Latest / Recovery Chronicles / Recovery Chronicles Ep. 172 - Doug H.

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Recovery Chronicles Ep. 172 - Doug H. · Recovery Chronicles

0:02
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Recovery Chronicles, where we dive deep into
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Speaker 1: the inspiring journeys of individuals who have triumphed over adversity
0:09
Speaker 1: and found wholp, healing and resilience on the.
0:11
Speaker 2: Path to recovery from drunks and alcohol.
0:14
Speaker 1: We'll sit down with people who have embrace changed and
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Speaker 1: emerge stronger than ever. Get ready to be uplifted, motivated,
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Speaker 1: and empowered as we embark on a journey of healing, growth,
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Speaker 1: and possibilities.
0:27
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Recovery Chronicles. Today, we have Doug
0:31
Speaker 2: here to share his story, So thank you for being
0:33
Speaker 2: here today.
0:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for having me, So.
0:36
Speaker 2: Share with us. First, what is your drug of choice?
0:39
Speaker 2: And how long have you been sober?
0:42
Speaker 3: Alcohol?
0:43
Speaker 4: That's a that's my drug of choice. I've been sober
0:46
Speaker 4: thirty days today.
0:47
Speaker 3: Actually, that's awesome.
0:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, exciting ironic that you're here today. So just kind
0:53
Speaker 2: of start us out with how did it start? You know,
0:55
Speaker 2: where'd your drinking start? What kind of led into that?
0:58
Speaker 2: You feel?
0:59
Speaker 4: Well, as a kid, we kind of grow up in
1:01
Speaker 4: our homes and the holiday parties and the Halloween parties
1:04
Speaker 4: and the weekend parties, and you kind of see just
1:07
Speaker 4: everybody having a great time family reunions, and it seemed like, man,
1:12
Speaker 4: someday I'm going to be there.
1:13
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have all the fun.
1:15
Speaker 4: You know, as a kid, you're kind of growing up
1:16
Speaker 4: and you're seeing everybody, and I just kind of was
1:21
Speaker 4: waiting for it when it was my turn.
1:23
Speaker 3: You know.
1:24
Speaker 2: I think we do that a lot with a lot
1:25
Speaker 2: of things, right like when we're kids, we want to
1:27
Speaker 2: be adults, and then where adults were like.
1:29
Speaker 3: I want to be a kid again, Please take me
1:31
Speaker 3: back to being a kid. Him, I don't want to
1:34
Speaker 3: grow up for sure.
1:36
Speaker 2: But yeah, so you kind of saw, you know, your
1:39
Speaker 2: family or your parents having fun with that. So at
1:43
Speaker 2: what age did you first try alcohol?
1:47
Speaker 4: I was probably in my early to bed teens. Okay, yeah,
1:51
Speaker 4: we go to our friend's house and his parents would
1:54
Speaker 4: have booze or you know, then start smoking weed a
1:57
Speaker 4: little bit here and there. But it was I liked
2:00
Speaker 4: the feeling of drinking. Sure, it was like lost in space,
2:04
Speaker 4: lost the time, and just boom, next thing, you know,
2:05
Speaker 4: this morning and I had to go home back to
2:08
Speaker 4: my house.
2:09
Speaker 3: Reality.
2:10
Speaker 2: Do you feel like there is anything contributing to your
2:16
Speaker 2: that maybe desires or like enjoying that relief that you
2:20
Speaker 2: felt from alcohol.
2:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I grew up in a stressful household.
2:26
Speaker 4: My step mom was really strict at times. Well it's
2:29
Speaker 4: you know, that's what I believe, you know, But she
2:32
Speaker 4: says we're perfect kids. He said, that's because you were strict.
2:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, so maybe caused some anxiety.
2:39
Speaker 4: As a kid, Yeah, a little bit. And then you know,
2:42
Speaker 4: parents were divorced. That's where ergo the step mom and
2:47
Speaker 4: so not wanting to deal with all of reality, kind
2:51
Speaker 4: of wanting to you know, live in our own little
2:53
Speaker 4: bubble of what we believe reality is.
2:57
Speaker 3: So we bounced around. We bounced around a lot in.
3:00
Speaker 4: My early childhood, you know, from my with my mom
3:03
Speaker 4: to my dad, my to my grandma and finally settling
3:07
Speaker 4: down around eight years old. So but I wanted that
3:10
Speaker 4: kind of when you go to school, you kind of
3:12
Speaker 4: want to tell everybody that, hey, everything's normal at home.
3:15
Speaker 4: Absolutely it eventually it became normal. So it was, but yeah,
3:21
Speaker 4: I kind of like just like to escape of it.
3:22
Speaker 4: It was everybody. I mean, you see people in their
3:25
Speaker 4: day to day lives, which we all have them. Now,
3:28
Speaker 4: you know, I have a child of my own, you know,
3:30
Speaker 4: and he's gonna be driving soon should scare us all.
3:38
Speaker 4: So you know, it just seemed like, oh, it's it's
3:42
Speaker 4: a getaway, it's a break.
3:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's take a break. You know.
3:45
Speaker 2: So so in your teens, about how often would you
3:48
Speaker 2: say you were drinking?
3:50
Speaker 4: Maybe just a couple of times a month, sure, you know.
3:55
Speaker 2: Like the average normal high school Yeah.
3:58
Speaker 4: I mean once we got high school, we would go camping.
4:03
Speaker 4: Our parents, you know, they're, oh, you're going camping again.
4:05
Speaker 4: We were drinking in the woods, so.
4:07
Speaker 3: We were bonfires, you know. Yeah.
4:10
Speaker 4: I played football, so it was like, you know, the
4:13
Speaker 4: Friday night lights and so yeah, we you know, it
4:17
Speaker 4: was fun. But then we always kind of straightened up
4:20
Speaker 4: on Sunday and got ready for Monday film Day.
4:23
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, So when did that change in your
4:27
Speaker 2: life where it maybe became more than like a weekend.
4:33
Speaker 4: Probably when I probably when they moved out. I moved
4:38
Speaker 4: out when I was very young. I was fifteen years old.
4:40
Speaker 4: I ran away, Yeah, but I ended up moving in
4:43
Speaker 4: with my real mom, and that's what I played football
4:45
Speaker 4: and stuff. So I graduated. It was right around graduation
4:50
Speaker 4: everything kind of changed. It was like this newfound freedom
4:54
Speaker 4: and I was already working.
4:56
Speaker 3: It was a mason. It was land blocked. I was
4:57
Speaker 3: making good money.
4:58
Speaker 4: I was already strong from foot, and it was okay,
5:02
Speaker 4: we go to that, We go to the casino and
5:03
Speaker 4: we could and then we could drink and we could
5:05
Speaker 4: have a great time. And I was only eighteen. But
5:08
Speaker 4: you couldn't drink in the casino at eighteen. But you
5:10
Speaker 4: could play in the casino at eighteen, at least in Michigan.
5:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, but.
5:14
Speaker 4: You could drink on your way there and the way
5:15
Speaker 4: back as long as the boss is driving.
5:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you felt like an adult.
5:19
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I grew up quick.
5:21
Speaker 2: For sure. You made a point that I was going
5:28
Speaker 2: to come back to. So you said like the alcohol
5:33
Speaker 2: was a relief, right or like a escape. Did you
5:37
Speaker 2: acknowledge that in your mind right away from the get
5:40
Speaker 2: or was it like a I'm having fun, this is
5:43
Speaker 2: what people.
5:43
Speaker 4: Do now At the beginning, it wasn't. I didn't realize
5:47
Speaker 4: it was an escape. It was those that went to
5:50
Speaker 4: work were able to come home and drink, okay, you know,
5:53
Speaker 4: and it was like every day. Yeah, it was like
5:55
Speaker 4: and then it was like a you know, construction job
5:59
Speaker 4: laying block or or you know, being a mason and
6:01
Speaker 4: doing flat work. Concrete, so you know, people call it,
6:04
Speaker 4: but it was just tough work and got to drink,
6:08
Speaker 4: and you had to have a start off with having
6:10
Speaker 4: a few beers and go to our friend's house have
6:11
Speaker 4: a few beers, and then get home and have a
6:14
Speaker 4: few more and it starts adding up right.
6:17
Speaker 2: Again, kind of that escape from the hard work of
6:20
Speaker 2: the day.
6:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was basically basically a good excuse.
6:23
Speaker 2: Yeah. How often were you drinking at this point?
6:26
Speaker 4: At that point, probably at least I mean it's to
6:32
Speaker 4: some extent four out of five days a week, sure,
6:35
Speaker 4: you know, four out of seven. I mean you always
6:36
Speaker 4: drink on the weekend. So it's like, you know, so
6:39
Speaker 4: at least a couple of days during the week, you know,
6:41
Speaker 4: but you got to recover.
6:44
Speaker 2: But was there a point in your drinking career where
6:49
Speaker 2: you were drinking every day?
6:51
Speaker 3: Yeah?
6:51
Speaker 2: Okay, how was that or like, at what point did
6:54
Speaker 2: that happen?
6:55
Speaker 4: What kind of led up to that, like a new
6:58
Speaker 4: found freedom? I ended up getting a sales job where
7:03
Speaker 4: it was not so yeah physical so to speak, and
7:09
Speaker 4: you could kind of show up with a hangover and
7:11
Speaker 4: you're in an air controlled climate and it was kind
7:13
Speaker 4: of like wow, okay, and everybody was still foggy from
7:16
Speaker 4: the night before, you.
7:17
Speaker 3: Know, and I was like, okay, we can, we can
7:19
Speaker 3: drink a little more. We can.
7:21
Speaker 4: They don't, you know, as long as you perform and
7:23
Speaker 4: hit the goals. They were okay with you showing up
7:25
Speaker 4: a little late and a little foggy and so. And
7:28
Speaker 4: I did really well with that. And well it's I'm
7:33
Speaker 4: just selling I've been in retail for shoot twenty twenty
7:37
Speaker 4: three years.
7:38
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah.
7:40
Speaker 2: So and it was kind of like a maintained, even
7:43
Speaker 2: keel type of thing, or did it just like progressively increase.
7:47
Speaker 4: Or well, you knew you had to go to work,
7:50
Speaker 4: so you plan start planning around. I found myself start
7:53
Speaker 4: starting to plan around my drinking. Like I knew I
7:56
Speaker 4: had to take care of, you know, certain aspects of
7:59
Speaker 4: business and certain aspects of my life. Like, but there
8:03
Speaker 4: was always a window where I could drink at least
8:05
Speaker 4: some sure. It wasn't like, oh, we're going to go
8:07
Speaker 4: at night without drinking. It's like how much can we drink?
8:12
Speaker 4: And we know we got to stop at a certain
8:13
Speaker 4: hour at night because we got to go to work
8:15
Speaker 4: at the you know, seven in the morning, you had
8:18
Speaker 4: a meeting.
8:19
Speaker 3: You had to be in there.
8:22
Speaker 4: So that was when it was kind of like that
8:24
Speaker 4: should have been my first clue, Like this is like
8:27
Speaker 4: I don't like things being a requirement in my life.
8:29
Speaker 4: I always kind of fought it, but I kind of
8:31
Speaker 4: let that one in. Sure, it became like a staple
8:34
Speaker 4: in the house. We got like bread and milk and butter,
8:37
Speaker 4: you know. But as long as I was working, you know,
8:43
Speaker 4: but then you have those bumps in the road. Life
8:45
Speaker 4: comes at you. Next thing you know, you're sick. You know,
8:49
Speaker 4: you got the flu or the bug is you like
8:52
Speaker 4: to call it in quotations, you know, and every average
8:55
Speaker 4: you know, every alcoholic will tell you we've all had
8:59
Speaker 4: the bug, you know, and we weren't sick. We don't
9:02
Speaker 4: we didn't have food and poisoning. And a lot of
9:05
Speaker 4: our bosses would know it because they knew how much
9:07
Speaker 4: we drank. But they still loved us, and they still wanted,
9:11
Speaker 4: you know, wanted to see us through it.
9:13
Speaker 3: You know.
9:13
Speaker 4: Everybody loves a success story, right, you know, we were
9:16
Speaker 4: just kind of too blinded by the light to see it.
9:19
Speaker 3: So but when it.
9:21
Speaker 4: Really starts to affect you're not just your performance at work,
9:25
Speaker 4: but then also your health because yeah, you are sick.
9:27
Speaker 4: I mean, you know you're not, so now you're not.
9:29
Speaker 4: Now you're not performing. You're making more excuses than your money.
9:33
Speaker 4: And when we first start making excuses, we got a
9:35
Speaker 4: big book of excuses. Absolutely, but every time we slash
9:39
Speaker 4: one out, the person we're giving them to remembers them,
9:42
Speaker 4: and they remember them more than we do because we're drunk.
9:47
Speaker 4: So you know that being said, like, what were some of.
9:51
Speaker 2: The biggest bumps in the road for you?
9:54
Speaker 4: First bump in the road was a was a d
9:56
Speaker 4: U I got your first life.
10:00
Speaker 3: I was probably twenty one or twenty two.
10:03
Speaker 2: Okay, so yeah, yeah, okay.
10:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, what happened.
10:07
Speaker 4: We got pulled over in a dealership vehicle with no
10:10
Speaker 4: license plate and oh yeah, state police were wondering where
10:13
Speaker 4: the lights but we had magnets that they stuck to
10:16
Speaker 4: it and all the fun stuff. But yeah, I was
10:19
Speaker 4: selling selling cars at the time, and it was my
10:21
Speaker 4: demo and I was allowed to have it and all
10:22
Speaker 4: that fun stuff, and it.
10:24
Speaker 2: Wasn't stolen, but you probably weren't supposed to drive drunk
10:27
Speaker 2: in it.
10:28
Speaker 4: No, No, that's that's a rule, I guess. Yeah, And
10:31
Speaker 4: the dealership frowns upon stuff like that. They actually you
10:34
Speaker 4: would think, yeah, so I would let them take I
10:39
Speaker 4: wouldn't take a breath lizer. And in the state of Michigan,
10:42
Speaker 4: if you don't do that, you lose your license automappy
10:44
Speaker 4: for six months.
10:45
Speaker 3: Oh wow, Okay, I didn't know that at the time either.
10:47
Speaker 2: Sure of course, thought you could get away with it.
10:50
Speaker 3: Well I I didn't.
10:51
Speaker 4: Only had a couple drinks, so I told them, you know, right,
10:53
Speaker 4: but we had dinner and stuff.
10:55
Speaker 2: And how much did you actually have to drink?
10:57
Speaker 4: Well, here was the kicker. As I was scared, they
11:03
Speaker 4: already faxed a letter to the dealership saying I was
11:06
Speaker 4: pulled over. I was arrested for drunk driving. But I
11:09
Speaker 4: failed to give a do A sobriety test and all that,
11:13
Speaker 4: and so they took me to the hospital. Ended up
11:16
Speaker 4: taking blood. You know, I had to get I had
11:18
Speaker 4: to wake up a judge to warrant. I mean, yeah,
11:21
Speaker 4: I ran through the whole gamut.
11:23
Speaker 2: Do you remember what your blood alcohol was?
11:24
Speaker 4: Well, that's the thing. I came back at point zero
11:26
Speaker 4: seven point zero eight.
11:31
Speaker 3: Okay.
11:31
Speaker 2: I wasn't sure if different states are different with.
11:34
Speaker 3: That, but yeah, so I get off.
11:37
Speaker 4: Well, I went to go see the judge, and the
11:38
Speaker 4: judge goes, they had to drop the drunk driving charge.
11:42
Speaker 4: So they said the d U I you know, it's
11:44
Speaker 4: because it could have went to point zero eight or
11:45
Speaker 4: could have went to point zero six. They have point
11:47
Speaker 4: zero one of discrepancy. So they dropped the charge. But
11:51
Speaker 4: for not having a license plate on my car. I
11:53
Speaker 4: went to jail for eight days. Yeah, yeah, because he didn't,
11:58
Speaker 4: you know, problems with authority, that's what he said. You
12:00
Speaker 4: have a lack of respect for authority. I said, When
12:04
Speaker 4: am I going to jail? I said, can I do weekends?
12:05
Speaker 4: He goes, no, you're going now. So, you know, the
12:09
Speaker 4: demo is back at the dealership at that point. And
12:13
Speaker 4: but since I started my license, they could keep me,
12:17
Speaker 4: I could stay on staff, I couldn't keep my job.
12:20
Speaker 4: So even though I won, I still lost for six months.
12:24
Speaker 4: So now I'm at home, no job, can't get a
12:28
Speaker 4: job in the field that I'm successful at because of
12:30
Speaker 4: my you know, lack of respect so to speak. And
12:34
Speaker 4: that kind of was a huge wake up call. But
12:37
Speaker 4: then now I'm sitting at home feeling depressed, feeling like,
12:40
Speaker 4: you know, defeated. I don't want to go, you know,
12:42
Speaker 4: so I blew through my money and drank drink drink
12:46
Speaker 4: and had a great time, so to speak. But next thing,
12:48
Speaker 4: you know, money runs out.
12:51
Speaker 3: You know.
12:51
Speaker 4: Luckily, another dealership called right at the six month mark,
12:56
Speaker 4: so in the middle of winter, you know, in Michigan
13:00
Speaker 4: of all places. But yeah, I went back to work.
13:03
Speaker 4: So I was like, oh, okay, I survived.
13:04
Speaker 3: I'm back.
13:05
Speaker 4: You know, it was insurable again because there was no
13:08
Speaker 4: points on my license or anything that no lice weight
13:11
Speaker 4: didn't carry any point. So I was backing up and
13:14
Speaker 4: rolling again. And I put it.
13:15
Speaker 3: All in the rear view, and.
13:19
Speaker 2: What was the next bump?
13:23
Speaker 3: We had a.
13:25
Speaker 4: We've had a couple I mean, I've had a couple
13:27
Speaker 4: of scares with the law, you know and drinking and
13:29
Speaker 4: driving and stuff like that. And then and I was
13:32
Speaker 4: always trying to manage it because you know, it's a
13:35
Speaker 4: big deal to have your license, and I never want,
13:37
Speaker 4: you know, but have a little too much at the
13:39
Speaker 4: bar and then trying to get a ride and this
13:41
Speaker 4: and that. You make you feel yourself the best person,
13:43
Speaker 4: the easiest person to sell as yourself, talk yourself right
13:46
Speaker 4: into anything. And I'm pretty good at closing myself. I
13:51
Speaker 4: gotta I got a high Uh, I got a high
13:54
Speaker 4: rate of closing the door. So it was sometimes you
14:00
Speaker 4: just thankful to get home think of this and just
14:02
Speaker 4: kind of just red flags also. And then the next
14:08
Speaker 4: one was, you know, we're more recently here. I had
14:11
Speaker 4: a rollover accident by myself. You know, ice, But you
14:17
Speaker 4: can blame it on the ice, blaming on the snow tires,
14:20
Speaker 4: the road, the hot pizza sitting next to me. I
14:22
Speaker 4: could have blamed it on anything, you know, literally I did,
14:26
Speaker 4: and the cops know that because it's in the report.
14:29
Speaker 4: I think it was the pizza. Doug, Yeah, it was
14:31
Speaker 4: the pizza. I said, I'm talking to the cop about
14:33
Speaker 4: the pizza more than I'm talking about the rollover accident.
14:36
Speaker 4: He's laughing, He's laughing, Yeah, exactly, fresh right next to me,
14:42
Speaker 4: I said, never have a pizza in your front seat.
14:44
Speaker 4: That's the lesson here. And the cops like, oh my god,
14:47
Speaker 4: where do you find this guy?
14:50
Speaker 2: But did you call the cops or well?
14:54
Speaker 3: Nobody?
14:54
Speaker 4: Actually I went to the hospital. I crawled out of
14:56
Speaker 4: the vehicle, and you know, being being up here in
14:58
Speaker 4: the sticks.
15:00
Speaker 2: The car, I'm assuming if it was.
15:02
Speaker 3: Icy, Yeah, it was icy, stoney?
15:04
Speaker 4: Was the roads were bad, but I had I mean
15:09
Speaker 4: your Yeah, so it's you know, the car rolled over.
15:12
Speaker 4: I called out, walked home without the pizza. I didn't
15:16
Speaker 4: care of the pizza. Yeah, but it wasn't fired. You know,
15:21
Speaker 4: A couple of miles went home.
15:23
Speaker 2: And a couple of miles and the dead of winters,
15:26
Speaker 2: it would be.
15:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know maybe yeah, it wasn't more than
15:31
Speaker 4: two miles, maybe a.
15:32
Speaker 3: Mile and a half.
15:33
Speaker 2: But how much did you have to drink?
15:36
Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know.
15:37
Speaker 4: I never got a charge with the DUI though, because
15:41
Speaker 4: I went home and I was tired, you know, So
15:46
Speaker 4: in to bed, woke up and my sister's a nurse,
15:49
Speaker 4: and she said, well, you should probably go down and
15:51
Speaker 4: get x rays. Just check your neck, check this, check that.
15:54
Speaker 4: So I did the whole Okay, sister, you're not going
15:57
Speaker 4: to leave until I go. I see how this is going.
15:59
Speaker 3: You know.
16:00
Speaker 4: She's brewing coffee. And so I go to the high
16:02
Speaker 4: you know, drive myself to the hospital in the car.
16:05
Speaker 4: Not no different car. It took a different car to
16:08
Speaker 4: the hospital, and the x raysed, Well, wouldn't you tell
16:13
Speaker 4: anybody at the hospital you've been in an accident. They
16:16
Speaker 4: called the sheriff. So sheriff comes down. I explained him
16:20
Speaker 4: how good the pizza was, you know, and how this
16:23
Speaker 4: whole thing came to. He goes, oh, we saw your
16:25
Speaker 4: car because they're patrolling the small town I live in.
16:27
Speaker 4: They go, oh, yeah, we saw that, you know, but
16:30
Speaker 4: nobody ever called it in so they weren't worried about it.
16:33
Speaker 3: And the yeah.
16:36
Speaker 4: So, but I didn't have a broken neck, and he goes.
16:40
Speaker 4: He goes, I can't charge you with duy or anything.
16:43
Speaker 4: He goes, I can't prove your hees. Luckily, I didn't
16:46
Speaker 4: have any opening containers in the car.
16:48
Speaker 3: He goes. I looked. I checked the car. There was
16:50
Speaker 3: no alcohol bottles. There was no beer cans.
16:52
Speaker 4: I said, of course not. Why would there be. It's
16:55
Speaker 4: illegal to drink and drive. You know, I'm telling you
16:58
Speaker 4: it's the pizza.
16:58
Speaker 2: You know. Yeah.
17:04
Speaker 4: He was really cool about it, but he kind of
17:05
Speaker 4: let me know that I know who you are, and
17:08
Speaker 4: I know what cars you drive, and I know where
17:10
Speaker 4: you live, like it's a small town, and I just
17:12
Speaker 4: I said, okay, I watched my p's and q's and.
17:16
Speaker 3: We were cool.
17:18
Speaker 4: No, I actually it's a fore Runner. I rolled it
17:23
Speaker 4: back over. I busted a window. My head hit the
17:27
Speaker 4: window and I ended up in the past your seat
17:28
Speaker 4: crawl space, you know where the floorboard is, and uh,
17:33
Speaker 4: it kind of hit a flip over and over and
17:35
Speaker 4: on the side. But I only broke one window. I
17:38
Speaker 4: rolled it back over and filled it up with transmission fluid,
17:40
Speaker 4: started right up, drove it out.
17:43
Speaker 3: Yeah.
17:44
Speaker 2: I feel like just these two bumps in the road,
17:47
Speaker 2: it sounds like you kind of squeak by the hair
17:51
Speaker 2: of your Yeah.
17:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone say, someone say.
17:56
Speaker 2: But then I think that's hard with substance used, because
18:00
Speaker 2: you know, I think a lot of times we need
18:02
Speaker 2: that like aha moment or that consequence to be like,
18:07
Speaker 2: oh maybe this is a problem and I should make
18:09
Speaker 2: a change. So if you're just squeaking by, you know,
18:13
Speaker 2: how long did it take you to be like, oh
18:14
Speaker 2: maybe this is a problem.
18:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, then that's yeah. I used to reevaluate, you know.
18:19
Speaker 4: And then, like I said, selling yourself is like lying
18:23
Speaker 4: to yourself or selling yourself or closing the deal on
18:25
Speaker 4: yourself is so easy, I mean, because you don't even
18:28
Speaker 4: worry about excuses. It's you know, it's you know, I
18:33
Speaker 4: just got it was a little unlucky that day, you know, right,
18:35
Speaker 4: you know, And I always kind of put it off
18:37
Speaker 4: like I don't have a problem. The only time I
18:40
Speaker 4: have a problem is when I run out, you know,
18:43
Speaker 4: kind of you know, stupid stuff like that. Sure, but
18:46
Speaker 4: I think deep down inside we all know if we
18:49
Speaker 4: have a problem. Yeah, I think every addict or alcoholic
18:53
Speaker 4: or whatever you want to call us, or you know,
18:55
Speaker 4: we know we start losing things, we start losing jobs, families,
18:59
Speaker 4: members don't want to come over, they don't want us
19:01
Speaker 4: or our children over their house. And it's like they,
19:04
Speaker 4: you know, whether whatever drug of choice you have. I
19:06
Speaker 4: think people just you're not getting invited anywhere, you're not
19:09
Speaker 4: getting invited to certain parties, or you're forgetting about them altogether.
19:14
Speaker 4: And it's always someone else's fault. And we kind of
19:17
Speaker 4: put it all, chop it up to you know, misfortunate
19:20
Speaker 4: events or but then it kind of it starts. You know,
19:24
Speaker 4: my sisters, she really die hard. So she kept kind
19:28
Speaker 4: of reminding me like, hey, you know this, you sure
19:32
Speaker 4: you know she's been sober for five years and her
19:34
Speaker 4: husband's been sober for over twenty years, and where are.
19:38
Speaker 2: They sober from?
19:39
Speaker 3: Cakay, both of them? You know? Pretty much?
19:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, pretty much all my family drank at some point
19:45
Speaker 4: in their lives. But when it starts taking over important aspects.
19:49
Speaker 3: Of your life, like a career or job or your health.
19:55
Speaker 4: That's when we really got to start waking up and
19:56
Speaker 4: I chop it, you know, you losing things, it's you know,
20:00
Speaker 4: but by that time, we're so deep in this addiction
20:02
Speaker 4: or this control that we just blame anybody anything. And
20:08
Speaker 4: that's why people stay away. They don't want to be
20:09
Speaker 4: the one that gets blamed for your lack of responsibility
20:13
Speaker 4: or accountability. So it became you know, lonely out in space.
20:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, so when did your drinking like come to a.
20:27
Speaker 4: Well, I finally as I was talking to some people
20:30
Speaker 4: that I really trust in the community and some close friends,
20:34
Speaker 4: and you know, kind of told them like, hey, is
20:36
Speaker 4: my drinking kind of out of control? They're like hello, hello,
20:41
Speaker 4: Like but they were like, you know, they don't want
20:43
Speaker 4: to offend you, or they don't know how you're going
20:44
Speaker 4: to take it, or they don't want to lose you
20:46
Speaker 4: as a friend, and like.
20:48
Speaker 2: Spurge your interests in even asking that.
20:51
Speaker 4: Oh, if life just seem to start getting more difficult,
20:54
Speaker 4: things were just you know, like they say, unmanageable, and
20:59
Speaker 4: you got you got your hands on the keyboard. You know,
21:02
Speaker 4: you're playing the song. You know, I don't like the
21:04
Speaker 4: songs playing. We'll get your hands off the keyboard, you know,
21:08
Speaker 4: or learn how to play the keyboard again, or you
21:11
Speaker 4: gotta you know, pull yourself back from a situation, get
21:15
Speaker 4: a thirty thousand foot view and assess it, like not
21:18
Speaker 4: like you would assess it, but as someone walking by
21:21
Speaker 4: would assess it.
21:22
Speaker 2: You know.
21:22
Speaker 4: It's call like self observation and self remembering. So when
21:25
Speaker 4: I did that, I was kind of like, yeah, so
21:27
Speaker 4: I said okay, And it was about I would say
21:30
Speaker 4: a little over a year ago. I came to a
21:32
Speaker 4: conclusion like I think I need to stop, you know,
21:37
Speaker 4: and this is just me talking to me, you know,
21:39
Speaker 4: at this point in time in my life. And I'm like, wow, Doug, okay,
21:42
Speaker 4: you can admit it to yourself. Now we're making progress.
21:45
Speaker 4: This is like, you know, and it's okay that you know,
21:49
Speaker 4: and this is like go back a year ago and
21:55
Speaker 4: only liquor. Yeah, beer just makes me go to the bathroom.
22:00
Speaker 4: It's like kool aid.
22:01
Speaker 3: Yeah.
22:01
Speaker 4: So it wasn't even you know. Yeah, So it became
22:09
Speaker 4: like I'd be. I'd try and I go a couple
22:11
Speaker 4: of days and I'd be boom back at it, and
22:13
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm just gonna have a case.
22:15
Speaker 3: A friend comes over.
22:16
Speaker 4: Absolutely, yeah, you've got to be social, you know, it
22:20
Speaker 4: would be disrespect. Yeah, it was like another saloon in
22:26
Speaker 4: that in the town. You know, He's like, come on, yeah,
22:29
Speaker 4: we know where to go, you know. And it wasn't
22:33
Speaker 4: like I have a ton of friends because it's still
22:35
Speaker 4: a small town and there's only so many people. So
22:37
Speaker 4: but yeah, we'd have you know, we started to stay
22:42
Speaker 4: home and not go out because obviously, you know, it
22:46
Speaker 4: is what it is. But uh, in the winters here
22:49
Speaker 4: are tough. Let's just face it. The winners are tough.
22:52
Speaker 4: And like I said, they're all excuses. They're good excuses.
22:54
Speaker 4: I got a book of them, but most of them
22:57
Speaker 4: are crossed out at this point.
22:58
Speaker 3: My sister will tell you so.
23:01
Speaker 4: And basically, I keep trying to stop, and I'd find
23:06
Speaker 4: myself drinking, and then I'd drink for a couple of
23:09
Speaker 4: days and then I go into like this depression, like
23:11
Speaker 4: I'm trying to hold myself accountable at this point, and
23:14
Speaker 4: I like I can't, like I am and I'm now,
23:17
Speaker 4: I'm sad, I'm depressed now. Then I go to like
23:20
Speaker 4: pitts off, like just Richter scale, like mad at the world,
23:24
Speaker 4: Like why you know, I've been able to control every
23:26
Speaker 4: aspect of my life to some degree, so.
23:29
Speaker 2: Like these emotions would be would come rowing when you
23:33
Speaker 2: those few days that you were sober, and that would
23:35
Speaker 2: lead you to drink again.
23:37
Speaker 4: Well it was just like, yeah, I mean it's hard
23:39
Speaker 4: to say, lead me back to drink, but it would.
23:41
Speaker 4: I wouldn't have to think about it anymore.
23:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I mean. It's like I wouldn't Yeah.
23:46
Speaker 4: Again, it's like, yeah, I don't got to keep this
23:48
Speaker 4: report book report going. I could take a break from
23:51
Speaker 4: the book report. But then after a couple of days
23:54
Speaker 4: of drink, and it was like we got to go
23:55
Speaker 4: back to the book report, you know, and why do we?
23:59
Speaker 4: Why keep that to myself? Well, you know, so I
24:02
Speaker 4: did it for about a year and then I decided
24:06
Speaker 4: to do impatient. I decided to you know, and I've
24:12
Speaker 4: never done treatment before. I've never, like you said, I
24:15
Speaker 4: got you know, I skated through. I got very lucky
24:18
Speaker 4: for a long time, and but it had to be me,
24:22
Speaker 4: like I had I had a lot of like friends
24:24
Speaker 4: of family calling me talking to me and just over
24:26
Speaker 4: the years like hey, take a break, like you know,
24:30
Speaker 4: maybe talk to somebody or just you know, get a
24:33
Speaker 4: second opinion. And uh, but I finally just like me
24:36
Speaker 4: talking to myself, like you know, it wouldn't hurt, like
24:40
Speaker 4: I got I had to do the soft clothes on myself,
24:42
Speaker 4: Like it wouldn't hurt if you took a little break
24:45
Speaker 4: and and gave yourself. Because I think like most addicts,
24:49
Speaker 4: and I'm not I can't speak for everybody, but I
24:51
Speaker 4: think they're good people. I think they're really good, you know,
24:54
Speaker 4: And especially after hanging out in Heartview for for a while,
24:58
Speaker 4: you kind of see this other side of people, like
25:00
Speaker 4: you're like, wow, okay, it's when they're messed up, when
25:04
Speaker 4: they're high, when they're drunk, they make terrible decisions. We
25:08
Speaker 4: make terrible decisions, and we can fully justify them for
25:11
Speaker 4: three days, you know, and then all of a sudden,
25:13
Speaker 4: it's like, wow, that was stupid, and it's like would
25:16
Speaker 4: you do that if you were sober? R?
25:18
Speaker 3: No?
25:18
Speaker 4: And then we start when you start having that collective
25:20
Speaker 4: thought process, you wouldn't do that if you were sober. Okay,
25:25
Speaker 4: you're not eighteen anymore. You can't chalk it up as
25:28
Speaker 4: you're a child. You know, you lost a job because
25:30
Speaker 4: you were drinking. You lost it. You had a great
25:31
Speaker 4: relationship with a beautiful husband or wife, whatever, you lost
25:35
Speaker 4: it because you're drinking. That that's got to hit you
25:39
Speaker 4: somewhere at some point in time. You got to take
25:41
Speaker 4: some accountability. You're like, wow, I can control this. Yeah,
25:45
Speaker 4: you know, I don't need this in my life if
25:47
Speaker 4: it's taking things away from me. Money being the big
25:50
Speaker 4: everybody wants money. Everyone wants some more pay check. Well,
25:52
Speaker 4: give yourself a raise. Put down the bottle. Yeah, you
25:56
Speaker 4: know what, cigarettes could be anything, whatever drug you you
26:00
Speaker 4: fill in the blank absolutely, you know. And I feel
26:02
Speaker 4: like that's going to hit somebody somewhere because they're going
26:05
Speaker 4: to do a little self assessment. You know, what would
26:07
Speaker 4: you have if you weren't drinking or using drugs or
26:10
Speaker 4: you know, or gambling or whatever your addiction is. So
26:14
Speaker 4: getting there, we'll make better decisions if we're all there. Yeah,
26:19
Speaker 4: you know, And that's kind of what I came to.
26:20
Speaker 4: The reality is hanging out in heartview was like I
26:26
Speaker 4: did eight day detoks over at the Detox Center, and
26:30
Speaker 4: then I came to Hartview, did thirty days over there,
26:32
Speaker 4: twenty eight days.
26:33
Speaker 2: Whatever did you like quit on your own and went
26:36
Speaker 2: into withdrawals and went into the hospital before you went
26:39
Speaker 2: into de talks or you like made the decision and
26:42
Speaker 2: reached out to go into detalks. What did that look like?
26:44
Speaker 4: Well, I took a ride in an ambulance that I
26:47
Speaker 4: don't remember, and I woke up in the hospital and
26:51
Speaker 4: I was praying when I looked down at my arms
26:53
Speaker 4: and my hands that they weren't handcuffed to the bed.
26:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was.
26:58
Speaker 4: And I saw there was a security guard in the
26:59
Speaker 4: front door blocking the entry. I'm like, oh God, So
27:02
Speaker 4: I'm like praying before I look down, and uh, it was.
27:06
Speaker 4: Nothing was going bad in my life. There was nothing.
27:08
Speaker 4: I was just at my house, I was at a
27:10
Speaker 4: I was at a friend's house, my coworker and I
27:14
Speaker 4: went home and I was hanging out at home, just
27:16
Speaker 4: do my thing. My son was at my sister's house.
27:18
Speaker 4: You know, they live like milin a two miles from us,
27:20
Speaker 4: so and I was just do to bounceter home, this
27:24
Speaker 4: and that, and then all of a sudden, my sister
27:26
Speaker 4: called and she's talking to me this. I don't feel good.
27:29
Speaker 4: So she calls I was drinking. I was drinking, and
27:33
Speaker 4: I I guess I'm drinking a lot at this point.
27:37
Speaker 4: I mean, I was like, you still denying it. So
27:41
Speaker 4: she goes, well, and I've had a history of high
27:44
Speaker 4: blood pressure. So I'm like, I don't know if it's
27:46
Speaker 4: my blood pressure this or that, you know, And she's like, well, just.
27:48
Speaker 2: It's definitely anything but the all right, yeah.
27:54
Speaker 4: You know me, I'm still making excuses, you know. So
27:58
Speaker 4: she says, well, the ambusce, doesn't you know. Let's say
28:00
Speaker 4: have the local amass come out, they'll take your blood pressure,
28:03
Speaker 4: we'll check you out this that. Well, I guess when
28:05
Speaker 4: they got there, I was just like whoa, way over
28:07
Speaker 4: the limit, you know, and they go, let's just take
28:09
Speaker 4: them in. So he took me in and it was
28:12
Speaker 4: like I had a real high blood alcohol content level.
28:15
Speaker 4: It was way over the legal limit, like multiple times.
28:20
Speaker 4: The doctors were worried and nursed were I'm like wow,
28:23
Speaker 4: but again I didn't remember it, didn't remember anything. I
28:26
Speaker 4: was like whoa. That was kind of like the wake
28:28
Speaker 4: up call and they go, what do you want to do?
28:30
Speaker 4: They said, well, you go you can go home, you
28:32
Speaker 4: can go to detox where or we can wait for
28:34
Speaker 4: a bed, you know. And I said, we'll just give
28:38
Speaker 4: me a minute, you know. So I said, Okay, that
28:42
Speaker 4: wasn't fun. That was I don't want to do this again,
28:44
Speaker 4: Like now we need to address it. You know, there's
28:47
Speaker 4: a part of your life you don't remember. There's you know,
28:53
Speaker 4: it's not healthy. Yeah, that's kind of what it boiled
28:55
Speaker 4: down to, like that was not a healthy series of events,
29:01
Speaker 4: and hopefully it doesn't. I don't want to tell I
29:04
Speaker 4: shouldn't have to take more than that, you know. So
29:07
Speaker 4: I like to say, is like I pray because that
29:09
Speaker 4: was I mean, that was whoa. It was the big
29:13
Speaker 4: red flag went up, and I said, you know, what
29:15
Speaker 4: do you got to lose?
29:16
Speaker 2: Yeah?
29:17
Speaker 3: You know, I mean when I said, when was the
29:18
Speaker 3: last time he went sober for three days or five
29:21
Speaker 3: days or ten days?
29:22
Speaker 4: And I couldn't think of a time in the last
29:24
Speaker 4: twenty years I was sober for thirty days. Yeah, on
29:27
Speaker 4: some level, you know, I was like, Okay, now I'm
29:30
Speaker 4: selling myself another direction. I'm really putting together the Benjamin
29:33
Speaker 4: Franklin clothes, the pros versus the cons you call the
29:37
Speaker 4: all the pros on one side, all the cons on
29:39
Speaker 4: the other. But I'll call at the top, what does
29:42
Speaker 4: ill call do for you in your life? And I
29:44
Speaker 4: trying to said Jesus, the cons are looking a lot
29:46
Speaker 4: bigger than the pros here because the pros were depleted.
29:50
Speaker 4: You know, like I said, it wasn't fun like it
29:51
Speaker 4: used to be.
29:52
Speaker 3: It wasn't this.
29:52
Speaker 4: It wasn't And not only did it make you not attractive,
29:56
Speaker 4: it was unattractive.
29:57
Speaker 3: It was like I mean, not healthy.
29:59
Speaker 2: It was unhealthy, problematic.
30:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, and all of a sudden, you can't drive, you
30:03
Speaker 4: can't do this. It was a takeaway game, and that
30:07
Speaker 4: was taking getting ready to take your life. Yeah, that's
30:10
Speaker 4: the wake up call there. So you know where the
30:15
Speaker 4: rubber meets the road, you know, that's the point point
30:18
Speaker 4: of contacts, what I call it. So I said, okay,
30:20
Speaker 4: let's go to detox. We're like, really, they mostly just
30:23
Speaker 4: want to get up and walk out. I said, nah, nah,
30:26
Speaker 4: my life's a little too valuable to the people I love.
30:28
Speaker 4: And you've got kids at home, and you know what
30:31
Speaker 4: I mean, people like do care about you?
30:32
Speaker 3: And who's going to feed my dog? You know?
30:35
Speaker 4: Brass tacks, you know, who's gonna Yeah, Santa Claus ain't
30:37
Speaker 4: gonna chop the firewood, right, So that was and that
30:45
Speaker 4: was the turning point. That was, like I said, thirty
30:48
Speaker 4: days ago. So when I went to Detox thirty I
30:52
Speaker 4: was in Detox for eight days and then came over
30:55
Speaker 4: to Hurtview.
30:55
Speaker 3: So but it's how does.
30:58
Speaker 2: It feel to be thirty days?
31:00
Speaker 3: It feels good. It feels like I accomplished something.
31:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have absolutely Yeah. Yeah, I mean and you said,
31:09
Speaker 2: basically for a really long time, you haven't even been
31:13
Speaker 2: sober for thirty days, So I think that's a huge feat. Yeah,
31:16
Speaker 2: what's like some of the biggest things that you notice?
31:19
Speaker 2: You know, I feel like you've talked about some of
31:20
Speaker 2: that change, but like, what are some things that really
31:23
Speaker 2: stand out to you that are different.
31:27
Speaker 4: It's it's the problem solving skills. I mean a lot
31:31
Speaker 4: of things come back to you quickly if you have
31:33
Speaker 4: implemented them throughout your life, putting things down on paper,
31:38
Speaker 4: not just trying to remember everything. You know, we're not
31:40
Speaker 4: getting any younger, you know, or go like the shopping list,
31:44
Speaker 4: my son's like everything. Every time you say, don't forget this.
31:46
Speaker 4: That's the one thing we forget right. I'm like, hey, quiet,
31:51
Speaker 4: you should remember it. Where's your sticky note? Never mind that?
31:57
Speaker 4: I guess we don't need milk.
31:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's not important.
32:02
Speaker 4: If you know my son, he drinks a lot of milk,
32:04
Speaker 4: so we never forget milk. That's like the first thing
32:07
Speaker 4: comes to two gollons, one in each arm, you know.
32:10
Speaker 4: But that and then just processing it, giving yourself time
32:15
Speaker 4: to process it, and taking yourself out of the equipped,
32:18
Speaker 4: like out of your environment. It was a big, big plus.
32:24
Speaker 4: It was kind of like, Okay, you don't have to
32:25
Speaker 4: deal with all the other problems and.
32:28
Speaker 3: That's focused on you. Let's make you the best you
32:30
Speaker 3: you could be.
32:31
Speaker 4: That way, you could be the best you know father, brother, Yeah,
32:34
Speaker 4: you know, friend, absolutely, you know son, you know you
32:37
Speaker 4: could be.
32:38
Speaker 2: So you've been removed from the environment for thirty days.
32:42
Speaker 2: What are some of your concerns going back to that environment. Well,
32:47
Speaker 2: some of the environment hasn't changed, right, you have changed.
32:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, I still got my house, I still got my son,
32:53
Speaker 3: I still got my dog.
32:54
Speaker 2: Or what are some of like maybe your concerns and
32:57
Speaker 2: you know, going back to that.
32:59
Speaker 4: Well, there's what's the old saying is like if you
33:03
Speaker 4: hang out in a barbershop too long, you're gonna get
33:05
Speaker 4: a haircuts.
33:06
Speaker 3: So it's basically.
33:08
Speaker 4: You got to stay out of the bars and then
33:10
Speaker 4: you're gonna have to already let friends know like hey,
33:14
Speaker 4: you know, let you know my boss know, like, hey,
33:16
Speaker 4: I'm just I'm not drinking anymore.
33:18
Speaker 3: You know. Some people can go and have a drink
33:21
Speaker 3: and do that. That's not me. I used to say,
33:24
Speaker 3: I'm just go out and have one. No.
33:26
Speaker 4: Now my thought process has changed to where if I'm
33:30
Speaker 4: going to go out and have a drink, I'm going
33:32
Speaker 4: to have them all right, you know. And that's a
33:34
Speaker 4: harsh reality because I you know, I'll tell you you
33:37
Speaker 4: could have told me that, you know, six months, six
33:40
Speaker 4: sixty days ago. It's like I always thought I was
33:43
Speaker 4: the guy that could quit whenever I wanted, and you know,
33:45
Speaker 4: knew when to shut it off, turning on and you know,
33:48
Speaker 4: walk the tight rope.
33:50
Speaker 3: You know.
33:50
Speaker 4: So that was kind of a harsh reality, but it
33:52
Speaker 4: kind of hit me pretty quick. It was like, man,
33:54
Speaker 4: I I actually I don't mind getting up and not puking. Yeah,
33:59
Speaker 4: you know, and shape you have the shakes or you know,
34:02
Speaker 4: be dependent on some kind of like detox drug or
34:04
Speaker 4: whatever they're giving you out to detox center.
34:06
Speaker 3: I was for the first time.
34:07
Speaker 4: I've ever been through that detox and the detox cent
34:09
Speaker 4: I've had. I had to deal with that on my own,
34:12
Speaker 4: but getting professional help and this little you know pill
34:16
Speaker 4: and they're like hey, I'm like, oh, I'm not throwing up.
34:17
Speaker 3: That's cool.
34:18
Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden, you know, other things
34:20
Speaker 4: started to change and my health got better, and you know,
34:24
Speaker 4: thinking clearer and talking clearer and like just yeah, you know,
34:28
Speaker 4: it's you started realizing that, yeah, your health starts to
34:33
Speaker 4: bounce back, and you're like wow, okay, and you start
34:35
Speaker 4: thinking about, okay, what And I started putting down what
34:37
Speaker 4: I want to do when I get out. That's what
34:39
Speaker 4: you were saying is it's coming up with a game plan.
34:42
Speaker 4: What do I need to do first, or like getting
34:45
Speaker 4: back into church.
34:46
Speaker 3: I used to go. I used to go to church quite
34:47
Speaker 3: a bit. You know.
34:48
Speaker 4: We used to do at Easter sun Easter sunrise and
34:52
Speaker 4: in Hawaii it was great and a lot of things
34:57
Speaker 4: that you missed doing. You just kind of like you,
34:59
Speaker 4: you know, I used to I used to fish a lot,
35:01
Speaker 4: and I used to go hunting and stuff like that.
35:03
Speaker 4: But it's like, oh, who wants to get up in
35:04
Speaker 4: the morning, and who wants to walk through the field?
35:06
Speaker 4: You know, and you're hungover. You're like, you don't feel
35:09
Speaker 4: like doing any of that stuff. But all of a sudden,
35:10
Speaker 4: it's like there's now I'm writing on things that I
35:12
Speaker 4: want to get back into things I want to do,
35:14
Speaker 4: and it opens up another world that he was there
35:20
Speaker 4: the whole time. You just never took that open that door.
35:24
Speaker 4: We stick with what we know. You know, it's so
35:27
Speaker 4: comfortable to stay in our lane, but it's a long,
35:30
Speaker 4: a winding road.
35:32
Speaker 2: So for you, what do you think will be some
35:34
Speaker 2: of the most important things for you to implement?
35:40
Speaker 3: Triggers.
35:41
Speaker 4: I think triggers are a big one, you know, uh, boredom, loneliness,
35:48
Speaker 4: you know, stuff like that, relationships, Yeah, and it's who
35:55
Speaker 4: they like, I said, who you hang out with? Stuff
35:57
Speaker 4: like that, Leaning more into the face in my faith
36:01
Speaker 4: and then doing you know, stick getting back to the
36:04
Speaker 4: basics of love, you know, like basics of life, you know,
36:09
Speaker 4: not trying to outplay your hand. You know, realize that
36:12
Speaker 4: this is a huge problem for a lot of people
36:15
Speaker 4: around the world. You're not You're not alone. I mean,
36:17
Speaker 4: we're going to a lot of different meetings and meeting
36:20
Speaker 4: a lot of cool people and realizing, man, I'm not
36:22
Speaker 4: the only one doing this, you know, And and they're
36:25
Speaker 4: all like open arms. That's what's cool.
36:28
Speaker 3: You know.
36:28
Speaker 4: They're like they don't know you, but they know why
36:30
Speaker 4: you're there, you know what I mean. It's like you
36:32
Speaker 4: have a connection with someone you don't even know, and
36:34
Speaker 4: they're to be surprised. They're all anges. I've seen them
36:38
Speaker 4: from upper sixties down to seventeen eighteen walking in these
36:43
Speaker 4: rooms and they don't know what to do. Yeah, and
36:46
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's probably me. That's probably what I look like.
36:50
Speaker 3: Nope, the same thing, the same Burgo.
36:57
Speaker 2: Do you feel like people at meetings are more are
37:01
Speaker 2: accepting or less judgmental than the people you hung out
37:05
Speaker 2: with at the bar?
37:06
Speaker 4: Definitely, everybody at the Bard every other bar don't have
37:09
Speaker 4: a problem. Yeah, they're there to sell you a Facebook post.
37:13
Speaker 4: Their house is a disaster, but they're going to show
37:15
Speaker 4: you the one corner of the house that nothing's wrong.
37:18
Speaker 4: And that's that they won't try and sell you. That's
37:20
Speaker 4: what their life is.
37:21
Speaker 3: It's not genuine, No.
37:23
Speaker 4: You know, and I think we know that. I think
37:26
Speaker 4: we know that you know, but it's what they're doing.
37:30
Speaker 4: They're just people are just trying to survive. They're they're
37:33
Speaker 4: caught up in the mess, you know, on the muck
37:35
Speaker 4: and the mire they what they call it.
37:37
Speaker 3: So but you got to have love for them. But
37:40
Speaker 3: they're going to eventually hey, what did you do? What's
37:42
Speaker 3: something changed about you? You know?
37:44
Speaker 4: Is what I'm expecting, just kind of like, yeah, we
37:47
Speaker 4: don't see how you know, you're not doing this where
37:49
Speaker 4: you've been, you know, but they'll, I know, they'll definitely
37:53
Speaker 4: see a happier me, a better side of me, and
37:56
Speaker 4: not just you know, the old me. But yeah, the
38:01
Speaker 4: people at the the rooms, they're just they're genuine they're
38:03
Speaker 4: there to help. They put their hands up. Who wants
38:05
Speaker 4: a sponsor? What do you need?
38:08
Speaker 3: You know? I think that's that's really cool.
38:10
Speaker 4: They're really you know, they're willing to spend their time
38:13
Speaker 4: to help you navigate these new waters that you found
38:16
Speaker 4: yourself in. But they're a lot calmer than the waters
38:19
Speaker 4: you just came out of. You were in a hurricane
38:21
Speaker 4: and you were like this is normal, you know, yeah,
38:24
Speaker 4: I got this whoa you got waves coming over the bow,
38:27
Speaker 4: Captain Cook.
38:28
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, for sure, and we only laugh at
38:36
Speaker 2: the irony, right, yes, trying to.
38:38
Speaker 3: Make fun of but we're all there. We've all been there, right,
38:42
Speaker 3: you know.
38:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's just that I think you know, in
38:45
Speaker 2: the depths, no one sees that. And then yeah, you
38:49
Speaker 2: just like take two steps to the side and you're like,
38:51
Speaker 2: holy cow, I was in that. You didn't even acknowledge
38:57
Speaker 2: or recognize or you know, not.
38:59
Speaker 3: Know that that wasn't ye.
39:03
Speaker 2: So if you were to think about, like when you
39:07
Speaker 2: were in the trenches and the depths of it, what
39:11
Speaker 2: do you wish what would you tell yourself now? Like,
39:16
Speaker 2: what would you have told that person today?
39:21
Speaker 4: I said, you know, you know you know what to do.
39:25
Speaker 4: You know what to do deep down inside. You know
39:28
Speaker 4: what to do. You lie loudest when you lie to yourself,
39:33
Speaker 4: and you know what you've lost, you know what it's cost,
39:38
Speaker 4: and you know that you can get it all back
39:40
Speaker 4: and more. Just let this other thing go. You know,
39:45
Speaker 4: you don't need it most of the time, you don't
39:47
Speaker 4: even want it. But you're caught in the hurricane, you're
39:51
Speaker 4: in a blizzard. You know, you give yourself a break.
39:55
Speaker 4: Don't be so hard on yourself, Like, give yourself a chance.
39:58
Speaker 4: There's so much things that there's so many things out there,
40:01
Speaker 4: so many resources that you can use, and nobody's going
40:04
Speaker 4: to judge you. Nobody's there to criticize you. And nine
40:09
Speaker 4: percent of the people that are around you have been
40:11
Speaker 4: through it, so they know they know right where you're at.
40:14
Speaker 4: So it's like you're coming into a place you'd ever
40:17
Speaker 4: been before, but it does feel like home. So it's open,
40:21
Speaker 4: open yourself up, and thoughts you put in good thoughts,
40:28
Speaker 4: you build an emotion and the emotion will eventually bring
40:33
Speaker 4: you into an action. So think about what you want
40:36
Speaker 4: to do, let it build an up emotion in you,
40:38
Speaker 4: and then do what's required to make yourself have a
40:41
Speaker 4: better life because because you deserve it.
40:43
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I've appreciated you sharing your story up
40:49
Speaker 2: to this point. I definitely, you know, hope that we
40:53
Speaker 2: can revisit when you've been sober, you know, for a
40:57
Speaker 2: longer amount of time. You know, I think it'll be
41:00
Speaker 2: cool to hear what going back into that environment you know,
41:05
Speaker 2: looks like and what you continue to do to stay sober.
41:09
Speaker 2: But I appreciate your time today.
41:12
Speaker 3: Well thanks, I'll get up, make sure I keep you up, David.
41:15
Speaker 2: I love that that's the best part.
41:16
Speaker 3: Right on cool. You're welcome, thank you,