Latest / Becoming Financially Confident / What Do I Do When My Spouse and I Can't Agree on Debt Priorities?

Transcript

What Do I Do When My Spouse and I Can't Agree on Debt Priorities? · Becoming Financially Confident

• 0:37
  Money
• 0:37
  is
• 0:38
  cited
• 0:38
  as
• 0:38
  one
• 0:39
  of
• 0:39
  the
• 0:39
  leading
• 0:39
  causes
• 0:40
  of
• 0:40
  divorce,
• 0:41
  but
• 0:42
  it
• 0:42
  usually
• 0:42
  isn't
• 0:42
  the
• 0:43
  numbers
• 0:43
  that
• 0:43
  pull
• 0:43
  couples
• 0:44
  apart.
• 0:45
  It's
• 0:45
  the
• 0:45
  lack
• 0:46
  of
• 0:46
  a
• 0:46
  shared
• 0:46
  vision.
• 0:47
  And
• 0:48
  if
• 0:48
  every
• 0:48
  conversation
• 0:49
  about
• 0:49
  debt
• 0:50
  feels
• 0:50
  like
• 0:50
  a
• 0:50
  battlefield,
• 0:52
  it's
• 0:52
  time
• 0:52
  to
• 0:53
  stop
• 0:53
  fighting
• 0:53
  each
• 0:53
  other
• 0:54
  and
• 0:54
  start
• 0:54
  fighting
• 0:55
  the
• 0:55
  debt
• 0:55
  together.
• 0:57
  So
• 0:57
  today
• 0:57
  on
• 0:57
  the
• 0:57
  show,
• 0:57
  we're
• 0:58
  learning
• 0:58
  how
• 0:58
  to
• 0:58
  turn
• 0:58
  financial
• 0:59
  conflict
• 1:00
  into
• 1:00
  a
• 1:01
  threefold
• 1:01
  court
• 1:02
  of
• 1:02
  unity.
• 1:25
  Hey,
• 1:25
  friend.
• 1:25
  Ralph
• 1:26
  Estep
• 1:26
  Jr.
• 1:27
  Here.
• 1:27
  Welcome
• 1:28
  to
• 1:28
  Financially
• 1:28
  Confident
• 1:29
  Christian,
• 1:30
  where
• 1:30
  daily
• 1:30
  we're
• 1:31
  trying
• 1:31
  to
• 1:31
  break
• 1:31
  that
• 1:32
  cycle
• 1:32
  of
• 1:32
  financial
• 1:33
  shame
• 1:33
  and
• 1:34
  help
• 1:34
  you
• 1:34
  truly
• 1:35
  find
• 1:35
  confidence.
• 1:37
  Today's
• 1:37
  all
• 1:37
  about
• 1:38
  finding
• 1:38
  confidence,
• 1:39
  and
• 1:40
  it's
• 1:40
  about
• 1:40
  moving
• 1:40
  from
• 1:41
  opponents
• 1:41
  to
• 1:42
  teammates
• 1:42
  in
• 1:42
  the
• 1:43
  battle
• 1:43
  against
• 1:43
  debt.
• 1:44
  Let's
• 1:45
  get
• 1:45
  right
• 1:45
  to
• 1:45
  today's
• 1:46
  listener
• 1:46
  question.
• 1:47
  Listener
• 1:48
  wrote
• 1:48
  this.
• 1:48
  Ralph,
• 1:49
  every
• 1:50
  time
• 1:50
  we
• 1:50
  try
• 1:50
  to
• 1:50
  talk
• 1:51
  about
• 1:51
  debt
• 1:51
  payoff,
• 1:52
  my
• 1:53
  spouse
• 1:53
  and
• 1:53
  I
• 1:53
  end
• 1:53
  up
• 1:54
  in
• 1:54
  a
• 1:54
  fight.
• 1:55
  We
• 1:55
  have
• 1:56
  different
• 1:56
  priorities,
• 1:57
  and
• 1:57
  it
• 1:57
  gets
• 1:57
  tense
• 1:58
  fast.
• 1:59
  I'm
• 2:00
  tired
• 2:00
  of
• 2:00
  the
• 2:00
  fights,
• 2:01
  but
• 2:02
  I
• 2:02
  also
• 2:02
  can't
• 2:02
  just
• 2:03
  ignore
• 2:03
  this.
• 2:05
  How
• 2:05
  can
• 2:05
  I
• 2:05
  start
• 2:05
  the
• 2:06
  conversation
• 2:06
  differently
• 2:07
  so
• 2:07
  we
• 2:08
  can
• 2:08
  actually
• 2:08
  be
• 2:08
  a
• 2:09
  team
• 2:09
  rather
• 2:10
  than
• 2:10
  opponents?
• 2:11
  I
• 2:12
  truly
• 2:12
  need
• 2:12
  us
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  find
• 2:13
  common
• 2:13
  ground,
• 2:14
  but
• 2:14
  right
• 2:14
  now,
• 2:15
  it
• 2:15
  feels
• 2:16
  impossible.
• 2:19
  I
• 2:19
  think
• 2:19
  all
• 2:19
  of
• 2:20
  us
• 2:20
  can
• 2:20
  appreciate
• 2:21
  where
• 2:21
  this
• 2:21
  person's
• 2:22
  coming
• 2:22
  from.
• 2:24
  They
• 2:24
  want
• 2:24
  to
• 2:24
  get
• 2:24
  the
• 2:24
  debt
• 2:25
  paid
• 2:25
  off,
• 2:26
  but
• 2:26
  they
• 2:26
  feel
• 2:26
  like
• 2:26
  whenever
• 2:27
  they
• 2:27
  talk
• 2:27
  about
• 2:27
  it
• 2:28
  with
• 2:28
  their
• 2:28
  significant
• 2:28
  other,
• 2:29
  it
• 2:29
  just
• 2:29
  becomes
• 2:29
  a
• 2:30
  problem.
• 2:31
  So
• 2:31
  here's
• 2:32
  the
• 2:32
  big
• 2:32
  idea
• 2:32
  I
• 2:33
  want
• 2:33
  us
• 2:33
  to
• 2:33
  agree
• 2:34
  to
• 2:34
  at
• 2:34
  the
• 2:34
  beginning.
• 2:35
  Unity
• 2:36
  in
• 2:36
  marriage
• 2:37
  is
• 2:37
  more
• 2:37
  valuable
• 2:38
  than
• 2:38
  any
• 2:39
  mathematical
• 2:39
  debt
• 2:40
  payoff
• 2:40
  strategy.
• 2:41
  We've
• 2:42
  got
• 2:42
  to
• 2:42
  start
• 2:42
  there.
• 2:43
  Yes,
• 2:44
  debt
• 2:44
  payoff
• 2:45
  is
• 2:45
  important.
• 2:46
  The
• 2:46
  math
• 2:46
  of
• 2:47
  that's
• 2:47
  important.
• 2:47
  But
• 2:47
  if
• 2:48
  we're
• 2:48
  not
• 2:48
  unified,
• 2:50
  the
• 2:50
  marriage
• 2:50
  isn't
• 2:51
  going
• 2:51
  to
• 2:51
  work.
• 2:52
  The
• 2:52
  relationship
• 2:53
  is
• 2:53
  going
• 2:53
  to
• 2:54
  fail.
• 2:55
  So
• 2:55
  we've
• 2:56
  got
• 2:56
  to
• 2:56
  figure
• 2:56
  out,
• 2:57
  how
• 2:57
  do
• 2:57
  we
• 2:57
  make
• 2:57
  this
• 2:57
  work
• 2:58
  for
• 2:58
  both
• 2:58
  of
• 2:59
  us?
• 2:59
  So
• 3:00
  let's
• 3:00
  talk
• 3:00
  about
• 3:00
  how
• 3:00
  we
• 3:00
  do
• 3:01
  that.
• 3:02
  The
• 3:02
  first
• 3:02
  thing
• 3:02
  we've
• 3:03
  got
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  do,
• 3:03
  we've
• 3:03
  got
• 3:04
  to
• 3:04
  shift
• 3:04
  the
• 3:04
  focus
• 3:05
  from
• 3:05
  tactics
• 3:06
  to
• 3:06
  dreams.
• 3:08
  See,
• 3:08
  tactics
• 3:09
  to
• 3:09
  me
• 3:09
  is
• 3:09
  a
• 3:09
  very
• 3:10
  negative
• 3:10
  word.
• 3:12
  I
• 3:12
  think
• 3:12
  about
• 3:12
  tactics,
• 3:13
  and
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  think,
• 3:13
  well,
• 3:13
  that's
• 3:14
  a
• 3:14
  way
• 3:14
  to
• 3:15
  beat
• 3:16
  somebody.
• 3:16
  That's
• 3:16
  a
• 3:16
  way
• 3:17
  to
• 3:17
  win
• 3:17
  a
• 3:17
  battle.
• 3:19
  But
• 3:19
  what
• 3:19
  I
• 3:19
  think
• 3:20
  we're
• 3:20
  talking
• 3:20
  about
• 3:20
  here
• 3:20
  is
• 3:21
  a
• 3:21
  shared
• 3:21
  vision,
• 3:22
  a
• 3:22
  dream.
• 3:24
  So
• 3:24
  before
• 3:24
  you
• 3:25
  argue
• 3:25
  about
• 3:25
  the
• 3:26
  snowball
• 3:26
  method
• 3:27
  or
• 3:27
  the
• 3:27
  avalanche
• 3:28
  method,
• 3:29
  here's
• 3:29
  one
• 3:29
  of
• 3:29
  the
• 3:29
  things
• 3:29
  I'm
• 3:30
  going
• 3:30
  to
• 3:30
  encourage
• 3:30
  you
• 3:30
  to
• 3:30
  do.
• 3:31
  Talk
• 3:32
  about
• 3:32
  what
• 3:32
  life
• 3:32
  looks
• 3:33
  like
• 3:33
  when
• 3:33
  you're
• 3:33
  debt
• 3:34
  free.
• 3:35
  Talk
• 3:35
  about
• 3:36
  the
• 3:36
  things
• 3:36
  you
• 3:36
  could
• 3:36
  do.
• 3:37
  Talk
• 3:38
  about
• 3:38
  the
• 3:38
  stress
• 3:39
  that
• 3:39
  will
• 3:39
  be
• 3:39
  relieved
• 3:39
  and
• 3:40
  the
• 3:40
  creeping.
• 3:40
  The
• 3:41
  relationship
• 3:41
  that
• 3:41
  would
• 3:41
  just
• 3:42
  blossom
• 3:42
  from
• 3:42
  that.
• 3:44
  Ask
• 3:44
  yourself,
• 3:45
  hey,
• 3:45
  what
• 3:45
  could
• 3:45
  we
• 3:46
  build
• 3:46
  for
• 3:46
  the
• 3:47
  kingdom
• 3:47
  if
• 3:47
  we
• 3:47
  didn't
• 3:47
  have
• 3:47
  this
• 3:48
  debt
• 3:48
  burden
• 3:48
  around
• 3:49
  us.
• 3:50
  Where
• 3:50
  can
• 3:50
  we
• 3:50
  travel?
• 3:52
  When
• 3:52
  you
• 3:52
  do
• 3:53
  those
• 3:53
  things,
• 3:54
  you
• 3:54
  build
• 3:55
  a
• 3:55
  shared
• 3:56
  why,
• 3:57
  and
• 3:57
  it
• 3:57
  reinforces
• 3:58
  the
• 3:58
  whole
• 3:59
  need
• 3:59
  to
• 3:59
  do
• 3:59
  it
• 3:59
  in
• 3:59
  the
• 4:00
  first
• 4:00
  place.
• 4:00
  So
• 4:00
  start.
• 4:01
  There
• 4:02
  is
• 4:03
  nothing
• 4:03
  you've
• 4:03
  got
• 4:04
  to
• 4:04
  accept.
• 4:05
  You've
• 4:06
  got
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  acknowledge
• 4:07
  your
• 4:07
  different
• 4:07
  money
• 4:08
  personalities.
• 4:10
  All
• 4:10
  of
• 4:10
  us
• 4:10
  are
• 4:11
  different.
• 4:12
  All
• 4:12
  of
• 4:12
  us
• 4:12
  have
• 4:13
  different
• 4:13
  personalities,
• 4:14
  especially
• 4:14
  when
• 4:14
  it
• 4:15
  comes
• 4:15
  to
• 4:15
  money
• 4:16
  things
• 4:16
  that
• 4:16
  I
• 4:16
  see
• 4:16
  all
• 4:16
  the
• 4:17
  time,
• 4:17
  husband
• 4:18
  and
• 4:18
  wife.
• 4:19
  One
• 4:20
  person's
• 4:20
  a
• 4:20
  saver,
• 4:21
  one
• 4:21
  person's
• 4:21
  a
• 4:22
  spender.
• 4:22
  We've
• 4:22
  talked
• 4:22
  about
• 4:22
  that
• 4:23
  on
• 4:23
  the
• 4:23
  show.
• 4:24
  One
• 4:25
  of
• 4:25
  you
• 4:25
  might
• 4:25
  be
• 4:25
  a
• 4:25
  security
• 4:26
  seeker,
• 4:27
  while
• 4:27
  the
• 4:27
  other
• 4:28
  one's
• 4:28
  a
• 4:28
  big
• 4:28
  dreamer.
• 4:30
  Now,
• 4:30
  I'm
• 4:30
  not
• 4:30
  saying
• 4:31
  that
• 4:31
  either
• 4:31
  of
• 4:31
  those
• 4:31
  is
• 4:31
  wrong,
• 4:33
  but
• 4:33
  both
• 4:34
  perspectives
• 4:34
  are
• 4:35
  needed
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  build
• 4:35
  a
• 4:35
  balanced
• 4:36
  plan.
• 4:36
  Because,
• 4:36
  yeah,
• 4:37
  you
• 4:37
  can
• 4:37
  be
• 4:38
  that
• 4:38
  super
• 4:38
  security
• 4:39
  seeker
• 4:40
  and
• 4:40
  every
• 4:41
  dollar
• 4:41
  is
• 4:41
  accounted
• 4:42
  for
• 4:42
  and
• 4:43
  everything
• 4:43
  is
• 4:43
  done
• 4:44
  exactly
• 4:44
  with
• 4:45
  the
• 4:45
  budget.
• 4:46
  But
• 4:47
  I
• 4:47
  don't
• 4:47
  think
• 4:47
  that's
• 4:47
  a
• 4:47
  very
• 4:48
  balanced
• 4:48
  plan.
• 4:50
  And
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  other
• 4:50
  person
• 4:50
  that's
• 4:51
  the
• 4:51
  dreamer
• 4:51
  is
• 4:51
  going
• 4:52
  to
• 4:52
  find
• 4:52
  resentment
• 4:53
  in
• 4:53
  that.
• 4:54
  So
• 4:54
  you've
• 4:54
  got
• 4:55
  to
• 4:55
  start
• 4:55
  off
• 4:55
  by
• 4:55
  acknowledging
• 4:56
  there
• 4:56
  are
• 4:56
  differences
• 4:57
  here.
• 4:58
  There
• 4:58
  are
• 4:59
  differences
• 4:59
  between
• 4:59
  you
• 5:00
  in
• 5:00
  the
• 5:00
  relationship
• 5:01
  over
• 5:02
  and
• 5:02
  above
• 5:02
  money.
• 5:03
  Embrace
• 5:04
  those
• 5:04
  things.
• 5:06
  Here's
• 5:06
  another
• 5:06
  thing
• 5:06
  I'm
• 5:07
  going
• 5:07
  to
• 5:07
  encourage
• 5:07
  you
• 5:07
  to
• 5:07
  do.
• 5:08
  Establish
• 5:09
  a
• 5:09
  neutral
• 5:10
  ground
• 5:11
  meeting.
• 5:13
  What
• 5:13
  I
• 5:13
  mean
• 5:13
  here
• 5:13
  is
• 5:14
  this
• 5:14
  is
• 5:14
  not
• 5:14
  the
• 5:15
  time
• 5:15
  to
• 5:15
  bring
• 5:15
  up
• 5:15
  debt
• 5:15
  when
• 5:16
  you're
• 5:16
  falling
• 5:16
  asleep
• 5:17
  or
• 5:17
  when
• 5:18
  you're
• 5:18
  rushing
• 5:18
  out
• 5:18
  the
• 5:19
  door.
• 5:20
  This
• 5:20
  is
• 5:20
  where
• 5:21
  I
• 5:21
  see
• 5:21
  a
• 5:21
  lot
• 5:21
  of
• 5:21
  people
• 5:22
  struggle.
• 5:23
  They
• 5:23
  got
• 5:23
  that
• 5:24
  bill
• 5:24
  in
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  mail,
• 5:24
  and
• 5:25
  then
• 5:25
  it
• 5:25
  becomes
• 5:25
  a
• 5:25
  fight
• 5:25
  on
• 5:26
  because,
• 5:26
  man,
• 5:26
  we
• 5:26
  got
• 5:27
  to
• 5:27
  figure
• 5:27
  out
• 5:27
  how
• 5:27
  we're
• 5:27
  going
• 5:27
  to
• 5:27
  pay
• 5:27
  this.
• 5:28
  That
• 5:29
  is
• 5:29
  not
• 5:29
  a
• 5:29
  good
• 5:29
  plan.
• 5:30
  This
• 5:30
  is
• 5:30
  not
• 5:30
  the
• 5:31
  time
• 5:31
  to
• 5:32
  ambush
• 5:32
  your
• 5:33
  partner
• 5:33
  at
• 5:33
  bedtime
• 5:34
  and
• 5:34
  say,
• 5:34
  hey,
• 5:34
  before
• 5:34
  we
• 5:34
  go
• 5:35
  to
• 5:35
  sleep
• 5:35
  tonight,
• 5:35
  we
• 5:35
  got
• 5:35
  to
• 5:36
  talk
• 5:36
  about
• 5:36
  something
• 5:38
  that's
• 5:38
  not
• 5:38
  going
• 5:38
  to
• 5:38
  work.
• 5:39
  Well,
• 5:39
  it
• 5:39
  doesn't
• 5:39
  work
• 5:39
  for
• 5:40
  me.
• 5:40
  I'll
• 5:40
  give
• 5:40
  you
• 5:40
  an
• 5:40
  example
• 5:40
  of
• 5:41
  this.
• 5:41
  Sometimes
• 5:41
  I
• 5:42
  love
• 5:42
  my
• 5:42
  wife.
• 5:42
  We've
• 5:43
  been
• 5:43
  together
• 5:43
  25
• 5:43
  years.
• 5:44
  But
• 5:45
  there
• 5:45
  are
• 5:45
  times
• 5:46
  about
• 5:46
  one
• 5:47
  minute
• 5:47
  before
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  fall
• 5:48
  asleep,
• 5:48
  she'll
• 5:48
  say,
• 5:48
  hey,
• 5:49
  hey,
• 5:49
  we
• 5:49
  got
• 5:49
  to
• 5:49
  talk
• 5:49
  about
• 5:49
  something.
• 5:51
  And
• 5:51
  I
• 5:51
  feel
• 5:51
  bad
• 5:52
  because
• 5:52
  I
• 5:52
  am
• 5:52
  not
• 5:53
  in
• 5:53
  a
• 5:53
  frame
• 5:53
  of
• 5:53
  mind.
• 5:53
  I
• 5:54
  am
• 5:54
  in
• 5:54
  the
• 5:54
  shutdown
• 5:54
  mode.
• 5:55
  I'm
• 5:55
  in
• 5:55
  the
• 5:55
  let's
• 5:56
  go
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  sleep
• 5:56
  mode.
• 5:57
  I'm
• 5:57
  not
• 5:58
  giving
• 5:58
  her
• 5:58
  my
• 5:58
  full
• 5:58
  attention.
• 6:00
  Don't
• 6:01
  do
• 6:01
  that.
• 6:01
  If
• 6:01
  you
• 6:01
  want
• 6:02
  to
• 6:02
  solve
• 6:02
  these
• 6:02
  money
• 6:03
  problems,
• 6:04
  schedule
• 6:05
  a
• 6:05
  money
• 6:05
  date.
• 6:06
  I
• 6:06
  like
• 6:07
  to
• 6:07
  do
• 6:07
  it
• 6:07
  somewhere
• 6:07
  away
• 6:08
  from
• 6:08
  home,
• 6:08
  in
• 6:09
  a
• 6:09
  neutral
• 6:09
  place
• 6:10
  like
• 6:10
  a
• 6:10
  coffee
• 6:11
  shop
• 6:11
  or
• 6:12
  park.
• 6:13
  Both
• 6:14
  of
• 6:14
  us
• 6:14
  need
• 6:14
  to
• 6:14
  agree
• 6:14
  to
• 6:15
  this.
• 6:15
  You
• 6:15
  got
• 6:15
  to
• 6:15
  agree
• 6:15
  to
• 6:16
  stay
• 6:16
  calm
• 6:16
  and
• 6:17
  curious
• 6:17
  and
• 6:18
  not
• 6:18
  get
• 6:18
  accusatory.
• 6:19
  We've
• 6:19
  Talked
• 6:19
  about
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  on
• 6:20
  the
• 6:20
  show
• 6:20
  before,
• 6:21
  which
• 6:22
  leads
• 6:22
  me
• 6:22
  to
• 6:22
  this.
• 6:23
  This
• 6:23
  is
• 6:23
  a
• 6:23
  technique
• 6:24
  you
• 6:24
  can
• 6:24
  use.
• 6:26
  This
• 6:26
  is
• 6:26
  very
• 6:27
  effective
• 6:27
  in
• 6:27
  relationships
• 6:28
  in
• 6:28
  general.
• 6:29
  And
• 6:29
  listen,
• 6:29
  I've
• 6:29
  learned
• 6:30
  this
• 6:30
  the
• 6:30
  hard
• 6:30
  way.
• 6:32
  Use
• 6:32
  I
• 6:32
  statements
• 6:33
  instead
• 6:33
  of
• 6:34
  you
• 6:34
  statements.
• 6:36
  This
• 6:37
  has
• 6:37
  been
• 6:37
  a
• 6:37
  real
• 6:37
  challenge
• 6:38
  for
• 6:38
  me.
• 6:39
  It's
• 6:39
  real
• 6:40
  easy
• 6:40
  for
• 6:40
  me
• 6:40
  to
• 6:40
  go
• 6:41
  to,
• 6:41
  well,
• 6:41
  you
• 6:41
  did
• 6:42
  this
• 6:42
  and
• 6:43
  you
• 6:43
  did
• 6:43
  that,
• 6:44
  or
• 6:44
  you
• 6:44
  spend
• 6:45
  too
• 6:45
  much.
• 6:47
  You
• 6:47
  spent
• 6:47
  this
• 6:47
  again,
• 6:48
  Ralph,
• 6:48
  I
• 6:48
  can't
• 6:48
  believe
• 6:49
  you
• 6:49
  did
• 6:49
  that.
• 6:51
  As
• 6:51
  soon
• 6:51
  as
• 6:51
  you
• 6:51
  hear
• 6:52
  the
• 6:52
  word
• 6:52
  you,
• 6:52
  the
• 6:53
  defense
• 6:53
  mechanisms
• 6:54
  kick
• 6:54
  in
• 6:54
  for
• 6:55
  the
• 6:55
  other
• 6:55
  person.
• 6:57
  Here's
• 6:57
  a
• 6:57
  way
• 6:57
  to
• 6:57
  change
• 6:57
  that
• 6:58
  feeling.
• 6:59
  Instead
• 6:59
  of
• 6:59
  saying
• 7:00
  you
• 7:00
  spend
• 7:01
  too
• 7:01
  much,
• 7:02
  try
• 7:02
  this.
• 7:02
  I
• 7:03
  feel
• 7:03
  anxious.
• 7:04
  When
• 7:04
  our
• 7:05
  credit
• 7:05
  card
• 7:05
  balance
• 7:06
  grows,
• 7:07
  you
• 7:07
  feel
• 7:07
  the
• 7:07
  difference
• 7:08
  there.
• 7:09
  It's
• 7:09
  not
• 7:09
  accusatory.
• 7:11
  In
• 7:11
  fact,
• 7:11
  it's
• 7:11
  the
• 7:11
  opposite.
• 7:12
  You're
• 7:13
  putting
• 7:13
  out
• 7:13
  their
• 7:14
  feelings
• 7:14
  of
• 7:14
  how
• 7:14
  you
• 7:15
  feel
• 7:15
  about
• 7:15
  this.
• 7:16
  And
• 7:17
  when
• 7:17
  you
• 7:17
  do
• 7:17
  that,
• 7:18
  it
• 7:18
  lowers
• 7:18
  those
• 7:18
  defensive
• 7:19
  walls
• 7:20
  and
• 7:20
  it
• 7:20
  invites
• 7:21
  collaboration
• 7:22
  with
• 7:22
  why?
• 7:22
  Because
• 7:23
  if
• 7:23
  you
• 7:23
  love
• 7:23
  somebody.
• 7:24
  Think
• 7:24
  about
• 7:24
  this
• 7:24
  for
• 7:24
  a
• 7:25
  second.
• 7:25
  I'm
• 7:25
  gonna
• 7:25
  take
• 7:25
  a
• 7:25
  little
• 7:25
  tangent
• 7:26
  here
• 7:26
  for
• 7:26
  a
• 7:26
  second.
• 7:27
  If
• 7:27
  you
• 7:28
  love
• 7:28
  somebody,
• 7:29
  you
• 7:30
  want
• 7:30
  them
• 7:30
  to
• 7:30
  not
• 7:31
  feel
• 7:31
  anxious,
• 7:32
  you
• 7:32
  want
• 7:33
  them
• 7:33
  to
• 7:33
  feel
• 7:33
  secure,
• 7:34
  you
• 7:34
  want
• 7:34
  them
• 7:34
  to
• 7:35
  feel
• 7:35
  strong
• 7:35
  in
• 7:36
  a
• 7:36
  relationship.
• 7:37
  And
• 7:38
  when
• 7:38
  they
• 7:38
  put
• 7:38
  it
• 7:38
  out
• 7:39
  there,
• 7:39
  I
• 7:39
  feel
• 7:39
  anxious.
• 7:41
  I
• 7:41
  know
• 7:41
  in
• 7:42
  my
• 7:42
  mind,
• 7:42
  I
• 7:42
  say,
• 7:42
  well,
• 7:43
  how
• 7:43
  can
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  help
• 7:43
  this
• 7:43
  person
• 7:44
  if
• 7:45
  this
• 7:45
  is
• 7:45
  the
• 7:45
  person
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  love?
• 7:46
  How
• 7:46
  can
• 7:46
  I
• 7:46
  make
• 7:46
  this
• 7:47
  person
• 7:47
  not
• 7:48
  feel
• 7:48
  anxious?
• 7:49
  It
• 7:50
  invites
• 7:50
  that
• 7:51
  collaboration.
• 7:53
  And
• 7:53
  practically,
• 7:53
  here's
• 7:54
  another
• 7:54
  thing
• 7:54
  you
• 7:54
  can
• 7:54
  do.
• 7:55
  Agree
• 7:56
  on
• 7:56
  a
• 7:56
  small
• 7:57
  win
• 7:57
  to
• 7:57
  get
• 7:57
  started.
• 7:59
  Sometimes
• 8:00
  it's
• 8:00
  hard
• 8:00
  to
• 8:00
  agree
• 8:00
  on
• 8:00
  the
• 8:01
  big
• 8:01
  picture.
• 8:02
  One
• 8:02
  of
• 8:03
  you
• 8:03
  might
• 8:03
  be
• 8:03
  the
• 8:03
  debt
• 8:04
  snowball.
• 8:04
  One
• 8:05
  of
• 8:05
  them,
• 8:05
  you
• 8:05
  might
• 8:05
  be
• 8:05
  the
• 8:06
  debt
• 8:06
  avalanche.
• 8:06
  And
• 8:07
  there
• 8:07
  are
• 8:07
  honest
• 8:08
  truths
• 8:08
  on
• 8:09
  both
• 8:09
  sides
• 8:09
  of
• 8:09
  that.
• 8:10
  But
• 8:11
  maybe
• 8:11
  what
• 8:11
  you
• 8:11
  got
• 8:12
  to
• 8:12
  do
• 8:12
  is
• 8:12
  pick
• 8:12
  the
• 8:12
  smallest
• 8:13
  debt
• 8:13
  or
• 8:13
  the
• 8:13
  most
• 8:14
  annoying
• 8:14
  bill
• 8:15
  and
• 8:15
  tackle
• 8:16
  it
• 8:16
  together.
• 8:17
  First,
• 8:18
  as
• 8:18
  we
• 8:18
  talked
• 8:18
  about
• 8:19
  just
• 8:19
  the
• 8:19
  other
• 8:19
  day,
• 8:20
  those
• 8:21
  immediate
• 8:21
  successes,
• 8:23
  they
• 8:23
  breed
• 8:24
  momentum
• 8:25
  and
• 8:25
  they
• 8:25
  build
• 8:26
  trust
• 8:26
  in
• 8:26
  each
• 8:26
  other.
• 8:26
  And
• 8:27
  a
• 8:27
  lot
• 8:27
  of
• 8:27
  times
• 8:28
  that's
• 8:28
  what
• 8:28
  we've
• 8:28
  got
• 8:28
  to
• 8:29
  start
• 8:29
  off
• 8:29
  with.
• 8:29
  We
• 8:29
  got
• 8:29
  to
• 8:29
  figure
• 8:30
  out,
• 8:30
  how
• 8:30
  do
• 8:31
  we
• 8:31
  build
• 8:31
  trust.
• 8:33
  Here's
• 8:33
  my
• 8:33
  encouragement
• 8:34
  for
• 8:34
  you
• 8:34
  today.
• 8:36
  A
• 8:36
  house
• 8:36
  divided
• 8:37
  cannot
• 8:37
  stand,
• 8:39
  but
• 8:39
  a
• 8:39
  couple
• 8:40
  United
• 8:40
  States
• 8:41
  can
• 8:41
  move
• 8:41
  mountains
• 8:42
  of
• 8:42
  debt.
• 8:42
  I've
• 8:43
  seen
• 8:43
  it
• 8:43
  in
• 8:43
  my
• 8:43
  own
• 8:44
  life.
• 8:45
  So
• 8:45
  here's
• 8:46
  your
• 8:46
  win
• 8:46
  for
• 8:46
  today.
• 8:47
  This
• 8:47
  week.
• 8:48
  If
• 8:48
  you've
• 8:49
  got
• 8:49
  a
• 8:49
  debt
• 8:49
  problem,
• 8:50
  I
• 8:50
  want
• 8:51
  you
• 8:51
  to
• 8:51
  sit
• 8:51
  down
• 8:51
  with
• 8:51
  your
• 8:52
  spouse
• 8:52
  for
• 8:52
  15
• 8:53
  minutes.
• 8:54
  Now,
• 8:54
  this
• 8:54
  isn't
• 8:55
  a
• 8:55
  time
• 8:55
  to
• 8:55
  look
• 8:55
  at
• 8:55
  a
• 8:56
  spreadsheet,
• 8:56
  but
• 8:57
  I
• 8:57
  want
• 8:57
  you
• 8:57
  to
• 8:57
  answer
• 8:58
  one
• 8:58
  question
• 8:59
  together.
• 9:00
  Here's
• 9:00
  the
• 9:01
  question,
• 9:01
  and
• 9:02
  we'll
• 9:02
  put
• 9:02
  this
• 9:02
  in
• 9:02
  the
• 9:02
  show
• 9:02
  notes.
• 9:03
  Also,
• 9:04
  what
• 9:04
  is
• 9:04
  one
• 9:05
  thing
• 9:05
  we
• 9:05
  could
• 9:05
  do
• 9:05
  for
• 9:06
  God's
• 9:06
  kingdom
• 9:07
  if
• 9:07
  we
• 9:07
  didn't
• 9:08
  have
• 9:08
  any
• 9:08
  monthly
• 9:09
  payments.
• 9:10
  Think
• 9:11
  about
• 9:11
  that
• 9:11
  for
• 9:11
  a
• 9:11
  second.
• 9:11
  What's
• 9:12
  the
• 9:12
  one
• 9:12
  thing
• 9:12
  we
• 9:12
  could
• 9:13
  do
• 9:13
  for
• 9:13
  the
• 9:14
  kingdom
• 9:14
  of
• 9:14
  God
• 9:15
  if
• 9:15
  we
• 9:16
  didn't
• 9:16
  have
• 9:16
  any
• 9:16
  monthly
• 9:17
  payments?
• 9:18
  I
• 9:18
  don't
• 9:18
  know
• 9:18
  about
• 9:18
  you,
• 9:19
  but
• 9:19
  that
• 9:19
  sounds
• 9:19
  like
• 9:19
  a
• 9:19
  really
• 9:20
  fun
• 9:20
  exercise.
• 9:21
  It's
• 9:21
  kind
• 9:21
  of
• 9:22
  like,
• 9:22
  what
• 9:22
  do
• 9:22
  we
• 9:22
  do
• 9:22
  if
• 9:22
  we
• 9:22
  ever
• 9:22
  hit
• 9:23
  the
• 9:23
  lottery?
• 9:24
  Do
• 9:25
  that
• 9:25
  same
• 9:25
  thing
• 9:25
  with
• 9:25
  your
• 9:26
  debts
• 9:26
  and
• 9:26
  just
• 9:26
  dream
• 9:27
  a
• 9:27
  little
• 9:27
  bit
• 9:27
  together.
• 9:28
  Share
• 9:29
  that
• 9:29
  experience
• 9:29
  together
• 9:30
  and
• 9:30
  think
• 9:30
  about
• 9:31
  the
• 9:31
  feelings
• 9:31
  you're
• 9:31
  going
• 9:32
  to
• 9:32
  have
• 9:33
  when
• 9:33
  you
• 9:33
  don't
• 9:34
  have
• 9:34
  that
• 9:34
  dip
• 9:34
  mountain
• 9:35
  in
• 9:35
  front
• 9:35
  of
• 9:35
  you.
• 9:36
  Well,
• 9:36
  let's
• 9:37
  get
• 9:37
  right
• 9:37
  to
• 9:37
  our
• 9:37
  Bible
• 9:38
  verse
• 9:38
  today.
• 9:39
  It
• 9:39
  comes
• 9:39
  to
• 9:39
  us
• 9:39
  from
• 9:39
  the
• 9:40
  book
• 9:40
  of
• 9:40
  Ecclesiastes,
• 9:41
  chapter
• 9:42
  4,
• 9:42
  verses
• 9:43
  9
• 9:44
  and
• 9:44
  12.
• 9:46
  Two
• 9:46
  are
• 9:46
  better
• 9:47
  than
• 9:47
  one
• 9:48
  because
• 9:48
  they
• 9:49
  have
• 9:49
  a
• 9:49
  good
• 9:49
  return
• 9:49
  for
• 9:49
  their
• 9:50
  labor.
• 9:51
  If
• 9:51
  either
• 9:52
  of
• 9:52
  them
• 9:52
  falls
• 9:52
  down,
• 9:54
  one
• 9:54
  can
• 9:54
  help
• 9:54
  the
• 9:55
  other
• 9:55
  up,
• 9:56
  but
• 9:56
  pity
• 9:57
  anyone
• 9:57
  who
• 9:57
  falls
• 9:58
  and
• 9:58
  has
• 9:58
  no
• 9:58
  one
• 9:59
  to
• 9:59
  help
• 9:59
  them.
• 10:00
  A
• 10:01
  cord
• 10:01
  of
• 10:01
  three
• 10:01
  strands
• 10:03
  is
• 10:03
  not
• 10:03
  quickly
• 10:04
  broken.
• 10:06
  You
• 10:06
  know
• 10:06
  what
• 10:06
  this
• 10:06
  reminds
• 10:07
  us
• 10:07
  of?
• 10:08
  When
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  and
• 10:08
  your
• 10:09
  spouse
• 10:10
  invite
• 10:11
  God
• 10:11
  in.
• 10:11
  That's
• 10:12
  the
• 10:12
  third
• 10:12
  strand.
• 10:13
  When
• 10:13
  you
• 10:13
  do
• 10:13
  that,
• 10:13
  when
• 10:14
  you
• 10:14
  invite
• 10:14
  God
• 10:14
  into
• 10:14
  your
• 10:15
  finances,
• 10:16
  friend,
• 10:16
  you've
• 10:17
  got
• 10:17
  a
• 10:17
  strength
• 10:17
  that
• 10:17
  debt
• 10:18
  can
• 10:18
  never
• 10:18
  defeat.
• 10:19
  So
• 10:20
  I
• 10:20
  want
• 10:20
  to
• 10:20
  encourage
• 10:20
  you
• 10:20
  to
• 10:21
  do
• 10:21
  that
• 10:21
  today.
• 10:21
  How
• 10:22
  about
• 10:22
  we
• 10:22
  pray
• 10:22
  together,
• 10:24
  Lord,
• 10:24
  right
• 10:25
  now
• 10:25
  I
• 10:25
  pray
• 10:25
  for
• 10:25
  the
• 10:26
  marriage
• 10:26
  is
• 10:26
  represented
• 10:27
  by
• 10:27
  those
• 10:27
  listening
• 10:28
  today.
• 10:29
  Lord,
• 10:30
  where
• 10:30
  there
• 10:30
  is
• 10:30
  tension,
• 10:31
  I
• 10:31
  ask
• 10:31
  you
• 10:31
  to
• 10:31
  bring
• 10:31
  your
• 10:32
  peace.
• 10:33
  Where
• 10:33
  there's
• 10:34
  discord,
• 10:35
  bring
• 10:35
  your
• 10:35
  harmony.
• 10:36
  Lord,
• 10:37
  help
• 10:37
  these
• 10:38
  couples
• 10:38
  to
• 10:38
  see
• 10:38
  each
• 10:39
  other
• 10:39
  not
• 10:39
  as
• 10:39
  an
• 10:40
  enemy,
• 10:41
  but
• 10:41
  as
• 10:41
  a
• 10:41
  partner
• 10:42
  that
• 10:42
  you
• 10:42
  provided
• 10:43
  for
• 10:43
  their
• 10:43
  journey.
• 10:45
  Soften
• 10:45
  hearts,
• 10:46
  Lord,
• 10:46
  and
• 10:46
  open
• 10:47
  lines
• 10:47
  of
• 10:47
  communication.
• 10:49
  And
• 10:49
  may
• 10:49
  their
• 10:50
  unity
• 10:50
  and
• 10:50
  finances
• 10:51
  be
• 10:51
  a
• 10:51
  testimony
• 10:52
  of
• 10:52
  your
• 10:52
  grace
• 10:53
  and
• 10:53
  a
• 10:53
  foundation
• 10:54
  for
• 10:54
  their
• 10:54
  future.
• 10:56
  And
• 10:56
  I
• 10:56
  ask
• 10:56
  this
• 10:56
  in
• 10:57
  the
• 10:57
  name
• 10:57
  of
• 10:57
  Jesus.
• 10:58
  Amen,
• 11:01
  friend.
• 11:01
  You're
• 11:02
  not
• 11:02
  just
• 11:02
  paying
• 11:02
  off
• 11:02
  bills,
• 11:04
  you're
• 11:04
  building
• 11:05
  a
• 11:05
  legacy
• 11:05
  of
• 11:06
  unity.
• 11:07
  And
• 11:07
  that's
• 11:07
  what
• 11:07
  it's
• 11:07
  really
• 11:08
  all
• 11:08
  about.
• 11:09
  And
• 11:09
  I'd
• 11:10
  love
• 11:10
  to
• 11:10
  hear
• 11:10
  from
• 11:10
  you
• 11:11
  if
• 11:11
  you've
• 11:12
  got
• 11:12
  a
• 11:12
  story
• 11:13
  or
• 11:13
  a
• 11:13
  question.
• 11:13
  Hey,
• 11:14
  even
• 11:14
  if
• 11:14
  it's
• 11:14
  just
• 11:14
  a
• 11:14
  Ralph,
• 11:15
  I
• 11:15
  listened
• 11:15
  to
• 11:15
  your
• 11:15
  show
• 11:16
  and
• 11:16
  this
• 11:16
  is
• 11:16
  what
• 11:16
  happened.
• 11:17
  I
• 11:17
  would
• 11:18
  love
• 11:18
  to
• 11:18
  hear
• 11:18
  that
• 11:19
  and
• 11:19
  you
• 11:20
  can
• 11:20
  record
• 11:20
  that
• 11:20
  for
• 11:20
  me
• 11:21
  by
• 11:21
  going
• 11:21
  to
• 11:21
  financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail
• 11:27
  put
• 11:27
  that
• 11:27
  in
• 11:27
  the
• 11:27
  show
• 11:27
  notes,
• 11:28
  but
• 11:28
  just
• 11:28
  click
• 11:29
  on
• 11:29
  that
• 11:29
  and
• 11:29
  share
• 11:30
  questions.
• 11:31
  Share
• 11:31
  a
• 11:31
  story
• 11:31
  with
• 11:32
  me.
• 11:32
  I
• 11:33
  love
• 11:33
  to
• 11:33
  hear
• 11:33
  from
• 11:33
  listeners.
• 11:34
  You
• 11:34
  might
• 11:35
  actually
• 11:35
  hear
• 11:35
  it
• 11:35
  on
• 11:35
  one
• 11:35
  of
• 11:36
  our
• 11:36
  future
• 11:36
  episodes,
• 11:37
  but
• 11:37
  it's
• 11:38
  financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail
• 11:43
  and
• 11:43
  I
• 11:43
  just
• 11:43
  want
• 11:43
  to
• 11:44
  thank
• 11:44
  you
• 11:44
  so
• 11:44
  much
• 11:44
  for
• 11:44
  giving
• 11:45
  me
• 11:45
  your
• 11:45
  time.
• 11:46
  I
• 11:46
  count
• 11:46
  it
• 11:47
  as
• 11:47
  an
• 11:47
  honor
• 11:47
  and
• 11:48
  a
• 11:48
  privilege
• 11:48
  to
• 11:48
  serve
• 11:49
  you
• 11:49
  every
• 11:49
  day
• 11:49
  so
• 11:50
  stay
• 11:50
  financially
• 11:51
  savvy.
• 11:52
  May
• 11:52
  God
• 11:52
  bless
• 11:53
  you.
• 11:53
  And
• 11:54
  you
• 11:54
  have
• 11:54
  a
• 11:54
  truly
• 11:55
  great
• 11:55
  day
• 11:55
  today.