Latest / Chavadi: The Meeting Place / Episode #25 - Pallavi Narvekar

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Episode #25 - Pallavi Narvekar · Chavadi: The Meeting Place

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, or as we say in Tulu, Namaskar.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Chawdi.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: Chavdi means the meeting place.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: Architecturally it is a veranda, sometimes outside a home, sometimes within, always to welcome guests, to swap stories, debate the news, and pass the time together.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Each episode we will bring you voices that reflect the rich tapestry of life, memories from childhood, lessons learned along the way, and the moments that stay with us forever.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Some humorous, some poignant, but always special.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Lalita Shetty.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm Sidan Chetty.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: Today we invite you to our Chahdi.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Today we have Paul Varvaker.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Paul Vyanti has been married to Sanjeenko for the past 27 years.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: They have two daughters, Isha and Tanya, and they live in Austin.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome, Paul Beyanti.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: How are you doing today?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hi Sid.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Lalwaka.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Doing great.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really glad glad you're here this morning, in spite of waiting eagerly for the cricket match that's probably starting in about six minutes.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: But we appreciate you giving us your time this morning.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I I really I'm glad that you asked me to speak.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I you know, I listened to a few episodes and I thought that was fun.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: You got Shoshang to talk, so that was excellent.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: We loved doing that.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, absolutely.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: Let's get started then.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um so let's start with your childhood.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_03: I know you mentioned you have some fond memories of going and traveling to your grandparents' place in Chickmanglure.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: Tell us more about that.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: What did you guys do?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: Hopefully your grandparents let you run wild and you were pampered, right?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm one of those fortunate people.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sidan, I'm an only child, uh, right.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And um I but my mom, there were 10 kids, five boys and five girls.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I've had the privilege of having a big family.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And even on my dad's side, there were two boys and two girls.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I was definitely growing up, uh, I was closer to the mom's side, and it never felt, I don't think even a single moment it felt like I was an only child.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, a couple of reasons.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, every year for three months in a year, we all got together.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you can imagine, I don't know how my grandma did it, but we all got together in Chickmanglore.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was a co it's a coffee estate, and you know, it was just nothing but sure fun.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: While there was a lot of discipline around the way we were supposed to do things, like we only got candy from her, you know, if we uh we took care of a few things and we had to stand in a straight line to even get that.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we were spoiled in our own ways and loved every bit of it.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm extremely close to all my uncles, my mamas, my aunts, and my cousins.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So never felt like a single child.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and you actually what was what's unique is that you were born in Bombay and you stay there until the second grade, and then you actually instead of moving more down south, you move up north to Delhi and you stay there until your 12th grade, right?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, how was how was growing up bunt in Delhi?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: Did you have a community there?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what was that experience like?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that you know, till second grade we were in Bombay, and in Bombay we were definitely surrounded by all um butts, right?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad, I think he started his career in Bombay and lived there forever, and I don't think he could even speak Hindi.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh till today, he even though he mentioned to me only this time that he he learned a lot of uh he went to school to learn Hindi, but he still can't speak, right?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So moving to Delhi was was a very, very interesting chapter, but I think one of the best phases of my life.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, we went there not knowing anything, but but my mom for who she was, my dad has always been the introvert, the calmest person that you could ever find.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But mom was like uh somebody full very full of life.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: She could just go speak to a stone and make that stone talk, right?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, and you know, many, many people can vouch for this, but she she met with all the bands there, and there was a very small but a very close-knit Bunt community in Delhi, and we we did everything together, every single function, every single tradition was followed in Delhi.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I, you know, the band culture that is all about family, culture, traditions, um, it was all followed.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what was unique was uh every woman around mom, like all the aunts that I've lived with, and Lalwaka, your mom was one huge influence in my life.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And all the women were very strong, and because of them, you know, we were all together, celebrating together, doing things together, doing all sorts of dances, dramas, and eating.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, every sort of bunt food was cooked and we ate um in during these gatherings.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, talking about my mom Pallavi, um, I don't know if you know this, but when she wasn't well and at the very end of her life, when she was in the hospital, your mom had gone to see her, and mommy couldn't eat a lot.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the story was she had taken money, which is another bunt delicacy.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was probably the last thing my mom ate.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, but uh yeah.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So talking about bunt food and bunt traditions, uh, it sounds that it was pretty strong for you in Delhi.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, do you have something that is very strongly bunt that brings to mind, oh, I'm a bunt, or anything that kind of you know, Akab.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh when when growing up, I don't think it hit me that hard that I'm a Bunt, but it is more of a recent realization.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've always been around Bunts in be in Bombay, Delhi, or through, but I think the only time it was where in in when I did my engineering, probably I wasn't around them.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it there's a lot of influence, you know, we we are one of the very few matriarchal societies, right?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the traditions, I mean, I we think of our ancestors and we really we really look look up to them.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And even today, I think to me, from the ancestors I've met is my grandfather, mom's dad.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: He is a self-made man, and even though my grandmother, and I've heard that even my grandma's mother was somebody who could speak English, and she used to wake my mom up and ask them for uh like uh just tell me where you spend this penny today, or there's so much heritage to all all of this.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm just in awe of the kind of culture we follow, the traditions we follow, and the respect that we have and the support system that we have from our family, from our friends.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's all part of what we've been, you know, part of our upbringing, right?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Of being a part.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I've realized it more lately.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, mommy always told me that you will you'll understand this later in life, and she was absolutely right about it.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that you feel that sense of community is so strong, and the pride in who we are.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Our doors in Delhi was always open.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: There was somebody always coming in.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sidan for you too, your uncles, your aunts.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they apparently they were in our house, they stayed with us, we took them around.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been like it's we've always believed in keeping our doors open, staying in touch.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, and I luckily to the parents that I've always, you know, I've always looked up to, they have managed to keep that going, and they've definitely imbibed that in me, for sure.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to, you know, go back a little bit to what you said, because a lot of the guests we've had here, their summer holidays were spent in Mangalore or in Kundapur or you know, uh way down south where we once come from, Tulunadu, Coastal Karnataka.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: But you spent your summer vacations in Chikmangalur.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of difference, I think, in the cultivation, in the in the farms, and what's there in Chikmanglur.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: So do you have memories of that?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it's my I'm so proud of the place, especially my grandparents' coffee estate.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Even today, I mean, every um as late as recent trip to India, it's it's my I took all my friends there from yeah, and they're like, oh my goodness, this is heaven, right?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even in a cup of coffee there, we have somebody who's been in our house, a caretaker in the house, he's still there.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: He his coffee is what we look forward to.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: That that's just surrounding, surrounded uh by coffee estate, and the uh house is right in the middle.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: It is just beautiful and gorgeous, right?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful and gorgeous.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And while that was one aspect, I think the other aspect was my dad's house in Bailadi.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think every time he visits here, he'll call all of you, everybody, to come there.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think post-COVID, he just decided to leave Bangalore because during COVID, he couldn't even walk around in Bangalore, right?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: So he just decided to rent our apartment in in Bangalore and move to Bailadi.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I initially, that house when I was I went there was you know, there wasn't any bathrooms back in the days.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And recently I took all my friends, and Papa has changed that entire house.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Where I had to ask him, I said, Do you how many bathrooms do you have?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting all my friends.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, We have five now.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: He has he has completely turned that place around, and now it is.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I would I would recommend all of you.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I he would love for everybody to go there and visit.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: So both sides of my family are dad's side and one's side.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's really beautiful and unique.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been extremely privileged.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um talked a little bit about your parents, uh, your mom having this larger than life personality, your dad being sort of more the steady introverted one in the background.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um but but tell us more about specifically how they were in terms of their relationship towards you.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: Were they strict?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, how did they sort of cultivate um polyvianti?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: What was a background and how did that relationship work?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: So mom was strict for the right reasons now that I can say, because she always told me that you will understand it later.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she said raising a child in Delhi and that to a girl child was it was not something that um easy, but she was very very, very protective.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, even when um all the way till uh she was alive, she passed away 10 years ago due to a lot of health issues.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I think she wanted uh while she was tricked, she was very determined that every girl, it respect it, doesn't it wasn't only for me, Siddhan.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was to every girl that she met, be it a bunt or a non-bunt, she said, you've got to educate yourself and be independent.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I don't care what you do, but you have to have your own independence, earn your money, and make sure that you can support the family as well.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I think when before passing away, when I took Isha Tanya there, and when I went back home, I told her where I'd reached in in my professional career.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: She I could see that smile even though she was not well.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I could tell that she was very content with uh what I was telling her.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: But she did let Isha and Tanya know that education is probably the most important thing for her, uh, and she wanted them to see it through.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And just um, you know, it's not just on me, um, but also on my kids.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think I can totally see them being influenced by my mom and my grandmother because they have had the again, they could meet both of them.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: They had a lot of time that they spent with my mom.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you can ask my mom's siblings that uh how much she was loved and how much she got they got yelled at by her, and even my friends here, they got yelled at by her for not doing things right.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So she was a very strong personality, and me, my kids, and to a certain extent, even Sanjay is who he is, because of her, he spoiled she spoiled the hell out of him for some reason.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: But my dad was the pillar, while you know, very, very calm.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I've never seen my dad angry till date.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I think even sometimes I asked my dad, how come you'd never yell at mom?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So uh he's like, nope, I believe in letting everybody do what they really want to do, very practical in his thinking.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So both their thought process was very different, and that's why I think it's it's been a great influence on me and my family.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: And then growing up also, right?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I I believe that when you you initially wanted to stay in Delhi, um, but obviously you you were sort of you your mom wanted you to do become a doctor and go into medicine.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: But I think when your mom was visiting your grandma, you took a U-turn and decided to take that decision by yourself to become an engineer, right?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um so tell us more about your mom wanted you to do something, very she's all very strongly opinionated, but your dad also was of the heart that everyone should just do sort of if they want to do something, they'll do it, right?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: So you have these two polar opposites.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: How did you balance that?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very curious.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so it was a fun time because I don't think my mom, she's been in and out of hospitals, like she's had 34 surgeries, and she I understand why she might have wanted me to be a doctor, uh, but I could pass out at the sight of blood.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no way I know myself, I would really pass out.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So uh when when uh while she wanted me to do that, and those days the only options were engineering and uh being a doctor, but I really wanted to stay back in Delhi, go to St.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Stephen's College to do economic honors.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I did take up, I left biology while she was away and took up economics, but we had to meet the middle ground.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: I did exactly what she had trained me to do, that think independently.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I did take a decision of okay, I won't stay in Delhi.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: I will do give my entrance exam and go do engineering, but I'm definitely not going to be a doctor.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I would have definitely failed at it.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, I did go and do my computer science engineering all the way in Darwad because I she didn't want me to stay back in Delhi because they were getting dad was in a bank job, so he was getting transferred to Calcutta, and that's the reason why she said, No way you're gonna be in Delhi.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, fair.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I guess this flows quite nicely into the next segment of her story, which is about Sanjayko, right?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_03: So I guess you can either blame your mom for Sanjay or thank her.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um tell tell us more about how you met Sanjay in specifically engineering college.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's an that's a it's a it I can write a book about it, Siddhan.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we met in um 92, that's when I joined engineering.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was only 17 years old, and we've you know, I think the first site we met, we fought because he came to he came to Ragney and he had a he he did annoy me a lot back then, but we became very good friends in college, and I don't think I even knew that we were gonna marry I was gonna marry him until the last year of engineering, but he was a very, very good friend.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: But the interesting part was my family again coming back.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think they they thought that I could marry, I mean, they would allow me to marry anybody outside of the band community, so it was nothing smaller than a Bollywood movie at that time because I think like I said, we could make a movie out of it or write a book post my marriage.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think they did get convinced thanks to my mama's here, but uh it wasn't easy.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: But post that none of my cousins, I have a lot of cousins, nobody married anybody but a Bunt.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: So you can tell, you can see how difficult it was.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Mommy saw uh Sanjay only the day before our engagement.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: She refused to even meet him, but eventually they came around and they were the best of friends, um, you know, uh teasing each other.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I think they they got along very, very well.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: You all know him how he does that.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: And Palubi, you are quite a few years younger than me, but even in your time, like you said, girls typically or bunts typically married other buns.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, what was it in in your head?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Were you one of those in your independent phase thinking, okay, I'm never gonna marry a band, I'm gonna find my own person, uh, it'll be what it will be.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: What was your thinking on romance before you met Sanjay or during?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I never um okay.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I wouldn't mind marrying a band, but in those days, dowry was a big part of our tradition.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I just did not believe in that aspect of our culture that was there once upon a time.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very glad that it's not there now.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: But at that time, not as much, but not as much, yeah, yeah.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that in those days I saw mom every year talking to me about I have to get you married, I have to make sure you save enough, and there's a lot of pressure, even though I was the only child, but that's something probably that stayed, and I did not agree with that, and probably and I think things fell into place when Sanjay approached, and I thought that was a good thing for me to go ahead with.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great family, and uh I do agree to what mom discussed that you it marriage is not about just one person, it's about marrying into a family, and you know, I understood all of that, but I still decided to marry somebody who was was from Mangalore and um understood our culture very well, and I think um been married for now what uh 20 years.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: 27 years, yes.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, yeah.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: So what so considering you'll have been married 27 years, tell me one thing really quickly, something that maybe sticks out for you about Sanjay.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: What did he do during college, before marriage, after marriage?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: That he's his consistency, Aka.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's been consistent in that was so quick, Pallavi.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I'd have you on your heels thinking, uh, what does he do?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: But he's been consistent, he's not changed a bit.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: He annoyed me back then, he annoys me now too.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: But like they say, the annoyance is actually another form of love, right?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's what they say.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Very consistent.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I'm gonna let Sidan take the the next part of your of our journey together in your storytelling.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so just to give the audience an a picture.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: So when your mom says that she's feeling pressure to get you married, you you're very relatively young because you got married at 22, just so the audience understands that.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but yeah, moving forward, so you guys decide to get married, but you worked for a year in Pune slash Bangalore before actually moving to the US, right?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: I think that one year where you were working in Pune slash Bangalore, you again encountered the support of your of the Bunt community through your grandmother's brother, right?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sure.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: Coming back from engineering college, mom had already started prepping for my wedding, but she was unwell, so I got uh, you know, but she also wanted me to work at the same time.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I did end up working for whatever little time I had because as soon as I got out within a year, I was engaged and married, right?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: So um, but post-marriage I came to Pune, you know, and a new city for me, but there's a lot of hotels around there owned by Bunts, and one of the most famous hotels, hotel where Shalihu, anybody from Pune should know.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's that's my grandfather, um, grandma's brother, uh, cousin brother.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: So he was the one.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even have to think about how do I start my home, how do I, you know, those days, cylinders, etc.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it all came from his hotel.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Every week, anytime I wanted anything from to eat where I missed food, I went there.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: He cooked the sambar himself in that restaurant.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it was amazing.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: The support system I've had throughout my journey, be it back growing up, be it in college, you know, my family, my friends here, I think it's been outstanding.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: So within a year post that, Sanjay got a job here and we moved to the US.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it was fun.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: And was that a decision that You I guess were thinking that was gonna happen.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: I know you're very close to your parents, so I imagine that you didn't want to leave India, right?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: How was that was that another Sanjay goes being annoying sort of deal?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or yeah, while I wanted to, you know, I enjoyed I think think thinking back now, I would have preferred staying back in India because I could have spent more my time with mom.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: She stayed for a very, very limited time.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it also helped groom Sanjay and me because we came here with nothing.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: Everything was done from scratch by the two of us with no support at all, in the sense that we we worked hard, we whatever we've achieved, it's our own doing, right?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: While morally, the everybody was there, but we we got to learn a lot, grow up together, and we're where we are today.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it was finally a good decision.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then when you guys first moved, you guys were actually in Ohio, not Austin, right?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: We were in Cleveland, Ohio.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Both my girls, Isha and Tanya, were born there, and that's why you know the Ohio State still stays in the how I speak.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: So even though I've been in Austin for now uh 21 years this year.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's been a long time.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and was there a culture shock when you and Sanjay anditially landed in Ohio and Cleveland specifically, or how did you guys navigate that together?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was uh I had, like I said, my mom's brothers lived in New York and my mama lived in Connecticut, very, very well settled here.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: I came to this country, I went, uh I let Sanjay do what he needed to do for work, and I stayed at my mama's place for almost uh a couple of weeks.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: They gave me the initial set of stuff that I needed for setting up.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it was it was beautiful.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I had, like I said, always had the support of my family.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been blessed as far as that is concerned.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: So Cleveland didn't seem difficult.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: We met the right people at the right time.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sanjay and I were just standing at a theater where one uncle uh understood that we were speaking uh in some South Indian language, and he asked us if I if we could speak Kannada, and at the end of the movie, that uncle ended up taking us home and feeding us food, introducing to his family, etc.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, I've just been blessed to meet the right people at the right time, kind of sudden.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been a pleasure.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then I know Sanyin Glow, I assume he started working immediately when he came to the US.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, but you started working a little bit later, right?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um talk to us more about you started working in 2007, so after Isha and Tanya.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um but you just started sort of helping your real estate agent, and now you're all the way up there in a real estate company.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: Tell us more about that sort of no, no.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: So initially I did not work, of course, there wasn't a visa that allowed me to, but once I had it at Isha and Tanya, so I I completely gave my time to bringing up my kids till they were both five years old.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Post that I did, I hated just sitting at home.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: I work in the real estate agent that was allocated by Dell for us became almost like my uh a friend, uh mother here who uh who gave me work, right?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like to do, and I did my real estate license back in 2007 and worked in care for Keller Williams.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: But in 2011, I actually switched cares and went back to doing what I really had learned.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a software engineer by profession.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: I got into a company called E2 Open as uh Mir's uh QA engineer back in the day in 2011.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been with the company for now 15 years, same company, and now I've grown organically in the company and had the right mentorship, and I'm now the global vice president for the entire professional services team.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, who are the same company?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been a fun journey these past 15 years, and I've I think I've given a lot of time and energy to work in addition to all the fun activities that I've not quit on.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_03: And that's amazing because I think nowadays, especially in my generation, it's very rare to find one person to stay with one company and rise to their ranks.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um curious if you have, like looking back on it, if there was certain things that broke your way that you thought was really important to being as successful as you are in this company.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I think I mentor a lot of people in the company now.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the only thing I would say is don't limit yourself.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: You should always do more than what your job is.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for more, learn more, keep learning because the more you learn, the more you know you'll keep growing.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because it the day you stop learning, that's an end to what where you will end up.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I still, you know, now it's with all the AI buzz.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think I've I have incorporated that into what I need to learn and learning as we speak.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's been good.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: I everybody, for all of you, Siddhanta, especially you and Ishatanya and all the kids, I think all I will say is you'll make mistakes.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: You will absolutely make mistakes, but that should be an experience for you and learn from it and keep moving.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you gain success right from the get-go, you'll not learn.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's an important thing for you to do more and try out new things as you keep going.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: And that was your professional point of view.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to go back a little bit to you coming to the US and how we met in the US because I had never met you before.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'd never met you, though my parents were in Delhi.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: That was their second phase in Delhi.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we had been married and you know, come to the US and everything.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I had never met you.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember there was this Indian lady who had kind of like a parlor in her house, a salon in her house, and I would go there.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: And one day she said, You know what, this other girl came to me and she doesn't know too many people here.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think she's a chetty girl like you.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: Are you okay with me giving you her number?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yeah, absolutely, no problems.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then she gave me yours, and I had invited you over saying, just come over and meet the other bunts in Austin.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you came home, and it to me, I still I mean, that's a story that's still so real in my head because you came home.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: My mom had passed away by then, and her picture was on my mantle.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you walk in and you said, How do you know that lady?
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, She's my mom.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's how we figured out that mommy was one of your special aunts back in Delhi, taught you a lot of things in with cooking and everything.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I remember you telling me.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: And she even told me about cutting.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, cutting using scissors because mom didn't like it, so she'll do it.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: I do it all the time.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, when Isha Tanya were born, she actually handmade them belts and all those cute, good stuff.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was just amazing, a lot of memories.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, so when she came, yeah.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, when you were here though, you never forgot any of those bunt traditions, even though you were here in the US.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: I feel you've done and kept this beautiful blend of being American as well as being Indian and Bunt.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: You've kind of meshed it all really well.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to talk a little bit about how you managed to do that, how you think that's important for you?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm guessing it is.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: It is extremely important, for me, it's yes, we we have a religion, but I think it's the traditions and the culture that is of utmost importance to me.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's um my mom was very particular about me following those, and I want my daughters to follow that as well.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it it defines who we, I think.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you look around us, you do Chaoti, I do Sona Shukrara.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: The the feeling that I get after doing that, uh, I think it's I I can't describe in words, right?
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's there is something to hold on to, something to keep going, and and these are things that I think my kids agree.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: They might they might not go to temples that often, but they'd know that when it is Chaoti or Sona Shukrara or something to do with a family event, they need to be there.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: And for I'm sorry, for a non-in uh bund or non-Indian listeners, Chaoti is the elephant god or Ganesha Tutti Puja.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: And can you tell us more about Sona Shukra?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sona Shukrara is you know, there's a month in a year, sometime around August, September, and the way mom described it to me, it's beautiful.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: She said that she called all the women to the house.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: She all she did was fed them a lot of food, but she said that everybody celebrates the family, but nobody celebrates the woman of the house.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: And she called only women, all the women, and uh tied um the Raksha Daga, the sacred Daga that she prayed and uh prayed for the energy, prayed for positive energy and their health.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: She said, I pray for every woman of the house because they are the ones who keep things going, and they are the ones that I would want you to continue because I because of hell her health reasons, I wanted her to stop that.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, I will do that only if you promise me that you will continue this going forward.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I told her that I would.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been, I think, uh, for the past 11 years now, that I have continued in a small way based on how things are with work and everything, but I've not stopped.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I follow every bit of the tradition.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: Another beautiful pointer of how strong and independent and how women are respected in our community.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: And you have two amazing women, young ladies, your two daughters, they are truly uh very special.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: You want to talk a little bit about parenting influences?
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: I know you said earlier that your mom has also, even now that she's not here, she still influences their thinking, their behavior, their actions.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but bringing them up here, uh what would you say would be a strong influence, or what have you done?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: How have Sanjay and you split duties?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: We um yeah, I I think my mom did enough to while while she was here, or when my kids visited her in India, she I don't know how she did it in her own sweet way because she was not the mother that she was to me.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: She was not strict with them, but in her own sweet ways, she bribed them, she spoke to them, she had a lot of time that she spent with them, that to a point where Isha's um even her even her essay for college was based on mom.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, and that told me, I mean, I had tears when I read that essay to just never imagine that that would be her essay, but it was, and it was just just told me how much influence there was.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: And even now, when when Tanya talks to me or Isha talks to me, they keep bringing a mommy.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are Amma's daughters, so don't worry, mom, you've got this.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I Sanjay and I we we're not the very strict parents.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've never believed in being strict.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: We I still believe that the kids should learn, and while I'm around them, let them go do whatever they want, as long as they know the limits.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that they understand very well, but they need to figure the things out for themselves.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've never pushed them for any activity, they did what they wanted, yeah, and they tried different things, but didn't pursue all of them.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: But finally, both of them did not want to do engineering, they um always was wanted to do her thing on being in the medical side of things, and Tanya all only thinks about money, so she's like economics, it is, and and even I see the the vast difference between my two kids who are two years apart, and I've let them be, they they do their own thing, and even now Isha's yeah, Isha's still asking for the accounts for the paisa that your great grandmother or grandmother did, right?
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Tanya does that, and Isha is like yeah, Tanya, Tanya will do that, and that's where she she told me just two days ago.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you need any kind of emotional talk, go to Isha.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to talk finance, you come to me.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: You got they got you covered and you have their bats.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and even their grandfather, the last time he came, he sat down with them and spoke about what he's done for Bayladi and how cola happens, and that's all new to them.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I wish I had attended it, it was due to school timings, etc.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't do cola back.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I think all of this, I mean, you know, our rich heritage and recently, like I said, I took my my family and my kids back to both the coffee estate and Bayladi, where my dad is from.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I cannot, I don't think I've had a prouder moment.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I can compare that to any other place that I might have visited in all my travels, so it's been beautiful.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: That's amazing.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like similar to Ich and Tanya, as we grow older, we just start gaining an innate curiosity for where we came from, and we just start asking more and more questions.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I definitely relate to them on that level.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, but yeah.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_03: So independent from you being a daughter, a mother, um, a VP, I'm curious what are other activities, things that you do to keep yourself busy and that you enjoy doing.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_03: I know dance, travel, sports, I think is one of them.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but tell us more about how you actually intentionally dedicate time to developing these hobbies and uh and go from there to there.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dance doesn't take much from me as long as long as I'm feeling good.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: I will dance.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get up and dance any chance I get.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think as lately as uh at Aka's house when we met for our bantini kitty party, and we did a little bit of that too.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, we look forward to any opportunity that I get.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: And travel, travel to me is not about the destination, it's about the company I have.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sometimes forced to travel by my very close friends.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they they are the ones who I want to be with, I want to spend time with.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the reason I go everywhere with them.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, my again, outside of the band community, I have a very strong support system.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, naming a couple uh Suchi and Kirthi, uh the ones who keep me up on my foot anytime I want to get lazy, they're saying, no, let's go travel.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I've joined them anytime I've been forced.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sports, uh, that's another tradition, right?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Be it cricket, be it NFL, be it Cleveland Cavaliers.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm into it.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: I love watching.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot play sports like Divya and all can, but I can I can definitely watch and I can be a great fan.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I enjoyed every bit of it.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: But spending time with friends, Siddhanta, I think friends and family is what I truly enjoy.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so you talked about travel to all these different places, and I'm with you there.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of it does depend on who you're traveling with, it's very special.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: But would you say that you've absorbed these cultures in addition to band cultures?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: And just from talking with you, it seems like it's been there throughout.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: But is there anything specific that comes to mind of a way that band culture has influenced your life?
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so band culture, I think just the way we are.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, um, our like I said, the traditions, the food.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: When anybody visits me, I'm not cooking according to what they like.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: I cook based on what I can feed them.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: And band cooking is what I think comes to me.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I cook everything, the authentic style from scratch, including uh, you remember the uh what do you call that?
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: Manjoli regati.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so all that is something turmeric leaf, yes, with coconut and jaddery filled in it.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, so you make it so well.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I still do the same thing, they come and eat that, but at the same time, I I also go, like I keep saying, Suchi, she does a 10-day Ganpati um job, uh, and I'm there every single day.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: So they accept our thing and we accept what they do.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's been excellent combination of all traditions and cultures, and overall, just being from India, I think we have so much that we can learn from each other.
• 39:15
  unknown: True.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_03: And in the in the spirit of learning from each other, this is a question where we ask you looking back on your life.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's a story sort of what we cover determined by like resilience and strength, along with carving out your own independent path, right?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um tell us more about some values or traits that have really helped you, whether the different peaks and valleys of life that you would want Isha, Tanya, Kartikai, the next generation to sort of learn, um, just like we learned from your mom.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um values is like I said, evolve.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: What might be right today might not be the right thing in another five to six years.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: Initially, like I said, listen more and talk less.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is that's what my my mom always told me listen as much as you can, embrace what you can and let go of what you can't.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um, try out new things.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you will fail, you will succeed in some.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: So pursue what you really want to do.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do not do things because others are asking you.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: Something very funny.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up, I think I was very an introvert, very, very quiet.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody had to, even if somebody paid me, I never spoke.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, so you won't believe that now, Siddhanta.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask Shwetanti and she'll tell you.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: But now I've come to a point where my dad recently told me, You sound so much like mommy.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I could have gotten a better compliment than that, because you know, being like her is uh what you know I makes me feel special.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: And now I can, you know, me, I can speak, I can speak for myself, be independent, and do whatever I think I want to.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: So never stop yourself.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's a beautiful message um to sort of end on.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you for your time, Palianti.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_03: I know for me personally, you and San Jinkolo have always just been the house where I can just go and then drop by, and then suddenly it becomes a dinner, and then I'm taking food back home to Papa, right?
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_03: So uh just really it's all the Sheila, it's all the Shea.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_03: All the She all the snacks.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um but yeah, thank you for the time.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_03: Really had a great time.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a pleasure.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: Aka, are you somebody I always look up to?
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: And Siddhanta, uh, you asked Kisha and Tanya, they said if you ever had a son, we know you wanted somebody like Siddhanta.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been a pleasure talking to both of you, and thank you for yeah, thank you, Palavi.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was just thinking, actually, it's funny that you mentioned what your dad said because I was just thinking, I remember Taranti as somebody smiling, somebody strong, somebody just there for people, and that's exactly who you are.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: Always smiling, seem pretty strong.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so I wish you all the best.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: Continue to help people evolve and go VP global.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_01: You've not only in your professional field, but I think in all aspects of your life.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Laka.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, appreciate it.