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Episode 50: Debunking Holiday Idealism · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, Jenna Zint, habit coach, teacher and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Hello, welcome to the Habit Lab.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: It's actually a big deal.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: This is the first ever episode that I have had a guest on my podcast.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: This is my good friend, Serena.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: What is your last name?
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Anjali, for the record.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Anjali.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: The reason she's saying that is it's an inside joke, because I have butchered her name on many podcasts, but we're good friends Indeed, so much grace you've had to give me, this makes up for it, it's fine, okay, so we're headed into the holiday season and Serena and I were hanging out having some really good chats and I was like, oh my gosh, pause these conversations, we need to make a podcast out of it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: So this is where that was birthed.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: But the topic for this episode is actually finding that balance in your holidays.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: For when tradition?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Where's the balance between the effort it requires to make a memory or tradition and the results or the outcome, and finding a good enough version of your tradition or habit so that it doesn't steal like, it doesn't cost more than you get in return.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: And so now, why would I invite you to talk about?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: this subject with me.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Gosh.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm a mixture of like very sentimental and also I I just love like creating things and hosting and I can kind of get wrapped up in like the vision of everything and kind of let that take me for a ride, rather than focusing on like the connection of things.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: So definitely I've noticed it stealing from my experience of things and then also how others experienced me too.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: You got to say that again.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I think that was such a good line of.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I think that's a lot of, as women I don't want to say it's just women, but like are getting swept up in the prep and like the effort and then missing the connection or the experience from it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Say it again how you said it.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I don't remember, yeah, just getting swept up in um that and letting it take me for a ride and, you know, missing the connection with other people and then, uh, kind of botch, how I'm experienced.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: More than once I've been compared to Martha in the Bible who, like you know, is not really focusing on the connection or like the opportunity of that, but focusing on like the work and providing and like creating this experience for people.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And the reason that I wanted to have you on is because one of the things it's beautiful, it's part of who you are Like.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: You love excellence.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you guys, she's the best chef out of any of my friends.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: She makes such good food, everything's excellent, but I think I've watched you on this journey of decide.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, that level of excellence for everything isn't worth it?
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Or how would you describe how you've started assessing like not lowering your standards, but deciding what is worth it.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Or how would you describe how you've started assessing like not lowering your standards, but deciding what is worth it for what event?
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah, I think I I don't know.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I think like getting in touch with like different seasons of life is important too, because it's like I think I'd always hold myself to like the highest standard, where it's like I have the most money and like the most energy and I'm like, oh, this is what I could produce at my best, and so like that's the standard and I always kind of want to meet it, and also it's like a creative outlet too, so I'm like, oh, like what could I do with this?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: And like I do want, you know, people to feel really like taken care of and like valued and like kind of spoiled in a way.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Um, and so I think that I just would always kind of hold myself to that same standard, regardless of what else was going on in my life, how much money I had how much?
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: energy I had, and so I think, yeah, like I would hold myself to my own ideal.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: It wouldn't necessarily be like I'm like, oh, it needs to look like this person on Instagram.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: It would be like, oh, what's the best I've ever done.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: It needs to be like at least that good.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I think some people struggle with comparison for other people, but I actually think like getting haunted by like high marks of seasons, past or capacities in the past can actually steal more from us in a way that we don't know, because we knew we were able to produce that at one point.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: So we can kind of justify the subtle judgment or it not being enough, um, when we're not able to do it in this season.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So I just love.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Actually, I just released an ebook that is called she's laughing because I texted her.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Today I was like I kind of wrote my first book.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so proud though.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: But the point of the book is called Peaceful Holiday Planning is realizing like, oh, actually, let's vocalize what our expectations are and decide the edits, Because otherwise I find myself I don't know as like as I love to host, I love parties, I love fun, so I was on this hamster wheel of it's almost never enough but I'd be exhausted.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: But I was like it was kind of self-imposed as well and I think I feel like you can relate to a bit of that too.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: And I was like, and it's also an expression of how I love people and care because I have such a heart for community.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: So my journey has been scaling back to what's the actual goal and purpose behind the event.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I actually do this for a couple of the exercises in my book, because then I'm going to work my way and decide what's worth the effort, what's not, and then not get 10 out of 10 for all the areas because probably with the limited capacity of this season I'm going to have to let one of them go.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: But if I powerfully choose in advance, I don't feel like that.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It's never enough failing shame message, even when I'm like giving so much.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, cause you're choosing it.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it does feel powerful, yeah, and I think I'm totally going to botch this quote.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not as good at Aaron remembering like, who said what and exact quotes, but it's like ideal, like like is the enemy of good, where it's like if we hold ourselves to, yeah, this ideal, then it's like you're almost always going to be kind of disappointed and I feel like the people in your life can feel that like when you feel disappointed and it's like, I don't know, it's like they almost experience it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Second hand of like, oh, like you know, mom's disappointed or, like you know, and she's been working so hard and, yeah, she like frustrated, frustrated with us for you know, blanket on the event.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: So you work so hard and then it's like you're still disappointed.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: It's kind of a bummer.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I heard you said that I was like it's secondhand smoke, it's secondhand disappointment.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: It kind of lingers and everyone's aware of it and it's in the room.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: That's so good, I think.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just the idea, I think for me.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I noticed like as a habit coach, idealism is one of the things people have to.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: It feels different than perfectionism, perfectionism, idealism is like what you want it to feel like.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: On all these, levels.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: How would you?
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: describe the vision.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like the vision of like possibility, like what could be, and I think perfectionism is maybe a little bit more I don't know like right and wrong, like critical Um but I think idealism too, is like dreaming visionary, and it's almost more sometimes.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I think experience, focus and external or perfectionism could be more internal.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't measure up or do enough versus I'm disappointed in this event or how our family showed up or whatever.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So I think the reason I wanted to have this have you on now is because I think idealism really rears its head in Christmas season, like holiday season, because we've all these traditions and our hearts are to make it connecting and memorable and fun.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: But without intentionality, idealism can kind of creep into our expectations of what that means and then again we get on the hamster wheel of it's never enough and then mom's kind of cranky or for me I would say, the cost of letting idealism run the ship or tell me what my expectations are, even if it's subconscious, is usually I get a little bitter and resentment and I feel blamey that no one either.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: It's the subtle things, but I'm just gonna be honest.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I'll think like no one appreciated all that I did or how much this cost me or the work I put into it, or I feel resentment, like I'm alone carrying this or shouldering it.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I guess it's kind of like an aggressive self-pity.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: It's usually the cost of it for me.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: How would you say that?
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: It like what's the cost of it for you when idealism creeps in?
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Well, I think for people who do kind of like create or host or visionaries, whatever people who try to get their stuff out there, like it's like we're aware of our, our, the possibilities of our influence in like a good way and we're like, oh, we could create this beautiful thing in this beautiful experience, but it's almost like we are blind to like what our influence could be in a negative way, like when we're not doing good and you know cause.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: We're like, oh well, we're creating this beautiful thing and then we're kind of, yeah, we just don't realize, like, oh well, we're kind of a thermostat, like our attitude kind of cancels out like the beauty that we're creating.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: If our kids are experiencing it.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Because of, like stress, or what would you say?
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: yeah, stress, or even just for me it's like being drained, like all you know, like I have multiple jobs and then I might be planning this thing, and to me it's like it's also a little bit selfish, because it's like something to look forward to in my life and like something to like have a creative outlet, and so I think sometimes I also realize that I'm doing it for me, like I'm doing it to like have fun and to like focus on something that's not just like the norms of life, um, and also an excuse to like buy pretty things.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: That almost feels altruistic, because it's like for them for the experience.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: I'm doing it for the children.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: It's so true I realized how much of my spending habits or even sugar habits I would thinly veil, my motivation being like it's for the kids that'd be eating all the cookies, or like yeah, well, I gotta buy this to myself too, while I'm getting them new jeans yeah oh, so me actually.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Just I think, taking an honest look at some of my motivation and then like does it stay there?
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Is it like veering off course?
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: yeah, that that's a good point.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think I also notice sometimes too, is that I would like burn myself out so much in advance, like planning for it, like shopping for it, preparing or even like cleaning up that, like once it came time for actual connection, I would be spent and I would almost have this sense of entitlement where it's like, oh well, I've earned my rest, kind of Not like leave me alone.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: You're like oh well, I've earned my rest.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Kind of no like, leave me alone.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: You're like this is here, this is for you.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I've been working really hard, but leave me alone, you're welcome.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: And like not all the time, I mean oftentimes I would look forward to the connection part, but I think that I don't know.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Maybe I think I got and I still do struggle with it like get some identity from it where it's like oh, this is like a value I provide, like a service I provide to like my family and friends and like maybe they can't get this from other friends.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I think identity can be wrapped up in it too.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: And I think there's an aspect that's helpful.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: You know, like it is part of cause.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I would say, like creating, hosting is on your life, but I think the idea of like what's the word?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: That a strength overgrown can be a weakness.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So, I think, recognize.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I think that's sometimes the reason people don't prune it or um cause they get praised for it or restrained because they're like I'm X, x, that's excellence, is what we're supposed to do, or, um, I'm helping so many people do all these things.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: So I think just this awareness for me it's been like I'm not saying pull this out, like, yes, this is true, you are, you're not removing this bush from the garden but, actually it is overgrown and taking over other areas that aren't.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: It's not meant to.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: So kind of managing myself to still be part of my identity, but like within bounds.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's just like what they say with kids, like if a kid has a particular strength, like maybe they're really smart, maybe they're really good at something, they can sometimes get too much identity from it because that's all they're praised for, and so then they don't really pay attention to other areas of their life.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Or if they start failing in that area, they have an identity crisis, and so I really I think I do relate to that- Wow, and I wonder how many like as moms, like in this, making the memories for the kids, do we get idealism and then some identity that's unhelpful wrapped up.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's not even true.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Like um, for example, I asked my son recently um like, oh, what are your favorite parts of Christmas?
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Like, what are you most looking forward to?
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Um, cause, we're spending Christmas together this year.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I get him every other Christmas and, um, he thought for a long time actually, and he said family.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: And I was like and I generally don't think he was trying to impress me I'm like I think that's genuinely what's most important to him.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: And then I was like, ok, walt, check, that's going to be there.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I'm like what else?
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: And he's like hide and seek.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I don't remember if we've ever played hide and seek.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: But you're like it's on there now.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're kind of projecting to it, but yeah, so I think that often the things that the people we love value are not at all what we think or that what we value.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: That's so good and real.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: So let's just break this down some practicals.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: What I would love, as you're listening to this, to think about where has idealism grown out of bounds in your life?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's part of your identity but, even going into the holiday season, where could you scale it back to the traditions?
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: You have, being good enough and be taking an honest look at some of your motivation and the results from last year?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Actually, in my, my book about Christmas, I have a thing that, like makes you look at the outcome, the emotions that everyone experienced.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: And then if you're going to pause it, cause I think we could just kind of gloss over like this is what we do.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: But I think, taking some honest looks, we had to do this as a family with baking and we're like so we bake cookies so that we decorate them, that's just like an obvious go-to.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: But then realizing it's actually too much for my kids' age, they usually get mad, or I get mad because I bought all the ingredients and they last 10 minutes maybe of interest for now at my kids' age, and then they're fighting that so-and-so got to do more than others.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: So then I'm like managing a fight and then they leave at some point and then I'm baking the rest by myself and then by the time they're out they're like are they ready yet?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm just mad at them and grumpy and they lost interest.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And then I'm like forcing them to finish decorating them because you'll finish, and I'm like wait, that's actually not the point of any traditions.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: So for one of the ways we scale back is we usually do kits, like I will bake a cookie, but we don't actually decorate the cookies we bake because it's too long.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of sometimes I think through like how could I break them up to more manageable bites for the kids because their attention span.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: So we'll bake cookies.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: We have some holiday, only ones, but that's it Like a 10 to 15 minute.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: And then we have gingerbread.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Like actually just literally bought them at Target.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: There's like four pack for 12 bucks.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like perfect.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: So then they get their decorating moment.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: But for me, my idealism being like they don't have to be the combo, it's like beyond their capacity in mind.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: That was just one of the ways that we scaled back.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: And then another thing we do is we go caroling every year which is so fun but I'm laughing at in this idea of kind of like offensively small, like chunking them out.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: I make it like three traditions in one.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: So one week we write the little we make handwritten um invitations to the neighbors we usually go to like six houses.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: So that's like one week, and then like a few days later, on the next week, we actually pass them out and then eventually we actually go caroling.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: But I get like almost like three things out of one, if that makes sense.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: So I do that with other things where I'm like okay, how can I actually make them offensively small and get more bang for my buck out of one tradition?
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Um, and it makes it meaningful because they talk about, even in our brains, the anticipation of something.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: We get as much of a dopamine hit as the actual thing.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: So I've actually I think I heard that three or four years ago and as a mom I was like done.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I'm changing my tactic where I'm going to play out the anticipation way more than the event.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: So my perspective with like traditions has changed, where I, instead of home runs, I try to just do solid like get on base, like in the analogy of like baseball, I just try to hit a solid single get on base the things that I think I don't know if you can relate to this the things I think are going to be home run aren't, oh my gosh, almost never Right Like I'm, like no one cares.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: You made this from scratch.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I would care if someone told me that they made this from scratch.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Literally no one cares and I wasted so much time and money on this and like, yeah, why did I do that to myself?
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know, and you don't have resentment in those moments you actually just noticed it, that you did it to yourself.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: I think, I don't know, maybe I just feel Good job I don't know, I actually don't know what I feel in those moments I think I'm just like like why, yeah, why did I do that to myself?
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I do, maybe feel disappointed, or I, I think maybe I try and convince people like I'm like guys.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Did you know this chocolate was from France?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: So you try to like, almost like, be your own hype.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine this?
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: is amazing.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I like, I like sell it a little hard and then I'm just like afterwards I feel like this, like you know where you're in your own head.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: A little bit afterwards I'm like why did I hype myself up so hard?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: That's so embarrassing.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: See, at least you did that I would I go on the other one.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like why are we even at the pumpkin patch?
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: No one wants to be here and they're like oh, but I'm like sorry, sorry, mommy's got to manage her attitude.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I think that's actually one of my boundaries for myself with traditions is I have to be able to manage the effort I put in has to manage their attitudes bombing and no one appreciate it.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Then it's like oh, that's when I know I can control myself.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Still, is that like I did enough that I'm like, if no one appreciates it, I'm still fine and I'm going to.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: It's enough for me versus yeah, Does that make sense?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Like having a deficit, where I need them to show up a certain way to be okay.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: I'm like no, actually this is fine, which I think I mean and that's been part of my journey like recognizing codependency too is like feeling very influenced by like people's.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: You know, recognizing that I feel very influenced by people's reaction to me, or like the things that I'm doing for them and, yeah, filling my identity too wrapped up into that and learning how to be okay if other people aren't okay is still a journey.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: That's a good line.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: As you're saying this, I'm like I wonder, with some of our idealism around traditions, especially ones that are significant.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I wonder how much of it is us being codependent too with their wanting them to experience it the way we had hoped.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and sometimes I'm like maybe it would even go even further the other way.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: If I was really just doing it for the joy of like what is important to me, maybe I'd get even fancier with some things and then totally scrap other things Like if I wasn't doing it for like what I think that they might like.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Well then, I think that's kind of what I've been trying to rework in myself is like what are the areas Like?
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: I know it sounds silly but I think of it like almost like there's five sections to this party, you know, like cleanliness of my house, food connection, vibe or activity.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, those are actually the ways I think about a party.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I've never focused on that before.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And then I decide which one I'm going to be lesser or like okay, I can't give a hundred percent to all of them, so what's the most.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Mine's always like connection and activity usually, and then cleanliness and food go negatively down so I'll either ask other people to bring it or not do food.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that blows people's mind that I do food, lists, events, but I'm like actually it's a lower I think of you know and habits.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: You're supposed to do them so small so it's a lower barrier to entry.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: So, I'm like, if my goal is actually community building and connection or an experience for the kids, I want to have a lower barrier of entry where I don't make it too high that I avoid doing things.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, if it's actually about caroling, maybe I'll have some Trader Joe's cookies.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Like in my head, my idealism when.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I'm planning this, not karaoke.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I said the wrong thing.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: Caroling.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I had imagined.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: I was like maybe we'll have cookie decor.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: I'm being just honest, when I first envisioned it, I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone dressed up and I like the so stoked to be there and everyone's in good moods and maybe there'll be cookie decorating stations and hot chocolate.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: And then I that's always my first plan and I think with ideals I'm like, okay, let's scale it back, let's.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: And then I like, scale it.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, what's the like, what is actually the essential goal?
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And then I build backwards from just like this dream picture versus does that make sense to actually?
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: get into the heart of it and then building accordingly, yeah, yeah, and I I think that's a good like.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: I like how you broke that down into like, yeah, vibes, food, like people, and you saying, like creating a lower barrier, uh, barrier of entry, that's for other people too, where it's like I sometimes I have events that maybe, like my expectations, might like leak out onto other people too, where they might feel like, oh no, I need to like bring this thing to, like the dinner party, or like dress up this much and maybe they're less likely to come because, like, I'm projecting those expectations too.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: That's an interesting point.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I hadn't thought that I do.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: There are certain friends that have really high standards that I feel scared to bring food to contribute to because I don't cook at their level I had never thought about it.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: On that perspective Okay.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Can you give us an example of something that you've noticed idealism, like what your ideals would tell you an event, tradition should look like it could be holiday, it doesn't have to be Christmas specific.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: And then what did it look like to scale back and kind of like, what were the results?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: So if you're thinking about like a scientist, like this is what you experimented with changing and then what were your results?
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: um, so yeah, I think one.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Um, I mean, I do think that most of my holidays I would just go all out and I'd be like what is beautiful and like rare or I don't know, would be like a fun experience, and I would say I do typically focus on food, so it's like one Easter, you know, I might like create this like amazing cake with like edible flowers.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: And, um and one year I was just working so much and I was like I still really want to host, like I really enjoy hosting, I love having everyone at my house, uh, family.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Um, and I was like I, I just can't, like I, I cannot, and so I got so much like pre-made food from Costco and like, wow, you can get literally everything.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: You can get the entire thing and I'm like, wow, I've really been cheating myself these years trying to make everything from scratch.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I would have made all that stuff from scratch, like the scalloped potatoes.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: You don't understand how revolutionary it is that my friend, serena, just said she bought all of her Easter meal.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's get a little more nuanced.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: When you were buying it at Costco, what's your internal resistance?
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Did you feel shame?
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Did you feel like you're dying, or had you already made?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Peace with it Like it's more important to host than how did it feel internally, I feel like it was happening as I was doing it.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: I was just like dying to myself and like my idealism Cause I'm like, but I'm like.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: But the thing is, though, I know the food is good and like I know that I would enjoy it too, and, like as a kid, sometimes you kind of like pre-made food better than, like you know, fancy food, and so I'm like oh you know, like my niece Isabel will really like this, probably better than like this other thing that I might spend two hours making.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: And so um.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: So you kind of like cast vision for yourself on the benefits and how it could go well, versus just catastrophizing Cause.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes people loop to that when they have to lower their seniors.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: They're a victim to it.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: And then they.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: It almost robs them from the margin.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: They could have gotten back by editing, you know yeah.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: And it's crazy too, cause it's probably even cheaper, like there were so many benefits that later I'm like, oh my gosh, I just like hit the easy button, um, and it was great, and I felt way more peaceful and like when I tell you the amount of dishes were probably like a 10th of what they usually are and like it costs less time, it was less dishes.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Then emotionally, did the holiday feel less and you can break it apart if certain, certain parts did yeah, like, instead of and again this kind of goes back to, like the Martha comparison instead of like getting up from the table like 10 times, to like get stuff out of the oven and like serve people and be like, oh, do you need like a refill on that wine or that drink?
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Um, and just, and kind of like being like a hawk, like watching everyone and being like hyper vigilant about like what they needed, I like just really enjoyed myself and like and also I let other people get stuff because I didn't feel like I was managing it.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: I wasn't project managing the food and so I wasn't like, oh, I have to add butter to the sauce at this time.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: So, like you can't help me and I think I have a I have a really hard time delegating when I am in idealism because I don't know, maybe it's like controller vision and I, and I think that some of it too, is lack of planning, and so I've tried to get better with if I do want to like be a little extra, I will actually take the time to make a list of things that I can delegate to other people, so that.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: I don't feel lonely in my cooking, like I don't feel like it's like I'm just serving.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like it is more collaborative, I feel supported, um, but sometimes it's just a lack of planning where I'm like I don't know what to tell you to help me when other people offer to help Cause they do always offer to help Like I'm not like poor me over here just like cooking and providing for everyone.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Like Cinderella, back in the kitchen.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: And so people always offer to help, people always bring stuff, people always help clean up, but it's like they can't share the burden of the stress if I don't prepare to be supported.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, she didn't set this up, but you just set this up.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: One of the chap the sections in my book is actually called roadmap tounion, because I think with family trips there's so many unmet expectations and if we don't plan ahead a bit, then one person's in the kitchen or scrambling for the food, or even just beyond food.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: We were talking about what would be a hope for the trip.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: So one of the parts in my book is actually talking through food planning.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Here are some options.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: Here's how you could start that conversation.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: How do you want to break it up?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: And I think people sometimes think it sounds intense, but we're so because we've been doing this for a few years as a family.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: It's such a chill flow.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: But me knowing that I'm not doing breakfast enables me to show up differently for the lunch duties because I know someone else has agreed and already has a plan for breakfast.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: And then I don't feel as lonely and then I'm more present in breakfast.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: And then I don't feel like it feels shared and no one feels like controlled, because sometimes if I didn't plan ahead in the moment, I'd be like do this, don't do that, and I'd either be more lonely or like a barking orders.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: So a little bit of forethought, I feel like, really helps get the support without it feeling triggering.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe, it's cluing people in and then they're also getting to choose.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: If you get an advanced notice of like these are some things I can help with versus stir faster, fred, I know.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Or sometimes, yeah, when I've lacked planning, but I was like scrambling, like I would ask a friend to like pick something up and it would totally stress them out because they're like, uh, what, what does that vegetable look like?
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: And then they just feel like a failure, what you don't know.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Literally I've never met a more bougie extra friend with cooking.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: So she's not just a good cook, she's literally had, uh, she's taken chef schools, that's yep.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Chef classes Yep, go with it.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Clearly I'm not the chef at the table in uh for Thai food.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: She's actually gone to France and gotten French cooking lesson Like she's legit, you guys.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: So when she tells you to pick up a vegetable, it's literally like I'm sorry, I promise I'm an adult, but I've never heard of that vegetable before, and where would I buy it?
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: So and I'm like why do I put people in that position?
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Like it's so silly.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: You're like uh, albino rutabakers are obviously found sprouts.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: But something that you said like when you're saying like oh, it can feel kind of intense to like have the conversations ahead of time, I think that it's more just, yeah, like people can feel awkward, but I think it's similar to like you know, sometimes you go to different, like friends, like their family's house, or like you know a partner's house for the first time, and you realize like oh, they're, you know, their way of like engaging is just different than mine and so maybe for them, like asking questions or talking about their day, like that might actually feel awkward to them.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: So I think it's just like breaking through into like the unknown and but I think it's a worthy cost and it honestly can be uncomfortable to be like everyone.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Sit down, we're going to talk about expectations or start that group text and be like hey guys, like because it does feel a little bit vulnerable to be like let's talk about things that we don't talk about, that like kind of upset people.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I literally have this chat Like one of the sections is and keep um like a protected heart, like because it is.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: There's so many times that I start the conversation and it's vulnerable and people don't know, but then have to keep following up, which I think that's where we miss it.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, oh, it was hard enough to do it.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: This, I'm not going to follow up.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: And now I'm like dogmatic.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I'm like I know this benefits all of us, so I do it kindly.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: But I'm like would love to hear what you're thinking about the trip or whatever kind repetition could be.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: But I know that it's a benefit to all of us and I'm not going to be intense about whatever we come up with.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: But having no plan, so much more opportunities for accidental, like stepping on people's toes, or missed, like unvocalized expectations.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Actually, didn't you guys um, start doing like a literal conversation, not about meal planning but about trip expectations?
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it started with um.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: We were doing a huge family reunion in Yosemite and I don't know how this happened, um, but my uncle and I were really the ones planning it and he asked for a phone call one day, um, and he did you feel nervous?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Um, maybe a little bit.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: So I lived with this aunt and uncle for a while and so he's definitely very much like a father figure to me and like he could be pretty strict in certain ways.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, yeah, what did I do wrong?
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Am I in trouble?
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: But he's actually like, over the past years, has really like grown so much in like emotional intelligence and just like care and sensitivity and I really like been wanting to like take pages out of his book for that.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: But he, yeah, literally just called to chat about, like what was important to me about the trip and you know, he, yeah, he asked like hey, what do you want it to feel like?
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Like what are you hoping it will feel like, like what things are you hoping will happen?
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: And I was just like absolutely shocked, because I'm like I don't even know if I've thought about that.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Like I think that I was so in admin mode, I literally made like, uh, like, an internet page for the reunion so that like people could like get the info, oh, and so that we could share meal planning, because there, you know, there are typically people who are like will more step forward.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: And then, you know, and so I was like I'm going to divide it evenly whether you guys like it or not, but um, uh, and so, yeah, and I like, wow, I just felt really like cared for that.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: He would even like consider that.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: Because I think sometimes also, you just get used to like your roles with each other and I like I was like, oh, he's, he's speaking to me like an adult and I am an adult, but I'm like, oh, you, just, you just get used to.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: I think, even with siblings, like older siblings, where it's like you might defer to people, or I think that sometimes that's what those conversations do is kind of break that, where it's like, oh, we're all like peers in a way, and so it's like we all like need to be equally heard.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: And so it just made me think about like, oh yeah, what do I want it to feel like Like I could, it could be a success on paper and everyone makes all the meals they're supposed to make and we do the things that like we usually do in Yosemite and like, but people leave feeling disconnected, um, but I think that's so common with family trips.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: You said something really good, though, about like you realized it was coming from a thoughtful place, and I think that would be like my when I send them to.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I think, um, in the past, just in general my own journey with structure I had experienced people who are highly structured, valuing the structure over relationship.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: So I would probably have resisted doing something like this in years past because I wanted it to be organic.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I don't want anyone to feel controlled.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: But what I realized is that, without any talks about it, most of us left somewhat disappointed.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, the absence of no structure doesn't actually just simply equal connection.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: It's a little bit chaotic and like there's no control, that's for sure, but there's not necessarily the connection that I was hoping for.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: So I think even when I send the text out actually literally the book have a script of what to say, because some people just get so frozen.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: But when I send the text out, in my heart posture, it's like thoughtfulness for connection.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: It's not an attempt to build this like rigid control for the trip.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Like I actually want to hear what you want, so that we could.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I think it feels like collaboration.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: So let's like get there together so that we all feel like heard and connected.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Now you do that with your family too, right.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: So, um, we went, uh, as a family to Hawaii and I, yeah, I like well, it's the first time that I'd done that um, that I had led that conversation, and I was like, hey guys, let's all go sit on the balcony and like I would love to like talk about, like what is like most important to you guys, like what you want from this trip.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Um, and, like you know, made sure that all the kids were there.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Um, and you know it is a little awkward, it's like everyone sit down now and they're like what are you making us do?
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: And they're like oh, you know, no, I mean, they're very gracious about it.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: But it's like I think that I can sometimes like imagine the conversations people have in their head and that trips me up sometimes, where I'm like, oh, they probably want to unpack, like I know they want to eat.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Like I don't want to yeah.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Or it's like I don't want to be, like trying to make myself out to be the leader.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Like I don't want to be like a bully, Like I don't.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Just I have so much internal dialogue that really freezes me up.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: But, um, and so I got like a little like note card and like we went around You're so cute, you got a note.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: I did, of course, I did, and then I kept it in my wallet the whole time so that, um and yeah, like each kid and, you know, an adult were like, oh, this, like if, if I was able to do this, like it would feel like this trip is a success and it's like, so my sister-in-law, like hers, was like seeing the sunset and um turtles well see what I love, though, because when we do this, what I realized, I think I thought over, felt overwhelmed by the quantity that there would be if every person got one but I realized how we could stack some of them like oh like
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: that person really wants to go to that specific beach, let's go at sunset, so that it's like two wins.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: It's kind of yeah, I know I think about habits all the time, but I'm like it's like habit stacking we get two for the price of one, but because you know in advance you can just be a smidge more intentional and it like means more for a few people rather than just one person's list.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah I was going to ask do you have any examples of a couple like little?
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: I think it's always fun to hear other people's traditions with their kiddos, so do you have any examples of Christmas stuff that you enjoy doing with Teddy?
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: It could be, you know, like reading this one book or slowly doing this or yeah, I think reading is really big for us and it's like some of my favorite Christmas memories was my grandpa reading test by the fire, and so I think we yeah, we definitely make space for that and I do a lot of, yeah, wood burning fires oh that's sweet, I just like, because that's a great example if you just increase your intentionality there it's not like something totally new or different, because I think sometimes I I think to make it christmasy, it has to be.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: You know, you pull it out of the garage once a year versus just like.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, this is like we'll just increase the intentionality of this thing.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: That already happens, you know and I think, and I'm trying to think of our traditions.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know why my mind is going blank, but I think also.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Well, I got, uh, like a reusable advent calendar, so it's like a wood, wooden shelf with like a pullout drawers.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: Um, cause my son has food allergies and so I would have to like buy his own chocolates.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I can get like a traditional calendar and then I bought like some advent cards to like read, so he'd have to have to pay for his treat with his time and attention, so like it was really cute though Cause then he for some reason we'd always do it in the hallway and there's like a little beanbag in the hallway and he would like start to like prepare for it.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And so he would like sometimes just like sit down in his beanbag in the hallway and like wait but he would like really patiently, like when I would read you know, like the advent, you know verse or whatever, and so yeah, that's great actually just confession is that we have never done the advent reading as a family.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Um, that was part of actually what inspired my peaceful Christmas planner book.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: Is that realizing I wanted to actually get an advent habit and I think the concept's there, but I realized, like with other things, if I think I peaceful Christmas planner book is that realizing I wanted to actually get an advent habit and I think the concepts there, but I realized, like with other things, if I think I could do it whenever it's often never so, just increased intentionality for it.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: And, um, for me with the win with the kids, is that, um, I needed a reward.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: Like you said, aaron had asked that we don't do chocolates today.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: I was like okay, so I was trying to find something else.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: So I actually found um, so I made like a list.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: In my book there's like a actual little tracker.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: It's actually free too.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: So I'll put the link to the free advent tracker um in the show notes for this podcast.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: But in the book the thing that I did to upgrade it um, was I made a 24 list of corresponding um for the kids' cartoons.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: So we're going to read it and then they get to watch their like four minutes or less the clip.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: So that's like their reward.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Because and it was cool, because, okay, I just have to say I thought this was going to take me like 30 minutes to make this little YouTube clip.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: It took me hours.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: So I feel like I have watched all that the internet has to do cartoon, biblically, advent or whatever, um, but that being said, what I noticed is the kids.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: I think there's part of me just even talking about idealism.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: I feel a bit ashamed, like maybe some guilt, for like adding a video to like a Jesus thing.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Isn't that so weird People moralize technology in the weirdest ways and all the things for it.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: I'm letting.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: I'm letting that go.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Personally, I'm working through that because what I realized even when I was watching them, I connected dots and connected with the Advent story in a whole different way, seeing it pictured.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, this is going to be such an asset for my kids so I'm excited about it's like a link tree with like every Advent corresponds with a video clip.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: So I think it's going to be really fun.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: But we're actually going to do it this year.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: It's going to be amazing.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: I'm excited for you and you know what I think just personal opinion that if Jesus was here today, he'd be using video clips to reach people, because how is that different than parables?
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Like he, taught people in the way that they could receive it and that they could understand it and like trusted, like the spirit, to guide them.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I think he just broke off 10 years of mom guilt.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: That was so good.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I was going to say one other tradition that is totally funny and just ours is.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: You know this tradition.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: Serena and I are really good friends.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Last year or two years ago.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: Two years ago, I got this.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: You guys are all familiar with the inflatables that go in people's front yard.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Well, I found one.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, she's laughing.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: She knows where I'm going with this.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I found one that gets in your car, so you plug it into your car lighter and then it blows.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: It's a sand that blows up in your front seat and my kids love it, they lose their mind.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: So our little habit is, frankly, in December, probably three to four nights a week after dinner, instead of like we walk a lot after dinner in the summer, but in for december we plug it in and we put all the windows, we put on coats and we just go sing christmas songs.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh combo of like drive by caroling and usually wesley's out the like that is chaotic, I love it and then um, and then anyone's walking by.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: I always feel bad because he's like look at our sandals, look at it.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: He like harasses.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like buddy, calm down.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Just start throwing candy at them.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: It'll be fine.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: We have our own parade.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: But then the cute part it's so fun and connecting.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: And then we look, this is actually even, like you know, talking about scaling down idealism.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: When I think of lights, maybe we get hot chocolate, but what we do with this habit is, in addition to like plugging in Santa and singing, is we just look at the night lights in our neighborhood all the time.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: So I would have thought like judgmental Jenna would have been like that's lame, the kids aren't going to like it, but it's their favorite thing and when we try to do the bigger lights, they're usually less impressed or get less joy, like when you're thinking about effort versus results.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: We get more joy out of our afternoon or, sorry, post dinner.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: Uh, looking in our neighborhood and we like notice.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: We try to like notice different things every time from the same houses and then it's partially to that like singing loudly, sing along.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, I hope someone tries that.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: It is the most basic holiday tradition, but a lot of bang for your back, no sprinkles involved or sugar, so you're winning I know.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: So yeah, jenna got me one of those.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Uh, santa's blow up Santa's.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: And my son is equally, I think, like embarrassed but also like delighted when he sees it in the pickup line.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: We put it in the front seat, yeah.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: And he's like rolls his eyes, but I could tell he's like secretly pleased when all his friends are like waving and shouting at him as we drive by that's so true I forgot I'll put it in the pickup line too.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: I only do it in december because they want to do it like earlier and I blast christmas music and I actually have, like you know, like the pied piper has, like the teachers are like don't run after cars and I'm like, oh, maybe this is back Anyways.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: So the point, our main takeaway from this podcast episode, would be to look at your traditions this year and look at where can you do good enough versus idealism letting you telling you what success is.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: How can you get off the hamster wheel of doing so much and it never being enough for yourself or by comparison to others?
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: and actually releasing yourself for being honest, what your capacity like you said, serena, like what your capacity is energy, time, budget wise and actually make powerful choices to honor those capacities and then be proud and content with what you have to offer, versus like I don't know, wistfully thinking it would have been better in past or yeah.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: So, just like I think that really is a big key is contentment of what you have and proud and grateful for what you gave, versus I wish you, or you should have, could have, would have.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: So release idealism this season.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: We hope you have a great Christmas.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: You should grab my ebook it's only $17,.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: Peaceful Christmas Planner.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: There's five sections.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: There's the first one you do hopes for the holiday.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: It's like three or four worksheets to define what your goal is.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Then I actually have something called the tradition tracker, where it's multiple pages, where, like I said, I get you to write your tradition down.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: What were the results, what were your emotions and are you going to tweak it.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: And then I have you actually brainstorm edits for the ones you need to scale back.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: And then there is the I think it's practical planning and I walk you through a bunch of components of like, okay, plug in those traditions on your month calendar, and then it gives you weekly ones as well.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: And then, obviously, the reunion roadmap on how to vocalize expectations so that you thoughtfully collaborate as a group to build your trip in a way that feels connecting.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: And then the last one, the last section in my book, is the Advent Habit.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: And not only does it take you through that, you'd have access to the 24 video clip for anyone who buys my book.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: That's in that, and then I have a private Facebook group for accountability for people who want to do the whole Advent habit this season.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: You get to access to that automatically by buying my book, so the link is in my show notes.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Have a great Christmas season everybody.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Thanks for coming.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Serena, thank you.