Latest / Tone It Down / Why Doing Less Is the Secret to Lasting Fitness, Hormonal Balance & Freedom | Melissa Alcantara AKA

Transcript

Why Doing Less Is the Secret to Lasting Fitness, Hormonal Balance & Freedom | Melissa Alcantara AKA · Tone It Down

0:00
We were like, hey, we get a lot of like spam.
0:03
Can you send something over that kind of legit of fun?
0:06
So they sent over all these NDAs and we were like, oh, this is real.
0:11
Kim Kardashian?
0:13
What?
0:14
A couple weeks before that, we had bought our one-way ticket to Los Angeles.
0:18
It was just destiny.
0:20
It was serendipitous.
0:21
Today we're joined by Melissa Alcantara, a.k.a.
0:23
at Fit Girl Mel on Instagram.
0:25
Today on the show we have Melissa Alcantara.
0:28
Melissa Alcantara was a first-time mom lost in the throes of post-partum depression.
0:34
Then fitness helped her find her way back to herself.
0:37
If we're not at the top, top, top, all the time, we're basically like,
0:41
oh, we didn't do anything, we're nothing.
0:44
I'm really trying to step away from that type of mentality.
0:47
I have to do something about it.
0:49
I just felt shitty about myself all the time.
0:52
I looked in the mirror and not only did I feel like I was not in shape,
0:57
I just felt like I wasn't doing anything for me.
1:01
I was like, I'm tired of this.
1:03
I have to do something about it.
1:05
The world isn't really made for us to do all of this shit.
1:09
Instead of being like, what did I not do?
1:12
I'm like, what did I do today?
1:14
Welcome back to your Tonet Down Podcast.
1:19
I'm so happy to be back hanging out with you.
1:22
I am currently in Austin, Texas.
1:24
Yes, I know.
1:25
I'm bringing back the 90s kangle hat.
1:27
If you're in Austin and across the East Coast,
1:30
we have been having some weather.
1:32
I came here for some podcasting and other things and got stuck at my house for five days.
1:39
The ice is finally gone, but the cold is not.
1:41
So what you don't see is that I'm wearing yoga pants and sweatpants,
1:46
double sweatshirt and this, doing my best.
1:50
Okay, so I'm really excited.
1:52
So recently I went to LA and did a little podcast tour in LA,
1:57
did four there.
1:58
So they're all coming up very soon.
2:00
So make sure you're subscribed to this podcast before you listen to this.
2:04
If you're pretty pleased, subscribe, ladies and gentlemen.
2:07
Hit that subscribe, however you listen.
2:10
Much gratitude for that.
2:12
The other thing I want to let you know for week four of your new year,
2:18
new T.I.U challenge in your toned up app,
2:21
you're crushing.
2:22
It brings so much to my heart to see you working so hard
2:26
and coming together and seeing all of the toned up girls
2:28
who are checking in with each other, reconnecting with all of their girlfriends.
2:34
They're the app and social media.
2:36
Oh wait, one more thing.
2:37
One more PSR.
2:38
Did you know that you can leave a voicemail for me anonymous or not
2:43
at KarinaDawn.com slash message?
2:46
So that's when I do like the AMAs and the solar pods.
2:51
I go and listen to your message, play it live and answer your question.
2:56
Yeah, it's actually really fun.
2:57
I really have enjoyed doing that part.
3:00
So today's guest, my friend.
3:02
She's been on the Big Silence podcast.
3:04
You may know her Melissa Alcantara, Fick Girl Mel.
3:08
You may know her, you know, Kim Kardashian's trainer.
3:10
She's trained Lizzo.
3:11
She's trained many other amazing artists.
3:15
And her story is really incredible.
3:18
And every time I hang out with Mel, I'm like, I need more Mel in my life.
3:23
Like it's she's just down and raw and who she is and such a great person.
3:30
So today we chat about reinvention, resilience and finding freedom in all phases of life.
3:38
And giving yourself permission to tone it down.
3:42
We also talk about her training in Kardashian and many, many other things.
3:47
You're going to love this conversation.
3:49
I really enjoy hanging out with you.
3:53
So if you love hanging out with me and your trainers and all the guests that I'm having on,
3:58
leave a comment in here.
4:00
You're watching this on YouTube.
4:01
If you're watching this on YouTube or a comment on Spotify,
4:04
you can now leave comments on Spotify.
4:06
I hadn't even know that.
4:08
So let me know who you want to have on the pod.
4:11
And much love and joy.
4:24
Welcome to a tone it down podcast.
4:28
Melissa Okintara, aka Fit Girl Mel.
4:31
Yeah, yeah.
4:32
My friend, we've had a conversation on the big silence.
4:36
We were just at great and cultivate together.
4:38
We've hung out in Austin.
4:40
I love you, Karina.
4:42
You're honestly like a light, a soul, like a true person.
4:48
I like that.
4:49
In a world of crazy Instagram, blah, blah, blah, everything is fake, you know.
4:56
Yeah, I'm so.
4:57
I appreciate you.
4:59
I appreciate you.
4:59
And I always enjoy the time that we do see each other and hang out.
5:04
So I definitely went and started toning down.
5:07
I was like, I need to talk to you.
5:10
I feel like we were like voice noting each other.
5:12
And we're ready to tone it down.
5:15
Like let's talk about life now.
5:16
Everything we've been through.
5:18
Both of us in the fitness industry.
5:20
How many years for you?
5:23
20s, 16, 15, 10, 10, 11 years, 2009.
5:31
Yeah.
5:32
Well, you were, you're the OG.
5:34
Like you're the first of the first.
5:37
Yeah, but I feel like I'm having this rebirth.
5:39
And I'm still like trying to figure out like what that looks like for the first time as,
5:45
you know, being the sole owner of toned up.
5:48
And I love inspiring women as to you.
5:50
But I want to talk.
5:52
Because I love your story about living in New York.
5:57
Can we just go back there?
5:58
It's so cold.
6:00
Yes.
6:01
Well, crazy thing.
6:02
First of all, my life, I don't even know how I ended up here now.
6:07
You can do.
6:09
No, I honestly, I grew up in the Bronx as a Dominican girl, you know, on welfare.
6:17
My mother was on every government help situation.
6:21
And I wasn't supported.
6:24
I didn't know what I wanted to do.
6:27
I didn't have goals and all those dreams and everything.
6:30
I was just like going through high school, smoking my weed.
6:33
Nothing as we do.
6:37
But I had my daughter and I was 26.
6:43
I always had this thing, like this yo-yo dieting thing since I was like 15.
6:48
I was like the chunky girl out of six girls, like my cousins and my sister.
6:53
And everyone was like slim and hot.
6:56
And I was kind of like weird and chunky.
6:58
That's how I felt.
7:00
And after I had my daughter, I was like, I'm tired of this.
7:07
I'm tired of feeling like crap.
7:08
I'm tired of like comparing myself to my cousins and being like the weird one
7:13
or whatever how I felt.
7:15
I was like, I have to do something about it.
7:18
So it's so funny.
7:19
I actually really, really started with weight watchers.
7:22
Really?
7:23
Yes.
7:23
I'm probably doing that, but I forgot.
7:26
No, I never really talked about that time.
7:28
Yeah, I feel like I would have remembered weight watchers.
7:30
Yeah, no.
7:32
And I lost like 10 pounds.
7:34
I was like, oh, this weight watcher's thing, let's do it.
7:37
But where it really, really happened for me was when I did insanity by Shanty.
7:45
Hannah, who was just here, we were talking about P90 X.
7:49
That's the same thing.
7:51
Exactly the beach body workout, but I was like, you know,
7:54
at the time, still, what's this 2014?
7:58
I was like, um, lifting weights.
7:59
I don't know if I want to do that.
8:00
That's for men, right?
8:01
Because you'll get two bulking.
8:03
Exactly.
8:03
We'll talk about that.
8:05
I was like, no, I'm going to do this cardio thing that looks insane.
8:09
Has the name.
8:11
And I woke up one day and I did it.
8:15
I did it every day.
8:16
I don't know.
8:18
It was like I had just fallen to the lowest of my low.
8:22
And then I feel like the worst.
8:24
I just felt shitty about myself all the time.
8:28
I looked in the mirror and not only did I feel like I was not in shape.
8:34
I just felt like I wasn't doing anything for me.
8:38
You know, I was working.
8:39
I was taking care of my daughter and, you know,
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I was married at the time.
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But where was I in the picture?
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I don't know.
8:47
Everything kind of just transformed like this.
8:50
And I did the workouts.
8:52
I got on the meal plan.
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I lost 40 pounds in 60 days.
8:57
And then you had that before and after that.
8:59
It was all same, including Kim Kardashian.
9:06
That set off a whole thing.
9:08
Actually, after insanity, I then was like, I want to lift weights.
9:13
Then I was like, I want to lift weights.
9:16
Then I did a bodybuilding competition.
9:18
Oh, you did one.
9:19
I don't even know which one it was.
9:22
Well, because I didn't want like competition back in 2010.
9:27
It was awful.
9:29
Really?
9:31
That's the only one.
9:32
But it was more like the bikini one, you know,
9:34
not like bodybuilding.
9:35
Yeah.
9:36
Well, my body is built kind of like, I have really like why
9:40
shoulders and, you know, so my coach at the time was like,
9:44
you'd be really good for figure.
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And I was like, whatever the hell that means, I don't care.
9:48
But yeah, I won the competition in two categories.
9:52
And I posted this before, after that, when crazy at the time when
9:58
Instagram was like, amazing.
10:00
And you would go, actually, could go viral on Instagram.
10:04
Now if you're not doing a backflip farting,
10:07
at the same time, like singing and dancing,
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you won't go viral.
10:14
Kim Kardashian's team reached out.
10:17
Mind you, I lived in a basement apartment with my husband and my daughter,
10:21
making, I don't know, $300 a week.
10:25
My husband at the time was like, I think this says it's from
10:29
keeping up with the Kardashians.
10:31
And I was like, what?
10:33
He's like, yeah.
10:34
Like is this spam?
10:36
Yeah, we were like, wait, is this like fake?
10:38
So we were like, hey, we get a lot of like spam.
10:42
Can you send something over that kind of legitimates?
10:45
Like, so they sent over all these NDAs.
10:48
And we were like, oh, this is real.
10:52
This is happening.
10:53
Kim Kardashian.
10:55
What?
10:56
She's like, God, it's like, everyone knows her.
11:01
You know, you can go to any part in the world and mention her name.
11:05
People are like, yeah, I know who that is.
11:07
So before I knew it, I was on the phone with her.
11:11
And she's like, can you come train me in LA for a few weeks?
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I know you live in New York.
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And I was like, Kim, you wouldn't even believe.
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But just a couple weeks before that, we had bought our one-way ticket to Los Angeles.
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We decided we were done being poor in New York.
11:32
We'd rather be poor in a place that has signed.
11:35
Yeah, it was just destiny.
11:37
It was serendipitous.
11:39
I'll see you.
11:40
You said you didn't know how you got there,
11:42
but you had already manifested that trip to LA.
11:45
This is true.
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Everything fell into place almost like I swear.
11:50
And I know this sounds crazy, but it was supposed to happen that way.
11:55
Yeah.
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I don't know.
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It just changed my life.
11:59
It changed my life.
12:01
How so?
12:02
Well, first, the first episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was filmed in New York.
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And it was aired six months later.
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I was living in LA at the time now with my husband, my mother-in-law, my daughter, and my dog.
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In a two-bedroom apartment, we Airbnb the other bedroom because we couldn't afford it.
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And crazy enough.
12:30
I was selling a $40 fitness program on my website.
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Just, you know, something that I created.
12:38
When that episode aired, we made $40,000 that day.
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And that was the beginning of something crazy.
12:50
So you're not married anymore?
12:51
And no.
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I don't mind all the motorcycles in the background.
12:56
We're in LA on Sunset Boulevard.
13:01
Sleeping at night here.
13:02
I'm like, sirens.
13:05
Not just not my Austin place.
13:08
Exactly.
13:09
Where there's so serene and quiet.
13:13
But so then you work with him.
13:15
You get into fitness because you were a bartender before, right?
13:18
Yes.
13:19
So I actually, I worked in a restaurant.
13:22
Yeah.
13:22
There's just, honestly, there's so many layers.
13:25
And I think we need a part one, two, and three.
13:27
But I worked as a marketing assistant.
13:34
And I actually quit my job to be a producer.
13:39
But I had to start as an intern.
13:40
So I quit a job that was paying me like $45,000 a year to make.
13:46
Is that me?
13:46
I'm so serious.
13:47
You don't turn your phone on D&D when you come on a podcast.
13:50
I was waiting for a very important call.
13:54
Wait, from who?
13:56
My insurance company.
13:57
That's all I'm sorry.
14:02
Hey, I'm trying to adult at the same time.
14:05
You're doing very good at adulting.
14:07
I'm going to jump around because you're doing very good at adulting.
14:10
I love all of the projects.
14:12
You know, I love real estate as well.
14:13
And you are redoing a home right now.
14:16
I am, which is kicking my ass.
14:18
Oh, my God.
14:19
Do you do it all on your own?
14:21
Yes.
14:23
You're like Bobby.
14:24
Oh, Bobby.
14:25
My husband.
14:29
I was like, wait, Robert.
14:33
No, and you have your place in Joshua Tree 2, which is, I'm obsessed with.
14:38
But you too.
14:39
Yeah, trust me.
14:40
I'm like, I need to be like Karina.
14:42
How does she stay so calm?
14:44
I'm a wreck.
14:46
I'm literally a bipolar.
14:48
I feel like psychopath.
14:50
I mean, between
14:51
Perry, Menopause or whatever is happening to my body
14:56
and just my normal New Yorker self.
15:01
Oh, see.
15:01
Yeah, you're New Yorker like Bobby.
15:03
And he does everything on his own too.
15:05
Like any construction projects or anything.
15:08
He's like, I'm going to do it.
15:09
I'm like, you glow, boy.
15:13
You do that.
15:14
But yeah, so now you coming back to L.A.
15:17
You're here, your daughter.
15:19
You went through the forest.
15:20
You're working on your career.
15:21
I want to talk about being a single mom and entrepreneur.
15:29
Lord help us.
15:31
Can I ask, I didn't.
15:32
You don't talk to your ex husband.
15:35
So if you're like, I don't want to talk about it.
15:37
I can't talk about it.
15:39
I mean, we didn't for a little while.
15:41
But I mean, we had so many years.
15:43
We were best friends.
15:45
We met in college.
15:46
You know, we had my daughter.
15:47
We were homeless together.
15:49
We went through literally like everything together.
15:53
And I'm always going to have love for him.
15:56
You know, but recently we kind of like,
15:59
we started talking again and just being cordial.
16:02
You know what I mean?
16:02
Which is great also for my daughter.
16:04
But he currently manages me again.
16:07
Oh, wait.
16:08
Yeah, that happened.
16:09
I knew he did and then he didn't know.
16:12
So that it's been like a couple of months now.
16:15
Okay.
16:16
Yeah.
16:17
So it's good.
16:18
Yeah.
16:18
You know, still kind of keeping it in the family.
16:22
I know.
16:23
I do that a lot too though.
16:24
I love working with people that I know and I trust.
16:26
And then giving second chances and see where it goes from there.
16:30
Yeah.
16:31
I think it's the trust thing, especially in this industry.
16:35
It's hard to navigate through the people who want to use your platform.
16:40
And you know, want to be your friend
16:43
because they want to get closer to the celebrities or whatever it is.
16:47
So I'm always kind of like vigilant of.
16:51
Yeah.
16:52
I know.
16:53
I trust everybody at first.
16:54
And then Bobby is very much like,
16:58
I'm like, no, it's really fine.
17:00
He's like, they're great.
17:02
And then a few months later, years later, he's like,
17:05
I told you, I told you so.
17:08
I have a very good writer.
17:10
That's the New Yorker.
17:11
That's where that's the New Yorker.
17:13
I'm like, don't trust anyone.
17:17
But I'm just so trust.
17:18
I probably won't let go of that.
17:20
I've gotten better of wondering why certain people come in my life
17:24
and then kind of stepping back and watching.
17:28
But honestly, I think that's the better way to go
17:30
versus when you don't trust people, it's a very lonely place.
17:36
Yeah.
17:36
And it takes so much work to try to trust people
17:40
because you also create your own stories.
17:42
Yeah.
17:42
You're like, you know, the person may not even be doing anything.
17:46
But to you, you're like, you start making it all up.
17:48
You're like, no, they're, you know, they're being sneaky and blah, blah, blah.
17:52
And it's like, oh, God, I can't ever create like long-lasting
17:56
friendships or relationships.
17:58
Yeah.
17:59
I'm like, I just want to be like positive and everything.
18:04
But I love that about you.
18:06
So yeah, I'm like, Bobby, stop being so negative and stop.
18:11
He's like, I'm not, that is the New Yorker in him.
18:14
I mean, even in a normal conversation, I'm like, why are you yelling at me?
18:17
He's like, I'm not yelling this New Yorker.
18:19
I'm from Long Island.
18:20
Oh my God, I'm the same way.
18:23
I'm the same way.
18:24
It's like, why are you like?
18:25
I'm like, I'm not yelling.
18:26
I'm speaking passionately.
18:28
Yeah, yeah.
18:29
I'm just from New York, okay?
18:31
This is just how I talk.
18:32
So your career over, so with personal training and training and all of that,
18:39
I don't know, you have a new app coming out.
18:42
Yes.
18:42
And you had an app before?
18:44
Yes, so I was actually on a platform.
18:47
Yeah.
18:47
That's what it was.
18:48
So I was on a playbook and it was my kind of, they were hosting my app, right?
18:55
But you don't own.
18:56
Exactly.
18:57
Well, I own all of my content, but I don't own the app yet.
19:00
So I was like, you know what, whatever.
19:03
I'm kind of late in the game to create an app from scratch.
19:06
But I was like, I want something of my own, you know?
19:10
I'm 40 years old.
19:11
I've been doing this a long time.
19:13
And I'm tired of the pimp.
19:17
I think we had voice notes to each other like, no more pimp.
19:20
Yeah, exactly.
19:22
We're like, we're tired of the pimp.
19:24
We're taken over, you know?
19:26
And that was basically like the reason why I decided to just bite the bullet and do it.
19:32
So then I went ahead and I created the a new app.
19:36
And I also created it because I think I came also to a point in my life where
19:42
just trying to tone it down, not everything has to be high level 100% all the time.
19:49
And I was always like that.
19:51
And some days I didn't have time to do a two hour leg day.
19:55
And so I created an app where you have the match my energy feature.
20:01
And basically, yeah, you can veer off of your program and say, you know what?
20:06
I want to match my energy today.
20:08
I have 25 minutes.
20:10
I have low energy or moderate energy.
20:13
And I'm training at home or in the gym.
20:15
And it will create a workout for you.
20:19
And it's about like celebrating more wins, right?
20:23
Because if you see that two hour leg day and you're like, I don't want to do that.
20:28
And then you don't do anything, then you start to feel bad about yourself.
20:32
Then the next day, you may not do all or nothing kind of mentality.
20:35
Exactly.
20:36
And I'm very much like that all.
20:38
Because you're in New York and that's a Bobby's way.
20:40
He's like training for an Iron Man or on the couch.
20:44
And I'm like, listen, be there is no in between.
20:50
And it's hard.
20:51
It's hard to because we beat ourselves up.
20:54
Yeah.
20:54
You know, if we're not at the top, top, top, all the time,
20:58
then we're basically like, oh, we didn't do anything.
21:02
We're nothing.
21:03
Blah blah blah.
21:04
And I'm really trying to step away from that type of mentality and celebrate myself.
21:10
Even when I don't have 100% energy or even when I did skip that workout,
21:16
because I may need it.
21:18
You've been very vocal, even on social media about that.
21:22
Because viewers are like, I'm this way in this much muscle.
21:25
And then you're like, I'm going to try to explain that a little
21:28
and how you mentally move through that.
21:30
Or if you make a decision or you're just following your intuition,
21:34
how your body is feeling.
21:37
Yeah.
21:37
I think because I have kind of this up and down.
21:42
I don't want to call it yoga wing because I feel like you're very intentional with it.
21:45
Yeah. I'm definitely consistent.
21:48
Like in the fact that I do workout and I'm always taking care of like my nutrition,
21:55
the levels I think change depending on like, you know,
22:00
my motivation at the time to level up, I guess.
22:04
I'm, you know, one day I'll be like, oh, I'm so over this.
22:08
I can't do this anymore.
22:11
And then like a week later, I'm like, I'm on it.
22:14
Well, that's also like hormones and energy and the moon and the universe.
22:19
Seriously, can the universe just pause and calm down?
22:23
What retrograde are we in?
22:25
I guess I know for it.
22:29
Seriously, but you know, there are moments.
22:32
Also, there are projects, right?
22:34
And sometimes the projects are what motivate me.
22:37
And then I become like, all right, well, I'm going to dial in my food.
22:41
I'm going to dial in my training for a few months.
22:44
And then, you know, then I'll tone it down a little bit.
22:47
And it's kind of like these ebbs and flows.
22:51
Number one, let's go back to two hour leg day.
22:54
Yes, that is giving anxiety.
22:56
Oh, my God.
22:57
I feel yes.
22:59
Some of my leg days are take like two hours.
23:02
And I honestly, I want to shoot myself by the end of it because
23:06
I can't skip out on a set or a rep.
23:09
Yeah.
23:10
Because again, I am that person who will be like,
23:13
you didn't do it completely, you messed up.
23:16
And then, you know, it kind of like messes with my progress.
23:19
If I feel like I didn't give my hundred percent.
23:23
Yeah, I get that.
23:25
I set out to do something.
23:26
I did an accomplishment.
23:28
I didn't accomplish it.
23:29
And like, you messed up.
23:33
Exactly.
23:35
That's the whole toning it down thing.
23:36
Like, how do you talk to yourself now when maybe you wake up one morning
23:41
and I like to call it a workout snack?
23:43
I love that.
23:44
10 minutes, 15, 20.
23:46
Yes.
23:47
And it kind of sometimes gets you in the mode to even do it.
23:53
Right.
23:53
So I think that's what I do.
23:55
I'm like, okay, you're not really feeling it.
23:57
Let's walk on the treadmill
23:59
and or let's take a walk outside with the dog and get some blood flow.
24:03
Because once you get up, yeah, once you get up and you start moving,
24:08
then you're like, okay, yeah, it's good, it's good.
24:12
But I'm going to tell you something that kind of really detours a lot of stuff
24:16
as the whole like filming for Instagram.
24:18
You got to film this workout.
24:19
You have to film what you're eating.
24:21
You have to film this cooking session.
24:24
It's like, oh, if I film one more squat,
24:28
oh my god, how many squats have I done in this life?
24:31
And I have filmed at least 10,000 of them.
24:35
But you're motivating women.
24:38
Because there's so many different women at different stages of their fitness,
24:42
that they're life of their hormones.
24:43
And we'll talk about perimenopause and menopause and all the shifts
24:47
and all phases of life.
24:48
And everyone's in a different phase where some you want to do two-hour like days.
24:52
I mean, if I look back in my fitness journey,
24:55
I was training for Iron Man's and doing trathlants.
24:58
And you come at me with that today.
25:00
And I'm like, fuck you.
25:04
I'm just trying to make breakfast.
25:06
I'm just trying to do two squats after IP.
25:11
And some like on the island push-ups.
25:14
But I mean, I personally, I've had that journey of going from
25:18
trathly to yoga girl to hiking get outdoors, back to cardio.
25:25
And no, I'm in this weightlifting.
25:27
I love, especially that's what I wanted to shift into.
25:30
I was talking about perimenopause.
25:31
Menopause, you mentioned that.
25:32
And I think, you know, I went into menopause very early.
25:38
But are you in Perry?
25:40
I think so.
25:41
Honestly, I'm trying to figure it out.
25:43
I know my body's changing.
25:44
Yeah, I know.
25:45
I feel it.
25:46
I did the Dutch test.
25:47
I know my hormones look great.
25:49
My cortisol was like messed up,
25:52
which I think I was just born with messed up cortisol.
25:56
Just always high cortisol.
25:57
I like to be born with that.
25:59
Just always high strong high stress.
26:02
But yeah, I think that there's so much in for me.
26:07
It feels like the beginning of my fitness journey,
26:11
where you're all confused.
26:12
Yeah, yeah.
26:13
And you're like, okay, wait.
26:15
Am I supposed to be doing cardio?
26:17
Am I supposed to be doing weights?
26:19
Which one do I do first?
26:20
It's all these questions.
26:22
What am I supposed to eat?
26:23
Are macros it?
26:24
Do I just do calories?
26:25
Does my weight matter?
26:27
I eat 150 grams of protein on a day.
26:30
Exactly.
26:31
Exactly.
26:32
And I'm literally going through that right now,
26:36
with just this shift in my life and how I feel
26:42
and whether it's my hormones, you know,
26:44
I would love, honestly, your take on what your experience was.
26:50
It's wild.
26:51
I think I started going into parry in 2017.
26:55
Really?
26:55
Because that's when anxiety went up and panic attacks.
26:59
Yeah.
26:59
Are you like, yes.
27:00
I went to the doctor and I was like, I am dying.
27:04
Oh my god.
27:05
I literally had a panic attack the other day.
27:08
I couldn't breathe.
27:09
I was like, and it was like something happened.
27:14
And I was like, my whole life is over.
27:17
Yeah.
27:17
My first, like, major major was then 2017,
27:20
the end of the 10 or up tour.
27:21
We did 15 cities and 30 days.
27:23
What an old man.
27:24
Don't suggest that.
27:27
But, well, that would kill anyone.
27:30
Literally before going on stage,
27:32
Sarah, my assistant at the time,
27:34
I was like, I need to go lay down on the bathroom floor backstage.
27:37
We were in Chicago and I was saying there was like,
27:41
I think I'm dying.
27:42
Oh my god.
27:43
She's like, and I was just like, that's too much.
27:45
That's like where the tone or down comes.
27:47
Like, why you don't need to put yourself,
27:49
but that was nine years ago now.
27:51
And I was thriving, but it was just too much.
27:53
Yeah.
27:54
But then I realized then I wasn't sleeping as well.
27:58
And then I was having night spots.
27:59
And then 2020 hit.
28:00
I just thought I had COVID all the time.
28:02
But I learned.
28:05
This is me.
28:06
I swear to God.
28:07
Like literally just like waking up drenched.
28:10
I'm like, I have to change my sheets.
28:13
Oh my god.
28:13
I literally squeeze my shirts and the grips every night.
28:18
No one, oh, every night.
28:21
Every night, every night.
28:22
There might be one or two where I'm like, wait, what happened?
28:24
What did I do that was different?
28:26
I find it.
28:27
Yeah.
28:27
And I went to my doctor and they took my blood work.
28:30
And I know you're fine.
28:31
I was like, no, I've been skipping my period
28:34
for three months at a time now.
28:36
So that's like the first sign.
28:38
And then finally,
28:40
it was a year and that was it.
28:42
That was three years ago.
28:43
And I was gaining weight.
28:44
I was working out more because I was like,
28:48
why I'm in like belly fat.
28:50
And I was like, I'm working out more.
28:52
I'm, I mean, in 2020, I'm a little more than usual.
28:57
I think we all.
28:59
Everyone was stressed.
29:00
I'm like, she's played pizza.
29:04
I'll take it.
29:05
We're like, what do I call it?
29:08
I am the wine.
29:11
Oh, it was a flowing at all sorts of hours.
29:15
So I mean, there might have been a little weight gain there.
29:18
But still, I was working out.
29:19
I was like, we were all very confused on like,
29:22
so imagine going through a period of pause.
29:24
And it was plus 2020.
29:26
I was.
29:27
And so you're rolling.
29:29
Yeah.
29:29
And so young because no one talks about it.
29:31
But I did talk to some doctors and psychologists on the big
29:35
science podcast.
29:36
And they said that if you've experienced a lot of trauma
29:38
in your life when you're younger,
29:39
you typically will go through a parry earlier.
29:44
Okay.
29:44
That could be, yeah, the trauma.
29:49
It's funny because I never talk about my past.
29:53
I never talk about my youth ever.
29:55
I don't think anyone knows anything about.
29:58
I mean, I was thinking about it recently
30:01
because I was talking to my therapist.
30:03
Yes, I have a therapist.
30:04
I think we all need a therapist.
30:07
But yeah, I don't talk about my mother.
30:09
I don't, you know,
30:10
my father, me growing up siblings.
30:13
I think people see me and it's kind of like,
30:16
oh, this is Mel.
30:17
She's a superstar fitness guy.
30:21
Yeah.
30:21
And that's it.
30:22
Yeah.
30:23
You know, and what about your mom?
30:26
Well, my mom died of,
30:29
she had dementia early onset.
30:31
How old?
30:32
She started Alzheimer's,
30:36
like at 48, 50.
30:39
Yeah.
30:41
So every time I forget something,
30:43
I am literally freaking out.
30:46
Yeah.
30:48
Also, my mother was just nuts all the time.
30:53
She was so high strong very much like how I am.
30:58
So I fear for my life every day that I'm going to be
31:00
just like my mother or that I am just like my mother.
31:04
And, you know, there's a lot of stuff there, you know,
31:09
my mother, my father and us kids growing up, you know,
31:14
I never spoke to my mother.
31:16
She never asked me, how was your day?
31:18
Not even, not even that.
31:21
Or my father, who was always drunk or high.
31:24
But I grew up like, you know, with alcohol,
31:27
alcoholic father and
31:30
just a whole bunch of stuff that honestly, I think I just ignored for so long.
31:34
And now as, you know, a woman who has more awareness,
31:42
I'm just like, I want to remember, I want to remember,
31:46
I want to understand where all of this comes from.
31:51
But I'm getting there, I'm discovering that.
31:57
A lot in common with our mothers and realizing like,
32:00
we're not going to become, we are not them.
32:03
And then, you know, you're very present with your daughter too.
32:07
Yes, but I think as of the last four years,
32:14
before that, I was checked out.
32:17
Really?
32:18
Yeah. And I wasn't very much a mother to her at all.
32:23
I just didn't know how to be, I didn't have the tools.
32:26
And I have become so much better and just have kind of like,
32:32
nurtured that relationship between me and my daughter.
32:35
And it's getting better.
32:36
But when you don't know love, how do you know how to give that?
32:42
How do you know how to give hugs?
32:43
How do you know how to give kisses?
32:45
When someone gets close to me, I'm just like,
32:50
I totally understand that too.
32:52
My father was always very nurturing.
32:54
And I love you, but he also was going through his own stuff,
32:58
through my mom's schizophrenia and being missing persons.
33:00
But then my mother never knew how to love me either.
33:04
And so I think even in my own relationship and my marriage,
33:08
we're taking this conversation a whole different round.
33:12
It's my big, for the big silence.
33:17
But it all ties in together.
33:18
No, well, I'm just like, so like, I got this.
33:21
I take care of myself.
33:22
Yes.
33:23
Why are you hugging me?
33:25
Yeah, exactly.
33:26
Like, yeah, that's weird.
33:29
I don't know.
33:29
I don't know how I feel.
33:30
I don't know if it's such a strange thing.
33:33
I'm really trying to figure it out now.
33:34
Like, what is it that I feel?
33:36
Why is it I reject this?
33:39
Is it because I feel like I don't deserve it?
33:41
Is it because I'm not exactly sure?
33:43
And all of that ties into the fitness,
33:48
how I navigate my days.
33:50
I'm like on survival mode.
33:53
A lot of people ask me, well, how do you stay motivated?
33:56
You know, how do you do all the things that you do?
33:58
And I wish I did it out of a place of love.
34:02
But I do most of it out of a place of survival.
34:07
I think that's why I have so much anxiety.
34:09
And that's why I'm so high strung.
34:11
And that's why I'm always moving.
34:12
I'm not sure if it's motivation exactly.
34:15
Well, imagine if you weren't moving and working out.
34:17
Do you meditate?
34:19
I know.
34:20
I know.
34:22
No, but let me tell you, I did for like a whole year.
34:27
And I think I got up to like 20 minutes.
34:29
That's good.
34:30
And it was going so well for me.
34:33
And how I knew it was because recently I tried to meditate.
34:39
And I couldn't, not even for one minute.
34:41
My thoughts were just slamming.
34:47
Okay, I'm going to preach to you right now.
34:50
Your brain is like a muscle.
34:54
Yes.
34:55
You curl more and add more weight.
34:57
You grow muscle.
34:58
The more you meditate, the calmer you will become.
35:02
And that you will resist.
35:03
Like just like we resist working out sometimes.
35:07
You will resist meditating.
35:08
Like me being in LA, like my brain,
35:12
like the sirens and everything going off all night.
35:15
And listen and like thoughts about thoughts.
35:17
And like can't sleep.
35:18
And I'm like, I'm just going to lay here and bed and cover my face.
35:22
But I went myself, get up and light a candle and meditate for five minutes.
35:27
And I was like, oh, okay.
35:28
Well, now I'm going to go on a walk outside and get fresh air.
35:31
It's like those little steps.
35:32
And you know that I'm like preaching to the choir here.
35:34
But you should definitely get a little practice.
35:37
You don't have to do 20 minutes.
35:38
That's a lot.
35:39
No, I know.
35:40
And it's just starting with, you know, just a little bit.
35:43
You know, I would start with five minutes.
35:45
And I did five minutes for a while and then add two more minutes.
35:48
And then, but I'm honestly, it's like what we were talking about.
35:53
I mean, we were off camera.
35:54
But it's like doing everything, right?
35:58
Self-care has also become a source of anxiety.
36:02
All the things you have to do.
36:03
I mean, there's mouth tape.
36:04
There's ear tape.
36:05
There's belly button tape.
36:06
There's, I mean, there's the eyes strips.
36:09
And then I see some of these influencers.
36:10
They're like in the morning.
36:12
They're just removing so much stuff.
36:14
And then the head thing and the neck thing and the...
36:17
I'm trying the neck thing.
36:20
I ordered it on Amazon.
36:21
I'm like, is it working?
36:24
Is it working?
36:26
I'm like, oh my god.
36:27
If I have to add one more step.
36:30
Have you done mouth tape?
36:31
No.
36:31
I'm scared.
36:32
I feel like I would be claustrophobic.
36:34
Oh, I'm claustrophobic.
36:36
100%.
36:36
I'm like, if I put this on my mouth,
36:38
I'm going to die in my sleep.
36:39
Yeah, I'm like, it's over.
36:43
And no, I can't, you know.
36:45
And then on top of that, I have to stretch.
36:49
And I have to warm up.
36:51
And I have to cool down.
36:53
And then I have to get my workout into holy moly.
36:56
I mean, are we really supposed to do all that?
37:00
I mean, I don't think the world,
37:01
the world isn't really made for us to do all of this shit.
37:06
And the fact that we think that we need to...
37:08
Well, then you feel...
37:10
I mean, that's why I like the workout snacks.
37:11
And I do, with tone it up, like the shorter workouts.
37:15
Because it's attainable.
37:16
Because if you can't do all of that,
37:19
and like with what you're doing,
37:20
like checking your mood and what you really feel for that day,
37:24
I'm like, I see someone with mouth tape.
37:25
I'm like, am I failing at my...
37:28
That's exactly how I feel.
37:32
And it's funny because this is a thing about social media, right?
37:36
Although you know, like, okay.
37:39
This is, you know, we can't really do all of this stuff.
37:42
And somewhere in your mind,
37:44
you're like, these are all just highlight reels.
37:47
Not everyone's life is picture perfect.
37:50
But there's another part of your brain
37:53
that doesn't matter.
37:55
It makes you feel bad.
37:56
Yeah.
37:57
You end up feeling bad about all the stuff that you're not doing.
38:00
And then you can't look at all the stuff that you have done.
38:04
Yeah.
38:04
And I look at someone and I'm like,
38:06
she went to the spa and got a massage day and an IV
38:09
and she saw it plunged and went to work.
38:13
And she juiced.
38:14
She freakin' juiced.
38:17
And I'm like, what did I do?
38:19
Again, but then that's not what I do at night.
38:23
That's kind of a recap of your day.
38:25
Instead of being like, what did I not do?
38:28
I'm like, what did I do today?
38:29
I'm like, shit, I did a lot.
38:31
And like self-talking to myself.
38:33
Like, oh, not only this for my own self-care.
38:35
Okay, yeah, I worked out for 20 minutes.
38:37
I meditated, like, called a friend or a family member.
38:41
I busted ass on working and doing this.
38:45
And like, really looking at the things that you did do
38:47
versus what you didn't do.
38:49
Exactly.
38:50
And yeah, that I just didn't say what you did do today
38:53
is you look fantastic.
38:55
And she's nice.
38:58
She's like her costume with her big hips on and her hair down.
39:01
I was like, I never get dressed up.
39:05
I also say like, if I actually put myself together,
39:08
that isn't a accomplishment for the day.
39:10
Oh, 100%.
39:11
I like, you guys have no idea how much energy this took.
39:16
I'm going to go home, remove all of this,
39:19
and just plop down if my bed honest.
39:21
We're going to go downstairs and lobby first
39:23
to take some amazing photos.
39:25
Exactly.
39:27
So I want to go back to, because so many women with 10
39:32
and up are so interested in Paramount and Postman and Post.
39:35
And HRT, where are you out with that?
39:38
So I'm thinking about it, right?
39:42
Because, okay, so this is just the beginning of like me
39:45
trying to figure out what's happening, right?
39:47
I know things are changing.
39:48
My body is changing.
39:50
My periods are like shorter, you know, like,
39:53
just little things that I'm noticing.
39:55
I have itchy ears.
39:56
What the f are itchy ears?
39:58
I'm trying to think of what more like happened
40:00
aside from like gaining weight and being like, what the fuck?
40:02
Right, itchy ears.
40:04
I heard that like a ringing in your ear.
40:06
I only got that's part of yesterday.
40:09
I was like, someone who was talking to me
40:11
and I was like, literally in the middle of them talking,
40:14
I went deaf in my right ear.
40:16
And then it was ringing.
40:17
And I was like, oh, I have a ringing in my ear.
40:20
And what was my boyfriend who I was talking to?
40:22
And he was like, oh, that's tenitis.
40:24
And I was like, oh, God.
40:26
If they always try to like diagnosis with something.
40:30
Exactly.
40:31
I like had an accident with my foot
40:33
where I slipped on cement from Palm P
40:36
and it's still healing.
40:38
But it's almost done.
40:39
Even at Creek and Colta Fade, I was like,
40:40
limping a little too.
40:41
Yeah.
40:42
But it was on and Bobby's like, you have gout.
40:44
I'm like, it's not gout.
40:49
Okay.
40:49
I have tendons that ripped.
40:53
My foot is damaged.
40:54
You have syphilis.
40:55
Yeah, it's like, what?
40:57
What do you even say?
40:59
But that's the thing.
41:00
It's like, oh, I'm just adding to the list
41:02
of like weird shit that's happening to me.
41:05
So I don't know.
41:06
I don't know if HRT is the right way to go.
41:09
I don't know if I'm too young, right?
41:11
I think a lot of women think, should I stick it out?
41:15
I'm a woman.
41:16
And this is just normal and natural.
41:18
So I should just deal with it.
41:20
But like at the same time, why though?
41:24
Yeah, I don't do a lot of that.
41:26
I do do a topical progesterone.
41:28
Yeah, that's it helps me sleep better
41:32
when I'm consistent.
41:34
Okay.
41:35
Not a doctor.
41:36
That's suggesting.
41:37
Just saying.
41:38
Just saying.
41:39
This is what I do.
41:42
Yeah.
41:42
So I don't know.
41:43
We'll see.
41:44
I'm going to be talking about that a lot more
41:46
and just kind of like my journey with my hormones
41:49
and what I find out in the next six months, hopefully.
41:53
Yeah, well, so.
41:54
So I have a question.
41:56
I want to hear your French.
41:59
For those of you that don't know, you will.
42:01
How long were you in France on a solo trip?
42:05
For five weeks.
42:06
I was like, you know what, I'm out of here.
42:09
I want to learn French.
42:11
And honestly, when I want to do something,
42:14
you do it.
42:15
It's all over again.
42:16
Exactly.
42:17
I'm like, I'm doing it.
42:18
Oh, and I'm going to be there for five weeks.
42:20
I was like, you're going to take care of my dog.
42:22
You're going to take care of my kid.
42:23
You're going to take care of the business.
42:25
I'm out.
42:26
Well, that I do that too.
42:28
I'm like, but I'll do like two or three days on a solo.
42:32
But sometimes I'm like, I'm out.
42:34
Exactly.
42:34
I need I need it.
42:36
Face don't worry about why it's not about you.
42:38
Don't take it personally.
42:40
It's about me.
42:41
I was selling my boyfriend about you yesterday.
42:44
And he's like, you girls are like, you know, spirit sisters.
42:47
I was like, Karina when she's when she's like,
42:50
she's like into her own, you know, solo trip self.
42:53
She's like, I'll text her and be like, I'm in Mexico by myself.
42:58
I'm like, girl, why don't you call me?
43:02
I would have booked the trip with you.
43:04
No, I will next time because I like friends.
43:06
I have another friend, Braun.
43:09
And we can go on trips together.
43:11
But we're like, see you when I see you.
43:12
Yeah, exactly.
43:13
I like that.
43:14
Yeah.
43:14
Like, okay, bye.
43:15
I'll see you later.
43:16
Hey, maybe I'll see you breakfast, lunch.
43:18
Happy hour.
43:18
Yes.
43:20
Like, we don't have to be like stuck to the hit.
43:22
Yeah.
43:23
I think so.
43:23
I'm going to add you to that.
43:24
Not V.O.P.
43:25
The rest.
43:26
Yes.
43:26
Is it a group chat?
43:27
Yeah.
43:28
Group chat.
43:32
No, but yeah, I left to France.
43:34
I went to the South of France.
43:36
I booked myself an Airbnb and I had the time of my life by myself.
43:41
I didn't do anything crazy.
43:43
Okay.
43:43
So I want to I'm going to have you speak French.
43:45
But explain because when I go on solo trips,
43:50
I get so many messages of like, how do you do that?
43:54
Like, what is the first step?
43:56
Like, I can't imagine traveling outside of, you know, the US,
43:59
number one, or just spending that much time alone with myself.
44:03
What's your perspective?
44:05
I don't know.
44:06
I think I just love it so much.
44:09
The freedom that comes with it.
44:11
I just decide, okay, well,
44:14
I have kind of like a mission.
44:16
And I also want to breathe.
44:18
You know, I'm full-time mom.
44:20
I have a dog.
44:21
I mean, you have five.
44:22
Seven.
44:23
Seven.
44:24
What?
44:24
You haven't met the other two.
44:26
They're new.
44:27
It just keeps growing.
44:30
Don't go to a place called Palm Squad Rescue in Austin, Texas.
44:34
Why would you even do that to yourself?
44:37
You know you weren't coming out of there without a dog.
44:39
I went there for one and Bobby found love with another.
44:44
That's how it happened.
44:47
We're done.
44:48
No, but I, you know, I feel like I'm just constantly being
44:54
reached for.
44:55
Oh, we need this.
44:56
There's an email you need to, and a project.
44:59
And you need to film this thing.
45:00
And blah, blah, blah.
45:01
It's just so much.
45:02
Also, again, being on social media,
45:05
you feel like you, you, you, you feel guilty when you're not showing up too.
45:10
Yes.
45:11
That's when you want to like in your heart,
45:13
you want to show up because you love what you do.
45:15
And you know, you're helping people.
45:16
But then sometimes you're just like,
45:18
I need this moment to myself.
45:20
Yeah, I need a moment to just
45:23
not feel like I have to do something.
45:26
And I think a lot of women feel like that.
45:29
Not just mothers, just women in general.
45:32
I think from work, like whether you're on social media,
45:35
your job, your parenting,
45:37
wiping, relationship, like there's so much.
45:40
Yeah.
45:40
And we're like, you know, ambitious, just in nature,
45:45
I think we want things.
45:47
We want to do things.
45:48
And that creates a lot of, I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.
45:52
So to relieve that.
45:54
Peace.
45:55
I'm out.
45:56
Bye.
45:57
Don't know.
45:57
Ain't nobody call me.
45:59
Don't text me.
46:01
I'm gone.
46:02
And being somewhere else really makes me feel like
46:06
because I'm physically away,
46:09
that I can mentally be away from all of that stuff.
46:13
That's like when my best brain storming happens.
46:15
It's not like I'm just there, like laying on the beach,
46:18
like having a margarita.
46:19
I literally wake up, work out.
46:22
I think I journal, I plan, I calendar.
46:25
I'm actually like, but not there's no other distractions.
46:29
I go have coconut shrimp.
46:30
I love my favorite.
46:32
But it's just like so peaceful.
46:34
And I meditate and they walk on the beach.
46:36
Like it's just different.
46:38
Yeah.
46:38
And again, it's kind of because I think that pressure is lifted.
46:43
So you can, you feel like I have the space to be creative, right?
46:48
And when you're kind of like shuffling and struggling throughout your day,
46:53
I'm not an organized person.
46:55
That's also a problem.
46:56
I'm all used to being.
46:58
I'm all over the place from the moment that I like, I try, Karina, I try.
47:02
I've tried writing down to the minute that I'm going to do something.
47:07
Okay, you're going to drink your coffee from 1015 to 1025.
47:12
That shit just does not work.
47:14
Before I know it, I'm on Instagram for 30 minutes.
47:17
She's like, well, I forgot the coffee.
47:19
No, that was me.
47:20
I don't do a ton of like resolutions.
47:23
But my one thing was and does us get organized.
47:26
Oh, I'm trying.
47:27
Me too.
47:28
But if I fail, it's okay.
47:29
I'm okay with failing.
47:31
Yeah, I'm, you're not, I'm trying, I'm trying to be okay with the family.
47:35
That's, I'm a Pisces.
47:38
Yeah, I'm like, oh, like water.
47:42
Yeah, you just never know what way it's going to go.
47:44
Sometimes I say I'm a feather in the wind.
47:47
I'm literally like, I'm up.
47:48
And then it's like the wind is this way.
47:50
The wind is this way.
47:51
And some days it's, it's a tornado.
47:53
Well, the other thing with Perryman pause is almost becoming more,
47:59
they're spraying fog, but then more like ADHD, ADD.
48:02
Like, what was I doing?
48:03
Then what?
48:05
Yes, I did a whole series like a year ago.
48:08
I was like, I think I have ADHD, 100%.
48:11
And that's when like other women were like,
48:14
well, you may just be going through Perryman pause.
48:16
And I'm like, since I was seven,
48:20
now this conversation today,
48:25
I'm blaming it all on Perryman pause.
48:28
That's it.
48:29
Even my poor boyfriend, he's like, you know, he just never knows what's coming.
48:34
You know, men just need to understand.
48:38
Like, don't tell me you're being more forgetful.
48:42
You're doomed.
48:42
Like, don't fucking say that to me again.
48:44
Oh, no, because I will take those hoops out.
48:50
Exactly.
48:52
Where's my, where's my do rag?
48:53
I don't know.
48:54
I'm about to fight somebody.
48:56
You don't want to see me, Matt.
48:58
It's like, uh-uh.
49:00
So yeah, I'm like, you've got to watch your,
49:03
it's what you're going to say right now, because I may kick you.
49:09
We are violent, but yes, but then the same time.
49:15
So back to that French.
49:18
And okay, we're going to rock this pot up.
49:20
But can you and your new French tell people where to find you
49:26
and how to get your new app?
49:30
No judgment.
49:32
I would judgment from anywhere.
49:33
And no, I would, I would need to think about that.
49:35
Hmm.
49:36
Google Translate.
49:44
Instagram.
49:46
I don't think there's, there's Instagram is Instagram.
49:49
Yes, but you know, you've got to say with a French.
49:51
Instagram.
49:53
That's like when it's like Barcelona.
49:56
No, I'm like a pizza.
50:00
Oh, my God.
50:03
It's like, oh my God.
50:06
No, but I promise that my French is getting a lot better and very fast.
50:12
But um, you can find me on Instagram,
50:17
Figaro Mel with you.
50:19
And um, yeah, just look out for my app,
50:23
a new ANUE app.
50:26
Who's that stand for?
50:27
Well, it came from a new like ANEU.
50:32
I mean, uh, EW.
50:33
Yeah, I can't even spell now.
50:36
You're on your French mode.
50:37
Exactly.
50:38
Now I went French and now I'm all crazy.
50:40
But um, yeah, it's kind of like becoming a new, you know, a new part of you,
50:45
a new, a new beginning, a new journey, you know, so I love it.
50:51
I love it.
50:51
I love it.
50:52
And I wish and hope that everything that we're doing makes women feel like wherever they are
50:58
in their path of fitness, health, wellness, friendships, life that you're not alone.
51:05
Yeah, you know, we're all just doing our best at the end of the day.
51:10
Absolutely.
51:11
And just know that you can do your best.
51:13
You don't have to do all or nothing.
51:14
Exactly.
51:15
Melissa.
51:17
Thank you.
51:20
We out.