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Narcissists punish you for loving them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  A lot of narcissists and toxic people punish you for loving
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  them if you knew here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I use my platform on social media to raise awareness for
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  NPD, get more people into therapy, and also help validate
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  the victim, survivors, and drivers of said disorder.
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  Said toxic people, said toxic stress and it's helped me become
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  your favorite selfaware. Narciss.
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  Well yeah, y'all. That's why I tell people all the
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  time. Why does it hurt the love of
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  narcissists? Why do they treat me so badly?
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  Why they Why can't they just be better?
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  Why they don't? Why don't they just change who
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  they are? Why don't they just be nice?
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  Y'all in the mind of a narcissistic person.
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  They don't think and I they I can include myself in this one.
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  We don't think that we are deserving of love for anybody
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  from anybody. Because in a lot of in a lot of
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  cases growing up, our love wasn't validated.
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  Our existences were not validated by the people that we
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  wanted to validate them. Like if we wanted somebody to,
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  if you wanted one of our parents to validate our existence, it
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  didn't happen. If we wanted, if we needed love,
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  attention, affection from a narcissist, from a parent or a
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  parental figure, when we were growing up and we didn't get it,
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  it caused us to become who we are right now.
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  You see what I'm saying and the fact that you love me?
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  I don't if I don't think I'm deserving of love, right?
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  If I do not think that I'm deserving of love and you choose
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  to love me, then you get. You get punished for because how
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  dare you love me? Nobody else did.
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  I can't. I don't.
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  I don't trust you even though I do.
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  I might care about you in the beginning.
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  Eventually it gets to that point where I no longer trust you.
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  And if I don't trust you, I can't be around.
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  I might want to keep you around, but I just don't trust you.
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  So I keep you at arm's length. You see what I'm saying?
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  I I, I. This is how I describe it to
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  people. Narcissistic people push you
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  away. They push, they tend to push you
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  away, but they grab you around the collar while they're doing
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  it. So they they keep you as arm's
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  length, but it's like they get you around the collar.
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  So you can't get close to them. You can't get you only.
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  You can only get as close to them as they allow you to.
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  And then you get punished over and over and over.
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  Why don't I get punished suddenly?
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  Why we get punished? Sometimes you pick you,
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  sometimes you just choose to love the wrong person and it
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  happens like that quite a few times.
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  Y'all just didn't throw out life.
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  Like if you picked if you the wrong person possibly to your
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  life, you think they're the right person.
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  They present themselves under the guise of the of the right
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  person in your life. Like I am the person that you
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  want. I am the person that you need.
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  I'm the person that you've been praying for.
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  So when I pop up into your life, it's like, okay, I'm here right
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  now for you. You want me, You need me.
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  You, I said I'm here right now for you.
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  But like everybody knows, I think most people understand
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  that when you meet a narcissistic person, typically
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  they're not presenting them who they really are.
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  Typically they're presenting who they need to be to get you to
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  fall for them. Because This is why a lot of
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  people mask in the very beginning.
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  A lot of narcissistic people mask in the very beginning and
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  like and don't show you who they really are because they don't
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  think the real version of themselves is worthy of love, is
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  deserving of love. So how could you love the real
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  version of me? So I need to create a better
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  version of me. I need to create a better
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  version of who I am to get you to fall in love for me.
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  Because. Because I don't think I've been
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  shown, look, it's been proven to me throughout my life that the
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  regular version of myself, who I really am, is not deserving of
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  love, right? So I have to become somebody
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  else to get you to love me. So I'm angry.
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  Why can't I be myself? It's frustrating inside.
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  It's frustrating inside of me that I cannot, that I cannot be
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  myself in this space. I can't.
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  I can't get people to love me. For me, it is.
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  At least that's what I've told myself over the over the
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  duration of my childhood. I can't get people to love me
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  for me. So I'm angry at something like
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  that. You.
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  I'm angry at the fact that no one will ever love me for me.
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  And that's frustrating this hell to narcissistic, toxic people.
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  And that's not me trying to feel sorry for them.
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  Don't do that. This is not.
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  This is the hey. I feel sorry for them.
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  Lee made me feel sorry for them. And I went back.
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  Nope. Nope, Nope.
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  If you're looking for, like, if you're looking for a sign to go
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  back to your toxic ex, this ain't it.
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  This ain't it. This is not the sign you're
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  looking for. These are not the drugs you look
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  for. You know what I'm saying?
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  These are not. That's not the sign you're
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  looking for. So I I had to repeatedly tell
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  people like that narcissist, the person in your life.
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  Because they feel like. And we get angry.
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  Yeah. Because we feel like we have to
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  become somebody else. We get angry.
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  I get angry because I have to be someone else to get love.
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  Oh, listen, this is what this is what This is what I've convinced
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  myself based on the the perceived facts of my life.
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  You notice I said perceived facts because perception is
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  everything when you're growing up, because two people going
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  through the exact same situation could perceive it differently.
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  One person could receive the situation is traumatic.
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  The other person could receive. The situation is something to
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  grow from. You see what I'm saying?
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  My brother, I have a twin brother.
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  He's not a narcissist. We would be very, very similar
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  situations growing up having two.
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  Yes, I have a twin brother. He's not a narcissist.
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  We would do very similar situations growing up.
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  But I perceive, but I perceived there's trauma and neglect.
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  He didn't perceive it that way. You know what I'm saying?
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  So when we're growing up, the perception of the facts of our
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  life, that we convinced ourselves that we're not
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  deserving of love in our in our true original form.
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  And I get angry at that. Y'all I get angry at the fact
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  that I don't think people can love me for me.
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  And guess what? You fall in love with again.
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  And you look, there's some sound weird right here.
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  Y'all you prove it right When you fall for me.
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  When you fall for that narcissistic person.
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  It's this weird confirmation bias that goes on the side of
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  our heads where you prove us right because you fall in love
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  with the false version of us. You fall.
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  You fall in love with the version of ourselves that we
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  present towards you. You fall in love with the
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  version of ourselves that we can never really actually live up,
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  Live up to be. And now we're angry because you
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  proved us right. I'm mad as hell at you now
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  because you proved me right. You get now.
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  Now you're going to get punished for loving me, the false version
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  of me, because I don't think the real version of me is deserving
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  of love. You see how it all came
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  together. Who?
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  I don't think the real version of me is deserving of love.
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  And guess what? You just proved me right by
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  loving me, living the false version.
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  So now I get. Now I'm angry.
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  Now I'm resentful for you because you proved me right.
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  I know people, Go ahead, believe.
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  Is all this going on behind in the mind of a narcissist?
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  This is sub, this is subconscious thoughts.
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  These are subconscious thoughts and actions.
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  I just have the ability, because I've been in therapy for six
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  years, to actually verbalize my thought process, to actually sit
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  and look with, look internally, meditate and understand why I'm
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  doing the things that I'm doing. So I'm sitting out here, I'm
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  punishing you for loving me because you love the false
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  version of me. And guess then this y'all.
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  And guess what happens. Here's another.
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  Here's another weird confirmation bias.
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  When that narcissistic person takes their mask off and starts
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  treating you differently when they become who they really are
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  in a relationship. And so they start treating you
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  differently. You don't like that.
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  You don't like it. You don't like it, do you, when
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  they start treating you differently in a relationship.
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  So guess what happens? You ask them to go back to the
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  beginning. You asked them to go back to the
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  beginning of the relationship. Hey, can we go back to how
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  things used to be? So guess what you're telling me
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  right now? You confirm me that I'm not good
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  enough in my in my normal, in my natural state.
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  You want me to go back to the fake version of me.
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  So here comes again. Y'all.
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  You see how it all came together?
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  Because now you want to go back to the beginning.
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  The beginning wasn't the real me.
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  So now you want the fake version of me.
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  You want the mask, the version of me.
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  So that narcissistic person is might get angrier if you ask
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  them to start over. If you ask them to take it back
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  to the beginning, they might get angry.
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  Because now you're telling me that you I'm not good enough
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  again. Weird confirmation bias.
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  Now you telling me again that I'm not good enough for you.
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  You want the old fake version of me that you fell in love with?
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  That I that you want the character That you want the
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  character that I created that you fell in love with.
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  So you again, You telling me that I'm not good enough.
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  You telling me that you don't want the real version of me.
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  You're telling me that I'm not good enough.
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  The person sitting in front of you right now is not good enough
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  for you. You so much so that you want the
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  old false version of me back. So you see whether you use words
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  or phrases like can we go back to the beginning?
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  Can we start over? They get angry, but in our
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  narcissistic person is different.
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  Y'all they like. I said, just because they get
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  angry at you doesn't mean they're going to fully get rid
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  of you. They might emotionally discard
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  you, but they might. They will probably physically
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  keep you around. It happens a lot right there.
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  Y'all where they even they will emotionally discard you, get rid
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  of you, but they will physically keep you around.
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  They'll physically keep you here and things like that because
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  they don't want to. They they, they some narcissists
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  don't want to be by themselves and some of them might actually
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  deep down and they think that they care about you.
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  There's another weird caveat right there.
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  And if they deep down, they might actually believe that they
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  care about you or they can't. They don't.
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  They don't have the the, the level of thinking that I do,
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  which most most narcissists don't.
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  Y'all do. You get false narcissistic
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  people who pretend to have that. The level of thing that I do,
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  the level of for life, a better word, the level of introspection
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  I'm able to perceive within myself because I've been working
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  myself for so long. But you do this weird
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  confirmation bias. You know this is not this is
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  this video is not meant for y'all to go tell the narcissist
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  you you accept them for who they really are right now.
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  I'm not trying. Yeah, I'm not.
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  I'm trying my hardest to not get y'all to stay in the top
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  relationship because that's not what I want.
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  I don't want you to stay inside of a toxic gas relationship
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  because you saw a video from Lee Hammer.
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  They said, well, I told them I want to go back to the
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  beginning. I miss how they used to treat
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  me. And it's my fault.
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  It's not your fault. Y'all.
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  It's not your fault. The narcissist, the person
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  should have presented themselves as who they are really are in
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  the beginning. That's something that they need
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  to work on, not you. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's something that that narcissistic person needs to
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  work on, not you. It is not your responsibility to
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  fix, quote UN quote, fix this person.
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  It's not your responsibility to have this person go to therapy.
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  It's not your responsibility to have this person do this and do
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  that and that. Your is doubt.
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  It's not your responsibility. You're a human being, you know?
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  Yeah, I know what people I I get so many people.
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  They hear these answers that I give, and you try to find a
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  biblical verse to justify you staying in a touch relationship,
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  or you hear a sermon that just like I just got to push through
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  y'all. Sometimes people in the Bible
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  left relationships all the time. They did.
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  The people in the Bible did horrible things and God still
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  bless them. I don't want.
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  God hates divorce. God hates it in the Bible.
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  God hates a lot of stuff. But some of the stuff that
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  people were doing, he forgave them for.
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  You know what I'm saying? Maybe the boy saw, look at saw
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  and Moses Mo Moses in the beginning.
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  Moses. Moses, Yeah, go look at Moses.
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  Moses threw, threw, threw away in the bushes.
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  But yeah, don't let that. Like I said, this is not the
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  video for you to just be like you know what I need to go back
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  to. The talk says no, I don't want
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  to stay with you. I'll.
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  I'll. No, no, no, This.
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  If you're looking for a sign, this ain't it.
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  I'm just explaining why they punish you because they don't
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  feel the narcissistic person will never ever feel good
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  enough. Y'all.
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  And it might be. They might suck for you to hear,
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  but it's the truth. That narcissist that you're
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  dealing with will probably feel like they'd never be good enough
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  for anything. And I know y'all like, only I.
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  It never makes me feel sad. Y'all y'all.
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  That's easy. These emotions, boy, these
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  emotions. Let me get y'all caught up.
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  Anyway, y'all let me hop off this thing.
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  I really, I truly appreciate every single way, every single
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  one of y'all like and subscribe for more than of course, of
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  course, Of course. Because then this is that peace.