Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 8: Why Interviewers Remember Some People and Forget Others

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Season 2, Episode 8: Why Interviewers Remember Some People and Forget Others · Becoming Irresistible

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jay, a high achievement lifestyle strategist and irresistibility expert.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, today I wanted to talk about something since there's a lot of people graduating and now maybe looking for jobs or interviewing for higher level positions.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to talk about why interviewers remember some people and forget others.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: You see, most people prepare for interviews by focusing on the answers and trying not to get rejected, right?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: But exceptional candidates prepare by focusing on the impression they're going to leave.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because just like when you buy something, it's not always logical.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Similarly, hiring is not always made through only logic.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes those hiring decisions are made based on trust, confidence, connection, energy, and how memorable someone is, and the perception of someone's future potential.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I said that sometimes those decisions are made because of these things, but actually I'd like to say that often these decisions of hiring are made based on these factors.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So what I want to stress for people who are going out there for an interview, shift your aim from how do I avoid messing up to how do I create an experience that makes them excited to see more of me or to see me working here?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's a completely different mindset.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, this applies also for colleges as well.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: How do I create an experience that makes someone want me to be a part of this place?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the biggest misconceptions about interviews is really that they're some kind of a knowledge test.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Most people walk into an interview feeling like they're taking an exam.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the longer I've been around high achievers, applied for high achievement positions, and gone through this process myself, the more I've realized something.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: The person who gets hired is not always the person who gives the perfect answer.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's the person that the interviewer can already imagine working there or being a part of that environment, which of course should change everything for you as you're walking into the room.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Most people actually approach an interview.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I would say, I don't want to label anything as wrong, but with the wrong approach.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: They memorize answers and they try to sound impressive, they overexplain, and they put forth their answers based on what they've practiced for, but without establishing connection.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're trying not to fail, you're just basically playing defense.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's an analogy for that.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So interviews actually are your opportunity to create a future simulation.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because the interviewer is actually subconsciously asking, can I trust this person?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Would I want to work with them?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or would my team want to work with them?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Can they solve problems?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do they think clearly?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: How much energy am I going to have to invest in this person when I already don't have any to run my business or to run my organization?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Are they going to require a lot of effort to make it work here?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Do they communicate well?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Will this decision make my life easier?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think ultimately that's the biggest thing that they're thinking.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: How confident am I going to be that this decision is going to make my life easier, the life of my team easier, or make the community that I'm working for better?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not, you know, do they have the perfect answer?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what they're really thinking.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to give you two, you know, power, I call them power flip questions, because when you use these, it's going to feel like you're no longer being interviewed.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here's a question.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because that usually the interviewer at some point will ask, Do you have any questions for me?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when you can employ these what I call power flip questions.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: So here's one, an example.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can adjust these based on your situation, but here's just two examples.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Power flip question number one.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: What do the top people on your team love most about working here?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: The thing that would make me really excited to join here or to be here, to be a part of this team.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna explain why this is such a great question.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because most candidates ask about what, like vacation, schedules, like logistics.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: This question reveals how much you care about the culture, the values, and emotional connection.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: It immediately will change the energy of the interview.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's gonna make it feel like you're interviewing them to see why you should be a part of their team.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not to say that you know you want to feel more powerful than them, but what you want to do is have them start investing in you as a part of their team, right?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So now the interviewer's got to explain why it'd be great for you to be there.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then once they've invested that energy into you, they're more likely gonna want you to be there, right?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a really great power flip question.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now the second power flip question is if I actually did join your team, what would you personally be excited to see me accomplish in my first year?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or what would you be proud to see me accomplish in my first year?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is really gold.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm explaining why.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Most candidates are asking, will you choose me?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: This question asks, what does success look like after I've already joined?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's really subtle but powerful because now they have to envision you as a part of their team.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're already in their mind planting you in their team.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And now they've got to see what that picture looks like where in a picture where you're already successful.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you've already done something that made them proud or excited.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you're already successful.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: How powerful is it that in their mind now they can see you on their team being successful?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is an amazing question.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Again, these are the kinds of things we teach in our programs on my irresistible life.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're interested in learning these kinds of techniques, tools, and foundational concepts that will help accelerate your success and lead you to your high achievement life, your most irresistible life, then do sign up for our programs because even though these are very simple concepts, right?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm teaching you a concept which is really simple that anyone can understand, but they're so powerful.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know them, I mean, doesn't mean you can't get there.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: It just means it's harder and maybe slower sometimes.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you don't have that edge above other people.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are just on the same playing field.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: But with these tools and and these concepts, you are going to be at a higher level than everyone because you already know you have this powerful toolbox of assets that you can use in different scenarios, and you also understand the concepts behind happiness, success, longevity, the things that make everything fall into place.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so you know what your aim is and you know the tools that will help you get there.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So do check into our programs for parents of young children if they can't understand, you learning those concepts will allow you to model and teach them throughout their life.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you learning it is going to help them even more than them just trying to learn on their own at a young age.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you learning the concepts will allow you to employ them throughout their life and teach them and model them, and then they will naturally absorb them and know them at a deeper level.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So don't let age stop you from getting involved in these programs.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get to the next section.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a section that, again, applies to more than just interviews.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's really about confidence.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I have admitted this several times.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I struggle with confidence.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard for me to go out there and be confident about anything, right?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: But we feel magnetized to people who are confident.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is a signal of alignment.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is a signal of honesty with who you are, with your life, with where you're going, with what you want out of life.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: So confidence signals a lot of underlying factors.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why a lot of interviewers hire confidence and not just perfection.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: You see, confidence is different than arrogance, and we know that in our bodies, we can sense it.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is clearly different than someone who's just practiced their answers.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell when someone is genuinely answering from a place of true authenticity versus giving you a practice answer.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: We all know what that looks like.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And confidence can sometimes outplay a lack of credentials.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you had two people walk in a room and one said confidently they could do something, and the other one said the same thing in a very shaky voice, you know that you would go with the person who spoke it more confidently, even if maybe your credentials said otherwise.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's our natural inclination because when we speak from authenticity, from honesty, that relates to confidence.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so most people can't speak in confidence when they don't believe that what they're saying is true.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: We tend to believe that confidence.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: I would encourage you to work on building your confidence.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you walk into an interview with the confidence that you're going to be okay, whether or not you get that position, then you're walking into an interview with the right amount and right type of confidence.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to get into this section to talk about what makes a candidate someone that they won't forget, right?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about just people being ridiculous.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about people who are memorable and people say, oh man, I really loved that candidate, right?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not that they were so ridiculous and we were laughing at them.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here are some of the reasons why candidates become memorable.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: They use storytelling, they tell stories during their interview.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: They don't just list off things.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Use that in your interview.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: From a young age, we know this because as babies, as children, we learn through storytelling.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't change.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's why we love going to movies, right?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we love Netflix.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we love books, right?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because we love to learn through stories.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: We can relate to stories better.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: We immediately feel connection through stories.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: So use storytelling in your interview as well.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, if they ask a question about what you believe about honesty, give them a story.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Say, you know, let me tell you a story.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can even use that line, let me tell you a story.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Make it short.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to go on all day, but you want to come up with a short story you can tell.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the great thing with stories is you don't have to memorize them.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know the story.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to tell the story.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I can tell you the story of Cinderella.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I won't use the same words as in the book, but I can still tell you that story.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you can tell a story without having to memorize it.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that is a great tool.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, candidates who are memorable use specific examples in your storytelling.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Use a specific example.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you about the time that I had to decide between a friendship and doing the right thing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, someone's going to remember that example.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to remember what you stood for.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's no right answer here.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's what the point is, is that they're going to remember who you are and what you stand for because you gave them a specific concrete example.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, another thing that memorable candidates use is enthusiasm.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever seen someone tell a story without doing the voices and just reading the words off the page?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's what it feels like if you say the words without any enthusiasm.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: This does not mean you have to like wave your hands in the air.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: It just means use emotion.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Emotion creates connection.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Emotion creates energy, right?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: That creates interest in who you are and what you do.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to be more memorable that way.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing you can do is be curious.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ask, okay, dumb questions, just to ask questions.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ask intelligent questions.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Use the opportunity.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Use what you're learning from the interviewer to ask questions.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things that comes easy to me is to get along with so many different kinds of people.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: The reason I can do that is because I look at each person as a story.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: You've all heard the five W's, right?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Who, what, when, where, why, and then you have the how.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you got the five W's and then the H, the how.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: So use that format to ask questions.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And especially if you see your interviewer get lighted up about something.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they mention, oh yeah, well, I'm on a golf team.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Ask questions, okay, because they mentioned it.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Something that has nothing to do with the interview itself or with the logistics of the interview, that might be something they're interested in.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes, if you go into a room where people have a lot of photos, right?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: They have photos of their kids.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one time I read that you can tell what's important to a person by looking at their photos on their phone.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's the same thing if you go in an office.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: A person has especially taken effort to place photos in that room because it represents something important to them.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Use those opportunities.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I see you have a lot of pictures of your kids.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, how many do you have?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: How old are they?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you don't have to drag it out and you know make it weird, but be curious about your interviewer or about things they've talked about.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: If your interviewer starts asking a lot of questions about one thing in particular, you can get curious about that too.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've noticed that you're asking a lot of questions about this particular thing.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Is that something that you have a particular policy on?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is that something that you have a personal interest in, right?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: So be curious because curious candidates stand out.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the last thing that makes people really memorable is warmth.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So Vanessa Van Edwards talks a lot about what contributes to charisma.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: One of those components is warmth.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: In her research, she's found that warmth is one of the biggest contributors.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, if you want to learn more about just charisma in particular, you can learn more about that with what she does at the Science of People.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Vanessa Van Edwards, really cool stuff that I have been studying and really appreciate all that research she's done because it helps us to learn what works in real-world environments.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that works is warmth.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you want a good blend of warmth and competence, and hopefully they've already determined that you have the competence levels based on your resume.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, what will help you to stand out is your warmth.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: When we think about spending a day in a work environment, we want to be around a human being, someone we can enjoy.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: You have to spend a lot of time together.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to be stuck with someone who doesn't make us feel good.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: So be warm at your interview.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: That will help you to stand out as well.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the last thing I want to talk to you about is what I call the hidden interview skill.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a skill.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Make your interviewer feel understood.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And really, what I mean here is listen carefully to what they're saying, reflect their concerns, understand what the team needs.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't understand what the team needs, be curious about what the team needs.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Speak to problems and how you would create solutions or make those problems go away or make those problems easier for everyone.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: So people are going to remember how they felt about you versus all your exact answers to their questions.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to remember that feeling that you left them with.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you do that by making the interviewer feel understood.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: When they go back to their team or when they're looking through all the candidates, they're going to not remember your exact answers sometimes.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Unless, of course, you used the tips I've thrown you about storytelling and giving concrete examples.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: So remember those things.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: But they're not going to remember, you know, 50 candidates' answers.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: What they're going to remember is how you made them feel, right?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if you made them feel like you were a good listener, that you reflected back things to them, that you were truly listening, processing, and voicing their concerns and trying to find ways to help solve their problems, they're going to remember that.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Even if they can't put it into words, they're going to remember that this person was attentive, they wanted to be a part of the team, make the team's life easier, make my life easier, and they were warm to be around.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to remember all those things.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: So do try to make the interviewer feel understood.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the last couple of sections I want to talk about are what not to do, what not to do.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: The fatal mistake that a lot of high achievers make is they think that qualifications are what sets them apart.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: But remember, remember, I've talked about this, but I want you to remember this that often interviews are won through communication, through your emotional intelligence, through trust, likability, and confidence and the connection you establish with people.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so don't make the mistake of just listing off your qualifications or trying not to get rejected from the interview.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Create the feeling that you want them to be left with and help them to envision you as a part of the team.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Show them that you're a good communicator, that you are a good listener.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Show them the ways that you would be an asset to their team.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: And the other mistake that a lot of people try to do is try to be impressive, right?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: They try to sound brilliant, prove how worthy they are, prove they're better than everyone else.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the goal really is not to be so impressive.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're already impressive, or you wouldn't be there.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is not to be impressive.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to be memorable.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: So let's recap.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: The irresistible candidate is one who's prepared, also curious, confident, engaged, thoughtful, a good listener, authentic, emotionally intelligent and future focused.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Illustrating how they would be a great member of this team or great for this position.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: It most certainly is not about being perfect.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: The longer I've thought about interviews, the less I believe they're really about answering questions.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think they're about creating confidence.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Creating confidence of what it would be like to work with you.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: When you understand that, that's when it's going to get easier and where you're going to stop trying to perform for someone, stop trying to impress someone, try to stop trying to say the perfect thing.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And instead for you to focus on creating trust, connection, and the possibility that you've a great team player.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, people don't hire resumes, they hire people.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: And candidates who stand out are usually the ones who make the interviewer think I can already see this person on my team.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this has been helpful for you.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Again, if you know somebody who this could help, then please do share it.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you're interested in our programs, please check that out at myirresistiblelife.com.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of what I'm doing now is because I wish someone had told me these things years ago, it would have put me on an even higher accelerated trajectory than where I am now.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to really share that with people who are aiming high in life, who want to live their best life, who want to create an irresistible life.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: I call those people high achievers.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't define high achievers as people who have some special gift.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I call high achievers people who are aiming for the best version of their life and for their highest potential.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that can be any child and even any parent who wants to change the trajectory of their life.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that's who this podcast is for.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hoping you're finding it useful.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Please do comment, let us know what you want to hear about, what things that you'd like to learn about, questions, burning questions you might have, so that maybe we can address them on this podcast.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love to serve people, I love to help people.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's what is in my blood to do.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's part of my irresistible journey.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for allowing me to share this content with you.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait until the next podcast when we share time together.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, and until then, stay irresistible.