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Embracing Authenticity and Redefining Success: A Veteran's Journey with Tina Parker · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello, hey.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: I am so happy and honored to be interviewing and have retired Lieutenant Colonel Tina Parker on the show today, so very excited about that.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Tina is how many years were you in the.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Air Force, tina 23.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I had 27 in my head.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I'm glad I asked.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: So, 23 years she served.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you for your service.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I don't say that lightly.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Truly Thank you.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Tina is one of my favorites.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I know I'm not supposed to say that, but she is one of my favorites, I don't know.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: We just connected and then she stuck with me.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Now, darn it.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: So, tina, you are the founder of Lead Outside the Lines, so why don't you tell us a little bit about that and yourself?
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely Thank you.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: And thank you, michael, for having me on and for the work you're doing for veterans.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: It's it's really really important and that's kind of where Lead Outside the Lines came from is my work in the Air Force.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: My last couple of years in the Air Force was with AFWERX, so the Air Force Innovation Catalyst, and really it was about doing it different inside the bureaucracy Right was about doing it different inside the bureaucracy Right, and so that just really sparked back in me this notion of we get to bring our whole selves to the table and we get to break out of the box and the lines that we put ourselves in.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: And that's really where AFWERK shined is being able to bring everybody's gifts to the table and throw out crazy ideas and be like what do we not know and what do we need to know?
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really where it came from.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: And then you started your company after that.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I started.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: I started about four years ago.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: I retired a year and a half ago.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: So when I say I started, it was really just embracing this notion of what might that be like, embracing this notion of what might that be like.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: What does that mean, right, and what is it that people need when they're trying to break through the barriers that keep us stuck and really move forward in our lives?
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: Right To create success by design, not by default.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: That's what I try to say, because sometimes we default and I think we'll probably talk about some of that, like with our neuro encoding.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Right, we default to certain ways of being and when we're aware of how we're defaulting, then we can go okay, that's not really what I want and who I am, and we can shift to step forward in a way that's truly authentic to us and what we want to create in the world.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and that's exactly what we we learn in the Neuro Encoding Institute, right?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: And then we put into practice in our own lives, because we don't practice theory right, we do it ourselves, yes, and then we put it out to help other people.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: And you know, again, I think both of our passions is to help other people.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: So tell me a little bit about your transformational leadership coaching, if you will.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Sure, and it's really.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: It's born out of my own transition, right, and my own journey, and I think that's for a lot of us, right.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: We get to a place in our lives where we pull together what we've learned, experienced throughout our journey, and say how might I bring this together to help more people to be able to fully step in to what they want, to create and execute their vision on their terms?
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: And yeah, that, so that's been really important.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: For me in the transformational leadership space, it's more about leading ourselves well so that we can lead others well.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Right, and that looks different for different people.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: It looks different because we are each individuals and we are wired individually, right.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: And wired uniquely, and I'm glad you bring that up because it brings us to our next part.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: So, military and we've had this discussion, we've talked a couple of times, obviously, and as far as the conditioning and those kinds of things, and breaking free of that really to understand who you are as you transition out of the military, and it's even, I mean civilians, it's really people in general, but military are conditioned to figure it out.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Don't ask for help.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: You know all of these things that you're super familiar with, obviously, and we've had a heartfelt conversation about it.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: You know all of these things that you're super familiar with, obviously, and we've had a heartfelt conversation about it, you know.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: So can you talk a bit more about that journey for you?
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's really important because, especially for folks and it does happen everywhere right, we are conditioned in our lives just because we're in the world.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Right, and we get conditioned by our parents, we get conditioned by society, our experiences, what other people expect of us right, and so it's a normal thing, right, so it's not to say that that's bad, but, especially in the military, like, we sign on to do what needs to be done, right, and in certain situations you don't question, you follow orders, you do what you're supposed to do, because if you don't, bad things happen.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: Right and so.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: But we can take that too far as well Because, like in the Air Force, I know one of our, one of our models is service before self, right, and so it's altruistic and it's wonderful.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, we serve because it's something that we want to do.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: We put ourselves behind the service, but we can't do that every minute of our lives, you know.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: So, when we can take, when we take it too far and we put everyone else before us and we put the service before who we are and what we care about and what we really bring to the table, we can start to forget what is special about me.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: What are my gifts?
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: What do I have to bring that's unique and is uniquely mine?
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Right, I love that.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: I love that, tina.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: So just, I'm just going to jump in here really quick.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: So I think this is something that veterans, humans alike, really struggle with is who really am I?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: And I know you want to talk about imposter syndrome a little bit, because I think that's a big portion of it right?
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: So, with your journey and I use your journey because again, we've had the conversation and I think your journey has been absolutely magnificent, spectacular, if I will- it's been fun, if nothing else.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: And if you don't have a story, man, you didn't live life.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, if you don't have a story and you didn't live life, guys, just saying this right now, it means you are probably not moving forward in life, not figuring your shit out.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: And you are probably and I'm going to go a little different here sitting in a bathtub sucking your thumb and your scuba gear, crying right, you have to move forward in life.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: You have to move forward in life.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: So go ahead and talk to me a little bit more about that and kind of the steps or the realizations you had of where you were.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: And I want to jump back really quick as well.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: As you know, a lot of veterans they take on and it's because it's conditioned and it's a major part of your life, because you want to serve.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: So they really, when they're transitioning out, they struggle with figuring out and I know Tina you'll probably attest to this as well who you are.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I'm not Lieutenant Colonel Tina Parker.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: I'm something else too.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: Exactly that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: We forget the Tina Parker part, right, we forget the name part.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: And so, for a lot of us, we identify with the rank, the position, and not because, like, we're egotistical and we're attached to it.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: It's just that we are conditioned to you function a certain way when you are at this rank.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: You function a certain way.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: If you're an officer, you're enlisted, you're a junior ranking, you're higher ranking, right.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: And so we start to take all of that stuff on and it can start to bury our understanding of who we truly are and what we care about.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: Because for veterans or for military members, when we're serving, like you're put into a position and you suck it up buttercup, like you figure out that position Right.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: You don't have the option to go yeah, that's not really working for me.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: Can I get another job?
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: Like it just doesn't happen that way.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: And you can ask Probably not going to happen, right.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: And so we just figure, we figure it out, happen, right.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: And so we just figure it.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: We figure it out.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: It's what we do.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: But when it comes to ourselves, it's not really about figuring it out, it's about allowing who we are to be revealed.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: And that is a process and it can be scary because if we have, if we have some things that we don't really want to look at inside, like we can be like, yeah, you can reveal the good stuff, but all that other stuff, like, yeah, just keep that hidden.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: That's not the way life works, right?
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: And?
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: And so you asked you've mentioned my story.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: You know, life can sometimes knock you upside the head a couple times to try to get your attention, and when you are not paying attention, it'll hit harder.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: And that is what happened for me, right, yeah, I actually I left active duty after seven years and then I did 16 years reserve and I left because I knew that there was something different and more for me.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: Like I wanted to work for center for creative leadership right, that was my dream.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: I was like because leadership it's been my thing, it's my, my jam.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Something different and more for me.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: Like I wanted to work for Center for Creative Leadership right, that was my dream.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: I was like because leadership it's been my thing, it's my jam forever.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: You know, my first leadership retreat was eighth grade.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: I drank the Kool-Aid and I was done, right and so.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: But I left after seven years and I remember that walked in to the lobby of Center for Creative Leadership and I talked myself out of it Because I thought, who am I?
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Like I'm just some little captain.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Like these people have PhDs and they've been doing this for years.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Like, yeah, I'm just.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Who am I to do this?
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: Now, keep in mind the things that my team and I together had created up to that point.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Mind blown when I look back on it.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: At that time, I was just doing my job, right.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: And so, as as military members, we get stuck in this.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I was just doing my job and we don't realize what we bring to the table.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: So it's like you're just leading me into the next questions so it's like you're just leading me into the next questions so what does?
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: that mean?
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: What does that mean?
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, so what it means for a lot of us is we start to burn out, we start to do things in question, like, like, why am I actually doing that?
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: But we just keep staying on the hamster wheel right, doing the things.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Why do you think we do that, tina?
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Is it comfort?
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Why do you think we stay on the hamster wheel and just keep going, even though we know we want something else or we know there's something else out there?
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Why do we stay there?
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: We're chasing after something that's.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: It's a definition, basically a definition of someone else's success.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Let's just call it.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: It is right.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: How many of us grew up wanting to be an artist or a musician or something right, and our parents are like that's great as a hobby, but you need to get a real job because you got to pay the bills right, and so, and we have expectations that are put on us from our family, from our friends, from society, and as military members, we have a lot of expectations that are put on you as a member of the uniform right, you represent that uniform, and so we can get stuck in these cycles of playing out the shoulds and the supposed tos, in these cycles of playing out the shoulds and the supposed tos.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: Right, I should be getting a better job, I should be getting my degree, I should be all these things right.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: You're shitting all over yourself Exactly, and it is not a good look for anybody.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: So, but so what happened and I will share my own personal experience because I think some others can relate to it I was doing all the things right.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: We start checking the box of all the things we're supposed to do, right.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: You get the resume full of accolades the military service, the building a business, the mom, the wife, all the rules that you play right, and you keep just showing up even though something inside is like this isn't aligned for me.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Well, your body has a way of telling you when something is out of alignment Right.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: So, when we are not showing up as who we truly are and we're not we're not going after what we know is in our heart to do.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: We're just doing the repetitive things that we think we're supposed to do.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: For me, the way that showed up is on the outside, everything looked great Right.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: On the inside, though, I was literally suffocating.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: I, I, I, um.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: I will just share with your, your listeners.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: So I got pregnant and kept doing all the things, even though it was a hard pregnancy, because I thought I was supposed to show up.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: I needed to show up and do my part, right?
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: That's another thing that we get ingrained in ourselves is better.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Do your part, don't let it slack off.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: Don't let anybody else have to pick up your slack.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: Well, for me, it cost me my pregnancy, and I lost my son to stillbirth, and that was the first indication of something's not going on right in my life, right?
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Well then, I got pregnant again right away, and that was anxiety ridden like okay, I gotta get through this, make sure it's good.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: Six months later, I had cancer.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: Two years, I got divorced, so if you look at your life, it'll tell you things are not in alignment, because I was really I loved.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I loved being able to have it all Like I wanted to have a great personal life, a great professional life.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I wanted it all.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: What that meant, though, was to stop checking the boxes of what everyone else said I was supposed to be doing and really start to listen to what it is that's in my heart and who I am and what I want to bring to the world, and be in alignment with me.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Not someone else's definition.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I absolutely love that and thank you for the vulnerability and sharing with us.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: You know truly.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: Everybody has your stuff right.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: I mean we can feel like we're going through it by ourselves and nobody understands we right, yeah, absolutely.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: And you know that that vulnerability you know, especially in the military, um, you know you're conditioned not to show it right Because, again, suck it up, butter it up.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Right, absolutely.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: So thank you again for sharing that.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: And we do all have those stories.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: I mean my story.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: We don't have enough time.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: 52 years old, I got stories, man, I've lived right.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I've learned from them, I moved forward and progressed right, and that's the key, I think, for everybody.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you've taken knowledge and you've taken um things from each of those experiences and it made you who you are now, and I know I'm proud to know you, but I hope you're proud to know yourself as well.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: I'm proud to know you too, Right, and we all we do all have our stories.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: But and I love that you brought up that we are conditioned military and let's just say in general, as people right To, to keep it in the box Don't talk about these things.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: It makes other people uncomfortable when you talk about these things, Right, Okay, but once you're through that one little 30-second blip of oh, how am I going to handle this?
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: I'm a little uncomfortable.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: You open up possibilities for others to share what they've been going through.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: And learn from you, and when they see that you are vulnerable and you will open up and you'll discuss it, then they will.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: And you know, in the military it's so important that we talk, that they talk and they reach out and they're not isolated.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: It is one of the key things that I talk about all the time is don't be isolated, reach out.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Join a Facebook group, join.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: You know, there's so many groups out there now.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: There's no reason to be isolated, and when you don't talk and you don't tell your stories, that's when the problems start, in my opinion.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: It festers and we as human beings make meaning about things right in our own minds and when we're like, oh, that's shameful, I got to keep it to myself, that's when it gets bigger than it actually is Right and we make a meaning about ourselves.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: There's something wrong with me.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: Well, there's nothing wrong with any of us and I know that can sound trite, like, oh, you're all good.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: No, it doesn't mean that it's rainbows and roses.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: It just means that we are humans, right, and we're wired as humans.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: We're wired for connection, we're wired to be in community with each other right.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: And when we are resistant to that, we need to pay attention because there's a reason that we're resistant to it, right.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: And it's not because, oh, there's something wrong with me.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: No one will want me in their group.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: No, it's because we're wired to connect.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: And when we resist it, because mentally we're telling ourselves this story, our body's trying to say, hey, I'm trying to pull you into life here, man, let me pull you into life and stop resisting me.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and it's so funny you bring that up and of course we've talked about it and it's we know as neuro encoders.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: You know how often is our thoughts actually reality?
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Is it actually going to happen?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Are they actually thinking about us?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Is it reality?
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: And that's why you know the podcast, your thoughts, your reality, right, because you literally create your reality with what you're thinking, every day, every second, whether it's a good thing and what I call.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: And I think we actually came up I'm not sure if you came up with this or I did, but anticipated excitement or excited anticipation, whether we have that.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I remember the conversation we co-created.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: There we go there we go, but I use it all the time because I love it.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: We co-created, that's what we did.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: No-transcript.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: I know conditioning a little bit.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Yes, I would love to.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: And it goes along nicely with what you were just talking about, right?
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Our thoughts create our reality, our feelings create our reality, our beliefs create reality, right.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: And so when we are conditioned to believe a certain thing, to think a certain thing, to feel a certain way, that becomes our path of least resistance.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, the more times we do something, the more times we experience something, the more it becomes familiar, right?
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: So I want people to really connect to this.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: When something is familiar to your brain, it means that your brain's like okay, I've seen something like that before, I haven't died from that, so it's probably fine.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: Like that's it, like it's not.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's the best thing for me.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: It's like that didn't kill me, right?
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: It's comfortable.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's comfortable because our brain's mission statement is to keep us safe, comfortable and expend the least amount of energy to do so.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: So if something's familiar and I don't have to overthink it too much, I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's fine, that's not a whole lot of energy, right, it also means I'm comfortable because I don't have to go outside my comfort zone, I don't have to expand.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: If it's familiar, right, if it's familiar.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: And so when we talk about imposter syndrome, this is something that comes up for a lot of us, especially when we're trying to break beyond this conditioning into something new.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: We can think to ourselves let's say, you had this grand idea that you want to be a public speaker and you haven't been a public speaker before.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Right, it's going to feel scary because it's different, it's.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: But we'll tell ourselves, oh, who am I to do that?
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: I don't have what it takes to do that, like all these things.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: Right, that's just your brain trying to keep you safe.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: Because when you think about standing on that stage and it's different than what you've done, the feeling of fear comes up.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: But it's not.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: It's not fear, that's the meaning you're giving it.
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: The meaning we're giving it.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: Excited anticipation.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: That's exactly right.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: That same physiological feeling.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: If you associate that, that feeling means, ooh, I'm about to do something pretty big here and that's awesome and I'm excited about that, your brain goes, oh, we are.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay, we're excited.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Right, you get to determine.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: But the meanings play out in the background because it's just our natural wiring to want to keep ourselves from anything that feels scary.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Now, if the tiger is jumping out and it's going to eat you, yes, tap into the fear, get the heck out of there.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: It's all good, right, but how often is that going to happen in your life?
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: Probably never.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: So we get to shift what fear means for us, so that we can step into a bigger story about our lives and what's possible for us.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's really, and we talk about it all the time.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: It is the definition you're giving it, right, it's the meaning you're giving it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Yep, and it's so funny.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I work with clients and I will talk to them about this and they will have this fear, anxiety, overwhelm, whatever you want to call it, and we put a different picture, even a different syntax if you will to it, and it.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: And we put a different picture, even a different syntax if you will to it, and it changes everything in an instant.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: You know, it changes our BS system, our belief system, our belief system, exactly, that's all.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: BS Right Very quickly, so I love that you bring that up.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: You know it's just how quickly we can change that BS system and it can change literally everything.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: And if we?
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: can change it two degrees.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Where does that change our life?
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: A year down the road, a month down the road, a week down the road, 10 years down the road?
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: We think we have to make these big changes right, which means we do nothing, right, when you think the change has to be so big that's overwhelming and your brain goes, oh, we are not going that far right now, you can do this.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: And then that opens up the aperture just a little and you start going this way, and then you do it a little bit more and you keep going in that direction and before you know it, you're where you wanted to be in incremental steps.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: Right, and I think a lot, of, a lot of us too, when we'll talk about this thing, about clarity, right is when you have clarity about what you truly want, then you are like okay, wait, I think I can take one step in that direction.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: So you just take that one step.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: You're steering the ship.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: You're steering the ship of your life, amen.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, steer the ship in this one direction, and that gives you even more clarity.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: It's a different perspective, because instead of looking over here, you're looking here and you're like, oh, I didn't see that over there.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: You have more clarity and more perspective to take one more step, right.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: So we shut ourselves down so much of the time because we don't know how to do everything Right.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: We don't know how each of the steps of the way is going to happen to get from here to here, so we don't do anything.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: We have to assassinate complexity right.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: Yes, assassinate complexity.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we just have to chunk it down, make it smaller.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Take that big goal, make it into smaller goals so that you can see that two millimeter shift, two inch shift and grow.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: But once you have the clarity it's so much easier to do that.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: So I love what you're saying.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and one thing about goals is I like to shift it just a little bit and look at them as meaningful outcomes, because and it may just seem like semantics, but to your brain and to your, the way your physiology is, it makes a big difference, because a goal is a finite thing.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I'm going to get there?
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: Well then what?
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: But if you're, if you think about it in a sense of a meaningful outcome, what is the experience that I want to create?
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: Why does that even matter for me?
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: What does that bring to the world that isn't there right now, or that maybe it's just a little bit different, right?
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: So when we can look at goals as meaningful outcomes, it actually fuels your energy to move forward towards it, instead of going gosh, that goal just seems like so far off right.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: It comes back to tying it back to meaning for you.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm making notes.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: I'm learning as much as everybody else learns.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I hope, yeah, absolutely, because I've used milestones before and it makes it nicer, if you will, than goals.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: It softens it, but I love meaningful outcomes.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: And those, each of those smaller milestones can lead to the meaningful outcome, right, but that's that and that gets.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: That allows us to change the questions that we ask ourselves to, right, instead of how am I going to create this goal?
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: Right, that can feel daunting, it can't.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: But if you go, ok, how is this thing that I'm considering doing leading me a little closer to creating this meaningful outcome that I want?
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: Well then, the way that you're asking yourself the questions, other things come up in your mind.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: It's like oh well, you know, I know so-and-so, so-and-so can help us get there.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Or have we thought about this?
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Your brain is a Google search engine, basically, and so the questions that you ask, it'll give it back to you, right?
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: So if you were to say how am I going to make money?
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, it might be like uh, I don't know.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: Like, uh, well, what are you trying to do?
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: But if you're, if you're asking a whole different question of what is it that I would love to create here, your brain goes oh my gosh, I'd love this, I'd love that.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: And then you start to connect the dots.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: I absolutely love it.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: So, going back to breaking through the conditioning, we got, I think, a little talked about a little bit but got sidetracked because we're who we are.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: What are some key ways?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I know we're getting a little low on time here, but some key ways that you have found again for yourself or working with people or breaking through that conditioning, whether it's military, families in military or just civilians.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I will say.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: The first thing is to really know who you are, is this?
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: And ask yourself the question am I doing this or am I showing up this way because it's really what's in my heart and who I am?
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: Or am I doing this because it's what I think I'm supposed to do?
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Anytime you hear yourself say supposed to or should stop right, because that is a conditioned response, I should do this thing.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Do I really want to do that?
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: thing, yep, and it's the same thing as I have to or I need to.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, take it out of your dictionary and put I get to, absolutely.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I'm overjoyed too, but as soon as you switch to get to, it changes to gratitude and man, it is a different day for you, my friend to get to it changes to gratitude and, man, it is a different day for you, my friend.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: That is such a big thing, right?
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: One word shift.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: It's not, and that's the thing that we're not talking about changing the whole universe, we're talking about change one little word and it shifts something inside of you.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: And then the other part I would say is really getting clear on what is it that you want to create in your life?
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: It's your life.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: You got one right.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: Do with it what you want.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: Be who you want to be.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: That's the biggest thing too.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: We get so stuck in doing that we're conditioned to do the next thing.
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: Ask yourself who do I get to be to create this outcome that I want, this meaningful outcome?
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: Just those shifts will make a huge difference for you.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: And how exciting is that?
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, exactly when you really picture it and really live it in your mind, creating those thoughts.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: It you know and really live it in your mind, creating those thoughts, your reality, if you will.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: How amazing and exciting is the future when you allow yourself to do it Exactly.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then, what is your definition of success?
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: What does it mean to you?
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: Right, you can spend your life chasing somebody else's definition of what success means, and you get there and you're like, I got it, but I just don't this.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Wow, I thought it would be a lot more than that, like I am fulfilled or tina.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: How long does it last?
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: it's great, exactly, it's finite.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: That one, that one, and then you're like back to the drawing board, back to the hamster wheel, just keep going.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: I got the car like Larry.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: How amazing, how amazing Okay.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Now what?
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, now what, right.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: So get really clear on that.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: And that's a hard question for folks to really get clear on, because that means you got to strip away the conditioning and really get to the core of who we are, and that can be hard sometimes.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: And revisit of who we are, and that's that can be hard sometimes and revisit it, because it can change it all.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: It depends on where you are in your life right.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: What I wanted at 20 is probably not what I want at 48 so right, yeah, you know, hey, so, um, our time is unfortunately up.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: I told you we needed an hour we're gonna have to continue this I'd love to have you back on, honestly, this has been fantastic and I'd love to bring you back on and we have so many other things to discuss.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, life, right, life being lifing.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: As Les Brown says, there's always something to talk about.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: So I want everybody to be able to find you if they want to reach out to you.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: I know you, you do classes and courses and you know you all kinds of good stuff.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: So how do they find?
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: you?
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, If you're on LinkedIn, I'm TP sunshine and you can also go to lead outside the linescom.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: I'm actually going to put down in the comments as well a link that you can go to, for, yeah, it's a micro guide that I created on igniting your vision, because when you can really hold the vision of what it is that you want to create, your mind will help you figure out the way.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: Find out what and you'll figure it out from there.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's amazing how that works.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: You'll start to recognize opportunities and it's really fun.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I am honored.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I know I say this all the time.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say it again Thank you.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: I know time is the most precious resource we have as humans, and thank you, I'm honored that you spent the time with me.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: I love our conversations.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: I, I love our conversations.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I truly do so.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Thank you for your wisdom, thank you for your brilliance and, of course, friendship, so I'm really, really honored to have you on here.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Thank you, me too, michael.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for asking me to be on and for the work that you're doing.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: It's really important.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you, I appreciate that.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: I'm honored you say that.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: So till next time.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow morning we have Eddie Zamora, a Marine, on here.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: He's going to be fantastic.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: He's an old friend and excited to have him on.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: So we are out of here.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.