Latest / Pod Therapy / #371: Planning for Bad Days, Snacking Intervention

Transcript

#371: Planning for Bad Days, Snacking Intervention · Pod Therapy

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: That's part of the bit. I love that scam. What
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: kind of benefits?
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, whatever you can imagine.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Listen to This episode is made possible by our fiety,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: the dark Lord himself, Jim's Pasha, and our therapy partner's
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Dirty be and tickets cat from fabulous Las Vegas. No matter.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: This is pod Therapy, real people, real problems, and real therapists.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: It spent your questions anonymously at pod Therapy time net
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: or email so pod Therapy guys at gmail dot com
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and now broadcasting from the Churn. That's Jim, that's Whitney
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: on Nick. It's time for some pot there.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Happy Valentine's Day everybody. When you are listening to this,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: it is but probably twenty four hours away if you're
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: listening on a Thursday.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: So, did you get your wife?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Nothing yet, I'm I'm in deep shit, but we are
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: recording this on a Monday. But I did get all of.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: So much time.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Some Valentine.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: That's for you.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: There's Nix and Jacobite.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: So we get to tell your wife that you bought
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: us Valentine's before you bought her a Valentine.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm texting her, Yeah, just let her know.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: But yeah, a little card show my affection.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: It is.
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: Mine says I loved you, you sexy bearded beast. Yep,
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: it says be mine on the inside and signed Jim.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: That's a good card.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: And there was twenty dollars in mind. Yeah, because I care.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Mine says I want you to glaze my hole. And
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: it's a picture of a donut. Fifty dollars in mine,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: if you know what I mean, love your secret admire ps.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: It's me Jim from pot Therapy. Oh that's very that's
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: very very sweet.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and I don't think it merits a sexual
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: harassment claims time till next year.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw like I would file a claim against
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: my business partner yep, and sue our business.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Remember that we you did you take me to small claims?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Go? So what do you want from it? Again?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: An apology would be nice, A.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Different Valentine's.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Edit.
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: It Mine says to me, you're trash with a little
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: raccoon on the front, and then it says stay trashy.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Jim and the hunter Bucks fell out.
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, make sure increasingly I did
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: get Jim a Valentine's stay.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Oh did you? I forgot you Whitney.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, that's coming around the table. That's from
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: all of us, right, Jimmy. And it just says, in
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: black letters on a white back, I love you dot
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: dot dot.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: And your dick.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And it is a pop up card and I'm gonna
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: let you guess what's in here, but it is circumcised episode.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I didn't know. I didn't know you were.
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: I've had that card sitting on my desk, the cards.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: He got it thinking of you.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I imagine that he did.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is I just love that.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I love you definitely, I.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Love you and your dick.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Someone sent that to me on on I s.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: S sitting on my desk.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll find use for this.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: So if you haven't major Valentine's Day plans yet, listeners,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: this is your warning. You're down to about twenty four hours.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Better figure that. Shut out Valentine's Day on a Friday.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's a lot more pressure when it's
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: like on a Wednesday or some ship.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Then you gotta really I have won Valentine's Day this year. Everyone,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Let's hear it. What's the deal? My wife?
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: My way will be oh, one quick text.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: You can schedule that text.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Now, that's right, he says, I have it already.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Happy Valentine's Day is a picture of a homeless man's.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna steal that idea. I'm gonna text Laura out
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: of town. Can you get out of the house Valentine's
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Day plans? She understands out.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Well in love. Try to hit a nice dinner place.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Anybody have a recommendation.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Off?
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: So this this last weekend was my son's birthday. We
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: went to Morton's, the Studhouse on Flamingo.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: That was nice.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: It was really nice, got the Tomahawk Ribbi ship. It
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: was really really good. So I'm always open to suggestions
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: a place that.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: You can go and knowing that you don't currently have reservations, Yeah, yeah, I.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Better figure that out, all right. Yeah, I better get started.
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: Because I was about to suggest something, but I'm not
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: sure if they'll have reservations right now.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I did.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Italian's a good if you can find good attach
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: so like you know, like up to like Olive Garden standards.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm like. This place not Macaroni grill though
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: we don't got macaroni girl money, so you know, all.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Throw it out there.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: No, I really like in Summerland, all solito postal, all
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: solito posto and have really good drinks, like mixed drinks
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: that are tasty.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: And have you ever had a what is that lemon cello?
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Lemon drop? Is that what it's called? You had one
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: of those? It's like a martini but there's lemon. It's
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: really good.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: You should try to a millennial woman.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I am the way exactly days.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: In college where that's all sheds. Things in the stanley
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: had their jello shots.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I feel like, shallow.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: I believe it's Italian drake called natty lights.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we got some good natty lights in this Italian place.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: I have just discovered that they do have a few
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: reservations left for Valentine's Day. Cleaver is the same people
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: that own Herbs and rye about Sahara, very similar menu,
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: not exactly Steakhous was really nice of fish there as well,
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: great salads, super fancy, but yeah, like nice but not
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: crazy expensive.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: To look around. Check out Clever okay, Yeah, as good
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: or a little less than macaroni grill. Check out Clever okay. Yeah,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: how are the breadsticks better than.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know about that judge that they do have
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: excellent bread.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you remember that drive through place that used
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: to serve spaghetti that was on Blue Diamond for the
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: longest time? No spaghetti A little ranch somever by the
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Crispy Krean are.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: You talking about like it was called? Yeah, they were
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: fast drive through.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Get a fucking bowl of pasta.
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: Well it was the saltiest Italian food you've ever had.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: It was made a week before again it was preserved.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, jolly Be still does pasta. Yeah, they've
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: got spaghetti.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I've never been to that jolly Be there.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I ate their.
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: Cincinnati chili steak and you can do the spaghetti with
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: the chili over it.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Well there's your Valentine's Day suggestions from the
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Pod Therapy crew. Now steak for you, I know, I
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: get you a milkshake at Oreo milkshake fucking rules.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: We got some great questions today, and we are leading
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: off the order with planning for a bad day from
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: our therapy producer Sarah Smith.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Early, go by steak and shake. Everything will be fine.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: It'll all work itself out. Just get drunk on Oreos.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: I'm in need of some inspiration. I've been tasked to
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: come up with a plan for a bad day as
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: well as a plan for a really bad day. As
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: my time working in clinical practice continues, my caseloads are
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: growing larger and larger. I'm at sixty plus clients working
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: in a community mental health setting. I'm finding myself feeling
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: like there is no time for self care, no time
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: to learn, no time to conceptualize, barely any time to breathe.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: The weekends are starting to not feel long enough. I
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: know I'm a high risk for burnout because I operate
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: with a lot of anxiety. I'm managing okay, but am
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: noticing the overwhelm looming really close most days. Then I
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: go home after sitting with people all day and have
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: to show up for my family and kids, and often
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: just feel overstimulated. I'm looking for any advice, suggestions, or
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: really anything I can take away. I'm also really curious
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: about what you all do on a bad day, and
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: what do you do on a really really bad day.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Feel free to define those as you wish. As for me,
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: a bad day is when I'm overly tired, stressed, unfocused,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: and distracted, maybe a bit more snappy than usual, A
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: really really bad day usually comes post managing a crisis
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: and finding myself in a disregulated state that sits with
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: me for days. Side note, I started going back to
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: listen to some of your very first episodes and crying face.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Still love you all and what you bring to this field.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: You're boring named their producer Sarah Smith. No relation.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I think I know her.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, apparently you do. Yeah, yeah, sixty plus that is.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Damn that's a lot.
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: I know some community clinics they do the thirty and
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: forty five minute billing. I've heard of this more and
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: more lately. Yeah, because it's technically like more profitable.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Sure, you move them along and then you're taking like
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: a five minute breather and their schedule and everybody on
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: like quarter hours.
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: Now right exactly. It is nuts. So I don't know
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: if that's what's happening here. I can imagine.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, part of it's got to be just profitability. The
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: other piece too, I think as a community mental health center,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: is your short staffed and you've got a high amount
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: of people that you have to huge demand. Yeah, so
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I think that's that's definitely part of the other part
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, A bad day in therapy land as a provider
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: can can really stack up fast. I mean when I
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: try to think of like a very terrible day, because
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Sarah said to find them yourself. For me, I'm ten
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: minutes behind on the first session, so I'm already starting
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: in a hole. And now I'm going back to back
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: and you know, I've got a long day. It's maybe
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: seven eight nine sessions straight and I'm losing time and
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: so every single and now I'm starting to fall like
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: to the ten fifteen minutes slow. I'm having to get
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: like texts out to the next line to let them know,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: like hey, I'm running late, like please, don't you know
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: arrive on time. So that's happening. Then you throw in
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: like a really heavy case where it's like, okay.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Like a large person this, yeah exactly.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, in pounds, I measure, I measure emotional.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: She does always refer to as patients as cases yea, yeah,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: And then you throw those on top where you pepper
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: in some of those in the day, he.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Used to call them sweetcakes. So it is better.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been moving away the board has been He's
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: setting me a lot of CEUs to work on this.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: So then you've got a couple where it's like, oh, no,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: these require more time, and I'm already behind, and now
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling the pinch of like responsibility to this patient
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: and what's coming ahead, to try to keep the trains
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: on the tracks. And then you throw in one or
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: two in that day that hit you in a personal way,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: the ones that like they're talking about something that you
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: really or it's just such a you're in meshed and
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: you know that there's a lot going on and you're
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: feeling all their feels and it's just one of those
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: days where like there's a tragedy case, there is no
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: solution for this. We are just grieving, we are just
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: working through it. And then you've got to like you
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: have this like compounding emotional interest through all of your
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: sessions that day, Plusu're running behind. And then you finish
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: up your day and you take that deep breath and
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: you're like, okay, it's all done, and then your brain
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: just starts to like float back to the present and
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: you like become aware of yourself and then you realize
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: you have to do all your notes. Yeah, and that
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: is a bad day.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is a tough day.
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: So you do those notes the same day as what
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: I'm hearing.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is required by.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Investigations.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: So this is interesting. So I just recently started watching
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Shrinking a Holy Ship. I love that show. I know,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I know. I finally decided, all right, I'll listen to him.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: How many episodes in?
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Are you four? Absolutely it? Yeah, I mean there's a
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: lot of ship that he does. That's just like like
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: his problems are like, Okay, you're creating these problems, yeah, yourself.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: But I love Harrison Ford's character. I think he's just
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: he does that so well. Yeah, I just just like.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: A lot of other characters. Yeah, he drives me crazy.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: But I watching it it has made me want like
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I like, I kind of want to get back into
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: doing clinical.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Back in the.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Which I gotta tell you later off and I'm probably
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: gonna sit for that exam like but fine, I don't
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: mind if you do that. Okay, cool, thank you. But yeah,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: so I really kind of like I have been thinking
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: about that. But then like this is the other half
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: of that equation. This is the other side of that,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: you know, where it's just like there's like my bad
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: days now are pretty good. I can't like I don't
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: have middle of the night emergencies. You know, I don't
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: have people contacting me at all hours like, oh my god,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: we've got a prob we need No, it doesn't have
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: the worst bad days.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: We're running substance abuse in those sides. That is ground
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: zero of bad. Yeah that's Oh, by the way, somebody
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: snuck in dope and overtosting clinic.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the fire trunk is here. I love I love
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: the calls. Hey, uh, first off, everyone's okay, yeah, yeah,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: the police here. But everything's okay.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the situation, all the weapons have been confiscated, the
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: nurses are stitching up. The security staff right now. We
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: do need you to get in the car and please
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: come down here.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: But I mean, yeah, I mean like my my bad
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: days now, like it's I I look at my job
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: is almost kind of like working for TSA, where it's
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: like I've got a whole bunch of people that are
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: trying to get through security, and if one person doesn't
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: have their shit together, then now all of my attention
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: has to go to that one person, which means everyone
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: else in line now has to suffer suffer because this
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: one person didn't know what they're doing. Their problem not yours. Yes,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: you paid the same at the end of the day,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I'm done at five, so we'll pick this up tomorrow.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: That's nice. But like this part, I think one of
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the things that I really struggled with though too, and
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I've I've kind of learned to deal with this like that,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: recognizing when I'm stressed and letting the people around me
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: know that I'm stressed, and just saying, hey, I'm irritable
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: right now and I don't want to snap at you.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: So I just need some time. I'm going to go
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: do my own thing, whether that be you know, play
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: my bass guitar for forty five minutes.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Or the owner's manual on your PlayStation game, read up on.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Contract negotiation for Madden whatever. It may be, something where
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I can just kind of check out and have that
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: transition time from work to home life. I need kind
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: of that area before I can start interacting with other people,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: because I had that like compassion fatigue quite a bit,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: you know, when you're just like, Okay, I've been, you know,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: dealing with all of this stuff, and then now I
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: have to deal with I got to listen to other
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: people talk about their problems, and I want to be
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: there and support them, but like I've only got so
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: much to give.
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I feel like working remotely too from home
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: takes away that buffer time where in the past maybe
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: driving home for fifteen or two twenty minutes, right, you
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: give see that? Yeah, But now I was gonna ask you, Jim,
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: if you ever just sit in your office you mentioned
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: the notes maybe after the notes that you did in theory, Like,
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: do you ever sit there for just like five minutes?
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: Like I catch myself even if it's just scrolling on
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: my phone for a moment or something.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: It's kind of like a little debrief.
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: To like just check in, you know, check see who
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: if anyone's texted me, especially on back to back days
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: like that, like just catch up before I go into
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: you know, whatever home life is. I know you have
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: more going on than like Nick or I do, because
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: my my like downtime after a tough day. Peter and
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: I think I've mentioned this on here before. We do
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: a check in almost every day where it's like, hey,
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: do you want to hang out together tonight or do
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: your own thing? Like that's our kind of evening question
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: most evenings, and it'll they answer will either be like oh,
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: if I've had a tough day, I'm like, I kind
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: of just want to do my own thing. Wednesdays are
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: my longest day is so almost every Wednesday night.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: Now it's like understood, you're.
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: Just going to do your own thing and then go
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: to bed, and he'll go do his own thing. He's
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: like all right, cool, or if I'm like, well, I
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: could do either one. It depends if he's like more
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: one way or another. But the check in helps.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: To be able to do that non judgmentally.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: Is that's really enlightened judgmental while she does that yeah.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Thing, I definitely hold resentment based on.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, never mind that I understood completely what you were saying.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: I just want to I want to be very you're.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Supposed to out me.
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: No, I don't know how we ended up there. I
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: think because yeah, we both.
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: I mean, he has a weird job that he'll be
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: emotionally all over the place too, and I don't really
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: want to be around him if he's had a bad day,
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: like let me check in, Like we I used to
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: like take a bath in the evening if I've had
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: a really stressful day, like do the whole bath set up.
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: Some people are not into that. That's fine, And last
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: I'll sure try and go on a little walk. We
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: live in a pretty mild climate most most of the year,
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: so that's easier to do. And if I want to
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: like watch a show and go on a little walk,
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: I'll just drive down to the gym, even if it's late,
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: because no one's there at seven pm or eight pm.
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: I'm like, yay, go walk and watch a show like
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: on my phone or something. But I need to get
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: a little movement in because otherwise I'll lay in bed
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: and like it's almost like energy is just buzzing.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: That's one of the there's a meme about therapists that's
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: like us sitting in a chair for eight hours. Finally
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I'm done. Then we get up and go sit in
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: the couch. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, that's not good.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I really need to get up move my So my
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: personal training business has picked up quite a bit. I've
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: got clients probably three nights a week, oh okay, And
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: so that has been awesome because then it's like, even
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: though it's like another job, right, but to actually go
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: and do that then like I enjoy it. Yeah, and
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I completely forget about anything that happened at work because
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: it's like it's almost like I get to have a
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: separate life that's completely kind.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Of like you're a lawyer but also a crime fighting Yeah.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I don't know anything about that.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know anything about that.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Somebody in Vegas.
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: No, I still love going to after work Jim Sessions.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: It's really hard for me to leave my house and
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: go do it now, But when I worked at like
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: a company, I would just bring a change of clothes
• 20:23
  Speaker 5: and if I could stop before I made it home.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: I really enjoyed that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: A lot of people, a lot of negative reviews in
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: our iTunes actually refer to this show as gym Sessions.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I actually owned the gym membership dot
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: com spelled like it sounds. I just haven't found a way.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: To use it.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: But it's going to happen one day.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: What is it going to be. It's not going to
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: be no dick pis yeah.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Tasteful amount. Yeah, there will be multiple plans. None of
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: them are dick big free. They all come with what
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: you want. But no, I mean like one of the
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: I mean during COVID, I remember that's whenever I had
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: the longest caseloads, And that's whenever because like I was
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: so anxious and all I could do with my anxious
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: energy was just try to help, right, and it felt
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: like it was all hands on deck. We're all throwing
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: ourselves into the breach.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Private practice estimate, Like, how, what's the largest caseload that
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: you will manage at one time in a day or
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: through the no. I mean like, well, yours are different
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: because your clients kind of come and go. But yeah,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I mean would you say if you were to say yes,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: if you're to say right now, like kind of in
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: your active caseload, people that you've met with with in
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: the past year, weird, Yeah.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, mine wouldn't be like anybody else, but.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Assign to be sixty.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: So like it maybe it would because translate something for
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: the audience. So like when when a clinician says, like
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: their caseload, we usually mean this is like the active
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: roster of clients I currently have, So.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: The writer is dealing with about sixty people.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, And actually, if you're an insurance based practice, that
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: probably means either thirty a week and you're rotating like
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: thirty and thirty, or it means it could be up
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: to sixty a week, which shouldn't be theoretically possible when
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: you think that a session is a is an hour
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: usually or you earmark an hour of clock time for
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: this this you know encounter. But Whitney's right, there's a
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: system that you can use where you're billing at a
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: lower rate and you're moving people through quicker. And sometimes
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: community mental health will do that because there is such a.
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: Demand and they pay more per minute, Like and I
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: don't know how.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: It's more efficient.
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: Explain that it's a more efficient use of your staff
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: because it comes out to a higher rate per hour. Yeah,
• 22:38
  Speaker 6: So like if you're charging one hundred dollars an hour
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: and then you charge two people half an hour, right,
• 22:44
  Speaker 6: thirty five dollars for half an hour, right, yeah.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, And so some some places will do that,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: and then you know you're probably doing thirty hours ish,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: thirty five hours ish of face to face and then
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: they're budgeting like five hours you know for notes, and
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: so like it's it's insanity. If that sounds like a
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: bad thing, it is a bad thing. With the writers
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: talking about they could just be working sixty hour weeks,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: it also could be that and so like that's that's
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: a really common area where we see, a lot of
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: burnout is in community mental health, and unfortunately, this is
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: usually the first stop in a lot of people's careers,
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: when they're in their internship or they're in the first
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: years of work. A lot of them will get, you know,
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: brought into these clinics and they will they'll just get
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: completely overutilized and burned out. And it's not like all
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: these clinics are run by the devil and like they
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: don't care about the clinician. It's the out of them,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: not all, not most. It's the economic model that has
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: been the problem of our reality and the problem to
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: mental health industry is that these insurances get away with
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: violating federal laws that require compensation on par with physical health.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: And so because they're allowed to do that, they can
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: underfund the clinic, underfund the hourly rate of the therapist.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: So the only way that mental health can be provided
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: and everybody can earn an income and up that they
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: can get benefits and drive a car and pay their
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: student loans, which they still can't manage to do, is
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: if you just do this and you just run the gauntlet.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: But like to next question earlier, when he asked me,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: what's my caseload in private practice where I'm cash paying,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I don't have an insurance. Basically my patients can join
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: and stick around for as long as they want. So
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: I have like a very high active number. But that's
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: not how many people I see in a week.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you don't. They're not coming every week. No.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: But like if you said in a ques the issues,
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: like you'd have to think, yeah, some of them come,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I charge extra, But like if you you'd have to
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: measure mine.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Stop making ejaculations on serious serious Mine's probably like a hundred,
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: but like I see probably thirty a week, you know,
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: or something to that effect. So but yeah, So I mean,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: like burnout is very high. And I think what's tough
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: for therapists. It's a stagnant job. Like we're not you know,
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: getting up moving and and sometimes that's rewarding, but sometimes
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: it's physically exhausting. But you are still just sitting there
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: burning through your day's allotment of energy. And like it's
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: a lot of mental energy, you're physically and emotionally tired.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sitting all day wrecks my back.
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: It is like I don't know, it's just a lot
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: of yes, your legs it's like my feet are cold,
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: I got a pee.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: It's just a lots going on.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: You gotta get some gamer chairs, that's the trick.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you how you get the catheter going
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: you're selling and spring for the five gallon bucket.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: My next investment really, I think might be a chair.
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: Someone recommends me a good chair.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So how do we deal with burnout? You know, Whitney,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: I like your suggestions. I mean, for me, Sarah, like
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: a couple of moves that I'll do at the end
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: of your sessions. I think having like some kind of
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: ritual that's sort of like your emotional and mental detox process.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: For me, like I go through this ritual where I
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: kind of shut everything down. I don't immediately spring into
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: my notes, I don't check emails. When you finish that
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: last physical session, that one on one I have to
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: get up, I have to move around. If it's daylight outside,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I'll take walks. If not, I'm gonna just like go
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: pet my dog and like throw water on my face
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: and just kind of like get my bearings and kind
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: of get back to the real world. And you know,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: like as therapists, we're carrying a lot of people's you know,
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: emotions through the day, and that's the job. We don't hate,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: it's it's good, like we signed up for this, but
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: it's part of healthcare. We're dealing with challenges. We're dealing
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: with people's real lives, and not every single person's going
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: through their worst day, but some people in today's caseload
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: work and so like, you're you know, carrying that and
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I think that you're just trying to get up and
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: do the next thing. That kind of detoxes your brain.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: But Sarah, I'll tell you the truth, Like at this
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: level what you're working through, there is a reason why
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: a lot of therapists are not able to stay in
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: community mental health indefinitely. And I think it's really tough
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: because there's a pride. I think for people that are
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: in the trenches. They feel like I'm doing, you know,
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: very important work and I'm serving you know, an important population,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: and I feel like I'm good at it and I'm
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: trying really hard, and there's and I remember feeling this
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: a West Care like and I remember having an insane
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: and that's basically community mental health. It's for substitutes of
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: mental health. And my caseload was huge it was like
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: forty a week, and I had to commute twenty hours
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: a week to get up to the mountain on top
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: of that case load plus the paperwork. I mean like
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: it was default probably a seventy hour eighty hour week job,
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: and it was very low compensation. You're never seeing your family,
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: and there is this sense of pride because you're like, Wow,
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: I'm doing really important work with folks that get overlooked
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: in society and bringing justice. But there's also this sense
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: of like, if I do this indefinitely, I don't know
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: that I can continue with the career. Yeah, And so
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: for a lot of people, and it happened to me, Sarah,
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: where I had to, you know, look at it and say,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of the work I'm doing, but I want
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: to be able to do this for twenty years. I
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: want to be able to do this for thirty years,
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: and I want to be able to enjoy what I
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: went to school for and then earn an income that
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: makes sense for my family and honors you know, the
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: sacrifices I made to go to school and carry these
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: student loans so that my family gets a return on
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: the investment, you know, of all my time and so ultimately, Sarah,
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: I had to look around and change clinics, and I
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: ended up, you know, leaving that community mental health clinic
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: and going into more private sector substance abuse treatment and rehabs.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: And that restored work life balance for me and gave me,
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: you know, I think, a better lifestyle that allowed me
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: to do I think still continued high quality work. I
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: was working without risk populations with Nick, you know, at
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: a hybrid level where I was doing halfway house plus
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: you know, kind of rehab work and you find your niche.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: But yeah, Sarah, very few people can make a whole
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: career out of community mental health. It's hard to do.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I would be remiss if I'd step on my soapbox
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: here for just one quick second exercise.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: There it is.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I think it's incredibly important everybody. Now, Yeah, I mean
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: especially in the morning. Like if you're able to exercise
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: in the morning before work, all of the research that
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I'm showing that I'm that I'm reading all points to
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: the benefits of that as opposed to after work. After
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: work is still beneficial, it's still better than nothing before
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: work seems to have greater impact if you're able to
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: do it. But then, as both Jim and Whitney said,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: like being able to just get up and move around,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: you know, because you're right. I mean, it seemed it
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: sounds ridiculous to say that sitting in a chair is exhausting,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: but it kind of is. But it's exhausting because your
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: brain needs movements. Like movements and brain functioning go together,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: and if you don't have that, then it's it's kind
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: of starting to drive the brain a little mad in
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: a sense. Like it's like you you need that stimulation,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: You need to be able to get up and move around.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: You need to have some way of getting that energy out.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, another thing that came to me just now that
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I think I have always used throughout my career. I
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: have to have things to look forward to, you know,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: especially in mental health, Like you're you're dealing with a lot,
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Like you're dealing with a lot of people's worse days.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: A lot of people are going through some really hard things.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of triumphs in here too, and like again,
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: we're not against the hard work of it. We we're
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: built for this. Like this is something that scares a
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: lot of the rest of healthcare away. They just want
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: to hear your symptoms and give you pills. We get
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: into the trenches and we do the soul work, and
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: like we're designed for it. We still give them pills though, Yeah,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: we still as often as they'll take them.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but specifically only a lot of pills.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, only every Yeah, in their pockets yet pockets fun.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: But no.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: One thing that gets me through is just I Every week,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I have to have something to look forward to. So,
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: like in Vegas, things that I'll do throughout the year.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: I'll early book tickets to Aviators games, Like I know
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I'm going to an Aviator's game as soon as I'm
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: out of work on Friday. And like at any given
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: point throughout my week, if it's a really tough day
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: and it's just it's our minor league baseball team, that's
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: our minor league, thank you, I'll know I'm looking forward
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: to that. And like I'll close my eyes and I'll
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: smell the grass and I'll think, oh, I can't wait
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: to go get a hot dog and I'm really looking
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: forward to that. Or like I'll book a movie or
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: something like that, or just make playing.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: You always equate food with sporting events, Jim.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: It has to, Yeah, gotta have something there. It's very interesting,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: doesn't work.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Doc Jacob, I go to a lot of cheap
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: all fallos shaped foods.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Yea, yeah, yeah specifically Yeah, always eat them with two
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: hands and rotating them. Always cut the ball anyway, right, hold.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Hot dogs.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: That is how I get through my hard days.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've said many many times this.
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: One of my refrains on the show has always been
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: work life, separate. Like I know, it's hard, and you
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: pour so much of yourself in, especially when you're doing
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: work like this. You pour so much yourself into to
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: your work, and your work is so much about you.
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: It's so hard. I say the same thing with entertainers.
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: It's like entertainers like their work is them. It's not
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: completely dissimilar from therapists. I mean, the work is so
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: much of you.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: It requires a lot.
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: You have to be able to separate yourself. My experience,
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: My experience is you have to be able to separate
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: yourself from your work. And I mean if that's like
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: a little meditation before and after work to kind of
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: separate that out.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Jim mentioned you having rituals in there.
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: And I would also suggest really work on separating that
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: work life.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Out on good days at work, because if you can
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: do it on good days, if you don't take the good.
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: Days home with you, you're less likely likely to take
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: the bad days home with you.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: There's a lot there, But leaving it at the office, Yeah,
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: that's possible.
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: Like my goal is by the time I get home,
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: work is not on my mind anymore at all, right,
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: Like it is excized from my brain until I get back.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: Then then whenever I'm going back, Yeah, like I'm not.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: I'm not going home and telling my wife all about
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: my work day. I'm not doing all that. I'll tell
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: her things if if something happened that I know will
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: interest her, right, But that's it. That's the only reason
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: I'm telling her if I think she will be interested
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: in it, and I think about it.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: But to podcast, Oh.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: I never tell her shit about therapeut associates of his.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: She has no idea. When she sees at the bar,
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: she's like, oh those guys again.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: As far as she knows, I've got a brothel right now,
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: That's what she hopes much better.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Doing that therapy podcast? Are you no no hookers and blow? Yeah?
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have standards. Two last thoughts, Sarah, that have
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: gotten me through. As I'm thinking back over the career. Uh,
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: there was a phase I was going through and it
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: was I think it was during the rehab days those Honestly,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: that was the dark I had, like my breaking case
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: of fire.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a phase. Still I'm still in that phase.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, if it stops, call it a face.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the legacy now. But I had my breaking case
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: of fire kind of like treat. So I'd get like
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: the tastiest ice cream or like the thin mint girl
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Scout cookies and put them in the freezer or you know,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: just some some kind of treat. Sometimes it was like
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: a special whiskey or something like that, but it was
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: like not an everyday thing like and I'd keep it sacred.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, no, no, no, this is not something you're
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: ever allowed to have unless it's really really necessary.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: The prostitute it's more than one hundred dollars, boy, the
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: macaroni grill of So yeah, like the prostitute idea better
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: than the food idea. Yeah, in the sense that because
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: one of the biggest things that I work with with
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: all my clients is disconnecting disconnecting food as a reward.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: It's a good point.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: A good point.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: Sex is a reward, yes, sometimes for sexy.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Last that's the thing you need.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Everyone wins.
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: If you hear in my voice and you're wondering, is
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: he joking or not?
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Probably not entirely.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: The other thing I'll uses video games, you know, because
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: then it's like I'll go into my little world and
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Stardy Valley or in Rocket League. For years it was
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Rocket League, and just it is a phase shift because
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: now this has no purpose.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I prefer going right. I don't have to think.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just now. I am just a little fisherman in
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: a village and I'm catching.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: That's what music does for me, Okay, Yeah, like playing guitar,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: playing bass, doing something like that where it's like listening
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: to Creed.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Yeahless any of the poo.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: So let's going. Let's just keep going, man.
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: A few weeks ago, I sent the group we have
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: a group chat, and I sent the group I walked
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: past a place where Creed was performing, right, but just
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: walked past that, just took selfie of myself in front, yeah,
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: and said it to you guys like.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: I didn't anyway, Sarah, we are rooting for you more
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: than you know. We've all been there, and you know
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: it's a it's a sad reality, and you know, I
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: just would argue again I I I admire everybody working
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: at every level of care to talk anybody out of it.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: But like, at the same time, I'm an advocate for
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: our profession, and like when I talk to my students,
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I tell them, like, look, you're probably gonna serve some
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: time in this role. I wish we were in a
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: system built to make that sustainable. And unfortunately, we have
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: insurances that are allowed to just absolutely violate federal law
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: with no consequences and until the government decides to enforce
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: the laws on the books, we have a system that
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: burns you out, and so I wish it wasn't that way.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: You don't have to throw away your sanity, your life,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: or your passion for a broken system. So sometimes you
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: just do a tour of duty and then you kind
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: of rotate out. But if you're gonna stay and you're
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: gonna find your way through it, you know, please, I
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: hope that you could take some of the advice we've
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: given you today. I think that at the end of
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: the day, if you can afford hookers, that's the answer.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: You know, doesn't have to be top shelf every time, just.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: A source of and solution to so many of life's problems.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: It's true, well said, Yeah, okay, let's just end on that.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break and when we
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: come back, we're discussing feeling concerned about a partner's snacking.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: You're listening to Pop Therapy.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Today's episode has brought to you by Malia Richard Macy,
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Sonny Boy, Thunder Coruper Falkins Group, Slip I A Mother Pucker,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: Aleena sam Cone and Jake Schneider. And if you would
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: like to hear this episode or sorry, hold on sorry
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: show become a therap producer Pton dot com. It pretty
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: much sounds like that. It is very close. Don't dare
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: more interesting trivia? Uh Whitney, what is the most abundant
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: element in the universe that ass option helium, hydrogen, oxygen,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: or carbon.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: Hydrogen solid?
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Guess it is?
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: I thought it was the lightest element on a periodic
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: table most of the universe.
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: Was those are super common, though a helium I it
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: was super common in the universe.
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: There is more hydrogen the universe than the other three combined.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: It is all hydrogen.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, mister smarty pants, how many taste buds does the
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: average adult human half?
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: All right? We got sweet, we got sour, we got
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: mommy whatever that is.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Are you going to count them? So far?
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: I got four savory or savory mommy? All right, give
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: me options.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be sure.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I don't want to shoot for. It's probably gonna be
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: like six, but I'm not there. Probably gonna be sex.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know if momy and savory the same.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: One of magnitude. Think you understand the question. You definitely
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: don't give meter.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he said taste, but yeah, like five or six?
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: I want the option.
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: If I said how many skin cells do you have?
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: You wouldn't say one?
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: No, okay, well I've got one on this finger. Are
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: they like the size of a skin cell? Yeah, they're
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: that's a taste.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: But I thought I had tongue her bees.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: No, go on, Okay, five thousand, ten thousand, fifteen thousand,
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: or twenty thousand. Those are all less than I would
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: have guessed by.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I better go Grande, give me twenty thousand.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: It is ten thousand. I would guessed millions. Fun fact
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: taste to regenerate approximately every two weeks. I didn't know
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: that burn your tongue. That might be that's why it
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: comes back good. Okay, all right, Nick? What food accidentally
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: inspired the invention of the microwave? Popcorn, chocolate, bread, or cheese?
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: Oh boy?
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: I like bread doesn't seem bread unlike Oh, I would
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: guess cheese. Somebody wanted to it was going to melt cheese.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: I was going to guess cheese as well.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: It feels like the popcorn is pretty self evident though, right,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Like popcorns are red hairing, which is also good in
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: the microwave.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Than sharing office with someone who's microwave fish. One of
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: the acrobats brought like a fish dish into our office.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: What the microwave. We're like, you're not allowed to microwave
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: anything in our or something? They were Ukrainian. Yeah, like chocolate.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: I was going to say cheese, and it is chocolate.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Oh fun fact Piercy Spencer discovered microwave cooking when a
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: chocolate bar melted in his pocket near a.
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: Discussion to something else.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Did you know when you put something in the microwave
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't put it in the middle.
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: I was just thinking about this the other day I
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: started moving my food to the sign.
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: I was in the middle, like, you're sposed. I didn't
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: know that you.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Read the instruction manuals of your microwave. That's what it says.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: You're the biggest loser I've ever met in my life.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: You read the instruction manual to a microwave. I've taken
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: a break from contract loss.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: This is a crier out, my man. I'm sincerely worried about.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: You as your friend. I'm not even making.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: Fun of you, man, I'm really worried about you.
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: Any new item I get, I'm just gonna bring the
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: manual and be like, give me the cliff notes.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: What the sharp I've read this one? Yeah? Hundred Oh
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: my god, it's got a great beverage setting. No, because
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: if you think about it, so it's it's you've got
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: peaks and valleys. Well they meet in the center, so
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: the center is always the coldest part. Oh, so that's
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: why pretty.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the edges are hot.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: And don't tell me where I put it in the microwave. Yeah,
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I'll put a.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: World center if I want to.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Jacob, what's the only bird that can fly backwards? Oh?
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I know that. Michael Jackson bird. Oh yeah, good, guess
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: the moonwalk does count. I will give you a point,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: But would you like to take an eighty bird? Let's see,
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: definitely not pary bird. It's a larry bird. Give me options. Okay,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: you're gonna hummingbird, spare off, kingfish, swallow, swallow. I believe
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: that's gonna be, he said.
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, we have a ton of hummingbirds
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: in our backyard.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: They just flock to us. I guess literally, they just
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: fly backward everywhere.
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so I do sit outside and and they fly
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: around me, and I definitely they like hover right around you.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: And they definitely like.
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: They're eating out of your hands. Are you like just
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: springs sugar water?
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I just picture Jacob in his backyard is like kind
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: of like a Disney cur.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: He's singing, Yeah, birds are falling on him, Yeah, sewing
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: him dresses and ship.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: All these dresses.
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: They're just carrying them.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: Tilful nowhere to win.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: These fucking mice just keeps showing up and doing my chores.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: It's pretty great all right round one in the books,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: I'm clearly winning.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: They are bad at vacuuming.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: Concerned about partners snacking from anonymous Hi pod therapy. Me
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: and my partner me early twenties him late twenties have
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: been together for a little over two years, and we
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: live together and are currently working together as well. I
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: really love my partner and believe he is making my
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: life better, but lately I've gotten hung up on the
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: small negative aspects of our relationship. One problem that has
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: been on my mind is his eating habits. He eats
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: sweets and snacks every day, and it's making me very annoyed.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: I'm worried about his health and especially how this habit
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: will affect him in the future. At the moment, he
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: is at a healthy wait but doesn't really exercise. I
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: feel like this is starting to become more my problem
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: than his. Some days, this is the first thing I
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: think about when I wake up, and it's the last
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: thing that crosses my mind before I go to bed.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: Once I start to think about it, which I do
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: every time he eats something unhealthy, I can go on
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: worrying about it for hours, making me irritated and angry.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: I have a hard time right sizing this issue and
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: letting go of a problem that I really can't control.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: His snack's habit is not the best, but my obsession
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: over it feels worse at this point. What should I
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: do about this? Do I suggest to my partner that
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: I want him.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: To eat healthier?
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: Or is this completely not my problem? I've not brought
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: this up at all with him, since I'm ashamed completely
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: my problem or is this completely my problem? Thank you?
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: I have not brought this up at all with him,
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: since I'm ashamed of how much this bothers me, and
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: I believe that he will get irritated with me if
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I do, since he doesn't think his habits are unhealthy.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: I'm aware that I'm worrying about this unreasonably. Out of
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: the two of us, I am much more worried about
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: things in general, and sometimes I feel that I need
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: to worry about his problems as well. He won't. I
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: know this is not a healthy approach in a relationship,
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: but I can't really help myself. I've seen a therapist before,
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: though something similar to betterhelp because I've been anxious and
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: about other things. It helped some, but I obviously still
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: have some issues, but now I don't feel motivated to
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: do it again. Due to me being an anxious person
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: and English not being my first language, I've been writing
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: on this letter for about two weeks. I hope you'll
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: understand what I'm trying to ask. Conclusion, how do I
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: deal with the fact that A my partner doesn't live
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: as healthy as I would like, and B I can't
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: stop worrying about it, and the worrying in itself is
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: becoming a problem. Get me to read the PS. Sure
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know PS describing my partner's snack habits.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this would be good.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: He eats some kind of snacks every day. It could
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: be two donuts and a half bag of chips or
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: something similar. Sometimes it's only a small bag of candy.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: But he always eats some snacks in the evening. He
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: usually goes to bed later than me, so it's not
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: unusual that the last thing I hear before falling asleep
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: is him munching on some candy loudly. Yeah I think so,
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: which makes it really hard. He also has a habit
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: of not eating lunch on the weekends.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: But if I discovered something we have in comment.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: And instead of eating only a bag of chips and
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: some candy, he'll just not eat lunch. This makes me
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: really stressed and worried, especially about how this might affect
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: our lives in the future. I do realize that this
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: is a small problem compared to others. I've listened to
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: almost all of your episodes and remember the questions about
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: people's partner doing drugs and being former sex offenders. But
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: I still could use some help right sizing this issition
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: we're current, and also some advice on how if I
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: should talk to my partner. Thank you, Anonymous.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Well, yes, we understood all of that. And for English
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: not being your first language, you did a great I
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: never would have guessed. Yeah, very good. No, you speak
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: gooder English than me.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: One of the biggest fights that our family perpetually gets
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: on is me trying to enjoy bubble gum, chewing bubble gum.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: No, God damn it.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a normal person, which is something that.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: Yours.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: She cannot fucking handle it, Like if I pop in
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: a stick of gum, she will pull off her wedding
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: ring like it's over. The attorneys are on the line, dude,
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: it is. It's twenty fucking years of this madness. I
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: can't enjoy bubble gum. It is you just you just don't. Yeah,
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: that's what she wants, That's what she wants because she's like,
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: do you really have to choose so loudly. I'm like,
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: this is just what chewing is.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: This is all chewing is. Like I think I do
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: give me some bubble gum. Do this. I've got something
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: in the car.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: Run a simulation here. Jacob will be back in a moment, dude. Seriously,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: it is the biggest fight of our lives. Like it's
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: just it never ends, because like, if you're on a
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: long drive, I would like to enjoy some bubble gum.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: I don't remember the last time I chewed gum. Okay,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: I it's something that I've never I never really were
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: you never into gum? I mean I I enjoyed did
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: when I was younger. Like I remember high school basketball games,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: whenever we'd go to those because that at the concession
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: stand they sold bubble gum. Oh yeah, bubble the great
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: that was so good.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: Did you ever do the bubble gum by the foot
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: by the foot?
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: But it was another one tape bubble tap, bubble tape. Yeah,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: that was Oh. These are the good ones, two of them.
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: Like yeah, there you go, Okay, now you the ones alike, Okay,
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: they're like where ice? These are the ice Breakers break
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: take a second, Take a second, don't you bosh me around?
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Just just all right. I will with my own leisure.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: I see what's just talking about.
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, these are so good.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: Have you ever had news?
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, ice Breaker, Peppermint so good?
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: All right, all right, we're gonna come back to chewing.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: Get a minute. So here's the thing. I absolute writer.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: I thought you you're very insightful. One of the things. Yeah,
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: I do hear Oh yeah, yeah, I hear it too.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: Your wife is right, she's sucking. Guys. This is what
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: chewing bubblegum fucking sounds like. You can talk, Oh yeah,
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: because I have bubble gum them mouth. Yeah, I come
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: all the time. I can still talk.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: Well, I like to chew it while I talk, though,
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: Is it taste cup?
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: We just have a couple of moments of silence here.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: I'm on team Jim's wife on this.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, hold on, let me take the take off all
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: your ears.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, for the listener.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep chewing on the microphone now. Yeah. I
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: can hear it across the road with no headphones. I
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: can thank you, Whitney.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: That's why you're my valentine.
• 50:49
  Speaker 6: Both of you throw your cards.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: In the goddamn trash. You're both fired.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: Don't give it anymore.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: You put it on your mantle.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, the snacking. Do you all have any
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: issues with?
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: Like so, Jim already described his wife having an issue
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: with him chewing, but like, has this ever been a
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: thing in relationships in general?
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: Jim has moved the microphone away from himself.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: Thankfully, he's not giving it up.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: That's fine. We could all live with this current relationship.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: No past relationship.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: Yes, interesting, Do you tell me?
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: Did you have the issue or did she have the issue?
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: She had the issue, okay, but it was for a
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: different reason. It was because she was trying to eat
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: healthy and I was not.
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: I thought you were going to say she was upset
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: at you for eating food that you're allergic.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: To, and so I always had like junk food in
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: the house, and so that, like that was kind of
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: more of the issue.
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: No, Laura has an issue with Jim has removed the
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: gum from it. We have shaved him into a movie
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: the gum from his mouth.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: His breast smells really good.
• 52:04
  Speaker 5: Though.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: Now yeah, now Laura's gone on my annual review.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: Laura worries about me with the energy drinks. Oh wow.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: And I don't drink a whole lot of the energy
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: drinks like I usually have anyone here, yeah to come
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: to the show, because I'm usually you drink.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: The ones that are like a leader. It's like a
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: fucking orange.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: What is that like? Sixteen ounces sixteen fluid?
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: Heyah, I worry about you and it's the zero sugar, So.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: It's nick, I don't worry about you at all. I
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: didn't get the feeling that.
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: You wouldn't feeling I was trying to portray success.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: I don't think of you at all. No, but yeah,
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: but anyway, writer, I like the insight that you have
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: because you've recognized that from his perspective, it doesn't seem
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: to be a problem. There was a quote by Carl
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Jung that said he said, uh, everything that irritates us
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: about other people brings us to a better understanding of ourselves.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: And I really like that because it's one of those
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: things where like I think about that every once in
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: a while when I see something and I just like,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: I see somebody do something and I'm frustrated, like it
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: bothers me, And then I have to think, like, why
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: does that bother me, who the hell cares like it has?
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: It's not affecting me at all, but it makes me think, like,
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: what does that mean to me? That I see that
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: and it causes a visceral reaction in me, you know,
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: And that's it's not about that person, it's something about
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: me that that's triggering. And you can dig down, you know,
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: into that, and you can actually like really explore this
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: and learn a lot about yourself.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's an interest you cannot too.
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: You can decide that you don't, that you're not worried
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: about it, and just be like, hey, don't do that. Also,
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: I think it's fine to tell your partner a partner
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: donat snacks in bed.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I think I think.
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: That is a like that's a boundary I feel like
• 54:04
  Speaker 4: you can easily draw. I think I feel like it's reasonable.
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: Do we have a full pod therapy consensus?
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I don't.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: I'm not on this with you guys. You guys are boring.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: That's the problem. Vanilla motherfuckers. Pinky Jim over here, give
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: me some chips. Ahoy, just go get it.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: I want to feel it on my thighs.
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: Even Bert hated it.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, just crunch crunch.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: That doesn't bother me as much as like if you
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: had like toasting jam or something like that, where it's like,
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: that's pretty elaborate because you had like a nice beef Wellington.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm okay with the beef Wellington. Are you insane,
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: my partner? And it's not eating an entire party sub
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: in bed every days?
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: Good?
• 55:06
  Speaker 4: I think this is like, but okay, so Jim, you
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: snack in bed if your if your spouse came to
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: you though and said, uh, Jim, I hate that you
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: snack in bed. Please don't snack in bed.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: Oh she will because she fucking bitches about everything. Okay,
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: So I'll tell you right now. Even though I've never
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: taken a bite of anything on the day, I fucking
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: knew I'm gonna hear about it.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: This gum shi is still visiting the one show in
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: eight years that she actually listens to.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: That Yeah, no, that No, she would absolutely murder me,
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: and so no, I I I understand that theory. It's
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: interesting though, like.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I think that's kind of an aside. But I think
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: you can on the high ground. I think you can
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: make that rule.
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: I think yeah, because that's a shared space. But like
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: I see this happen a lot in couples therapy, where
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: I do have somebody that is offended or is a
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: little over invested and meshed, where they're like, I don't
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: like that you have a beer after work or something
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: like that. I don't like that you eat you know, cookies,
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: you know, or whatever I don't like, And then the
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: other one's like, I'm a grown up. I get to
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: own my own body, and if I'm getting shit faced drunk,
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: and that affects our ecosystem, that affects our ability to interact.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: I get you being offended me having one of a
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: beverage I like, or drinking coffee in the morning while
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: you drink tea, And then you're gonna come at me
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: and be like, I just read that coffee's bad for you.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: We're giving up coffee as a household. And it's like, no,
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: you get to choose to give up coffee. I choose
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: to make it for myself and only myself, and that
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: gets to be okay. And the person's like, you don't
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: care about our family or you don't care about my opinion,
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: and it gets This comes up a lot in therapy
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: where you're like okay. And as a therapist, it's really tricky,
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: right because I want to on one hand, give autonomy
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: to each person and say, hey, should we be imposing
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: your thinkings on this other person? But then the person
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: who wants to impose is like sometimes very fired up
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: about it. And it's like, this is about health and
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: these are big decisions that affect our family and affect
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: our longevity and I don't want this in my home
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: and why don't they respect my opinion? And it's like,
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: oh boy, you got to talk them down. It's like
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know that there's a correct posture for me
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: to take in those situations.
• 57:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, health is a tricky territory too, because I don't.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: Want you to smoke or I don't want you to
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: use a chewing tobacco. Right, Well, this doesn't affect you.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: It's like I don't want you to get you know, cancer, Yeah.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: I mean everything affects it, does I mean.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: It's always going to be that though too. You know
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: where's the line.
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: And the snacking affects it as well? Yeah, yeah, I don't.
• 57:49
  Speaker 4: I don't think that it's no effect. I don't think
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: you might saying there's no.
• 57:51
  Speaker 5: Effects, Like even if we talk about smoking, like, okay,
• 57:57
  Speaker 5: I smoke a cigarette. If I smoke a cigarette on
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: Saturday nights, one night.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: A week, is that right?
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: That the limit?
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: At what point you get to tell me how to
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: live my life?
• 58:09
  Speaker 4: And I think we all agree, packs of unfiltered mass
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: once a week.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: I think there is I think a lot of this
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: though I'm kind of wondering a lot of it presents
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: itself as concern for my partner. Right, not to say
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: that that's not there, but that may be just how
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: it's presenting itself. That could there could be underlying things
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: behind this. So I'll give you an example. If let's
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: use the example of Jim has a whiskey one night,
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: a glass of whiskey Friday nights. That's his thing. Okay,
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: I love it, and and you're with is a bubblegum
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: flavored with completely switched to drink it my way. Let's
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: just say a random person, I'm not going to talk
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: about Jim. Random person, a handsome whiskey partner is upset
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: by that, and from their perspective, they're saying, well, it's
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: about I'm worried about your health. And they're not lying
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: that may just be how they're presenting it, but it's
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: a lot of We do this with a lot of
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: stuff where something triggers an emotional reaction and we don't
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: really think that hard about it as to what is
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: it that's really going on, So we just assume, well,
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: it must be that I'm worried about this person's health,
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: and so that's the label that we give it, when
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: in reality it's actually something deeper. That deeper thing may
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: be that this person used to date an alcoholic and
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: so yeah, and so now me seeing this behavior, it
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: triggers a reaction, a response, and so it's in the
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: same way that you know, if I I smell one thing,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: it takes me back to this experience. It's just a reaction,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: just like that. Your brain just can neurons that fire
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: together get wired together. And so now you have an emotion, yes,
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: that you don't know where it came from, and you
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: are now putting a label on it, saying I'm concerned
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: about my person's health, when in reality it's undealt with
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: emotions from past events.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: Inside of you. To throw another layer on this, I've had.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: Let's take that same scenario and here's a twist on
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: it that I've heard. So let's say in this scenario,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: the writer I think he's feminine pronouns and then described
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: a partner as male. So let's just run with that
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: for the sake of the analogy. So like, let's say
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: that husband sits down and has his whiskey and wife
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: says I don't like that you do this, and has
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: an emotional reaction to it. Right in the show Open Therapy,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: and I've had the scenario where the wife will say,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: this clearly bothers me at an existential level, right, and you,
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: therapist and husband both are telling me it's probably not
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: about his health. It's probably some bigger thing like Nick's
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: talking about. All right, fine, it probably is, but this
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: is causing me a lot of distress. And if you
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: really loved me, why the fuck are you picking the
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: whiskey over me. It's making my Friday night suck, whereas
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: your Friday night would be five percent less without this whiskey.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: But you're insisting on your freedom to have it, and
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: you're gonna have it despite that. I get all riled up.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: You say I've got to work on myself, and maybe
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: I do. But in the meantime, this hurts me. I'm
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: angry at you. I don't want to talk to you
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: all weekend. It's ruining our marriage. Why don't you just
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: take like, just don't drink the whiskey and we won't
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: have a problem. But then the husband says, this is
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: a terrible precedent to say, and I don't like that
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: you get to do this emotional hostage taking where because
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: you're the more fragile party and you have an undealt
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: with trauma of some kind, I'm not allowed to do
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: a benign behavior because it irritates you. And so then
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: you go round and round and round, and you have
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: the husband innocently heroically inserting I should be able to
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: chew gum like a fucking adult on a drive when
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: I want to.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: It's my car, it's my gum. I'm not hurting.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: Anybody, but like, because I'm not allowed to anymore.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: This is America.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: We know what Jim does every night on the way home.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: America.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe should choot it like a human being? Yeah? Yeah,
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: you chew it like you chew it like an animal.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: That is that is your opinion.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: I have I have just a solution to this. I
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: have a way that you can just fix this, because like.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: You're worried that you're going to go to your partner
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 4: and lay the hammer down and it's going to cause
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 4: a big fight. You could fix this without having a
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 4: single crossword with each other. Okay, every time, every time
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 4: your husband or your partner has a snack, you simply
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: have the same snack.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: You just need whatever your husband is or whatever your partner.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: I can tell your husband because I'm caught up in
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 4: Gem's analogy.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: That's fine.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 4: Whatever you're whatever your partner is eating, you just eat
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 4: the same thing. And then a few years down the road,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: if you start to have negative health consequences from this,
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: you can be like, honey, we got to cut out
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: all these snacks. I'm having negative health consequences because of it.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: And at that point your partner is gonna say that's great. Uh,
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 4: I love you, and we have to cut all this
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: out of our house. It's out today, and that day
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 4: you'll be like, I won. That's four quarter things together,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 4: four dimensional chests. That's got smell added into it is
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 4: the fourth dimension, a lot.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: Of variables all falling in place right direction. I think
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: for anybody I thought what you were gonna say is
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say, is anytime your
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: partner goes for one of those snacks, you smoke a cigarette.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: I thought he was.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: Gonna say it was gonna be like just straight up
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: behavioral up condition gonna.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: Stop.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: I've heard those are bad for your health because I'll
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: fuck you up because it getting taste is bad for
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: your health.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 5: Or what if every time they had the snack, you
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 5: just had like some kind of stinky spray to sprayed
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 5: it there you.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there's ways to manipulate.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 4: I think, uh, sacrifice your own body, yeah, and then
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 4: use that as.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: Emotional and intellectual manipulation.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: I'm scared because I'm fucking skill and now we're gonna die.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: I could break things so fast. It's just a game
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: of chicken.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: Just keep ruining our health until you stop doing what
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: you're doing.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 4: I think if you keep eating snacks, I'm going to die.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: That'll teach you.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 5: I think Nick has a really great point with what's
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 5: the Show?
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: I think that is probable away a really good a
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: good place to start. That's what I would say.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 5: I think another aspect that might be coming to play here,
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 5: and the writer would just have to sit with this,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 5: But is it almost teeters on that, you know, anxiety
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 5: is just us trying to find control, which, yeah, maybe
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 5: it's based on something internal and you should definitely explore that.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 5: But yeah, I think just that acceptance of we're not
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 5: in control of everything around us. And I know that's
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 5: really easy to say, oh, just don't think that way,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 5: like boom doesn't work like that.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: But I mean we've talked about it in here before.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 5: This almost teeters into like kind of OCD territory, Like
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 5: I'm thinking about it all day and yeah, you're you're
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 5: making that connection like Nick was saying, like just over
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 5: and over and over again, and now this feels comfortable. Look,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 5: I'm thinking about how much I can't control him snacking,
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 5: but I can't control how much I worry about it.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 5: And now I can do it all day and that
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 5: feels good for about two seconds, and then I feel
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 5: stressed about it. Then it feels good that I'm stressed
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 5: about it because that's and now I'm stressed again. Like
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 5: just circles and circles, but almost like sitting with the idea.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 5: I live off mantras, like what is my mantra going
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 5: to be? And like I am not in control of
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 5: my partner? Am I going to choose to love him
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 5: even if he's snacking on donuts and candy?
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 5: And if you can't, you can't and those there are
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 5: consequences to that.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: What does that mean for your relationship?
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 5: To answer your question, I do not think you should
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 5: tell him to stop eat the snacks. What was that
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 5: question she had in there? It was a should I
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 5: tell him? Oh? Do I suggest to my partner I
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 5: want him to eat healthier? Or is this completely my problem?
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 5: I mean, I think it's fair to express concern, But
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 5: it sounds like you've already said they don't see it
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 5: as a problem, So you might.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: Have already talked about it. If you've already talked about.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 5: It, I don't know that that is a helpful route
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 5: to go down if you have not talked about it
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 5: from a place of I'm really concerned about your health,
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 5: Like these things like donuts are high in fats, sat fats,
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 5: all these things.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: I'm concerned.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: And I see you don't look any.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 5: Worse for wear, but there's still damage that could be
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 5: getting done.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: And I really want to live along life with you,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 3: like could we reduce? Could we whatever?
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 5: Like you can definitely present that ass that, but the
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 5: expectation should not be that he will then change these.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I've seen this go the wrong way where again
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: we're just saying words like husband, wife to illustrate. I've
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: seen the scenario where wife will come to husband and
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: say I'm concerned. I don't like that you eat this.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: This is bad for you, and husband will say thank
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: you for telling me. I know that was given to
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: me in a spirit of love. I choose to continue
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: enjoying my snacks or whatever does that have my glass
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: of whiskey, dumb or bubblegum, God bless him. And then
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: what will happen is I've seen wife then start to
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: punish husband, and now she will be mean.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: In short, I'm just not sexually attracted towards people. Terrible asshole.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: I sent that to you for notes, so you can
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: just fucking put it on the podcast. Jesus Christ.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: Signs no. But like.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 2: So like, I've seen the scenario where wife will then
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: start being frustrated with husband and she will say, you know,
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: and here they are in therapy, and he will say, look,
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: she has control over how she treats me, and she
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 2: should be accountable for her choice to go from I'm
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: being nice to you. I've not provoked you, have not
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: done anything unkind at you. I've done something personally that
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: is not considered immoral or illegal and does not infringe
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: upon you in any way. And you are so offended
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: by that that you now summon your personal autonomy to
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: now punish me, your partner, and treat me poorly. You're
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: gonna be held accountable for the way you're treating me.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: You're hurting our marriage, You're hurting our relationship. But then
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: wife will say in therapy, I am doing no such thing.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: You are provoking an automatic reaction in me. I have
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: told you this irritates me. I have told you this
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: bothers me. I don't know why it does those things
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: it does. I've warned you. And it becomes almost this
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: game between siblings, like I'm not hitting you. I'm not
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: hitting you, like you're walking into my fist, you know,
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: Like I'm just gonna start swinging my fists wildly like
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: this and walk forward, and if I hit you, that's
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: your fault for not getting out of the way. It
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: becomes this really petty, bullshit thing. And as a therapist,
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: you're sitting there trying to disentangle this, not because like
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 2: both partners are speaking their truth and it's tough, because
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: I tend to feel, you know, some sympathy for the
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: side that says I didn't do anything to you. I
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: like sunflower seeds, I eat them, I spit them in
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: a little hanky. I throw that in the trash. None
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: of this bothers you except that it grosses you out
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: that I'm like sucking the salt off these things and
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: then spitting them away. I get that it's unattractive. I'm
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: not here trying to get laid today. I'm enjoying my
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: fucking snack in my living room that I pay for too.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: What you don't have, like now, permission to sabotage our
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: relationship because of this. And I've seen that person say,
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna hold you accountable for this, Like you treat
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: me like shit, I'm gonna start treating you like shit.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: And now we have this weird escalation going on which
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: originated from this benign thing.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: That I do see that in a sense because like
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: change that to any other habit right, like you know,
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: it's it's doesn't involve you. I enjoy having a drink too.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: It doesn't involve you I enjoy picking my nose. It's like, well,
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: there's gonna be consequence, there's natural consequences to that. Yeah,
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: it's yeah, just okay, Well I do find that unattractive.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: Right, And it gets really weird, and like in couple's therapy,
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: you know, obviously we're not trying to do refereeing, right,
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: so we're not going to say I'm sorry, but I
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: sided with him on this one. You're gonna have to
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: apologize and accept the cons.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: One of the biggest miss misnomers or misunderstandings of couple's
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: therapy because I think everybody who goes into couple's therapy.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 3: Trying to get.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: Throwing flags and blowing whistles.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: No, but in that scenario, there can't be a winner
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: without there being a loser. And so you you try
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: to get the couple to talk through their feelings, to
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: hear each other, to practice empathy. You try in some
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: of these scenarios to come up with some kind of
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: creative middle ground solutions. Sometimes you really will never be
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: able to do that, and so you're trying to get
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: them to co exist inside of attention and also grapple
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: with the fact that each of them is doing something
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: a percentage out of willpower, and they could be firing
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: gunshots into their own boat and asking them like, are
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: you willing to sink this boat on this right? The
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: hell you're going to doe?
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 5: That's the ultimate question, Like how much does this bother you?
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 5: Is it worth your relationship? I think putting it into
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 5: perspective like that is helpful and to get to a
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 5: point where, yeah.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 3: Is it. Is it a big enough deal that you
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 3: would just not be with this person? Like, because sometimes
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 3: I can.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: Get that bad.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: It can.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 5: At that point, like I don't see a problem in that,
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 5: like personally, like if you can't let that go, and yeah,
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 5: maybe you should work on it yourself.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 3: But if you can't, then yeah, why be with them?
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: Like I don't know. I think I think very pragmatically
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 3: on this because well you.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: Say that, but like if you're invested in a relationship
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: and suddenly, you know, Pete picks up a new habit.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: You know where it's which. By the way, I love
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: that we call him Pete. It's just I don't know why.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: It just makes me smile. That's what I call him,
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: Little Pete McGill.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: That's the G four hound sounds good.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It would definitely take work, but I
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: don't know.
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 5: I'm just like, if it's that big of a deal,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 5: then yeah, things need to change.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 3: And I don't know.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 5: I just it doesn't mean it'd be easy, but it
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 5: would be really difficult and hurtful along the way. But
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 5: if you're hurting every single day, you can't handle that.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 5: Your picked up drinking and it also, I.
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: Use the metaphor of like a pebble in your shoe,
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes a pebble in your shoe doesn't hurt that much,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: but like you're one of the relationship, you let it go.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: It's like whatever, it's charming. You know, he has a loud,
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: lip smacking bubble gum chew. It's annoying, but I like
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: the guy. Yeah, twenty years later you're like, no, fucking
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 2: stab you in the throat.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 5: Well, but you you actually let's do the bubble them thing.
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 5: Do you chew them around your wife?
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: No, because you'll fucking lose it.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 3: So you stop chewing the gum.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: No, But I chew on my own.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: That's fine, And I choose rebelliously.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 3: I mean, someone changed by.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: A mistress exactly.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 4: He again, Jim's deaf mistress.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 2: Exclusively of hearing.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: Turn those hearing aids down, baby league jew. But I
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: also wonder too, if it's one of those things, you know,
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: like when we talk about chronic pain, you know, like
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: we talk about dealing with the emotional part of the
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: pain to make the actual physical more manageable. If it's
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: kind of the same thing, where like you can kind
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: of deal with your half of that equation, which is
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: like exploring why does this bother me? And maybe by
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: dealing with that piece, the other piece feels more manageable.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 3: That's the best answer.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: And in fairness, the bubble gum chewing, there is a
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: sound that's being emitted that can be obnoxious, Like that's
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: like smoking a cigarette. Like, hey, I realize you're doing
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: something that's all about you, but the product you're partaking
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: in gets used and it affects me and it affects them.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 2: You have to blow the smoke in the baby's face, right, Yeah,
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: whereas I can see for the writer's face from a
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: baby that's half my baby, half those lungs are mine,
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: I'm only blowing the smoke into mind baby.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: The baby's a whimp. Yah.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: But no, in this case, obviously for the writer, your
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: partner is not affecting you in any way. You're just
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: feeling concerned that they are eating something that is unhealthy
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 2: for Yeah.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 3: That's an important factor too.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 5: I was just thinking sometimes it does get to that point,
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 5: like what if the person smoking and they have lung
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 5: cancer now and you're like, please stop smoking, and they
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 5: just keep smoking Like this.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: There's a continuum, you know, and it's definitely got to
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 2: be on a scale. But writer, if you know, I
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: think that we're all in agreement. We like the idea
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: of open communication and a relationship. I mean, if this
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: is irritating you again pebble and the shoe metaphor, it's
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: going to continue to irritate you over time, and in
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: my experience, that tends to worsen over time the more
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: we're holding that in. So I like the idea of
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: bringing it to the partner in good faith, in an
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: earnest and sincere tone, with an expression of look, it's
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: your body, it's your choice, but I want a long
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: life with you. I love you. Is this something that
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 2: you'd be willing to, you know, work on so that
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 2: my anxiety can be appeased, right, and presenting it not
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 2: as you're annoying me, but presenting it from a position
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: of I love you to pieces and I worry about you,
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 2: and I think a lot of humans are pretty receptive
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 2: to that if you're not obnoxious about it, if you're like, hey,
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: I love you to pieces and I'm just so worried
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: about your health. I would sleep better at night if
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 2: I just maybe knew that you weren't having as much sugar.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 2: And it's like okay, you know, like that that can
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: be delivered in an endearing way that I would find
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 2: charming and be like, oh you okay, sweet, you know,
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: if it helps you sleep at night, I won't do
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 2: this anymore. I'll cut back. It's impactful, there's something there.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: There's definitely a negotiation move that's there. But writer, I
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 2: would caution you being mindful that if this irritating behavior
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: is causing you to start mistreating your partner, I don't
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: get to be a referee in couples therapy, but on
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 2: pod therapy, I sure fuck will be. I'll blow the
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 2: whistle and throw the flag and say, in my opinion,
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 2: you're accountable for the mistreatment of your partner. You don't
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: get to use this as a convenient excuse to now
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: just be a horrible.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 3: Partner, take away their autonomy.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and I would hope that if it
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 2: gets to that point then Yeah, Whitney's point is sound.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 2: You're gonna have to start having some really big, hard thoughts.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: And the thought's not going to be like how much
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: sugar do I feel? You know? Is healthy? The thoughts
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 2: going to be like do I want to do Christmas alone?
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 3: I think that just puts it into perspective.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: Though.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 5: It's like, right, they said they're having trouble right sizing it.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 5: That to me can help right size it because you
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 5: cut yourself thinking really, I'm going to go tell my friends, oh,
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 5: I broke up with him because he snacks, right or whatever.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 3: I ended this.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: A lot of motherfucker eats snack food.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And Whitney may say this is true or not true,
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: but I've seen this happen. So Like, as a male therapist,
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: I get female patients sometimes and I'll like ask them like,
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: why are you here? And they'll say something like because
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: my girlfriends are fucking lying to me, and I know
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 2: they are, and I'll be like, what are you talking about? Like,
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: so I go to my girlfriends when I'm upset about
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: my boyfriend and they all just only validate me. But
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: then later I realize, no, that shit I was thinking
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: was crazy, Like they were all supporting me, like it's
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: on here to be talked down, and like I've had
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: this happen where they're kind to be Like my girlfriend's
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 2: told me that.
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: He's a piece of shit and I shouldn't have to
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: put up with this.
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 2: And he's the worst guy ever, And I'm like, well,
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: what did he do? And like he didn't return my
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 2: text message because he was driving. Ye.
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like he doesn't love you.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 2: She's like, wait a minute, I think I need an
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 2: outsider exactly.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 5: That was what I was gonna say before I got
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 5: sidetracked in my thoughts. But it's accepting that everybody's gonna
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 5: have flaws like your person. I just need to throw
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 5: that out there, Like Jim was saying, there there's no
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 5: perfect person out there. There's gonna be shit that annoys
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 5: you about another person.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 3: Jacob's stuff.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 2: Jacob is the only perfect person.
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 5: And I think there is a weird little epidemic going
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 5: around now with young people dating where it's like they
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 5: use that term the ick oh yeah, yeah, crazy as
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 5: a therapist.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: There's an instagram that I always it always comes up
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: where it's like a woman says something about like oh
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: this is terrible, and then it cuts and then a
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: guy goes to his list of X.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: To like eight and seventy guys who don't commit suicide.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: Like there's a bunch of these guys for breathing bleeding
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: when injured.
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 1: I hate it when guys drink water and it's like
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: not dying of.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 5: Dehydrat now, and it's like water drips a little bit
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 5: off their mouth.
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 3: It's like ick, and like they drink water like so.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: Funny when guys yawned and it's like yeah, yeah, all that.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 4: Being said, we are still on Jim's Wife's side.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: When it comes to gym chewing. Go yeah, we don't
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: want to get we don't want listeners to get out. No, no,
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: don't get confused. Don't get confused anyway.
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 2: So great question, writer, Uh you know, uh, good luck
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: with this. And at the end of the day, you know,
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: don't be a bit about the gum chewing. I just
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 2: I really just want to drive it, like Jim's wife.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 2: Just let people live their lives anyway. We are going
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: to take a quick break and when we come back
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 2: wrapping up the show.
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 7: You're listening to pun Therapy. Today's episode is brought to you. Bye,
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 7: Ben done, Little Leah, Richard Macy, Sonny Boy, Thunder Coruger, Falcons, Slipper,
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 7: I am Motherfucker, Sander, Big Waffle, Elena, sam Cone, Jake
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 7: Schneider And if you would like to sponsor the show,
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 7: head on over to the patreon dot com slash therapy
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 7: and sign up to become.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: A therapy producer. Yeah. Should we do some trivia real quick?
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah?
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: Oh wait, hold on, this is a geography question, so.
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 3: So we know who to go to.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: Jim, bring it, bitch to the expert.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna rush it based on US state.
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: All of them has the most volcanoes.
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, not the one I was thinking buzz of.
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 3: We're obviously all buzzing.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 2: Oh boy.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, everybody in the room knows this. But Jim, I
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: don't think it's as easy. Maybe not.
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: I okay, I don't think so, because there was that
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: one in Washington that exploded.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: Mount Saint Helen's Yellowstone.
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: Is a super volcano.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: It is, that's one going right now.
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 2: The islands are getting bigger give me options.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: I don't think they're going to help you.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: Fuck Alaska, California, Oregon.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, Orgon, Yeah, thanks for the wink.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: So to be clear though, like Washington and Oregon same thing?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but like.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which one is the one with the Pierce Brosnan
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 2: movie where point break.
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: Point break?
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I mean was that.
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: One Okay?
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: No, I think it was Brosenann.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 3: No, I know what we're talking about. It where all
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: the volcanoes are volcano.
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: I think it's just called volcano.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 2: I think that might be. Okay, there's Sharknado.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: And I think that was in l A.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 2: All right, So of the things that I named, none
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 2: of them showed up except Hawaii. But why you said Alaska?
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, fuck, there's probably volcanoes in Alaska.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: It's huge.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 2: And I feel like it's part of the Arctic Circle,
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 2: which is named for the volcano.
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 1: But if it's frozen, is it a volcano? Can you
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 1: freeze fire?
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 2: Is that a glacier?
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I think that's what a glacier. It's just frozen.
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: It's just frozen fires, a bunch of frozen fire.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 2: That's probably all that is. All right, give me the
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 2: Hawaii one.
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: It's Alaska.
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 3: God, really, I would have gone a.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: Wround, right, Whitney. Which animal inspired the legend of the unicorn?
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 4: If you don't say unicorn, a unicorn inspired the unicorn?
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 5: I mean I want to say I need options because
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 5: I feel like this is a trick question.
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: A narwhal, white horse, rhinoceros.
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 5: That was like something with a horn or antler, you know,
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 5: I meanal is the more fun answer.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 2: Is pretty, but rhino feels pretty.
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 3: Hon I'm going to guess wal because I went to
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 3: it is.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: Jacob.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 4: I'm sad that unicorn wasn't an option there.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: That animal inspired the myth of unicorn.
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: Bubble wrap originally invented for anxiety. That feels like true.
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: It's uh packing material, Okay, wallpaper, Okay, insulation, greenhouse covering.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: That's good too, boy, I like this gotta be insulation.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: I bet it's insulation. Insulation.
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 2: I'll bet it is insulation. Wallpaper.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, I want to use that as feel free.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 2: Somebody would just ruin it like they're just gonna all right.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: Mind which mammal has no vocal chords? Giraffe, elephant, dolphin,
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: or kangaroo.
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, I think it's dolphin. Wait, hold on, have
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 2: you ever heard of kangaroo cry or yell?
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 3: I was gonna say giraffes.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, oh yeah, they're like pokemon. They shout their own name.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: Exactly. Yeah, that was that was like money for that.
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: I'm actually locked the door. One of them comes to
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 1: running in here. That's uh no, I got that wrong,
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: I said, I said dolphin. It is giraffe. Oh and
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: there is a fun fact that goes with us as
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: soon as I Giraffes communicate through low frequency sounds that
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: are often inaudible to humans, and interpret dance. A lot
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: of people don't dance.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 2: And painting. Yeah, they're often widely celebrated for their paintings.
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 2: All right, I win, good job.
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 2: As we get to the end of the show, we
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: want to remind you that you can find all the
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: extra material at patreon dot com slash Therapy. You can
• 1:25:40
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• 1:25:42
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• 1:25:45
  Speaker 2: weekly deep dives, interview, skill shares, research round ups, and rants.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 2: As this episode is airing, I posted a news deep
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 2: dive on the Counseling Compact, which is currently proposed in Nevada,
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 2: and if it passes in Nevada, we will be like
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 2: the forty or forty first state to join it, and
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 2: if all goes well, it will activate later in twenty
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 2: twenty five. And so if you are in any of
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 2: those forty states, you will now have privilege if you
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 2: are a counselor to practice in any other member state.
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 2: Oh damn yes, with very minimal red tape. And guess what, Whitney,
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 2: I sent you.
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 3: An email on this I couldn't open that link you.
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 2: That's because it was porn.
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: The social work socials are.
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 2: Also considering joining a very similar interstate compact, and if
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: that one passes, you will be legal in all fifty states.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 5: Oh hell yeah, Okay, get to fucking Is that not
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 5: what you meant?
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 3: No, I mean it's both interchangeable.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 2: It's really just a cost thing. Okay, one insurance covered,
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 2: not the other one, got it? So anyway, check that out.
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 2: Patreon dot com, slash Therapy, and.
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: By the way, deep Dive. Uh we got a great
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: turnout for the pod Therapy fitness challenge. Fitness challenge but yeah,
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: and uh yeah, I don't know where to go from there.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: You're welcome it's it's been fun to say that, but yeah,
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: it's surprising. Gets it there?
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 4: It's the random fact I think a raccoon can fit
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 4: through a space as small as like four inches in diameter,
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 4: and the average human anus can stretch up to about
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 4: six inches in diameter at least, so like a full
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 4: grown raccoon.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: And theory can just fit right through your buttle. Oh wow,
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: more you know?
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, diameter, that's a lot diameter.
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah like that?
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 2: So wait, iph Yeah, I mean like for a friend. Yeah,
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 2: how many chapsticks.
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: Specifically this one? How many gerbils? Is that.
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 2: Asking for an actor?
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: Brenda?
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 2: Anyway? Dot com slash therapy support our show, help us
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 2: keep doing what we're doing. We've got some new people
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: that signed up. And I don't know if you check
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 2: your email, Nick, but we had another one sign up
• 1:28:14
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• 1:28:16
  Speaker 1: I have not so if you could look that one.
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: But we got a new couple of new therapeals Mark
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: rest On restaurantaw nailed it. I I'm pretty sure I
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: got that one right. Welcome Mark and Brian Skirlin.
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 2: Welcome, very nice. The newest one is a theradactyl sok therapods.
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 2: We got Zachary w and ty Evans, thank you very much.
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 2: And we have a new theradactyl. Welcome Artie. Yeah, okay,
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, no, they get it. Theradactyl. I was just like,
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 2: when's Artie.
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 1: He's like a giraffe.
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 2: What does the drafts?
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 2: And of course we want to praise and worship our theity,
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 2: the dark Lord himself, Jim's Fasha and think our benevolent, revered,
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  Speaker 2: so much they give till it hurts that their partners
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• 1:29:22
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  Speaker 2: That's all the time we got for this week's session.
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  Speaker 1: I'm a Nick tangermin, I'm I'm Jim. Thanks, and we'll
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  Speaker 1: see if your appointment next week.
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 2: So I was listening to your introduce the therapyroducer and uh,
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 2: oh god, I forgot who it was. It was a
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 2: recent one. I think it is your most recent one.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 2: So you might have to figure that out while I'm talking.
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 2: But she was explaining that for the longest time, she
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 2: didn't know that Jacob was another person, and so she
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 2: thought that Jacob was one of.
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 3: Us, like making up another character.
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my.
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 2: God, I remember what I'm looking up.
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: What is today?
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: It was recent, but I mean that is giving you
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 2: guys a ton of Hannah. Annah Marie was like, yeah,
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 2: so I found you guys really early in history, and
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 2: I was it was listening to us in the early days.
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 2: So when we added Jacob, we didn't introduce Jacob, and
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 2: so we did buy as a joke one day and
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 2: like that's the day that Hannah realized, holy shit, there's
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 2: three of us, there's another person, because Hannah intelligently took
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 2: us at our word when we said it, Hi, Hey,
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 2: that's fair.
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: I'm this is a podcast. You know, you can't see us.
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 2: I'm this guy, he's that guy and yeah, and Hannah
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 2: was like, then one day I realized, holy.
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: Shit, somebody's just great at doing voices. I thought it
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: was an extremely creative No one.
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 2: On this show is that talented. So anyway, thank you
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 2: for supporting the show.
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 1: Hannah, Goodbye, bye bye.
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 2: God. I love that bo