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Episode 46. Mentoring = Relationship Building · Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries

• 0:00
  Hi again everybody.
• 0:01
  Welcome back to Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries.
• 0:04
  My name is Reed Endersby.
• 0:05
  I'm the Director of Membership Engagement for the Grand Lodge of Minnesota.
• 0:09
  You've heard us talk a lot lately about friendship, relationship building, our sincerity of purpose, all of the ingredients of the brotherhood that we promise and refer to you.
• 0:20
  On a regular basis, new members that are seeking to learn more about the craft are seeking three of the big things they're seeking.
• 0:28
  Connection, meaningful friendships, that authentic brotherhood, knowing that someone has my back.
• 0:35
  Education being the second, an ongoing opportunity to learn something new.
• 0:40
  Now this could be both Masonic and non Masonic.
• 0:42
  Relevant information to someone's personal life.
• 0:46
  And also the big three is community engagement, giving back in a meaningful way.
• 0:50
  serve the greater good.
• 0:52
  But are the words that we say in ritual and proficiency, are they merely part of a transactional approval process?
• 0:59
  Or are the words part of a greater value system that rule and guide to our lives we so frequently talk about?
• 1:06
  Why are we not invested more in imparting the meaning behind the words, reflecting upon them, slowing down to put the meaning behind our working tools?
• 1:17
  How that would apply to a brother's life outside of the lodge in one's daily existence.
• 1:23
  If proficiency in delivering our degrees becomes merely an exercise in rote memorization, how can we not be surprised that new Masons and even tenured members are missing out on the opportunity to put our value teachings at the front and center of their lives?
• 1:41
  Now, for the record, getting the words right is of utmost importance, but how do we square this In the bigger perspective of relationship building our sincerity of purpose My guest today is relatively new to freemasonry Having recently reached the two year anniversary of his master mason degree He was born in brainerd grew up in elk river graduated from high school There Went on to Macalester College in St.
• 2:08
  Paul for his undergrad, where he studied theater and biology.
• 2:12
  Got a job in finance after college and went to grad school for an MBA, kept on acting a passionate actor, by the way, felt the pull to give it a go in Los Angeles.
• 2:22
  Then, met his future spouse in Minneapolis on Match.
• 2:25
  com shortly before he moved away.
• 2:28
  After six months of dating long distance, both he and his future husband Tony moved together to LA, got married in Malibu in 2016, shortly after it was an option.
• 2:39
  Two years later, moved back to Minneapolis to be closer to family because found out they were having twins.
• 2:45
  My guest today petitioned Minneapolis Lodge 19 because he had moved into the Lowry Hill neighborhood and masonry had been on his mind a lot.
• 2:53
  His focus on masonry is mentoring new candidates and fostering brotherhood.
• 2:58
  Focus in life is raising children, being a good husband, acting when the opportunity arises, and sometimes working on home remodeling and restoration.
• 3:06
  Welcome with all that intro, brother Tyler Eklincoba.
• 3:08
  Welcome with all that intro, brother Tyler Eklincoba.
• 3:11
  Thank you, Reed.
• 3:11
  It's great to be here.
• 3:13
  I wanted to share more, or talk about that you have three kids born via IVF.
• 3:18
  What an incredible process that must have been.
• 3:20
  Can you tell us a little bit more about that?
• 3:22
  Yeah, the science behind it is amazing.
• 3:24
  We wanted to have biological children and We weren't sure who they would be from, me or Tony.
• 3:30
  Our doctor said, Do you both want to be dads?
• 3:33
  We could put in two embryos.
• 3:36
  our kids are genetically half siblings.
• 3:40
  They share the same egg donor, but One is from Tony, and one is from me.
• 3:45
  dead ringers to both of you.
• 3:47
  Yeah, they look a lot like us, but they also look a lot like each other.
• 3:50
  People always comment like, oh, are they identical?
• 3:52
  Well, no, it's a boy and a girl.
• 3:54
  Right.
• 3:54
  And what age, what age are your kids?
• 3:56
  They're almost six, the oldest two.
• 3:57
  And then we have another one who was made in that same batch.
• 4:01
  You know, so he's got, he's their sibling as well.
• 4:04
  And how old is he?
• 4:04
  Yeah.
• 4:05
  Two and a half.
• 4:05
  Two and a half.
• 4:06
  A spirited two and a half year old.
• 4:08
  What is life like with twins and a two and a half year old?
• 4:12
  It's great.
• 4:13
  It's chaos.
• 4:15
  It's seeing things through their eyes, in a new way.
• 4:18
  I love Christmas.
• 4:19
  I love holidays because you get to do all the fun stuff that your parents did for you.
• 4:24
  Um, but it's a lot.
• 4:26
  I can only try to imagine that.
• 4:28
  I don't have children of my own.
• 4:29
  I've been the uncle.
• 4:30
  Andrea and I are the aunt and uncle.
• 4:32
  And through those years, it was always fun to be presence at the holiday time birthdays, but getting the noisy toy, here's some sugar, but then we could, we could always say, okay, this has been a fun day.
• 4:43
  And now here back, back to your parents, you go in.
• 4:45
  Yeah, that's gotta be the, the, the chaos of it all.
• 4:48
  It must be quite the adventure.
• 4:49
  Yeah.
• 4:50
  You know, um, It feels cool to be here doing this with you.
• 4:54
  It feels like my Inside the Actor's Studio moment.
• 4:57
  Do you remember that show?
• 4:58
  Yes, of course.
• 4:58
  James Lipton and, yeah.
• 5:00
  Yes.
• 5:00
  So, it was great.
• 5:01
  For people who don't know, the Actor's Studio was an acting school in New York and he would have a celebrity come in and talk to the students and they would record it and you could watch the show.
• 5:10
  And, he would always ask at the end some questions.
• 5:13
  You could do this maybe like a Masonic question.
• 5:16
  But he always asked them the same questions It would be like, what's your favorite word?
• 5:20
  What's your least favorite word?
• 5:21
  What's your favorite sound?
• 5:22
  What's your least favorite sound?
• 5:23
  What turns you on creatively, spiritually, emotionally?
• 5:26
  What turns you off?
• 5:27
  The last question was the best, of course.
• 5:29
  It was, if heaven exists and you arrive at the pearly gates, what would you like God to say to you when you get there?
• 5:35
  But the question of, what's your favorite word, Simultaneously, my least favorite word, because I hear dad 10, 000 times a day.
• 5:42
  But there's so many sweet moments of being a dad where your kids call you daddy or say dad.
• 5:47
  And it's, it's great.
• 5:48
  Is it all in the delivery, depending on the context of mood?
• 5:51
  Oh yeah, I can tell.
• 5:52
  Yeah, I can tell what kind of dad they need right now.
• 5:56
  One, I love the reference to the inside of the actor's studio, but lately I've been watching the Between Two Ferns.
• 6:02
  Oh yeah, Zach Galifianakis.
• 6:04
  Boy, is that, is that funny?
• 6:06
  He's, he has some, we could perhaps adapt this into some combination of, of both of those, but you have been a Mason for a little over two years now and taken on a pivotal role in your lodge.
• 6:19
  And honestly, I have found it quite inspiring, which is why I'm so pleased to have you here as a guest today.
• 6:24
  You have a real passion for authentic connection, friendship.
• 6:31
  We all know the masonic experience is enhanced by people who are authentic and real and void of agendas but your authenticity I have found to be personally impactful in in many ways Sometimes we defer to that mindset that you have to have been involved or a member or had certain, a certain number of years of experience before you could take on a committee or take on a responsibility within the lodge setting.
• 6:58
  And you have been overseeing the mentoring and the proficiency and the whole process behind that.
• 7:05
  at Minneapolis 19 now, almost since, since day one, but tell us about how you became involved in all of the, what was the path to get there for you?
• 7:13
  So it was kind of an odd path.
• 7:17
  We had the secretary of our lodge die, and there was some shifting in the roles and a new person stepped into the secretary role and he had been doing the mentoring before.
• 7:28
  And instead of kind of, uh, asking people to step up.
• 7:32
  Our worshipful master at the time, Brian Daylor, emailed a few people and said, hey, we have committee spots to fill.
• 7:38
  I'd like to have us work on various things.
• 7:40
  I was one of the people on the email that he sent to potential people to work in mentorship.
• 7:45
  And he basically said, I think you'd be great at this.
• 7:48
  At the time, I wasn't sure that I would be great at it.
• 7:52
  But, Like you said, thank you for telling me I'm authentic.
• 7:55
  Two of the values that I really aspire to are authenticity and courage.
• 8:00
  So I knew what I wanted to bring to the lodge and I thought maybe I could transfer that to other people as well.
• 8:08
  So I took a courageous leap.
• 8:10
  the net has appeared and it's been great.
• 8:12
  So often we think about in the Masonic experience, and I don't like calling it onboarding, but the process of a new member going through the degrees, doing their proficiency, so often proficiency.
• 8:25
  and mentoring become little more than an exercise in rote memorization.
• 8:31
  It's feels sometimes like it's a transactional box to check.
• 8:35
  Well, just here, new brother memorize this passage you're going to get up and open lodge and recite this.
• 8:41
  And then we can deem you proficient, and then move on to the next phase of, of the process of this.
• 8:46
  what was going through your mind when you thought there would be more value in Seeing the, perhaps the candidate class get to know one another better.
• 8:54
  And how are you going to go about executing this as a, as the new guy and charged with the responsibility of seeing this group of guys through the proficiency process?
• 9:04
  So when I first decided to do it, I thought I was uniquely positioned in a couple of ways.
• 9:10
  Yes, I'm really new.
• 9:12
  So, I'm going through the experience and I'm learning a lot just like them.
• 9:16
  Any question that they might have, I probably have that question as well, and everything felt new to me, and we could learn together.
• 9:24
  So I thought that was a great in, first of all.
• 9:26
  And then I kind of thought, knowing about the class that I went through and other Masons that I've known, I thought, all of these people seem to be coming in.
• 9:35
  at a really pivotal time in their life, or a big change in their life.
• 9:40
  One of the things I think, and you've talked about the friendship, or lack thereof, epidemic.
• 9:47
  One of the things I thought is there's also a critical or a shame epidemic.
• 9:54
  When we volunteer to sign up and hit that send button, or give our petition in, and we show up.
• 10:01
  And the critic kicks in.
• 10:03
  Am I going to be good enough?
• 10:05
  Am I going to be accepted?
• 10:06
  For me, I went through that as well.
• 10:08
  I'm gay.
• 10:09
  I'm dyslexic.
• 10:11
  I'm left handed.
• 10:12
  I'm extremely good looking.
• 10:14
  You know, all of these things.
• 10:15
  I, I wasn't sure I'd be accepted.
• 10:17
  But John was such a great mentor because he was just like, Here you are.
• 10:22
  You're in.
• 10:22
  This is the stuff we're going to learn.
• 10:24
  So I took that to another level.
• 10:26
  I wanted to add something more to that.
• 10:28
  And my philosophy was, if people are signing up for this, we know they're looking for connection, we know they're looking for brotherly love, we know they're looking for belonging, they want to be part of something.
• 10:38
  that's an amazing thing.
• 10:39
  The courage that you have to step forward and do that, it immediately makes me a fan.
• 10:44
  So my initial thought was, I'm going to come in, and I'm going to be everyone's fan.
• 10:49
  I have deemed everyone worthy of belonging there.
• 10:52
  So I start from a place of, I'm your fan.
• 10:55
  There's no mistake that you're going to make right now, excluding some things.
• 10:59
  There's no mistake that you're going to make in all of the stuff that I'm teaching you and helping you learn that's going to make me never be your fan.
• 11:05
  And it's led to an incredible thing for me, selfishly.
• 11:11
  People share deep parts of their life with me.
• 11:15
  And for some of these people, I'm the first person they tell of that.
• 11:17
  They got a new job, they went on a date with someone they've been scared to ask out, they're having a baby.
• 11:23
  Big life things.
• 11:24
  They have an illness that they're dealing with that, you know, could have a scary outcome.
• 11:29
  There are a lot of really big things that people tell me because I'm a fan.
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  And that was my starting point.
• 11:36
  And that's what's kept me going.
• 11:38
  And that's so huge in a perspective that I'll admit.
• 11:42
  I overlooked that.
• 11:43
  I had never thought about the fact that when someone, you're new, anybody new, it could be like at a new job too.
• 11:50
  First day, how will I get along?
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  How will I vibe?
• 11:53
  Will I be accepted?
• 11:55
  am I going to meet the requirements of being a part of this?
• 11:58
  So as a past master of the same Lodge, I'm also a member of past master of Minneapolis 19, the, the word somehow surfaced that these.
• 12:08
  Proficiency and mentoring sessions were going long, like the conversation was several hours and there was a lot of time spent on new guys and brothers just getting to know each other as friends and sharing the things that you just shared.
• 12:24
  And all of that was.
• 12:26
  a light bulb to me because as anyone who's heard my either prior podcast of ours here or some of the area conferences, we talk about the need for relationships that the number one thing that new members and I will say that existing members are looking for is connection, meaningful friendship, authentic brotherhood.
• 12:46
  We're really good at sprinkling the word brotherhood in all the time, but if it's not palpable, if it's not authentic, it's just a transactional vibe or feeling.
• 12:58
  And we, if we fail to connect, we'll likely fail to really glean the value teachings of our, our ritual and of the whole purpose of us being together.
• 13:09
  That connection piece, I think, is sometimes in our digital world we live in, we're so used to just fast, fast, fast scrolling, we're looking for that sense of connection to your point.
• 13:19
  That's the friendship recession that we're in the amount of friends we have or connections we have on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, whatever it is, followers, That's not the authentic connection that so many people are trying to get out of in that digital isolation and connect again.
• 13:37
  And then coming to the lodge setting, you've really found a way to set a foundation and I've seen it firsthand that The candidate class really bonded along the way, and as they were learning the work, and as they were going through the process, shared in each other's learning and perspective.
• 13:55
  you advocated to take the schedule out of this compressed three month window, to spread that out over the course of a year, where There was time for a candidate to go through a degree and then also sit on the sideline and watch the degree and talk about The meaning behind the words what was happening here before the proficiency process even occurred and to your credit I must say Not only did these guys learn more about the meaning behind the words But they all ended up doing the proficiency incredibly well because they had a little more time to do so There's nothing more humbling You than being a part of a degree and seeing a brand new member correcting The old guy and these guys knew it so well.
• 14:37
  It was amazing Giving everyone the opportunity to build a solid foundation of an authentic relationship sounds so basic.
• 14:46
  It doesn't sound, because it's not complicated, it is basic, but in our world of digital, fast, push a button, get what we want and then add to that, sometimes we get caught up in our own internal requirements, the administrative side of our organization that, okay, we need you to do this, We need you to do this and then we can deem you proficient and move on.
• 15:07
  You really found a way to dial in and channel the building of quality relationships through that while so much was being learned and it really proved to be authentic and meaningful and impactful.
• 15:22
  I know there are requirements from the Lodge for all of the new candidates and things that they have to learn.
• 15:28
  And I was, of course, nervous that all of those things kind of had to come from me.
• 15:33
  And there's a way that I could have done it where they come in and I say, Okay, we have to do this in a month and you will be perfect.
• 15:43
  You will be word perfect.
• 15:45
  Anything aside from that, you are done.
• 15:47
  You don't get to continue.
• 15:49
  We don't really care about you until you get it right.
• 15:52
  I started in the exact opposite direction.
• 15:54
  And I get it that the proficiencies are really difficult to learn.
• 15:58
  As an actor, it's still hard for me to learn lines sometimes, and I know memorization isn't for everyone.
• 16:03
  And we ask a lot of the new candidates.
• 16:05
  But I thought a way into getting them to participate with me and listen to what I have to say, especially seeing myself as a new guy and them seeing, sitting across from someone they maybe haven't even met, I thought, what I need them to do first.
• 16:19
  is, trust me.
• 16:21
  How are you going to trust me?
• 16:22
  It's like with my kids.
• 16:23
  My daughter, if she comes up to me, or my sons, they have a messy face or dirty hair.
• 16:28
  The first thing I want to do as a parent is I want to wipe their face, I want to fix their hair.
• 16:32
  But I don't say that.
• 16:33
  I can't be a critic first.
• 16:35
  I can't correct you first.
• 16:37
  What I have to do is say, hi, it's so nice to see you.
• 16:40
  I'm glad you're here.
• 16:41
  And then as they go away, you can say, Oh, hey, let me help you with your face or your hair.
• 16:44
  that's just a little parenting thing, but I decided to apply it to this as well, and I thought, the first thing I want to do with these guys when I get them together, and when we, every session I have with them, they're probably sick of me saying it, but I hope they're excited about it now.
• 16:58
  We sit down, and we don't talk about the game.
• 17:01
  We don't talk about political events.
• 17:03
  I say, what do you guys think?
• 17:05
  How's it going?
• 17:06
  what's new?
• 17:06
  Anything you want to share?
• 17:08
  What stood out?
• 17:09
  Do you have an opinion about anything?
• 17:10
  I'd like to hear it.
• 17:11
  Do you have a question about anything?
• 17:13
  I'd like to hear it.
• 17:13
  What do you guys think?
• 17:15
  And at first they're kind of like, uh, and they wonder if they say something skeptical that I'm going to be, completely dismayed and I'm just, oh wow, how could you ask a question like that?
• 17:26
  But I'm like, oh, me too.
• 17:28
  When I went through it, yeah.
• 17:30
  Same thought.
• 17:30
  So you open the door to dialogue about their experience with dialogue about their experience and then that turns into Dialogue about our lives.
• 17:39
  Yeah, and then when we talk about the proficiency and we talk about the values that we have as Masons Everything is hitting.
• 17:44
  We're just firing on all cylinders as we're working through this and it becomes really quick for them to memorize They ask questions about the words Who you know when I went through it and I saw I've seen other people go through it Sometimes they're spouting a lot of things and you can tell they don't know what they're talking about.
• 18:01
  And these guys, we've talked about, I don't know how much I can give away on this, but we've talked about some of these values of looking out for other people, working on ourselves, and getting rid of our imperfections.
• 18:15
  there isn't a standard that we have to have.
• 18:17
  When you walk in the door, you've made it, we've voted on you already, right?
• 18:21
  Thank you.
• 18:22
  Please come here, share freely what your thoughts are.
• 18:25
  And we'll talk through it and we'll work on the proficiency.
• 18:28
  I know the proficiency is first everybody at the lodge and all of the requirements.
• 18:32
  But to me, it's so secondary.
• 18:34
  Let's be yourself.
• 18:36
  Authenticity, authenticity, a hundred percent.
• 18:38
  You said something that made me think about the, I'm currently reading the autobiography of Geddy Lee.
• 18:46
  He was the bassist for a Canadian power trio, Rush, the band Rush, and he shared some thoughts about growing up and attending Hebrew school a few nights a week when he was a kid and on Sundays.
• 18:58
  And he said in there, quote, I found it hypocritical that the teachers didn't seem to care if we understood the actual words that reciting them phonetically at the bar mitzvah ceremony was good enough.
• 19:10
  And they were brutal in meting out corporal punishment when we made mistakes, unquote.
• 19:15
  All I could think of reading that is how frequently we put our new members through the memorization, the prove up gauntlet, often ignoring the meaning or the value teachings, but yet rarely missing the opportunity to focus on the negative.
• 19:32
  We ignore all that somebody did well and it just becomes about the words.
• 19:38
  How many times have you watched a brother give a stellar degree performance?
• 19:42
  Nailing 90 percent or more of the words with perfect accuracy.
• 19:47
  A great time was had by the candidates and the sideliners, but only to see said brother slunk into a chair after the the meeting is over and say, Oh, well I only missed this.
• 19:58
  Just focusing on that 5 percent that wasn't perfection.
• 20:02
  Paul, don't get me wrong.
• 20:03
  The words, as we've talked about this, the words are important.
• 20:06
  It's vital.
• 20:07
  That we do strive for as close to letter perfect as possible, but why can't we be pleased with what we did well?
• 20:16
  that makes me think about the, that kind of approach doesn't work at our jobs, our usual avocations, but yet in some corporate settings, that's how it goes at work too.
• 20:25
  You put in a ton of time, dedication to a project, only to have a CEO, so Or a department head or a boss immediately fixate on the negative, slash and burn, basically ignoring all that was done well.
• 20:39
  There is a way in which to give constructive criticism that doesn't feel like having a cold bucket of, We'll go with water, cold bucket of water poured all over a person.
• 20:50
  But why, why do we, as men usually defer to the equivalent of just cutting someone off?
• 20:56
  So it's like the first lesson in elementary school.
• 20:59
  Like you talked about having kids, you don't blow out someone else's candle just to make yours brighter.
• 21:04
  Is that just a by product of being men?
• 21:06
  I think it is, and everyone knows what it's, what it's like to be self critical.
• 21:11
  You talked about doing a lecture, a degree performance, and you, everyone had a good time and everyone's cheersing each other, and, but you're thinking, oh man, that one line I just, that was important to me.
• 21:22
  And I've done a few lectures now, and you've been there, and speeches, and I've made a mistake every single time, I think.
• 21:30
  I don't think there's ever been a time where I've done it 100 percent correctly, but.
• 21:34
  It's like the Theodore Roosevelt quote, kind of, uh, the man in the arena.
• 21:38
  Yes.
• 21:38
  Um, you got to get up there.
• 21:40
  You got to keep doing it.
• 21:41
  Our inner critic, our other critics, they're going to be there.
• 21:45
  And, that's one of the things going back to the mentoring.
• 21:48
  One of the things I really wanted for the new guys to know is I'm in the arena as well.
• 21:53
  when I tell them after they go through a degree, now you're gonna have to get up and we expect some things from you.
• 22:00
  You just saw me go through it and it wasn't perfect.
• 22:03
  I'm still alive.
• 22:05
  I can criticize myself.
• 22:06
  I, I don't really care about criticism.
• 22:09
  So, also going back, the first thing I have to offer to these guys when I meet them and when we hang out is, well, last week we worked on this and you weren't really that good at that.
• 22:17
  You, you need to work on this part more.
• 22:20
  I always start the same way.
• 22:21
  How are things?
• 22:22
  What are your thoughts?
• 22:23
  I always start with a positive.
• 22:25
  I don't come at it from the perspective of a critic.
• 22:29
  I need them to trust me if they want to hear criticism.
• 22:31
  We love to criticize each other in masonry because we do want to hold ourselves to high standards and we want to see that for our brother.
• 22:37
  We ultimately want to see them live their best life.
• 22:40
  There's a certain way to criticize there's a little nuance.
• 22:43
  You're trying not to be the headmaster of the school.
• 22:47
  I feel like, okay, children, open your books and here we go.
• 22:51
  And no corporal punishment, right?
• 22:53
  But then sometimes they just, maybe we just naturally fall into that.
• 22:57
  It's, there's a lot to be done.
• 22:59
  It's time consuming.
• 23:01
  that's where it, speaking of nuance or having a, uh, how we approach that is.
• 23:06
  Again, it all goes back to the bigger narrative of relationship building.
• 23:11
  We are in the relationship business, and relationship building is the core foundation of authentic brotherhood.
• 23:19
  This is a lifelong journey together, friends, brothers, trusted confidants, and I really admired what you've done in.
• 23:28
  starting a dialogue of everyone getting to know one another, bonding over just life and perspective and what's going on in our lives and that a transition into, okay, now we're going to learn about some of these core values and our value teachings and why we're memorizing this and memorization really helps pull that into someone ideally into their heart and mind.
• 23:54
  Yeah.
• 23:54
  When I first joined Masonry, I have a lot of family members from, you know, my past who are Mason, so it was a proud legacy to me.
• 24:04
  That's why I've thought about it for a long time.
• 24:06
  But the urge for me to really join post pandemic was I wanted to, I miss being around people.
• 24:14
  I wanted relationships with adult men who are, were like minded, but also completely different from myself.
• 24:22
  I wanted to be exposed to more people.
• 24:23
  I wanted to learn more about them.
• 24:25
  I'm endlessly fascinated by people and their stories.
• 24:28
  It's important for me, and maybe you recognize this in your own life and you can answer this question is when is the first time that you felt seen that someone you thought I can always be myself around this person.
• 24:42
  And for a lot of people, it's their spouse.
• 24:44
  Or it's a close friend, or a parent, or a teacher.
• 24:46
  I know all of these guys are coming into, I know this because I've talked to them, I know all of these guys are coming into masonry at a time where they're looking for the same things I was looking for.
• 24:59
  I can't, for a second, risk my opportunity, risk losing the opportunity that I might be the person who sees them.
• 25:08
  And I don't think I'm unique in that.
• 25:12
  I think every brother at the lodge, every person should just do this anyway, but every, specifically in masonry, every brother at the lodge, do not risk losing the opportunity to be across from someone and saying, Hi, great to see you.
• 25:29
  What do you got?
• 25:31
  How you doing?
• 25:32
  And see them and listen to them.
• 25:34
  It's so true.
• 25:35
  I think we underestimate the power of what you just described.
• 25:39
  And I'm trying to think back to the question of, I can remember, I'll share the first person that came to my mind was in a lodge setting.
• 25:48
  I had a mentor who, older than me, was a marine vet.
• 25:53
  He thought my floor work was alright because I was army, but wasn't quite marine quality.
• 25:57
  But He came up to me and I didn't even know this guy and he said young man I was impressed with your floor work and this guy really became a unintentional mentor at first and was such a champion of What probably just seemed like such mundane things too.
• 26:13
  But that's what it's all about.
• 26:15
  And I recently was thinking about how artificial intelligence is taking over so many aspects of our lives.
• 26:22
  And yes, AI is going to replace humans at many tasks.
• 26:25
  And I can't get this David Brooks line out of my head.
• 26:28
  I'm going to adapt this quote for Freemasonry.
• 26:31
  If you want your lodge to thrive in the age of AI, You better become exceptionally good at connecting with others and the takeaway of that is that it doesn't matter how long you've known or how well you think you know people.
• 26:46
  It's disturbingly easy to be ignorant of the person right next to you and just because we sit together in lodge under the same roof, just not automatically result in deep friendships or the true brotherhood that we promise.
• 27:01
  I think this is relevant.
• 27:03
  In the lodge setting, but in our personal and professional lives too, that it's no secret what happens when we go on autopilot with a spouse, a partner, our kids, it's the same thing at our job.
• 27:15
  It's a, it requires an investment of time, of curiosity and of active listening.
• 27:20
  Yeah.
• 27:21
  It's the difference between the brotherhood that we promise our new members as being real people.
• 27:27
  a place that they feel all of the things that we've described or just a platitude.
• 27:31
  it's such a, a key thing for us to stop and reflect upon in this fast paced digital world that we're in.
• 27:39
  The Masonic experience, I like to say is a uniquely analog experience.
• 27:43
  We're human to human, we're face to face.
• 27:45
  Of course we use technology, but it is back to, uh, the original social network of being invested in one another personally, sometimes professionally, but big picture Masonically.
• 27:57
  Yeah, we've talked about this a little bit before too in our other conversations with some brothers.
• 28:01
  my generation grew up with Facebook.
• 28:05
  Uh, it came out while I was in college.
• 28:07
  I don't think that dopamine hit of going online and looking at social media and having other people want to see you.
• 28:14
  Do well as, and liking your stuff is, is going to go away.
• 28:18
  I think we need to do a better job, uh, and I'm working on this myself.
• 28:23
  We need to do a better job of telling them in person.
• 28:27
  And I love it when people say to me in person, Oh, Hey, so you just gave the speech or, Oh, your kids just started school.
• 28:36
  How's the school you're going?
• 28:37
  I'd rather have that conversation in person than talk about it on Facebook.
• 28:42
  So, you know, maybe if any of the brothers are listening to this after they can say, Hey, I heard your podcast.
• 28:48
  I'm a fan.
• 28:49
  That's what we should be telling each other.
• 28:50
  I'm a fan.
• 28:51
  Yeah, well, exactly.
• 28:52
  Well, and that the social media part is a conversation starter, but to your point, I'd rather have that conversation in person as well.
• 28:59
  Yeah.
• 29:00
  Yeah.
• 29:00
  We know a lot about each other if we're connected on social media, but you know a whole lot more about someone if you ask them how they're doing.
• 29:09
  Well, and on the opposite end of what you've described today of slowing down the relationship building, especially for the new guys, but even for tenured members as well, we're looking for that place to connect, looking for a place we can learn something and also feel that we're giving back to the greater good.
• 29:28
  And we so frequently referenced the friendship recession that earlier this year, it's just disturbing headline from the Wall Street Journal, one in five men in the U.
• 29:37
  S.
• 29:38
  who aren't married or not in a relationship said they didn't have any close friends at all.
• 29:44
  That's not just a couple, that is none.
• 29:47
  you've heard me talk about Replica.
• 29:48
  There's this R E P L I K A, the AI companion that cares.
• 29:54
  This app known as Replica is used as a virtual friend or sibling.
• 29:59
  And there's millions and millions and millions of users that are paying money to be on this app that is serving as like a virtual friend.
• 30:10
  this reminds me of another kind of thing I took from my acting background that I wanted to bring into masonry and I've, it served me really well in my life.
• 30:22
  I can sometimes be a shy person.
• 30:24
  I can sometimes be in my head and when people come up to me and they, you know, introduce themselves to me or we're saying hi, I can be, you know, I could do a Oh, hi.
• 30:33
  Yeah.
• 30:34
  Um, what do you want?
• 30:36
  One of the things I did before this is a tangential acting story.
• 30:39
  This will be fun for people.
• 30:41
  Great.
• 30:41
  One of the things I did with my acting coach in Minneapolis before I moved to LA.
• 30:45
  She said, okay, you want to be doing TV?
• 30:46
  You want to be doing movies, commercials?
• 30:49
  Wow, we need to work on your slate.
• 30:51
  That's gonna be, we're gonna spend 90 percent of our time working on that.
• 30:54
  And I was like, what's that?
• 30:56
  So a slate for actors is when you go in the room, before your audition, they're putting it on film, and they say, okay, we're gonna do the slate.
• 31:05
  And you just say, hi, I'm Tyler Eklund.
• 31:08
  And sometimes you might give a little more about yourself.
• 31:10
  You might say, oh, you know, I'm reading for the part of Third Nun on the left, or something like that.
• 31:14
  You might give a little more info, but What they're looking for in just the beginning, because this tape is going to be sent off to producers who might not be in the room.
• 31:24
  The thing that they're looking for is, when you say, Hi, I'm Tyler Eklund.
• 31:28
  They want someone who's warm.
• 31:30
  Do we want to spend 16 hours a day on set with a guy who's like, Hi, I'm Tyler.
• 31:35
  No, you don't want to, you don't want to be around that person.
• 31:37
  So, an app, being really nice to you, I'm sure feels great for people.
• 31:43
  That's cool.
• 31:43
  But imagine if you could do that in real life.
• 31:46
  And, so now when I see people, and I meet new guys in the Lodge, and they come downstairs, and we have dinner before our meetings, and they come downstairs, or when I see them, when I'm walking into the building, the audition has started.
• 31:59
  The bonding has started.
• 32:00
  The second you see me, I'm going to say, Hi, I'm Tyler.
• 32:04
  I've been waiting for you.
• 32:05
  Nice to meet you.
• 32:07
  And they feel it immediately.
• 32:09
  You can see the change on their face.
• 32:10
  Whatever they were carrying before they came into the building, sometimes, you know, some people are carrying heavy stuff.
• 32:16
  But sometimes, just that initial, Wow, Tyler's here.
• 32:20
  That face was excited to see me.
• 32:22
  And he didn't have to do any small talk.
• 32:25
  I don't have to do anything extra.
• 32:27
  I don't have to plan out, Oh, what am I going to talk to this guy about?
• 32:29
  I don't really know anything about him.
• 32:31
  But you know what I can do that I'm really good at I'm really good at saying hi, I'm Tyler I'm really good at that Well, and I'm I'm laughing.
• 32:39
  Yes, it's so true and uncomplicated how often I've traveled to and not just in a lodge setting and it works a corporate setting or in other organizations where We get together and we're just kind of sitting on our hands and who's going to say, who's going to make the first move?
• 32:58
  Who's going to talk first?
• 32:59
  We have to come out of that shell.
• 33:01
  And sometimes a brother will say, well, I'm not such a talkative person.
• 33:05
  Maybe they're a bit more reticent, but curiosity is the key.
• 33:09
  to get past that awkwardness of, it's asking that question.
• 33:14
  How are you?
• 33:14
  What's new in your life?
• 33:16
  And tell me about you.
• 33:17
  Yeah, I'm super awkward, but I'm also just brave.
• 33:21
  You have to, and I think I can be kind most of the time I choose to be, but I know I'm awkward sometimes too.
• 33:29
  We, you got to get over it.
• 33:31
  Well, that's part of the beauty of the whole human experience though too.
• 33:34
  Well, our conversation has come full circle there's a place for everyone to be involved in contributing to the work needing to be done in the lodge setting.
• 33:45
  And that could be someone like yourself, who not just recently hit the two year mark, but has a real knack for the human connection, for building the relationships, for slowing down and explaining the meaning behind all those words for the new guys, and seeing them bond along the way, too, it's not saying that the way that it's being done elsewhere is wrong, but seeing the power of slowing down and going at the candidate's pace, not going at our pace all the time, adapting.
• 34:16
  That's a lot of information.
• 34:17
  We also forget sometimes that this literally is the firehose that we are just covering these guys with so much information.
• 34:24
  Now you need to memorize this, all of these expectations, and sometimes that turns out to be overwhelming, and it's important to pivot and adjust.
• 34:33
  As soon as we take someone who's struggling a little bit or has a time commitment issue with all of these things, and then just keep forcing them to go at our pace is going to obviously alienate them.
• 34:44
  And will they come back to Lodge after we have gone through the process?
• 34:49
  Someone's been raised and had their third degree completed.
• 34:52
  There's no rush.
• 34:53
  I think sometimes we're been a bit of a panic.
• 34:55
  We have a new class, we onboard, we, here we go.
• 34:58
  And it's sounds counterintuitive, but slowing down in.
• 35:03
  Getting to know one another on that human level is where it all begins, all of these things all boil back down to that foundation.
• 35:11
  Yeah, I tell the new guys too, when we start, that they can ask a question of anybody in the lodge.
• 35:18
  No one is off limits.
• 35:20
  If we do this right, and we're here for the right reasons, hopefully I know you for the rest of my life and yours, and we stay connected somehow.
• 35:28
  You're welcome.
• 35:28
  I recently had a guy tell me, it was after a meeting and we were out and we were getting a drink and I had missed a meeting, the second stated meeting I had missed in my whole time.
• 35:39
  How dare you?
• 35:40
  I know.
• 35:41
  And that's kind of what he told me.
• 35:42
  He said, Tyler, you weren't there.
• 35:45
  It was our first meeting after we were master Mason and.
• 35:48
  And we all kind of looked at each other like, Oh, now he's, is he done with us?
• 35:53
  Like, how do we keep the mentoring going after the mentoring, formal mentoring?
• 36:00
  How do we keep that going?
• 36:02
  And I was like, you know, I thought about that.
• 36:03
  I felt so bad I wasn't there for you guys.
• 36:05
  But I think what all of these guys know, and I still talk to.
• 36:09
  Several of them one on one we have group texts that we share information on but I just got a text yesterday from a guy from a brother and he said hey haven't heard from you in a couple weeks like two weeks That's from someone you see monthly at the lodge, but we've been so connected in each other's lives post his mentor formal mentoring post master Mason that now we're just brothers and friends And we can talk about each other's lives and the process continues.
• 36:40
  He gives me advice.
• 36:41
  I give him advice and we're brothers.
• 36:44
  And that relationship building in that process has now snowballed into life of checking in.
• 36:50
  How are you doing?
• 36:51
  Learning new things beyond what that requirement was, but it's, it's so powerful.
• 36:56
  And I owe you a debt of gratitude because I, I, Was one of those, I hate saying I'm an old pass master, but like it or not, young guys think I'm old.
• 37:07
  But I was initially thought, man, can, should a guy that's been a, a master mason for such a short time be overseeing such a pivotal part of the lodge?
• 37:16
  And the answer was yes.
• 37:17
  And while I don't advocate taking a relatively new member and tossing'em into the officer line and fast tracking them to the east.
• 37:26
  There is a lot of value in looking at this as a lifelong journey and learning how the Lodge functions and operates before you're tasked with being in charge of it.
• 37:37
  But, to the prior point, everyone has a place to contribute and to share their life perspective and have an influence on the community.
• 37:48
  the whole process.
• 37:49
  Leadership is influence.
• 37:51
  Leadership isn't necessarily having all the answers, wearing the hat or being in the officer station or in an appointed position, but it's contributing where all of us can with our life experience and cultivating a lifelong relationship building timeline.
• 38:08
  I have no formal title or position of leadership and I frequently come up against people in your mindset who wonder, you know, should this be the guy?
• 38:21
  And until someone tells me to stop or shut it down or they have suggestions for me or they want to get involved, do you want to answer all the texts and calls?
• 38:33
  I do, it matters to me.
• 38:35
  Do you want to show up weekly and teach them everything?
• 38:38
  Do you want to show up and listen to their life?
• 38:41
  I hope you do.
• 38:43
  I hope you want that.
• 38:44
  I hope what I've done, by selfishly, what I wanted for myself, but I'm giving it to others now, I hope what I've done inspires other people of our lodge and throughout Masonry to say, Hey, Yeah, I do want to know.
• 38:59
  I am going to come.
• 39:00
  I am going to answer that text.
• 39:01
  I am going to answer that call.
• 39:03
  I'm not going to do it begrudgingly.
• 39:05
  My first interaction won't be criticism.
• 39:07
  I hope I've inspired people in that regard.
• 39:10
  Very much so.
• 39:11
  And I thank you for all you do in not only the Blue Lodge setting, you're active in Scottish Rite, York Rite, and Parts of the charitable endeavors of Minnesota Masonic Charities and Grand Lodge, and that could be a conversation for another day.
• 39:26
  But it's that really taking on the responsibility.
• 39:28
  It's inspiring, truly.
• 39:30
  And to your point, I hope all of our listeners feel the same way, that there is a place to contribute to be the change that you want to see.
• 39:40
  And you've done that.
• 39:41
  You've, you know how you wanted things to be as you onboard.
• 39:44
  You're, you're filling that.
• 39:45
  think you've done a great job of acknowledging how the world's changed and our new members are seeking an experience.
• 39:52
  It's not just a status.
• 39:54
  It's not just a ring.
• 39:56
  It's not just a pin on the lapel, but it's, it's an experience and growing and learning and having that connection.
• 40:04
  We are in the relationship building business, and I want to take a lot of what you are doing and ideally do the same, be that change, and do all we can for the greater good of the fraternity around the state to take an approach like that too.
• 40:21
  That's, that's really meaningful to me.
• 40:24
  That's a tremendous honor to think that some small actions that I've lead something.
• 40:30
  To a positive change.
• 40:32
  That's it's really meaningful to me.
• 40:34
  Thank you.
• 40:34
  Well, I thank you for being here today brother.
• 40:36
  Tyler Rocklin Koba It's been a pleasurable Conversation and I look forward to seeing you at Lodge and elsewhere in the very near future.
• 40:43
  Yes, and if you'd like to see me on stage you can Join the Scottish Rite.
• 40:49
  I have a degree tonight and a couple more coming up.
• 40:52
  So I look forward to seeing you as well.
• 40:54
  Look forward to seeing you very soon.
• 40:56
  And this has been another episode of Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries.