Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 27 | Mash On, Brother

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27 | Mash On, Brother · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: All right.
• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, picture this.
• 0:02
  Matt: Picturing.
• 0:03
  Matt: You're in a restaurant.
• 0:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:05
  Matt: You've you've received your menu.
• 0:07
  Matt: You're sitting there.
• 0:08
  Matt: You're you're debating whether or not to get an app.
• 0:12
  Matt: And all of a sudden, somebody, a waiter comes by with a oh, what's that smell?
• 0:18
  Matt: What's what are those colors?
• 0:19
  Matt: A tray full of some beautiful meal that is placed down at the diner beside you.
• 0:26
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:27
  Matt: The you know, the table beside you.
• 0:28
  Matt: Yep, yep.
• 0:29
  Matt: This happened to me where I was looking at my menu.
• 0:32
  Matt: I was I was thinking about what I want to get, what I want to do with my culinary fo experience.
• 0:38
  Matt: And suddenly I saw this delicious meal.
• 0:41
  Matt: And the guy, when he received it, gave me a look like I was looking at something private, like I was staring into his food.
• 0:51
  Eric: Oh, like you was a like you was a peeping Tom?
• 0:53
  Matt: Like I was peeping his food.
• 0:56
  Matt: And my question is like, what is do you is there did I miss a memo?
• 1:00
  Matt: Is there some sort of etiquette surrounding looking at other people's dishes?
• 1:08
  Matt: Is there an acceptable time to do so?
• 1:10
  Eric: An acceptable time.
• 1:11
  Eric: I think all right.
• 1:14
  Eric: It it depends, you gotta read the room.
• 1:18
  Eric: Like it there's a lot of moods at play here.
• 1:21
  Eric: For example, if if like if I'm hangry, yeah, I will I will actively stop looking at food because I realize when I'm hangry, I start like mean mugging food.
• 1:34
  Eric: And I don't want to give someone like the impression, like, oh, you like what I'm actually thinking is I would literally murder every single person in this restaurant for whatever is on that plate.
• 1:45
  Eric: But what I think the vibe they're getting is ew, gross.
• 1:48
  Eric: You ordered that.
• 1:50
  Eric: Oh, interesting.
• 1:51
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:52
  Eric: But but I feel like if you're you've got to pay due deference.
• 1:55
  Eric: If you pay due deference, if you're like, if you do like the I'll I'll turn in my seat, I'll be like, oh, oh, absolutely.
• 2:01
  Eric: I'll do like an audible, oh, what is that?
• 2:02
  Matt: I'll say it too.
• 2:03
  Eric: I'll be like, what is that?
• 2:04
  Matt: You have I think it's key.
• 2:06
  Matt: And I did do that.
• 2:06
  Matt: I think I did release like a wow, what's that?
• 2:09
  Matt: Oh, what did he get?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_06: Oh shit.
• 2:13
  Matt: And then because what I would like to elicit is this response uh from the other diner of like, oh man, I thought I was excited before.
• 2:22
  Matt: Now people are jealous of my meal.
• 2:24
  Eric: And like pre-COVID, I would have like leaned over and been like, hey, what it like, what is that?
• 2:30
  Eric: Like, like I would have engaged with the strength.
• 2:33
  Eric: It it you gotta feel it out.
• 2:34
  Eric: Don't just do that all willy-nilly, you might get hit.
• 2:37
  Eric: But like, yeah, you're just like, oh, you don't mind if I ask you, what is that?
• 2:41
  Eric: And they're like, oh, this is the and I'm you I'm usually asking Have you done that?
• 2:45
  Eric: You have you actually asked people what they fucking want?
• 2:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 2:48
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 2:48
  Eric: Establish a rapport.
• 2:50
  Matt: I feel like I have, but I'm always nervous because you know, I I sort of I don't want them to then just think it's okay to talk to me, you know?
• 2:59
  Eric: That is the key.
• 2:59
  Eric: That's why like it's gotta be a distance where I've got to significantly lean to talking to them, you know what I mean?
• 3:04
  Matt: So like it's gotta be inconvenient.
• 3:06
  Eric: And preferably, so my back is now to them.
• 3:08
  Eric: So there's no chance for eye contact or to engage conversation after that.
• 3:13
  Matt: Because God forbid, they they decide they think you're now have a relationship of some sort.
• 3:19
  Matt: Oh, and they're trying to talk to you.
• 3:22
  Matt: And you just have to turn around and say, I'm sorry, that time is done.
• 3:26
  Matt: That that we're over.
• 3:28
  Matt: I have the meatloaf now.
• 3:30
  Matt: My apps are here.
• 3:32
  Matt: So turn around, these are not your cheesy puffs.
• 3:36
  Matt: No, sir.
• 3:36
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 3:37
  Matt: I am not your cheesy puff.
• 3:40
  Matt: No.
• 3:41
  Matt: I don't know why cheesy puff is the apple.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know why I am not.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_06: I am not your calamare.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_06: I am not your little calamari.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_06: I'm not your calamare.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_06: I'm not your seat, sir.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_06: Go back to your bruschetta knave.
• 4:08
  Matt: Hello and welcome to the 27th episode of You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast answering all of life's least pressing questions.
• 4:18
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 4:19
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 4:21
  Matt: And joining us today from a very, very great distance is uh a longtime contributor to this podcast, a you daft giant, Eric.
• 4:33
  Matt: Yeah, yes.
• 4:34
  Matt: Uh we uh our guest today is author and former scare actor Andy Cookie Rawlings.
• 4:43
  Matt: Always a cookie on Instagram.
• 4:45
  Matt: How are you, Andy?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh well, I'm doing very well, thank you, Matt.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: How are you today, Matt?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: How are you today, Eric?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I have to turn around and say this because the the butchering of the accent, there's only so much I can take, James.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: There's only so much I can take.
• 4:59
  Eric: Andy, I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.
• 5:02
  Matt: Eric, he gives us all this shit on Instagram.
• 5:04
  Matt: And then we turns out we had a spitting image of his voice.
• 5:08
  Eric: He's the one who coached us in those in his words, in that dialect.
• 5:13
  Eric: Completely authentic.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I did not coach you to be Dick Van Fucking Dwek.
• 5:20
  Eric: Oh shit, me thinks it's step in time, Cav.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: All right, step two, son, step two.
• 5:27
  Eric: Out of respect, Andy, for you and your people.
• 5:29
  Eric: I will not, I will refrain.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Refrain fuck about the people, just respect for me.
• 5:35
  Matt: We'll only do that accent out of respect for you, behind your back.
• 5:38
  Matt: Yes.
• 5:40
  Matt: That's fine.
• 5:41
  Matt: I can live with that.
• 5:42
  Matt: Andy, how are things over in London?
• 5:44
  Matt: You're a dad.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: You have progeny.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's terrifying, Eric.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's absolutely terrifying.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: There is a mini me, there is a bite-sized cookie running around the house.
• 5:55
  Eric: Oh, like that!
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: He's got a little flat cap on and everything.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Little suit around the cheeks as well.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: He just came back from sweeping a chimney.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_06: Oh my god.
• 6:09
  Eric: Oh, perfect.
• 6:10
  Matt: I can't believe you still have children do that.
• 6:13
  Matt: Tisk, tisk, tisk.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's the Tories for you.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:18
  Matt: Well, well, that's that's the way it goes.
• 6:20
  Matt: So, Andy, as you know, we answer life's least pressing questions here.
• 6:25
  Matt: And uh, we have gathered some.
• 6:27
  Matt: Since you are a bit of an expert in all things spooky, uh, we have saved a couple of questions, particularly for your expertise.
• 6:39
  Matt: And the first one goody gum drops.
• 6:41
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 6:42
  Matt: The first one comes from Brewer the Dog on Instagram.
• 6:45
  Matt: Uh, sent this in quite a while ago, Brewer.
• 6:47
  Matt: We've been sitting on it.
• 6:48
  Matt: Is the song The Monster Mash the song we hear, or is what we hear a song about the Monster Mash?
• 7:00
  Matt: And I I have to say personally, this is kind of cut and dry.
• 7:05
  Matt: Go on.
• 7:06
  Matt: I mean Well, how so?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: What what would what would you say it would be then?
• 7:10
  Matt: I mean, what the lyrics would say is they are describing people doing the monster mash, which need I remind you, was a graveyard smash.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it did catch on in a flash.
• 7:22
  Matt: It sure did.
• 7:25
  Eric: It sure did.
• 7:26
  Eric: So so is your is your is your position here, Matthew, that they are describing the song called The Monster Mash?
• 7:31
  Matt: I I I am wondering if they are not I don't think they're describing a song, I think they're describing a dance.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: So much like the time warp then.
• 7:39
  Matt: A little bit, yes.
• 7:40
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:42
  Matt: Yes.
• 7:43
  Matt: So just right from the beginning, if I may, I was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight.
• 7:53
  Matt: For my monster from his slab began to rise, and suddenly, to my surprise, he did the monster mash.
• 8:04
  Matt: And so on and so forth.
• 8:05
  Eric: Okay.
• 8:06
  Eric: And like it's kind of wild because like he I know now this raises like lore questions about the monster mash for me, because yeah, this this this creature was imbued with life, and it just knew it knew how to do this this dance.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then my question that I'll put to you, Eric, is this was it an impulse for him as he rose up, or was this you know something that he was programmed to do?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Shit by Vex of Frankenstein.
• 8:38
  Eric: Shit, was that like Frankenstein's true goal?
• 8:41
  Eric: Kind of make like the most slapping club dance possible.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: So it wasn't actually to create life itself, it was in fact to create a dance.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh so my question in that case was was his intention to create a brand new dance, or was it actually to create life?
• 8:58
  Matt: Damn it.
• 8:58
  Matt: Well, let's put a fork in that for just a second because uh and not to by any means uh suggest that Mr.
• 9:08
  Matt: Bobby Boris Pickett and the Crypt Kickers song has has some has some dramaturgical flaws to it.
• 9:17
  Matt: But the very next verse from my laboratory in the castle east to my the master bedroom where the vampires feast, the ghouls all came from their humble abodes to get a jolt from my electrodes, they did the monster mash.
• 9:34
  Matt: This has nothing to do at all with the mon the unnamed monster of the first verse.
• 9:40
  Matt: And in case you're wondering, the subsequent verses of the song that no one remembers involves Dracula and his son coming to a party.
• 9:49
  Matt: Uh basically everyone's coming to a party.
• 9:53
  Matt: The Wolfman, and then eventually you at the end.
• 9:56
  Matt: You you're invited to come to Boris's house.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, wait a second.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: If the jolts of electrodes, because if they come along and get the jolts of electrodes, it's only then that they do the monster mash.
• 10:08
  unknown: Yeah.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: So surely it would go back again to whatever it is that's programmed the monster to do the monster mash.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, I've got to get involved in it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a giant fix.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: He's essentially dealing out the monster.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's like their drug dealer.
• 10:22
  Matt: He's dealing in monster mash.
• 10:25
  Matt: He's dealing.
• 10:28
  Eric: Is that what they're calling it these days?
• 10:31
  Matt: Uh yes.
• 10:31
  Matt: Uh hello.
• 10:32
  Matt: Uh, my name is Matthew Shea.
• 10:35
  Matt: Um hi Matt.
• 10:36
  Matt: Uh, yeah, that um this is my first time here.
• 10:39
  Eric: I've uh Oh, real quick, just just drop search for what you're like.
• 10:43
  Eric: What kind of monster are you, Matt?
• 10:45
  Eric: Uh what's your deal?
• 10:46
  Matt: You know, I'd really prefer not to say.
• 10:48
  Matt: Um, okay.
• 10:49
  Matt: But uh I I will I understood this to be a safe space.
• 10:52
  Matt: I understood this to be a place in synonymous.
• 10:57
  Matt: Oh, I'm just a human, anxious person.
• 11:01
  Matt: Most dangerous of all.
• 11:02
  Eric: Oh, the monster within all of us.
• 11:04
  Eric: That's what you are.
• 11:05
  Matt: Oh, you're in a demon.
• 11:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 11:08
  Eric: No, dope, dope, dope.
• 11:09
  Eric: Welcome.
• 11:09
  Eric: And uh you're among friends.
• 11:11
  Matt: I've been uh I've been doing the mash for about seven years.
• 11:14
  Matt: That was the punchline I was like driving at, and then we completely got off of that.
• 11:18
  Eric: So I'm so great joke.
• 11:20
  Eric: You're so you're very compelling, and I just want to know more about your story.
• 11:24
  unknown: Thank you.
• 11:25
  Eric: Uh I think we might be on to something here, friends.
• 11:29
  Eric: Yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm so glad you said it, Andy, because I was definitely getting dealer vibes from this.
• 11:35
  Eric: Like, they're all living in this house, or could we call it a den?
• 11:39
  Eric: We could and like and like, yeah, like they're all fucking like waking up from their from their post-mash stupor from the previous day, night, and they're they're all coming to this guy being like, yo, fix fix me up, monster, monster dad.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: I always like to take it a little bit further on because what's the next verse?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: The scene was rocking and rolling to the sound, Igor in his chains, backed by his bang hounds.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: The coffin bangers were about to arrive with their vocal group, the kick kick of five, and they did the mash.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: So is this essentially becoming what I guess the underworld would now consider to be a drum circle?
• 12:14
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 12:15
  Matt: It could be that that I think that's a PC way of reading it, but I want to back up just a second to that lyric you just mentioned.
• 12:22
  Matt: The coffin bangers were about to arrive with their vocal group, The Crypt Kicker 5.
• 12:29
  Matt: What's a coffin banger?
• 12:30
  Matt: And is it necrophiles?
• 12:32
  Matt: Um now we've hit it.
• 12:37
  Matt: I just went out, I came out and said it.
• 12:39
  Matt: I'm saying what everyone's thinking, I'm sure.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: This this house is a house of vice.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Shame.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Fire and shame.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_06: Vile dark vice.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Where's the address?
• 12:56
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:57
  Eric: Can we oh no, like I cannot imagine how fucking awesome this party is.
• 13:02
  Eric: Like it it maybe and like it, yeah, it's like the it's like a it's like a it's like an experience so intense, you literally have to already be dead or permanently like disfigured or transformed if you want to hang.
• 13:16
  Matt: To gain entry, yeah.
• 13:18
  Eric: Yeah, either that or doing this shit turns you into a monster.
• 13:22
  Eric: It's not really established.
• 13:23
  Matt: It's a pretty exclusive club when the cover is death.
• 13:28
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:30
  Eric: So so I think the answer to the question is Monster Mash is so much more than a song.
• 13:38
  Eric: It's drugs.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's uh I would love to see the PSA for this.
• 13:45
  Eric: Yeah, psychedelic.
• 13:47
  Eric: Have you talked to your kids about Dracula?
• 13:51
  Matt: Do you know where your kids are?
• 13:53
  Matt: This this is your brain on drugs.
• 13:55
  Matt: And this is your brain on Monster Mash.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's either that way.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: You get um you get bits of Frankenstein sitting down in the middle of a chair, massive lights come in.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is Monster Mash.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Just like that Pee-Wee Herman commercial, this is crap.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: I I die a little inside from laughter every time I hear that.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I have that exact same scene in my head now.
• 14:19
  Matt: Like with Paul Rubens just sitting on the fucking meanwhile, also, not to mention that Dracula here is concerned about his Transylvania twist, which no one knows what the fuck that is.
• 14:33
  Eric: That's VD.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he's asking whatever happened to it.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: So does that mean that someone's taken it?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And if that's the case, does that mean that the Transylvanian twist is another narcotic that's being used?
• 14:43
  Matt: I think that Bobby Boris Pickett and the Crypt Kickers uh d have supplanted the Transylvania twist with the Monster MASH, his hot new psychedelic electrode-based drug.
• 14:55
  Matt: Yeah.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_07: And wait, when did this song come out?
• 15:00
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 15:01
  Matt: Eric, please.
• 15:02
  Eric: Uh oh, 1962.
• 15:04
  Eric: Yeah, it's about drugs.
• 15:06
  Eric: It's about drugs.
• 15:08
  Matt: Have you ever seen him perform this thing with his face?
• 15:11
  Matt: Oh my god, he's he he just makes this weird, dumb face the whole time.
• 15:16
  Matt: I think honestly, the whole song is an excuse for him to show my face.
• 15:20
  Matt: Look at the faces I can make, Ed Sullivan or wherever he performed this.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, hold on.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_04: Let me let me I'm gonna I'm just gonna Google Bobby Pickett's face.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm interested in this now.
• 15:29
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:30
  Matt: Pull it up.
• 15:30
  Matt: It's something to see.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, what the fuck?
• 15:34
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 15:34
  Eric: I just like his Google image search is like nine out of ten of these are him making this grotesque face.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know whether or not I don't know whether or not you guys have uh a word for this, but the word that we would use in the UK for this is gurning G-U-R-N-I-N-G.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that that is what he's doing there.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he is tripping balls.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 15:59
  Eric: He is on so he's on the mash.
• 16:01
  Eric: He's doing the mash.
• 16:02
  Eric: He's on the mash.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: He is getting juiced up knowing there.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Good grief.
• 16:08
  Matt: Uh unquestionably, this man has mashed.
• 16:12
  Eric: Honestly, now this song for yeah, he is mashed and this song is about his demons from doing the mash, and his demons just happen to be all of the monsters.
• 16:21
  Eric: Like, I don't even think there's any monsters in that house.
• 16:24
  Matt: Oh, you think it's just Bobby by himself?
• 16:26
  Eric: Oh, it's just Bobby doing the mash.
• 16:29
  Matt: Oh man.
• 16:30
  Eric: Projecting his subconscious into his creepy ass Victorian house.
• 16:38
  Matt: Oh, Bobby.
• 16:39
  Matt: I I hate to have uh well, I'm sorry that we had to, you know, bring out Shadark secrets and air them, Bobby, but um, I'm afraid we're on to you.
• 16:49
  Matt: And uh oh, turns out you're dead anyway.
• 16:52
  Matt: So sorry, Bobby.
• 16:53
  Matt: Sorry, Bobby.
• 16:54
  Matt: Well, we've shot on your legacy, but I feel like we've answered the question.
• 16:57
  Eric: Mash on, brother.
• 16:59
  Matt: Mash on from the other side, Bobby.
• 17:01
  Eric: Oh, there it is.
• 17:04
  Matt: Um, all right, Eric.
• 17:06
  Matt: Uh do you have another question for I do esteemed guest?
• 17:11
  Eric: And this this one, this one I've been this one's been in the chamber for so long.
• 17:16
  Eric: Um if you could turn any movie into a horror movie, what would you choose?
• 17:23
  Eric: I've known my answer for damn on a year now.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: See, the thing is, is that at the moment you put me on the spot at the moment, and all I can think of is that horror trailer that they did for Mary Poppins.
• 17:33
  Eric: Oh, Mary Poppins is a horror movie.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that one, it's not that one.
• 17:37
  Matt: There's also that one for uh Mrs.
• 17:39
  Matt: Doubtfire, if Mrs.
• 17:40
  Matt: Doubtfire was a horror movie.
• 17:42
  Eric: That's also brilliant classic internet.
• 17:44
  Eric: There's also the edits of uh if you've seen the edits of the Friends clips where they they paint Ross to be a serial killer.
• 17:51
  Eric: It's phenomenal.
• 17:54
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, there's lots of those videos out there.
• 17:57
  Eric: Well well, here, I I can I can kind of Yeah, why don't you wet our palette there?
• 18:01
  Eric: I'll wet your palate.
• 18:02
  Eric: So so my favorite way to approach this is the the easiest, simplest way to turn any movie into a horror movie is to slap versus predator on the end.
• 18:12
  Matt: Interesting, right?
• 18:13
  Eric: And like you could just go any direction that so where I landed so many months ago is the I not only because I think it would make like it would be entertaining as fuck, I just think it would make a it would this movie, if flipped, would just lend itself to horror so well.
• 18:29
  Eric: Uh Jumunji versus Predator.
• 18:32
  Eric: So like they they roll the six or the eight, the kids are playing little little little baby Robin Williams is playing playing.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad you said Robin Williams and not the rock there.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good answer.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Please continue.
• 18:48
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:49
  Eric: Uh they're rolling the dice, and like all of a sudden, you know, the board, the board begins unleashing, and you get like the fucking hunter in his like in his in his safari outfit.
• 18:58
  Eric: Van Pelt was played by the same guy who played uh Robin Williams' dad in the movie.
• 19:04
  Matt: Um it's almost as if that was thematic.
• 19:08
  Eric: Oh.
• 19:10
  Eric: Um, and then like once one, like we get the initial, like, oh, this is crazy and zany.
• 19:16
  Eric: There are monkeys in the living room.
• 19:17
  Eric: Oh no.
• 19:18
  Eric: And then you just hear ah, and fucking it's now Robin Williams and and a couple of children being hunted by a fucking predator.
• 19:29
  Matt: Okay, but just to be clear, it's not the it's not Robin Williams, it's original, he's still seven or whatever.
• 19:36
  Matt: He has yet to go into the game.
• 19:38
  Eric: Thank you.
• 19:38
  Eric: I'm I have a lore book prepared.
• 19:40
  Eric: Um, so Robin Williams' character will get sucked into the game.
• 19:43
  Eric: Like the where we diverge from the timeline is when Robin Williams' character gets sucked into the game.
• 19:48
  Eric: Not only is he being pursued by Van Pelt, but he is being pursued by the Predator, which will, you know, from here on out be referred to as the Yao Twa.
• 19:56
  Eric: That's that's actually the name of their species.
• 19:59
  Matt: I'm sorry, Andy.
• 20:00
  Matt: I didn't know Eric was gonna pitch his screenplay.
• 20:03
  Eric: I'm getting comfortable here, so let's hear it.
• 20:05
  Eric: So, like, like when he comes out of the board, like when the kids find the board game, you know, it's not just like he's wearing leaves and stuff, he is so fucking grizzled and scarred.
• 20:16
  Eric: And like he's he's like stolen some of the aliens technology.
• 20:20
  Eric: It's very grim.
• 20:22
  Eric: It's very grim.
• 20:23
  Eric: Like he's he he's like, This world is now doomed.
• 20:26
  Eric: We've unleashed the predator upon it, and he will not rest until I'm dead.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's dark.
• 20:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that sure is dark.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting for Robin Williams just to come out any minute now, just smothered in mud.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes! With the flames.
• 20:43
  Matt: You did you did you couldn't help but go, Arnold, there a little bit.
• 20:46
  Eric: I noticed I couldn't help it.
• 20:48
  Eric: Couldn't help.
• 20:49
  Eric: The opportunity was there, man.
• 20:50
  Eric: Take it.
• 20:50
  Matt: Take it.
• 20:51
  Matt: Um, let's see.
• 20:53
  Matt: Let's see if I can come up with a good one.
• 20:55
  Matt: Andy, have you have you have you uh come up with a gym?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still thinking, but I like I like to go along and do a complete juxtaposition and just turn around and say, you know, someone like babe pig in the city.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Just for the sheer randomness of it.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you can imagine that just being in like a complete slaughterhouse.
• 21:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 21:12
  Eric: Is is Babe the murderer and the the killer in this one?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
• 21:17
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:18
  Matt: You did specifically say babe pig in the city.
• 21:21
  Matt: So what I'm seeing is a rewrite of this sequel where Babe is going to the big city specifically to rain terror upon the urban dwellers.
• 21:32
  Eric: Oh.
• 21:33
  Eric: Matt's sort of like Predator 2, the concrete jungle.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: I promise you, that was not a segue.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: That was not a segue.
• 21:44
  Matt: Wow, wow.
• 21:46
  Matt: It's all it's all tied together.
• 21:48
  Matt: Eric really got to the essential bit of this whole concept.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: So is this just all part of like a massive um franchise then that you're building up in that?
• 22:06
  Matt: If there's one franchise that is hurting, it's the predator franchise.
• 22:13
  Eric: Now, but here so going back to Babe.
• 22:16
  Eric: Let's go back to Babe in the concrete jungle.
• 22:19
  Eric: Um, how so what is is Babe still little tiny pig or is or is babe in this one, like is Babe huge is is babe like the pigs from like Bricktop from fucking snack?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, babe, babe is still a tiny pig, and that's the thing, like you know, you can't turn around and uh assume that just because he's little he's gonna be harmless.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: This guy's a fucking killer.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you've seen uh you've seen the movie Tyre, haven't you?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Or you've heard of the horror movie Tyre.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: Exact same principle.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: No one suspects that this thing is gonna be an absolute killing machine, but there it is.
• 22:51
  Matt: And you know what?
• 22:52
  Matt: Perhaps, again, because we are going with the sequel here, so perhaps what happens is the original babe stands as is.
• 22:59
  Matt: Babe Pig in the city starts this remake of the sequel.
• 23:03
  Matt: A very unusual tactic to go in to remake a sequel and not the whole uh series.
• 23:09
  Matt: But we go in at the sequel with an opening shot of the farmer, all those sheep, that nice dog.
• 23:17
  Matt: They've all been murdered.
• 23:19
  Matt: And we get a little bit of a John Wick redemption story.
• 23:22
  Matt: Babe, the only living organism left on the farm, seeks his revenge against, I'm going to assume, the Russian mob.
• 23:32
  Eric: Now, does Babe now now the horror element comes in?
• 23:35
  Eric: Is this the classic, like what started as a you know, a heartfelt story of bloodthirsty revenge?
• 23:41
  Eric: You know, babe stares into the abyss too long, so it stares back into him, and so like babe, babe starts babe starts seeing like enemies everywhere.
• 23:51
  Eric: Babe loses himself.
• 23:52
  Eric: Everyone, yeah, yeah.
• 23:54
  Eric: It's almost like a it's almost got a Sweeney Todd vibe to it.
• 23:57
  Eric: Oh.
• 23:57
  Eric: Like originally it's just like I want to kill the people who wronged me, and then five minutes later it's like, fuck this, everybody.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Nah, just gonna kill everyone.
• 24:06
  Matt: Well, I better practice first.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'll get the right ones.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: But then when he finally comes across, he meets he meets the people that finally wronged him at the end, and it's that moral question.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Does he eventually go through it knowing that he has spilt all the blood of innocence, or does he decide, you know what?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna let you live with this horror and let you see the massacre that I have created and just walk off and leave them to their own insanity.
• 24:32
  Matt: I think he I think he, you know what I see?
• 24:34
  Matt: This is what I see.
• 24:35
  Matt: He's about to do that.
• 24:36
  Matt: He's about he realizes the error of his ways.
• 24:38
  Matt: He's about to he's got the head of the Russian mob on his knees, and he's about to walk away.
• 24:44
  Matt: He's about to be fine with saying, you know what, you've learned your lesson.
• 24:49
  Matt: And then the guy says, That'll do, pig.
• 24:53
  Matt: That'll do.
• 24:54
  Matt: And that is when he loses his mind.
• 24:57
  Eric: Yeah, you cut it immediately cuts to black and you hear a pig screaming, but it's like a person screaming like a pig.
• 25:04
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 25:05
  Eric: Like it's just like it's a black.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: If the boy wasn't asleep, I would be doing that right now.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: I have spent a career perfecting that screen.
• 25:15
  Matt: Oh dear.
• 25:16
  Matt: Oh, well, those are two good ones.
• 25:18
  Matt: I I don't have a um I don't have one ready to go, but uh, if I were to throw out an innocent movie that could be made evil, I would say, oh, how about The Land Before Time?
• 25:36
  Eric: It's a horror movie, and here's the best part it's only got to be about 10 minutes long.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Man, I can't watch that film still.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 35 years old, and I still can't watch that film without breaking down into floods of tears.
• 25:49
  Eric: I mean, it's a heartbreak.
• 25:50
  Eric: Oh, right to the gut.
• 25:51
  Eric: It's a punch to the gut.
• 25:53
  Eric: And you know what?
• 25:54
  Eric: I'm sorry for even bringing it up.
• 25:56
  Eric: Here's how I would do it too.
• 25:58
  Eric: Littlefoot's Littlefoot's parents, right?
• 26:01
  Eric: They get if I'm remembering this right, they got eaten by T-Rexes.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:06
  Eric: Okay.
• 26:07
  Eric: Littlefoot also gets eaten by the T-Rex.
• 26:09
  Eric: End of story.
• 26:09
  Eric: Oh damn.
• 26:10
  Eric: So like that, but like then they like you see a little star leaf, and it's just splattered in in in in long neck blood, and then like the proceed it the movie is the same length, but the rest of the movie is just a close-up on that bloody leaf and like rain falling, maybe while just the credits just slowly, so solid.
• 26:31
  Eric: Wow.
• 26:32
  Eric: And you just gotta sit with the knowledge.
• 26:34
  Eric: But see, this for this to be a true horror movie, it's gotta, it's gotta kind of like it's gotta kind of be based on the premise that whoever's watching it has seen the original.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, see, I would also I would also take a spin on that as well, because I would I would still keep with what you're saying there, but in the reflection of the blood spatter, you still see the carnage that Sharptooth is actually enraging.
• 26:55
  Eric: Oh yeah, they're just eating, we're watching them eat the entire time.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so the credit still goes up, you know, long uh Sharptooth now taking it away at free horn.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's or bloody massacre.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 27:07
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, what you've presented, I feel like, is The Land Before Time directed by David Lynch.
• 27:15
  Matt: Or perhaps Werner Hertzog.
• 27:19
  Matt: He would love to showcase the bleakness of the leaf.
• 27:23
  Matt: The futility.
• 27:24
  Matt: The futility uh of Littlefoot's blood.
• 27:27
  Matt: Oh god.
• 27:30
  Matt: Uh well, that was a happy memory.
• 27:33
  Matt: Thank you, Eric.
• 27:34
  Matt: Yeah, anytime.
• 27:35
  Eric: Hey man, it's your movie idea.
• 27:37
  Matt: It it was.
• 27:38
  Matt: It was my forced movie idea that I pooped out just now, yes.
• 27:43
  Matt: I didn't I didn't screenplay it like uh like you did with with your predator reboot.
• 27:50
  Eric: Well, that'll I well you know that development podcast is in the works.
• 27:55
  Eric: Oh, oh, interesting.
• 27:56
  Eric: Didn't know.
• 27:58
  Eric: My one man podcast where I just talk uh incessantly about that movie.
• 28:02
  Eric: Script development.
• 28:04
  Matt: I'll follow it.
• 28:05
  Matt: I'll follow it.
• 28:07
  Matt: Now, Andy, listen, we go way, way back.
• 28:12
  Matt: About way, way back uh about 12 years, I reckon.
• 28:16
  Matt: And we first spent a good deal of time, the three of us, as co-workers at a field of screams.
• 28:25
  Eric: Ah, the haunted hayride.
• 28:28
  Eric: Field of screams only for any of our listeners.
• 28:31
  Eric: Like I feel like that actually is a legal thing to say.
• 28:33
  Eric: Field of screams only, not field of screams Pennsylvania.
• 28:36
  Matt: Yes, there was uh, I believe a lawsuit.
• 28:38
  Matt: So yes, that that is a good uh distinction to make.
• 28:43
  Matt: Haunted Hayride, uh Haunted Trail as well.
• 28:46
  Matt: Although we it was Poach, we really did the trail the second and third years, right?
• 28:50
  Eric: Yeah, we the first year they were like, all right, babies, they were like little children.
• 28:54
  Eric: Yeah, we will put you, we were we were 18.
• 28:57
  Eric: Like we will we will put you on the hayride.
• 29:01
  Matt: You will Well they yeah, well they we were s what the problem was is they put Andy and you and me and all these these other people from the theater department onto the hayride, and we were too good, so they put us on the trail the in subsequent years and replaced us on the hayride with a baseball team.
• 29:19
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:21
  Eric: Yeah, that was hilarious though, because I I don't think, yeah, they like they didn't get it, like they didn't understand that they were taking like a team of actors, yes, a troop train of the and they were like, Oh, sure, put them on the hair.
• 29:33
  Eric: We made that hayride a fucking nightmare.
• 29:36
  Matt: And I'm sure you know, I'm sure we'll get back to that in just a second, but I say all that to say after that, Andy, you we we uh we sent you back to England, we you know threw you on a steamship and shoved you off from the inner harbor.
• 29:52
  Matt: And uh you went and made a whole scare career.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: I did indeed, yes.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: So as soon as I went back, I graduated from university and I went on to work at an attraction called the London Bridge Experience, which was voted the UK's scariest attraction.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, at the time when I was there, it was uh the scariest attraction for three years in a row.
• 30:17
  Matt: Nice a dynasty.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then after that, I continued on to work at other various attractions.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I eventually made my way back at the London Bridge experience in 2015, where I eventually became the duty manager.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it became my job to go along and train said actors uh to go along and how to scare living daylights out of people for very, very, very fun times.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, and it was during that I also published my book Through the Deadeye, Eulogy to the Art of Scare Acting, which features you handsome chaps.
• 30:48
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:50
  Matt: And uh I know you can uh get through the Deadeye on Amazon.
• 30:54
  Matt: Is it available other places, Andy?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: At the moment, no, it's still only available on Amazon, but you can get it in paperback and Kindle version.
• 31:02
  Matt: Oh, a Bezos exclusive.
• 31:04
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 31:05
  Matt: Check it out.
• 31:06
  Matt: We do uh we have we can put up uh on the Instagram picture of what you're looking for there.
• 31:11
  Matt: But so Andy, I bring up your scare career because you've spent so you spent all this time, and first of all, you also said you retired from that life.
• 31:21
  Matt: So I'm a little interested.
• 31:22
  Matt: What causes one to hang it up?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: Fatherhood.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh is the answer to that.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, yeah.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: By that point, as much as I enjoyed doing the scare acting, it wasn't uh financially viable for me to raise uh a little sprog.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: So little sprog.
• 31:41
  Matt: I uh I get that.
• 31:43
  Matt: I get that.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I mean I I still have my hand in it every now and again.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um I still participate at various uh conventions, uh, most notably is a company called Scarecom.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's Europe's largest trade show for anything related to the haunt industry, um, where I feature as a master of ceremonies called Cookie.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: So uh for lack of a better way of putting it, he is oh no, that that's not the origin.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's not the origin of cookie.
• 32:08
  Eric: Okay, I was gonna be originally what is the origin of cookie?
• 32:11
  Matt: The origin of you were not a cookie, you're you may always be a cookie now, but not when you were here with us and only.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I actually was.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the the voice, the nickname itself actually dates back to when I was 14.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you've ever heard of the show Return to the Forbidden Planet, uh, which was a remake of The Tempest, and there was a character in that called Cookie, and uh I performed that role.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of kids at school at the time thought it'd be funny to go along and use that name thinking it was an insult, and in actuality, I turned around and went, actually, you know what, I quite like that.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it became it pretty much became uh an alter ego for me.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: Own it, yeah, pretty much all the way through, and I just held on to it like a suit of armor.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, Yeah, you know what?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm cooking, I'm what?
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: Good shit, good shit.
• 32:56
  Matt: Well, thank you, Govna.
• 32:58
  Matt: My my question for you, Gov, is what is your best scare?
• 33:06
  Eric: Like a memorable moment, like like I'm sure there are thousands you could pick from, but like any like any you you find your brain keeps going back.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: The funniest one that came out of nowhere.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I was working at the Landabridge Experience, I'm in the final room, uh wielding a chainsaw, and I'm hiding behind some slats.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as the group came through, I didn't realize it, but there was uh a little old lady, she must have been about mid to late 60s, and she's hobbling along a walking stick, bless her.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I've come out, chainsaw wielding, and in an immediate fight or flight reaction.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: Her first instinct was to pick up said walking stick and crack me over the head with it.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: I had no idea how to respond to this straight away.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I've I've got a moment, I've just shook my head, you know, still flailing the chainsaw.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: They've gone past as soon as they've left the attraction because they're in the last room.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as they've left the attraction, I've just crouched down on the floor and went just really screamed, holding onto my head because she she just won't good.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:12
  unknown: Wow.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, that that's probably the most surreal scare I've ever had.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what about you guys?
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know what happened for your career post-me being there.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, what what would you say your scare is?
• 34:24
  Matt: Oh, uh well, so so Eric and I were actually mostly at different stations uh in subsequent years.
• 34:33
  Eric: They had to spread the talent, yeah.
• 34:35
  Eric: You know, they don't want to put it all in one place, you know.
• 34:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 34:38
  Matt: So the but the Anthony Conway and myself were put on the wild thing station.
• 34:47
  Matt: And uh I don't know if even we had this station when you were here, Andy, but what we would do is I was the wild thing.
• 34:54
  Matt: Uh, and so I'd be in this harness, all tattered up clothes and stuff, and there's a spotlight on me.
• 35:02
  Matt: And you could see me from well down the path as you show up, and it's on a curve, right?
• 35:09
  Matt: So everyone, and the chain, of course, is just short enough that I can't reach the the path itself.
• 35:16
  Matt: And so the system that we got in is everyone would come down and I I would sh, you know, give them a good stare for a while and then charge and bark and make all kinds of frothing and noises and shit.
• 35:32
  Matt: And you might have noticed that up until this point, I haven't said anything about Anthony Conway.
• 35:36
  Matt: Anthony Conway was in a tree at the apex of the curve, not saying a goddamn thing until so I'm taking all this sound and fury, and people are backing up, people are, you know, cursing me out and all kinds of shit.
• 35:52
  Matt: And meanwhile, Conway is just hanging off of a tree, completely unseen, and he'd just like tap somebody on the shoulder or lean in real close and be like, damn, look at this thing.
• 36:04
  Matt: And people just lost their fucking minds, and it worked like clockwork.
• 36:09
  Matt: We did it group after group after group, and we did get a couple of people, I am very proud to say, shit their pants.
• 36:17
  Matt: And yeah, you know, it's a it's it was a badge of honor.
• 36:21
  Matt: It was a smell of honor.
• 36:22
  Eric: Dear listeners, we're not like we need to be clear, we're not exaggerating, we're not speaking in in hyperbole.
• 36:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 36:29
  Eric: People poop poop themselves.
• 36:30
  Matt: And then the second year, uh, we I was in, they built me my they built, I was, I was so wild.
• 36:37
  Matt: They built me a cage with a flipped a wall that flipped open that I could get out of.
• 36:42
  Matt: Oh, right.
• 36:42
  Matt: And there is a pretty gnarly picture of me and poach from this era that once again I'll throw up on the Instagram folks.
• 36:49
  Eric: Know exactly which one you're talking about.
• 36:51
  Matt: I just sat in this cage with a hammer.
• 36:53
  unknown: Yep.
• 36:55
  Matt: Uh and and wailed on things.
• 36:57
  Matt: That was a good time as well.
• 36:58
  Matt: Eric.
• 36:59
  Eric: Um, I know mine, and it's it's weird because like the scare was was not uh per design.
• 37:07
  Eric: This was the year I got punched.
• 37:09
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 37:10
  Eric: So we you know, any any any scare actor will fucking tell you there's a pretty golden rule when it comes to when it comes to scare acting work.
• 37:18
  Eric: You will not be touched, provided you do not touch the actors.
• 37:24
  Eric: Like it's it's a very like, you know, everybody keeps their hands to them.
• 37:28
  Matt: Everyone knows the rules.
• 37:29
  Eric: So I was I was behind like a chain link fence, just and like fucking, you know, heckling and scaring and like fucking being crazy at people.
• 37:40
  Eric: Um and this one dude who was drunk and like must have been our age, maybe a little older, uh, was like with all of his friends and his girlfriend, and I think I startled him and he didn't like that.
• 37:56
  Eric: So he started like talking shit and like you know, stuff like that.
• 37:59
  Eric: I was like, I don't care.
• 38:00
  Eric: I'm I'm I'm slathered in blood.
• 38:04
  Eric: Um so I'm like, I'm pressing my face up against this chain link fence, and he just sucker punches me.
• 38:13
  Eric: And in the subsequent 30 seconds, he learns a couple of things.
• 38:17
  Eric: A there are a lot more actors at this station than he thought.
• 38:22
  Eric: B the only thing between me and him is not a chain link fence because I can just step out from behind it at any time.
• 38:29
  Eric: It's not an actual game.
• 38:30
  Eric: I think he thought that like I was actually trapped in something and couldn't do anything.
• 38:35
  Eric: Uh so like we all start like coming out and we're all and fucking when like three or four voices from the woods going or start saying, Oh no, motherfucker.
• 38:45
  Eric: And he he he gets the bright idea to sprint into the woods.
• 38:51
  Eric: Mind you, this entire attraction takes place in the woods.
• 38:54
  Eric: It's a path through the woods.
• 38:56
  Eric: He chose to go into the unlit areas of the woods.
• 38:59
  Eric: He chose to stumble through the woods, which are full of fucking thorns, poison ivy, and shit, and like in the dark, also working under the assumption that we don't know these woods like the back of our hands.
• 39:13
  Eric: We have to navigate them in the dark constantly.
• 39:15
  Eric: So he now has like 10 people, some of whom the security for only Field of Screams was insane.
• 39:21
  Eric: A bunch of them had night vision goggles.
• 39:23
  Eric: That's like they were they were just hanging out in the dark waiting for something to go wrong.
• 39:27
  Eric: So they're all chasing him.
• 39:29
  Eric: They're already calling in the cops who are on site.
• 39:32
  Eric: This guy comes out of the woods being chased by 10 people and with a bunch of cops and canines waiting for him.
• 39:38
  Eric: So yeah, okay, I don't remember that they were scared.
• 39:41
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
• 39:42
  Eric: They were and he fucking got he got escorted off by by a couple of cops with canine.
• 39:47
  Eric: They weren't like lucidum, but like as soon as he saw they were there, he's like, All right, I'm done.
• 39:53
  Eric: And then he got fucking escorted by the end.
• 39:56
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, he was certainly scared by the end.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, you do recall, um, sorry, just going back to what you said, Matt, as well.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: You do recall that there was actually a scare that all three of us contributed to our very first individual pooping their pants as well.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, when we were on the uh the Honey Hay ride.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: All three of us got up close to this one individual, and I believe it was myself that was uh the first person to catch odor of said smell.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: I just immediately nodded at you two.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: Just sitting around and said, Yeah, we'd need to back away.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: We just backed away.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: When we came off, it was uh Siavon.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think she said, What did you guys do?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: And we just looked and went, Yeah, he pooped himself.
• 40:36
  Matt: He pooped.
• 40:37
  Matt: We uh so that hay ride, I have to say, we said I said we'd circle back to it, and so we will.
• 40:42
  Matt: We made that sucker sing.
• 40:44
  Matt: So yeah.
• 40:45
  Matt: The most hay rides, uh, in my humble experience of haunted hayride attractions are mostly a passive thing.
• 40:53
  Matt: You're going through a you know tunnels and past things, and people maybe they jump on the side.
• 40:59
  Matt: Not us, baby.
• 41:01
  Matt: We got right up on that thing, and it started.
• 41:04
  Matt: I don't know if you remember, but the routine usually started with me.
• 41:07
  Matt: It would come, it came out of its station, and I was under a spot near this old house that was like a rundown, and I was eating a dummy that like eating guts out of the dummy in a world pre-COVID, and I charged but purposely like missed the hayride and would it was-I mean, it wasn't going very fast, but I what I would do is I'd grab on the back of it and be dragged for a little bit.
• 41:35
  Matt: But like the back step, and slowly work my way up while other people jumped on.
• 41:39
  Matt: And in one of these escapades, at one point, and because I usually just made like zombie noises for a long time, but Andy, you were just talking.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's more freakier than a British person just speaking in America.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: That that's enough to do it for people, apparently.
• 42:00
  Matt: And so I don't, I'm sure you remember this, Andy.
• 42:02
  Matt: There was one individual who said to me, uh, while you were on the other side of the hayride, sorry, I speak American.
• 42:10
  Matt: And I just completely dropped the zombie bit, and I was like, Hey Andy, you get a load of this guy.
• 42:18
  Matt: He says he speaks American.
• 42:20
  Matt: Oh, and you ripped him apart.
• 42:23
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, even here, I get people asking me if I'm an Australian.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't know why.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: Literally, they turn around.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_01: I I thank you.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 42:43
  Eric: You don't have the penal vibe about you.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think the beard kind of helps a little bit.
• 42:50
  Eric: Uh and and that circling back to something you said, speaking of like a pre-COVID world, do you remember our fucking ritual at the beginning of each day?
• 42:57
  Eric: Yeah, we would.
• 42:58
  Eric: Where we would we would we would just wear like white t-shirts and stuff, and we would to gore each other up, we would mix fake blood and bottles of water, take a huge swig, and just spit it on each other.
• 43:10
  Matt: Yeah, because other people would use a spray bottle or something, and I'm sorry, it just didn't look as good.
• 43:17
  Matt: Don't get realism as the spitting method.
• 43:21
  Matt: Now, that said, 12 years on, I'm a little horrified by that, uh, looking back on myself and my actions.
• 43:29
  Matt: But God, it felt badass at the time.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_01: Could I also at this point do a thumbs up and a shout out to an individual who also made that ride something special, especially on his last evening as well, Mr.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: Richard Vinnicum.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, Rich Vincom, who uh throughout this uh throughout his escapades there would constantly bash his hand against the uh the glass windows of a trailer.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: And on the last
• 44:00
  Matt: It was that's what it was.
• 44:01
  Matt: It was the trailer I was outside of with the with the dummy.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: No, he was outside the he was outside the house.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: He was outside.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because we ended up dragging the um the zombie with him.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: And we uh we gave him an affectionate name as well, I believe.
• 44:13
  Eric: Billy Corgan.
• 44:14
  Eric: That was it.
• 44:15
  Eric: Yep.
• 44:15
  Eric: You called him Billy Corgan.
• 44:17
  Eric: I'll never forget that.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: He looked like Billy Corgan, I'm sorry.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: But on the last night, Rich decided to give it his all, smashed the glass, and it was only afterwards when we were getting out of costume and makeup, he asked the infamous question that 90% of scare actors I've worked with have always asked, Is this real blood or fake blood?
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was all he said.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't he didn't turn around and ask if he was cut.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: He just turned around and said, Is this real blood or fake blood?
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think he had to go to hospital that night as well.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think he had to have a couple of stitches put in.
• 44:49
  Eric: Did he?
• 44:50
  Eric: I think maybe I remember he went hard.
• 44:53
  Matt: I mean, he sliced his hand open.
• 44:55
  Matt: Good.
• 44:56
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:56
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:57
  Eric: Because they gave us this old dingy trailer, and they said, You could do whatever you want to it.
• 45:02
  Eric: And a guy.
• 45:04
  Matt: They basically, yeah, as I recall, they basically were like, we're gonna tear down this trailer at the end of the season.
• 45:09
  Matt: So like go nuts.
• 45:10
  Matt: But I don't think they necessarily meant y cause yourself bodily harm.
• 45:14
  Matt: Yep.
• 45:15
  Matt: But uh, you know, that's all we needed.
• 45:18
  Matt: That was the that was the license we freshmen uh needed at the time.
• 45:23
  Matt: Not you, and not you, Andy, not you and Rich, of course.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_01: But we had diplomatic immunity, it was fine.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: We could get away with whatever we wanted.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's absolutely true.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: As long as we said God save the queen before we destroyed anything, it was all good.
• 45:38
  Eric: Like legally, that's in the constitution.
• 45:42
  Matt: I did find pretty weird that we put that in there.
• 45:45
  Matt: I know.
• 45:46
  Matt: Well, hey, that's what the founding fathers wanted.
• 45:50
  Matt: Uh Andy, do you have any other questions uh of us, of our scaring time together?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh well, not of our scaring time together, but or available, just ask a little bit.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: I have been given one actually by uh my good friends over in the UK from a podcast called ScareTrack.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, they are the UK's number one podcast for all things scare attractions.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, hey guys, hope you're listening.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, this one was actually presented to them on an episode that they did when they first started, and I wanted to do it for you guys as well.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna sit back and I'm gonna listen in on this one.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: So you've both worked in a haunted house before.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_01: Your job now, between the two of you, is to create a haunted house, and the theming of this house is based around the nearest object to your left hand side.
• 46:42
  Matt: I will leave it with you.
• 46:44
  Matt: Um, okay.
• 46:45
  Matt: Oh, okay.
• 46:46
  Matt: Well, I could use this.
• 46:47
  Matt: Hold on.
• 46:48
  Matt: All right.
• 46:49
  Matt: Um I have my nearest object.
• 46:52
  Matt: A fanny pack.
• 46:53
  Matt: Okay, I have this pair of pink handled tweezers.
• 47:00
  Matt: Or like pliers.
• 47:01
  Matt: They're really more of pliers.
• 47:02
  Matt: As they're called.
• 47:04
  Matt: Yes, pliers.
• 47:05
  Eric: They're really more pliers.
• 47:07
  Matt: They are pliers, they're not tweezers.
• 47:10
  Matt: Yeah, no one wants to get uh an eyebrow out with this.
• 47:13
  Eric: Okay, yeah.
• 47:14
  Eric: And I have I have a I have a very important car heart fanny pack.
• 47:19
  Matt: Oh, car heart.
• 47:20
  Matt: That's how you know it's uh that's how you know this is an American podcast.
• 47:24
  Matt: Uh the now, so Andy, are we are we working together to make this attraction?
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yes, I'll let you go along and do that.
• 47:33
  Eric: Um Okay, so I'm just gonna say right now, I'm just following an impulse.
• 47:38
  Eric: At the beginning of the attraction, everyone is given a fanny pack.
• 47:42
  Eric: Okay.
• 47:42
  Eric: And they are told under no circumstances to open that fanny pack.
• 47:47
  Matt: Okay, interesting.
• 47:48
  Eric: Until it is time.
• 47:49
  Matt: All right, all right, I'm with you there.
• 47:51
  Matt: All right.
• 47:52
  Matt: So, all right, so what do we do with these fucking pliers, these pink pliers?
• 47:59
  Eric: Ooh.
• 48:00
  Eric: Yeah, idea.
• 48:02
  Eric: So, like, as they go through the attraction, like maybe the fanny packs are numbered and like they have specific items in them and that like interact with the scene in some horrific way.
• 48:12
  Eric: Yes.
• 48:13
  Eric: Um, so like in a world of infinite budget, infinite time, infinite resources.
• 48:17
  Matt: I assume that's the world we live in.
• 48:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 48:19
  Eric: Um, there they will come to a room where like one of the actors is strapped down to a chair, like a dentist chair, and uh, and like the guide or whatever is like, oh, he needs to have his teeth, like like his teeth are moved.
• 48:35
  Eric: And like, like, for some reason, for whatever bullshit haunted house, you know, mythical reason, he needs to have his teeth pulled out before we can progress in the next room.
• 48:45
  Eric: So everyone's told to like search their fanny packs, and whoever has the pliers gets to be the lucky person, and they're like forced to reach into this fucking mouth and rip teeth out, blood spraying everywhere.
• 48:57
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 48:58
  Matt: Oh, that's that's a union role for whoever's in the chair for getting their teeth pulled or fake teeth pulled.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 49:05
  Matt: Here's here's here's one thing that I'll add to it that I think we can go with.
• 49:09
  Matt: So then they're trying to get out of this dentist room, but they find the door locked.
• 49:16
  Matt: So now we're I'm I'm gonna we're I I like that we're I've now accidentally made this in a haunted escape room.
• 49:23
  Matt: Oh so they found the door locked, but the dentist, who I assume is gonna be played by you, Poach, just kind of casually says in the corner, like, Oh, do you you need the key then?
• 49:36
  Matt: And what you've discovered is the the guy, the person who's got the fake teeth or whatever, one of those teeth is the key.
• 49:46
  Matt: And they have to keep pulling until they get one that's attached to a key.
• 49:50
  Matt: Yeah, a key-shaped tooth that comes out.
• 49:54
  Eric: Yes!
• 49:56
  Matt: And I assume I again don't know how the effects are gonna make this happen, but each tooth you pull just spews out.
• 50:03
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: I know I said I know I said I wasn't gonna contribute, but I've got to add something onto this just for the rock.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_01: You are literally the guest.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: So every other tooth has a buzzer on it, much like if you were to play operation.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_01: So if there was an incorrect tooth that gets pulled, there would be a minor, a minor static shock.
• 50:23
  Eric: Yeah.
• 50:27
  Matt: And if you get shocked, if you get shocked, somebody else has to take over for rule for rules that we won't fully explain.
• 50:34
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_01: Laws that we can't fully explain.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, because then if whoever has the um whoever has the pliers at the time, if they if they mess up and they hit the buzzer, they've got to hand the pliers over to the individual and uh the next individual.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: And if that individual finds the one with the keys, then they're the ones that have to look after the pliers.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: They put them back into their own fanny pack or bumbag.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 50:55
  unknown: Yep, yeah.
• 50:56
  Eric: Bumbag.
• 50:57
  Eric: Is that what they are called?
• 50:59
  Eric: I can't tell if you're fucking with me.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'll leave that up to you, governor, to decide.
• 51:06
  Matt: Oh my god, why don't we call it a bumbag?
• 51:09
  Eric: Why don't we call it a bumbag?
• 51:12
  Eric: Alliteration's always better.
• 51:14
  Eric: Fucking the motherland comes in clutch again.
• 51:22
  Eric: Oh, yeah, no, yeah.
• 51:24
  Eric: And that's like the whole deal.
• 51:25
  Eric: I think once they've gotten the key and like they've ripped all the teeth out of this guy, like there needs to be like a a prestige, like something happened to the guy.
• 51:33
  Eric: Like, so they've been ripping this guy's teeth out, and he's like strapped down.
• 51:36
  Eric: So, like maybe at like some point, like, I don't know, like as they're leaving the room, like he starts ripping himself out of the straps, and it becomes like a pursuit thing, like he's seeking revenge.
• 51:47
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 51:48
  Matt: Yeah, uh, and yeah, he just chases he ch that's how you get out of the room.
• 51:52
  Matt: That's the that's the end.
• 51:53
  Matt: He just chases you out of the attraction.
• 51:56
  Matt: Gums and all.
• 51:58
  Matt: Uh just uh just smacking away.
• 52:03
  Matt: Lips are smacking.
• 52:06
  Matt: Oh man.
• 52:07
  Matt: So how's that, Andy?
• 52:08
  Matt: Does that sound like a a winning room?
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's a room.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking as a haunted house rather than as an escape room.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_01: In my head, you still got at least three more to do.
• 52:19
  Matt: Well, you know, that's just that's the opening room, maybe.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta go, you gotta go along and set it up, you know.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_01: What else is in the bum bag?
• 52:27
  Matt: Well, everybody so you said Eric, everybody else has uh something.
• 52:31
  Eric: I think everyone's got different objects in their bum bags, like that they're so like it kind of forces everyone to interact with the scene in some way at some point.
• 52:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 52:41
  Matt: Umbe the uh the key idea could be better implemented by you have to pull this out at some point, but it's not for that door, it's for another door, and you have to put it in your fanny pack, you have to have this bloody tooth on it.
• 52:55
  Eric: You have to remember, yeah.
• 52:56
  Eric: You have to remember.
• 52:57
  Eric: Oh, yeah, you gotta put things in the bum bag.
• 52:59
  Matt: Somebody has to carry it on their bum in their bum bag.
• 53:02
  Matt: Yep.
• 53:03
  Eric: Um in another room.
• 53:07
  Eric: I'm looking around my desk now.
• 53:08
  Eric: I'm just looking at objects.
• 53:10
  Eric: There are matches.
• 53:11
  Eric: I feel like there are a lot of wonderful and horrific ways matches could be implemented.
• 53:15
  Eric: Oh, sure.
• 53:17
  Eric: Sure.
• 53:18
  Matt: Um I have a lot of this sound insulation that I have in the pod pod.
• 53:24
  Matt: Perhaps we come into an insulated room, you know, a madhouse style with somebody in a straitjacket just bouncing all around in there.
• 53:31
  Eric: I've always wanted to play.
• 53:33
  Eric: I love that concept in house.
• 53:34
  Eric: I believe we had a room similar to that at Field Screen, like where it was very like sound deadened.
• 53:40
  Matt: Well, it had a bunch of stuffed animals in it, I think is the one you're thinking of.
• 53:42
  Eric: Oh, that that room got so fucking gross.
• 53:44
  Eric: Because it by the by the end of it, like the amount of mold we must have breathed in.
• 53:50
  Eric: I would love a room that is like reinforced with like military grade, like sound dampening foam, like the kind where you can actually hear your own pulse inside of your head.
• 53:58
  Matt: And that's what it is.
• 53:59
  Matt: You we open the door, we push one person in just by themselves, and there's no actor in there.
• 54:05
  Matt: It's just you and your thoughts.
• 54:07
  Matt: And your bumbag.
• 54:08
  Matt: That's the real terror.
• 54:11
  Matt: The dread that lies within us all.
• 54:14
  Eric: Oh, oh man.
• 54:16
  Eric: And like, if we wanted to get super like metaphysical or like whatever with it, uh, in that, and again, this is in a world with like total ethics as well as infinite resource.
• 54:26
  Eric: Like, we can trust everyone to behave correctly.
• 54:28
  Eric: Of course.
• 54:28
  Eric: Like that person, that person has one object in their bumbag, and they're sent in here in the dark in the science of their thoughts, and it's like a fucking knife.
• 54:36
  Eric: And they're like, what the fuck do I have to do with it?
• 54:37
  Eric: Like, the thing they gotta figure out, they have to cut their way out of the room.
• 54:41
  Eric: Or like, do they think, like, is something gonna get them in this room?
• 54:44
  Eric: Do they have to fight someone with a knife?
• 54:46
  Eric: See how long it takes me to figure out they have to claw their way out.
• 54:50
  Eric: Interesting.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_01: Insanity would tell me that they go along and hack their own ears off with the uh I guess the Van Gogh method.
• 54:59
  Matt: Yes, I guess we're going with the the uh also if they sign an NDA before they enter, it's fine.
• 55:05
  Matt: I was gonna say extends extends to people causing them self-harm.
• 55:10
  Matt: Oh, yeah, due to our psychological torture.
• 55:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:14
  Matt: Uh but uh is that is that not the real horror after all?
• 55:18
  Matt: Indeed.
• 55:19
  Matt: Not the not the external, but the internal.
• 55:23
  Matt: Well, Andy, I hope that we have provided you with uh at least the the start of a of a solid attraction.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm satisfied.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sounds pretty good.
• 55:34
  Matt: Excellent, excellent.
• 55:35
  Matt: Well, Andy, uh, we are drawing close to the uh the end of our time together already here on this uh on this podcast, but I want to say it has been a blast having you here.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's been an absolute pleasure and honor seeing you fine gentlemen again.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's been too long as well.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's been way too long.
• 55:53
  Matt: Uh Andy, before we let you go, do you have anything you want to uh promote here or plug on this here podcast?
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, actually, with the horror season coming up, uh, if you've all got Amazon, not only check out the book, but be sure to check out a little movie feature as well called UK Haunters.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_01: It is actually directed by a guy called Dan Brownlee.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_01: He is an independent UK horror film uh director.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_01: And he actually did a documentary on the UK haunt scene itself.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_01: So he talks about all the construction, the training of the actors, um, and it features me with a very non-bearded face.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, but yes, uh have a look at that.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you're interested in seeing what the uh the UK scare attractions have to offer, go check out UK Haunters.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's on Amazon Prime.
• 56:42
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 56:42
  Matt: And we'll uh we'll put the links to those in the description of this episode.
• 56:47
  Matt: So check those out.
• 56:48
  Matt: And like I said, we'll throw up some of those pictures we talked about on the Instagram at you didn't ask pod.
• 56:55
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 56:57
  Matt: Andy cookie rollings.
• 56:58
  Matt: Thank you so much for joining us, friend.
• 57:00
  Matt: Thank you very much, James.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to have tea with the queen.
• 57:05
  Matt: Oh, congratulations.
• 57:06
  Matt: I I was about to say, um, you know, our tradition, you know, our traditional sign-off to all guests, which is uh, oh well, we'll see you later.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_07: Oh there, go.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah, it's just it's it's good, Paul, but it's not farewell now anyway.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_01: It was a bit of a stutter there, Eric, but I'll have to give you a safer effort at the very late.
• 57:26
  Eric: All right, go but be back soon.
• 57:30
  Eric: Bye, Andy.
• 57:31
  Eric: Stay later, lads.
• 57:32
  Eric: Take care.
• 57:33
  Eric: Love you, buddy.
• 57:38
  Matt: Well, Eric, now that we're uh we've bid adieu to Andy, um, it is of course spooky season.
• 57:45
  Matt: This is this episode just coming out just a few days before All Hollows Eve.
• 57:51
  Matt: Uh you okay?
• 57:53
  Matt: Oh, yeah, I'm just kidding.
• 57:54
  Matt: Oh, you got a little chill going through you.
• 57:56
  Matt: Oh well, Eric, I have to say, it looks as though you've just seen a ghost.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, Matt!
• 58:03
  Matt: Uh so we thought it'd be nice to transition to I guess this is a new segment.
• 58:09
  Matt: Uh which new segment new segment that we'll call uh story time.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_07: Story time.
• 58:16
  Matt: Storytime.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_07: Gathering kids, crisscross applesauce.
• 58:19
  Matt: And and since it is Halloween time, I think it's only appropriate that we tell you some ghost stories.
• 58:26
  Matt: Our own personal ghost stories.
• 58:29
  Matt: Eric, so tell me, truthfully, honestly, yeah.
• 58:33
  Matt: Have you seen a ghost?
• 58:34
  Eric: Oh I have experienced a ghost.
• 58:37
  Matt: Oh, you've laid with a ghost?
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_06: You have known a ghost.
• 58:42
  Eric: You've known a ghost.
• 58:44
  Eric: But no, yes, I have I I I have experienced a ghost.
• 58:48
  Eric: Or at least, yes, I've experienced a ghost.
• 58:50
  Eric: Tell tell me, please.
• 58:52
  Eric: All right, I'll tell them the map.
• 58:53
  Eric: So there I was, a Dickensian money lender who was fraught with greed.
• 58:58
  Eric: It was Christmas Eve.
• 58:59
  Eric: No.
• 58:59
  Eric: Um so um, so I was like, I was like eight or nine.
• 59:06
  Eric: Oh, but a but a babe.
• 59:08
  Eric: But a babe.
• 59:09
  Eric: Um and it was it was so simple, but like to my my child mind, this this fucking this sat with me for so long.
• 59:18
  Eric: So this is this is yes, this is a ghost story, but there's also a story about how I called the cops and got my brother in a whole lot of trouble.
• 59:25
  Eric: Uh so my our parents were out on like a date or something, like going out and doing like you know, actually hanging out with each other.
• 59:35
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 59:38
  Eric: And it was my brother who was if I was we'll say if I was like eight, I think my brother would have been.
• 59:44
  Eric: Oh, my brother would have been 15 at the time.
• 59:46
  Eric: So he would have been like charged with with caring for my eight-year-old self.
• 59:51
  Eric: Um parents left, and then like 20 minutes later, my brother left to go hang out with his friends.
• 59:56
  Eric: He was like, if anyone asks, and we and this was like our system.
• 59:59
  Eric: We had been doing this for so long.
• 1:00:01
  Eric: He's like, he's like, look, our parents are gonna leave.
• 1:00:04
  Eric: I'm gonna fuck off and go hang out with my friends, and you're gonna chill in here and play in 64 because that's all you ever want to do.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: I'm like, hell, yeah, this is great.
• 1:00:11
  Eric: This is perfect.
• 1:00:12
  Eric: It's a win-win.
• 1:00:13
  Eric: It's a win-win, everyone around.
• 1:00:14
  Eric: Um, when I was little, I was terrified of everything.
• 1:00:17
  Eric: Uh fucking, I could not, I could not be in the same room as a TV that was playing uh Unsolved Mysteries or America's Most Wanted.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: I would triggered.
• 1:00:30
  Matt: Uh triggered.
• 1:00:31
  Matt: Um I I can't I fucking loved Unsolved Mysteries and I love the reboot.
• 1:00:37
  Matt: Although the second series wasn't as good as the first, but continue.
• 1:00:41
  Eric: Um so I was in the house, and then like I hear a noise and like I'm I'm playing like fucking Ocarina of Time and I hear a noise.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: What temple are you in?
• 1:00:55
  Eric: At this at this juncture, I was if I had just gotten it if I was if I was this old.
• 1:01:00
  Eric: At this juncture, I was probably still struggling with uh Lord Jabu Jabu's stomach.
• 1:01:04
  Matt: Oh, it would have been hard.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: It would have been thematic if you said Shadow Temple.
• 1:01:08
  Matt: But anyway, continue.
• 1:01:09
  Eric: Shadow Temple, I had to play during the day with the lights on.
• 1:01:13
  Eric: It's a freaky thing.
• 1:01:14
  Eric: It's a freaky ass temple.
• 1:01:15
  Eric: So I hear something flicking, and I I I like duck my head in the hallway, and my fucking my parents' room, I can our switches were old as fuck.
• 1:01:26
  Eric: They weren't like the quiet one, they were the kind of way you hit you hit them like the physical, like actual, like you hear the the that metallic, like like when you flipped the switch.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: You could hear that switch being flipped from across the house.
• 1:01:38
  Eric: Um so like I dug in and the lights are going on and off in my parents' room.
• 1:01:46
  Eric: And at first I thought, like, wow, my brother's a dick.
• 1:01:50
  Eric: Uh, because he would do shit like that to like fuck with me all the time.
• 1:01:53
  Eric: Yeah, natural assumption.
• 1:01:54
  Eric: And uh and I'm like, Matt, stop it.
• 1:01:58
  Eric: And like, Matt, stop it.
• 1:02:00
  Eric: Um I go in, the room, the room is like empty.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: I'm going throughout the house.
• 1:02:09
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: No one's there.
• 1:02:11
  Matt: Clearing it, clearing it.
• 1:02:12
  Eric: I look out, and like I've looked through the house, there's no one in the house.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: I go outside to see if my brother had like fucking just ran outside.
• 1:02:20
  Eric: Like, you could jump out of like it's a one-story house.
• 1:02:22
  Eric: Like you could, he could easily like go out of the window to like any, any, anything around the house.
• 1:02:27
  Eric: Um, there's fucking no one outside, and as I'm looking in the house, the lights start flickering again after I had already checked to make sure it was clear, and I just start screaming.
• 1:02:37
  Eric: I I fucking I run inside and like just long enough to grab the phone and I call the police.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: Oh no.
• 1:02:45
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 1:02:47
  Eric: And the police show up and or no no uh well, sorry, here's the order of events.
• 1:02:51
  Eric: I call the police and then I start banging on my neighbor's door.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: It's like nine or ten o'clock at night.
• 1:02:56
  Eric: They're like, Eric, what the fuck is wrong?
• 1:02:58
  Eric: I'm like, there's someone at my house.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: I think I know where this is going.
• 1:03:01
  Eric: And fucking, no, oh no, no, like to this day, no idea what what was doing because like the I thought your brother was in the basement with the fuse box.
• 1:03:10
  Eric: There is no basement in my house, bro.
• 1:03:12
  Eric: Like, that's the fuck, that's the fucking wild part.
• 1:03:15
  Matt: Or the garage or wherever the fuse box is.
• 1:03:17
  Matt: Nope, nope, nope.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: Well, you said you got your brother in trouble.
• 1:03:20
  Eric: Oh, I got my brother in trouble because the police got called and my neighbors got involved, and he wasn't home.
• 1:03:27
  Eric: He wasn't home watching me as he was supposed to be.
• 1:03:32
  Eric: I see.
• 1:03:33
  Eric: Now, very well could have been what the sound I could have been hearing was like the breakers doing some weird fucking thing because the breakers made the exact same noise as the switches.
• 1:03:41
  Eric: And like well, that there's compelling evidence, but they were going like it was on and off and only in one room.
• 1:03:48
  Eric: Like, and if that room had been going on and off, all the rooms in that half of the house would have been.
• 1:03:54
  Eric: It was just my parents' room and fucking uh uh.
• 1:03:59
  Eric: So yeah, cops showed up, and like my neighbor is like, hey, it's a child who got freaked out.
• 1:04:05
  Eric: Please it's fine.
• 1:04:06
  Eric: I and then I was terrified because I thought I was going to prison forever.
• 1:04:09
  Eric: Um you might still be wanted.
• 1:04:12
  Eric: I I might still be wanted, and they were like, Alright, bye.
• 1:04:15
  Eric: And and my neighbor, my neighbor sat with me till my brother showed up, and they're like, You ever have to tell your like you like this is a whole thing.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: And your parents never went on a date again.
• 1:04:25
  Eric: Ever.
• 1:04:26
  Eric: No, yeah, that was uh they weren't as mad as they could or should have been.
• 1:04:31
  Eric: My brother was furious.
• 1:04:32
  Eric: Of course he was.
• 1:04:34
  Eric: Of course he was.
• 1:04:35
  Eric: Because they started instituting a policy of like calling the house at regular intervals.
• 1:04:39
  Matt: Yeah, you fucked the whole thing up.
• 1:04:40
  Matt: You had a good thing going.
• 1:04:42
  Eric: Hey, I you know what?
• 1:04:43
  Eric: Thought thought the soul's gonna get get in.
• 1:04:46
  Matt: You gotta protect your soul whenever you think it's gonna be eaten.
• 1:04:50
  Eric: Yep.
• 1:04:50
  Matt: Well, uh, thank you, Eric, for sharing your spooky story.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_07: No problem.
• 1:04:55
  Matt: Your ghost experience, if you will.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: Now, I, Eric, would previously have told people if uh whether or not I believe in ghosts.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: You know, there's all these shows, you got the ghost adventures and whatnot.
• 1:05:08
  Matt: And you know, I'd always be like, ah, it's fake.
• 1:05:11
  Matt: You know, all this is it's fake.
• 1:05:13
  Matt: Uh, you know, I don't think anyone really believes in ghosts until I met one.
• 1:05:19
  Matt: Oh shit.
• 1:05:21
  Matt: Now I used to I've mentioned before that uh uh I've used to work at a theater in Baltimore.
• 1:05:26
  Matt: This theater is every man theater.
• 1:05:29
  Matt: I uh I don't mind telling you the name of the theater because these ghosts are pretty well known.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: They have several, as most theaters do.
• 1:05:37
  Matt: Several ghosts.
• 1:05:38
  Matt: One of them in is usually referred to as just the man in the white shirt.
• 1:05:44
  Matt: Not the not the best name, but that is an accurate description of the man.
• 1:05:48
  Matt: And the the the the story goes that this building, as as lots of buildings in old cities do, has gone through multiple generations and and incarnations.
• 1:05:58
  Matt: It's been all kinds Stuff.
• 1:06:00
  Matt: It was a movie theater way back in like the 30s.
• 1:06:03
  Matt: It was a parking garage at one point, et cetera, et cetera.
• 1:06:06
  Matt: And uh in one of these incarnations, I believe when it was a movie theater, a FBI agent was chasing a perpetrator of some kind through the through the space, through what is now the theater, and specifically the theater lobby.
• 1:06:23
  Matt: Uh and the FBI agent was shot and killed in this uh in this building.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: That's the way the story goes.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: And the FBI agent, we believe, is the man in the white shirt.
• 1:06:38
  Matt: Now, I have had two main experiences with the man in the white shirt.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: The first was during a production of The Understudy, the the show The Under Study.
• 1:06:51
  Matt: Yep the uh the this play, for those who might not be familiar, it it only has three people in the cast, and they are mostly on stage for the entire show.
• 1:07:02
  Matt: So we didn't really get a check-in with these actors until after the after the show.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: And it's a one act, and the so at the end of the show, a bunch of or all three of the actors, all three of them said, Why didn't house management or stage management tell that guy to sit down?
• 1:07:24
  Matt: And we and we all said, and I was house management at the time, and I said, like, what are you talking about?
• 1:07:30
  Matt: And they're like, Well, there was a guy standing in front of the booth for the whole show.
• 1:07:36
  Matt: Uh in a in he was really distracting because the lights caught his white shirt.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: And the stage manager said, There was nobody standing at the back of the house.
• 1:07:50
  Matt: But all three of them swear they saw a guy in a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, standing at the at the apex of the the the risers, you know, at the back of the stage or back of the seats.
• 1:08:06
  Matt: Um, so if that's true, he would have been standing right in front of the booth.
• 1:08:11
  Eric: Like unavoidably seen.
• 1:08:12
  Matt: Unavoidably seen by the stage man.
• 1:08:15
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:08:15
  Matt: Uh and so she swears there was there was no uh no was no ghost.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: The ghost has been seated, uh, seen in the the lot the interestingly enough, the theater doesn't have a mezzanine, but the lobby does.
• 1:08:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes, it does.
• 1:08:31
  Matt: And so the so he has been seen on numerous occasions by guests in the lobby mezzanine, specifically later after the show, like after people have left.
• 1:08:41
  Matt: But the time I saw him was in person.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: In person was early in the morning.
• 1:08:46
  Matt: I I had come in, you know, it wasn't a show day.
• 1:08:49
  Matt: So I got, you know, I got there at nine o'clock or whatever, and uh I work in the box office and I was going upstairs to get coffee.
• 1:08:57
  Matt: And I walked, I dropped off my stuff in the box office, turned around, started to head up the stairwell.
• 1:09:03
  Matt: And as I went into the stairwell, somebody walked by me.
• 1:09:08
  Matt: Uh this man in a white shirt walked by me.
• 1:09:12
  Matt: And I hadn't seen this guy before.
• 1:09:14
  Matt: So, you know, it's it was it uh it was first thing in the morning.
• 1:09:17
  Matt: So it took me a second to realize wait, no one should be here.
• 1:09:21
  Matt: You know, yeah, this should not be some random person.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: So I my security brain went off, and I turned around to say to the guy, you know, can I help you?
• 1:09:31
  Matt: Are you here to see somebody?
• 1:09:33
  Matt: Eric, there was nobody there.
• 1:09:39
  Matt: The man locked eyes with me, walked by me, I turned around, and he wasn't there.
• 1:09:48
  Matt: And I I I listener, I tell you, I sprinted into the cubicle bullpen upstairs and said, I've just seen the man in the white shirt.
• 1:09:59
  Matt: And everyone knew what I meant, of course.
• 1:10:01
  Matt: And uh, you know, the uh everyone wanted it people came down, we tried to find him again, but of course, the man was gone.
• 1:10:09
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:10:11
  Matt: And now I believe people when they say they've seen ghosts.
• 1:10:14
  Eric: Yeah, that's my thing.
• 1:10:15
  Eric: I've never seen a ghost, but I've got to tell you.
• 1:10:17
  Eric: I have experienced the supernatural.
• 1:10:19
  Matt: I I got all I got all the like uh back of the neck goose goose flesh.
• 1:10:24
  SPEAKER_04: Ooh.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_04: Ooh.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: I'm spooked just thinking about it.
• 1:10:29
  Matt: But anyway, those are that's that th those are our real life ghost adventures for uh for you listeners.
• 1:10:35
  Matt: I hope you uh have your Halloween costume picked out, everybody.
• 1:10:39
  Matt: Uh if you are celebrating or or keeping a good social distance, whichever you're doing.
• 1:10:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:10:46
  Matt: Um you know, Eric, do you have uh any Halloween plans?
• 1:10:50
  Matt: Do you have a uh consume at the ready?
• 1:10:52
  Eric: Um I I don't have a costume because I'm performing on Halloween.
• 1:10:57
  Eric: Oh we're we're doing uh Whose Role is it anyway?
• 1:11:00
  Eric: My DD improv show.
• 1:11:02
  Eric: We are doing a live show at No Land Beyond outdoors on Halloween night.
• 1:11:08
  Matt: Okay, well, hey, if you're listening to this unreleased day, you still have time to get tickets to that.
• 1:11:12
  Matt: Is it ticketed?
• 1:11:13
  Eric: Is it uh I don't even think it's ticketed, it's just show up.
• 1:11:16
  Matt: Where can they get tickets?
• 1:11:18
  Matt: Where can they do this?
• 1:11:20
  Eric: What you want to do is go to No Land Beyond uh in Baltimore.
• 1:11:23
  Eric: There, search them on Facebook, you can find their website, um, and they'll and you can find the event there.
• 1:11:28
  Eric: It'll be posted there, and you can, you know, come join.
• 1:11:30
  Eric: I I would say like get there early.
• 1:11:32
  Eric: A lot of people show up and they just because No Land Beyond's really cool.
• 1:11:34
  Eric: They have like games you can check out and and play, and like you can check out their shop.
• 1:11:38
  Eric: You can get drinks, they are a bar and a game shop.
• 1:11:41
  Eric: It is awesome.
• 1:11:42
  Eric: Um, and then we'll we'll all be set up in the in the back lot with like lights and stuff and the full like thing, and we'll we'll we'll have ourselves a uh who spectacular D D adventure.
• 1:11:53
  Matt: A spectacular uh campaign.
• 1:11:56
  Matt: Yep, yep.
• 1:11:58
  Matt: Well, uh Eric, uh I think we've I think we've done it again.
• 1:12:02
  Matt: Another one in the books.
• 1:12:03
  Matt: Uh thank you all for submitting your questions as always.
• 1:12:06
  Matt: Keep them coming, baby.
• 1:12:08
  Matt: Keep those questions coming.
• 1:12:10
  Eric: Coming.
• 1:12:11
  Matt: Submit them uh at your leisure uh or at your urgency to you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or find us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:12:26
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:12:28
  Matt: They can be about anything you want.
• 1:12:30
  Matt: Uh, but uh, you know, just drop them off.
• 1:12:32
  Matt: We need them.
• 1:12:33
  Matt: They're the lifeblood of this podcast.
• 1:12:36
  Matt: And uh thanks, thank you all again for listening.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: So for thank you, you know, if if you like the show, drop us a review on the pod chaser or the apple podcast, wherever you are, uh, and let everyone else know you liked the show.
• 1:12:50
  Matt: Eric, anything you want to uh add to this business?
• 1:12:53
  Eric: No, I got nothing.
• 1:12:55
  Matt: All right, well then for all of us here that you didn't ask for this.
• 1:12:58
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 1:13:00
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:13:01
  Matt: And you didn't ask.
• 1:13:02
  SPEAKER_07: But what do you think all the English slang is for Halloween stuff?
• 1:13:08
  SPEAKER_07: Let me see if I got that in my bum bag.
• 1:13:11
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, let me just reach into my bum bag and get a toothies sweet.
• 1:13:16
  SPEAKER_07: Toothie sweet, yes, of course.
• 1:13:19
  SPEAKER_07: That's what we call them.
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_07: Everyone knows they're called toothies sweets when they're in a bum bag.
• 1:13:25
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah, you can't get you toothies tweets.
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, that old so-and-so gave me an apple.
• 1:13:31
  SPEAKER_07: But over here we call them tree branch bumps.