Latest / The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids / 3 Tips to Help Stop Yelling at Your Children with Celia Kibler

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3 Tips to Help Stop Yelling at Your Children with Celia Kibler · The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

• 0:00
  Celia: Kids need to know number one they need to be in an environment where they are heard and they are valued.
• 0:07
  Celia: But kids also need to know that they have a voice and the emotions that they're feeling because we are born with all these crazy emotions that we don't know what to do with are simply emotions.
• 0:24
  Celia: They are not good emotions, they are not good emotions.
• 0:26
  Celia: They're not bad emotions, they are just emotions.
• 0:29
  Carrie: Welcome to Heart to Heart Parents.
• 0:30
  Carrie: Let's connect with our kids and learn together.
• 0:33
  Carrie: I'm Carrie.
• 0:34
  Carrie: I was a former teacher and speech therapist.
• 0:36
  Carrie: I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids.
• 0:41
  Carrie: I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting, just as they present on Instagram, but I quickly learned that's not real life.
• 0:52
  Carrie: I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house.
• 1:02
  Carrie: Hi there, conscious parents, before we start today's episode, it's Carrie here and I wanted to reach out to ask you guys for a quick favor.
• 1:08
  Carrie: As a follower of our show, we would love for you to give us a five-star rating and leave us a review.
• 1:15
  Carrie: It can be just a few words, that's it, and it really goes a long way with us with the podcasting community on Apple or Spotify.
• 1:23
  Carrie: So thanks so much for tuning in and I'm so excited for you to hear today's message.
• 1:28
  Carrie: Happy listening, hi there, and welcome back.
• 1:31
  Carrie: I'm Carrie.
• 1:32
  Carrie: I'm your mindful mama here and today I have an amazing guest for you guys.
• 1:37
  Carrie: I have Celia, or.
• 1:39
  Carrie: Celia Keebler is a renowned parenting expert, family relationship empowerment coach, founder of the Pumped Up Parenting and the Day of Calm Foundation.
• 1:49
  Carrie: She has over 40 years of experience working with families and she wrote the book Raising Happy Toddlers how to Build Great Parenting Skills and Stop Yelling at your Kids, which I love the title of that, celia.
• 2:01
  Carrie: Thank you so much for being here with us today.
• 2:03
  Carrie: Oh, Carrie, I'm so excited to be here with us today.
• 2:04
  Celia: Oh, Carrie, I'm so excited to be here with you and, yeah, I'm all about not yelling a kid.
• 2:08
  Celia: That's, like my, my mission in life.
• 2:11
  Carrie: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 2:13
  Carrie: Yeah, that matches very well with fine, which is trying to raise these kids to be the best version of themselves.
• 2:19
  Carrie: And what have you found as far as like with the yelling piece?
• 2:23
  Carrie: Have you found?
• 2:24
  Carrie: You mentioned confidence.
• 2:26
  Carrie: When I had spoken or read some of your info, I loved the confidence piece.
• 2:32
  Carrie: How do you feel like parents can help with that confidence piece and foster better communication with our kiddos?
• 2:40
  Celia: Well, part of the problem with yelling is it is considered okay, like well, everybody yells at their kids, you know, it's fine.
• 2:49
  Celia: Just, we all yell.
• 2:51
  Celia: What's wrong with that?
• 2:52
  Celia: Well, I was yelled at and I'm fine, and you know that that parents do that, unfortunately, so much of society believes it is normal to do is so ultimately destructive to children.
• 3:21
  Celia: Yeah, when they are constantly yelled at and I'm not talking about, like you know, we all have bad days.
• 3:27
  Celia: We all.
• 3:27
  Celia: We're human.
• 3:28
  Celia: We have bad days, we have good days.
• 3:30
  Celia: We go to work.
• 3:31
  Celia: It's, however, turned out to be not such a great day.
• 3:34
  Celia: We walked in the door, the kids might be fighting and you, you know, your emotions run wild.
• 3:40
  Celia: And then you're like oh my gosh, I feel like a terrible parent.
• 3:43
  Celia: I'm the worst, worst mother in the world.
• 3:45
  Celia: What am I thinking?
• 3:46
  Celia: And you go in your room and you're like I'm terrible.
• 3:50
  Celia: You can go out and say you're sorry, and I'm not talking about those random times when we yell.
• 3:58
  Celia: What I'm talking about is parents that, for the most part, their communication with their child is a very harsh communication.
• 4:12
  Celia: They talk harshly, they don't use their manners, they're not calm, they are yelling and screaming and therefore their kids are yelling and screaming, and the problem with consistent harsh communication with children consistently yelling at them, is that a child then feels like they're a bad kid.
• 4:33
  Celia: They feel like they're always in trouble, they always do everything wrong and the opposite side of that is that means they never do anything right and what it does is it creates a very low confidence because they don't feel like they could speak up, they don't feel like they can offer opinions because they're afraid they're going to get yelled at, and yelling and harsh communication is judgment.
• 5:00
  Celia: So they are being judged, they've been criticized, and it eliminates any confidence, self-esteem, self-worth that a child might have, and I'm pretty sure your listeners don't want that from their children.
• 5:15
  Celia: They want their children to feel great about themselves and feel like they're going to make an impact on the world.
• 5:23
  Carrie: Yes, yes, that resonates so much with me.
• 5:26
  Carrie: I talk a lot about how children, when they're raised, they're being raised and growing into adults, how we, with these hardships or pieces that happen in our lives, we slowly build these layers of protection on us and it really makes it hard when we're adults to hear anything, except for our monkey mind trying to be perfect all the time right, so I love that so much.
• 5:50
  Carrie: What are some tips that can help us, because I know we're busy moms and dads.
• 5:54
  Carrie: We can get into our monkey minds.
• 5:56
  Carrie: We may have been raised differently.
• 5:57
  Carrie: Do you have some tips or steps that can help us stop yelling, create this more peaceful environment that you're describing, that can help us stop yelling, create this more peaceful environment that you're?
• 6:05
  Celia: describing Well one of the things we have to realize, and you know for you, being a mindful mom, you know, and helping your kids I know you said you help your kids be mindful and you help others be mindful is to be mindful of ourselves.
• 6:22
  Celia: Recognize how you were raised.
• 6:24
  Celia: If you were raised by parents that yell and scream, chances are you're going to come out two ways.
• 6:30
  Celia: You're either going to be an angry, raging adult and you're going to be yelling and screaming, or you're going to be the peacemaker.
• 6:38
  Celia: That's how I came out.
• 6:39
  Celia: You're going to be the person that avoids confrontation at all costs and always has to make sure everybody's happy.
• 6:47
  Celia: Okay, let's just make sure.
• 6:48
  Celia: I mean, I created the International Day of Calm so I like went overboard on the making sure the world is calm feeling you know.
• 6:57
  Celia: I'm like okay, let's just get everybody calm.
• 6:59
  Celia: Why stop at parents when the whole world can calm down, which we need?
• 7:04
  Celia: I think you would agree.
• 7:05
  Celia: I mean, we have a little excessive epidemic of anger and rage.
• 7:08
  Celia: But you have to recognize what you yourself tend to do when you lose emotional control and everybody hears about emotional intelligence.
• 7:26
  Celia: We're not born with this, we learn this.
• 7:29
  Celia: And what parents have to recognize is that when an adult is screaming, yelling, hitting, raging, whatever they're doing out of control, they are throwing a tantrum, just like a child does.
• 7:43
  Celia: A child throws a tantrum.
• 7:45
  Celia: A two-year-old, a three-year-old we're all like, oh yeah, they always throw tantrums because they don't know how to regulate their emotions.
• 7:52
  Celia: We're not born with that in our brains A parent, or I should say, an adult, rages and screams and yells and cusses and calls names and throws things and does any of those things.
• 8:06
  Celia: Same thing.
• 8:07
  Celia: That means that adult never learned how to regulate their own emotions, never learned what to do with that disappointment muscle instead of just respond harshly.
• 8:22
  Celia: Because basically, in some way you're disappointed with your child's behavior and if you're not handling disappointment in a calmer, more productive and constructive way, you are directly teaching your child to handle disappointment in a destructive way.
• 8:44
  Carrie: Right, handle disappointment in a destructive way, Right.
• 8:49
  Carrie: So is there any?
• 8:49
  Carrie: If we've been raised like that, it feels oftentimes it feels like we're speaking a different language when we're talking to our kids.
• 8:54
  Carrie: It feels like, you know, you, you tend to want to go back to how you're raised the strictness, the, the yelling, the, the I ultimatums.
• 9:06
  Carrie: I feel like that's kind of where your tendency is to go.
• 9:10
  Carrie: Is there anything that we can do to kind of help ourselves move on in practice?
• 9:14
  Carrie: The?
• 9:15
  Celia: best thing we can do, in anything in life, in fact, is to recognize what we don't know.
• 9:24
  Celia: In fact is to recognize what we don't know.
• 9:29
  Celia: And if what you're doing we come to this planet at this point, at this time, at this minute, at this second with all the knowledge we know from our past, and if something is not working with all the knowledge you know from your past at this moment, you have to be willing to learn a better way.
• 9:50
  Celia: And it's out.
• 9:52
  Celia: There there are.
• 9:53
  Celia: You know, I've raised five children.
• 9:56
  Celia: Three of them are my step-sons, and I did it without yelling and screaming and making them feel like they're horrible people.
• 10:03
  Celia: I did it through encouraging cooperation and teaching them respect, by being respectful.
• 10:12
  Celia: And if you don't know, if what is happening right now in your family is not working, it's time to learn a system that will work.
• 10:22
  Celia: What people don't realize is everything has a system.
• 10:25
  Celia: You know you have a career.
• 10:27
  Celia: You learned what you needed to know to do that career.
• 10:31
  Celia: If you are a plumber, you learned what you needed to know to be a plumber.
• 10:35
  Celia: If you are a doctor, you learned what you needed to know.
• 10:38
  Celia: And yet people enter into parenting seriously the most responsible obligation, responsibility, whatever I'm repeating my words that you can have on the planet raising another adult and we go into it without a system, without a plan.
• 10:58
  Celia: We fly by the seat of our pants the single most biggest responsibility a human can have to raise another adult and we don't take it seriously.
• 11:09
  Celia: Well, we can do this.
• 11:11
  Celia: We got this.
• 11:12
  Celia: You know we're good.
• 11:13
  Celia: We were screened, we were yelled at.
• 11:15
  Celia: I was a kid and I came out okay.
• 11:16
  Celia: Did you?
• 11:17
  Celia: Did you come out okay?
• 11:18
  Celia: Because if you're just repeating the dysfunctional patterns of your past, you didn't come out okay and you didn't learn more.
• 11:27
  Celia: So my best advice to you is learn a system, learn a better way, because they're there.
• 11:35
  Celia: Your parenting should include so many aspects.
• 11:40
  Celia: We search, we search, we get one tip.
• 11:42
  Celia: One tip is not going to fix your family and if you're not being consistent with whatever you're learning, it won't help either.
• 11:52
  Carrie: And we'll be right back after this message.
• 11:54
  Carrie: Hi there, changemaker moms and dads, it's Carrie here.
• 11:58
  Carrie: I hope you're enjoying today's episode.
• 12:00
  Carrie: If there's any pieces of this episode that resonate with you, we would love for you to share it with a friend.
• 12:06
  Carrie: A little helping hand goes a long way.
• 12:08
  Carrie: We appreciate you tuning in and here's more.
• 12:11
  Carrie: Okay, I love that.
• 12:13
  Carrie: And if you were looking back and you could tell a younger version of Celia or younger parents something, what would be one thing you would tell us, going through this era right now, a younger version of me because I told you I was the peacemaker.
• 12:31
  Celia: I'm still kind of a peacemaker.
• 12:33
  Carrie: Well, you're talking to another version of that here, Exactly because that's how we come out.
• 12:38
  Celia: But the younger version of me would be that some very important words.
• 12:44
  Celia: Number one I am worthy because I learned not that long ago that I was worthy.
• 12:52
  Celia: I'm worthy of love, I'm worthy of happiness, I'm worthy of being able to speak up and be heard and my opinion is valuable.
• 13:03
  Celia: I am valuable.
• 13:04
  Celia: I don't have to just say, oh, whatever all you guys want, I can have an opinion, I can have a voice.
• 13:10
  Celia: But I spent a lot of my life and a lot of my childhood not believing that that was necessary, nor believing that other people felt it was necessary, and I felt very stupid growing up.
• 13:24
  Celia: And so if I could go back and say you know what?
• 13:28
  Celia: You're actually pretty darn smart, yeah, it would change a lot of things.
• 13:35
  Carrie: Yeah, I love that.
• 13:36
  Carrie: So when we talk about this mindful era, I feel like mindful is like the new keyword right In the parenting era.
• 13:43
  Carrie: If you could say anything for helping these children as they're piling on these layers of onion and protection, what would you say to the kids growing up today?
• 13:57
  Celia: Kids need to know number one they need to be in an environment where they are heard and they are valued.
• 14:04
  Celia: But kids also need to know that they have a voice and the emotions that they're feeling because we are born with all these crazy emotions that we don't know what to do with are simply emotions.
• 14:21
  Celia: They are not good emotions, they're not bad emotions.
• 14:24
  Celia: They are just emotions.
• 14:26
  Celia: Angers and emotion, excitement and emotion, happiness and emotion.
• 14:30
  Celia: It is not.
• 14:31
  Celia: There's not a scale of like.
• 14:33
  Celia: Here are the really great ones and here are the not so great ones.
• 14:37
  Celia: It is our reaction that puts it into a category.
• 14:41
  Celia: How are we reacting to the fact that we're angry and understanding that we, as children and teenagers and getting up into adulthood, the only people that we can control is us?
• 14:59
  Celia: Mm-hmm, we are the only ones that have control over us.
• 15:03
  Celia: Control over us and the way we respond, the way we act, the way we feel, what we do to help ourselves deal with things that are going on is up to us.
• 15:17
  Celia: Even like my, my grandchildren know when they walk up to me go, grandma, I'm bored.
• 15:22
  Celia: I look right at them and I'm I'm like who's making you bored?
• 15:26
  Celia: And now they know.
• 15:27
  Celia: They know the answer to that, so they don't even ask me as much, but they're like I am Like, exactly so go find something to do.
• 15:34
  Celia: I'm not responsible for your entertainment 24-7.
• 15:37
  Celia: And parents, you're not responsible for your kids' entertainment 24-7.
• 15:41
  Celia: They are responsible for how they approach everything.
• 15:46
  Celia: And it's an important thing for kids to know because you can like the onboard.
• 15:51
  Celia: You can take a child who's listening to a podcast, and one is listening all engaged and excited and the other's like falling asleep, totally under their control, and that's one of the best things you can help a child understand.
• 16:06
  Carrie: Yes, I love that.
• 16:07
  Carrie: So I have a question.
• 16:08
  Carrie: I don't know if you've heard about toxic positivity.
• 16:13
  Carrie: It's the era of the good vibes.
• 16:14
  Carrie: Only Negative won't help us.
• 16:18
  Carrie: You'll get over it.
• 16:19
  Carrie: People have it a lot worse.
• 16:21
  Carrie: What are your thoughts on this piece?
• 16:37
  Celia: your thoughts on on this piece.
• 16:37
  Celia: So toxic positivity is is positive.
• 16:38
  Celia: Okay, let me just say positivity is a good thing.
• 16:40
  Celia: Yes, I am.
• 16:40
  Celia: I am probably like excessively positive and happy.
• 16:43
  Celia: You know, I have excessive happiness, if you want to say.
• 16:47
  Celia: I learned a long time ago that, whatever I'm going through, there is someone out there in the world suffering a bigger challenge, dealing with a bigger challenge.
• 16:59
  Celia: So I used to feel that how did I have a right to complain?
• 17:03
  Celia: And I think the biggest thing that can come out of the thought of toxic positivity should not be that positivity is toxic, but that positivity is necessary.
• 17:19
  Celia: But you are also allowed to have your own feelings.
• 17:24
  Celia: You are also allowed to, if something's not going so great, to think you know what?
• 17:29
  Celia: This is not going so great, how can I deal with it better?
• 17:33
  Celia: It's not like snap out of it, get better.
• 17:36
  Celia: It's like, like you know, I'm the voice of calm, I'm like the calm crusader.
• 17:40
  Celia: But in in the history of calm down, has anyone ever calmed down by telling them to calm down?
• 17:48
  Celia: You know you have to talk with kids, you have to talk with each other, you have to help and you have to allow your children yourself, your partner, your friends, their emotions.
• 18:03
  Celia: You have to recognize them and acknowledge them, and it doesn't mean that you cannot be positive.
• 18:11
  Celia: I hope you are positive.
• 18:13
  Celia: I hope you see the good in things.
• 18:16
  Celia: Yeah, but we are still allowed to acknowledge difficulties as we grow, as we deal with day to day things and understanding that some things are easier for other people, and not just, like you know, wipe it out by saying, oh, snap out of it, calm down, do this, do that.
• 18:36
  Carrie: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:36
  Carrie: I love that Cause.
• 18:38
  Carrie: I think if I said to my kids it could be worse and I'm not acknowledging that moment and that those feelings that they're having it it like it makes it so they don't matter, in their mind it could feel like we're not acknowledging those feelings and they could feel powerless in that moment.
• 18:55
  Celia: So they feel like invisible and and and.
• 18:59
  Celia: The reality is you can help your children feel appreciative through other means by being grateful, by talking about the gifts in your world, the beauty in your world, things they can do for other people.
• 19:16
  Celia: What can you do for another child that doesn't have all the great things that you have?
• 19:22
  Celia: Let's look and see where people are in life and how they're living.
• 19:26
  Celia: Teaching kids to talk to strangers, not stranger danger you say that the most people that people are going to meet in their lifetime are strangers.
• 19:37
  Celia: And be friendly and say hello to the clerk at the store that's wearing a name tag that says Miriam, and say hi, miriam, I hope you're having a wonderful day.
• 19:46
  Celia: Thank you so much for helping me.
• 19:47
  Celia: Like, be you know, be kind.
• 19:51
  Carrie: Yes, I love that.
• 19:52
  Carrie: I even my nine year old son.
• 19:54
  Carrie: He still gets nervous going up and he has to have me with him and he wants me to talk for him, or he has a six year old sister speak for him.
• 20:03
  Carrie: He gets very nervous.
• 20:05
  Carrie: So my husband and I were actually just talking about this this weekend In our house.
• 20:10
  Carrie: Respecting our elders has always been something that is a very strong concept in our house, and I was raised with a Hispanic family where we always took care of our elders and we would bring them a plate of food and we would, you know, make sure that they got their plate of food first, or these these pieces of respect that we don't always see today.
• 20:37
  Celia: And it's so important and it should still be that way.
• 20:39
  Celia: I am all about respect my what I do for parents is I teach them how to raise respectful children without yelling at them.
• 20:47
  Celia: But the respect part is just as important as the not yelling part.
• 20:52
  Celia: And so you know the fact that you are being thoughtful to another person.
• 20:58
  Celia: You use your manners, you smile when you talk.
• 21:02
  Celia: You know well-mannered children come from well-mannered parents.
• 21:05
  Celia: I asked a couple of my clients a couple who were my clients because they were concerned about their child using her manners and my first question is always do you use your manners?
• 21:19
  Celia: And they said well, sometimes we're older now we don't have to use our manners.
• 21:24
  Celia: You don't grow too old to use manners.
• 21:27
  Celia: Number one.
• 21:27
  Celia: Number two if you sometimes use your manners, your children will also sometimes use theirs.
• 21:34
  Celia: I always use my manners.
• 21:37
  Celia: I smile when I talk and I'm always encouraging when I speak and calm, and elders should be respected.
• 21:47
  Celia: I speak and calm, and elders should be respected.
• 21:51
  Celia: You should not allow your child to speak rudely to you, because if they're given permission to speak rudely to you, they have permission to speak rudely to anyone.
• 21:56
  Celia: If you allow them to hit you, you give them permission to hit anyone.
• 22:00
  Celia: So there should be respect built.
• 22:03
  Celia: But there is a way to encourage that respect by teaching them different techniques when they're angry or they're mad or things like that, and different ways that you respond to them.
• 22:14
  Celia: That will encourage them to be kinder gentler, more compassionate.
• 22:21
  Carrie: And my kids are.
• 22:22
  Carrie: I think a lot of kids are probably also like that, where when they go into outside of the house, they are very respectful of other people.
• 22:30
  Carrie: As soon as we come home and we close the door, that's when the respect can sometimes change.
• 22:36
  Carrie: They're downloading, especially after a day of school.
• 22:39
  Carrie: Do you have any tips for a mom that is being disrespected in a moment by their nine-year-old after school?
• 22:47
  Carrie: It's very tiring on their systems.
• 22:50
  Carrie: They want to be perfect outside, so they're just exhausted and they just keep coming after mom and you want to yell.
• 22:58
  Carrie: It's bubbling up.
• 22:59
  Carrie: What are your tips?
• 23:01
  Celia: So the bottom line is they may have had a hard day at school, they may be tired, they may be at school, they may be tired, they may be irritable, they may be hungry, they may may, may may be any of these things.
• 23:13
  Carrie: Yeah.
• 23:14
  Celia: They are do not have the right to treat you disrespectfully and you do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully, and that's a big part of the puzzle.
• 23:26
  Celia: To be treated disrespectfully, and that's a big part of the puzzle.
• 23:31
  Celia: Adults, especially women, feel like they're allowed to be abused.
• 23:38
  Celia: They're allowed to be treated, you know, rudely.
• 23:39
  Celia: They're allowed to have somebody call them names and kind of beat them up.
• 23:42
  Celia: We can take it, we're women.
• 23:44
  Celia: No, you don't deserve that and I don't care who it's coming from.
• 23:48
  Celia: You need to help whoever is acting that way to understand you don't deserve that.
• 23:54
  Celia: So if your child comes up and they're like demanding and they're barking orders at you, you can simply look at them and say try that again.
• 24:02
  Celia: And if they try it again and they're still barking orders, try that again.
• 24:04
  Celia: And if they try it again and they're still barking orders, there is no conversation.
• 24:08
  Celia: You don't engage in conversation.
• 24:11
  Celia: You can ignore them.
• 24:12
  Celia: You can let them know in advance.
• 24:20
  Celia: Honey, we've had kind of a problem with talking back.
• 24:21
  Celia: I want to hear what you say.
• 24:22
  Celia: I love to hear what you say, but if you speak rudely to me or anyone else, we will ask you to try that again.
• 24:27
  Celia: If you don't follow through, we will go on with our lives until you're ready to speak kindly.
• 24:33
  Celia: Once you engage in conversation that is disrespectful and rude, you give permission for that behavior to continue.
• 24:44
  Celia: So it is very important for you to just not allow it.
• 24:49
  Celia: One of my clients they have an older child who is 17, who they were dealing with this rudeness and this disrespect constantly and I taught her how to handle it and it's changed.
• 25:03
  Celia: He doesn't do that to her anymore because she doesn't allow it.
• 25:07
  Celia: Do not allow someone to abuse you, whoever it is.
• 25:12
  Carrie: Yep, Yep.
• 25:13
  Carrie: So this has been a year of passion for me.
• 25:16
  Carrie: I'd like to ask you you mentioned your passion for having calmness and spreading calmness.
• 25:22
  Carrie: What does that look like for you?
• 25:26
  Celia: Well, I have always had this passion.
• 25:30
  Celia: I've always had a passion for children, for their wellness and their health.
• 25:34
  Celia: I have a kids fitness company.
• 25:37
  Celia: I started back in 87.
• 25:38
  Celia: So that's kind of where all this health and wellness started with kids and it kind of naturally matured into me.
• 25:46
  Celia: Helping the parents, because after you teach a group of parents and kids because in my classes it's a family fitness, so parents are participating, not watching you become the parenting expert.
• 25:58
  Celia: So people ask you and I was like you know what?
• 26:00
  Celia: I should do this for a living, because I should add this to my next thing because I can help parents.
• 26:06
  Celia: I should add this to my next thing because I can help parents.
• 26:13
  Celia: And it's just it.
• 26:13
  Celia: When you find your passion, it's not work, it's not a have to go to go into work.
• 26:17
  Celia: Today it's Monday, it is thoroughly enjoyable Because you're helping people.
• 26:23
  Celia: You're helping people learn a better way and what you help an adult, a parent, to do is a direct reflection on what that child will learn.
• 26:36
  Celia: And if I can help a parent to have a more peaceful home, a calmer home, less stress, less chaos, the happiness and joy and the blossoming from the childhood, instead of having to recover from the childhood is the natural outcome.
• 26:58
  Carrie: I love it.
• 26:58
  Carrie: So what does the word connection mean to you?
• 27:03
  Celia: Connection means respect.
• 27:06
  Celia: You cannot connect with another human being disrespectfully.
• 27:12
  Celia: You just can't do it.
• 27:14
  Celia: You know you hit.
• 27:16
  Celia: I've had parents ask me well, you've got to admit there is a.
• 27:20
  Celia: There is a time when you just need to hit a child and Just makes sense, they need to be hit.
• 27:28
  Celia: To which I respond when is it a good time for me to hit you?
• 27:33
  Celia: Tell me, I want to know.
• 27:35
  Celia: I want to know when it's a good time for me to hit you and then you know we can.
• 27:38
  Celia: We can work on that.
• 27:39
  Celia: There's never a good time to hit another person.
• 27:43
  Celia: We need to stop making violence, anger and rage normal.
• 27:49
  Celia: It is normal in society to be angry and raging.
• 27:53
  Celia: It is normal.
• 27:55
  Celia: The guns, the shooting people are shooting people and our answer is take away the guns.
• 28:01
  Celia: Well, the person that is angry and raging behind that gun is still there.
• 28:06
  Celia: They're still angry and raging.
• 28:09
  Celia: You cannot connect to another person by being disrespectful, angry, rage, speaking harshly to them, calling them names, labeling them being unreasonable.
• 28:26
  Celia: There is no connection.
• 28:28
  Celia: Connection is built through respect.
• 28:31
  Celia: It is built through trust.
• 28:34
  Celia: You build trust through that.
• 28:36
  Celia: It is for your child.
• 28:38
  Celia: Your connection, your positive, intentional connection, is what helps that child be more confident.
• 28:46
  Celia: You mentioned your son, who doesn't like to speak up.
• 28:49
  Celia: Well, how can you connect with him and help him to speak?
• 28:54
  Celia: More is by giving him opportunities to speak kindly to someone else, because confidence isn't built first.
• 29:02
  Celia: You don't first have confidence and then you can do something.
• 29:05
  Celia: Confidence is built by doing it and connection is built by speaking to another person and being a good listener.
• 29:16
  Celia: We miss that aspect so much.
• 29:18
  Celia: We forget that the great communicators of the world are the great listeners of the world.
• 29:26
  Celia: And if you take the time to listen your child is talking, you put down distractions, electronics, you look that child in the eye and you listen without going uh-huh, without interrupting, without making all these noises, without second guessing what they're going to say, without you plotting your rebuttal.
• 29:49
  Celia: Just listen, you will be connected forever and that child will come and talk to you when they're a teenager, just like mine did, even my stepchildren.
• 29:59
  Celia: They will trust you because they know you have genuinely shown an interest in what they need and what they're interested in.
• 30:09
  Carrie: I love that.
• 30:09
  Carrie: We just got back from painting our pottery before the kids go to school, just sitting and connecting before they start on Thursday.
• 30:17
  Carrie: So I love that.
• 30:18
  Celia: So fun.
• 30:19
  Celia: I love painting pottery, that's so fun.
• 30:22
  Carrie: They loved it.
• 30:23
  Carrie: They're they're saving their money to go back and do it again, so it's really cute.
• 30:27
  Carrie: It's a great time.
• 30:28
  Celia: You can even buy like little ceramic things.
• 30:31
  Celia: I did that for my grandkids, like I bought them little ceramic things that we could then paint.
• 30:36
  Carrie: Yeah, yeah, they have them at target, yeah, even tarjay, clay.
• 30:41
  Celia: Yeah, and make your ceramic even more.
• 30:44
  Carrie: Find somewhere to fire them, but you know the air drying clay now.
• 30:49
  Carrie: Yes, good you'll have to try that and you probably paint that too, yep.
• 30:53
  Carrie: Once it's dry you can paint it, yeah.
• 30:55
  Celia: I love fun artsy stuff and it's a great way to connect, as long as you're not judgmental and critical Like you know.
• 31:07
  Celia: If your child is dusting a table and you're like, oh, you did a great job, but you forgot to do this, you just wiped out the compliment and now it's criticism.
• 31:18
  Celia: Don't don't but at the end.
• 31:21
  Celia: Don't add buts at the end of a compliment, Just give the compliment.
• 31:38
  Carrie: Even with the sandwich method.
• 31:39
  Carrie: I think kids don't need that middle piece of what to work on when they're little for sure.
• 31:41
  Carrie: I have a random question for you.
• 31:42
  Carrie: So I grew up in a Hispanic.
• 31:42
  Carrie: My grandmother was from Argentina, and so we have in our family what's called El Pasión is what we call it.
• 31:46
  Carrie: It's the passion inside of us, and sometimes it gets very, very lively when we're when we're discussing or having these conversations.
• 31:58
  Carrie: What are your feelings about these cultural pieces that sometimes, sometimes, are ingrained in?
• 32:04
  Celia: us Right?
• 32:05
  Celia: Well, what is ingrained in us is just us.
• 32:09
  Celia: You know it's like, it's what makes you you and I always say laughter is the best medicine.
• 32:18
  Celia: I end my podcast that way, I end my lives that way.
• 32:21
  Celia: I'm always like, you know.
• 32:22
  Celia: I wish you guys days filled with peace, love and tons of laughter, because it really is the best medicine.
• 32:28
  Celia: Yes, find the humor in you and your kids and find the funny, because stuff is funny and like you're getting passionate, you're talking about something and this passion is coming out.
• 32:40
  Celia: Let your children go.
• 32:42
  Celia: Okay, mom, whoa, whoa, bring it down, bring it down.
• 32:45
  Celia: You know B we are like the queens and kings in my family of sarcasm.
• 32:50
  Celia: We have all these sayings in our family like it's only funny until someone gets hurt and then it's hysterical, you know, and and we live by it without even realizing it somebody's like laying there on the floor and we're laughing so much of what, however, they got on the floor that we're not even checking to see if they're still alive, and you know.
• 33:08
  Celia: But all of these mannerisms, all of these characteristics, all of these quirks are humorous and funny and they will help you make light of the situation that's going on in your house and life itself.
• 33:25
  Celia: We tend, as parents, to take life very seriously.
• 33:28
  Celia: We're always worried about the future.
• 33:30
  Celia: If our child doesn't do this, then this is not going to happen.
• 33:35
  Celia: I had a parent tell me my child doesn't do homework and his child was in fifth grade.
• 33:39
  Celia: They'll never get into college.
• 33:41
  Celia: I'm like is that true?
• 33:42
  Celia: Is that really true?
• 33:43
  Celia: Because I think there are a lot of people in college that don't do homework and there are probably people in college that never did homework.
• 33:49
  Celia: You know, and we're like so in tune, that we have to do this because the future won't be bright for our child, that we forget that our life should be fun, it should be light.
• 34:02
  Celia: And if we're getting overly passionate about a topic and I do it all the time because I'm very passionate about things let your children bring you back to earth, say you know it the time, because I'm very passionate about things.
• 34:11
  Celia: Let your children bring you back to earth, say you know, it's okay, you can be.
• 34:14
  Celia: I'm not going to take insult by it.
• 34:16
  Celia: Mom, you're like, I mean my kids.
• 34:19
  Celia: Now they're in their thirties and forties, yeah, they're always.
• 34:22
  Celia: I mean gratefully, I'm on the planet for them because it gives them a great thing to make fun of all the time.
• 34:28
  Celia: I don't know.
• 34:30
  Celia: Sometimes I wonder, like what comes out of my mouth?
• 34:33
  Celia: Like I'll be like talking and talking, and I even know, like I'm even thinking don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, and I'll say something.
• 34:41
  Celia: And then my kids will be like what, what did you just say, mom?
• 34:45
  Celia: What did you.
• 34:45
  Celia: I'm like, oh, nevermind, never, and then I'll hear about it.
• 34:48
  Celia: It's like I never cuss and if I cuss I have five kids.
• 34:53
  Celia: They're all in their thirties and forties.
• 34:55
  Celia: They literally will text each other.
• 34:57
  Celia: Guess what mom just said.
• 34:57
  Celia: I'm like you don't have to text.
• 34:59
  Celia: Oh yes, we do.
• 35:00
  Celia: And it's like so it is very important to find your funny.
• 35:06
  Celia: Find humor in what you do and who you are.
• 35:07
  Celia: You're funny.
• 35:08
  Celia: Find humor in what you do and who you are, because that's that's, that's the magic.
• 35:19
  Carrie: That's the magic moments, that's the memories.
• 35:20
  Carrie: Yeah, that's so wonderful.
• 35:20
  Carrie: I love it Cause yeah, there's so this era of feeling like you have to compete to start at college, at third, they're mailing us pamphlets now for my nine-year-olds, you need to start your coaching for college and I'm like that is that is a joke, let's throw that in the trash.
• 35:34
  Carrie: Like don't do it, carrie, don't do it.
• 35:36
  Carrie: My husband's like do we need to wear it?
• 35:38
  Carrie: I'm like no, just throw it away.
• 35:41
  Celia: No, actually we do not need to do that.
• 35:42
  Celia: No, we need our nine-year-old to be a nine-year-old.
• 35:52
  Carrie: Nine-year-old riding his bike, that's yeah.
• 35:53
  Carrie: And falling off focus yeah.
• 35:54
  Carrie: Splitting his chin open like I did.
• 35:55
  Carrie: Living oh me too, I did the same thing.
• 35:57
  Celia: Yeah, it's like a party, it's like boom, like I got stitches so much in childhood that's life.
• 36:01
  Carrie: Yes, that's what we need to be doing right getting dirty, having fun they need a childhood.
• 36:06
  Celia: Yes, it's a beauty.
• 36:08
  Celia: They've got plenty of time to be adults.
• 36:10
  Celia: Yes, let them breathe.
• 36:12
  Celia: Let you breathe, have fun.
• 36:14
  Carrie: Childhood should be fun for everybody everybody yes, yes, and I love, I love the spirit that you bring.
• 36:21
  Carrie: I think I started following you on instagram and I was like I have to connect with celia because she's fun and she brings the passion.
• 36:29
  Carrie: I saw El Pasión for you as well.
• 36:31
  Celia: Right, El Pasión.
• 36:32
  Celia: See, now I'm like multilingual and I could say to my kids I'm El Pasión.
• 36:37
  Carrie: El Pasión.
• 36:38
  Carrie: When they start to text, they have their group text about your cussing.
• 36:42
  Celia: You can mention El Pasión for yourself.
• 36:44
  Celia: I know those kids, those crazy kids.
• 36:47
  Carrie: Well, where can our listeners find you?
• 36:49
  Carrie: Instagram is a great place.
• 36:51
  Celia: You're instagram's good at parenting, underscore expert, underscore toddlers, okay so, and I also help parents of all.
• 36:58
  Celia: I mean I have a lot of older parents that have older kids.
• 37:01
  Celia: I have my clients range in all, yes, I am a toddler expert and they call me the baby whisperer, but I help with all kids.
• 37:09
  Celia: And and actually you know what I want to tell your listeners, carrie, that I'm offering a yell free family masterclass, so four hour class on August 24th, telling you're going to get a lot of information.
• 37:24
  Celia: I'm really big on giving information that can help you.
• 37:31
  Celia: I mean that's like my thing, my thing, like in my book.
• 37:34
  Celia: That's why my book's like a manual.
• 37:37
  Celia: Raising Happy Toddlers is like a manual, because I want you to be able to look up, okay, this tantrums, what should I do?
• 37:43
  Celia: This is what you should do, just like you've had to find out what to do about an appliance.
• 37:48
  Celia: So this is a four hour masterclass really to teach you how to be a yell free family.
• 37:56
  Celia: Not just the yelling on you, but it is a family issue, to create calm, respectful communication.
• 38:06
  Celia: This is a family issue, not just on one person.
• 38:09
  Celia: Everybody needs to make an effort to do that.
• 38:12
  Celia: So if you go to yellfreefamilycom, you get free registration to that four-hour master class.
• 38:19
  Celia: And it is free and it's on a Saturday, so make plans, join us live on Zoom.
• 38:26
  Celia: There's only so many people that can attend, so be in the group that can attend.
• 38:28
  Celia: Yeah, we'll put that in the, so be you know.
• 38:29
  Celia: Be in the group that can attend.
• 38:31
  Carrie: Yeah, we'll put that in the show notes to that link as well.
• 38:34
  Carrie: Thank you so much for being here today with us, celia.
• 38:37
  Carrie: It was a great chat.
• 38:38
  Celia: It has been a pleasure, carrie, and I just really enjoyed talking to you and I'm glad, I'm glad you reached out.
• 38:44
  Carrie: Yeah, and I hope you use El Paso with your kids as well.
• 38:51
  Celia: I El Paso, and with your kids as well, I will I will in Spanish, because they're really impressed when I can use other languages.
• 38:54
  Celia: They're very impressed that I'm multilingual and you know, my goal is to impress my children.
• 38:59
  Celia: And then you can come on my podcast, Bumped Up Parenting podcast, and we'll have you on next.
• 39:05
  Carrie: I would love it.
• 39:06
  Carrie: Thanks so much.
• 39:08
  Carrie: Well, that's a wrap.
• 39:09
  Carrie: Thanks so much for tuning in.
• 39:11
  Carrie: Change makers.
• 39:12
  Carrie: This is Carrie, and I just wanted to send one more reminder.
• 39:15
  Carrie: If you haven't done a review for us five stars and a little few words about what you've enjoyed in our podcast episodes we would really appreciate it.
• 39:24
  Carrie: One other thing if you guys would like to ever message me, I would love any questions you have or any feedback.
• 39:30
  Carrie: At info at hearttoheartlifecom.
• 39:34
  Carrie: We also have a brand new website which we're super excited to share.
• 39:37
  Carrie: It's hearttoheartlifecom.
• 39:40
  Carrie: Thanks so much for tuning in and happy life, happy times.
• 39:44
  Carrie: Changemaker families.