Latest / Midnight Mystery Stories / My 85-Year-Old Grandma vs. Police Tear Gas

Transcript

My 85-Year-Old Grandma vs. Police Tear Gas · Midnight Mystery Stories

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome, welcome to the show, the final show of the week.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: We're going to have a good time today.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Thank you for coming. How are you guys doing? You good? Yeah?
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: You good? Welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: This has been a fun week in Johannesburg. This is
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the longest we've taken to come to Johannesburg.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: I can't believe it.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: We normally start the shows in Johannesburg and then we
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: go out to other places in the country.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: This time we started outside.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Went to places like Botswana and Namibia and Durban.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Durban was fun. Lots of fun there. Yeah. Yeah. It
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: was cool.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: No, we had the most fun in Durban this year
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: because we moved the venue to Durban City Center, which
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: was great.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: It was perfect, you know?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Because normally we play at Sibaya, where it's like a casino.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: And just the problem was there were too many Indians
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: at the shows. Well, not too many. Not like there
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: was a specific number that they passed. But there were
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: only Indians at the show.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Let me put it that way.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Which is not great for comedy because then they all
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: laugh at the same time or nothing, you know?
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: It's just one of those.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: But you know there's so many Indians when, like, you land,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: you land in the airport in Durban, and then, like,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: people meet you and they'll be like, hey, Trevor, you
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: in show? You in town doing a show? What you
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: doing here? Like, I'm doing a show. Where's the show
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: going to be?
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Where's the show? I'm going to be at Ceballos. They're like, oh, Ceballos, man.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Too many charros there, bro.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Why you want to do Ceballos?
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I didn't understand. I didn't know. I was like, why
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: are there so many? Why are there so many at
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: one place? He's like, hey, man, you don't know. You
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: There's a direct pipeline to Phoenix from Sevilla there.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Direct pipe. And I don't even know where Phoenix is.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: But in my mind, I'm picturing a pipeline where on
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: one end, this guy's like pumping Indians into this pipe,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: just like pumping the Indians. And then on the other end,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: you've just got like a tap and if you open it,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: it says Indians pouring out.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Like, him, him, him, him, him, him. It's just.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Before this, we went to Pretoria, though. First time in Pretoria.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: And I've got to tell you, as a person who's
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: always looked down on Pretoria, Pretoria is an amazing place.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Very clean. Oh, yeah. Must be the cleaners. Welcome, welcome. Welcome.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: You guys are doing a good job. Great job.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Pretoria is clean and it's beautiful and it's very white.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: It's very, very white. No, but like white on all levels.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: More white than I'm used to seeing in places, especially
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: from Joburg. Like I saw white car guards in Pretoria,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: which is something I've never had to deal with in
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: my life.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Just, you know. Like I'm pulling the cards and you know.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: You're backing out, you're backing out, and I see some
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: guy in the mirror and he's like, I'm like, what
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: is this guy, what does he want?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Beep, beep, beep, move, man, move. This guy's dead. I
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I think he's calling me. He must
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: want to talk to me or something. And I got
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: out the car and I was like, hey, hey, what's up, man?
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: He's like, no, I must tell you, I must, I must,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I must, I must. I was like, oh, you're a caller.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I didn't know. I'm sorry. I thought you were calling me.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I'd never, okay. And I got in the car and
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I'm pulling out and.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Now I get there and he's standing and I don't
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: know how to pay him.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: I've never paid a white person in this situation.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: So I'm there like, so are we, how do we, EFT, EFT.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: And then I have no clue, no clue whatsoever. I
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: don't know how to handle these situations. So I'm glad.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Johannesburg, this is home. This is where I'm from. I
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: understand the things here, you know. I'm glad to have
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: it out here on this side of the world.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Gold Reef City, ah, brings back memories. I drive from
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Soweto every day, you know, into town, drive. I always
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: see the rides. Ah, one day, one day.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Plus, it's cool driving here because from my house, there's
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: no e-tolls, which is great.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: We can't let that thing happen here, guys. Not really,
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: we can't. We can't.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Etals are the most ridiculous thing in the world you
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: got to pay you got to pay it doesn't even
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: make sense you're like why are we paying they're like
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: because the etal was very expensive to make very what
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: so i must pay for the thing that's making me
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: pay how does that make any sense how that's that's
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: like teaching your bully how to fight come on stick
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: and jab stick and jab.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I must pay for it.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: And the worst thing is how they tell you the stories.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: They'll be like, yo, you must do this. You must
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: do this.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: You must get the money. You must do the thing,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: you know. And they say, they're going to take money
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: from your bank account.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: That's what they say. They're going to take money from
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: your bank account.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, don't take money from my bank account.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: It's fine. Please don't take money.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: And they said, oh, what we can do is you
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: have a voucher where you load airtime. They said, you're
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: going to load airtime in a voucher. And then that's
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: what's going to happen. So now you'll have airtime to drive.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Airtime to drive your car. It's only a matter of
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: time before people start sending please fetch me's. It's just
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: going to be one of those.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Joe Burke, you miss this place, man. You miss home.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: You miss home so much. The small things, the big things.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: You read the stories when you're traveling. The biggest mistake
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: you can make when you leave South Africa is read
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: the stories. And I wasn't even leaving forever.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: I was just going. Newspapers said I was leaving. I
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: didn't even know I was leaving. Trevor's gone. He moved
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: to America.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Moved?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: When? I didn't know. He's gone forever. Forever? This is official?
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: My favorite headline was one that said, Trevor Noah fled
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: to Hollywood. That's what it said.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: He fled to Hollywood. You don't flee to Hollywood. You
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: go to Hollywood. You don't flee. You flee to Zimbabwe.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: You flee to Angola. You don't flee to Hollywood. You know,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Hollywood is not a fleeing destination.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: You.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: If the likes of Sisulu and Mandela, if they fled
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: during apartheid to Hollywood, we wouldn't respect them the same,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: We will fight. Tell them, my dear, for your rights. Yeah!
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: From the streets of Beverly Hills. Ah, foot cycle. She's like, no.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It doesn't work like that. I went there. I went
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: there to work. I missed home.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: And I read the stories. And the stories make you
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: worry about South Africa. You think everything's going wrong out here.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Because they don't report the news well, it's sensationalism. Like Maragana,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: the Lonman disaster. What?
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: I didn't even know what was going on there. You
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: just read the news and you're like, what? They shot them.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: For dancing. How bad was this dancing? But it wasn't.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: It was the police versus the miners and they wanted
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: money and it was a sad situation.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: No one really knows what happened. But everyone has an opinion.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I like this. Everyone knows what should have been done.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: People on the radio, people on the news. You know,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: these bloody police. These bloody police have gotten out of hand.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: They're busy shooting people. Why didn't they use rubber bullets?
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Why didn't they use rubber bullets and tear gas? Because
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: those things don't work anymore. They used it the whole
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: week and they couldn't control.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: People so they had to come with ammunition because those
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: guys had weapons.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Plus, tear gas is a waste of time. Which strike
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: has ever ended because of tear gas? Where have you
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: ever heard that on the news?
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: After the police deployed the tear gas, everybody went home.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: No, it doesn't, it doesn't happen. Tear gas has just
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: become part of a strike now. It's like a little
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: smoke machine. It's just like, you know, it adds ambiance
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: to the atmosphere. It's just, you know. It just looks
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: like a really violent music video. It's just, guys. Tigas
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: is a waste.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I remember seeing this firsthand in Soweto. There was a
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: strike between the residents of Soweto. It was residents of
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Soweto and the police. And the police were there and
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: they were losing their minds. And the residents were there
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: throwing stones at the police.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: And at the front of the riot was my grandmother
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: losing her mind.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Woo! Woo!
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: 85 years old.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Bring it!
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Bring it! And the police shot Tigas. She was like, ah!
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I thought she was running away. She ran straight to it.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Caught the can with one hand. Woo!
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Woo!
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Ran in the house. Threw it under the fridge. It's
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: for the cockroaches.