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Very Fine Friends, Interrupted · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  you went to elementary school right yeah i did um i just had this random memory just pop up
• 0:21
  that one time i was in the multimedia room or you know it was like the cafeteria slash concert hall
• 0:26
  whatever the hell. And we had like a party night or dance. I don't even know what it was.
• 0:32
  It was like a come to school at night night. Oh yeah. And they had like a karaoke person
• 0:38
  doing karaoke and I had to be in like fourth or fifth grade. I don't even know. And everyone
• 0:44
  was like singing like all these like fun songs and I walked out there. I'm like, I'm going
• 0:47
  to sing strawberry wine by Dina Carter. It's a country ballad if you're not familiar. I'm
• 0:52
  not. And I like belted this thing out.
• 0:56
  So proud of myself. But now I know that was an embarrassing thing
• 1:00
  to do. What was the reaction from the fellow
• 1:04
  nighttime elementary schoolers? I would say that if there
• 1:08
  was negative, like if I was being made fun of, I
• 1:11
  was unaware. That's good. Yeah. You probably
• 1:16
  were. My guess. You know. Kids are
• 1:20
  famously forgiving, right? No, no. Unless you're a once in a
• 1:24
  generation talent. That's true. Yeah. I'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch.
• 1:32
  That was a direct quote from the principal.
• 1:33
  Now that I remember. I just have this like fear right now. So my,
• 1:38
  my tummy's like super gurgly and it's like, it's almost like a gear shifting.
• 1:42
  It's like, and if it comes over, I just want you guys to know that is my stomach.
• 1:48
  Wow. Getting ahead of it. Yeah.
• 1:50
  Getting ahead of the scandal before it happens.
• 1:52
  Yeah, damage control.
• 1:53
  Oh, okay.
• 1:55
  Yeah.
• 1:55
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends.
• 1:59
  We're friends and sometimes Francis' stomach talk about stuff.
• 2:04
  Francis has a very nice shirt on today, everyone, listeners.
• 2:08
  Oh, stop.
• 2:08
  I keep going.
• 2:11
  What's gingham?
• 2:13
  This could be gingham.
• 2:14
  Is it gingham?
• 2:15
  I don't know.
• 2:16
  Well, it might be gingham.
• 2:18
  Just picture gingham.
• 2:18
  Isn't gingham with the houndstooth?
• 2:20
  No, that's houndstooth.
• 2:26
  No, like gingham is like checkered with houndstooth.
• 2:29
  I think that's just like...
• 2:30
  Oh, this is just...
• 2:30
  Oh, don't say it.
• 2:32
  Don't say it.
• 2:32
  He wants to say the P word so bad.
• 2:35
  What?
• 2:37
  Picnic basket?
• 2:39
  Yeah, just picnic.
• 2:41
  It has a nice...
• 2:42
  It's a red and white check.
• 2:43
  It looks good on me.
• 2:44
  It does look good on you.
• 2:45
  Yeah.
• 2:46
  It's a nice summery feel.
• 2:47
  Yeah.
• 2:48
  Let's just say we're all thinking.
• 2:48
  My sex appeal is high.
• 2:49
  Yes, that's what we wanted to put you on high alert for his sex appeal today.
• 2:58
  We should have a, every day there should be like, it's like a threat level, like a terrorist threat level.
• 3:03
  Yeah.
• 3:04
  The Francis sex appeal.
• 3:05
  There was actually an Amber Alert earlier about that.
• 3:08
  They were like, that's not even what Amber Alerts are for, but we just need to let everyone know.
• 3:11
  Yeah.
• 3:12
  Yeah, I didn't think that was weird at all.
• 3:14
  You were driving along the highway and on one of those signs.
• 3:17
  I just nodded.
• 3:18
  Yeah, that's right.
• 3:19
  That's how I feel too. Watch out self.
• 3:23
  Yeah. That's great. Good for you, Francis. Good for you.
• 3:29
  Thank you so much. Thank you so much. How's your sex appeal?
• 3:31
  Uh, I don't know. Wrong. Threat level orange, maybe.
• 3:36
  No, it's high. Oh, okay. Yay. Well, that's lucky.
• 3:40
  Yeah. It's not lucky. Lucky has nothing to do with it.
• 3:43
  It feels lucky. I don't know.
• 3:45
  Because it feels like I'm not really doing anything to make it happen.
• 3:48
  You know what it is?
• 3:49
  One of us is the kindling and one of us is the ignition source.
• 3:55
  And Joe can be the oxygen.
• 3:57
  So when Joe leaves the room, we die?
• 4:00
  The fire?
• 4:01
  Yeah, just stay for the end of the pod at least.
• 4:04
  People are paying for this.
• 4:06
  Not really, but in theory.
• 4:09
  That actually would be fantastic content.
• 4:11
  As if we died on pod?
• 4:13
  Just saying.
• 4:13
  Yeah, that's true.
• 4:14
  It could be a real Vincent Van Gogh situation.
• 4:16
  We'll save it for our second to last episode.
• 4:18
  Well, you might survive as the ignition source, but the kindling, me, I'd be all used up.
• 4:24
  Yeah.
• 4:25
  All used up.
• 4:27
  Well, yeah, we'll save that.
• 4:29
  It'll be a very special episode.
• 4:31
  Quick interruption.
• 4:33
  Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 4:43
  Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into
• 4:48
  our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 4:51
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 4:56
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 5:01
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words.
• 5:07
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 5:09
  Jenna's secret word is fiberglass
• 5:13
  Jenna's decoy word is stamina
• 5:15
  Francis's secret word is tenacious
• 5:18
  Francis's decoy word is personnel
• 5:22
  Back to the pod
• 5:24
  Um, okay
• 5:26
  Well, it's time
• 5:31
  for our first segment
• 5:33
  The Invention of the Week
• 5:36
  Inventions
• 5:39
  Francis what you got for me
• 5:43
  I had a really good one
• 5:47
  they're all really good
• 5:49
  no no no I mean like I was in the car like oh this will work
• 5:51
  this will be good
• 5:53
  now that I'm faced with it I'm like
• 5:55
  what was it
• 5:57
  you're not questioning
• 6:00
  whether or not it's good
• 6:01
  you don't remember at all
• 6:04
  oh no okay I got it
• 6:04
  it's another service
• 6:07
  Okay, great. You've got good luck with services.
• 6:09
  Well, you know what I was thinking?
• 6:12
  You know how people try to get rid of stuff?
• 6:14
  I do know that.
• 6:15
  You know how people try to buy stuff?
• 6:16
  Yeah, I do know that.
• 6:17
  And do you know how people try to sell stuff?
• 6:20
  Yeah, I do.
• 6:21
  What an interesting trifecta.
• 6:27
  Are you inventing eBay right now?
• 6:31
  No.
• 6:31
  Okay, all right. Sorry, keep going.
• 6:33
  No, no, no. It's eBay adjacent.
• 6:34
  it's better than ebay no offense and don't sue can you see over that no it's an opinion
• 6:39
  yeah it's just an opinion okay here it is ebay we'll get you back in the game don't worry i buy
• 6:47
  from ebay shut up so ebay adjacent it's yeah here we are here it is yeah so something that's
• 7:00
  interesting to me and sometimes i'll be on craigslist yeah looking at cars for sale and
• 7:05
  people will be like open to trades and i'm like that's so impractical you just or maybe it's not
• 7:11
  but i'm like you're just hoping like what qualifies what qualifies how do you determine what if someone
• 7:16
  comes in they're like oh i have this and you're like what are you stupid no like there's got to
• 7:22
  be a better way so i thought to myself how great would it be if there was a service that takes the
• 7:27
  best parts of Craigslist, the best parts of eBay, and the best parts of anything else
• 7:31
  that might apply.
• 7:33
  And basically he's like, okay, Jenna, you've got a 1982 Saab.
• 7:38
  Yeah.
• 7:39
  Do you want to sell it?
• 7:40
  Sure.
• 7:41
  But you don't just need to sell it.
• 7:43
  You're open to trades.
• 7:45
  But you need to know equivalent value.
• 7:48
  Have you been on an airlines app, by the way, to buy airline tickets?
• 7:53
  Only ever websites, not apps.
• 7:56
  Okay.
• 7:56
  Is this making your job harder?
• 7:58
  No, in this case, it doesn't matter.
• 8:01
  It just means that you have more to learn.
• 8:03
  Okay.
• 8:03
  Yeah.
• 8:04
  Yeah.
• 8:05
  So here's the thing.
• 8:06
  When you go to buy an airline ticket, you can pay in cash, you can pay in miles, or you can pay in miles plus cash.
• 8:12
  Oh, yeah.
• 8:13
  I've seen that.
• 8:13
  You're familiar.
• 8:14
  Yeah, I'm familiar.
• 8:15
  All right.
• 8:15
  Class dismissed.
• 8:18
  So I was thinking, here's the worth of my thing I'm selling.
• 8:23
  you can either buy it for this amount
• 8:27
  or you can give me a trade
• 8:29
  and you can list the trades that you want
• 8:31
  or equivalent value
• 8:32
  or here's the other trades that aren't worth quite as much
• 8:36
  but you can give me that plus this amount of cash
• 8:38
  and it takes all the guesswork out of
• 8:41
  transferring things, you know?
• 8:45
  Yeah, okay, so
• 8:47
  does someone just have like a list of their shit
• 8:50
  somewhere that's with its value?
• 8:53
  appraised?
• 8:56
  Yeah, it seems like a good idea.
• 8:59
  I'm curious how that's cataloged.
• 9:01
  Well, you can go to any number of sources
• 9:03
  to see what things are going for.
• 9:06
  You could check eBay.
• 9:08
  That's what it's good for.
• 9:09
  It's a reference point for our business.
• 9:12
  It's the new Kelly Blue Book.
• 9:13
  We're just driving more traffic towards eBay.
• 9:15
  But then come back.
• 9:17
  It's a scenic drive.
• 9:18
  Because you love us.
• 9:19
  But for real, though.
• 9:22
  And on Craigslist, you'd be like,
• 9:23
  oh, this is what's happening.
• 9:24
  That's what people do,
• 9:25
  where they check Blue Book if it's cars,
• 9:26
  or people just say, this is what I want.
• 9:28
  Like, this is a declared value.
• 9:29
  Like, oh, I have this really interesting set of buttons.
• 9:35
  And my grandma gave them to me,
• 9:38
  and in my heart, they're worth $100 a bag.
• 9:42
  So if you have something that's worth $100 a bag,
• 9:44
  here's what I'm willing to accept.
• 9:48
  Are there buttons, as an example?
• 9:50
  you know
• 9:53
  this would be a fun community
• 9:54
  thing
• 9:55
  could we extend this to
• 9:58
  for example
• 10:01
  things that are only legal in certain counties
• 10:03
  in Nevada
• 10:03
  and be like
• 10:05
  I'm this hot
• 10:09
  depending upon how hot
• 10:11
  you are
• 10:11
  this is the equivalent cash value
• 10:15
  that must be added for me
• 10:17
  to consider this worth my time
• 10:18
  I feel like there's apps that are already doing this and it's just being blocked.
• 10:22
  If you're not hot enough,
• 10:23
  believe me,
• 10:26
  I've tried.
• 10:28
  That's interesting.
• 10:29
  Their profile went away.
• 10:30
  They must have bad reception.
• 10:35
  So yeah,
• 10:35
  wouldn't that be fun?
• 10:37
  Yeah.
• 10:38
  I,
• 10:38
  I,
• 10:39
  then,
• 10:40
  well,
• 10:41
  cause I feel like then you get people that are like trying to put the right
• 10:45
  amount of puzzle pieces together.
• 10:47
  together that it's like,
• 10:49
  like,
• 10:50
  like here's Trevor.
• 10:52
  Trevor has,
• 10:53
  um,
• 10:56
  eight different things that he'd be willing to trade.
• 11:00
  And type two diabetes.
• 11:02
  That's okay.
• 11:04
  Uh,
• 11:04
  yeah,
• 11:05
  it is okay.
• 11:06
  As long as it's not syphilis.
• 11:08
  That's okay too.
• 11:13
  Um,
• 11:14
  yeah.
• 11:15
  So he's going to have,
• 11:17
  okay,
• 11:17
  I've got this toaster that's worth $40.
• 11:19
  I've got this bag of buttons that I say is worth $100.
• 11:24
  I've got my retro vintage bowling shirt that I think is worth $20.
• 11:30
  Basically, Francis is creating an app that's going to force people to answer the question,
• 11:34
  how much are you as a person worth?
• 11:37
  Yeah.
• 11:37
  Put your life.
• 11:40
  It's just what you're trying to get rid of.
• 11:42
  And while you were talking, I thought of something else.
• 11:44
  Well, you were doing that.
• 11:47
  I was thinking of something else.
• 11:49
  No, that's not what I mean.
• 11:50
  That's not what I mean.
• 11:51
  I mean, if you wanted something specific,
• 11:56
  you could put it on there like, oh, I'm selling a bag of buttons.
• 11:58
  I'm looking for a bag of beans.
• 12:00
  That's one example.
• 12:02
  And then if someone lists it, do they have a bag of beans
• 12:05
  and I'm looking for a bag of buttons?
• 12:07
  Yeah, because I mean, really, ideally, the way this,
• 12:11
  I would think the best way.
• 12:17
  I think the best way that this might work is if everyone just lists everything that they're willing to trade that they have.
• 12:27
  Yeah, yeah.
• 12:28
  And then you go to, like if you find something that you want, like a bag of beans, for example.
• 12:38
  I really hope bag of beans is not your word.
• 12:42
  I guess we moved on to phrases.
• 12:44
  Yeah, we might.
• 12:46
  I don't know.
• 12:47
  Um, then you search for bag of beans and then you're like, Oh, this person has it.
• 12:53
  Uh, Hey, you come look at all the shit that I have.
• 12:55
  Is there anything you want?
• 12:57
  Yeah.
• 12:58
  Here's, here's a great example.
• 12:58
  Before borders went out of business, the bookstore.
• 13:00
  Yeah.
• 13:01
  They had a, Oh, I've never even looked for this.
• 13:04
  I'm not sure how bad I want something.
• 13:06
  And I've never once looked now that the internet's here.
• 13:07
  Anyway, um, they had like a wizard of Oz book and it was in this beautiful green binding
• 13:13
  and there was two.
• 13:15
  And then the third one,
• 13:16
  I always wanted to complete my collection
• 13:20
  and then they went out of business.
• 13:21
  Someone might own that.
• 13:23
  Yeah, you should totally look for that.
• 13:25
  I'm sure that's out there somewhere.
• 13:26
  Yeah, now that I said it, I'm sure it is.
• 13:29
  Did they go out of business?
• 13:30
  Are they still online?
• 13:32
  Borders is online.
• 13:34
  This will be a quick episode.
• 13:35
  We're going to close the pod here.
• 13:36
  We have things to do.
• 13:39
  CDs to buy, coffees to buy.
• 13:42
  Books to look at.
• 13:44
  Side note about Borders.
• 13:45
  I loved Borders.
• 13:47
  Me too.
• 13:48
  It was such a great place to hang out It really was I surprised you could remember it youth Yeah not super well but a little I remember sitting in the chairs
• 13:59
  or listening to whatever CD they had on
• 14:01
  or reading a book while my mom was buying something or whatever.
• 14:05
  Oh my God, the stairs were magical.
• 14:10
  When I was in high school,
• 14:11
  that was one of the few places that I was allowed to go as a person.
• 14:18
  But like, so yet, if it was like summertime, it's like once the kids were in bed, I was a lot like, yes, you can go.
• 14:25
  You can go to Borders, be home by nine.
• 14:27
  And then I'd just go and I'd get an Italian soda.
• 14:30
  They used to have Italian soda.
• 14:32
  It was very tasty.
• 14:34
  It was right at the Biltmore, right?
• 14:36
  Yeah, it was right down the street.
• 14:37
  It was the R house.
• 14:39
  Yes, exactly.
• 14:40
  Exactly.
• 14:40
  Yeah.
• 14:41
  Every time I see it, I think of Borders.
• 14:42
  I know.
• 14:43
  And I'm sad.
• 14:45
  I'm sad that it's gone.
• 14:45
  Is Borders gone?
• 14:46
  It is.
• 14:47
  It was completely under the Barnes & Noble trademark as of 2011.
• 14:52
  As of 2011? Wow, that's a long time.
• 14:55
  I feel like I saw them online or looked online for things there.
• 15:01
  Let's be honest, it seems like they've been gone longer than that to me.
• 15:05
  The stores feel like they've been gone longer than that,
• 15:07
  but I thought they still had an online presence.
• 15:09
  I mean, when I looked just now, it said there was a Barnes & Noble link
• 15:13
  and then the headline was Barnes & Noble welcome supporters.
• 15:17
  customers or whatever.
• 15:19
  That feels weird.
• 15:21
  I think they still use the name as a marketing
• 15:23
  tactic.
• 15:25
  That reminds me of when we had a little fast food
• 15:27
  pizza restaurant and my dad bought
• 15:29
  the phone number to another business
• 15:31
  that had closed down.
• 15:33
  And people would call it and
• 15:35
  I was like, what can I get you?
• 15:36
  And I hear them trying to confirm,
• 15:39
  is this so-and-so?
• 15:40
  And I was like, yeah, what can I get you?
• 15:42
  Avoiding answering the question.
• 15:44
  We have that stuff too.
• 15:45
  you know like wait wait like another pizza business yeah they sold like pizza and wings
• 15:50
  but they went out of business somebody like got their phone number smart yeah but he would never
• 15:54
  like like once he got it he would just call and be like you know what can i get you and they'd be
• 15:59
  like oh is this whatever he's like we have pizza and wings and blah blah blah like he would never
• 16:03
  like yeah that's the question look you happy accident you found what you needed yeah first
• 16:10
  i thought you meant he bought just like a different business's phone number and like
• 16:14
  people were calling up like looking for tractor supplies or something he's like well i can send
• 16:18
  you a pizza you want pepperoni on that tractor you know what's interesting is his phone number
• 16:22
  is the last two if you switch them it's like the humane society so he gets calls
• 16:27
  like every day of people looking for the like shelter or whatever wow i bet you he i can see
• 16:35
  dennis engaging with those people not if they call back repeatedly because sometimes they're
• 16:39
  like okay thanks and i'll call back again and then he gets pissed why don't you just tell me
• 16:43
  the name of the humane society that you want to go to.
• 16:46
  Yeah, it's like Seinfeld.
• 16:48
  Movie phone.
• 16:51
  Back to your invention.
• 16:54
  Bag of beans.
• 16:55
  Bag of beans.
• 16:57
  That'd be a funny name, but it really doesn't
• 16:59
  hearken the image.
• 17:01
  I'm going to write it down anyway.
• 17:02
  Bag of beans.
• 17:06
  I also like
• 17:07
  Smooth Trade.
• 17:09
  Stuff Swap.
• 17:11
  Stuff Swap.
• 17:12
  What's yours is mine.
• 17:13
  Oh, this is crazy.
• 17:18
  Hours.
• 17:22
  Is there, wow, is that not taken?
• 17:24
  It's got to be.
• 17:25
  The power of hours.
• 17:28
  Hours power.
• 17:31
  Am I too much on this one thing?
• 17:33
  I got to move on.
• 17:34
  Hours?
• 17:35
  Hours?
• 17:36
  No, are you kidding?
• 17:37
  I'm trying to think of something to top it.
• 17:40
  Hours.
• 17:41
  Hours.
• 17:43
  Hours.
• 17:43
  I don't know why I said that like I had a game
• 17:48
  In minutes to hours
• 17:49
  O-U-R-S
• 17:51
  By Jove
• 17:54
  I think you've done it
• 17:55
  And one of the best parts about this
• 17:57
  Because it's an app you need minimal personnel
• 17:59
  That's true
• 18:02
  So are people
• 18:07
  Self assigning value
• 18:10
  To their items
• 18:11
  I do think the best way to do this is you just create an account
• 18:15
  and in your account you upload pictures or whatever and values
• 18:18
  of like, here's what I have, this is what I'm willing to trade.
• 18:22
  And then you can kind of be passive about it too.
• 18:26
  You don't want to have this thing and then just be waiting around
• 18:29
  for someone to come up with something they want to trade.
• 18:31
  You need to have like, you know, you've got to be on the ready.
• 18:35
  You could put, okay, so I've seen on some apps
• 18:38
  when you create like a profile and you put your interest
• 18:40
  or what music you like or whatever,
• 18:41
  you could fill out a questionnaire about things you like
• 18:44
  or interests that you have or whatever,
• 18:46
  and then when you post your stuff,
• 18:47
  also you could declare a value,
• 18:49
  but it can also tell you,
• 18:51
  hey, based on what other people are posting,
• 18:53
  we're seeing a lot of similar stuff in this price range,
• 18:55
  so it could help you price stuff out.
• 18:58
  Yeah, but I think because it would depend on,
• 19:01
  well, okay, I have a bag of beans I'm trying to get rid of.
• 19:04
  Nobody really wants a bag of beans for some reason,
• 19:08
  except for Jim.
• 19:09
  Jim wants a bag of beans
• 19:11
  and oh no, he's got a toaster that's overpriced.
• 19:17
  It says it's $40, but really it should be $30.
• 19:20
  But he's the only one that is willing to trade.
• 19:23
  You could ask, Jim.
• 19:25
  Hey, you want to do a swap and come down on your price?
• 19:30
  So it's all just haggling.
• 19:32
  How do we make money off this?
• 19:37
  Money?
• 19:37
  Yeah.
• 19:39
  I'd like some, please.
• 19:41
  Is money your secret word?
• 19:44
  It's always my secret word.
• 19:48
  Obviously.
• 19:52
  You've flipped your index card.
• 19:53
  I don't know if I can.
• 19:54
  Oh, I just wanted to make sure.
• 19:56
  Oh, no, this is old.
• 19:56
  Okay, cool.
• 19:58
  She's being honest.
• 19:59
  Yes, I'm being honest.
• 20:00
  I wanted to make sure he wasn't showing me accidentally his secret words.
• 20:04
  Sweet woman.
• 20:05
  I just.
• 20:05
  Sweet woman.
• 20:06
  I want to win clean, you know?
• 20:09
  Yeah.
• 20:09
  yeah anyway money yeah money yes how do i get that's what all of this is let's be honest
• 20:21
  yeah so obviously i mean with any app or website if you don't want to pay it'll it'll be ad revenue
• 20:28
  okay if you do want to pay we could just take like uh a minimal amount per transaction
• 20:35
  okay you know hey i brokered you guys throw me a buck yeah how does it does ebay do that
• 20:42
  yeah ebay takes a little bit it takes from the sellers yeah
• 20:46
  it's not enough free to give a shit i i have sold things on ebay before but i haven't been
• 20:53
  on ebay in a really long time i'm on there all the time i believe that i was just who cares yeah
• 20:59
  i'm on there all the time yeah oh what's your main thing that you buy on ebay
• 21:04
  clothes
• 21:05
  bags
• 21:07
  I was looking for the sonic ice machine
• 21:10
  I wanted to see if it was cheaper on eBay but it was the same price
• 21:12
  so I'll just get it from Spencer's
• 21:14
  yeah you might as well
• 21:15
  bonus I'm looking at you
• 21:17
  okay
• 21:20
  I do think
• 21:23
  yeah I think this is
• 21:25
  going to work
• 21:26
  minutes to hours
• 21:29
  and you know what you could also do
• 21:30
  that name sounded so good just now
• 21:33
  minutes to hours.
• 21:36
  Yes.
• 21:36
  Wait, isn't that,
• 21:37
  I mean, I realize that we're spelling it without an H,
• 21:39
  but that's going from a smaller to a longer length of time.
• 21:42
  Although I guess we're talking about
• 21:43
  how people are going to be spending so much time on this app
• 21:46
  because it's so great.
• 21:47
  Yeah, and frankly, if they're going to criticize the name,
• 21:49
  we don't want them.
• 21:50
  Yeah, go fuck yourself.
• 21:51
  Yeah, go to eBay.
• 21:53
  Yeah.
• 21:54
  Sitwithyourshit.com.
• 21:55
  That's the subtitle.
• 21:56
  Go meet a stranger from Craigslist
• 21:58
  and hope you don't get raped.
• 21:59
  Yeah.
• 22:00
  You can stay off of our app.
• 22:02
  Thank you very much.
• 22:03
  Or sodomabed.
• 22:06
  What?
• 22:06
  I just came up with that.
• 22:08
  It's a combination of...
• 22:09
  Sodomized and kidnapped?
• 22:11
  I was thinking stabbed.
• 22:12
  Oh.
• 22:12
  Yes.
• 22:13
  Yes.
• 22:14
  Yeah.
• 22:15
  That's good.
• 22:16
  Stabbed makes more sense than kidnapped.
• 22:18
  Yeah.
• 22:20
  They don't usually abuse people and then go,
• 22:22
  well, I'm taking you with me.
• 22:23
  I had a great time.
• 22:24
  How about you?
• 22:26
  This was fun.
• 22:26
  We should do it again.
• 22:27
  You know, I'm going up north this weekend.
• 22:29
  I think you'd like to come.
• 22:30
  you would like to come when does stockholm's kick in
• 22:36
  that's a good question how well quick to stockholm i'm gonna tell you right now the
• 22:42
  only way stockholm central would ever work on me is if my captor was hot
• 22:45
  i mean and then it kicks in pretty darn quick yeah and then it's even immediate it's not
• 22:52
  kidnapping at that point so then i guess like myself i'll be in court like no i'm pretty sure
• 22:56
  I asked him out.
• 22:58
  What are you doing?
• 22:59
  I let him hurt me.
• 23:03
  This was my choice.
• 23:05
  Your honor, he's hot.
• 23:07
  Your honor.
• 23:08
  What about you?
• 23:09
  No, you're ugly.
• 23:11
  You know what they say.
• 23:12
  When you get on her, stay on her.
• 23:14
  Your honor, I was on him.
• 23:16
  I was on her.
• 23:17
  I would ask the judge, have you heard this one?
• 23:20
  This is off the record.
• 23:21
  Have you heard this?
• 23:21
  Your honor, get off her.
• 23:26
  I bet they love that.
• 23:29
  Well, okay, great.
• 23:31
  Cool, cool, cool.
• 23:32
  Minutes to hours.
• 23:33
  Minutes to hours.
• 23:35
  That is definitely going to be available
• 23:42
  as soon as people log on.
• 23:44
  This episode airs.
• 23:45
  Go to veryfunfriends.com.
• 23:47
  Veryfunfriends.com.
• 23:49
  I wanted to add one more thing.
• 23:50
  What?
• 23:50
  Okay, yeah, go ahead.
• 23:51
  What?
• 23:54
  What I wanted to add was,
• 23:55
  if you have a bunch of stuff and you just
• 23:58
  I can't
• 23:59
  I can't deal with this
• 24:00
  you could call us and we could send someone out
• 24:03
  to collect your things
• 24:05
  and then we'll sell them and it's like consignment
• 24:08
  and we just take a bigger cut
• 24:10
  that's good for people
• 24:12
  who really don't need the money or can't be bothered
• 24:13
  or have like executive dysfunction
• 24:15
  that's well that
• 24:17
  is like the people do
• 24:20
  have like eBay stores like that
• 24:21
  they're just like just I'll buy your shit
• 24:24
  and then I take care of it
• 24:25
  But we won't screw you, that's our motto.
• 24:29
  That's our motto.
• 24:31
  We won't screw you, unless you're hot.
• 24:35
  Yeah, you're basically just,
• 24:36
  that's just a Catherine Keener store
• 24:39
  and a 40-year-old virgin, right?
• 24:40
  Yeah, 40-year-old virgin.
• 24:44
  Sell your stuff on eBay.
• 24:47
  Okay, well, good.
• 24:49
  This will take off, I'm sure of it.
• 24:52
  Thank you.
• 24:52
  wraps up the invention of the week
• 24:57
  you know I never get tired of inventing things
• 25:00
  that's lucky because you need to do it every week
• 25:04
  I think if I was capable of it I would not get tired of it
• 25:09
  well something always comes
• 25:12
  I don't know how you do it
• 25:16
  here's how I did it today
• 25:18
  blisters peep behind the curtain
• 25:22
  Oh, you better be donating, you little shits.
• 25:27
  They like that.
• 25:28
  They like the abuse.
• 25:30
  I'm hot.
• 25:32
  So I was in the car and I was driving over here and I was like,
• 25:35
  oh no, I didn't think of an invention.
• 25:37
  And so then I was like, okay, okay, okay.
• 25:39
  What do I do?
• 25:41
  And then I started thinking of objects in our lives.
• 25:44
  And I'm like, what can I do with this?
• 25:45
  What can I do with that?
• 25:46
  So I was like, I don't know why I always think car first,
• 25:48
  but then I'm like, car, we had the umbrella, remember?
• 25:51
  That's how I got to it.
• 25:52
  Like a car.
• 25:52
  What's the problem with a car?
• 25:53
  A purse.
• 25:54
  What's the problem with a purse?
• 25:55
  Phone.
• 25:56
  I even invented the phone umbrella or the phone parachute,
• 25:58
  but then I'm like, she's going to hate that.
• 25:59
  So I skipped it.
• 26:01
  Phone parachute.
• 26:02
  You know, if you drop your phone,
• 26:03
  it senses that it fell and it releases a parachute.
• 26:06
  Yeah.
• 26:06
  This was today.
• 26:08
  I'm like a madman.
• 26:11
  Oh, oh, that would have been funny.
• 26:16
  Well, there you go.
• 26:17
  It's a twofer.
• 26:17
  That's a bonus.
• 26:18
  So audience, if you're out there and you're trying to be an inventor,
• 26:21
  you don't know what to do think of objects in your life and think of potential problems with them
• 26:25
  yeah you know just now i just thought of another one we need an invention to stop drawers from
• 26:32
  jamming when stuff's in there haphazardly oh yeah yeah that's the worst see found a problem
• 26:38
  rectify it well did you you just said we need an invention for that right i'll work on it now
• 26:44
  okay all right yeah great yeah he's rectifying the problem of not having a problem to work on
• 26:49
  Oh, okay, I see.
• 26:51
  It gets it.
• 26:52
  Joe understands.
• 26:54
  I think I just thought of an invention to fix that problem, by the way.
• 26:57
  We'll talk about it later.
• 26:58
  Oh, great. See? And I inspire.
• 27:01
  And listeners, I couldn't have done it without the Francis method
• 27:03
  with just four simple payments on a monthly basis.
• 27:07
  You too can employ the Francis method.
• 27:10
  Get your parents' credit card.
• 27:13
  That's right. It's just kids listening to our podcast.
• 27:16
  the podcast that we've sworn multiple times on this episode alone.
• 27:21
  We were talking about prostitution.
• 27:23
  Hey, little fuckers.
• 27:26
  Go get your parents' credit card.
• 27:31
  I know the monster under the bed personally.
• 27:35
  I am the monster under the bed.
• 27:41
  Sorry Pillsbury It was Was that not deliberate No Okay I would never do that That was an involuntary pills Yeah Um
• 27:52
  uh,
• 27:53
  I think,
• 27:55
  uh,
• 27:55
  well,
• 27:55
  that was great.
• 27:56
  I like seeing how your mind works.
• 27:58
  Thanks.
• 27:59
  Speaking of how minds work,
• 28:02
  it's time for our next segment.
• 28:04
  Oh,
• 28:06
  girl.
• 28:06
  Interrupted.
• 28:08
  Girl,
• 28:09
  you are being interrupted.
• 28:11
  All right.
• 28:15
  Francis, do you want to explain this segment?
• 28:17
  Yeah, sure.
• 28:18
  So Girl Interrupted works just like this.
• 28:21
  Jenna and I will be two pals palling around, getting together.
• 28:27
  Capital of gal pals.
• 28:28
  Capital of gal pals, gal palling around.
• 28:31
  Having not seen each other for a while and we're catching up.
• 28:33
  And we just can't help but interrupt each other for one reason or another.
• 28:37
  We'll just see what happens with it.
• 28:38
  Okay.
• 28:39
  Yeah, all right.
• 28:40
  Oh, Carol
• 28:44
  Oh my god, I haven't seen you in so long
• 28:46
  Come here
• 28:47
  Stephanie
• 28:50
  Still using Garnier Fructis
• 28:53
  I love it
• 28:55
  Oh, I'm addicted to the smell
• 28:57
  You are, you're addicted to everything
• 28:58
  I remember
• 28:59
  Oh, sit down, sit down, I got us a table
• 29:02
  Oh, right on the patio
• 29:04
  Where I like it
• 29:05
  Yeah, how's Bruce?
• 29:08
  Good, well
• 29:08
  Bruce is
• 29:11
  Bruce and I
• 29:13
  I'm going to be honest
• 29:14
  we're going through
• 29:17
  rough patches on my elbows
• 29:19
  I forgot to tell you
• 29:20
  yes so I've been using these washcloths
• 29:22
  and they're not helping
• 29:25
  but then it was on TikTok
• 29:26
  and I saw these really cool African nets
• 29:28
  and I bought some and I've been rubbing them on my elbows
• 29:31
  and let me tell you not so rough no more
• 29:33
  you should try them actually I brought you one
• 29:35
  here
• 29:35
  oh did I tell you about the time
• 29:38
  this was terrible.
• 29:40
  I was really, really hungry
• 29:41
  and I was walking through a construction site
• 29:44
  and
• 29:45
  Catcalled, yeah. I remember being catcalled too.
• 29:49
  Well, we've always been hot, you and I.
• 29:51
  Yeah, well
• 29:51
  speaking of hot
• 29:53
  The sun.
• 29:56
  Oh God, yeah.
• 29:57
  It's a dozer.
• 29:58
  Can't you just move a few inches away?
• 30:00
  Help us help you. Help us.
• 30:03
  God, I know.
• 30:05
  We're trying.
• 30:06
  We're trying down here.
• 30:07
  You could meet us not halfway farther than halfway, please go away.
• 30:11
  Go away.
• 30:12
  Speaking of going away, my dog ran away.
• 30:16
  I don't know if I told you about that.
• 30:18
  I he seemed to be really trying for a long time to get out.
• 30:22
  You keep saying trying.
• 30:23
  Did I tell you that my boyfriend and I are trying to have a baby?
• 30:28
  Yeah, I'm ready.
• 30:29
  He's not ready or not.
• 30:33
  What'd you say?
• 30:33
  Ready or not.
• 30:34
  Here I come.
• 30:35
  I just saw that in theaters, the sequel.
• 30:37
  Yeah.
• 30:38
  It was so good.
• 30:39
  Well, it was okay.
• 30:43
  Hey, I just want to apologize because the last time we saw each other,
• 30:45
  I know it didn't end well.
• 30:46
  And you're just my closest friend.
• 30:49
  Care roll.
• 30:49
  That's what I called you when you were fat.
• 30:51
  Speaking of care rolls, yes, I was at the hospital recently
• 30:57
  and someone brought in-
• 30:59
  Big H.
• 31:00
  That reminds me.
• 31:01
  Heroin.
• 31:02
  It's making a comeback in a neighborhood.
• 31:04
  We have like a neighborhood patrol and everything.
• 31:07
  Have you seen Paw Patrol?
• 31:09
  Papa, Papa, Papa, Paw Patrol.
• 31:11
  Papa, I forgot to tell you.
• 31:13
  He died.
• 31:14
  My Papa died.
• 31:17
  Papa John's has really done a great job with her new crust.
• 31:23
  Have you tried it?
• 31:24
  Have you tried the new Papa John's crust?
• 31:28
  It was in my eye, but I got the crust out.
• 31:32
  You were saying something about Murphy's, Papa Murphy's.
• 31:37
  I have a Murphy bed now
• 31:40
  I got stuck in it the other day
• 31:42
  I was trapped against the wall
• 31:44
  in the bed
• 31:45
  screaming for hours and hours and hours
• 31:47
  from minutes to hours
• 31:49
  this cool new app
• 31:51
  I meant to tell you about it
• 31:52
  you've got to try it
• 31:53
  you can get rid of all of your cool stuff
• 31:55
  speaking of stuffed
• 31:57
  I got railed pretty hard the other day
• 32:00
  this guy had some stamina
• 32:04
  I got railed too
• 32:05
  you got railed?
• 32:06
  By two guys, because I think my boyfriend's sperm comes low.
• 32:10
  How was their stamina?
• 32:12
  It ended.
• 32:15
  Just like all things, everything ends.
• 32:19
  Oh, no.
• 32:20
  Life is impermanent.
• 32:22
  I don't even know if there's a point.
• 32:24
  I got a new pencil sharpener.
• 32:28
  Speaking of point, it's one of those old timey ones like we used to have in grade school where you mount it to the wall.
• 32:34
  Mount it.
• 32:35
  Remember we were talking about getting mounted?
• 32:38
  You got railed and I got railed.
• 32:39
  I wasn't done talking about that, actually.
• 32:41
  I found a new position that I think I invented it, actually.
• 32:45
  I hold on to a shower curtain,
• 32:46
  and we find out that some shower curtains are made of fiberglass.
• 32:52
  Fiberglass has been the kind of bane of my existence recently.
• 32:55
  How did you bring that up?
• 32:56
  My grandfather, my papa, he died from fiberglass inhalation.
• 33:01
  That's something that happens to old people.
• 33:03
  I'm just now finding this out.
• 33:04
  He's dead and full of fiberglass
• 33:06
  Speaking of dead
• 33:07
  Grandpa
• 33:08
  I am planning
• 33:11
  I'm planning
• 33:13
  Suicide for one of my trees
• 33:16
  In my backyard
• 33:17
  It's going to kill itself later this summer
• 33:20
  You know what else is going to kill itself?
• 33:22
  A couple of people I know
• 33:23
  Oh no
• 33:25
  I was thinking about introducing them all
• 33:27
  That's right
• 33:29
  My sheep died
• 33:30
  Thanks for bringing that up
• 33:32
  but it's okay because I didn't love it like a dog.
• 33:37
  It's hard to love an outdoor thing.
• 33:41
  Outdoor thing, that reminds me.
• 33:46
  Bruce was naked outside the other day.
• 33:50
  His thing was out in the outdoors.
• 33:53
  Sorry, I'm just thinking about it and laughing.
• 33:55
  It's part of the reason why we're getting a divorce.
• 33:57
  Oh my God.
• 33:59
  You know what?
• 34:00
  divorce
• 34:02
  if I can't have my baby
• 34:05
  that's what I'm going to do
• 34:06
  you can't divorce someone you're dating
• 34:10
  yes you can
• 34:11
  the verb isn't just applying to marriage
• 34:14
  and besides
• 34:15
  I have to keep my options open for celebrities
• 34:17
  speaking of options
• 34:18
  you two ladies are going to be so excited to hear
• 34:21
  what we have special for spring this month
• 34:23
  hi welcome I'm your waiter
• 34:24
  sorry I took so long to get here until now
• 34:27
  now
• 34:28
  that reminds me how life's impermanent again.
• 34:32
  Now I'm dyslexic. So that reminds me of the word one. I won a contest the other day.
• 34:38
  I was a radio contest. They had to call in and, and I called in, I was the 110th caller
• 34:45
  and I now have tickets to a Bruce Springsteen knockoff concert.
• 34:51
  Oh, Bruce Springsteen concert. That's where I ran into Jack Black.
• 34:54
  the famous actor slash singer.
• 34:58
  I'm not familiar.
• 34:59
  He was intonacious D.
• 35:01
  I'm sorry, no.
• 35:02
  Well, anyway.
• 35:03
  Speaking of D.
• 35:05
  Back to Bruce, I see.
• 35:06
  Yeah, well, it was just hanging out there.
• 35:09
  It got really sunburned, and I was like,
• 35:11
  Bruce, it's over.
• 35:14
  Did you know that a sunburn
• 35:15
  stops your ability to cool itself?
• 35:20
  I did not know that.
• 35:22
  tell me more about it
• 35:25
  yeah just stops it
• 35:27
  just makes it stop
• 35:28
  can't do it no more
• 35:30
  that's a sunburn
• 35:32
  I found out that I had a really bad sunburn
• 35:36
  when I was a child
• 35:36
  and it increases my chances of having a really bad
• 35:39
  sunburn as an adult
• 35:40
  so I try not to go outside
• 35:43
  so that's why I've been so pale
• 35:45
  because I've been staying inside lately
• 35:46
  and my streaming services went off so I had to read
• 35:48
  so luckily I stockpiled a bunch of
• 35:51
  magazines. You know the ones with the kid with the big face and the
• 35:55
  magazines? Oh my God. I got a ransom note in the mail the other day. It was
• 35:59
  from the person that took my dog. I don't know if I'm going to pay though, but
• 36:03
  they did the little magazine cutouts of like the letters and it was actually kind of
• 36:07
  cute. I wasn't really so much mad as I enjoyed it.
• 36:11
  Mad Libs. Was that the magazine? Mad TV magazine. You know, the one
• 36:15
  with the gap tooth kid. Alfred E. Newman? No, no. Michael.
• 36:19
  Mad Michael. Am I crazy over here?
• 36:21
  You are.
• 36:24
  But I'm not crazy in love.
• 36:26
  I just don't know about my boyfriend.
• 36:27
  Beyonce has going through a weird
• 36:29
  period right now. Period.
• 36:31
  Thank God we're still getting that.
• 36:33
  Well, I can't speak for you, but
• 36:35
  that's how I know that a baby is still possible.
• 36:38
  I'm hoping for twins.
• 36:40
  I love Arnold Schwarzenegger
• 36:42
  and Danny DeVito.
• 36:43
  That was a match made
• 36:45
  in comedy heaven.
• 36:48
  heaven.
• 36:50
  Grandpa?
• 36:52
  Everything reminds me of him
• 36:54
  in fiberglass.
• 36:56
  I'm so sorry.
• 36:58
  You know what? Tubs are made of fiberglass.
• 37:00
  What are?
• 37:01
  Tubs. And one of my friends
• 37:03
  specifically said they wanted to die in the tub.
• 37:05
  I love Miami Vice.
• 37:07
  Tubs was my favorite character on there.
• 37:11
  Crockett was okay too,
• 37:12
  but I really liked Tubs.
• 37:14
  Betty Crockett is a
• 37:15
  book owner, writer.
• 37:18
  And I remember that I borrowed it a few years ago.
• 37:20
  I'm sorry I can't give it back because guess what?
• 37:21
  I accidentally lost it while I was watching Lost
• 37:24
  and listening to Lost by Maroon 5.
• 37:27
  Great band.
• 37:28
  Really underrated.
• 37:29
  I was marooned on an island once.
• 37:33
  Island?
• 37:33
  Hmm.
• 37:34
  Hear about that Epstein stuff?
• 37:35
  Pretty crazy, huh?
• 37:37
  Yeah.
• 37:37
  If you believe it.
• 37:39
  Hard to say.
• 37:44
  Well.
• 37:45
  Speaking of say, here's the bill.
• 37:48
  but you have yet to pay.
• 37:51
  Pay.
• 37:52
  Oh my God, that reminds me of Liam Neeson in Taken.
• 37:54
  He made them pay.
• 37:55
  He's hot.
• 37:56
  Talk about a daddy.
• 37:57
  Wouldn't mind a baby by him.
• 37:58
  Would you have sex with Liam Neeson?
• 38:02
  I already did.
• 38:04
  He was the one with all the stamina.
• 38:08
  That I was talking about.
• 38:09
  Oh, that's right.
• 38:09
  Oh, you know what?
• 38:10
  Stamina makes you think of horses.
• 38:12
  Because horses can go and go and go and run and run and run.
• 38:15
  And they're so joyful and happy to frolic.
• 38:17
  and just reminds me of being young with my grandpa.
• 38:20
  Well, I can't use glue anymore
• 38:25
  because that comes from horses, dead horses.
• 38:28
  Glue reminds me of my boyfriend.
• 38:30
  He really is trying.
• 38:37
  Okay.
• 38:39
  It's been so good to see you, Carol.
• 38:40
  I really hope we can do this again.
• 38:42
  Stephanie, oh my God.
• 38:43
  I hope we can do this again.
• 38:44
  Again and again and again.
• 38:45
  And again and again and again.
• 38:47
  And never stop.
• 38:49
  Oh, I learned so much.
• 38:52
  I really feel like I know what's going on in your life now.
• 38:54
  Oh, yes, me too.
• 38:56
  Big hug.
• 39:04
  Wow.
• 39:05
  Well, that was girl interrupted.
• 39:10
  She was a great girl.
• 39:12
  And an even greater interruption.
• 39:14
  Wow. We had a lot to say.
• 39:19
  We did. We're women and we have a lot to say.
• 39:21
  Yeah, we had a ton. Women hear us roar.
• 39:24
  We're women hear us roar.
• 39:27
  Well, it's time for our final segment.
• 39:32
  The big question.
• 39:35
  The question is very big.
• 39:39
  You have one?
• 39:40
  No, that's my job.
• 39:42
  My job is to ask you.
• 39:45
  I have one.
• 39:46
  Okay, great.
• 39:47
  Here it's coming.
• 39:50
  Here it comes, walking down the street.
• 39:52
  Hey, it's a big question.
• 39:55
  People say big questions around.
• 39:58
  It's the monkeys.
• 40:02
  Hey, we're the monkeys.
• 40:05
  No, I don't know that.
• 40:08
  That's too bad.
• 40:09
  Yeah.
• 40:10
  Cause that would have been comedy gold if you had known that song.
• 40:14
  Here's my question.
• 40:15
  Okay.
• 40:17
  You know how we ride horses and stuff?
• 40:20
  Yeah.
• 40:21
  All the time.
• 40:22
  If you had to choose a different animal that is not currently rideable to tame and to ride,
• 40:28
  what animal would you pick and what would you do with it?
• 40:36
  Okay.
• 40:37
  Okay. Let's say first thought, best thought. Instantly, I thought my mind went to giraffe.
• 40:45
  Oh.
• 40:46
  Yeah.
• 40:46
  I thought ostrich.
• 40:47
  Oh. Oh, that one went, they go fast.
• 40:49
  Similar but different, yeah.
• 40:50
  They go fast. That would be fun.
• 40:52
  But you still get to have like a little neck thing to hold on to.
• 40:54
  Yeah, and then I would, neck.
• 40:57
  I want to add one thing. It's okay if it does not change your answer.
• 41:00
  Okay.
• 41:00
  But I feel like, just to make this more fun, you can scale up or down whatever animal you want.
• 41:07
  Yeah, I'm counting on it.
• 41:10
  Because I would ride my giraffe,
• 41:14
  and then I would climb up the neck.
• 41:17
  And what I'd do is go to second-story windows
• 41:19
  and just look into second-story windows.
• 41:21
  People that don't see it coming.
• 41:27
  They're not going to see me coming.
• 41:29
  I love to look in.
• 41:29
  We talked about this.
• 41:30
  It's fun to look in.
• 41:31
  Yeah, it is fun.
• 41:32
  It's a real callback to episode five.
• 41:35
  I know I know me grabbing that neck out of the giraffe I don know Maybe I have a giraffe thing Maybe you do have a giraffe thing That okay It fine It fine to have a giraffe thing right Yeah
• 41:45
  Oh my God. Why would you bring this up?
• 41:47
  What?
• 41:48
  Is there a reason that you're bringing this up?
• 41:50
  I'm answering your question.
• 41:53
  That's why I'm bringing it up.
• 41:58
  That's not like you.
• 41:59
  It's not like me to answer your question?
• 42:01
  You found a hole and you filled it.
• 42:03
  I wish.
• 42:04
  now. Okay, we'll see. Yeah, we'll see. Okay, so tell me
• 42:07
  besides going through
• 42:08
  Go on.
• 42:13
  Besides riding the giraffe around.
• 42:15
  Yeah.
• 42:17
  I think
• 42:18
  I mean, what else
• 42:21
  can you do with animals if you're riding the animal?
• 42:24
  What else can you do with it?
• 42:26
  Well, it depends on the
• 42:27
  animal you choose.
• 42:29
  Maybe it's also like your companion, so like
• 42:31
  personality kind of comes into play a little bit.
• 42:33
  In Joe's case, he said ostrich.
• 42:36
  Yeah, ostrich are kind of dumb.
• 42:37
  Also, they're kind of mean, but also they're very fast.
• 42:40
  So Joe could start a new form of racing.
• 42:44
  It could be ostrich racing.
• 42:45
  That's true.
• 42:45
  Wait, haven't they done that in the past?
• 42:49
  I think they might have.
• 42:50
  I feel like I've seen old-timey pictures
• 42:52
  of somebody racing on an ostrich.
• 42:56
  I think that was just a weird dream you had.
• 42:57
  It could have also been a weird dream.
• 42:58
  Good morning, Jenna.
• 43:01
  Welcome to real life.
• 43:03
  or ostriches don't have people on them.
• 43:06
  Actually, that sounds familiar, though.
• 43:07
  Yeah, take me back, take me back to my dreams.
• 43:10
  You have to wait 12 hours, bitch.
• 43:15
  Now I'm trying to think what other,
• 43:18
  ooh, well, a bird of some kind would be pretty good.
• 43:22
  Oh, then you're flying.
• 43:23
  Yeah, yeah.
• 43:24
  Dang, that's probably better.
• 43:25
  Then I can go to as many stories high of windows as I want.
• 43:29
  Yeah, or if you could breathe underwater,
• 43:31
  like a fast fish.
• 43:33
  to be able to just hold on to
• 43:34
  and take you anywhere in the ocean.
• 43:36
  You got a fast fish.
• 43:40
  Grab the skills to take you out of here.
• 43:42
  I don't know why you think you'd be able to breathe underwater.
• 43:44
  That was not part of my deal.
• 43:46
  Yeah, I would say you'd drown probably pretty quickly.
• 43:49
  But you'd have a great time.
• 43:50
  I don't want to hold on to a fish.
• 43:52
  I don't care how big or small they are.
• 43:53
  Well, I was thinking, I don't know,
• 43:54
  like a turtle or a tortuga,
• 43:56
  like in Finding Nemo, like a big old turtle.
• 43:58
  You're just kind of holding it under the shell.
• 44:00
  You're not direct contact with the animal.
• 44:03
  Yeah, I'd like to write a show.
• 44:06
  According to the Google Gemini AI overview,
• 44:08
  ostrich riding is a niche tourist activity
• 44:10
  primarily found at specialized farms in South Africa and Koura Kau,
• 44:15
  where riders can experience speeds up to 45 miles per hour.
• 44:18
  It is notoriously difficult.
• 44:20
  Yeah, I mean, I would think that would be difficult to do.
• 44:23
  And strict weight limits under 150 to 176 pounds
• 44:26
  to protect the animals back.
• 44:28
  That makes sense, but that also kind of scares me
• 44:33
  because it tells me that ostriches are bigger and stronger than I thought
• 44:35
  because that's a lot of weight to hold.
• 44:37
  They are big fuckers.
• 44:41
  We've cussed a lot on this episode.
• 44:43
  I'm just going to lean into it.
• 44:43
  Yeah, let it out.
• 44:44
  It had to be said.
• 44:44
  Yeah.
• 44:45
  The F and O's.
• 44:47
  Yeah.
• 44:48
  Yeah, they're big, I think.
• 44:54
  Just like their eggs.
• 44:56
  Yeah.
• 44:57
  Which you have had before.
• 44:58
  Yes, I have.
• 44:59
  And it was gross.
• 45:01
  It's gross to me.
• 45:02
  I'm sure it's gross to everybody.
• 45:04
  Even the ostriches.
• 45:05
  Their babies are born, they're like, ugh.
• 45:07
  Ugh.
• 45:08
  You, ugh.
• 45:09
  Put it back.
• 45:10
  That's why my head has to go in the ground.
• 45:12
  I'm never going to look at you again.
• 45:14
  Blunk.
• 45:16
  Do they just have one eye, or does it just look like they have one eye?
• 45:19
  No, they have...
• 45:20
  Two eyes?
• 45:21
  They have two eyes.
• 45:22
  Oh.
• 45:23
  It's just, they're just like big and wide set, so like you can't...
• 45:28
  Yeah, they're not looking right at you.
• 45:30
  So they're ophthalmatically good.
• 45:34
  Yes.
• 45:35
  Great.
• 45:39
  Do we get a saddle?
• 45:41
  Yeah, you can outfit it however you like.
• 45:44
  Okay.
• 45:45
  Yeah.
• 45:45
  I could put like a little wig on it.
• 45:47
  You could do anything.
• 45:48
  The animal's not going to mind that you're doing this.
• 45:51
  They're on board with it.
• 45:52
  They're at the stage horses are now, which horses don't mind,
• 45:55
  little outfits.
• 45:56
  Yeah, maybe like in our particular cases,
• 46:00
  we saved this animal.
• 46:02
  Like we saved their life and now they're like forever indebted to us.
• 46:04
  So they're like, yeah, I mean, ideally I wouldn't be doing this,
• 46:06
  but like you saved my life.
• 46:08
  So I'm going to.
• 46:08
  What point in time?
• 46:09
  Is it like, what life?
• 46:11
  If this is life, what is it?
• 46:13
  I'd rather die than serve you.
• 46:16
  Yeah.
• 46:17
  Does everyone get to ride this or just me?
• 46:20
  I would say.
• 46:22
  It's at your decision.
• 46:23
  Yeah.
• 46:23
  Like, like, it's like your car.
• 46:25
  It's like, oh yeah.
• 46:26
  If you want to let your friend drive your car, then you're allowed to.
• 46:27
  Oh, are you saying they can ride other giraffes?
• 46:29
  like giraffes are no like am i gonna be going am i gonna be walking down the street
• 46:34
  on my giraffe and then are you asking if you can get giraffe jacked
• 46:39
  yeah or is like somebody gonna go buy me the other way grand theft giraffe
• 46:46
  i think yeah well people will definitely steal it but i mean is this a world where everybody
• 46:52
  yes rides animals yes so you're basically yes it's just like horses but now it's
• 46:56
  your thing. Oh, well, that's less fun.
• 46:59
  It's still pretty fun.
• 47:01
  But it could be more fun.
• 47:02
  You were the one who started it. It's like, wow, Joe invented
• 47:04
  ostrich writing.
• 47:07
  Okay, fair. As long as I'm stirring a trend
• 47:08
  then I'm okay with it.
• 47:09
  Yeah.
• 47:13
  What was I going to say?
• 47:15
  That was really great podcasting, Jenna.
• 47:18
  I don't remember what I was going to say.
• 47:20
  That's okay.
• 47:21
  Oh, yeah, I do remember. Never mind. I remember.
• 47:24
  Thank God, because it wasn't okay.
• 47:25
  are they constrained do we have to pick any animal that you were constrained by
• 47:31
  physics and anyway like if i pick a bird there's not a bird alive that could i could
• 47:36
  get on its back and it yeah you can scale it up or down remember i mentioned that oh i thought you
• 47:42
  meant like scaling like like physically climbing and i was like yeah i'd climb that giraffe no my
• 47:48
  girl oh oh that's what i thought you meant too i didn't realize what you like like scale like
• 47:55
  Yeah.
• 47:57
  Yeah.
• 47:57
  Like free transform.
• 47:58
  Free transform in Photoshop.
• 48:00
  Well, then, like, you could pick, like, an ant and just make it giant.
• 48:05
  Yeah, I was going to say, I want a giant hamster now.
• 48:08
  Well, ants would be cool because they are so strong.
• 48:11
  Yeah.
• 48:11
  And you scale it up, imagine how strong they would be.
• 48:13
  Yeah, I mean, it would be able to carry, like, your house.
• 48:15
  Yeah, you could be, like, walk down the street and knock all these cars over, and it would.
• 48:21
  Gladly.
• 48:22
  Wait.
• 48:23
  With angry ant eyebrows because it mirrors how you feel.
• 48:27
  It's a chameleon.
• 48:29
  It's an emotional chameleon.
• 48:30
  Ooh, chameleon.
• 48:31
  Chameleon.
• 48:33
  Well, I wish the promise of chameleons was what it actually delivered.
• 48:38
  What if you could blend into things with them?
• 48:41
  I know, that would be cool.
• 48:42
  Like if you're on their back.
• 48:42
  But they don't really blend into things.
• 48:44
  But when you're a kid, you think like, oh, they're just like invisible.
• 48:48
  I mean, in nature, they're pretty.
• 48:49
  Like if they do their thing, like you will miss them.
• 48:53
  Unless you're really looking.
• 48:54
  They're pretty good at what they do.
• 48:56
  But you think of Monsters, Inc.,
• 48:58
  and they blend in perfectly with the background.
• 49:02
  Yeah, that's what I want.
• 49:05
  That's what I want.
• 49:10
  Okay, well, that's cool.
• 49:11
  Yeah, okay, cool.
• 49:14
  Now this does open up a huge world.
• 49:19
  Hamsters, you just be riding them
• 49:21
  and then be going in a giant wheel over and over again.
• 49:23
  Well, yeah, now I'm thinking,
• 49:24
  is it better to make something giant,
• 49:26
  like a big animal small or a small animal big?
• 49:29
  Well, like a tiny little elephant.
• 49:31
  That would be cute.
• 49:31
  That would be cute.
• 49:32
  It could be like a little purse elephant.
• 49:34
  Yeah, a little baby, like a little like pygmy elephant.
• 49:36
  That would be, that would be cute.
• 49:38
  What about a snake, you guys?
• 49:40
  A teacup elephant.
• 49:41
  Because I'm thinking if you make the snake huge,
• 49:46
  it could be like a giant taxi service.
• 49:47
  A lot of people could be on it.
• 49:48
  I was going to say,
• 49:49
  you could get like all your friends on there.
• 49:51
  Francis, this is an invention of the week.
• 49:52
  We already did that segment.
• 49:54
  You guys, I invented a giant snake.
• 49:58
  I just had a snake, eat a snake, eat a snake, eat a snake.
• 50:01
  Now we're getting somewhere.
• 50:03
  Sugar crush.
• 50:06
  Is it on cooth to laugh at my own thing?
• 50:08
  No, I think that's perfectly cooth.
• 50:11
  Yeah.
• 50:13
  It's cooth as fuck.
• 50:14
  C-A-F.
• 50:15
  um what other i feel like i'm missing an obvious animal
• 50:22
  i feel like there's something right there for the sake i think bird is that's great because
• 50:30
  now you're flying now in theory you're you can control where you go so a hummingbird because
• 50:35
  hummingbirds can hover oh so you got your little helicopter bird yeah yeah they can go
• 50:40
  like 360 degrees.
• 50:42
  They can go backwards too.
• 50:43
  What about a dragonfly?
• 50:45
  Because they're fast.
• 50:46
  Did you know that their kill rate is 95%?
• 50:50
  Their kill rate?
• 50:51
  Good for them.
• 50:51
  Yeah.
• 50:52
  Once they set their eyes on,
• 50:53
  like I'm going to get that,
• 50:54
  they usually get it.
• 50:55
  That's hot.
• 50:56
  What do they kill?
• 50:58
  Flies.
• 50:59
  Mosquitoes.
• 51:00
  So actually this is a true story.
• 51:01
  Just a quick break from this fantasy.
• 51:04
  I actually witnessed this firsthand
• 51:06
  so I had a bunch of flies in my yard
• 51:07
  like a couple years ago
• 51:08
  and I was literally sitting there going,
• 51:10
  these flies and i saw a mosquito or a dragonfly come into the yard and land on a like a plant i
• 51:17
  had and just like stay on the plant and i'm like oh that's interesting and then it left and then
• 51:22
  it came back i'm assuming it was the same one because there was three now and then within like
• 51:26
  five minutes all the flies were gone wow it got us like boys to come help it yeah wow that's
• 51:33
  pretty intense did you watch it no i just the flies just they were gone they were gone wow so
• 51:39
  The dragonflies are pretty rad.
• 51:40
  Yeah, that's pretty cool.
• 51:43
  Pretty cute.
• 51:44
  Really cute.
• 51:47
  Well, okay, I'm going to say final answer hummingbird.
• 51:49
  I like that.
• 51:50
  That sounds right to me.
• 51:52
  Once that came to be, it was like, yep, that sounds good.
• 51:56
  I kind of like my dragonfly idea because they're fast.
• 52:01
  Yeah, and you do want to kill a lot of people.
• 52:04
  I told you that in confidence.
• 52:06
  Sorry.
• 52:07
  Well, 95% of them will be dead soon anyway, so it doesn't matter.
• 52:12
  I said threaten and maim.
• 52:14
  But I like the idea of being able to hover because you want to be able to, like, what I've learned from this podcast is I'm a bit of a peeper.
• 52:21
  I want to see what's going on inside people's heads, or houses, I mean.
• 52:26
  I don't know what, I do not want to know what's going on in their heads.
• 52:28
  I do want to know what's going on in their houses.
• 52:30
  I'm pretty sure dragonflies can hover too.
• 52:32
  If they can, then I think that's great.
• 52:33
  Yeah.
• 52:34
  then I think that you and I will be hovering next to
• 52:37
  some fourth floor apartment
• 52:39
  just judging everything that's going on inside
• 52:42
  yeah scaring everyone with our giant bird and insect
• 52:45
  no well they'll be used to it
• 52:47
  I'll have like a bag of flies that I'm feeding it while I'm sitting on it
• 52:51
  good dragonfly
• 52:53
  it's like apples for horses
• 52:54
  yeah stroking its neck
• 52:56
  I don't know if I want a stroke of a dragonfly
• 52:58
  you will because it'll be yours
• 53:00
  you'll love it
• 53:02
  Yeah, yeah.
• 53:02
  Yeah.
• 53:03
  It's true.
• 53:04
  Because even my last dog, the older she got,
• 53:06
  I was like, oh my God, I love her that much.
• 53:08
  She's like old and gray and old.
• 53:11
  Yeah.
• 53:12
  That doesn't happen with people, though, I've noticed.
• 53:14
  I'm like, ugh.
• 53:15
  Yeah, you like them less.
• 53:16
  Even though they probably cost you way less money.
• 53:19
  The people?
• 53:20
  Yeah.
• 53:21
  I'll pay.
• 53:24
  It does cost more to put people down
• 53:28
  than it does to put dogs down.
• 53:29
  It's true, yeah.
• 53:32
  All right, well, I look forward to this.
• 53:35
  I'm going to be riding the shit out of a hummingbird.
• 53:37
  Do you want to take turns on each other's...
• 53:43
  You want to swap sometimes?
• 53:46
  Yeah, if we're feeling a little playful, sure.
• 53:51
  Sweet, sweet, sweet.
• 53:56
  Joe, what did you land on?
• 53:58
  Are you sticking with ostrich?
• 53:59
  I'll stick with ostrich.
• 54:00
  hummingbird is a really good answer i did also think like if not obviously this is not the best
• 54:05
  answer but like in terms of like invention of the week type like thinking like a grasshopper
• 54:13
  if you made it really gigantic you just take one hop like to the other side of town i was gonna say
• 54:19
  you just scratched francis i was thinking i was thinking of it in terms of like an invention of
• 54:24
  the week and i was like oh a grasshopper you just make a grasshopper gigantic and then the snake like
• 54:29
  you don't need the snake anymore.
• 54:31
  The grasshopper just takes everyone.
• 54:33
  Yeah.
• 54:33
  And one bounce.
• 54:35
  Wow.
• 54:36
  Much to think about.
• 54:37
  Yeah.
• 54:38
  Yeah.
• 54:38
  But I'll say ostrich because I feel like first instinct,
• 54:41
  best instinct.
• 54:41
  Okay.
• 54:43
  All right.
• 54:44
  Would you make it bigger or smaller or just same size?
• 54:47
  Maybe a little bit bigger because it can only handle 152 to 175
• 54:51
  and I'm trying to bulk up a little bit.
• 54:52
  So I don't want to be at like the high end.
• 54:54
  Also, you want your friends to be able to ride.
• 54:56
  That's true.
• 54:56
  Yeah.
• 54:57
  You want to be able to take.
• 54:57
  Yeah.
• 54:58
  I want to be able to have passengers.
• 54:59
  So yeah,
• 55:00
  I'll probably like triple to quadruple at size.
• 55:05
  Oh,
• 55:06
  okay.
• 55:07
  Scary ass ostrich.
• 55:08
  Hell yeah.
• 55:11
  Great.
• 55:12
  All right.
• 55:13
  Uh,
• 55:13
  we have successfully answered the big question.
• 55:17
  The big question.
• 55:19
  One final bit of business.
• 55:23
  Francis.
• 55:25
  Secret words.
• 55:26
  I'm a little concerned because I have a,
• 55:28
  I have a good feeling about today, personally.
• 55:31
  Okay.
• 55:33
  Go ahead.
• 55:34
  What was one of your concerns?
• 55:35
  Well, nothing really stood out to me.
• 55:37
  I was just worried that this is like a yikes situation
• 55:41
  where your word's going to be like super normal.
• 55:46
  But I'll try to be gracious about it.
• 55:47
  Oh, you mean like literally that time you had yikes?
• 55:49
  Yeah.
• 55:50
  Yeah.
• 55:50
  Yeah, that was annoying to me.
• 55:53
  Not as annoying as the time you had improv.
• 55:57
  That was the same time.
• 55:58
  Yes.
• 55:59
  What a crappy day that was.
• 56:01
  oh crappy day
• 56:04
  oh crappy day
• 56:06
  when Jesus washed
• 56:08
  like sleeper agents over here
• 56:11
  alright
• 56:13
  that was our activation phrase
• 56:14
  let me go first since I don't have shit
• 56:17
  okay
• 56:17
  my guess is threat
• 56:20
  assessment
• 56:21
  giraffe
• 56:23
  no
• 56:24
  that was funny to watch you be scared of that
• 56:26
  I know I wanted to be like Francis just say giraffe
• 56:28
  it's not the word
• 56:30
  Yeah.
• 56:31
  Well, I don't have anything else.
• 56:33
  That's it.
• 56:34
  Threat assessment and draft.
• 56:35
  I'm telling you, I didn't hear a strange word come out of your mouth.
• 56:38
  Okay.
• 56:38
  Did you drop this at the beginning?
• 56:39
  No.
• 56:40
  When did you drop it?
• 56:41
  I dropped both my words during Girl Interrupted.
• 56:46
  I got bad news for you, Francie.
• 56:48
  You said it three times.
• 56:50
  Yeah.
• 56:52
  Fuck.
• 56:54
  That her secret word My secret word Wait Well this doesn count if you guess it now fine just tell me then wait well but can you guess yeah you don get points but i want to see if you can guess
• 57:07
  three times i said it you said three times oh god i was so excited no i don't know what is it
• 57:14
  you had a huge boner boner no oh no no no uh i don't think i said that at all
• 57:23
  Oh, it's really weird for you, by the way.
• 57:26
  You didn't clock that you, in your mind, you're like, yeah, I said boner three times.
• 57:30
  Yeah, why not?
• 57:30
  Why not?
• 57:30
  Boner, boner, boner.
• 57:31
  There, I did it again.
• 57:34
  Fiberglass.
• 57:38
  Oh, you said it immediately.
• 57:39
  And then you brought it up again.
• 57:40
  You're like, oh, it just makes me think of grandpa and the fiberglass.
• 57:46
  Oh, shit.
• 57:47
  It was super hard to get.
• 57:49
  I was like, I'm trying to get my word in, but you kept interrupting me right before
• 57:52
  I would say it.
• 57:53
  I was like, this is a hell of a segment to try and get your
• 57:57
  secret word in.
• 57:59
  All right, well.
• 58:00
  You also said my decoy word once, but there's no points for that.
• 58:05
  My decoy word was stamina.
• 58:09
  You were being such a pick-me girl with that decoy word.
• 58:12
  Well, because I know, I wanted him to pick it and he didn't.
• 58:15
  Okay, well, that's cool.
• 58:18
  Sorry, Francis.
• 58:19
  Okay but Francis to your credit you slipped in your secret word so artfully I was so impressed Oof Okay Well I have some guesses Is your secret word kindling
• 58:36
  No.
• 58:38
  Is it a bag of beans?
• 58:41
  Is your word we won't screw you?
• 58:45
  Is your word boom?
• 58:49
  Boom?
• 58:50
  Boom. You see what? Boom!
• 58:53
  I thought it was a yikes situation.
• 58:57
  Imagine me trying to call attention to her.
• 59:00
  Jenna, look.
• 59:01
  Boom.
• 59:02
  Boom.
• 59:03
  That is kind of how you said it.
• 59:05
  Okay.
• 59:06
  Okay.
• 59:06
  Stockholm.
• 59:08
  No.
• 59:08
  Syndrome.
• 59:10
  No.
• 59:10
  Stockholm syndrome.
• 59:13
  She got me with a hyphen.
• 59:15
  No.
• 59:17
  Donating.
• 59:18
  No.
• 59:20
  Scared Joe.
• 59:21
  up to up the dramatically what no uncouth no okay i have one final guess and this is the one
• 59:31
  i think might be it okay tenacious yeah oh god that was
• 59:45
  Francie I'm so sorry
• 59:49
  this is how you felt last week huh
• 59:50
  yeah oh man that I told you it was your week Five points for Jenna this week That don count your tips in public
• 1:00:04
  Sorry. I have to, uh, I'm so excited. Wow. I, there, Oh,
• 1:00:12
  you, did you see me write it down? Yeah. Yeah. I saw,
• 1:00:14
  I saw him write it down. I was like, fuck.
• 1:00:15
  Cause then she wrote it down right after that. No, no. I, well, I, I was,
• 1:00:19
  we were like mid and I was trying to like keep up with girl interrupted, but I was like, I can't
• 1:00:23
  lose track of this because it was like, yeah, you threw in the
• 1:00:27
  Jack Black thing and then he was in Tenacious D
• 1:00:31
  and it was like, there was no reason, there wasn't a real good
• 1:00:35
  seg to get to Jack Black. Great autopsy. Next. I thought it was great.
• 1:00:38
  I thought it was A+. I was very impressed, by the way.
• 1:00:43
  If I was like, if this is his word, that's very impressive.
• 1:00:47
  Well, thanks.
• 1:00:49
  well what a great day great day well i'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch
• 1:00:56
  okay well i have to go get my gun
• 1:01:00
  i i still have it from last week so sweet girl all right well bye
• 1:01:08
  bye
• 1:01:19
  you