertinent question because there's so much that wants to shift here.
• 16:53
  Diana Zaheer: It might take some time.
• 16:55
  Diana Zaheer: I think safety is really important and grounding is really important, and what we were saying about feeling the holding field of home.
• 17:07
  Diana Zaheer: If they know when they come home from school and they can tell mom about how they helped another child, that that will be something that's interesting to talk about.
• 17:20
  Diana Zaheer: They'll be listening, there'll be appreciation of that and that also home is a place that they don't have to do, that that they can have their time to reboot, to renew, to ground and different children ground in different ways, but just creating this environment where who you are is very understood and appreciated and not judged, and now you can go and take care of yourself and I've got you.
• 17:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, I love that.
• 17:54
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think so many parents we don't give our children the space to do that.
• 18:00
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We may not always follow their lead when they're telling us.
• 18:06
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Maybe their body is telling us if they're overworked, maybe in too many activities, Maybe school can be a lot and they need to have a different type of schooling situation.
• 18:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: So I think, going back to the communicating piece and just being open to receiving what our children have to say, there can be a lot of pressure on parents.
• 18:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm sure it was the same when you were parenting.
• 18:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's just a different era that pressure that we feel to have them in soccer when they're five years old, to have them learning the piano when they're six, or if you don't start it early, they're not going to get it and they're not going to be the best.
• 18:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What would you say to parents going through all of this?
• 18:50
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, yeah, it's very hard because that pressure's real right.
• 18:56
  Diana Zaheer: You might feel pressure in the community, from the school, from our families, from our culture, and to understand this is well-meaning and we may have grown up that way.
• 19:09
  Diana Zaheer: So we're hearing a lot of preferences from the environment, communication from the environment about how we should parent and I think if we can hold that as the well-intentioned advice that it is, we don't get as hooked by it, it's not as sticky, we don't have to get into that conversation so much.
• 19:37
  Diana Zaheer: We can see it, we can appreciate it, we can know it for what it is and then again we can turn toward ourselves as the one listening.
• 19:46
  Diana Zaheer: We can be with these little people as individual as they are.
• 19:57
  Diana Zaheer: Strength that's inside of us, the courage that's inside of us to be a different kind of parent, and it's wonderful to have podcasts like yours that people can listen to and say, oh, yes, it's okay that I'm listening to my kids and there are other parents out there doing the same thing.
• 20:17
  Diana Zaheer: But it does take a lot of courage.
• 20:17
  Diana Zaheer: We are practicing being ourselves.
• 20:20
  Diana Zaheer: We're raising our children in a way that feels right in our gut, feels right in our hearts.
• 20:26
  Diana Zaheer: Our mind feels really clear.
• 20:29
  Diana Zaheer: But it takes practice and it takes courage, and so again to appreciate wow, I really took a lot of space there in that conversation, or took up a lot of space in not enrolling my kids in a bunch of activities.
• 20:45
  Diana Zaheer: The activities aren't bad, but it's the question of attunement to this child.
• 20:52
  Diana Zaheer: What serves this child the most right now?
• 20:55
  Diana Zaheer: If I drop into the present moment with this child, what do I sense is needed here?
• 21:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yep, yeah, present moment with this child.
• 21:09
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What do I sense is needed here?
• 21:10
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yep, yeah, I think I'm commonly asked by parents how do I tune in?
• 21:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: How do I hear my gut?
• 21:12
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What does that look like?
• 21:14
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Very good would you respond to?
• 21:17
  Diana Zaheer: that one.
• 21:17
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, so this is what we were saying about taking care of our basic needs.
• 21:24
  Diana Zaheer: As a parent, it's hard to hear ourselves.
• 21:27
  Diana Zaheer: If we're hungry or thirsty or tired or neglected in our relationship with ourselves, then we're probably hearing more of the external advice, right?
• 21:39
  Diana Zaheer: But I also think our relationship to our own critical voice, right, that inner critic, that part of the mind that is full of the shoulds or the comparisons.
• 21:54
  Diana Zaheer: I think that's the other opportunity for us as parents is to learn about the critical voice in our own mind, because every human has it, keeps getting passed down from generation to generation.
• 22:09
  Diana Zaheer: But it's a really important part of getting our freedom and our kindness to ourselves as parents is to start to recognize wow, I'm telling myself all this stuff I should be doing.
• 22:24
  Diana Zaheer: What if that's just the first layer?
• 22:26
  Diana Zaheer: And what if the acknowledgement of that is helping me to be curious about, well, what else is true?
• 22:35
  Diana Zaheer: Or how do I know this is true?
• 22:39
  Diana Zaheer: We tend to land in our knowing right, in that clear sense of what's right, when we're less stressed, when there's less tension in our bodies.
• 22:51
  Diana Zaheer: So that's why having our hand in our heart is really good, because we can feel that kind of friendly reassurance.
• 22:58
  Diana Zaheer: And it doesn't mean we have to go do a bunch of yoga or something, but just checking in with our bodies, like, is my jaw tight right now?
• 23:06
  Diana Zaheer: Hmm, can I feel myself sitting in the chair right now?
• 23:11
  Diana Zaheer: Can I feel my feet in my shoes right now?
• 23:14
  Diana Zaheer: So going into the body, having a little visit with your inner experience, doesn't take very long.
• 23:23
  Diana Zaheer: There are lots of opportunities to practice that in groups or online teachings.
• 23:29
  Diana Zaheer: But more moments with ourselves will help us feel confident about knowing.
• 23:35
  Diana Zaheer: Oh, there's a yes or there's a sense of knowing.
• 23:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Does it get easier to get to that place?
• 23:45
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Does?
• 23:46
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It get easier to stay in that place over time.
• 23:51
  Diana Zaheer: I feel like.
• 23:51
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm chatting with Diana here and she looks so Zen.
• 23:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I bet she's so Zen most of the time.
• 23:59
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I can't picture her getting into the worked up feelings that I feel is a highly sensitive mama Right.
• 24:08
  Diana Zaheer: Well, it takes practice.
• 24:09
  Diana Zaheer: I've been doing this a really really long time, right, but that's where I think having mentors, having elders, is really helpful.
• 24:18
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah.
• 24:19
  Diana Zaheer: You know offering groups.
• 24:20
  Diana Zaheer: Maybe you want to create a group for parents to practice that I can come visit.
• 24:25
  Diana Zaheer: You know, we have things to transmit to each other and this is a part of what's potential for parents is to have community support.
• 24:38
  Diana Zaheer: It needs to make sense because we probably don't have a lot of extra time.
• 24:47
  Diana Zaheer: But how could we nurture ourselves that way?
• 24:48
  Diana Zaheer: How could we bring in the experience of people who have been there, who've been growing those internal muscles?
• 24:54
  Diana Zaheer: So it doesn't have to take a lot of time and it is cumulative.
• 25:00
  Diana Zaheer: But we have to decide.
• 25:02
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's important to us okay and I may have a place for us.
• 25:07
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We will have to chat about that later.
• 25:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Okay, that sounds good, that sounds good I wanted to ask you, as far as we had mentioned these kids coming in with gifts, what would be your follow-up, as we're chatting about that Do you what are your feelings about that?
• 25:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I feel like, even like when I was born in the 80s, I feel like my husband and I came with gifts ourselves.
• 25:35
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We were very highly sensitive.
• 25:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We were both gifted and talented kids over-educated for both of us, way too many degrees and passion for learning and I feel like it's louder with this next era of kids my two kids Most of your thoughts on this.
• 25:53
  Diana Zaheer: I totally agree with that.
• 25:54
  Diana Zaheer: I think there have been the stragglers here Right Definitely can relate to that, and I think a lot of us grew up feeling like the black sheep of the family, because we felt different or felt more alien and sensitive and all of that.
• 26:10
  Diana Zaheer: I mean different teachings, and different teachers have commentaries about why this is happening, why there's an influx.
• 26:18
  Diana Zaheer: There's an influx, but I would totally agree that the generation of millennials and Gen Z, and there's a much bigger population of people coming in to be here with these gifts.
• 26:40
  Diana Zaheer: I think it's a part of the bigger plan.
• 26:42
  Diana Zaheer: However, we believe that or understand that.
• 26:43
  Diana Zaheer: We believe that or understand that, but I think we're moving toward some ultimate wholeness and we need more sensitive people on a mission to help that happen.
• 26:53
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, definitely I.
• 26:54
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I I have this feeling in me that these kids that are being born with these gifts trying to help parents to see these, see these pieces as gifts, because sometimes it can feel the opposite when you're raising these kiddos, and these kids are so sensitive to the world that it can be easy to squelch the compassion pieces in them, the mindful pieces, the conscious pieces that these kids are coming in with.
• 27:28
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Would you have any tips or ideas on how we can help our kids to stay conscious into adulthood?
• 27:39
  Diana Zaheer: I think they're going to.
• 27:40
  Diana Zaheer: I think their souls are very resilient, I think they're here with a focus that's quite formidable.
• 27:47
  Diana Zaheer: But I think, as parents of these children, we're being given the chance to look at how our beliefs are being highlighted or how our childhood happened.
• 28:01
  Diana Zaheer: So there's a healing process for us if we want to look.
• 28:06
  Diana Zaheer: I'm really protective of parents to not feel that they need to be hard on themselves or judge themselves that they're not doing it right, that this is an unusual kind of child, this is messy, it's wonderful and it's messy, and every day is a new day.
• 28:25
  Diana Zaheer: You just got to start over again and see what's here today.
• 28:32
  Diana Zaheer: But if we were to break it down to kind of the lowest common denominator job, from the time they arrive in these little bodies and you know how we're with them into adulthood, we're just helping them learn to be here, what they're going to do here, how they're going to do it.
• 28:51
  Diana Zaheer: We don't have to get into that.
• 28:53
  Diana Zaheer: If they want to learn something, we can facilitate that or find them the mentoring.
• 29:00
  Diana Zaheer: But we're these kind of on the ground people.
• 29:05
  Diana Zaheer: I have wonderful students who are new parents.
• 29:09
  Diana Zaheer: They're such wonderful parents and I always remind them you know, your job is just to help them get used to being in a body.
• 29:15
  Diana Zaheer: It's that simple.
• 29:19
  Diana Zaheer: Help them arrive, help them land, and every age is going to have those challenges, like you're talking about, the empathy with other kids at school.
• 29:30
  Diana Zaheer: Help them be okay with that, help them stay in their bodies and understand what that is a little bit more, yeah.
• 29:41
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I loved that.
• 29:42
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It was beautiful.
• 29:42
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I put my hand on my heart and had some big energy coming out.
• 29:47
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I hope our listeners do as well.
• 29:49
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I wanted to ask you and we may have already answered this but why does parenting feel like such a challenging journey?
• 30:00
  Diana Zaheer: journey?
• 30:00
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, great question.
• 30:01
  Diana Zaheer: Well, we love these people more than anyone else we've ever loved.
• 30:08
  Diana Zaheer: I always tell new parents you love your partner so much, you can't imagine loving anybody more than that.
• 30:17
  Diana Zaheer: And then this little child shows up in your life and you can't believe how much you love them.
• 30:21
  Diana Zaheer: It just blows you to smithereens.
• 30:24
  Diana Zaheer: That's why the protective instinct is so big, because we love them so much and we want all good for them and we want them, of course, to be able to be themselves.
• 30:39
  Diana Zaheer: It's the biggest gift any of us can have, and for a lot of us who are here feeling a little bit alien or black sheep, we know what it's like to crunch and adapt, so we want to give them the space and the support and the safety to be who they are.
• 30:57
  Diana Zaheer: I mean, that's a huge challenge on a planet that is telling us who we're supposed to be.
• 31:04
  Diana Zaheer: So, yes, this is the hardest job we will ever have.
• 31:08
  Diana Zaheer: It's the most alive, the most meaningful job we will ever have.
• 31:14
  Diana Zaheer: But there's so much at stake because our mind is involved, our heart is involved so fully and our body is involved, and there's the mystery of life, which we can easily forget when we're tired and hungry and all of these things and we're worried.
• 31:31
  Diana Zaheer: But there's so much going on here we don't understand when in the world did this person come from?
• 31:36
  Diana Zaheer: How did you arrive in my life?
• 31:39
  Diana Zaheer: How did you get in that little body?
• 31:41
  Diana Zaheer: Did you arrive in my life?
• 31:44
  Diana Zaheer: How did you get in that little body?
• 31:45
  Diana Zaheer: Science can tell us things, but the spiritual reality of this, the energetic reality of this, again can blow our minds to smithereens.
• 31:51
  Diana Zaheer: So we're really in a lot of different dimensions.
• 31:56
  Diana Zaheer: When we parent, it's not just get your books and get in the cars.
• 32:01
  Diana Zaheer: You can get to school on time.
• 32:02
  Diana Zaheer: That's part of it.
• 32:03
  Diana Zaheer: But we're also talking about the mystery of the universe and when we look at that little person and we really see them, clearly incredible.
• 32:16
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Whatever?
• 32:16
  Diana Zaheer: age they are.
• 32:18
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, and we are asked those tough questions every day as well.
• 32:22
  Carrie Lingenfelter: The mystery of the universe questions my six-year-old.
• 32:25
  Carrie Lingenfelter: She loves to ask why are we?
• 32:27
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Here, when did we come from?
• 32:29
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Where are we going?
• 32:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: All of the deep questions.
• 32:33
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's very sweet.
• 32:34
  Carrie Lingenfelter: What happens for?
• 32:36
  Diana Zaheer: you when she asks those questions.
• 32:39
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think for me.
• 32:40
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I just feel overwhelmed because I'm like, well, I'm 41 and I don't know how to answer that for myself right now.
• 32:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I think I asked the same question, Absolutely.
• 32:52
  Diana Zaheer: Absolutely so.
• 32:53
  Diana Zaheer: Again, to appreciate that moment as a parent, there's so much going on for us when this bright light of a little person asks us that question and we'll do our best.
• 33:07
  Diana Zaheer: We'll feel a response come up, but it's also possible just to hang out with them in that, yeah, like yeah.
• 33:16
  Diana Zaheer: Look at this incredible thing we're doing together, isn't it amazing?
• 33:20
  Diana Zaheer: I can't wait to hear what you discover about that.
• 33:25
  Diana Zaheer: I love that.
• 33:28
  Diana Zaheer: So, we're still the adult, but we can kind of hang out in the present moment together the mystery.
• 33:36
  Diana Zaheer: Another way of talking about the mystery is to call it not knowing.
• 33:39
  Diana Zaheer: We don't have to know everything.
• 33:42
  Diana Zaheer: We can have a little moment with them.
• 33:46
  Diana Zaheer: We don't want to overwhelm them or put too much pressure on them to be the adult, but we can invite them into.
• 33:54
  Diana Zaheer: Yes, that's the mystery, and I'm here with you.
• 33:57
  Diana Zaheer: We're on a planet that has mystery and it also has the security of our home and dinner and your bedroom.
• 34:04
  Diana Zaheer: But there's also mystery here which it sounds like she's already aware of and she's so curious about it.
• 34:13
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yep, the reflective pieces of that sound spot on for where we would like to go with it.
• 34:20
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yes, I love that that's beautiful.
• 34:22
  Carrie Lingenfelter: For where we would like to go with it.
• 34:24
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yes, I love that, that's beautiful.
• 34:26
  Carrie Lingenfelter: I'm feeling drawn to ask you if you have an idea of an affirmation or a mantra that I might be able to put on my bathroom mirror or write in my cell phone that moms and dads could use or say in a day, so many, yeah, we could write a whole book of them.
• 34:45
  Diana Zaheer: huh, we could, we could.
• 34:53
  Diana Zaheer: That's another journey.
• 34:54
  Diana Zaheer: Well, I think we need something that brings about kindness, Something about I'm doing a great job today.
• 34:59
  Diana Zaheer: I'm doing a great job today.
• 35:04
  Diana Zaheer: I'm the guardian or the facilitator of this incredible being.
• 35:11
  Diana Zaheer: We're learning together.
• 35:16
  Diana Zaheer: I don't have to be perfect.
• 35:17
  Diana Zaheer: I'm showing up here with my whole heart.
• 35:21
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah.
• 35:23
  Diana Zaheer: Right Things that invite us into today.
• 35:28
  Diana Zaheer: Today's a new day for us.
• 35:34
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's an important focus.
• 35:36
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Each day is a new day, absolutely Starting out each day.
• 35:40
  Diana Zaheer: Yeah, absolutely, and we're all going to get a chance to learn something, all of us.
• 35:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That's perfect.
• 35:48
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Thank you so much, diana, for being here today with us.
• 35:52
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Of course, my pleasure.
• 35:53
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, we'll include your information in the show notes, and I loved I was on your site and I saw some of the wonderful things that you have available with the recordings.
• 36:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: That's so neat.
• 36:06
  Diana Zaheer: Yes, I really want to give all kinds of resources for people to get to know themselves, to learn to be kind to themselves.
• 36:15
  Diana Zaheer: So we have some music, we have some writing, we have some animated videos on YouTube working on a book.
• 36:23
  Diana Zaheer: So, yes, however, you can receive support.
• 36:27
  Diana Zaheer: It's a beautiful thing.
• 36:31
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Yeah, feeling not alone in parenting journeys is very important, it's very important.
• 36:38
  Diana Zaheer: Thank you so much.
• 36:39
  Diana Zaheer: My pleasure, my pleasure.
• 36:42
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Well, that's a wrap.
• 36:43
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Thanks so much for tuning in.
• 36:44
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Changemakers.
• 36:45
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• 36:55
  Carrie Lingenfelter: If you guys would like to ever message me, I would love any questions you have or any feedback at info at hearttoheartlifecom.
• 37:05
  Carrie Lingenfelter: We also have a brand new website which we're super excited to share.
• 37:08
  Carrie Lingenfelter: It's hearttoheartlifecom.
• 37:11
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Thanks so much for tuning in and happy life, happy times.
• 37:15
  Carrie Lingenfelter: Changemaker families.