Latest / The Gill Athletics Track and Field Connections Podcast / #117: Gill1918 Presents Coach/Author David Emeott “Coaching Your Own Children” Powered by Coach O

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#117: Gill1918 Presents Coach/Author David Emeott “Coaching Your Own Children” Powered by Coach O · The Gill Athletics Track and Field Connections Podcast

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  Welcome to the Gill 1918 Project, a podcast series by
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  coaches for coaches, powered by Gill Athletics.
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  Think of it as the Ted talks of track and field coaching.
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  Short, insightful, and packed with valuable strategies to help
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  you grow as a coach. This episode is part of the
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  Youth and Beginner Series brought to you by Coach O.
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  In this series, we focus on topics relating to coaching
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  youth athletes, coaching beginner athletes of any age,
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  and supporting brand new coaches as they find their way.
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  With that in mind, let's grow for.
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  The past 10 years, I've been incredibly fortunate.
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  Every spring when I walk onto the track at East Kentwood High
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  School, at least one of my own children is there with me.
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  For a decade, I got to coach my children while doing the thing I
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  love the most, and this season is bittersweet.
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  This is the last time I get to experience that.
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  My name is Dave Amiot, I'm the boys track and field coach at
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  East Kentwood High School and the author of Beyond the Finish
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  Line, The Art of Transformational Coaching.
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  I've been coaching for over 30 years.
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  Coaching isn't just something I do, it's who I am.
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  So when I became a young dad, my instinct was simple.
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  If my kids play it, I'm going to coach it.
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  When my oldest son, Colton, joined the varsity track team in
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  2017, I was thrilled. This was something I had
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  imagined since the day he was born.
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  Colton grew up at Track Mates. He sat in the stands, he watched
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  our team win state championships.
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  He knew the culture, he knew the expectations.
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  And now it was his turn. What made it even more special?
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  This wasn't the first time I had coached Colton.
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  It was just the first time I had coached him in a sport I
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  actually knew something about. Before track, I had coached
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  baseball, something I know almost nothing about.
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  Basketball. Football I, I showed up, I
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  helped where I could. I probably put myself into
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  positions where I could be the coach because I was so worried
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  about everybody else coaching them.
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  One time I was the offensive coordinator on his Rocket
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  football team and after a particularly poor play call on
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  my part, and it was very obvious for every kid and every fan that
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  I it was my mistake because the kids all looked at me like I had
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  three eyeballs, A dad yelled from the stands.
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  That's why he coaches track. And honestly, he wasn't wrong.
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  But now, finally, I was coaching my son in my element.
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  I was ready to prove to him that I actually was pretty good at
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  coaching something. On the first day of the season,
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  we held our big team meeting. 150 kids sitting in the gym.
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  Right after we did our first character lesson for the year,
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  we had talked about some calendar issues and then we
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  talked about how we were going to move the pole vault pit from
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  inside to outside. And if you're a track and field
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  coach, you know that moving the pole vault pit is is like
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  building the pyramids. Sometimes it takes a it takes a
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  lot of hands. So while, while I'm talking
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  about this, a voice pops up. Why are we setting it up today?
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  Why can't we just do that tomorrow?
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  Now at home, when I say take the trash out tonight, it becomes a
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  negotiation. Should we do it tonight or
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  should we do it tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow might be better.
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  And it, as most parents know it ends up always being tomorrow.
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  But on this team, there is no negotiation and certainly no
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  public negotiation and definitely not from a freshman.
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  Many athletes on that in the gym that day didn't even know Colton
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  was my son. And in that moment I seriously
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  feared for his safety. That was the first reminder.
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  Coaching your own child blurs the lines fast.
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  Home habits don't translate into team culture, and kids must
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  learn that distinction. And for that matter, parents
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  need to learn their distinction as well.
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  There's a phrase that every coach fears, Daddy Ball.
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  I've been accused of it many times.
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  So I made, I made sure that my kids always had to prove beyond
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  dispute that they belonged. In fact, I probably went too far
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  the other direction during Colton's freshman year.
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  There were times when things were close and should I take
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  this kid or take the other kid? And generally, I, I went away
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  from my own child just to just to make sure I wasn't accused
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  of, of showing favoritism. Well it probably worked out OK
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  in the end. It wasn't a great situation for
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  myself at home. My wife was just a mom upset
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  that her kid wasn't included and and I was a dad that probably
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  would have want to be there with my kid and my kid wasn't happy
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  with me. But in the end there was no
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  special treatment ever given to my kids that that freshman year
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  brought another surprise. We lost an early season dual
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  meet, something that that hadn't happened for a few years.
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  And later in the season we lost another one.
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  In fact, it was the only the the second time in school history
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  that we had lost two meats in a year.
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  That afternoon, Colton jumps in the car.
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  We're heading home and he's visibly upset.
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  I'm not too excited either. And he says I didn't join this
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  team to lose. And I can tell you that's a lot
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  of pressure that that was, you know, more pressure than I'd
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  ever felt probably from any other place.
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  And, and here it's coming from, you know, a 14 year old kid
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  sitting in the passenger seat of my car that that team responded.
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  They grew, they learned that season.
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  We ended up winning the state championship and we went on to
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  win a couple more. I can tell you that was probably
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  one of the greatest days of my my coaching and my and my
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  fatherhood is winning a state title with your kid being on
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  your team, him being a contributor and, and, and me
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  being the head coach. My second child, my daughter, I
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  tried to do things a little differently.
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  I was certainly not going to coach things like dance and I
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  knew even less about volleyball than I did baseball.
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  And so instead of instead of coaching her teams, I really
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  fell in love with just watching her on her teams and growing
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  and, and, and learning from other people.
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  You know, this expanded the mentors that she had in her
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  life, even when she ran middle school cross country, a sport I
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  know pretty well. I loved hearing her tell me all
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  that she had learned at practice today.
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  And I and, and just being that outside perspective and, and
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  watching her grow, my time would come to coach.
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  But it wouldn't need to be all the time.
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  She had great coaches. She had average coaches and she
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  even had a few below average coaches.
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  Nothing bad happened. She learned what to do and what
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  not to do. She grew stronger.
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  My wife and I got to be supportive parents sitting in
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  the stands. I had worried another coach
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  might somehow ruin my daughter. Instead, they helped shape who
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  who she is today. An amazing individual.
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  When it came time for me to coach, Macy was on the girls
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  track team. She had an incredible
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  transformational coach and Stephanie Stevenson as her head
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  track coach, and I got to coach her in the pole vault.
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  We shared tremendous moments. Those days were incredibly
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  special, but they were all so hard.
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  When things didn't go her way, it was doubly difficult.
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  She couldn't go go home and complain about the coach
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  anymore. Dad was the coach.
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  She learned to be resilient in a different way, and I had to
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  learn how to separate those roles a little bit better.
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  I wouldn't trade those days for anything.
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  My time spent with Macy at the at the pole vault pit was some
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  of the the most fun times and then also the most bonding times
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  I ever had with her. But it wasn't easy and it never
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  is with my third child. I got to I got to Coach Reese,
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  my youngest kid, and over the years I volunteered to coach
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  when they needed. But I but I certainly was not
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  stepping up the way I had with his older brother.
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  I'm a little bit older, I'm a little bit wiser and I
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  understood the value of learning from other coaches.
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  I've made a conscious decision to let other coaches coach
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  because if I support them, my son learns even more.
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  I, I, I learned that lesson through watching Macy and, and
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  it really was effective and it worked out well with Reese.
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  You know, I, I listened, I offered advice when asked, I
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  supported the coaches and I watched them grow.
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  I more mentors are better than fewer coach and Reese has been
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  incredibly fulfilling. Not only am I coaching him, his
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  older brother now helps me coach him as well.
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  We both we share their duties and coaching Reese on the track
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  team in the pole vault. Reese is a two time state
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  champion right now. He's won his sophomore and
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  junior year. He's having an incredible
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  career. Colton and I, we don't always
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  agree on on what we're what we're doing, but standing on the
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  track winning state titles alongside of one son while
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  coaching with another is something I'll carry with me for
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  the rest of my life. If I could leave you with a few
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  lessons, they would be these. Your child does not need you to
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  be their only coach. Other voices matter.
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  Let them practice without you. Sometimes growth happens when
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  you're not watching. Be clear on the goal.
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  It's not just winning, it's learning how to win and how to
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  lose more. Mentors are always better than
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  fewer. Make sure the whole family's on
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  board. Make sure if you decide you're
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  going to coach a team that everybody understands the roles.
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  Make sure your wife or your or your partner is, is ready for
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  you to be in the limelight like that.
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  Make sure your child is OK with you being the person who's who's
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  running things. That's a family decision.
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  It's not just a parent decision. It's everybody sitting down and,
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  and, and being honest about what the upsides and the downsides
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  are going to be. And sometimes your kids going to
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  have to sit when maybe they didn't think they had to sit.
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  But make sure it's a family decision.
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  In closing. These years have gone by faster
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  than I could have ever imagined. And as this chapter closes, I am
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  grateful not just for the wins, but for the lessons we've we've
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  learned together. Coaching your own kids is not
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  about the medals. It's not about trophies.
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  It's about relationships. And I wouldn't trade those for
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  anything. If you like this, this talk I
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  gave today and the and the lessons that you may have
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  learned through there, I encourage you to go out and buy
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  my book Beyond the Finish line, The Art of Transformational
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  Coaching. It's a terrific tool for
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  parents, leaders and coaches and it's a it's a great way to get
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  get your career either kicked off in the right direction or
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  jump started from wherever it's at today.
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  Thank you very much. Hey gang, Mike Cunningham here.
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  Thanks for joining us for this episode in the Youth and
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  beginner series Powered by Coach O.
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  It's a movement to benefit track and field by supporting coaches,
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  athletes, parents, officials and event directors in countless
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  ways. Find out more and get yourself
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  plugged in to the Powered by Coach O by visiting Kocho Com
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