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When a highly sensitive man loses the life he built (INFJ / INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: If this finds you in a time of life where you feel like you've fallen behind or you're regressing in some way, then this journal entry is for you.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think there can be times in our life when we look back on our younger selves and think that they had it more together, that they had a job and a career, maybe that and the vision, they were fulfilling a vision, they had a high creative aspiration, and maybe they were doing it.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: They were doing it.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they had maybe a house and uh and kids.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: There was it felt like maybe there was some fulfillment there, and life was on track.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then at some point, something happened.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there was a job loss or your income dropped if you're self-employed.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you had to, that meant you had to move back home with parents, or perhaps there was a divorce and a relationship ended.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be that there's, you know, just simply a midlife crisis, that something shakes, shakes the foundations of that.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's this sense that that things are starting to fall apart, that the the things that you had built fell apart, and we may have tried so hard to fulfill the expectations of the world around us, to to not even fit in, but yeah, to fulfill those expectations maybe of our younger selves, not even of society.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I think sometimes we know that we're not meant to fit in that that mold anymore of society or our younger, younger self's version in that mold.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And but when everything falls apart, it I feel like there's this shame, the shame that arises from having lost ground, from you know, the world that looks at us in our wherever you might be in your 40s, 50s, 60s, and the shame of having to move back in with parents, or like my husband, you know, he he had his life together.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like he said he had his life more together in his teens than he does now in his his mid to late 40s.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's this living in a basement suite and feeling just this grief, I think this grief of an unfulfilled dream, an unfulfilled vision, an unfulfilled thought of where where you would be at this moment in time, at whatever age.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that perhaps there's even fears that that earlier struggles may have may return.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe it's money struggles or mental health struggles.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you've struggled with depression before in life, it can be scary kind of feeling into that, like that recurring energy of depression or whatever it might be, that there's this tense tenseness, this fear.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it could even be this sense of humiliation, of feeling humiliated that that this is where you're at in life.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, you know, I want you to know that that I my husband is going through all of those feelings, and you're not alone in that.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I know many of you have shared stories in various videos and journal entries about this this place.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I think you can find find yourself having less energy, less ambition and drive and enthusiasm for life, and less certainty about where you're going.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about this before, about being in the fog, not having a compass, not feeling like you're there's a direction, and maybe a a lack of self-trust that that sets in of like, well, I made all these decisions that led me here, and here is this place where it's you know there's shame and maybe even guilt and all of these all of these emotions and and just sort of feeling like I can't trust myself to make future decisions.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And none of this none of this makes you any less of a man.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't diminish that you are a unique soul, a unique human being with all of your experiences that you've had, all of the wisdom that you have gained, all of the, you know, the the trials and tribulations that have built up in you that have, you know, maybe not wisdom, maybe you don't see it as that right now, but all of that is an experience, and you know, that's that's something.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I I feel I feel deeply for you um if this is what you're going through, because like I said, my husband is going through this.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know, he had built uh a wonderful business and life and and it just it fell apart for no for no apparent reason that was his his fault.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And and even if it it was his fault, it doesn't mean make make that any harder.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It maybe makes it way harder, but I think part of it, part of the way through this time is to acknowledge the fears, the fears of starting over again or having to to figure out what's next, you know, and the fear of regressing backwards, the fear of you know, the societal and familial shame.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe your family member, you have family members who just can't understand your life and how how it is.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know for many of us we're very different, you know, in terms of personality type, or even being highly sensitive.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're different from most of our family.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for my family, they just don't understand what like what's the what the problem is with our life and why we're here, and there's no kind of empathy and compassion from them.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, you know, that whatever whatever they don't say like man up, but you know, it's like man up, get on with it, you know.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: When when when tragedy strikes or when things happen in our lives, it's like the world and the culture that we live in doesn't allow any time for for our for our grief and our sadness and just time to process all of these these in these internal thoughts and feelings.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: So and and acknowledging also too that lack of perhaps self-trust so that we you know the and and the fear that maybe even even the acknowledging all of that will bring those to become true or will bring on depression if we acknowledge those things.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think part of us wants to just shove all that down and not not feel it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's important that we that that part we need to witness those things in ourselves because that those fears are the small part of us, the small child in us that that is, you know, perhaps wasn't nurtured and loved the way that we maybe should have been back then.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it has all those fears.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: So by witnessing them and being present with them, and by you know, by being present and I mean by writing about them, if you're a writer, or maybe even speaking and making yourself voice notes, like if you're an auditory um learner, or you know, if if if speaking makes makes better sense than writing, you know, and even maybe sharing them with a trusted friend or family member.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I know many, many, many of you don't have that.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: So um, you know, but I think when we when we do that, when we witness those things, then we can face the the next season, whatever might arise next, feeling more whole, acknowledging all of all of those fears and and sitting with them, not not uh shoving them down is an important part of this this season that you that you're in.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you're in this space or this place, so it's just a reminder to be gentle with yourself because I know I know there's that there can be this hardening that the culture wants us to be harder and you know work it out, figure it out, get another job, you know, like what whatever, whatever.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And but I think you know, give yourself give yourself some time to to grieve the losses that you've lost, the things, you know, that your younger self had had created and built or had accumulated, or whatever it is that that has has been shaken.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, and part of grief is is acknowledging the anger, the anger at where you're at, and and being sad at where you're at, at the loss of yeah, of everything.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that that anger and and the sadness.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think too, just a reminder to treat yourself with with dignity and patience and compassion because so often that that that self, that critical, negative self-talk comes up, and it makes everything so much worse than it needs to be.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I I it's easy enough to say because my own my own negative self-talk is really horrible.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So um, but this is a reminder to me as well as you.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, something that has helped me through this intensely difficult, dark night of the soul that my husband has gone through.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I I have gone through, I'm I'm working my way out of that as well, but is the reminder that seasons come and go.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we have internal seasons as well, and our life, our life is ebbs and flows, like the seasons, like the ocean in and out.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: This too, this too shall pass.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: This this season will shift, something new will arise, the spring will arrive, new seeds will arrive, but for now, it's okay to just, you know, be present with yourself in this in this time.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So if the library has become a meaningful place to you, I would really appreciate if you would consider donating to help me and my husband get through this time and for me to continue creating these these journal entries.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the links will all be below.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if you would like to come and spend some time with other men who know what this have gone through seasons like this or in seasons like this as well, um, we we have been having a couple of lives a week where we just hang hang out and we share vulnerable things and we share wonderful things and we we talk about yeah, all sorts of things.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a place to be free to to speak our mind and speak our heart.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you like the next one we have is Friday night, this coming Friday night at 8 p.m.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Eastern Time, 1 a.m.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: in the UK, and 11 a.m.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Saturday in Sydney.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I would warmly welcome you to that.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I'm wishing you so many blessings.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.