Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Why broken Men need ALLAH SWT (Ft. Nouri Sardar)

Transcript

Why broken Men need ALLAH SWT (Ft. Nouri Sardar) · After Maghrib 🌙

• 0:00
  So that Wiley coming up to live. Welcome back to the Let's try
• 0:03
  again. So that Wiley coming up to live.
• 0:05
  Welcome back to your favorite podcast after Margaret.
• 0:09
  It's amazing to have you here. Thanks for coming back.
• 0:12
  Last week, we had a really deep conversation about struggling
• 0:16
  with calamities, dealing with pressures in our day-to-day
• 0:19
  lives, and trying to find the last panel to Anna.
• 0:22
  And we talked about a lot of struggles that happen
• 0:25
  externally, things that happen externally and affect us.
• 0:28
  Today we want to talk about something similar.
• 0:30
  We want to talk about a lot of internal feelings that we have
• 0:33
  as a community, but also specifically as men.
• 0:36
  Some of you may have seen a few weeks ago, we posted a story on
• 0:39
  Instagram about the struggles of men and how we feel as men.
• 0:43
  We should talk about it and maybe how the sisters should
• 0:46
  know about how we feel as well. So this is a podcast everyone
• 0:49
  needs to listen to today. As always, I'm joined by the
• 0:53
  best Co host in sheer television.
• 0:56
  I said. How are you?
• 1:11
  Can't complain, can't complain. We've got a deep pod and we have
• 1:15
  a returning guest. We do.
• 1:17
  We have a traveller who's returning back to after Maghrib
• 1:22
  and back to the UK for the third time.
• 1:24
  And that was our dear brother Alex.
• 1:26
  And brother, what's happening, you guys?
• 1:31
  What's going on? You are.
• 1:32
  Having me on. Yeah, well, miss you miss.
• 1:35
  You too bro. As you know, last time we had
• 1:37
  Muhammad Ali on the podcast and he's come on for the third time
• 1:40
  and said Ali was like third time lucky, hopefully and half that
• 1:43
  brother sounds like the first two didn't go so well.
• 1:48
  Charlotte Today's this is the third time that it will be
• 1:51
  Charlotte Good podcast man. How's how's your time in London
• 1:55
  been? It's good.
• 1:56
  I've been here for a week. You know, London's like that.
• 1:58
  I'm sure even you guys are not living here.
• 2:00
  It's like such a love hate relationship.
• 2:02
  And last time I was here, I was like, I've never come back to
• 2:04
  the place again. Weather was bad once I came back
• 2:06
  this trip, you know, weather was nice.
• 2:07
  Sun's out until yesterday. London.
• 2:10
  Yeah. But London during summer I think
• 2:11
  is kind of unbeatable. It's just, it's just when you
• 2:14
  hear those, when you get stuck in traffic or yesterday, today I
• 2:16
  spent like 10 minutes trying to pay for parking and I was like,
• 2:18
  you know, I'm done with this place, not do this anymore just
• 2:20
  to go to the gym. So at some point, like, you
• 2:23
  know, I, I missed the, the, the conveniences of the US, But
• 2:27
  London, London, you can't, you can't live with it.
• 2:29
  You can't live without it. Yeah man, home is where the
• 2:32
  heart is. OK, so question for you and you
• 2:38
  knew this was coming but you just perhaps didn't know what it
• 2:40
  was. If you could put together a
• 2:43
  super and which by the way, we did this question with Shakili
• 2:45
  last week and he answered the five Al Kisa as his answer.
• 2:49
  So you can't say any marks or mean.
• 2:50
  OK, if you could put together 5 Avengers, Sheer Avengers.
• 2:55
  So firstly, that's the trademark name.
• 2:58
  Avengers, the trademark with the Z.
• 3:01
  We, as you know, we have a group of friends call the She
• 3:04
  Avengers. All right, what's up group?
• 3:07
  So you gotta change the name firstly.
• 3:08
  We'll see. What's The Who would be?
• 3:14
  Shia Avengers. You can't say she Avengers.
• 3:18
  Who would be in it? Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry.
• 3:20
  Carry on. Who would be in your adventures
• 3:23
  of assuming it's people who are alive or like in like recently?
• 3:27
  Brothers and sisters, if you love the Aftermathrop podcast,
• 3:30
  you will definitely love the Thakka Lane app.
• 3:32
  I've just downloaded the Thakka Lane app and I highly recommend
• 3:35
  that you also do too. I've just downloaded the Thakka
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• 3:42
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• 3:46
  Islamic knowledge, that allows you to understand truly what the
• 3:49
  Prophetic narration was on Haditha Takalain.
• 3:52
  I've utilized Takalain on numerous occasions and I've had
• 3:55
  the opportunity to reference Takalain throughout our
• 3:58
  conversations here on the podcast.
• 4:00
  Bacalane is run by a team of brothers who need your support.
• 4:03
  The app is free to download, but make sure you consider making
• 4:06
  the intention to contribute towards the snowball cause.
• 4:10
  And now back to today's conversation on the aftermath of
• 4:13
  podcast. What is the criteria?
• 4:14
  Well, what's the it's up to you. What's their?
• 4:15
  What's their job? You could be able to event it,
• 4:17
  could be a recycle, be a scholar, could be a guy in the
• 4:20
  on the street. What's the role of the
• 4:21
  superhero? Group to you, he's like the head
• 4:23
  of the team. You need a.
• 4:24
  Defender A Strong guy A. Magician.
• 4:28
  That's just really hard. I don't know Sistani.
• 4:31
  Save the Sistani. For did you just tut?
• 4:38
  Give these like. So do you, do you want like
• 4:41
  local people that we want anyone you're asking who's going to
• 4:44
  save the world? I'm giving people going to save
• 4:45
  the. World.
• 4:46
  Go on, call us. I'm going to give you the people
• 4:48
  that I think that are the most inspirational people that lead
• 4:52
  in different aspects of my own life, right?
• 4:54
  So Sistani Willabasa. Willabasa, Recite.
• 4:59
  I think that's only two. I can't think of anything else I
• 5:01
  want to see. It's deep.
• 5:02
  Yeah. And sip, say Mustafa Zwini.
• 5:06
  Was the shout. Half of The Who else stuff, man,
• 5:12
  as you asked me for, like it's tough.
• 5:16
  It's a very tough question. I don't know, fill in the gap
• 5:18
  scene. You've got two spots and you've
• 5:20
  got two guys next to you, so. No, but like.
• 5:22
  We're honoured and obliged. You're a great guy, but that's
• 5:24
  Sistani. And there's you.
• 5:28
  You know what, Chef Nuru? One more spot.
• 5:32
  One more so a non reciting non scholar that's hard, a random
• 5:37
  layman, a random layman like a worker, hard worker.
• 5:39
  Say, say it more to the Hosseini.
• 5:41
  There you go, There you go 5. I I'd pay to watch that.
• 5:46
  I would as well. I think, OK, cool, let's get
• 5:48
  into the conversation. We had a deep chat last week,
• 5:51
  then we said, and I think it kind of leads us on to to this
• 5:55
  week's conversation. How do you feel?
• 5:58
  I'm not ready, you know why Go on.
• 6:00
  Because I'm not ready to speak as a man of how I feel, what I
• 6:05
  go through and things like that. So it's, I think it's going to
• 6:08
  be a bit, it's not easy, difficult for me to get the
• 6:10
  conversation going. So I I'll leave it with you two
• 6:13
  and Charlotte, I can. Maybe that's part of that's part
• 6:15
  of the problem. I'm not.
• 6:16
  Yeah, I don't want to say it like that, but maybe that's
• 6:18
  that's it's. Part of the challenge, I mean,
• 6:19
  he was booked by this in the car, ironically, a lot.
• 6:20
  Yeah, on the way here. Yeah, So OK, when you say the
• 6:23
  problem, what do you? Mean the problem.
• 6:25
  The challenge of speaking out. So I think so.
• 6:27
  I think what I was saying to you in the car is that as men, and
• 6:31
  this is not, again, just to clarify, this is not to push
• 6:33
  away the issues that women go through, because you know, I've,
• 6:36
  I've seen women go through first hand and it's not easy.
• 6:39
  You know, we both, you know, seen what they go through,
• 6:42
  everything from motherhood to childbirth, Our mothers as well,
• 6:45
  our sisters, we see what the, the challenges they go through.
• 6:47
  So it's, it's, it's not like a comparison game.
• 6:50
  But as men, I can say based on my experience and I think that,
• 6:53
  you know, based on, you know, friends and seeing people around
• 6:56
  me and I think a lot of men today in in this society today,
• 7:00
  men are usually taught to keep not keep quiet, but like boil up
• 7:07
  your emotions and keep going, right.
• 7:10
  And as men, that's also kind of how we wired, we wired to do
• 7:12
  that now as men who are say, providing, going through their
• 7:18
  own things in life, changing life, worried about, you know,
• 7:21
  where sustenance is going to come from, where money will come
• 7:22
  from tomorrow, worried about how to be a good husband, a good
• 7:26
  father, a good son, a hard worker.
• 7:30
  You know, top of your craft in your top of your craft.
• 7:32
  My case, for example, top of my craft, both in my work and my
• 7:36
  community as well. Even you guys know how to serve
• 7:38
  your community, how to make sure that, you know, you're not
• 7:41
  making too many enemies, you're making friends.
• 7:42
  And there's so much going on in our minds.
• 7:44
  Basically, I think what we do, there's a very nice parallel,
• 7:47
  which is a man hope not getting it wrong.
• 7:49
  A man climbs the mountain every single day, right, which is
• 7:52
  basically the method of us going about our lives, right?
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  And every day he has a bag and every day he picks up bricks and
• 7:58
  he puts it in that bag and the bag gets heavier and heavier,
• 8:01
  but he continues to climb up the mountain.
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  And I think that's the best definition of what a man is.
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  And the challenge with that is that at a certain point, you
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  don't confront what's inside your bag.
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  You don't think about what's weighing you down and what's
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  what's, what's, what's, what's challenging you.
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  And as a result, you just, like you said, keep it inside you.
• 8:21
  And there's a great parallel. You know, there's a great book
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  that I read which kind of talks about this in detail and it
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  talks about how every man has a shadow, OK?
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  And in that shadow, every man puts inside that shadow anything
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  he doesn't want to think about or confront.
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  And it can be from the biggest things to the smallest things.
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  It can be big things, like, for example, trauma experience when
• 8:40
  you're growing up, heartbreak experience growing up, worries
• 8:43
  that you might have in life. It can even be very small
• 8:45
  things. How my dad spoke to me this way,
• 8:47
  how my mum spoke to me that way, how this friend spoke to me that
• 8:50
  way. Growing up with that for me, for
• 8:51
  example, a big challenge with me that I've realized growing up,
• 8:53
  growing up with an older brother has had a bit of big impact on
• 8:57
  me in my life and, and how, how I'm shaping the things that I, I
• 9:00
  have to overcome. And each of us have different
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  challenges that range from big to small.
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  Right now what happens is we don't want to confront these
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  things we keep inside us. So we put it where in our
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  shadow. Problem with a shadow is that it
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  follows you around wherever you go and it influences everything
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  that you do. So every, every nuance you have
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  your to your characters, particularly negative nuances,
• 9:22
  negative trace to you. For example, some people are
• 9:25
  very angry. Some people, for example, are
• 9:27
  not disciplined. Some people, for example, you
• 9:30
  know, they're not, they're not reliable.
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  Million different traits. All of that leads back to your
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  shadow and what you're hiding inside your shadow and it has
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  the impact on you. So every man needs to do is
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  confront what's inside a shadow, unpack it and figure out what it
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  is and how we can come to terms with and, and and, and, and, and
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  be at peace with it. And it's not easy.
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  It's not easy. You know, I think it's, it's one
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  thing to, to think that, for example, you know, when I was
• 9:57
  young, my dad, for example, he didn't speak to me.
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  He didn't give me, for example, the friendship that I needed for
• 10:02
  a lot of guys speak about this growing up.
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  Or for example, you know, he didn't show me that, that even
• 10:06
  though he might have been affectionate, it might have
• 10:08
  been, there was a certain affection that I needed that he
• 10:09
  didn't give me, right? It's one thing to to know that.
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  It's another thing to think about, to think deeply about
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  what that is, how that impacts you, how it's affected you till
• 10:19
  now. What parts of that are you
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  ignoring? What parts of that you have to
• 10:21
  come to terms with? It's that's not an easy
• 10:23
  conversation, you know, and I think there's so many, I think
• 10:28
  as, as, as, as, as men right now.
• 10:31
  I'm 33, you guys, what, 32, right around that age.
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  We're at a stage in life where everything that we've been
• 10:37
  carrying since we were young is now catching up to us to a point
• 10:42
  where it's going to hit a breaking point, right.
• 10:44
  And one thing I realized recently, for example, with
• 10:46
  myself and I don't get too personal, but I'll share with
• 10:48
  you guys some, some kind of perspectives that I've had
• 10:51
  recently that have kind of made me think a lot.
• 10:53
  You know, there's things we go through in our life that impact
• 10:57
  us and we look back at that and we think, you know, that if I
• 10:59
  have to ask you, for example, the five most impactful things.
• 11:01
  Defining moments. Defining moments that I really,
• 11:03
  you know, for example, it could be I got 5 from that job that
• 11:07
  got my heart, for example, or I don't know, you know, there was
• 11:10
  a time when I was homeless or poor, whatever it was, right?
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  All these things, I'm not saying they're not difficult to go
• 11:15
  through what I really love about myself.
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  And this is like the kind of light bulb moment I had.
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  I was like, you know what? I've been a certain way since I
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  was a child, a baby. I've had a certain way about me,
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  right? These things that I went
• 11:29
  through, they didn't change me. So let's say, for example, you
• 11:33
  go through a hard time, then you become a bit more grittier, for
• 11:36
  example, or you become a bit less trusting.
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  It's not that these things change me, but rather what they
• 11:39
  did was trigger something inside of me that was already there.
• 11:42
  So what I need to figure out is that trigger that's there and
• 11:45
  how do I eliminate that trigger, right?
• 11:48
  And again, that it's, it's, it's, it's not easy, but it's a
• 11:51
  must for every man to do because as men, we are providers, we are
• 11:56
  leaders in society and people look up to us to do everything
• 12:00
  from open the door to the car to bring up the groceries, to
• 12:04
  actually lead communities and families.
• 12:07
  So it's important for us to unpack all that and figure out
• 12:09
  what that is. And leading into the other part
• 12:12
  of the conversation, which was to work.
• 12:14
  I think they're really intertwined.
• 12:15
  You know, you can call this podcast men having toacco if
• 12:18
  which is a good idea for you, But like I think I told you on
• 12:22
  in this on the car riders here as well, is that when you think
• 12:25
  about toacco, toacco's, let's admit it, it's not easy.
• 12:28
  You know, I think we we always speak about toacco like, you
• 12:30
  know, trust Allah. We think about it being easy
• 12:32
  and. It's not easy, right?
• 12:33
  And I'm not going to claim to have cracked it, and I'm not
• 12:35
  going to claim to have figured it out at all.
• 12:37
  But one thing I will say is that over the past few months, I've
• 12:39
  kind of thought of had had this met, had I've created this
• 12:44
  metaphor for Toaco that I kind of thought about how I think
• 12:47
  about Toaco. And that's I think there's
• 12:48
  layers to Toaco. The top layer, which I think
• 12:51
  that everyone is at, you know, everyone who's kind of
• 12:54
  practicing and believing in a lot is that, you know, we have a
• 12:56
  good understanding that a lot is in control of our lives.
• 12:58
  You know, we understand that everything comes for reason.
• 13:01
  But when the car breaks down, when you get that bill they
• 13:04
  weren't expecting, you know, when the client doesn't pay, it
• 13:08
  hits us and we get angry, we get upset, we don't react well,
• 13:10
  right? That's the first level.
• 13:12
  The second level is what what I'm at, I'm trying to leave is
• 13:16
  that we accept that everything happens for the sake of Allah,
• 13:20
  the good and the bad, right? But what happens is we do it
• 13:22
  with a grit in our teeth. We do it just like burying it.
• 13:25
  You know, it's kind of like this, this happened.
• 13:27
  I don't like it, but I'm going to deal with it.
• 13:30
  You know, I'm going through this hard time.
• 13:31
  It's not easy, but I'm going to deal with, I'm going to bear it,
• 13:34
  right? The idea of bearing it.
• 13:35
  Then there's the third level, which is what I'm trying to get
• 13:38
  to and and hopefully all of us try to get to is that not only
• 13:41
  are we accepting everything that's happened to us, we are
• 13:44
  embracing it and we are in love with it.
• 13:45
  Thank you a lot for this bill that came in.
• 13:47
  I wasn't expecting, you know what you got.
• 13:48
  You allowed me to pay for a heat for my family.
• 13:51
  Thank you a lot. This client hasn't paid me yet
• 13:53
  because maybe I'll get the money and spend on something you don't
• 13:55
  want. Thank you a lot.
• 13:56
  You know, this, that reason. Thank you for this car crash.
• 13:58
  Thank you for this death because I can't see what you see, you
• 14:01
  know, and it's not easy. It's not easy, but I think it's
• 14:04
  a place where we will have to get to as men as well who are
• 14:08
  who are expected to manage their stress, who are expected to be
• 14:13
  in control of themselves. And both of those things are
• 14:17
  linked to having to work in the last part.
• 14:19
  I like how you've linked it to work and I think you're right,
• 14:22
  there are a lot of challenge as you are speaking.
• 14:24
  I keep thinking about my own, like personal life, maybe
• 14:27
  previous experiences I've had. And yeah, you're right, there's
• 14:29
  so much challenges. There's lots of levels of stress
• 14:32
  one can face as a man. And it's not unique.
• 14:33
  And all the reason people don't talk about it, because men don't
• 14:36
  talk about it. And I just want to go back to
• 14:37
  the example you gave about climbing that mountain as a man.
• 14:41
  And I was thinking, yeah, I need certain experiences that I've
• 14:43
  had grown up, let's say, from my teenage years until today.
• 14:46
  Every time if I'm climbing that mountain, if I go through
• 14:49
  something, I don't talk to anyone about it.
• 14:52
  And I, I, I I don't know if it may lead to some level of, you
• 14:55
  know, feeling lonely perhaps, or a level of experiencing a form
• 14:59
  of mental ill health. I hope, I hope no one reaches
• 15:02
  such stage. But you're very right.
• 15:04
  We keep filling in that bag and it's getting heavier and
• 15:08
  heavier. By the time we'll reach the top,
• 15:10
  either we're going to jump off that Cliff and sadly, some
• 15:14
  people do reach that stage. Oh, we explode and and one thing
• 15:17
  men are very known to me is at times very.
• 15:20
  Angry, you know, I, I, I've, I've never had, never have been
• 15:23
  suicidal ever. But you know what the the
• 15:24
  craziest thing is like when I see a man driven to a point of
• 15:28
  either suicide or something bad, I'm like, you know what?
• 15:31
  I don't agree, but I get it. Yeah, you get it, I get.
• 15:33
  How man can snap the fact that. We live in a society where you
• 15:37
  can understand why that guy might be suicidal.
• 15:41
  And if you just look at the UK, the suicide rates are the
• 15:43
  highest with men. Like, like predominantly with
• 15:47
  men. And there's no, like, there's no
• 15:51
  coincidence that it's also men who face the most mental health
• 15:54
  issues but report those mental health issues the least.
• 15:58
  Because generally speaking, like you said, we bought it up.
• 16:01
  And just even getting into the zone to have this conversation
• 16:04
  in itself, for me, it's hard. But you know, there's one thing
• 16:07
  you said and at least to a point you made in the car, which was
• 16:09
  very nice, say you were like, you know, we don't talk about
• 16:12
  our our issues. And I think the flip side of
• 16:14
  this conversation is this kind of mental health culture that
• 16:19
  we're in right now. I'm not, I'm not an expert on
• 16:21
  mental health or anything. I'm not going to be.
• 16:22
  But I'm like, there's this culture of, OK, let's all talk
• 16:25
  about it. Let's get on the open and the
• 16:27
  standard line. You heard you heard time.
• 16:28
  It's OK to be OK. It becomes it's OK to be upset
• 16:31
  it. Becomes a tick box exercise.
• 16:33
  That's what it is. It's OK to talk.
• 16:34
  About it, talk about it. And This is why I kind of wanted
• 16:37
  to get on Instagram. Like like you, we don't want to
• 16:41
  talk about mental health or the health of your mindset for the
• 16:45
  sake of saying, oh, we did a podcast on mental health, like
• 16:48
  because that defeats the purpose entirely.
• 16:50
  Like you have to be raw and you have to be intimate and you have
• 16:54
  to be ready to be vulnerable when you have this conversation.
• 16:56
  And as guys, it's very hard to do that.
• 16:59
  And like you said, say like these experiences lead you up in
• 17:01
  life and and you said you that you find it hard to speak about
• 17:05
  it because we our hearts become harder as men.
• 17:09
  And maybe that's why we connect so much with the sort of about
• 17:12
  Al Islam or whatever it is, because for us, maybe it's like
• 17:15
  a a mechanism to channel built up emotion in our own lives and
• 17:19
  we can mourn something and we can let it out.
• 17:22
  And I know that's not the purpose of of grief and all of
• 17:25
  that, but part of me feels like there's a lot of beauty in the
• 17:29
  grief of that Le Beta name. Was 100%, yeah.
• 17:32
  Yeah, and the way they dealt with it was just a next level.
• 17:35
  So, so to keep in mind, again, like the one thing, like it's
• 17:39
  important to, to, to speak to people.
• 17:40
  And again, I'm 100% caveat, I'm not giving mental health advice,
• 17:45
  but I think we forget that Islamically there's, there's,
• 17:47
  there's two perspective, there's two positives.
• 17:50
  One is that Islamically it's good.
• 17:52
  Islam teaches you to be patient, right?
• 17:55
  Be patient, be patient. So I'm not saying don't speak to
• 17:58
  people, but don't complain. What does Islam say?
• 18:01
  Don't complain. Don't, don't, don't, don't,
• 18:03
  don't be agitated. You know, be patient.
• 18:06
  At the same time, there is a hadith which says, you know, the
• 18:08
  one who tells his believing brother of his problems.
• 18:12
  It's like those problems have halved.
• 18:14
  So we do have speaking to others as a as a concept in Islam, But
• 18:19
  at the same time we forget that it's important too.
• 18:22
  You know, there is a level of men need to kind of keep it in
• 18:26
  because as a man, you know, the people looking up to you for
• 18:29
  leadership and, and, and, and who'll look up to you to to help
• 18:31
  them. Kids, for example, you know,
• 18:33
  there's, there's a really funny comedian joke where he's like,
• 18:40
  he's making fun of Donald Trump and he's like Trump.
• 18:43
  And you know, he, he goes in his press briefings and he goes, you
• 18:46
  know, you have no idea how scary the press briefings I read are.
• 18:51
  He's like, I don't want to hear that.
• 18:52
  You know, it's like, I go to my kid every day and say, listen,
• 18:53
  just to let you know, kid, I can't pay the bills tomorrow,
• 18:56
  but you know, have a good day at good day at school.
• 18:58
  Go ahead. You know, so kids, kids, kids
• 19:00
  don't want to hear that from you.
• 19:01
  They don't want to hear your problems.
• 19:02
  People are looking up to you for leadership and guidance.
• 19:05
  Also don't want to hear that. So there needs to be a balance
• 19:08
  between who you speak to, right? But also how you deal with the
• 19:12
  stress and how you how you tackle the stress and how you
• 19:16
  untie this knot inside you that every man has deep in your
• 19:19
  chest. We will have these knots inside
• 19:20
  us. How do you untie that knot?
• 19:22
  You know what's interesting You you mentioned a very nice point
• 19:25
  where you said if you speak about your problems to your
• 19:30
  believing brother, the problem is sort of yeah.
• 19:34
  And I'll, I'll share you here. Being on the podcast, me and you
• 19:37
  had so much deep conversations. Back in the days.
• 19:40
  I, I, I know when I lost my father we spoke so much, me and
• 19:45
  you. I know before getting married, I
• 19:48
  spoke to you so much. Like there was so much that when
• 19:50
  speaking to you, allowed me to process firstly what's happening
• 19:54
  and what's the best outcome and how to move forward.
• 19:56
  Yeah. And the problem is if we're not
• 19:58
  going to chat to no one, Yeah, we don't know.
• 19:59
  We're going to be like headless chickens.
• 20:01
  Yeah. But I think if we can't speak to
• 20:03
  our brothers because we maybe we see, you know, maybe a sign of
• 20:06
  weakness or I don't know what. People, but I think again, but I
• 20:10
  think it's also about knowing who to speak to Yeah, yeah, of
• 20:12
  course when speaks, but. The conversations I've had with
• 20:14
  you, I'm not going to have with. Everyone.
• 20:15
  Yeah, of course. And sometimes, like you tell too
• 20:17
  many people about your problems. You feel, you feel like I just,
• 20:20
  I've shared too much of myself. I can add as well, like there's,
• 20:22
  there's, there's like an epidemic in our community,
• 20:24
  especially with youth, and that's having bad friends, bad
• 20:27
  company. That in itself is like starting
• 20:29
  put one thing talking to your friends, but do you have friends
• 20:33
  to talk to? Do you see what I mean?
• 20:34
  Like having believing brothers, like the hadith says, from in
• 20:38
  itself is an achievement to have a believing brother and then to
• 20:41
  be able to open up to them will help you.
• 20:43
  But like we should continuously critique ourselves and say, who
• 20:46
  do I have around me? We have this saying on the
• 20:48
  podcast. We say it's like you are the
• 20:49
  average of the five people you spend the most time with.
• 20:52
  We genuinely believe that because you look around you,
• 20:55
  there's also studies on this. I mean, if you know, there's
• 20:57
  studies, for example, if your, your, your five closest friends
• 21:01
  are higher earning in terms of their income, you will also
• 21:04
  likely be higher earning in terms of income.
• 21:06
  You know, there's these kind of studies out there.
• 21:08
  In the same way, the friends that you speak to need to be
• 21:11
  constructive. They need to be supportive, they
• 21:13
  need to be trustworthy, they need to be confidential.
• 21:16
  Like there's a lot of characteristics in itself which
• 21:20
  you are trusting that human being with and the second you
• 21:22
  open up to. And as men, we're by our nature,
• 21:26
  I don't think we're trusting beings.
• 21:27
  And obviously, even though Ali says he goes, I don't blame my
• 21:30
  secret for being shared around when I shared it with someone
• 21:33
  myself. That's just paraphrasing.
• 21:35
  So again, it's, it's about being cautious about who you tell your
• 21:38
  problems to and how they'll react and, and if they'll
• 21:42
  actually help you, you know, and I think probably we'll, we'll
• 21:46
  delve into this more, but I think one thing that we need to
• 21:48
  kind of normalize, He's also speaking to Allah about our
• 21:50
  problems. I.
• 21:51
  Was just going to come there. Yeah, right.
• 21:52
  You know, I think, I think I think what one of my same
• 21:55
  Mickey, I'll show him up, tell me something beautiful.
• 22:00
  You know, a few months ago he was like, look, it's you need to
• 22:04
  have because I want you to turn to Allah and I want you to say
• 22:08
  you're Allah. I seek not just a relationship
• 22:10
  with you. I seek an intimate relationship
• 22:12
  with you. And I think that's a whole
• 22:14
  different way of thinking because I, I realized like for
• 22:16
  for the longest time, my relationship with Allah was one
• 22:19
  of duty. You know, I've got to pray,
• 22:21
  let's do it. You know, I'm going to do this,
• 22:23
  I'm on, let's do it, Ziara, let's do it.
• 22:25
  OK, Again with the grit in my teeth.
• 22:27
  Is it a difference between saying, you know what, I've got
• 22:29
  time in my hands, you know, so I'm travelling, for example, I'm
• 22:31
  alone. Let me pray some, let me do some
• 22:34
  of our jobs. Let me speak to Allah directly.
• 22:36
  Let me have that relationship with Allah directly.
• 22:38
  Let me speak to you, Allah, not just about my problems, but let
• 22:41
  me praise you for what you've given me.
• 22:42
  Let me have a, not just a friendship with you, but a
• 22:44
  beautiful friendship with you. I think that is another level
• 22:48
  of, of, of, of relationship with Allah and one that we have
• 22:50
  because, you know, I think all men, you know, seek intimacy and
• 22:56
  like it or not, this world's not going to give you in any way.
• 22:59
  You know, it's just going to disappoint you.
• 23:01
  So having that that that intimate connection, that
• 23:04
  relationship with Allah, when I say that, for example, we seek
• 23:06
  it with our parents, forget woman, we see it with our
• 23:08
  parents, with our father, we think with our mother growing
• 23:10
  up. You know, when you're trying to
• 23:12
  get married, for example, you're looking for a partner to who you
• 23:16
  believe you think falsely can make can take you to where you
• 23:19
  need to be when reality is well inside you, right.
• 23:22
  I'm not saying marriage is a bad thing.
• 23:23
  Marriage has a lot of positive with it, right, and you grow.
• 23:26
  But my point being is that you have to have that that you know,
• 23:29
  they call it self love these days.
• 23:30
  Love yourself, you know, be one with yourself, you know, and
• 23:33
  that really is about being one with Allah and having that love
• 23:37
  with Allah that no one else can touch.
• 23:39
  There's a boundary. It's a circle, you and Allah,
• 23:42
  you know, I told you in the car. I was like, I, I, I, I decided
• 23:46
  that my I. Missed out on this car journey.
• 23:48
  I think that. Was real.
• 23:49
  We're trying to release some of the points this.
• 23:52
  Is like. So this is the crowns like the.
• 23:53
  Follow No No. This is the way it happens.
• 23:57
  Sorry, so, so briefly. I was like, I was like, you know
• 23:59
  what? I've decided that all my
• 24:01
  validation and all my love exists within the four walls of
• 24:06
  myself. Nothing outside me is going to
• 24:09
  validate me, be it for example, friends, be it for example,
• 24:12
  work, be it opportunities, be it travel, whatever it is from the
• 24:14
  from the from the little things like this coffee to the big
• 24:17
  things like where you live in the world, right?
• 24:19
  It doesn't matter. Everything is inside here.
• 24:21
  Anything I get outside that is a bonus, it's a blessing or it's
• 24:25
  not meant for me. I turn it away.
• 24:27
  But if I lose out on something, doesn't matter because I'm I'm
• 24:30
  fine the way I am. I have this validation inside me
• 24:32
  between me and a lot, right. I think that's the mentality.
• 24:36
  I mean, we had this conversation about validation the car.
• 24:38
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When we talked about validation
• 24:40
  a couple of weeks ago, do you remember when we did that God
• 24:44
  centrism conversation, we talked about the need as human beings
• 24:49
  to seek validation and we seek validation and absolutely
• 24:52
  everything. And part of that comes back to
• 24:54
  now me as a dad of of kids, Hamdullah toddlers.
• 24:58
  Like I read a post yesterday on Instagram.
• 25:01
  It's like how the toddlers seek affection and why they do it.
• 25:03
  It's because they're seeking validation.
• 25:05
  And so they follow you around. They'll say no to everything to
• 25:09
  test your boundaries. And God only knows like how much
• 25:11
  that tests my boundaries. Do you know what I mean?
• 25:13
  They, they, they might hit you, they might laugh at all your
• 25:17
  jokes. Like they do everything because
• 25:19
  they just seek intimacy and validations from the parent
• 25:22
  because the only thing that they.
• 25:23
  Want the parental love? Yeah, but like kids don't pay
• 25:25
  taxes, they don't have to fill up petrol, they're chilling,
• 25:28
  they don't not worried when the MOT is.
• 25:30
  And if you don't? If you don't give to them.
• 25:31
  Yeah, it's the end of their world.
• 25:33
  And The thing is, none of us remember what our life was like
• 25:36
  prior to the age of two or three.
• 25:38
  So none of us remember it. But a lot of those small unknown
• 25:43
  years of our life, which I find insane, like the years of your
• 25:46
  life which you grow the most physically, developmentally, in
• 25:50
  those years of life, we don't remember what happened to us,
• 25:52
  right? We have no recollection what
• 25:54
  experiences we had, but a lot of those may have then determined
• 25:57
  to how we ended up now. So internally, the need for
• 26:00
  validation, seeking the, you know, like the love languages,
• 26:04
  for example, acts of service, touch, all of these things that
• 26:07
  we hear about. Some of those may be a result of
• 26:09
  how we were treated as kids. It might be, you know, a middle
• 26:13
  child of five kids, for example, might feel neglected.
• 26:17
  So they extremely value time 1 to one time company.
• 26:22
  These are kind of things which we are obviously a lot deeper
• 26:24
  than maybe our own expertise takes us.
• 26:27
  But that validation point is so, so valuable.
• 26:31
  Sid, I wanted to ask like because there's a few directions
• 26:35
  we can take this, OK. It's just sorry before you drop
• 26:37
  on this validation point. So again, this is this is quite
• 26:40
  personal, but I think I think it's important to mention.
• 26:42
  So me, for example, growing up, and it's so interesting because
• 26:45
  when we think about what affects us growing up, right, our minds
• 26:48
  instantly go to trauma, you know, be it for example, abuse
• 26:52
  or anything else, right? But it's not just those crazy
• 26:56
  things that can happen to us, that can happen to kids that can
• 26:58
  impact us. It's also the very small
• 26:59
  nuances. Yeah, it's the day-to-day,
• 27:01
  right? So for me, for example, it was
• 27:04
  very simple. It was growing up without a
• 27:06
  brother, right? My parents didn't like when it
• 27:09
  came to loving me, although they're perfectly fine because I
• 27:12
  didn't grow up without a brother.
• 27:13
  And I had two younger sisters and there was a gap between me
• 27:16
  and them. I was kind of almost not a
• 27:18
  lonely child, but I was like, I was without that brother to
• 27:21
  guide me. I had to kind of figure things
• 27:23
  out myself, right? And the catch 22 of that is that
• 27:26
  my cousins were also a lot older than me, my uncles.
• 27:29
  So all my family was older. I was kind of the youngest and
• 27:32
  there was a big gap between me and everyone else.
• 27:34
  So as a result. Fair to yourself.
• 27:36
  Not fend for myself. There was that desire for
• 27:38
  validation in others that came from that here, for example, all
• 27:42
  the people, all the people in our community, you know,
• 27:46
  attention, for example, as well. And that's a it's a very small
• 27:49
  nuance about myself that I didn't realize that I had, that
• 27:51
  people that even know me might not understand that I do have or
• 27:54
  had right. And I think again, like figuring
• 27:57
  out what, why that's there and then overcoming that.
• 28:01
  This is the most powerful thing, it's the most difficult thing,
• 28:02
  it's the most powerful thing. But because Allah wanted me to
• 28:05
  take, to take me on a journey where, like I said, now the only
• 28:08
  valuation I need is inshallah within myself and nothing
• 28:12
  outside of me, right? That's the journey of becoming
• 28:15
  nefsil mutma inna, which the answers you have to become the
• 28:18
  contented soul before you leave this world.
• 28:20
  All of us, before we die, we are meant to become the contented
• 28:22
  soul mutma inna, right? And each of our journeys there
• 28:25
  is going to be very difficult and very specific to our
• 28:27
  experiences, right? And that, by the way, that need
• 28:29
  for validation. I've seen that in so many kids
• 28:33
  and so many youth in our community.
• 28:34
  And it's so funny because it used to annoy me so much.
• 28:37
  And I realized it annoys me so much because I had it myself
• 28:40
  deep down without realizing it. You know, I remember like, there
• 28:43
  was this time where I got called on Twitter years ago.
• 28:48
  Sounds pretty funny too. And I won't get in detail about
• 28:50
  it, but for a while, it really upset me.
• 28:54
  And I was really thinking about, OK, why is this upsetting me?
• 28:57
  What's the issue here? What am I do you?
• 28:59
  Mind if I ask what it was or what was said?
• 29:01
  Basically, like one of my old tweets, which was kind of
• 29:03
  sectarian, was brought out. Yeah, yeah.
• 29:07
  OK, we won't go. To good old days.
• 29:08
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so again, I was like, I
• 29:12
  was happy to apologize because it's not really mature, even
• 29:15
  though it was a very old tweet and it was brought out for
• 29:16
  reasons probably nefarious. But anyway, So for a while it
• 29:21
  kind of upset me. I'm like, why is this upsetting
• 29:24
  me? What's the issue here?
• 29:25
  And again, the issue that I found was that I needed
• 29:28
  validation from this personal, this group of people that was
• 29:33
  calling me up. So I thought about that.
• 29:35
  I was like as a Shia. Which is why you apologize.
• 29:37
  So you see. No, no, no.
• 29:38
  This is afterwards. So I was happy.
• 29:39
  You're reflecting now? Yeah.
• 29:40
  I was happy to apologize because, you know, like, it's
• 29:42
  immature. It's brought out.
• 29:43
  I can't even think about it, you know?
• 29:44
  Fair enough. Like, I wouldn't do it today.
• 29:45
  Here's what it is. Yeah.
• 29:48
  Suppose what? What?
• 29:49
  What? What?
• 29:49
  I'll ask myself. OK.
• 29:50
  Why? Why is it upsetting me?
• 29:51
  What's the issue here? Like, why is it getting to me
• 29:53
  basically. And again, it was like, because
• 29:56
  of that lack of an older brother going up, anyone who's kind of
• 29:59
  like my demographic, my age group beholding me, I'm like, I
• 30:01
  want him to respect me. I want him to like me, you know,
• 30:04
  but I'm like, you know what, as a Shia of Ali, as a lover,
• 30:07
  hebeit, do I want someone who's viciously, vehemently anti Shia,
• 30:10
  you know, and and and and malicious towards she had to
• 30:13
  like me? Absolutely not.
• 30:14
  So then what's the problem? The minute I was like that, I
• 30:16
  was like, you know, screw it, who cares?
• 30:17
  And then when they did come up again, once or twice, I'm like,
• 30:21
  doesn't affect me in any way, shape or form.
• 30:22
  I don't care because I've, I've, I've divorced myself in this
• 30:24
  idea that I need the to be liked.
• 30:28
  And I think that is what a lot of kids, again, growing up I've,
• 30:32
  I've realized kind of, kind of have.
• 30:33
  And you see it on very, very small, small levels in character
• 30:38
  and in characters that people have.
• 30:40
  Let's say, for example, we have a young guy who works with you,
• 30:41
  for example, just the way he's speaking to you and, you know,
• 30:44
  the way he's trying to grab your attention and the way he and,
• 30:47
  and, and, and, you know, oh, look at me, I'm doing this.
• 30:50
  And, and I, I see it in, in so many people.
• 30:52
  I see it, for example, relatable reciters sometimes, like I'm so
• 30:56
  I'm so like I'm so ignorant to what the reciters are these days
• 31:01
  and what they're reciting and where they're reciting and
• 31:03
  whatnot. Except for one beside which I
• 31:04
  love, which is Mullah Bossa. But she's who's on the She Evans
• 31:06
  list, right? So sometimes reciters can be
• 31:08
  like, oh, you know, I worked with this reciter.
• 31:09
  I went here and they're trying to show up.
• 31:11
  I'm just like, yeah, we use, we use language.
• 31:15
  No, I'm like, I don't care #1 but all I see is your need for
• 31:19
  validation and that's annoying. But do you think like sometimes
• 31:22
  we use language like attention seeking, attention grabbing,
• 31:25
  stuff like that, which can sound derogatory or even make someone
• 31:29
  or make a child or like you talk about a teenager.
• 31:32
  I remember when I used to teach in Sunday school and I used to
• 31:35
  teach some of the boys who I used to teach still listen to
• 31:38
  the podcast to shout them and they're now like 20/21/22 years
• 31:42
  old. But like for that age group, a
• 31:45
  lot of people would say that fifty 1415 year olds in the
• 31:48
  stage of Balu, their attention seeking, their attention
• 31:51
  grabbing, they or are nuisance they have ADHD.
• 31:55
  Like they'll just try and pigeonhole a character into
• 31:59
  anything they can and and just forget about it.
• 32:03
  But really deep inside there's a lack or a void of love or
• 32:07
  there's a need for, like you said, for validation.
• 32:09
  So I learning for respect. I, I think, I think that's what
• 32:12
  I mean. I.
• 32:12
  Think that's what it is. We need to teach our our kids
• 32:14
  and our youth to love themselves and value themselves and not
• 32:17
  seek anything else outside themselves.
• 32:19
  Because again, that can translate to validation.
• 32:22
  It can translate to, for example, chasing women.
• 32:24
  It can translate to chasing attention for anything else.
• 32:27
  It can. It translates to so many things
• 32:30
  that men suffer from, not just in that age, but growing up
• 32:33
  until us and beyond. It's, it's, it's, it's that lack
• 32:36
  of, you know, everything that's within me is enough.
• 32:40
  Everything with. It There you go.
• 32:43
  It's also Hosseini, Haider Hosseini.
• 32:44
  It's a great thing about being in the Shia of odd classes.
• 32:48
  Stop, let's recite. I know her.
• 32:50
  Yes. Yeah.
• 32:51
  So, So again, like it's like, it's like it's, it's that self
• 32:54
  value, that self value. We talk a lot about humility and
• 32:58
  we talk a lot about being humble, and being humble is very
• 33:00
  important. But I think one thing that I
• 33:03
  realized growing up is that sometimes we think about
• 33:07
  humility in the wrong way. Humility shouldn't be about self
• 33:10
  deprecation. Yeah, that's the issue.
• 33:12
  Sometimes we have we're like we're humble.
• 33:14
  I'm not good, you know, I'm not good.
• 33:16
  I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a good poet.
• 33:18
  I'm not a hard worker. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm trying,
• 33:21
  you know, that's not a good mentality to have.
• 33:23
  You need to believe in yourself. You need to believe in yourself.
• 33:25
  You need to believe you can go far.
• 33:26
  You need to believe to a certain extent, you're better than you
• 33:28
  were yesterday. The trick is you're not better
• 33:30
  than anyone else. I'm not better than anyone here,
• 33:32
  but compared to who I was yesterday, I'm a king compared
• 33:34
  to who was yesterday. You need to like think like
• 33:36
  that. And it's funny because there was
• 33:39
  a, there was a really nice real that I saw from a scholar, Sunni
• 33:43
  scholar actually, who was saying he's like, how do we, you know,
• 33:48
  how we have to live the names and attributes for last?
• 33:51
  How do we live the name of Allah and what the kebra?
• 33:54
  Because element, the kebra means what basically.
• 33:56
  How do you translate that from Kabir?
• 33:59
  It's like being bigger basically a lot.
• 34:00
  A lot is greater, yeah. But it's kind of like not
• 34:03
  honestly use the word big. It's like kind of like.
• 34:05
  AI understand the Arabic. Yeah, I can't.
• 34:06
  I can't. It's like a show of kind of, you
• 34:07
  know, I'm great kind of insinuation, right?
• 34:10
  How? Do you authority?
• 34:11
  Yeah. How do you be that?
• 34:12
  Because you can't, you can't be, you know, you've got to be
• 34:14
  humble as Muslim. And he's like, he says something
• 34:16
  very nice because it's not that you're better than anyone else.
• 34:20
  It's, it's not that you're better than anyone else.
• 34:22
  It's that you're it's that as a believer, you value yourself so
• 34:25
  much that you're above nonsense. You're above sin, you're above
• 34:28
  petty conversations, you're above like, you know, dinner
• 34:32
  conversations, You're you're too good for that, right?
• 34:35
  That mentality you need to have, which is why I mentioned to you
• 34:38
  before, you know, like going to the gym, working hard on
• 34:43
  yourself, you know, being disciplined is so important
• 34:46
  because as a man, going back to that conversation, you feel
• 34:49
  strong. You feel like you're in control
• 34:50
  yourself. When you feel like you're in
• 34:51
  control yourself, you feel sick. You don't feel better anyone
• 34:54
  else. But as a man, compared to who
• 34:55
  you were yesterday, you know, you feel like a king.
• 34:58
  I think that's. Very important.
• 34:59
  Let's let's kind of progress this, I think on to the next
• 35:02
  stage. So we've we've established that
• 35:03
  men bottle up. Just before we progress, can I
• 35:06
  just say something about validation?
• 35:08
  Yeah, yeah. And it may sound weird or
• 35:10
  strange. No, of course.
• 35:12
  I don't think I'm unique. I think there's others like me
• 35:14
  as well, but I well, I don't think I have ever experienced a
• 35:18
  time where I'm like on a field validation.
• 35:21
  I don't know. You know what?
• 35:23
  You know what? So there may.
• 35:26
  Be I'm gonna praise you. There may be instances where I'm
• 35:29
  like, OK, do I want to please someone, maybe please my mom?
• 35:33
  Yeah, like from that sense, OK, I understand.
• 35:36
  But the validation of I want people to like me or things
• 35:39
  like, I don't know why it exists #1 I'm sure there is, as we
• 35:44
  mentioned, maybe it effects you as you grew up how, how, how
• 35:47
  your life was and it determines how you are as you grow on that
• 35:50
  journey to becoming a better man inshallah.
• 35:52
  But I think one thing that helped me, and again, I'm not
• 35:56
  unique in this. I'm not special.
• 35:57
  I'm not just because I'm, I don't know, I know something,
• 36:00
  but I know from a very young age, I was like embedded from my
• 36:04
  parents that I will have my own grave.
• 36:08
  This is something very important.
• 36:10
  And I always remember today, like if I face a situation when
• 36:12
  someone tells me, no, don't do, don't do that because he might
• 36:16
  think wrong of you. And then I counted that argument
• 36:19
  and I'm saying, yeah, but he's not going to be sleeping in my
• 36:22
  grave. I'm sleeping in my own grave.
• 36:24
  So I think the moment we can sort of understand that it
• 36:27
  doesn't, we don't care what. Tom.
• 36:30
  Dick and Harry say and you know bro, it's all about what God
• 36:32
  thinks, what is right in the eyes of Allah.
• 36:35
  Subhanallah, as long as you know what you're doing.
• 36:37
  Right, So, so Subhanallah, again, it all ties into work.
• 36:40
  And again, the point I was making in the beginning was that
• 36:42
  every man has their own struggles.
• 36:43
  Yes, my struggles aren't your struggles, right?
• 36:46
  That's a beautiful thing. And you mentioned that your
• 36:48
  parents instilled it to you at a young age, which is the point I
• 36:50
  was making, that we need to instill the same thing into all
• 36:52
  our youth as well, because a lot of youth, again, I think that is
• 36:55
  kind of the trajectory to being a man.
• 36:57
  You think about the the, the men in our community, think about
• 36:59
  names that come to your mind about people who you look up to,
• 37:00
  who are, who are men and control themselves.
• 37:02
  They don't see validation, you know, they don't care what
• 37:04
  people think of them. They they do what they think is
• 37:06
  right, right. And I think that is what I've
• 37:09
  struggled with. And again, when I say struggle
• 37:10
  with it, I also say like it. It's been very very like tiny
• 37:14
  and nuanced and and and not really noticeable, but exists
• 37:17
  where exists in my shadow and therefore influences things that
• 37:21
  I do. Yeah, yeah.
• 37:22
  I mean, I mean, it's, it's, it's, you know, you can have a
• 37:27
  million pebbles that are way the same as a boulder.
• 37:29
  Like it's the smaller, smaller steps and the smaller nuance
• 37:33
  day-to-day interactions, which will allow it to to have a
• 37:36
  bigger effect on you. But like, just coming back to
• 37:38
  what I wanted to say and very, very relevant to what you were
• 37:41
  saying said, like we've established many bottled up a
• 37:45
  lot in their lives and our lives, including all of us and
• 37:49
  the need for our validation. And it may be subconscious.
• 37:53
  I may do something for the need. And to be fair, I think as men,
• 37:56
  a lot of us, we do our duty as men sometimes to seek
• 38:00
  validation, even if it's from ourselves.
• 38:02
  Like to say, yeah, I know I'm a good protector of my my women
• 38:06
  folk, for example. But the pitfall for a lot of men
• 38:11
  is the insecurity that I'm not good enough.
• 38:14
  Maybe I haven't achieved enough. It's a voice in every man's head
• 38:19
  as well. It's a voice in every man's.
• 38:20
  Head Yeah, yeah, like I've I should do more and well, like I
• 38:23
  think when you're speaking, say then you say there's a grave
• 38:25
  that belongs to me. I swear I I was thinking to
• 38:29
  myself, why don't I think like that?
• 38:31
  That's such a good like just statement to tell myself.
• 38:35
  And then while you're speaking, I'm thinking to myself like, why
• 38:38
  am I not thinking this at Salah time and you're like, you know,
• 38:42
  favela time. There's a grave that belongs to
• 38:45
  you. You know, how are you going to
• 38:47
  decorate that grave now? Like we don't know how long
• 38:50
  we're going to be alive. Should we decorate the grave or
• 38:53
  not? Like, you know what I'm saying?
• 38:54
  But then that, that, that how do we get this is what I'm trying
• 38:57
  to struggle with in my own personal life.
• 38:59
  OK, How do I get to the point where like the, the yearning for
• 39:05
  something or like the insecurity I have for something?
• 39:08
  So I may feel I'm not doing good enough at this.
• 39:10
  I wish I could have more of that.
• 39:11
  How do I take it from there to then what you said about being
• 39:16
  nafsan mutma Ina? Like being content with Allah,
• 39:19
  Allah's content, you and your content with Allah.
• 39:22
  Because in my mind it's on theory.
• 39:25
  Like, sounds great. Yeah, But what are the practical
• 39:29
  steps I do? So what are the nuanced steps I
• 39:32
  do? Do you see what I mean?
• 39:33
  I think, I think that's always been my biggest challenge
• 39:35
  because I can read all the books about it and I can read, I can
• 39:39
  read, for example, you know, observe yourself and, you know,
• 39:42
  dissociate from your mind and all these things that these that
• 39:45
  these self help books you can recall and that can teach you.
• 39:48
  But like you said, practicing it is, is difficult.
• 39:50
  And I think, you know, one hadith that we hear all the time
• 39:54
  that I kind of thought about more intensely recently is when
• 39:59
  the Sahaba and the Prophet were eating after a battle and the
• 40:04
  Prophet and they just finished Jihad, right?
• 40:06
  And the Prophet goes, OK, so the the smaller jihad is finished
• 40:09
  now it's what kind of the greater jihad?
• 40:10
  You had a nest. What's the great job?
• 40:12
  You had a nest, right? We hear that all the time.
• 40:14
  Oh, yeah. You know, it sounds like an I
• 40:15
  say I watch a lot of war movies like, you know, recently.
• 40:22
  And one thing especially like these recent war movies that
• 40:24
  come out, you know, it shows you how dark war can be, how violent
• 40:29
  it is, how crazy it is. And just as like a as like a a
• 40:32
  sidetrack. And this is all leading to my
• 40:33
  point. There's a really good show I was
• 40:34
  watching. It's about the World War Two in
• 40:38
  the Pacific theatre. So the when the US Marines will
• 40:40
  find the Japanese, right. And it starts off with a, with a
• 40:43
  boy very like scrawny young boy. He wants to go to war.
• 40:45
  He wants to train the Marines. And his dad's like, look like I
• 40:47
  was a veteran. I was a doctor for World War One
• 40:50
  veterans. I've seen what war does to
• 40:52
  people. I don't need to become like
• 40:53
  that. He's like, no, I want to go, I
• 40:55
  want to go. He goes the the the things he
• 40:58
  sees, like in the war, like everything from, for example,
• 41:02
  your friends around you being killed, sleeping in a foxhole
• 41:07
  with a dead body in there, seeing people get chewed up
• 41:11
  around you. There's a scene where, and this
• 41:13
  is all actually happened. There's a scene where the
• 41:16
  Japanese, they would basically booby trap women who were
• 41:18
  walking with babies with bombs so that when they, when they go
• 41:21
  to Marines, they would blow up the woman, the baby and the
• 41:23
  Marines all together, right? That's, that's for example, I
• 41:27
  was very dark. But there's a point, there's a
• 41:31
  point where, for example, he goes to, so he, he was in a
• 41:33
  mortar squad and he fires mortars.
• 41:35
  They, they, they, they launch bombs at the enemy.
• 41:38
  And he goes to a village where all the, the houses have been
• 41:41
  bombed with mortars. And he goes to one of the houses
• 41:43
  and there's a woman there dying with her family.
• 41:45
  And he's like, was this my immortal that killed her?
• 41:47
  And she basically dies in his arms, right?
• 41:49
  All that happens, he comes home, right.
• 41:52
  And they always say about this when it comes to war, men never
• 41:54
  speak about the wars they go through again, going back to
• 41:55
  what men how how men are, right? His mum's like, OK, isn't it
• 41:59
  time for you to go get a job? Like, why are you sitting here?
• 42:01
  You know, when people ask him, you know, what did you learn in
• 42:04
  World War Two in the in the theatre, they teach you maths or
• 42:06
  anything. We could find you a job.
• 42:07
  And he's just like he goes hunting with his dad.
• 42:09
  He breaks down and he's consistently breaking down.
• 42:12
  He can't explain. Like I can't explain to you what
• 42:14
  I saw watching that show. He can't explain to his family
• 42:16
  what he's seen. Is it?
• 42:17
  Like a level of trauma that they live.
• 42:18
  With basically, he has that trauma consistently, right?
• 42:21
  And the point being is he can't explain what he's seen.
• 42:22
  He can't explain what he's been through, right?
• 42:24
  And no one around him understands him.
• 42:27
  And I actually thought about a couple which kind of relates to
• 42:29
  which is that all men go through wars, be they in their minds or
• 42:34
  be they real, you know, but when it comes down to it's the good
• 42:37
  men that remain to clear up the robot And the reason like I
• 42:41
  connected with that again, I've never been through, I don't know
• 42:43
  what it was like, like God, God bless all from going through a
• 42:46
  war, right? You see it, You know what
• 42:47
  happens in Gaza, Like you see how how crazy it was, right?
• 42:51
  I can tell you, though, I know it's like to go through
• 42:53
  something difficult and not being able, not being able to
• 42:55
  explain to anyone and keeping it inside you.
• 42:58
  And I think when I think about the hadith now, when the prophet
• 43:01
  tells the companions he's like, OK, the the manager has done now
• 43:04
  the real jihad has begun, the bigger one, right?
• 43:07
  Think about what war is, the fear of death, people dying
• 43:10
  around you. And now he's basically
• 43:11
  insinuating that the fight with the self is more difficult than
• 43:14
  that. Isn't that insane to think
• 43:16
  about? Yeah.
• 43:18
  And again, like when I, when we talk about how, how you know,
• 43:22
  the minute I open the conversation and I said, you
• 43:24
  know, we need to talk about how difficult it is to the chance
• 43:26
  that men, the chance that men go through.
• 43:28
  I saw your eyes straight away and I saw I could see inside
• 43:30
  you. You had things that you know,
• 43:32
  were difficult, I could say. And again, I was happy to have
• 43:34
  this conversation because I know both of you well, I know all
• 43:37
  three of us here have been through stuff that's very
• 43:38
  difficult to talk about and explain to anyone, forget even
• 43:41
  each other. You know, sometimes you can, you
• 43:43
  can say, oh, this happened. Let's say, for example, you went
• 43:45
  through something difficult. It happened.
• 43:47
  How do you talk about the emotions you There are no words
• 43:50
  to describe. There are no words to describe
• 43:52
  what that felt like. There are no words to describe
• 43:54
  how how that made you feel confused.
• 43:56
  You can't describe that to anyone around you right now.
• 43:58
  The challenge is how do you deal with that?
• 44:00
  Like you said, And I think the answer is that jihad against
• 44:03
  itself, right? And for me, that jihad against
• 44:05
  itself has been a triangle. That jihad against itself has
• 44:09
  been from a physical perspective.
• 44:11
  So I believe that every single man you know should be in some
• 44:14
  sort of physical activity, be a gym, be a martial arts, be it
• 44:18
  yoga, whatever. It is some sort of physical
• 44:19
  activity because that is a time where you can exert all the
• 44:23
  anger in you, all that let off steam emotion and you let off
• 44:25
  steam. And not only that, but
• 44:27
  discipline yourself from build yourself in such a way where you
• 44:29
  feel strong. Man needs, man needs to, man
• 44:31
  needs to be strong and disciplined.
• 44:33
  And committing to that every day is important #2 from a spiritual
• 44:37
  standpoint. So one thing I would also
• 44:39
  recommend to people is that you set yourself, for example, a
• 44:41
  spiritual schedule where for example, every day you say every
• 44:46
  day, for example, I'm going to read these sorts of Quran.
• 44:51
  Sorry about the background noise.
• 44:52
  We have some construction we're going on.
• 44:54
  Can we? Can you continue or?
• 44:55
  Is it picking up? OK, Yeah, yeah.
• 44:57
  So it's fine. It is the, the, I think let's go
• 45:06
  to our sponsor, the, the, the, the, the spiritual schedule,
• 45:10
  which is like every day I'm going to, for example, I commit.
• 45:13
  You can pick one thing to commit.
• 45:14
  You pick, you can pick things to commit to.
• 45:16
  I'm going to pray on time. I'm going to read, I used to
• 45:18
  share every day. I'm going to read Jihad Ashra
• 45:20
  every day. I'm going to read these stories
• 45:22
  of the car every day. You pick the things that benefit
• 45:24
  you a lot about Amal, be it Quran or be it to ours or be it
• 45:27
  to Spears. They have effects on you.
• 45:29
  For example, you can do things for wealth, you can do things
• 45:32
  for. There's a you can do to only
• 45:35
  love Allah. For example, there's the Spears
• 45:36
  you can do to have a better memory.
• 45:38
  There's a lot of Amal you can do to benefit yourself.
• 45:41
  So you look at what you lack in yourself and you use
• 45:43
  spirituality to get you there. So you make a schedule for
• 45:46
  yourself every day of the Das Amal and Taspir that you're
• 45:50
  going to do. And then lastly, which is
• 45:51
  something that I need to do as a serial overthinker, and I told
• 45:53
  you this in the car as well, is that for every gift there's a
• 45:56
  curse. My gift is writing and creating,
• 45:58
  and my curse is that my mind is everywhere, past, present,
• 46:01
  future, multiverse, just all over the place.
• 46:04
  So to bring my mind in, I need to make sure that every day or
• 46:07
  as much as I can, is to read every day and write every day.
• 46:10
  So I have built a schedule for myself while I'm attacking
• 46:13
  myself from all these three Jihad, it's jihad against
• 46:15
  yourself. My jihad is 3 fronts, physical,
• 46:18
  spiritual and mental, right? And then you are attacking
• 46:22
  yourself or front. So that is the practical way to
• 46:24
  get to that point of to work till, to work till.
• 46:27
  But again, this is the point. The, the reason I go back to the
• 46:29
  hadith about jihad is that it's jihad.
• 46:31
  It's not easy. It's not like, oh, I'm there now
• 46:34
  I've done it. Oh yes, OK, now I've got it.
• 46:36
  No, it's a daily thing that will get tougher and tougher and
• 46:40
  tougher and more difficult until the day you die.
• 46:43
  Spirituality. Yeah, like I was going to say,
• 46:45
  it's like, remember last week where Shelly said it was?
• 46:48
  Shelly was on last week. He's basically had, he said.
• 46:56
  Shakini was on last week guys didn't record an hour ago.
• 46:59
  Wow, I I'll say this episode. That aired last week.
• 47:07
  Shakini was in this room last week.
• 47:08
  I don't know if it was true or not.
• 47:10
  No, I was saying I was saying in the conversation last week.
• 47:15
  Now he said this like we, we sometimes discuss things in in
• 47:17
  incomplete premise. So he gave the specific example
• 47:20
  because imagine you're in hospital, you're not well or
• 47:22
  something and you're like you, you ask the nurse or the doctor
• 47:26
  like, yeah, where can I buy some tools or paintbrush or this or
• 47:30
  that? Like what you on about?
• 47:32
  You're in the wrong place for this.
• 47:33
  It's not the right place. No, you're not here.
• 47:36
  It's like when we ask, when we say, why is this world not easy
• 47:39
  for us? Why is there no suffering?
• 47:41
  And so it. It you're you've misunderstood
• 47:44
  because a lost Pantal has created this world with
• 47:46
  challenges and trials and privilege for us to go through,
• 47:49
  for us to come out of and knowing that we as souls can
• 47:52
  take it on and that we can overcome it and bear.
• 47:55
  It and I think the, the reason we need to have that jihad
• 47:57
  against ourselves and strengthen ourselves is that again, like
• 48:02
  many days, things will be OK. Yeah.
• 48:04
  You know, you're driving outside, sun's out, you know
• 48:07
  everything's good, bank account is full.
• 48:08
  You know, you're going home, taking take away from home for
• 48:10
  the family, everything's cool. You know it's fine.
• 48:12
  And that that might happen for a day, a week, a month, even a
• 48:15
  year. Then something bad happens and
• 48:17
  you're not ready for it and you break.
• 48:19
  So the point is to to keep yourself fortified again from
• 48:23
  those 3 aspects in such a way where you don't break when
• 48:26
  something bad happens to you. Buy an umbrella on a sunny day.
• 48:29
  There you go. That's it.
• 48:30
  That's over. Some I was going for like, you
• 48:34
  know, power and strength and you know, you just want to umbrella.
• 48:37
  But it's the same metaphor. Same.
• 48:39
  Message I'm going to go to the spirituality, yeah, because I
• 48:42
  think it's very core in this conversation.
• 48:45
  And I think it's the one that really stands out to us as
• 48:47
  Muslims. And I think we have to use
• 48:49
  spirituality to our to our benefit.
• 48:52
  And I think it's the greatest Ave. we can seek if we want to
• 48:55
  overcome challenges that we face.
• 48:58
  And you mentioned the examples like if you want, I don't know
• 48:59
  what else. You can do this.
• 49:00
  You want this, you can do that. Have solutions the?
• 49:02
  Problem is, the gems are there. Yeah, we've closed the treasure
• 49:05
  box. Yeah.
• 49:06
  And being Shia Muslims, the school of the island bait, bro,
• 49:09
  they have the best treasure box and the right tools that can
• 49:12
  guide us, allow us to overcome any situation that we face.
• 49:17
  And you mentioned, for example, going to war and things, you
• 49:22
  know, when someone goes to war, when someone goes to battle,
• 49:24
  they take a sword, they possibly take some body armor.
• 49:27
  Maybe not so these days, Maybe not these days.
• 49:29
  Yeah, maybe an AK for you, but but in reality we can use that
• 49:33
  same example with our faith, our belief, our Iman, our Tawakkul,
• 49:37
  our resilience and our loss of Hana Matala that never to forget
• 49:41
  if we are in a situation. He can take us out of it.
• 49:45
  I'll make it. I'll make it very easy for for
• 49:47
  our viewers. Go to duas.org.
• 49:50
  Yeah, I'm not joking. No, you're right to 19 of Allah,
• 49:52
  first thing you do go to there's a page 19 of Allah has all the
• 49:55
  names of Allah and what effect they have.
• 49:57
  Razak brings Rahman memory and Alim faith.
• 50:00
  There's a lot of these stuff. Yes, yes, yes.
• 50:02
  Just literally just go through the ones that benefit you, the
• 50:04
  stuff that you want very easy and, and, and, and write them
• 50:08
  down on notepad. I have a notepad where I have
• 50:09
  all my tests I try to do every day.
• 50:11
  Have a test beer with you, You know, every, every morning,
• 50:13
  spend 10 minutes just doing all your test beers.
• 50:15
  Then go to the Quran section. Surahs literally go to the last
• 50:18
  part of the section. The shortest surahs from, you
• 50:20
  know, the, the, the last. Just look at the, the, the
• 50:23
  surahs that again will benefit you.
• 50:25
  For example, me, I recite Juma every day.
• 50:27
  Why? Because it helps with clarity of
• 50:28
  speech and you guys not speak very fast.
• 50:30
  So that's improved. Yeah, because I'm precise.
• 50:33
  So again, like it sounds funny, but there are there are new
• 50:35
  again, there are things, there are challenges.
• 50:37
  We will have, you know, just pick the ones that benefit you
• 50:39
  and recite Quran. And this is a listen to myself
• 50:41
  again, I'm going to clarify that this triangle I talk about, I
• 50:44
  haven't cracked it. I'm doing every single day.
• 50:47
  But for example, Quran every day is so important.
• 50:49
  We underestimated so much. It brings so much peace to the
• 50:53
  heart. Just reciting.
• 50:54
  I think it's a hundred or fifty eyes a day.
• 50:56
  And again, you can you can crack that 100 by going through the
• 50:58
  last two rows of the Quran doing that every day.
• 51:01
  It brings peace to your heart. All the issues that you have,
• 51:03
  all the problems that you have, all the worry that you have
• 51:05
  starts with the heart. And the Quran is meant for man
• 51:08
  to be it's meant to be in the heart of man.
• 51:11
  It's meant for you to be reciting every day.
• 51:13
  So I think that, you know, whenever we complain about
• 51:14
  anything, whenever we worry about anything, the first
• 51:16
  question we ask ourselves is when's the last time I recited
• 51:18
  Quran? You know, and again, like you're
• 51:20
  reciting Quran every day. I really feel like you'll live.
• 51:22
  I'm not going to use word happier because not just thing
• 51:25
  as happier as life, you have more content, a more content
• 51:28
  life, a more peaceful life as Allah says.
• 51:31
  The Qurani says, he says it straight there only in the
• 51:34
  remnants of Allah do hearts find rest.
• 51:36
  He says it straight up. You can try to find an
• 51:38
  entertainment, you can try to find on social media, you can
• 51:40
  try to find it in friends, you can try to find it in anything
• 51:42
  in this world. You won't find it.
• 51:43
  Allah as promised you, you're only going to find it in his
• 51:46
  remembrance. And we hear it time and time
• 51:47
  again, but we fool ourselves into thinking that we know
• 51:50
  better. And that's the reality.
• 51:52
  There's times where where like. Some deep points.
• 51:55
  Man, Yeah, no, honestly, man, it's like there's so many things
• 51:58
  that are just coming flooding back to me on a personal level.
• 52:00
  And there's like there's I just I think of my grandmother and
• 52:04
  our protector. And she always used to say to me
• 52:07
  growing up when I'm when I'm when she knows I'm visibly
• 52:10
  scared. So I have to give a speech as a
• 52:12
  kid somewhere or I have to recite somewhere or I have an
• 52:15
  exam. She used to tell me or do him,
• 52:17
  but say job. It means like go with him.
• 52:20
  Like go with courage. See.
• 52:22
  Go with your courage. Important for a man and.
• 52:24
  And yeah, and like, that just small thing she used to say to
• 52:28
  me, like I don't know what it was, is put something aside me
• 52:30
  every time she used to say it. And like, as I've got older and
• 52:35
  I've understood her better and her mentality and she's gone
• 52:39
  through a lot in her life. And as I understand her now in
• 52:43
  her old age and I reflect with her and she reflects with me, I
• 52:46
  realized that when she's saying go with him, she means more than
• 52:49
  just be like, yeah, be, be a man.
• 52:51
  She doesn't just mean that. She means trust, not Allah's
• 52:54
  wisdom and his plan to give yourself courage.
• 52:57
  And a lot of the time, like there are, there are days where
• 53:00
  I wake up and I wake up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday,
• 53:04
  just on a personal level. What happens bro?
• 53:06
  I had a really, really tough morning yesterday morning.
• 53:10
  Well, like I had a tough morning and something happened or I did
• 53:16
  something on a personal and then like a spiritual level.
• 53:19
  And I like within an hour, a miracle hit me yesterday
• 53:24
  afternoon. And the only person who I think
• 53:29
  initiated that was myself. Do you see what I mean?
• 53:32
  Because I, I took actions and I trusted to God.
• 53:34
  I spoke to God, I prayed my Salah and I, I, I spoke directly
• 53:38
  to Allah, Allah. And I said, look, I need you in
• 53:41
  this moment and I will submit you to your plan, but I need
• 53:45
  help with this. Do you know what I mean?
• 53:47
  And sometimes we feel like that. There have been days where I've
• 53:49
  broken down in tears, like you said, unexplainably, where you
• 53:53
  just can't explain, like how heavy things feel on you.
• 53:57
  You have no idea how many men go through that, by the way.
• 53:59
  Yeah, man, bro, that's. What?
• 54:02
  Someone of my one of a dear brother of mine two weeks ago, I
• 54:06
  shook his hand. I said Salaam to him.
• 54:08
  I hugged him like just slow and I could see like his eyes were
• 54:12
  wavering and he just started crying on my shoulder, No words,
• 54:15
  nothing crying on my shoulder for a minute or two.
• 54:18
  Went to another room and we spoke for about an hour.
• 54:21
  And that guy's a dear brother of mine and he's been working.
• 54:23
  You know what he told me? It's Allah.
• 54:25
  He said to me that Allah swan to Allah tells us this world is
• 54:28
  temporary and what not. He goes, I recognise that I know
• 54:31
  I have to work with he goes, but I need to work on myself as well
• 54:34
  now so that I'm prepared for that next World.
• 54:37
  And since then he's been handled in a better place.
• 54:41
  But we we have those moments where we feel extremely low as
• 54:45
  men and it's hard to talk to anyone like you know, you can
• 54:48
  and Allah's muscle because he gives us, you know, the when he
• 54:51
  says that your your spouse is like clothing for you and that
• 54:54
  protection. You can unload some of that
• 54:57
  sometimes on your on your wife, on your mother, your father,
• 55:00
  your siblings, your children, probably not your children, but
• 55:03
  you know what I mean, your brothers, your friends.
• 55:06
  But you have to you have to deal with yourself.
• 55:10
  I mean, we need to say Ali and. We need to unload that also to
• 55:13
  God. Yeah, of course, of course.
• 55:15
  And before even talking, I think we need to acknowledge that our
• 55:19
  silence, yeah, our silence, Allah, His honestly, our pain,
• 55:23
  Allah feels like the certain things that we comprehend, that
• 55:27
  all it requires was a conversation with your Creator.
• 55:31
  And it may make things even better.
• 55:33
  And this tawaqul thing that you were speaking about, but early
• 55:36
  on, like that encouragement, the courage that your grandmother
• 55:38
  speaks about, it's in line with tawaqul.
• 55:40
  Because I may want to do something and I'll be lazy about
• 55:45
  it, but I know it will make me a better man, a better individual,
• 55:48
  but I just won't do it. But if someone tells me, yeah,
• 55:50
  let's talk, I don't undo it. I'll get up and do it because
• 55:52
  now there's God motion in the conversation.
• 55:55
  I'm down for it. So and I do believe it's the way
• 55:58
  we program, like how I spoke when I was younger.
• 56:01
  We have to program ourselves and whoever's listening today, you
• 56:04
  have to make that decision. Do I want God every single day
• 56:07
  part of my life? Or I don't and you're good and
• 56:10
  maybe. Say bad, can I ask you?
• 56:12
  Yes, sorry to interrupt you. Because there will be guys
• 56:15
  specifically and sisters, I'm sure, but there will be brothers
• 56:17
  who are acknowledging it. But they can't escape it.
• 56:22
  Like they live in the filth of their bad habits.
• 56:25
  For example, they're stuck in it.
• 56:27
  It's like their feet are stuck in mud and they can't get out of
• 56:30
  it. They recognize like, yeah,
• 56:32
  there's a safe spot there. I need to pull my foot out of
• 56:34
  the sludge. And but they know what they need
• 56:37
  to do. They can't physically pick up
• 56:40
  the Quran or they can't physically lay out the sajada.
• 56:44
  And do you know what I mean? Like there's there's a lot of.
• 56:46
  It's going to sound harsh but I don't think they have understood
• 56:49
  a lot. This is what I'm saying.
• 56:50
  Like there's there will be brothers and at times maybe
• 56:53
  myself or anyone else who Yeah, like who who will know?
• 56:57
  Like yeah, I know I need to read more Quran.
• 56:59
  I know that Josh and Kabir, for example, has a dua for this and
• 57:02
  a dua for that. And I know Dua Aya Stashir like
• 57:05
  you mentioned has these benefits and Salatu Kavela has.
• 57:08
  You know what it is? I mean, it's, it's, it's
• 57:11
  discipline or motivation. And I think to, to, to feel like
• 57:14
  a man is to feel like you're in control and to feel disciplined.
• 57:17
  And I think that's what is, that's when I said, when I was,
• 57:20
  when I spoke about making yourself a schedule, I said the
• 57:22
  key is you can write whatever you want and schedule.
• 57:24
  It's not a routine. It's not routine.
• 57:26
  It's. Discipline.
• 57:26
  Yeah, it's discipline. Yeah, it's discipline.
• 57:28
  It's it's that that schedule that you write for yourself, no
• 57:30
  matter what it is, you stick to it no matter what it is.
• 57:33
  If you say gym every day, 6:00 AM, you stick to it. 10 AM 10:00
• 57:37
  PM before you sleep. You know, start Lil before you
• 57:39
  sleep. Not even before Fudger.
• 57:41
  Yeah. Wherever it is.
• 57:42
  I'm going to recite Turoka today.
• 57:43
  You stick to it. You pick something, you stick to
• 57:45
  it. Men need to be this bad.
• 57:46
  I know your story about yesterday and I, And by the way,
• 57:49
  it's off camera. You know, if you want to speak
• 57:51
  to me, bro, I'm here for you. I love you.
• 57:52
  And. I do, we do.
• 57:54
  Speak, we'll chat. But it reminded me like of a.
• 57:57
  And again, I don't want to get too personal, but there was a
• 57:59
  time not to not not even that long ago.
• 58:02
  But I was literally what you were describing and I didn't
• 58:05
  realize how low a man can go. This is what kicked me in this
• 58:09
  whole like direction. Like, like you mentioned, like
• 58:11
  lying down, not being able to get up physically, can't stand
• 58:14
  up, you know, just just just gone, just absolutely gone to
• 58:17
  the extent that I went for Ziara in in December.
• 58:20
  And it's crazy because like as men, we keep it inside and you
• 58:25
  know, I'll get to the middle part in a second.
• 58:27
  But like, I saw a friend there, the slam team, everything was
• 58:30
  fine. And then I saw him after I went
• 58:32
  for Zia and I kind of overcame this.
• 58:35
  And I was like, oh, just to let you know, I was going for a
• 58:36
  tough time. He goes, yeah, I know.
• 58:37
  I was like, how do you know he goes, bro?
• 58:38
  I could see in your eyes you couldn't speak.
• 58:40
  You couldn't speak words. Imagine I was in a position
• 58:42
  where I couldn't. I didn't realize that I'm not
• 58:44
  speaking. That's how Loman I can go.
• 58:47
  I went to the shrine and I slam and I sat there, literally, I
• 58:51
  sat in front of the grave, in front of the grave.
• 58:54
  And again, like it goes back to, you know, speaking to a lot,
• 58:57
  speaking to Elbate and asking them for their help because
• 58:59
  that's what they're there for. They are, are protectors.
• 59:02
  Those are, for example, say without fathers or without
• 59:05
  people that they can look up to or for example, without mothers
• 59:07
  or without for example, you know, there's a beautiful line
• 59:10
  by Malabasa when he goes. I was very close to my
• 59:12
  grandmother and when she passed away, I turned to Fathom Zahara.
• 59:15
  I said, yah, Zahara, you are now my grandmother.
• 59:18
  He's like every time I ask her for something, she doesn't.
• 59:19
  So even me, even me, I turned to Fathom Zahara personally and I
• 59:22
  said, yah, Zahara, I left everything I know to be on your
• 59:25
  path. Everything I know.
• 59:27
  I, I could have stayed a Sunni Muslim.
• 59:29
  I could have lived a good life, you know, I could have gone into
• 59:32
  the arts and gone into Hollywood and do everything I want to do.
• 59:33
  I left all that to become a Shia Muslim.
• 59:36
  And as a result, I gained a lot, but I also lost a lot.
• 59:40
  So I turn to you now and every time I'm in need, you are my
• 59:43
  protector. You are with me because I gave
• 59:44
  you something. So now you have to help me,
• 59:47
  right? So you can always find them in a
• 59:48
  bit to, to, to help you. Anyway, I was saying it's very
• 59:52
  personal, but the reason I'm sharing it because I hope it
• 59:54
  might help people. I was sitting in front of the
• 59:55
  grave of my guys Salaam and I said, listen, I'm, I'm gone.
• 1:00:00
  And I, I, I didn't know how how low a man can go.
• 1:00:02
  I didn't know how broken a man can be.
• 1:00:03
  I was like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't know what to do.
• 1:00:07
  And I'm, I'm so I'm so gone. I'm going to sit here until you
• 1:00:11
  fix me. I'm not leaving here.
• 1:00:14
  You're my mom. I have come to you with a
• 1:00:15
  problem. I've come to you.
• 1:00:17
  I'm, I'm, I'm broken. I'm not leaving here till you
• 1:00:19
  fix me. And I'm telling, I'm telling
• 1:00:21
  you, the person that I walked out was not the same person that
• 1:00:24
  I walked in. I in that three, 2-3 hours that
• 1:00:28
  I was sitting there, I realized that inside of me, inside every
• 1:00:31
  man, and it's not going to be a popular thing to say inside
• 1:00:34
  every man, there is a child OK, inside me, for example, that
• 1:00:38
  child has positives and negatives, right?
• 1:00:41
  Positives are, for example, child's full of wonder.
• 1:00:43
  Child looks out their child's very innocent.
• 1:00:45
  Negatives are he's very weak, you know, he needs attention.
• 1:00:48
  He needs, he needs, like I said, validation.
• 1:00:52
  He looks for, for, for outside intimacy and love.
• 1:00:55
  I was like, I've realized I was like, I'm now 33 years old.
• 1:00:57
  I don't know how long I'm going to live for.
• 1:01:00
  I assume, you know, based on demographic, I'm going to live
• 1:01:02
  to 7080. I can't keep doing this.
• 1:01:08
  Like I'm, I'm too awful. I'm done with this.
• 1:01:10
  I've got things to do. I've got, I've got work to do.
• 1:01:12
  I've got mouths to feed. I've got things to do in life.
• 1:01:15
  I'm, I'm done here. I'm not, I'm not doing this.
• 1:01:17
  I'm taking this kid out. I'm leaving here with you.
• 1:01:20
  I'm done and I'm walking out as a man.
• 1:01:22
  And I did that. And I swear to God, since that
• 1:01:24
  day like like that, that that part of me that I killed wasn't
• 1:01:29
  easy. But I feel like for me
• 1:01:31
  personally, I had to do it because I had to move on.
• 1:01:34
  Not well when I say move on, I mean move on from that, that
• 1:01:37
  inner part of me that was bringing me down, even though I
• 1:01:40
  had beauty to it and I had to become a man.
• 1:01:44
  And Subhanallah, they say age 33, which I am now age 33 is the
• 1:01:47
  age of the men of gender, gender.
• 1:01:49
  And I think they say age 4 is when you reach true wisdom,
• 1:01:52
  right? I don't know if it's or not, but
• 1:01:53
  I realized that at a certain point every man needs to become
• 1:01:55
  a man, you know, and, and I feel like that was the day where I,
• 1:02:00
  you know, I've been a man for a long time, but as they actually,
• 1:02:01
  I actually really became a man and I did it with the help of
• 1:02:04
  well. Firstly bro, just like credit to
• 1:02:07
  humor because firstly I. Mean, but again, it's it's it's
• 1:02:10
  not easy leaving that think about think about think about
• 1:02:12
  leaving that child behind, leaving that child behind that
• 1:02:16
  that that that looks to you for for love by the age that you
• 1:02:19
  look. To but the fact that you.
• 1:02:20
  Out of nostalgia and you, you have all those memories of
• 1:02:22
  growing up. I'm like, I'm like, this is
• 1:02:24
  bringing me down. I'm done.
• 1:02:26
  You're out. I'm sorry.
• 1:02:26
  I see you're looking out of. It, but the, the fact that
• 1:02:29
  firstly, you are, are, are having conversations like this
• 1:02:32
  and you're doing self reflection to a like, to an extent where
• 1:02:36
  you're willing to, to have that direct conversation with the
• 1:02:40
  Holy Imam and Islam and then criticize yourself, which a lot
• 1:02:43
  of us won't do. A lot of us will say, no, no,
• 1:02:45
  I've, I've got this far in life. I've accomplished this much in
• 1:02:47
  life. And that's the result of
• 1:02:48
  everything, which is a very important thing to do.
• 1:02:51
  And I, I know you do that as well, But also to be able to say
• 1:02:55
  that I know what's holding me back from being who I need to
• 1:02:58
  become. And the, the thing you said
• 1:03:01
  about every man needs to become a man is very important.
• 1:03:05
  And we said, we said me and said earlier, I've had this
• 1:03:07
  conversation before that you might be a good man, but you
• 1:03:12
  might not be good at being a man.
• 1:03:13
  Do. You know what?
• 1:03:14
  I mean like, you might be a good man.
• 1:03:16
  Every man is a male, but not every male is a man.
• 1:03:19
  Yeah. Literally.
• 1:03:20
  Yeah. As in.
• 1:03:21
  Literally like even in the Quran when, when, when the last final
• 1:03:23
  was, and I remember this was shared on the podcast by I guess
• 1:03:27
  that we had like when Allah references man, he even talks to
• 1:03:31
  them as like Decker, like male or he says men.
• 1:03:34
  So he makes differences like he makes you understand that, yeah,
• 1:03:38
  males exist, but men also exist. Yeah.
• 1:03:40
  So there is a difference, I think.
• 1:03:41
  Yeah, especially in this conversation.
• 1:03:43
  And that that manhood that we try to aspire to is a skill and
• 1:03:49
  it's a trait and it's something that's earned.
• 1:03:51
  It's not something that's just biologically developed into you
• 1:03:54
  as a male and that you earn in Baloch.
• 1:03:57
  No, no. You have to deserve Rajula.
• 1:04:00
  Like you have to earn being a man.
• 1:04:03
  Yeah, like, and. And that in itself is it comes
• 1:04:05
  with so many things. And I've learned all these words
• 1:04:08
  in Iraqi, bottle and all. These like bottle.
• 1:04:11
  Bottle Yeah, My son went for his first haircut and the barbers
• 1:04:15
  and my barbers, my barbers, Iraqi share and he's like Hardy.
• 1:04:20
  Bottle. Bottle.
• 1:04:20
  Bottle. I'm like, what, what's that
• 1:04:22
  mean? Because he's a warrior, He's
• 1:04:24
  like, OK, cool, because he got his first haircut.
• 1:04:26
  But it's, it just makes me think like, you know, when we talk
• 1:04:29
  about these things and becoming men, there's so many things that
• 1:04:33
  come with it. Make your wife feel loved, make
• 1:04:36
  her feel special. Make your kids feel protected
• 1:04:39
  and make them feel like they are the centre of the world while
• 1:04:42
  they need you and you are there for them.
• 1:04:44
  Like they never feel abandoned. You can't do that stuff if you
• 1:04:46
  don't control yourself. You can't control yourself and
• 1:04:48
  then you can't do it. No, you're right.
• 1:04:50
  Like you can't do it. Make make your Lord feel and not
• 1:04:54
  even just feel. Make our last pantalla know that
• 1:04:56
  you are. He is the core of our
• 1:04:58
  aspirations and and our purpose. Like everything we engage in.
• 1:05:02
  And we might have a vocational job as a dentist or a doctor or,
• 1:05:05
  or like whatever it is in business, you might be in doing
• 1:05:07
  anything. But our last pantalla is the
• 1:05:09
  purpose. Even if in our, in our
• 1:05:12
  day-to-day lives and our studies and our, we're, we're studying
• 1:05:15
  something which is irrelevant to religion as such, but we know
• 1:05:19
  what our end goal is. Manhood is like it's we have to
• 1:05:25
  go through in, in what's it called?
• 1:05:29
  There's this pasido which I know so much about like Shedden Tham
• 1:05:34
  it's by Muhammad Janami. And in that he talks about Jamir
• 1:05:39
  Jamir Ali, like Jamir Ali, the university, the university of
• 1:05:43
  the minimum of many, like, like you have to go through that
• 1:05:45
  university to understand what manhood is.
• 1:05:48
  And he says in that, in that Noha, he says that Hazard Abbas
• 1:05:51
  Islam went through that university to become a man.
• 1:05:54
  And then he was able to face the enemies on day of Ashrafa.
• 1:05:57
  Like that is what we aspire for because we hear about Hazard
• 1:06:00
  Abbas Islam and how he protected his women folk and how he fought
• 1:06:04
  the enemies. But don't forget, there's a lot
• 1:06:05
  about that story which we overlook.
• 1:06:08
  He had to swallow his anger when the horses were given water and
• 1:06:12
  and the camp for mom saying wasn't how when a when a mom
• 1:06:16
  saying Islam said to him, no, you can't go out.
• 1:06:18
  You can only go out when I tell you.
• 1:06:19
  And when you go out, you have to go for a mission.
• 1:06:21
  Like that in itself is like wow. No ego.
• 1:06:24
  No ego, he did it. Except on the battlefield.
• 1:06:27
  He did it as a. Service required.
• 1:06:28
  He did it as a. Sake of a law.
• 1:06:30
  He did it purely as a Servant. He didn't do it for his egoism.
• 1:06:34
  Like he wasn't. I'm going to go mash up these
• 1:06:36
  men who are coming at my family. Even though he could.
• 1:06:38
  Yeah, and and he didn't, he didn't want to do it for his
• 1:06:41
  his. His nobility exceeded his.
• 1:06:44
  When the middle Mop minion was spat on and he said I'm not
• 1:06:47
  going to kill you because I would kill you in anger.
• 1:06:49
  Like these small incidences teach us about manhood.
• 1:06:53
  Like of course what it means to be men.
• 1:06:54
  Of course shallow. We can even like, earn an ounce.
• 1:06:57
  Of that and sometimes you know when we do something that's like
• 1:07:00
  seem like oh that's that's that's nice that's courageous
• 1:07:03
  and oh sometimes they say oh that's very sweet.
• 1:07:05
  I think a lot of people, a lot of men like they refrain from
• 1:07:08
  being good men because they may be they see as feminine as I
• 1:07:12
  don't want to go into that Ave. But don't mistake men's kindness
• 1:07:16
  for weakness. And if you're given the example
• 1:07:18
  of there are so much instances where he refrained from doing
• 1:07:24
  something not because it makes him less of a man or it makes
• 1:07:27
  him the better man. Yeah.
• 1:07:29
  Does it? Does it make sense like?
• 1:07:31
  The way we. See how men are?
• 1:07:33
  It's not just about just being strong and everything.
• 1:07:34
  No, you. You have to be godly.
• 1:07:36
  It's about being in control of yourself and you can only truly
• 1:07:39
  do that with the rooms of a lot yes and that's what it is talk
• 1:07:42
  of a lot. And I think leading back to just
• 1:07:45
  closing up on that story that I mentioned leading back to you
• 1:07:48
  mentioned the mom saying in the beginning right Yeah.
• 1:07:49
  So after Nigel, obviously he went to Kalbala and and what I
• 1:07:53
  said to mom Hussein was was was I went to mom Ali for help.
• 1:07:56
  Then I went to mom saying and I was like am I I was like
• 1:07:58
  Abdullah, I am I am now echo. I am now done with seeking
• 1:08:08
  anything from outside of your will.
• 1:08:12
  How we think about Allah's will, how we connect to Allah and the
• 1:08:15
  extension of their will is the hell bait.
• 1:08:17
  Allah's will is the hell bait, right?
• 1:08:18
  And we saw the hell bait. I was like, from now on you tell
• 1:08:21
  me what to do and I will do it. You point here, I'll go there,
• 1:08:25
  you say, go over here, I'm done, I'm done.
• 1:08:27
  Like because I've realized that anything you, you, you reach for
• 1:08:30
  in this world is going to disappoint you.
• 1:08:32
  Anything you yearn for in this world, anything you expect from
• 1:08:34
  this world is going to disappoint you.
• 1:08:36
  The only salvation that I'm going to find, which I already
• 1:08:38
  knew, I knew this, we talked about, I've recited poetry about
• 1:08:40
  it. But to believe it deep down
• 1:08:42
  consistently is different. And this world will put you in a
• 1:08:46
  position where you have no other choice.
• 1:08:48
  I was like, you give me no other choice.
• 1:08:50
  I'm here now. I've got I've got no other door
• 1:08:51
  except for you, except for Abdullah.
• 1:08:53
  So I'm right now in front of you and I'm saying I submit, you
• 1:08:57
  tell me what to do and I'll do. I am an extension of you.
• 1:08:59
  That's it. Nothing else colors because
• 1:09:00
  anything else is going to disappoint me.
• 1:09:02
  And when I die and when I go to heaven, then I'll collect my
• 1:09:06
  reward. I'll have my receipts.
• 1:09:07
  I went through this, I went through this, I lost this, I
• 1:09:09
  lost this. Thank you.
• 1:09:10
  Where's my a lot? Please, if you kindly give me my
• 1:09:13
  reward now. Thank you very much.
• 1:09:14
  I'm good. I'm in heaven now, right?
• 1:09:16
  Because ultimately our goal and we again, it's it's it's it's
• 1:09:20
  the difference between understanding it on a logical
• 1:09:22
  level and believing it. Deep down, we know very well
• 1:09:26
  that the next life is the main life.
• 1:09:28
  Next life is the hereafter. So ultimately eternity,
• 1:09:30
  eternity. Brother, was it, if any, any was
• 1:09:33
  it? You'll see every atom of what
• 1:09:36
  you do, good and bad answers, every atom, every small thing.
• 1:09:40
  Think about that, how far it'll go right?
• 1:09:42
  So I remember I got to a point where I post a lot of as a side
• 1:09:45
  note, I post a lot of couplets on social media, right?
• 1:09:48
  And I was like, you know, what if the goal is to get to highest
• 1:09:53
  pace in heaven, for example, or get to heaven at least at the
• 1:09:55
  very least, right then I should focus less on posting short term
• 1:10:00
  content couples on Instagram that will, you know, Instagram
• 1:10:03
  in 1020, fifty years might get closed down.
• 1:10:05
  They're gone forever. Let me focus on putting my
• 1:10:08
  protein books because when I'm dead, those books will hopefully
• 1:10:11
  still be there and they'll still benefit me, right?
• 1:10:13
  And let me rewire. Let me rewire my goals in life
• 1:10:16
  to be still can be done your way, but with the idea that I'm
• 1:10:19
  also looking toward the hereafter as well.
• 1:10:22
  I like that. My, my, my, my barometer is not
• 1:10:24
  when I die. It's not looking back after you.
• 1:10:26
  That's OK. What have I done?
• 1:10:27
  I've become successful in this and that.
• 1:10:28
  OK, what will now take me to the hereafter?
• 1:10:31
  Because that's when you really need your deeds.
• 1:10:33
  You know, I might just say live in this world as if you'll work
• 1:10:36
  in this world as if you'll live forever, but work for was it.
• 1:10:39
  But you know, don't think about tomorrow as well because that's
• 1:10:41
  your, it's butchered the same one.
• 1:10:42
  Completely. Well, it's more like you're
• 1:10:43
  going to die. Something like that.
• 1:10:44
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live in this world as if you're
• 1:10:46
  going to live together and. Something like that, Yeah.
• 1:10:49
  So basically, yeah. So again, like it's, it's like,
• 1:10:51
  it's like we need to remember that that's the hereafter and we
• 1:10:53
  hear it. Say that again.
• 1:10:58
  We hear it. We have context.
• 1:11:00
  We hear it. We hear it again.
• 1:11:02
  Again. We hear these things time and
• 1:11:04
  time again. We say these things to
• 1:11:06
  ourselves, say it to our kids. We say it.
• 1:11:07
  We hear in lectures, we say it to each other.
• 1:11:09
  We believe it deep down. And.
• 1:11:12
  It's not easy, excuse me, to believe it deep down.
• 1:11:15
  And that's what we need to get to.
• 1:11:17
  And again, I'm going to give a caveat to all this.
• 1:11:20
  I'm far from perfect. I'm not there yet, but I'm but I
• 1:11:23
  but I'm I'm hoping that I I understand the goal.
• 1:11:25
  Post you say you are a work in progress in itself is an example
• 1:11:30
  to us on on inspiring us on how to be works in progress, because
• 1:11:34
  a lot of us are not work in progress.
• 1:11:36
  Like we are just stagnant, stale, like just in our current
• 1:11:40
  form. And we will remain in that form
• 1:11:42
  as like, you know, emotionless human beings basically, or
• 1:11:46
  goalless ambitionless human beings until the day we die.
• 1:11:49
  And you know, there's so many hadith which talk, which talk
• 1:11:53
  about the deliriousness of men by the Adam being like just
• 1:11:57
  absent minded walking in the world without goal and without
• 1:12:02
  like acknowledgement of what's around us and whatnot without
• 1:12:05
  purpose and drive. But being a work in progress in
• 1:12:08
  itself is the start. And we're all going to be a work
• 1:12:11
  progress all the day we die. And you're going to, that's
• 1:12:13
  going to be the case with you as well.
• 1:12:14
  I mean, they're going to come towards the end.
• 1:12:15
  Now the the goal should be to reach F cinema to the end now,
• 1:12:18
  right? And can you ever reached that?
• 1:12:20
  I don't know, but we hope that we'll try and keep going that.
• 1:12:23
  Tranquil. Solve and that point being,
• 1:12:25
  again, like I said before, there's no end game.
• 1:12:27
  It's a daily struggle. It's a daily jihad.
• 1:12:31
  There you go until Allah tells you, OK, now you have to come
• 1:12:36
  back. Until then it's a daily jihad.
• 1:12:38
  It doesn't get easier, bro. It doesn't get easier.
• 1:12:40
  It's not like, OK, now I've got it.
• 1:12:42
  No, it's a continuous daily struggle that will get more
• 1:12:46
  difficult and more difficult and more difficult.
• 1:12:48
  But by, by by strengthening your soul, you can take it off as a
• 1:12:52
  man. There was not going to be a time
• 1:12:53
  in your life where there's no speed bumps like and you know,
• 1:12:56
  you don't encounter daily issues.
• 1:12:58
  There will be those moments where you have people knock you
• 1:13:01
  down, you have people insult you, you have things which hurt
• 1:13:05
  your your dignity, your pride as a man or even just as a sister
• 1:13:09
  for us, for example, as well, where you want to rebel against
• 1:13:13
  the last part Allah or you want, you feel apathy and you feel
• 1:13:15
  lazy towards worship and these kind of things.
• 1:13:18
  But it's about and we, we said a couple of weeks ago,
• 1:13:20
  spirituality is not linear like it will fluctuate and you will
• 1:13:23
  have ups and downs, peaks and troughs.
• 1:13:26
  But as long as you're the way you end is far higher than where
• 1:13:29
  you start. That's the goal.
• 1:13:31
  You can go on whatever journey as.
• 1:13:32
  Long as you're as long as you're better than you were yesterday.
• 1:13:35
  There will be days where you're not better than you were.
• 1:13:37
  There's even a hadith about that.
• 1:13:39
  I'm just it's I'm hoping I'm butchering it, but something
• 1:13:41
  like crazy nice though or something.
• 1:13:45
  Most of us can't see butchering the conversation.
• 1:13:48
  I'll show you another hadith though, just to just to close up
• 1:13:50
  beautiful hadith Ali. He says very simple look through
• 1:13:55
  this Tonya. Don't look at this Tonya.
• 1:13:59
  Very simple look through the dunya.
• 1:14:02
  I think we think about doing it like that.
• 1:14:03
  Something to look through and not look at literally as much as
• 1:14:06
  you can look through it. There's a really nice display
• 1:14:08
  that I recommend. It's very easy.
• 1:14:10
  Three times a day. Al Barton, Al Barton, Al Barton,
• 1:14:13
  Al Barton, That's it, three times a day.
• 1:14:15
  It helps you see the truth in things and I recommend it to
• 1:14:18
  anyone who's listening and yourselves because it will
• 1:14:19
  really help you figure out your journey, where to go and just
• 1:14:24
  see the world for what it is. Can I share a final note from
• 1:14:29
  me? And I think it will be the yeah,
• 1:14:32
  I think it will be my the end of what I can offer shall offer in
• 1:14:36
  this conversation because as I said, I don't want to speak
• 1:14:38
  about everything. I still find it difficult to
• 1:14:39
  speak about my own issues that I face.
• 1:14:42
  But one thing that helps me is knowing that this life, as you
• 1:14:47
  mentioned numerous times in the points you made, Nori, it's
• 1:14:50
  temporary. This dunya is not the be all and
• 1:14:53
  end all and it's not our final resting place.
• 1:14:55
  You know, there is and every difficulty and every challenge
• 1:14:59
  that we face in this dunya is a test from Allah Subhanahu atala
• 1:15:04
  and we have to see as a test because if we don't see as a
• 1:15:07
  test, we'll see as God is making us suffer.
• 1:15:10
  And that's a huge problem, you understand.
• 1:15:11
  And that can really change the way we see life and possibly
• 1:15:14
  allow us to reject the last part of Allah.
• 1:15:16
  Another know, become atheists out of Allah.
• 1:15:19
  God forbid we don't reach that stage, but we have to remember
• 1:15:21
  that everything is a test. Then beyond the province of
• 1:15:25
  Allah, Allah, they all have tests.
• 1:15:28
  The Helen Bates, every moment of their life was a test.
• 1:15:32
  And we are the slaves of Allah. Who says we don't get tested?
• 1:15:35
  Allah doesn't promise this life to be comfortable.
• 1:15:38
  And this is the problem. We want comfort, we see comfort,
• 1:15:41
  We just want to be in peace. But as you said, Nuri, and you
• 1:15:44
  mentioned earlier on, the true peace is in the remembrance of
• 1:15:47
  Allah, Allah. The problem is we're going away
• 1:15:52
  from Allah when the true confit belongs only with Allah.
• 1:15:55
  And I think I think two things. One I really nice was really
• 1:15:59
  nice book, which I recommend. It's called, I think a new
• 1:16:01
  Earth. And there's another one called
• 1:16:02
  the power of now. Those two books are really good
• 1:16:04
  and you can connect it to worker when you read them.
• 1:16:07
  But there's a few nice things. That one that was like, don't
• 1:16:11
  resist the present moment. Treat it like your friend.
• 1:16:15
  Every moment you're in, regardless of what it is.
• 1:16:18
  A beautiful moment, a bad moment right now.
• 1:16:21
  Embrace it, be one with it and be present in it.
• 1:16:25
  There's a really funny clip on Instagram which a lot of people
• 1:16:27
  made fun of. It's actually, it's actually,
• 1:16:28
  it's quite, it connects quite well.
• 1:16:32
  Someone asked Will Smith, like, have you seen this clip?
• 1:16:35
  What's the meaning of life? Have you seen this clip?
• 1:16:37
  It's funny. So he asked him, what's the
• 1:16:39
  meaning of life? I'm not going to do what he did
• 1:16:41
  because I can't. But he's like, look at me.
• 1:16:43
  He's like what? He goes look at me for 30
• 1:16:45
  seconds. He looks in for like 30 seconds
• 1:16:47
  and the guy's like agitated and looking around and saying this
• 1:16:49
  is weird. And he goes, OK, now look at
• 1:16:52
  yourself looking at me. OK.
• 1:16:57
  And he's like basically what he's trying to say.
• 1:16:58
  He goes once you once you once you're at peace with your
• 1:17:00
  present moment. Yeah, Tawakka, basically.
• 1:17:03
  And once you can observe yourself at peace, you know, you
• 1:17:06
  don't, you're not, you're not living in your mind.
• 1:17:08
  You're not living in all bills and what's happening tomorrow
• 1:17:10
  and I've got to pick up this thing at 5:00 PM and I've got to
• 1:17:13
  recite, no, no, you're not living in the mind.
• 1:17:15
  You're living. You're, you're identifying not
• 1:17:17
  with your mind, but with your soul.
• 1:17:19
  You're observing yourself from a third party because your soul is
• 1:17:22
  bigger than who your mind. You don't identify with your
• 1:17:23
  mind and you're at peace with the present moment.
• 1:17:25
  That's basically what Tawka is, right?
• 1:17:27
  And there's a beautiful Hadith in my mind.
• 1:17:29
  Just going back to what you said about tests, you know, I'm very
• 1:17:31
  lucky, You know, I'm not in Gaza or wherever else and, and, and,
• 1:17:35
  and, and going through real difficult times in life.
• 1:17:38
  My tests are very weird and complex.
• 1:17:39
  I realize the law tests me with my mind because he knows I have
• 1:17:42
  a. I'm an overthinker, so he likes
• 1:17:44
  to. Your tests are creative, like
• 1:17:45
  you. There you go.
• 1:17:46
  I'm not even joking about it. It's totally true.
• 1:17:49
  I was, I was, I was, I was telling a friend some of my
• 1:17:53
  stories. He's like, you know, I can't
• 1:17:54
  even make up the stories like you can't.
• 1:17:56
  This is this. They're proof that Allah exists
• 1:17:58
  because it's they're possible. But then I read a hadith where
• 1:18:01
  it's like Emar Ali, he does a halif.
• 1:18:04
  He says, by Allah, whatever he says, Allah will send his
• 1:18:07
  servant into a state of confusion just to test him.
• 1:18:12
  Isn't that crazy? And I remember there was a
• 1:18:14
  moment where I was sitting in front of that, that grave and
• 1:18:16
  that that offer shares in it publicly or not.
• 1:18:18
  Well, let's screw it. We're here now.
• 1:18:21
  For a second, for a millisecond, for like a very, very small
• 1:18:24
  second in the back of my mind, I was like, was this like grave
• 1:18:31
  shrine? You know, I'm, I'm, I'm sitting
• 1:18:33
  here speaking to my mum as if, as if when I say millisecond,
• 1:18:36
  millisecond, as if he can hear me.
• 1:18:38
  This is the minute I I thought that I grabbed that thought and
• 1:18:42
  I killed it straight away. I said, I know my mum is here.
• 1:18:44
  I know he's listening to me. I know he can hear me.
• 1:18:45
  And I was like, if everything that happened to me was just to
• 1:18:49
  test me in that one moment. But I'll have to say what,
• 1:18:51
  what's he going to do? Is he going to flip and not, not
• 1:18:54
  leave, not leave Islam, not leave Shiism, but be like, you
• 1:18:57
  know, these things, you know? Not really.
• 1:19:00
  Start having doubts. Yeah, but it's a bit like, you
• 1:19:02
  know, you go, you go Ziara, it's a grave.
• 1:19:04
  It's nice, but, you know, calm down.
• 1:19:05
  No, no, no, I kill that straight away.
• 1:19:07
  And I was like, if maybe, maybe Allah puts us through, you know,
• 1:19:11
  a wave of, of, of, of storytelling that we can't
• 1:19:14
  comprehend to get us to a point where we're like, you know what,
• 1:19:16
  not going to pray on time anymore.
• 1:19:18
  I'm not going to do dark mill anymore.
• 1:19:20
  You know, small things. It can be anything.
• 1:19:22
  And it can also be blessings as well.
• 1:19:24
  You know, you're so busy with work now, you're not praying on
• 1:19:26
  time or praying at all, God forbid, you know, So again, we,
• 1:19:29
  we think of tests as very as very clear cut car crash death,
• 1:19:35
  you know, and again, it's also about how those things as men
• 1:19:38
  affect you to an extent where you can't explain it.
• 1:19:42
  You know, that's also the big part of it as well.
• 1:19:43
  And I pray and I hope that, you know, like anyone who's watching
• 1:19:47
  this podcast is going for a tough time, especially, you
• 1:19:49
  know, men who are who are who are struggling.
• 1:19:51
  And another couple that I shared on Instagram that a lot of men
• 1:19:54
  kind of resonated with and messaged me about was that as
• 1:19:57
  men paraphrasing it, it's like we bear the weight of the world
• 1:20:02
  and the grit of our teeth. Now you bite down your teeth on
• 1:20:05
  that bite is the weight of the world because we keep everything
• 1:20:08
  inside. Where is it?
• 1:20:09
  It sits on our shoulders, right? And it comes down our teeth.
• 1:20:11
  And as a result, our teeth, they they metaphorically crack and
• 1:20:14
  they break, you know, So I think really trying to build your soul
• 1:20:19
  to an extent where you can bear that number one.
• 1:20:21
  And also, I think very important, like I said in the
• 1:20:23
  beginning, understanding what's inside your shadow.
• 1:20:26
  What you've placed in your shadow from your from your, from
• 1:20:28
  your youth till now, what you're trying to ignore confronting
• 1:20:31
  that, understanding what it is, unpacking it, befriending it,
• 1:20:34
  killing it if you have to, like I did.
• 1:20:38
  I think that's so important in, in, in terms of becoming not
• 1:20:41
  just the man who can provide and, and, and be there for the
• 1:20:44
  people that need him, but also as a servant of Allah who needs
• 1:20:47
  you to be there. That's what I told my idea when
• 1:20:49
  I was in front of the girl. Like, look, I'm, I'm here to
• 1:20:52
  serve you. I'm not wasting my time with
• 1:20:53
  this anymore. It's a waste of time.
• 1:20:55
  I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself being upset.
• 1:20:58
  That's nonsense. Now I need to be here to serve
• 1:20:59
  you. So prep me in a way where I can
• 1:21:01
  be your soldier on the battlefield, on jihad.
• 1:21:04
  That's where I need to be. That's where we all need to be
• 1:21:06
  servants of Allah. So hopefully we get there.
• 1:21:09
  I just I think you've hit the nail on the head in every regard
• 1:21:13
  today, bro. So thank you very much for
• 1:21:15
  flying in just for after model pod.
• 1:21:17
  That's that. Means a lot at all and.
• 1:21:22
  Listen, I get the refund, the receipt, the.
• 1:21:24
  Yeah, Charlotte, take your receipt back to Allah like you
• 1:21:25
  said. You guys just want to echo
• 1:21:33
  everything that that was said by Sade and and naughty and
• 1:21:36
  especially what you said just now that anyone who's struggling
• 1:21:39
  at home and anyone who is going through it like again, without
• 1:21:45
  trying to sound cliche, but you will get through it.
• 1:21:49
  You're not alone. And I know that's not like a
• 1:21:51
  comfort you to to you to know that other people go through it,
• 1:21:54
  but that alas, Bantala is there with you.
• 1:21:57
  He's listening, he's watching, he's hearing you and he just
• 1:22:00
  awaits a you know, that craving that you have for him, even for
• 1:22:05
  a like a a moment, the the time that you have to alas, Bantala,
• 1:22:08
  just for for a moment where you acknowledge him, where you turn
• 1:22:13
  to him. Hadith causes as you take a step
• 1:22:15
  towards me, I'll take 10 towards you.
• 1:22:17
  And the the concept being that you know that building the
• 1:22:20
  relationship with our last Punta Ala as as a starting point will
• 1:22:24
  help us in every single element of our day-to-day lives.
• 1:22:28
  So yeah, so over to you. Over to me, that's a big
• 1:22:31
  responsibility. But as a final note from me,
• 1:22:35
  when when you made your closing remarks on this, on this matter,
• 1:22:39
  it reminded me of something you told me of before and I've heard
• 1:22:43
  many times. But knowing whenever I see you,
• 1:22:44
  I remember this like it happens to my head all the time.
• 1:22:47
  So when the Imam Ali, Ali Salaam, you know, I'm not gonna
• 1:22:50
  say after his frustration, but because he can't share with the
• 1:22:53
  world what happens, he puts his fists and he digs it into the
• 1:22:58
  ground. And then when he wants to even
• 1:23:00
  let off more steam, just trying to make it more relatable, he
• 1:23:03
  let his believing brother know Khomein some of the secrets to
• 1:23:07
  make his heart feel that more peace, more ease.
• 1:23:10
  And I think this is a lesson we can.
• 1:23:11
  Even Hawaii went through this. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:23:13
  Yeah, if he had some. Form of frustration.
• 1:23:16
  Frustration that he had to, I don't know, maybe do some action
• 1:23:20
  and share and. Think about what his was.
• 1:23:23
  Think about this on a mental level.
• 1:23:24
  Yeah. It's like I'm the representative
• 1:23:26
  of Allah. I've got all the secrets of the
• 1:23:28
  universe, of the world. Yeah.
• 1:23:29
  And people are asking me how many hairs are on my head.
• 1:23:30
  Yeah. That's that's the mad one.
• 1:23:32
  Like like. Think about tests and what men
• 1:23:34
  men go idiocracy like on on a paper.
• 1:23:37
  It doesn't seem like a big like to mom Ali.
• 1:23:38
  That's like think about that metaphysics.
• 1:23:40
  It's a crazy test. Big deal, big deal.
• 1:23:43
  You know, he says he says he says my, my, he goes my what
• 1:23:48
  happens to me in my life? Like the test I go through is
• 1:23:50
  like the prick. Was it the prickling?
• 1:23:51
  Of my life in my eye or the. Bug Imagine when when the moms
• 1:23:54
  speak he speak God's words born in my eye consistently like.
• 1:23:59
  He says, he says that the, the he goes, no nation will oppress
• 1:24:04
  an individual like my nation has oppressed me.
• 1:24:06
  It's as if for these years, I the years during the Khalafa and
• 1:24:09
  whatnot before him, he's like, as if I've lived with a thorn in
• 1:24:12
  my eye and a bone in my throat, You know, So Shala, we can
• 1:24:17
  follow in his footsteps, learn about manhood and tawaqul and
• 1:24:21
  strength and courage through a minimal, meaningless Islam.
• 1:24:24
  Yeah. Three men on a podcast being
• 1:24:27
  emotional is pretty much a podcast are about so but.
• 1:24:31
  Honestly smashed it. Yeah, Charlotte will have you on
• 1:24:33
  for 1/4 time. 4th time and the nephew.
• 1:24:35
  Charlotte. Four times lucky now.
• 1:24:36
  I don't know, I'll change the. Guys, that's not what you think.
• 1:24:39
  That's not your favorite part. This is Nori Sardar behind the
• 1:24:42
  pen. Behind the pen.
• 1:24:44
  Inshallah you benefit as much. As may the ink in your pen never
• 1:24:47
  run dry for the service of the and inshallah you have matter of
• 1:24:52
  fact in your your mom before the hour is late.
• 1:24:54
  I was just trying to make all the profit.
• 1:24:55
  Sorry, sorry. For saying profit, that's.
• 1:24:59
  Too late, too late. 10:00 PM. All right.
• 1:25:02
  Guys, we'll see you next week inshallah.
• 1:25:03
  Thank you Nori for coming on. Hit that subscribe button.
• 1:25:06
  Thank you again to our sponsor, Fuck Elaine as always providing
• 1:25:10
  incredible content and make sure you check them out as well.
• 1:25:13
  We will see you next week.