Latest / Sutra Squad / Ep. 36 Sutra 2.43 on the Third Niyama - Tapas or Heat

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Ep. 36 Sutra 2.43 on the Third Niyama - Tapas or Heat · Sutra Squad

• Sutra Squad E36: Hi Sutra Squad family. Before we start today's episode, we wanted to extend a special invitation for you to join us at Sacred India 2027, our pilgrimage along the sacred Ganges River in India. We'll be starting in Dev Prayag, where the last tributaries connect and the Ganga begins. We'll go down to the holy city of Rishikesh. We'll go on to Praya Graj, where the Yamuna meets the Ganges and this mystical Sarasvati River is said to join, and ending the trip in the holiest of holy cities. Varanasi, and every day we'll offer yogic practice. I'm gonna be offering power. I'll be offering satsang on the Yoga Sutra. And I'll be offering restorative yin and nature practice. Plus, if you've ever wanted to see the magic of the Sutra Squad podcast, we'll be recording a few special live episodes along the way. So all the information is live at sutrasquad.com. Click on the link for pilgrimage. You can find everything you need to know, and we really hope you'll be able to join us. On with the show. Sometimes austerities are practiced in order to control, hurt, or destroy someone else, or out of foolish obstinacy. Or out of the mistaken belief that self-torture or tapas is somehow spiritually beneficial. Such disciplines slash austerities are based on delusion and ignorance. Hello and welcome to the Sutra Squad podcast brought to you by One Deep Breath. My name is Seth Barron. I am here with the Superstar Sutra Squad Sally Moore. Welcome. Hello. And Sarah Page Hall. Greetings. Sarah Page, one word that describes how you feel right this very moment. A lot. There's just a lot. That's the best way to put it. I feel a lot. It's, you know, I'm doing a lot of things. Good things. But a lot. Sally, one word for you right now. I was just thinking about I'm I'm feeling a bit messy. Just messy. I love that. I don't I just love the word. That's that's I think it's a Yeah. That's top us and we'll get into it. my word is A little surprised. I'm I'm surprised. I'm surprised to myself. I'm surprised at a moment. I'm in a in a not in a bad way. We are I I feel like I've been saying this every week for the last couple of weeks, but we're like the the the verse we're gonna look at tonight and today, this morning, whenever you're hearing it, is is a really big idea in a lot of Western asana practice and it's really it's a it's like a it's a big thick hunk of tofu to sink your teeth into. I was trying to go with like I'm not I I don't eat meat, so I'm not using a meat reference. Like it's a big juicy, you know, like it's like a it's it's it's a lot. And and it's a big idea. So we've been so just to ground us in in the sort of course of our study, we spent time In the first chapter of the Yoga Sutra, which is the Samadhi Pada, which describes the eventual outcome of yoga. And then we've been and we're currently engaging in the second chapter, which is the sadhana padha. And the sadhana and sadhana is practice, spiritual practice. I was actually saying this today, like, you know, sometimes I think in the West, when we hear the term philosophy, we code it as like an intellectual pursuit. But in the Eastern context of yoga, Sanatan Dharma, Hinduism, and Buddhism, philosophy is embodied. It is ac it is about action, right? Karma, which is a term so often thrown around in the West, karma among many things, means action. So, like, so these philosophies are not meant to be engaged with in a passive intellectual way. Although that is one component. And that's part of what we're doing here in this podcast. This is an exercise in one way to think of it is like jnanam yoga. Jnam is wisdom or knowledge. And so like this is a very legitimate like yogic practice, but it's still a practice of action. And so sadhana as a spiritual practice is a is is about the action. It's about what you do. The beginning of the chapter is actually the most essential prescription is tapas Vadhyaya Ishvara Ishvara Pranidhana Kriya Yoga. That kriya yoga, the yoga of action, of purification, is composed of these three pieces. And we've talked about them before, and now we're going to go into them in much more depth because they're the last three of the niyamas. And so We're we're in the phase of our study where we're really climbing the branches of the the limbs of yoga. And we started with the yamas. Yama means like restraint, or one way to think of the yamas are the ethical or moral observances of the yogi, how we are to be out in the world. And so we took an episode to look at all five principles of yama. Ahimsa to not cause harm or nonviolence, satya, truthfulness, steya, not to steal or not take that which is not yours, brahmacharya, which is continence or walking with the divine or orienting your life to divine purpose, and a pargraha, not to reach beyond your grasp or non-covetousness. And then the next of the limbs in this ashtanga eight-limbed. Path of yoga is niyama. And ni as a prefix means down or within. And so these, the way to think of the easiest way to think of this that I've figured out, at least the way it makes sense in my mind, is that if the yamas are how we're to like the restraints and the and the moral observances for the way we behave, the niyamas are the personal inward behaviors or practices. And so we started with a conversation on two weeks ago on shoucha, which means cow. cleanliness or purity and this idea that we have to like clean the lens of our mind. And that can mean the body and the practices and like literal and metaphorical. Like how do you clean up your intake so that like you can actually like get some of the grime off of the lens through which you're perceiving the world. And then last week we talked about samtosha, which is translates as contentment. And it's and it's not contentment like surrender, and it's not contentment like complacent. It's actually the the really amazing yogic superpower, a siddhi, if you will, like that means like a a high yogic power achieved through tapasya, through austerity and dedication of really just being with what is. being with it as it is. It doesn't mean that you accept injustice because that's what's happening and well, that's okay. But it does mean that you cultivate the discernment to just say, like, no, that's unjust. But that is what it is. And not what I wish it to be, or immediately jump ahead to what it's supposed to be. That's a sure path of suffering, which I do on a very regular basis. And so as we all do, in our own individual ways. And and that but but the ability to just see it as it is is a really, really powerful thing because then it pulls apart the space. To see what is, and then we can say what are the actions that are within my control to make it better or to take action more aligned to these principles. And so now this week we've arrived at tapas. So again, tapas is the first principle prescribed at the beginning of this chapter as an element of Kriya Yoga. It's the third niyama, the inward personal practice. And I'm not gonna go too far in this moment right here to talk about what tapas means. Its literal translation is heat or austerity. But I'll let's let's look to the text and really get into the words and really see where that will take us this week. So the words are Kayen, Kaya Indria Siddhi Ashudti Ksayat Tapasa. And as we do every week, I'm gonna chant them. And consider that you could, if it's safe for you to do so in whatever place and space in which you are hearing the sound of our voices, could you just find a moment to be still and maybe gather your s your physical seat or your stance with some intention, feel some length in your spine. And if you'd like you can bring your hands together in front of your heart. Maybe close your eyes and just, again, like this principle of Niyama, turn your attention inward for a moment and just notice how you feel right now in this moment. Take a deep breath in. Another cow. And let's ground with one vibration of om inhale. Chanting Yoga Sutra two hundred forty three sidhira shoti. tapasa. Sidhira Sudhiat. All right, so let's break down these words quickly. Kaya, that first word, body, assemblage, yeah, physical form. Indria Is senses or sense organs. Siddhi, I made a reference to that. one translation of it is full manifestation or perfection, accomplishment, attainment, occult powers. So we'll get to this too. In the third chapter, is there's this whole section on the Siddhis, like the powers that arise through deep, deep, deep yogic practice. Which range from knowledge of the sun, moon, and stars to the ability to know the content of another person's mind to levitation. Like there are yogis, like serious, serious, like lifelong dedicated, deeply practiced yogis who can do unbelievable feats, like stop the beating of their heart for minutes at a time, because they develop such a deep, deep, deep sense of interoception and control over their own physical form. So Siddhi is like is like mastery perfection or like a Power. And then Ashudhi is impurities. Ksayat is from destruction or evaporate. And then we get to this word tapasah. Tapas. Tapas means heat. It's from a root which tap to burn. So there's a literal sense that tapas is like the heat of friction, the heat of challenge, the heat of move like when you move your body and work up a sweat, that's tapas. But it also means austerity. And it means like the burning desire of devotional love. And so two translations to get us started around like when we put all that together. Swami Satchidananda, whose translations are often just very straightforward, translates this as by austerity, impurities of the body and senses are destroyed, and occult powers exercise. gained. So again, let's just remember that that word occult in the Western cultural entrainment usually has a connotation to witchcraft and it's and like in this case occult is more like mysterious, hidden or like gated by by lineage. then Reverend Jagannath Carrera gives a little bit more of a Well, I'll just read the translation and it's a little it's it's a it's a little bit more what's the word I want? It just it extrapolates a little bit. From the fire of self-discipline and the acceptance of life's inevitable hardships and the lessons that can be learned from them, impurities evaporate and the full manifestation of the powers of the body and senses arise. Yes. Going read that one again because it's a big mouthful. From the fire of self-discipline and the acceptance of life's inevitable hardships and the lessons that can be learned from them, impurities evaporate, and the full manifestation of the powers of the body and senses arise. Sally or Sarah Page, are there other translations of this verse that? have illuminated something for you. So in the book The Living Gita, which is translated by Sri Swami Sachsananda, Lord Krishna speaks of disciplining the mind. And one of the things that he says that really spoke to me was this is Lord Krishna. Sometimes austerities are practiced in order to control, hurt, or destroy someone else, or out of foolish obstinacy. Or out of the mistaken belief that self-torture or tapas is somehow spiritually beneficial. Such disciplines slash austerities are based on delusion and ignorance, which avidya. You know, it all comes back, it all comes back, it all comes back. And what I love is that we have practic we have studied these sutras so often, but I never saw the correlation between the study of the sutras to the Bhagavad Gita. And they're they all there is so much there. You know, there's so much of the same thing there. So it's just interesting to cross reference. Sally, is there a is there a translation of this of this verse two forty three that that you're sort of that John that sort of called to you this week? Yes, and I have had that book in my cart and I'm gonna buy it because the whole reason I think I'm feeling messy right now is because exactly I am putting gas on my tapas personally and I am living in self-torture delusion and ignorance. And I was like, I yay, okay, now I understand what that is all about. so anyway, I've just but I want to read from Ruben Vasquez Unravel the Thread, because a lot he spoke to it was somewhat helpful. I'm still messy right now with all of this. but he says cultivation cultivation enthusiasm through removing inefficient patterns in body, mind, and emotion tapas heightens all senses and abilities. But what I really liked was how we dug into it with the commentary. Being aware of your pattern is one of the main skills in yoga. Noticing the difference between helpful and unhelpful ways of being empowers you to make intelligent decisions. Because the pull of well established patterns is quite strong, bringing your awareness to the moment you are in is already an act that requires energy, commitment, and enthusiasm. This process of self regulation offers several benefits. First, you develop the habit of presence by redirecting physical, mental, and emotional energy from distraction to conscious participation in the moment you are in. Second, The more you turn an unhelpful pattern around, the more sensitive you become to its symptoms which enable you to catch the tendency before it distracts you fully. Huh? Being awake to your life enables you to discern the difference between discarding an unhelpful pattern and taking the pattern into a different area of your life. Something else you may find is the way of beings that were useful before may stop being useful. And he uses the example of uni using training wheels when you're learning to ride a bike and how they can be very helpful, as you're learning to take balance and whatnot. But eventually those same training wheels get in your way as you gather the balance. And then the last little bit that really was helpful to me is taking responsibility for your life. despite distractions, interferences, and disruption also requires enthusiasm. It may be helpful to think about how exceptional it is to meet people committed to being fully present in their own lives. It is remarkable to find people participating in their own life with commitment and enthusiasm, particularly in the face of obstacles and challenges. I just really like that because I do think I'm stuck in what am I stuck in? Delusion and ignorance. And I love like his the awake and I don't say that to put me down. Like I just say it there is a deep habit there. And I love how he talked about what was once useful may no longer or am I bringing patterns from like quite a few centri what wait, what's ten years called? Not a century. A decade. But by the way, like it's a decade, but you you are bringing patterns from centuries because inherent like you we are all the product of our ancestors and both in the literal and spiritual, right? And like there's now all this science that shows, by the way, like what the what the ancient yogis have known about generational karma, which are like epigenetic expression of of like traumatic experience imprinted on generations pat of you know t followed. Following those things. So, like epigenetic. Can we get a translation on it? Epigenetic. What it means is that's gene expression. Thank you. Okay. So like you have like you have genetic encoding that isn't always like activated, but that certain dynamics of your actual gene expression, like the way your DNA works, are impacted by your own. emotional and physical lived experience, but also by that of your ancestors. And it's like there's all this science now that's showing this to be true. Which I'm not going to cite here, but But I love that you brought that up because I listened to a podcast recently sort of talking about that. And it makes me realize that sometimes I mean would say all of us here and all of us listening and all of us on this planet right here, right now, come from really strong genetics. We survived. Right? We're we're a whole bunch of survivors. And and the tools that were useful for our ancestors, exactly I think what he was saying is get present and aware. is it necessary? You know, is it helpful or is it sort of like the training wheels, once you've got that bike, they're just something to knock into, you know what I mean? It and so yeah. So so let's let's think about too this idea tapas shows up. It's shows up in the sutra in the first and like it's the first word of the chapter on practice. I don't think that's accidental. Right. So there's something here. And it shows up. Let's take a minute too and ground into our shared lineage, which is Baptiste power yoga, because it's a really big word in the Baptista verse. And like I haven't done this in a minute. Let's do a quick methodology pop quiz. What is the what is the framework of methodology in Baptiste Yoga where Tapas exists? That's the five pillars, isn't it? There's Dr. Five Pillars. What are the five pillars, Sarah Page? Drishti, Ujay, Bandhas, Tapas, Vinyasa. Beautiful. The five pillars of Baptiste Yoga are Drishti gaze, ujay, breath, bandhas, core. And energy lock, tapas, heat, and vinyasa flow. One way I like to think about that is that like the first three are actions, the last two are outcomes. You set your gaze, your Drishti, and you set it to one spot. You breathe with constriction, you create friction to create ujayi breath, right? That's how you make the sound. Right. And everyone's is a little different. Isn't it sweet? I don't I'm sure you guys both do too. Like I know I there's yogis I know who I don't always remember their name, but I could a hundred percent like pick their Ujay breath out of a lineup. Or there's other people who are like, so and so's in class today because you can hear their Ujay breath. It's a beautiful it's a really beautiful thing. but there's it requires friction, right? It's like it's cause there's a constriction in the back of your throat that creates that that that sound. And then bandas. Which is Bandha is like a lock to lock to and in this case it's like an energy lock of the body. We'll talk about bandas more because it shows up later too in the sutras when in the description of like focused attention. There's a talk of like chittasya, like I'm gonna I'm gonna it shows up it shows up later. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do it by memory because it's like the exact word is escaping me, but now I'm gonna just double check because it's the sutra on the harana. desha bandhas chittasya dharana. There it is. Like when you set when you banta, when you lock in your attention of your thoughts, that is the principle of Dhaharana, which is the sixth of the eight limbs of yoga of yoga. So back here we're in tapa. So like Tapas is what arises when all three of those first pillars are present. When you've in in asana practice, when you've locked in your gaze, when you're in a steady, strong flow of ujay breath with your bandas engaged. You generate heat. It is another way of doing of describing tapas that I actually quite like. And you can do this along with us at home. Take your hands, bring them out, and fake bring your palms to face together and bring them together. Right now, rub your hands fast. Feel how they start, feel how there's a heat of that friction, and like bring your hands close to your face, and you can feel you feel the heat. That is tapas. It is the heat of friction. It's the heat of disruption. It's the heat, and like that's the austerity that's also described as tapas. It's the heat. Of you ever been in an uncomfortable conversation that you know is needed and your face feels hot? That's also top us. And then, like, from that can is when we find like a flow. There's a way of flowing with that heat and allowing it to propel us forward, as opposed to But it r but it requires a practice of being with it and not rejecting it and not avoiding it. And also the discernment not to have it be, I don't want to say punitive, but like kind of. or like Sarah Page was talking about the that quote from the Gita where Krishna is instructing Arjuna that like the tapasya of like Personal achievement, so to say, or the tapasia of pain, like thinking that somehow there's like there is a nobility of being able to experience pain for sure. And we want to be really careful with this. Because this is where it can go really toxic and icky really fast. You know, Baptist para yoga is historically practiced in a heated room. Like in most studios, that's like. About ninety-two to ninety-six degrees. And generally speaking, as instructors, we're taught like to generally keep people in the room. Now, part of that is because like the practice is to like learn the self-regulation in and with the heat. To know like if it's too much, you just need to take a breath in child's pose, and that's okay. Right. Or you need to like pull yourself a little bit of a step back out of the deeper expression of the pose, because for whatever reason, that's like That's what you need. Because like overextending yourself into the heat is the asmita that Sarah Page was referencing, the egoism. Like I I my hand is raised for those of you listening. Like, I will 100% admit that I have way overextended myself in classes before and then actually felt really crappy afterwards because like I did the pose to 11. And there are days where I can do the pose to 11. And I didn't show up that day with whatever it was in the tank to get to that. And I could have dialed the pose back to an eight. But I knew I could do the 11. So sort of forced it. And like there's like there's a a heat of that friction of like being with it. And we always have to be a little bit careful that it's not like the heat of challenge and taking that on. As as somehow your suffering that you're self-creating is virtuous. The suffering you endure by virtue of living out in the world, that is very virtuous. The suffering that you create for yourself for the purposes of your ego or to validate your ego, that's like then you're in the avidya, the misperception of the self and the not self. I you know, and I'm you're talking and it's it's it's making me think too. Sometimes This happens because it feels so good and validating or we are so used to being in the flow of victimhood. That is something we understand. we we can play the and that's not to negate win things that are tapastic, that that are that are hard, that are difficult. Those are true things. It's really how how we handle the tapas, how we handle the situation. Like are we gonna Trust the process and go through it. I always like to think of topas a lot of times I've thought of it as like with heat, you know, glass and glass blowers. If anybody's watched a glass blower, and these beautiful works of art can be made, but it can't be made unless you're it's going through that glass is going through extreme heat. In the Bible, it's called the Refiner's Fire. you have to go through the refiner's fire in order to be molded by the God of your understanding into what is a beautiful shape. But the thing is, it is really easy to sit back into for some of us, to sit back into the victimhood of it instead of really leaning into the anger, the fire, the heat. Or to self impose the pain of that. Right? Because fire fire is a fascinating. Example, because top again, it's to burn, and we're talking about heat, the friction of heat, the intensity of heat. And fire, as a literal metaphor, is actually quite useful here. Fire is purifying, fire is illuminating, fire is the energy that can cook and transform our food. Fire is how we extract purity from impurity. And Fire can destroy when left unchecked. Fire can burn us and injure us. Fire, if not used and controlled in the appropriate circumstance, with the discernment to know when it's safe to burn what and how can be intensely damaging. And it's you know, so like and and that's both context to context and it's person to person. You know. I've ta like one of my teachers is known for being kind of intense and very challenging. She's known for teaching very challenging practice. And I don't think I'm talking out of turn and if she were to listen to this, I think she wouldn't disagree with that. And I've told people who's like about going and taking her class, it's not for everyone. You might love it and you might want to tell her to go jump off a bridge. I'm trying to not use himself language. Like you might like, you know, it's not like no one teacher is for everyone. She has a brand of tapas, right? Bethany, I love you. And I love your brand of tapas. and a lot of people do. And not everybody. Right, there's no one right tapasia for everyone. And yet practices of tapasya of tapas are required for like on this path. Because like no tapas is just like complacent. It's just like wet, it's like limp noodle. It's like nothing's happening. And and if we are going to address the kleshas, the obstacles in our path, that requires tapas. If we're going to get really curious about the suffering that is that arises from just our the nature of our existence in the material realm. versus the suffering that we impose on ourselves. Right. That's like the Buddhist principle of like the first arrow and the second arrow. Right. There's a the the the the analogy is that like the first arrow that hits us is like just the pain, inevitable suffering that arises in the material realm. The suffering of loss. Because all things are impermanent, this body is impermanent. We will all transcend this physical form that we occupy for a brief period, one way or another. And so they're suffering. That's the first arrow. The second arrow is the one that we fire into it. And the one that we fire the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, a hundredth, which is like going back and putting our attention on the experience of the pain. And this is where Jagunov Carrera's Reverend Carrera's translation was so interesting, which was. The fire of self-discipline and the acceptance of life's inevitable hardships and the lessons that can be learned from them. You know, I said this in a in a session, actually, I think Sarah Page, you were the room when I was teaching some yoga philosophy foundations to a group of new of teacher training students. And I said, like, the good news is that you are the agent of most of your own suffering. Bad news is you're going to go through a really difficult moment if you're really going to take on this yoga in which you realize that you are the one who is the agent of most of your own suffering. And that is some serious tapas. Realizing like the calls are coming from inside the house. No one's forcing me to believe the story I tell myself in my head about my. Insufficiency or about my body, like about all the things I tell myself about, you know, no one can be as mean to me as I am to myself. That's like the first arrow. Like we are all entrained and somehow in this human mind. And the this is true of the ancients as well, right? Like they all knew this. Like they might not have used quite the same language and they might not have had such challenging circumstances, but like who knows? I wasn't there. but what we do know Yeah, I mean what we do is that there's a practice of training your mind. And that things are gonna happen. That is true And that things are gonna happen. That's that's inevitable. It's gonna happen. There's gonna be a crisis. There's gonna be a p a point of of deep, deep, deep you know, tapas, for lack of a better word. I mean look yeah. I mean, bad things happen to good people. All the time. It's really sad, right? Like terr like we live in a world where people suffer at great, great, great Often tragically and unnecessarily. And yet, and that doesn't mean by the way that we're like acceptant or complacent about it. So, like the Santosha that we talked about last week is like, first of all, it's just the discernment of like that is what's happening. Like, and and it's identifying, and this is so again, there's real tapas, there's real heat here, which is the discernment of like, what is the suffering that is avoidable? And what is the suffering that is unavoidable or right? And we'll get to this verse. There's a verse later on in the text that tells us that the suffering that can be avoided should be avoided. You know, and it's really interesting to get curious about that. Like when you're in the suffering, when that's happening, to get really flat with yourself. Did I cause this? How did I do this? And and is if this is recurring, I talk about this a lot in class. Universe is going to come around again and again and again and again and again and it's going to be harder and harder and harder and harder a lesson until we learn the lesson and go through the topics. Because what I'm starting to really find in my own life is that, okay, this sucks. This is no fun. I don't like this. And though I know that it does have a reason, a functionality, and I'm going to be on the other side of it at some point. And what I've started to do more and more, and I'm not floing, I'm just I'm old. And what I'm starting to do more and more in my life is realize I did that. This was something that I did that I didn't think about, I didn't think it through. And I'm going to step back and say, Okay, Sarah Page, how do we go through this? What are the things we need to do in order to not make it right? Because I don't like the word right, but to learn the lesson. And go through the heat of it and accept the heat of it. And then there are those times when it's not my fault. And I still have to go through the heat of it. And I gotta get on the other side of it. Yes. Yes. All the yes, right? Ramdas talks about this and it's one of my favorite again, one of his teachings that I love so much. Like, take the curriculum, Ramdas. He says this in a couple classes about like life down here on earth. Like, what is it for? What is it for? Why, why, why? Well, take the curriculum. You're in karma school. Take the curriculum because until you learn the lesson, you will continue to be presented with the lesson. And and I I just also want to make sure too that we're clear that like, you know, again, the self imposed suffering is not what we're describing. I think that there's sometimes there's this like it shows up in some like pr like asana communities. Where there's this like almost like borderline macho kind of energy of like who can suffer more? Who can do work? Who can do who can teach the hardest class? Who can stay in it and tough it out and power through it all? Like that does show up in kind of weird. And it's like, I think for some people, again, it's very hard to know. Like when you need to back out of a pose, are you doing it because you're uncomfortable? And is that comf discomfort you can stay with? Or is it like, no, today I really need to just like go a little easy to cultivate a little bit of sukkah as opposed to the stira? It's a really fine, deeply personal journey. Because like there's there's that friction of like challenge and of of the heat of just like, okay, like. it's a little bit like, you know, sometimes you know people who have friends who like tell you, like they're just they're like, Well, I'm so blunt and I'm just gonna tell it like it is. And I'm some there's this is manifested in this like cultural moment where people say, like, I'm just gonna speak my truth. And it's like, for who? Like, as if they're doing you this great service. And it's like, maybe, I don't know, maybe, right? There are times where you say somebody I've said this to Sarah Page and you said it to me and Sally, all like when you have a dear friend who you love who is like not stepping up to their best, and you say, Hey, I love you and I'm gonna give you some feedback that I think you need to hear. And I want you to know it's coming from a place of love, respect, and belief in you. I think I've talked about this on the podcast, so I can and I don't think he listens. So like I so I'm gonna talk about this really quickly. Like I made a s I did something so stupid earlier this year. And I actually I forgot one of my best friend's birthdays for a couple of weeks. And I was like, why is he being so bitchy to me on these text messages? And I and like when I had that moment of discovery, talk about tapas, like my face, I felt like I might as well have been like beat red, like tomato red. And now, and it was like 10 15 at night. Like I l but I just I just called him. I and I said and I just said, like, my God, I can't believe this. I I missed your birthday, didn't I? And there was this pause, and he goes, Yes. And I was like, and I've been wondering why you're being so bitchy to me. It's because you're really pissed off and you didn't want to tell me. He's like, yes. And I just said, I am not gonna make any excuses. And I am so sorry. And I am not, and I was getting really emotional. And I like could I pulled myself together just to say, like, I'm not gonna ask you to manage my emotion about this because I understand that I am the one who did something shitty. And did something unthought unthoughtful and uncaring, and that is not my best self. And this is a I've I've been friends with him for eight eighteen years. And and like I had no excuse. Zero. Zero times. I'm certain that I saw it on my calendar on the day of his birthday and that I thought about him and meant to text him or meant to call him and I didn't. What matters is that I didn't. Remember, remember I said this is these are embodied practices. Well, my action was a lack of action, and it was an important action. Now, did we also have repair? Yes. Like was he able to receive me and did he up did he accept my apology? Yes. Did he the next time I took him out to a f a nice dinner to for belated birthday? Did he make sure that he was very clear about saying that it hurt that his feelings were hurt and like, don't forget my birthday? Yes. Was he is that like totally okay? Yes. Like there was that's so that's all topas. But I didn't like. But I I think s myself five years ago would have really wallowed in that. And I would have really spiraled in it. And what I was able to ground myself into is that like, okay, messed up. I you know, I I screwed up. And I'm not proud of it. And and I had to get into some heat around the apology. But what I didn't need to do was like catastrophize it. What I didn't need to do was make myself a bad person for it. What I didn't need to do was like like shoot the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth arrow and let it let it fuel the narrative in my head about being a terrible friend. I'm not a terrible friend. I'm a friend who made a mistake. I read something that fits with all this that was helpful to me because I feel like I've been in some tapas. I was like, you know, depending on the sutra we're reading, I think, no, because I know like the experience is coming. That's what my attention is. And some of them it's like, let's just work on being content. Okay. But anyway, I so from the commentary from the book of the Yamas and Niamas by Deborah Dell. Yeah. She did some great she talked about someone a control burn. I'm not a farmer, but how the farmers do a control burn and they're careful about it and the area is secured. And it allows for new growth and new regeneration and all that. But she used that metaphor and then she said, tapas is our determined effort to become someone of character and strength. Tapas is the day-to-day choice to burn non-supportive habits of the body and mind, choosing to forsake momentary pleasure for future rewards. In yoga, having a daily discipline practice is much like doing a small controlled burn on ourselves. It is the discipline of putting ourselves in places where old debris that have collected can be removed. Tapas is growing our ability to stay in the unknown and the unpleasantness rather than run in fear. It is the willingness to be both burned and blessed. The discipline of tapas will mold us into someone of great depth and profoundness if we let it. And that's what I thought. And I also, when this situation came up with me yesterday where I just felt by the end of the day, I was like, I'm done. I got nothing and I had to find something. But I also thought about this control burn. I said, okay, so maybe I don't have control of when the fire comes per se, but I have control of keeping this fire contained in a way that it's I can learn from it, I can grow from it, I can process it, and I'm still in it. But I'm committed to allowing myself to gently get to the bottom of this heat that I'm feeling right now. I I'm gonna I'll use one more one more personal anecdote of a reference. So if you've ever if you're watching us on YouTube, I'm holding up a necklace that I wear and it's and and maybe it's easier to see against the black shirt and it's it's a chai. And in Hebrew, chai means life. And it's if you've ever heard the phrase l Chayam or if you've ever seen Fiddler on the Roof, to life, to life, Lakhayam, right? And it's and you say lakhayam as a toast, right? Like if you're if you're making a toast at a at a mitzvah, at a wedding, at a bar mitzvah or something, the toast is l'chayam to life. And it's also numerologically represented, I think this is also really fascinating. The numerological representation in Jewish culture of chai is 18. Because those are the those are the numbers associated to the two letters in the word chai, chet and yud. And so it's very it's auspicious or good luck to give gifts in increments of eighteen. You give eighteen dollars or a hundred and eighty dollars or thirty-six dollars, et cetera, double high. and like temple dues are often in increments of eighteen or a hundred and eighty or one thousand eight hundred. And there's something not coincidental to me that like the most power one of the most powerful myth mythical numbers in Sanatan Dharma and Buddhism is 108. So I wear this chai. And the quick story is that this chai that I wear, I almost never take it off. I wear it in class. I wear it everywhere all the time. it was my wedding ring. And my wedding ended in very traumatic circumstances. And I left the night I left my ex-husband, I took off the ring. And when I went to put it on the next day, it didn't fit. It was so weird. It was like, you know, when like you're trying to push a magnet of the same pole against each other, it was like it I tried it was it was a custom made, beautiful piece of very substantial piece of jewelry that like didn't fit on the finger that it was designed for anymore. And if that's not a metaphor, I don't know what is. So I just put it away. And I I I like I tried a couple other times and it like my body just wasn't having it. And so I just decided like I didn't want to throw it off a bridge and I didn't want to sell it. Thank God I didn't need the money. And I felt there was something weird about selling that piece of jewelry. And and so I just put it away and I knew that like when I knew what to do with it, I would know what to do with it. And I started thinking about could I have it made? You know, it's like it's platinum and 18 karat gold and a beautiful emerald cut diamond that's about two-thirds of a carrot. Like it's a lovely piece of jewelry, it's quite valuable. And and like literally one night it just like came to me and I and I thought, like, no, I should have it made into something of my design. So I designed this very specifically artistic expression of I found a jeweler. Who took the metal and now if again, this is tapas. It requires a lot of heat to melt gold and platinum, take the diamond out of its previous setting, remake the gold and platinum into a new shape, reinsert the diamond so that now it can be something totally new, but from something that had all of this like charge. And I remember when he when he and the jeweler like loved the story. And like when he showed me the final piece, I got really emotional. And I tell that because like what I always say about it, even before I was a yogi, like the yogi I am today, was that like we all wear our history. We don't get over what happened to us. I think that's just like a that's just bullshit. Like we learn how to be with it. That's real integration. It's like learning how to say that happened and it's in the past. And this is what Revan Carrera was saying, right? The inevitable hardships and the lessons that can be learned from that. So that was then. It is not what is. And I choose how I'm going to hold and carry that. And can I will I be a victim of it? Or will I go through the heat? And transform it into something of my creation, an object of beauty I can wear. It's the only, you like this is not viable. It is the only one like it in the whole world. There's no other piece of jewelry that looks exactly like this because it's literally the only one. And can I take what was trauma and turn it into something that is triumph and beautiful and truly of my own creation? Right. that is a tapasya. Not the physical piece of jewelry. it doesn't matter. It matters what it means to me. every time I see it, every time I feel it move on my body, I know what it is. I know what I've been through. I know that I have a strength within and a perseverance and an ability to rise above and make that into something of my own creation. Right. That is And I'm not saying that to say like I'm some evolved yogi. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying it's one example of where I gave an example of me at my not best. And this is maybe an example of me at my better higher self, right? That I had that vision even before having the philosophical context of it. Like, talk about moments when you come back to these studies and realize like this is what you're born to do and like. why all this makes so much sense to me. It's because I was obviously born to it. I really do believe that. and it's you know, it's sometimes it's very uncomfortable, but tapas to me is really the heat of practice of challenging ourselves to our highest self. Okay, we gotta get this show in the room. So there's so much inquiry. Sorry, did you want to add something, Sarah? Yeah, just one thing, just one thing, because Sally was referencing the Yamas the Niyamas by Deborah Dell, and she has I think this might be some of her best writing, honestly, around Tapas. and so I totally, totally recommend people getting this book for all of this. But she had she quoted CL Lewis, C.S. Lewis, and it's can you show courage? And stay in the fire until you find the blessing. Tapas takes an enormous amount of courage. It takes an enormous amount of courage to know, okay, this is gonna this is gonna hurt. You know, can see it, you know it's coming, you know that there is gonna be a ramification, a consequence, something that is, you know, gonna hurt a little bit, probably, or a lot. And it's not going to be over in a minute. You don't run through Tapas. Tapas is something that you have to really experience and live through, I think. you know, I'll speak to the heartbreak, a really traumatic breakup. It is, it is, and you can't bypass. It's or you sh you know, it's like, please don't bypass. Don't it'll come back. It's gonna come back. Promise it'll come back. Take the curriculum. But when I think about my my breakup, it took three years. And just when I thought, okay, I'm good, I'm on the other side, I wasn't. Something else came up. And I was like, okay, I gotta go through this little part of it. Okay, I gotta go through this part of it. But I will pat myself on the back in that I did have the courage to do the work. And I am on the other side of it and an infinitely, infinitely better, you know, person and a much better version of myself. But it hurt like crazy. And I'm so glad I did it. I'm so glad that I had the courage to go through the fire. Courage, you know, Bethany's one of her mottos for Lion's Den Power Yoga is be courageous. And sometimes I remind classes that like courage is not the absence of fear. That's just ignorance. Courage is acknowledging the fear and stepping forward into the fear, with the fear, allowing the fear to. inform you without stopping you. So obviously these are lifelong practices. This this is a topic that we could come to and we'll come back to. And every one of us will go through periods where we have to engage with tapas, small daily and big life upheavals. you know, that's that's the nature of the material realm. But can you know, and this is again the little bit of like, can you take it on as happening for you without that toxic, there's an icky interpretation of that, but can you really see it as it's happening for your growth? Doesn't mean you have to like it. Doesn't mean it's what you wanted. Doesn't mean it's your preference. And and so what's some inquiry, Sarah Page, and since you were just reading from Deborah Dell, maybe is there is there a specific point of inquiry that you can offer our dearest listeners here that they might find useful as they navigate some tapas and consider consider this where this shows up in their own lives. What is self-made, hoppas? And self-inflicted. I mean, get really down and dirty about it. Really, really get flat with yourself. When you start going through the same thing over and over and over again, what are you bypassing? Why why is it happening over and over again? There's a reason. There's a reason. So get real clear with that. And don't, you know, don't beat yourself up. Look at it. Be just real honest with yourself because the other side is so much nicer. There's so much inquiry. And also I just wanna put in a reminder, be gentle. Some of the stuff we face in life is really intense. And so it's like sometimes we just have to be kind and not even look for the blood right. There's just things that are happening that we just work our way through and be kind. so the Questions I have are, how do you feel when you are with people who are moving forward courageously even when life seems hard? I mean, that one just I really have. I look at my daughter and I just feel like she's one of the strongest. She's got this amazing ability to in the same minute cry and laugh. And it just feels honest, you know. So that I liked like thinking about people who 'cause we have lots of examples. of people who move forward courageously when life looks really hard. But then I've do you pr do your daily practices build courage, strength, and character? And really how do you prepare yourself for the heat of life? So you don't need to like be afraid of something coming, but every practice, everything we do prepares us. I love that. I love that. Right? That like all of it is preparation for like the for the tapas, the inevitable tapas that will come. That's beautiful. I think I would just offer To just, again, be really curious about where are you leaning into the heat and where are you leaning away from the heat? Right. In in your physical practice, like what are the poses you avoid? Like there's a pose where every time you get some water or you wipe your brow, or you like what's there for you? You know, what's or do you or there's a pose you modify because you quote don't have it as like what you quote unquote can or can't do. And again, maybe that's true. And maybe it was true. And you could be curious about whether it is and there's some real tapas there. And then like the same is like in your life, And it's again, I think it's it's always super it never spoils the prayer to repeat that where can you engage into this safely? Where can you do this in a way that is like you know, I what I the story I you know, what I didn't say about the story of this high is that like I don't think it was until like years after it was like I think it was two years after the divorce was done that I was finally ready to like actually have this made. If you had told me a week after I left my ex-husband, before we had really figured out how we were splitting up, before we had gotten divorced, before before whatever, I I I was not ready to receive that tapas. That wasn't the tapas for me at the time. So there's this like real deep practice of personal discernment too, of like, you know, not not not taking on more than you need. not self-inflicting that, but where are you leaning away and where are you leaning in? And sometimes that means slowing down in general. Like slowing down is in like you don't have to solve it, you don't have to know the lesson of it. You just have to do it and trust that those will come. and and can you just dance with that? And can it not have to be so fixed and like Not back away from the challenge and from the heat and from the tapas. Because it's the only way through. And it's the only way to impurify. sometimes in even in these practices, there's this like description of like burning away the seeds of samskara. And like that requires heat and tapas. Now, interesting and tricky. We also offer a teaching tip for any of you out there offering asana practices. And so Sarah Page, like what's a teaching trip tip on tapas? Go into what you don't want to do, teach to what you don't want to do. I have a pose that I don't love camel. I don't love camel, which is why I teach it all the time. because I know that there's something there in the vulnerability. What is it that you don't want to teach? Why? I I heard a teacher one time say that she didn't do Sun B's because she didn't like She didn't teach them because she didn't like There's a whole nother I yeah, that we're not gonna go into it. She doesn't like so she doesn't teach And there's something there. And so what is it that you don't teach and why? And I mean, we s we teach a set practice, but I teach wildly outside the lines a lot of times. And it's sort of like, what is that also? Why don't I just teach The practice. So there's there's all kinds of topics. You know, when is it that you want to save the class? Lean into it, you know, lean into it. So that I'm gonna suggest that teachers and they offer it to their students to find their edge, to stay in the heat of the practice by either going deeper and or taking rest and everything in between. Like I really am gonna encourage people to use the self discipline to sustain the practice. I'm gonna take some inspiration from a different lineage of yoga. I practiced with an amazing OG Jiva Mukti yoga instructor on Saturday. and It was she kept it so simple. I don't there was no peak pose. There was no complicated, super fancy sequence. She just like I I mean, I could probably name most of the asana, and this is an hour and a half class, and she does and even though it's usually Jiva Mukti Yoga usually has music and she did not have any music. And she taught Sarya Namaskar A, Saryanamaskar B. Breakdown and a really slowed down practice of Warrior One, and then the same of Warrior Two, and then a little bit of a translation of a transition to Warrior Three, a few seated asana, like Ardamatyandrasana, seated spinal twist, locust, Shalabasana, Flurbo, Dhanyrasana, Bridge, Sattu Bandasana, and Weal Urad Vadanyarasana, and like Closing inversion series. And that's pretty much it. but she taught them with such precision and like an ease. She would just like, you know, inhale, step your right foot forward, low lunge. Exhale, press into the ball mound of your back left foot. Inhale, keep the ball mound of the foot where it is. Just pivot the heel down. And as you exhale, drive down into the back edge of the back foot. Just breathe here. Pull your thigh, you know, like, and she would just like. Okay, now press into your front foot and feel how your hips feel how your shoulders can rise to sit over your hips and just stay there. And that was like, but it was, it was really challenging. So like I would actually say, like find some top us and doing less. Find some top us and slowing down. For most of us in the spaces that we teach, you will get people looking at you with like wide eyes, like, what are you doing to me? When you just hold them in a really like well-constructed and really intentionally sequenced arrival to Warrior Two. Warrior Two is a really hard pose. And you don't have to hold and like you don't have to do that thing too that teachers think that they're doing of tapasia by holding students in a pose for like ever, right? Like five to ten breaths. Like watch students breathe in Warrior Two for 10 breaths. Like, you want some tapas? You don't have to do anything crazy. You don't have to do this whole handstand series. You don't have to do a whole big core burner. Like, really get in Warrior Two and let sit and simmer in it. And like that's I think a beautiful way to bring people into tapas. It's just just an idea. You know, maybe it'll work for you, maybe not. Take it or leave it. We're so glad you've taken your time with us. We're so grateful that we have drawn some of your attention and that we're in some practice of tapasia together. you know, like this this takes some tapas on our part too. Like we set aside this time we are spending, you know, right now it's out of our own pocket that we're the the production costs aren't insane, but there are some. and it's like we think of this as part of our seva. Like there's a tapasya to this study that we that we know it's like uncomfortable and challenging and like it's really important. It's it's really important. It's important for us to like learn the lessons to like get into the powers that can arise on the other side through these practices. And not powers that validate the ego. That was really weird. There was a like bubble that appeared on my face and I don't know why. but powers that really like illuminate the depth of service that we can offer. So thank you for listening. If you have received any benefit from this time together, please consider liking this episode, sharing it with someone you know, subscribe to us, leave a comment, leave a review. that helps with discoverability. and I just will say as always, thank you so much, Sarah Page, and thank you, Sally. Thank you, Seth. Thank you, Sally. Thank so much, both of you. You know, there's a lot of top us also with three best friends coming together every week. It could have been really ugly and it's not. It could have gotten it's amazing. It could've gotten dark quick and it didn't. It's gotten and I'm gonna come see you next week.