Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep66: Evelyn tries to mail one simple box; Nick hits us with a "back in my day..."

Transcript

Ep66: Evelyn tries to mail one simple box; Nick hits us with a "back in my day..." · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's reverse jack.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_03: Now for the free stuff.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um you want to make a podcast?
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's too late.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_03: We're in it already.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back to the reverse jackass podcast, everyone.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: I am Evelyn the Canadian Blade, and with me, as always, is my co-host, Nick the Canadian.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: Nope.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Nick.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: You're trying so hard not to say f machine that you fucked up my nationality.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: I was trying, I was trying to say Nick the California peacock, because that's how you referred to yourself in one of the podcasts.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: Did I?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: For some reason.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's not bad.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so if you can uh put all your feathers down for a sec and waddle on up to the microphone, Nick.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Waddle.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Can you greet that?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Waddle is the part of that is the part of that joke that hurt.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I can waddle up to the microphone.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um Okay, well, can you go step up to this?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, folks.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Evelyn is feeling saucy today.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: She's taking it out on me and Franz List.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know what?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Both deserving targets, if I may be so bold.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: And more in common than just the low-cut V-neck white frilly blouse.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you wouldn't think about it, but they're the Venn diagram has a lot of overlap with those two.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, it's an Evelyn day.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: Feels like these come around weekly almost, you would say.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: You might.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: One might say.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: And Nick, I want to tell you about an errand I ran this morning.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um buckle up! Buckle up and was running the roads.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: I had a very simple task to do.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: The task was to get one thing from place A to place B.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: That's literally the only thing I left the house for this morning.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: And it took me 45 minutes.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: And this place was about a block from my house that I had to leave this thing to.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: So is this a story about you being a moron?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: What it's like.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, there is a moron in this story, but I'm gonna reveal it at the end.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's for sure.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: And you know what?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: I know you'll agree with me too.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, in fact, I can tell you right now.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, actually, I want a sound clip of you saying, Oh yeah, that guy's absolutely a moron.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: Can you say that right now?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, that guy's absolutely a moron.
• 2:24
  unknown: Thank you.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: I can insert that after the story.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: Great.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: That was a great take.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: That was really, really good.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I just love your blind trust in the fact that I'm never I appreciate that.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I had this thing I want to deliver.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: It was a box with many things in it that I needed to get to somebody else.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn is doing the hard work not to use the word dildos on this podcast, so I will.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, one of us has to.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, and you know, one of us has a reputation to maintain here.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: And what and one of us, along with this country's reputation, just was destroyed and disintegrated a long time ago.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Ten years, in fact.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: Ten years.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I had this box of things, and I wanted to give this box of things to a good friend of mine, and I thought this would be a simple thing.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I go to the place where I need to drop this off, and I thought I did all the pre-work.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: I prepared for this on the weekend.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: I took account of everything that was in the box, and I sealed the box, put the person's name on the box, wanted to, you know, you know, sometimes you put a little jokey joke on the box just for, you know, poops and gigs, but I'm not doing that because I just I wanted to keep this serious.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: So I had this box sealed up, serious information only on the top, and then I go to the place where I have to drop this off.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: Turns out, in order to get this to this person, I needed to have an incredibly detailed account of every single item in this box.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: There were two apps, two separate apps I had to use in order to document this particular parcel that I had to get from me to a good friend of mine.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: And so I did.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: And the process of me dropping this off required a third party in which they had to look at both of the apps, punch in a whole bunch of things.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: Their computer froze, and there were 14 other people behind me at this point who also needed to drop something off for somebody in their lives.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_04: Sure.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: And so I said, let's just void this because it was glitching for this third party.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: I said, let's just void this and I'll step to the side.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: And because I didn't know about the second app, I did the first app.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: One might say I declared all of the stuff that was in this box.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: I had to upload photos of everything.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: This box was already sealed, of course.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta be kidding me.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: You had to upload photos of everything?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: The fuck is that?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: I had to upload photos.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: If I didn't have photos, I would have to manually enter every single item in there, including the country of manufacturing, the weight, the price per unit, a brief description.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like this was oh, that yeah, the country of manufacturing and the country of sale and the country destination.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: This was crazy.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: What kept you from just lying about all this?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's a I mean, that's a great question.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: I did think about that.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: I did think about this, but I think that question will answer itself when I get when I reveal at the end of the story what actually happened here.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I finally get through all this stuff.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_03: Finally, my box, the box is ready.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: I have the the QR codes that are needed.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: The third party was like, Great, this is good.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: Boom, boom, boom.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: How fast do you want this person to get this parcel?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, gosh, what are my options?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: One option was basically it could be this person's retirement date.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: Oh god.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: It would actually have been quicker for me to hold this box and walk right to this person's house, which why didn't I do that?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: Why didn't I just deliver this myself?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: It might have been cheaper in the long run.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: Hell of a question, yeah.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: The second option, the faster option, would ensure that this person gets all of this stuff before an important event that they have.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: And so I've decided on the faster of the two options.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: And luckily the vagueness of this is so satisfying to me.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you were specific, then I wouldn't be able to make the D jokes that I've been making.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you're so committed to like the these items and this person on this date before this event.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: You're such a spy.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's good.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: I am gonna reveal at the end, but I think we gotta keep some momentum going here.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: You have to you can't pull the pant leg up all the way and show the whole ankle at once, Nick.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like calm down.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you gotta tease a little bit.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: So then, luckily, I did not have to give this third party any extra money to give this simple gift that I had to a friend.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: That's all it was.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I was thinking back to a time when years ago, all that I would have had to do is show up at this same third party and they weigh it.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: We put some fancy expensive stickers on it.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: Done.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: But this time it required 45 minutes, two apps, forms to fill out that I have never seen in my entire life.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: And a guarantee that it will get there on Monday, which today is Monday, so a week from today.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: A week from today.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: And that is the story, Nick, of how I mailed you a care package today.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: And how it would have been cheaper for me and faster, maybe faster, for me to fly to Pasadena today and just give it to you and then get on a flight and go back home.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: It might have been actually might have been faster.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: So enjoy your box of doo.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna open it and I'm gonna go, how many of these does she think I can fit in once?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you're a generous person.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: I figure you just hand them out on the street.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_03: Now, now, the reason I wanted you to say this person is a moron because the whole time I couldn't stop thinking how all of these forms, all of these necessary stupid, dumb steps are basically one man's way of trying to punish our country for just not giving him his way.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna insert your sound bite.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna insert it right here.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, that guy's absolutely a moron.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: No, no.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: Now I now that I know who it is, I want to do a different take.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god, yeah.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: That guy is a fucking moron.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: That guy is our biggest moron.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: That guy is the reason why we need a new word for moron.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: True.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Moron is not strong enough.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: Moron is moron's moron's too cuddly and funny and like, oh I'm such a moron, right?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy, I didn't know such a moron.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, no.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: No, no.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: So sorry, Evelyn.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for the care package and advanced.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you haven't got it yet.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: I hope it's still alive by the time it gets to you this week.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: So, my question for you, Nick, is what is something that used to be really simple and now in your life is so complicated and dumb and stupid and difficult unnecessarily?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, what a good question.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: Something that used to be simple and is now unbearably complicated.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Uh let me think.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: I know there's a good answer for this.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: I know there's five good answers for this.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because this feels like the kind of old man rant I go on with Amber all the time.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, just pick it up.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, didn't this used to be so much?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And back in my day, we used to uh, you know, actually.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, throw us a throw us a back in my day.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: Throw us one of those.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: The audience.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: I we haven't really had many of those on this podcast.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I think we're I think we're due.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: Every day I get a little older.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um I mean, I really think that what is this gonna be?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_03: This is gonna be like episode, I don't know, some something in the late 60s.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I think like for two people in their mid 40s who haven't tossed out a back in my day yet, I think we've paced ourselves incredibly well.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_03: Incredibly well.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like to the point where we owe them.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's what this podcast is called now.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: Back in my day.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the United States was different back in my day, and that's really the truth.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: Part of it is that I'm I'm I'm right to be griping about what my country used to be like before it got infected.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: Uh here is a very here's a very obvious one that is true.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so when I was a lad, we had an airport in Richmond, Virginia, where I'm from, and we virtually never flew in or out of it because it was a smaller airport, and so the flights out of it were in and out of it were more expensive.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: So we would often, like, often, I mean, I think I flew twice as a kid, but when we would go, we would drive the two hours to DC and deal with all the DC bullshit to get on the plane in DC, right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: But on the rare occasion that I did fly out of Richmond or that I picked somebody up from Richmond, there used to be metered parking spaces at the gate, at the drop-off.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: You could just meter park right in front of the thing and go in, right?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: And there were no security checks.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I will tell you to elaborate on this story, obviously what ended that is 9-11.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I had a job at a summer camp and I had it in 2001, summer of 2001 before the attacks, and summer of 2002 after the attacks.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: And my job as the office manager was at this remote camp in Maryland, among other things, to facilitate the arrival of a few hundred middle school-aged campers to an airport in Baltimore, and then to get them picked up by my employees and then into vans.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they'd collect six of these kids and then they drive the two and a half hours to the campsite, right?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so I had like, I had multiples of these things.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: First year I send my convoy of vans, they go, they pick up all the kids.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's easy peasy.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: They can be waiting right at the gate.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, this is the camp.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is the kid's name.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: We have a sign.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: We grab this kid, we go, it's easy peasy.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: The second year, after the 9-11 attacks had happened, then suddenly you can't go to the gates anymore.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: So the kids have to find their way all the way out of the airport, have to find their luggage, have to do everything.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then these are 11-year-olds.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: Now they're 11-year-old chess masters.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: But an 11-year-old is still an 11-year-old.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I still struggle.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Amber and I still struggle when we fly places to fucking to find our way through an airport.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: So these kids had to go get off the plane, find their luggage, find the the area.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: We had there were no cell phones.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like you could you could contact people.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: It was just like you'd send them the instructions ahead of time and go, hey, meet this person here.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like they'll have a sign.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then these people would just release their 12-year-old into the wind, literally.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: To to do it.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't know how the hell they pulled it off.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: It was all a fucking disaster and it was a drag.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then add to it that this, you know, moron tries to set off a shoe bomb, and now we have to take our shoes off.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I think he's also the reason why we can't have more than three ounces of fluids on planes.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: So suddenly something that used to be charmingly easy.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Where you would just show up, you might meet or park at the fucking gate.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, go to the gate, say goodbye to your loved ones, have people wait for you at the gate, have people waiting for you when you got off.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, all these wonderful things turned into this thing where now we have to add all of this extra fucking time uh for people to toss our bags, see us take our shoes off, wait in line, get those stupid plastic containers.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I I just gotta say it sucks.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it used to be so cool and so easy.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it did, and really straightforward.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: And that everything you just talked about, that's flying domestic.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: You're not even talking about crossing a border, and now I have to have a real ID, which is indistinguishable from my driver's license.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: I had to go to the DMV to get one.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if they do that in Canada, but you had they just were like, oh yeah, you need a different ID now.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's indistinguishable from driver's license.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's just a different thing to go to the MVA for, or they won't let you fly.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um I just gotta say, at the risk of sounding sinister, you used to be able to go to an airport and just collect a van load of 12-year-olds and then take them wherever you wanted to.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: And now you have to bypass a million TSA agents, and God help me, like I get why they do it.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: I I it's not like I begrudged them that.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: And yet also, fuck man, what has any of this prevented?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: I know it prevented me from having a soda.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I know it's prevented me from like doing extra shopping on my way in.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, do we catch we must we must catch people with these things?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: But like I had a friend, this is a true story.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: He got Travis, you're out there.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: You were the one that made fun of our song, and you're a dick.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: But Travis, our song is great.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you don't you don't get a pass just because you're one of the funniest people I've ever met.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: But nope, nope.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Travis got a got a knife as a present.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: He described this to me.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: Got a knife as a present, tossed it in his bag, didn't think about it.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: A couple days later, he gets on a plane, he orders some kind of fucking cheese box or whatever it is that you can order, and he has trouble getting the cellophane off of it.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, What the fuck am I gonna do?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: And he remembers, oh, I have a knife.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: And he gets as far as going into the overhead compartment to get his knife out to open the thing, and then realizes he shouldn't have a knife on a plane, but they didn't catch it, so he just leaves it in his thing and then go uses his teeth to open it.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: So, all this is to say, kids out there, if you're if you're under the age of, I am gonna say 35 and you're listening to this, we used to just be able to ride planes like normal human beings.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: And even though it was a little cramped, we didn't have to do all the rig and roll.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: And because a couple of jackasses um decided to commit the largest domestic murder in the United States history, and another guy decided to try to make a bomb out of his shoe.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: Now you're gonna lose hours of your life every time you want to travel to another destination.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: And that is frankly the additional cost of those attacks.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: And it's never going to go back to that.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's not going to get easier.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's not gonna be like, you know what?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Someone's gonna come in and be like, let's just get rid of all these security measures.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna be fine.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: Because now people's nerves are frayed.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like people are already on edge in an airport, and no one is their best self in an airport these days at all.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I am actually, you should see my kind of sparkle.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's just your that's your natural.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I I believe you'd have a hard time, you know, pushing that down just anyway.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I it's just your natural joie de vie that you have.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, thank you.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um what do you think it would take for that to go away?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's a great question.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: I think that we would have to have some kind of enhanced security measure that doesn't require that kind of checking.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like maybe that I, you know, and I I don't welcome this, but like that we have facial recognition software.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: There might be a thing where you walk into the airport and the the scanners can just tell whether you have a knife or not.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: That was, I mean, you definitely that's not the question I asked, though.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry, what would it take for your Juwan de Vieve to go away?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I thought you were like, what would it take for them to loosen the security by the channel?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's never happening.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what no no, we're not problem solving here.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: We're just gonna marinate in it and get crusty about it for a little bit.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know what sucks the life right out of you.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: You, I mean, this is probably two separate episodes, but you saw my recent altercation with my neighbor, and you saw the toll that that took on me when I when I got into the first shouting match of my adult life outside of my office.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: I hope he hate listens to us.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: That'd be so great.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, he's a moron.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: No, I I'm gonna add it.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: I can add the soundbite right in here.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, that guy's absolutely a moron.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, yeah.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, of course, I mean, he and I have gotten to the place where we nod at each other when we pass each other on the alleyway, which is fine.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: But like Oh, okay.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: No, this guy's a dumbass.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: You saw that.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: You saw what I looked like when my Joadviv was sucked out of me, and that was a very hard couple of weeks.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: Um I also saw, and I meant this as an originally as a joke, but I actually I think there is some no, like I meant what I'm about to say as a joke.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry, here's what I should have said.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: But I actually think there's some truth to it.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: I was going to say, I also saw the life drain from your eyes when Jay and I first walked into the Jersey mics that you and Michelle were waiting into, so we could meet for the first time.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: You were, but actually, you were in a really crappy place at that time.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, like that was the that was the election.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: So actually, that was I was meaning it as a.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: Did I look did I look fucked up that day?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was feeling fucked up that day.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: I just to provide background for folks, the first time I met Evelyn face to face, you know, we had known each other online because she's in Canada and I'm in the US, but like the first day that we actually met was the day following the second Trump election.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so Ichelle, uh, my business manager, and I, who are both Americans, were like beside ourselves.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then we had to go do like three days of hard work with Evelyn and her husband, which turned out to be a delight, but it was it was like gallows humor.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like it was, it was I was gonna say, like, ha ha, we were such a disappointment, but it was actually like, oh no, you actually did kind of have the life sucked out of you a little bit, like in not a little bit, like in a big way.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: And it would, we talked, you I mean, you and I talked later about how that was the timing, actually was not terrible.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like it worked that the timing of what happened was terrible, but the timing of us like getting together, all of us, was actually the best timing, maybe.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, definitely, it definitely cheered me um in a way that would have been hard to do other than that.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, that guy's a fucking moron.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna use that sound clip so many times in this.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, help yourself.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, that guy's absolutely a moron.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, Nick.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I feel like we've grown up in this episode a little bit.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like we covered some serious content.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: We talked about the differences between our countries.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's something we don't do in every episode.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, one of our longtime listeners says she hopes this never turns into like a news or current events podcast.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: And we can promise you.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: Is that Jill?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Jill.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know what, Jill?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: How about this?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: How about how about how about you don't write the scripts for my podcast?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: What does Jill do for a living?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you gotta be careful.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: She works with supported adults.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I won't come around to where you work and support the adults.
• 19:58
  unknown: Okay.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna walk in and they're gonna be like, Nick's changed my life.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: He's done everything.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Why aren't you like this?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: He's providing me with so much support, and I'll be like rolling up my sleeves, like, yeah, that's how you do it.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: Why don't you go to start a podcast, Jill?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: We love Jill, remember?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like, no, Jill, of course I love Jill.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: Jill's our biggest supporter.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: Jill's daughter, Jill's 11-year-old daughter listens to this podcast and filled out the fun puzzle.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: You don't tell me how to make a podcast, and I won't go to your home and provide competent, loving parenting to your daughter.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Let's stay in our lanes here.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, you know what?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, anyway, I was gonna say it's never gonna become uh a reliable news source for all of you there.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: So so you can you can take that to the bank and uh that's the reverse jackass guarantee.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: But we will, you know, I think the main thing here is that we're just trying to teach people how to talk to people who live in different situations that maybe would be challenging, seen as challenging.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um I don't want to put it that way.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: People who because it sounds like you live on the streets.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um people yeah, don't make me sound disenfranchised.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: This podcast is a place for us to show you what it's like to have conversations between two people who are really good friends and who tolerate each other exceptionally well and whose countries maybe just have had a better relationship in the past.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, and aspire to again.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: That's the important point.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: And when we reach that point, um, this podcast will no longer exist.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it will actually implode.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, speaking of imploding, Evelyn, why don't you implode us out of this uh out of this episode?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thanks for hanging out with us, everyone.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for just listening to us.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, what's the word I want to say?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Chunter on.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: Nope what?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: Bloviate.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's a good word.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: You say bloviate, you say bloviate, I say chunter.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Bloviate.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, let's just put the theme music in right here.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: Some neighbors are besties.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Stuck together through geography.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: One of us has nukes, and the other has tokes.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's American and Canadian diplomacy.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: It's revolution.