Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 138: My 9-Year Business Anniversary: What I Quit to Go From Chaos to Calm

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138: My 9-Year Business Anniversary: What I Quit to Go From Chaos to Calm · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What if I told you you can have a business or career with calm and peace, not one where you're constantly chasing, constantly hustling.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: We're already past halfway through the year, and I already surpassed last year's cash flow and increased my profit margins by 24%.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you some of the unimpressive things I do.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: One, I don't have a social media plan.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's because I've created my business where it is not codependent on social media.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look, one of my clients said it so well.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I do not want to be in my 50s or 60s dancing or singing on social media.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I might be Filipino, but unfortunately, God did not bless me with a dancing or singing gene.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that is one.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Two, as my podcast editor is currently editing this podcast, I have unfortunately not committed to my every other week podcast episode.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I usually do two podcast episodes a month because there's been times where I had a lot of speaking gigs and I was just really tired and exhausted.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, there was one month where I had one podcast episode, another where had three months.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was back in March when it's was Women's History Month that had so much speaking engagements.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, Pete, I know he's editing this right now.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that has not been consistent.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then third, I only work with 15 individual clients and five organizations.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Made my business really simple.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And two weeks ago, it was just my nine-year business adversary.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: The old me.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when you mean old me, even just the business owner last year would have been freaking out because I am two weeks late to recording this podcast episode.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: But if you know anything about Filipinos, we are often late.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So this is me meeting my stereotype.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I would have done it, you know, like any business owner, you're gonna milk it, be like, it's my nine years.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Here, here are my lessons learned.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I am doing it two weeks later.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I do want to share, as a human being, not just business owner, a human being, what I did in my nine-year business anniversary.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I went to therapy twice, met with my own coach, met with my bookkeeper and tax accountants evolved finance twice, went to the Hollywood Bowl with my boyfriend.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: We watched Beethoven 7.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Fun fact, I used to play violin.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was not just any violinist, I was a first chair, first violin for middle school.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I was concertmaster playing the A string if anyone played violin or was an orchestra.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I also visited my parents and I had this beautiful moment.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: You could check it out on my Instagram where I saw this beautiful, beautiful red dragon fly.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was gorgeous.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: But who am I?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Who I was as a business owner when I started back in 2017, June of 2017.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is when I already graduated from my master's and realized, oh, I've been following what everyone's telling me to do and not what I want to do.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how I started.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this is my second business.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: My first business was back in 2010 when I was a fundraising consultant.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So this episode, I'm sharing what I've changed and quit in my personal life to improve all aspects of my life, not just my business.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this episode is not just for business owners, it's for anyone who is a recovering workaholic, hyper-vigilant, working on themselves.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because a huge thing I realized even when talking to my therapist, I shared this actually on my business anniversary.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I gifted myself a therapy session with my therapist on the day of my business anniversary.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: That oh well, my business for years has been a reflection of the chaos and trauma.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And because of the healing I have been able to do, it is now boring.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean that in a negative way.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I still love it, but I mean by that, it's like it's calm and peaceful.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right, grab your coffee, tea, boba, or beverage of your choice, and let's drop the beat a few weeks ago, I met with a few former clients of mine, one of my former clients, Ucechi Kalu, who is a certified financial planner.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely check her out.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put her website into the show notes.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about the beauty in the inefficiencies versus efficiencies.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: We live in a world where we pay more for efficiencies.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And she was talking about the inefficiencies when she was doing a fellowship in Morocco and how she had to wait to get a ride and only do just a few things throughout the day.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So she had to be completely present, which is the beauty of it.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I related because if you've been following me for a while, whether it's this podcast or you've joined my newsletter, which I highly recommend you join at elenelew.com forward slash join.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's J-O-I-N.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped back in December of 2025 doing Muay Thai Thai kickboxing.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have been following me, I've been inconsistently doing it on and off for 21 years.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you the truth of why I stopped.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was tired of being in class with people who just wanted really cool combinations that they could put on social media.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: I really cared about the techniques.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: So often when you're in a martial arts class, it doesn't just have to be Mowtai.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You often partner with someone.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I found myself probably majority of last year, actually, where when I partnered with people, I'm like, hey, I want to go slow.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I want to get this technique down, which often is replied with a grunt and frustration because they want to go fast.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I obvious I've been doing this for so long, but I wanted to go slow.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, I cared about the martial arts, the arts in martial arts versus the performance.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it is July 2026.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And last month in June, I got back to doing Muay Thai, but I didn't go back to class.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm now doing personal one-to-one coaching.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I basically told my coach, hey, I want to relearn the basics.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care about a crazy workout.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care that it needs to look cool on social media.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the result is doing what a lot of martial art artists or people that would work out would think is boring.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Working on my balance with my two feet because you're constantly moving your arms and your legs, the footwork, going slow, and then working on getting faster.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I actually just did a session earlier today.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So how do these boring things have to do with business and work?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's actually about the basics.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I get on calls all the time with my clients, even for myself when I get on calls with my own coaches and mentors, asking, what more can I do?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I always have clients asking me this.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: What more can I do?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: But a better question to ask is, what do you need to work on?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'm doing the pointy thing.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably gonna make you feel guilty or bad.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, throughout almost a decade, it was not just learning how to make money.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was learning how to use it once I got the money.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think so often people think it's like revenue top line, but it's okay, well, what are you gonna use the money?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Save it, reinvest it back to your business, reinvest it personally.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Really understanding my PL report.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'll compare it to sports, Muay Thai, obviously.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's me understanding the basics of balance and footwork.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it's not martial arts, maybe you're not getting this, but it could be any sport, any art, any dance, learning the basics.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, that's the mechanics, but then what people forget also, not just the basics, it's also the conversations you're having with yourself.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: How do you even want to run your business or career?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or, or are you just copying everyone else?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: I just had a call, actually, two calls with my bookkeepers and tax accountants, Evolved Finance.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're amazing.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: They specialize in doing financial services for coaches like me.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So they know all the numbers, the benchmarks highly recommend if you are a coach, a consultant, online business owners.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And they were just so impressed with the financial growth that I have done in the past couple of years, not just revenue, but also profit margins.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I always, because I'm such a nerd, love asking them, hey, what themes do you notice on what's working and what is working with all of your clients?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if they share the trend, and I should probably have them back on my podcast.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know if I should.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: But back in 2020, 2021, a lot of online businesses just blew up because COVID happened, everyone was stuck at home.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then 2023 was when things stabilized, things were not going so well.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And what happened for a lot of people that started their businesses back in 20, I started back in 2017, but I will say I'm guilty of this.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted to copy and paste from others what they were doing.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, well, if this is the tiplet they do, that's what we have to do.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what society and school taught us to basically follow the career ladder.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're a millennial like me, you have now learned, whether you are in your 30s or your 40s, what career ladder?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I did everything and I am still not happy.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I used to work in political campaigns.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And after a special election where I was helping a congressional candidate, I remember my former boss, campaign manager, asked me, So what do you want to do next, Elaine?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And he was very helpful, such a wonderful, not just boss and mentor, but a friend.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it was in my early 20s, and I realized I did not know how to answer that question.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just did what people told me I was good at.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's why I started my first business, my fundraising business, because people told me I was great as a fundraiser.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: That business happened by accident, by the way.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then I got hired by a client to work as a full-time employee at Pasca City College Foundation.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I had an amazing boss who is now still a mentor.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I just had brunch with her.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you could say that's what I also did for my nine-year business anniversary, Bobby.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And she was the one that recommended me to go to grad school because she could see me become an executive director for a nonprofit or foundation.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So the moment I graduated, I was like, ooh, this is not it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you are listening to this.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I told myself, or sorry, I should rephrase it, I finally heard and listened to myself.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: I want to start my own coaching business.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Cause see, I benefited so much in coaching in my 20s, being a young director.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was the youngest.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I hired a coach because I just was trying to navigate being young, managing, and leading people.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yet when I started this coaching business, I repeated what I did in my career.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted a specific model, copy and paste, people tell me what to do.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't make sense.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was also, I feel like, you know what, I am kind of going around in conversations, but you know what?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important for you to know that this was written by human and not AI.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this is written by Elaine, not AI.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been doing this training called internal family systems.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's, or you could look up IFS if you want to Google or AI it as I'm talking about AI.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a session with my mentor coach this past week, and she talked about how there's two ways to train dog.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: One is obedience, and two is behavioral.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And in this world, society, in school, we were taught to be obedient, to follow the rules, and you will be successful.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yet, as we grow up as adults, as we see everyone having a midlife identity crisis, we realize we want to be like kids again.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is how do we honor ourselves and really ask ourselves, what do we want?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it worked for a bit to finally get to the deeper real question and ask myself, what do I want?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: How do I want to run this business?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I learned now that, hey, what I have right now, this might change.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I work with clients one-to-one.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I have 15 individual clients, five organizational clients all at one time.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it just want to let you know that it took me a while to get here.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Back in 2023, I started making big changes.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: I made hard decisions to let team members go.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that I wanted to be a better coach.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to former clients who gave me great feedback.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I became a certified coach of the International Coaching Federation.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: It is highly respected and regarded.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of certifications for coaches.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm putting air quotes, but I didn't, I wanted one where it was actually respected and qualified and reliable.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is another tangent because, anyways, that is another tangent because a lot of coaches be making like a lot of money from certifications, but then like, is it is it really good?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Is it tangent, say for another podcast episode?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I wanted to showcase more of my talking and speaking engagements.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be do more of that.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say when I want to transition being a keynote speaker, this is back in 2023.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: A company asked for a speaking reel.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, sure, I will give that to you.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Give me a couple of weeks.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: I did not have a speaking reel, by the way.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I basically pulled up past events that I did.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, actually, I worked with one of my shout to Drell of Fiend Media.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: He is my brother from another mother.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: I've known him since I was in sixth grade.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: He basically put the speaking reel together for me of different clips.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And in the past two years, I would say I've had the biggest keynotes, one with Amazon, one with big retail companies.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I had those speaking engagements recorded.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I am currently in the process of updating my speaking reel, and I cannot wait to share it with you all.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say another big thing I have done on top of getting the certification, on top of showcasing my speaking wheel, doing more speaking gigs, is May of last year, May of 2025, I quit drinking alcohol.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And five months later, after that, I went to Philippines and I had just the most spiritual healing trip.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that was not the intention.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: We were there for a family wedding.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I was just so present when I was at my motherland and I saw everything I personally needed to work on.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because I acknowledge what I just and when I decided to stop drinking alcohol, and it wasn't like I blacked out, it was just I was aware.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I did not like how I felt in my body.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: I did not like how it had to take me a day or a couple of days to recover because I always wanted to be present, but because I'm so present, I think just that epiphany I had when I was in the Philippines would not have happened in the awareness of asking another deep question of what do I need to personally work on?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And oh boy, what a journey.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I went back to therapy.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I decided to do a certification internal family systems.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And just to explain what internal family systems is, it's a premise that we have different parts.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: And all the parts, good and bad, think of it like inside out, even anxiety, fear, they all have really good intentions.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, if there is a fire that broke out next to you, the anxiety of you feeling like you have to run and actually run, it is protecting you.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And in modern day, that shows up with different conversations.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And what you need to ask yourself, are you giving these different parts space to speak?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when I mean speak, I'm not saying be irrational and emotional and speak to the other person, but speak in your mind.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the reality we live in a world full of dopamine hits.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: You feel uncomfortable, you want to just like pick up your phone.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was I do this all the time.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you watch House of the Dragon episodes where there are like gruesome scenes and I just pick up my phone because I just, I just cannot, I cannot watch some of these fighting scenes.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you had a difficult conversation, maybe it's like, well, I'm gonna go do work right now and not process it.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Had a bad day, go have a drink, eat a cupcake.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: In my last therapy session, I told my therapist how mindful I was conditioned on wanting to get dopamine hits and how that has showcased throughout my childhood.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, get the A, be valedictorian.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And she reminded me that dopamine is the oh, give me more chemical, which obviously unfortunately aligns with capitalism.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: But really, if we want to talk about what to go after instead, it's serotonin and oxytocin.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's the I'm okay right there.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's the I feel safe here.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's that calm and peaceful feeling.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's exactly what I received when I was in Philippines in our uh in this beautiful like balcony, just looking at the ocean, just hearing it, just being completely present.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like Elaine, I don't have the money and time just to go to an island to do that.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: But what's been beautiful is that not only have I been able to do that when I'm on vacation, but even do it like in my day-to-day, where I feel comfortable and safe enough to sit and to feel safe, to feel at peace, to feel out calm, even when crazy things are happening.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: What I want you to hear is that I have learned to sit in the uncomfortable and be comfortable with myself.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's that has been understanding improving my relationship with money, acknowledging what I've been avoidant at, or things I need to work on, like not be so hyper-vigilant.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I am so look, I am the oldest.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, like, I'm the first well, I wouldn't say my I'm the oldest, but I'm the firstborn here in this country.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel a lot of energies.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember actually doing this practice session with a colleague of mine for internal family systems, and she's like, Okay, what do you want to work on?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm just tired.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then we went back to a moment because she asked me, so when was this first feeling of feeling like a lot expert?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Expectations and being tired.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, when I was born.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: When I was born, because I was born into my grandparents' house, which include my parents and my aunt and uncle.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you got six adults.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt the pressure of the American dream on me.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend responded back, Well, can you see how you could be really tired?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Yeah.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been actually really beautiful to see how I have to pause constantly and ask myself, do I really need to do that?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not even saying that in work.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm even saying that example.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: My life is so exciting.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm being sarcastic.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: We so often I kind of like want bunching together in terms of cleaning.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if I have to clean the restrooms as well as vacuum, it would take me about four hours.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I know my max capacity is two hours.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: And recently, in the past two months, I have decided I'm gonna break it up.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to do this all day for four hours.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do two hours of cleaning the restrooms, the other two hours the next day, vacuuming.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I am happier.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I have to stock doing things when I could just break it up?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: And just like Mother Nature in the four seasons, I could create a season of things.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I have done is in my business, okay, Mondays.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Mondays are the days when I will meet with my coaches, when I will meet with my financial team, when I will look at my numbers, when I will just be, including be uncomfortable.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then Tuesday through Thursdays, I'll do calls.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Wednesdays, I'll start a little later.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then Fridays, I'm gonna have summer Fridays because it's summer.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, even though I'm an extrovert, even though I'm leaning towards introvert, I just I don't want to talk to people.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Love people, but no, need a break.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, if you need space on being uncomfortable, then I highly recommend for you to look for an EMDR or IFS therapist.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had a couple podcast episodes with former clients and friends who are therapists.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put them in the show links.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: But if you want to look for a therapist, look at psychologytoday.com to find one that is licensed in your state or country.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: So let me reel it back.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like I am talking.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, this podcast episode is written by a human.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Even up to this day, and I am nine years as a coach, I'm still working on being a better coach.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not just through getting trainings like internal family system, but even going to therapy.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this past year, if I had to sum it up, I have been unlearning and relearning a lot.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I have four bullet points that I want to share.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: One, making sure I have time to pause and process before deciding.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I got asked to do a speaking engagement, and I just asked them, what is your budget?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, we don't really have a budget.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is our initial conversation.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was about to spend about an hour or two making this gorgeous proposal on Canva.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, they, Elaine, what are you doing?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: They just told you they don't really have a budget.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna spend time on that?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Send them bullet points on an email.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I did.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to go 100%.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: You get to discern what's given 100%, what's given 10%, what's given 20%.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: And also sometimes you just have bad days.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I'm on my parent, I straight up tell my clients, hey, I'm gonna have um an RBF.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: So just no, it's not you, it's me.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or there's times where I'm like, I need to turn off my screen.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I'm feeling my client's energy, I'm like, hey, I want to honor your energy.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not feeling, we could turn off the screen.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Second thing that I've unlearned and relearned.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: When I am feeling uncomfortable with a conversation or situation, rather than suppressing it, that feeling, that emotion, I make sure I have time to sit with it.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: So in the moment when I'm having a conversation with someone that might be difficult, hey, I really want to honor your time and mine.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: I need time alone just to process it.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: And let me get back to you tomorrow.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I ask myself what I need.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: And usually what happens when I need, and I'll give a little neuroscience, is you just need to self-regulate and you need to breathe.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is, is whatever that difficult conversation, unfortunately, our amygdala, which is our lizard brain, it's like the smoke detector that does protect you, will bring you back to when you're a child that's going to say, hey, this is danger.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: But for you to think logically and strategically, you need to get to your prefrontal cortex.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: And to do that is to breathe.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Another exercise, just learned this from my therapist.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend and suggest you do this with a therapist.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's called this ACT river technique.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: So what you don't want to do when you're having a difficult conversation or there's a situation that just happened is put a story or meaning behind the emotion or moment or memory.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: So what you want to do when you're feeling unregulated, you just had that situation, that conversation that happened is you want to visualize a river.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then wherever you're feeling, acknowledge where are you feeling in your body?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is it your throat?
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is it your head?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is it your chest?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is it your stomach, solar plexus?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: However, you're feeling, I want, instead of a story, move that feeling in that emotion into a leaf that is just streaming away.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just breathing, you're thinking about this river, and that feeling or emotion just moving away.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're just getting to a place of regulation.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: What you don't want to do is create meaning behind it because that comes from your lizard brain.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're not able to think logically.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: That was such a great exercise that I literally did with my therapist a week ago.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Which actually goes to the third thing when you're feeling unregulated, you don't have to give meaning to it.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the fourth, how can I make things more simple?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: When I see even a small issue happening in my business, I ask myself, okay, how can I make this easier?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: What is one small edit?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I was finding in the beginning of the year that a lot of people booking a call with me, they were just not a good fit.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I made some minor edits in my confirmation email and form in that way.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, what can I make things?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: How can I make things more simple?
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: Three books that have changed not just my business but life this past year.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: So the first book that I have, I feel like I've been talking about every week since I have read this book, it's by Sarah Hirsch Bordeaux called Autoimmunity and the Good Girls.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's free to listen to if you have Spotify Premium.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so good because I listened to it on Spotify Premium.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then I bought the book.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: One of my clients who has an autoimmune disease referred this book to me.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just a woman's empowerment book, it's also based off research, which I appreciate.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to say it out loud, but I want to manifest Sarah as my podcast guest.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I will put her book in the show notes.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: The book was so good in the first five minutes of me listening to it on Spotify Premium, I was screaming and I was applauding.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I don't ever read the acknowledgement chapter, which is the it's after the last chapter of the book where they're doing thank yous.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she was writing thank you to all the female women generations before, and I just I cannot stop crying.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: The second book is because yes, I joke around even though I did get the Filipino genes of being a singer and dancer.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: I actually do consider myself as an artist, you know, as a writer, doing this podcast, being a martial artist, playing violin.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm not trying to go out here to win a Grammy or Oscar, but it's a book by Rick Rubin called The Creative Act of Being.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: He's a producer for like Beastie Boys, for Adele, who's my favorite singer.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: But reading this book, and I would be, I am shocked because I am a different business owner or just human, but before, you know, tracking all of my numbers, even though I did spit out the data, well, I don't think I did actually.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have a 62% email open rate, a 2.56% click rate.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know my numbers, but even though I know my numbers in my business when it comes to my email stats, my podcast stats, even my social media stats, like how many number of followers.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't guide me on how I write.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make sure I am writing, I am recording this podcast as a human, as an artist, because I know it would resonate, not because I want to try to get X number of people to listen or to read it so I could have X number of clients and blah, blah, blah.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just it's been so lovely to read.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And Rick talked about how often we chase getting that creative high.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it's actually not the creative high we should go after.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's how do we create the environment we're in so we could constantly be in a place of creativity, in a place of being, in a place of being present.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: All right, the third book I recommend, and it was the first book I read this year, is Atomic Habits.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think so often people want to, you know, fire down their business or their job.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: But really, it's just taking the small little edits.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I share this in another podcast episode, but when I started going back to yoga the first day I went back to yoga, I forgot my yoga mat.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, well, I forgot it.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: What's one small edit I could do to make sure I don't forget it?
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Put the yoga mat by the door.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: One small edit.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: Something about these three books, it's exactly what I have needed in this current chapter in my life.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Get it.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: I said books, current chapter.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's funny.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: The slow down, the appreciating the small things from like just being around my nephews and nieces, the amazement of the world they have.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: And sitting down with the different parts of me that feel really uncomfortable and unlearning it.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: Last week, when I met with my coaches and mentors, they've all shared.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, hey, so what have you noticed that has worked really well for me?
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just want to make sure I don't repeat past mistakes because this year is just my best year ever.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: Ealing, actually, it's because you're more at peace and calm.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of serotonin oxytocin, not the dopamine hits.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: It just feels so different.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not this hustling like I once did.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll be honest, you know, that need to want to do things, goldy, shiny object syndrome, because I see other people doing things.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: It comes up.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: I feel guilt that I should be doing it, but I don't.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, our human development and brain is so critical in our first five years of life.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: And even with my clients, when they're starting to want to change something, I remind them and I remind myself, hey, we've been functioning like this for the past decades.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: So don't be hard on yourself when you're trying to do something new and rewire your brain.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: One of my meetings with my financial team of all finance, I asked, what else should I watch out for?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: What do you notice with clients where you see stagnant or they decline?
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm doing really well right now.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: And Parker, the co-founder, shared, make sure that you are still hungry and satisfied.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I appreciate that because when I look back in the end of 2021 and 2022, I was so burned out for my business.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: That shirt it doubled overnight in 2020 and 2021, but both my grandmothers passed away.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was not hungry.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was not satisfied.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was in freeze mode.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until 2023 where I was like, there needs to be something that changes.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: And happy to report that I am happy and satisfied.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's reflected not just in my P ⁇ L report and numbers right now, but the deeper inner work I am doing being courageous enough to pause.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say, and some of you will be shocked, like I said earlier, but it feels nice.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: It feels so nice to not be obsessed with the hustling and the numbers because I just want to be human.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be present.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's anything that we've learned in this AI world, is that the more human you are, the more you attract.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: So some simple questions to ask yourself.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I told you this is not just a this is how I grew my business podcast episode.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll do another, like how to scale your business.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do another podcast episode for that.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: But for right now, this is just an internal reflection.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's a verbal live journal saying uh millennials, you know what I'm talking about.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: But some questions, four questions to ask yourself.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: What's not working?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: How would your business or career look like if you're happy and satisfied right now?
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: And fourth, what do you personally still need to work on?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed my vulnerability and reflections on this episode, two things.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: One, share this with a friend or two, send them a message on why they would benefit.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: Two, leave a rating or review.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because my team and I create this podcast episode for as an accessible resource.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if you leave a rating or review, it will let other people find this a podcast.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are wanting to work with me because of how real I am, the 300 plus client reviews that you could check on YouTube, LinkedIn, and my website, then schedule a call with me at elanelew.com forward slash call.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's E-L-A-I-N-E-L-L-U.com forward slash call.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: And also wanted to quickly announce I will be increasing my pricing on September 1, 2026.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to work with me with my current pricing, then schedule a call with me.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: And just want to say thank you.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you to my clients, my former clients, my mentors, my ancestors.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so blessed and excited to celebrate nine years for the growth and the learning.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know there will be more, and I can't wait for 10 to come up.