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June 23 - Wise and Honest Trust · The Daily Ripples Podcast

• 0:03
  Well, welcome back, everybody, to the Daily Ripples podcast.
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  I am Pastor Mike, and Corey is not with us today, but I do have a very special guest with
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  me here today, and his name is Jason.
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  Jason, welcome to the podcast.
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  Thanks, Pastor Mike.
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  How are you doing today, man?
• 0:17
  I'm good.
• 0:18
  I'm good.
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  We're glad to have you here with us.
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  Happy to be here.
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  Our Daily Ripples devotional entry for today, June the 23rd, is titled Wise and Honest Trust,
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  and it begins, as always, with the stump.
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  Trust is not blind. It is built on honesty, awareness, and realistic expectations.
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  When I see clearly, I can trust wisely.
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  Ripple 1 is practical.
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  Today, I will examine my expectations of others.
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  I will allow people to be who they are, not who I want them to be.
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  I will also take responsibility for my choices, knowing that my responses shape my experience.
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  Ripple 2 is spiritual.
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  As I walk with the Father, the Holy Spirit gives discernment.
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  following Christ, I learned to love others while also seeing clearly. Trust becomes balanced,
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  rooted in truth rather than assumption. Over time, I grow in both wisdom and peace.
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  And as always, we will save our prayer for the end of the episode. And Jason, you know, when I was
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  writing this one, and then when I'm reading it back again today, and I know this is your first
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  time on the podcast, but every time that I read or look back to these, some new thought, you know,
• 1:29
  comes to mind every time that I look at it. A couple of things jumped out to me immediately,
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  you know, based on my experiences and kind of where I am in life, you know, right now.
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  And the first one was in the practical ripple about examining my expectations of others. You know,
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  we talk about in the rooms of recovery that our expectations are kind of like pre-mitigated
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  resentments. You know, have you heard that phrase before? Yeah. And I know you've been around long
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  enough. You had to have heard it because we love our cliches in the rooms of recovery. We say them
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  often, that's for sure. But that was, I think about that and man, I try. I try not to put, you know,
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  too many expectations on the people, you know, in my life, you know, my family, you know, my children,
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  things of that nature. But some of that just comes out naturally. And nine times out of 10,
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  And if I set a heavy expectation on someone and they don't meet it, is it really something
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  that is their problem or is it my problem?
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  And that's what I have to look at.
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  And I've learned through this program that most times it's my problem because I'm the
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  one that sets the expectations on them to begin with.
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  In the past few days, you know, on the podcast, we've been talking a little bit about love and
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  control and, you know, love and control for me don't really belong in the same sentence.
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  I try that. I try to keep that mentality and that approach. But if I'm setting expectations on
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  someone, I'm trying to control the people that I love. And ultimately, it comes down to loving people
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  freely, letting them be who they are. As it says, take your responsibility for my choices, but also
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  for my responses to when people don't meet my expectations. But anyway, that's one of the first
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  places that my thoughts went to with this one today. But how about you, Jason? I'm going to turn
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  it over to you and let you kind of share what you've got to think about it today. Pastor Mike,
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  thanks again for having me, man. And yeah, my first thought on this ripple is also on the practical
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  and is also on the I will examine my expectations of others. I feel like I have a little bit of a
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  double-edged sword when it comes to that, because I do place expectations on everybody else, it seems
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  like. But the other part of it is I have a very, very, very low tolerance for other people making
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  mistakes. And that you would think that's a very, you know, a kind of a twisted way of somebody in
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  sobriety to look at it. Because I have made so many mistakes in my life and in my drinking days.
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  But to this day, I have to fight not only setting the expectations on people, but having no tolerance for them messing up or just being human.
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  And I have to be conscious of that and fight that on a daily basis.
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  And my, you know, my relationship that I've gotten with my higher power and the A rooms of AA are helping me do that.
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  Now, Jason, I want to ask you a couple of questions.
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  Sure.
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  And if any of this makes you uncomfortable, it's fine.
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  We'll start over.
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  I can cut this out of the episode, what have you.
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  But I want to kind of dig into it just a little bit because I know that you're relatively new in the program of recovery.
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  Is that right?
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  That is correct.
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  And let us know, how long, days, months, what have you, do you have sober as of now?
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  Well, this time around, I am creeping up on seven months.
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  I am right at 200 days.
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  Congratulations.
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  That's awesome.
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  Thank you very much.
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  It is the farthest I've ever gotten.
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  This is my third try at this.
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  I have relapsed a couple times.
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  And I will say if I can throw this side note about in the recovery
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  and the amount of times I've done it,
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  I feel like this time I'm not paying lip service,
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  so I feel like I'm getting it right this time.
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  Yeah.
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  And I have A to thank for all of it.
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  Yeah, yeah. I've definitely been pleased and proud, you might say, to see you kind of get involved with, you know, the home group that we're both involved in, even to the extent of, you know, chairing meetings and things of that nature and just being very involved.
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  Because that's really the way, plugging in early on, is the way that this program sticks.
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  Because it is that kind of threefold, you know, approach that we talk about, you know, service, unity, and recovery.
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  You know, the recovery is working through the steps.
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  The unity is being active with the group.
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  And then the service is helping other people.
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  And I know you shared just the other day, you're right on the cusp of starting to sponsor some guys.
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  Correct.
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  Right?
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  Correct.
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  Yeah.
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  And your sponsor is?
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  Bill F.
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  Bill F.
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  And for those listening, if you don't know, Bill F. is also Corey's sponsor.
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  So he has been on the podcast several times.
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  And so I know under Bill F.'s sponsorship and tutelage, you certainly can't go wrong there.
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  What's crazy about that is me and Bill F., I just found out, actually share a birthday.
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  Oh, really?
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  Let's all see.
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  Born on the same day.
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  That's the belly button birthday.
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  Yeah, exactly.
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  Because we have two different ones in the recovery rooms.
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  We have our sobriety date, which we call birthdays, and then we have our belly button birthdays,
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  which is our natural birth.
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  But, you know, I asked all that to dig into that phenomenon of setting the expectations
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  on others and kind of being controlling of the people around you, whichever the case may
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  be.
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  Have you found that that's still as strong today as it was when you were actively drinking, or is that improving?
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  Oh, it's way improving.
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  It's absolutely improving.
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  Just, you know, the clarity of my thinking in sobriety has let me see, you know, let me see it actually in real time when I'm doing it.
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  And the tools I have now, I can stop, you know, I can pause when agitate.
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  I was waiting on it.
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  I was waiting on you to say that cliche.
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  Pause when there's one.
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  I pause when agitated.
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  But I can stop myself now.
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  And I realize, you know, what I'm doing.
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  And, hey, man, why are you setting the expectation like that?
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  You know, because you're wanting a desired outcome.
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  So, but no, it is improved.
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  It's not anywhere near perfect.
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  It's not even anywhere near good, but it is better.
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  And here comes another one.
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  We look for progress, not perfection.
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  That's right.
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  Progress.
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  And we do that, but don't bump one day at a time.
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  We're just going to spend the rest of the episode riffing back and forth on AA cliches.
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  No, I'm kidding, but maybe we'll have to do that one day.
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  Another aspect of this one today is it's talking about, you know, we talk about examining our expectations of others and allowing people to be who they are, taking responsibility for our choices.
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  But the title of this is Why Is It Honest Trust?
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  You know, and it's talking, and it says, you know, trust isn't blind, but it's built on honesty, awareness, and realistic expectations of others.
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  And that when we can see clearly, we can trust wisely.
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  One of the things that makes a big difference for me is, of course, you know, the Holy Spirit as my guide.
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  You know, this podcast, as you know, if you've listened to it much at all, it blends, you know, faith and recovery.
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  We could talk freely, you know, on here about our faith, whereas sometimes in the rooms of recovery, we keep it more generic because we don't want to turn people away who are new coming in, you know, newcomers who may have a strained relationship with God.
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  But on here, you know, we could freely say and I could talk about that, you know, the Holy Spirit is definitely the one who, as it says in spiritual ripple, gives me the discernment.
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  Where the discernment comes in for me is that I've learned to trust that still small voice of the Holy Spirit talking to me, that when I try to set expectations of others, many times, you know, God will give me a nudge of, hey, let it go, you're being too hard on somebody, you know, or you're expecting them to act the way that you would act in this given situation.
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  And that's just not realistic because everybody comes from their own background, their own expectations.
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  And really, it is a matter of trust because when I'm trying to control outcomes, I'm not trusting that God is in control.
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  You know, when I'm trying to control outcomes, I'm forgetting that God is God and I am not.
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  And so how is the trust or the discernment aspect of spiritual growth, how has that helped you in your recovery?
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  It's helped a lot, actually.
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  And the key point I take from the trust of my higher power is exactly what you just said.
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  I have trust that everything happens for a reason.
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  In any situation, you are where you're supposed to be.
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  You are where God wants you to be.
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  So you can let go.
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  And obviously you have to be an active participant in everything.
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  But when you have the trust that God does have a plan, this is his will, you can let go a little bit and have some breathing room.
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  It takes the having to be in control out of off the table.
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  You can turn your trust and the control over to the God of your understanding.
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  And it just gives me a sense of peace and it's helping me.
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  So early in my sobriety, as I'm learning, you know, more and more, I stick to that particular, you know, that particular nugget of faith.
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  So I know that, you know, there's a reason for everything.
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  God has a plan.
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  Just an example, my son who lives out in Montana, who's way away from the from the nest, had a bad, he lost his job under some pretty crappy circumstances.
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  and I just told him, Jake, this is happening for a reason.
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  Once one door opens, the other door opens.
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  And lo and behold.
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  It's not necessarily an AA cliche, but it's a good one.
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  But lo and behold, two days later, he had a better job in the same field
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  and a competitor who really wanted him.
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  And the entire time, I never worried because I knew he would land where he needed to land.
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  So, yeah, that's where I'm going to take it from.
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  Sorry for rambling.
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  No, not at all.
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  I mean, this is just an open conversation.
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  I'm reminded, you know, as we grow and continue in this program, you know, in the section of
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  our big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and Corey, if you're listening, I know you're going
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  to be proud because I'm about to quote a page out of the big book, and you always get goosebumps
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  when I do that.
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  But anyway, on page 84 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it says, it talks about being a
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  step 10, you know, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue
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  to set right any new mistakes as we go along. And it also says that we're supposed to continue to
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  watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. And the reason why I call that out
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  is because I find that when I stop trusting God and I start relying upon my own power, as it were,
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  in my relationships with others, that selfishness can creep in before I even know it. That dishonesty
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  can creep in before I even know it. Setting those expectations we already hit on, sometimes those
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  lead to resentments when people don't meet those expectations. But I'm glad that the program teaches
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  me how to be on guard for those things. You know, page 84 through 86, 87, and 88, those are some of
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  the key pages and passages in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that tells us how to organize
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  and go about our day, but has that routine been helpful to you in your recovery as well?
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  Are you still working on getting there?
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  Yes, on both counts.
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  It has absolutely helped me, but obviously I am still working.
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  I mean, definitely a work in progress.
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  What I have found out is the days, if I, for whatever reason, forget to say my morning prayers,
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  Um, my day just, it, it's not the same.
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  It, it, traffic ends up being bad or something.
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  I ended up walking around irritated and agitated all day and in a hurry running a race that doesn't
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  exist.
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  Um, opposed to when I do stop, when I first wake up and I take a minute and, and say my
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  prayers and ask God to, you know, to direct my thinking and my attitude, my approach, things
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  of that nature.
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  I pray to love, comfort, and understand, you know, opposed to being loved, comfort, and understood.
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  Right.
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  And my day just goes better.
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  It's true.
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  To the fact that, man, I noticed it yesterday, but as I was driving around, I seemed to catch every green light.
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  Well, there you go.
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  In the city, you know.
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  But it's like the days that I don't, you know, it's like I'm swimming against the current.
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  And it's a noticeable difference.
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  And I believe that's because when you say your prayers in the morning, you're starting your entire day from a God-conscious row in a view.
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  So you're thinking all day is, you know, okay, I need to be living along these lines,
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  as opposed to if you don't say it in the morning, you can, you know, end up being, you know, very much part of, you know,
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  going on to yourself.
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  You're on track really quick, if you don't start it out the right way.
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  So, yes, it is absolutely helping me.
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  And yes, I'm absolutely still learning.
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  Yeah, that morning prayer you mentioned, that sounded real familiar.
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  What would you call that prayer, Peter?
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  You know what I mean?
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  Upon Awakening, I think it was.
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  Upon Awakening, is that?
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  Well, I didn't know if that was the third step prayer.
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  Was that the, you know, gosh, now I'm sure I'm drawing a blank.
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  Yeah, that's where it was.
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  So it's on page 63 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  us, it gives us a prayer that sounds really familiar based on what you were saying your
• 15:22
  morning prayer was.
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  And God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou will.
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  Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.
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  Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help
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  of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life.
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  May I do thy will always.
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  That sounded very similar to the prayer that you say you started your day off with.
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  And that one is the third step prayer in the work of AA for sure.
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  But with that, speaking of prayer, if somebody didn't start their prayer off today on the right track,
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  I've got good news for you because we're going to close with a prayer and it gives us all an opportunity to redirect our day.
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  Father, give me wisdom in how I trust others.
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  Through Your Spirit, help me see clearly, act honestly, and build relationships grounded in truth and grace through Your Son.
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  Amen.
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  Amen.
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  And thanks again, Jason, for being with us today.
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  For those listening, tune back in for the next few days.
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  Jason is going to be on here with us for another few days, and we look forward to having further conversations.
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  Thanks for having me, Pastor Mike.
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  Wish Corey was here.
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  Yeah, if Corey was here, he could tell us exactly which one that was.
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  What page and what reference?
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  I am going to go to a page.
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  It's probably going to be the wrong page, and I'm not going to say the page until I get there to make sure.
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  Yeah, no, I'm on the wrong page.
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  Three hours later.
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  I'll edit some of this out, that's for sure, as I struggle to find the page number here.
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  Three hours later.
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  I don't have that almost photographic memory that Corey has about page numbers and passages and things like that.