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Jada Pinkett Smith: A Love Letter to Complicated Women · QUESTION EVERYTHING

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and I have conversations that put a new spin on pretty.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: This is pretty smart.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: What does it mean to be a complicated woman? I
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: think we're all complicated. For the last few years, I've
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: actually read articles and seen videos on how.
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  Speaker 2: We should stop calling women complicated.
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  Speaker 1: They say it invalidates our feelings, it's dismissive, it implies
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  Speaker 1: men are simple. But if I'm being honest and vulnerable,
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  Speaker 1: I have always felt complicated, and I think it makes
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  Speaker 1: me interesting. In my mind, being a complicated woman means
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  Speaker 1: living at the intersection of binaries fierce and tender, confident
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  Speaker 1: and insecure, independent and longing for connection. And if we
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  Speaker 1: go by that definition, I don't know a woman who isn't.
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  Speaker 2: Complicated, do you.
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  Speaker 1: I actually just looked up the Latin root of the
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  Speaker 1: word complicated. It comes from complicare, which means to fold together,
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  Speaker 1: to knit, to weave, which is pretty perfect because complicated
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  Speaker 1: women are like tapestries. And that's not the word I used.
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  Speaker 1: It's a word our guest today, Jada Pinkett Smith, used
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  Speaker 1: to describe her life.
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  Speaker 3: I look at everybody which how they live their life
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  Speaker 3: as art. My biggest art form is how I live
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  Speaker 3: my life, and so I will say I'm pretty proud
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  Speaker 3: of that, like quite a tapestry.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: How Jada lives her life is often up for debate
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  Speaker 1: and talked about in headlines. Rightfully, so she puts a
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  Speaker 1: lot out there. But what doesn't feel right to me
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  Speaker 1: is all of the criticism she receives. Part of it
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  Speaker 1: has often felt misogynistic to me. Will Smith was America's sweetheart,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and people seem to want Jada to play the role
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  Speaker 1: of his sweetheart wife.
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  Speaker 2: But what if that's not her role.
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  Speaker 1: What if her role is to share so that we
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  Speaker 1: can learn from her stories, from her mistakes, from her pain,
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  Speaker 1: and from her success. What if her role is to
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  Speaker 1: allow more women to feel and be complicated by refusing
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  Speaker 1: to be contained by other people's expectations in motherhood, in appearance,
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  Speaker 1: in thought, and before you jump in and yell at
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  Speaker 1: your phone listening to me and say, well, she shouldn't
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: have done this or she should have done that. What
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  Speaker 1: I'm not saying here is that she's right or wrong.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: It's not for me to say what I am saying
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  Speaker 1: is what if we look at her her story a
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  Speaker 1: different way, a different way than the media and the
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  Speaker 1: Internet has given.
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  Speaker 3: It to us.
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  Speaker 2: What if we as a society.
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  Speaker 1: Look back in twenty years and realize maybe we didn't
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  Speaker 1: treat Jada Pinkett Smith properly the way we look back
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  Speaker 1: at the way we treated Britney Spears or Monica Lewinsky.
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  Speaker 1: Society has a pattern of bringing people down, especially women.
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  Speaker 1: Alise Lunan shared this on doctor Eliza Pressman's podcast a
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  Speaker 1: few years ago.
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  Speaker 2: And I've never forgotten it.
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  Speaker 1: She said, It's important for all of us to recognize
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  Speaker 1: the cultural pattern of women being brought down who dare
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  Speaker 1: to be seen. It's effectively a shot across the bow
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  Speaker 1: for the rest of us. It's a warning shot of
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  Speaker 1: what happens when people pay attention to you. You become
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  Speaker 1: visible when you express yourself or gifts to the world.
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  Speaker 1: We can say I don't have anything to do with
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Megan Markle or Anne Hathaway. They're celebrities, but in many
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: ways it is the blueprint of persecution for visible women.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: We like Hillary Clinton when she's in office as Senator
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  Speaker 1: of New York, but we don't like her when she's
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: running for the presidential office.
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  Speaker 2: She's power hungry.
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  Speaker 1: We love Megan Markle when she's the first black Princess
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  Speaker 1: of England and having a fairy tale love story, but
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  Speaker 1: we don't like her as soon as we think she's
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: stirring up drama. She must be ruining Harry's life. We
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: loved Constance wo in Crazy Rich Asians and valorized her
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: as making waves for Asian American women in entertainment, but
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  Speaker 1: we crucified her and threw her away as soon as
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: she sent out a tweet we felt was ungrateful. We
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  Speaker 1: love a woman until she's complicated, and the thing about
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  Speaker 1: that is as women.
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  Speaker 2: We are linked, Our stories are linked.
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  Speaker 3: I wanted women who have had challenging journeys to know
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  Speaker 3: that they are not alone, to know that they are enough,
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  Speaker 3: and that no matter what, they are worthy of everything
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: they seek, and that even though I've had my experiences,
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: we all have unique experiences. What we're looking for and
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  Speaker 3: the challenges that we go through are not so unique.
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  Speaker 2: They're not unique at all.
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  Speaker 1: And that's why I wanted to give Jada a different
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: kind of interview, Because when one woman publicly defies expectations
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  Speaker 1: is unapologetically herself, even and especially when it's not well received.
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  Speaker 1: When she refuses to obscure the parts of her that
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  Speaker 1: may seem contradictory or challenging, and embraces the full spectrum
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  Speaker 1: of the human experience, good, bad, right, wrong, and ugly,
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  Speaker 1: she makes space for all of us.
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  Speaker 2: To do so.
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  Speaker 1: Today is a conversation with Jada Pinkettsmith, and today is
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  Speaker 1: a love letter to complicated women. Jada Pinkett Smith, Welcome
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  Speaker 1: to Pretty Smart.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.
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  Speaker 1: I love saying that I've wanted you in this chair
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  Speaker 1: for so long.
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  Speaker 3: You're right.
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  Speaker 1: So I grew up in Chicago, okay, and Oprah shot
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: there for thirty years. Yes, and some of her producers
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  Speaker 1: were friends of mine.
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  Speaker 3: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: And do you remember when she said, you get a car,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: you get a car, you get yours. So the camera's
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  Speaker 1: cut off and they told me this story. She looked
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: at everybody and dead in the eye, in the Oprah voice,
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  Speaker 1: and she said, you may not feel like you deserve this,
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  Speaker 1: but you are worthy.
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  Speaker 3: Oh wow.
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  Speaker 1: And I thought about that story for so long. And
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  Speaker 1: I look at this book cover and I see your
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  Speaker 1: beautiful face with the words worthy right over it, and
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  Speaker 1: I feel like you couldn't have been more clear.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.
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  Speaker 1: I think self worth is everybody's mountain to climb. Absolutely,
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  Speaker 1: what do you feel like?
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  Speaker 3: You know you are worthy of now love no matter what, right,
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  Speaker 3: And I think that and worthy of gaining the courage
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  Speaker 3: to be happy.
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  Speaker 1: It's interesting you say gaining, because when I read your book,
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  Speaker 1: I felt so much courage, even from that young girl
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  Speaker 1: in Baltimore.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. I've always been courageous, but it's learning how to
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  Speaker 3: embrace your courage every step of the way, because there
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: have been times when I haven't been courageous, and we
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  Speaker 3: all have those moments. We all have it in us.
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  Speaker 3: It's just a matter of being willing to take the
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  Speaker 3: chance because it's always consequences, and that's the part that
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: we're always afraid of. It's like, if I take this
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  Speaker 3: next step, when am I going to lose? Yeah, And
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  Speaker 3: a lot of times we have to lose things to
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  Speaker 3: gain new things. But it's really scary because we get
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: very comfortable in what we have, and unfortunately there's always
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: a price to pay of some sort, you know, good
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  Speaker 3: and bad. When you're walking into those next gates of self,
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  Speaker 3: next gates of life, it's just what it is. You
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  Speaker 3: can't avoid that this.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Was the next gate. It was so clear that it
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: was when you set out to write it, who did
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  Speaker 1: you really want to read it?
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: I've wanted women who have had challenging journeys to know
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: that they are not alone, to know that they are enough,
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: and that no matter what, they are worthy of everything
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: they seek, and that even though I've had my experiences,
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: we all have unique experiences. What we're looking for and
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: the challenges that we go through are not so unique.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: So I was writing about my journey, I was hoping
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: that there would be other women, other people that would
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  Speaker 3: see their journey in my journey. And that's what I
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  Speaker 3: was hoping for, and that just to give a bit
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  Speaker 3: of what I've learned along the way, you know, not
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  Speaker 3: to say that you got to do it that way,
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  Speaker 3: but just to say, hey, I know, for me personally,
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  Speaker 3: when I read memoirs or I hear people's stories, I'm
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  Speaker 3: always asking for the gems that they've learned along the
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: way to just prompt me. It's just prompts, that's it.
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  Speaker 3: I think we learned through stories, so we do. We
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  Speaker 3: learned through stories?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Gloria Steinem. Every time I hear her speak live.
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  Speaker 1: She hasn't written this anywhere, but she says it live
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  Speaker 1: that the most feminist thing you can do is share
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  Speaker 1: your honest stories with other women.
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  Speaker 3: Listen. That's what I believe, because a lot of times
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  Speaker 3: we're told that we shouldn't. I think that culturally, there
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  Speaker 3: are narratives around women in general that we are supposed
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  Speaker 3: to live up to instead of being allowed our true stories.
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  Speaker 3: So I think oftentimes women are left to judge themselves
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  Speaker 3: within the stories that they're actually living versus the stories
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  Speaker 3: they think they should be living. And we have a
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  Speaker 3: right to the truth of our journeys.
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  Speaker 1: That was actually one of the huge takeaways I had,
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  Speaker 1: because we talk about healing so much, and I read
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  Speaker 1: your words and I thought, maybe it's about acceptance and
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: understanding it is. Before your book came out, you wrote
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  Speaker 1: one of the reasons you wanted to write this was
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  Speaker 1: to reclaim your narrative.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
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  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you've done that?
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely? Tell me more. I think a lot of the
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  Speaker 3: hoop I came from disrupting people's narratives that they wanted
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  Speaker 3: me to fit in. No no, no, no, no, supposed to
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  Speaker 3: be this way because we see the story like this, right. Whatever,
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  Speaker 3: the story is the story of Jada who's married to Will,
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  Speaker 3: the story of Jada who I fell in love with
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  Speaker 3: in the nineties. Whatever. Your story is, right, But that's
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  Speaker 3: not me. It's your imagination of who I am. So
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  Speaker 3: now I'm going to show you who I am. This
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  Speaker 3: is who I am, and if it doesn't fit in
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  Speaker 3: your narrative, I'm sorry. But now I am going to
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: share with you my story, my narrative, and this is
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  Speaker 3: what it is. I think if people read the book
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  Speaker 3: they would feel that.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, I think if they didn't read the book and
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: saw all the media around it, yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not sure they would. No, you have to want it.
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  Speaker 3: You have to want to know me. And at the
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  Speaker 3: end of the day, you don't have to it's the
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  Speaker 3: public discourse. You just pay no mind. No, why give
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: power to people who don't know you? Have you always
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: felt that way?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah? I have.
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  Speaker 3: I very rarely have had concern about public opinion because
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: it's not it's these are people who don't know you.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: I give a lot of concern to people who know me.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I loved getting to know you through the book. One
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  Speaker 1: of my favorite parts. It was like really fun to
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: read about your journey to LA to Hollywood. You just
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: like were like this pitbull ready to go, and you
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: talk about you're getting your first agent. You talk about
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: all these legends that you met, kind of coincidentally, Eddie
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Murphy being one of them. I love you share the
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: advice that they gave you. Yeah, it is so clear
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  Speaker 1: to me when reading this that not only did you
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  Speaker 1: know you were ready to be in the spotlight, but
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: everyone around you knew was going to happen at some point.
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  Speaker 1: How famous did you want to be? I just wanted to.
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  Speaker 3: Be able to make a living off of art, and
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I wanted to be appreciated for it. But I wasn't
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: looking to be like the number one you know what
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I mean. I wasn't looking for that. I was just
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  Speaker 3: looking for an opportunity to be a movie to be
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: you know, in TV shows, and to make a good
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  Speaker 3: living off of it. But I wasn't looking to be
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: like super famous. And I mean funny enough. Will used
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: to ask me that all the time. You'd be like,
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: how come you don't want to be the number one
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: actress in the world, And I was like, I have
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: no interest in that at all. I have no interest
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: in that that would take me away from that which
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: I'm really interested in, which is like, I love intimate relating,
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: I love like having really special friendships. And once I
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: had a family, once my kids came into the picture,
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: they're still my world. It was cool to learn.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that you directed music videos. Yeah, so
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: when you started talking about all the art that you loved,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I realized, oh, she's an artist.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: I felt that from you.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Right. Do you feel like you got what you asked for?
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: I've gotten a lot of what I've asked for. Still,
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: I feel as though as far as my creative life,
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: I think I'm coming into something really Yeah, I think
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: I'm coming into something. We'll see what makes you feel that?
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  Speaker 3: Meaning like I've always wanted to do a lot of
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: different things. Like I talk about in the book, Debbie
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: Allen was like my blueprint. Debbie has directed, she's acted,
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: she's done music. She I mean you name it, she
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: produced it, she writes, you're right. And so I'm starting
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: to look at the body of my work and go's
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: not a lot of stuff. But I still have a
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: few things that I want to do. I still have
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: a few things that I want to do. So maybe
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: ask me in five years, I think I'll be able
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: to look at my creative life and go, Okay, I
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: did everything I wanted to do. But the one thing
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: I will say my biggest art form is how I
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: lived my life. I look at everybody which how they
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: live their life as art. You are a walking piece
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: of art, right, and so I will say I'm pretty
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: proud of that. Like quite a tapestry, you.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Truly, So that's such a great word for it.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I loved when you talked about the difference of like
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: body image coming from Baltimore and you were like, where
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I was from, hair on your lip was.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: Like hair on your hair on your legs, like hair
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: was sexy. You came out here and it was like, yeah,
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: no hair, but where I came from, hair was everything. Yeah.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I was thinking about that, and I was like, I've
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: never heard you talk about body image because I think
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: everybody looks at you and feels your energy and thinks, oh, yeah,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Jada's good. Right.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: Are you confident? I would say, yeah, Well, let me
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: say this, I'm very confident in a lot of different areas.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: I won't say that I'm confident in everything, right, I'm
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: not confident in everything but there are a lot of
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: verticals in my life that I feel very capable, which
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: gives me confidence. At fifty two, I feel good in
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: my skin more than ever before. I feel more like
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: myself than ever before, and I feel like I have
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  Speaker 3: the courage to be more of what I truly am
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: than ever before.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I've heard people say that the fifties are your goddess years.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Fuck your fifties. That's right. You've earned it. You earned
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: to be who you are, and people can take it
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: or leave it. Honestly, because you spend so much of
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: your time in your earlier years towarding to try to
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: like fit everybody's what everybody else wants you to be,
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: and you see that doesn't work at all. So by
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: the time you get to fifty, you're like, I did
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: all that. Now I'm just I'm just I'm doing me.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: You were always kind of doing you though, Like I
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: loved in the book when you talk about how you
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: viewed men before, you really kind of healed some parts
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: of your relationship. Yeah, I felt very similar to you,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: and I'd never heard a woman be honest about it, right,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: because you're not really supposed to say that, But that's what.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, it's like, oh, you're a woman, you shouldn't
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: think that way. It's like, fuck that, Yes, that's exactly
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: how I think, and so that's what I wanted. I
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: wanted women to be. It's okay, yes, I feel like that.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: You feel like that. Fuck it, this is real, right.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: So there's definitely a lot of work that I had
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: to do in order to rehabilitate a lot of things.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: But that's part of it.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: It feels good to know that you've earned it when
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: you do that work.
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  Speaker 3: I think, yeah, for sure.
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  Speaker 1: There's this line in your book that I have not
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: been able to get out of my mind since I
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: read it. And sometimes it depends on where I am,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: and like, sometimes it makes me cry. You wrote, a
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: woman has a right to her adventures, even if it
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: means courting her shadows as guides to.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Her brightest light.
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: What were you thinking about when you wrote that?
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  Speaker 3: I was thinking about myself. You know how I've courted.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: I've had to court some of my shadows. I tell
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: my kids this all the time and say, sometimes you
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: have to live who you're not to know who you
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: are whoa That means that you'll have certain inclinations, certain impulses,
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  Speaker 3: and you'll walk down certain roads and you'll take certain
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: adventures and journeys that aren't you, right, but that's where
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: you discover you. That's so powerful. And I think a
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: lot of times we as women aren't allowed that. Like
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: people will say boys will be boys, right, it means, oh, yeah, men,
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: they're gonna go off and do stupid stuff and it's
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: okay because they're boys, right, and then they'll return and whatever.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: But women were meant to be perfect at all times,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: and it's just not possible. You'll never self actualize that way.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: We're not allowed and give ourselves a room in the
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: space to court our anger, court our mischief, and our curiosities.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Court the bad girl, court the good girl. You know
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: what I mean? Court it all. Yeah, when we talk
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: about being whole, when we talk about female empowerment, how
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: can you truly be empowered if you're not allowed to
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: truly know yourself?
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and feel even empowered by the shadow side.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: You have to, yeah, and we have to get acquainted
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: with it because if we don't know our shadow, it
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: remains unconscious and it'll take the wheel of our life
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: in ways that we never even knew it could.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I was in Vegas for Super Bowl two weeks ago
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: and I got an alert on my phone that said,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: in truth, Jada Pinkett Smith scares off intruders. Ah. I thought,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: that's a worst case scenario. Yeah, what was the first
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: thing that went through your head? I just thought of
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: the Baltimore girl because I was like entrenched in your book.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was just an old instinct that just kicked in.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: I mean, let me just say this, by the grace
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: of God, I'm here, and by the grace of God,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: nothing terrible occurred, but that old instinct. It's just parts
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: of yourself that never go away.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I admire that I grew up in the suburbs, and
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: it's like, I'm gonna.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: Hide it in the closet. I just thought of you,
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: Like holy shit. Yeah, it's funny. I have a different
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: level of courage when I'm by myself than when I'm
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: with other people. It's almost like if I'm with somebody else,
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: then I can relax. I'm like, oh my god, you
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: take care of it. It's just me. I'm like, what
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: the fuck. Because it's a survival instinct, just like you
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: gotta survive, and that kicks in first and foremost.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: So you probably know this, you can feel it for me.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: But I have long been a Jada fan.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: And I mean it. I appreciate that. Yeah.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: And when you stuck up for Jordan Woods, I have
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: never been such a fan because I know it meant
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: something different to you personally. But I thought it was
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: a moment for women instead of going with the crowd,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: to really say this.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: Is my friend and I'm behind her.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: And I was at the fifteen Percent Pledge gala a
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: few weeks ago and Jordan was at the table right
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: next to me, and she's in love and she's happy, yep.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: And I was preparing for this interview and I looked
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: at her and I thought, this smile is because Jada
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: gave you a lifeline. How many Jordans are there that
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: we don't know?
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: Millions? Millions? Really every day every day you have that
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: protector energy. Oh yeah, oh you mean in my life? Yeah, oh,
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: in my life.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: Oh it's my love language. I wish my love language
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: was more simple, like cookiing and like, yeah, my love
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: language is like what it's a fight, what what's up?
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: I enjoy being there for people when they're struggling and
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: when they're in trouble.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Do you think any of that is because you are
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: giving something you didn't feel like you got growing up?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Like I was reading this thinking like you didn't have
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: anyone ready to protect you.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that that being able to give, to
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: offer something that wasn't readily given to me fills that void.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: And so it's my love language. It is what I
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: value most. That's if someone is standing up for you,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: if someone is willing to protect you, that to me
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: is everything.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Can you give your self protection or do you can?
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: Absolutely?
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: So you've been able to give that to yourself.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: That's what I've had to learn. That's what I've had
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: to learn. I think that's been one of my biggest
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: lessons in this lifetime right. And I think that having
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: other people that will stand up for you is beautiful.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: But first and foremost us knowing how to stand up
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: for ourselves is imperative. It is imperative, and then anybody
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: else standing up for you is like icing on the cake.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: But I think for me, specifically, in romantic relationships, intimate dynamics,
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: waiting for someone to save you, waiting for someone to
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: show up for you in a certain manner, whether it's
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: like I need you to validate me in a way
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: that I can feel validated, or need you to protect
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: me in a way that I can feel protected. We're
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: doing ourselves a disservice expecting someone to make us feel
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: that way now when we put in the work to
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: give those gifts to ourselves, and then someone wants to
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: join in with us right and supporting that which is
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: already there. Oh yeah, I know who I am and
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: I feel worthy already, and then somebody comes in and
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: says I want to join in in that and illuminate
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: that even more that you're worthy versus I'm coming to
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: you to do that. That is your job.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, nobody wins that game you and will talk about
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: that a lot with happiness.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, But I also think that that's the place
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: that we find our healthy selves that help us make
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: decisions that help form the lives and environments we really want.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: That's what it means to give your power away when
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: you're expecting somebody else to do that for you, you're right,
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: versus knowing how to create it for you, and then
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: attracting those energies and those.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: People that'll help you build on that you led me
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: right into my next question.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: So I love reading memoirs. Do you read memoirs.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've never seen one name come up more than
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: you and Will in a celebrity memoir Viola Davis, Vivica Fox,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: in interviews d L. Hugh Lee, Tyrese, of course, Jordan Woods.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: They all mention you. Those are just names that I know.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I'm sure there's tons I don't know. When you and
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Will had a turbulent few years, did you feel like
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: the people that you had poured into for thirty years
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: had your back? Did you feel supported by them? Did
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: you feel like they showed up for you the way
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: you guys had showed up for them.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: I didn't talk to anybody about it, really, Yeah, nobody
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: knew except people that were in my innermal circle. Do
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: you feel supported by people? Now, that's a really complex,
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: It's very layered, right because I don't know if I
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: necessarily look for support in that way, right, Because it's
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: really difficult. People are trying to figure out themselves and
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: how they relate to their own relationships. So let's start
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: with perspective. Because the perspective and where I'm sitting in
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: my seat, it's taken a really long arduous journey to
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: get there. Okay, I'm not looking for a certain kind
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: of thing. Where I think with people in regards to
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: how they relate to relationships and the kind of relationships
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: they are looking for and how they want to relate
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: to the idea of relating is sometimes outside of the
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: box of which I'm sitting in. That's fair, right, And
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: so the romanticized concepts of marriage and relationship I've moved
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: through where people are either still in it, in that
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: idea or in search of that idea. Now, let me
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: go back to what you were saying in regards to
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: do I feel supported. I feel supported. Yes, the people
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: that love me love me right. But I don't expect
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: people to always understand. That's a hard place to get to.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: And you've poured into people, but you know what, not really,
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: because then once again I would be doing the thing
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: that I'm asking people not to do with me. I
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: don't want to squeeze you into my narrative, to squeeze
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: you into an idea of what you need to be
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: for me to feel good. I'm just gonna accept whatever
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: that's there, and as long as it's love, I'm good
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: with that.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I think in grief sometimes not that this is grief
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: and grief. I felt like certain people I thought I
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: was close with backed up, and then certain people that
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: weren't that close with me kind of leaned in, and
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't expect you here.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Oh Well's definitely like in more extreme situations, But as
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: far as my relationship, I've never felt that I got
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: what you're saying. Yeah, I've never felt that as far
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: as as far as my relationship goes now other public
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: other things that go down. One of the things that
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: I love when you see like extreme situations go down, you.
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: See who's there for you and who's not. That's kind
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: of what I meant, Oh yeah, because I didn't see
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: that it's like poured into all these people. Oh yeah,
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: but not into not in specifically.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Around our relationships between he and I right now, certain
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: things that are going on in the in the public.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: When stuff goes down, you really see who's for you
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: and who's not. People who said that they were your
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: friends who now feel they could turn or do whatever,
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. And then you do have
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: those alliances that show up that you would have never
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: thought that when you're going through a tough time would
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: show up.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: You know, those are always interesting. It's so interesting, but.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: It's always interesting to see who falls off too. This
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: is one funny thing about me, is like I love
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: high pressurized tom so I can see what's true and
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: who's true. My tight knit group, they've been with me
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: for thirty twenty plus years. My road dogs and my
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: road dogs read on me. That doesn't change. Yeah, right,
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: I mean I knew that from you. Who you collect
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: as you go. That's okay, you know what I'm saying.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: But my road dogs and my road dogs, and I've
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: been really lucky. I've been really lucky with that. So
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: everything everybody else are associates. So I just stand back,
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: I get my cup of tea, and I just watch.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: And because I've been through it so many times, I've
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: been through so many cycles of it. Maybe earlier on,
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I was like maybe when stuff was coming up, like
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: in my mid thirties, I'd be like, oh my god,
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: I thought that person was my friend chee.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: It I learned quick in chapter seven. You say black
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: talent was in vogue whereas blackness offscreen was not. Yeah,
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: And it made me think of what Taraji p Henson
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: just said in her presstour about pay equity. Yeah, what
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: were your experiences.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: Like, did you were you paid fairly? Let me tell you.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Let me first just say that I'm happy that Taraji
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: was able to talk about it as openly and courageously
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: as she has, because I think that it's something that
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: we as women of color, still struggle with pay equity.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: When you fight for what you think you deserve, then
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: you're labeled a bitch. Still very challenging, and so it's
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: something that needs to be talked about, which is why
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: it's so great that Taraji went deeper into the conversation.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Because she's at the top of the game, so you
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: would think, right, So the fact that she spoke about it, Yeah,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: I thought it was really brave. It was supremely courageous. Yeah,
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: and it's something we need to continue to talk about.
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: Can you guess the number one most common complaint after
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: any first date, first meeting, or interview, I wish they
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: had asked me more questions. I've studied the art of
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: conversation for a decade and I know one thing for sure.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: The most interesting thing is to be interested. But sometimes
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: it can be awkward to enter a conversation or you
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: just don't know what to ask. Here's the solution, two words.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Question everything. This game is like a superpower in your
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: pocket because questions are an accelerator.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: There are way in I put together a deck.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Of cards of fifty two of my favorite questions, ones
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: that have sparked some of the most meaningful and insightful
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: conversation in not just my career, but also my life.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Some are light and fun, and some are deeper and
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: more reflective. These fifty two questions will build any relationship, trust, intimacy, connection.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: It all starts with curiosity. Get your deck today at
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: www dot pretty smartshop dot com or head to my
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Instagram at Danielle Robe and click the link in my bio.
• 33:22
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• 33:25
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• 33:29
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• 33:32
  Speaker 1: these cards for a friend's dinner, party, a birthday, or
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: a date, just no question.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Everything is not a game. It's a game changer.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: In twenty twenty two, there was an offbed in The
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: New York Times. They described your family as the first
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: family of putting it all out.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that's true.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: That was a little but you guys did put it
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: all out there.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: In a lot of ways.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: In a lot of ways, I always felt like it
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: was for healing, for conversation. Absolutely, But I do think
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: when you put it all out there, people think they
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: can give their two cents.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Is there any part of you that thinks I kind
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: of wish I could put the toothpaste back in the tube?
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: No? Really, nah, before tell me, why? Tell me what's
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: the benefit of it.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: I personally love it because I learned from you. I
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: feel like a complicated person and I feel aligned.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: But in a public forum, I think a lot of people.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: Can I be real, keep it real?
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: I think that society is mad at you a little bit.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: And when I think about why, I think it's because
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: they've invested in your dream and they've spent money with you,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: they've spent time with you. And I think that you'll
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: go into interviews and you give a really thoughtful, complex
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: answer and they want a yes or a no.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Right, And here's the deal. That's the problem with life.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: There is no yes and no sometimes yeah right.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you'll ever get to a point
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: where you give a yes or no for some of those.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was kind of like in my seat
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: when Hoda asked you, like, does will sleep with men?
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: Or like are you in the Illuminati?
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: Like you know, asking that one. She didn't have the illuminati.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: She asked about the men. Either I'll give you a
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: yes or no on that one. Will does not sleep
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: with men.
• 35:48
  Speaker 6: That's a no, okay, okay, So let's take it back
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: to people get upset because people want to believe what
• 35:56
  Speaker 6: they want to believe versus what's true.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: So people always talking about keeping it real. People don't
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: want what's real. People want you to Yeah. People want
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: you to fit their story in their mind of what
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: you are, and they believe that their story is what's true.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: It's like, no, yeah, we I can only tell you
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: the truth of my story, right. And so for a
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: very long time I was very unhappy trying to live
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: up to people's narratives. It made me very unhappy, and
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: even though it made everybody else happy. But I'm more
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: happy now, even though people seem to be really upset.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: It made me think of the first line when you
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: open this cover I bookmarked it. Who do you think
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: deserves love to feel cared for? Who's allowed grace for
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: their mistakes. Who's given a pass in times of struggle?
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Is it ever? You? Well, why do you think you
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: don't get a pass? I think I do get a pass.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: I think that really.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I think the media was like I was like, damn,
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: I don't think she deserves that.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: But you know what, can I let me just keep
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: it real with you?
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: For what?
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: Please? Yeah? When I found out that my life would
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: never be the storybook version, I was fucking furious. When
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: did you find that out? I found it out really early? Okay, right,
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: I was fucking furious. It's devastating, devastating when you realize
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: life is not a fucking fairy tale. Marriage is not
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: a fairy tale. It's not. It's devastating. And I thought,
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: and I screamed and I scratched for a long time.
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: So I get it and it's okay, it's okay. And
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: guess what, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: It's like giving power to that is not the focus.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: And you also, for somebody like me, you have to
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: give grace to that period of time, to that gate.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: That's part of it. Like, no, you were supposed to
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: represent perfection. You and will are supposed to be this.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no, don't tell me that's not true. No,
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: how dare you? No?
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: No, no, I think you hit on something. Yes, the
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: j Cole song no role Models. I want that Will
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: and Jada love. I had a boyfriend in college, yes,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: and he had a vision board and you and Will
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: were right on it.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: It was that Will and Jada love. Ye.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: And you are a symbol of love yeap. Does it
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: not allow you to love freely when you are like hell?
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Does that symbol in society?
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Well, let me tell you about that symbol that's part
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: of the romanticized idea. Because I'm going to tell you what.
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: Hopefully in the future people will still say I want
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: that Jada and Will love. Because I'm gonna tell you why.
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: When you can go through all the shit that we've
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: gone through and still figure it out. When you can
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: have somebody in your life that's willing to love you
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: through the heartache, through the shadow, through the rain, through
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: the sunshine, through the snows, whatever the fuck, that's what
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: you want. You want somebody that can only love you
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: and your perfection. You want somebody that can only love
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: you when there's rainbows and fucking fairy dust. Because I'm
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: gonna tell you what. That's what this journey has been about.
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: We've had to truly learn how to love each other
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: in a real way, in a real way, not in
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: the relationship goals way and everything's perfect all the time way.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: I feel like you guys are the only ones doing
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: it in a public forum though, because like I look
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: at my parents, it's not romantic fairy tale.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: They're together. I don't know anybody that you talk to
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: that's been married for more than twenty years. Yeah, that's like, whoa,
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: this is shit. I mean, like it gets to the
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: point where you're either where you have to deal with
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: each other as human beings, where all of that romanticized
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: shit gets stripped down, where your humanness gets laid out
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: on the table in ways that is so fucking ugly.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: Now what now?
• 40:48
  Speaker 6: What?
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: Now what? And it's one thing that I've learned about
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: vows so easy to give up, Like people just give
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: it up so easily. One thing about the holy relationship
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: is like that I consider marriage to be and everybody's
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: marriage is different, and everybody's holy relationship shows up in
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: a different way. And as much as Will and I
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: have tried to get away from each other. It's not happening, right,
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: And what we realized is that it is that intimate
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: relationship that makes you have to face yourself in ways
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: that no other relationship does. It forces you to learn
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: to love in ways you don't want to. It's the
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: most painful thing in the WLD. It is excruciating, right,
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: But that's one of the beauties of marriage. And it
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: doesn't mean that it's going to ever be the thing
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: you thought, like that fairy tale that I was killing
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: myself for. My relationship will never be that. But to
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: know that I have someone by my side that, no
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: matter what, is dedicated to learning how to love and
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: learning how to love me and vice versa. I don't
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: know what else you could ask for. It's kind of
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: like the whole point of life. It's the whole fucking point, man,
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: So allowing people to get through the Oh my god,
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: you guys are not what I thought. You're right, we're not.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: And if you can find anybody who is after thirty
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: years of being together, please give me their number, because
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: I would love to know the.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Magic sauce, especially people who have kids.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's a game change. That's a game changer. So
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: My whole thing is getting past the romanticized desire of
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: needing people to live up to an ideal that's not real.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Is your relationship one that you would want for WILLI.
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: If it's going to help her become the woman unbecoming? Yes,
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: that's a really big thing to say. Yeah, yes, beautiful,
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: I think you heard me say that. I'm single. It's okay,
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: it is okay, working on it.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm kind of terrified of picking the wrong person.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: Don't be terrified of picking the wrong person. There is
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: no wrong person. And I'm going to tell you why,
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: because whoever you pick, as long as you're in the
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: game to learn more about yourself and to learn more
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: about relating, it's never the wrong person. It's never the
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: wrong person. We're only ever attracting that which that is
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: a mirror of where we're sitting right now. And if that,
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: if somebody is showing you something of where you don't
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: want to sit, use that person to change it within yourself,
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: and once you make those adjustments, that person will move
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: on and then there'll be another gate that opens for you.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: But don't be afraid like that because people tell you
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: to just jump and it's like sometimes you need that time.
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: It's not always about like, this isn't working for me,
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: so I'm leaving because you're not comfortable. You know. That's
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: one of the things about relationships that I think people
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: overlook is that people aren't there to suit your comfort.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: That's not what relationships a kids. Yeah, that's not what
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: relationships are for. Relationships are there to help you learn.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: We're getting in the game of relating to learn how
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: to love. Now, if you're with somebody who has no
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: interest in learning how to love, move on. I love
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: that so much. Yeah, like, we don't know how to
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: do that.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Shit, we're in the game of learning how.
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: How to love. You're true, You're yes, you're in. You
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: want to find a partner that is interested in learning
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: how to love, love themselves and love you. We don't know.
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: Nobody's a pro at that. I don't give it how
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: what anybody says. That's what we're here to do. When
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: you first met Will, I didn't know that. You didn't know.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: So what do you think it was about him?
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: You could have been with anyone. Yeah, what was it
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: about him that you were like, I want more? That
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: person's for me? Well, it really happened because this Jaden
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: really because I got pregnant. Oh, I didn't know that
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: I got pregnant. I got pregnant. I think I need
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: to do that when I got pregnant, and so it
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: was kind of like, I don't think for somebody like
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: my personality. I think the Great Supreme was like, oh,
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: I know how to how to get you. And even
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: that was like, no, I don't want to be married,
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: you know. And so I knew that he he's a climber.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: I mean that's the thing that keeps us in the game. Now.
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: It's like we're climbers. Yeah, and we both have a
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: really fearce like we love to learn, we love to
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: challenge each other. And there's not a lot of people
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: that can match me energetically, and it's not a lot
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: of people that can match him energetically.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about your band.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, So in twenty twenty one on.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Red tabletop mm hmmm, Willow got your band together, yeah,
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: and perform to Bleed all over Me, Yeah, and the
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: camera cuts to you. I have never seen you lit
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: up like you were elated.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: I was. I was elated because all I could one
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: of the first things I saw was her as a
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: five year old and one of these dive bars I'm
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: performing in and her on the shoulders of one of
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: my security agents in the back of the bar watching
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: me perform, and then to see her on stage performing
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: my song was just it was wild. It was just wild. Yeah,
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: why are you getting emotional? Because I mean it's like
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: she always she was just so enamored with her mother
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: performing and she just loved it so much. And then
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: to just see her, I mean, she just took it
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: to the next level. Willow is like this. I consider
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: myself not a musician, but more of a performer than
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: Willow's both. She's a performer and a musician, but she's
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: a serious She's a serious musician. So she took it
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: to the next level, right, And so to be able
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: to see your children who journeyed with you in a
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: certain way and then they take that journey and just
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: fly with it. She's just an exceptional artist in my mind,
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: and I'm just so proud of her.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: You would be most important for you to see in her.
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: I don't know if it's so much of me wanting
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: her to take the best of me versus me seeing
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: that which is the best in her. In helping her
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: build on that. Like, as mothers, I think it's really
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: important that we're able to nurture the strengths of our
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: daughters that may not necessarily be our strengths, and to
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: just see them as their individual selves. That's somebody who's
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: been a therapy h I mean, Willow came in this
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: world very much Willow. She's not willing to surrender to
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: anything less, and she was that way in the womb. Yeah.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: So from day one with her, Jaden and Trey, I've
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: only wanted to ever see their superpowers and help them
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: nurture that and self actualize and be their own opinion leaders.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: I've only ever wanted that for them. You know.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: I remember seeing Jaden on Oprah as a toddler. I
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: would like, come home and watch Oprah, right, And now
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: I see your kids and they're full people and the
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: Press is there. As a mom, what's it like seeing
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: your kids have to navigate that.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: They do it so well? Yeah. Yeah, And I'll say
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: it over and over again like Hollywood is its own
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: jungle and Press is its own jungle, and it's a
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: hell of a thing. I gotta be honest with you.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: I'm just proud that Will and I were able to
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: keep them out of the jungle we had to grow
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: up in. I still have friends and I still have
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: family members who have to raise kids in the jungles
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: we grew up in, and I'm just proud of them.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: I'm proud of how they navigate their jungle.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: I think hindsight is always illumine. How do you think
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: people are going to feel about how Jada was treated
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: in pop culture in thirty years?
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: Hopefully in thirty years people are not even thinking about me, honestly,
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: because I'm going to tell you, in thirty years, I
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: probably won't be thinking about any of this. I really
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: do feel like if we spent more time paying attention
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: to our familial ties and our personal relationships, that's where
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: that's where all the magic is. There's nothing going on
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: over here speaking of magic.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: As I closed this book, I thought, Okay, it is
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: a book, but it's really just a few chapters, and
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: you're here with me, like living some of the new pages.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Do you think that Jada gets a happy ending?
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: Hell? Yeah, yeah, Jada has a really beautiful ending. Like
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: where I am in my life right now, it's like,
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: no matter what, it's gonna be a beautiful ending no
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: matter what. And that doesn't mean that it's gonna look beautiful. Yeah,
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: but it will be. It will be beautiful for sure,
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: that is without doubt.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: I have two rapid fire questions for you. All right.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: A book you've read other than yours that changed your life,
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: something you think everybody should read when things fall apart
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: by Penma Children.
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: It's a good one. Yeah.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, you can pick a card, any card, any card.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: Yep, I can't ask you this.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: What's the weirdest thing you've done in your car?
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: Oh? What is the weirdest thing I've done in my car?
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: Probably lip sync? But maybe everybody does that, Like I
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: will get down in my car.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: Well, are you turning on?
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: Listen? It could be me pretending that I'm freaking not
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: Tori Amis or freaking Prince, but I will give you
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: a fierce performance and lip sync in the car.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Your kids are so lucky.
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: My last question is what is the smartest decision you've
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: ever made.
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: Keeping my family together? Absolutely, Jada, this.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: Meant a lot to me. Thank you, thank you.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: This was a great This was a great time. Thank you.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, you know what time it is? Today's a good
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: day to have a good day. I'll see you next week.