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90 Day Fiance TOW S8 E2: Kiasu, Kancheong, and Carry On · 90 Day Book Club

0:01
SPEAKER_00: The 90 Day Book Club is intended for entertainment purposes only and contains adult language.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: Hello again and welcome to the 90 Day Book Club.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: I am your host.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: My name is Jen.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: I am a romance writer and reality TV addict.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: I call it a book club because sometimes I talk about books, sometimes I don't.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: But it's a reminder that if these relationships on reality TV are ever disheartening, it's always nice to know you can raise your standards and read a book.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Specifically a romance book.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: There's a reason why this genre, the romance genre, seems to single-handedly support the majority of sales in the traditional publishing industry, and it's because people need a guaranteed happily ever-after.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: And reality TV is not going to give us that.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: But I'm still gonna watch reality TV.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: The dating shows, the marriage shows, the romance adjacent reality shows because they are so good.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: This is a recap of 90 Day Fiance the Other Way, season eight, episode two.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: The title is Forgive Me, Please.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: That's not the title.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: I just want to say before I say the title, forgive me if I butcher these words.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna try.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: With the argument in the car when John was acting like a right asshole.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: John is bitching and moaning about having to give up vaping.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: She's trying to explain, you know, it's really heavy fines, possibly jail time if you get caught in vaping.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: He's saying to her, What have you had to sacrifice?
2:39
SPEAKER_00: Which is not what you say to your pregnant girlfriend.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Allie says, making sacrifices and telling the truth are not the same thing.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: And I'm so glad she said that.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: People in arguments, emotional arguments, tend to conflate things, and I know I'm guilty of it too.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: And I'm she really diffused that whole thing, and he immediately backs down and says, I'll try to do better, baby.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: I promise.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we'll see.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: Finally, they're gonna get some food.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: He needs food and a nap before they talk about any of these things.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: By the way, I did ask my 13-year-old if they would like to go to Singapore because pretty much vaping and smoking is outlawed.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: You can't even chew gum on the street, severe severe laws for littering.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: And my 13-year-old said, Yes, I would like to go to there.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: Thank you very much.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: So they go to this food court, she calls a hawker center.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: She says, You choke the tables, which means C-H-O-P-E in the subtitles, which means you put tissues and stuff down on the seat so nobody can take your table.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: I like this, and I'm going to try this next time I go to the food court at the mall and see if that works.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Like, excuse me, you can't take my table.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: That's my table by the salsa rita.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Can you please move your double stroller?
4:14
SPEAKER_00: I put a bunch of napkins down, dummy.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: I I can't see how that would fail, you know.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: So Allie explains some of the rules that you have to live by in Singapore.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: There's CCTV everywhere, so you are easily caught if you break the laws.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: $1,000 fine in Singaporean dollars for spitting.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: That's$780 US.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: No littering, that's$300.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: When you go to the bathroom in public, you get fined if you don't flush.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: That's$150.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I so far I approve of all these.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: If anybody sees you naked through the windows of your house, it's a$2,000 fine or jail.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna tell you, I agree with that too.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: They get some scrambled egg rice.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: I'll put up with all these rules for this kind of food because it looks incredible.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: Ellie is saying to John as they're eating, I don't go out much like this because I've been working so much.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: You haven't retired me yet, haha.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: As in a hint hint, sugar daddy.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Give me money so I can retire.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, John says that job is a blessing because it's gonna cover the medical costs for Jolly.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: Did they tell us they were gonna name the baby Jolly last week?
5:37
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember, but it's gonna cover medical costs for Jolly.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: And Allie's like, well, um, it's only gonna cover part of it, actually.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: She says she's still gonna owe$10,000 to the hospital in Singapore to give birth is actually$20,000 or 15k US.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Allie says she can't work once the baby is born, and I don't know if that means according to Singapore law or if it's the medical leave that she's required to take from her employer, if it's a custom, I don't know.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: And John is really not all that worried about it.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: He's I might call it lackadaisical.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: He says it's$10,000, it's not that much.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Well, then why haven't you saved$10,000 yet?
6:32
SPEAKER_00: He's like, you have to be patient.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: Let me get my company going.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: So wait a minute, my question here.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: Is he going to start a business from scratch in Singapore?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: Is he expanding his underwater sonar business into Singapore?
6:50
SPEAKER_00: Is he starting a new branch?
6:52
SPEAKER_00: Or is it a whole new thing?
6:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, does he have the space, the building, the land, the workers, the licenses, whatever we have to do?
7:00
SPEAKER_00: I need so much more information.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna say something here that is a wild conjecture, but here hear me out.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: I think he has the money.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: I think he's being lackadaisical because this is not an issue.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: He's got the money.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Underwater listening devices, underwater specialized equipment, anything, is as I said before, extremely lucrat lucrative.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: I think this man is in fact a millionaire, and he's not gonna have any issues setting up his business.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: He's got the ten thousand dollars, it's not gonna be a problem.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: This is military type of contracts.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: It has to be.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: Or underwater oil drilling companies, large boats, perhaps, large cargo companies.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: This is what I am thinking.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: These are the people who are buying from people like John.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: He's doing okay.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: And this is all made up in my head based on what we know that he does for a living.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: She's like, Why didn't you start this process looking for like looking for a temporary job in the meantime?
8:31
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't need it.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: That's me talking.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Why am I being so aggressive?
8:36
SPEAKER_00: I just got here.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I'm very Kiyasu.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: And with Kyasu comes ka chung.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: I have anxiety because things are not going as planned.
8:47
SPEAKER_00: She's like, Kyasu's fear of losing out on opportunities, and ka chang is the anxiety that comes with kiasu.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Like, I need to get a seat on the train, so I'm gonna make sure I reach the train station at 6 a.m.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna be the first one to rush in and get a seat.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I get it.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: And this whole discussion escalates pretty quickly, and he's like, I don't know why you're being so aggressive.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, I need stability in my life.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: And he says, Are you suffering right now?
9:17
SPEAKER_00: She's like, dude, I've been suffering alone with this pregnancy in my belly for however many months.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: She says, Do you think my parents are not gonna be even more kiosk and ka chang than me?
9:34
SPEAKER_00: In her talking head, she says, I feel like I'm watching the iceberg coming.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: She says she and John are not on the same page when it comes to the plan.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: She's a planning girl.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: He just moved here and he's just like, hmm, whatever.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: She thinks he doesn't realize what it takes to move out here and what it all means.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I think we're all supposed to be worried about that too, but um, I'm actually not because of everything I just said.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I need to get on with Jessie and Vitorio.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Jessie and her GBF Manny are going through her pageant dresses.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: We learned that Jessie has been in the pageant circuit since she was nine years old.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: She got into it because of her mom, and then it just took off.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: She just got really into it, and then she even met her GBF Manny at a beauty pageant eight years ago.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: He came backstage after a pageant and said, Girl, you are my new best friend.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: We also learned that unfortunately, Jessie's mom passed well, she was 18 years old, and she's just kept up with pageant work because it was a way for her to keep her mom's legacy alive.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: Jessie breaks down explaining everything that happened.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, in her talking head, she says her mom got really sick her senior year of high school.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: It was stage four cancer.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: And it sounds like just one of those absolutely devastating forest fires of a cancer that just takes you down so fast.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: It's so sad if you've ever been there.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, my heart goes out to you.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: She says, when other girls were picking out their prom dresses and getting ready for college, she was with her mom and hanging out with her at chemo appointments, just begging her mom to hang on a little longer, but she just deteriorated super fast.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Her dad, Jessie's dad, was not in the picture.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: So when her mom passed, she had to start life on her own pretty much from scratch.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: She had to take out student loans to get through college.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: Her mother was the only adult on her financial aid application.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: So it just threw a wrench in everything.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: Vittorio has let her know that he is in some sort of exclusive tennis club, and she's going to have to tone down her outfits so that she can fit in.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: Her fur, her faux fur, cheetah print, leather, skin tight, what have you.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Manny says Vittorio needs to realize that he is not the prize.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: You're the prize, and I hope he has your back.
12:41
SPEAKER_00: Jesse has a suitcase with a full picture of herself in pageant wear.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: Tiara, everything.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: It's one of those suitcases that I'm pretty sure Chloe on Hunt for Love would classify as weird and giving her the ick.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: But Jesse says she's not ready to change who she is or how she dresses for a man.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: And this next part gives me a little bit of pause.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: She says that Vittorio got a new job in Florence recently.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: She doesn't say what that job is.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: We assume it's in fashion, but she says I will call him and call him until my phone catches fire.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: And I don't care because if I'm doing all of this for you, if I'm moving everything I own over to Italy and giving up my life in New York City, you should be able to answer the phone and talk to me.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to know more information.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: Is she calling him at work?
13:44
SPEAKER_00: Because I really hate that.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: Is she calling him on his lunch break?
13:48
SPEAKER_00: That's possibly okay.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: But is if she's calling him over and over and over and over while he's at work, I don't want to jump the gun and say that Jessie is giving Nicole right now, but um yeah, I I I need more information about that.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: Why are you doing that?
14:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, part of the reason is she's uneasy with him working in fashion around all these beautiful women and models all day.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: She doesn't know what he's up to all the time.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: She's worried, maybe, because they haven't had sex yet.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: Maybe he's getting his sexual needs met elsewhere.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, excuse me, what's going on with this chihuahua?
14:27
SPEAKER_00: This chihuahua's eyes are popping.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: Eyes are popping.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Like season one, two, three of Ronie.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: Ramona Singer, the eyes are popping.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: If you know, you know.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
14:40
SPEAKER_00: This poor Chihuahua, his eyes look all white.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Is it glaucoma?
14:48
SPEAKER_00: Someone with a chihuahua let me know.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: It freaked me out.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: He looks like a demon dog, and I'm sorry to the Chihuahua owners if that's offensive.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: So the big reveal happens today.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: Last week, Vittorio told us he has a big secret he's been keeping from Jesse.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: The big secret he's been hiding, we find out, is that he no longer lives in the city center of Florence.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: He now lives in this beautiful Italian villa in the countryside outside of Florence.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: It looks like it's in the middle of a vineyard on top of a hill.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: The views are breathtaking.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: There are horses named Giuseppe.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: There are chickens.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: He says he wants this to be a surprise.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: Now I will say that he did go, it seems like he went to the farmer's market.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: He has a table in the kitchen full of beautiful flowers, fresh vegetables to make her a green juice.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: I should never record hungry because this is making me hungry, and I don't even like green juice.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: But he's gonna make our green juice with that kale and that spinach and that celery that looks incredible.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: I also have to give him a little bit of credit because these gorgeous handmade floral bouquets are spread out on the bed with little Italian flags to welcome her to Italy.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: And it's nice to see that instead of just the average rose petals, which is what we're usually seeing.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: We get enough rose petals.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm glad he decided to change it up.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, and there's also candy, kinder eggs, whatnot.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: She does her Darcy in the airport bathroom.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: We see her putting on this like dry fit shirt that you'd play soccer in.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: It says Italia across the chest.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: She's freshening up her makeup.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: She looks fantastic.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: But she has to take a train from the airport.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, he does greet her at the train station.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: He has really good taste in flowers, and his suit is very nice.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: I like it.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't love it that she has to navigate onto a train with all of her things, including a suitcase with a picture of herself.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: At least at the train station, when he greets her, he helps her get her luggage off the train.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: He compliments her, says she looks so nice.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: She's got a really cute trench coat, and I love the tortoiseshell frames of her sunglasses.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: But what I notice here is Vittorio is greeting her more like a best friend.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: I am not seeing passion.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: I am not seeing, oh my god, I need to touch you.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Is that you?
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Is it are you really here?
17:41
SPEAKER_00: Can I pinch you?
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Can I kiss you?
17:43
SPEAKER_00: Can I stick my tongue in your mouth?
17:44
SPEAKER_00: None of that.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: He does pick her up though, which is really funny.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: And she's cracking up.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like this is sort of a running joke with them because of what her GBF said back home, joking that there's no way this man can pick you up because your legs are bigger than his legs.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: But he seems very agile and picks her up.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: He says, It's the tennis, baby.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: Lots and lots of tennis.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, she opens up her trench coat and says, What do you think of this shirt?
18:14
SPEAKER_00: He says, Well, it's beautiful, but this it this is what you wear to go to a soccer game.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: And then he critiques the the quality of the stitching.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: It's not proper.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: He says, It looks like it was made by somebody who was underpaid in a little country, and it probably was.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, What's wrong with you?
18:38
SPEAKER_00: And I have to ask the same question.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: What's wrong with you that you're gonna say that right out the gate?
18:43
SPEAKER_00: She says, You gotta wear custom everything all the time.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: It's the thought that counts.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she's annoyed, but I I'm not gonna lie, I like listening to them banter.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: They are kind of hilarious together.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: And it's very sweet how he tries to help her walk in her high heels across this grate on the sidewalk.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: She's fussing at him, but he's actually trying to help her get to the taxi.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: So they're driving.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: And they're driving, and her face, you sort of see her face change from excited to um, what the hell is going on here?
19:25
SPEAKER_00: She's like, How far away are we from your apartment?
19:32
SPEAKER_00: He's like, it's a little bit, you know, 20 minutes.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I thought you lived in the city.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Oh, I used to before, but I don't live in the city, city center.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: Too many tourists is too much.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: She's like, Oh, you moved and you didn't tell me.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: He's like, I'm never here.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: I travel and stuff.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: He said the move made it more flexible for his situation.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: She's like, You gotta tell me these things.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Oh, it happened so fast.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: My question is, how is it more flexible to live in the hillside outside of Florence?
20:14
SPEAKER_00: If you are a jet setter in the fashion industry and you're traveling all the time, here's what I think.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: And this is complete fabrication on my part.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: So just take this with a grain of salt.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: I wonder if he didn't change jobs.
20:30
SPEAKER_00: I wonder, did he lose a job?
20:33
SPEAKER_00: And is this his family estate?
20:36
SPEAKER_00: Did he lose a job and did his family say, Okay, we're not gonna bail you out anymore, Vittorio?
20:43
SPEAKER_00: You can go live on your family estate and maintain it and take care of it, and um, that's what you can do now.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: And um this is just this is just conjecture.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: Anyways, this conversation between these two are his bananas.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I don't speak the language, I don't know anyone out here.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm in the middle of nowhere.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would be pissed too, but it is a beautiful place to go on vacation.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: But this is crazy.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: The show is entirely crazy.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: I gotta move on to Andy and Nigel.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: When we last saw Andy, we were watching her writing a sad song about Nigel, trying to figure out her feelings about going to Australia.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: She tells us, she's still feeling really unsure about this trip today.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm just getting that pit in my stomach.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: It could be butterflies or it could be, you know, intuition saying, What am I doing?
21:49
SPEAKER_00: She says writing this song helped her work through her feelings.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: She's decided she's not gonna know his love.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Until she goes to Australia to experience it.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, when I'm there, he can show me that he really is all about me.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: And this feeling in the pit of my stomach is just paranoia.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: We cut to Brisbane, Australia, and we finally get to meet Nigel.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: He's performing as a pirate at a child's birthday party.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
22:28
SPEAKER_00: I think I had those same pirate paper cups, the Jolly Roger flag cups, my son's first birthday, pirate birthday party when he was one year old.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, Nigel comes dressed as Jack Sparrow.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Apparently, he gets these kinds of gigs, child's party gigs, all the time.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: He says he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the love of it.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, I have questions.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: If you're not getting paid to perform at a child's birthday party, I don't know what to tell you.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: The only thing that would motivate me to do this sort of thing would be the money.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: I have concerns.
23:21
SPEAKER_00: But he says he considers life to be a permanent vacation.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: He's very fortunate because he's made good investments in his life and now he considers himself retired because he doesn't have to work at a job every day to have money coming in.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: Are we gonna find out what these investments are?
23:40
SPEAKER_00: What are these choices that he's made that has afforded him a passive income?
23:46
SPEAKER_00: Because we need to know.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, share your secrets, man.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: But he owns his home, he owns his motorcycle, he says, I can do whatever the fuck I want every day.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Great.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: And you still choose to be a pirate at kids' parties.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: We get a peek at his crawl space under his house where there is so much junk.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: He says it's a lot of unfinished projects.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: He says, This is where dreams go to die.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: Does anyone else go down there to die?
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Nigel.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm seeing a push mower.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm seeing one of those flatbed things you pull pull around at Lowe's when you're getting your dirt and your plants and your things.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: See lots of cutwood.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: I see like a mesh chain link fence situation.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: He calls it unmedicated ADHD, and I say, no doy.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: Uh his friend Chris comes over and is helping him haul out a riding lawnmower.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: He says he got this riding lawnmower because he and his mates decided to get riding lawnmowers all together to race them.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: Um it definitely has some aftermarket parts on it for aerodynamics, I suppose.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: And I just noticed the mattress, the old mattress propped up against the side of the house, and I need to gag now.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh, Chris says he met Nigel at a gig a few years ago when Nigel was playing drums.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: He liked his vibe.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: He's always got a big goofy smile.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: He's a big child.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: Chris is like, uh, why are we working on this mower when your girlfriend's coming over tomorrow, like moving here tomorrow?
25:43
SPEAKER_00: Have you even vacuumed your house yet?
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Have you washed up?
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Done laundry.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: Nigel scratches his beard, his little goatee, his handlebar mustache, and like, uh, no.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: Nigel tells us he's surprised he fell in love with an American woman.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: He's traveled all over the country.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: She's the only woman he ever connected with.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: He loves the fact that she's tall, has sparkling blue eyes, she's easy to talk to.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: She's very kind and genuine.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: He says, I feel honored that she's moving here to start life with me.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: Let's remember that thought.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: Let's remember him saying that.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: Let's hold him to that fact that he said he feels honored.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: Chris is pulling no punches.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: He says, Andy is the top tier of the type of woman you could pull.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: Uh, what is Chris's story?
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Why does he have sort of an American accent?
26:45
SPEAKER_00: Why is he in Brisbane?
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Chris tells us he talked to Andy once for like 15 minutes over FaceTime, I guess.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: He says, I had a crush on her.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: And then I hand the phone back to Nigel and he says, That's my girlfriend.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, You're with him?
27:00
SPEAKER_00: You're with her.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: He told her, you could do a hell of a lot better than that.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: I like it that they have this kind of friendship, honestly.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I feel like this Chris guy is definitely thinking Nigel needs to step up his game as far as his living space and accommodating Andy and treating her correctly.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, we see more of this accountability because I feel like Nigel's gonna need a lot of it.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Just a hunch.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: Nigel's divorced, he says he had he and his wife wanted different things and they drifted apart.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: And ever since then, he's been exploring polyamory.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: I want to hear from the ex-wife.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: He says, discovering polyamory was the most beautiful awakening for himself.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: And he says, When I met Andy, we were both on the same page with wanting to practice ethical non-monogamy.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Are you sure?
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Because it doesn't sound like you are.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: She doesn't love it.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: So then we get his side of the story about the whole music festival camping trip thing that Andy told us about last week.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: Nigel says he wanted to bring a quote playmate ew with him while he was doing a gig at this music festival.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: And because Andy felt some type of way about it, he honored her feelings and didn't take his quote part-time lover.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: I need him to come up with other words besides playmate and part-time lover.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is, but it needs to be something else.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: He also says, you know, I think she was just upset that I was getting more tail than she was.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: Yuck.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: He feels like he's been acting within their agreement and she's jealous.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: So he does not think that she's wanting him to give up polyamory.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh, so Chris says, Do you not think she was wanting you to give up polyamory?
28:58
SPEAKER_00: And he says, Well, we haven't talked fully about it, but we're pretty similar on our views.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: Are you?
29:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, and Chris is talking at, he says, I'm monogamous through and through.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: My personal feelings about Polly is that somebody's gonna get jealous, and it feels a little bit like it's just a matter of time before somebody gets really hurt.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: That's his opinion, not necessarily mine, but I do kind of feel like I'm leaning more towards what Chris is saying, although I'm sure they're successful poly and non-monogamous relationships out there, but I couldn't do it.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: And here's the problem: it's not gonna work here in this case because they are not on the same page.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: Nigel makes her up from the airport wearing zebra print bell bottom like stretchy pants, this crazy shiny jacket from the 90s.
30:01
SPEAKER_00: But I'll give him a break because he says he was up all night cleaning.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: So 28 hours after leaving Nashville, Andy arrives in Brisbane.
30:09
SPEAKER_00: She does a Darcy in the airport bathroom, heads to the terminal.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay, even though everything I've said about this man so far indicates that I do not like him, I do find him very sweet to her at the airport reunion.
30:26
SPEAKER_00: Huge bouquet, beautiful flowers, really good airport kiss.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: She's so excited to see him, touch him.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: I can see in his eyes he really does love her.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: She says, You look like a wizard.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: He says, Well, I didn't want you to miss me in the airport.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: And oh no, there's bubbles.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Bubbles?
30:51
SPEAKER_00: Where where are the bubbles coming from?
30:53
SPEAKER_00: Somebody is running up into the frame in a crazy outfit with like rainbow, cheetah print, clothes, and there's music, and there's more bubbles, and there's lizards and bubbles and dancing people, random white girl dancing, and scarves and things, and no, absolutely not.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: It's a flash mob.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: He's arranged a flash mob, and I would be turning around and getting right back on the plane.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: She's into it.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: She picks up the bearded dragon.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: She's into the dancing in the bubbles, she loves it.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't love a flash mob, but I think even less I love that they have to strap down her luggage on this wide open flatbed and put a tarp over it.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: I have concerns.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: Do you not have anything normal?
31:51
SPEAKER_00: No.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: No, he doesn't.
31:54
SPEAKER_00: I need to talk about Zuri and Benjamin.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: Zuri is age 26 from Connecticut.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: She is cute as a button.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: Big curly hair, just looks like good vibes, bubbly and sweet and wonderful, just has that warm glow about her that some people have.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: She works as a director of marketing at a recording studio.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: She's an only child.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: She says, People think we only children are awkward, but I never thought that.
32:32
SPEAKER_00: She describes herself as a super social butterfly and loves to travel.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: She tells us there's American Zuri and French Zuri.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: She met Benjamin, who is French, and she was studying in London.
32:50
SPEAKER_00: They were at a bar one night.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: She saw this guy.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: She thought he was kind of nerdy, but she really liked him.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: And then he invited her to France.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: And she says, What the heck?
32:58
SPEAKER_00: I'll go to France.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: She says he really romanced her in France.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: He showed her all the sights that he fed her snails.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: They saw the Eiffel Tower.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: They did the whole thing.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: She says he immediately felt like home.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: And I find that very sweet.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: She says, after she graduated, our relationship was all gas, no breaks.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: She moved in with Ben in France.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: He lives in Nancy, France.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: She says things did not go as planned because after a few months, she moved back to Connecticut.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: She's been living with her parents ever since.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: Her mom is Kim, who has three bakeries, all named after Zuri.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: We see them baking together in the kitchen.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: Her mom really does not want her to move back to France.
33:47
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I can't believe you're doing this again.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: She says France is the place we need to be together because he's taking over his family business and she's gotta give it a second chance.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: And then we find out Ben's friends did not like her.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: They think she has no personality because she can only speak English.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: They can only speak to her through Ben because of the language barrier.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: And one time Ben's friend threw ice at her.
34:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: What?
34:19
SPEAKER_00: Kim, it seems like this is the first time she's hearing this.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: She's like, excuse me, I hope you threw ice back because that's rude.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's crazy.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: I need more information.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: There's no excuse for that.
34:32
SPEAKER_00: She says she didn't throw ice back because she was in shock.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: So it was Ben's friend Victor who did this.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: They had gone out to a club and they had those ice buckets where they put the champagne bottles in it.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: He thought it'd be funny to throw ice at me, and it really wasn't funny.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
34:51
SPEAKER_00: She says Ben did defend her, but he continued to put her in awkward situations.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: This other time, his friends thought it would be funny to put up a photo of Ben and a different girl.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: Some random girl on the fridge at his house, I guess.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: So now she definitely wants to go there and make peace.
35:11
SPEAKER_00: Mom's like, you don't gotta make peace.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: You have to set a boundary.
35:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm with Kim on this one.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: At her goodbye party, okay, this is a mouthful.
35:21
SPEAKER_00: I need a sip of water.
35:22
SPEAKER_00: Hold on.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: So at this goodbye party party, her friends ask if there's an idea still on the table that he could possibly come to the US.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: I guess one time he mentioned maybe he could move his company over to the US, but then all of a sudden it was off the table.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: So that's a little bit of a mystery.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: But then one of her friends brings up some very problematic relationship history.
35:48
SPEAKER_00: She says, Do you think it had anything to do with that other girl?
35:53
SPEAKER_00: And I'm leaning in.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: So in Zuri's talking head, she says, Well, last summer when she went to visit Ben, they were lying in bed one morning, and then she sees him texting in English with a woman, and she's saying, Hello, good morning.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: How are you?
36:10
SPEAKER_00: How was your day, etc.?
36:12
SPEAKER_00: And Zuri's like, excuse me, who's that?
36:15
SPEAKER_00: You need to unfollow her.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: Apparently it was on Instagram or something.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: So he unfollowed her.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: And then later on, when Zuri got back to the US, she looked at his follows and said he had re-followed this girl.
36:29
SPEAKER_00: So she DM'd him and was like, Nope, that's it.
36:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: Not fucking with this.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, if you are looking up your booze follows on Instagram to check up on him, y'all already got a big problem.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: Uh meanwhile, when they had broken up, her family had already planned a trip to France to meet Ben's family, and so they went ahead with the trip.
36:52
SPEAKER_00: And Matt was awkward.
36:55
SPEAKER_00: But then on that trip, they had a whole conversation.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: Zuri says she and Ben talked things out.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: He answered her questions, and they decided to pick up where they left off.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: He assured her that there was never anything going on with this other girl.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: They were just chatting online.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: She says, Well, he was just talking to her about a relationship, and then Zari's friends are like very concerned by this.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: One of them says, if he's ranting to some other woman about his current relationship, that's a violation of trust.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: So we cut to her getting ready to leave.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: She's wearing this black beret with a big flower and a really cute red swing coat.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: And also, she's packing a giant can of enchilada sauce.
37:53
SPEAKER_00: And I need to talk about this.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, apparently they don't have enchilada sauce in France.
38:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay, but I'm just gonna say France is definitely a food-forward country.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure they have ingredients.
38:09
SPEAKER_00: They probably have chilies and olive oil and spices and other things you need to make enchilada sauce.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: Her dad breaks my heart, rips me in half.
38:24
SPEAKER_00: He is getting her things packed in the car and says, just remember, you always have a place to come back to.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: Ugh, he's so sweet.
38:33
SPEAKER_00: He does not want her to go.
38:39
SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, Ben is having a little uh get together with his friends Victor, Victor the ice thrower, and Florimont.
38:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, don't know how to pronounce that properly.
38:52
SPEAKER_00: They are around the fire pit and they're like, You sure you're gonna do this?
38:55
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do this.
38:57
SPEAKER_00: You know you're better off without her.
38:59
SPEAKER_00: They are just openly sucking the joy out of this whole situation.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: So they suck.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: His friends officially suck.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: It is true, Zuri needs to learn French, but two things can be true.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: His friends can also suck, and they do indeed.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: Suck.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: Now I gotta move on to Niles and Matilda.
39:23
SPEAKER_00: Niles is packing gifts for his squishy mama.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: That's what he calls Matilda.
39:31
SPEAKER_00: He says it's really starting to hit him now that he's packing his gaming system.
39:35
SPEAKER_00: In Ghana, Matilda is cooking with her family.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: She says Niles promised to get her over to the U.S.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: in five months.
39:42
SPEAKER_00: It's been two years.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: He's brought shame on her family.
39:46
SPEAKER_00: When he gets here, she knows that her family's gonna be really hard on Niles.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: Her mother, Ebena, says she's worried because her daughter is married and yet she's still here.
39:58
SPEAKER_00: She's a friend from church.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know those friends from church?
40:02
SPEAKER_00: They can really make you feel some kind of way.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: But she has a friend from church whose daughter got married to an American man and took two months to get her over to the U.S.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: Matilda says, What matters is I love him and he loves me.
40:14
SPEAKER_00: Matilda tells us she always feels embarrassed when she has to talk about this.
40:18
SPEAKER_00: And she really just wants Niles to make good on his promise.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, Niles breaks my heart in half.
40:25
SPEAKER_00: He's taking an Uber to the airport.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: He says it should be his parents driving him, but they are not supportive of this move.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: They were not supportive of the marriage, and they're not supportive now.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: He calls his dad while he's in the car on the way to the airport, and he is sent to voicemail.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: Ah, poor Niles.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: He says he's surprised and not surprised, but that both of his parents say they have no interest in getting to know Matilda and they don't want to meet her.
40:52
SPEAKER_00: They think she's a scammer, and he thinks his parents definitely do not want this whole thing to work out.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: And he's hoping to prove them wrong.
41:03
SPEAKER_00: We cut to one hour later.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: He's at the airport gate crying silently.
41:09
SPEAKER_00: It is so sad.
41:11
SPEAKER_00: The producer says, Niles, my friend, talk to me.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: He says, I just wish I could have been here.
41:17
SPEAKER_00: It wouldn't have taken that much time to just come and say goodbye.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: Oh, this boy rips my heart out.
41:25
SPEAKER_00: Finally, he makes another phone call to someone.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: He calls dad, but it's not his biological dad.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: It's Mr.
41:33
SPEAKER_00: Ark in Ghana.
41:35
SPEAKER_00: He stood in as his father at the wedding.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: He's sort of like his adopted father in Ghana.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: He tells us families are what you make it and not necessarily what you're born into.
41:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, Niles, in this conversation with Mr.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: Ark, gets sort of cajoled into the idea that he is going to have to stay at Mr.
42:07
SPEAKER_00: Ark's house.
42:09
SPEAKER_00: Mr.
42:09
SPEAKER_00: Ark says he's gonna be helpful to him with Matilda's family.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: He's gonna go with him and speak to Matilda's family and answer questions that they have about the visa and what's been done and not been done.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: Niles is just getting caught up in this big plan of Mr.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: Ark, and we can see that he's very unsure about it, but of course he agrees to stay with Mr.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: Ark and was like, and Matilda stay there too?
42:37
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, yeah, that's your wife, obviously.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: But then he tells us now I have two bombs to drop on Matilda.
42:45
SPEAKER_00: We're staying with Mr.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: Ark, and I'm staying in Ghana forever.
42:50
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait for Matilda to lose her shit.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: And that is the show.
43:01
SPEAKER_00: I will be back soon with a recap of Hunt for Love episode 2.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed the show, please give it five stars on Apple and Spotify.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: Tell your friends, send them links.
43:16
SPEAKER_00: If you want to support the show, there's a support link in the show notes.
43:22
SPEAKER_00: If you want to read anything that I write, my Amazon page will be linked in the show notes.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: If you wanna donate to the carrot feeding of Walter, I will have a link in the show notes for that as well.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening, and I will be back soon.