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Finding Your Badass When Life Knocks You Down · Divas That Care Network

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome, divas.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited that you're joining us today on Phoenix Butterfly Diva Style, our network on the divas that carecom.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited to welcome this powerhouse today.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I think she almost even refers herself as a badass, and so I'm super excited to welcome Bonnie onto our show today.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Bonnie Johnstone right, is that how I say that?
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Bonnie?
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, perfect.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Well, bonnie, also known as Badass, has transformed her life in under two years.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Once debilitated by addiction and shame, she floated through life miserably.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Her life was unraveling and she was unable to move past something.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: When she got sober in 2016, she realized that something was never healing from the sexual abuse by the hands of her stepfather, and she's still keeping in contact with him and her mother.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: She was full of shame.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Bonnie chose to move forward in her life without her parents and sought her new out her biological family.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: She started her speaking career and started a business.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Once she knew her why, the rest was easy, and so I'm so excited, bonnie, to welcome you here and just to share your story with others.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: And wow, you've gone through so much Welcome.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: So I'm Bonnie.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I always wanted to be famous.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: You know, I grew up in like a wealthy family and my mom had me in dance and acting and I went to a fine arts school and everything was done 110% because I was going to be a backup dancer for Paula Abdul.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: And all these dreams and, looking back, I think all these dreams were just a way to escape.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: And so when it came out that I was being sexually abused, my life transformed a lot, because my parents split up and my mom really fell into her addictions and I had a choice.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: And you know, I had the choice of living with my mom, where there was, like, not a lot of food and she was always angry and men coming and going, or I could be with this wealthy family and unfortunately the wealthy family was my stepfather's, so I actually ended up moving in with him and this started my you know insomnia.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I never slept at night, I always slept in the day, when people were awake.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: I picked up, you know, I became an alcoholic at 14.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I, out of school, I joined the carnival anything to run away like, I just wanted to go, and I never, never thought that I had enough worth to follow those dreams of being a dancer or an actress.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: You know, I had so much shame and then I had kids and that still didn't change me.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: I still chose drugs and addictions and, you know, making poor choices and putting really putting myself first.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: I was really selfish.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I never put my kids before me.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I thought, well, they're luckier than I am because I had all this trauma.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: And then my brother-in-law overdosed and everything kind of shifted and this was in August of 2016.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: And I thought, like drugs aren't the way, like I'm going to die.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: And so I had one last hoorah and I woke up in the morning and it was.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: It was just a decision.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: It was just a decision that I'm done and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: But I was done, living it wastefully.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: And then I was emotional, like I was such an emotional mess.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: I cried every day, all day, and I didn't know why.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: And then I came out and said I was abused.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: It was by my stepfather.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: And everybody says, well, why?
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Why do you still talk to him?
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Why do you?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Why do you still have a relationship with your parents?
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I'm like because they're my parents.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Like, don't I have to?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: And I don't.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: So when I decided to, you know, disown them, a big weight was lifted off me.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: It meant that I did not have to keep secrets anymore.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: It meant that I did not have to make other people's lives easier.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: It became all about me.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And when it became about me, I was able to become a better friend, a better mother, you know, a better aunt, a better everything to everybody else.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I ended up leaving my husband because we were just on different paths.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I really wanted to stay sober.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: He did not.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: And then one day I said I want to be a motivational speaker, and I had no idea how I was going to do this.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: But I just, you know, this whole Me Too movement started coming out.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: But Me Too just isn't enough.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: More people need to stand up and talk about sexual abuse and talk about their stories so that more people feel comfortable talking about it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: The more we talk about it, the more people are aware about it, the less it's going to happen to be on the stage in one year as a public speaker.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: And in that year I wrote a chapter in a book.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: I invested in myself, I started my business, rolled out some workshops and now I can say, I'm an international bestselling co-author and an international speaker, as I've spoke in the that's amazing.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Look at you rock star.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Look at you badass it is.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: And so anybody listening to you right now and they're like bonnie oh, that's great for you.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: But how do I like what was that turning point like?
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: How do I dig myself out of the hole that I feel stuck in?
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Well, I went to this workshop and it was mostly about Brene Brown and Shane and they said that you have a lantern and if you don't follow your values, your flame is out.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: And I really looked at that and said I don't value someone who abuses children.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Why would I have a relationship with him?
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Because I felt like I had to and you know, I've been told you are the five people you hang around with.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: So I did the hardest thing possible.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I, I moved, I stopped being friends with people that I've known almost my whole life.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I and I wrote a letter to my parents and said you guys failed me and I don't need you guys.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I don't need parents that don't value me, because I value myself.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: And yeah, it was hard and I felt bad.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: I still, to this day, think like how are they doing?
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: But that's their problem, that's not my problem.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: So it really really came down to putting myself first, because you have to.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: You owe it to yourself.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And I love how you talked about before putting yourself first with addiction and alcohol and stuff.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: But this is a different put yourself first, you know like first, where you can help people, also put themselves first, selfless right and it's filling your cup with that positivity.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: To allow that to overflow than putting yourself first with negative right, like it's that positive spin on that.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I used to be so angry and like I can only think that it's because I had so much shame and anger, like I was cutting myself, I would cut my hair.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: I like I would do all these crazy things to hurt myself because I was hurting.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: But now I'm like I'm so grateful to wake up in the morning.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I'm.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I've never felt more beautiful than I have in this last year and a half, where for 35 years I was like I'm too fat, I'm too ugly, I'm not good enough.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: You know it was.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: I have this voice in the back of my head that says that well, I named her and I call her Barbara and I literally say shut up, barbara.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Your opinion is not my problem, you know it really is all about changing that mindset.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: It's been a really good shift that's that's brilliant.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Really good shift, that's brilliant.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: So anybody listening you know divas that are listening if you're sitting in a place of feeling like you're not good enough, not empowered, that you're stuck where you are, you're never stuck.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: That's a mindset.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: You always have choices, just like Bonnie's sharing.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: We have choices.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: We all have choices and nothing worthwhile is easy, right, you know.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: But you look at it, you think it's easy to just do the same old, same old.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: But it's not.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: And when you start taking these steps to changing your life because we all have magic, we all are here for something bigger you have to dig for it.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: And when you actually get to your why and you know you start putting the how into effect, it just becomes second nature, because courage is contagious, positivity breeds positivity.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: All these things, like I don't even get mad anymore.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I get stressed out and I'm like, okay, I need to take myself out of the situation.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: But I was, for example, I was in Edmonton and I came home to a broken window.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: I came home to some some shenanigans happened in the house when I was gone and old me would have freaked out new me.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: I was like I'm glad everybody's okay, the window can be fixed.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: And everybody was like when are you gonna get mad?
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not mad, disappointed, you know when, when you're where I am in life, you can actually differentiate all your emotions, because anger is never a primary emotion.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: So it's all figuring out the primary emotion, which is disappointment, sadness, you know you can name them now, and actually it's not all just clumped together in one emotion, right, yeah?
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: there's more than just happy and mad.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: What really right?
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no kidding.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's been great, you know, and now my kids like I'm I'm seeing my kids are happier.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: And my daughter makes me these little postcards for my room that say be the, be the person that you're intended to be and smile.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And you know, and I'm like, wow, like my 14 year old's picking up what I'm doing right.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: More is caught than taught yeah, because that cycle like I come from intergenerational trauma, the 60s scoop, residential schools, lost culture, so like literally I ended the cycle and I'm seeing it now in my children and when their children around, that cycle is going to be done.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Isn't that amazing how, when you look at the ripple effect of what you're doing and how many generations you're affecting and how many people's lives you're touching that aren't even born yet, you know, when we take that step into the journey of transforming our lives?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's challenging, yes it's difficult, but, like you said, the power behind it and the nothing, nothing that's worth anything major and great isn't going to take some work, but this is massive.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Like this is generational changes that you're doing.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like my, my daughter has no problem talking about, like everybody knows, my mom was sexually abused.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: This is why she does what she does.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: You know, they're very aware that there's bad people in the world.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: You know and I'm here to to try to scratch that surface a little bit Right, compassion, like I have, compassion for my parents as well.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Like they, you know what they did was wrong, but again, it's a cycle.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: Where was it learned from?
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Where's the help?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: For?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: You know, there's help for addictions from drugs and alcohol and gambling and sex.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Well, what about?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: What about for pedophiles?
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: you know, like as a whole, we need to fix it on both sides yeah, and I think just shining a light on it right to let people know that it's okay to be fixed.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: You know that it doesn't have to be the rest of your life yeah, like I went, I went from you know drinking and being like, oh I was abused, and then poor me, to you know, empowered and thriving that I was abused and I want to stop it like no more.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: So I want to use that story to help others open up about it.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: So I want to use that story to help others open up about it.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: You know, not live in that shame, because that whole secrecy builds shame and shame keeps you sick.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Right, and it creates that disease and dis-ease of the body and it leads to so many other things.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and look at the happiness that now you experience from stepping out of that.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like I actually want to get out of the house and take the kids to the lake and go camping.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: And before I was just waiting for every day to end.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Now I'm like the day can't end yet.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: I have so much to do.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: That's brilliant, bonnie, that's awesome.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so what have you discovered about yourself through this journey, now that you know you said you've seen a shift and you're empowered in your head what have you seen in you now that you didn't recognize before?
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, I always said I was strong, but like that undoubted strength of determination, you know, not giving up.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Um, I used to be a quitter, right, I'd start something and then I wouldn't finish.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it was fear of success or anything.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: But now I finish, but on my own terms, like it's not a race, and I learned to self-care and, you know, to be a mother, and communication, I think, is the biggest one.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: I used to be so afraid to communicate for fear of people thinking I was dumb or uneducated or just another Indian.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: You know, that's really what I thought a lot of people looked at me as, and now I've learned that other people's opinions of me are their problem.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: It's none of my business, right, right, and when I, when I get rid of that and I just focus on the people that I surround myself with, more and more people want to surround themselves with me and you know so it's like I really like all the stupid stuff I've done in my partying days.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't be here, but I am, which just shows me that I am here for something bigger and it's my duty to continue with that.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: That's brilliant.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: It's such a huge takeaway for so many people Like divas.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Are you listening?
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: You are here for a reason, and we all have purpose and value and worth, lives that we don't even recognize sometimes.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I think that because we don't see ourselves as special.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: And if you don't see yourself as special, then our perception, our view of the world is very limited to what it could be absolutely.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And so it's that law of mirrors, right reflection that what you see inside yourself, when you can get clear and see your beauty and your amazing, the amazing gifts that you have and what you have to offer the world, then so shall the world see that too it's like a movement right.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: The more and more people like join I.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I have a t-shirt line and one of my best-selling t-shirts is find your tribe, love them hard and seriously.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Like that tribe is constantly filling and I just I inspire people to let go of things and to move forward and I've seen so many people transform because of my strength and I mean that just makes it all worth it.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Like if one person listening to this can say wow and to ditch their shame and to say I can, then that my job's done Right.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: No, that's totally brilliant.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: So, bonnie, what's next for Bonnie, what's next on your in your journey?
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, I am writing another chapter in a book, so it's called Sacred Hearts Rising.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I was in book one, I am now writing in book two.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I will be.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: I've got I'm booked in Edmonton and Portland coming up, you know, and really my workshops I it just kind of fell into my lap.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: I was going to do workshops in my home for vision boards and it just I was asked to do it on reserve and I the impact I had on the youth was eye-opening.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Like when people think they're stuck and secluded, I give hope.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: You know that you can move past pain.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: And so now I'm working on a few different workshops and I'm going to start building my relationships.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I actually am going to go to every reserve and treatment center, from Hope to North Vancouver, and build relationships with them and hopefully get my workshops in there, and then eventually I'd love to go Canada wide.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I love the vision.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: You know that it's not just you're out of your backyard, you're out of your.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Know that it's not just you're out of your backyard, you're out of your.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: You know you're going across.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: You know coast to coast.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: You just, you just have to do it like yes.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Some people may say no, but fear, I've learned, is just excitement and it is.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: It's the same vibration and hearing no.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Just get to that, one step closer to a yes.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: You know you.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: You just you need that confidence and that confidence comes with a good try.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: You know I really found if there's negativity in your life, get rid of it.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: You know, my husband was negative.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: I had to get rid of him and that was one of the hardest things, because we don't want to communicate, because sometimes some of us, like me especially don't want to hurt other people's feelings, but it's an injustice to everybody involved not to.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: And my life has forever changed in four months since I stood up and left my relationship.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I've grown even more as a person it's like you took the lid off, isn't it yeah?
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: totally, totally, instead of living a lie, which a lot of us do, you know.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Like, don't get me wrong.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: I definitely tried everything to make the relationship work.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: But when two people don't even look at sobriety the same way, I mean you're just, it's set up for failure.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: And when I put myself and my values first, which is essentially what you have to do, you come first.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: If you are not putting yourself first, you cannot put your children first, you cannot put your husband first, because you're, because you need to be first, and if you're not the best you, you can't be the best mom, you can't be the best wife, you can't be the best friend.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Right, what a great tip to leave people with.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: You know that has been this journey today with you, bonnie, has been absolutely incredible and getting to know you and shine a light on your story for all these amazing divas that are listening.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: You guys, if this has touched you on any level or you feel that there's someone that would benefit from hearing Bonnie's story and her journey, please share this link and share the story, the passion that she now stands on, and to really allow it to touch as many lives as we can.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: That's why we're here, you know, at the Divas that Care Network and you know that's why we do this show.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Phoenix Butterfly Diva Style is really to allow yourself to fly, to let go of the past, to let it go and really soar into your future.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: You know, today, this minute, this second is the first minute, second and day of the rest of your life.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: So what are you going to do with it?
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I challenge you, divas, what are you going to do with it?
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: What's your life going to look like tomorrow and a week from now and a month from now?
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: And it's this change, this shift, this movement, as Bonnie talked about, that you choose to stand in right now that will allow you to make the difference, the difference for the rest of your life and generations to come, because it's not that you that's affected.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: It ripples through so many, and more is caught than taught.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: So, bonnie, thank you so much for your presence here today on the call, and for sharing your story and standing in your power and allowing us to touch you and feel your vulnerability for a moment.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And thank you for having me.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you, oh, you're welcome, and I so excited one day I hope, to have you back on our show and we get to hear all these exciting new things that you have up and coming.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Absolutely Anytime I'm not going anywhere.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: And for that we're super grateful.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: So all divas you know, find us wwwdivasthatcarecom.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Forward, slash Amanda and share Bonnie's story with as many people as you can, because it is amazing and will touch lives.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: So thank you everybody for joining us.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Take care and bye for now.