Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #863 The Book That Kylie Couldn't Put Down

Transcript

#863 The Book That Kylie Couldn't Put Down · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just once answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Now, it's been a while since we've done this book club, Kylie.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: You've been reading books. I've been reading books.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: And once a month or thereabouts we make a bit
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: of a departure from parenting and just share I don't know,
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  Speaker 3: life stuff, the things that we're reading, the things that
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: we've been inspired by, all that we haven't because.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: We know that everyone loves a good book, well almost
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: everyone loves a good book, so this is not going
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  Speaker 1: to be a surprise to you. But I have about
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: seven books that I can talk about from the last month,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: month and a half since we last recorded a book
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: club podcast. How many have you got for us?
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  Speaker 2: I've been really slow the last couple of months. I
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: picked up a book. It was six hundred and twenty
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: eight pages.
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  Speaker 1: I'm looking at the book that you've got on the desk.
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  Speaker 1: Is that the one that you're going to talk about?
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Is I don't know what the word is. It's a tone.
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  Speaker 1: It looks like it's heavy.
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  Speaker 2: And so I think that that may have had something
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: to do with that.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fair enough. Not to mention the fact that we're
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: running a household with all these kids, and we've become grandparents.
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  Speaker 2: I've got two this month.
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  Speaker 1: Okay too, Well, why don't you go first and we'll go.
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  Speaker 1: You me, you me. Let's hear about your first book.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: So the first book I.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Read was Kate Morton's Homecoming. This was the six hundred
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  Speaker 2: and twenty eight pages. It's like the Bible. It was massive,
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  Speaker 2: and I was really excited to pick this book up. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: but I was also really daunted by just how big
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: it was. And to be honest, while Kate has actually
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: crafted a ridiculously enthralling and captivating story, her beginning was
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: actually quite confusing, and because of the space in my life,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: not being able to read it with any level of
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: continuity or consistency meant that each time I picked it up,
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: I kind of had to read back over what I'd
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: read to kind of get a sense of where I
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: was at and where she was going.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes an author makes you work a bit harder than
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: you've got the capacity to work. It's not necessarily poor writing.
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  Speaker 2: No, and I don't think it was. I think that literally,
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: normally I would have read every night, yea, but this
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  Speaker 2: would often be you know, four or five days between.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, right, And if you're taking that big of a gap,
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  Speaker 1: you kind of can't remember the names of the character
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  Speaker 1: or who's related to who and how.
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  Speaker 2: And there's lots of different perspectives that she's writing from,
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  Speaker 2: so kind of taking it from all of those different
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  Speaker 2: perspectives got a little bit confusing because of the length
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  Speaker 2: of time span between each read. But in saying that,
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  Speaker 2: by the time I got to kind of the crux,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: once everything fell into place, I was so captivated. I
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: didn't want to eat, I didn't want to sleep. I
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: just wanted to read I love that and find out
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: what was happening. And not only that, she completely blew
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: me out of the water. Every conceivable outcome I had
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  Speaker 2: thought I knew just went out the window and it
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  Speaker 2: was none of them.
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  Speaker 1: So in thirty seconds or less, what's the book about?
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  Speaker 2: Book set in the Adelaide Hills in the nineteen late
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  Speaker 2: nineteen fifties, and it's a small towel and there is
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  Speaker 2: a family who was murdered on Christmas Eve and so.
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  Speaker 1: Sounds kind of morbid. So this is like a true
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  Speaker 1: crime kind of novel. Yeah, member, Maybe it's not a
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: true crime. Maybe it's a fiction crime. Yeah, but it's
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: a crime novel.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's definite Obviously there's a dark side to
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: its sounds like it, but it's it's really a story
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  Speaker 2: about family history and how march the relationships that you
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: have within your families determine your ability to want to
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  Speaker 2: protect the people you love. So it's one of those
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  Speaker 2: stories where it really kind of, I guess, taps into
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: your consciousness and your sense of what's right and wrong
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: and what you would do for the ones that you love.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, now, you were telling me a bit about this
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  Speaker 1: as we're going through it, and I think I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to add it to my list ever expanding books to
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  Speaker 1: read because it did sound really great. What are you
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  Speaker 1: going to give it out of five?
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  Speaker 2: Because it was so tricky Based on my personal experience,
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  Speaker 2: I have to give it a three point five. I
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  Speaker 2: want to give it more. This story was fantastic, but
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  Speaker 2: it was just so hard for me to get into.
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  Speaker 2: I don't actually think that's Kate's fold. I think it's mine,
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  Speaker 2: but based on my personal experience, that's where I'm going.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, my first book, So there are so many that
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  Speaker 1: I want to talk about, but I'm not going to
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  Speaker 1: talk about all seven or eight that I read. I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to pick up on a book called Winner's Take All,
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  Speaker 1: Winners Take All. It's by a guy with a surname
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  Speaker 1: that I'm going to get wrong. Please forgive me for
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  Speaker 1: being well, for not knowing how to say it. His
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  Speaker 1: name is an und gerrit Arrodas. I think that I've
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  Speaker 1: said that right, a nund Gerritaridas and Winners Take All
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  Speaker 1: is a book that well, it was really challenging for me.
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  Speaker 1: The subtitle is the Elite Charade of Changing the World.
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  Speaker 1: So this was a book recommended to me by a
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: colleague who works at Oxford University, and he said, read
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  Speaker 1: this book absolutely amazing. I read a review of it
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: recently with a quote from the Simpsons movie that really
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: sums up what this book is about. The quote is quote,
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  Speaker 1: I'm a rich man and wanted to give something back,
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  Speaker 1: not the money, but something. And essentially what goes on
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  Speaker 1: here is nund Is a former McKinsey analyst. He's a
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  Speaker 1: New York Times correspondent. He's been all over the news media.
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  Speaker 1: He's been awarded this very very prestigious Henry Crown Fellowship
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  Speaker 1: at Aspen. Gets invited onto private planes amid discussions of
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  Speaker 1: drinking projects in Kenya and improved farm supply chains in India.
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  Speaker 1: He's given two TED talks, and yet the whole time
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  Speaker 1: he's living this life. He's basically saying there is something
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  Speaker 1: the matter with this elite life, and essentially he's turning
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  Speaker 1: on everyone who's made a big deal about him. He's
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  Speaker 1: looking at philanthropy and the way the people who are
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  Speaker 1: so wealthy, the multi multi multimillionaire and billionaire people across
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  Speaker 1: the planet, and how they act like they're wonderfully generous
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: because they've got all this money in there trying to
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  Speaker 1: get into philanthropy and do good and give back to
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  Speaker 1: the world, but they're doing it in a way that
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  Speaker 1: is a giant, sweet lipped lie. So he gets into
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  Speaker 1: the heavy stuff, like he's talking about how when they
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  Speaker 1: talk about giving money, they talk about alleviating poverty, but
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  Speaker 1: they won't have conversations about inequality and the structures that
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  Speaker 1: support inequality. In other words, I've got lots of money,
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  Speaker 1: and so long as we don't change the power structure
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  Speaker 1: that makes sure that I keep all my money, I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to do everything that I need to do to
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  Speaker 1: make it look like I'm being very generous, but of
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  Speaker 1: course I'm maintaining the system and the structure that facilitates
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  Speaker 1: my endless supply of huge sums of money so that
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  Speaker 1: I can keep on bringing it in and then just
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: decide who I'm going to help, when I'm going to
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  Speaker 1: help them, and how I'm going to help them. It's
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  Speaker 1: a really heavy book.
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  Speaker 2: So he's really talking about the fact that in order
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: for systemic change to take place, it actually we need
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  Speaker 2: to look at the very system that yes creating the inequality.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's basically saying the system is wrong, the system
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  Speaker 1: is rigged, and the elites at the top are keeping
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: it that way because they get to stay where they are.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It's a blistering critique of the elite class, the political class.
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  Speaker 1: I'll give you an example of it. And this is
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: a really political thing for me to say, but I'm
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: very comfortable saying it. Just recently in the news, like
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: about a month ago, Anthony Albanese's son made headlines because
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Alan Joyce, the CEO of Quantas, gave Albanese's son access
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  Speaker 1: to the Chairman's Lounge, this invite only exclusive club the
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  Speaker 1: frequent flyers, cherry picked, hand picked frequent flyers get to
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  Speaker 1: go into. Now, I've got a friend who is in
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  Speaker 1: the level below that, the highest level you can get,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: and he got me into the lounge recently as he
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  Speaker 1: was visiting the airport at the same time as me.
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  Speaker 1: Instead of going into the virgin lounge that I normally
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: go to, I got to go into this, not the
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  Speaker 1: Chairman's but the first class lounge that Quatus flies. Get
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: this friend of mine, he flies internationally business class and
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: first class all the time for work. That's his business
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  Speaker 1: pays for it. And when I stepped in there there
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: was a chef waiting for my order. I got to
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  Speaker 1: order the most incredible brisket with a side of whatever
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  Speaker 1: I wanted. I mean. And I'm sitting there going this
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  Speaker 1: is not like the virgin lounge that I'm used to
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  Speaker 1: going into, and even that's kind of cool compared to
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  Speaker 1: everyone else who flies cattle class, right, And so I'm
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: looking at this. You just called it cattle Well that's
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  Speaker 1: what people have called it for decades. But this is
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  Speaker 1: the crazy thing. The Prime Minister's son gets this exclusive
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  Speaker 1: invitation into the Chairman's lounge, and there's no way he
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  Speaker 1: gets it except that he's the son of the PM.
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  Speaker 1: It's perks for the boys. It's that kind of idea.
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  Speaker 1: And here's what's really rotten about it. Nobody else in
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  Speaker 1: the political class made any noise about it, because they've
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  Speaker 1: all got their noses in the trough. And if they
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  Speaker 1: start pointing fingers at Albanese and his son for taking
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  Speaker 1: advantage of a perk that this son did not earn
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  Speaker 1: in any way, that would mean that when they get
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  Speaker 1: an opportunity to be in power, they can't take those
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  Speaker 1: perks for themselves in their own families. So this, like
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  Speaker 1: I said, it's just this critique of the elite class
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  Speaker 1: and how they seek to use their their wealth and
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  Speaker 1: their position and their power to look good in their
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  Speaker 1: philanthropy without changing the status quo. Really hard to read,
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  Speaker 1: really challenging with its views, and also frustrating because there
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: was a lack of real solutions. But I'm really glad
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: that I read it, and I was really stretched by it.
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  Speaker 1: So the book is called Winners Take All by Anangerodaradas.
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  Speaker 1: I hope I pronounced the name correctly.
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  Speaker 2: Give it.
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  Speaker 1: I'd give it a four and a half out of five. No, actually,
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  Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to give it a five
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: out of five. I loved the challenge and I loved
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  Speaker 1: the critique. I thought it was good, good, good. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: let's talk about your second book, Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: Well, my second book is called The Secret Life of
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  Speaker 2: You by ca Mary Sackville. Now, I wanted to love
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: this book, right, I really wanted to love it.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I've read a lot of Kerry Sackville stuff. She's all
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: over the internet, like, she publishes a lot, and she's
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I guess you'd call her an opinion writer.
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  Speaker 2: Hmmm, yeah, and so I guess that's probably where i'd start.
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  Speaker 2: She wrote it like she was an expert yep in
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: the area, but she's actually just a person who's had
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: an experience, Okay. And so as I read it, there
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: were definitely things that I highlighted. There were definitely things
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: that stood out to me.
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  Speaker 1: You kept on stopping me from reading my books and saying, hey,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I've got to read this to you, I've got to
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: read that to you. So obviously there were things there
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: that touched nerves for you and that you found useful.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. So her subtitle is how a bit of a
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: loone time can change your life, relationships, and maybe the world.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: And so she came to a point in her life
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: where she recognized that she was living pretty much a
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: life of distraction, with your phone being such a constant
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: presence presence in your life and a constant draw of
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: your attention, right, she just realized that as a whole,
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: she was actually not comfortable in just doing nothing, like
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: to be able to sit we talk about mindfulness, to
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: be able to sit in that place for so many
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: of us is really uncomfortable. And as she started delving
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: into it more kind of on her social networks, she
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: realized that across the board, people were saying the things
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: like why would I spend time in my own head?
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Like I don't want to know what's in there, or
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: that's a dark, scary place, I can't go there, or
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: you know, different things like that, and she just realized
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: how we're living in this society where we actually, in
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: so many cases, don't even know who we are, yeah,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: because we're listening to other people's voices so much. We're
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: just kind of trouting off other people's opinions, other people's
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: thoughts around things, and we actually haven't taken the time
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: to do the deep thinking about who we are and
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: what we stand for and what we want out of
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: our lives. We just kind of just in the rat race.
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  Speaker 1: I talk about doing the inner work, and it sounds
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  Speaker 1: like what she's highlight is we live such busy lives
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: and so I guess so superficially on our screens that
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  Speaker 1: we're not doing that in a work. That's what I'm
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: hearing you say.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we lack intension about how we do things.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, So the Secret Life of You by Kerry Sackville,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: what are you going to give it?
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I'm going to give it a two and a half.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Oh. I was expecting a big score based on the
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: way you spoke about it, but it just didn't resonate
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: for you. Wasn't deep enough, wasn't strong enough.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: No.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I think if she had written it as a memoir,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: huh and kind of just shared her experience, I probably
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: would have enjoyed the process more. But I kind of
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I just felt like she was trying to write from
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: a place of expertise.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: You've been married to me too long.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Instead of just sharing her experienced And it just left
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: me wanting because having gone through this process for myself,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: and I've spent nearly forty years of my life actually
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: being afraid to be alone. I didn't think I could
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: do it, and then finally challenging my own thought processes
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: and putting myself in that situation, have found such a
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: beautiful new lease in life and have come to know
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: myself in a totally different way. So I wanted her
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: to add to my story, but I don't think she did.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, well my last one. I'm going to
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: be really sneaky. I want to tell you about the
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: other books that I've read, but I'm only going to
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: pick one. So I read another book called The Ideas
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Industry by Daniel Dresner. He's an academic. It's all about
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: political science, thought leadership, economics. I didn't understand it well.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I have to take the message in. It probably was
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: a five star book, but I only gave it three
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: because I really didn't understand what I read, and I
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: pushed through it for two weeks. It was such hard going.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: But anyone who's into economics, political science, and thought leadership,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: you might like The Ideas Industry one of my favorite books.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Just recently I interviewed Madonna King on
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: the podcast. I don't know if you heard me talking
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: with her about her brand new book, Saving Our Kids.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: That was a great podcast.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: It was a great interview, definitely worth going back and
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: listening to it. But when we did the interview, I
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: hadn't had the opportunity to read the book. It only
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: arrived the day before and we were going to put
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: postpone it, but the book was coming out, and we
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: just I really wanted to support Madonna in her work.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I've now read the book. This book is the most
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: important book Madonna King has ever written. I just I've
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: got goosebumps talking about it. She's written Being Fourteen, She's
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: written Fathers and Daughters, She's written l players like I've
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: got so many of her books on my shelf because
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: she's prolific. But this book, Saving Our Kids is about
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Task Force Argos and the devastating trade in children that
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: happens online. In terms of explicit content, She's got an
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: inside channel into what the police are doing to try
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: to stem the tide and capture predators, and this book
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: is all about that. It is devastating, it is terrifying.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: It is so hard to read. But of all the
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: books that I've ever read of Madonna Kings, this one
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: will remain in my mind in ways that the others don't.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Not that the others weren't good, but this is just
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: this is her best by far from my perspective. Five stars, amazing, amazing.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: A couple of others really quickly. Joe Prendergast. She's a
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: New Zealand psychiatrist. She's written a book called When Life Sucks.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: It's really for parents of teens who are going through
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: all of the psychiatric kind of dramas. It was a
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: good book. She did a good job. I've got her
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: coming up on the podcast soon, so i won't say
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: anything more about the book for now. You can hear
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: her on the podcast soon. Last one that I'm going
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: to mention is Gene Twangy, Professor Gen Twangy. We had
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: her in the Smells Like Teen Spirit Summit and she
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: wrote a book called Generations. This is where we compare
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: the Boomers to Gen X to Gen Y or Jen
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: why is also known now as Minils if I'm remembering
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: the book correctly, Jen Z and the brand new Generation
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Being Raised. This was a really compelling book. Now I'm
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: not into the whole generational thing. I keep on talking
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: about how there's so much diversity within each generation. And
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: how can you tar an entire generation with one broad brushstroke.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I'm chain tune after reading Gene Twagey's book. It is brilliant,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: five stars generations. Absolutely loved it, And I can't wait
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: to tell you about the book that I'm reading right now.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: It's so good. I'm going to get the author on
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: so that we can have him on the podcast. He
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: lost two of his kids in a car accident while
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: he and his wife were driving, and it's a book
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: about the grief and it is just profound. It's beautiful.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Can't wait to tell you more about that. Hey, we
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: really hope there's some books here that pique your interest
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: and drag you into the depths of enjoying everything that
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: books can be. We will include all the details about
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: them in the show notes. Thanks for listening. The Happy
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Families podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Craig Bruces is our executive producer
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: And if you like morofo about the stuff we've talked about,
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: check the show notes or visit us at Happy families
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: dot com dot au for more about making your family happier.